0:00

This

0:00

episode is proudly brought to you by

0:02

Simply Safe. You know, the average home break

0:04

can only last between eight and ten minutes

0:06

according to recent crime data. That's why you

0:08

need a home security system that responds quickly

0:10

and forcefully. And that's why trust my

0:13

family's safety with simply safe

0:15

home security. The systems are so

0:17

easy to install. You can do it yourself, and

0:19

they're powered by twenty four seven professional monitoring.

0:22

So the minute a threat is detected Simply

0:24

save agents will call you to check-in and dispatch

0:26

police or first responders in an emergency.

0:29

Customize the perfect system for your home

0:31

in just few minutes at simplisafe dot

0:33

com slash choir. Go today and

0:35

claim a free indoor security camera

0:37

plus twenty percent off with interactive monitoring.

0:40

Go to simplaysafe dot com slash

0:42

choir. There's no safe like Simply

0:44

Safe. This episode is also probably

0:46

brought to you by best fiends. It

0:48

was a late autumn at Minnesota night like any

0:50

other. Darkness rolled in like a thick

0:52

wet blanket properly at 407

0:55

PM. And immediately following dinner,

0:57

I disappeared. out to my garage

0:59

to play best fiends. I love

1:01

this mobile puzzle adventure game you guys because

1:04

it saves your progress and you can pick it up and

1:06

play it whenever is convenient for you.

1:08

As our days get shorter and our nights a little

1:10

longer, I find more and more time to

1:12

play. In fact, I'm all the way up to level

1:14

three hundred and twenty one. So download

1:16

your favorite new getaway, best fiends,

1:19

for free today on the app store or Google

1:21

Play. You'll even get five dollars worth

1:23

of in game rewards when you reach level

1:25

five. That's friends without the r,

1:27

best fiends. The views

1:29

expressed in the following episode are those of

1:31

the subjects interviewed. and do not necessarily

1:34

reflect the views of Reach reach LLC, the

1:36

Invisible Qire podcast or cast

1:38

media.

1:40

read

1:44

Invisible Qire explores

1:46

detailed depictions of violence and

1:48

murder. and is not appropriate for

1:50

all audiences. listener discretion

1:53

is advised.

1:54

If you believe in, like, Buddha, it's

1:56

my dharma, it's my purpose, you

1:58

know. And then he got his karma.

2:10

sometimes in the depths of the dark

2:12

and vast underbelly that is true

2:14

crime. a homicide occurs

2:16

that exceeds the interest of those

2:18

immediately involved in the case.

2:21

A crime so bizarre and with

2:23

multiple layers. that it almost

2:25

doesn't sound real. Surely,

2:28

you know the examples we're talking

2:30

about. The Chris Watts or

2:32

the Michelle Carter's of the world, What's

2:35

strange is that we don't often say,

2:37

Shanann, Bella, or Celeste Watts,

2:40

or Conrad Roy, when referring

2:42

to these crimes in conversation. So

2:46

why does some of these cases explode

2:48

into celebrity like territory? Well,

2:51

there are several reasons. For

2:54

one, the media loves a sensational

2:57

story. If there's a murder

2:59

intermingled with romance and twists

3:01

and turns, similar to what you'd find

3:03

in your favorite mystery thriller film.

3:05

Nine times out of ten. Big

3:08

networks will bite and work to quickly

3:10

publish it to the masses. The

3:12

main incentive for those corporate machines

3:15

are boosts in ratings, clicks,

3:17

downloads, and big ad revenue

3:19

dollars in return. Let's

3:22

face it. It's a business. We'd

3:24

be lying if we said we didn't play a

3:26

small role in that. A

3:28

far less lucrative role arguably

3:30

with a bit more integrity attached,

3:33

but a role nonetheless. With

3:36

all that being said, it's a little

3:38

easier now to comprehend how

3:40

and why. Some crimes seemingly

3:42

take on a life of their own, eventually

3:45

becoming daytime television reconstructions,

3:48

movies, books, and when you know

3:50

it, even hit podcasts. The

3:54

problem with this model is when

3:56

a murder case gets too big, there's

3:58

usually some disconnect.

3:59

An

4:00

attachment where the lines between

4:02

entertainment and the lives of everyday

4:05

real human beings, just like you and

4:07

I, become blurred. Those

4:10

on the receiving end of these tragedies

4:12

can easily wind up being perceived

4:14

as mere characters instead

4:17

of real living, breathing people.

4:20

or in worst cases, the people

4:22

they once were. A

4:24

victim's trauma can be lost or overlooked

4:26

in these scenarios. even if the

4:28

content creator has the purest of

4:30

intentions. In

4:33

two thousand sixteen, a murder of this

4:35

magnitude would occur, but

4:37

we won't be diving incredibly deep

4:39

into that case on this episode.

4:42

Reason being that it's simply been

4:44

covered far too extensively surprisingly,

4:47

some productions have covered the case

4:50

as ethically as anyone possibly

4:52

could with dignity and proper

4:54

research. Therefore, we won't

4:56

try to regurgitate the facts

4:59

that others have already accomplished presenting.

5:02

But we will focus on however, is

5:04

life after that specific murder

5:06

case, particularly as

5:08

it pertains to the victims. as

5:11

well as a discussion surrounding

5:13

domestic violence. We

5:15

had the opportunity to speak with one of the

5:17

survivors of this crime. a

5:19

woman who has gained worldwide attention

5:22

since this tragedy has occurred.

5:24

So who is she and which

5:26

case is it? You surely

5:28

asked yourself this by now. Well,

5:31

the offender is someone you may or may

5:33

not have heard of before. an

5:35

individual by the name of John

5:37

Meehan. Dirty

5:39

John tells the story of John Meehan,

5:41

a master of deception We're meeting

5:43

some of the women who found themselves drawn into

5:45

the world of dirty

5:48

John. And there's even a podcast

5:50

about it called dirty John.

5:51

but here's what you need to know

5:53

about the realtorch job. A true

5:55

crime podcast, so popular, it's

5:57

being turned into a

5:58

bravo mini series.

5:59

There you go.

6:03

Okay. So my name is Taryn

6:05

Youall.

6:05

No doubt by now, most of you have

6:08

likely heard of the infamous dirty

6:10

jot. But the true hero

6:12

of this worldwide phenomenon is

6:14

actually Terra Newell. We'll

6:17

hear a lot more from Terra in just a

6:19

bit. But first, some

6:21

context.

6:25

Back in two thousand fourteen, a woman

6:27

by the name of Debra Newell, Tara's

6:30

mother was looking for love and

6:32

by all means thought she had finally

6:34

found it by the powers of online

6:36

dating. She was a very

6:38

successful woman as the owner of a home

6:40

furnishing in decor business. Deborah

6:43

hadn't meant frequenting the dating pool much

6:45

during this period, but figured it was

6:47

time she might as well jump back

6:49

in. This is where

6:51

John Meehan or dirty

6:53

John as some of you may know him

6:55

comes into play. Deborah

6:57

and John went on their first date at a fancy

7:00

restaurant in Irvine, California. John

7:02

presented himself as a charming

7:04

physician, an anesthesiologist specifically.

7:08

He told Deborah all about

7:10

his practice in Iraq with doctors

7:12

without borders, the humanitarian effort

7:15

providing treatment to individuals in

7:17

conflict zones and in countries affected

7:19

by disease. Long

7:21

story short, John was not

7:23

a doctor at all. He

7:25

was merely a former nurse pretending

7:28

to be someone that he wasn't. but

7:30

it would be some time before this ugly

7:32

truth among many more were

7:34

finally revealed. And his

7:36

in Debra's a new romantic relationship

7:39

moved along rather swiftly in the interim.

