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right on beat. Right

4:00

on beat this time.

4:02

Hopefully we can do

4:05

better together this year.

4:07

These AI human

4:10

duos, we seem

4:12

fine in front of the curtain. The

4:15

arguments we have behind the curtain. Welcome

4:19

guys. Now, I have a big question

4:21

for you. Do

4:24

you know about the eclipse coming

4:27

April 8th, the total

4:29

eclipse? I've heard about it.

4:33

It was not on my radar. No. I

4:36

did not know. Good radar. That's a good

4:38

eclipse joke. The only way I know about

4:40

it is that I was, I offered something

4:42

for sale through my Patreon. And

4:45

somebody wrote to me and said, this is too

4:47

expensive for someone who's planning to make a trip

4:49

to see the eclipse in April. I was like,

4:51

what? That's

5:00

a great way of dropping that

5:02

you're seeing the eclipse, just whatever

5:04

you're doing. Yeah, that's right. We

5:07

cut to dinner. Excuse me, waiter? Yes.

5:11

Hi, can you tell us about the duck special

5:14

again? It sounded interesting, but

5:16

I just want to hear it one more

5:18

time. I love the duck special and people

5:20

are ordering it like crazy. It's just, it's

5:23

really the chef's specialty.

5:25

It's where his heart is. He's

5:28

Chinese himself and he's always

5:30

infusing the recipes here with some

5:32

of his heritage. And it is so it is

5:34

a wonderful Peking duck recipe.

5:36

Beyond the culture and the emotion behind

5:38

it. How much is it again? Oh,

5:41

that's $38 for the Peking duck. And

5:46

it's very shareable if anybody else is. Okay, okay, okay.

5:48

Can I speak to my wife just real quick? Okay.

5:51

$38. I'll check back. $38.

5:55

I mean, it sounded really good. really

6:00

good. It is just... Do you want to see

6:02

the eclipse? I do. I really

6:04

do. I just feel like...

6:09

Any... I know you're really trying to

6:11

put money... $30 really cuts into our

6:13

eclipse budget, I think. Yeah. It's just... This

6:15

is an anniversary dinner, right? We're already

6:17

just drinking soda water with bitters instead

6:19

of cocktails. I feel like we

6:22

could splurge a little on the duck. It's not going

6:24

to ruin the whole trip, right? What did he mention?

6:26

It's our anniversary... Waiter?

6:28

Yeah. Have you decided about the duck? We

6:31

really want the duck. Mm-hmm.

6:33

Because we are duck

6:36

lovers. Yes. It is

6:38

a little... Okay. We should just tell you.

6:40

We're going to see the eclipse this year.

6:43

We're making a trip to see the eclipse.

6:46

Mm-hmm. April 8th, total eclipse. I'm sure

6:48

you know. We're going to be in

6:50

the totality zone.

6:52

Oh, I don't know what

6:55

that is. So, just heart. Well, that's where the

6:57

eclipse is in totality. Oh, don't get in front

6:59

of it. Complete darkness for four minutes. You can't

7:02

just see the eclipse from anywhere? Obviously

7:06

not. Okay.

7:08

If you're on the moon, it wouldn't

7:10

work at all. He's a bit

7:12

of a buff. We walked

7:14

down the aisle to total eclipse to the heart.

7:17

He's kind of like all about eclipses in

7:19

every way. I get it now.

7:21

Our first dance was also

7:23

total eclipse to the heart. I

7:26

can't think of any other songs about eclipses,

7:28

so yeah. Oh, there are plenty. Don't get

7:30

obstructed. Klaus, Naomi, total

7:34

eclipse. Really? I'll play that later for

7:36

you. Do you consider the whole of the

7:38

moon to be a song about an eclipse? Is

7:42

that a Pink Floyd song? I think it's the church. Okay.

7:45

I'm going to put that in my list. Do

7:48

you have a pen? Or the water boys? I do

7:50

have a pen. It's either the church or the water

7:52

boys. Excuse me, sir. Just

7:54

so you know. Yes. You

7:57

doing this has now ruined my nightlife. when

8:00

I get home. You know, this is our

8:02

anniversary. We were going to have a whole... What?

8:05

He's now going to look up those songs.

8:07

He's going to try to time that he

8:09

has a little spreadsheet of like the beats

8:11

of the songs and the rhythms kind of

8:13

like girl talk. The four minute eclipse with

8:15

13 seconds. You don't want a song that

8:17

goes over the amount of the eclipse or

8:20

under. It doesn't have to be right. Nail it.

8:22

Okay. Anyway, it is our anniversary.

8:24

We're hoping we could get like 50% off

8:27

since it's our anniversary. So we can

8:29

afford this eclipse, trip and

8:32

the duck. Would

8:36

you be willing to tip on the full

8:39

amount? Oh yes. That's fair. That's totally fair.

8:42

There'll be no eclipse on your tip. Okay.

8:48

And typically just to be clear, maybe 25% of

8:50

the full amount. Okay.

8:54

I see we're too in here. Okay.

8:57

That would be like a quarter moon eclipse

9:00

of the tip. I think that is fair,

9:02

honey. Don't you? I

9:04

mean, I really want to try the duck. I am

9:06

a little now pissed that the waiter has kind of

9:08

got us over a barrel with the tip situation. I

9:11

feel like we're going to spend as much now with

9:14

the extra 5% on top. Listen,

9:18

I mean, do the math and figure out if you're

9:20

coming out ahead on this or not. I

9:23

am going to have to ring it up as three

9:25

margaritas. Just FYI. And

9:30

we cut you. We

9:33

cut to 15 minutes later. They still haven't made

9:35

up their mind. Just I'm not good at math. Okay.

9:37

And this pen he gave me is shitty and

9:39

it's hard to do this on a map. I'm

9:42

still trying to like, what

9:45

would this, can we start doing the math

9:47

maybe of just get the duck tip normally

9:49

and maybe remove something from our eclipse trip,

9:51

right? It's only $38. What

9:54

would that be? Maybe

9:58

the decals. don't need the printed

10:00

decals to hand out to everybody. That's

10:05

half the fun is the decals. For

10:07

you, yes. I think for everybody else,

10:09

it's trash. You're handing them future trash.

10:12

Not everyone. We have

10:14

matching Total Eclipse clothing for

10:17

the Total Eclipse. Right. Which

10:21

is fine. And how about this?

10:24

We can't use that at a funeral. How

10:26

about this, I want a handrail. You can use the Total

10:29

Eclipse clothes at a funeral? At a funeral. I

10:33

think we can repurpose them. It's not just for

10:35

eclipses. I'm sorry to interrupt you guys. We are

10:37

86 on the duck. Told

10:42

the last duck. Oh,

10:46

wait a minute. It just got delivered to that couple right

10:48

there. Yeah. No, I'm not

10:51

doing. People

10:53

are reasonable. They paid 75% of

10:55

the price of the duck on

10:59

a 22% tip on

11:02

the whole price of the duck. Why

11:04

are you handling the human duck special

11:06

for this restaurant? Yeah,

11:10

and they don't know anything about the Eclipse at

11:13

all. What?

11:16

No, they've never heard of it at all. How

11:19

would you know? They do. Because

11:21

I asked them. I said, when they asked

11:24

me if they could get a deal on the duck, I said,

11:26

is this another Eclipse thing? I didn't know.

11:30

I'm certain that would have been a confusing thing to hear right off

11:32

the top. Would you ask for a deal on a duck if you

11:35

didn't know what it was about? Well,

11:40

listen, it's weird enough that two tables have asked

11:42

for a deal on the duck tonight. That's unusual.

11:45

We cut to half hour later. This

11:48

couple is now splitting a cheeseburger. Hey,

11:50

look, it's not the duck. But

11:53

at least we didn't go into our Eclipse

11:55

budget. Yeah, yeah. The important thing

11:57

is I'm here with you. I love you so

11:59

much. just want to salvage the

12:01

rest of our anniversary. You want the tomato?

12:05

I think splitting to you is so different

12:07

than what splitting is to me. Normally

12:11

we would cut the burger in half. I

12:16

don't want as much of the lettuce.

12:18

I'm saying you take the whole piece

12:21

of lettuce and

12:23

maybe I get the whole tomato

12:26

in three quarters moon

12:28

of the pickle. Not everything is an

12:30

eclipse. It's just a burger.

12:33

It's just a burger right now. I love your passion.

12:35

It's what got me into you. What

12:37

are you looking at? You got

12:39

the last duck. Honey, are

12:42

we the weirdos? You took the

12:44

last duck and it's our anniversary.

12:47

Them looking at us. Honey,

12:49

you can't get an argument with everybody at a restaurant

12:51

who looks at you when we get into fights. It's

12:55

just right here. I'm going over there. I'm

12:58

going over there and find out they know

13:00

about this guy. Come back here. Of course

13:02

they do. Oh God, here he comes. Here

13:04

he comes. Jesus Christ. Hi, excuse me. Hello.

13:07

I'm sorry I was just yelling at

13:09

you about the duck but I was

13:11

curious about something. You

13:14

know about the eclipse April.

