0:01

Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda

0:03

land Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio.

0:06

I tried to make everyal as, it didn't work out, and

0:08

we did one more round and we made one everyone

0:11

and we were like, yay, Okay,

0:13

holy shit, Ricky, this has been the This

0:15

has been a fucking marathon. This

0:18

is the beginning. Oh

0:21

it gets crazier. It gets crazier

0:23

because then the guy changed his mind about

0:25

wanting to have kids. Oh

0:29

it was quite a god. It was the craziest.

0:31

Oh my god. I was like, oh

0:33

my god. But it made me realize I could do

0:35

it on my own. I was like, I can be a mom, I

0:37

can do this, I can do it, and so

0:40

I just started on that journey

0:42

alone and better to know then I don't want to have a

0:44

child with someone who's not sure about having

0:47

a child. Course not, of course, not as

0:49

heartbreaking as it was. I'm sure, yes,

0:51

this is it ended up being for

0:54

the best. Yeah, hello,

1:04

listeners, Welcome back to

1:06

Katie's Crib. I'm honestly

1:08

just pumped because today's guests I just want to hang out

1:11

with selfishly, like I

1:13

haven't seen her in so long. I ran into

1:15

her at a very fancy Netflix party because

1:17

she's on the show Wednesday. Everyone

1:20

is obsessed with this show and I haven't

1:22

seen it yet, but it looks incredible. She

1:24

plays Wednesday's therapist

1:28

on the show. I am talking about actress Ricky

1:30

Lindholme. She has

1:32

a son who is about to have a massive

1:35

milestone birthday. I think he's about to turn one.

1:37

His name is Keaton. She used a surrogate.

1:39

I want to hear all about her story. Also,

1:42

she's just the coolest And again, I just feel

1:44

selfishly lucky that I haven't seen her in a while, so I get

1:46

to hang out with her and catch up with her here with

1:49

all of you listening. Ricky Lindholme

1:51

is an American actress, comedian, a musician. She's

1:53

also known as a singer and songwriter in the comedy

1:55

folk duo Garfunkel and Oates

1:57

along with Kate Maccucci. She was nominated

2:00

for a Primetime Emmy Award for their comedy

2:02

special Garfunkle and Oates Trying

2:04

to Be Special in twenty sixteen. Ricky

2:06

also took on the role of the well meaning therapist

2:08

doctor Valerie Kinbot in Netflix's

2:10

recent Adams Family series Wednesday, and

2:12

of course, she previously appeared in multiple

2:15

films like Million Dollar Baby, Fun Size,

2:17

and Knives Out. In March twenty twenty

2:19

two, Lindhome revealed on Instagram that she had welcomed

2:21

her first child, a son, Ricky.

2:24

I am so pumped to see you and hang out. I'm

2:31

so excited that you're here. I'm so excited

2:34

in congratulations that you're a mom

2:36

to your son. Yes, your

2:39

son, Keaton just turned one.

2:41

Yep, March first. He's the

2:43

best. I love that birthday. Oh,

2:45

it's the best. He's minus March fifth, since

2:48

I was hoping for that. You can't What are you gonna

2:50

do? What are you gonna

2:52

do? Tell me how you're

2:54

feeling having a one year old? Was it an

2:57

emotional experience? I

2:59

think I felt the eposite of a lot of people, where

3:02

the second he was in my arms, I stopped

3:04

crying because I had just many, many

3:06

years of everything going wrong that when my

3:09

surrogate was giving birth to him, it was COVID. So I'm in

3:11

the other room and like the time

3:13

during giving birth, I was absolutely convinced

3:15

he was not coming in the room, and I

3:17

was just like crying and crying and when they handed him to me,

3:19

I was like, oh, hi, he there. It

3:22

was like this weird opposite

3:24

where my surrogate, who I'm very

3:26

close with, was like, that's not the

3:28

reaction I was expecting. I was like me neither. I

3:31

was just like, ah, there you are. It

3:33

was literally like like it was like relief

3:35

and everything made sense. Yeah, everything

3:37

you had been working for and all

3:39

of the trials and tribulations and the

3:42

journey had everything just probably

3:44

became peaceful. Yes, it felt like six years

3:47

of like where are my keys? Where are my keys? And then oh,

3:49

there are my keys. It felt like that where he's

3:51

in my arms and I'm like, oh hi, I

3:54

feel like I just did all the tears beforehand,

3:57

and then when I finally got him, it felt it

4:00

just was like a relief. So your

4:02

journey was so calm, so hard,

4:05

Like I didn't know any about this. I didn't

4:07

even know any of this was happening. Do you mind

4:09

sharing what it was? What was

4:11

going on? When I was thirty

4:13

four, I went in just to get

4:15

my fertility checked because no one tells you to

4:18

do that. It wasn't dating. When I was like I'll just check

4:20

and they're like, oh, this is not great. And

4:22

I was like, oh, and they're like, you need to start

4:24

freezing your eggs immediately, And

4:27

so I did it. When I was thirty four.

