0:00

Kakos Industries is ad-free. To

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help keep it that way, consider heading to kakosindustries.com

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slash patreon and pledging a

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dollar or more a month.

0:10

What you

0:13

are about to hear has nearly lost

0:15

that youthful glow.

0:36

Hello and welcome to the Kakos Industries

0:38

corporate shareholder announcements.

0:41

At Kakos Industries, we help our clients

0:43

and everyone everywhere to do

0:46

evil better.

0:47

I am Corin Deeth III, CEO. Shareholders,

0:51

it has been brought to my attention that some of you are

0:53

now claiming to be able to see

0:55

your announcements. You are claiming

0:57

to be able to see me reading these announcements.

1:00

I have to tell you that there is no

1:02

camera in the room with me right now. I

1:05

am not reading from some sort of teleprompter.

1:07

There are no visuals that

1:09

we have intended for you to see. It's just

1:12

me and and Soundman Steven in

1:14

the studio. There is a lot of audio

1:17

equipment, like an egregious amount

1:19

of audio equipment, but

1:20

nothing capable of capturing

1:22

or broadcasting video, at least

1:25

not in the traditional sense. Now, that

1:27

doesn't strictly mean that you aren't seeing

1:29

anything. Most of us have this thing

1:32

called the mind's eye that allows us

1:34

to visualize things the way that we might

1:36

like to see them. It allows us to paint

1:38

pictures in our heads of all of the things

1:40

we're hearing, but those things you

1:43

are imagining are not intended by

1:45

us. That being said, quite a few

1:47

of you have reported seeing eerily similar

1:49

things.

1:50

I cannot say that they are particularly

1:52

close to what it looks like in the studio right now,

1:55

but the images you've seen are similar enough

1:57

to one another to give us pause. do

2:00

some more research into this, but for now, all

2:02

I will say is that these images are not exactly

2:05

what is happening. If you are imagining

2:07

me waving my arms about, I'm

2:09

not doing that. If you are imagining

2:12

me making strange faces, I'm

2:14

not doing that either. If you are imagining

2:17

me smoldering with raw sex appeal,

2:19

well, you've got me dead to

2:21

rights on that one. Just remember,

2:23

if there is anything strange about what you

2:26

are seeing, then it is possible that some

2:28

or all of that experience is hallucinatory.

2:31

You might not be able to trust your eyes on this

2:34

matter. If things get a bit trippy, then

2:36

that is to be expected. Don't be

2:38

upset with us if what you're seeing doesn't line

2:40

up with what you know to be true or what

2:43

you have always imagined to be true. What

2:45

you are seeing isn't real.

2:49

Today's broadcast is coming to you from a

2:51

small air filter you've set up in the corner

2:53

of your space. It is spring in

2:55

the northern hemisphere, and that means pollen.

2:58

Plants are so inconsiderate when it comes

3:00

to including unwilling parties in their reproductive

3:03

acts, but really the only thing

3:05

we can do is try to filter their nonsense

3:07

from the air as well as we can. But,

3:10

some time after you turned on this lovely

3:12

air purifier, you started to hear

3:14

these announcements, and that is on purpose.

3:17

While it might be somewhat difficult

3:20

to hear me clearly over the fan noise,

3:22

somehow you just can. This

3:25

radio comes to us from a collaboration

3:27

between our division of Get It Out of the Air

3:30

and Phil Tresk, the

3:32

number one evil filter company. We

3:34

are told that this air filter is extremely

3:36

effective at removing unwanted particulate

3:39

matter in the air and also unwanted

3:41

noises from broadcasts. The

3:44

way that you were able to hear me has something

3:46

to do with the fan motor and frequency

3:48

modulation, but honestly, the science

3:50

is a little above my head. It's probably

3:53

above everyone's heads. It's probably

3:55

some sort of strange phenomena that we discovered

3:58

and have not truly figured out.

4:00

how to explain. All the same,

4:02

you hear me, and that's what's important.

