0:00

Kakos Industries is ad-free. To

0:02

help keep it that way, consider heading to KakosIndustries.com

0:06

slash Patreon

0:07

and pledging a dollar or more

0:09

a month. What

0:12

you are about to hear is wild,

0:15

uncouth, unsavory, and

0:18

yet somehow sympathetic.

0:31

Hello and welcome to the Kakos Industries

0:33

Corporate Shareholder Announcements. At

0:36

Kakos Industries, we help our clients to

0:38

do evil better. My name is Corin

0:40

Deeth III and I am CEO here at Kakos

0:43

Industries, which makes all of this, for

0:45

better or worse, my responsibility.

0:48

There is no golden parachute at Kakos Industries.

0:51

There is no cushy job at a competitor.

0:54

There is no lifetime of consulting after

0:57

working here. If I am no longer working

0:59

here, then the greatest probability is that

1:01

I am dead, and the other options

1:04

are likely worse. I can't be

1:06

fired so much as I can be fired

1:08

upon, though I am assured that that will be reserved

1:11

for only the most dire of circumstances.

1:14

We call that job security. Shareholders,

1:18

we all certainly have a lot to unpack

1:20

after the last couple of months of goings-on

1:23

here at Kakos Industries.

1:24

First there was the donut.

1:28

Then there was an unfortunately contagious

1:31

somnolence that didn't give us much

1:33

time to deal with the donut.

1:36

There have been, of course, a few other

1:38

things worth discussing, but everything

1:40

in its due time, I

1:43

suppose. What I can say

1:45

for right now is that all of the metrics

1:47

we have at our disposal seem to indicate that

1:49

everything is within acceptable parameters,

1:52

so we have some time to reflect

1:59

I am aware that there is one anomalous

2:02

reading. I have looked at it and I have determined

2:04

that it is not that serious. We

2:06

have people looking into it, Soundman. Shareholders,

2:10

it occurs to me that I don't always introduce Soundman

2:12

Steven when it's appropriate to do so, so perhaps

2:15

I should do that now. Soundman Steven

2:17

is in charge of the recording and broadcast

2:20

quality for these announcements. He oversees

2:22

the selection and placement of microphones.

2:25

He oversees the acquisition of rack-mounted

2:27

equipment that ensures the highest

2:29

signal

2:29

quality and loudness standards.

2:33

If you like what you're hearing right now, then you owe

2:35

quite a bit of that to Soundman Steven, my

2:38

greatest ally when it comes to sharing important

2:40

details with all of you listening.

2:44

What's that, Soundman? I didn't

2:47

mean that you were supposed to insist on what details

2:50

I share. That is not your

2:52

job. Yes, I can see

2:54

the reading here. I was hoping that

2:56

flattery might distract you, but

2:59

I can see that your professionalism is clearly

3:01

of the highest order and you

3:03

will not be swayed. Fine.

3:06

Shareholders, I have here a temperature

3:09

reading for the Division of Influence. This

3:11

is the division where we try to influence

3:13

things, either

3:14

subtly or more dramatically.

3:17

The Division of Influence is big on

3:19

social media and they have their finger

3:21

on the pulse of all of the trends.

3:25

I would tell you a few of the things they recently

3:27

influenced you to do for the sake of

3:29

evil, but I am forbidden to do

3:31

so. They tell me that it might damage

3:33

their ability to continue influencing,

3:36

so I am not allowed to spill the beans.

3:39

Yes, Soundman, I

3:41

can see the reading. What makes you think

3:43

that I need

3:44

to deal with this? I have people

3:46

who work for me who are supposed to

3:48

deal with issues like this, especially

3:51

during the announcements.

3:54

Yes, I can see the temperature,

3:56

Soundman. Have you looked at the

3:58

temperatures of the...

3:59

surrounding offices. See,

4:02

there is nothing to worry about. It is likely

4:05

a sensor that is malfunctioning. Soundbin,

4:09

it is not 10,000 degrees

4:11

Celsius inside the Division of Influence.

4:14

It cannot be. There

4:16

is nothing in there capable of reaching

4:19

that temperature.

4:22

Yes, I am aware that they are not

4:24

responding. We are looking into

4:26

it. The Division of Design

4:29

is right next door, and the sensors in there

4:31

are listed at 23 degrees

4:33

Celsius. How can the space next

4:35

door be 10,000 degrees?

