0:00

So I started to think about hmm , how

0:02

can we empathize with people who

0:05

are living completely different

0:07

lives ? Hey

0:09

there , fellow introvert on stage , this show

0:11

is a safe space for the soft souls to learn

0:13

, connect and master communication . I'm

0:16

Olivia Lee and you're listening to Introvert

0:19

on Stage . Welcome

0:25

back to Introvert on Stage and happy

0:27

Thanksgiving . I hope you had a wonderful time

0:29

with your loved one and spend some

0:31

time really thinking about what

0:34

you're thankful for For Thanksgiving

0:36

. Me and my boyfriend went on a camping

0:38

trip to West Virginia , so

0:41

a couple of hours away , in the middle

0:43

of nowhere , and there was no

0:45

internet , no , nothing for

0:47

four full days . At first

0:50

I thought , oh , this is great , I get to be

0:52

away from notifications , social

0:54

media , emails , everything

0:57

, responsibilities . I can be free

0:59

from them . But oh my

1:01

goodness , after just a few hours I

1:03

started to feel anxious . After

1:05

just a few hours I kept thinking what

1:07

if my clients need me ? What if all

1:09

the scheduled social media content didn't

1:11

publish ? What if this , what if that

1:14

? And then not getting notification

1:16

was very uncomfortable . I

1:18

started to think about hmm , what is

1:20

that ? A couple of years ago , if we think about

1:22

it , think of the time before you had the

1:24

smartphone and how it was normal

1:27

not to get notifications . But

1:29

when I thought about it I came to a realization

1:32

that we're all used to it . We're

1:34

all used to all the bling and

1:36

the text and the rings and the

1:38

ring rings and whatever ring tone

1:40

that you have . We're just so used

1:43

to getting bombarded with notifications

1:45

all day like 24

1:47

seven , unless we put the phone on silence

1:49

or unless we put it under

1:52

busy mode or whatever away

1:54

mode that you have . And that's what I noticed

1:56

when I was on that Thanksgiving trip that , oh

1:58

my goodness , my brain is getting anxious because

2:01

I'm not getting any notifications . My

2:03

phone is too quiet and therefore

2:05

it's not doing its job . It's supposed

2:07

to keep me busy . It's supposed to have

2:10

my eyes locked on it

2:12

like every few seconds and , as

2:14

you can tell , like I was getting really anxious

2:16

, so I had to put my phone away . I

2:18

turned it off , went outside , soaked

2:21

in all the nature , fresh air , the

2:24

boz and the moos of

2:26

the sheep's and the cows nearby , because

2:28

, oh my goodness , the Airbnb that we were staying

2:31

in , it literally was in

2:33

the middle of nowhere and the only things that I

2:35

could see were these little white

2:37

dots far away

2:39

, which I think were sheeps

2:41

and a few black dots I think were cows

2:43

, because in the morning I could hear the moos . But

2:47

that was a little bit of

2:49

a summary of my Thanksgiving and

2:51

how I spent Thanksgiving really being

2:53

thankful for the little things

2:55

in life . Because we went to a

2:57

tiny home . So of course there was electricity

2:59

, there was hot water , but there was no internet

3:02

. There was no kitchen . We

3:04

only had a microwave and a

3:06

sink from the bathroom . So it

3:08

was a really , really tiny home . It

3:10

was smaller than a studio apartment

3:13

and it didn't have that many things . That

3:15

made me realize that I'm thankful

3:17

for all these little things that we take

3:19

for granted every single day , whether

3:21

it's having the hot shower for

3:23

more than an hour I'm guilty

3:26

of sometimes taking really long showers

3:28

under the hot water just thinking and

3:30

what am I even doing in there ? And

3:33

just little things like Wi-Fi . It's

3:36

so normal to our everyday life that

3:38

sometimes we forget how thankful we

3:40

are to have them Driving by in the

3:42

neighborhood and seeing all these gigantic

3:45

satellite dishes that I haven't seen

3:47

for years , because it's

3:49

so normal for us to just magically

3:52

have Wi-Fi connected to our

3:54

phones . I was really thankful . There

3:56

were so many things to be thankful for

3:58

, and other than saying all the

4:00

cliche things like thankful for my family

4:02

, thankful for my health . Of course I'm thankful

4:04

for all of those , but I got a chance to

4:06

really be thankful for the little things

4:09

that I didn't even think of

4:11

to be thankful for . So that

4:13

was my little spiel , and today I wanted

4:16

to talk about . Do you like my transition

4:18

there ? I'm just smoothly , just sneaking

4:20

it in , but today I wanted to talk

4:22

about empathy and how to

4:24

relate to someone that

4:30

is my Alexa . Sorry

4:32

about that . That is my Alexa reminding me

4:34

to go to sleep . Anyways , empathy