4:05

I should mention that these announcements are

4:07

strictly for Kakos Industries shareholders. If

4:10

you do not know if you are a Kakos Industries

4:12

shareholder, then do not be alarmed.

4:15

You probably are. There is

4:17

some evil inside of you, no doubt,

4:19

and it has almost certainly made its way

4:21

out into the world. You have almost

4:24

certainly made someone's day that much more

4:26

frustrating at some point. So

4:28

I will say that if you are not a shareholder,

4:30

then this air filter emits a chemical

4:32

that is harmful only to those who are not

4:35

evil enough, and it may start to cause

4:37

you some serious problems in short order.

4:40

The best way to overcome these negative

4:42

effects is to become as evil as

4:44

you can as quickly as you can. A

4:47

few suggestions are that you can scream obscenities

4:50

out of your window. You can yell at your pet

4:52

for no reason at all. I am told

4:54

that having sexual thoughts about colleagues

4:56

and coworkers also counts, though we're

4:58

not sure exactly

5:00

how evil that is. It might

5:02

be enough to save you, though. I would hurry

5:04

in any case. Last

5:07

time we continued a segment where we allowed

5:09

you, the shareholders, to submit questions

5:12

to us about the business. This

5:14

time, all but one of the questions were

5:16

about Mr. Sniffs, our chief compliance

5:18

officer, Who also happens to be a Golden

5:20

Retriever, or perhaps a Golden Retriever

5:23

mix.

5:24

People asked if he was an evil boy.

5:27

Yes, yes he is an evil boy. People

5:29

asked if he wanted a treat. It turns

5:31

out that yes, he did in fact want a

5:33

treat. We had to cut him off at a certain

5:35

point though, or it would have begun to negatively

5:38

impact his health. People

5:40

asked if he liked belly-scritches. I

5:43

have to tell you shareholders that it is only

5:45

in very rare circumstances that

5:47

I will Scritch the belly of one of my

5:49

co-workers, but the answer here also

5:51

seems to be yes. I don't love

5:54

the idea of one of these C-level staff

5:56

running up to me, rubbing both directions across

5:58

my legs and then rolling onto my legs. their back expectantly,

6:01

but this is now the world that I live

6:03

in. I checked with HR about this behavior

6:06

and they assured me that Mr. Sniffs is actually

6:08

a dog and it is okay to rub his belly.

6:11

They also handed me a list of employees who

6:13

had also given permission to have their

6:15

bellies rubbed. These are human

6:17

beings, I'm not going to rub their

6:20

bellies. This has caused some frustration

6:22

understandably or not, but I'm

6:25

not going to change my mind. You know what they

6:27

say, kink isn't therapy, and

6:29

it's also

6:30

not a viable management strategy.

6:32

The other question that people asked was, why

6:34

can I see you? You can't.

6:37

You just think you can. The difference between those

6:39

two things is sometimes smaller than we would

6:42

like, but the distinction is necessary.

6:44

You aren't actually seeing anything.

6:50

Shareholders, I am excited to tell you

6:52

that our research into the Matmos and

6:54

communication with it has advanced. For

6:57

those of you who may have only become evil

6:59

moments ago by yelling obscenities from your

7:02

window, the Matmas is that inky

7:04

black substance that has always existed

7:06

around Kakos Industries but has only

7:09

recently been causing us problems. It

7:12

gets into people and gives them certain hive

7:14

mind-like abilities. It's also supposed

7:16

to make sex more intense, but the

7:19

negatives far outweigh the positives. Please

7:22

keep it out of you at least until we can

7:24

reconcile some of these more serious

7:26

issues. Last time I described

7:28

a crystalline form of the Matmos that we

7:31

have been able to electrically excite

7:33

and allow some individuals to connect with…

7:36

something. Well, we have

7:38

created a new system that removes human

7:40

contact from the equation and allows us to

7:42

send and receive messages using

7:45

analog audio signals sent directly

7:47

into the crystal. So far

7:49

these messages

7:49

have been fairly simple but I am

7:52

told the results are exciting. I

7:54

have the first message here. We ask the Matmos

7:57

what it is. The answer we got back

7:59

is...

