1:22

Ash Johns: Hey everyone, just a heads up that this episode of It's Still

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Happening podcast has a little bit of noise, pollution, and distraction in it.

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It is not recorded in the same quality of audio as I usually do because I was

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not in my usual, recording location.

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So I'm asking for your grace. I'm asking you to look beyond and through these slight audio

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imperfections such as the peacocks.

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Peacocking and enjoy, this message and this session.

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Thank you for your grace and enjoy the show.

1:55

All right everyone, welcome back to It's Still Happening podcast.

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this is actually my first time ever creating any content like today's episode.

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I'm not really one to create content based on holidays or

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trends or like current events.

2:14

Or even about what everyone's talking about online.

2:18

Even in my personal life, I tend to, wait until years after the most popular movie

2:24

that everyone's ranting and raving about. I will wait until the series is over.

2:28

The movie is like, no one's talking about anymore.

2:30

It's dead and gone, quote unquote. something new has come out and then I will watch it or then I will talk about it.

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But because of the experience that I just had this past week.

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And even coming into this second week.

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Right. And to give you context, those of you who are listening from the future, which

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technically all of you are, we've just come out of the 2023 Eclipse Skate.

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It is, fresh energy coming through.

2:57

A lot of us are reorienting ourselves and like wrapping up the bow of

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huge change in transformation we've been feeling for a long time.

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I know that I definitely have been. And so because of that, I had such a beautiful experience with my mother.

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Well, not because of that, but in conjunction or at, you know,

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happening at the same time. My mom came down to visit and it's so interesting because her visit was

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originally to see both my youngest brother and I, but because he was

3:26

out of town, I actually was able to enjoy all of my mom's time myself.

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So why am I talking about this and what do I mean around trends and making content

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based on, what's happening in the world is that we're coming up on Mother's Day.

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And it was not, it didn't even dawn on me when she booked her travels

3:46

that we were gonna be spending time so close to Mother's Day.

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And so, even before I get into today's topic, I wanna preface and say that

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if you are someone such as I have been in the past, Who has had a challenging

3:59

relationship with your mother, um, who don't have a relationship with your mom,

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never had a relationship with your mom, or really struggling with your relationship

4:07

with your mom, any of those things. And even if you have a fantastic relationship with your mom, I, invite

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you to breathe and take your time as I reflect over, our visit and kind of

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share some amazing moments, healing moments loving moments, affirming

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moments, growth moments, elevated moments with my mom in hopes that it inspires

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and blesses you as it did for me.

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So again, if you do have a challenging relationship or just wish that your

4:38

relationship was different, or even if it is the way that you want it to be, I

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want you to like take your time, breathe through honor what is, what can be and

4:47

what may never be, you know, because. I would have like a whole entire show if I were to document my

4:51

in relationship with my mother. And, that's not what we're doing.

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but I do wanna celebrate how far we've come and how this recent visit

5:01

was such a reflection of the work that I have done in me to be the

5:08

catalyst to be the, pattern breaker.

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To be, a new standard, a shining light, a receptive vessel to facilitate a

5:20

relationship that I've always wanted and that I needed, and also to,

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yeah, just shift the dynamics that compared to what we've had in the past.

5:32

What an intro, right? Like what an intro.

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And by the time this episode comes out, we will already have past Mother's Day.

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And so depending on how your Mother's Day went, you get to,

5:43

use this episode to support you.

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And you know what? And let me also say something else. I feel like there has been this trying to Fix or like we're so

5:53

fixated on the relationship with our direct mother or mother figure,

5:57

or lack thereof that we forget our mothers and even our, existence.

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As women and and feminine people, that it's not just about the actual mother as

6:11

a person or mother figure as a person or lack of the mother figure as a person.

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Whatever we are experiencing with our mothers and in our lives and who we are

6:19

as women is a reflection of a lot of things that's happened to a lot of people

6:24

all the way down our maternal lineages, whether that is our mother's mother's

6:29

line or our father's mother's line.

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And to expand that even more.

