0:00

If you enjoy this episode , we would love it if

0:02

you would leave us a review , give us a follow

0:04

or a like and share it with your friends . Thanks

0:07

, rebels .

0:11

To even question what you've

0:13

been told is true is incredibly courageous

0:15

. It doesn't always feel like courage

0:17

. What looks like courage to other people , for

0:20

me it feels like survival .

0:22

This is our personal medicine .

0:24

If I'm surrounded by thinkers , by lovers

0:26

, by passion , by integrity , then

0:28

I really do think that I know who I am . There is a

0:30

piece that is indescribable

0:32

when you're being who you are and you're living

0:34

your purpose Not going to come to the end of my life

0:36

and be like I didn't live the life I was meant to

0:38

live .

0:39

Can I be so comfortable in the unknown

0:41

and so comfortable in that uncertainty

0:43

that every version of it is going

0:45

to be okay ?

0:47

This is the Inner Rebel podcast

0:49

.

0:58

Hey rebels , Just a heads up that our conversation

1:01

today deals with very adult themes

1:03

like sexuality and adult language .

1:05

All right , Welcome , rebels

1:07

, to a very special episode

1:10

. Today we are joined by Siobhan

1:12

Wolfolk . Welcome , Siobhan . Hi

1:14

Siobhan , Hello .

1:16

Hi ladies .

1:18

Currently , Siobhan is a marketing lead

1:20

that serves the Latino community

1:22

, and her day job In the evenings and

1:24

on the weekends she is a

1:27

life coach and fashion stylist , which

1:29

is amazing . I love that you say you're a stylist

1:31

from the inside and out , which

1:33

is so critical , and I know we'll unpack that more

1:35

today . She just started her own company called

1:38

Style and Folk , so she can start serving more

1:40

women . She is a

1:42

Black Zikana who leads with love

1:45

, joy and a bit of humor , and

1:47

I love that you said my energy is absolutely

1:50

contagious , so come get some . Which

1:53

we will begin some today . Siobhan was

1:55

born and raised in Southern California , graduated

1:57

from the University of Denver and then quickly moved

1:59

back to California to work in

2:01

advertising , and after

2:04

three and a half years in advertising , she

2:06

packed her bags and moved to Madrid

2:08

, spain , which I feel like you're

2:11

going to inspire me to book a plane ticket

2:13

after we get off of this podcast . She

2:16

lived in Madrid , spain , for 10 years , with

2:18

four summers in Italy so

2:20

dreamy and afterwards , one

2:22

year in Ecuador , with some time in Uruguay

2:25

, and two years in Brazil oh my goodness . She

2:27

moved back to the US in 2016 to be

2:29

caregiver for her grandmother and father , and

2:32

I love your adventurous hobbies

2:34

. She's a salsa dance instructor , a boxer

2:37

, a writer , a songwriter

2:39

, a comedic writer , a model , a

2:41

swimmer , a lover of all board sports

2:43

. We share that skating , snowboarding , surfing

2:45

, a nonprofit collaborator , a

2:48

legit kid whisperer Great

2:50

. You can meet my son , jack , and an awesome

2:52

friend . Welcome to

2:54

yeah hi .

2:57

It's been our time .

2:59

Is that all our time ? Yeah , signing

3:01

off , that's all anyone needs to know

3:03

.

3:04

That was a great introduction . Thank you , ladies

3:06

, so nice to be here . There's

3:09

no boxes holding you in no

3:11

, no , and that is very intentional

3:13

.

3:14

Well , we love to start our podcast by

3:16

asking a question , because this is

3:18

all about breaking out of boxes , all about

3:21

standing in our authenticity . So

3:23

we want to know who you

3:25

thought you were supposed to be . So who did

3:27

society , or what does society , say that

3:29

you're supposed to be , and who are

3:31

you ?

3:31

actually , wow , I

3:33

love that question . Okay , so

3:36

who did society say that I'm supposed to be ? I

3:38

grew up very much like a little

3:40

bit shy and still a little bit

3:42

of a ham , like liking to perform and stuff

3:44

more like with the family and people

3:47

I know , and then people I didn't . I'd be kind of shy

3:49

and probably friends that are listening to this

3:51

are like what you

3:54

were shy once . I just made you . It's like what

3:57

? Yes , this is a lot

3:59

of personality here .

4:01

I don't think it's a lot , but I'm surprised

4:03

to hear that you're shy . I'd like to hear more about that .

4:06

So yeah , I was supposed to be this shy girl that was

4:08

a perfect kind of straight

4:10

A student and didn't ruffle any

4:12

feathers or anything like that . That was going under

4:14

the radar but also drawing in clubs and all

4:16

of that kind of stuff . But I still had my boundaries

4:18

and now I

4:20

am what my

4:23

friends call a black unicorn

4:25

. I am all over

4:27

the place . My favorite thing to do is to meet

4:29

people and to learn about them and

4:31

their background and their stories and their culture

4:34

. I'm very outspoken . I'm very much an extrovert

4:36

. I still have that time every

4:38

now and then I'll go to a party and

4:40

I'll be a little bit shy . Those that know

4:42

me , it freaks them out . It happens every now and then

4:44

, but no , for the most part I

4:46

am just like , like you said , which is , I

4:49

just want to spread this love and this joy

4:51

and this humor to everyone

4:53

and I don't let anything get in my way

4:55

. And when someone says that this doesn't

4:57

fit , I don't fit the mold of doing

4:59

something , oh , I want to do it . So

5:01

bad , then I want it . This

5:05

is like the whole reason why I did a triathlon

5:07

, like the swimming portion of a triathlon because

5:10

quote unquote black people can't swim . And

5:14

then another one . This is exactly why I started

5:16

surfing , because , quote unquote black

5:18

people don't surf . Black people are scared

5:20

of water . That's the whole thing

5:23

. It's the whole thing . It's the whole thing . I

5:25

didn't know that , yeah , neither did

5:27

I , to be honest . And then I learned about it later

5:29

and I'm like , ooh , I want to do all the

5:31

things . And then boxing

5:33

too . Oh , that's a men's sport . Well , guess

5:36

what ? No , it's not . So , yeah , pushing boundaries

5:38

.

5:41

Can I ask a little bit about that shyness , because

5:43

it doesn't sound like that's really

5:45

a part of your nature . So what is your relationship

5:48

to that now ? You say it comes out now and then , but

5:50

was that something that you felt you grew out of

5:53

or had to overcome , or

5:55

do you understand in retrospect what that

5:57

shyness was about when you were younger ?

5:59

Yeah , I'm a firm believer of

6:02

your surroundings and your environment

6:04

playing a big part of who you are and

6:07

helping to mold you right Sometimes

6:09

helping , sometimes not . And so there

6:12

were a lot of situations , I would say , where it's just

6:14

like , hey , keep it down , be quiet

6:16

. You know things like that . And I think it just kind of

6:18

sticks to you and you're just like , okay , I need to be quiet

6:20

or I need to do this , I need to do that . And

6:22

for a while you just kind of figured out that it doesn't work for

6:24

you and that's not something

6:26

that you should have tried on because that wasn't for

6:28

you . And that's what happened to me . I realized that that wasn't

6:31

for me and also

6:33

I was kind of doomed anyways , because if

6:35

you have ever met my mom or dad

6:37

, it's like they are full on , they

6:40

light up a room , like whenever they

6:42

step into it . They would light up a room . They will

6:44

pass now , but like when they stepped into the room , it was

6:46

just like whoa , you

6:48

know a lot of energy , a lot of positive energy

6:50

. So it's like I knew I was destined

6:52

to be a big mouth .

6:55

Was there a specific moment or a

6:57

time in your life where you're like this

6:59

no longer works for me , where

7:01

you started to push those boundaries

7:04

and embrace your bigness

7:06

and your boldness ? Is there a specific

7:09

time of your life where you're like it's time ?