8:01

Goop.

8:02

The Matmos has described itself as

8:04

Goop. I am told that our scientists are

8:06

formulating the second question right now

8:08

and we should have the results shortly. They

8:11

say that they don't want to overwhelm the Matmos

8:13

or break the connection, so they're being as targeted

8:16

as they can with these questions.

8:18

This is definitely exciting.

8:23

We recently had the celebration

8:26

of affirmation. You were

8:28

evil. You are evil. Everything

8:31

you do is for the betterment of evil. We

8:34

also had the Festival of Cold. I'm

8:36

told that we have actually had a Festival

8:38

of Cold before, but this one was different. We

8:41

turned the air conditioning to the max inside

8:43

of the basement ballroom and turned it into a mini

8:46

winter wonderland. There was a snowball

8:48

fight and one person was elected by

8:50

the rest of the people at the celebration to be frozen

8:53

for posterity.

8:53

We may someday be able

8:56

to wake this person up from their icy slumber,

8:58

and that will be really cool, if not

9:00

scientifically significant. We

9:03

also had the Big Black Hole celebration. Our

9:06

explorers deep inside of the hole, and

9:08

what appears to be physics itself, have

9:10

not been able to report back for a while.

9:13

It is possible that the end point of the hole

9:15

is now somewhere far away from Earth. We

9:18

are unsure. Things are constantly

9:20

changing with this whole. We did the usual,

9:23

we stood around

9:23

it, and we hummed, and we appreciated

9:26

its dark, literally unfathomable

9:28

depths. We brought that darkness

9:30

into ourselves, and we used that darkness

9:33

to move us forward and advance

9:35

our pursuit of evil. The

9:39

Darkest Universe Festival is coming up. This

9:42

is a time of year when we allow ourselves

9:44

to wish for things to get even

9:46

darker so that we might be the darkest

9:48

universe. Now, there

9:50

are undoubtedly universes out there that

9:53

have material advantages in terms

9:55

of being the darkest universe. They might

9:57

have an actual hell, for example.

10:00

And there might be an inexplicable funnel

10:02

just pouring innocent humans down

10:04

into that literal, magical hell

10:07

to begin suffering forever. There

10:10

are no inexplicable funnels just dropping

10:12

human beings into an inferno here in our

10:14

universe, or at least not in the part that we have

10:16

explored. There is no literal

10:18

biblical hell. There's our labor camp

10:21

that we've called hell, but no actual hell. All

10:24

I'm saying is that when you get down to it, there are

10:26

some universes, according to infinite

10:28

mathematics, that don't

10:30

have to worry about the balances we

10:32

do. They can have endless suffering

10:34

with almost no effort and also no

10:37

consequences. They can't almost

10:39

end evil by ending everything in the pursuit

10:42

of evil. They have an infinite fountain

10:44

of innocent lives to torment. Possibly.

10:47

Then again, it is worth us doing the best we

10:50

can with what we have and making things that

10:52

much darker in our own small

10:54

ways.

10:56

The nudity festival is also

10:58

quickly approaching. We cannot tell

11:00

you exactly what it is yet, but you

11:03

will be naked for it. It probably

11:05

won't be embarrassing. I can't actually

11:08

guarantee that though, so prepare

11:11

yourselves.

11:13

I've just gotten word from our scientists that

11:15

they were able to get a second message

11:17

to and from the Matmos. They asked

11:20

the Matmos where it is, it said, I don't

11:23

know man, it's pretty dark. Well,

11:27

I can't say that's all that enlightening. We

11:29

do have some other Matmos science updates.

11:32

Last time I mentioned that we are hoping to

11:34

improve our capabilities to remove Matmos

11:37

from affected individuals. Fiona

11:39

Graham, one of the former employees who ended

11:42

up being one of the Greencloak people,

11:44

has been a priority for us to Deep Matmas.