7:42

Deborah Newell remained optimistic. Of

7:45

course not having become any wiser

7:47

to the true identity of her now

7:49

boyfriend just yet. John

7:52

started coming around more and more to

7:54

her home. and her daughters, Terra

7:56

and Jacqueline, perceived his behavior

7:58

as extremely odd almost right

8:00

away. as their mother had just

8:02

met this man and something just

8:05

seemed off about him. Jacqueline

8:07

was the more vocal one in expressing

8:10

her disgust for her mother's new love interest.

8:12

The feeling was mutual for

8:14

Tara, and she remained more reserved

8:16

in her opinions in the beginning

8:19

at least. Tara

8:21

was also living in Las Vegas at this

8:23

time, so she didn't exactly

8:25

have a full scope on what was truly

8:27

going on just yet. After

8:29

some time passed, Jacqueline and Tara

8:31

were convinced that something wasn't

8:34

quite right about this guy,

8:36

John. He wore medical scrubs to

8:38

nearly every event, formal or

8:40

informal. And he would constantly

8:42

say that he was held up at work

8:44

about arriving home or to any family

8:46

function, almost exaggeratedly attempting

8:49

to convince those around him that he

8:51

was in fact a doctor. Deborah

8:54

just saw him as a busy physician,

8:56

something that she was undoubtedly

8:58

attracted to in fact. Jacqueline,

9:01

on the other hand, wasn't buying it at

9:03

all and began to ask

9:05

questions. Questions like

9:07

If

9:07

he's a doctor, and why aren't his fingernails

9:10

always so dirty? Certainly

9:12

a fair inquiry and perhaps an

9:14

even better observation. Despite

9:17

her daughter's concern for who their mother

9:19

was dating, Deborah and John decided

9:21

to avoid this tension by moving

9:23

into their own home together on

9:25

Balboa Island in the Newport Beach

9:27

roughly eight miles up the road. To

9:29

everyone's surprise, after

9:31

less than two months of dating, John

9:33

and Deborah were married. While

9:36

Deborah was in Las Vegas on a business

9:38

trip, they tied the knot at a

9:40

courthouse with no guests or family

9:42

present. Meanwhile, Debra's

9:44

family began taking a harder look

9:46

into John Meehan's past.

9:48

They eventually hired a private investigator

9:51

and placed the GPS tracking device on the

9:53

vehicle he drove, which was

9:55

actually Debra's car, not his, to

9:57

be clear. It turns

9:59

out that the family's suspicions were

10:01

indeed justified. They

10:03

eventually learned that John

10:05

actually had addresses in several

10:07

different states across the country,

10:09

and his full criminal history

10:11

was also unearth. They learned

10:13

that he was never a physician

10:15

But instead, a former nurse that had

10:18

actually done time in prison for

10:20

stealing a pharmaceutical grade at drugs

10:22

from his former employer. as

10:25

if that wasn't enough. It was

10:27

confirmed that John had also

10:29

been conning and terrorizing various

10:31

women for years prior to

10:33

meeting Debra. Three separate

10:35

women had active restraining orders out

10:37

against the man. She was now head

10:39

over heels in love with. Three

10:42

others had also previously requested

10:44

court orders of a similar nature.

10:45

They confronted

10:48

me with all this information.

10:50

I went to John, and

10:52

I said, here's everything that the

10:54

family's saying, and he said he could

10:56

prove that it was all wrong. he

10:58

took me to a lawyer

11:01

that

11:01

said, it's all wrong. He's the victim. And

11:05

then there were multiple things

11:07

and he had an answer for everything.

11:10

Debra didn't want to believe the man that she

11:12

had fallen in love with was

11:14

living some sort of double life. Her

11:17

love was blind during this period.

11:19

Even so, there were some

11:21

things Deborah could not ignore.

11:24

began to fight and the

11:26

relationship eventually became

11:28

volatile. They did separate

11:30

for a brief time, but sure enough, they

11:33

eventually got back together. Even

11:35

with all the evidence her family had

11:37

provided thanks to the private investigator.

11:39

It wasn't until this

11:41

pivotal moment. where Deborah

11:43

realized she might actually be in

11:45

grave danger. He

11:46

went to the mill

11:47

and in the mill,

11:50

I actually found

11:52

a letter from Kjell.

11:54

And I opened it,

11:56

and he went up and he grabbed it so

11:58

quickly from me and he said, you can't open

12:00

my mail. and it was

12:02

from somebody stating

12:04

that he had gone to jail with him.

12:06

Before Deborah could even attempt to

12:08

process what she was reading from John's former

12:11

cellmate. Her husband appeared and

12:13

angrily ripped the letter from her

12:15

hands. For whatever

12:17

reason, This was the hard

12:19

tangible wake up call that Deborah

12:21

needed. It was at this very

12:23

moment she knew. She had

12:25

to begin making plans to get away from whoever

12:27

this man truly was

12:29

before it was too late.

12:34

Deborah Newell set up an

12:37

exit plan and put it into motion. She

12:39

met with professionals to seek guidance,

12:41

and they informed her that she was

12:43

under the coercive control of

12:45

John Meehan. Along with

12:47

the help of her family, she

12:50

gradually and carefully took steps toward her

12:52

escape. Ultimately, this

12:54

resulted in Debra going into

12:56

hiding for some seven

12:58

long months. I

13:00

had to leave my business, my

13:04

home. I

13:06

literally couldn't see

13:08

people like I used to. My life

13:09

changed. John begged the Deborah to

13:12

get back with him, but she'd had

13:14

enough. By April of two thousand

13:16

sixteen, she filed for

13:18

divorce. John, who

13:20

had since moved to Nevada after

13:22

Deborah disappeared, began

13:24

sending her threats demanding

13:26

money and making promises to ruin

13:28

her life, including her

13:30

professional career. A

13:32

few months later in June, John

13:34

stole Deborah's jaguar from her office

13:36

parking space in Irvine. The

13:38

vehicle was found soon after a

13:40

block away soaked in gasoline

13:42

and set partially a flame. John

13:45

was caught on surveillance camera committing

13:48

the act, It apparently fell short

13:50

of completely engulfing the car in

13:52

flames as he intended. There's

13:54

much more to the story leading up to

13:57

this point. The podcast, dirty

13:59

John, navigates through all of the

14:01

meticulous details of this case,

14:03

covering it in its entirety if you

14:05

want to check it out and learn more. But

14:07

for the sake of our summary, we'll

14:09

fast forward just a tad toward

14:11

the ending, where someone would

14:13

survive a deadly attack. and

14:16

someone else unfortunately wouldn't

14:18

be so lucky.

14:24

August twentieth twenty sixteen.

14:27

Deborah Newell's daughter, Tara, was on her way

14:29

back to her Newport Beach apartment.

14:31

She had one thing on her mind.

14:33

That was to get ready for a Jason Aldean concert

14:36

scheduled for later that evening. As

14:38

she pulled into her complex's parking

14:40

garage, her dog began barking

14:42

incessantly and a man

14:44

standing near his car with the trunk

14:46

open. Tara paid the

14:48

individual no mind other than

14:50

quickly acknowledging him as a

14:52

homeless man and due to his ragged

14:54

appearance. As she

14:57

parked her car and proceeded to get out of

14:59

the vehicle, She hadn't noticed that

15:01

the man lurking in the shadows was

15:03

now standing directly in front of

15:05

her. He proceeded to

15:07

grab her by the hips, looked her in

15:09

the eyes and said, Do you

15:10

remember me? After

15:12

a

15:12

brief moment of shock, she quickly

15:15

recognized that the six foot two inch man

15:17

grabbing her by the waist was

15:19

John Meehan, her mother's

15:21

deranged ex husband. Before

15:23

Terra could even react, John

15:25

forcibly placed his large palm over

15:27

her mouth grabbing her hand

15:30

attempting to walk her toward his trunk.