7:11

Oh yeah , I can tell you exactly when that

7:13

was . So I took a program Some

7:16

people know about it . It's called Landmark Education

7:18

and they have like various levels and stuff like that to kind

7:20

of just get you right where you

7:22

know you should be and where you want to be

7:24

, you know and helps you take

7:26

the boundaries and the blocks that you've put there yourself

7:29

. You've put them there yourself , but it

7:31

helps you take those blocks away so that you can be

7:33

who you're meant to be in this world . So

7:35

I took that and it was really funny

7:37

because I thought I was taking it because I got

7:39

laid off and I was having trouble looking for a job

7:42

. It was like 20 years ago and I realized

7:44

that was not why I was supposed to take that

7:46

course . I was supposed to take that course because I

7:48

was supposed to dig deep in my past

7:51

and how my past

7:53

dictated very much who I was today and how

7:55

I was bringing a lot of things that weren't fit for

7:57

me into my current status , and

7:59

so I cleaned up a lot of relationships . I

8:02

had had a lot of conversations

8:04

with people and also

8:07

the biggest thing I got from it was

8:09

how to be community and how when

8:11

your life is about you and

8:14

only you , it gets very dramatic

8:16

. It is very telenovela , very

8:18

telenovela , very soap opera . It gets

8:20

dramatic when it's about you . When you start pushing

8:23

that out and being of service to other people

8:25

in your community , then it's

8:27

like that's where the party time begins , right

8:29

. So that's what that program taught me and actually

8:31

from that program I got a job right away

8:34

and saved up money and

8:36

went to Spain . I didn't have a home there

8:38

, I didn't have any friends there , I wasn't like

8:40

100% , even though I'm Latina

8:42

, I wasn't super fluent in Spanish , I didn't

8:44

have a job . I just kind of arrived there

8:47

like Mary Tyler Moore and threw out my

8:49

hat at the airport and that was it , let's

8:51

go . And I stayed there for 10 years

8:53

. I have arrived and I stayed there for 10 years

8:55

. So , yeah , that was what helped me , that self-helps

8:58

and self-development , and I'm still

9:00

doing it . I'm in a course now Like I am 100%

9:03

about that life now , because I believe

9:05

that growth starts with you . You can't expect

9:08

differences in your life if you're doing the same

9:10

thing over and over again . You've

9:12

got to produce some change and that's when my life gets

9:14

good with that change . That was a long

9:16

answer .

9:17

That was a perfect answer . Also , you and Melissa

9:19

have that in common right , melissa ? It was

9:21

landmark for you . That also really sparked

9:23

a change .

9:24

It's kind of how we met too , through our landmarks . So

9:27

it was my introduction to personal

9:29

growth work and it was my introduction

9:32

to doing it outside of reading

9:34

a book , because I think a lot of people think you can just read a

9:36

book about this stuff and then be magically transformed

9:38

, which is total bullshit . You need to get in community

9:40

about it and you need to get witnessed and you need

9:42

to witness other people and you need to have that mirror

9:45

and without it I mean you

9:47

can read books . I think they're great support structures

9:49

to reinforce things and

9:51

it's the actual getting into action around

9:53

it in your life that makes all the

9:55

difference .

9:56

Yeah , and you know what Do ? Sharing your life

9:58

. That is the big key for me now

10:00

. Like whenever I'm about something and I want

10:02

to start something new , I share it . You know

10:04

why ? Because I put it in place of

10:06

being my word , and then what I say

10:08

is what happens . So I know that

10:10

when I say it now

10:12

I got to make it happen . So if I want something

10:15

to really happen in my life , even if I'm not

10:17

ready , I got to start telling people about it . Because

10:19

once I do that , it happens . Yeah , say

10:21

it out loud , being your word , yeah . So

10:25

it's a real thing and it comes in clutch .

10:26

Are you willing to share a few more of

10:28

the belief systems that you were unpacking

10:31

during that time , like what you felt

10:33

you had to heal or resolve in yourself , to

10:35

kind of come into your

10:37

own now ?

10:38

Yes , so in this meeting

10:40

I'm about to break it down as

10:43

long as you want it to be , yeah

10:46

, okay , cool , cool , all right . So here's

10:48

where I got so much out of it . Good , but

10:52

basically I came from a home where my parents divorced when I was like three

10:55

or four and then my mom remarried when I was like four

10:57

or five and then I think it was like nine years

10:59

old , we got a little brother . So I had my older

11:01

brother from the previous marriage we share the same mother

11:03

and father and then my little brother was born

11:05

through the second marriage , right , and

11:07

they got a divorce when I was like 14

11:10

. And stuff went down to like , I

11:12

mean , it was awful and

11:14

check this out , I'm like 13 , 14

11:16

, but what I got was people leave

11:19

, people don't stick around

11:21

, don't fall too in

11:23

love or close with someone , because it could go

11:26

any second and men

11:28

can't be trusted because they leave all the time

11:30

and they don't care . And

11:32

that was like my whole story . So like the way

11:34

I was interacting with relationships and

11:36

men and people and everything

11:39

was like , oh my God , even when my friends

11:41

would become friends with my friends , I'm

11:43

like , oh , I'm cut out , it's it , it's over . This

11:45

is it Like , instead of coming from

11:47

a space of like oh my God , all

11:49

my friends are friends now , which is what I'm like . Now , when

11:51

my friends meet my friends , I am

11:53

doing the little happy dance Like

11:55

, but it was not like that before

11:58

. It was full on jealousy , like

12:00

where'd you guys go , what'd you guys do , like

12:04

so . So , yeah , that's what happened . You

12:06

know , I had trust issues and so I

12:08

looked at that in the program and I had to

12:10

have a conversation with my dad , and I

12:12

had to have a conversation with my ex-stepdad

12:14

too , and I hadn't talked to him like 15 years . So when he

12:16

got my call , he was like wait , what ? So

12:20

yeah , and I cleared it all up . I

12:22

cleaned it all up with both

12:24

of them and got apologies

12:26

. I was even able to apologize too , because

12:29

I had to accept some responsibility on my own

12:31

as well , and I

12:33

look at men differently . I look at relationships

12:35

differently . I look at people differently

12:37

. You know , it's been a long time coming Like

12:40

, like forgive .

12:41

What you're saying is so beautiful

12:43

and so important and

12:46

when we identify a

12:48

belief of some kind that we've been playing out

12:50

, we've been playing out a pattern in our lives , and we start to

12:52

understand or connect to the root of it . I

12:54

think it's one thing to start making that

12:56

connection , like understand it intellectually , and

12:58

another thing to actually break the

13:00

pattern .

13:01

Right .

13:02

Clearing out a belief so that you no longer

13:04

operate from that belief is actually much more

13:06

challenging . So I'm curious

13:09

what is that process of integration

13:11

Like ? How do you then go into the next relationship

13:13

and consciously make those shifts so

13:15

that you're not playing those trust issues

13:18

out anymore ? Or did you feel that it

13:20

was resolved and you were able to go in and

13:22

just see it more clearly ? You know

13:24

what I mean .

13:25

Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , I know exactly what you mean . It's

13:27

a very good question . I would say

13:29

that communication that's

13:31

the first word that popped up into my mind when you

13:33

were starting to ask the question . My communication

13:36

is so different now , like

13:38

, okay , so I have this thing called seasonal

13:40

boyfriends now it's amazing .

13:44

Explain .