13:16

Our waiter just mentioned it's happening

13:18

in April. You

13:20

knew that though, right? Oh

13:23

no, I didn't know an eclipse was coming. Is it

13:25

a big one? Is it a big deal? It's a

13:27

big one. Yeah. It's

13:29

a total eclipse. We won't see

13:31

another one on Earth until 2045. Is

13:37

that where the moon goes in front of the sun? Well

13:39

depending upon where you're standing, a lot of people think you

13:42

can be anywhere on Earth. It's the same but

13:44

it's not. You have to be inside the totality

13:46

zone to really appreciate it for four minutes

13:48

and 13 seconds. Sometimes

13:50

I think you say totality zone so people will ask

13:52

you what it is and you'll get to explain it

13:54

yet again. I

13:57

am curious. What is the totality

13:59

zone? I

14:01

forgot to introduce my wife. It's our anniversary

14:04

tonight. That's why we're keen on getting the

14:06

duck. Happy anniversary. Thank

14:08

you. Tonight is my wife's

14:10

birthday. Oh,

14:13

happy birthday. She just

14:15

had dental surgery. I don't think she'll be speaking to

14:17

you. She's

14:20

so crappy. Uh-huh. Who

14:25

picked the day of the surgery? Tell me it was her. No,

14:31

actually I scheduled it. It's

14:35

one of the reasons I had to take her out to dinner.

14:37

The whole thing is a mess. She can't eat this duck. Oh.

14:40

Well... No, I'm eating it. Do

14:43

you mind if we get a little bread

14:46

plate of the duck since it's our anniversary and

14:48

we didn't want to... We couldn't

14:50

pull the trigger on... We're kind of using our

14:52

bread plates for bread. We'll

14:58

put it in our hands. Right, honey? We

15:00

just wanted to try the duck. Look at my wife's face. Look at

15:02

my wife's face. She doesn't like that. I can't

15:04

help. I think she's just

15:06

in a great deal of pain is what I'm reading. I think she wants to pee. Sorry,

15:14

the waiter just passed me a note. The waiter just

15:16

passed me a note that says Pink Floyd does have

15:18

a song titled Eclipse. I

15:20

knew that. I knew that. I fucking knew

15:23

that. The whole

15:25

dark side of the moon is perfect for

15:27

this. Yes. That's

15:35

jokes and more about me. Okay,

15:38

Brett. Do you

15:40

guys remember an album called

15:42

Urg, a music war? No.

15:46

Unfamiliar. Brett, look this

15:48

up. How do you spell Urg? U-R-G-H.

15:53

U-R-G-H. It was a live

15:55

album of new wave bands back

15:59

in the 80s. Oh,

16:01

yeah, okay now look up

16:03

Klaus Naomi's

16:05

total eclipse song get

16:07

that cranked Do

16:10

you see it? Yeah? Oh

16:40

Go go like All

17:02

right, there you go Just

17:06

when you thought there was only one

17:08

totally clips song but anyway For

17:11

real it doesn't come around again

17:13

to 2045. Does that make you

17:15

want to make sure? You

17:19

can see it No,

17:21

you like wasn't there just one there one

17:23

note the everybody made fun of Donald Trump

17:25

for looking at Looking

17:28

directly in the Sun. Mm-hmm Wait,

17:31

wait, so a total eclipse means with that

17:33

yet now you kind of described in the

17:36

scene But the Sun the

17:38

moon is eclipsing the Sun I mean it's down

17:40

between Earth and the Sun and you it's completely

17:42

dark I think so, I wonder if you can

17:44

look at it then I think

17:46

you can Don't

17:48

take my advice though. I thought

17:51

it's totally dark. I think you

17:53

need one of those little box things even when

17:55

it's totally dark. Oh I

17:58

don't know. I guess they total eclipse you

18:00

can look at but not the

18:05

sun is going to peak out from the other side of it. I

18:09

have no people are traveling to

18:12

that zone where for a solid

18:14

four minutes it's totally dark whereas

18:16

we won't get that in California.

18:18

And is it one of those things where it's like

18:20

there's a curve on it where it'll be that zone

18:22

in like different places on the

18:24

planet over time or there's just one place

18:27

where it will be total? No

18:29

it's a it's a line so yeah

18:31

it's a zone that stretches across America

18:33

it happens to go through Little Rock,

18:36

Dallas, that's

18:38

the part I know about but uh yeah

18:41

it's a straight line and I guess it's

18:44

like 30 miles I

18:46

don't know 30 60 miles wide. My

18:49

kind of a science teacher and he took a

18:51

trip within the last decade to

18:55

82 just like the perfect spot too much solar

18:58

eclipse. But to me I assume

19:00

I would go to all the effort

19:02

and it would be cloudy or something like that. That can

19:04

happen yeah that can happen.

19:07

You're just bummer. Like

19:10

base level assume it won't

19:12

work out for you. Yeah

19:15

I do because

19:18

I feel like I've had the experience of like maybe

19:20

a lunar eclipse or something like that like oh wow

19:22

this is a they're all talking about it let's go

19:24

outside I don't see anything to you no it was

19:26

cloudy last night so nobody could see anything. I

19:28

feel like a cat. I

19:31

felt like such a bummer. These

19:36

clothes last night. I

19:39

can't see anything. Did you see it? I didn't see

19:43

it. It's the same to me as like

19:47

the Eiffel Tower or the like things

19:49

that I don't really need to go

19:51

see unless you like plopped

19:53

me there and I felt oh

19:56

this is actually pretty cool but I

19:58

won't make the timer after to do

20:00

it myself because I don't believe that it'll

20:02

be that fun. Does

20:04

that make sense? Dan, it's just right around

20:07

this corner. I just like

20:09

in stories tall. I just feel like,

20:12

sure the lube, but what? I've seen

20:14

pictures of it. You get it. It's

20:17

just a big thing. There's no... That's

20:19

like saying someone's seen pictures of you do an

20:21

improv, my man. You've got to see that. You

20:25

do get the idea. I

20:27

mean, it's perfect. Low angle, blown

20:31

out photos of the Eiffel Tower. I

20:33

get what the form is. I get what

20:36

the beauty is, absolutely. Please just for my

20:38

sake, it's just a half a block away.

20:40

We turn the corner, we can see it. And

20:43

then we'll go get an extra

20:46

large baguette. With Nutella. With

20:48

Nutella. Oh, God, damn it. Yes, we've

20:50

done that in every country. Pardon me.

20:53

May I give the two of you a guided tour

20:55

of the Torrey Fell? I will walk you all the

20:57

way up to the top and I will show you

21:00

the perfect place to take a photograph. Oh, I'd

21:03

love to, but my friend wants to see

21:05

the Eiffel Tower. No, that's what

21:07

it is. The Torrey Fell. I was saying

21:09

it in French. It is Eiffel Tower. French

21:12

to me. Torrey

21:14

Fell. Yes, that's right. First

21:17

you say the tower part and then you say the

21:19

name of the person who made it in France. But

21:22

in your country, I understand. I'm actually kind

21:24

of... Huh? I'm going to say something.

21:26

Okay, this isn't bad, actually. All right, I didn't know that.

21:28

I can't say that. I haven't even seen it yet. It's

21:30

like poker guys and stuff. It'll

21:32

be a nice little story. This is great. You're

21:35

already impressed by that. You won't believe all of the

21:37

things I can tell you. Okay, great.

21:39

So it's just around this corner, right? Just

21:42

around the corner. Okay. So

21:45

they walk around the corner. Wow. Wow,

21:48

there it is. Hello,

21:50

Dan. Wow. All right. Wow,

21:52

that was nice. How much for the tour? Hey,

21:54

where are you going, dude? We

21:57

saw it. This is great. I'm glad you brought

21:59

me here. I guess, Dan,

22:01

come back. I'm sorry. This

22:04

is ridiculous. You have not had a door. I

22:06

can't charge you anything for this. He

22:09

thinks he gets it already. Dan,

22:12

the closer we get, I think the more

22:14

we'll learn and the more impressive it'll be.

22:16

All right. All right. I mean, if you

22:18

really like the competition thing. I

22:24

don't know why every time there's a building taller than me,

22:27

we have to look at it. It

22:29

feels like I'm pretty tall for a person

22:31

and that's good enough. But taller than everybody.

22:34

Can you always make it about you? Let's

22:37

do this. I think this will be fun for both of

22:39

us. Sir, can you take a picture,

22:42

but use force perspective to make me look taller

22:44

than the eyes of Tyler here? I

22:46

do this all of the times. I'm always

22:49

doing a force perspective per picture. You don't

22:51

want to like hold the Eiffel Tower in

22:53

your hand, maybe? I don't want to do

22:55

it too small like I just dunked over

22:57

it. Yes, of course. All

22:59

of these things can be done. It's

23:02

such a fun tower. It's like the funnest

23:04

tower in the world. Except

23:07

maybe the tower of Pisa where you

23:09

can stand there like I'm holding it up. It's

23:11

so funny. It's falling

23:13

on you. Yeah, like something like that.

23:16

Okay. Force perspective for the

23:18

tall guy to be taller than the

23:20

Eiffel Tower. Okay, there we

23:22

go. Yeah. Let me just make sure you

23:25

get my hands in here kind of like I'm saying that like the

23:27

Eiffel Tower is a small penis. Oh,

23:29

come on, man. I'm respectful. As

23:31

a Frenchman, I cannot do that. Sorry,

23:34

sir. Eiffel Tower has a small penis.

