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everyone. spread

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the word. And

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you heard. Joe

1:40

Marler Show. Joe

1:43

Marlon Show. Hello

1:46

dear listener. This is, of course,

1:48

Tom. And let me wish you a

1:50

very merry December from both

1:53

me and Joe. Joe is awaiting other things

1:55

at the moment. Another

1:57

year of the Joe Marler has come

1:59

to an end, but we see this very much

2:01

as a celebration. And to celebrate,

2:03

we are gonna bring you some of

2:05

our very best bits from

2:07

the year that was twenty twenty

2:09

two. So the

2:11

episode you're about here contains the

2:14

following. A former detective, a

2:16

sex worker, an expert in artificial

2:18

intelligence, an opera car

2:20

salesman a two driver rewards

2:22

expert, a drug's traffic, a cheerleader, and

2:24

a ridiculous segment an animal

2:26

missing one of its key body parts.

2:29

It

2:29

could only happen on the Joe show.

2:31

enjoy.

2:41

President,

2:41

d i,

2:42

Joe Marler. Also,

2:46

DCI. Can't believe you that make me

2:48

still. So on four dice, interviewing

2:51

suspect Neil.

2:54

That's shit. You

2:57

want me to do it? Yes, please. Yeah, please. Alright.

2:59

Boom.

3:01

What? Hang on. I'm just about right.

3:04

I've done this before you. This

3:06

interview is being tape recorded. We're in

3:08

the interview room at wherever we

3:10

are. I am interviewing. Say your

3:12

full name, please. Joseph

3:13

Marler. Also present in

3:15

the room is to a legal representative,

3:18

Farquoff. There's not a chance he's represented

3:20

me legally. It's my wife's Joe. Yes,

3:22

sir. You're like So you say your name,

3:25

Margaret? Celesta or

3:27

Barris? Celesta. Celesta. Celesta.

3:29

Thomas Fardice. Okay?

3:31

This interview has been tapered, and it may be given

3:33

an evidence. If your case is brought

3:35

to trial at the end of the interview, I'll give you a

3:37

notice explaining what will happen to the tapes and

3:39

how you make your access to them.

3:41

You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your

3:43

defensively. Do not mention when questions something

3:45

which you later aligning court. anything that

3:47

you do say may be given in evidence.

3:49

The time is, I haven't

3:51

got my glasses. I can't see my watch. No

3:55

comment. Fair enough. boy.

3:58

God. You know, you say you say, oh, I haven't asked

3:59

you question yet. Oh, you're supposed to be question in Mexico? I got

4:02

I got into that then. I felt really

4:04

happy, Joe. Yeah. I felt like, you're not nervous.

4:06

I'm not Joe. No. No. No. No.

4:08

No. No. I'm I'm like I was got got into

4:10

it like, oh, fuck. I'm in one of the rooms.

4:13

actually. Does it happen? So that it

4:15

it happens like that pretty much it. Yeah.

4:17

And then I so I'm sat across the room from you,

4:19

like -- Yeah. -- so I've been done for

4:21

accused as your legal representative. You

4:24

haven't been done for anything. Okay. Well, I

4:26

don't even have charges. I haven't been laid at this point.

4:28

No. No. No. No. Okay. We've just been swiftly. What's

4:30

the crime? What crime have I done? You haven't

4:32

done anything. Can I just say, what stop saying you've done

4:34

the crime? Okay. Hang on. Can we just pause

4:36

the tape for a second? What

4:38

what we put what are we Joe playing? that might

4:40

pretend to be a ghost or if you actually done.

4:42

What it mean like? Yeah. I

4:45

stole loads of pistachios from

4:47

Cobop with those five. Okay.

4:49

That's what that's what you Joe relation to

4:51

that. there. Alright. Food there.

4:53

Joe shoplifting. Yeah. I've done a big number

4:56

of shoplifting. No. You're looking to stop saying he's

4:58

done it. Okay. Now panic it. No comment.

5:00

That's what I guess that's why they say no comment

5:02

because usually you get

5:04

that a lot. Eighty percent of the time.

5:06

Ninety percent of the time. you'll be set across the

5:08

room for the accused, and you'll go,

5:10

can you tell us where you were on? Yeah.

5:12

July the ninth. I tell you what, there's there's there's

5:14

three things to him. org that can happen.

5:16

So you can get complete cooperation

5:18

with the interviewer. They'll answer all the questions,

5:21

maybe. Doesn't happen very often. you

5:23

get a complete no comment where they will actually just say

5:25

no comment to every question, or you

5:27

get a qualified one where the solicitor will say,

5:29

my client has a prepared statement.

5:32

and the solicitor then will Rowan say, my client

5:34

says that whilst he was in co Joe, in

5:37

wherever it was, he saw

5:39

the pistachios but I replied

5:41

in on him by the ShopLifter,

5:43

and he won't ask ask answer any more

5:45

questions. And then I'll say, right. Okay. Thank you

5:47

for that. and take a copy of it.

5:49

And then I'll still answer. Ask all the

5:51

questions. And then you'll go no comment to each

5:53

one. But that's not the end of the interview if you

5:55

buy any stretch of imagination. interview

5:57

then goes on. We plan for no comments because

5:59

they're so regular, they're so common. The

6:01

whole point is because if you heard the the

6:03

caution, one of the pop portions of the of

6:06

the caution is that it may harm your

6:08

defense if you do not mention one question. So I mean, you

6:10

lay it relying on court. So if

6:12

you then say nothing and then

6:14

when you get the court and say, oh yeah, but

6:16

he planted them on me. The court say,

6:19

why didn't you say that at the time? then it's

6:21

just thrown out. You're like, well, that's bollocks. You can't

6:23

just say me. Yeah. You have to use it. You have to use it

6:25

there. I tell you what I'm thinking. to use it

6:27

now. It it didn't used to be quite like that. Couple

6:29

of mates of mine who are barasters, who are writers,

6:31

but they're also barasters. And they say now the problem

6:33

is, is juries don't

6:36

believe that people wouldn't

6:38

say why and what and whatever.

6:40

Because in this generation of

6:42

instant, people can't have dinner

6:44

without putting it on social media. Joe

6:47

can't get that if someone won't

6:49

go in the win the witness box and explain

6:51

what happened, they're thinking what he's guilty.

6:53

it's actually made it a bit harder for

6:55

defense lawyers. So that's it. So yeah.

6:57

So they're the three options, but no comment

7:00

is really common. Almost rotate

7:03

on Joe show.

7:07

Pawn back in the day was fucking amazing.

7:08

Not better. Like Oh,

7:10

yeah. It was a real film set,

7:12

like a Hollywood film set. Big budget.

7:14

There would be a crew of thirty to forty

7:16

people. Catering van. Honestly, and

7:18

people got paid properly. but now because

7:21

of technology and modernization

7:23

of it, an unethical set looks like

7:26

a bunch of blokes standing

7:28

around one girl, waiting

7:30

for the guy to get hard, then

7:32

it's two hours of

7:35

taking stills. So this is we're talking

7:37

commercial. So Brazos,

7:39

Mofos, Fag taxi. Although

7:41

Fag taxi is actually pretty legit. We like

7:43

-- Fag taxi. A fake taxi picks

7:45

up a girl and then the girl fucks the

7:46

driver. I can't out of all

7:49

the questions you

7:50

could have possibly asked in this episode, you've

7:53

gone what's

7:54

fake tax Did you know what? It's the most

7:56

self explanatory thing we've had. It's

7:58

really wider because

7:59

I don't find taxis in any way.

8:02

Say So I don't really feel a bit sick in the back

8:04

of them. And if it's a mini camp with a smell

8:06

of fags and the last hotcoming

8:08

soap -- Yeah. -- in no way his attack see a

8:10

sexy vehicle. Well, lots of

8:11

people were begged to differ. I

8:13

mean, I'm in the room. Yeah. Fair for me.

8:16

So

8:16

to begin with, these

8:18

two performers, they might not have ever

8:20

met each other before, but they have

8:22

to fuck. So we're waiting for the guy to

8:24

get hard some professionals, they get

8:26

hard really quickly. They can stay rock solid.

8:29

Some professionals need aids

8:31

like Viagra. And

8:33

Some people find it really hard, and it

8:35

takes them a while. They're not necessarily in the porn

8:37

industry that long though, unfortunately. Right.