4:38

How can the building continue to stand

4:41

if that is the case? It

4:43

is not. There is nothing

4:46

to worry about. Today's

4:48

broadcast is coming to you from

4:51

a can of sound. You might be wondering

4:54

what a can of sound is, and I can assure

4:56

you that I do not know. I am

4:59

told that this can came in through your incoming

5:01

projectiles window in the usual way,

5:04

and then at the correct time you opened

5:06

the can. I am told that

5:08

something about the design and the shape of

5:10

the can allows it to receive this broadcast,

5:13

and so long as some of the gas

5:15

inside is escaping, you should be able to

5:17

hear this transmission

5:18

perfectly. I am told that the frequency

5:21

response falls off a bit above the 10 kilohertz

5:24

range, and the bass is a bit anemic,

5:27

but the overall sound quality is really impressive

5:29

for gas leaking out of a can. I am

5:32

told that this radio comes to us

5:34

from a collaboration between our Division

5:37

of Cans and Morton's

5:39

Less Noble Gases.

5:42

Morton's Less Noble Gases deals primarily

5:44

in those things that are gaseous at

5:46

standard atmospheric temperature and pressure, but

5:49

that behave in strange and sometimes

5:51

unseemly ways. Where

5:54

noble gases refuse to bond with anything,

5:57

these gases often bond with

5:59

everything. Some of Morton's gasses

6:01

will change the colors of anything they come

6:04

into contact with. Some of them just

6:07

smell bad. Others can

6:09

reproduce sound. Apparently.

6:12

I should mention that this broadcast is strictly for

6:15

Kakos Industries shareholders. If you

6:17

are not a Kakos Industries shareholder right now, and

6:20

you are somehow hearing these announcements, then

6:22

I would move away from that can as quickly

6:24

as possible. There is something

6:26

suspended in the gas that our shareholders

6:29

have been slowly immunized to over the last

6:31

six months. If you are not a shareholder,

6:34

then you are not immune, and you will need to do

6:37

something evil quickly to earn our

6:39

respect and get the antidote. If

6:42

you need a suggestion, might I offer that

6:44

you can take candy from a baby?

6:47

It's an oldie, but sometimes the classics

6:49

are the best. You can also rest

6:52

easily knowing that when that baby matures

6:54

and eventually enters into therapy, it

6:56

will have no idea why it has such

6:59

terrible trust issues. Get

7:01

to it. We recently

7:03

had the Pajama Festival, the Festival

7:05

of Brightly Colored Hats, and the Festival

7:08

of Toast. Yes, all

7:10

of those festivals actually happened. If

7:12

you are a long-time shareholder, then you

7:14

certainly had not heard of any of those festivals

7:16

before, despite the claims I made

7:19

about it, at least one of them being thousands

7:21

of years old. We had never

7:23

had them before, but due to an obligation

7:25

on the part of the Division of Dionysia, once

7:28

I said that they were going to happen, I

7:31

essentially wrote a check that their asses

7:33

would need to catch, and so those festivals

7:35

did occur. The Pajama Festival

7:38

was a nice time for all of us to sort

7:40

of just hang out in our pajamas. Originally,

7:44

I suggested this would help with the insomnia

7:46

that was going around, but as you probably

7:49

put together, insomnia wasn't quite

7:51

the right word, and most of us were feeling

7:53

a bit squeamish about sleeping in

7:55

too close of proximity to one another inside

7:58

of the Kakos Industries building.

8:01

So we just hung out in our pajamas.

8:04

I should have assumed that many of you would have

8:06

a really loose definition of pajamas, but

8:08

I was still somehow surprised.

8:12

I believe that the least amount of clothing

8:14

that was technically considered pajamas was

8:16

a single scrunchie around the wrist

8:18

of Spooner Forks. No

8:21

one was complaining, but I would argue

8:23

that it wasn't really in the spirit of things.

8:27

The festival of brightly colored hats went

8:29

pretty much as I had suggested it might,

8:31

but this was largely because none of us had

8:34

any idea how else to celebrate it. The

8:37

division of Dionysia scrambled to gather

8:39

together as many brightly colored hats as

8:41

they could from all of the neighboring bachelorette

8:44

supply depots, eastern trading

8:46

warehouses, and cowboy stripper

8:48

boutiques. We wore the hats,

8:51

we traded the hats, and we kept the

8:53

hats for next year assuming that we

8:55

will need to wear them again. The

8:58

festival of toast was pretty cool, we

9:01

ate a lot of toast. There was

9:03

a toast off. The part that

9:05

I didn't love was all of the jam

9:07

bands? Yes, it's

9:09

a pun, but also it was jam bands,

9:12

and who even likes jam bands when sober?