23:37

Hey, dude. We're seriously doing the

23:39

whole ugly American thing. It's making me uncomfortable.

23:41

Just out of respect, we got to go

23:44

towards the tower and let it be taller

23:46

than us. They're used to

23:48

this. This is a negotiation. He's just

23:50

trying to get more money out of

23:52

us. I don't think it's

23:54

like emasculating the whole country of France to

23:56

pretend I'm bigger than the Eiffel Tower, right?

24:01

There is no amount of money I will

24:03

accept to allow you to imply that the

24:05

Eiffel Tower has a small penis. Horse

24:08

perspective is one thing. It

24:10

doesn't even have a penis. I don't know

24:12

what the… It's just a little joke. Okay,

24:15

goodbye. Goodbye. No, sir. We

24:17

know it has a metaphorical penis. Can

24:21

we just get a few blocks closer and you can just

24:23

tell us a few facts? We don't have to go all

24:25

the way up to it, Dan, okay? Just

24:27

let it be even with

24:29

us in perspective at least. Fine,

24:33

I'll tell you some things about the Eiffel

24:35

Tower. So they walked towards the Eiffel Tower

24:37

down the cobblestone streets. The

24:40

Eiffel Tower was pre-debuted

24:43

at the World's Fair of 1900

24:46

or something and it

24:48

was designed to have the largest

24:50

penis of any tower that

24:53

anyone had seen the world over at this

24:55

time. Okay. I

24:58

had no idea. And

25:01

you can climb all the way up to

25:04

the top. There is a restaurant named after

25:06

Jules Verne and you can

25:08

go all the way up there and you can touch

25:10

the penis of the tower. Oh,

25:12

that's great. Oh, look, Dan. We've

25:14

walked where it's taller than us

25:17

now, even in any perspective. Yeah,

25:20

it's fine. Hey, you're sweating,

25:22

man. Are you okay? It's

25:24

fine. It's just I'm a little

25:27

peckish. I haven't had my big extra large baguette

25:29

with Nutella on it. I think

25:31

for this much work, I should get a corset. He

25:33

starts this way and sway and Frenchman run to get

25:35

out of the way. Oh! He

25:38

goes down. Everything

25:40

goes blurry. Everything goes

25:42

dark. And

25:44

he wakes up and he's

25:48

at the medical facility

25:50

in the Eiffel Tower up

25:52

in it. There you go, Dan. Yeah.

25:55

I think his eyes are opening. Oh, my

25:57

God. Okay,

26:00

the medic brought you up here. You

26:02

just need a little water, buddy. Here you go. Did

26:05

you see that? I

26:07

see what, when you almost crushed all those

26:09

Frenchman? I, I, I, no, no,

26:12

I, I, I guess I

26:14

kind of like passed out, but look, I, I

26:16

told you not to bring me so close. I

26:19

told you not to bring me so close to the tower.

26:21

We're in it, dude. We're in the tower. Get

26:23

me out of here. Get this IV out of my arm.

26:25

Hey! Please,

26:27

sir, be reasonable. The

26:30

medical facility at the Eiffel Tower is at the very

26:32

top of the tower. What

26:36

sort of transfusion am I getting here? What

26:38

is this going into me? Pure 100% French

26:40

blood. No.

26:45

You are more French than American now, my

26:47

friend. We cut to

26:49

a Dan on a date of five

26:52

months later, back in the

26:54

States. Oh,

26:57

I didn't know that. Okay. Well,

26:59

I just thought I liked, I

27:01

just thought the wine was good for my taste. I

27:03

didn't know it was crappy

27:06

wine. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. I

27:08

used to be like you, but now

27:10

I've just, I know

27:13

a little bit more about wine because of the

27:16

transfusion I had. And anyway,

27:18

yeah, what you want here is. Yeah,

27:20

every time you argue me out of

27:23

something because it comes down

27:25

to taste, you talk about

27:27

that blood transfusion. Yeah, yeah.

27:29

I don't want to like, I never would

27:31

have done this before the transfusion. I just happened to know

27:34

now that I'm a little bit French. Are you going to

27:36

finish your snails? There

27:40

you go. You can have it. Thank you. Oh

27:43

yeah. So

27:45

anyway, here's a picture of me. I got

27:47

this on the way out. It's that he finally

27:49

agreed that I could say the Eiffel Tower had

27:51

an equal sized penis to me in the picture.

27:54

So it's me kind of being impressed, but suppose it's

27:56

not bigger. Let's

28:04

talk some more about that. I

28:06

think I might go to it. That's

28:09

in Little Rock? Yeah.

28:12

There was a lot of, I was just in

28:14

Little Rock and there was a lot of campgrounds

28:17

and stuff being rented, as you

28:19

say. What

28:21

excites you about it, the rarity or the

28:23

like? Well,

28:28

it's something my daughter would be into, I think.

28:32

It's always hard to find something

28:34

to interest a 10-year-old beyond being

28:36

on the phone and playing some

28:38

video games. So, I

28:42

think saying, let's go to this place

28:44

and watch that will be exciting. I

28:48

just want to ask people, do you think you're

28:50

going to encounter? That

28:52

would be my concern. That's

29:00

funny. Well, what do you think,

29:02

in timers that we are getting

29:04

to? I think more like people

29:06

who believe in crystals, if there's

29:08

other people. What are you getting

29:10

at? Just astronomy tourists in

29:12

general. It just seemed like it's going

29:15

to be a strange crowd. Strange.

29:19

I don't tolerate

29:23

any strangeness of any kind. I

29:29

used to go on these hikes, I

29:31

recommended these night hikes in Griffith

29:33

Park. They happen at night and

29:36

it's a hike led through the park. But

29:38

it was a strange collection of people and one night,

29:41

we got to the bottom and this lady

29:43

said, it's just always stuck in my mind.

29:45

She said, hey everybody, today

29:47

is my birthday. So, we

29:49

can all meet at the trunk of my car for some

29:52

champagne and meat. Champagne

29:54

and meat. There's

30:00

a meat part that got you, right? That's the part that

30:02

got me. I was like, well, you can't just say meat.

30:06

Yeah, like she just ended with champagne. Out

30:11

of the trunk of her car. Meat out of the car.

30:14

As she and her husband are pulling

30:16

up to that parking lot

30:18

before the hike. I'm

30:20

just saying, I don't think you need to mention

30:22

the meat. No, no, no. I've

30:24

thought it all through. Like, I have

30:26

been waiting for one of these night hikes

30:29

to coincide with my birthday. I'm so excited.

30:31

I canceled that dental surgery earlier today. I'm

30:33

like thrilled to be here doing this.

30:36

And I've thought about how I'm going to invite everybody.

30:38

Like, I'm going to wait till the hike is over.

30:40

I'm not going to like expect people to be distracted

30:42

by it through the whole hike. But right when

30:45

it's over, I'm going to say let's meet at

30:47

my car for some champagne and meat.

30:51

There's two reasons I wouldn't do that. What?

30:53

Why? And neither reason has to

30:55

do with the fact that these are strangers. Oh.

30:58

I think they're fellow astronomy fans, you

31:00

little more than me. But

31:03

I think that will make them

31:06

the type of people who might

31:08

be up for having a little champagne

31:10

in the parking

31:12

lot afterwards. I could

31:14

see that. Join us at our

31:16

car, I might say, instead of the truck. Join

31:19

us at our car for some champagne in

31:22

the parking lot. I think that'd be delightful.

31:24

It's the. I don't want anybody to

31:26

think that we're all going to be piling into the car. You

31:28

know what I mean? I just want to make clear, like, come

31:31

to the trunk. The trunk. I

31:34

will pop the trunk. Maybe I should say that. I'll

31:36

pop the trunk. And in there, I

31:38

have some champagne and some meat. And that's

31:41

it. Huh? And just champagne.

31:44

No, no, no. And some meat. Oh, well. Let's

31:46

say. OK, first let me

31:48

say, let's meet. It's a double meat. Let's

31:51

meet. Oh, I see what you're

31:53

saying. At my car, it has some meat. I

31:55

see what you're saying. I should say,

31:57

let's gather at the trunk of my car.

32:00

I'll pop the trunk and in there I've got

32:02

some champagne and some meat. And

32:04

so that way nobody's confused. That's fine. That'll be

32:06

great. I'm glad you're not saying this at the

32:09

beginning of the hike. Because if I

32:11

did not know you, I would

32:14

be thinking about the meat, the

32:17

whole hike being in the trunk. Yeah.

32:20

And getting spoiled there. It

32:23

sounds... Well,

32:26

don't be ridiculous. It's gross to me.

32:28

It's aged meat and it's been in there for...

32:31

It's been in there since I bought it.

32:34

Like five weeks ago. It's fine. You

32:37

know what? For a great aged meat. Just

32:39

for the sake of argument, can you invite

32:41

me to some... the same

32:43

scenario but in one the meat is in

32:46

the backseat and one it's in the trunk.

32:48

What do you mean? You want me to... You

32:51

want to hear what it sounds like in both situations? I

32:54

swear. Meat

32:57

in the backseat in a cooler

32:59

sounds better than popping a trunk.

