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4:05

Human, you are entering an improvised

4:08

comedy show restricted to humans only.

4:11

Improv for humans with Matt Becca.

4:14

Based on your suggestions and other

4:16

sources of explanation, Matt and guests

4:19

will perform fully improvised scenes. Today's

4:21

episode features human guests. So

4:25

hi, Neil Casey. All

4:29

right, guests. Welcome

4:32

to Improv for humans with

4:34

Matt Besser. That is me. Fred,

4:37

keep this going. How

4:41

could we have not used Mr. Newman,

4:43

Mr. Gary Newman before? Hello

4:46

Neil. Hello Will. Hello Matt.

4:48

Hello Newman. Hello

4:50

Newman. I'll

4:54

retell this story and maybe do

4:56

a scene just right off of

4:58

it. So I'm in Santa Fe.

5:00

Why am I there? I'm

5:04

in Santa Fe a lot because my parents used to live there.

5:07

This is as an adult and

5:09

not so long ago, probably 10 years ago. And

5:13

I'm at this barbecue place. I think

5:15

it's called the cowgirl. They

5:21

have a karaoke night where they take it.

5:24

It's a rather small place, maybe 30 tables.

5:30

And for karaoke night, they probably removed like

5:32

two tables in a corner and set up

5:34

a mic. So one day

5:36

we're eating

5:39

there and just

5:41

all of a sudden they start doing this process.

5:43

And we didn't know there was karaoke night. So

5:47

we're basically the table that ends up just basically

5:49

next to the mic. Just

5:51

imagine being in a restaurant in Austin. Karaoke

5:55

night transforms around you and

5:57

you're in the front row. And

6:00

I was like, all right, whatever, this will be interesting.

6:06

And I forgot what the first

6:08

two people sang, something typical. But

6:11

then this third guy got up, you

6:13

know, he's dressed in all black. And

6:16

instead of using one of the karaoke tracks that

6:18

comes along with the lyrics, you can see on

6:21

the screen, he put, he

6:23

is, I've never seen this, maybe this

6:26

is something that's done at karaoke nights,

6:28

but he puts his own CD, just

6:30

a regular CD in. And

6:33

he's just going to sing over Gary Newman. Have

6:35

you guys seen that before? Is that a thing?

6:38

No, I don't think so. So

6:41

because it wasn't, it was like

6:43

this new, well, I'm spoiling my

6:46

story. So he goes, I'm gonna,

6:49

basically the song wasn't on the karaoke

6:51

machine. He's like, I'm gonna sing

6:53

a Gary Newman song. And

6:56

I went, all right, in

6:58

cars. I'm

7:04

front row and I think I'm supporting this

7:07

guy. And he goes,

7:09

no, not in cars. It's

7:13

one of the new Gary Newman songs.

7:16

Because he's still going, he's still

7:18

cranking it out. And

7:21

then he sang over a Gary Newman

7:23

track. Hey, Hillary. Hi, you guys.

7:26

Sorry about that. No problem. We're

7:28

in the show right now. Welcome

7:30

Hillary. Special guest. I

7:33

billed you as a special surprise

7:35

guest. Wow. Hope no

7:37

one's disappointed. At

7:40

all. And

7:42

I just told a story about going

7:44

to a karaoke night, or

7:48

becoming part of a karaoke night at

7:51

a restaurant and thinking I'm supporting a

7:53

guy. And

7:55

I yell a song by Gary Newman, his

7:58

classic song, within this guy just. sings

8:00

over a CD track of a

8:02

newer song which

8:06

was rather distracting. But let's do a scene

8:08

on that. Excuse

8:14

me, waiter? Waiter?

8:17

Yes. Could you, I've got a Tupperware

8:19

container here. Could you take this in the back

8:21

kitchen and heat it up? This

8:24

is the food I would like to eat here tonight. This

8:27

is your own food you brought? This is the food I

8:29

brought here. This is a brand new recipe. Rice

8:32

and I see rice in there. Well, it's more

8:34

that there's a lot more going on in there

8:36

than just rice. There's rice, there's beans and there's

8:38

mainly rice. There's a lot of rice but there's

8:40

a lot of flavor. You know what? Just take

8:42

it back there. This is

8:44

so new that you really wouldn't

8:47

get it. Rice and beans

8:49

is the old dish. I'm

8:51

really not supposed to do this. Again,

8:54

you already bought a cocktail. It's

8:56

not about the money thing. I bought a cocktail

8:58

and I will pay you for the equivalent meal

9:01

but this is what I want to eat. It's

9:03

the health department thing, you know? Well,

9:06

I'm going to eat it, right? So I'm liable for whatever.

9:08

I'm not asking you to get it. Yeah, but once it

9:10

goes in our kitchen, then we're liable. Once it goes in

9:12

our kitchen, then we're actually liable. Well, you're a lot. No

9:15

matter how novel a recipe it is. Not just

9:17

novel. Good.

9:22

It's frowned upon. You know,

9:24

there's a lot of different types of— Who's frowning?

9:26

Don't use the passive voice. Are you

9:29

imposing your authority on me? I'm not

9:31

frowning. I'm— You're in favor of it?

9:33

Then just do it. Hey pal, I'll tip

9:35

you 30%, all right? I

9:38

run a junkyard. Do you know how much money I make? You

9:40

run the junkyard? So later after the 30%

9:42

tip, he is out there with his own

9:45

meal and the next day. Honey,

9:47

what's that guy eating right there? Sir?

9:50

I'm sorry. Do you know what it is? Is it

9:52

on the menu? Is that on— Where

9:55

is that on the menu? It smells good. It's

9:57

brand new. You wouldn't know it.

9:59

You wouldn't know it. It's a new rice

10:01

and beans recipe. Oh,

10:05

where is it on the menu? Yeah, and

10:07

what's new about the standard? Sage.

10:09

Have you heard of the spice sage?

10:12

I have. Yeah, well, this is loaded with

10:14

sage. Most

10:17

people are scared to put sage in their rice, but

10:19

the chef that I work with, who

10:23

a lot of people had written off, he's

10:25

still going strong. And

10:28

this is a new recipe. The guy here, the

10:30

guy here, like Sage. I

10:34

don't mean to be a wet blanket, but isn't

10:36

this a health code violation sometimes? What

10:38

is it for to hear? A lawyer? Are we near a

10:40

law school or something like that? What's going on? I

10:43

don't know if it's a healthcare violation. Hey,

10:45

I got some news for you. We all

10:47

jaywalk. We break laws that we don't think

10:49

are just. I never

10:51

jaywalk. You've never jaywalked? Oh,

10:54

no. Okay. Well, you don't ever break some

10:58

minor small laws that just happen

11:00

to be silly in

11:02

the situation which technically they're being

11:04

enforced. Yeah, I guess I

11:06

do that sometimes. Okay, all right. So

11:09

maybe it's a health code violation. I'm only giving it

11:11

to myself. So I'm like, you know what? But take

11:13

a bite of it. That's

11:16

definitely a health code violation. With your own spoon, just from

11:18

this side of the dish. Okay.

11:20

If it's from that side with my own spoon, do

11:22

you want some of my spoon that I'm getting, honey?

11:26

Okay, here you go. And

11:29

can I put in some entrees for you guys?

11:32

We'll have some of that, what he's

11:35

having, the sage rice. Sage

11:38

beans. Sage beans. Mm-hmm.

11:40

This is my microwave to the back as

11:42

a one-time favor for this guy. Just let

11:44

me back in your kitchen. I'll take over.

11:48

Our chef's not going to appreciate that. Well, I

11:50

just think you need an expert to

11:52

be curating what you're offering. Did you hear the

11:54

specials? We've got good stuff. I

11:56

heard them. No, yes, yes. And

11:58

we love... duck confit because

12:01

we hate ducks but please can you

12:03

do it by the way yeah there

12:05

just give it a rest duck maybe

12:08

throw the ducks in the trash and get of

12:10

us this stuff I'm

12:12

not gonna do I'm not gonna go back and tell

12:14

the chef that instead of cooking the duck legs in

12:16

its own fat that he should throw in

12:19

the trash and slam a bunch of sage and rice

12:21

I'm not gonna do that he's had a rough week

12:23

what is this we cut back to the

12:25

kitchen what is this what's that

12:28

I'm somebody else what is this they

12:30

don't want any of the specials they

12:32

don't want any

12:34

of the special you told them to tell

12:37

them the special the duck come tell them I

12:39

slice the ducks neck tell them I slice the

12:41

ducks neck they don't like the duck they would

12:43

be happy to hear that they don't want the

12:45

duck they want it in the trash crew over

12:47

the duck they want you to

12:49

make a dish that's mostly rice a

12:51

few beans and it just an insane

12:53

amount of sage no that's it's

12:55

that's crazy I never

12:58

I'm very moderate with sage that

13:00

is the dogma of good cooking

13:03

moderate sage sage

13:05

in moderation don't put any culinary

13:07

school will teach that back at

13:10

the table okay okay I get

13:12

that look can

13:14

we just come back in the kitchen

13:17

see if you ducks getting killed and we'll

13:19

take the rice the way the chef wants

13:21

to make it we don't need all the

13:23

sage we just really came here for

13:26

dead duck a duck

13:29

sign most of the

13:31

ducks that I know are dead he might have

13:33

one more he can kill in front of you

13:35

know just just cards

13:38

on the table I have other tables

13:40

okay good what they say

13:45

I want to watch I'm not doing any other

13:47

orders until this is resolved what are they wish

13:49

you would I wish you would kiss table 14

13:52

they asked for the protein I don't

13:54

care about anybody besides me winning this

13:56

interaction they want to watch you slice

13:58

the duck snack they don't eat the

14:00

duck and then they want to come in and cook rice

14:02

in your kitchen. As

14:05

long as I don't have to break my

14:07

personal... This is fine with you. I'd love to be

14:09

out of it. I'd love to just come back. Okay.

14:12

No, but you're in this. You bring him in. You stay here. You

14:15

stay here. You're a witness.

14:17

I'm going to go out and talk to them. Excuse me.

14:19

I'll be here. I'm not doing anything. The

14:23

chef says you can come back and watch

14:26

him kill a duck and everything

14:29

else you want to do. I'm going to go talk to

14:31

my other tables if that's all right with everybody. This

14:33

is fantastic. Welcome

14:36

in. You guys. You guys. You want to see the

14:38

duck killed? Yeah. That's what you want? Yeah. Yes,

14:40

we'd love that. Nobody kills a duck

14:43

like me. Nobody. You hate ducks? Yeah,

14:45

we love them. We really do. They shit all over

14:47

a park mirror. Most of the ducks here are dead.

14:50

But you see this one here? I

14:52

got one line. See this guy? Oh, look at that

14:54

fucker. Look at this

14:57

asshole. Look at this smug guy. Every...

14:59

think about it. Every cartoon duck... I got

15:01

a little white band around my neck. Yeah,

15:03

I can walk on land and float in the water

15:05

with my butt. I like to migrate

15:08

and my dick is a corkscrew. Whatever. Listen.

15:10

That's right. That's true. Yeah. Okay,

15:13

but I got to tell you, out of respect, I

15:15

make it a fair fight and I have to box

15:18

him to death. It's

15:20

not fair for me just to use a knife or

15:23

a weapon that he doesn't have available

15:25

to him, so I beat him with

15:27

my body. All these ducks, I killed

15:29

in one-on-one combat. How are we doing

15:31

on that poutine? We're behind. We're

15:34

behind. We haven't started. I've

15:36

started the poutine. All right, I'll tell them a

15:38

couple more minutes. They're gonna sleep

15:40

a lot tonight after they eat it. They got time.

15:43

We agreed on slicing the ducks

15:45

neck. At the end. I think

15:47

the wife and I were looking

15:49

forward to seeing the blood. You'll

15:51

see it. Okay. I'm going to humiliate

15:54

the duck in one-on-one combat

15:56

and then as a killing stroke like

15:58

a gladiator, I will slice It's

16:00

the road for you the Emperor the

16:02

customer pleasure Okay,

16:05

come here Wow,

16:09

oh god, this one's feisty. I come on

16:11

you okay. No, yes, I've got you're bleeding.