8:39

You know, you're you're a professional. You're there to

8:42

perform. So the first time you see them fuck isn't

8:44

actually the first time you see them fuck

8:46

because they do the photos first. So two

8:48

hours of photos, taking all these photos, and

8:50

it's generally like dripping. So the

8:52

girl does a photo set, then they do a

8:54

photo set together, then they get and

8:56

they're doing all the positions that

8:58

they think they're gonna do during

9:00

that scene. So that this these

9:02

photos have to mimic the videos. For

9:04

continuity. Yeah. For continuity. Not

9:06

every porn company works this way, by the way. This

9:08

is just the ones that I've had experience with.

9:10

So let's do like doggy there,

9:13

missionary over there, and then sit

9:15

her on the floor there and she can bounce

9:17

up and down on me. And so they do that in

9:20

the photos. and then they go for we might

9:22

have like a lunch

9:22

break. Sometimes it's cheese and

9:25

cheese and ham sandwiches. When you say lunch

9:27

break, Joe, it might sort of contract

9:29

with a lunch making vaults. Look,

9:31

fuck. This is just this is a

9:33

lot of work. Yeah. I

9:34

mean, it's just like a fucking film set.

9:37

Porn is

9:37

It's a fucking film. It's a

9:40

fucking film set. Very good.

9:41

There isn't fluffers anymore

9:44

unless it's like a ridiculously huge

9:46

I don't know, all GCN, but a

9:48

fluffer used to be paid for.

9:50

I I think that's long gone. That hasn't

9:52

been in there for about ten years.

9:54

Normally, it's just the female

9:56

performer will help the guy out

9:58

if if she wants to, if he asks,

10:01

Sometimes they assume they're like help me. I'm

10:03

struggling. There's a bit like,

10:05

okay. Sometimes

10:07

you've got guys going off to the

10:08

watching porn gonna get on. important.

10:12

Funky bonkers. Yeah. This is

10:14

literally important. So he's important that

10:16

he would watch a different pawn.

10:18

If he's if, you know, if if he can't get his head in

10:20

the game, you ain't got a crew of fucking loads

10:22

of blokes there. So

10:23

in all of this, the way you

10:25

described everything, I'm picturing

10:27

Tom as the lead Joe. Thank

10:29

you. In it all, Adam. I think should you

10:31

guide off onto the corner of this studio.

10:34

on that screen. Just Joe wait. Wait a minute,

10:36

guys. I've just gotta put some porn up, and

10:38

then I'll come back to the porn set. And

10:40

I'm just I'm dying here. I'll picture

10:42

it all again. What other

10:44

terms? I have a favorite term at the

10:46

moment. Go on. Docking. Docking.

10:49

Yeah. Can

10:49

you can you guess what that

10:50

is? docking. I mean, any

10:52

number of things can dock with any certain

10:55

number of kids. So I think immediately,

10:57

I think of docking in space like

10:59

a little go, like,

11:02

leaving the mothership and coming

11:04

in and then go, oh, I'm just docking.

11:06

Is it where you

11:08

take the penis out of

11:10

the vagina and place it in the butt hole.

11:13

Oh, that's

11:13

a really good guess.

11:14

What is it? Ducking.

11:18

Ducking is docking.

11:22

Ducking. Why are you so red? I'm

11:24

just trying to think because I would have said what you

11:26

said. So Oh, would you? No. But doctor,

11:28

you would have siftly gone. Take

11:30

the penis out the vagina and put it in

11:32

the butt. No. would have said taking the paint putting the

11:34

penis in something so it docks. Okay.

11:36

Alright? But do I need to be specific where the

11:38

penis is going? I

11:39

need I need the specifics. Okay.

11:42

Joe innocent. Yeah. I am. Yeah.

11:44

I'm done. Go on. So

11:46

it's

11:46

putting a penis inside another

11:49

penis. What? Yeah. What?

11:51

So Full Skin, you know, magic

11:53

of Full Skin. The

11:54

magic of Full Skin. That's a new podcast

11:56

with launching. Welcome

11:59

to, let's say, one of the magic of Fourkin, I

12:01

guess, today is Joe Myle. Joe Tum's about

12:03

your Fourkin. Yeah. How's

12:06

he doing? I've got a decent skin, if I'm

12:08

honest. I've probably got more full skin than

12:10

shaft. Beer. What magic can you work

12:12

with it? I can tie it

12:14

in a knot three times. Steve's

12:17

gone.

12:19

He doesn't

12:21

know what to do. Joe

12:25

hang on. So this docking business. Mhmm.

12:27

Is it is it is it erect?

12:29

Is it flaccid? Whatever

12:31

way works? They're both going in each other's

12:33

four skins. The thing

12:34

is if you're into docking, you could

12:36

try it flaccid, but you're gonna get turned on.

12:38

Yeah. And I think, obviously, the more you'd

12:40

get turned on the less four skin you have to

12:42

play. Yeah. Joe

12:43

so maybe it's maybe it's an erect

12:45

penis with a with a

12:47

flaccid penis with a real lot and

12:49

lagging. Just fucking the fore skin -- Yeah. --

12:51

until it gets hard. and then

12:53

Well,

12:53

that sounds like a unethical porn film

12:56

right there. That sounds beautiful.

12:57

And we can make it space themed? Yes.

13:00

Yes.

13:08

As long as everyone's paid fairly, I'm

13:10

down. That got

13:13

you in a single favorite theme,

13:15

though.

13:19

Guess, today

13:23

is called Joe.

13:28

He's an op press. No.

13:33

Hello, Rob. Hello. How are you? Lovely to

13:35

be here. we've got a lot of listener questions

13:37

well as journalists engaged with this

13:39

one, aren't they? Do you like this first one? Give this

13:41

this one from Molly a go because I like it.

13:44

Cheese are. how long

13:46

can

13:46

you hold a note for? I

13:49

don't know. It's usually canceled in seconds. There's

13:51

like some a lot of notes from

13:53

Teners, where they just hold it on for as long as they possibly

13:55

can. A tenor is the same voice tub as me like

13:57

Pavorotik, and they'll just hold it just

13:59

to show they can.

13:59

But I don't know. Is it fifteen, twenty

14:02

seconds? I mean, we could find out. But let's do

14:04

it. We'll all start at the same time. And

14:06

it's like Lars Bergens and then Yeah. It's a

14:08

good Joe. What note? notary. Oh, did you

14:10

choose over? Oh,

14:13

Joe want the actual notes?

14:16

Yeah. Oh, no. I've got yourself

14:18

on. Natalie,

14:20

it's there. How can everybody say it? Oh, man.

14:22

What one's that? There you go. Give me a yes,

14:24

please. Yeah. I'll try

14:26

and stick to that one. I'm not a lot. Yeah. Are

14:28

you happy that? Joe be able to go. At the same time.

14:30

Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful. It would drop me. I'm trying

14:32

to get any deep breath sitting Just

14:35

need to calm down a little bit. I'm nervous. It's

14:37

really exciting. It's super exciting. Oh, I

14:39

thought we got here. You ready?

14:41

So it's 3321

14:44

Go. It's

15:12

coming here. No.

15:15

Fucking away. Rob, yeah.

15:17

This is terrible. Get me out of here. Rob.

15:19

I'm done. Should it write higher down now? At

15:22

least,

15:22

it's hands down without them

15:24

so big. Joe the

15:27

worst excellent beat. I know it does

15:29

that Tom off. Purely, on the fact,

15:31

this smug trap to the right of me,

15:33

that was really impressive, Tom. I'm I

15:35

can't I can't abuse you on this. I'm gonna go

15:37

with the positive angle in it. That was

15:40

really quite impressive

15:41

from you.

15:43

Our guest today is Lydia. who is

15:46

a research data scientist at

15:48

the Alan Turing Institute.

15:50

Hello, Lydia? Hello.

15:53

Joe. I'm a bit scared. am I? Is

15:55

the robots gonna take over and get this?

15:58

Oh. Is that what you're scared about? Yeah.

15:59

I was just scared about someone

16:02

who's definitely way more intelligent than

16:04

both of us. Now you're a robot,

16:06

Lydia.

16:06

Well, how would you know? I mean Oh

16:08

my god. What

16:10

I start? Joe, I'm I'll be

16:12

honest with you. I me and technology, I

16:14

fear it sometimes because I

16:16

don't know what it's doing. Mhmm. Other

16:18

times, video, I think it's gonna make me redundant.

16:20

Mhmm. And there's something my laptop has

16:22

started doing recently where it is

16:24

giving as I'm typing away, I'm writing

16:26

something. It is giving me

16:28

an option for the next word before it types

16:31

it. And in this house, like, it whatever

16:33

computer. It's fucking good though. A

16:35

number of times, So now, Joe,

16:37

this is freaking me out because I'm thinking,

16:39

this computer is better than me at what

16:41

I'm doing. Is that what's happening on my

16:43

phone?