13:45

Dude , if you're not about that seasonal boyfriend

13:47

life and you're single , I don't know what you're

13:49

doing . You're like you're married , I get it , but like

13:51

if you're not married , okay

13:56

, jess , please . Oh , it's so

13:59

great . It's so great . So seasonal

14:01

boyfriends are . And the best thing about seasonal boyfriends is

14:03

they know they're seasonal and you put that

14:05

out there on day one like , hey , this

14:07

is what's going on , okay , and

14:10

you're entering now in what we call the

14:12

summer season . You're

14:15

summer boyfriend of 2023 . Your

14:18

stay will be until

14:20

like around August , september We'll

14:22

see what happens and

14:25

let's just make this

14:27

the best time of our lives together

14:29

and be just very truthful about

14:31

what we do and what we experience and all that kind

14:33

of stuff . So it's dope . Now I'm leaning more

14:35

towards . I want that one person and I got my eye on

14:37

someone , but for a while , up

14:40

until like spring , it was like seasonal

14:42

boyfriends , that's what I'm doing . And part

14:45

of it can be like okay , I'm protecting my heart

14:47

, but also another part of it is like I'm

14:49

having a great time . And one

14:51

thing that's always be consistent in my life is change

14:53

. I'm never just living in one place

14:56

and doing one thing . I mean , you saw

14:58

from my hobbies right , I'm always doing something

15:00

and changing , and so I think that's

15:02

part of it too . But now that I'm older

15:05

I'm starting to feel like having that one

15:07

person would be nice , and

15:09

I know it's around the corner , but I'm still

15:11

phasing out the seasonal boyfriend thing .

15:13

You might need to explain this a little more

15:15

, at least to me .

15:17

It's communication . Like right now there's

15:19

10 men and just

15:21

10 men . There's seven who I'm sleeping with . That

15:23

is safe , though it's a condom situation . So

15:28

everybody knows about everybody

15:30

. Everybody knows the game . I am

15:32

not lying to anybody about anything

15:35

, it's a whole thing , but the

15:37

way that I'm able to do this is the

15:39

communication right and

15:42

what works for me and works for everyone .

15:44

What is the value you get out of the

15:46

seasonal boyfriend thing ? What are you learning from it

15:48

?

15:48

You know what the common denominator is with

15:50

all these men no , fucking me , me

15:55

, let's go here . So

15:57

the coolest thing about that

15:59

is it's the best way

16:01

to know who you are , because when

16:04

things start showing up repeatedly

16:06

, you're like , oh , that showed

16:08

up with like four people already . So

16:12

that's probably something that I should work on . So

16:15

that's cool . Another thing that's cool is

16:17

I get to experience like these great

16:19

human beings .

16:20

Like everyone .

16:21

It's this thing of like we get to go out , we do stuff

16:23

, or we stay home and kick back and watch TV . I have

16:25

these amazing conversations and

16:27

for , I think , for the first time in my life , I don't

16:29

feel controlled , which

16:32

is like how you're not supposed to fill a relationship

16:34

. You know how people say , like I'm his

16:36

and you know this person's mine , and all that

16:38

kind of stuff , like yeah , I understand that , but then

16:40

also there's this control

16:42

aspect that people confuse it with

16:45

us being partners . You know , like

16:47

I need to control the situation and

16:49

there is no control . It's not about

16:51

that . It's like like my friend

16:53

, he's coming over tomorrow and he sends me the stacks

16:55

. He's like I am so excited Cause we like plan this whole

16:58

day . You know we're going to go to the jazz

17:00

festival and then he's going to come hang

17:02

out and then he's going to like spend the night for the

17:04

first time . It's going to be like this

17:06

whole day of adventure . And

17:08

how exciting is that

17:11

? And he's super excited about , you

17:13

know , and that's the thing too , when I see them and they

17:15

knock on my door and it's like and

17:17

we hug each other and it's like so great and

17:20

a couple of met each other and they get along

17:22

. I think that when you come from a place of love and joy

17:24

, then that's what the fuck is going on

17:26

love and joy .

17:27

Yeah , that's exactly what I'm hearing is you're

17:29

in your joy , and this is something I just

17:31

wrapped up , a mastermind that I'm a part of , and

17:33

a woman in there who's become

17:36

a dear friend of mine . We talk about this a

17:38

lot , as it retains the sexuality

17:40

and the boxes that we have around . This is

17:42

the right way to be within partnership

17:44

. This is the wrong way to be . These are shameful ways

17:46

of behaving , and so she's like

17:49

I want to be the kind of woman that gets her nipples sucked

17:51

by six people at the same time . Like that's

17:53

who I want to be , and I want to be in that level

17:55

of joy . And it says so much

17:57

about who she is , cause she's just like I want

17:59

to have like unhinged

18:01

pleasure in my life and

18:03

have no more friends . She

18:07

doesn't live here , but yes .

18:08

This sounds like a future best friend . This is what

18:10

this sounds like .

18:11

Yeah , yeah , but just the ability

18:14

to live your whole life , completely

18:16

unapologetic about how

18:19

you find pleasure , how you find joy , and letting

18:21

it be even the seasonality of the boyfriend

18:23

. It's like , also , this works for

18:25

me in this season of life

18:28

, so it's non attachment to this being

18:30

how it is Ever . Yeah , it's like

18:32

this is how my passion and joy feel the

18:34

most expressed right now . I

18:36

have permission to change my mind If I want

18:38

to settle on one percent then great

18:41

, and I also feel like it's a really beautiful

18:43

social experiment of

18:45

seeing who you get to be in

18:47

these really intimate spaces Like

18:49

when we talk about being in landmark or we talk about

18:52

being in community and with the

18:54

mirror of other people's , being

18:56

in partnership with somebody in that way is a really

18:58

intimate experience . To let them be with

19:00

you as a whole woman , with

19:03

your body , and getting to know yourself

19:05

through the mirror of being in deep , intimate

19:08

relationships is also a really powerful tool

19:10

to get to know who you

19:12

are and what you enjoy .

19:14

I'm constantly reminded of who I am , and

19:17

it's a positive reminder now , too right

19:19

, because it used to be so negative , and

19:21

you know , I want to share this too . Okay , because this

19:23

is like , this is the big part , this is the part that I

19:25

left out before . So this is where

19:28

everyone kind of like gets closer

19:30

to the speaker . Okay , so everybody get closer to

19:32

speaker and I'm about to tell it oh

19:34

, this is like the juice . All right , so when You're

19:37

about ?

19:37

to .