16:13

Oh Got your

16:15

eye. Oh Okay,

16:18

got your eyeball Cut

16:21

to the hospital Hey,

16:24

have you have you found the

16:26

eyeball? Has the

16:29

eyeball been located? No,

16:34

we haven't we haven't found the eyeball of

16:36

the man you brought in you Yes

16:40

chef you brought in yes No,

16:43

we haven't found the eyeball We

16:47

got to the cleaning crew have been

16:49

looking for the eyeball for

16:52

five hours Boston's

16:54

I don't understand how this is part of our job This

16:58

isn't part of our job. I thought we're just supposed to

17:00

clean up not look we can clean up the blood We're

17:02

not supposed to locate any body

17:04

parts. I found a marble

17:08

An old salt shaker I come

17:10

on marble might clean we got to go We

17:15

really need you to look for the chef's eyeball why

17:17

I Just

17:19

we just need it if it's an

17:22

eyeball can survive outside of the human body for up

17:24

to a day and a half So

17:26

if there's any chance we can find it rolling around

17:28

anywhere on the ground we need to We

17:30

cut the next week. We cut the next

17:32

week back in the kitchen the chef with

17:34

one eyeballs back at work Hey waiter come

17:36

here. Yeah, come here. Listen, you

17:39

know, I have no depth perception anymore cuz I

17:41

want I do Yeah, we talked about it. Look

17:43

at this dish. Tell me yeah,

17:45

is it arranged correctly? I

17:48

mean can't see front to back You're

17:51

worried about that it's to that it's there's

17:53

something oddly deep about From

17:56

like his own the z-axis if you're afraid

17:59

it looks bad I'm afraid it looks

18:01

fine to me. You know, you could just kind of

18:03

bend your head down and look at it from the

18:05

side. I can't do that. And look at it up

18:07

and down. Well, you could. I

18:09

don't know how to do it. Well, you're going to

18:11

have to. We can do an hour later and that

18:13

same waiter's being called over to a table. Excuse me,

18:15

waiter. Yes. I

18:17

was eating my pea

18:20

soup. And

18:22

there's an eyeball in my soup.

18:24

There is. Okay.

18:29

Stay here. I didn't

18:31

order eyeball in my soup. I'm sure

18:33

you didn't. This is a long

18:35

story, but the chef, it's the chef's eyeball. Well,

18:37

I hope it's the one he lost. I'll

18:40

check with him. If hopefully

18:42

he's still got one eye in his head. It

18:44

better be the one he lost if it's one of

18:46

them. But I

18:48

didn't order this. I'm going

18:50

to get you, believe me, I'm going to

18:52

get you a fresh pea soup. No

18:55

problem. I'm very grateful that you found it without

18:57

chewing on it or popping it. Because again, especially

18:59

in a way. I had it in my mouth

19:01

and I spit it back out, but I never

19:04

brought my teeth down on it. You didn't crunch it.

19:06

You didn't pop it like a grape. No.

19:09

Especially. I thought it was a cherry tomato

19:11

at first. That makes perfect sense to me.

19:13

In pea soup. Well, either way.

19:16

I thought it was a giant pea and I

19:18

was like, no, peas aren't this big.

19:20

Maybe it's a cherry tomato. And I said,

19:23

no, it's an eyeball. Or a chickpea. It

19:26

would be a big chickpea. It

19:28

would be the size of a big. Excuse me, Justin. I

19:31

don't want to. I'm going to get this back

19:33

to its owner. Mishef

19:35

is raging in the kitchen. He talked

19:37

about all the depth. I

19:39

can't do anything. Everything's missing

19:42

the plate. Yes. Yes.

19:45

I got good news for you. Oh, is that?

19:47

Here's what you. Pop it in. Right

19:49

back in? Yeah. I don't think

19:51

that's how it works. The doctors were pretty

19:53

clear to bring it back to the hospital,

19:56

I think. Let's just try it real quick.

19:58

You don't know. I don't want. to. Are

20:01

you a... Hi. I have so

20:03

many tables. Sorry to interrupt. I'm from the health

20:05

department. Yeah,

20:10

I saw that whole little display

20:12

with the soup and the old

20:14

woman's eyeball getting all mixed up

20:16

in it. I

20:19

have to say, I

20:21

heard that there were microwaved sage

20:23

rice beans last week and we're going

20:25

to have to downgrade you for that. What?

20:36

You want one suggestion from

20:38

Discord? Right now,

20:40

I'm going to go to one word suggestion.

20:44

I'm going to give you guys three words to pick

20:47

one of them. Ticks. Got

20:50

a tick story. A

20:52

shucker story. That's

20:55

a salesperson. Or

20:57

perturb all my stories.

21:01

Concern, perturb. What's

21:04

the tick? Go for it. Did

21:07

you say you had a tick one? I got a

21:09

shucker one. Oh, no. Please go

21:11

for the ticker. I was racking my brain. I'll

21:13

tell you a story, but I got to warn you that my life

21:16

is boring. But shucker reminds

21:18

me of corn, like

21:20

shucking corn. And

21:23

that makes me think of corn mazes where

21:25

people will – oh,

21:27

but this was like the corn came up

21:29

to like your torso. You could see over

21:32

the whole thing. It wasn't even

21:34

as big as like

21:36

half a tennis court. Maybe it was like half a tennis

21:39

court. And you just – it was

21:41

almost like a deck of – you walked through like

21:43

a – took you like 30 seconds.

21:47

And I – we had driven like 45 minutes from – Oh,

21:49

no. I felt so

21:52

stupid. And then we're just there

21:54

in a corner. It was supposed to be for – and everybody else

21:56

there was a kid. It was

21:58

just like local kids with cocks. That's the best

22:01

detail how far you drove, how psyched you were

22:03

to see it. When you

22:05

were walking up to it, could you tell perspective

22:07

while you were how short it was? I

22:10

hope that's – is that it? And then I was too

22:12

embarrassed. There was a friend of mine

22:14

on my dorm floor who I didn't know that well. Like

22:16

we had sort of just bonded

22:19

over like REM or something like that. And

22:22

I was like, oh, this is a

22:24

cool thing. We got to go try.

22:26

And I just was convinced

22:29

it would be something it wasn't. Even the

22:31

farmers or the person running it was like

22:33

embarrassed on my behalf. Everyone

22:35

else was kids in costumes. And

22:37

we were just too – So we

22:40

cut to this maze and for kids,

22:43

it's meant for the corn

22:46

is tall. They can't see above.

22:48

So it's perfect. It's awesome. They

22:50

are lost. And

22:52

Will, his roommate's gone

22:54

back to the car because he's

22:57

frustrated. And Will, there's

22:59

an adult right there. Mr.?

23:02

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

23:05

We're a little scared. Uh-huh. And

23:07

we were wondering if we could have your help. Yeah. Yeah,

23:10

I'd be happy to. Okay. There

23:12

is a bully chasing

23:14

us. Wait, right. Actually,

23:16

yeah. Through this maze. Actually,

23:18

he was chasing us before and we escaped into

23:20

the maze hoping we could lose him here. But

23:23

now I heard him. Okay. I see him. I

23:26

can see him. I see him. Help us.

23:29

Where are you? Come out. Come

23:31

out wherever you are. He's

23:36

wearing an all denim, like

23:38

a denim jacket, tight jeans. Yeah.

23:41

Two packs of cigarettes. How old are you kids? Uh,

23:44

10. You know, just like

23:46

it says on the sign for it to be in

23:48

the maze. Oh, yeah. Didn't

23:50

see that sign. Yeah. I'm nine

23:52

and a half. Next year, we

23:54

won't be able to do the maze. A lot

23:56

of 10-year-olds from around the county

23:58

really get excited. about this maze

24:01

because next year you're too tall for it

24:03

can't come anymore this bully looks pretty tough

24:05

he's like punching the walls of the maze

24:07

and stuff like oh he

24:10

keeps taking us into the dead-end corners and

24:12

shoving us into the husks yeah he said

24:14

he was gonna shuck

24:16

our hair from our skulls

24:19

hey you guys done asking this

24:21

grown-up for help because I can see it a

24:23

whole time the corn maze only

24:25

comes up three feet I'm just saying come out

24:27

come out wherever you are because it's kind of

24:30

a classic bully thing help

24:33

us help us sir I

24:35

don't know if I'm supposed to be involved you know

24:38

this is like a right you're clearly not

24:40

supposed to go here at all there's a

24:42

sign at the entrance and the exit that

24:45

says ten years old I or

24:48

below I got not supposed to be in

24:50

here and I'm not so you work here

24:52

you're a hero though you could be a

24:55

hero make up redeem yourself I

24:57

don't even know what I I don't know what I want to be

24:59

when I'm your age I don't want to be going

25:01

to college parties or

25:04

tailgating with football games

25:06

concerts or stand-up comedy shows

25:08

yeah I don't want to be out on a

25:10

date I'd rather be with a some

25:13

losers that I barely know you don't want

25:16

to yeah you don't want to be me

25:18

trust me you guys should aim higher like

25:20

a lot higher but redeem

25:22

yourself this

25:24

bully I'm not gonna beat up

25:26

the bully but I'll write enough talk and

25:28

you're gonna be all right how'd

25:31

you find us grown up he's

25:33

got me by my collar oh

25:35

hey hey all

25:37

right I'm getting in between you guys

25:39

with oh what's your name bully Travis

25:44

K huh Travis

25:47

my last name is Kostanowitz there's

25:49

another Travis in my class so

25:51

I go by Travis K Travis

25:54

K all right great

25:56

well my name is Todd Isaacson

26:00

Lame. No, it's not lame

26:02

actually. It's a very good name. I'm from

26:04

a big family in Minnesota. Listen.

26:08

What Travis? I

26:11

was just going to say, I got a rough

26:13

whole life. So that's

26:16

the difference between you and me. You have a big

26:18

family and I have

26:20

a mean one. My

26:23

family is pretty rough. Okay. I've had my

26:25

trials and tribulations. Now listen, I'm not going

26:27

to beat you up. Still doesn't excuse being

26:29

in the maze. Well,

26:31

I'm sorry. I just, I blew by the

26:34

signs. I didn't look at the signs. They're

26:36

big signs. I guess they're big.

26:38

The signs are higher than the maze itself. The maze

26:40

should be made out of signs instead of corn. I

26:42

was so focused on the maze, I hope once I

26:45

got into it, it would keep going and get bigger.

26:48

But it didn't. That was silly. Well, now you're

26:50

here, so you got to play by 10-year-old rules. What

26:53

do you mean? I got to actually fight?

26:57

Yeah. Fight them. He's got to be

26:59

my cocks. Travis,

27:01

Travis, I'm grabbing your arms. Don't do

27:03

it yet. You're quite strong, Travis. Good.

27:06

And he's good to me. So they actually

27:08

start fighting and the other two kids get

27:10

it all with their phones, the video. Take

27:13

that, Travis K. Take that.

27:15

Todd Isaacson says, pow. Right

27:19

in the stomach. That's where it hurts,

27:21

pal. You think you got to go for the

27:23

face because the cartoon is what you get in the stomach. That's

27:27

the wind out of you. At

27:29

class on Monday, this video

27:31

has become viral. There

27:33

he is. That's the

27:36

guy who beat up the 10-year-old at the

27:38

10-year-old maze. It's not just for

27:40

10-year-olds. It's 10 and below. So there were

27:42

six-year-olds there. I invited him to

27:44

the REM culture. He didn't want to go. Whoa.

27:50

He has something better to do? Yeah.