11:46

She has a husband who would like her back

11:49

in his life. For the most part, with people

11:51

under the influence of Matmas, we can't

11:53

find anyone that actually knows them

11:56

or any living relatives to want them back.

11:58

But with Fiona the situ is slightly

12:00

different. We've been using various compounds

12:03

extracted from ginger plants that the matmas

12:06

seems to strongly dislike. That

12:08

gets us part of the way. With

12:10

the help of these chemicals we were able to

12:12

dramatically reduce the influence

12:14

of the matmas on Fiona and we were able to talk

12:17

to her in a more rational capacity.

12:20

We told her that her husband has been looking for her.

12:22

With an inflection I would not describe as

12:25

longing, she said, oh well

12:27

isn't he sweet. There is clearly

12:29

more at work here than we are qualified to deal

12:31

with. These two may have some issues to work

12:34

out on their own time.

12:39

The Division of Erotic Experiences has

12:41

some interesting updates on the Satisficer.

12:44

This is the sex toy that they're developing

12:46

that will supposedly do everything for everyone.

12:49

Last time we found that the device, while

12:51

effective, was particularly only

12:54

desirable for those wishing to yield

12:56

control. For others with a more

12:58

active disposition, it is less appealing.

13:01

I understand that their answer to this problem

13:04

is to print faces of submissive-looking

13:07

people on the device. This

13:09

is an optional skin. Apparently, it makes

13:11

it feel less like you are yielding to an

13:13

unstoppable force of sexual release, and

13:16

more like you are permitting an unstoppable

13:18

force of sexual release to take care

13:20

of you because that is its station

13:22

in life. It is unclear how

13:25

this perceptual change has been working out.

13:27

This may be the eggs in the baking mix

13:29

that they needed, though.

13:34

Kimi has been spending time with Clarissa

13:36

and Hedera. If you don't know, Kimi

13:38

is sort of a live-in friend.

13:41

I mean, she doesn't live with me. She lives somewhere

13:43

else, I guess. She does stay

13:45

over a lot, though. We're close.

13:48

I always kind of thought we had a thing

13:50

of convenience going on, and she would eventually

13:53

prefer something else with, like, a

13:55

different kind of person? She

13:58

really doesn't like it when you try to put- labels

14:00

on her, which I admit I have done a lot.

14:03

She has other friends. Uh, anyway,

14:06

I was talking about Clarissa and Hedera, whom

14:08

we sometimes call the Matmos twins. They

14:10

are not twins, or even related,

14:12

and they don't really look alike at all, but they

14:15

are affected by the Matmos, and they have been

14:17

made into my liaisons to the Matmos.

14:20

Sort of. They mostly refuse to answer any

14:22

questions or pass any messages along,

14:25

so whatever it is they're supposed to be doing,

14:28

I'm not in control of it, nor

14:30

can I really influence things that

14:32

much. Kimi has been spending

14:34

time with them likely due to a combination of curiosity,

14:37

employment, and some raging

14:39

goth-ass crushes. I can't

14:42

say that these two really do anything

14:44

all that sexually provocative other than

14:46

that time they dragged me down into the caverns

14:48

below Kakos without clothes on. That

14:51

was weird. They mostly

14:53

wear loose clothing that hides

14:55

their bodies. They cover their faces in

14:57

makeup, their hygiene leaves, something

14:59

to be desired. They eat mostly vending

15:02

machine junk food and soft drinks. They

15:04

behave like teenagers despite being at least 30. Then

15:08

again I can see how they might seem like the kind

15:10

of hot you can change. Fixer uppers.

15:13

A lot of people like them, Kimmy included, although

15:15

she hasn't explicitly said it's a romantic

15:18

interest. For a while there, we weren't even

15:20

sure that they could even think enough to be considered

15:23

sexually available. We're pretty sure

15:25

they can think now, they just prefer

15:27

not to. Anyway, Kimmy has

15:29

been getting high with them on dark mega grass

15:32

and trying to pump them for information. I

15:34

understand that this last time they got high,

15:36

she forgot all of the questions she had prepared,

15:39

and instead they tried on clothes together for

15:42

like four hours and spent at least part of

15:44

that pretending to be princesses. You

15:47

may need a new tactic for getting that

15:49

information.