15:33

Tara instinctively bit down as hard

15:35

as she could, but John continued

15:37

his violent assault. He

15:39

then began punching Tara toward her

15:41

mid section, or at least

15:43

that's what she thought he was doing. with

15:45

her adrenaline flowing at an all time

15:47

high. She didn't even realize

15:49

that John was actually holding a

15:51

large kitchen knife and had

15:53

been stabbing her. Tear

15:56

went into full defense mode. Her

15:58

impulse reaction was to fight rather

16:00

than flee. She raised her

16:02

purse to her chest to protect her

16:04

heart. She then wrestles with the

16:06

large fifty seven year old man, and

16:08

they both hit the ground. John

16:12

pinned the Terra down with his knees, and

16:14

she frantically tried it to bicycle kick the

16:16

man off her in an upward motion.

16:19

During the struggle, Aterra managed to

16:21

punt the knife from his hand,

16:23

causing it to land just to the right

16:25

of her. Tera's dog

16:27

then came to her aid biting at John's

16:29

ankle, trying to free its owner

16:31

from danger. While sprawled

16:34

out there on the concrete, She desperately

16:36

reached out to grab a hold of the

16:38

free blade. Once she

16:40

finally did grab hold of it,

16:42

she turned the weapon on her attacker

16:44

without hesitation. unleashing

16:46

a fury of downward thrusts

16:48

into John's body. Tara

16:51

continued to stab him a total of

16:53

thirteen times with the last

16:55

two being to his forehead, and

16:57

the final blow delivered directly

16:59

to his eye socket. Finally,

17:03

after an attack that must have felt like an

17:05

eternity, the threat was

17:07

eliminated once and for

17:09

all. This episode

17:14

is probably brought to you by

17:16

HelloFresh. America's number one meal kit

17:18

delivering farm fresh, pre portioned ingredients,

17:20

and seasonal recipes directly to

17:22

your front doorstep. We love

17:24

HelloFresh in our home because now more than ever

17:27

we're looking for ways to save money.

17:29

In fact, HelloFresh is twenty five

17:31

percent less expensive than

17:33

takeout and is even cheaper than grocery

17:35

shopping. My favorite thing about HelloFresh is

17:37

that you can easily customize your

17:39

meals with Hello Custom by

17:41

swapping out proteins or sides or upgrading to

17:43

choice proteins or even adding protein

17:45

to a veggie meal. It's never been easier

17:47

to eat your way. You

17:49

can even skip a week here or there

17:51

or adjust your delivery preferences right through their

17:54

app, which came in extremely handy

17:56

for us when we all recently fell

17:58

ill. or unable to get out to the grocery store, we still were able

18:00

to make restaurant quality meals right

18:02

in the home. So go to hello fresh

18:04

dot com slash invisible sixteen

18:07

and use code invisible sixteen for sixteen

18:09

free meals across seven boxes

18:11

and three free gifts. Again, go to

18:13

hello fresh dot com slash invisible

18:16

one six and use code invisible

18:18

one six for sixteen free meals

18:20

across seven boxes and three free

18:22

gifts. Hello fresh, America's

18:24

number one meal kit. This episode is

18:26

also proudly sponsored by Squarespace,

18:29

a simple to use all in one web

18:31

design platform that can help you build a

18:33

beautiful responsive online brand whether

18:35

you're a true crime podcaster or

18:37

small business owner. I've actually been

18:39

using Squarespace now for

18:41

several years to build out our website at

18:43

invisible choir dot com. long

18:45

before they have sponsored the show because

18:47

I've tried just about every online web

18:49

design tool there is, and I've

18:51

gotta tell you, Squarespace easily

18:53

beats out all the rest. Their design tools are

18:55

super easy to use. You don't need any

18:57

programming or coding background at all to

18:59

build a beautiful professional looking

19:01

responsive website. They've

19:03

also got several incredible features that

19:05

we use for invisible choir

19:07

dot com, including the members only

19:09

area. We can actually unlock a new revenue

19:11

stream for your business by creating a gated access to

19:13

content or videos or additional

19:15

podcast episodes. We've also used

19:17

their integrated blogging tools to

19:20

actually we build out our expanded show notes and

19:22

references for each episode in

19:24

addition to the donation function where you

19:26

can actually allow fans to

19:28

support your cause or business by

19:30

contributions through PayPal, Apple Pay

19:32

Stripe, and Venmo. So if you wanna give

19:34

them a try, head on over to

19:36

squarespace dot com slash

19:38

choir, that's CHOIR for a free trial. And

19:40

when you're ready to launch, use offer code to

19:42

acquire to save ten percent off your first

19:44

purchase of a website or

19:46

domain. Again, that's square space

19:48

dot com slash

19:50

choir. John

19:54

Meehan was revived on seen by EMS

19:56

and subsequently rushed to the Orange County Global

19:58

Medical Center, where he remained on life

20:00

support for a brief time.

20:03

only he wasn't going to make it.

20:05

He died a few days later

20:07

after eventually succumbing to his

20:10

injuries. Tera would make a full

20:12

recovery of her physical wounds

20:14

at least. And

20:16

there you have it.

20:18

The expedited the version of dirty John.

20:21

The media naturally had a field day when

20:23

this story originally broke.

20:26

Bravo made a dramatized TV

20:28

series out of it, and the oxygen network

20:30

put out a documentary series

20:32

as well. Most outlets

20:34

made it a point to focus predominantly

20:36

on the fact that Terra had spoken

20:38

out and attributed shows such

20:40

as Dexter, Burn Notice,

20:42

and specifically the walking

20:45

dead to helping her survive that

20:47

day. She went on record to

20:49

say that stabbing someone through

20:51

the eye is the fastest way to the

20:53

brain, the most successful form of

20:55

a, quote, kill shot, she

20:57

said. She went out to say that act

20:59

of killing John in this manner

21:01

must have been inspired by the

21:04

zombie series. There are

21:06

several captivating aspects to this

21:08

case, yet being that it was already

21:10

so heavily publicized we

21:13

thought we would take a different approach.

21:15

The main thing we thought we

21:17

could contribute and what we wanted

21:20

to shed a stronger light

21:22

on is the broader topic of domestic violence

21:24

in this case. We'd like to note

21:26

that we recognize our position as

21:28

men in this discussion

21:30

both from our writer's standpoint and my

21:33

role as the host and creator

21:35

of Invisible Qire. We'll

21:37

never pretend to fully understand

21:39

what it's like to walk in the shoes of women affected

21:42

by such horrible forms of

21:44

manipulation and abuse at the hands of

21:46

violent men. With

21:48

that being said, Recognizing our place

21:51

here also means realizing

21:53

the power, even a small

21:55

podcast such as ours can

21:57

have. We'll continue to use this platform to help

21:59

others whenever the opportunity presents

22:02

itself, but some topics just

22:04

aren't for us to offer adequate reflection

22:06

or advice on. That's

22:08

why we wanted to talk to someone who has

22:10

truly earned that right. and

22:12

who better to provide insight on the complexities of domestic

22:15

violence than the woman who put an

22:17

end to one man's monstrous reign

22:19

of terror. when she killed

22:21

dirty John. And that

22:22

person, of course, is Tara

22:25

Newell. I am best

22:26

known for the dirty

22:28

John's series and being a survivor

22:30

for taking down my stepdad.

22:32

I was twenty five at the age of

22:34

that event happening, and I am

22:36

now thirty one years old. Tara

22:38

was alone in a parking garage when she was

22:40

forced to make a life or death

22:42

decision that day. And in that

22:44

moment, it was kill or be killed.