19:39

So when the second father

19:41

, the stepfather , when he left , there

19:43

was this moment where and

19:45

I'm just gonna say you know , he cheated on my mom . So that was the whole

19:47

thing my mom was like this perfect little angel hilarious

19:51

, sweet , joyful , all

19:53

happy , all that kind of stuff . And so

19:56

giving like she was . So , the way she handled

19:58

this was like so , boss , move

20:00

, sweet , like she was just a sweetheart , the

20:02

whole thing . And there was . I remember

20:05

it being the time where we had missed him , because it was like this

20:07

was like our dad . Right , we missed

20:09

him . And finally they had been

20:11

talking and he was allowed to come and take us

20:13

out for the day and we were like so

20:15

excited and to this day I don't remember how long

20:17

it was , but it felt like a few months and

20:20

we're like daddy , daddy , daddy , cause we called him daddy too

20:22

. So he came and we asked the

20:24

door , we gave all these big hugs . We missed him so much

20:26

, me and my two brothers , and we were like , oh

20:28

my gosh , and we got all dressed up . We leave for like an

20:30

hour getting dressed up , like , okay , where are you going to take us

20:32

? Where are we going ? Where are we going ? Okay , I'm

20:35

just taking Corey , because that was

20:37

his blood Shit . And

20:40

that day is when

20:42

I decided two

20:44

things One , I got to be perfect , so I

20:46

don't let anybody down . Yeah , that means grades

20:49

, everything . I became the queen of Monerovia . I became the queen

20:51

of my city . I was the captain of the Schilling team , straight

20:53

A's . I'm like I'm going to be perfect and

20:56

also I'm going to find a way to

20:59

bring back control

21:01

, because I do not like

21:03

when the rug is taken from

21:05

under me and I'm not prepared

21:08

and the pain that comes with it . So I will

21:10

never allow myself to feel that pain

21:12

again and the only way that I can is if

21:14

I get close enough and I'm

21:16

going to find a way to use males

21:18

. So I was sneaking boys

21:20

into my room at night while

21:23

I was straight A student and doing all the perfect

21:25

things and no one ever knew it was my

21:27

dirty little secret and kept being

21:29

. This thing of this is how I'm going to dominate

21:31

men is through my sex , right , because

21:33

I also I don't feel ashamed exposing

21:35

this now . I'm a horny little bitch and

21:38

so it had . I mean it's

21:40

dick o'clock all the time , like you know what

21:42

I mean . It's clock o'clock right now . So

21:44

like it's a thing . So

21:46

I was using it for pleasure , for

21:48

me and then also to be able to be like OK , you're

21:50

done , you can leave now . No , you can't spend the night

21:52

by . I was controlling it and I was

21:54

like I'm going to get really good at it too , right ? So they'd

21:56

be like , oh , I want some more . I can control the whole

21:58

situation . And now the

22:01

sex is not like that , like it is very

22:03

much a thing of a connection with someone and

22:05

not a control . It's a I

22:07

am here with you in this moment and

22:10

this is all that is , and there's nothing

22:12

else attached to it of me trying to

22:14

get one over on you . And

22:16

how much more pleasurable

22:18

of an experience is that

22:20

I get to share that moment with

22:23

other people and feel like so good

22:25

about it and it doesn't feel dirty because I talk

22:27

about it , it's not a secret , and then I also

22:29

tell people about it , and so it's become

22:31

this really cool thing . Also , I'm just responsible

22:34

about sex . I'm very responsible about people's feelings

22:36

and interaction with me too , and

22:39

that's been a big change for the better .

22:41

I think a lot of people think that intimacy can

22:43

only be found with one person , and

22:45

I think what you're showing is that that's

22:47

actually not true . You can have deep

22:49

intimacy on a deep level with

22:52

many different people . And it's all

22:54

about what you said the honest communication . How

22:56

are you showing up in that space

22:58

? And there's probably a lot to

23:00

be gained from that . I mean , even when you're

23:03

talking about maybe the next

23:05

phase of life is to find one person

23:07

to spend your life with . You're probably

23:09

getting so much information about

23:12

who you are and what you want and

23:14

what you need .

23:16

Oh , you're saying all the yes , all

23:18

the right things , yes . And the other thing I want to add

23:20

to that is and I'm really glad that

23:22

this is the direction the conversation is taking , because

23:25

we haven't talked a lot about sexuality

23:27

on here- man I need to come back . I

23:30

know we have a little bit not like

23:32

this , and I think that it often

23:34

carries a lot of shame . Yes , yes

23:37

, a lot of shame . I used

23:39

to be the girl that , whenever

23:41

anything around sex came

23:44

up , my head to toe would turn bright

23:46

red .

23:46

Oh , bless your heart .

23:47

And I would honestly be like probably

23:49

the color of my dress that I might do and

23:52

I would want to just like crawl inside

23:54

of a turtle shell and I was so ashamed

23:57

and I grew up in a very conservative

23:59

Christian household and there was a lot

24:02

of like this is wrong , like you don't

24:04

do this , you do it with one partner , you

24:06

do it when you're married and if you're doing anything outside of it

24:08

, this is very , very wrong . And

24:10

I have spent the last decade

24:13

and part of my personal growth journey is actually

24:15

embracing human sexuality

24:17

, our need for pleasure , our

24:20

ability to decide who and

24:22

how we want to give our bodies

24:24

and really be a sovereign woman

24:26

in my own desire . But this is like

24:29

a big , important topic that every

24:31

woman deals with , because you're told not

24:33

to be this way and to be this way and that if

24:35

you have multiple partners , then you're a slut and

24:37

you can't do that , and so I think that

24:39

you are claiming well

24:41

, first of all , telling your backstory of what you've

24:43

had to work through to get to this place

24:46

, but also you claiming your desires

24:48

. You claiming how you want to be in partnership

24:50

is really liberating , and I think

24:52

women need to hear this , because you get

24:54

to be whoever the fuck you want in

24:57

partnership , and I love that you tie it

24:59

into a bigger intention of like this

25:01

is how I want to be in partnership . I want to be in

25:03

vulnerable communication . I want to be super

25:05

open with these people and you're really

25:07

intentional about the way in which you're interacting

25:10

, and that is very powerful

25:12

. So I just want to thank you for bringing

25:14

this to the table .

25:15

Yeah , I thank you for saying that

25:18

. It's very important to me because

25:20

I have lived a long life of I don't want to say

25:22

being quiet about it because I wasn't being quiet about it . I

25:24

was being quiet with certain people , like relatives

25:26

, which is so weird because

25:28

, even though my mommy and my daddy were really religious

25:31

, I told them everything , they knew everything

25:33

about me . So , like my aunts and my uncles

25:35

, those are the ones where I was like

25:37

which is so stupid , and

25:39

now my mother and my father have passed

25:42

, and it's so

25:44

weird because I didn't have to hide anything

25:46

from them anyways , but I'm more of myself

25:48

and it's hard to explain

25:50

, actually , you know what it's not hard to explain . So

25:53

I've just lost my mother and father , right

25:55

, and I've also lost my two grandparents , my

25:57

two grandmothers , at the same time . It's just a lot of

25:59

deaths that happen all at once and then

26:02

also , like my brothers , suffer from

26:04

addictions both of them and they have

26:06

a hard time dealing with the deaths and it's got them

26:08

further in their addictions , right . I'm so sorry

26:10

my mother and father . They died pretty young

26:12

. Life is short and this

26:14

is the only one I've got and

26:17

I would like to live it the way I would like

26:19

to live . Now . I have a higher power . I do believe

26:21

in God . I do , and that

26:23

is my higher power . That's

26:25

it . Like there's no

26:27

body , there's no mama , daddy , no more . Like there's

26:29

nobody else , like that's the only

26:32

one I need to worry about , so I

26:34

don't need to worry about anyone else . I was

26:36

at a work function and nobody

26:38

was dancing . I was the only one dancing for like the third

26:40

time and they're like oh my

26:42

God , I wish I had . And I'm like , because

26:44

this is my one life , what I'm not going

26:47

to have a great time and enjoy

26:49

this , and this is the only opportunity I got on this one day where

26:51

I can do that . I'm going to pass it up because of what others

26:53

are thinking about me . Yeah

26:55

, everyone's like . I wish I could do it . I'm

26:58

like you can't give me your hand . Give

27:00

me your hand , just choose it and

27:02

let's go out there . And

27:05

so , yeah , I ended up bringing a couple people

27:07

out , and then I've also taught salsa lessons

27:09

at that job . I'm very much like

27:11

come join me . This is our life , this

27:14

is our one shot and I don't want to waste it anymore

27:16

. So , yeah , I love sex and

27:18

I love spending my time with sex , and

27:20

I love that I've set my life up in a way

27:22

that anytime I get horny , I grab

27:24

my little phone and I go who

27:26

do I feel like today ?

27:30

Everyone listening is taking notes

27:32

.

27:33

Get your menu out . Yeah , yeah

27:36

, what . Who am I ordering for dinner tonight

27:38

? Yes , who wants to be my dessert

27:40

?