15:51

I am told that we have now asked the

15:53

Matmos what it wants. It

15:56

says that it would love a vintage mochai

15:58

reel-to-reel tape machine. That

16:00

doesn't make any sense. I don't think we

16:02

have one of those, but we can probably

16:05

get one if it would end all of this nonsense.

16:07

I kind of doubt it will. Something

16:10

is a bit strange. It

16:12

has been brought to my attention that some

16:14

of you out there might not feel like you're

16:17

really doing your part for evil,

16:19

or you have trouble getting your own hands dirty.

16:22

That is why we offer evil credits and

16:25

evil financial services. These

16:27

financial services are actually a big part of what we

16:29

do here at Kakos Industries, and I find

16:32

that it might be partially my fault that

16:34

more of you don't know about them. For

16:36

a small fee, you can pay Kakos Industries

16:38

to do evil on your behalf. We

16:41

can tell you exactly what evil we're doing,

16:43

or we can keep the nature of the evil hidden behind

16:46

insinuation and innuendo. You

16:49

can rest easily knowing that we will be

16:51

doing evil in proportion to how much

16:53

you pay us. prefer to

16:55

make your money work for longer, we can set

16:57

up an evil trust. You pay us

16:59

a much larger

17:00

sum of money, and we set that money

17:02

to work doing evil on your behalf.

17:05

Trusts like these can perform evil for many

17:07

years to come, long after you're gone.

17:10

In fact, Corin. Oh,

17:13

uh, hey Junior, uh, how

17:15

are you? Shareholders, this is Junior. He's

17:17

a, uh, monster and a very

17:19

important consultant here at Kakos Industries.

17:21

He also watches over the Dana

17:23

govern babies, which are a number of monster

17:26

babies that sort of emerge

17:28

from Dana govern after

17:30

a dance performance. Corin, they're almost

17:32

four years old. They are no longer babies.

17:34

In

17:37

monster years? What the fuck is a monster

17:39

year? I uh, I

17:42

guess I don't know. Never mind your

17:44

ignorance, Corin. If we were to really get into

17:46

the depths of just how much you don't know,

17:48

we would be here for lifetimes. So

17:51

I've come to you to show you something important,

17:54

Corin. It's uh...

17:56

it's not um... Don't be ridiculous,

17:58

as important as jus-

18:00

your junior is. I do not need to interrupt

18:02

a broadcast to show you, though

18:04

it would be gratifying for the audience

18:06

to hear just how impressed you are.

18:09

Okay.

18:10

What is it? Do you notice

18:13

anything different about me, Corin? Well,

18:16

maybe my eyes are playing tricks

18:18

on me, but you do seem a

18:20

bit smaller. Exactly. I had

18:22

a reduction. Of? Everything!

18:25

I had a complete reduction. What?

18:28

You see, Corin, the word reduction needs

18:30

to make smaller or denser. But I

18:32

thought you liked being large. I always

18:34

thought you liked how much space you took up. Yes,

18:37

yes, I do enjoy being large, but there's

18:39

a difference between being large

18:40

and being far too big. Oh.

18:44

Well, you're looking a lot smaller. That

18:46

is because I am very far away, Corin.

18:49

You see, things seem much

18:51

smaller when they are far away. I'm aware

18:53

of that. I meant, uh, never mind.

18:55

It is far easier for me to fit places

18:58

where humans fit. It is far easier

19:00

for me to do business and move about. I

19:03

have also substantially increased the available

19:05

pool of ladies that I can put the moves

19:08

on. And what's more, my evil has

19:10

only increased.

19:10

You see, I am much

19:13

denser now. There's more junior per junior,

19:15

and therefore, more evil per square

19:18

cubic centimeter. This seems like a

19:20

dramatic thing to do. It can't

19:22

have been easy. It's completely reversible.

