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Implementing Right Understanding To Develop Healthier Relationships

Implementing Right Understanding To Develop Healthier Relationships

Released Thursday, 16th February 2023
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Implementing Right Understanding To Develop Healthier Relationships

Implementing Right Understanding To Develop Healthier Relationships

Implementing Right Understanding To Develop Healthier Relationships

Implementing Right Understanding To Develop Healthier Relationships

Thursday, 16th February 2023
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 Welcome to the Karu Sangha podcast, episode number one. I wanna jump right into this podcast because I had a lot of fun making it. But first, some wonderful messages from our sponsors. This is Donny dumbbell. You might be wondering why they call me Donny dumb. Well, when I was just a little lad, I had a dumbbell dropped on me head, didn't we? Mother? She said That will teach you to keep your grimey MITs off me. Cranny cakes you. We even band of a boy, ye. And then they sent me to work with the destitute and the beggars down at the shipyards. Packing salt bags as big as me, little frame and fighting off the wharf rats while I did all just for two bits and a kick in the ass just so I could barely get a crop of. And then find me a place to hunker down among the sewage filled streets with all the horrors and the beggars. But you know, I wouldn't trade it all for nothing. I'll do anything for them. Cranny cakes, and the best brand of cranny cakes is the fascist brand cranny cakes. So get your hands on some credit. Consumer brand soap. It's no better than any other soap, but you're gonna buy it cause the box has pretty colors. So you can go and uh, go get the soap. All right. Trying to stamp thing off. Yeah. There we go. All right. Son of a, just kidding. All right, let's get started. All right, so. I'd like to dedicate the first eight episodes of this podcast to the teachings of the Eightfold Path and examine ways in which we might utilize these teachings of the dharma to benefit our relationships. I'd like to think of the eightfold path as a tree with mindfulness being the stock or the trunk of that tree and the rest of the teachings being like the branches that offshoot from that tree, right? So keeping that in mind, we will. Uh, each branch and then we're, we're gonna figure out ways in which we can implement them into our lives so that, uh, we may develop healthy relationships. The first, uh, teaching in the eight full path is right view. Sometimes referred to as Right. Understanding. And yeah, I think, uh, I think for the purpose, uh, purposes that we're aiming for, I'll refer to it as Right understanding. So that'll be the subject matter of this episode. And, uh, and we'll get right into it, but first, a quick message from our sponsors. It's like, gotcha. All right. So where to start? Um, I think it's best probably to start off with, kind of defining mindfulness, right? So there's, uh, a lot of people look at it, right? There's, there's many people that are unfamiliar with mindfulness practice or, uh, the practice of meditating or meditation and, and, uh, the different areas of, of what that can community, you know, with there's, there's compassion meditation, there's focused, uh, breath meditation there. uh, just meditating on the, uh, the senses, you know, walking meditation. So there's, there's many forms. Um, but I think a lot of people usually just think of it as just like sitting for hours and hours just thinking about nothing. And, uh, then they say to themselves, well, you know, that's mindfulness, , but, uh, you know, how's that gonna help me? Right. But, uh, for those of us that are, you know, more familiar with these practices, I know it's, uh, it's very much different from. because, uh, the brain does what it wants to an extent. Right. Um, shoot, some neuroscientists would, might even argue that, uh, we really only have the power to veto our thoughts and actions. Um, but that's like an entirely separate subject that I would just, I'm not gonna get into this for the sake of like, keeping this podcast on the subject I intended. So, uh, so when we're like, when we're sitting, you know, what is it that we're really doing? Yeah. . Anybody that regularly meditates or practices other forms of mindfulness knows that really most of the time we're just trying to be aware of our thoughts and notice them as they come and go, right? And just do our best to identify, um, to be able to identify them, but not identify with them, um, and to not let them have so much influence on our state of being and to not let the thoughts. Trigger more thoughts and emotions. So we're just trying to develop the ability to be less reactive. In other words, uh, mindfulness, at least to me, it's the, uh, it's really just the practice of cultivating awareness of the thought processes, uh, that are occurring and slowing down the thought factory. And hopefully if we practice enough, we're able to, at times just shut down the thought, the, the thought factory completely, you know, so, Yeah, we we're developing this skill, we're developing on the, these, you know, we're developing these skills as we practice, and this can lead to more, uh, skillful interactions with the people in our lives, and it can have a major impact in our relationships. So mindfulness is at the root of right view or right understanding. And all that being said was just to kind of like demonstrate my example of mindfulness being the stock or the trunk of the tree. You know, the metaphor I used to represent the eight fold path earlier. So now to just get into right understanding. So, well, there's a lot to really, there's a lot to unpack, um, about right understanding and I'm