27:40

Yeah , it's so exciting that they're

27:42

so excited to see me . That's

27:44

what's so great . A lot of people are excited to see me

27:46

, and I'm excited to see them too

27:48

, and so that's why it works , because

27:51

they know what's up and I would never hurt

27:53

them and I never do it . I don't play any games

27:55

, you know . I will tell them honestly , and

27:57

then when I feel like something's changing , I'll

28:00

say hey , I think it's time for a conversation

28:02

. I just like to check in . Like is everything okay

28:04

? Are you still okay with this arrangement ? I'm

28:06

not trying to hurt anyone's feelings over here . You

28:08

know what I mean . It works .

28:10

Yeah , I love your example about

28:12

dancing and I kind of want to

28:14

pivot the conversation about really

28:17

seizing the moments for joy

28:19

and living your life of . I've

28:21

got this one day to feel this joy

28:23

and this one moment I'm going to take this . This

28:25

is a big part of the invitation that

28:27

you are of let's go live

28:30

life all out right In

28:32

every area of life . I know we're we focused

28:34

a lot on sexuality and intimacy

28:36

, but this is everywhere in your life , yes . So

28:39

why are you so passionate about that ? Why

28:41

do you want to help people be more expressed ?

28:44

Because I feel like I've taken so long to

28:46

be who I am and people don't

28:48

have to take that long . They really don't . And

28:50

you know , the kid whisper thing is a real

28:52

thing , like people drop their kids off at my

28:54

house . I don't know why . It doesn't look fun at all , I

28:57

don't like colors or anything and

28:59

it's so much fun because it's just

29:01

getting back to that innocence and

29:03

that fun that , like you know who my

29:05

best friend is and this is why I was laughing , melissa

29:07

because his name is Jack . I

29:09

call him JJ , because they call him

29:11

Jack , jack . His little cousins call

29:13

him Jack , jack , that's what everyone

29:16

called Jack . Jack .

29:17

He was Jack Jack from the incredible his first

29:19

birthday . Yeah , so yeah , they call him .

29:21

They used to call him Jack Jack , so his name is Jack and everybody calls

29:23

him Jack , jack , and I remember telling him

29:26

like cause , this is my best friend . He lives next door

29:28

. He's six years old . He's over here all the

29:30

time . As far as he's concerned , this

29:32

is his room . So when he gets mad

29:34

at me , he comes up to his room . We

29:36

do arts and crafts . We have so much

29:38

fun and he calls me . I got a walkie

29:40

talkie so he can cause . He know I'm phone

29:43

, yet he's six . So he's like she bought me . Come up play

29:45

. Like that

29:47

is my little rider

29:49

, die buddy , and he's amazing and

29:52

people see us together and hanging out and

29:54

that's my investment . Right Is like I

29:56

talked to him about how great he is . I talked

29:58

to him about the great things he does . I talked

30:01

to him about like you can do

30:03

anything . Also , another thing

30:05

is , too , he's a white male . He's a little future

30:07

CEO , and so I need

30:09

to make sure I'm instilling that DEI and

30:11

this future CEO . I

30:14

love that . Oh yeah , it's

30:16

just like we have the best time , and

30:18

the reason why we do is because it's

30:20

fun . We have fun . Everybody

30:23

knows when they come over to Siobhan's house it's going to be fun

30:25

. My parties are even fun . It's not like everyone's

30:27

sitting around drinking alcohol . They're like Siobhan

30:29

no one looks at their phones . I realized I

30:31

just haven't looked at my phone this entire part . I'm

30:33

like , yeah , that's why I planned it this way . We have

30:35

arts and crafts area , we've got a karaoke area , we've

30:38

got an 80s salon where you can do your hair like the 80s

30:40

. I have like little things and I think

30:42

that that's my whole life .

30:43

I think this is why I have always struggled

30:46

with adulthood . I am the same

30:48

as you . I have like a whole bunch of

30:50

kitties that feel like my best friends

30:52

, where I feel the most alive and I just want to

30:54

play . And I feel like ever since my early

30:56

20s , when I graduated school and I went to theater

30:59

school , so I was sort of in

31:01

the world of creativity right For a really

31:03

long time . I went to an art school . I wanted to talk to you about

31:05

that because I went to an art school at the age of nine

31:07

, so that was my world . And

31:10

then I went into grown-up land

31:12

and I found the adjustment . I

31:16

still think I'm struggling with

31:18

it . It's something about getting into

31:21

the land of grown-ups , getting into the land

31:23

of survival . It's like I can

31:25

show up with children , but it's very

31:27

difficult , I find , to bring that

31:29

same freedom and joy and play that

31:31

I once had into the

31:33

grown-up universe . I don't feel like

31:35

there's as many people willing to play .

31:37

Yes , jessica , yes , oh

31:39

my gosh . That is that's number

31:41

one right . People aren't

31:43

willing to play . It's like they kind of

31:45

forgot how to . I taught

31:48

for many years too , but usually , like

31:50

as a substitute teacher or a short term kind of

31:52

thing after second grade is when they take

31:54

away crayons and drawing . That

31:56

isn't that interesting . That's when we stop

31:59

dreaming and it's so important

32:01

. And so for me to have fun

32:03

and for me to make things fun

32:05

I love doing that . I mean even my

32:07

workouts . When I go into like little

32:09

workout groups , they're always like Shobon , why are you

32:11

always dancing when you're working out ? And

32:13

I'm like because I hate

32:16

it .

32:17

And so this is how I make it for us . This is my question

32:19

. This is what I find so inspiring

32:21

about you , because I think all of these grown-ups

32:24

are around you being like why are you dancing , why are

32:26

you doing this , why are you doing that ? And you're still

32:28

doing it and I think a lot of people would

32:31

let that shut them down , and I think what I'm

32:33

expressing is I think it has shut me down

32:35

. I think I show up in a lot of spaces and I don't actually

32:37

know how to let my silly out with those people

32:40

, and you seem to do it anyway .

32:42

First of all , Jessica , hang around me . That's going

32:44

to come out like in no time .

32:46

No , but she doesn't live here , she's an LA

32:48

.

32:49

I'm in LA all the time . I'm from there .

32:53

I was just there two , three weeks ago . Yeah , yeah .

32:55

This is a short-lived situation that you're dealing

32:57

with now . That's going to turn around , don't worry about it .

33:00

My friends listening , they're going to be pissed at me . A lot of

33:02

my friends are still very joyful and silly

33:04

and we play a lot , but I do find

33:06

that my self-expression in that realm

33:08

has definitely diminished

33:10

in my older years .