4:29

I did it three times and it

4:31

took that many times just to have like a few the

4:34

number of eggs. Yeah, And I was like, whoa, that is wow.

4:36

Okay, So I didn't expect that, and it was probably

4:39

pretty even that was it emotional? Was

4:41

it like just a hormonal shit

4:43

show? Or by the third

4:45

time, I was like, it's fine. But the first

4:47

time I was on tour with my band Garf Uncle

4:49

of Notes, and so I was like, Kate has a video

4:52

of me shooting myself with hormones and the Lax

4:54

parking lot, and we

4:56

like, that's unfucking

4:58

believable. I

5:00

think I sort of like believed that

5:02

thing of like, well then you'll you know what'll happen when it happens,

5:05

and you'll meet someone and all this stuff, and it's things

5:08

don't always just unfold, like

5:11

like certain things in my life have unfolded in ways that

5:13

I am Kenny wouldn't even have imagined

5:15

in like beautiful ways, and other things have been like,

5:17

oh, that was not what I thought. How

5:20

I thought I was going to go. It was not how I thought I was going

5:22

to go. I just thought I was going to meet someone

5:24

and we were gonna get pregnant naturally

5:26

and Ladi da And it was not. That

5:29

was not in the cards. So you do three

5:31

rounds IVF to finally get or

5:34

egg extraction to finally get navy

5:36

excuse me to get out a

5:39

good amount of eggs to store for a while.

5:41

And then when did you know it

5:43

was time? Or you

5:45

said you were on this journey of six years.

5:48

So I met someone and I started

5:50

dating this man. By the way, I never

5:52

thought I would get married. I was like, I just I always wanted

5:54

to be a mom, but I was never marriage was

5:56

never in my plan. I just was

5:58

like, I love that that would look at weddings and I wouldn't.

6:01

I would look at people with babies and I go, like, you know, your

6:03

heart kind of goes yeah. I would look at weddings

6:05

and I go, oh, do I have to do that? Like it's

6:07

not quite right thing. And so

6:10

I was dating someone for about two

6:12

years and we were trying to have a baby, and we

6:15

like slowly realized kind of everything was wrong with me.

6:17

But just like they learned it by degrees.

6:20

Oh, your eggs don't work, your uterus

6:22

doesn't work, you have endometriosis or whatever. But it

6:24

was like a slow process to figure all that

6:26

stuff out. So you had always

6:28

had endometriosis, had where you like,

6:30

I had no idea, no symptoms.

6:33

I have something called silent endometriosis.

6:36

I had no symptoms except infertility,

6:38

so no one could quite figure out what was wrong.

6:41

That's I don't think I've ever heard

6:43

of silent endometriosis. A lot

6:45

of times when we've had people on the show who've

6:47

had endometriosis, it's like when they're finally

6:49

diagnosed, everything makes sense. They're

6:52

like, oh, this is why I couldn't walk

6:54

when I got my period when I was a teenager. This

6:56

is why I'm hemorrhaging. This is why I've had

6:58

infertility problems. But that is not your story. Easy

7:01

periods. Everything's I've like never had

7:03

cramps. I'm like, I've been like just

7:06

lucky. Nobody checked because

7:08

it's a hard thing to check for. You have to do like

7:11

a round of hormones and stuff, and they

7:13

have to it's like a whole thing. If you don't have any

7:15

symptoms, they have to do a whole

7:17

thing. And it turns out I had it, but I

7:19

ended up getting naturally pregnant oddly

7:22

with this man. And then thirteen

7:24

weeks in things started to really

7:27

turn. They started to go really, yeah,

7:29

the heart was growing in the wrong place, there was there's

7:31

just a it was just not They were actually surprised

7:34

that I held the pregnant. They didn't miscarry.

7:37

Yeah. It was one of those weird

7:39

things where the doctor's like calling other doctors

7:41

in the room check this out. And I'm like, oh my god, this

7:43

is like the worst moment of my life. And everyone's

7:46

fast. They're like, we've never seen this, and I'm like,

7:48

great things

7:51

you never want to hear in a doctor's office. You

7:53

want to be boring and usual. Great,

7:56

you're good, get out of hearing. You don't want anyone calling

7:58

anyone saying we haven't seen this before. Totally.