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For those of you who are not as familiar with my work, it is also

6:38

reflected in the people and the energies from our mother's father's

6:44

line and our father's father's line.

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Because the mother wound, the mother conditioning, the mother

6:51

patterning the maternal instincts. All of that is weaving in and out regardless of your sex or your gender,

6:58

or which side of the lineage you're on. All of us came from a mother.

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All of us came from the land of this earth.

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All of us came from someone who carried us in whatever way that they

7:08

did, she did, for us to be here. And so I want to, as I talk about my own mother, I'm gonna be opening the aperture.

7:15

And kind of weaving through or illuminating some of the patterns

7:19

that have really, it's not about my mom, it's not about just me.

7:22

It is about the entire system of people and system of experiences

7:27

that we have inherited and that has been programmed in our psyche and

7:31

ourselves and our energy field, right?

7:34

And our beliefs, all of those things. And then obviously in our bodies, but I'm just talking about from

7:38

like the smallest, energetic level. So I just feel like every time we talk about, or people talk about it, this

7:46

is my first time doing it, mother's Day or you know, honoring the mother.

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We're always looking at it from the context of our immediate maternal figure.

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And there's so much more. There's the people who have motherless.

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There is Mother Earth. There is the whole lineage of mothers who birthed the person who birthed the person

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who birthed, the person who birthed you. People you don't even know, right.

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but I know from our human minds it's easy for us to just focus on our

8:09

direct umbilical cord connection.

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But I want you for a moment to think about all of the wounds and all of the

8:16

umbilical cords that pass down information to love, exist, survive, be, hold,

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endure, sacrifice, expand, nourish.

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and all of those things can be seen in a positive way, in a loving, maternal

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way, in the way that we want to, and also nourishment and expansion and things

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in ways that didn't feel good, right?

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So we assign positive and negativity to these experiences that we've

8:45

inherited and that we experience with our own, mothers in maternity.

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Maternity. That's an interesting way to use that. But, I just want to give grace.

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Our minds love to just fixate on the person in the position closest to us.

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But the truth is, if we, again, open the aperture, if we zoom out, this

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is a system, this is a movement. This is an epidemic, if you will.

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Cuz I know there's such a movement right now of people talking

9:09

about how their mothers were narcissists or even their partners.

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But that's another episode for another time.

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And for me, I'll be honest with you, and this is not to discredit

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or dilute or you know, talk.

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Badly about anyone's experience and what they're doing in therapy

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to heal what they need to heal and move how they need to move.

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And this movement of just calling everyone a narcissist is just, it never sat right

9:32

with me because I think of what created the experience of quote unquote, D V

9:38

S M book, medical Book of diagnosing narcissism, like all these disorders.

9:44

That we're running around this world and internet using and sitting in these

9:47

chairs and talking to doctors using within the context of just our personal

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life is a reflection, is a symptom, is a survival pattern of many years, many

9:58

generations, centuries of conditioning.

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And so I've, I've learned in my own life and also with my clients, that every

10:05

time we, allow ourselves to zoom out and look at the system of our lineages

10:10

and how it's manifesting in our lives, and the system of our family dynamics,

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and the system of our relationship to the maternal, to our mothers, to the

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energy of mothering and nurturing, we get more information and we can

10:22

understand, but also change our behaviors.

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Transmute the energy, transmute the meaning.

10:28

Alchemize it. Evolve, grow, heal, and be an example of what's possible as opposed to,

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making sense of it in a way that labels and blames, and don't get me

10:40

wrong, we've all been hurt by people. You know, I'm not gonna ever name a mother as a narcissist or any other

10:45

label, but there is ways in which she has mother that has harmed me.

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And there's ways in which I have daughter that has harmed her.

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Let's be honest. Right? Over the years, I've had clients who had done years of therapy with, their

10:56

relationship with their mothers and their fathers and looking at their

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mother wounds and maternal wounds.

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when we did whole lineage healing or when they embarked on the

11:04

whole ancestral healing journey, which by the way is never about.