33:12

Yeah , well , let me tell you this . First

33:15

of all , the worst and most dangerous hood you could ever be

33:17

in is adulthood . That's bad

33:19

. Get out of that hood . It is the worst hood ever . This

33:22

is like I love all the other hoods , this one is

33:24

the worst . Yes , one of the things

33:26

I do . Here's a very good example . What

33:29

I try to do is I try , when I life coach , I try to get people

33:31

to think like this . One of the things I do

33:33

is when JJ and I go to , he loves the blue

33:35

store and the red store , walmart and Target

33:38

, so he calls them blue store my story . He loves it

33:40

, right , the blue store has like a thing

33:42

of balls , right , and the toy

33:44

section . So Whenever we

33:46

come across those balls , we're

33:48

playing with them right there and for everybody in the store

33:50

it's happening like this is just what's happening . So

33:53

I invite other people to play with us . Sometimes We'll

33:55

see what happens . I would , yeah . And so

33:57

the thing is and my mom used to say this

33:59

too so funny . Oh , they don't pay

34:01

my bills . These are the people . They don't pay my bills . I

34:04

pay my bills . Why am I worried about all these other people

34:07

? And I think that's it right

34:09

is that I am so concentrating on

34:11

making sure that little JJ has

34:13

a great life and a great time today with

34:15

me that no one else is

34:17

in my radar . And when I'm like

34:20

that and I'm fixated on having fun like

34:22

that , Often times I don't

34:24

have anyone coming over to tell me to tone

34:26

it down . I have people coming over to join

34:28

me and that's what I want to introduce

34:30

people to . You is like how can everyone feel

34:33

this self-expressed ? And this is

34:35

why I started this business , right , it's because I'm able

34:37

to life coach people On the inside

34:39

and then able to help them bring that out on

34:41

their outside so that they can dress and

34:43

feel like their outside matches

34:46

their inside . And then how lovely would

34:48

it be if it's spread into their house and I could help

34:50

them interior decorate so that their home even looks like

34:52

who they are . Right , we need

34:54

to get to . First of all , how can we make

34:56

everything around us reflect who we are ? You

34:58

know you're cheating people by

35:01

not giving them . All of you right , the

35:03

amazing you that you are . You really

35:05

are cheating people . And this was actually

35:08

helpful to me when it came to giving

35:10

, because I was always giving , giving , giving , but

35:12

I didn't like to receive or to ask . And someone told

35:14

me once Shavan , how do you

35:16

feel when you give to people ? And I said , I

35:18

feel amazing when I give to people and

35:20

in the thank-you's and the smile I'd like , oh

35:23

Well , you know that feeling . You feel right

35:25

there , you're robbing other people of that . Every single time

35:27

I'm like , oh gosh , I don't want to

35:29

do that , I don't want to be that person

35:31

, and so I feel like that . I feel like

35:33

I'm robbing people by not showing them who I

35:35

am and Inviting them to play along and

35:37

to get a piece of this . I think that's true and

35:40

so I love doing it , you know . And then guess

35:42

what , jessica , here's the cool thing when

35:44

someone tells me I'm being too much , or

35:46

someone tells me not here , or

35:48

this is not appropriate , whatever , guess what

35:50

. That's just that one time and that one

35:52

place and that one person who feels that

35:55

way .

35:55

Yeah , yeah , and they're probably not very self-expressed

35:58

in there .

35:58

Oh , yeah , anyway .

36:00

Yeah , yeah , I'm so sorry . You feel like you have to

36:02

tone yourself down and you're yeah about

36:04

me , but that's not about me .

36:06

That's one time you know what I mean , and out

36:08

of all of the other times . So

36:10

I don't concentrate on that one time , I

36:12

concentrate on all the other times

36:15

that me being who I am is

36:17

a gift to others . That's right . Yeah

36:19

, I'm still trying to get to the point where I believe

36:21

it myself , but like I get that part , you know what

36:23

I mean . I get that . Yeah , so that's

36:25

what it is . It's like we have got to do

36:27

that because you don't even know . Someone

36:29

came up to me in the office once

36:32

and said shavon , I was . I came into

36:34

work today and I was like I don't want to do this . I'm mad

36:36

at everybody , I hate it here . And

36:38

I said to myself Let me see what Shavon's

36:41

wearing today . And I looked at you and you have these bright

36:43

colors on . I was like , oh no , that was gonna make me feel so much

36:45

better . This like my whole day is better now because

36:47

of this . People underestimate how much

36:49

joy your presence can give to

36:51

someone . Yeah , and sharing your story

36:53

, I love all this goes

36:55

back to love over fear .

36:57

Yeah , yeah , mm-hmm .

36:59

How do you work through the fear moments ?

37:02

My favorite thing is to tell people this pretend

37:04

like it's not happening . Like that's my favorite thing . I go yeah

37:06

, just pretend like it's not happening . But they just told me off

37:08

. Yeah , just pretend like it's not happening . Hey , what are you doing

37:10

tomorrow ? Like that's one thing , okay , yeah

37:13

, the other thing is oh

37:15

, this is a great time for me to show you this . Oh

37:20

, here , f

37:22

e a r , false evidence

37:25

appearing real . Oh , yeah

37:28

, I love that . Oh

37:30

, so do I . So

37:33

that's what I do . I just think , hey , when I'm

37:35

starting to feel that thing in my stomach or a start , yeah

37:37

, I'm like it is just a second , it

37:39

is all in my mind and

37:41

just let it go , unless it's actually Endangering

37:43

my life . Like , will you die where

37:46

you be ? Seriously harm you won't , okay

37:48

. Well then go out there and dance in the middle of that crowd

37:50

. For absolutely no reason .

37:51

Yeah , I love that .

37:53

Yeah , you know what JJ does and I love it because I'm

37:55

starting to rub off on them . We'll be at the story . He'll come over

37:57

to me . Last time we happen , we were with his parents . She

37:59

won't come over here with music . Okay , I go over there right

38:02

next time . Here's the song is dance time

38:04

? Oh , dance

38:08

time . So , like I just joined in , we're

38:10

full on dancing in the blue store

38:12

, in the aisle . Everyone's like what is

38:14

happening . But , like he said , it's time to dance

38:16

and I'm like , I'm 100% about it .

38:18

Let's do it the thing I think about . So

38:20

dance is something that is so

38:22

accessible , such an opportunity

38:25

for self-expression , and we create

38:27

a lot of rules around it . Oh , I love

38:29

expectations around it , a lot of what

38:31

looks good , how you're supposed to move

38:33

, and I was scared to dance

38:36

until I was 25

38:38

Because I thought I'm bad at this

38:40

. It doesn't look the way it's supposed

38:42

to look like . I don't look like a professional

38:45

dancer and so I'm never gonna

38:47

do it . And I moved in with a roommate who

38:49

danced all the time and I swear , for years

38:51

we had like one to five

38:53

dance parties a week like legit dance

38:56

parties . We would just like blast music in our house and

38:58

we would dance all the time and we would go out to clubs and we

39:00

would dance and something switched

39:02

in me of like this is a way that

39:04

I get to express myself and to be

39:06

in my body of joy , and

39:08

I've done a lot of somatic movement therapy

39:10

over the last year and a half where I've Really

39:13

dropped into . It's safe

39:15

to be in my body , it's safe to move

39:18

her in ways that feel good for her

39:20

and I know what that looks like and I've

39:22

witnessed a lot of other female bodies

39:24

Moving . we do this in a very intimate setting and

39:27

I'm like she's so

39:29

beautiful , she's so beautiful

39:31

, she's so beautiful and we look

39:33

nothing like each other . And

39:36

and witnessing people in their raw

39:38

movement , just for the sake of moving

39:41

their body , is One of the biggest

39:43

gifts we can give to people . It's a

39:45

huge gift to get somebody else

39:47

in their joy body and being like

39:49

, yeah , how free she is . What

39:51

a freaking gift . Yes , okay .

39:53

I'm gonna tell you these two stories . We're like super

39:56

quick , okay . So the one thing that I do

39:58

, I love watching people dance and I

40:00

have to tell you like I know I'm a good dancer

40:02

and I'm not trying to be like brag here or anything like that , but

40:04

like I cheerleafed for like 12 , 14 years

40:06

and I've been a salsa dancing instructor for like 20

40:08

years Like is it my blood ? I get it . And my

40:10

favorite thing is watching someone

40:13

dance that quote-unquote

40:15

Isn't dancing the right moves

40:17

and probably not on the right rhythm

40:19

either , and they don't

40:21

give a fuck . I will stand

40:23

there and I will watch that person and I will dance with

40:26

them and I'm like I haven't the best time

40:28

of my life . I'm not making fun of this person

40:30

or anything like someone that is so expressed

40:32

and just out there dancing like that , like

40:35

Elaine on Seinfeld . I love

40:37

it . I love it . I want to join

40:39

it because it's bold , right and you're feeling

40:41

yourself and you're giving me all of the true

40:43

you . I love that about teaching people

40:45

to . They're there . I'm so scared I don't have sauce dance . I'm

40:47

like a yes , you do be

40:50

. You're about to learn how and see

40:52

, whatever you do to move that body it's

40:54

gonna be work , because that's you're like I didn't you know , I'll

40:56

help you get things kind of toned in

40:58

and , like you know , not going all crazy , but it's like I don't

41:00

want you to have your own way . That you dance

41:03

also , yeah , or that you dance . I

41:05

really love watching people

41:07

Truly be lost

41:10

in the music yeah

41:12

, mm-hmm . And especially when

41:14

no drugs are involved , like , yeah

41:16

, this is 100% me

41:19

, oh , I eat it up . I eat

41:21

it up . I love it .