8:01

And then they go, you have to go to genetic counseling. They

8:03

sent me in the next room and they start telling me

8:05

all this stuff and I'm like, okay, so what do we do. What's the

8:07

And they were like, oh no,

8:10

this is not something that will make it. This is not an

8:13

option, and I was like, oh, oh,

8:15

Ricky, I'm so sorry. It was crazy.

8:17

It was like a weird because it was all going

8:19

well until it wasn't. So

8:22

I had the DNC and it was botched,

8:24

which is like so weird. Yeah, so it like

8:27

it. They didn't get it out, and it's

8:29

called all out retained products of conception.

8:31

It's called And so I

8:34

had to have three procedures

8:36

to get it all out, and then I had a

8:38

scarred uterus and then I had to have uterine

8:41

surgery and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, thirty

8:43

eight, did the three DNC's

8:47

is what caused your uterus to have

8:50

scar tissue? Well, there was two dncs and

8:52

then one just weird procedure that

8:54

I'd never heard of. I don't even want to say. It was just

8:56

weird. It was weird, and you're awake for it.

8:58

It was it's a final shake it all

9:00

out sweep, some sort of sweep.

9:02

It's not good like that. I like that word. I'm like,

9:04

why just a real sweep. But but your

9:06

body still thinks it's pregnant. It's really confusing.

9:09

And thirteen weeks is not little, obviously,

9:12

it's not twenty weeks, but still thirteen

9:15

weeks. I had a miscarriage at eleven and a half

9:17

weeks and had to have a DNC, and I

9:19

was so floored

9:22

by how what

9:25

havoc that reeked on my body? And

9:27

I didn't have a botched one and

9:29

I didn't have three.

9:32

God, I'm so sorry you had to have that. Eleven

9:34

and a half weeks is so long, and that's awful.

9:37

Well, it's terrible, but I can't believe

9:40

what. It took me a

9:42

long time to get over it in terms

9:44

of three months of crying out of nowhere,

9:46

like my hormones were all fucked up and crazy,

9:48

my boobs were killing me. Seem

9:51

I felt like I was pregnant. Yeah, we

9:53

were. But also I just can't believe you

9:55

had to have multiple What

9:58

happened was I had the procedure and and then

10:00

I was just feeling really weird. But

10:03

when you google stuff, it's like, oh, you might get nauseous,

10:05

you might get that, but you don't know exactly what's what. And

10:07

I was driving home from my

10:09

boyfriend's house and my fertility doctor was

10:12

on Las Aianega and I was driving up Las Siega

10:15

and I pull over and I start throwing up

10:17

on the street and I'm like, I

10:19

feel like this is bad. And I called

10:21

the kind of like, hey,

10:24

I'm outside, can I come in? And

10:26

he was like, oh, you have to go to the ar right now. He's

10:28

this is you have retained products with conception. I

10:31

went to Cedars just right up the street, and you

10:33

know, it was lucky enough to have this amazing care. And

10:35

then it just made me so angry

10:37

that in certain states, someone who has this exact thing

10:40

cannot If I didn't go, I could

10:42

have died. And someone in that situation

10:44

in a different state would not go to

10:46

the er because of fear of prosecution

10:49

or whatever. And I just I can't believe people are

10:51

in that situation. Because the baby

10:53

wasn't going to really be viable at all,

10:56

you got to choose. In a way,

10:59

it's still crazy. People in that situation

11:02

like mine wouldn't have counted because there isn't like

11:05

yeah, yeah, someone in that situation.

11:07

It makes me very angry to think about that someone in

11:09

that situation because I got all this medical care because

11:12

I live in California. I know. It

11:14

makes me so upsetting enraged,

11:16

yeah, so upsetting. So

11:20

you go through horrible

11:23

but necessary abortion multiple

11:26

times to get it right, and

11:28

now your uterus is scarred

11:30

and beat up, and the chances

11:32

of you getting pregnant again and it being okay,

11:35

I'm guessing are slim tonight they go lower.

11:37

But then but my uterus still looked fine. They didn't

11:39

know about my interimtrius as yet. So I get uterine surgery

11:42

and then I got PRP injected into my uterus

11:44

and a different surgery, so it kind of was looking better.

11:47

And I got PRP injected ino my ovaries and my uterus.