16:43

You're phone with it as well. Yeah. when

16:44

I'm texting, it will give me like

16:46

a selection of three words --

16:48

Yes. -- that they think it's gonna

16:50

be Joe that I can just click on that

16:52

one. So that's AI. there's an AI in my

16:54

phone. Kind of yeah. Right. Yeah.

16:56

Go with John's is

16:58

sort of Are we gonna get replaced by

16:59

AI? Is that what

17:00

you mean? thought there'd be lots of things that

17:03

will be replaced -- Mhmm. -- like all the mechanical

17:05

things, so obviously dishwasher'd be a

17:07

classic example. I found it slightly

17:09

chastening that creative writing could be

17:11

done better by a

17:13

robot slash AI than my brain.

17:14

Yeah. So there's there's two really cool

17:17

AIs that come out really recently. One's called

17:19

GPT three. and that can

17:21

write really well. So you can give it a prompt, say,

17:23

tell me a story about bears and it'll write a

17:25

full story for you. And

17:27

it's quite creepy. Like, you can look

17:29

these they're they're really good now. And and what they've done is they

17:31

fed this machine

17:32

all of the human written texts

17:34

that they

17:34

can think of. Stop feeding it fed

17:37

all of it and it's learned how did how does language work,

17:39

how does stories work, and then it can it

17:41

can generate new ones for you. And

17:43

and there's another one that's called

17:46

dolly, DALLE

17:48

and that creates images for you. So you can

17:50

say, I wanna see a tiger sipping

17:52

and it will create images for you

17:55

that's amazing. Is this creativity?

17:57

Is this the machine creating things for us? Is

17:59

this art? Are

17:59

these are these stories that's writing

18:02

now? So that GPP3GPP3

18:05

Yeah. He put it

18:06

fucking got that wrong straight away. I mean,

18:09

it's the pleasure of a little bit. So that one -- Yeah. -- you've just

18:11

said. So that one's learning from you. So as

18:13

you talk about is based on what

18:15

his previous results -- Exactly. -- have

18:17

been. So if you're using Gmail

18:18

for for example, or

18:20

another email service. They're kind of following what everyone's

18:22

writing in their emails. And so they can start

18:24

to learn, oh, people tend to write thanks

18:26

for your last email,

18:29

sounded great and they can start to suggest that as, oh, you'll

18:31

probably likely to start writing this kind of

18:33

sentence. GPT three is a like a huge

18:35

version of that where they've fed it all of human

18:38

tech that they can get their hands on. So a much bigger version. It's

18:40

not been rolled out completely yet because it's still quite massive.

18:42

And they are a little bit worried about the implications

18:45

of what could do because journalists could use it to

18:47

write articles and similar that's not been fact checked,

18:49

but it looks really real. So they're a bit worried

18:51

about it. Going rogue, mean

18:53

Gmail, see everyone's? Yeah. So they

18:55

learn from what you're writing in your Gmail, for

18:58

example. So that's part of the privacy. Is

19:00

that

19:00

legal? I mean, you sign away your rights when you

19:02

were. When you sign up to the service, there's

19:04

terms

19:04

and conditions, and they they say things like,

19:06

we want to be able to read what

19:08

you're writing. They anonymize it.

19:11

Joe hang on. That was not put

19:13

that was not put in bold. No.

19:15

It wasn't. I mean,

19:16

this is why the EU gets upset with lot

19:18

of tech companies that are taking people's data. Because what we

19:20

would have realized that the data is being looked at

19:22

and trained with and so there's

19:24

there's big implications for privacy and

19:27

and

19:27

similar. I'm gonna start making a John, my piece of paper Joe items

19:29

of technology I'm gonna smash when I

19:31

get hurt. And I'm

19:34

really nervous and

19:36

scared now.

19:37

Joe there's there's definitely this idea now that data,

19:39

so that kind of your use interface, what

19:41

you're using with the computer, is now the new oil. So

19:43

this is where all the money is coming from, how you

19:45

use the world, and and technology, and that's

19:47

where people are making money from it. So there's lots of

19:49

questions about who owns it, and do you have rights to it? Do you

19:51

have the right to not be tracked, to not be followed around

19:53

on the Internet? Joe this is one of

19:55

the big problems. Do

19:56

we have the right? No. You might not to not

19:58

be tracked? Not at

19:58

the moment. The EU is

19:59

looking into it, and they're trying to put more

20:02

regulations on Facebook and Facebook have got

20:03

very upset about it, for example. So the only

20:05

way you cannot be tracked is to not

20:08

be on it. Unfortunately, that doesn't

20:09

really work either. Fucking

20:12

air. We

20:14

screwed. This is nice to you in your fucking history

20:16

on your alright. Would you remember

20:19

do you remember if you sign

20:19

up to a website says would you like

20:21

to sign in Facebook or Gmail or Google? Yep. That's one of the

20:24

ways they can follow you even if you're not on

20:26

Facebook. So they can follow around the web,

20:28

for example. And if you don't sign

20:30

up to their services at all, they can kind of

20:32

infer that you exist. So your friends, for

20:34

example, if they're communicating with each other and they see

20:36

an unknown number that's coming in, so maybe you're not

20:38

on Facebook. someone's communicating with

20:40

you externally. They can kind of tell, oh, there's

20:42

a joke shaped person in the social

20:44

circle. We kind of make you

20:44

exist. Okay. So that's

20:47

that's why

20:47

this is one of the big concerns about how

20:49

big companies are using data and and

20:51

following people around the Internet. And and this does

20:53

have implications for even things like

20:55

democracy. So a lot of targeted ads that are used

20:58

by politicians and similar, some of those

21:00

can get quite scary about about what data is

21:02

being used for those purposes. Joe

21:04

where I work, we're like looking into the

21:06

ethics of all of data science and AI

21:08

and how privacy is really important. So

21:10

that this is something the people I work with

21:12

why weren't those ethics looked

21:15

at before it was all rolled

21:17

out as to be like, yeah, just give us all

21:19

your data. I

21:19

guess it's how the world works. Right? It makes

21:22

you money. say

21:22

Shoot first, ask later. Yeah.

21:25

Definitely. I'm gonna say some everyday

21:27

items. Yeah. And I need to know whether

21:29

they are AI -- Mhmm.

21:31

-- not Toaster. Depends

21:35

on the

21:35

toaster. Okay.

21:37

I've got a breville

21:38

the

21:39

Opera. It's the one that you

21:41

put a little timer on. Yeah. That does the time

21:43

for you and then pops it up when it's done. So that's

21:45

the kind of intelligence, isn't it?knows when

21:47

when it's done.

21:48

That's a time. So that's a tick for

21:51

me. Microwave.

21:52

Yeah. Again, you can set it and it

21:54

Joe, but it's not feeding any information in. So

21:56

it's not looking at your phone going Yaraoke. So it

21:58

can't get more

21:59

intelligent. It is what it is. It is what it is.

22:02

Space. And that's that's what

22:02

most of our AI is like. It's got a singular

22:05

purpose. It does the thing. It's supposed to do. And that's that. That's

22:07

basically how all AI works at the

22:08

moment. Quad bike. It's a

22:10

machine. Right? So the blurry line

22:12

between what's in a intelligent or not. I mean, you give it

22:14

a control and then it it acts on that on the

22:17

engine. So to an extent Well,

22:18

it's it's not working at the minute because

22:20

I flooded it with picture. So the engine's

22:23

a bit fucked. So But there's for

22:24

example, there's rice cookers that can kind of take

22:26

in information about the steam levels and

22:29

then change the amount of heat

22:31

that's going in. So it's a feedback system.

22:33

So that's that's like an intelligent rice

22:35

cooker. They're quite cheap nowadays.

22:36

fucking hell.

22:40

Joe Marla show Can

22:43

I just it shows referenced

22:45

DaVita in Matilda already. I would like

22:47

to go through this sort of DaVita checklist of

22:50

dodgy things to do to dodgy cars.

22:52

Can you just tell me if it's realistic

22:55

or if Marler made these up. Yep. Number

22:57

one, sword dust into

22:59

the gearbox. Interesting. Why

23:01

would you put sword dust in? Why does

23:03

he put does it It's the top that

23:05

cranky and grinding, and

23:07

then the saw does just softens it for a little bit,

23:09

doesn't it? We're asking an official

23:11

professional car salesperson questions based

23:14

on a rolled old book.