41:22

Yeah , self expression and authenticity really

41:24

seemed to be at the heart of your

41:26

purpose and what you're passionate about , and

41:29

I know you created this program . Yeah

41:31

, it's called match match Match

41:33

education for children . I'd love you to to share a little

41:35

bit about that because you know , I mentioned

41:38

earlier I was nine and I went to

41:40

an art school that half the

41:42

day was the arts and the other half was academics

41:45

, and I think if I wasn't

41:47

in that scenario , I

41:49

don't know how I would have

41:51

survived my childhood . Genuinely . I

41:53

do not know how I would have gone

41:56

through a seven-hour day

41:58

of just sitting at a desk .

41:59

Mm-hmm .

42:00

I was just not wired for that , so

42:02

I had wait .

42:03

Hold on , jessica , but you get that . That's why that

42:05

was your journey , right ? What do you mean ? That's

42:08

why you took that journey is because you wouldn't have

42:10

survived without that . Yeah

42:12

, I'm a big believer . There are no coincidences

42:14

.

42:14

Oh , absolutely no , I mean I specifically

42:17

yeah , I wanted to be an actor as a

42:19

kid and I asked to go to the school , and

42:21

it was a school you had to audition for . I think they

42:23

took 60 kids a year , but absolutely

42:25

so . From grade four up until

42:28

graduating high school I was always

42:30

in an arts program , so most

42:32

of my school day was doing that , and

42:34

so I just feel so fundamentally , indimentally , how

42:36

important that is for kids and

42:39

how confusing it is to me that it isn't

42:41

more integrated into the system

42:43

for children . Yeah have more tools

42:45

and access to self-expression in different ways

42:47

. So can you tell us a little bit about what

42:49

inspired you to create that ?

42:51

Yeah , first of all , it's called match

42:53

, and match stands for music , art , technology

42:56

, culture and home act , and

42:58

I don't say match for kids because it sounds like

43:00

a dating website for kids and I don't want to go so

43:03

and I

43:05

really want this to work out , you know what I mean .

43:07

So I met my husband on match for adults

43:09

, yeah so you can get why this sounds

43:12

weird .

43:12

So , match , match education

43:14

I'm educating kids , not hooking them up with each other . So

43:17

one of the stories that I was gonna tell about

43:19

the dancing actually kind of ties into this . So I met

43:21

this girl like two years ago , in Juneteenth . This

43:23

is like little Latina girl , she's like 12 years old

43:25

and she was like giving it up at this Juneteenth

43:28

. It's like this big event that everybody knows of in Denver

43:30

where they do it outside there's like stages for different

43:32

little mini concerts all around you can spice up

43:34

from vendors , stuff like that . Anyways , in front

43:36

of one of the big stages there's this little 12

43:38

year old Latino girl that was just like dancing

43:41

her ass off , I mean on

43:43

beat , and she's just like getting it and I'm like , oh

43:45

my god . So actually she saw me dancing

43:47

and she came to me first and she comes

43:49

over to me and then I go oh my god , like

43:51

I love the way you dance , and we just start dancing and we're just

43:53

sitting there dancing for like 20 minutes . Her mom comes

43:56

over to me and says to me she

43:58

really likes the way you dance and she really

44:00

likes you and your whole vibe and everything like that I'm

44:02

telling you because she's deaf and

44:04

I'm like what she's like ? Yeah , she's listening

44:07

to the music by , she's feeling the vibration

44:09

on her on the ground , and so that's

44:11

how she's so on beat , and she loves dancing

44:13

. Oh , it's like I gotta love her even

44:15

more . So

44:18

I go there the next day and you know

44:20

, they told me , you know , this is like she's

44:23

dancing by herself and she's so expressed right

44:25

now and we love it that she's with you and she's doing all

44:27

this and all that kind of stuff . Like , oh my god , that's so cool . Next

44:29

day I go to the same place , the same Juneteenth

44:32

celebration , and I walk out real quick to put

44:34

something in my car and as I'm walking out , there's

44:36

this group of like 10 people and they're

44:38

coming for me and it is

44:40

her with like grandma , grandpa

44:42

, mom , dad , and they go . We heard so

44:44

much about you . She wanted us to come today . We couldn't

44:47

wait to meet you . That's why we came back and I

44:49

was like , oh my god . And so you see what

44:51

happens when you're self-expressed , and she

44:54

went out there and she danced with me and she was all

44:56

about that life and we're in contact

44:58

now . We're Instagram friends , it's a whole thing

45:00

, and so that is my goal

45:02

. I want all kids to feel that way . I want

45:04

all kids to be self-expressed , because right

45:06

now , today , schools

45:09

. Well , first of all , we have the same setup since

45:11

like I don't know how many hundreds of years . Why haven't we changed

45:13

that ? We don't even work in factories like we used

45:15

to , which is why we had it set up that

45:17

way . It's very slow

45:19

the progression of how Education

45:22

is changing , and also , I

45:24

think it's bullshit that we learn a whole bunch

45:26

of stuff that we know for a fact we

45:28

don't want to do when we're younger , right

45:30

? So what if there was a place

45:32

that existed that was like I could learn

45:34

something that I can't learn in school , like

45:37

if I'm 8-year-old boy and

45:39

I know for a fact I want to be a fashion designer

45:41

. That is my calling . Do you think there's a high school or

45:43

a middle school or elementary school ? I can go to learn

45:45

that . No , but you

45:47

can't it match . So what I provide kids

45:49

with are classes and courses that

45:52

are taught by people in the profession

45:54

. The teach kids , didn't show them

45:56

different options , you know , and I love doing it

45:58

for the less privileged schools

46:00

, because they look at mom and dad

46:02

or just one single parent , and they see what they do

46:04

and think that's what they have to do or what they're

46:06

gonna do to . Yeah , and also

46:09

there's this pressure . If I have to go to college too

46:11

, I went to college , I graduated from college

46:13

. It worked for me . It's not for everybody

46:15

. So what if there was a system to

46:17

wear ? You know that thing , starving

46:19

artists ? You know why we have starving artists ? Because we

46:21

don't invest in them early

46:23

. So this

46:25

is what I'm doing . I've done music production

46:27

class , where you learn about , like , how to Produce

46:30

your own music and make your own music and do your own

46:32

beats . Oh my god , that was the coolest to watch

46:34

kids do . I've done a wellness class

46:36

. I've done a 3d printing class Wow

46:39

, I've done a film class as well . I've

46:41

done an acting improvisation class and Denver

46:43

team that does improvisation in downtown Denver . They came

46:46

to top that class like so I

46:48

do ? What I do is I raise money and I just take them

46:50

to these schools and I just Talk to the principals

46:52

that I have good relationships with . They're like alright , you got my kids

46:54

for one day or for two days . I'm like sweet

46:56

, I love doing it with fifth grade . This is fucking

46:59

amazing . Fifth grade is a good age . Yeah

47:01

, I love it . You know what I'm gonna do , and

47:03

if anybody steals this idea , well , no

47:05

, working for him , right .

47:06

Yeah , I'm gonna collaborate with you on this

47:09

. This is , this is a chapter of

47:11

I feel her wheels turning .