9:15

The cleanup was a lot. We

9:18

also had the CEO festival of the dance,

9:20

which I did not announce on account of my

9:22

semi-sleeping state, which would probably

9:25

explain why it was so poorly attended.

9:28

That being said, the participants who did

9:30

show up were extremely into

9:32

it and danced their hearts out. There

9:35

were only four of them, which means that fourth

9:37

place was also last place, which

9:40

means that last place got an all

9:42

expenses paid trip to the Megathrills

9:44

theme park in Christhole, Texas, where

9:47

they were invited to test a number of the unfinished

9:50

rides. You will be

9:52

missed, Delilah. Spooner

9:54

Forks won this year, and I think it may have

9:56

had something to do with their dance attire.

9:59

Coming up we have

10:01

the festivals of some ambulation

10:03

and fertility. They are two

10:06

separate events just like always for

10:09

obvious reasons. I

10:11

am told that the Division of Genetics is working

10:13

on ways to make potential offspring

10:16

tastefully blue and they've worked

10:18

that into the festival of fertility. And

10:22

just because I now know what sort

10:24

of power I have, we are

10:26

also going to have the festival of barbecue.

10:29

Because I

10:29

think that sounds nice. Make

10:32

it so, Division of Dionysia.

10:36

I want to go over everything that

10:38

we need to talk about from last time

10:41

and the time before, but I think I'll go

10:43

in slightly backwards order. There

10:45

were many things that I dreamed about that

10:47

I wasn't sure about the truth

10:50

of. Some things fell in

10:52

the plausible range, even if I had

10:54

no memory of them or context

10:56

for them.

10:57

I could have learned about those things while

11:00

in a dream state, which then would have

11:02

resulted in the feeling of uncertainty.

11:04

What I can say for sure was that

11:06

there was at least one detail of my dreams,

11:09

in particular, that I was not expecting

11:11

at all to be real.

11:14

And then I got another tape. Play

11:17

it, soundman. Hey

11:19

there, Corin. It's your grand-uncle

11:22

Corin Deeth the one and a half. Just

11:25

wanted to leave you this recording in case it would

11:27

ever come in handy before my inevitable

11:29

untimely death due

11:31

to some sort of strange

11:34

circumstances that no one could have ever predicted.

11:38

Anyway, here's the advice.

11:41

If you're eating a lot of candy,

11:44

make sure you're brushing your teeth with a fluoride

11:47

toothpaste. Oh,

11:50

and don't fuck any bog witches,

11:52

no matter how alluring the aroma. Okay,

11:56

take care. This is Corin Deeth

11:58

the one and a half. Your grandfather.

11:59

brother with the same name. Don't

12:02

worry about it. Everything is cool. Be

12:04

cool. Be cool, Corin.

12:08

Okay, bye now. So

12:10

this leaves me with a lot of questions,

12:12

and unfortunately I don't have the answers

12:14

to those questions. I have

12:17

to admit that I can't say with any certainty

12:19

if I remember ever meeting my granduncle.

12:22

I don't recall my grandfather

12:24

ever mentioning him either. I have

12:27

to assume that there was some bad

12:29

blood or other conflict that made

12:32

his existence unknown to me. There's

12:34

clearly something that I don't understand.

12:37

Alas, there is really only one option

12:39

here, and that is to move on. I

12:42

will continue to do my research, and

12:44

I will let you know what I find. Shareholders,

12:48

some of you are still claiming to be able to

12:50

see these announcements. While Morton's

12:53

less noble gases make many gases

12:55

that can cause hallucinations and even

12:58

spiritual experiences,

12:59

the one we are using in this case should

13:02

not be doing anything of the sort. If

13:04

you'd like to learn more or help us understand

13:07

what's going on, head to KakosIndustries.com

13:10

slash C. That's S-E-E.

13:15

It's now time for that segment where we

13:17

answer a few of your questions about Kakos

13:20

Industries. The question I have

13:22

in front of me reads,

13:24

How is it? I

13:27

guess it's okay? Another question

13:30

asks, Hot

13:32

enough for ya? I

13:35

suppose it is. So

13:37

when the last broadcast ended, I awoke

13:39

to find Mr. Sniffs licking my face.