11:09

The lineage as a whole, it's really about your freedom and who you are

11:12

becoming so you can step into your role and your power and so on and so forth.

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But there's many podcast episodes and YouTube videos for you to explore,

11:20

and emails and all the things from me that you can explore on that.

11:23

But when they did this work, they were like, oh my God, I have so much.

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And again, I get teary. I hear like compassion.

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Compassion for the person who held the mother pole.

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Or the maternal energy, or the nurturing energy.

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There's so much compassion in understanding the circumstances

11:44

and seeing what it was before and what it can be through you, right?

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It's like, coming out of the weeds on the ground and getting in a helicopter

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and being able to actually see where you're at and what you're working

11:57

with and being like, oh my God. On the ground, it seemed like it was the most catastrophic flood and it was.

12:03

It was, I mean, I live in South Florida, so like it was a huge flood, but as

12:08

soon as you come up, you're like, oh, okay, I see how this was caused.

12:11

And like we just need to set up the levies differently and drain this and like

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do this and move this and level up the land and, look at the weather patterns.

12:20

And I now can evolve, like the cycle of flooding is not gonna

12:24

necessarily end in my lifetime.

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Mother wounds won't end in my lifetime, however, The growth and the healing that

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I do will transform this phenomenon.

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Will the strategies that I've put in place, the healing that I do,

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me looking at the whole big picture here, I can respond to it differently.

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I can lean my life differently so that over the years we don't have these

12:45

issues as strongly when they come up.

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Right? Such an interesting analogy, but I think it fits the bill.

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So let's come into the storytelling, cuz as y'all know, if you're familiar

12:55

with me and if you're not, hi. I, always love to share personal stories because I, I feel that it

13:02

truly illuminates experiences that helps you see yourself in someone.

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And you might get something from my story that I didn't even expect you

13:10

to, but it helps you on your path. So I'm never sharing personal stories just for the sake of being vulnerable

13:15

in a person, talking on the internet. Like it's because I know it's a gift.

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I know it helps people. I know I've taught in many different ways and people always come back to you, oh

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my God, thank you for telling that story. It really brought to life what you were saying.

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It illuminated and changed things in me beyond just my mental understanding.

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It dropped into my heart. It dropped into my energy field and it, it changed me.

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So shout out to those of us who share our stories and teach by, as I say,

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my saying is, I teach by living.

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I teach by living. So let me give you some context.

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My mom is like, The sweetest lady, and I know we all say these things when we like,

13:54

have a good relationship with our moms. We're like, oh, it's good. And it's true.

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She is a very simple lady, and by simple I don't mean like homely.

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But just like she's easy to please, like she just really rolls with things

14:09

and, observes people and, and just likes to create comfort for folks.

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Like she's really, really good at that. In fact, anytime that I have moved, anytime I'm going to travel, I

14:20

love if I can to have my mom come into town and like pack for me,

14:24

clean for me, organize for me. Cuz if it's up to me, I pack at the last minute.

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If it's up to me, I unpack. Like two months later, it's a whole thing and she's really, really

14:34

good at it and she wastes no time. However, when she comes to visit me, it's always an experience of like, she gets

14:41

here and she will do the housekeeping and the nurturing and like all the cool

14:44

stuff and like cook or like, let's buy the food or this is where we're gonna eat.

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But like I plan things like I am the, this is where we're gonna go.

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How do you feel about this? We can do this. This is what's happening.

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You know, I always drive. And so I definitely step more into my doing and my masculine energy and she's

14:59

in like the maternal mothering energy and then we do this little dance, right?

15:02

But I have definitely been going through a life transformation, becoming a fiance.

15:08

coming off of my six month, sabbatical with business and traveling

15:13

the world for six months and. Changing where I live and I'm soon to change where I live again,

15:20

like there's been a lot of change.

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And so she didn't tell me this until after she left, but she's like, I

15:26

just had the mothering, like nurturing nudge that I needed to come and love

15:30

on you, that I needed to be there and to allow you to be in a different space

15:36

for a moment and remember who you are. And me in my, like, I'm a big girl and I'm here.