19:24

It was no trouble at all. They

19:27

reduced everything how, you

19:29

know, you know what? Never

19:32

mind. I am still larger

19:34

and more significant than you, Corin,

19:36

and not just in terms of thought. You

19:39

look great, Junior.

19:40

You're damn right. Well, I'm

19:43

off to flirt with women, both human and

19:45

monster. I will talk to you

19:47

later, Corin. Be safe, Junior.

19:50

Oh, never.

19:51

Apologies for that interruption, shareholders.

19:55

Anyway, I have important updates from the

19:57

division of Kaiju Battle Reenactment.

20:00

I am told that they are planning an aerial battle

20:02

between Mothula and Natsstee.

20:05

There will be wires and pulleys involved

20:07

and I cannot be more excited. The

20:10

division of figuring out what all of these keys

20:12

go to has used a key to open

20:15

Francisco Lemmon's mind. The

20:17

key was made out of a bunch of psychedelics.

20:20

It was still key shaped which made it under

20:22

their jurisdiction. When we caught up with

20:25

Francisco he said, Damn,

20:27

I really needed that.

20:29

Now it's time for another employee spotlight.

20:32

Today we are highlighting Kendra Boppel, who

20:35

works in the Division of Pneumatic. They

20:37

have all kinds of pneumatic tubes

20:39

that send things all over the building. They

20:42

say that Kendra knows where every single tube

20:44

runs, and there are thousands.

20:46

Every single one except for five of

20:49

them. They never get a response from those, and

20:51

they're tired of losing tubes, so they basically

20:53

don't exist. Anyway, with Kendra's

20:56

memory, they are able to operate 70% more efficiently.

21:00

Thank you for your service, Kendra.

21:04

We haven't talked about our labor camp we call

21:06

Hell much recently, shareholders. For

21:08

those of you who are new, Hell was a big

21:11

hole we dug in the ground looking for the biblical

21:13

Hell. We felt like it was our

21:15

due diligence to at least look

21:17

and see if it was there. It

21:20

wasn't. Last time we talked about

21:22

them, I mentioned that Meredith Gorgoro, the

21:24

head of the labor camp, was teaching the laborers

21:27

to meditate along with their work.

21:29

This has created some interesting side

21:31

effects. The work is moving along more

21:34

efficiently, but the workers seem to be suffering

21:36

less.

21:37

Now the work that they do down there isn't

21:40

actually for any purpose. It's

21:42

mainly breaking rocks and things like that.

21:44

They build some new structures there in Hell, but the

21:47

point is the suffering. And

21:49

now some of the workers seem to be transcending

21:51

their physical pain to actually find

21:54

peace in the work. It's

21:56

weird and we don't like it. At

21:58

the same time, not a single- employee at Kakos

22:01

Industries has had the courage to tell Meredith

22:03

Gorgoro to change anything about her strategies.

22:06

At least not since she got that sick monster

22:09

arm instead of her regular arm. It just

22:11

projects so much authority and

22:14

I am envious. The board will not

22:16

authorize my monster arm so I guess

22:18

I just don't get one. Fine.

22:23

They say that Evil once released a ton

22:25

of hogs into the wild just for fun.

22:28

This is things we're taking credit for now. Today

22:30

we're taking credit for kudzu, cane

22:33

toads, and the knowledge that everything

22:35

we do has ramifications that we probably

22:38

aren't prepared to deal with.

22:39

Of course, we cannot know for certain that we are

22:42

directly responsible for these things, but

22:44

we're saying it forcefully and you had better

22:46

believe us. Otherwise, that air filter

22:49

you're listening to may start to do the thing

22:51

with the bad chemicals, okay? No

22:53

one wants that. Senor

22:56

Franco has won today's Ruin a

22:58

Life drawing. As a result, the life of

23:00

Senor Franco's nemesis will be ruined. That

23:03

nemesis is Persephone. Like

23:05

I've said before, we've got a lot of people with

23:08

just one name, or maybe just one name

23:10

and a title. There's a weird

23:12

overlap between evil people and people

23:14

with mononyms. Anyway, we gave

23:16

the Wheel of Misery a tough but loving

23:19

spin, and it landed on the space for desensitized.