33:02

That's ridiculous. It would be a waste of ice

33:04

and cooler space to put aged meat in a

33:06

cooler. Silly. I

33:09

don't want to argue with you on your birthday. So

33:11

we cut to the hike and they're only five minutes

33:13

into the hike and you can tell she wants

33:15

to make her announcement. I can't wait. This is

33:17

not how I pictured it. Like we're all together.

33:19

We're all hiking. Everybody could hear me. If I

33:21

said it loud enough, everybody could hear me now.

33:24

I kind of thought... Mr. One of

33:26

the owls I was talking

33:28

about, they so rarely come

33:31

to this part of Los

33:33

Angeles. Usually it's just in their slight migration.

33:35

Look at that right up there. Oh

33:37

wow. There's a barn owl in a

33:40

barn area. Perfect view. Look

33:42

at that. Everybody has gathered around

33:44

the owl. I know we're talking about

33:46

owls now. Not really on the astronomy

33:49

tip. Maybe wait till later. Well

33:51

I was going to wait till the end but

33:53

this is actually my hundredth hike. So

33:56

if everyone wants to come down to my truck afterwards,

33:58

I'll be doing beer and beef. And

34:02

I just really would be excited to toast

34:04

to everybody here. God damn it. I love

34:07

to do that a little

34:09

bit. Everybody about to buy a

34:11

truck. Happy 100. Happy

34:14

100. Thank you. Yeah,

34:16

this has been such a great like it's just made

34:18

me so sane. I was so lonely before this. What

34:21

a great crew and I just really appreciate meeting you

34:23

all and it's

34:25

great. Don't go to his

34:27

truck. Honey. Don't go to

34:29

his truck after the hike. Today

34:31

is my birthday. I've been planning this for a

34:33

long time. I've been so wanting my birthday to

34:35

line up with one of these night hikes in

34:38

the trunk of my car. There is

34:40

some champagne. I bought it three months

34:42

ago for New Year's and we didn't

34:44

drink it. It's back there and I've

34:47

got these plastic cups and they're

34:49

dusty but I'll wipe them out and

34:51

meet aged meat.

34:54

You got made of your trunk? Yes,

34:57

it's in the trunk but

34:59

I have a pocket knife. I'll cut off

35:01

slices for everybody. We see this

35:03

one old lady retching. It's okay. Dorothy.

35:06

Oh my God. She was just getting

35:08

better. She was just getting better.

35:13

Well, I'm going to take a rain check

35:15

on that meat in the trunk but what

35:17

your truck look like that beer and beef

35:19

sounds like a great idea. It's

35:21

a Rivian. It's

35:23

one of the electric trucks. So yeah, it's right

35:26

there at the bottom and it's just beer and

35:28

beef bought today. The

35:30

beer is chilled. The beef is fully cooked but

35:33

that was implied information until I heard what you had

35:35

and now I feel like I do have to be

35:37

a little clearer. What

35:42

kind of... 10 minutes later in the hike and she's trying

35:44

to recruit other people to her. It's

35:47

just his day, honey. I

35:49

feel real weird about like why would you have

35:51

somebody else's choice of beer? There are so many

35:53

different beers, you know, but this is like genuine

35:55

champagne from the Champagne region of France. No kidding.

35:58

I think it's the meat that turned people's lives. off

36:00

not the champagne. Well that's

36:03

ridiculous because like I said

36:05

it's vacuum sealed aged meat.

36:07

Can you keep it down? We're trying to listen

36:09

to the stars. Okay

36:12

sorry it's her birthday. He's

36:14

crazy. Listen to the stars? I'm

36:18

not inviting him. I'm gonna let him

36:20

know. I don't think he's coming anyway honey.

36:22

I think they're all going to the beer

36:24

and beef truck. Well that's fine if he

36:26

goes to the beer and beef truck. I

36:28

think there are certain people I want the

36:30

champagne and meat drunk. We're

36:34

trying to hear the solar flames. Yeah

36:39

okay. It's just not our night.

36:41

Maybe next time we can pretend it's your birthday

36:43

and have some champagne

36:45

out of the trunk. Hey I just

36:47

noticed a little energy when I pitched

36:50

the beer and beef. We

36:52

were talking up there and we were thinking maybe you

36:54

could pull your car up next to my truck and

36:56

we could just kind of have a nice crow hang

36:58

out with the whole group. Oh

37:01

beer and beef and champagne and meat. Yeah.

37:04

Well. Sounds

37:06

great honey. No I'm

37:08

sorry. Why everyone

37:10

will be together? The

37:13

champagne, beer, meat and beef. It's

37:16

obvious that the reason that he is making

37:18

that offer is that he's scared that more

37:20

people are going to be at my trunk

37:22

for champagne and meat than it is. And

37:25

so I'm in the power position here. Why would I

37:28

give up my power here?

37:30

It's not a competition. It's

37:32

a competition. It's a competition.

37:35

A competition here in wind. A hundred

37:37

hikes. Everybody has a

37:39

birthday. That

37:41

is true. He kind of earned his

37:44

hundred hikes. He just fell

37:46

into your birthday. Yeah well it's a big

37:48

one. I'm 43. That's

37:51

not a big one. It's a big one.

37:54

Happy birthday. I

37:57

Am absolutely open to

37:59

this. I'm not jealous of your plan.

38:01

When you suggested it, Dorothy threw up and had

38:03

to turn around to go back. Three people have

38:05

a made eye contact with you since then, so

38:07

I'm not worried about it. I

38:10

when I got him why are you

38:13

making a why are you offering to

38:15

combine parties? You wouldn't do that if

38:17

you really thought more people would come

38:19

into your thrust. We had to the

38:22

parking lot and I indeed there's about

38:24

thirty people at the truck with how

38:26

the beard be seen. when

38:29

so often a d or over there. Did.

38:31

It without for the money. Know

38:34

with oh. Look.

38:37

Someone's coming over here. Okay, okay,

38:39

someone's coming to read our. Our

38:42

car has a gun wherever not biased

38:44

over there are few on its own.

38:46

Inner great my I were absolutely go

38:49

for some champagne. some probably will notice

38:51

the high guy. Congrats

38:53

again on your hundred hikes Says thank

38:55

you. Yards and

38:57

that in have club. Not a big

38:59

deal compared to forty three years of

39:02

life on earth. Whatever. Honey Mrs pop

39:04

the trunk as he tries to pop

39:06

the trunk but she can't it can't.

39:08

The warm ups does. puppet trying. To

39:11

does he turn the key less than

39:13

left. On

39:16

your brother g throughout the world. Or

39:20

housing law or trouble hop in the

39:22

trunk but show up or I'll discuss

39:24

the lover inside his or for a.

39:27

While. Oh, you're.

39:29

Going into In through the. Yeah. That

39:32

you would. Say. I have was

39:34

so much extra beaten beer over here as

39:36

it sounds like the champagne and me wasn't

39:38

even really ready. So it's fi a come

39:40

over and this will be a week of

39:43

the trunk and seats this really to our

39:45

hands are bleeding China Pop the trunk and

39:47

a Celtic is kind of pops and I

39:49

Sweeney speeds. Of.

39:53

Up. To twenty

39:56

minutes later people are all started and

39:58

leave the parking lot. It's it's. midnight

40:00

when you're supposed to leave the entire

40:02

park. Does anybody have a drill or a power

40:04

saw? No,

40:10

I have AAA. I can call them

40:12

to come and I think they'll do your car still

40:14

as well as long as I'm here. Fat

40:18

chance they'll make me join. Humans,

40:27

I want to go to our discord where we have

40:29

asked you to submit

40:31

one word suggestions and we got a

40:33

shitload. I'm trying to remember where we

40:35

left off here. Okay, I'm

40:39

going to

40:42

look at some words I don't

40:44

think I've seen. Okay, I remember

40:46

that one. Okay, gambling. I'm

40:50

gonna give you three words. Frantic,

40:55

flex. Maybe I have said these words,

40:58

but they're good words. Gambling, frantic, flex.

41:00

Do any of them recall a story

41:02

in your life? Gambling

41:05

and frantic and then my headphones came

41:08

out. Frantic, flex. Flex?

41:14

These days, kids are flying. I

41:17

went to Vegas a couple

41:19

months ago and it

41:22

was in the lead up to, I know

41:24

nothing about Formula One, but apparently Formula One

41:26

was coming to Vegas. So the whole city

41:28

was shut down, preparing for it. A lot

41:31

of streets were closed and

41:33

whatever. And all the

41:35

hotels were way more expensive except

41:37

for the Rio, which is

41:39

a little off the strip. It

41:44

was really cheap there. So

41:46

we ended up getting a room there and right when we

41:48

walk in, the line to check in is so long, probably

41:51

an hour away. We're

41:53

at the back of it and some manager comes up and

41:55

just grabs us and a few other people and is like,

41:57

here, I'll check you guys in, in the VIP check-in area.

42:00

And we're like, oh great. So

42:03

then we go in there and it

42:05

becomes clear with the woman checking us in

42:07

that like, this is a shit show. And

42:09

she's in that mode where she's talking

42:12

shit about the company to like ingratiate

42:14

herself to you. But it's really,

42:16

you're really just like, this is

42:18

the reason, you're talking so much shit, this is taking

42:20

up more time than if you just checked me in.