15:42

I like. I do so much for my family.

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I've done so much for my mom. Like I'm the person that no one has to worry about.

15:48

I was just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, mom.

15:50

Thanks. You always say that, but I'll tell you in the experience I had to whew open

15:58

and receive my mother's mothering in a way that I have never done before

16:05

in a level of appreciation that I truly feel I have never done before.

16:11

It was like we were in a sink.

16:14

Like I was in such a state of transformation that I was used to

16:18

living with myself, like being in my body, experiencing myself daily.

16:23

That the change of moving to, you know, an Airbnb, beautiful Airbnb

16:28

that she picked out because she loves, I have a certain style of Airbnb.

16:31

So she picked something that's totally my style, which I loved.

16:33

And she said that, you know, she's like, I knew this would be your thing.

16:36

Like you would love this. and. To go into a new space with her, and it's just me, her, and Ziggy, who right now

16:43

is getting like attacked by mosquitoes. and to allow myself to relax and allow myself to be around her, not to experience

16:53

my mother and show her around town and go places and do things together, but simply

16:58

to be there in her presence and allow her loving mother energy to pour upon me.

17:05

I have mothered myself very well for a long time.

17:07

As I said, my teenage years were horrific.

17:10

Like horrific. I was a completely different person.

17:13

I definitely could have been dead by now or like, I'm not

17:16

even joking, like seriously. and so I don't remember why I brought that up, but like to go from that to

17:22

now, this where I can just be around her and feel her energy and receive

17:27

it and like, Allow her to mother me as a grown 36 year old woman.

17:32

Was a moment.

17:35

It was a moment. It was a moment that I will never forget and always cherish because

17:41

there's something that I realized. My mom has said stuff over the years.

17:44

I've also like mothered my brothers and mothered other people obviously.

17:48

But My mom has always said our style of dealing with my brothers in

17:52

particular is very different because she is an actual birth mother.

17:54

She birthed them and so she tends to get really soft with them.

17:56

And I'm a little bit more like, I will give you inspiration and softness,

17:59

but then I will also hold like a very strong fiery like boundary.

18:03

Like you must man up, you know? And so there's times where, I'll be honest with y'all, I have criticized

18:09

her mothering and been like, the way that you are going about doing this with

18:13

them or with me, I don't agree with.

18:16

And you know, I, I actually attended a, mother webinar by the coach,

18:23

therapist, writer author Bethany Webster recently, and I've had her book and

18:27

I've known about her work for years. And I just attended it just because I was like, I've known

18:31

this woman and I've heard of her. And our work is supportive to each other.

18:35

I should check out. You like, just go to this. And so I was listening and it was really beautiful.

18:39

Like, shout out to her, check out her work. check out her book.

18:42

but as the women were sharing in the chat, there were so many things people

18:45

were talking about that I realized I didn't, resonate with, I didn't experience

18:49

feeling like I'm in competition with my mother, or there's not enough space for

18:52

me and her to exist together, or that I couldn't speak up and say my, my truth.

18:58

I have always. Has been like, and this is just me being a, a feisty, like first house

19:05

Aries kind of person where I was like, listen, I'm gonna say what I have to

19:08

say, even if you punch me in the lips, which my mom has totally done before.

19:11

But that's no judgment to her. That's just the generation she was raised in.

19:15

We can talk about all this stuff later, but I bring that up to say

19:19

I definitely, communicated with my mother things that I didn't agree with

19:22

her the way that she mothered and. It was hard for her to receive that and sometimes she didn't receive it at all.

19:29

But on this trip it was beautiful to see this dance of my maternal energy

19:35

meeting her and giving her feedback and, and talking with her in ways that was

19:40

supportive to her, while also being able to receive her mothering and maternal

19:45

energy in the way that I deeply and desperately, I would even say need it.

19:50

It was such a dance of womanhood of.

19:53

Nurturing of seeing each other, of sensing what each other needs and

19:59

wants, and being able to do it in a way that did not deplete either one of us.