23:22

From this day forward, Persephone will be 33% more

23:24

desensitized. This

23:27

might work out in Persephone's favor depending

23:30

on the context. It likely will

23:32

not, though. For Evil Measure, Senor

23:34

Franco will be 13% more sensitive. That

23:38

may also be a problem. Congratulations

23:40

on the win, and best of luck. The

23:43

Damnation and Ruination Squad, the team responsible

23:46

for making the life-ruining declarations

23:48

of the Wheel of Misery come true, are currently

23:51

wobbling around the building wearing pillbox

23:53

hats and high heels and

23:56

nothing else. It's a look for

23:58

sure. ran afoul of the Wheel

24:00

of Misery some time ago, and it has been giving

24:02

them these wardrobe choices as a punishment.

24:05

They always seem up for the task, and

24:07

they seem to be more comfortable when completely

24:10

exposed than actually wearing

24:12

clothes. They are a chaotic

24:14

bunch. Now I

24:16

have another message from the Matmos. This

24:19

time we asked it for its name.

24:21

It has responded with Bartholomew.

24:25

Interesting. I am now receiving

24:27

a message from Clarissa and Hedera. Apparently

24:29

they

24:30

overheard the conversation earlier. They

24:32

say that Bartholomew is another pool of matmoss

24:35

and not the matmoss as a whole

24:37

and that he's weird and he really

24:39

likes ham radio. Well,

24:41

this has been disappointing. I'm sure we can get

24:44

some additional information out of Bartholomew

24:46

and then perhaps we will be able to speak

24:48

with some of the other matmoss.

24:50

This

24:52

brings us to the end of these announcements, shareholders.

24:55

It has been another exciting month here at Kakos

24:57

Industries to be sure. Make sure

24:59

that you destroy your air filter completely. It

25:02

cannot continue to function. If

25:04

you happen to like the effects from it, then you will

25:06

need to buy one from us. The one you

25:08

purchase will not poison you in your

25:10

sleep like this one will. Make

25:13

sure it is destroyed. The numbers

25:15

are next. 11 77

25:19

11 77

25:21

99 77

25:22

11 22

25:26

77 99 11 44

25:52

Kakaos Industries is written and produced

25:54

by Conrad Mischuk, who is also the

25:56

voice of Corin Deeth and the composer

25:58

of the music.

26:00

The introductions are read by Ryan Jenkins

26:02

and the credits are read by Breonna Kittle. A

26:05

curse with a subtle human form. Please

26:07

visit KakosIndustries.com for

26:10

news, extras, and more episodes.

26:12

There are also transcriptions on the website

26:15

if you'd like to read along with the Kakos Industries

26:17

announcements. That's K-A-K-O-S-I-N-D-U-S-T-R-I-E-S

26:25

dot com. Please visit store.cacosindustries.com

26:29

for merchandise and special offers, and

26:31

get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription

26:34

donor at cacosindustries.com

26:36

slash patreon. You can submit

26:38

one-time donations at paypal.me

26:41

slash cacosindustries. You can also

26:43

purchase gear and other items for the production

26:46

at cacosindustries.com slash

26:48

wishlist. Join our community at

26:50

cacosindustries.com slash discord.

26:53

Questions, comments, or a strong desire

26:55

to collaborate? Drop us a line at

26:58

inquiries at KakosIndustries.com.

27:00

If you like Kakos Industries,

27:02

be sure to rate and review us on your favorite

27:04

podcasting service and connect with us

27:06

on YouTube, YouTube.com slash

27:09

Kakos Industries, Facebook,

27:10

Facebook.com slash

27:12

Kakos Industries, Tumblr, KakosIndustries.tumblr.com,

27:17

Instagram, at Kakos Industries,

27:20

TikTok, at Kakos Industries,

27:22

and Twitter, at Kakos Industries.