27:53

Hey. Yeah. Why'd

27:55

you beat up those 10-year-olds? I didn't

27:57

mean to. I

28:00

well they needed to be saved they needed a

28:02

hero I didn't

28:05

finish the maze no

28:08

I couldn't figure it out so you got like

28:10

10 feet into the maze and he kicked the

28:12

shit out of the kid you left I guess

28:14

I just went back the way I came in

28:16

or you tall enough to save the yes

28:19

where the maze I got

28:21

I could I kept I would see

28:23

it and then when I would start to walk it

28:25

I would go the wrong way what was your costume

28:28

I didn't have a costume I didn't

28:31

have a costume I was wearing my

28:33

bloom County anxiety closet t-shirt that

28:38

does sound scary it was not

28:40

a costume it's just a piece of merch

28:42

I have I'm a big fan of the

28:44

bloom County comic strip listen that's what's scary

28:46

we go beat up townies at the car

28:48

wash every Friday if you

28:50

want to join us but their people our

28:53

age were beaten up not ten-year-old I'll go

28:55

with you because I like hanging out with

28:57

people but I'm not gonna get into it

28:59

a fight I

29:05

won't get lost in the car wash all

29:08

the pros are getting there getting ready to

29:10

go pick some fights so we get the

29:12

same college guys we go to beat up

29:14

the townies well they

29:16

can they come here to beat us up

29:19

to aren't we supposed okay we're beating up the

29:21

town we're just going into town and beating up the

29:23

people who didn't go to college yeah

29:26

it's not like the terminus come into college to beat

29:28

us up there we got a half way at the

29:30

car was well I don't need to get into a

29:32

fight okay I've had my I'm just gonna enjoy this

29:34

car wash enjoy the company

29:36

of my new friends you guys it's

29:40

like going to a bowling party and not bowling is that

29:42

what you're saying kind of I mean sometimes you just sometimes

29:44

you go to things just for the hang beep

29:47

beep do you guys get

29:49

out of the way the entrance to the

29:51

car wash what do you guys think of

29:53

this dog what do you think of it pretty good

29:55

right Man,

30:00

this makes me not want to fight. Turn

30:03

it off! Jangly, right? Ah,

30:08

this makes me want to dance. That's

30:12

Mike Mills right there. Kate

30:15

Pearson. This is Grawl Grace Singers. Let's

30:28

talk some more about that. I

30:31

don't want to brag, but I have been to a pumpkin patch

30:34

within the last two years. And

30:37

so I know about the most recent horn

30:39

innovations. And it

30:41

is like a giant hit made

30:43

out of with a hay

30:46

bale perimeter. And it's like a ball

30:48

pit, but it's dried kernels of corn.

30:52

And it was filled with children just kind

30:54

of like, Blifting

30:56

out with the tactile sensation

30:58

of... It seems

31:00

like it was like a kind of a

31:02

catnip to them. Like it seemed awesome. That

31:05

does seem awesome. Yeah. I'm not sure

31:07

how to get in it, but that seems awesome. So

31:11

they're just swimming around like a... How

31:13

deep does it go? Like a ball pit. Like

31:15

neck deep. Yeah. They were

31:17

like fully laying in it, like sand

31:19

at the beach and kind

31:21

of submerging themselves and like, you

31:24

know, like draining

31:26

it from their fingers and just

31:28

like they were sedated. Out

31:32

in the country they call... Come

31:34

on up here. This

31:36

is a new city girl. What's

31:38

your name again? Katrina.

31:42

Katrina come on up to the top. This

31:45

is Katrina. She's never gone

31:47

silo jumping before. No,

31:52

I haven't. If you're going to

31:54

have a great time, Katrina, maybe

31:56

I'll feel like ASMR

31:58

for you. Oh, sorry.

32:00

Sorry. The

32:04

way that you guys are saying my name and all this things and

32:06

like it's menacing, but it's not, right? Oh,

32:10

it's just a country welcome. We're trying

32:12

to relate to you with unique sensory

32:14

experiences that you people in the city

32:16

seem to enjoy. Oh, thanks. That's so nice

32:19

of you. So this is like ASMR

32:21

you said? ASMR. Well,

32:24

you get off on it. No,

32:28

an essential way in a sense sense way.

32:32

Sense sense. Sense way. But

32:35

anyway, what we're going to do appear to whoa. Okay.

32:38

We were just jumped down in there into the corn

32:41

silo, right? Don't get too

32:43

deep. You don't

32:45

slide out the bottom having experienced

32:48

a sort of blissful pieces, peace

32:51

experience as you're sliding

32:53

through the silo. And then you'll come out

32:55

at the bottom by the hogs. Okay.

32:58

I like the silo shitting you out,

33:00

but you get the experience going

33:02

through all the corn kernels.

33:05

I didn't realize that this is what you

33:07

guys were getting up to out in the country. Course

33:10

city girl. That's why people come out to

33:12

see what we're up to. More

33:14

like getting down to, the old gravity will take

33:16

you down there, but don't stick in the middle.

33:18

Like I said, sometimes you'll get

33:20

into that corn, corn

33:23

bliss. You don't want to come out, but you

33:25

got to keep moving, keep moving down towards the

33:27

hog trough. You want me to go first? You

33:29

want me to give it a shot? See how

33:31

it's done? No one does it better. Okay. Here

33:34

I go. All right. I'll pop out

33:36

down by the hogs at about 30, 35 minutes. Oh

33:39

my God. That's

33:41

so long. Here it

33:44

out. Wait. You

33:47

seem to be able to hold his breath for that long.

33:51

Well, you do take it in just the corn

33:54

kernel dust is what gives you the high, but

33:56

yeah, you want to take a big. oxygen

34:00

right before you go under the kernels. Right on.

34:02

It will take, since you're a

34:04

newbie, it might take you longer than 35 minutes. Yeah,

34:07

but kind of remind you, I'm like

34:09

a really hip city kid, so we've

34:12

been doing drugs since we were like

34:14

12. Yeah. So

34:16

I think I can handle a little corn dust. All

34:19

right. You're next.

34:22

Okay, here I go. Oh,

34:26

look at all the stuff. She

34:28

slides down the silo into the

34:31

corn deep right into the center.

34:33

She's overwhelmed by a sense of

34:35

bliss and comfort, and she's lulled.

34:38

And suddenly a spirit animal appears

34:41

to her. A hog. She

34:44

has a vision of a hog who approaches.

34:46

Hello, Katrina. Hello,

34:49

hog. Please call

34:52

me Zephyridi. Okay,

34:55

Zephyridi. I'm an ancient

34:57

hog. Call me Katrina. What is it again?

35:00

Katrina. Katrina? Yes.

35:03

Where's the accent?

35:05

I've never seen that

35:07

before. What's syllable? Katrina?

35:09

Katrina. Katrina. Okay,

35:12

in the middle. Well,

35:14

I'm an ancient spirit here to

35:16

guide you. You're

35:19

on a quest, Katrina. Yes. We

35:22

quickly cut to the bottom of the silo

35:24

at the hog trough. It's been two hours.

35:27

She's been in there too long. What

35:30

the fuck? She's

35:32

been caught in the middle. We cut back. And

35:36

you see, that's why your mother was never really

35:38

mad at you, but at

35:40

society. I

35:42

can finally forget her. Now

35:44

take this sword and slay your

35:46

older self. Wow.

35:50

Okay. Here's

35:52

your older self, a

35:54

manifestation of your older self. Stab

35:57

her. Wow, it's like me, but in hog.

36:00

hog for. Yes,

36:02

this is a hog version of yourself.

36:04

Stab it. Zephyridi commends

36:06

it. And as she starts

36:08

to stab herself and fight with herself,

36:12

the good old boys have jumped back into

36:14

the silo and they have rooted

36:16

around in the corn and grabbed her and they're

36:18

trying to bring her down. Come on girl. The

36:20

hog got in. The hog

36:23

got into the silo. Trying to

36:25

trick you, confuse

36:29

you. Come on.

36:32

Back to her dream. She's

36:35

struggling to win the fight against her

36:38

old self. You're being pulled away. Keep

36:40

killing yourself. Zephyridi, help me. I

36:42

can't. I can't. They

36:45

think I'm devious. They don't

36:47

trust me. Keep

36:49

fighting. You're being pulled away. Slop

36:52

time. I gotta go.

36:54

I gotta go to Slop to be had. I

36:56

gotta go. I gotta go. Katrina. And

36:58

we cut to the bottom of the

37:00

hog trough and she lands

37:02

down in it. Down in

37:05

the mud. It's been four hours.

37:07

She's been in there nuts. She's whacked

37:09

out of her mind. Katrina,

37:11

can you hear us? Katrina. Yes.

37:14

Yes. Yeah. It

37:17

wasn't supposed to be a spiritual sort of thing. It

37:19

really just felt like kind of nice rubbing. Oh,

37:23

that's not what I. That's not what I had.

37:27

The hog got in there. Right.

37:30

A hog spirit named Zephyris made

37:33

me stab my former self and explains

37:35

me about my relationship with my mother.

37:37

Yeah. That wasn't supposed

37:39

to happen. That wasn't supposed to happen.

37:41

Drugs affect people in different ways,

37:44

but yeah, you got a harsh,

37:47

harsh corn silo of slides. A hog that

37:49

looks like Zephyridi comes up and just starts

37:51

like sniffing around Katrina and just kind of

37:53

bumping, but this hog's not talking. It's just

37:55

being a hog. He likes

37:58

you. Yeah, he likes you. Sorry,

38:00

this is I think I I think I

38:02

know this hog Yes,

38:08

that's separate separate ease

38:11

sorry, this is awkward you look like someone I know your

38:13

name definitely No,

38:18

well, okay, I was well, I didn't think a

38:20

city girl would take to the hog this

38:22

quickly Yeah, I

38:25

am can I go back in? Give

38:28

to wait a certain amount of time We

38:33

cut back to the city where Katrina

38:35

is working as part owner of a

38:37

coffee Co-op

38:40

where all the customers are also owners and

38:43

She's one of the organizers. So she's

38:46

a barista, but it's one of these things

38:48

where she's an owner Everybody's an owner. It's

38:50

a very forward-thinking coffee shop and the co-workers

38:52

have noticed a change in Katrina Katrina

38:55

can I ask you something? Yeah,

38:57

everyone started going to the country You

39:00

just seem like so much more centered

39:02

than I'm used to you being Yeah,

39:06

but it does seem centered to you

39:08

I Don't mean to

39:10

be rude, but I used to think that you were a

39:13

total shallow be and now I

39:15

don't anymore. I kind

39:17

of admire you oh Wow

39:20

well a very wise hog once

39:22

told me that if you find

39:24

someone else to be shallow and

39:27

be that actually

39:30

That means that How

39:33

you feel about yourself? That's verbatim what this

39:35

hog told me word Syntax

39:40

you remembered exactly no problem.