42:24

And so what happened was the Rio had

42:26

been bought out and it was changing owners

42:28

that week. And

42:30

the old owners, maybe as a fuck you, shut

42:33

down, just on the day, shut down their whole

42:36

system. They were like, all right, it's yours now.

42:38

Like you have to switch everything over to your

42:40

whatever computer system you use and whatever. And

42:44

so she sends it like, she's explaining that, sends us

42:46

to a room, we go in and

42:48

I see like, uggs on the floor and

42:50

the TV's on. And then I see the bathroom

42:52

light is on with the door closed. And

42:55

so we're like, oh shit. And

42:58

so we back out and we're like, somebody's in this

43:00

room taking a shit and heard us walk in and

43:02

we didn't see them or whatever. And

43:05

so then we go down and

43:07

complain, not even complain, but we're like, oh, this is

43:09

a, you gave us someone else's room. And I'm on

43:12

the way in, my friends were like, before

43:15

we even knew it was all fucked up, they're like, give

43:17

her 40 bucks and see if we can get a suite.

43:19

And I've never done that in my life. I've never like

43:21

tried to bribe anybody. And I was like, I can't do

43:23

it, I can't do it. And they're like,

43:25

just give her 40 bucks, if you give a suite, if not,

43:27

it's no big deal. And that made me so anxious. And

43:30

so I was, I didn't do it the first time around. And the

43:32

second time I had the 40 in my hand and I

43:34

was like ready to slide it to her, like

43:37

pretty nervous about it. And

43:40

she's like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

43:43

That's so embarrassing. Somebody else fucked up.

43:46

Let me see if I can

43:48

get you into the best room

43:50

possible, like whatever the suites, the

43:52

like top floor, whatever. And then she

43:54

leaves for a half hour and

43:57

comes back and she's like, I couldn't get it for you.

43:59

I was sure. Then somebody up fucking up ah

44:01

your room of be ready in like

44:04

an hour and then they that's essentially

44:06

about like the room had like the

44:08

carpets they hadn't smoked flash clean him

44:10

to get in there faster. The carpets

44:12

are still wet and smelled like whiteness

44:14

Thus as far as an every morning

44:17

at seven am. They. Were

44:19

redoing all floors and all the

44:21

rooms around so there was just

44:23

like extreme construction waking up every

44:25

morning. it was a very bad

44:27

stuff in. Moscow,

44:30

that moment where you come back

44:32

to the moment again. We.

44:35

Come back to report said someone

44:37

since there's no no and. I.

44:42

Find this is a shit show. sorry

44:44

can I help you. Oh.

44:46

Yeah, I don't know if you remember

44:48

me from before. I I can't remember

44:51

any one Honey everyone's mad there's a

44:53

thousand people here for some reason to

44:55

this place is this is the and

44:57

the well I do. I'm so sorry.

44:59

Well I was the room you gave

45:01

us there were actually people in there

45:04

and we actually want to see them.

45:06

Is he a while there was that

45:08

the restroom door was closed no issues

45:10

and the there and that Tv was

45:12

on sides of the match. Okay hold

45:15

on. he didn't see anyone. To

45:17

sashays. Closing of he me

45:19

I was working. Yeah that

45:21

are not here to be happy

45:23

the Tv is working. I've I'm

45:25

almost or last guy he was

45:27

mad. That. The Tv was in

45:30

work in his room as to give a mere

45:32

room. In. I wouldn't

45:34

I would even a thing or but he

45:36

had next repair sees what happens. Com.

45:38

A while yeah just seen by someone was

45:40

a mare and I feel like or before

45:43

when I was here I was really polite

45:45

to you and I'm other people or been

45:47

pretty rude and it seems like you gave

45:49

them what they wanted quickly and easily game

45:52

a discount and I really haven't gotten and

45:54

rival Merch is a total hell hole here

45:56

in people are you know slip and me

45:58

money to get with. One I don't

46:01

remember recall use slip in me any

46:03

money I see to get anything in.

46:05

your only complain he has he ever

46:07

work and see be an extra pair

46:09

of shoes I'd sign in the bathroom.

46:12

As far as I'm concerned at doesn't

46:14

stack up to the proms. Other people

46:16

have an ama mommy their slip in

46:18

may refuse me. excuse me we're sutter

46:21

if I wanna step in the said

46:23

sure as a partner. Or

46:25

wounded and for any their young man is

46:27

that ago do their post with new toy

46:29

dollars have. Already

46:32

Okay Well firstly I'm will

46:34

say I gave you a

46:36

slip do fifty dollars. For

46:39

the experience of having somebody come into

46:42

my room while I was taking a

46:44

shit insists air the aura added that

46:46

go with didn't go well because the

46:48

came in and turn right around and

46:50

walked out to clubs know what I

46:52

want? I had left the bathroom door

46:54

open just the first and I wanted

46:57

that bergner walk right into the goddamn

46:59

bathroom and I did everything I could.

47:01

I had relied on him there and

47:03

they turn around and walk right out

47:05

less know what I had minor give

47:07

you fifty got to him deposits. I

47:10

am so sorry sir. This.

47:12

Is just a total. Foobar

47:14

Situation and Die and Weren't

47:17

just have a swamp. His

47:19

shirts. And

47:21

scuse me Other sir, High,

47:23

yeah. We've. Settled it and

47:26

that room has been vacated and

47:28

clean. So you can go back

47:30

there right now and everything as

47:32

a okay. How. Can come out

47:34

from when you said that that Joe Montana

47:36

started rushing back up to the room on

47:38

what are you go. First,

47:42

so many people air I can't

47:45

focus on belt buckles. was buckles

47:47

was not authorized to consider. Know

47:49

what's going on here? Say eighty

47:52

dollars? Oh, have to go into

47:54

a room that is. As for

47:57

my authority, folded Is it. No,

48:02

that's a very mean trick. If

48:04

someone does that too, that's a mean trick. Well, this

48:06

is Vegas. That is done all the time. Oh my

48:09

gosh. I hope not to me. But

48:11

yeah, it's a true 80. It's

48:13

money. Usually my friends go and the first thing we

48:16

do is we put 80 on a roulette table. Instead

48:19

I'm going to give you the 80 just to get

48:21

us a nice normal... I'm just going to inform you

48:23

in FYI, not that it matters. Most people deal in

48:25

50s and 100s. 40s and 80s. I

48:31

got a red flag in the business. I

48:33

had no idea. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

48:36

I'm learning. I'm not much of a Vegas guy. It doesn't

48:38

sound cool to go. Okay, let me lay down a 40

48:41

because that's not a fill. There's

48:44

50s. There's

48:47

100s. Okay. It

48:50

seems like you're giving 10 short. Well,

48:54

here's what I can do. I can

48:56

give you 50, 70, or 90. I

48:59

do not have a $100 bill. Yeah, bill. That's

49:01

what I have. I have a 50 here and I have several 20s. I'd

49:05

rather have a 50 than a 70. That's

49:07

just weird. Pardon me. Pardon me.

49:09

I have a $15, $16, $17. I

49:17

would like your finest room.

49:21

Is there a presidential suite? Has the president ever stayed

49:23

here at the Rio? Look

49:25

Bozo. You either round that

49:27

up to 20 or take it down to 10. I'm

49:29

not taking 17 here. We're way too

49:31

busy for me to figure out that. Right.

49:35

What is going on tonight? Okay,

49:39

look, I'm going to go see if I

49:41

can find you the best room in our

49:43

entire hotel and give it to you for

49:45

a discount. Does that sound good? Are you

49:47

kidding me? Or the guy that just gave

49:49

you $17? I'm talking to both of you.

49:52

Does that sound good? Did you

49:55

give? It's

49:57

unclear, but I think 50 is where I'm at

49:59

now. I'm an idiot. We

50:04

got to later they've

50:06

both gotten the presidential suite and they're

50:08

on opposite ends of it is one

50:10

of those huge Vegas Pinhouse

50:14

suites and they they haven't seen each

50:16

other yet in the penthouse Are

50:19

you sure we're alone? I hear something I Am

50:23

not certain but it feels like that She

50:25

like gave me a big wink the whole thing when

50:27

we checked in. I think this is ours Let's just

50:29

relax and hey like It's

50:31

Vegas. Let's you know, let's get a little drunk.

50:34

Let's get a little sexy. Come on. Let's go

50:37

Time to put $17

50:40

down on roulette let it ride baby

50:42

red nothing but red Did

50:45

you hear that? Yes, someone

50:47

is inside our penthouse suite

50:51

Okay, look I

50:54

really want it. I just

50:56

want to have fun in Vegas I really need

50:58

to blow off some steam. All right. I mean,

51:00

it's like a divorce trip. So this is exciting.

51:02

Let's uh, yeah single

51:05

like let's Excuse me.

51:07

Excuse me. Is somebody in the room?

51:09

Is someone here with us? Yes

51:13

What's going on? Oh, hi.