23:16

That's right. Exactly. Okay. Please

23:18

continue. Just for

23:20

full disclosure. I am no longer a car

23:22

salesperson, so I'm happy to expose car

23:25

salespeople. We'll get to that. This

23:27

is good. Yeah. Let's fucking

23:29

do it. Yeah. Let's expose the

23:31

motherfucker. DaVito

23:34

cheat sneak number

23:36

two. as Joe has referenced, getting the mileometer, I

23:38

think DaVita uses a

23:40

Joe, a giant real reversible drill, doesn't

23:43

it? Awica. That's it. Mhmm.

23:45

Mckita. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Olden days, we

23:47

could literally reverse screwdriver than my own

23:49

account. Is there anything else that to be

23:51

that person. Oh, he's

23:53

super glues the I think he uses

23:55

superglues to put a Aaron

23:57

bumper back on. I've done that.

23:59

What? Oh, wow. no

24:01

way. You've stuck a bumper on. All

24:03

I have done over the years is as

24:05

a car salesperson and I don't

24:07

mind saying this. Joe, you came into a bar car from me, you'd go, oh, you don't

24:09

have that scratch done, Wayne Lloyd. Yeah. You have that

24:12

scratch done, the curbed wheels. Yeah. Yeah. Of

24:14

course. We'll park it out. The sun makes sure it's still wet

24:16

from the valet bay. and then sharpen those wheels

24:18

back up. So anyone notices.

24:20

I am never trusting

24:22

the car sales put module

24:25

never trusted one anyway. So please continue. What other what

24:27

other tricks are there that that they used

24:30

they used to do? They obviously do. They me.

24:32

I'm not a professional Joe Yeah.

24:34

But Sharpies might as well be doing

24:36

that anyway. I've seen

24:39

someone do that with a higher car

24:41

they got, which they got a little tiny

24:43

scratch on. and rather than pay

24:45

the punishing excess, you just

24:47

got the black Sharpie out and filled this little

24:49

hole in. My favorite in that

24:51

scenario is tepax a white card. It

24:53

doesn't matter what white it is. Tapex

24:55

matches. Wow. Do you get a little bump on it? Do you have

24:57

to do it really carefully? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah.

24:59

And I've I've been caught Tapex in a

25:01

customer's car as they're

25:05

driving into the car park to pick it up. Well,

25:07

then quickly wipe over. And you've gone, oh,

25:09

I'm just giving it a last poly. Last

25:11

Buffet, the old girl out. What's the any

25:13

pocket? What's that? It's too

25:15

bad. Don't worry about those. Yeah. Just

25:17

yeah. I'd

25:19

like to go back to the role play of trying to

25:21

buy my first car in that lot. Look, what

25:23

are the chances are you knocking off ten

25:26

grand? knocking off a couple of

25:28

ground if I

25:30

I've got a really famous

25:33

friend called Tom Fordeis. He

25:35

does loads of podcasts. I'll get him

25:37

to sign a

25:37

picture of himself for you. Will that

25:40

get me any discount? So

25:41

because you know Tom Ford Joe -- Yeah. --

25:43

and he's gonna sign his own name and on a

25:45

picture of himself. You want

25:49

me to give you two grand off the

25:51

price of that car, which to a

25:53

salesperson

25:53

in ten percent terms is two hundred

25:56

quid. You want me to get you to two hundred quid at

25:58

my pocket for a sign picture at Tom Ford. Have you ever been

25:59

offered anything in order to get

26:02

someone? Yes. What? A better

26:04

than a sign Tom Ford

26:06

Dodge picture? Yep. What?

26:08

I was offered a blowjob. Pardon?

26:10

Like a like

26:11

a like a dick in your mouth.

26:14

thick in What sort of blows up were you thinking of? I

26:17

don't know. I just wanted clarity. You've been

26:19

offered a blowy for a fucking discount.

26:21

Yeah. What was the car? Bentley

26:23

Bentager. it was really awkward because her husband was

26:25

in the back of the car. What?

26:27

So

26:27

he he he watched. I

26:29

didn't get the blood sugar.

26:32

You've assumed that I've accepted Felicia from

26:35

a stranger. I

26:39

would have. Did the

26:42

Harvey

26:44

It might have been a

26:46

little bit off putting with the husband in

26:49

the back. But just to clarify the the final details

26:51

in this slide, the husband heard

26:53

the offer. You could not hear it. A lot I

26:55

was saying the front of me, you could not

26:57

hear it. A lot I sort of went,

27:00

what the fuck? But, also, I just

27:02

started looking around at him in the back and he was

27:04

dead pan face. So, like, see, his

27:06

reaction, Joe, makes me wonder

27:08

if she'd off for that same bribe

27:10

and other situations maybe purchasing a

27:12

house a weekly show. We don't

27:14

actually know whether it was specifically

27:16

her offering I see. First

27:18

services. Or maybe the reason the husband in the

27:20

back was so quiet was because he was like -- Yeah. --

27:22

she's offering me out. Yeah. To

27:24

make us a

27:24

really good point and the

27:26

one that consider now I feel dilated. What what

27:30

I'm disappointed about is that you

27:32

didn't go through it so we could actually

27:34

find out whether it was him or

27:36

her or whether it was how big

27:38

it yeah. Yeah.

27:40

Did he leave a car? I'm sorry.

27:44

This

27:45

episode is sponsored

27:47

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27:51

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28:37

Hello,

28:37

listener, my old friend.

28:39

I'll be more than one by an

28:40

app anyway. It's

28:43

cool that you've come again.

28:47

We're going to speak

28:51

for you

28:56

You have you

28:56

gone up? Yes. I have.

29:00

Hello, listeners, my old friends.

29:03

We've come to

29:05

talk to you again.

29:08

Sophie

29:09

Joey.

29:12

Softie Joey. Me.

29:15

Are you a new nickname? It's lovely

29:18

Joey.

29:19

Softy joe.

29:20

Softy

29:21

Joe. That's

29:24

me. and

29:25

a medium Tommy.

29:34

like voices

29:35

never

29:36

shared. No one

29:39

dead.

29:40

It's the sound

29:43

of the Jamali Joe. I

29:46

think that was one of

29:46

our best ever. are

29:49

greatly off the buff cuff.

29:59

You've committed a crime. Okay. Yeah.

30:01

And we need to get to the bottom of

30:03

it, and we we can't prove

30:06

it. DCI Tom and DI Joe.

30:08

What DS Joe? Do you that you're washed

30:10

up the s? Who's the boss at you

30:12

too? Gilly. You're the

30:14

boss. Yeah. You need to be at least what you're if

30:16

he's a what were you? Oh, mate. He's DCI.

30:19

DCI's chief inspector. You're only a soundlucky. You need

30:21

to be a superintendent then. I'm a

30:23

DCI then. detect just detective

30:25

superintendent. Oh, yeah. I'm your

30:27

boss. Okay? And before

30:29

before we go into this, okay,

30:31

I'm gonna go hard at this interview.

30:33

Alright? Yeah. You play the good you

30:35

you sort of soften the blur like it. Okay?

30:37

Is that yellow? Okay. Yeah.

30:41

Every that you've everyone in

30:43

present. Yeah. I'm here. You'll hear. Neil's

30:45

here. Yeah. If you use it in evidence, fuck it.

30:47

I don't give a shit. you're fucking gonna

30:49

tell me everything you know,

30:52

you piece of shit.

30:55

i com No comment. Or do

30:56

you mean no comment? No comment? Well, technically,

30:59

you've just made a comment.

31:01

By saying no comment, you

31:03

piece of shit. So one mail me.

31:06

Okay. Where's my brief? What brief?

31:08

Where's my voiceless? Take your briefs off.

31:10

Tell me where you were last

31:12

night or I'm

31:14

gonna throw my

31:16

hot tea in your face. Yeah. That

31:18

doesn't play well with judges. He means that we got

31:20

more than no comment out of him. Like,

31:22

you do know us first crack. Anyway, the the point

31:25

the really shit point I'm trying to make

31:27

is, the interrogations

31:29

like that actually happen. No.

31:31

So is it literally just you're

31:33

better off sticking to the

31:36

rule book? You got you have to. You got no choice.

31:38

It's tape recorded and most of the time it's

31:40

video recorded now. Surely this there's

31:42

stuff that I want to believe there's stuff where

31:44

they go turn the tape off for a

31:46

minute. Yeah. And then I bang your red on the thing like

31:48

Batman and the Joker. If you're ninety nine

31:50

point nine percent sure, the

31:52

bloke across the table from you or the

31:54

woman across this over you is a

31:56

serial killer you've got everything, but you need

31:58

this one bit of thingy, and you just

31:59

beat fuck out of his head. And

32:02

then you get the answer to that one bit of it.