11:50

What's PRP platelet

11:52

rich plasma, which is what they inject into

11:54

like athletes spaces, Yeah, and

11:56

like women facials Like it's like why Tom

11:58

Cruise looks like a bait? Yeah, like supposedly

12:01

all these actors are doing that. Ship. Yes, it

12:03

got injected into my reproductive system, and

12:05

then my reproductive doctor was

12:07

like, you have some eggs.

12:10

Do you want to do this again? And then

12:12

I was like yeah, And so then

12:14

I made embryos. Yeah, there's

12:17

a much more viable chance

12:19

if you implant an embryo, then you have

12:21

and then just frozen eggs that aren't

12:24

mixed with sperm. I tried to make embryos.

12:26

It didn't work out, and we did one more round and

12:28

we made one everyone and we were like,

12:30

yay, Okay, holy shit, Ricky,

12:33

this has been the This has been a

12:35

fucking marathon. This is the beginning.

12:39

Oh it gets crazier. It gets

12:41

crazier because then the guy changed

12:43

his mind about wanting to have kids. Oh

12:48

it was quite a god, it was the craziest.

12:50

Oh my god. I was like, oh

12:52

my god. But it made me realize I could do

12:54

it on my own. I was like, I can be a mom, I

12:56

can do this, I can do it. And so

12:59

I just started on that journey

13:01

alone and better to know then I don't want to have a

13:03

child with someone who's not sure about having

13:06

a child. Course not, of course, not as

13:08

heartbreaking as it was. I'm sure, Yes,

13:10

this is being for

13:13

the best, meant to be. Yeah. And then

13:16

I ended up implanting

13:18

embryos that I made with a sperm donor

13:20

and then carried those because I had

13:22

endometriosis. So I miscarried those

13:25

and I'm out of egs far

13:28

along or you miscarried them right

13:30

in the beginning, like they didn't even implant.

13:32

It's better for the it's better than for their Yes, yeah,

13:35

was it easy for you to

13:38

find a donor? Might We've had Georgana

13:40

mallick on who also

13:44

did it this way, and then we've done a lot

13:46

of this work with Leslie Headland and Rebecca Henderson,

13:48

And I can't imagine, like

13:51

what you would feel like, Oh, I

13:53

want to know everything. I want to know what they

13:55

look like, I want to pick color

13:57

and all this kind of thing. Or did you not even care?

14:00

You're like, I just want healthy and something to work. It's

14:02

a weird thing because it ends up being

14:04

more about health and what matches with your

14:06

genetics. By the way, they don't even

14:08

have short from donors. They don't even let you

14:10

in the door if you're in beneath five ten

14:12

because everyone's like, I want a tall one. I guess they

14:15

don't even let you in anymore. They're like, it's

14:17

all it's all tall guys. So it's like that kind

14:19

of thing is already Holy shit, that's

14:22

hilarious. Do you see

14:24

how people's how long people's grandparents

14:26

lived, You see how long their parents. You see that kind

14:28

of stuff, and you're like, that's what you want

14:30

for your kid. You're like, Okay, this guy's

14:32

a surfer, but this guy, his mom

14:35

is ninety nine. You're gonna go ninety nine,

14:37

right, and there's no cancer or like

14:39

mental health stuff like those. Really,

14:41

I'm sure it becomes so much about genetic

14:44

health and what you're passing down. This

14:47

is unbelievable, Ricky. I had no idea

14:50

that this was what was going on.