22:47

in the most and literal sense.

22:49

I think then six years removed

22:51

since the day she courageously took

22:53

down her attacker in addition to

22:55

her mother's abuser. We wanted to

22:57

know most importantly how Tara

23:00

is doing and what she is up to

23:02

now. Yeah. So

23:03

I have been up

23:05

to a lot of stuff since everything

23:08

happened. I have

23:10

been doing life coaching since to

23:12

help other women because so many

23:14

women reach out to me and ask

23:17

advice with what they're going

23:19

through. And because I came out

23:21

of it on the other end,

23:23

so strong I'm

23:25

a

23:25

real pillar for a lot of people to come

23:28

to you. And then on the side, I've

23:30

been doing doll walking and

23:32

house sitting right now. I'm at someone's house, house

23:34

sitting. Staying busy is

23:35

important for Tara. She spends

23:38

most of her days helping other women

23:40

teaching workshops, answering messages

23:43

online, and working other various

23:45

gigs to make extra income.

23:47

An interesting way Antero has been able

23:49

to connect with even more people believe it

23:51

or not, is through the popular

23:53

video based app, TikTok. I

23:55

have started at TikTok actually

23:58

recently. I am a millennial.

23:59

I'm not a gensier, so I

24:02

wasn't too familiar with, like, the

24:04

start of TikTok.

24:06

And

24:06

the true crime space on

24:08

TikTok, I didn't know it was a thing

24:10

on there until my friend

24:12

call your Laundry. told me, like,

24:14

you need to get on TikTok and tell

24:17

your story. It's so

24:19

hard when it's like people know

24:21

my attacker's name, but they don't

24:24

know my name. And so I came

24:26

on TikTok to tell my narrative

24:28

and my story because

24:30

when you do a show, it's like or a

24:33

podcast. And I appreciate the

24:35

platforms for letting me tell my

24:37

story. However, I don't get to

24:39

tell exactly how I want it The

24:41

Frontera mentions Collier Landry

24:43

is another person with an incredible

24:46

story of overcoming trauma.

24:48

Landry's father brutally murdered his mother when

24:50

he was just eleven years old.

24:53

Tara and Collier have become close

24:55

through their mutual grief and understanding of

24:58

pain. Pretty early on into

25:00

our conversation, Tara went on

25:02

to express her frustrations as they

25:04

pertain to how certain entities

25:06

have capitalized on her

25:08

situation. This is something she

25:10

clearly wanted to express

25:12

and it's something we'll go into much more

25:14

detail about in just a few moments.

25:17

Tara explained to us the value she

25:19

sees in social media. She uses

25:21

platforms such as TikTok and Instagram

25:24

as a way for her voice to be

25:26

heard and a way to tell her

25:28

story firsthand. rather than solely

25:30

through podcasts or TV

25:32

shows. This is a big reason

25:34

we were so glad to have her on

25:36

invisible choir. We

25:38

wanted to listen to the woman everyone

25:40

seems to be so compelled to

25:42

speak for and

25:44

not with. And without a doubt,

25:46

she's making sure people are listening

25:48

now. She posted the

25:50

following clip to her enormously popular

25:52

TikTok. it reached way more people

25:54

than she could have ever imagined.

25:56

Hi, guys.

25:57

I am Tara, and I

25:59

killed

25:59

my stepdad in self defense.

26:02

This simple six second clip

26:05

currently has over four point seven

26:07

million views. The

26:09

Internet can be a strange place. Tara

26:11

is the first to admit that, especially

26:13

after reading some of the comments under

26:15

the video. Many users made

26:17

it a point to acknowledge the

26:19

t shirt to she's seen wearing in the video which

26:22

reads Daddy's Little Monster.

26:24

It's from the movie a suicide squad

26:26

and was a complete coincidence

26:28

according to Terra. But that doesn't mean

26:30

she didn't hear about it from the peanut

26:33

gallery in the comments section. It's

26:35

a mixed bag of people, she

26:37

says, While the majority of her interactions

26:39

online are those reaching out with words

26:41

of kindness, expressing how

26:43

her story has in some way helped

26:46

them. There'll always be the, quote,

26:48

trolls comfortably typing hurtful

26:50

one liners from behind their

26:53

keyboards. But if we've learned anything

26:55

about Terra by now, it's that

26:57

she is incredibly strong.

26:59

She's endured more emotional dis

27:01

stress than any one person ever

27:04

should. We'd be remiss if we didn't

27:06

acknowledge her mother Deborah in that

27:08

same conversation. We were

27:10

curious how she was doing after

27:12

all this time as well and how

27:14

their relationship has changed

27:16

since. My

27:17

mom is doing okay. There

27:19

is always ebbs and flows of trauma,

27:21

you know. One day, you're

27:23

great. You're doing well. And

27:25

then the next something happens that triggers

27:28

you and puts you into this

27:30

data fight or flight mode or

27:32

even fawn mode because

27:34

we've

27:35

been around these

27:38

toxic people for so long.

27:41

And was a psychopath,

27:43

but my mom has dated so many

27:45

toxic men before that. And

27:47

so that was really a

27:49

normal seed to us. Maybe

27:53

not in the sense of John trying

27:55

to try to kill us in from

27:56

there, but this toxic these

27:59

the top

27:59

toxic men in our lives were so

28:02

common. And so I

28:04

think that the

28:05

show has made us grow

28:07

closer together and everything's

28:09

coming out because we had

28:12

to confront everything

28:14

because but going on TV shows and

28:16

talking about it. So we have to

28:18

deal with everything that we're talking

28:21

about, and it really allowed us

28:23

to bond more together,

28:25

I think that we've had a lot of fights

28:27

about things, but it's

28:29

important to have that

28:32

communication in moved

28:34

to a different space where

28:36

before we

28:38

didn't have great boundaries with each

28:40

other, So we really had to learn

28:42

what was healthy.

28:44

It's

28:44

truly remarkable that through such tragedy

28:47

and pain, mother daughter

28:49

bond has actually been strengthened.

28:51

They've been forced to overcome this

28:53

lifelong obstacle together. only

28:55

bringing them closer through shared trauma. Tara

28:58

goes on to admit that

29:00

John wasn't the first man in her

29:02

mother's life, who was manipulative

29:04

and potentially dangerous however.

29:06

One of my

29:07

stepdad used to stalk

29:09

my mom and

29:12

literally watch her when she was in

29:14

her stores and just sit there

29:16

in his car talking about

29:18

domestic violence and people's

29:21

passive users is

29:22

so complicated and

29:25

so fragile. And

29:27

while discussing

29:28

these topics are equally difficult

29:30

as they are delicate it.

29:32

Terra knows the conversation is

29:34

very necessary. We quickly learned

29:36

that the dealings of domestic violence

29:38

in Terra's family didn't

29:41

just begin and end solely with

29:43

her mother Deborah. See, while

29:45

Deborah has been in other volatile relationships

29:48

before meeting John, The problems run much

29:51

deeper with origins rooted

29:53

much further in the past. Tara

29:55

was willing to explain exactly what

29:57

she meant by this when we

29:59

began discussing her aunt Cindy,

30:01

her mother's sister.

30:04

Tragically, more than thirty years

30:06

before, Tara killed John Mia,

30:08

Cindy was murdered by her husband

30:10

of thirteen years. My

30:13

mom's

30:13

sister was killed

30:15

by her husband. he

30:18

shot her in

30:19

the head and then he shot

30:22

himself to

30:23

try to, like, cover it up. Back

30:25

in the nineteen eighty four before Terra

30:27

was even born, the perpetual

30:29

cycle of violence began, one

30:31

that would plague this family for

30:33

years to come. When Cindy Newell was

30:36

gunned down by her husband and

30:38

longtime abuser, Billy Vickers.