39:42

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it's crazy

39:44

because I didn't really know what he meant at the

39:47

time and Now

39:50

I do Okay, I filled

39:52

out. I'm sorry. I I filled out this I

39:54

9 and I Photocopied

39:57

my passport. Can I buy a coffee here

39:59

now? if you would like a little

40:02

bit of information about the story

40:06

I'm gonna let

40:09

you get a

40:12

little bit of information about

40:14

the story I'm

40:18

going to get a little

40:21

bit of information

40:23

about the

40:26

story that I

40:29

was walking with sharks

40:32

new video shows shark attack on ten year

40:35

old at Atlantis

40:37

resort yeah we don't need

40:39

to see the video but can you read the story

40:41

of what happened? actually I didn't know there

40:44

was a video goodness

40:46

gracious sounds horrible um

40:49

let's see new

40:52

video obtained by TMZ captured

40:54

the moment after a shark bit a 10

40:56

year old Maryland boy who was on vacation

40:59

in the Bahamas the boy

41:01

is seen frantically swimming to

41:03

the surface as his leg bleeds turning

41:06

the surrounding waters and misty red his

41:08

father quickly jumps into the tank to

41:10

help his son get to safety as sharks

41:13

circle them the

41:17

attack occurred January 15th at a resort

41:20

on paradise island the boy was participating

41:22

in a shark tank expedition

41:25

when he was bitten on the right leg um

41:31

he's listed as stable uh they

41:37

were participating in the underwater encounter

41:39

called walking with the sharks run

41:42

by an outside company blue adventures

41:44

by stewart cove once

41:48

the little boy came down it was

41:50

it just kind of took a dark turn

41:52

we saw the sharks home

41:55

in on him and then just like a pool

41:57

of blood afterwards gee That's

42:00

it. So this is my question. My

42:04

family went to that resort like

42:07

a month and a half before

42:09

that. Last

42:12

night my wife was like, this happened. I was like,

42:15

there was nothing called swimming

42:18

with the sharks when we were—and I

42:20

bet her. I was like, I don't

42:22

believe that. And now

42:24

that you read the detail that was an outside

42:26

company, I'm thinking it wasn't there when we were

42:29

there. I would have looked at that and gone,

42:31

that's fucking nuts. And

42:34

I ask you guys, would you ever do something

42:36

like that even if it was at a resort

42:38

or whatever? Because you trust it when it's at

42:40

a resort. You're like, oh, people do this all

42:42

the time. I would do anything. I'm an idiot

42:44

for this. Like if it's offered like in a

42:47

systematic way, I'm like, must be all right. It

42:49

doesn't matter how crazy it sounds. I

42:51

think I— And there's always the first

42:53

day of that systematic thing. I think I kind

42:56

of did do this in Cancun

42:58

one time. There was

43:00

like all these sharks in the shallow part of

43:02

the ocean and there's like

43:04

resort guys hyping it up and you could

43:06

walk around with them and it

43:08

just seemed—and I did it. That

43:11

sounds stupid. It sounds so stupid

43:13

in the whole time of thinking,

43:15

how is this okay? Like these

43:17

sharks are huge. Must be

43:19

all right. Doesn't matter how crazy it sounds.

43:22

I think I kind of did do this in Cancun one

43:24

time. There

43:30

was like all these sharks in the shallow

43:32

part of the ocean and there's like resort

43:35

guys hyping it up and you could walk around with

43:37

them and it just seemed—and

43:39

I did it. That sounds stupid. It

43:42

sounds so stupid in the whole time of thinking, how

43:44

is this okay? Like these sharks are huge. I was

43:46

like, Will, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

43:48

like, I'm just, I'm like, I'm Will.

43:51

Are you. Were I'm just like well

43:53

they said it's okay. Like they wouldn't do this if

43:56

they're gonna kill me. I'm so basic with this stuff.

43:58

It's just like snakes hate him. Sharks

44:00

evil keep them alligators. No, thank you.

44:02

It's just so obvious to me. It's

44:04

like monster go away I want anywhere

44:06

near it Yeah,

44:09

you're trusting your Biological

44:11

programming like not asking any questions

44:13

you trust your bio your biology

44:15

over a resort What's to be near

44:17

a shark for any reason? I

44:20

mean, they're like a tub of great whites

44:22

I would be like I'm so little of

44:24

the same right about this But if it's

44:27

like tiger sharks, aren't those much much much

44:29

much much much smaller? My

44:31

daughter was saying they're just lemon sharks.

44:33

I think they were lemon sharks. Whatever

44:35

that is That's nice.

44:37

It's just a lemon shark So

44:46

Sydney's stance was this little kid was asking for

44:48

it I was like, he must have done something

44:50

wrong Like I said, we were fucking

44:52

there and they have a water

44:54

slide where you go down the water side and

44:56

go into this tube Where

44:59

you're surrounded by sharks, you're in a

45:01

fucking glass tube and I thought that's

45:03

what she was talking about I'm like,

45:05

no, they have that there. There's no no one

45:07

be dumb enough to have something that I read

45:09

I'm like, I'm fucking wrong. There's some I

45:14

just google lemon sharks. They're Can

45:21

I speak to the day manager, please Yes,

45:23

it's a beautiful lobby you got here. I love

45:26

how you painted the ceiling go like the sky

45:28

Oh, thank you for noticing that you got

45:30

quite an eye for hotels. Thank you very

45:32

much. Hi, my name is Lloyd Riviera I'm

45:34

a salesman for special events. Yeah, no tails.

45:37

Oh, well, Lloyd. I gotta tell you we

45:39

have some events that we're already pretty happy

45:41

They're not like this. Oh You

45:44

know what I like to cut your Busy

45:46

guy, how about I give you the quick pitch? Okay,

45:48

I was talking to you, but sure. Yeah, let's hear

45:51

it You got some kind of body of water here

45:53

a pool or I were right on the beach. I

45:55

probably got both I mean you're right here on the

45:57

beach. It's a beautiful beach. Yeah, we get a now

45:59

imagine this We fill it with critters, we put

46:01

a tube in, kids go sliding through the tube,

46:03

they see the critters up close, pop out the

46:05

other side, and we

46:08

make a couple of bucks, you make a couple of bucks, and

46:10

you get to have something more exciting than a pool going on

46:12

for the day. Lloyd, what

46:14

are you talking about? Do I start up the tube?

46:17

Shark tube. Shark tube in the pool,

46:19

Lloyd? Shark tube. We bring the tube,

46:22

we bring the sharks, we collect

46:24

30% of the tanks for people who start up.

46:27

He starts to go sliding through a tube up

46:29

close and personal with his favorite types of sharks.

46:31

Lloyd, I got to tell you, the pool's pretty

46:33

popular just as a

46:35

pool. People really like... Yeah, people live there.

46:38

Excuse me, excuse me, sir. Yes. Do you have a

46:40

kind of... I've been

46:43

in the pool all day, it's fine, but

46:45

do you maybe have something more exciting and

46:48

unique as a vacation experience? A

46:50

little one. Maybe something... From the mouths of

46:52

babes. Maybe something shark related. Maybe

46:55

something shark related. Are

46:57

you a guest here? We

47:00

cut to the parking lot where

47:02

the salesman's paying his nephew off.

47:04

Here's a lollipop. Why

47:07

don't you go enjoy it? Thank you,

47:09

Mr. Riviera, Uncle Riviera, sir. And

47:13

we cut to the next day,

47:15

that kid and some other

47:17

workmen, they did close the

47:19

deal on that and they're trying it for the first

47:21

time, the shark tube. Okay,

47:24

folks, you can stay in the pool, but when

47:26

they're bringing the tube around, it's got to move

47:28

out of the way. We're just setting up something

47:30

for something. We're going to try it later in

47:32

the afternoon. We can stay in the pool?

47:35

Yes, just get out of the workman's way. Thanks.

47:38

So how long are you guys going to take doing this? You'll be set up

47:40

by 1 p.m., I hope? Well,

47:44

we don't have as many workers as we did the last

47:46

time we set up, so it'll probably take about an hour

47:48

and hour and 10 minutes to set up before my nephew

47:50

can go through. Okay. Oh,

47:52

my nephew. Might be until

47:54

2. Might be until 2, we need to set it up.

47:56

And my son's not here either, so it'll be my nephew's

47:58

first time going through the tube. Okay.

48:01

And so when do you put

48:04

the sharks in the pool last I assume because

48:06

I need to tell my customers what's

48:09

that? Put the sharks in first and

48:11

then the tube. The sharks go

48:14

around the outside of the tube. Okay.

48:17

You told me that my customers they could

48:19

stay in the pool up until… Excuse me.

48:21

Sorry to interject. Keep short like a donut. The

48:24

sharks will be swimming through what

48:27

is the bread of the donut

48:29

and the humans go towards

48:31

the center. I'd love

48:35

to have one so that I can become

48:37

an actual guest at this hotel because I'll

48:39

only do it if the shark is tube

48:43

works. Yeah. Mr. Uncle Riviera,

48:45

can I get another lollipop? Yeah,

48:47

here's another lollipop. He's a shark kid. He's

48:49

a bright future. Thanks. Listen

48:51

sir, I know you're worried about your customers. They

48:54

got nothing to worry about. These are lemon sharks

48:56

and another special breed called

48:58

sweetie sharks. Okay. I'm

49:01

not a big shark guy. They're very

49:03

non-threatening animals. They're cute little things. Can

49:06

I get a look at them? Is that the big tank

49:08

over there? Yeah, yeah, with the tarp over

49:10

it. Yeah, you can get a pixie. I

49:14

can peek up. Just lift the tarp. Take

49:16

a little pixie. Yeah. Lift up the

49:18

tarp and take a pixie at the lemon sharks and the

49:20

sweetie sharks. Try not to let them see you, but you

49:22

can peek. Don't make eye contact. Okay,

49:25

see that as a wrench. Just a corner of this tarp

49:27

right here and just take a little peek. Take a little

49:29

pixie. That is an egg. Oh

49:31

my God. Did you look at him? Did he see you? Don't

49:34

make eye contact. PCU? That was terrifying.

49:36

Was that a lemon shark or a

49:39

sweetie? That's the lemon shark that ate my son. That

49:48

ate your son. Yeah,

49:50

you see how it says under new management?

49:54

Yeah. Well,

49:56

my son got... His

49:59

son used to own the... place but he got eaten

50:01

by a lemon shark I had to put it in

50:03

my son's name for liability reasons but I

50:06

didn't work on no more now it's in his

50:08

name Lloyd Riviera under new management all right we

50:10

cut to the funeral buddy we

50:12

cut back to the funeral when Lloyd

50:15

Riviera jr. do you

50:18

want to say something sir through the

50:22

air oh boy

50:24

all right hey

50:27

thanks everybody for coming we really appreciate it

50:30

I was not looking forward to

50:32

this what

50:34

can I say my boy entrepreneurial

50:38

good boy made a lot of

50:40

the big decisions we've been

50:42

very upfront about that with all the various

50:44

authorities who've come spoken to us about the

50:46

business practices he made a lot of the

50:49

big decisions precocious precocious boy

50:51

but he paid the price and he

50:53

paid the price for going

50:55

through the tube too slowly if

50:58

you're too slowly get you it's as simple as that and

51:01

he knew that we all knew that you got to

51:03

be fast going through the tube and God I'll miss

51:05

him great kid great kid let's

51:20

talk some more about that we

51:23

never curse on this show so when to

51:25

cut that off okay just went down a

51:27

bad road there I I

51:30

can't I need to go blue yeah

51:33

or sex scenes it's my style

51:35

it's blue yeah

51:38

I sex scenes blue is not cursing oh I

51:42

guess yeah blue is just like

51:44

blue is more getting sexy cursing

51:47

right thought it was just like

51:49

lowbrow raunch right I

51:52

thought it was all manner of just like r-rated

51:54

stuff but I've never thought about it I

51:56

thought I got an old vaudeville term mmm

52:00

buddy Hackett sex jokes or something like that.

52:02

It doesn't work blue. It's not like... It's R rated

52:04

but also like scatological.

52:07

Yeah. So, my mind grosses

52:09

it. That's what I always

52:11

thought. For sure. Okay.

52:15

We don't do that kind of humor. Well, I'm

52:17

sorry I dragged this shit down. That's

52:20

my way. That's my way. It seems

52:23

like that's all we do when we have a

52:25

like a really mellow musical guest on. And they'll

52:27

do like a really sweet soft song and then

52:29

we do some fucking scene about eating it. Buddha,

52:32

get your ass all off my lips or

52:34

whatever. Some

52:36

improv show I did forever ago. We can't do

52:39

scenes on this because this will be too vile.

52:41

But like, it was Team

52:43

Bicklin, Neil from way back in the day but

52:45

whatever. That was Johnny Pineapple Theater. Charlie

52:47

Pineapple Theater. Charlie Pineapple Theater. This was the

52:49

thing where like when Williamsburg first like became

52:52

like the hot neighborhood, Kevin Malaney of UCB

52:54

Theater in New York was like, we have

52:56

to like colonize that neighborhood. So we'll take

52:58

anybody who's a UCB Herald team performer who

53:00

happens to live in Williamsburg, make

53:03

them a team and they'll do shows

53:05

at this theater trying to win people

53:08

over to UCB improv. And

53:10

I was on this team and we, it was really

53:12

fun. It was kind of like unsupervised, no coaches,

53:14

no teachers. It's just sort of like and

53:17

but we would go super, we

53:20

would swear a lot and do like dirty scenes

53:22

and stuff. And so one night

53:24

we were like, we got to do better in improv. We got to like try

53:27

to like not do blues.