32:04

Surely, that's worth doing it. How can he

32:06

normalize that? because it will be ruled as

32:08

inadmissible. Oh, see

32:10

how that's bad. Because it you

32:12

just can't do it. That is the fact is the

32:14

more serious the case. the more seriously

32:16

you have to take it. I mean, the interviews

32:18

now, they get to the point of being

32:20

almost scientifically worked out. You'll have an

32:23

interview coordinator who

32:25

will discuss with the SIO

32:28

strategy and there'll be a written interview

32:30

strategy about where you go. And, you

32:32

know, we expect no comments. And most of

32:34

the time, it will be a no comment. But it is the

32:36

more serious the case, the more important it

32:39

is to literally stick to the rule. You have to stick to the rules because it's all

32:41

and if you do that and threaten

32:43

someone and even raising your voice a

32:45

bit, they'll say we suggest this is oppressive

32:48

and therefore They might rule the whole

32:50

interview in admissible. Mother of

32:52

God. Jesus, married in the and the

32:54

Jude Donk. That's a weird u kiss. I said,

32:56

dine now. a Joe

32:59

show. Do you not

33:01

feel with the whole head thing? I'm always convinced

33:03

my head is just gonna pop

33:05

off but unscrewing the top of a bottle. It's

33:07

just a good go. And I'll be looking back

33:09

up my headless body. What like chickens?

33:11

A bit like chicken? you

33:13

know, like they they when they get the head chopped off, they can

33:15

still see for like an hour. For

33:17

an

33:17

hour. Yeah. So I thought

33:18

the body kept moving now. They

33:21

know their head could see for now. Were there a chicken

33:23

that lived without a head for like a year? Yeah.

33:25

And they were feeding it through just straight down

33:27

its neck. through

33:29

story. Look at out. Look at out.

33:32

That's that's a sort of nonsense I

33:34

expect from Joe. Not for

33:36

medical professional. look it up. I'm

33:38

full of random facts as

33:40

well. So that's what

33:42

I read anyway. Look

33:46

at our

33:49

faces. Here's jobs. Here's

33:53

jobs. isms.

33:56

When when when yeah. They

33:57

just kept putting fuck out it. It's

33:59

also

34:03

We'll look it up and see.

34:06

Fuck you. Want that to be so Sure. It's I'm

34:08

sure it's a long

34:10

time. long time. Tom's absolutely

34:12

stolen at So it didn't show

34:14

it. The news

34:14

just in from Ryan,

34:17

the producer is Mike,

34:19

the Headless Chicken. Hang

34:21

on. Mike. Mike. That's your biggest issue. Is it?

34:23

Well, I'm not an ex parte. Mike, the headless

34:26

chicken, survived for eighteen

34:30

months. Oh, seeing magic by being

34:32

fed. Vir an eye

34:34

dropper. What if I got

34:36

any eyes? He says, go

34:38

ahead.

34:39

Tell his name.

34:41

What? Just help

34:43

him describe to

34:46

you again. I swear stuff that is dead. Switched

34:48

you and What?

34:50

For you? No way. What

34:52

sort of life is that? And

34:55

to add to that update, every

35:00

May of the

35:00

month -- Mhmm. --

35:03

in Colorado -- Yeah. There's

35:05

a

35:05

mic, the headless chick weighs. Mike Colorado. There's a what?

35:08

Why colorado? Where he's from. Where he's

35:10

where he's

35:12

from. like it's obvious. What what is obvious?

35:14

What else would that be Colorado? It

35:16

might just be big fans. Why am I celebrating

35:20

an Inuit who has discovered an extra part

35:23

of Antarctica in

35:26

Heafield. The Inuits are in

35:28

the artsy. Oh

35:30

god.

35:30

You literally

35:32

couldn't

35:32

have been further

35:34

away. Is there snow there? Yes.

35:37

There is snow. Right. Okay. Fair. If just to

35:39

go back to the question of what sort of life it

35:41

would be for Mike Hedley's chicken.

35:44

Right. I'm gonna give you two stock options. Okay? Your head comes

35:46

off because someone's doing the head twisting and they

35:48

fuck it up. Okay? Can that someone be Ben?

35:51

Ben's done it. Unfortunately, it's gone wrong, but he's better at now. It

35:54

was when you were bad at it. Yeah. Boy, it's

35:56

much better now. World class at

35:58

it. Your head has

36:00

come off. choice number one. That's the end of your life. Choice

36:02

number two. You survive for

36:04

eighteen months. Like Mike,

36:06

the head is tricky. Bye.

36:09

by me feeding you

36:12

through a giant massive

36:14

eyedropper

36:15

into your neck. That reminds me

36:18

of when

36:19

I was twelve.

36:25

And I went

36:27

to a birthday party. My best

36:29

mate's dad at his mate were on

36:31

the door like a couple of bounces

36:33

and they had black

36:35

bomber jackets with the

36:38

orange lining inside, your classic.

36:40

And it all kicked off and

36:42

there was a couple of kids who we're

36:44

trying to get into this body. Mick turns

36:46

around to this like fourteen

36:49

year old and goes Oh,

36:51

you fucking prick. You do that again. I'll rip your red

36:53

off and shit down your

36:56

neck. Oh,

36:58

just a guide. What? First of

37:01

all, how's that gonna work?

37:03

Like, in the heat at the moment, you you

37:05

actually ripping someone's head

37:07

off. and then doing a turd down their neck.

37:10

And do do they mean the neck of the

37:12

head? Or do they mean the neck of the

37:14

body? because they're next down in

37:16

two parts? Joe that's why that reminded

37:18

me of when I was twelve, your answer. And my answer

37:20

is, I

37:22

would probably

37:23

i would probably go

37:24

to Ben's practice with

37:26

no head. And I go Ben

37:28

and he goes, hi, Joe. As

37:32

you know, it's me. Okay.

37:34

You're a tattooed. Good answer. Good.

37:37

Okay. Hi, Ben. Good

37:39

to see you again. You got hang on. How

37:41

are you speaking? I'm writing it down. I'm I can't fucking

37:43

write it down and then do a

37:45

podcast with that. I don't think I would be

37:47

as calm as well. If

37:50

you with that. Right, listen. Hi, Ben. No. How are you? Good, bro.

37:52

How are you going? Where's your bill in your

37:54

head? Ben, I'm holding up a

37:56

sheet that says, hi, Ben. How

37:58

are you? and I've got no

37:59

head. You go.

38:02

Did I do that? Or

38:04

were you involved in a really

38:06

bad accident afterwards. Can't

38:10

remember, but you're writing

38:12

this here. Yeah. Can't remember, can you

38:15

fix me, question mark? No.

38:16

I

38:17

can't get it. I can't put

38:19

your head back. I'm gonna Right. Well,

38:21

that's all I need you to know. I'd give you an

38:23

eye dropper and say when

38:26

you're hungry. just use this. But in the eye

38:28

dropper, we have to have such a massive bowl

38:30

with Cirque space during

38:32

zed maybe. So

38:35

you're going which one option are

38:37

you going for?

38:38

What

38:39

was the question?

38:43

So no

38:44

steering, just back and forth when you are driving it.

38:47

It's just forward and back. Yes. And it's

38:49

just on this one line that

38:51

goes round or there. And you

38:54

said there's not many buttons. What were the buttons

38:56

before anyway? You got door

38:57

buttons, open and close the doors?

38:59

So you control all that. Oh,

39:02

yeah. Get control the doors. Yeah. As

39:03

the driver, you're not just the driver as

39:05

you've described described. You're not driving, but you

39:07

do drive. But you do the buttons open

39:09

and close. Mhmm. Announcements.

39:12

Oh, I love an announcement. I tell you what,

39:14

you do an announcement as if you

39:16

are on your first day as a

39:18

tube driver and then we'll get ceratorated.

39:20

What have I got to say, Sarah, you just So why don't you say

39:22

something that encompasses the train

39:24

terminates here? Make sure you've everything with you.

39:26

Kind of anything else you wanna put into the

39:28

mix really that you feel really

39:30

shows off your personality whilst

39:32

keeping it clean because TFO,

39:34

you know, very respectable company. Does

39:36

it need

39:36

a Bing Bang at the start or anything? No.

39:38

No. You just need to say you just need to welcome

39:41

everybody.