30:40

Tara opened up to us

30:42

about how this tragedy affected not only her mother,

30:45

but her entire family as a

30:47

whole. It wouldn't be until much

30:49

later on in life. When

30:51

Terra realized this suffering

30:53

was in fact generational, a

30:55

trend that was inevitably

30:57

doomed to repeat itself

30:59

if someone or something didn't put an end

31:01

to it. We discussed

31:03

how Terra may very well be

31:05

the person to have finally broken

31:08

this cycle. and her family.

31:11

I kinda

31:14

saw the residuals

31:16

of my mom, and he got out

31:18

of jail and he was out all these

31:21

functions. And I could just tell

31:23

my mom, her energy, like,

31:25

she would be stiff. She wouldn't

31:27

wanna react. Yes,

31:28

you did hear that correctly.

31:30

Billy Vicar's, the man who killed

31:32

his wife as Cindy with a gunshot

31:34

wound to the head, was released from prison after

31:36

serving less than three years behind

31:39

bars. The couple had it just

31:41

recently divorced not long before

31:43

the murder. Vickers

31:45

was jealous of how his then ex

31:47

wife began moving on without him.

31:49

And after killing Cindy,

31:51

he shot himself in the stomach and called nine

31:54

eleven for help. Vicars

31:56

would go on to make a full recovery from

31:58

his self inflicted injuries. and

32:00

appeared in court for a preliminary hearing,

32:03

roughly one month later.

32:05

Billy Vicar's

32:08

attorney claimed he committed the act in

32:10

a, quote, state of temporary

32:12

unconsciousness. Shockingly,

32:14

he was acquitted of first degree murder

32:16

by a jury of his peers.

32:19

He'd later plead guilty to a second degree

32:21

manslaughter charge and was given a

32:23

five year sentence, though he only

32:25

served a slightly over half of that.

32:28

of the reasons most believe Billy

32:31

Vicars got off so easily was that

32:33

Terra's own grandmother testified

32:35

in his defense. My

32:37

grandma had a relationship

32:39

with him in a sense,

32:42

and she has been

32:45

condition to forgive

32:48

everyone, to believe

32:50

men more so opposed to girls

32:53

and whatnot. my grandma actually

32:56

testified in that lesson his

32:58

time. This guy was a

33:00

horrible guy It's crazy because, you that

33:02

is another not side effect,

33:04

but kind of like a hint

33:06

that there was a generational

33:09

trauma that My

33:11

family has been raised to be these

33:13

women that see these men

33:15

as such a higher power and kind of on

33:17

a pedestal and

33:19

So that's what my family's been used to

33:21

is doting after the men

33:23

and it's really interesting

33:26

that when you're the naive person and you're

33:28

with all these men and you don't have that

33:30

awareness, you're in so

33:32

much danger. And a

33:34

lot of families where abuse happens, a

33:36

lot of the times it's these narcissistic

33:39

men. And then when you've been in

33:41

that generational site, you

33:43

keep producing these empathetic women

33:46

and then these narcissistic men and you

33:48

don't break the cycle until you bring

33:51

awareness.

34:00

This

34:00

episode is proudly brought to you by Simply

34:02

Safe. Eight to ten short minutes.

34:04

That's all the time it takes for the

34:06

average home intruder to break into home and completely

34:08

violate your lives by rifling through your

34:11

personal belongings and destroying any feelings

34:13

of safety or security in

34:16

your home. and that's why I only trust simply safe with my

34:18

family's security. Simply safe

34:20

home security brings together the most

34:23

cutting edge security technology with

34:25

professional twenty four seven monitoring by agents

34:27

who have your families back. But did you

34:29

know that this sides the typical entry and window

34:31

brake sensors security cameras, Simply Safe also has

34:34

a variety of other sensors that can

34:36

easily tie into

34:38

your system. including temperature,

34:40

water, carbon monoxide, and smoke. In

34:42

fact, just a few weeks ago, I received an

34:44

alert on my phone through the Simply Safe app and we

34:46

had an water sensor trigger in the basement.

34:49

So I went downstairs and sure enough,

34:51

there was a steady stream of water

34:53

leaking in beneath one of the windows

34:55

after a heavy storm. or not for

34:57

simply safe, it might well have been a few days or even weeks before

34:59

we discovered the water leak and

35:01

the potential damage that surely

35:03

would have followed. So we

35:05

love SimplySafe and the app where you can

35:08

view any of your HD security cameras

35:10

live and basically control the

35:12

entire system. Customize the

35:14

perfect system for your home in just a few

35:16

minutes at simplaysafe dot com

35:18

slash choir. Go today and claim a

35:20

free indoor security camera plus percent

35:22

off with interactive monitoring. Go to

35:24

simplaysafe dot com slash choir. There's

35:26

no safe like Simply Safe. This

35:29

episode is also proudly sponsored by

35:32

Upside. Look, I think by now, we've

35:34

all seen the eye popping inflation at the

35:36

gas pump or while

35:38

dining out. But you know what I've

35:40

really noticed to the impact lately, it's at the grocery store. That's why the

35:42

entire family is earning cash back with

35:44

every purchase thanks to upside.

35:47

Now it primarily for grocery shopping, and

35:50

in fact, we recently just got eight percent

35:52

cash back from a tiny little grocery

35:54

store just south of

35:56

Hastings, Minnesota. Guys, seriously, it's so easy to use. To get

35:58

started, download the free upside app and

35:59

use my promo code invisible and

36:02

get a five dollars or more

36:04

cash back on your first

36:06

purchase of ten dollars or more. Once it's

36:08

installed, just claim an offer for whatever

36:10

you're buying on upside, check-in at

36:12

the business, and pay as

36:14

usual with a credit or debit card, and

36:16

then get paid. It's really that

36:18

simple. Upside users are earning

36:20

more than a million dollars cash back

36:22

every week which is probably why have rating

36:24

App Store. So download the free

36:26

upside app and use promo code

36:28

invisible to get five dollars or more

36:30

cash back on

36:32

your first purchase of ten dollars or more. That's five dollars or more

36:34

cash back on your first purchase of ten

36:36

dollars or more using promo code

36:40

invisible. Tara has learned over

36:42

time to be very honest

36:45

with herself. She's clearly taken a

36:47

lot of time to analyze these

36:50

patterns in her own family, patterns

36:52

that have unfortunately been ingrained in

36:54

the fiber of that familial history

36:58

for generations. After hearing

37:00

this, we began to see why

37:02

solutions to these issues are never

37:04

simply black

37:06

and white. The psychology of why people gravitate

37:08

toward or can't escape

37:10

dangerous relationships once they're in

37:12

them is

37:14

extremely complex. Tera

37:16

admits that knowledge of self is key in finding

37:18

peace, but that knowledge didn't

37:20

come until much later on down the

37:22

road in her own recovery. Tara

37:26

continues to heal to this day.

37:28

What about those who aren't there

37:30

yet? What about the women who are in

37:32

the thick of it now at this very moment?

37:35

and need help getting out. We

37:37

wanted to know specifically what her

37:39

mother Deborah did to escape, what

37:41

her plan was, and what Tara

37:43

learned watching her mother. go through

37:46

that process.

37:48

So

37:48

my mom ended up meeting with

37:50

a lawyer before she left

37:53

John because She wanted to plan her way

37:55

out. During this time, leaving

37:57

the user, it's the most

37:59

dangerous

37:59

time. So

38:01

she had to be extremely careful. What

38:03

she started to do

38:05

was first,

38:06

you can't allow

38:08

oh wow your your significant

38:10

other during this time to catch light of anything.