51:16

Hello. Hi, they're back there in the

51:18

corner that edge of the suite

51:21

Yeah, this is this will be fine. I've

51:24

been told that I I'm supposed to sleep

51:26

in this chair And

51:28

just live out of my suitcase right next to me

51:30

here and you have the whole right Well,

51:32

you don't have the whole rest of the suite. There's a

51:34

gonna be a couple of other guys showing up from what

51:36

I understand No,

51:40

that's unacceptable And

51:42

it gives me no pleasure that because I paid a

51:45

little more you're just gonna be sitting in the little

51:47

corner in a chair in the Presidential

51:49

cop it's not even that presidential. It's just

51:52

a cop Oh, no, the

51:54

chair's got an ottoman it's

51:56

not it's not bad. That's all she

51:58

could do for seven Can

52:01

I ask you, just out of curiosity,

52:03

is 17 just a

52:05

denomination you prefer? Because you tipped her 17 and I

52:07

heard you said you're going to do 17 on roulette.

52:10

Is it a lucky number? I make

52:12

$17 an hour at El Pollo Loco. And

52:15

so I just try to think in terms of this

52:18

is an hour of my time. I see. That's

52:20

really cool actually. And 17. Your

52:29

one word suggests you from discord.

52:32

They do have crazy big sweets. Vegas,

52:34

Dan. I have never... Weirdly

52:37

enough, I was in a... I

52:40

have one scene in a movie called What

52:42

Happens in Vegas. And my scene is

52:44

that two people have been given the

52:46

same room and they walk in

52:48

on each other and then they come down

52:51

and complain to me, the hotel person who

52:53

accidentally put two parties in the same room.

52:57

Wow. So you were pulling from probably

52:59

all the research you did for that movie. As

53:03

you were telling your story, I was like, I can't

53:05

believe it happened in real life. It's

53:07

exactly the premise of that movie. We didn't have... Whoever

53:09

was in that room, I didn't have any sort of

53:11

meet cute with or anything like that. Oh yeah, that's

53:13

what it was. It wasn't even cute. You're right.

53:16

Oh well. humans,

53:18

let's go back to this list for

53:22

inspiration. Oh,

53:25

sorry. Okay, there we are. That's

53:30

a word I don't even know. Okay. Not reading

53:32

it right. No, we've been through these. Sorry, guys.

53:35

Sorry, sorry. Hindsight. Plaza.

53:38

Clock. Those are a few words.

53:42

Hindsight. Looking back, I could

53:44

have done better. I've

53:54

done it this way. I

53:58

just had with some... friends, we

54:02

ended up on the topic

54:04

of like, high

54:07

school loves. This is what hindsight

54:09

made me think of. And it kind of

54:11

came out that like, almost all of

54:13

my friends that I was talking to that moment

54:15

had like, a big life event

54:18

where they like moved or changed their life in

54:20

some way in high school because of like someone

54:22

that they had like fallen

54:24

in love with and wanted like

54:26

one of my friends moved

54:29

to like Eastern Europe

54:31

because he met a girl on a

54:34

study abroad. And he like after he graduated school,

54:36

he went straight there to be with her and

54:38

then it didn't work out and move back. I

54:40

had another one who like moved from San Francisco

54:43

to San Diego to like be with his girlfriend

54:45

in high school. Anyway, I bring it up because

54:47

I'm curious if you guys have any like high

54:49

school. I want to clarify what

54:51

you're just saying though. So in high school,

54:54

they met a girl, but

54:56

they didn't move until college. One

54:58

of them did in high school, one

55:00

of them like in high school, his family

55:03

was originally from San Diego, then he

55:05

moved to the Bay Area by himself

55:07

with his family, and then had

55:10

kind of like kindled

55:12

a love with this girl who had started

55:14

writing letters with that was in San Diego

55:17

still. And so he did his

55:19

last two years of high school in San Diego living

55:21

with his aunt, partially to

55:24

like be around this to be in a

55:26

relationship with this girl. Wow.

55:32

I would not allow that

55:34

as a parent. I

55:37

feel I'm getting ripped off two years of my child.

55:41

Yeah, it's an interesting. I mean, I

55:43

don't know. It's not my story. So

55:45

I don't know much about the specifics

55:47

of it beyond that. But

55:50

yeah, I thought because I had like kind

55:53

of like a, you know,

55:55

friendship with someone I had a crush on

55:57

that was like a whole thing that like

56:00

Nothing really came of it and then like 10 years later

56:02

we dated a little bit like Not

56:05

even coincidentally just she ended up in LA And

56:07

it's kind of a boring story because it

56:10

ends with just kind of fizzling out But

56:13

I think that high school love thing is so

56:15

interesting that like everybody had one that they like

56:18

I went on a spring break where I

56:20

thought we were still I I

56:24

Went to her college on my college

56:26

spring break and I thought we were

56:28

an item and I got introduced to

56:31

her boyfriend within 10

56:33

minutes of being there and I

56:35

was like what the fuck did I come

56:37

on this way for? That's

56:40

not as bad as moving I

56:43

do not know in common though someone who like

56:45

decided to go to the same college as the

56:47

person they were dating in high school. Yeah,

56:50

seems like a crazy decision

56:54

Yeah, it's so funny to now

56:57

be on the other like to be in high school and be

56:59

like, oh I'm

57:03

certain of this and my parents just don't

57:05

understand me Yeah, and then to

57:07

realize when you're on the other side of it, it's

57:09

like no they perfectly understand you They've had life experiences

57:11

and they're like trying to impart

57:13

the knowledge onto you Well,

57:15

that's why you don't let the San Diego thing

57:17

who knew what the rest of the circumstances were

57:20

but I I

57:23

I wish I could give and like I wish

57:25

people cared about me enough I

57:31

Wish I was Amy Poehler But

57:34

to young people High

57:38

school age I guess and tell you cuz

57:40

in high school you think So

57:43

the year every year lasts so long

57:46

and you think it's forever and you think

57:49

everything's forever And you think if your own

57:51

pop you think you're unpopular forever or you

57:53

feel like I can't

57:55

find my tribe or

58:00

And you and that's whether when I hear

58:02

about teen suicide, especially I'm just like, oh

58:04

my god Tell them that even

58:07

if they're in a hellhole, it's only gonna

58:09

last four years and you can go find

58:11

your people but

58:13

I feel And

58:15

it's with that. So that's the negative part

58:17

of I'm having an awful part. I'm high

58:20

school. It's awful I feel like this is

58:22

forever. The other one is I'm in love

58:24

and I

58:26

feel like it's forever and I think

58:28

that's so absurd This

58:31

is the guy for me forever

58:34

a girl or whatever Yeah,

58:39

I was curious Because I'll have

58:41

that instinct sometimes of like wanting to

58:44

give a lecture on these things. I wish someone had

58:46

told me that

58:48

is it is like a It's

58:51

a funny dream. I have of I kind of what

58:53

you're saying I'm like, I wish everybody cared what I

58:55

had to say cuz I think I have some important

58:57

things to pass on I'm

59:01

a good perspective. I relate to that a

59:04

lot. Do you do you fantasize about giving

59:06

TED talks? Yeah

59:10

We cut to Dan He's

59:12

come back to his high school. It's

59:14

been 15 years Okay,

59:19

and Just

59:21

named like the top two shows that the students

59:23

might know just for your intro Geez

59:27

that they would know Right,

59:30

I don't really watch I don't watch comedies

59:32

you mostly do comedies you said yeah Yeah,

59:34

well, you know, I'm proud of this. It's

59:36

it's not like I think they would hurt

59:38

up I did like a stop-motion series that

59:40

was ended up being bought by Lexus

59:43

for L Studios Let's

59:45

just had a short-lived Had

59:52

a show on there and okay Yeah,

59:55

it's just do you have a

59:58

true crime podcast No,

1:00:00

I actually don't touch the stuff. I think

1:00:02

it's a little exploitive. Maybe tell them that.

1:00:06

Or give an opinion in your intro?

1:00:11

They know Nicole Byer, right?

1:00:15

Oh, yes. Okay. I'm on

1:00:18

episode two of her podcast. You've been on it. Did you've

1:00:20

nailed it? No, no. I'm on episode

1:00:22

two of her podcast and we talk

1:00:24

about, well, if it gets

1:00:26

a little sexual, we talk about hooking up in

1:00:28

the UCB bathroom. Maybe tell them that. So I'm

1:00:30

supposed to... I think that's the credit. Your

1:00:33

intro credit is hooking up in a

1:00:35

school's bathroom. I don't like it. I'm

1:00:37

not happy about it. She wasn't that

1:00:40

famous when we recorded it and then

1:00:42

kind of blew up and now people

1:00:44

discover her and listen. I don't know

1:00:46

what to tell you. We

1:00:52

cut to...it was a long intro of

1:00:54

the teacher trying to intro him. And

1:00:57

it was hers and then she blew up

1:00:59

and I guess he's getting a lot of

1:01:01

notoriety, even though he's not...he couldn't give me

1:01:03

a credit. Not a rioty. Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

1:01:07

I'll give you the mic right back. Not notoriety. People

1:01:09

who already know me then hear it and then know more about

1:01:11

me. Oh, paranormal activity. Say paranormal activity

1:01:13

in Mexican on Paramount Plus. That'll be the one.

1:01:19

And paranormal activity. There he is.

1:01:22

Hey. Last but

1:01:24

something, Dan Lipert. Nope.

