Episode 11: Boundaries
What part is mine, and what part is yours
What I am responsible for, and what I am not responsible for
What I can change and what I can’t change
What is in my control and what is out of my control.
Unhealthy Boundaries-Boundaries that are set to influence other peoples behaviors are not boundaries
Healthy Boundaries-Boundaries that are set in response to peoples behaviors in effort to honor our needs, support our safety, to care for ourselves, what is in our best needs and others, is a boundary.
Healthy Boundaries are my responsibility not theirs: We release people from the job of tuning in to our needs, from anticipating our needs…
Examples: How could you? Why would you do that? If you really loved me you would…..
Instead, You now assign the job of tuning into your needs, anticipating your needs and caring for them.
People Pleasing (saying ‘yes’ to your ‘no’s,’ tolerating intolerable things in effort to please others)
Being a People Pleaser leads to resentment, relationship fatigue, ineffective interpersonal skills and ultimately conflict in the relationship that may end in a relationship breakup (with friends, family and partners).
If you say yes to too many things, you will be fatigued and end up resenting all that you have done. For example, If you say yes, to doing 5 things in a day, you will end up being angry, resentful….
Now, you take care of your needs, you anticipate them. So you say, “I would love to do that, but I am unable to this weekend, can we do that next weekend?”
RESENTMENT
Resentment is a sign that your boundaries have been broken, but by you. You didn’t honor your own needs. You may have:
To change this, you ask for what you need, you may hold people accountable to follow through. What that means is you give them a deadline, if they don’t honor that deadline you will go somewhere else for the service, if it’s your children you will give a consequence.
If you would like to learn more about Boundaries and Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills please sign up for my Master Courses at
https://mailchi.mp/cdcc160fffdb/drshawnmasterful-living
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