15:01

So then what happened. So then I'm like, Okay,

15:04

I'm gonna apply for adoption. And

15:06

it was harder during the pandemic because

15:08

a lot of things borders were closed and stuff, so it

15:10

was like everyone I talked to different people and they're

15:12

like, you gotta do domestic and domestic

15:15

is open, and it's a

15:17

little hard for single women work

15:19

Further down the totem pole, when

15:21

the birth mothers are choosing, they're not like, oh

15:24

what about this the

15:27

mom from Los Angeles who lives in an apartment, And

15:29

when there's like this couple on a farm and

15:31

they're twenty six, it was an undesirable

15:34

candidate. And then I did get one

15:36

match, and my mom and I flew

15:39

to Atlanta to get the baby and we're

15:41

like in the hotel, and then things started to go wrong

15:44

with the adoption. Things that were happening

15:46

that were red flags, like they couldn't find the dad,

15:48

and there was just all these things and it

15:51

just was like, I'm not exactly

15:53

sure what happened. But then the agency was

15:55

like, we recommend Yeah,

15:58

so we came back and there's all this baby

16:00

stuff and we're like, oh god, okay,

16:02

this is holy shit, Ricky, you thought you were

16:05

coming home with a baby. Yeah,

16:07

that's how far along it got. Was

16:10

it a call like, oh my god, we found

16:12

your baby or did you know the whole

16:14

time the mom was pregnant? Were like, how

16:16

did that happen? It was the last minute. Luckily

16:18

it wasn't like thank God for that, because it was like

16:20

it was I think it was like a Wednesday. They're like, there's

16:22

a woman who picked you, and I was like, oh my god. And then

16:24

Friday, I'm in Atlanta, so I was like, holy

16:28

it wasn't it was that fast. And I

16:30

but like, my some stuff was already ready because

16:32

you have to do all these adoption classes and you have a

16:35

social worker. You have to babyproof your apartment

16:37

before they approved me done all the right months

16:39

of class, you had done all that work, so

16:41

my stuff, so my apartment was kind of ready to go.

16:44

If you have like bottles and

16:46

a crib, you're good for the first

16:48

five days or whatever. I wasn't like, too

16:51

crazy, you need a car seat and a crib and you

16:53

know, yeah, but you had that shit, that's a

16:55

lot. So I so that

16:58

didn't work out, and that was like pretty

17:00

devastating. And then I was on

17:02

the adoption list for another maybe nine months, ten months,

17:04

and everything was a little off. And

17:07

then my mom just called it. She

17:09

was like, enough, this is what happened

17:11

to you. This is not happening. This is what

17:14

happened. Now you need to move forward to

17:16

God, I fucking love you know. And I was like,

17:18

oh my god, and are you joking? How

17:20

is she like that? I don't she's not usually,

17:22

but she was like enough. I was like I could

17:24

cry thinking about it. She was just like, because

17:27

I didn't want to make a baby in a lab,

17:29

Like I made a baby in a lab with an egg

17:31

donor, a sperm donor and a surrogate. I

17:34

that is no one's first choice. That is everyone

17:36

that's the dead last. And my Mom's like, that's what happened.

17:39

This is where you're at, this is

17:41

what's happening. Do you want a family or not. And

17:43

she was like, consider how lucky you are that you can

17:45

do that. There are so many people

17:48

who cannot afford this. Look for

17:50

the green lights. So I did pick

17:52

one egg donor and she fell through. I get another. There's

17:54

still like it's relentless. And then after

17:56

I got the embryos, is when I found out that I couldn't

17:59

carry. I found out that it's silent and demetriosis.

18:01

Now we're doing surrogate,

18:03

okay, And the surrogacy thing was the

18:05

best process in the world. It

18:08

was I called them on a Monday and

18:10

on Wednesday. I matched with this woman. Most

18:12

people it takes a year. It was like we

18:15

met and it was like, I'm like,

18:17

oh, there she is. Yeah, that's it. And

18:19

she was like that with me. She was like, oh yeah,

18:22

so we're just like this weekend we went

18:24

to her daughter's birthday party in Long Beach. We're

18:26

close. We I

18:28

love her, she says her own kids, she's

18:31

had given birth to two other kids. I'm like, it's

18:33

and you just she is just a solid person

18:36

with I'm like, this woman's not drinking

18:39

a bottle of wine every night. She's not. She's fine.

18:42

Everything just flowed after that. And it

18:44

was right before Mother's Day of twenty

18:46

nineteen and she sent me she got dressed

18:48

up in what Handmaid's Tale costume? She

18:51

sent me a picture and said, under his eye, happy

18:53

Mother's Day. How are

18:55

you taking care of yourself through

18:57

this? This was six years

19:00

years like that. I was a little weird.

19:02

It was in the pandemic. I am

19:05

someone who, for good or bad, has worked

19:07

my way out of something. I have to defeat it. But I

19:09

was sort of alone in my apartment and everyone

19:11

was busy doing their things. I felt

19:13

like a little like unchecked on too. So I felt

19:15

a little adrift. And I was just like, all

19:18

right, here we go. And I was just I would wake up

19:20

and I would write all day, and

19:22

then when I was done writing, I would work on my fertility.

19:24

That was all I did. And I had this routine and I would just do that

19:26

and then. But it got me through

19:28

it, and I wrote so many songs that

19:31

year. I became a much better writer. And because

19:33

I was like, oh, things could go badly for me

19:35

if I don't design something

19:37

for myself. So I was like, this is my

19:40

I was like, I'm coming out of this with four

19:42

screenplays and a baby. Holy

19:45

shit, I feel like the only person in

19:47

all of the pandemic. Like some people are like, yeah, one

19:49

of those to be doing writing the next great American

19:51

novels, like some people were doing that, and like making

19:54

babies. I had to The silence

19:56

was deafening. I'm in my like weird Hollywood apartment

19:58

alone. You gotta go, And so

20:00

I just went and I went forward and

20:03

yeah, so the surrogate we matched,

20:06

and then she started her process.