53:30

We got to try to do a PG show just as

53:32

a challenge. And it was

53:35

like the most vile. It

53:37

ended with like somebody playing

53:39

Jesus while being crucified performing

53:41

fellatio on Buddha like the

53:44

most vile show I've like ever

53:46

done. And we got off and

53:48

we were like, we're supposed to not do that.

53:50

We're like, oh, we had completely forgotten. It's right.

53:52

Oh, right. Like a fever treatment

53:54

overtaken. We

53:57

went so far. but

54:00

it was fun in a way. It

54:02

was fun in a strange way. Oh

54:04

and then I can't believe I'm still

54:06

talking. You should just cut all this

54:08

out. In

54:11

Williamsburg, in a like a pizzeria that was right

54:13

by the Bedford stop that was kind of like

54:15

a late night pizza slice joint, a

54:17

woman came up to me and said, hey are you in

54:20

that improv group that does those shows on Tuesday nights? And

54:22

I was like, yeah, she goes, oh I put you in

54:24

my comic book. And she was like

54:26

an alternative comic artist

54:28

named Gabriel Bell. And she would do, she's

54:30

one of these, she would do like jerry's

54:32

of her life. And so one of them

54:34

was going to our comedy show. But

54:38

the comedy show was her in the audience. Yes.

54:40

And so we were like in her comic

54:42

book. It's kind of fun. And

54:44

do you think that she like had speech bubbles

54:47

coming out of your mouth? I saw it. It

54:49

was her being like, I went to an improv

54:52

show, which I normally hate. And

54:54

the first half of it was so stupid. But

54:57

then the second half of it was actually kind of funny.

54:59

Jesus going down on Buddha. So I think that's

55:01

it. So

55:06

anyway, it seems like you guys

55:08

just like that's how the

55:10

news is wanting to speak through you. Like

55:12

you got you got all the dirty news

55:14

is, you know, yeah, that's out

55:16

of your control. Yeah,

55:18

that's not normally my style.

55:21

I don't think except I'm an improper humans or

55:23

when I'm doing improv in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, then I

55:25

go as dirty as I can. She's

55:29

here again tonight. And she's

55:31

definitely drawing during the show.

55:33

And I peeked over

55:36

her shoulder. And she's a good cartoonist

55:38

just by getting a quick gander. So

55:41

she's drawn us. Yeah, I saw

55:44

you for sure. How

55:47

how are we being represented? I mean, I

55:51

saw you to be ephemeral and be kind

55:53

of disposable. I know you say that at

55:55

the top of the show. Yeah, I

55:58

really let everybody know that this temporary. You

56:00

really lean into that. Yeah.

56:04

You want to talk to her and ask her what she's doing? What's

56:08

that? This is gonna change the outfits that I

56:10

wear because I normally dress for sort of comfort

56:12

and you know

56:14

I want to stand out from the black curtain so

56:16

I'll wear a color or something like that but if

56:18

I'm being drawn I'm gonna

56:20

want a totally different wardrobe. Yeah

56:23

we should kind of have separate looks too. We

56:25

all kind of dress the same t-shirt and cargo

56:28

shorts. We dress the same way we should make

56:30

ourselves stand out. I'll be

56:32

a pink guy. I'll

56:34

be pink. I'm gonna wear a lot of pink.

56:36

That's all you're doing. Guys don't wear pink so

56:38

that's a good way to stand out. I'm gonna

56:40

wear a suit. I'm gonna

56:42

I'll just do vertical stripes I guess. All

56:48

right well that's good. We'll be kind of

56:50

separate. We cut to the next show and

56:52

the intro is extra long and they're

56:55

kind of like posing around

56:57

the show around the stage and

57:00

so that's gonna be the show.

57:02

We will be taking suggestions and

57:05

remember improv is

57:08

here today but gone tomorrow. Improv

57:11

doesn't count. That's what we always

57:13

say. It doesn't count and shouldn't

57:15

be remembered. So can we

57:18

get the backlight? Can we get a better backlight? Sorry

57:20

tech guy. Can you get the backlight to be a

57:22

little more balanced with the key light? Actually

57:25

I requested to just keep

57:27

it the same Tommy. I think I look

57:29

better with the

57:31

stage lights. Okay okay okay I

57:33

see that. Isn't this funny

57:35

how the stripes sort of bend around the contours

57:38

of my arms? Sort of

57:40

lean this way you know. The lines

57:42

just like the radio looks

57:44

like a zen garden up and down my body.

57:47

Soothing. And they cut to after the

57:49

show where they're picking out from the greener and curtain. Oh

57:52

man she is going to town. She's

57:55

trying so much. I thought

57:57

our show was was okay but I didn't think Anything

58:00

so. That's

58:02

never saw them fight show. Is

58:05

gonna be the new lox. Oh.

58:09

Oh oh hey, three

58:11

thousand join always. Going I

58:13

don't mean to interrupt your penis.

58:16

I was so and you know

58:18

breaks down not at all fine

58:20

and obsolete. Ah, a cartoonist and

58:22

I am actually do you guys

58:25

into my clinic But. Oh

58:27

wow, You know comic

58:29

books? Amazing. Sit. In

58:32

a cell you. Please

58:35

So. Actually, Juri, they didn't have.

58:40

Any the zoo on are wearing sweatpants

58:42

because that's what I saw you in

58:44

the first sign. nice I yell and

58:46

in earlier in the know as you're

58:48

wearing a suit tonight but I candidates

58:50

to me your asses. Sweat

58:53

pants, One of

58:55

mine was mine looking his crotch. Is

58:58

that senior essence is the way Cs. The

59:00

cartoonists like I say here whenever

59:02

I see you know you're an

59:04

artist. Ah yeah, some fantasy that's

59:06

a that's not crazy for a

59:08

cat to do that, I guess.

59:10

school. With these are anthropomorphic past, the

59:12

Not actually is the kind of human

59:15

element. For you that I saw for you

59:17

personally that I was going on as saluting

59:19

my crutches my human side. Your

59:21

essence of they like. Imagine that. Okay,

59:25

I'm. I'm sitting on earth are assuming

59:28

toilet. Yeah

59:31

and again path can be trained to

59:33

do that by ordered them since re

59:35

in this instance that is is kind

59:37

of the anthropomorphic and new individually it's

59:39

it's kind of your by of. I'm

59:42

playing around with. I knew. Drawing of are so

59:44

this sign above the says it says the

59:47

Ass Holes. With.

59:51

Them out the name of our group. That

59:53

says I could city thing is is seen as

59:55

like an. Invite all of

59:57

them as parts. of your body but all So

1:00:00

you, that's kind of the personality type just

1:00:02

as your, your ensemble. Cats

1:00:05

pretty famously. Yeah.

1:00:09

Our group name is Don Nichols. That's

1:00:14

the name we picked. All right. We fought over it

1:00:16

for a long time and we finally arrived at Don

1:00:18

Nichols. I'm in law

1:00:20

school. Yeah.

1:00:24

We, we, we, we, we cut

1:00:26

to the green room before the next show

1:00:29

next Tuesday. She's out

1:00:31

there again. And frankly, I don't fucking

1:00:33

like it. She made

1:00:35

us, she's humiliating us. It makes us

1:00:37

look like fucking literally assholes. Yeah.

1:00:41

And I don't, I rarely lick my crotch in

1:00:44

a show. I've done it maybe once. She's

1:00:47

making us look dumb, man. Can't we say

1:00:49

we have the right three

1:00:51

views? Our

1:00:53

comedy. Do you, can we get like a

1:00:56

bouncer intern or we can't afford a

1:00:58

bouncer. We're only charging $2 a ticket. I

1:01:04

don't know. I don't like it. I'll go talk to her. I

1:01:06

think we, I mean, we, we rent the theater to do this.

1:01:09

I think we have to do the show and talk

1:01:11

to her after I'm not, I'm not ashamed of our

1:01:13

work. I'm not ashamed of our work. Maybe either. I

1:01:16

don't like it. Great show guys. That

1:01:18

was awesome. Hey, how's it

1:01:20

going? Back. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah.

1:01:22

No, it's a pleasure. Um, you

1:01:25

know, I mean, as co-owner of

1:01:27

the theater, I, um, I'm really

1:01:29

happy to support the co-own the

1:01:32

theater. When did that happen? Yeah.

1:01:34

Do you guys know it? No, we just

1:01:37

rent the feet in the space for

1:01:39

the hour. Rent it in perform. It's

1:01:43

a co-op theater. So, um, yeah. Yeah.

1:01:45

But I just thought that was the business. But you're

1:01:47

paying to be here, right? You rented. Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:50

You're giving money to rent it. Yeah. Well,

1:01:53

yeah. You, you're paying in, in 1 24th to be here.

1:01:57

Right. We paid in, we bought time slices. And we cut.

1:01:59

I got to rehearsal and I had my

1:02:01

lawyer look at it and we can't, we

1:02:05

have to now perform

1:02:07

there every Tuesday for the next

1:02:09

three years. What?

1:02:13

It's part of this co-op we agreed

1:02:15

to. I knew I should

1:02:17

have read all that. They want an improv group

1:02:19

every Tuesday? I

1:02:22

don't even think they, I think they use it for

1:02:24

the comic book money. That

1:02:29

woman sells essentially comic books full of caricatures

1:02:32

of every show that ends up on stage

1:02:34

there. Well, it's funny that you say that

1:02:36

there's multiple comic book artists who are coming

1:02:38

to the show, like they all need ideas

1:02:41

and they're coming to our improv show? Don't

1:02:43

you see underground comics

1:02:45

are about neurotic

1:02:48

losers? Every one of them

1:02:50

are in some way or another and they're

1:02:52

just looking for characters

1:02:55

from our world, us. They're

1:02:57

using us for our personalities. So

1:03:00

they're not coming for our improv comedy. They're coming

1:03:02

for us as archetypes. Yes. So

1:03:06

then this one says, as you can see,

1:03:08

they're using us for our personalities

1:03:10

and you watch this message. You

1:03:13

know, oh, there's no way that's for archetypes.

1:03:15

He's kind of, he's the angry one. He's

1:03:18

so angry. What

1:03:31

is your opinion? Speaking

1:03:34

of TV shows, I

1:03:36

texted Will this morning

1:03:40

because I've been watching, my wife and I've

1:03:42

been watching True Detective. Have y'all been watching?

1:03:44

I know Will. I've been watching it,

1:03:46

yes. No? Hillary?

1:03:49

No. Brett? Yes.

1:03:52

You've seen all three episodes? I have.

1:03:54

And when we release this, it'll be more

1:03:56

episodes in, so this won't be a spoiler

1:03:58

at all. I'd

1:04:00

say whatever he wants, maybe pretty much what

1:04:03

do we may I will. I want. Hundred

1:04:05

three episodes is not as a know. Yet.

1:04:08

Ah, but. Just

1:04:10

a few things. so Jodie Foster's

1:04:12

character sees one of the detectors,

1:04:14

one of the true detective's. I

1:04:18

like the character trait that she fucks

1:04:21

everybody in town in every town around.

1:04:23

The other sex scenes are very like

1:04:25

upsetting licenses for the desert out of

1:04:27

nowhere. So yes, supposed to be. Does

1:04:29

this say that we get a do

1:04:31

that saying and then they're just like

1:04:33

something real. Love her sister city as

1:04:35

waits for that. Also Juri boss I

1:04:37

heard great acting to see. doesn't strike

1:04:39

me as. Sick. Fucks

1:04:41

Rebellion town with us. Questions an actor

1:04:43

but. She's. Not selling me on

1:04:45

she placed Fantasy Football. I will tell you that.