47:12

So you guys have seen X-Men right , you

47:15

don't have . You don't know that much about X-Men to know this , but

47:17

this is the best way to match it up . You

47:19

know that X-Men house . That's what I'm gonna do . I'm

47:21

gonna build some badass kids with

47:23

superpowers . I want a big-ass mansion

47:26

. I want every single bedroom in that mansion

47:28

to be turned into a classroom that is

47:30

designed by kids . Now , everyone's

47:32

gonna be learning the same . You . You learn drawing . That's

47:34

what you're doing . Like , however , you learn that's what we're gonna

47:36

figure out a curriculum to make it for that . And

47:39

in the kitchen , kids will be learning how to like be

47:41

a chef and how to cook

47:43

for the younger brother and sister , because mommy and daddy

47:45

get Off work too late at night . So

47:47

I am 10 years old cooking for my five-year-old

47:50

little brother . You know , learn how to cook at this

47:52

thing . In the yard , back in the garden , you're

47:54

gonna be providing food for the chef and

47:56

the garage . Learn how to change a tire

47:58

or how to soup up your own car . In the basement

48:00

, there's a music studio . Learn about contracts , all

48:02

that kind of stuff .

48:03

Fashion designing , classroom all

48:05

that kind of stuff . It's like a full . I'm not in grade five

48:08

, but that's where I belong .

48:10

Yeah , we have political conversations

48:12

in the living room and you can be on opposite

48:14

sides , but we all get along together

48:16

. Riches of the rich , kids , poor . So the poor . Everyone's

48:19

learning from each other and this is their home . You

48:21

have a problem with your mom and dad . You want to run away

48:23

from home ? You call the center . I'll have a counselor

48:26

meet you there . You stay there , you stay safe . This

48:28

is what's happening . That's my man , she , and it's

48:30

happening . It's my five eight-year plan .

48:33

Can you imagine a world

48:35

in which children from a very

48:37

young age are taught that it's okay

48:39

to be who they are and To love

48:41

what they love and to explore their own

48:43

passions , and that they don't need to

48:45

be what other people tell them they have to be ? What

48:48

kind of world , yes , would we

48:50

then have ? Yeah , yes

48:52

, I can't imagine it , and it looks amazing .

48:54

You know , I tell people to you hear these stories about

48:56

people coming home and , you know , beating

48:59

their spouse because they're unhappy at work or

49:01

something happened . It's like we

49:03

are so unhappy a lot of people

49:05

are so unhappy because we're forcing these lives

49:07

that we feel Like we didn't choose , because

49:09

we didn't have the support of the knowledge of someone

49:11

to help us , to guide us . You

49:14

know what if , like little Tommy knew

49:16

he wanted to be a comedian at five and everybody

49:18

was on that game plan to make Little

49:20

Tommy a comedian ? Everybody the

49:22

parents were , the teachers were everybody you

49:25

better believe that when little Tommy

49:27

was out of high school , he'd be hilarious , he'd

49:29

be the best comedian movies . You know what I mean . Like what if everyone

49:32

Invested in this person's dream ? What

49:34

if this little person didn't know their dream and everyone

49:36

invested in them figuring that out ? That's

49:39

what this is gonna do .

49:40

Well , and that's who you're being , that's

49:42

how I'm being as a mom , that's the opportunity

49:44

that we have of anybody that chooses

49:47

to be more self-express , because

49:49

then you understand that you

49:51

don't have to try to make Somebody

49:53

be somebody that they're not . they're not

49:55

working on that , and yourself . So I think that

49:57

we're starting to do that in our generation

49:59

. We're starting to teach the kids that I

50:02

love what you're building and I'm 150%

50:05

on board with this and and then who

50:07

their kids get to be , and the ripple

50:09

effect of One person getting

50:12

this from themselves yeah , just one

50:14

is , yeah , amazing . The more

50:16

that we can encourage and invite and

50:18

teach people how and give them permission and show

50:20

them , the more that we do that for the younger

50:22

generations , the more that they do that and every

50:24

generation moving forward gets to be more liberated

50:27

in who they are . But , like it's not , yeah

50:29

, but we're gonna make it the norm .

50:31

You know what I mean . I don't like talking about politics

50:33

at all and I won't talk about politics , but I

50:35

will say this that one thing that this

50:38

whole entire world is confused about is

50:40

that we think that all these shootings are about the guns

50:42

. Right , and it doesn't matter if your foregons or

50:44

against guns , it doesn't matter , none of that matters . But the

50:46

point that I'm trying to make is that it's about

50:48

who we're raising To be

50:50

little , to be people in this world . How

50:53

are we raising them ? You know , how are we raising

50:55

them that they are filled with so much hate

50:58

, because you got to hate yourself so much , to kill so

51:00

Many people and to be about killing other people

51:02

. You really do so . How do

51:04

we get people , how do we get these kids to

51:06

start loving themselves and being

51:08

able to be who they actually are

51:10

and feel that they actually are , like

51:12

all these kids hiding from their sexuality and their

51:14

identities and their gender and all of that ? Oh my

51:18

god , you want to get my day crying on the morning . You

51:20

show me something about kids and them not being able to

51:22

express themselves . Oh , it is heartbreaking

51:25

.

51:25

This speaks to everybody . Though , this

51:27

speaks to everybody . Yes we have to

51:29

focus on the next generation , but everybody

51:32

listening is going to feel that

51:34

for themselves . I think the thing

51:36

that breaks my heart the most

51:38

is when people say well , that's just how the world

51:40

is , that's just how the world works . And

51:42

I hope

51:44

that what we'll take from this conversation

51:47

is that we choose . We

51:49

choose how the world is and we

51:51

choose it for our own lives , and I think

51:53

100% what you're doing for kids

51:55

and what you're , what you're representing in

51:58

the way that you live , is that we

52:00

get to make it any way we want

52:02

, and I hope whoever is listening

52:05

is able to take that away

52:07

With them .

52:08

Yeah , thank you so much for

52:10

being here Like this has been amazing

52:13

and I love the

52:15

permission that you are .

52:16

Mm-hmm . Oh , thank you . Thank you

52:18

so much for having me . I think these conversations

52:20

are so important and for anybody

52:23

listening to that struggling in that area

52:25

, give me a call , we get

52:27

you right .

52:27

I think everybody needs

52:30

to call Shafaa .

52:31

I know Well , I live near you

52:33

so we get to hang out and play .

52:35

Yeah yeah , Stalin folk calm

52:37

.

52:37

That's where I'm at . I love it . Well , thank you so

52:39

much . Thank you for spreading your light and your joy

52:41

and for being brave enough to

52:43

do it all over your life , all

52:46

the time , and for Doing the work that

52:48

you've had to do to be able to be that , because this

52:50

wasn't who you were and you've been very

52:52

intentional about becoming yeah , I

52:54

would say it's always who she was .

52:56

Well , there was a true , yeah

52:59

, I had to get those boundaries out the way .

53:00

But thank you again , to reiterate , thank

53:03

you for doing the work to allow

53:05

yourself to come forward . Yeah , I think

53:07

you said something so important and so

53:09

true around it's

53:11

. I think we've mentioned this on the podcast before , but

53:13

like who am I to ? You

53:16

know be all the things that I envision

53:18

for myself . And I think the question

53:20

is who am I not to ? Because

53:22

look at all of the people who

53:24

are going to be gifted by

53:26

the gift . Yeah , you are yeah , and so thank

53:28

you and it goes for you guys , for being

53:31

brave enough to be you oh .

53:32

Oh , thank you . Thank you

53:34

, thanks so much for having me . Ladies , this has been

53:36

so great and really has and thanks you

53:39

. You gave me the platform to be able to share who

53:41

I am , and so I'm very appreciative

53:43

for that too . Hmm , you're

53:46

welcome , sweet . I'll come back

53:48

here anytime you give me a call . And Jessica , yeah

53:50

, you will talk also chiffon .

53:52

When's your birthday ?

53:53

I knew you were wanting to know this , oh

53:58

.