38:12

You want to treat

38:14

them how you normally treat them,

38:17

You don't want to start complex

38:19

with them. You want to be

38:21

the easy going narcissist dream

38:23

in a sense. just during this

38:26

time. because you just

38:28

don't wanna create that awareness that

38:30

there's a issue and that you're getting out

38:33

right now. So you need to

38:34

be a really good actor right now.

38:36

And then you start to put

38:38

money aside if you can. You

38:40

need to text people

38:43

or just meet up with

38:45

people that are your friends.

38:47

If you have any sign

38:49

of physical abuse, have

38:51

them document it. And then

38:53

that's gonna be your safe person. And this person shouldn't be attached

38:55

to your user, but they also

38:57

might, like, see some speculation that,

38:59

like, something with

39:02

him is not right. And so it's really important

39:05

to confide into a friend but a safe

39:07

friend. Have them have the

39:09

documents of everything. And

39:12

then if you can meet with a lawyer, there

39:14

are a lot of lawyers that

39:17

do pro bonal stuff. And

39:19

if you call up a

39:22

hotline and the domestic violence hotline. They

39:25

also will help you guide you through

39:27

the steps of leaving

39:30

your abuser. And then when it's

39:32

that time, they'll have a space set

39:33

up for you or if you

39:35

have the financial needs

39:38

to. you have to set

39:40

up like a place, a safe place.

39:42

I recommend staying with

39:44

people afterwards just because you

39:47

want to be around people and

39:49

have safeties and numbers

39:52

for a little bit and then

39:54

hopefully transition into court and

39:56

then getting away from

39:58

him completely. All great

40:00

advice. However, Terra

40:02

knows better than most. This is all

40:05

easier said than done. Not everyone

40:07

has the money for

40:10

an attorney. but she wants to are

40:12

out there and steps one can

40:14

take to plan and make a

40:16

safe exit. That

40:18

being said, she doesn't sugarcoat the challenges. She went

40:21

on to provide examples of

40:23

the difficulties her mother

40:26

faced firsthand while trying to

40:28

distance herself from John.

40:30

One of those obstacles,

40:32

sadly, involved police, not

40:35

believing her story. So when

40:36

my mom tried to get the restraining order, it

40:39

was extremely frustrating because

40:41

she would go to these cops,

40:43

tell

40:43

her story, and they're like,

40:46

well, he hasn't hit you. And

40:48

it sucks because

40:49

this person is literally

40:51

singing threats

40:53

and telling

40:54

time that my

40:56

mom, my sister, that he's gonna

40:58

kill them, that he's going to

41:01

dump my sister's body at

41:03

the bottom of the ocean. like,

41:06

mafia style. And he also made a

41:08

comment about shooting her with a sniper

41:10

rifle in front of my

41:12

mom. So it's like

41:14

the psychopath John,

41:16

he knew what to do in

41:18

order to not get

41:20

a restraining order. It was like he would

41:23

say nuh to give us a threat, but then

41:25

it was not enough to claim it was a threat, if

41:27

that makes sense. He would

41:30

send Meises

41:32

share pictures of her birth certificate with spit on it.

41:34

He would send our location

41:36

sometimes to us. And just

41:38

to, like, let us know that he's

41:42

watching. If we do anything, he's

41:44

ready to come after us and he has

41:46

all the

41:47

power. So he just really

41:50

terrorized this, but the police didn't

41:52

take that seriously. And I

41:54

believe it was Logan a beach place

41:56

where she went to She also

41:58

went to Newport Beach

41:59

Police, and then she also went to Irvine

42:02

Police. And the Irvine

42:04

Police actually

42:06

had a

42:06

case with him lighting my mom's car on

42:08

fire, and they could have

42:10

arrested him over that.

42:13

And I actually spoke to one of

42:15

the officers afterwards because he

42:17

was actually my high school

42:19

officer who got the case,

42:21

And he felt

42:24

tremendous remorse for not

42:26

being able to get that guy, not being able

42:28

to get John. was his

42:30

job, he could have prevented me

42:32

from being attacked. And, you know,

42:34

these police have to take these

42:38

cases seriously. and they can't look lady they're

42:40

just because they're emotional.

42:42

It's discouraging to hear how

42:44

many opportunities the authorities did

42:48

have to intervene before it ever got to this point.

42:50

And one can only hope that after a

42:52

case such as

42:54

this unfolds, We learn from

42:56

it in some way, and the powers that

42:58

be take a good hard look

43:00

inward and make changes to a

43:02

system that is obviously still very

43:04

much flawed.

43:05

But there's another system, Terra

43:07

believes is also flawed as

43:09

well, and that's the

43:12

entertainment industry. She was very honest and transparent with us

43:14

about the inner workings and what

43:16

happens when a victim's pain is

43:18

inevitably sold

43:20

for profit. And she did

43:22

not hold back in letting us know

43:24

exactly how she feels about all

43:26

of it. There is

43:27

like a group advice a

43:29

group of survivors that are trying to

43:32

change the narrative

43:33

and bring

43:35

awareness to ethical true

43:37

crime. The LA Times

43:39

they have

43:42

eighty seven million views

43:45

or

43:45

listens to my or

43:47

to dirty John. And

43:50

I

43:50

don't get any money from that, but

43:53

yet

43:54

anyone who, you know, the host

43:56

gets paid, the people that put it

43:59

together get paid,

43:59

everybody else gets paid for their time except for

44:02

the survivor. And then,

44:04

you know, with podcast and stuff,

44:06

like,

44:06

I have problem with, like, my

44:09

favorite murder

44:11

making a twenty

44:13

million Amazon deal, but

44:15

yet don't pay their people that are on the show,

44:17

and they don't even

44:20

they don't even

44:21

have a lot of those

44:23

people on the show. But my friend

44:25

was on my favorite murder, and she

44:27

is a survivor. And this is, like,

44:29

the first survivor that, like, they're really

44:32

bringing on

44:34

their pod casts, and they need to do better

44:36

because they literally talk about these true

44:38

crime cases, make jokes

44:40

about it,

44:42

I think they made a joke about me in one of their episodes.

44:44

And I was like, excuse

44:46

me, this

44:46

is so rude. This is not

44:49

something that you could joke

44:52

about. And then there's so many other people. Like, I think crime

44:54

junkie has done my story

44:56

without my permission. I'm here. I'm

44:58

alive. I fought for my life. Like,

45:01

I'm you know, you hit me up. I'm so

45:03

easy to be

45:06

be accessible accessible too.

45:08

And I'm alive, where most of these

45:10

women are not alive. I

45:12

would like to use my voice.

45:16

And it just sucks that, like, they probably paid, like, ten

45:18

grand off of my episode. You

45:20

know? And they're just making

45:23

money off the people's traumas, but yet they haven't

45:25

had me on. But yeah, I'm gonna get

45:28

angry and I'm gonna start saying

45:30

stuff because it's

45:32

not fair. for everybody

45:34

to be making money off my

45:36

story, but me. And, you know, I didn't

45:38

make money off the

45:40

Bravo thing. but it was like the lump sum I was I for

45:42

residuals. I wasn't able to get residuals.

45:46

And now If you

45:48

think what Julia Gardner

45:50

made compared to what

45:52

I made, like, it's

45:56

ridiculous.