13:42

I was passed out in a hallway.

13:45

I was not the first person to awaken, but there

13:47

were many more who were still asleep. We

13:50

are unsure what the problem was.

13:53

I walked Mr. Sniffs down the various halls, and

13:56

his saliva never once failed to wake up

13:58

whoever was down. He is

14:00

quite excellent at his job and

14:03

a very evil boy. From

14:05

what I was able to gather, the official

14:07

story regarding our sleepiness and any

14:10

sleep broadcasting I may have done

14:12

was down to overwork

14:15

and had nothing whatsoever to do with

14:18

the man in the long long hat. Like

14:21

some people are beginning to theorize. It's

14:23

fairly obvious that something else was at

14:25

work here, but between the official story

14:28

and the conspiracy theory, we

14:30

may never find out. We

14:33

have had some degree of success looking

14:35

into the donut, that stone

14:38

I removed from the matmos. It apparently

14:40

resembles the matmos in certain peculiar

14:43

ways despite being a solid.

14:46

On a geological time scale, of

14:48

course, the distinction between liquid

14:50

and solid is a little fuzzier, so

14:52

this may be another living thing. Samples

14:55

of the stone, which were extremely difficult

14:57

to separate, do show some

15:00

kind of cellular structure, but

15:02

our scientists are uncertain as of yet

15:05

that cellular structure is related

15:07

to some kind of volcanic rock

15:09

formation or something

15:11

more lifelike. All I know

15:14

is when I bring it out, Clarissa and Hedera,

15:16

the matmos twins, my liaisons

15:19

to the matmos, run away screaming,

15:21

and that is just endless amounts

15:23

of fun for

15:24

me. Our research will

15:26

continue. What's

15:29

that sound, man? Yes,

15:31

I can see that another tape has appeared. It's

15:34

the same handwriting as the other one.

15:38

You want to play it right now? Well,

15:42

maybe it will give us the answers

15:44

we want. Hey

15:48

there, Corin. It's your grand uncle

15:50

again, Corin Deeth, the one and a half.

15:54

I just wanted to drop

15:56

in and give you another message giving

15:58

you some of my best advice.

15:59

You

16:02

know, I saw your grandfather

16:04

doing something similar the other day and

16:06

I thought that seemed like a pretty

16:09

decent idea. So here's

16:11

my advice, Corin. Be

16:13

sure to always give people your

16:16

advice before you die

16:18

mysteriously. If you've

16:21

got advice in you somewhere, be

16:23

sure to share that when it matters.

16:27

Before you die. Mysteriously.

16:32

It's vitally important to the transmission

16:34

of information that you do it while

16:37

you're still on this side of the

16:39

dirt. You get me? Oh,

16:42

and don't ever let them take

16:44

you alive. Corin, that's

16:48

more advice. Bonus advice.

16:51

The bastards are out there and they're

16:53

coming for me but they're not gonna take

16:55

me alive, Corin. Not

16:58

while I know the secrets.

16:59

I just have to make sure

17:02

that I share all of my advice before

17:04

they get here. And

17:06

we'll engage in our final showdown.

17:10

Love you like a sister. Have a great summer.

17:12

Corin, beat the one and a half. Don't worry about

17:15

it. I have

17:17

even more questions now, Soundman. I don't

17:20

think I should spend any time postulating

17:22

though. Let's move on. Hello,

17:26

Corin. I was told that you wanted

17:28

to see me. Junior,

17:29

do you remember the old

17:32

man ever having a

17:34

brother? This is in regards

17:36

to Corin Deeth, the one and a half.

17:39

Yes. I'm not sure I can

17:41

remember anyone as such, though

17:44

father kept intolerable company

17:46

a lot of the time. He never had

17:48

what I would consider great friends.

17:51

Most of the people in his circle were other

17:54

users and nutcases,

17:56

but most of them were far worse

17:58

than him.

17:59

All you want to do is party. You can't be

18:02

too picky about who you associate

18:04

with, you know. Especially as

18:07

you get older. So you

18:09

don't think he was an actual

18:11

brother? If he was, I never

18:14

met him. And he hasn't come looking

18:16

for any money. I suppose that's true.

18:19

It's kind of nice to think

18:21

that there might be more family out there. I'm

18:24

sure there is. Father

18:26

was slinging that dick around everywhere.