1:01:27

Lipert. Sorry. Thank

1:01:29

you, Mr. McAlievy. Hey,

1:01:32

everybody. So, I'm

1:01:35

here because I think one thing we

1:01:37

all wish, like the song says,

1:01:39

I wish I knew what I know now when

1:01:41

I was younger. What

1:01:43

song is that? What song is that? You

1:01:47

know, I don't know who it's by. Is that on TikTok?

1:01:50

No, I don't think it's...no. What's

1:01:53

a TikTok song that's related? Is it Hyper Pop?

1:01:57

I've never even heard of that. No. I

1:01:59

listen to Hyper Pop. pop old man prodigy

1:02:01

would that be prodigy no

1:02:03

that's like Tronica dickhead no

1:02:11

it's not a song from a video game look

1:02:15

and when I was your age this type

1:02:17

of thing would have really made me feel

1:02:19

bad about myself but I've

1:02:21

learned as you could see this kind of thing

1:02:24

where I can't relate to you I don't

1:02:26

need to be liked by you anymore and that's the

1:02:28

thing that I've learned that I want to part on

1:02:30

y'all is it's it's at a

1:02:32

certain point you need to love yourself

1:02:35

and realize that what strangers think about

1:02:37

you it's not it doesn't matter to you

1:02:39

because they don't know the real you all right

1:02:44

sorry thesis statement I don't know

1:02:46

what this is about are

1:02:49

you saying you didn't come here to make

1:02:51

friends Betty

1:02:54

for yes thank you so like they say

1:02:56

in some reality TV shows I'm not here

1:02:58

to make friends but I don't

1:03:00

mean that in any sort of sassy or

1:03:02

catty way I just mean I'm really satisfied

1:03:04

with the depth of relationships I have with

1:03:06

the friends that I'm close with now what's

1:03:11

your point okay

1:03:17

so someone knows the podcast I

1:03:22

I've lost my train of thought a little bit because

1:03:24

I did think you would know that song it's not

1:03:26

even from my era I just kind

1:03:28

of know it from commercials and stuff I guess

1:03:30

you don't really watch commercials commercial

1:03:33

you don't even know what one

1:03:36

is I have

1:03:38

YouTube premium I got it

1:03:40

for Christmas so okay so

1:03:42

you might know else studio Lexus

1:03:44

had a short lived I

1:03:47

do think my in here you'll really care a

1:03:49

little more if you do kind

1:03:51

of consider me famous or successful in any way

1:03:53

so if we could just cross that boundary I

1:03:55

think my words will be a little more meaningful

1:03:57

to you and we cut to after the lecture,

1:04:01

all the classes are going back

1:04:03

to their homerooms before lunch and

1:04:05

we see one nerdy kid come

1:04:07

to Dan. Mr.

1:04:10

Lippert. Hey. Hi,

1:04:13

I would just like to say what's that? Thanks

1:04:15

for getting my name right. The teacher said it

1:04:17

wrong. I'm glad you got it right. I appreciate

1:04:19

that. I'd like

1:04:22

to say that your

1:04:25

words were very inspiring to me today.

1:04:29

Not a lot of adults, I

1:04:32

don't know, they don't talk to

1:04:34

us like we're adults. They talk

1:04:36

down to us and I've

1:04:39

been feeling pretty down about my entire life

1:04:41

and the trajectory of it

1:04:43

but you really put things in perspective

1:04:45

today. That is so

1:04:49

meaningful. Maybe, is

1:04:51

there a way you could kind of say that to,

1:04:53

it seems like they're kind of the

1:04:56

hot kids over there maybe or the popular kids, kind

1:04:59

of let them know just so that

1:05:01

they know. Wait, you still want them

1:05:03

to like you? No, no, I just

1:05:05

I do think if they understand. That

1:05:07

was your whole message that it's not

1:05:09

important. But you have to understand also

1:05:11

the monoculture and that your words will

1:05:13

be more meaningful if people give you

1:05:15

some sort of perceived status. You

1:05:17

know, me saying the same

1:05:19

thing everybody would have been eating out

1:05:21

of the palm of my hand. Stan

1:05:23

walks away in disgust. No, and also

1:05:26

there's always help out there in your love.

1:05:30

The next day we see

1:05:32

where the where everyone

1:05:34

eats lunch, there's a fence next

1:05:37

and then the sidewalk we see Dan's

1:05:40

back at school. He's just giving advice to

1:05:42

the fence. There's that guy that was at

1:05:44

the lecture yesterday. What's he doing? Hey. Hey,

1:05:46

what are you

1:05:50

doing? Why are you here? I just

1:05:53

I just think that I could

1:05:56

change so many lives if you

1:05:58

all could first. perceived

1:06:00

me as successful and

1:06:02

then I think if we

1:06:04

get past that barrier you

1:06:06

want some food? They start

1:06:08

putting chips through the food.

1:06:12

Do they still do is Thursday still chicken fried

1:06:14

steak at lunch? Yeah.

1:06:17

Yeah could you snag me a chicken fried steak

1:06:20

then maybe at lunch? And so Dan would come

1:06:22

by every day at lunch

1:06:24

and the students would feed him food

1:06:26

through the fence and he would give

1:06:28

advice on life. So

1:06:32

yeah you know you listen to Marin right? Yeah

1:06:35

yeah. He lives in Glendale so I'm like 10

1:06:37

minutes from there. I don't know where exactly this

1:06:39

place is but like a lot of places he

1:06:42

talks about I eat at also and stuff. Are

1:06:44

you further east than Glendale or are you in

1:06:46

Glendale? Well further

1:06:50

east is actually more prestigious in some ways yeah

1:06:52

but you know the city a little bit but

1:06:54

yeah I'm a little further out yeah. Can

1:06:57

you tell the sex with Nicole Byers story again?

1:06:59

Yeah yeah tell it again

1:07:01

dude. Yeah great story. It's

1:07:04

not it was

1:07:06

not even I want to clarify

1:07:08

this I'm not telling the story. It

1:07:10

was not sex okay it was a

1:07:12

hookup in a bathroom at the Upright

1:07:14

citizens brigade theater. Sounds like Bill Clinton.

1:07:17

Yeah. You

1:07:19

know after you told that story at school

1:07:21

they took the stall doors off of all

1:07:23

the bathrooms here. It's

1:07:26

called the Lippert rule.

1:07:28

Yeah. It's terrible. Well

1:07:31

you know what I'm weirdly happy to hear that because

1:07:33

it was called the Lippert rule for a different reason

1:07:35

when I went here so that's great news. Brett

1:07:57

Brett had you had double double

1:07:59

diseases? How are you feeling? Oh, yeah, I

1:08:01

got Flew and outed

1:08:03

him there go. Oh, yeah, your medical

1:08:06

history. Let me specify those

1:08:10

It was I got flu and

1:08:12

strep at the same time last week

1:08:15

nice get him out of the way Hit

1:08:18

me like a ton of bricks. It was crazy

1:08:21

I haven't had flu even since

1:08:23

I think I was a kid like high

1:08:25

fever and all that but feeling good now

1:08:28

It went away pretty fast. But uh, yeah

1:08:30

the vaccine it was fucking crazy No

1:08:33

vaccine. I Was

1:08:36

just a breath saying that Yeah,

1:08:42

the doctor was like Almost

1:08:45

giddy giving me the news like it

1:08:48

was like a rarity for him Like

1:08:50

she's almost like a congratulations like you

1:08:52

got a twofer Wow,

1:08:54

I don't see that much Great.

1:08:58

Thanks. We cut to Dan. He's

1:09:00

in If

1:09:02

you could just hold on a moment we're gathering

1:09:04

some of the nurses and doctors Oh

1:09:07

my god, really? What is the doctor when we go?

1:09:09

Hi. Hey, hey Hi,

1:09:13

yeah, sorry, I've been waiting for like 30 minutes the

1:09:17

doctor took my As

1:09:19

a strep test, I think it was over doing

1:09:22

here. I Want

1:09:24

to see you two one at a time get

1:09:26

in the fucking line Can we

1:09:28

see can we see the lumps on your

1:09:30

back, please? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah touch it

1:09:33

So those are something I should I be

1:09:35

worried about those or the oh Wow, not

1:09:37

as much as the lumps in your throat.

1:09:39

Don't tell him yet So

1:09:46

I see some of you in scrubs, but that is we

1:09:48

get further back I see some like

1:09:50

kind of casual out everyone holding up their phone

1:09:53

Taping this event. What I

1:09:55

think everyone's here doctor if you want to give the triple

1:10:00

Yes, this is very very

1:10:02

unusual and it's

1:10:05

very exciting. You

1:10:07

have three different

1:10:09

diagnoses today. You've

1:10:11

got the shingles. Oh, nice.

1:10:14

Very good. You've got the flu. Oh, great job.

1:10:16

And you have a cute tonsillitis. That's what that

1:10:18

is. At the same time. Oh, at the same

1:10:20

time. Come on. It's extraordinary.

1:10:23

So did you have to deliver

1:10:25

that from like a carnival barker's

1:10:27

podium with the cane and everything?