1:04:50

This is what I want to talk about

1:04:53

though. Brett would do you think? I texted

1:04:55

Will about. I had no

1:04:57

idea. When you texted me your Tuck

1:04:59

my true detective other wise besser testing

1:05:01

me about true detective I could not

1:05:03

send them. You tell me why. They

1:05:06

funny to me and I should have. I should have known. The

1:05:09

guy had no idea there's a song

1:05:11

playing in the zebra loud but like

1:05:13

other podcast brett that we'd that you

1:05:15

an idol of course of course of

1:05:17

course I know this. says. That's

1:05:19

cuz Twist and shout Keep Tommy not

1:05:22

yes the Be Last version Twist and

1:05:24

shout Sudhir listeners this isn't like a

1:05:26

spoiler cause we have zero I always

1:05:28

forget about the you derive that every

1:05:30

tennis and thank you brat Elsa thought

1:05:32

of me but he I was not

1:05:35

thinking about besser I was thinking of

1:05:37

John Lennon has it that the city's

1:05:39

to think of money every time to

1:05:41

assess our i said you're right though

1:05:43

I said he said the thought of

1:05:45

me too Yeah so they have brought

1:05:48

me say this show. Their

1:05:50

at this is a non spoiler. You think there

1:05:52

is a been murdered. or

1:05:54

murder or some sort of crime weird saying that

1:05:56

is revealed in the first episode and the season

1:05:58

is gonna be figure that out But at

1:06:00

the scene of the crime, the scene from

1:06:02

Ferris Bueller is playing where Ferris is singing

1:06:05

Twist and Shout in the middle of the

1:06:07

parade. And that for some reason is on

1:06:09

a loop at the crime

1:06:11

scene. So the whole time they're investigating,

1:06:13

this song is playing in the background,

1:06:15

sort of a weird juxtaposition, this like

1:06:17

happy, silly song while this very gruesome

1:06:19

scene is being investigated. And it's

1:06:22

come back as sort of a dreamlike song,

1:06:24

like part of the... The

1:06:26

cops are thinking about the case,

1:06:28

like Twist and Shout will sometimes...

1:06:31

Fred, that's what I don't understand.

1:06:33

You say dreamlike. In the

1:06:36

show, it's not in a dream. They

1:06:41

think they hear it. They think they

1:06:44

hear it. That's right. But it's sort

1:06:46

of hallucinatory. We don't know what is

1:06:48

a dream or what might be supernatural

1:06:50

or what is sort of like... So

1:06:53

let's pause right here. We're

1:06:56

three episodes in. And

1:06:59

when we finish this season, we're going to

1:07:01

have Will Hines back, Brett. But

1:07:04

right now... Can I just tell the

1:07:06

context of this just in case people don't know why? Go for

1:07:08

it. I thought we did, but go for it.

1:07:10

What do we miss? I mean, the context of you and me.

1:07:12

Oh, go ahead. Oh, yeah, yeah. So

1:07:14

we did meet... Well, me and Brett Morris are part of

1:07:16

a podcast called Screw It. We're just going to talk about

1:07:19

The Beatles, Plunge. But we just talked about The Beatles. Spencer

1:07:21

had me on as a guest where

1:07:24

he insisted that Twist and Shout was

1:07:26

the worst Beatles song ever,

1:07:29

which even as a joke, I could not yes

1:07:31

and or abide. Yeah, there's a film out of

1:07:33

that. It's an insane thing to say. I would

1:07:35

not play along. I don't like it. You don't

1:07:38

like it either, Neil? No. And then

1:07:40

I debated Spencer's daughter about

1:07:43

the quality of Twist and Shout as a

1:07:45

song. And I think by judging from Reddit

1:07:47

comments was soundly beaten in that debate. Yeah.

1:07:51

Although I did not realize that was going to be debating. I

1:07:54

think that was more JoJo Siwa

1:07:56

versus The Beatles. But

1:07:58

JoJo Siwa versus The Beatles. Fosters founding

1:08:00

the Beatles period I was defending

1:08:02

the Beatles vs. Jojo Siwa and I was out

1:08:05

debated Anyway

1:08:08

notice a lot of officers a character well

1:08:10

to add to my To

1:08:13

add to my side of the debate on twist and shout

1:08:16

Jody Foster's character Turns

1:08:19

off that Ferris Bueller Scene

1:08:23

and she goes I hate the Beatles yeah

1:08:26

That's right, or does she say I'm not a fan of

1:08:28

the Beatles what she say I think something like that She's

1:08:31

like not a fan like I don't really says she hates

1:08:33

the Beatles yeah based

1:08:36

on Hearing twist

1:08:38

yeah, so thank you so that that that

1:08:40

well That's what happened and

1:08:43

now everybody so now right now. She

1:08:45

could not tolerate that song playing Yeah,

1:08:48

like so right now the three of us and

1:08:51

Hillary and Neil if they want to even though they

1:08:53

haven't seen it just basically heard get we

1:08:56

will give our Our

1:08:59

car what we think the reason is everyone

1:09:01

here's twist and shout in the show okay?

1:09:03

I have I have a theory obviously

1:09:06

just a theory because we don't know how it's gonna turn out

1:09:10

Should I go first yeah, yeah, my theory

1:09:13

is that twist and shout is

1:09:16

a representation of the force of good

1:09:19

in the world and it is God trying

1:09:23

to broadcast hope

1:09:26

Into this bleak scene and then at the

1:09:28

end when they find out who the evil

1:09:30

person is and catch them twist

1:09:32

and shout will play triumphantly and It'll

1:09:36

be like in the final montage of the show is

1:09:38

like a happy song It's

1:09:45

a very good receive a like Twin Peaks kind of

1:09:48

Supernatural things are in play Can

1:09:50

I ask you and all of you? Supernatural

1:09:54

is that part of the world a true

1:09:56

detective? I thought there was not natural in

1:09:58

the first season and they did They're

1:10:00

like, it's not that. It's humans. It's

1:10:03

not you wanted to be supernatural. The first season, yeah, it looked like it

1:10:05

was going to be supernatural. It ends up all just

1:10:07

being real serial killers. So

1:10:09

can I watch a show where it'd be

1:10:11

like watching Law & Order and all of

1:10:14

a sudden there's magic. You'd be like, what?

1:10:16

Wait a minute. There's no magic in the

1:10:18

world of Law & Order. That's our world.

1:10:20

There's a couple

1:10:22

of episodes of Law & Order. Sam

1:10:24

Watterson believes in Santa at the end

1:10:26

of one. Let's

1:10:30

put something to show. Help

1:10:33

him win that. Well,

1:10:38

I think the twist and shout is just as simple as working on out.

1:10:41

They're just working it out. I'm

1:10:47

thinking maybe just like the victims were

1:10:50

literally twisting and shouting in the eyes.

1:10:54

But why does – That

1:10:56

makes the way it'd be the soundtrack to the

1:10:59

show, but why does Jodie Foster hear it in

1:11:01

her fucking refrigerator? Okay,

1:11:03

non-supernatural theory is that twist

1:11:05

and shout, that not

1:11:10

supernatural forces, but

1:11:12

people because of like a virus

1:11:14

or something are being brought into

1:11:16

an ecstatic state where

1:11:18

they are screaming and losing control of themselves and

1:11:21

leading to their deaths. That

1:11:23

could be true based on what we've seen. Yes,

1:11:25

but that does make sense everything you said, but

1:11:28

why twist and shout? Well, twist

1:11:30

and shout is sort of just like in

1:11:32

this non-supernatural theory. It's

1:11:34

just like a motif that represents

1:11:37

kind of ecstasy, like old

1:11:40

school religious speaking in tongues

1:11:42

ecstatic. Yeah,

1:11:44

mass hysteria as depicted

1:11:46

in the Ferris Bueller

1:11:48

scene of the parade.

1:11:50

And the synchronized dancing on the

1:11:52

floor. I like that. And I,

1:11:55

again, who haven't seen a single

1:11:57

episode of the show True Detective

1:11:59

ever. But have heard probably one

1:12:02

NPR piece about the current

1:12:05

season. So

1:12:07

knowing that it takes place in

1:12:09

Antarctica. Alaska. Alaska. Yes.

1:12:13

And that's right. They got it wrong in the

1:12:15

NPR piece I'm remembering. Okay.

1:12:18

In Alaska. And I know

1:12:20

that the crime is has to

1:12:22

do with frozen. Yeah. With

1:12:24

frozen. With frozen. With

1:12:27

frozen, yeah. And

1:12:29

so I think that

1:12:32

it's a neurological trauma response

1:12:34

that Jodie Foster is experiencing

1:12:36

because inside of her refrigerator

1:12:38

it's very cold. Oh

1:12:42

shit. Nice Hillary. Again.

1:12:46

That doesn't make sense. Haven't

1:12:49

seen any of it. Or that

1:12:51

represents ultimate goodness and it's

1:12:53

God talking to Jodie Foster.

1:12:56

What? Yeah. Edals

1:12:58

are good. In theory Hillary's

1:13:00

the best so far. Yeah. I

1:13:02

know. I feel like you actually just

1:13:04

solved it. But yeah

1:13:07

I was going to say I think twist and

1:13:09

shout or the Beatles must have been playing. There

1:13:12

must have been a part of some trauma for

1:13:15

Jodie Foster. But

1:13:17

more than her she's not the only one who hears

1:13:20

it. The other detective hears it out on the ice

1:13:22

in the night. That's true.

1:13:24

Yeah. I think multiple

1:13:26

people so mass hysteria, wills

1:13:28

as a drug. I'm

1:13:31

going to go with what I really think it is

1:13:33

but I'm going to go with my wife's theory which

1:13:36

I also thought of but I think it's bad writing.

1:13:39

It doesn't make sense. And

1:13:41

it is going to be David Lynchian and like

1:13:44

oh man these things never fucking tied up. But

1:13:47

this is the Manchurian candidate.

1:13:52

That somehow that somehow that

1:13:54

the scientists have brainwashed them

1:13:56

to have twist and shout

1:13:58

as the triggers. song to

1:14:02

make you do something or activate

1:14:04

the drug or something. I

1:14:07

mean my real theory is that there is

1:14:09

a virus in play. They were scientists and

1:14:11

they unlocked some weird virus. Okay, but still

1:14:14

that doesn't explain hearing the

1:14:16

song. I have to admit even

1:14:18

as a huge fan who's defended it too

1:14:21

much on this show, I thought

1:14:23

it was just decoration. I wasn't thinking

1:14:25

it was going to be like... But

1:14:27

they're not... I'm trying... I'm

1:14:30

beating a dead horse. But they're

1:14:32

not playing it as a soundtrack.

1:14:34

The characters actually hear it. Yeah.

1:14:37

Yeah. So maybe it's just... There's a little radio

1:14:39

buried under the ice somewhere.

1:14:43

Oh my god! And somehow it

1:14:45

reverberates so you can hear it

1:14:47

all around town. Oh!

1:14:51

Why would it just be that

1:14:53

over and over again? That's weird too.

1:14:57

I remember the first... Or maybe the original Beatles

1:14:59

are frozen. They uncovered the

1:15:02

Beatles. It's a live performance. The actual

1:15:04

Paul McCartney and still alive John Lennon.

1:15:07

The Cavern Club. The

1:15:10

Cavern Boys. I remember

1:15:12

the first season being disappointed that it wasn't supernatural.

1:15:14

Like the first half of the season seemed like

1:15:16

there was some freaky deaky stuff going on and

1:15:18

then it ends up being like not just a

1:15:20

dude killing people. Yeah.

1:15:23

The other way to say that is you're

1:15:25

into a detective show that any mystery detective

1:15:28

that's really smart and then all of a

1:15:30

sudden it's just super... Once

1:15:32

you introduce supernatural it's like, well

1:15:34

supernatural anything can happen. Right. Any

1:15:36

logic can happen. But a lot of people felt

1:15:38

that way when they introduced magic into law and order and then

1:15:41

everyone kind of came around. Yeah.