39:41

Oh, god. You wouldn't

39:43

cover it. Hello.

39:46

The next station stop is Kennington.

39:49

This station fuck.

39:51

This train this train

39:53

will terminate here.

39:56

please connect. Fuck. Please

39:58

make sure you collect any

40:00

bags and belongings and take them with

40:04

with you. If you suspect it, report

40:06

it, or send a message

40:08

to the Metropolitan Police

40:10

on 111

40:14

Bye.

40:14

No? I

40:16

think Mind

40:18

the gap gain off as well.

40:21

What was good is

40:22

that you said hello, which, you know, it's nice

40:24

when you introduce yourself. You did tell everyone to

40:26

take everything with him. You got the station

40:28

name correct. I'm assuming that you are supposed

40:30

to be at Kennington. Yeah. Maybe the the

40:32

use of the f word quite liberally. I mean, you

40:35

could say that I've got Tourette's and obviously we

40:37

are at opportunities employer. So that's

40:39

something that would be embraced.

40:41

I think I think

40:42

the audience I mean, the customers

40:45

think the customers might, you

40:47

know, relate to a little bit of realism.

40:49

I'd say ninety ninety five percent

40:51

of the customers on

40:53

that northern line. service to

40:55

Kensington. Probably used the word fuck many

40:58

a time.

41:04

Taught

41:04

the night before Christmas and

41:06

Santa Ana Health was still

41:09

processing last minute request. Hello,

41:16

Santa. Oh, and we finish

41:18

it. Nearly. Fuck. He's

41:20

got another list. This one's just

41:22

coming Sunday. He's from a listener in the Joe

41:24

Joe show. The hit

41:26

podcast. I've heard it's excellent. What

41:28

are they asking for? They would like

41:31

a two the Joe Marlin Joe Life at

41:33

a London Palladium. Now, when can we get

41:35

one of those center? The the link is

41:37

in the episode just quit Great.

41:40

Tic. I also wanna join Marla

41:42

Show, Bubble Hat. Where do we keep

41:44

those? link is in the

41:46

episode description. Tic

41:48

number two. Finally, they would like

41:50

one pair of Joe Marler

41:53

show socks. Guess what?

41:56

Right.

41:56

So all the links for

41:58

life strategies, bubble hats, and socks are in the

41:59

episode description that makes

42:02

it really easy.

42:05

Yes. I've got system. I've been doing this for

42:07

a while now. Newitter based center. I am. I

42:10

have why don't you get two of

42:12

those London Palladium tickets for you

42:14

and missus

42:16

L. Mrs Alpha's

42:20

left me center. Oh dear. Yeah.

42:22

She says, I work too hard.

42:26

awkward. You could come with me now,

42:28

Santa. Fuck. And we're gonna get out of

42:30

this.

42:32

elves stirs longingly

42:34

into Santa's eyes trying

42:36

to capture the magic of

42:38

Christmas. When is it? April. Fuck.

42:40

I've got no excuse. and neither have you

42:42

delistner, but Joe Marla's show

42:44

live at the London Palladium.

42:47

Tickets

42:48

on sale now because

42:51

you got nothing better to

42:53

do. Okay. Okay. I'll come I'll I'll

42:55

come with you. Yay. Thank you. Thank

42:57

you. Thank you. thank you, Santa. But because it's the palladium,

42:59

and I hear their first live show was

43:02

very good. Not because I like who

43:04

more than

43:06

any the other of the elves? It

43:08

will be our little secret center. Can't I eat secret

43:10

center?

43:14

Our

43:21

guest today is Tom Reid Wilson.

43:23

He's a TV personality and a man who knows a

43:25

lot about words. Hello, Tom.

43:28

What a lovely fan fan Bernard? That

43:30

was beautiful.

43:32

That was -- Sure. -- membranes. San

43:35

faranard. Yes. San

43:38

faranard. Yes. First

43:40

question. What is

43:42

a fan farinard? It's sort of a

43:44

very high fluting way of saying fan

43:48

I was just doing it to kind of impress you really. So is related

43:50

to promenade? I don't think so.

43:52

No. Does that end the same

43:54

way, Joe? Parenade and waste. That's

43:57

but it does have that kind of inbuilt music. Doesn't

43:59

it? Yeah.

43:59

I love words that have inbuilt

44:02

music like that. I think your

44:04

name has it. I mean, you have a composer's

44:06

name. Good stuff. Yes. Yeah.

44:08

Not related. He was with an h.

44:10

Yeah. Yes. Yes. I'd

44:12

like to say that I was related and

44:14

that I've got as much musical talent as he

44:17

had. although did he have musical talent? because

44:19

he

44:19

just composed indicates a certain

44:22

level of music talent. Yeah. That's it. Have

44:24

you ever been nicknamed Gustaf? then wouldn't

44:26

belong in my favorite song.

44:28

What is your

44:29

name? Like

44:30

happiness is

44:33

just a

44:33

thing called Joe.

44:36

He's got a smile that makes

44:38

the lilacs one to grow.

44:41

you know what my house -- You know that? -- is my

44:43

house

44:43

is called the lilacs.

44:46

Oh, my god. Do you know the

44:48

story about how Blake Edwards'

44:50

Wood, Julie Andrews? please. Oh,

44:52

it's enchanting. Mhmm. He said

44:54

at a big Hollywood party before they

44:56

ever met, I think Julie Andrews

44:58

has light looks for pubic hair.

45:00

And she heard this story on

45:02

the grapevine or the lilac

45:06

bush. And She was so tickled

45:08

by it that she sent a lilac

45:10

tree to his house

45:12

as a housewarming gift, and he's, oh, that's

45:14

the girl for me. And then two years later,

45:16

they were married. Was it like an

45:19

actual lilac tree? Or It wasn't

45:21

pruning from the her younger

45:24

region. No.

45:26

At least I don't think so. I haven't asked. Within

45:28

minutes of you being on the show, you

45:30

have dragged this show down from a eyebrow

45:34

the Smarter Gutter. Mister

45:36

I used the word Yonik, which

45:38

is Sandscript, which is the oldest language

45:40

in the world. which Valvol. But

45:43

I did use SandSPIC in my

45:45

defense. That in fact, Valvol was

45:47

one of the earliest words that I learned

45:49

when I was thirty nine. because

45:51

I was going through a book and I

45:54

asked what Avolver was

45:56

and the parents didn't

45:59

really wanna answer. and then they're like, it's a car.

46:01

That's absolutely true. It's a comfortable family

46:04

saloons. It's just about the next few years

46:06

ago. Yeah. Hey.

46:08

Check out the vulva. They're like the what? This

46:10

is one I learned today as well.

46:13

Prattle. Overblown talk, really. So is

46:15

that where Prat comes from? probably

46:18

It's such such a bad idea. money. because it says it says

46:20

talking for a long time about insignificant

46:23

things. Pretty brutal. Which is pretty

46:25

much -- Yeah. -- this podcast Joe.

46:28

No. It's most diverting.

46:30

The fuck. Yes. It

46:32

it originally meant to hit.

46:35

There's a myth that it was an acronym that

46:37

was fornication under consent of the

46:40

king that was put on people's

46:42

doors in

46:44

times of plague and pestilence, but it's not that at

46:46

all. It just means to

46:48

hit. And castrols used to be called

46:50

wind fuckers.

46:52

because they would beat the wind as they

46:54

flew. Don't all birds beat the wind.

46:56

Akastor does a little bit more liberty

46:59

because of it. wings. Kestrels were originally known as

47:01

wind fuckers. Yes. Indeed, they

47:04

were. Fun was a very

47:06

neutral word. neutral.

47:08

Yes. So when when did it become

47:10

so commonly used to Exactly.

47:12

There's an insult or something. A lot

47:14

of those hitting words transmuted

47:17

into the world of sex like banging. You know, it's such

47:19

a shame. because I didn't think I've

47:21

ever banged anyone. No. Or

47:24

being banged I

47:26

think it's always been a bit more of a

47:29

corporeal undulation in

47:31

my bed chamber. A

47:34

tussle of the eye down.

47:36

Why are certain words considered rude?

47:38

Because they're fundamentally just a collection

47:41

of letters. Well, I think context is everything, Tom.

47:43

You know, we were talking about fucking,

47:45

weren't we? And how that was sort

47:47

of basically originally hitting

47:50

or banging? and then its context made

47:52

it very, very naughty

47:54

and can't in in

47:56

the middle of his

48:00

tail. She

48:04

grabbed her by the

48:08

queen. and that's what he was talking about. And

48:11

it was just a very very innocent

48:14

anatomical word and then Joe it

48:16

merged from quaint. Yes.