18:29

Perhaps

18:29

someday we will find someone. Perhaps

18:32

they are better off not knowing us.

18:35

It is not for us to seek them

18:38

out though.

18:39

Yeah, I know. I will

18:41

let you know if I remember anything.

18:44

Thanks, Junior. Bye-bye now. I should

18:46

probably mention some of these divisions that

18:49

I mentioned last time. The

18:51

Division of Suspicious Pony Tales

18:53

has still been keeping an eye on Darren.

18:56

He hasn't made his move yet, but they are sure

18:58

he will soon. So I

19:00

guess this division is real. Mercifully,

19:04

the Division of Wall Carpet does not

19:06

exist. At least

19:08

not yet. There are also

19:10

no dream filters that need emptying,

19:13

as far as I know. The

19:15

Division of Erotic Experiences is still working

19:17

hard at their Satisficer prototype.

19:20

They are trying to make it more applicable

19:23

to more people. I am told that they

19:25

have added what they are calling the appendage,

19:28

which is an extension that can form a variety

19:30

of external shapes, ranging from

19:33

fingers to whole feet. I

19:36

am also told that when Dr. Dunkleveson

19:38

heard me talking about the nocturnal

19:40

emitter, he made a sound

19:42

like, Of course! So

19:46

apparently they are working on some kind of

19:48

device that will help you to have

19:50

sexy dreams.

19:54

It is extremely unlikely that I

19:56

was ever floating above the Hell

19:58

Labor Camp, did receive a

20:01

card from Meredith Gorgoro. It's

20:03

a postcard, and it says, thanks

20:06

for stopping by. It's

20:09

possible that she's just fucking with me. That

20:11

seems most likely.

20:13

We are still trying to get to the bottom

20:15

of her glowing rocks. The

20:19

Division of Kaiju Battle Reenactment recently

20:21

reenacted the battle of Rage

20:23

vs. Snooze. Those are

20:25

the exact same words I said last time,

20:28

but they are actually true this time. While

20:31

there were never any monsters that I'm

20:33

aware of that were made to represent the

20:35

feelings of Rage or Snooze,

20:38

that doesn't mean that the battles can't be

20:40

enacted. Apparently after they

20:42

heard me say those

20:43

words, they couldn't get the idea out of

20:45

their heads, and so they made it come

20:48

true. Honestly, I don't

20:50

feel like anyone ever listens to me as

20:52

closely as they decided to do for some

20:54

reason during my unfortunate dream

20:57

sequence. It would be great if

20:59

my employees would listen to me like this when

21:01

I give them regular feedback. Or

21:03

maybe I just need to sleep more.

21:07

Anyway, Rage vs. Snooze

21:09

was not at all how I thought it had happened

21:11

in my dream, but seeing their interpretation

21:14

was probably more fun anyway.

21:19

I did some research into the Starry

21:21

Place, which was a thing I mentioned during

21:24

my dreams. It seems impossible,

21:27

or at least unrealistic, that this exists,

21:29

but I was not able to come to a clear conclusion on

21:32

the matter. A few people told me that

21:34

this was not a line of inquiry

21:36

that I wanted to follow, and

21:38

I may have to take their word on that.

21:42

I have a report here that the division of figuring

21:44

out what all these keys go to has opened

21:47

a jar. A jar

21:49

with a lock on it. Neat.

21:53

It is time for another employee spotlight.

21:56

Today we are highlighting Thornton

21:58

Elouise, who works

21:59

in the Division of Annoyance. Now,

22:02

you might think that this division specializes

22:04

in creating annoyances, but

22:06

you would be wrong. That's the Division

22:09

of Annoyances. Notice the

22:11

plural S on the end of that one. No,

22:14

the Division of Annoyance led by

22:16

Thornton Elouisey takes on

22:18

as much annoyance as they possibly

22:20

can on behalf of others working

22:22

in the building. If there's a part of your job

22:24

that you hate, there's a decent chance

22:27

that the Division of Annoyance will take it off your

22:29

hands at least part of the time.

22:32

This frees up the rest of us to do

22:35

more important things with less friction.

22:38

I am told that the Division of Annoyance seeks

22:40

out those particularly masochistic

22:42

and excessively patient types who

22:44

really just revel in the agonizingly

22:47

bothersome, and they put them to work.