1:15:44

Yeah. And it was like Adam

1:15:46

it's not one of those things. Yeah. It's

1:15:48

a cup drive state line. It

1:15:51

was on the New Jersey side of the Lincoln Tunnel. And

1:15:54

the next week it would be like, you think it's the elves?

1:15:58

So we cut to a Lincoln. It's

1:16:00

the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel

1:16:02

and it's a crime scene in some

1:16:04

new detectives and the

1:16:07

head has been Severed

1:16:10

from the body. It's completely and it's

1:16:13

completely missing there's

1:16:16

no blood and No

1:16:21

trace of what you

1:16:23

would normally see when something Magic

1:16:36

Looks like the body was decapitated, but

1:16:40

where is the head? Yeah,

1:16:43

that's one theory it's

1:16:45

a clean cut son

1:16:48

of a bitch It looks like it

1:16:50

didn't suffer much. That's the

1:16:52

best thing I can say about it Yeah,

1:16:55

it's our it's our job to close the

1:16:57

case And we

1:16:59

can go look for a lot of clues and interview a lot

1:17:01

of people But doesn't this

1:17:03

just seem Leg

1:17:06

magic What

1:17:09

are you talking about? Sticking

1:17:12

that king arthur came back from

1:17:14

the dead with the blessed sword

1:17:16

excalibur Chopped

1:17:19

off this guy's head The

1:17:21

magic sword excalibur instantly caught her eyes

1:17:24

the wound so no blood came out.

1:17:26

Is that part of the mythology? I've

1:17:30

been visiting coming back at britain's hour of need.

1:17:32

Why would he come back and kill somebody? Maybe

1:17:36

that's now and he still thinks that america's

1:17:38

part of the british empire We

1:17:40

were never meant to go back. We cut

1:17:42

to the station later and the detectives Uh

1:17:47

The family's in the next room and they're

1:17:49

a little upset that we're not investigating

1:17:53

The crime anymore. We just closed it

1:17:55

due to king arthur jumping back to a

1:17:57

time portal. I don't understand Like,

1:18:00

is it even part of the mythology? Man,

1:18:04

we're learning more and more

1:18:06

things about Arthurian mythology every

1:18:09

day. So you can't just put

1:18:12

a period on it. It just doesn't make

1:18:14

any sense because I saw her in yesterday.

1:18:16

She was alive yesterday and he is supposed

1:18:18

to come back in Britain's hour of needs,

1:18:20

which is none of

1:18:22

it makes any sense. Hey, Lieutenant. I

1:18:26

got a call back from Scotland Yard. The

1:18:28

crows are still at the Tower of London, but

1:18:31

where Britain's hour of need, the crows would have left.

1:18:34

Almost certainly. Yeah. God

1:18:36

damn it. That means

1:18:38

we're going to have to open back up this

1:18:40

case. That's the best piece of evidence that it's

1:18:42

not King Arthur yet. So

1:18:47

we're going to use some people and sneak

1:18:50

around for some evidence, but maybe

1:18:53

it's the Vorpal Blade. The

1:18:56

Vorpal Blade from Alice in Wonderland, the

1:18:58

magic sword that goes snickety snack and

1:19:00

can chop anything. The Walrus

1:19:02

was talking about it to Alice. That's

1:19:06

probably it. I don't know why we didn't think about

1:19:08

that the first time. I'm sorry, man. The Vorpal Blade's

1:19:10

ultimate weapon, snickety snack, can

1:19:12

cut through anything. I'm

1:19:15

sorry. You guys supposed to be kind of

1:19:17

coming up with these theories in front of me.

1:19:21

I don't know if that's a theory. That seems like

1:19:23

a solid case closure right

1:19:26

there. Sorry about the whole Arthurian

1:19:29

new mythology we were in. We were in the

1:19:31

boondoggle. No, this

1:19:33

is the Lewis Carroll sort of

1:19:35

rhyming flight of fancy. Okay.

1:19:43

And again, you don't think that it's just kind

1:19:46

of like classic ex-boyfriend. Does

1:19:48

he have an ex-boyfriend? Yeah.

1:19:52

Whoa. Did he have a history of violence

1:19:54

or was he an angry person? He was

1:19:56

incredibly angry. Yeah, they were in couples therapy

1:19:58

about it. Oh, does he

1:20:00

have a sword collection or a gun with

1:20:03

blades or a butcher? Does the

1:20:05

katana count? I don't know. Hold

1:20:07

on, Lieutenant. Wasn't it the Queen

1:20:09

of Hearts who set off with people's heads at

1:20:11

Alice in Wonderland? That's

1:20:13

darn right. That's

1:20:16

gotta be it. Might have been the Queen of Hearts who

1:20:18

did this. No,

1:20:21

sorry, I thought that we were just, um... I

1:20:23

can give you his contact information. No

1:20:26

need. I think we've

1:20:28

got our... We got it, the Queen of Hearts.

1:20:30

Well, we could talk to him. He could corroborate.

1:20:33

Whether it was at the tea party or if

1:20:36

it was his own birthday. We

1:20:38

cut to outside this guy's apartment. You

1:20:40

hear him inside yelling and screaming and

1:20:43

there's like heavy metal

1:20:45

music on. Yeah! Fuck!

1:20:48

People! Sorry! Yeah!

1:20:51

NYPD, we'd like to ask you a

1:20:53

few questions. Alright, one second. One second.

1:20:56

I'm gonna get my robot. What

1:21:00

is it? What is it? What do you

1:21:02

guys want? You got any kind

1:21:05

of whimsical, rhyming weapons in here, sir? Huh? Do

1:21:10

you have any fanciful experiences

1:21:12

lately? Where you've gone somewhere

1:21:14

sort of topsy-turvy or... Uh,

1:21:17

well... Sort of undulating Fantasyland with a

1:21:19

lot of wordplay and goofs? Well,

1:21:23

I had somebody in my life who

1:21:25

was delusional, but I took care

1:21:28

of that problem. And

1:21:30

what do you mean by take care? I

1:21:33

don't think I'm gonna be any more clear

1:21:35

than that to some pigs. But

1:21:37

let's just say I chopped

1:21:40

the top off of my problem. Curiouser

1:21:45

and curiouser. Crap

1:21:55

on YouTube. C'mon! Brett,

1:21:58

do you mind playing that crap

1:22:00

on... YouTube and we will probably

1:22:02

end with that Dwight David Honeycutt

1:22:05

for Conway School Board. This

1:22:12

is 14 years ago. Hi.

1:22:20

I believe test scores must be higher.

1:22:23

I believe we must educate our youth to be

1:22:25

capable citizens of the world. I

1:22:30

went to this school. It's

1:22:33

time for class. Do

1:22:35

you know where your children are? My

1:22:38

name is Dwight David Honeycutt and I put

1:22:41

together this five minute video to let you

1:22:43

know why I need to be elected to

1:22:45

the Conway School Board. This

1:22:50

is Skip the Rock. Right

1:22:53

there. One skip. School board. I

1:22:55

weighed 14 pounds. My

1:22:58

mama had 64 hours of labor

1:23:01

and she pushed so hard she shot

1:23:03

a turd and knocked off the doctor's

1:23:05

glasses. I'm strong like

1:23:07

a bear. I

1:23:11

can lift 100 pounds right up over my head. I

1:23:13

can calm a basketball. I'm

1:23:21

a friend of babies. I

1:23:23

was an army hero. Hero.

1:23:28

And I love other cultures. Oh,

1:23:30

don't they start by you. Oh

1:23:33

my God. I grew up

1:23:35

in the Conway school system. They

1:23:37

wouldn't hire me. When

1:23:42

they said I couldn't teach because of

1:23:44

previous incarceration. I became a

1:23:46

star of a local children's show. We

1:23:49

played games and sang songs and I

1:23:51

didn't even mind taking direction from a

1:23:54

black. What

1:23:56

the fuck? I like

1:23:59

crossbows. A.P.V. Birds of Prey.

1:24:01

She's got a big whiskey.

1:24:07

My father used to

1:24:12

call me a failure. Failure?

1:24:18

Failure? I can fly any plane

1:24:20

known to man. I can capture

1:24:24

the DNA ship. I

1:24:28

can capture the DNA ship under

1:24:30

100 tons. I

1:24:33

want one with zero gravity or

1:24:35

this fly rod catching 30

1:24:37

peacock bass in 4 and

1:24:39

a half hours. I have

1:24:41

the biggest dreams and the

1:24:43

strongest hands in this goddamn

1:24:45

state. Oh

1:24:47

hell, I'm not perfect. I've

1:24:51

got this in my dick. What?

1:24:54

What? I

1:24:56

don't. Lease

1:24:58

cycle. Anything

1:25:01

else? I made

1:25:03

up with a dude. He

1:25:07

keeps surprising us, right? So

1:25:10

sweaty. He's really sweaty. I

1:25:13

stole my granddaughter's ADT medicine. What

1:25:16

is up with it? Is this supposed to be

1:25:18

funny? Yes. It's supposed to

1:25:20

be funny. 15

1:25:23

years ago, my

1:25:26

favorite movies for Gladiator in the

1:25:28

line of fire and

1:25:30

Friday. John

1:25:32

F. Kennedy said all someone

1:25:35

needs is a willingness. Okay,

1:25:37

can you stop? So this is

1:25:39

comedy on purpose? Yes. And

1:25:42

there's a full two minutes left just so

1:25:44

that all the listeners know. Well,

1:25:48

he had me going for a while then. Does

1:25:50

it say that Brett in the comments that it's

1:25:52

fake or not? Not

1:25:56

that it's like outright fake. Like it might

1:25:58

be this guy's actual. local political

1:26:01

campaign video, but he's obviously

1:26:03

trying to be... The

1:26:06

user thinks the guy's real name and

1:26:08

it seems like he's trying to manufacture

1:26:10

a Winnebago man sort of viral situation

1:26:13

in the Tim and

1:26:15

Eric heyday of montaging

1:26:18

people who really aren't camera

1:26:20

ready into an extended self-referential

1:26:23

sketch. Those old

1:26:25

photos of him looked like actual old

1:26:27

photos of him, which is an interesting

1:26:29

puzzle piece, including on set at the

1:26:31

kids show, which is... Yeah. Yeah. If

1:26:35

I were an old guy like that with that

1:26:37

accent at that time and I saw Winnebago man

1:26:39

go viral the way it did in the early

1:26:41

days of video on the internet, I'd be very

1:26:43

tempted to try to make that happen for myself

1:26:45

if I was a strange old creep.

1:26:50

I think it's like his son or

1:26:52

something. His son had

1:26:54

a wild hair to try comedy in. I

1:26:58

think he really did run for that

1:27:00

school. Okay. Are

1:27:05

those supposed to be real things that he did?

1:27:07

Like did he make out with a dude? No,

1:27:09

that was his nephew's invention, but smoking a

1:27:11

bong is real for him. Did

1:27:14

he steal his granddaughter's ADD medication?

1:27:17

I don't know what his nephew's... I

1:27:20

don't know what was his nephew's contribution of

1:27:22

what's real. Yeah. Because my problem... I bought

1:27:24

the peacock bass. I buy the... I have...

1:27:26

Like when he was doing the I can

1:27:28

palm a basketball, I just feel like this

1:27:30

guy's just going to show us everything he

1:27:32

can do. But do you

1:27:34

believe... I believe that his mother shot

1:27:37

during labor and do not believe that

1:27:39

the turd shot over the doctor. Yeah.

1:27:43

I knocked off his glasses. I

1:27:47

love that's the only one you don't believe. That's the

1:27:49

only one I don't believe. Okay. Here's

1:27:53

a quote from the Honeycutt

1:27:55

guy. My son of a bitch nephew, Ronald, I knew

1:27:57

what he was doing. Like I said, I drink a

1:27:59

little... And pretty soon he was asking questions

1:28:01

about my sex life and putting a didgeridoo in

1:28:03

my hand and I went with it. And

1:28:10

even after he didn't win the election, he kept

1:28:12

doing public appearances. Dr.,

1:28:15

there's a reporter here that

1:28:17

wants to interview you about

1:28:19

a baby that you delivered

1:28:21

many years ago. All

1:28:23

right. Yeah, I've got a few minutes. I've got

1:28:26

a little bit of a break here, Sean. Okay.