20:03

It was like such a celebration and such a glorious moment.

20:07

Like it was just so beautiful to the point that it was so hard to leave.

20:12

I was just like, let's extend, like let's stay together longer.

20:16

And I don't think I've ever had a moment, sorry mom to say this,

20:19

where I was like, oh my God, I don't want her to leave, you know?

20:23

I knew I needed to like get even more in my own space to integrate some of

20:26

the loving and nurturing that she gave me so I could implement it in my life.

20:30

I do that in all areas. It's not just spirituality, it's not just a retreat or a workshop.

20:34

Like I'm always integrating and taking the lessons and putting

20:38

it into like fully into my body.

20:41

Not just my physical body, but like my existence body.

20:44

But still at this end, of this visit, I was just like, wow, I didn't know

20:49

I needed the medicine of mother. I didn't, and I didn't know I could appreciate it at the level that I did.

20:56

So I wanna highlight a couple things that I did and she did that was new for us.

21:02

And monumental. Like monumental.

21:05

The first thing is my mother was a very giving mother, right?

21:08

I've been blessed with that. She will give you the shirt off your back, even if you're not her child.

21:13

And if you're her child, she's like ready to pour her like slight of

21:16

service and pour blood into your mouth, like if you need to give

21:18

you her own blood transfusion.

21:21

and so because of that sometimes I've been like, no, stop giving.

21:24

You've done enough. I'm independent. I'm good.

21:26

I'm a grown woman. Let me give to you mom. But this time I actually allowed myself to receive, and that's

21:33

a representative of my growth. And it allowed her to experience being a mom and doing in a way

21:43

that is just built, like my mom was built to be a mom, you know?

21:47

And I saw how good it made her feel to give.

21:51

And was also amazing, she didn't give to depletion.

21:54

So in that I allowed myself to receive in ways that I've never received before.

21:58

Like my mom was like, please, I actually want to cover the Airbnb.

22:02

I want to get another Airbnb. And you go on another little staycation.

22:05

Cause I'm really in like a staycation moment right now.

22:08

and like going different places still in the area, but just

22:12

to have a different vibe. And I was like, no.

22:14

And then I was like, actually, yes, I will receive your gifts.

22:17

I will receive your gifts. You are pouring into me in ways that I need to receive it.

22:23

And we will see the fruit of you doing so and of me receiving it and allowing my

22:29

seeds to be tended to very soon, you know, this is huge growth, in my opinion of my

22:35

mother, is that she knew when to stop.

22:40

Sometimes my mom love has love so much, and you guys know if you have a mother

22:43

this way that loves so much that she would just keep giving and keep giving.

22:46

At the end of the day, she's like exhausted. And all of my mother girlfriends talk about this too.

22:51

They're just like, as a mom, you just want to do it.

22:53

But then there's, I forgot about myself and I saw my mom not do that

22:57

for the first time on this trip where she was like, okay, goodnight.

23:01

Like, okay, deal with that later.

23:04

And there's a lot of reasons why that is happening.

23:07

The wisdom of her age. if you follow me on Instagram, you know, my mother is a newlywed.

23:11

She recently got married for the second time, and that was like a huge phenomenon.

23:15

We had done some personal work together to support that happening, and also

23:20

it was just God's plan, like truly. and to see my mom give, allow me to receive and then for her to still

23:28

be filled up was just such a gift. I don't know if you've ever experienced.

23:34

Seeing your mom do good in a way that takes away from her, and how

23:37

that, that made me feel very sad. I, it made me want to, and, and again, therapists and people who specialize

23:43

in this work will talk about and label this as codependency and da, da, da,

23:47

and all these things, and that's fine and dandy, but at the end of the day,

23:51

the personal experience of me wanting to save or to give to my mom or to

23:55

take care of her or to alleviate her survival patterns, It's not just a

23:59

me a thing that needs to be labeled. It is a relationship that's been passed down in our lineage.

24:05

So for me to not do that, for her, to not get herself to that place was massive.