27:25

We encourage fan art and listener participation

27:27

on all our social media platforms.

27:29

Special thanks to our Steam

27:31

shareholders, Alfredo Ravioli, Jack

27:34

Attack, and Deontre. Also

27:36

thanks to honored employees Calico, who started

27:38

the rumor, Rocket, who shared

27:41

the rumor, and Anastasia Kay, who

27:43

started the riot. The division

27:45

of beanies, booties, and construction projects

27:47

that are probably too A large fur yarn directed

27:50

by Theo Cornet has started to knit

27:52

all of the beer that will be necessary

27:54

for the sporting arena. It will be difficult

27:57

to drink. The Division of Obscure

27:59

Vintage Technology

27:59

directed by Craig Sizz has purchased

28:02

an old children's toy that teaches children

28:04

how to pronounce difficult words. These

28:06

words happen to be a dark incantation.

28:10

The Division of Subtle Efficiency Increase, as

28:12

directed by Daniel R. Smith, has found a way

28:14

to increase flatulence during meetings,

28:17

greatly reducing their duration.

28:19

The Division of Saying It the Long Way, directed by

28:21

Dino Schroeder, has been workshopping

28:23

an epic poem titled, Likely

28:26

Not.

28:27

The Division of Kakako's Cafeteria Reviews, directed

28:29

by Seth and Josh, has reviewed Slop.

28:32

Everything is served with ice cream scoopers,

28:35

and none of it can be told apart four

28:37

out of seven.

28:39

The Division of Improbable Cookbooks, directed by

28:41

Hayden Neff, has been working on filter-feeding

28:44

for humans. It's basically

28:46

a diet. The Division of More

28:48

Monday Mondays, directed by Odie, has made

28:50

Mondays that much more Monday by changing

28:52

the decorations to reflect a new generic

28:55

seasonal theme. The Division

28:57

of Villainous Introspection directed by Sarah

28:59

has been floating in the pool just thinking about

29:02

how they can all be so evil, so

29:04

effortlessly. The Division of

29:06

New Card Game Mechanics led by Finn

29:08

has developed a card that can end all

29:11

card games forever. It cannot

29:13

fall into the wrong hands. The

29:15

Division of Even Weirder Bugs directed by Franco

29:18

El Terrible has discovered a bug

29:20

that literally explodes when it gets bad

29:22

news. It's gross. The

29:24

Division of Animal Stacking, directed by the one

29:26

true Dave, has stacked a whole lot of rats.

29:29

They're sort of carelessly piled up right

29:32

now.

29:33

They are dead. The Division of Things

29:35

with Switches that shouldn't have switches, directed

29:37

by Baroness Miss Doctor Indigo XIII,

29:40

Esquirer of the Stormveil, Captain

29:43

of the Weeping Somnambulist, and

29:45

Matriarch of the Foxes,

29:47

has installed a switch in Hallway 13-34-56A. It

29:52

does nothing, but people will not leave it

29:54

alone.

29:55

that

30:00

is written so poorly that the time

30:02

spent arguing about it will definitely

30:05

exceed playtime.

30:06

Every time.

30:08

The Division of Post-Apocalyptic Delivery,

30:10

directed by Cave Hill, King Kill of the

30:12

Murder Valley in the Mountains, brought

30:14

water to the community. It was

30:16

a little late, but that just means the

30:18

supply will last longer this time. The

30:21

Division of Perspective, Exoplanet Tourism,

30:23

directed by Victoria Wood, has started working

30:26

on a pamphlet for the Yexo

30:28

Planet. It's the coolest place for

30:30

kids, and will definitely not be turned

30:33

into a mining colony immediately.

30:35

The Division of In Office Fan Fiction,

30:37

directed by Christina Kirkland, has

30:39

started to write a steamy fic about

30:41

Dave in accounting and Joe in

30:43

human resources. It is