20:08

She only wanted to transfer one at a time because she's like, I don't

20:10

want to have twins again, and so she

20:13

I was like great, whatever, and still

20:15

fully thinking like okay, this is the beginning

20:17

of I thought she would have to do it seven times

20:19

because that's what I'm used to. Fully

20:21

took and I was like whoa, okay,

20:24

wait what wait? Is this working?

20:27

And then the day after her implant,

20:29

I got a job in Romania for seven months, so I

20:31

was gone the whole pregnancy. I've

20:33

gone for seven months. What were you doing in

20:35

Romania? Were shooting that show Wednesday?

20:38

Oh that shoots in Romania? Does

20:41

it? Wait? Get the hell

20:44

out of here, I was saying in your sexy

20:46

intro like, that's where I last saw you,

20:48

was at the very fancy Netflix party for

20:50

Wednesday that you are on. That show

20:53

shoots in Romania. It did.

20:55

Now they're switching. I think they're going to

20:57

move it. Who knows, So you and Keaton will be

20:59

taking some nice trips. I don't

21:01

know. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen in

21:03

the next season. They have not

21:06

been told anything. I'm sure you will be. So

21:09

you're gone in Romania for her entire

21:11

pregnant, which was you trust her

21:13

implicitly, and it was

21:15

just such a gift. Like it was I'm

21:17

like, because it was so hard and then it

21:20

was so easy. I was like, wow, this is I

21:22

wasn't at the same time zone. I couldn't micromanage.

21:25

I couldn't. I just had to be like, I hope it was. That

21:27

was such a blessing. That was such a blessing. With

21:30

a story, you can choose whether to be

21:32

in the room when the baby is born or is

21:34

it only out of the room. Had I couldn't because of COVID,

21:37

So she and I she wanted

21:39

to do it through C section. She has her method.

21:41

I'm like, great, sounds good. Yeah, and then

21:44

she texted me and she's like, they

21:46

said I could only have one person in the room.

21:49

I called her and I was like, it's I

21:51

was like, you want your husband. I was like, it's

21:53

major surgery, you can have him. And she's like, wait for

21:55

real. And I was like, I'm going home with a family,

21:58

Yes, have who you want. And she was like and I could cry. She was like,

22:00

oh my god. And I was like, no, you're going through major surgery

22:02

and giving me a child, like next

22:05

room. But then during it, I was like in

22:07

the next room, like, oh my god, Oh my god, why did I say that?

22:09

But it was fine. So the c sections

22:12

scheduled and you show up to

22:14

the hospital knowing that

22:16

you're going to be sitting in this side

22:18

room. And it was crazy because

22:20

like right before, like we'd had all these scheduling

22:23

delays because of COVID, and it was they weren't sure

22:25

they were going to get me home at time, so

22:27

I had to like legally grant my parents custody

22:29

over like a zoom notary, which exists,

22:32

by the way, if you're in Romania, Are you kidding

22:34

me? They didn't know if you would be able to get out of

22:36

shooting Wednesday because of COVID shit

22:38

show, and you don't even know if you were going to be able

22:40

to be home, So you're signing all this shit

22:42

for your parents to be the one to take Eaton home. They

22:45

had all the intensive purposes, but things happen in Pregnancies

22:47

come early and flights get delayed

22:49

and there's things. Yeah, pre no,

22:52

that makes perfect sense. You already

22:54

are mothering. You're already parenting. You're already

22:56

like doing every crossing, every tea, dotting, every

22:58

eye to make sure. And the show knew

23:00

when I got the part. I went in August and I was like, I need

23:02

to be home by March, and they were like, not a problem,

23:04

and so they knew and they had to finagle things,

23:07

but they got me out. Like the whole cast, the whole crew,

23:09

everyone like was they're so

23:11

excited for me. They were so supportive. They were

23:13

like, I was surrounded by love

23:15

by this cast. It was incredible and the creators

23:17

and everything. And then it was like, oh, Macron

23:20

and Putin was circling and it

23:22

was like this and everyone was getting

23:25

COVID because if I got COVID, I couldn't fly. And

23:27

I was like, I was super stressed, and I didn't have

23:29

like my nursery set up yet because I'd been

23:31

in Romania. Yes, what

23:34

did you do? What did you do? I

23:36

ended up getting home like five days before

23:39

and my parents came and we were like, here,

23:41

let's start, and we got what's

23:43

it called task rabbits. Just come on, build

23:46

this, build that. Help you pick this up?