4:36

is the ability to emotionally understand

4:39

what other people feel and see things

4:41

from their point of view , and I

4:43

started to think about this topic as

4:45

I was on the Thanksgiving trip , because some

4:47

of the people living in West

4:49

Virginia were living completely

4:52

different lives , whether it's farming

4:54

hundreds of cows and sheeps

4:57

. When I have just a tiny little

4:59

puppy , having a huge satellite

5:01

dish , being away from internet

5:04

, having to drive 10

5:06

minutes just to get to a little store

5:08

, despite the fact that I was only two

5:10

, three hours away from home . To see

5:13

these completely different lifestyles

5:15

was kind of shocking to me . It was

5:17

beautiful . It was a beautiful difference

5:20

, but it was also a difference that I wasn't

5:22

used to seeing , because where

5:24

in Northern Virginia can I see a farmer

5:26

with hundreds of cows ? Where

5:28

in Virginia can I see gigantic

5:31

satellite dishes ? In the suburbs where

5:33

I live , I can walk a few minutes

5:35

to get to the town center where I can

5:37

have free Wi-Fi . So I started to

5:39

think about hmm , how can we empathize

5:42

with people who are living completely

5:44

different lives ? Because to be able

5:47

to see things from other people's point

5:49

of view , we need to really understand

5:51

them emotionally , whatever they're going

5:53

through , whatever colored lenses

5:55

they're wearing . But if we really think

5:58

about it , how can we do that with people

6:00

whose lives are so completely

6:02

different than ours that we don't

6:04

really know what it's like ? And

6:06

this is when I go into the difference of sympathizing

6:09

and empathizing . So , simply put

6:11

, sympathizing is feeling pity

6:14

, feeling bad for someone . It's like

6:16

realizing that the other person

6:18

has a shoe like , oh , I'm

6:20

so sorry I see that your shoe has a hole

6:23

in it . Oh , I'm sorry you're going through that . So

6:25

being able to sympathize isn't a bad

6:27

thing , right ? Taking pity on someone

6:29

in a condescending way

6:31

is rude and simply sympathizing

6:33

can lead to a negative impact on

6:35

a relationship because you're not really

6:37

relating to the person . You're more

6:40

so detached , but it's not a bad

6:42

trait to have , because you're still offering

6:44

a solution to someone who needs it . You're

6:46

still listening . You're simply accepting

6:49

and observing what the other person

6:51

is going through . But if you're more emotionally

6:54

intelligent , you should be able to empathize

6:56

with someone . Empathizing is not

6:59

only realizing that the other person

7:01

has a shoe , but putting yourself

7:03

in that shoe , but also walking

7:06

in that other people's shoe

7:08

. I really like metaphors and I

7:10

learned things by hearing stories

7:12

, so hopefully you're like that too . So instead

7:14

of going , oh no , your shoe has a hole

7:16

, it's like oh no , I see that

7:18

your shoe has a hole , let me try to wear it

7:21

and walk in it to try to better

7:23

understand what it's like in your perspective

7:26

. I like that . Anyways , being able

7:28

to empathize is realizing

7:30

that , even though the situation might

7:32

be different , you're able to find

7:34

a commonality . Because , let's be

7:36

honest , no matter how different the situation

7:39

or the lifestyle is , we most

7:41

likely felt the same emotion , whether

7:43

it's joy , anger , sadness

7:46

, disgust , whatever it is

7:48

. Let's say , person A is

7:50

really disgusted by the feeling

7:52

that you get when you're wearing a sock

7:55

and then you step into a puddle Like

7:57

. I think everyone hates that feeling and if you

7:59

like that feeling , I can safely assume that

8:01

you're a psychopath . But anyways , if you

8:03

can't relate to what I said about

8:06

the discomfort of feeling this

8:08

icky disgust of stepping

8:10

into a wet puddle while wearing

8:12

a sock , you can at least imagine

8:14

what that would feel like , because you know

8:17

the emotion disgust . If you

8:19

already know the feeling of disgust

8:21

, you have your own definition of it . Maybe

8:23

yours is seeing a bug sitting

8:25

on the window or munching and chewing

8:27

very loudly with someone's mouth open

8:30

. Maybe that's your feeling of disgust

8:32

. But the thing is , no matter how different the situation

8:34

is for each person , you can still

8:36

relate to that emotion . And another way

8:39

to empathize with someone in an emotionally

8:41

intelligent way is to acknowledge

8:43

your own biases . We all

8:45

have our own biases and definitions

8:48

, judgments , whatever it is that we

8:50

put on other people , situation

8:52

, etc . When you hear someone's story

8:54

, take it as an opportunity for you

8:56

to recognize and acknowledge