48:18

It did. and then it truncated slightly. These

48:20

naughty words, it's so funny I did

48:22

an episode of

48:24

celebrity juice ones.

48:26

And about halfway through the recording,

48:28

the producers descended upon

48:30

us. And they said, we've

48:33

nearly filled our current quota just to

48:35

let you know. We have

48:38

had three and will

48:40

allow three. because there have

48:42

only been ten fucked. So the number of

48:44

fucked impacted the number of

48:46

counts, and also the manner in which they

48:48

were said, you know, how you were saying that you could

48:50

say brat, very affectionate. Yes.

48:52

And if you said on celebrity

48:54

juice, for example, you loved

48:57

it, can't, then that would be fine.

48:59

But if you say it a

49:01

little bit more spicy, then

49:03

you're really any allowed

49:05

one. all about the context, isn't it of how you say these?

49:07

The context is the context.

49:10

Yeah. There's another portman too. Oh,

49:12

that's one rate. The context

49:14

is key. word some I don't if

49:16

you can confirm or deny this. My

49:19

research indicates that the word

49:21

comes originally from the Hindu

49:24

goddess cunty. So it's It

49:26

was all about female bodies

49:28

and power. In Dutch, Kont,

49:32

K0NT means

49:34

buttocks, not lady garden.

49:36

So, Joe, if you are in the Netherlands,

49:38

that's just a distinction to be aware of.

49:40

someone might be talking about their buttocks. Physically and literally -- Yeah. -- if

49:42

you're in the network. That's true. Yeah.

49:44

I'm going to have to

49:47

take a small break Love

49:49

you or is on doubt. A large

49:51

break, and then we'll come

49:53

back. Alright, Joe.

50:02

This episode is brought to

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through the park on a pleasant day,

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you can easily get lost. No.

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No. She didn't kill him. In your

50:31

true crime podcast. It was the

50:33

pool guy. So

50:36

obvious. Whatever motivates

50:38

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50:40

your run be your run.

50:42

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50:47

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50:54

Good afternoon, everyone.

50:58

We are

51:00

now departing the

51:02

AdWords

51:03

and our next stop will be the second

51:05

half of the show. Mind the doors.

51:07

So Sean, let's say you were selling or

51:09

one of the people who were working for

51:11

you I'm sure you didn't get your hands dirty after it'd be

51:13

in. Let's say one of your underlinks

51:15

was selling an x z pill

51:18

for twenty

51:20

quid Who gets what money out of that twenty quid? Alright. So

51:22

let let's go to the the peak of it then

51:24

when I've got mules bringing up, you know,

51:26

tens of thousands of pills that are time

51:28

in. think the largest shipment

51:30

we did was forty thousand,

51:32

yeah, in computer towers, and

51:34

he brought them in from Mexico. So

51:37

what happens at that point is I've got ten to

51:40

twenty factions of my

51:42

enterprise. I've got about two hundred people working

51:44

for me at the peak

51:46

of it. the heads of the factions might get five

51:48

thousand pills on credit at,

51:50

let's say, ten. And then he gives

51:52

him a

51:54

runner at fifteen, twenty, whatever. And rumors are out in a

51:56

club selling for twenty five, thirty

51:58

dollars. Now if you look at

51:59

what my costs are, the cost of

52:02

the pill, of the

52:04

flights, paying the smuggler,

52:06

legal expenses, and any

52:08

costs that got incurred from pills get

52:10

injected. So I'd average that about

52:12

three dollars a pill. So if bringing

52:14

forty thousand in at

52:16

three, giving them to my

52:18

dealers at ten, distributors at ten,

52:20

I'm making seven online on

52:22

forty thousand. which is what? Two

52:24

hundred and eighty thousand? Is it?

52:26

Two hundred thousand. Five hundred thousand. Yeah.

52:28

It's like a decent

52:30

markup. I can see why you're like, yeah.

52:32

This is actually come really well. Why more? Let's some more. So

52:34

at the peak of it then, we're

52:36

bringing them in through Mexico. But while I'm

52:38

still a stock broker, I got a

52:42

call from fish. Fish was in an apartment in

52:44

the same complex that wild man was at where

52:46

he would he'd settled down for a bit.

52:49

And Fish said, got a situation. Will you come over

52:52

with wild man and Seth right away? Seth was another

52:54

massive guy as well. Seth

52:56

said too. And I

52:58

said, alright, I'll go and see if I can get wild

53:00

man. I'm falling well, I'm falling well man.

53:02

Trying to figure out where he is, and wild man

53:04

is collecting

53:06

crack debts for the Colombian in Central Phoenix. I can't get him. Don't

53:08

know where he is. So I go

53:10

over to Fish's myself. If this is

53:12

a thirty minute drive, get

53:14

to Fish's FISH

53:16

answers the door, and his

53:17

girlfriend is like crying. And I watched

53:20

the man. watched the man. And they're just both

53:22

throwing at me, and then

53:24

I hear It

53:24

was loads of

53:28

flies.

53:30

I

53:31

wish. what the

53:33

fuck was that to them? The speechless to say, you just better go

53:35

look. Mhmm. So what into

53:38

this room? and

53:40

there's a naked, hogtied man on

53:42

the carpet. And

53:43

there's a New Mexican maverica I've

53:45

already been introduced to an

53:47

old older guy was slicked back, silver

53:50

her, and he's given instructions in

53:52

Spanish to his crew.

53:54

And they've got cowpods. And when

53:57

he gives the order, the cow

53:59

prod in the sky and he he goes

54:01

like this like a rocking horse

54:03

and he's gagged I'm pissing

54:06

out of his dick as they're electro cute in

54:08

him. So that's what I walked

54:10

into, and this is heavy. So now

54:12

I'm thinking shit. How do you behave in a situation like this if they

54:14

think I'm a liability?

54:16

What's good what are they gonna

54:17

fucking do to me after doing this? You're gonna be on all

54:20

fours. Yeah.

54:22

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So I say I say

54:24

to fish, what's happened here?

54:26

Fish shared this guy on

54:28

the

54:28

floor. It was one of my

54:32

customers. he'd come and bought some drugs, waited until

54:34

I I left, and came back

54:36

and robbed me, and

54:40

he robbed their stuff

54:42

as in the New Mexico mafia. He robbed

54:44

you off stuff. I called

54:46

you. I called them. and they

54:49

got here first. So did you I presume that

54:51

you had your cattle prods in the

54:53

boot ready to ready

54:55

to what was gonna do first. That's my vicks inhaler

54:57

and my glow sticks.

55:04

So anyway, head of of the operation, the silver.

55:06

He's looking at me over, like, welcome to the

55:08

family smile. And I'm like, yeah. Come and

55:10

find a wild man. I gotta get back

55:12

to work. and got the

55:14

fuck out of her. But all the way back to the

55:16

lawyer was haunting me what was gonna

55:18

happen to that guy, but I did learn what

55:20

happened to the guy. So they called his

55:22

roommates and they said, we caught

55:24

him doing this. We've got a mini

55:26

air, ten grand. You

55:28

guys need to hustle up ten grand real quick.

55:30

Or he's gonna taken out to the desert, and

55:32

they did hustle up the underground

55:36

real quick.

55:38

I think about you, Joe, but I'm

55:40

loving Will's love of

55:42

cheer and his his

55:45

passion is passion for Every every word you've spoken about

55:48

cheer, like your face has

55:50

been lit up. You've come prepared

55:52

with all the different notes of any questions that we

55:54

did have you're just so

55:56

passionate about this sport, but you

55:58

touched on when you first got into

55:59

it, you thought, oh,

56:00

I'll give it a go try it

56:03

out. And so but what did you actually then get out of it?