not gonna be able to demonstrate every way we can possibly use it to benefit our relationships. one. We don't have enough time right now for me to do all that in one podcast. And two, I'm not aware of all the ways that are possible. And, uh, and that goes for all the practices that I'll, uh, that I'll cover in later podcasts. I'm just doing my best with the knowledge I've managed to gather here in, you know, in this little time I've existed, you know, in this manifested form, so of the, you know, universal energy. Um, I just wanted to address that before I start. Uh, just. , um, you, I'm not claiming it to, to Noah everything. So I don't barely know anything. So what is right understanding? Well, the way that I've come to understand it is You see what I did there anyway, the way that I've come to understand it is, uh, the understanding of the dharma, right? It's the understanding. impermanence. It's the understanding of non-self and interdependence. And we're gonna get into all this as the podcast continues, but, um, you know, we'll cover it all more in depth and, and it's the understanding of course, of the reality of suffering or unpleasant experiences like anxiety, sadness, and pain, and, uh, and the fact that that's all part of our existence and the inevitability of it and the cause. and of course the ability to reduce suffering in our lives through the eightfold path. So to go deeper, right, we have this ability to nurture, right understanding, or you might want to call it wise understanding you can kind of pick and choose there for whatever kind of fits your vibe or makes you, you know, makes more sense to you linguistically so, so, , like I said, it's, it's interdependence. It's it's non self, it's impermanence, it's suffering and, and of course, mindfulness. It's, it's the awareness of all these truths, but how can we implement the knowledge of these truths and how can we use them as tools to strengthen our relationships? Well, let's kind of like, let's take, for example, let's start with the understanding of impermanence. How do we. . So you can say, well, of course even the universe might end, right? So everything's impermanent. Okay. But then there's like, there's saying it, and then there's living by it. And those are two very different things. We can contemplate these things, but if we're not living with the full acceptance of this truth, then we're still gonna be acting out our lives with. As if the present moment isn't the most valuable moment, and just recognizing that all things aren't permanent, especially our relationships will aid us in the ability to like detach from the anxiety and trying not to hold on so tightly in our relationships. And, uh, and just helps us to worry less about things being perfect in our relationships and trying to maintain or create relationships that, that, uh, relationship that's devoid of suffering. That relationship just doesn't exist. Suffering is inevitable, right? But it's important that we still rely on each other and it's, it's necessary to nurture the interdependence, cuz after all, we're social creatures and we're interdependent. So understanding that, and understanding that there's not really a self-independent from everybody else, and that it's really, truly impossible to rely on only your. kind of convolt, just knowing that that kind of cultivates the compassion within us. So, yeah, and I think, you know, compassion is just one of the greatest emotions and interactions that we can share with the universe. So, you know, compassion only leads to more support and understanding in our relat. And it ties right into the teaching of non-self. So what is non-self? It's the reality that there is no permanent fix to you. Everything about us is constantly changing from our thoughts, opinions, and ideals being influenced by our family or friends, or our culture and our environment, even down to the cellular level. And even the atoms that make up ourselves are being exchanged continually through every moment of our lives. So realizing this, you know, realizing there's really no fixed self forces us to drop the illusion of separateness and helps to shrink the ego and living with this truth, uh, as a daily practice. Just reminding yourself of the constant energy exchange naturally makes us less competitive in our relationships. Because we're all the same energy, and that energy has always existed. You know, you've heard it before. It can't be created or destroyed. It's only converted from one form to another, so, so knowing this promotes cooperation in our relationships, knowing that the energy that's within myself has always existed and it's in everyone else on this. , it's, um, it is us. It's, it's our bones, our muscles, our skin, the, the chemical electrical processes that, that allow us to have these interactions. It's, it's all the same energy, the energy that's always existed. It, you know, allowing yourself to feel separate, especially within our relationships and being focused solely on the self, that's a relationship doomed to die. And yeah, you can look at it and say, okay, well, So if everything's impermanent, why should I even try? I'm sure you can, you can look at it that way, but I don't think that's the healthiest view . Like I don't, I don't think that's the lessons in the teaching, you know, in the teachings. So just because something's impermanent doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it while it lasts, or that you shouldn't, you know, strive to make those relationships last. I'm sure we've seen relationships go through rocky times. We all have, you know, and go through those rough waters or whatever you wanna call it, and then come out the, the other side stronger and more resilient. And sometimes, sometimes not. But sometimes we really just need to know when to let