8:58

your biases . I recently went

9:00

on a fall premiere at a college that

9:03

I'll be attending next year and

9:05

there was a fear inside of me that I

9:07

wasn't aware of . That came up when

9:09

I was approaching professors and

9:11

staff members at the college . So these

9:13

are very highly educated people with

9:15

PhDs and years of experiences

9:18

working at the school just very educated

9:21

, right . Looking deep inside that fear

9:23

, I was able to recognize that my bias

9:25

was highly educated people are

9:27

condescending towards people who aren't , which

9:29

is not true , right ? I

9:31

know so many educated people who are helpful

9:34

, who want other people to get the best experience

9:36

at the college . So everyone

9:38

is different . But maybe because of my

9:40

past experiences , maybe because

9:42

of my own fears and insecurities

9:45

, I was able to recognize that the

9:47

bias was getting in the way and

9:49

was causing fear inside of my heart . And

9:51

once I was aware of that bias

9:53

, I was able to challenge my biases

9:56

by reaching out to those individuals . So

9:58

I actually faced my fear by

10:00

getting their contact information , reaching

10:02

out , emailing them , even though I'm not

10:04

the type of person who usually does

10:06

that . I want to be better at networking , but

10:09

it's really scary because of my

10:11

fear of what if they don't think I'm cool

10:13

enough , or what if they don't see any

10:15

benefits of connecting with me because I'm

10:17

like nobody , like whatever . It is right

10:20

. After I became aware of those biases

10:22

, I challenged them and tried my best

10:24

to see those people as individuals

10:27

, different individuals with different

10:29

stories not as the stereotype

10:31

that I created by myself inside

10:33

of my mind , and that really opened

10:35

up a new door for me because I was able

10:37

to connect with those professors in a deeper

10:40

level . Everyone has been so welcoming

10:42

and supportive and encouraging

10:45

, and this one person that I didn't

10:47

even meet in person . I connected

10:49

with her over our Zoom interest meeting

10:51

and she has sent me all

10:53

these resources and steps that

10:55

I need to take to have a better experience

10:57

at the college and while reading her email

11:00

I could feel that stereotype and fear

11:02

just melting away . And if I hadn't

11:04

faced that fear and challenged

11:07

it and took an action that was

11:09

scary to me , I wouldn't have connected

11:11

with these professors . I will eventually

11:13

meet and work without the school , facing my

11:15

biases and being able to empathize

11:17

better with people who are living

11:19

completely different lives than me

11:21

. It really broadened up my horizon

11:23

and helped me to see people as individuals

11:26

. So today , for this episode , I

11:28

actually didn't write a script or

11:30

even a bullet points . I want it

11:32

to be as raw and real with you as

11:34

possible . So I'm actually in front of my microphone

11:37

and talking with you . No show

11:39

notes , no scripts , no bullet points

11:41

. I wonder how different it is and I also

11:44

wonder which style you prefer . So

11:46

please do email me at Olivia

11:48

at introvert on stage to let me

11:50

know which style you prefer , and I

11:52

would love to make adjustments and make the episodes

11:54

better for you , and I'm really looking forward

11:57

to having on different guests on the show

11:59

as well . So please be on a lookout

12:01

for that . I'm really excited for where

12:03

the show is going . I'm slowly learning

12:05

. I feel like I still don't have a system

12:08

, but I'm also working on that as well , because

12:10

this project is so special to my heart

12:12

and hopefully you guys are able to feel

12:14

that and hear that in my voice , and hopefully

12:16

what I'm trying to do through this show is

12:19

able to be sent to your heart as well

12:21

, wherever you're listening from . So thank

12:23

you so much for coming back and listening

12:25

to the episode . Please know that

12:27

I see you wherever you're listening from

12:29

. I'm able to see that you're actually tuning

12:31

in every week , and please know that that means

12:33

so much to me . That means the world

12:35

to me . You guys are from all different

12:37

places . I see people from India , germany

12:40

, even Seoul , and it's so

12:42

cool that people in different countries

12:44

are listening . So I'm hoping that that means

12:47

you're getting at least some kind of value from

12:49

the show , so that really motivates

12:51

me to keep going and create more episodes

12:53

that are hopefully educational and entertaining

12:56

. So thank you again for trusting me

12:58

and putting me in your ear , and I will see you

13:00

again next week . Bye , bye .