I discovered a pattern today. An environment that continues to repeat throughout my life.

**_In high school,_**  my passion for honesty, thoughtful action, and integrity help me create the perception of being a know-it-all. A spoiled brat who slammed doors and books when things didn't go his way. Due to this behavior, I alienated many people. I felt out of place. And, only a handful of people took the time to go beyond appearances and seek to understand me.

**_In college,_** I used my high school experience to keep to myself and just do the class work. I didn't make any friends. I didn't go out. I spent most of the time by myself. I felt out of place because I wasn't interested in what classmates where doing and didn't have someone to have meaningful conversations.

**_In corporate,_** I got better at building relationships and working with others. Yet, my passion for challenging the status quo and doing the "right" thing for our customers and coworkers, became a reason for people to believe, once again, I was a know-it-all. Things got worse after I passionately pursued leadership development. I only felt safe having transparent conversations with a handful of people.

**_After corporate,_** I came to realize that all those relationships I had during my corporate days, where mostly superficial and most people didn't really care enough to stay in touch. Furthermore, add the lack of support from the closest people in my life, and once again, I find myself feeling out of place and tackling the world alone.

_What's the message? What's the lesson to be learned?_

I'm not really sure about the answer but I can share the 2 ways I'm thinking about it.

# Option 1 - It's what I created and deserve

Whether consciously or unconsciously, I can argue that I created the loneliness and limited friendships based on the idea that's how life should be or that something is wrong with me.

This is the opinion I have had for some time. Since my corporate days, I take 100% responsibility for my circumstances and feeling like the oddball is a result of me not being able to adapt my message to the groups I am a part of.

For many years, I thought I was doing everything wrong. I still have those moments, today.

# Option 2 - I'm simply talking to the wrong crowd and in the wrong place

Currently, this is the idea I am more invested in. I think that, while I definitely had responsibility in creating the 4 scenarios, I have been trying to make myself fit in a box I do not belong.

I started believing this when I noticed the same message didn't connect with my immediate network but did connect with people outside of my network.

My challenge has been believing in this perspective strongly enough so that I stop trying to get my current network to buy into my message. For whatever reason, I continue to try to mold myself to a place I do not seem to belong.

Thus, I'm working on expanding my network and finding those who need and want to listen to my message. I do not fully know where are they but I do know they exist.

**_I'd love to meet those successful professionals who have reached a point in which work has taken over their lives and they no longer fill challenged and fulfilled by what they are doing. They have succeeded at the expense of the time for the things and the people they love. They want to change things but they are afraid of what others may think and their performance declining._**

If you know someone who is probably in this situation, I'd like to meet them.

If you are that person, let's setup a time to chat.

Be well,

~Juan