56:05

What then made you go, I fucking love this? Was it

56:07

the physical nature that

56:10

the actual competition of it or

56:12

tell us why you got a

56:14

lot out of it. I didn't enjoy

56:17

school and academically I

56:20

did fine. It wasn't anything, you know, to write home about, but I did

56:22

I did okay. But I never felt like

56:24

I fitted it and I don't know if, you know, you

56:26

guys have experienced or anyone listening, but

56:30

sometimes kid. There are kids in the year that were sort of like the whipping kids

56:32

of the year that the one everybody seems to know

56:34

their business, the one that everybody can take the

56:37

mick out of. for whatever reason that I would ended up being one

56:39

of those those kids in my year

56:42

and it allow oh,

56:44

wow. It didn't allow me to, but I I withdrew

56:46

into quite

56:48

a bit. And III am now

56:50

by nature very closed off

56:52

and reserved, which I've desperately tried

56:54

not to be talking to you guys because

56:58

but I also that cheer brings that passion out. I mean, I

57:00

went to cheer. And by being in that

57:02

group where people trusted me, people

57:04

actually liked me for you

57:07

know, the fact that could felt in in that environment with

57:09

me was was an amazing feeling and being

57:11

part of a group that that really trusted

57:13

me was great. And I

57:15

had a chat a couple of days ago with one of my closest friends who

57:17

I did cheer with and she turned around and said, yeah,

57:20

well, when I first met you, I thought you're a bit of

57:22

a dick. And she said, that

57:24

hasn't changed. Joe. She said,

57:26

no. Wasn't that? It was you were very reserved.

57:28

And I just thought you didn't like anyone

57:30

and you weren't opening up. And she said, over

57:32

that first term at

57:34

universities. You saw how much I changed,

57:36

how much Marler I got towards people,

57:38

how much more willing I was to

57:40

to open up to them, and it

57:42

was just like being part of a family, most of my

57:44

closest friends that I've got I have

57:46

cheered with in some form or

57:48

another, cheer

57:50

also This is a strange sentence,

57:52

but cheer also allowed me to

57:54

realize that I had mental illnesses

57:58

as well. in my second year at university, within

57:59

weeks of each other, I had two different

58:02

conversations with two friends, both

58:04

of whom come to me about

58:06

relationship issues they were having, which was highly

58:08

ironic because I'd never been in a relationship at this

58:10

point. Didn't know what I was talking about,

58:12

but they saw me as a

58:14

shoulder to which was amazing and I wanted both

58:16

of these conversations ended up

58:19

becoming about me and then

58:21

talking to me and I vividly remember one of them

58:24

who's still a good friend of mine now saying, well,

58:26

it's it's so difficult to be

58:28

around you because you're so on edge. I'd never feel

58:30

like you're relaxed, you're

58:32

always anxious, always looking over your shoulder, you're

58:34

always worrying. And I, at this point,

58:36

thought I'd got a

58:38

lot better opening up, letting people in being a bit more children. It turned

58:40

out that I just got a

58:42

little bit less worse at it. So I

58:44

had those two conversations with a four night of each

58:46

other, and

58:48

then that allowed me to have the confidence, I guess, to

58:50

go in and seek help. And I

58:52

have after a ten minute consultation, I

58:54

was diagnosed

58:56

with severe generalized

58:58

anxiety disorder and depression,

59:00

which I understood the anxiety.

59:02

That's something I've been with

59:05

retrospect suffering with since I was seven years old, I've been having a lot

59:07

of panic attacks. I've had hundreds

59:09

of panic attacks. So point

59:12

can I learned how to hide them from

59:14

people because I found them so

59:16

embarrassing. What I didn't understand was

59:18

the depression and

59:20

this is still the wrangle I have in my head every single day and

59:22

that I've grown up with an

59:24

amazing family, two of the best parents

59:26

you could ever have an

59:28

amazing sis I've had good education, I've had good

59:30

opportunities. I did have a lot

59:32

of bullying at school,

59:33

but with what most

59:36

people suffer, it's

59:38

nothing. It doesn't matter. So, you know, in my own head,

59:40

I still have those conversations every day of like,

59:42

what have I done to almost earn the

59:45

title of being depressed? but

59:47

to have someone turn around to me and and

59:50

say that. I was then able to reflect

59:52

on my life and look back and

59:54

think, yeah, I first suffered

59:56

suffering from depression at the age of eleven when I

59:58

went to secondary school and and these sorts

59:59

of things. And that was when

1:00:02

I was twenty. When I was diagnosed, I'm twenty seven now. I'm still

1:00:04

working my way through it. But if it wasn't

1:00:06

for cheerleading, if it wasn't for those two

1:00:08

conversations I

1:00:10

had, it could have been so much harder, so much And

1:00:12

I will forever owe those

1:00:14

two people and the sport just

1:00:16

everything because they've allowed me to

1:00:20

realize how much of a difficult adolescence I

1:00:22

had because of my own mental health,

1:00:24

I would be able to reflect

1:00:26

on that and now think about how

1:00:29

I can make things better going forwards.

1:00:31

And yeah, as I said, I'm indebted to the

1:00:33

sport, and and that's why I love it so

1:00:36

much because it's allowed me to be

1:00:38

God, I'm trying to say something really

1:00:40

really wacky. It's allowed me to be

1:00:42

the wacky, the bearers actually

1:00:46

our motto. It's allowed me to

1:00:48

actually be who I am and

1:00:50

I I missed a sport so much. I mean,

1:00:52

I might not even get on, but just the

1:00:54

fact that I've signed up to try out. So it's just getting me buzzing. I've

1:00:56

trying to get some sort of flexibility back in the

1:00:58

last few days because I've lost it

1:01:00

all. And I'm just

1:01:02

excited, which is a nice feeling to

1:01:04

have. And it's very long with regards to

1:01:06

your absolutely

1:01:08

fucking brilliant the

1:01:10

passion

1:01:10

at which you've spoken about cheer,

1:01:12

the way you've held yourself the entire time

1:01:14

that you've been there, the research that you've put

1:01:16

into it, the effort that you've put into it,

1:01:19

to come in there and talk to us and then

1:01:21

to share your story, the deeper,

1:01:23

the darkest parts of

1:01:26

your story, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful to you for

1:01:28

doing that, and I'd love

1:01:30

to sit in here listening to how much you love it

1:01:32

and you have to get back into

1:01:34

it, mate. you have to get back into it because the way your your

1:01:36

face lights up at the

1:01:38

prospect of doing it again, and the way

1:01:40

you've spoken about

1:01:42

how much empowered

1:01:44

you to to be who you wanted to be, to be

1:01:47

the person that you'd always

1:01:49

sort of suppressed or hid

1:01:51

away because you didn't wanna be judged outside of it

1:01:54

all, but cheer enabled you to

1:01:56

come out of that shell. You gotta get back

1:01:58

involved mate. you gotta do that. I

1:02:00

think it's absolutely brilliant and I'm

1:02:02

really I don't know, Thomas, as well, that

1:02:04

you're grateful to come on here and share a

1:02:06

story like that because it would definitely help others out

1:02:08

there that are feeling side.

1:02:11

Joe

1:02:13

are we ending this? The

1:02:16

subdoomur thing? Yes.

1:02:24

We Joe in on the Ventura journey. Yeah. That's a big deal.

1:02:26

No. So I don't see it. I don't want

1:02:28

to do it. But Alan Partridge has got too

1:02:30

high, and there could be finish it up. I would prefer the Allen Parks.

1:02:32

I do that. Try a lot in the park.

1:02:34

Can

1:02:35

we do Babcock? Big breath.

1:02:37

Yeah. Big

1:02:38

low breath. Keep the shoulders down. What's the

1:02:40

word? Vinchero. When I get to Igo, Alal, Vinchero,

1:02:43

Vinchero, Vinchero, Vinchero,

1:02:45

and let me go. Joe

1:02:48

we have to do that last bit?

1:02:50

Yeah. Yeah. I think you'll feel like you want

1:02:52

to when it comes to it. Yeah. I'm fucking right.

1:03:02

oh

1:03:10

hi bob

1:03:14

oh

1:03:45

fuck it out. Well, I

1:03:47

think we fucking nailed it. Amazing. Oh, dude. You

1:03:50

can fuck this podcast up and we're sitting

1:03:52

up right. Fucking

1:03:54

three tonners. Well,

1:03:56

it's been a fucking great fun listening to you mate hearing all the ins

1:03:59

and outs of the operatic world.

1:04:01

Perfect. And it's it's nice to actually

1:04:03

know that you're not a

1:04:06

stereotypical stuck up to what.

1:04:08

Yeah. Which is what I always thought,

1:04:10

oprah might be an issue that you've

1:04:12

opened my eyes up to a different world.

1:04:14

really lovely. Thank you. It's been

1:04:16

a massive pleasure. Thanks. And so dear listener that

1:04:18

brings us

1:04:19

to the end of our

1:04:21

best bits episode part

1:04:24

one. Now you may see a slight contradiction here

1:04:26

because there is coming up next

1:04:28

week, the best bits part

1:04:31

two. Can you you have a best

1:04:33

bits if there's also another best bits. I'm

1:04:36

not sure that is the treat in

1:04:38

store for you

1:04:39

next week. See you then.

1:04:42

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