1:10:31

I didn't have to, no. I'm sorry. He

1:10:33

sees on people's phones, some of them are

1:10:35

live on Instagram, all these. So

1:10:49

I'm gathering that this is like pretty rare. This

1:10:51

is happening. Is it a reason for me? Yeah,

1:10:55

it's really really rare and you're blowing

1:10:57

up actually people from a living person

1:10:59

that is very rare. Okay,

1:11:03

that really scares me. Yeah,

1:11:06

well, it's just like your immunities

1:11:08

are so busy fighting off three

1:11:10

different things. It's almost like how

1:11:12

can this work? So yeah, it's.

1:11:15

Go for four. Go

1:11:17

for four. Go

1:11:19

for four. Okay, okay,

1:11:21

okay. I think some of the

1:11:23

other doctors and nurses want them to have a

1:11:25

fourth thing doctor. Well of course we do, but

1:11:27

we should ask the patient. I

1:11:30

think we should get your sign off on whether

1:11:32

you want to be exposed because we've got a

1:11:34

guy next door who is very

1:11:36

contagious with COVID right now and

1:11:39

it will be very easy to have you go in there and just,

1:11:42

you know, whatever. You can kiss him if

1:11:44

you want to. Yes, of course

1:11:46

not. No, no. Of course not.

1:11:48

Well, it would be, I mean, it would be kind

1:11:51

of interesting to see what happened. If

1:11:55

you're filming this, you can't also accuse me of being

1:11:57

a homophobe because I don't want to kiss a guy

1:11:59

for COVID. We can't go live

1:12:01

on that. Just do it. COVID

1:12:04

are just basically the same.

1:12:06

Just do it. Is that

1:12:08

medically true? My body... Because

1:12:10

you yourself said three is

1:12:13

rare in a living person, which implies that my immune

1:12:15

system will barely be able to fight off all three.

1:12:17

Rare, but not a record. Go for

1:12:19

the record. Do you want to go

1:12:21

for the record? It would be like a record. What

1:12:24

would it mean to hold the record? You

1:12:28

would be in some medical journals perhaps?

1:12:32

We would talk about you for the rest

1:12:34

of our careers here in this

1:12:36

office. I think the

1:12:38

Guinness book of world's record. I'm

1:12:40

listening. I am listening. You probably

1:12:43

get half price Peking

1:12:45

duck for the rest of your life. Okay.

1:12:48

I'm listening for sure.

1:12:51

I do worry. Here's

1:12:53

my first thought. The doctor, you tell me that

1:12:55

the COVID won't infect me for a few days.

1:12:57

What if the flu or something goes away in

1:12:59

the meantime? Um,

1:13:02

that is a concern. I can hook

1:13:04

you up with a staff infection real

1:13:06

easy. I

1:13:10

could give you crabs right now. No,

1:13:12

you know what? This is, I'm

1:13:14

sorry. I think the pop and circumstance

1:13:16

got me all riled up. I

1:13:20

feel like fucking shit. All

1:13:23

I want is to not be sick anymore. I want

1:13:25

to just be cured of these three things. All

1:13:28

three of them? Yeah. Go

1:13:32

down to zero. Nothing.

1:13:35

It's really that rare.

1:13:38

I mean, I feel like people, you know, especially

1:13:40

maybe people near the end of their lives or

1:13:42

immune systems, weaker or something, they get multiple things.

1:13:44

Don't they? It's that rare.

1:13:46

Nah, it's usually one or two. Yeah.

1:13:49

Yeah. It's usually one or two. I

1:13:52

can tell you, the Guinness Book of World Records no

1:13:54

longer does like dangerous records

1:13:57

or irresponsible records. There

1:14:01

is a dark Guinness Book of World Records.

1:14:03

There's an underground Guinness Book. If

1:14:06

you got five simultaneous

1:14:09

viral or bacterial infections, we

1:14:12

could get in touch with those guys. Dr.

1:14:14

Doctor, it so happens on the fourth floor right now,

1:14:17

a member of the dark Guinness

1:14:19

Book of World Records here is for a world

1:14:21

record tumor. What

1:14:23

is he here for? A world record sized

1:14:25

brain tumor. They

1:14:29

could come up here and, I

1:14:31

don't know, they could, we gotta do this. We

1:14:34

gotta get you infected with everything

1:14:36

we got. Of course. You

1:14:39

gotta kiss everybody. Let

1:14:41

me just ask you, I mean, clearly it's interesting

1:14:44

here to you guys, does the Guinness Book of

1:14:46

World Records matter to anybody like it did in

1:14:48

like 1998? I

1:14:50

feel like everybody we remember from it is from that

1:14:52

era and now you just have forgotten the history of

1:14:54

your head. I used to say that about 76 my

1:14:56

friend. Yeah, it comes back.

1:14:59

It's definitely coming back. I mean the reason it's less

1:15:01

popular now is that you can't get in there for

1:15:03

cramming a bunch

1:15:08

of cigarettes into your mouth or putting on a...

1:15:11

Or having a fat twin on a motorcycle.

1:15:16

That's why the dark Guinness Book is really

1:15:18

popular. People don't talk about it, but it's

1:15:20

really popular. Okay, was the motorcycle part of

1:15:22

the record or was that just how they

1:15:24

got around? And seeing

1:15:26

you on... That's

1:15:30

funny, that is true what you just

1:15:32

said isn't it, Andy? Yeah, they don't

1:15:34

do the irresponsible ones anymore. That's hilarious.

1:15:37

Because that means they had to go through... They

1:15:39

had to send all this records.

1:15:43

I think particularly that image of a guy

1:15:45

with hundreds of cigarettes cramping into his mouth

1:15:47

and smoking all at once was like, guys,

1:15:49

we can't do this anymore. It's

1:15:53

just got to be huge gumballs from now on. Did

1:15:56

someone try to do... also besides unhealthy

1:15:58

like... They

1:16:01

died trying to do something like taking the most

1:16:04

voltage or something like that. Oh

1:16:06

yeah. Falling off the biggest

1:16:08

flagpole. Getting struck by lightning. Yeah somebody had

1:16:11

like a close call and they were like

1:16:13

alright we see the writing on the wall

1:16:15

here before you start dying. It's

1:16:18

also like. How could people have died trying to get in the

1:16:20

Guinness Book? Cause if evil, can evil get

1:16:22

in there for jumping over lots of cars on a

1:16:25

motorcycle, people have tried things like that and

1:16:27

failed. Sure. It's

1:16:29

funny you said 98 cause I do believe

1:16:31

1976 was

1:16:34

a big Guinness Book that

1:16:36

my generation was into. Now

1:16:38

you're saying 98 was in. Really?

1:16:40

Mmhmm. That's funny. I

1:16:42

wonder why. We had one in the house that

1:16:45

was probably like in that era of my life, like

1:16:47

late-handies. We got one a few years

1:16:49

ago. It's still entertaining.

1:16:52

It's taking on a little bit, it's a little

1:16:54

more educational. Like there's stuff in there about the

1:16:56

whatever, more stuff about the fastest

1:16:58

animal and stuff like that. Mmm. That's

1:17:01

dangerous. That's boring. You've

1:17:04

been boring. I

1:17:06

want the most bottle caps you can fit in

1:17:08

your mouth. Come

1:17:12

on. Unnecessary surgeries. I

1:17:17

know both these guys have some good

1:17:20

stuff to plug. Let's start this man-dog

1:17:22

pod guy. Oh

1:17:24

yeah, check out the man-dog pod if

1:17:26

you like Improving Conversation Podcasts. Me and

1:17:28

Ryan Rosenberg. And go

1:17:30

to biggrande website.com if you

1:17:32

want everything made by the

1:17:34

comedy group Big Grande. And

1:17:37

then I'm, depending

1:17:39

on when this comes out, I'll be

1:17:41

in San Francisco for Sketchfest on the

1:17:43

last weekend of January with the Dub-a-Dub-Dub

1:17:45

show. Live dubbing old

1:17:48

movies. Great

1:17:51

plug. Mr. Daily, I'm

1:17:53

going to be on your podcast. Yes.

1:17:55

Tomorrow we're recording The Bananas for

1:17:57

Bonanza, which is on the Andy.

1:18:00

daily podcast

1:18:02

Patreon. You

1:18:05

can go to patreon.com/Andy Daley. Find it

1:18:07

there. I can't wait

1:18:09

to do that. And I can't

1:18:11

wait to have humans. But

1:18:13

Mars in this 2024 year of

1:18:16

ours, check out improv4humans.com

1:18:18

and everything we have available on

1:18:20

there. And it's not

1:18:22

just ad free improv4humans. We are putting

1:18:24

out a bunch of content. Much

1:18:27

a bunch. And a lot of

1:18:29

it has to do with digging

1:18:31

into comedy further. Whether it

1:18:33

be the how to's of

1:18:36

improv or our greatest

1:18:38

comedy of all time show. We're

1:18:41

about to do one where we get into a

1:18:43

lot of guys died over the holidays. Norman

1:18:46

Lear. Tommy Smothers.

1:18:48

Checkee Green. I'd like to

1:18:51

talk about all those guys. I'm a huge

1:18:53

Tommy Smothers fan. Norman

1:18:55

Lear. What was he 101? Unbelievable.

1:18:59

All right. humans. You're a good

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