24:12

Like, massive change, massive growth, massive evolution, massive restoration of

24:22

the existence and the expression of our.

24:25

Woman and of our maternal instincts.

24:28

And I love it because this, one of the reasons in my twenties I chose not

24:34

to become a mother was because what I witnessed and what I saw both in my family

24:39

and in the culture and in the culture of just women and mothers, was that we

24:44

are, we're willing to give up everything and our freedom for our children.

24:49

And I was like, that is a no for me. Me, I will never be a narcissist mother, but I also am not going

24:56

to forget my identity as all my hyphens, all my commas, just because

25:02

I add mother to it at the beginning.

25:05

Like I, I just refuse to do that. And I still stand by that.

25:07

And I, I just feel that there's such, and all the mommy blogs and all of the videos,

25:12

everyone's like, this is how it happens.

25:14

This is how it goes. You give everything to your children to the point that you have nothing

25:18

and like you have to lose yourself. And then you have to learn Self-love and self-growth, and I

25:21

was just like, I'm a no for that. I will never do that.

25:25

I will follow up about that in another episode, in another teaching, because as

25:28

much as I said, I will not do it, I did it in a different way when it came to

25:32

my business, and I will talk about that. But um, yeah, this, this experience was huge for me and I was just,

25:40

digesting it and watching it and being like, that was amazing.

25:44

There's evidence of change and evidence of growth.

25:47

In so many ways, just in one interaction or one visit with my mom.

25:52

The second one I wanna talk about, cuz that one was full of like, it was like

25:56

four different things I just talked about. But the second one is actually a little bit cleaner.

26:00

and like straight to the point, all my life I have been a very creative person.

26:06

I'm the only girl and I would go into my bedroom and I would, Close the

26:13

door and paint and draw and move the furniture and make my own clothes.

26:18

And so, you know, again, we could talk about attachment styles,

26:21

but at the end of the day, I am a person who thrives in isolation.

26:25

We could also talk about the fact that I'm a projector.

26:27

I like to be around people and then disappear and do my own thing and

26:31

rejuvenate and get clarity, and then I bring it back out into the world.

26:34

So if you follow me on social media, you know, that's my, my steelo, but like, As a

26:38

girl, I would go in the room and close the door and create, and then I would come out

26:41

and share with my mom, or I would invite my brothers into my bedroom and I'd have

26:44

all these creation stations and I would teach them things and we'd make bookmarks,

26:49

or I would read to them and she was like, you've always been a person who loved

26:52

people, but also loved your alone term.

26:56

And somewhere in our life journey, we often forget who we truly are, who

27:02

we've always been, what our lifestyle has always looked like, even if it was,

27:07

Through the context of just a bedroom. And now the context is like my whole life, I'm always wanting to travel

27:12

into my and create these experiences, micro experiences that I get to contain

27:17

myself in, and then I make stuff. And so what I've been looking at is like somewhere in life

27:23

we sometimes forget that. Like through our evolutions, through our changes, through the ways we

27:28

have impact, how our businesses grow, how our visibility changes.

27:32

How we get recognized, who we work with, what relationships, like all these

27:35

different changes that we go through sometimes, oftentimes, all the time

27:41

we disconnect from the roots of our person or, and we're in this journey

27:49

of constantly healing and seeing what is truly us and what was like harmful

27:54

conditioning or coping, conditioning, that we abandoned the truth of who we are.

27:59

Yeah, and my mom so beautifully illustrated this or brought

28:04

this to life for me. Illuminated it for me actually, is what I will say.

28:08

Because she turned to me as we were in the first Airbnb and she said,

28:12

you've always been this way, Ash. This has always been you.

28:16

You've always been adventurous. You've always been curious.

28:19

You would never settle for what you don't like.

28:21

You always outspoken. You always can speak right to the heart of the true thing that's

28:26

going on with someone, not just.

28:28

Like the surface level or the bandaid or the mask, you've always gone off

28:33

into your own world and created and then come out and shared it with people.

28:37

You did this your whole life. Remember since you were a little girl, remember?