23:48

More diapers, more dudes, more dude. Let's

23:50

opening boxes. And so many people had

23:53

sent me I didn't want to get I felt weird about

23:55

getting a registry for some reason, and my friends were

23:57

like, no, yeah, no,

23:59

I wish I had been on the email because

24:02

I would have just sent you so much

24:04

shit. That's what happened. Many

24:06

people were so supportive. I got. I

24:08

had everything. I had, all the diapers, all the clothes,

24:10

the crip I had. We always ask and

24:12

I'm curious, what was the thing on your registry

24:14

that you could never have lived without? The bressa.

24:17

You're the second person this season that has sent

24:20

it the best inventions. So it's for people

24:22

who can't obviously can't breastfeed, and

24:24

it's like a curig It's like a an espresso

24:26

for formula. It just makes it

24:29

for you. It's like it's mixing the exact

24:31

right water or the exact right powder temperature,

24:33

making it a good temperature, really

24:37

like a cup of coffee. I was giving him so I couldn't

24:39

have lived. That was my favorite thing, and that company just

24:41

sent it to me. I was like, wow, Okay, thank you,

24:44

Yes, that's what we're talking about.

24:47

Tell me about when you met Keaton

24:49

and you felt at your It

24:51

sounds like your life just all came into alignment.

24:54

I can't believe how lucky I got. Like that year was

24:56

like I forget the quote. The quote is

24:59

some years or questions than some years or answers,

25:01

and it was like, oh, it all came together.

25:03

The first twenty four hours in the hospital, it was me and my surrogate

25:06

and her husband, and we all stayed up. She would

25:08

sleep, she would nap, but she had to breastfeed every

25:10

hour, so she would breastfeed

25:13

Keaton, and then I'd be in there, and then he'd given

25:15

a meet. We had these adjoining rooms, and then the husband would

25:17

I was too scared to burp him the first day

25:20

because he's so little. Did you have any like weird

25:22

feelings at all about this is my

25:24

baby? And she's doing that stuff.

25:28

We are a village, and I'd been alone

25:30

in COVID for so long that I was just grateful

25:32

for a village. And I was like, and also, it's not about

25:34

me, it's about him getting the nutrients.

25:37

He knew what he needs, the calostrum, and she

25:39

was willing to do that. And it's

25:41

like harder for her. It's like breastfeed someone

25:43

else's baby if she's willing, Like, I want him

25:45

to get the nutrients. Like I didn't feel

25:48

no, I was like, thank you. It was like happy

25:51

and it was the best. Like

25:53

when you took him home and you said goodbye to

25:55

her, was that just like I would have been a sobbing

25:57

mess on the floor. I don't even know. It's

26:00

weird though. It was like we

26:02

were like wasn't even that. We

26:04

were like we fucking did it. It It was like a high five and

26:07

she can I come over next week? And I'm like, yep.

26:10

She came over a week later, and like I

26:12

see her probably once a month. We hang out

26:14

and she hangs out with Keaton, and I'm like,

26:16

this is your surrogate and it's just normalized.

26:19

And because when you take the adoption classes,

26:21

they tell you like with twenty

26:23

three and me and all this stuff. It's like they're gonna find out anyway,

26:25

so just tell them yes, yes.

26:28

Also, there's nothing, there's

26:31

no shame. It's like amazing, this is

26:33

incredible. You worked your ass off to get

26:35

this child. Tell me about when you brought

26:37

him home? Were you I

26:40

know it sounds gonna. I can just tell from what

26:42

I know of you, like you're just the most maternal

26:45

like you, I've always known you were going to be

26:47

a mother, Like you're just so good with kid.

26:49

Did it feel that way when Keaton came home everything

26:52

made sense? Or were you like, oh shit, oh shit, this is a

26:54

lot more than I signed up for. Holy crap, I haven't

26:56

slept. How was it like a dad? I felt

26:58

like I was getting away with murder the first month because I

27:00

was like, oh, I didn't just have major surgery. I'm

27:02

not. I don't have poor months coming out of me. I don't have

27:04

to breastfeed. I'm like, I am a dad. I'm

27:07

like free and clear. He sleeps eighteen hours

27:09

a day. Then it catches up and it gets hard

27:11

whatever. The first month was like great,

27:14

it was awesome. I had a night nurse. I rented a second apartment

27:16

in my building, and I would go sleep downstairs and then

27:18

i'd come back up and spend the day

27:20

with brilliant. Brilliant

27:23

were your parents around a lot where they

27:25

were. They came for the first month, and they slept

27:27

in my apartment because they can sleep through anything, So

27:30

they slept in my apartment and I went down to

27:32

the apartment downstairs, and yeah,

27:34

we just all like villaged it and it was

27:37

awesome and yeah,

27:40

Ricky, I love Isn't it crazy? Okay,

27:42

so it's the most

27:44

I think you win the Katie's Crib Award

27:47

of the Wildest fertility

27:49

journey a little wild during COVID.