45:57

Julia Garner,

45:59

julia garner who you

46:00

may know as Ruth Langmore from

46:02

the hit Netflix show Ozark. also

46:04

played the role of Tara Newell in the Bravo series Dirty

46:08

John. According to Tara, the show is

46:10

currently in production for its

46:12

upcoming third

46:14

season. These are all valid and brutally honest points

46:16

she brings up, and most people

46:18

don't hear about what happens behind the

46:21

scenes in true crime. And

46:23

just to reiterate what we covered in the

46:26

opening, we're not ignorant to the fact that

46:28

we play a role in this discussion

46:30

as well. And if we're

46:32

being completely honest, there can

46:34

be an extreme sense of guilt

46:36

or feeling of uncertainty when

46:38

bringing another

46:40

individual's turmoil to the forefront using this very

46:42

platform. The cases we cover

46:44

literally represent the worst day in

46:46

someone's life. reality

46:48

is not lost on

46:50

us. After being at this for the past three

46:52

years, we do however feel a

46:54

greater sense

46:56

of responsibility. to make sure that

46:58

we're doing right by these families and by approaching this content with

47:00

care. Unfortunately, this isn't

47:02

the case for every podcast. and

47:06

the terrenewal has experienced that reality firsthand. The

47:09

truth is there's a

47:11

very fine line

47:14

between exploitation and presenting

47:16

information on tragic yet

47:18

very real life occurrences.

47:20

Our conversation with Tara presented

47:22

a greater opportunity for self reflection.

47:25

As creators, we believe those moments

47:27

are important to have. One thing

47:30

is for certain. Stronger ethics

47:32

are definitely needed in this

47:34

space overall. Antero was

47:36

more than happy to speak with us and

47:38

was extremely easy to get in

47:40

touch with just like

47:42

she said. What upsets her most is that some of the programs she

47:44

mentioned didn't even attempt

47:46

to contact her. And I think

47:48

we can all agree that's the

47:50

very least someone can

47:52

do before they take the liberty of

47:54

telling someone else's story.

47:57

Ethics aside for a

47:59

moment, let's be honest. Compassion doesn't exactly

48:01

pay the bills. Entera wasn't shy

48:03

in telling us she could definitely

48:05

use the money. She

48:07

us a dog sitting had always been one of her

48:10

greatest enjoys. It was

48:12

also a main source of her income

48:14

before John met

48:16

his demise in the parking garage that day. She revealed

48:18

that that big dogs and barking dogs

48:20

in general are still a

48:22

very real trigger

48:24

for her. It brings her

48:26

right back to the day of the murder when

48:28

her dog had tried it to help save

48:30

her. Tara's ability to

48:32

make money even

48:34

years later has been greatly affected by this. She

48:36

wanted to make it very clear that her

48:38

frustration doesn't stem from a place

48:40

of needing to become wealthy off of

48:42

what happened

48:44

to her. Instead, she's simply expressing

48:46

that she needs to make a living too,

48:48

just like everyone else. These

48:50

people that

48:50

have established jobs, like, they don't

48:53

get that I had my whole life

48:56

changed and taken from me.

48:58

Like, I'm not able like,

49:00

I hope watch

49:01

dogs now instead,

49:03

I cannot do

49:05

my

49:05

life how I used

49:07

to at all. I had my biggest joy

49:09

taken from me, which was

49:12

dogs. And I'm still trying

49:13

to rebuild that in

49:16

rebuild

49:16

my life back, but people need to

49:19

understand that I need to be making money

49:21

off

49:21

of telling my story too

49:23

because this

49:25

the is almost

49:26

all that I do now besides doing my side

49:30

jobs. The various moving parts

49:31

of the business side of True

49:33

Crime are certainly tricky. That's

49:35

without question. The fact that there is

49:38

a business aspect at all is

49:40

very odd. And that's just

49:42

the reality. Believe it or

49:44

not, it didn't stop there for Tara

49:46

and her family, with regard

49:48

to the

49:50

monetization issue. See, it wasn't just

49:52

big networks looking to capitalize on their story. John

49:54

Meehan's immediate family was

49:57

too. John's sisters,

49:59

each day

49:59

we ended up getting into

50:02

a fight afterwards because

50:04

they saw us doing all these

50:07

TV shows, then they wanted to get paid

50:09

for it no matter what.

50:11

And this time, we were

50:13

like, well, we just want to spread the awareness, but they

50:15

were like, no, we need money.

50:18

Then she was gonna do it for a free

50:20

trip, one of them. I'm not gonna

50:22

see

50:22

which one. And

50:24

then the network was like, well, we only

50:26

need Deborah and Tara to go

50:28

to New York. And doesn't really make

50:30

sense for, you know, to fly

50:33

you to New York. So and I think

50:36

my mom promised them that,

50:38

like, if she wasn't able to go to New

50:40

York, then we weren't

50:42

gonna go. but I hadn't had any communication with And

50:44

I think my mom was trying to

50:46

be a people pleaser and

50:48

make them happy and stuff.

50:52

But then they got extremely upset at my mom

50:54

and me and

50:56

literally put FUs

50:57

all over our Facebook

51:00

and everything. And then

51:02

one

51:02

of his sisters told me, like,

51:04

I should watch my back

51:07

and stuff. And I

51:09

decided to block her because

51:11

I told her I was like, that's the last

51:13

thing that John said to

51:15

me. So,

51:16

no. I

51:16

understand that they have their own set of trauma and stuff,

51:19

but so when tried their brother

51:21

tried to kill me and I have

51:23

a right to talk about It's

51:26

unimaginable what

51:26

it must be like to go through

51:29

what Terrace family has endured. Before

51:31

you can even begin to process or

51:33

cope with that

51:35

trauma, hostile disputes over money

51:38

from the family members of the very man

51:40

who tried it to kill you

51:42

no less. I think it's

51:44

important to remember here that Tara and

51:46

her mother never asked for any of

51:48

this to happen to them. Deborah

51:50

never wanted to live

51:52

in fear. and Datera never asked for a man to grab her

51:54

by the hips and to subsequently

51:56

attack her with a

51:58

kitchen knife. How to

52:00

deal with this all after the fact

52:02

is beyond our comprehension, but

52:04

from the sounds of it, Tara's

52:06

handling it the best way she

52:08

knows how. and that's day by day. A

52:10

part of attempting to regain a sense

52:12

of normalcy in her life is

52:14

trying to date

52:16

romantically again. Something

52:18

Terra still finds very

52:20

difficult. When Tinder and

52:22

Bumble are pretty much the only way of meeting

52:24

people these days, It's easy to see

52:26

her cause for concern.

52:28

These sites are very similar to the

52:30

one Debra used to meet John.

52:32

when this nightmare all began back in two thousand fourteen. Perhaps

52:35

just a bit more

52:37

updated and convenient. But

52:40

having that reminder in the back of her head every time

52:42

she tries to meet someone new cannot

52:46

be easy. I

52:47

struggle with dating.

52:50

I just laugh because I feel like everybody

52:52

struggles with this in general. Most

52:54

people do. Right? A lot of the

52:57

guys that I will date, will be interested in

52:59

me because of my story. And

53:01

then that makes me feel

53:03

uncomfortable sometimes, or

53:06

I am drawn to a lot of people that have

53:08

interesting stories, and then we need to

53:10

navigate, like, if this is just

53:12

trauma bond or not. So there's a

53:14

lot to

53:16

figure out with dating and I'm still working through it.

53:18

But I feel like I have pretty good boundaries.

53:20

I know what I want and

53:22

I've come to a good place of, like,

53:25

being and knowing what I want with

53:27

myself and what I can't accept in

53:29

a partner and whatnot. And

53:32

just during my stage of my

53:34

life right now. I think

53:36

that the dating apps

53:38

are terrible. No offense.

53:41

Anyone's on them. I feel like certain

53:44

guys I get really nervous

53:46

around because I don't like them to

53:48

touch me.

53:50

And certain guys will just grab me by my

53:52

waist and think it's okay. And that's

53:54

actually like a trigger point for me

53:56

because that's how John grummy

54:00

might attack. And so I have to, like, work on if anyone tries

54:02

to touch me. These are the things

54:04

most of

54:04

us take for granted or are lucky

54:06

enough not to have to worry about.