go. But there's always gonna be ebbs and flows. There's always gonna be ups and downs, you know, the ups and downs of the emotional rollercoaster that this life is. And just being aware that all things are impermanent and that, you know, Times and bad times, they're gonna come and go. And with that understanding of inter interdependence and impermanence and the non-self, we can, we can more wisely navigate our relationships and reduce suffering in our lives. And, uh, and the loved ones, you know, our loved ones as well. So, you know, the people that we care for, we wanna reduce their suffering as well, you know, so, Really what is, what is suffering? You know, it's, it's our attachment to the, to the illusion of self. It's, it's, uh, it's the attachment to the, to the idea of a permanent fixed self. It's. , you know, and it's causes our, our shortsightedness, our limited views and our ignorance of the, of the grand reality that we're all connected. So, you know, unfortunately, we're usually pretty addicted to our attachments. Uh, uh, you know, but all addictions can be broke with proper training and, uh, if we can be more compassionate towards ourselves. Uh, so it's kind of natural to understand and, and, , well, you know, it's completely natural to feel, to feel attached, um, to people and things. So just be compassionate towards yourself. Obviously, you're not gonna be able to break these habits in one day, these, these addictions. So, you know, we all wanna be happy and, uh, when we feel unhappy, we just don't feel physically well and we don't like feeling that. So we try to avoid it as much as possible. And, Pleasurable experiences, whether that's through relationships, material objects, chemical reactions triggered by, you know, triggered by all the, the stimulus around us. And, and, uh, you know, the responses of those reactions in our bodies we're, we're, uh, always seeking those pleasurable, uh, experiences and especially in, especially during the more difficult times in our lives, in our relationships. Uh, and we often might try to force things in our relationships in order to like maintain that. . Um, but unfortunately that's just creates more suffering. So, uh, it's like trying to put out a dumpster fire right? By throwing gasoline on it. It's , it's uh, it's just not gonna work out very well. So, utilizing mindfulness practices to help us understand interdependence in permanence and, you know, the non-self aids us in reducing our suffering and the suffering of those we interact with. in our day-to-day lives. So by using this knowledge to navigate our relationships with more awareness and, uh, develop more compassion in our, in our lives, um, compassion for ourselves, family, friends, coworkers, uh, you know, our community in general. And, and, uh, and while that, that compassion carries forward, it, it really does. The more compassionate acts we engage in. , uh, the more potential for those moments to create a ripple that expands out into, uh, into our society. And I've seen it happen. It's, you know, like compassion begets more compassion, and it's, and it's like that expression, you know, hurt people, hurt people. And there's a lot of truth to that, even though it's kind of like just. A catchy sentence to throw out there. Uh, there's so much truth to it and, uh, there's plenty of psychological studies that prove this. So, so why, right? Why, why is this all important? Well, good question cuz I think, I think it's important because we usually want healthy relationships in our lives, right? And, uh, hold on my, my dog's dreaming. Because we usually, we usually want healthy relationships in our lives, right? And, um, you know, these are like very fundamental tools at Buddhism. and, uh, they're really based in a practical type of knowledge that we can incorporate in, into our interactions. I mean, what's the point of practicing mindfulness if we're, if we're not using the skills that we gain and, and the knowledge we acquire to reduce our suffering? Like, what is enlightenment? What does that even mean? You know, it's, it's not some person gaining some form of. Omnipotence and whether like sitting levitating above the meditation cushion and, you know, spouting wise quotes, you know, day in and day out. It's, it's, you know, really what it really is, at least in my mind, is just being able to shed the constructs of society, like all the si, like all those soci, you know, social constructs that we've, we've been raised on from the moment we were born until now in the, in the present. You know, it's being able to deconstruct those and being able to reduce the ego. That's how I view enlightenment. Maybe that's, you know, maybe that's not right view, but that's my interpretation and it's being able to like, it's being able to pierce through the veil of the illusion and. You know that, that illusion of who and what you think you are in that moment and being able to do that from time to time. Now, can one stay in that state of awareness permanently? Like who knows? I mean, that's supposedly what the, the Buddha had become, but is that attainable for us in these times with all the distractions? , you know, the technology and all the potential for further attachment. You know, really, like who knows? Maybe it's something, you know, is it something to aspire to? Absolutely. Because, yeah, I mean, right. Who knows, you know, maybe there'll be another boot at, but even if we only have moments and glimpses, as rare as they can be, at least we'll have those. Those moments. And those moments can be life defining moments for us. And honestly, anybody who claims that they have some form of pure enlightenment will, uh, you know, it's like, yeah, I would just, I would avoid those people. But, but, uh, basically it just comes down to understanding we need