28:42

And I was like, I got teary eyed. And I was like, you're right.

28:45

And the reason being is I was feeling guilt and was having some tension around

28:50

needing this space with my mother, but.

28:53

Subsequently needing space from everyone, like from my fiance, from

28:57

my home, and just wanting to be with me and my dog in a beautiful space.

29:01

So I can create. And I just wonder, and I don't even have to wonder cuz if I go and sit

29:06

down, I've just been enjoying my space. But if I go and sit down and talk to my ancestors about this, I know that

29:10

there is a bigger story, a bigger system around this, of women abandoning who

29:15

they are and what they really need to thrive and to have their cup overflowing.

29:20

Because of the pressure of their, of their business or their partner, or

29:25

their rules, or the culture or the legislation or whatever it might, or

29:28

the money or whatever it might be. And when she pointed this out, I was like, thank you.

29:34

Even me, I needed to be reminded that this is rightful for me to be here with

29:39

you and then for me to extend my stay, to have the space that allows Ash to thrive.

29:45

And when Ash thrives, everyone around her thrives.

29:49

That's how us women, that's how we women, and that's definitely how I work.

29:53

And I was like, you know what? I know this about myself.

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And yet I was not honoring it. I was making the truth of who I am wrong.

30:02

It was a mother's love that brought me back to myself in that moment.

30:08

So, I hope that this episode of is still happening, gives you permission to receive

30:18

the nourishment, the mothering, the care, the love, the rest, the being held that

30:26

you need from wherever you get mothered, even if that mothering is from yourself.

30:32

Allow yourself to mother you and to receive the mothering you need.

30:37

And if you do have a mother in your life, if you do have a maternal

30:41

figure in your life, and if you don't, then let's do ancestral healing.

30:44

So you can loving energy of all of the women down your

30:48

maternal lineages around you. And with you, I've done that myself, especially in my paternal and father line.

30:54

To feel the mothers and the men, and this the case that I'm giving,

30:58

the men give me the fathering that I did not receive from my father's.

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It's possible, but even if you're not doing ancestral healing work, I want

31:07

you to open up to receive the mothering that you need, wherever it's coming

31:11

from, and that you remember who you've always been and how your mothering

31:19

figure, whoever they were, saw you.

31:22

In your best, in their best moments and the clarity of their

31:25

eyes and love when they had it. Whether it was every day or just once a month or once a year, right?

31:31

Like we have a lot of complexities in our relationships.

31:33

But in that one moment that you can remember that there was some love or some

31:38

reverence or care, look through their eyes at who you truly are and allow their care

31:45

to remind you to live and operate from.

31:50

The seat of your identity, the seat of how you operate best, how you express

31:56

yourself best, and how you want to move forward in your life and in this world.

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I think that feels complete. There's a lot that I can say, but I don't wanna ramble and I just wanna honor.

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All of us who are mothering in our own ways, all of us who come from mothers.

32:14

So I'm gonna honor all of our mothers, and I wanna honor all of our maternal

32:18

lineages who lived, loved mom, nurtured, sacrificed, encouraged,

32:27

right, nourished, protected all of us in the ways that they could.

32:34

As best they could under the circumstances, under the unhealed,

32:38

inherited, ancestral and personal trauma as best as they could.

32:42

All right. So I'd love to hear your feedback and thoughts about this.

32:46

I think I'll be writing a lot more about this experience because I don't know,

32:51

I feel like I grew as a woman because of spending this time with my mom and

32:54

being mothered, which, is surprising.

32:58

As you can see, I'm a little like. Still integrating and digesting and in awe, in awe.

33:05

So I hope you had a beautiful Mother's Day.

33:08

I hope that you honor yourself as mother because all of us are

33:11

nurturing something in our lives. even if it's only ourselves, and that you go forth with having the best day that

33:19

you possibly can, knowing that you are here for a reason and have a role to play.

33:25

In this world, in your community, and in your lineage.

33:30

Thank you for being here with me. Shout out to my mom.

33:33

I love you. Thank you so much.