22:50

Thornton is apparently the best among

22:52

them, taking the annoying tasks off the

22:54

hands of over 100 other employees.

22:57

Thank you for what you do, Thornton

22:59

Elouisey. They

23:02

say that evil once ate all of the

23:04

chocolate anywhere nearby, causing

23:06

a short-term shortage, several

23:08

deaths, and untold chaos.

23:11

This is things we're taking credit for

23:13

now. Today we're taking credit for hole

23:15

punches, getting hole punches,

23:19

and drinking hole punches. Obviously

23:22

we can't know for sure that we are responsible

23:25

for all of these things, but we

23:27

are. Get over it,

23:29

or you're gonna get a hole punch. Marley

23:32

McBigSuck has won today's Ruin-A-Life

23:35

drawing. As a result, the

23:37

life of Marley's nemesis will be ruined.

23:40

That nemesis is the Curious Magpie.

23:44

That is a person and not

23:46

a bird. We gave the wheel of misery

23:48

a rough spin, and it landed on the position

23:50

for polite. From this day forward,

23:52

the Curious Magpie will be 37% more polite.

23:55

This can, and has, ruined lives. before.

24:01

For evil measure, Marley McBigsuck

24:03

will be 13% less polite.

24:06

Depending on who you ask, that can be

24:08

pretty problematic as well. Congratulations

24:11

on the win, and best of luck. The

24:14

Damnation and Ruination Squad, the team

24:16

responsible for making the life-ruining

24:19

declarations of The Wheel of Misery come true,

24:21

are currently wearing Vulture costumes,

24:24

complete with all of the excretions.

24:28

Hooray.

24:29

Sound Midnight, I

24:32

see the tape. If you

24:34

wave your hand at me one more fucking time,

24:37

I'm going to break through your protective glass, and

24:39

I'm going to damage something expensive. Fine.

24:44

Play the tape? I guess I'm

24:46

pretty curious too.

24:50

Hey there, Corin, it's your Grunkle

24:52

again, Grand-Uncle Corin Deeth,

24:55

the one and a half. I

24:57

have the same name as your grandfather, for

25:00

plausible family reasons.

25:03

Anyway, didn't let him take me alive

25:06

because I didn't let them take me. I

25:10

killed all those guys, Corin. That's

25:12

the best way to handle these situations. Kill

25:16

all the other guys. That

25:18

doesn't mean I have more time for

25:23

share with you some of my most

25:26

vital advice. Are

25:29

you ready? This one's a biggie.

25:33

Here it comes. Eat

25:35

dessert. Dessert

25:38

is tasty. You should definitely

25:40

eat it when you get the chance. Yum,

25:43

yum, kiddo. Eat dessert.

25:45

Here comes the airplane with

25:48

the pudding.

25:49

Open

25:53

wide, Corin, and enjoy the dessert. Anyway,

26:00

always, always, always eat dessert.

26:05

Right

26:11

up. Oh, the one

26:13

I'm thinking about it, never

26:16

fly a plane if you're gonna have a heart

26:18

attack. It's

26:20

considered to be a faux pas.

26:25

And it's rude. Okay, well,

26:27

get back out there, slugger, and keep

26:29

that heart in the decent shape of your flying.

26:32

My arms are tired. From the killing,

26:34

not the

26:35

flying. Okay, bye now. That

26:38

was zero percent enlightening.

26:41

We have to figure this out.

26:45

This brings us to the end of today's broadcast.

26:48

Your can of sound will eventually run out

26:50

of sound, though I am told that it will likely

26:52

continue for around an hour after the

26:55

end of these announcements. I

26:57

will say with certainty that you do not

26:59

need to listen to that hour. There

27:02

is nothing there for you. There

27:04

is no more broadcast. Do

27:06

not waste your precious time in

27:08

your fleeting life.

27:12

And look at that, soundman. The Division of Influence

27:15

has completely disappeared from the building. I

27:18

told you there was nothing to worry about.

27:21

The numbers are next. 11, 11, 12, 12, 19, 19, 99, 89, 89, 89, 7, 4, 5, 4, 4.

27:53

Thank you.

27:57

Kakos Industries is written and produced by the American Library of Congress.

28:00

by Conrad Mischuk, who is also the

28:02

voice of Corin Deeth and the composer

28:04

of the music. The introductions are

28:06

read by Ryan Jenkins, and the credits

28:08

are read by Brianna Kittel, a neat-looking

28:11

gourd.