54:09

Things like the barking dog in the neighborhood are

54:11

the physical touch from a spouse or

54:14

partner. These are struggles

54:16

that Terra still fights

54:18

to overcome. It's unfair how

54:20

the actions of one terrible human

54:22

being can change the lives of

54:24

so many others even after

54:26

they're gone. The residual

54:28

ripple effects of trauma are very

54:30

real, and Tara is living

54:32

proof of that. A big part of

54:34

her message particularly to women who have found themselves recovering

54:36

from similar circumstances, is

54:38

that you have to actively work

54:40

at healing. She

54:43

says, trauma is not something you can sit with and expect it

54:45

to magically disappear. Tara is

54:47

an advocate for victims of trauma. Once

54:49

they're ready, of

54:52

course, to be assertive in rewiring the body in mind

54:54

by making healthy lifestyle choices.

54:56

In her opinion, the

54:58

expression time heals all wounds.

55:02

doesn't exactly apply as the sole solution to

55:04

regaining her life back. Yeah.

55:06

Time will

55:07

kill trauma is

55:10

bullshit because you can have

55:11

as much time as you want, but

55:14

you could be doing all these

55:16

unhealthy things and making

55:18

yourself sicker You know, the

55:20

body holds in store's

55:22

trauma in the body, and that kinda

55:24

comes stagnant energy, where

55:26

it turns in to illnesses,

55:28

disease, autoimmune disorders are so

55:30

common with people that struggle from

55:33

trauma and stuff. and

55:36

anxiety. Just like in the nervous

55:38

system, if you're nervous all the time and

55:40

you're living in this fight or fight mode,

55:42

your body is not letting other parts of the body work

55:44

fully, like your digestive system

55:48

slows down. and

55:50

you're just not allowing your body to function. So, you

55:53

know, you're gonna probably have

55:55

IBS issues and just

55:58

a lot of digestive issues,

55:59

reflux is extremely common with

56:02

people that suffer from trauma and

56:04

went not because the

56:06

body rejects your trauma.

56:08

And unless you're working on

56:10

it and moving around your trauma,

56:12

your your trauma is just

56:14

gonna stay stuck in there and make you

56:16

sicker. If you are feeling like you are so anxious

56:18

in everything, you can do

56:20

yoga and there is free

56:23

YouTube videos. There are also a

56:25

lot of free places that offer

56:28

donation based yoga where you can go,

56:30

what you you can not give anything that day. You can give five dollars

56:32

a different day. Ten dollars. There's a

56:34

lot of places that wanna work with you

56:38

with that. EMDR,

56:38

or eye movement desensitization and

56:41

reprocessing therapy is another practice

56:43

Aterra has made part of her

56:45

regular self care routine.

56:48

This is a form of psychotherapy that

56:50

is meant to alleviate PTSD symptoms, and the

56:52

memory is attached to a root

56:56

trauma. The act itself involves

56:58

asking a patient to recall

57:00

images, phrases, or emotions

57:02

connected to that triggering event.

57:04

While doing so, they're asked to simultaneously move their eyes

57:07

side to side or begin

57:09

tapping their hand. The

57:11

study not involve having the patient recall

57:14

graphic details of said

57:16

event, yet it is indeed focused

57:18

on addressing it

57:20

triggers consciously while not

57:22

suppressing them. Alterra says

57:24

it may not be for everyone. She

57:26

says EMDR therapy has helped

57:28

her infinitely.

57:29

It is

57:32

so inspiring to

57:34

hear how far Terren Newell has

57:37

come. Her story is unique among the

57:39

survivors we've spoken with, and that she not

57:41

only had to reaccomate and readjust

57:43

to virtually everything in

57:46

her life. She's also had to manage the strange sense of

57:48

celebrity that's come with

57:50

it. We were curious to

57:52

know what this is like for her and

57:54

what challenges she faces in

57:56

that regard. As it would seem

57:58

this level of notoriety

58:00

might serve as a burden at times

58:02

when all she's really trying

58:04

to do Let's get better. Not a lot of things bothered

58:06

me.

58:06

Well, I think it's

58:08

inappropriate when people come up

58:10

to me and I like,

58:13

Oh, man. You're that girl that

58:15

stabbed that guy in the eye. I'm like,

58:17

whoa, that's a lot to take in, but yeah,

58:19

hi. I'm Tara. So I

58:22

think that, like, when people come up to me and

58:24

they're like, oh, you stop that guy in the eye. That's

58:26

insensitive, but you have to just be careful

58:28

how you

58:30

approach survivors. Tera certainly has an

58:31

impressive attitude considering everything she's been

58:34

through. And while it is indeed a

58:36

loaded question,

58:39

We asked if there were one thing she wanted

58:41

the world to know, in her

58:43

own words, and did not

58:45

through some Hollywood opted a drama series or voice acted a

58:47

true crime podcast. I want

58:49

people to know that no matter

58:52

what they experience

58:54

in height, you can always make yourself better

58:56

or get to

58:56

a better place. And who I

58:58

was five years ago

58:59

isn't even who I

59:02

am now. Before

59:04

wrapping up my interview with Tara Newell, I asked her

59:06

pointedly, given everything that she had

59:08

been through. If she could go back in

59:10

time to the very moment, dirty

59:13

John at Mehan came into her family's life, which she have

59:15

done anything different. If she

59:17

could magically open

59:20

another door, that would have

59:22

effectively taken them down a much

59:24

different, more stable path,

59:26

one completely devoid of his

59:28

presence or influence. One where they could

59:30

have avoided all of the abuse,

59:32

manipulation, and trauma.

59:34

A founder response surprising Yet

59:37

given what I've learned about her character in

59:39

such a short period of time, I

59:42

suppose not. The

59:43

trauma, you know, brings so

59:45

much stuff forward and it it

59:48

just, you know, it sucks so and try to kill

59:50

me. But at the end of

59:52

the day, I would never want my life to be any

59:54

different because I believe

59:56

that it was supposed to happen

59:58

and how it happened you know,

1:00:01

it brought so many great things forward. And this

1:00:03

guy is no longer here and

1:00:05

can no longer torment

1:00:07

any more woman anymore and

1:00:09

that makes me so

1:00:12

happy. If

1:00:14

you'd

1:00:15

like to know more about what Terra Newell

1:00:18

working on next, Check out her Instagram

1:00:20

at tara Newell. That's TERRANEWELL

1:00:26

She and Collier Landry are about to launch a new ethical true

1:00:28

crime podcast called The Survivor

1:00:30

Squad, bringing new voices and stories

1:00:33

from the survivors of True

1:00:36

Crimes. themselves. If you or anyone you know is experiencing

1:00:38

domestic abuse or violence or

1:00:40

any of the issues we've highlighted

1:00:43

in this week's episode, Tara

1:00:46

encourages you to reach out to her directly

1:00:48

for support and guidance. You can

1:00:50

visit her website at itara

1:00:52

renewalsurvival dot com. You may contact

1:00:54

the National Domestic Violence hotline

1:00:56

at one eight hundred 799

1:00:59

safe. That's one eight hundred 7997233

1:01:04

or visit the hotline

1:01:06

dot org.

1:01:47

New

1:01:49

on Curiosity Street. How did

1:01:51

it drop beaker lead to bulletproof glass?

1:01:53

A box batch of cheese

1:01:55

lead to tofu? War lead to the slinky, discover the accidents

1:01:57

behind the inventions that changed everything. It's

1:01:59

oops, I changed the world,

1:02:02

and the rate that killed

1:02:04

some of