1:28:30

All right. What can I do for you? So

1:28:34

I'm looking into some

1:28:36

rumors from the new candidate.

1:28:39

Well, actually something he puts in his campaign

1:28:41

ad. New candidate? I'm sorry.

1:28:43

The politician? Oh,

1:28:45

I should have specified. You're probably going

1:28:48

to think congressman or president or something. No. For

1:28:50

the school board, the local school board, there's an

1:28:52

ad going around. Okay. He

1:28:54

claims that there was a

1:28:56

delivery many years ago here where a

1:28:59

woman was in labor for, let me check my notes,

1:29:01

64 hours. Okay.

1:29:04

And it lasted so long that

1:29:06

at one point she

1:29:08

strained so hard she shut out a

1:29:10

turd. Okay. Which

1:29:13

knocked off a doctor's glasses

1:29:15

and I have tracked it down and

1:29:17

traced it to this

1:29:19

hospital and you being the- Yeah.

1:29:22

Okay. Well, I'm not allowed to comment on

1:29:25

the medical history of any individual patient, including

1:29:27

a child who's just been born, but I

1:29:29

can tell you generally, yeah, that happens. It

1:29:33

happens a lot that- Happens often

1:29:35

enough- Women in long labor. And

1:29:37

for a long labor, my eyes get tired, so

1:29:40

I put on my actual spectacles instead of wearing

1:29:42

contact lenses and- Yeah. Sometimes

1:29:44

after a long labor like that, there

1:29:47

will be a bowel movement and it'll sort

1:29:49

of shoot out and ping off my spectacles.

1:29:52

My spectacles will crack or fall on the

1:29:54

floor and it's a slippery situation. I'll

1:30:00

sort of fumble around on the ground trying to

1:30:02

get my spectacles. I'll put them back on upside

1:30:05

down or otherwise have them

1:30:07

smeared with fecal matter or other medical

1:30:11

fluids or... We've come to a

1:30:13

different doctor's office, same reporter. Well,

1:30:16

of course, you know that I

1:30:18

am not at liberty to divulge

1:30:20

any patient's information. I'm

1:30:22

not able to do that. But what I can tell you

1:30:25

is that roughly in the

1:30:27

time period that you're asking about, I

1:30:29

did treat somebody in the

1:30:31

medical professional, in the medical

1:30:34

profession for conjunctivitis, which

1:30:36

is more commonly known as pink eye. That

1:30:39

comes from E. coli being in

1:30:42

someone's eye. I

1:30:44

cannot help you draw any conclusions. I can

1:30:46

only believe... Would it be possible to have that with

1:30:48

your glasses on? Or

1:30:51

is it possible that a

1:30:54

woman could be in labor, pop

1:30:57

out a turd and it go directly into a

1:30:59

doctor's eye? Is that possible? Again,

1:31:02

my understanding of the situation

1:31:04

as you asked about it

1:31:06

is that a

1:31:08

turd that, again, I cannot comment on

1:31:10

for any individual patient, ends

1:31:13

off a pair of eyeblasses.

1:31:16

We come to a labor lawyer's office. Well,

1:31:20

of course, I can't speak to any

1:31:22

clients I may have had in the

1:31:24

past. Of course. Yes. That

1:31:27

would be considered a workplace injury and a

1:31:29

long-term disability if someone was pinged in the

1:31:31

eye by a piece of human

1:31:33

feces. Through

1:31:36

the E. coli in the feces, they got pink eye,

1:31:38

yes. I have represented

1:31:41

someone that that's happened to against the

1:31:43

hospital group. And I had brought

1:31:45

in another doctor, very pleasant,

1:31:47

friendly doctor, who came

1:31:50

to testify to the facts of that matter

1:31:52

in a court proceeding. So

1:31:54

that's a yes that did happen. It may

1:31:57

or may not have. We cut to

1:31:59

a tarot card reader. Now,

1:32:01

I'm not allowed to divulge the readings

1:32:06

that I give any clients. That's part of

1:32:08

the information of the client. Well, that's a

1:32:10

code that I follow. Okay. It's

1:32:12

a personal reading, but

1:32:16

I will say that occasionally when you're giving

1:32:18

a reading, the turd card comes up. It's

1:32:20

rare. It's one of the rarest cards

1:32:22

in the tarot deck, but when the turd card comes

1:32:24

up, that person or

1:32:27

somebody that person loves has

1:32:29

had some first-icle business

1:32:31

with the turd occur. I

1:32:34

can't confirm if that was anybody in this town or

1:32:36

on the day that you're asking about, but

1:32:39

I can't confirm that I've had it happen with some

1:32:41

clients. And we cut

1:32:43

to a convenience store that sells baby

1:32:46

wipes. Really

1:32:50

a convenience store? You can't tell me who was in

1:32:52

here? Sorry,

1:32:54

we're not at liberty to divulge

1:32:57

any information of any individual customers

1:32:59

against our oath. You can't

1:33:01

tell me if some guy came in here,

1:33:03

shit covered, I'd need to buy some baby

1:33:05

wipes. That seems like a funny story to

1:33:07

get passed around the clerks here. I

1:33:10

mean, I can't tell you that, but

1:33:12

I can point you in the direction

1:33:14

of a specific VHS security tape

1:33:16

that we have kept behind the

1:33:18

counter for many years. If

1:33:23

you happen to be around when- We

1:33:26

cut to the Congress, the guy

1:33:28

running for school board in his

1:33:30

own home, watching an ad

1:33:34

by the

1:33:37

person up against him on school board, and

1:33:39

it shows how he lied. It

1:33:41

shows this slow motion footage of

1:33:44

his- It

1:33:47

has both the doctor

1:33:50

walking into the convenience store to buy

1:33:52

baby wipes with a shit covered eye.

1:33:54

It has footage of the

1:33:56

doctor. without

1:34:00

glasses getting shat in the eye No

1:34:05

Well Mr. Uncle Lloyd

1:34:07

Revere This is the best I can

1:34:09

do not having any video experience That'll be

1:34:11

fine while we pop And

1:34:13

same humans Holy shit, Hillary

1:34:16

brought it back around Neil

1:34:20

Casey, tell us about this

1:34:22

podcast you're doing lately Plug

1:34:24

it in please I am doing

1:34:26

a podcast with Ike Downholz and

1:34:29

Lisa Gilroy It's

1:34:31

the next in the lineup of the podcast

1:34:35

that Amy Poehler is producing over with

1:34:37

Pinker Kite It's

1:34:40

sort of a parody of the blowhard

1:34:43

male podcast

1:34:45

host who's coming for

1:34:47

redemption into mainstream society after having messed up

1:34:50

in the past and I pay his play

1:34:52

his best friend, the professor his

1:34:55

long time buddy from stand-up who he

1:34:57

drags along to every project he does

1:35:01

and I recommend people listen to it wherever you

1:35:03

listen to your features The Chris

1:35:06

Chapman do-over That is funny Will

1:35:10

Who do you want us to go? Screw

1:35:12

it, we're just going to talk about the Beatles podcast I

1:35:14

do with Brett Morris and a couple people Now

1:35:16

you might say, boy, do we need any more

1:35:18

documentation of the band of Beatles and

1:35:20

our podcast is here to say yes So

1:35:24

come listen to us talk about the Beatles and

1:35:26

all Beatles news and insights We're about to do

1:35:29

an episode on the recently released Red album The

1:35:31

Greatest Hits which they've released

1:35:33

a remixed version of We

1:35:35

will be discussing the remixed

1:35:37

versions of songs that you

1:35:39

already know That's the

1:35:41

first album I had was the Red

1:35:44

Me too, me too Yeah, for a lot of

1:35:46

people Okay,

1:35:48

Hilary, tell us where we can find you I

1:35:52

am up with Sentimental Lady I

1:35:54

think it's the first Thursdays at

1:35:56

UCB at 7pm and

1:35:58

with Queen George the second Friday is

1:36:00

the UCB at 8 30 p.m. That's

1:36:03

awesome. Brett, we've

1:36:05

been talking about the 40 fan

1:36:09

initiative. If I can get 40 subscribers

1:36:11

in a city, I will

1:36:14

go do improv for humans there and do

1:36:17

a workshop there. So

1:36:19

New York and LA we already seem to have

1:36:22

that. Chicago seemed

1:36:25

very very close to that. That

1:36:27

wasn't surprising but

1:36:30

after that did you did you notice did you

1:36:32

look you sent me the breakdown did you look

1:36:34

yourself? Yeah I took a look

1:36:37

it looked like Austin. Did you see? That

1:36:39

also was not surprising but um

1:36:42

I guess it was Seattle and Portland. I

1:36:45

think we're very close. More

1:36:48

close than Austin actually. So

1:36:51

Seattle and Portland get it going. I'd

1:36:53

love to return there. Portland was very

1:36:55

nice to me for my stand-up special.

1:36:58

Also Boston very

1:37:02

close to 40 so get it going

1:37:04

there. By the way if you refer

1:37:06

you can give people a referral link

1:37:09

for your subscription to improvforhumans.com and if

1:37:11

you get four people to sign up

1:37:14

your own subscription is

1:37:16

discounted. That's great that sounds

1:37:18

like something improv group should do because we

1:37:20

are not just presenting improv

1:37:22

for humans with a bonus

1:37:25

episode ad free. We

1:37:28

also have two other feeds on

1:37:30

behind the improv for humans.com paywall.

1:37:32

One the best taste in

1:37:34

the universe that's more whimsical and me

1:37:37

giving out music and sci-fi stuff I'm

1:37:39

into but the meat is in the

1:37:41

professor besser feed where

1:37:44

we just had a greatest comedy of

1:37:46

all time podcast we talked about Norman

1:37:48

Lear and Tommy Smothers.

1:37:50

We've had some answering the humans

1:37:53

podcast where we've

1:37:55

discussed discussed

1:37:57

or debated. With

1:38:00

the Mr. Will Heinz the

1:38:02

the future of the herald.

1:38:05

At What what is it? has

1:38:07

there been any other majors declarations

1:38:09

will since we last discussed. The

1:38:12

last one was eye opening your

1:38:15

dead now we did with was

1:38:17

talking about in other news since

1:38:19

then but more common More more

1:38:21

revelations are becoming totally sucked. It.

1:38:25

Up and so you can. You may

1:38:27

have been instead seeley them. As

1:38:29

dire as crazy talk meals crazier I

1:38:31

guess you know the next single be

1:38:33

how clowning it's integrated into improper. Think

1:38:35

that's the next big nose and at

1:38:37

assume. Us illegally our

1:38:40

personal plaza. Here Course

1:38:42

Birth always. Yeah, I'm the movie

1:38:44

Disloyal Neighbors just came out. You

1:38:47

can watch it on Sutter. And

1:38:49

I think there might be a

1:38:52

few screenings in theaters to I

1:38:54

compose the score, did all soundtrack

1:38:56

but he ran. Sir

1:38:58

Prog: Rock Face Splatter

1:39:00

Comedy. There's lots of

1:39:03

practical saxon do better than

1:39:05

puppets and. Processed.

1:39:07

In it's it's a lot of

1:39:09

fun. I think the fans of

1:39:11

the show would like it when

1:39:13

oil called again. Destroy! Our neighbors

1:39:15

are destroy all neighbors. Check it

1:39:17

out and keep being human. And

1:39:23

Process Humans is produced by Matt

1:39:25

Besser, the Brits smartest sees me

1:39:27

to. Do with you wherever you get your.

1:39:29

Phone costs for around three or

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five bonus scenes from the new

1:39:34

episode it's Places Discord and he

1:39:36

says he did live broadcasts into

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the craft as improve Plus Music.

1:39:41

Concerts either an assassin cream

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Them Limited series. improves

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