28:11

Special guest appearance by

28:14

Oliver Morse. You can find

28:16

more of his horrible voice at Canem

28:18

Fields.

28:19

Please visit KakosIndustries.com

28:22

for news, extras, and more episodes.

28:25

There are also transcriptions on the website

28:27

if you'd like to read along with the Kakos Industries

28:29

announcements. That's K-A-K-O-S-I-N-D-U-S-T-R-I-E-S

28:37

dot com. Please visit store.kakosindustries.com

28:41

for merchandise and special offers, and

28:43

get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription

28:46

donor at KakosIndustries.com

28:48

slash Patreon. You can submit

28:50

one-time donations at Paypal.me

28:53

slash KakosIndustries. You can also

28:55

purchase gear and other items for the production

28:58

at KakosIndustries.com slash

29:00

Wishlist. Join our community at

29:02

KakosIndustries.com slash Discord.

29:05

Questions, comments, or a strong

29:07

desire to collaborate? Drop us a

29:09

line at inquiries at KakosIndustries.com.

29:13

If you like Kakos Industries, be sure to

29:15

rate and review us on your favorite podcasting

29:17

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29:19

youtube.com slash KakosIndustries,

29:22

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29:24

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29:29

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29:32

and TikTok, at KakosIndustries.

29:34

We encourage fanart and listener participation

29:37

on all our social media platforms.

29:39

Special thanks to our esteemed shareholders

29:42

Alfredo Raffioli, Jack Tooley,

29:44

and Deantre. Also thanks to

29:46

honored employees Calico, who chopped

29:48

all the garlic, and Anastasia K,

29:51

who put all of the garlic in. The

29:53

Division of Beanies, Booties, and Construction Projects

29:56

that are probably too large for yarn directed

29:58

by Theo Cornett.

29:59

has started to knit some compost

30:02

bins for their new gardens.

30:04

This can only end well. The

30:07

Division of Obscure Vintage Technology,

30:09

directed by Craig Sizz, has purchased

30:11

an antique evil ketchup dispenser

30:14

from the internet. Whatever ketchup

30:16

you put into it becomes evil. The

30:19

Division of Subtle Efficiency Increase,

30:21

directed by Daniel R. Smith, has rehired

30:24

Mike again but he is on thin

30:26

fucking ice.

30:28

The Division of Sang at the Longway, directed

30:30

by Dino Schroeder, has been working on a new

30:33

method of communicating via

30:35

long distance yodel.

30:37

The Division of Kakos Cafeteria Reviews,

30:39

directed by Seth and Josh, has reviewed

30:42

Le Bacon.

30:44

It's all bacon, but it's tasty

30:46

bacon. Not sure if it's French, 3.9 out

30:48

of 7. The

30:51

Division of Improbable Cookbooks, directed by

30:53

Hayden Neff, has been working on Apignomer,

30:57

for when microwaving isn't nuclear enough.

31:00

The Division of More Monday Mondays, directed by Odie,

31:03

has made Mondays that much more Monday by

31:05

announcing a corporate rebrand.

31:07

The Division of Villainous

31:10

Introspection, directed by Sarah, has

31:12

been journaling extensively about

31:14

what textures make them feel the

31:16

most evil. Microfiber

31:19

has replaced silk at the top of the list,

31:21

but only because of severe texture

31:24

issues.

31:26

The Division of New Card Game Mechanics, led

31:28

by Finn, has developed a card that is

31:31

thick. It's

31:33

really damn thick. The Division

31:35

of Even Weirder Bugs, directed by Franco

31:38

El Terrible, has discovered a bug

31:40

that has seven canonical legs.

31:43

The Division of Animal Stacking, directed by TheOneTrueDave,

31:46

has stacked 45 porcupines using

31:50

something like Hook and Loop Fastener.

31:53

The Division of Unwanted Board Game Expansions,

31:56

directed by Kevin Rowland, has

31:58

created an expansion set that

31:59

introduces a flavor pack mechanic.

32:03

The Division of Prospective Exoplanet

32:05

Tourism directed by Victoria Wood has started

32:08

working on a pamphlet for Glove

32:10

Nexus 4.

32:12

Their latex parties are some of the

32:14

best and some of the most mandatory

32:16

for all workers. The

32:19

Division of In Office Fanfiction directed

32:21

by