to co like, cooperate together, right? And we need to, we need to listen to each other. Our, our ability to communicate with each other is the fundamental, you know, it's, it's, Sorry about that. It's the fundamentals. It's, it's the bedrock of our relationships and you can give a million gifts and go out of your way to show how much you care. But it, but you know, in the end, communication is, is gonna be the key to any healthy relationship. So we gotta encourage each other to be more. and just communicate better and, and nurture our relationships in that way. And just recognize the negative patterns, uh, because we all get in our slumps, in our modes, right? So being able to, you know, . Well, that's, that's another useful thing about practicing mindfulness. It's just being able to notice when you're repeating the negative patterns in, in our relationships and in our lives in general, right? Often we get so caught up in the day-to-day tasks. We, you know, we're just trying to move forward, which is great. It's a wonderful experience when we feel responsible and we're, we're able to provide for ourselves and our, and our families. But if you get stuck, You know, that ant mode and you're just going, going, going, then you're not present and you're not gonna notice the precious moments and you won't be able to cherish and savor them. We're, you know, we naturally want to improve our situation, but try to live with, with, uh, nonjudgmental atti attitude towards, you know, others and especially yourself as, as much as. and I, and I know it's like, it's hard. We're constantly comparing. Uh, but just having that non-judgmental viewpoint when applying these practices will be way more beneficial than allowing them to generate even more suffering because you feel inadequate, you know? Uh, think of it as like a, like a game. Cuz you know, just, just ask yourself, where can I implement one of these teachings in one of my relationships today? And, and in so doing, you'll develop the awareness and, uh, begin using these teachings in all aspects of your life. So just understanding that suffering is inevitable and, uh, it's just simply the, the nature of our existence, right? Giving us the insight to, to be more compassionate towards ourselves. understanding that we're not gonna be able to make every moment beautiful. Like, we're not gonna be able to, we're not gonna be able to make every relationship perfect. And that's just how it is. So, you know, accepting that, you know, well, it's like, accept accepting, that's hard. But it's necessary to be able to live, um, with ourselves, , you know, be able to live with ourselves. So you gotta, you gotta move on. Let things go. Uh, so just try not to be such a, such a dick to yourself. I mean, like, I, I know that's really hard, but, uh, we're all, cuz yeah, we're all our own biggest critics. So, um, and this, and this part kind of ties into the next, uh, episode where, uh, We'll all be covering right intention, uh, right intention also covers, uh, releasing selfish desires and, you know, expressing, uh, compassion in our relationships. And, and not to say, you know, we shouldn't be selfish at all. Uh, I'm not sure it's even entirely, uh, possible to be unselfish completely. But, uh, most compassionate acts you. , most compassionate acts have a deep-rooted selfishness to them, and that's perfectly fine. But, um, we often just need, we, we need that time for ourselves and we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. Right. Um, so that's, that's what I'm getting at. But yeah, I think, uh, that about covers everything for this episode. And, uh, I'll be getting, uh, I'll be, I'll be going through. , all eight practices provided in the eightfold path and then applying them to our relationships and then incorporating some of the, uh, other teachings along the way as well. So, um, yeah. Well thank you for your time and if you enjoyed this, uh, leave a like and please, please, please comment cuz that's kind of the, the main goal of all this. , you know, I really just want Kanuga to be a, a, a songa. Like, I don't, uh, not just, I don't want to just be a vessel trying to promote, you know, my philosophies and my ideals or, or the way that I interpret Buddhism. And, you know, I'm, I'm really not trying to fall into any category. I don't like labels that much. So like, I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna say I'm this type of Buddhist or that type of Buddhist, you know. I don't even want to be referred to as a Buddhist, like as I'm just a person who finds the teachings useful and, uh, and has just been integrating them, uh, over time. And, and I've experienced, uh, firsthand, you know, their potential for pretty radical reshaping of, of, uh, perspective. So, and, uh, perception. So, um, Yeah, they've, they've, the teachings have, uh, really improved my life. So what, what I'm trying to do is just figure out ways to reword what many people have already said. Right? Um, so yeah. So for whatever reason, you may have already heard some of these teachings, but they just didn't seem applicable to your life at the time. Maybe, uh, you know, maybe my perspective and, and choice, choice of words slash you know, examples. Make something click and uh, hopefully I, I can potentially help someone. So if I've, you know, if I've helped you in any way at all, that's, that's really awesome. And, uh, if not, and you feel like I just kind of rambled this whole time, , I, I apologize. And, uh, yeah, the whole goal is to just get peop, you know, get people connected. I just, and, uh, Facilitate and spark conversations and spark ideas and just help make things click for people. So I hope you guys have a wonderful day, and I will hopefully see you on the next episode.

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