27:52

This is all during the wildest part. Yes,

27:55

I met someone while my surrogate

27:57

was pregnant, so now I have a

27:59

co parent it. Oh

28:02

yeah, my shocking

28:05

shocking yea, no not,

28:08

that's exactly like you're saying this, and

28:10

I'm like, of course, just like, of

28:13

course your son was

28:16

supposed to bring this entire life

28:18

to you at this time for

28:20

whatever reason. Holy

28:23

shit, it was just in no way shape

28:25

form how you thought you were getting out there.

28:27

But you're there. That's why I don't feel like I

28:30

don't know, I like, you're what your mom

28:32

said, that happened, but it

28:34

is not what is happening.

28:36

What is happening is that you have a co parent and

28:38

you have a son, and you have your family. You

28:41

know, we lived together in those feelas and we've

28:43

got our amazing baby and it's like

28:46

the it's an unbelievable I

28:50

have such goose bumps. I have truly

28:53

never heard of anything like this, and I couldn't be happy.

28:56

I mean, it couldn't have happened to a more

28:59

loving, deserve, being kind, strong

29:01

person. I'm I'm so grateful,

29:04

so relieved because when you were like the wildest

29:06

part, I was like, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, and

29:08

You're like, oh no, And I'm in love and he's

29:11

wonderful and is super involved

29:14

and it's helping me raise our child like this is

29:16

it's so fucking amazing. And

29:18

tell me how does motherhood feel.

29:21

It feels, well, it's I think

29:23

at first, because the first month was so easy, I

29:25

thought it was like gonna be like easy, and so

29:27

I was still like going at this like crazy

29:30

pace, and then my body got I got like the

29:32

world's craziest flue. My body like put me

29:34

to bed for three weeks and they're like this, like

29:36

that's what happened. This is what's happening. Now you need a

29:38

different place. Nothing feels more

29:41

real in motherhood till you face

29:43

your first sickness, when you have to

29:45

take care of your kid. Anyway,

29:48

it is the realist fucking

29:50

shit. Ever, like the first time I

29:52

was ever like I can't get out of bed and

29:55

I have kids to manage,

29:57

or like I'm throwing up and I've dire,

30:00

yeah, and I have to still make

30:02

sure they survived. This is it

30:05

wasn't and I was doing this sort

30:07

of it was like a really demanding writing

30:10

job and I ended up getting fired

30:12

like right after I had the baby. But then it

30:15

was like, oh I had so

30:17

much more. I was like this was actually good because

30:19

then I had more time because I was trying to do everything. And

30:22

then they're like, no, we want a different writer, and I'm like

30:25

okay, And then I just got sick, just

30:27

got the flu, and then I was like I need a new pace.

30:30

So until you got the flu where

30:33

you like, I was like,

30:35

my life is very different. I can't just

30:37

pile motherhood on top of everything

30:39

else. I thought I could, and I

30:42

was like, wow, I can't, okay, And so I had to just

30:44

you just readjust you

30:56

and I are going to be talking in ten years and we're gonna be like,

30:58

oh, we're right back where we're piling

31:01

one thousand things on top of motherhood.

31:03

And I just think the beginning,

31:06

the first two years, and I just think

31:08

people are crazy if they're like, oh, within six

31:10

months. I know, for me, it's like I

31:12

couldn't even get into

31:15

like some sort of routine of like self

31:17

care or like a walk or

31:20

going out with a friend. Like I'm like a

31:22

mess until like it's a long time. I

31:24

started finally Now I exercise once

31:26

a week and with the trainer, and I don't want

31:28

to spend that money, but I'm like, you know, because

31:32

like I'm just going it like twenty

31:34

percent of my normal pace. That's

31:36

okay, and it is

31:39

finite. Is I think what I mean is

31:41

like this is not forever, like

31:43

even if it is until he's too in

31:46

the scheme of your life, that is short

31:49

and he's so great, he's Oh

31:51

my god, what is he like? What is he like? What

31:53

is he into? How is he sleeping? How

31:55

are you sleeping? How's he eating?

31:58

How have the one year milestones been in.

32:00

His personality is changing now, but he was like

32:03

the most serious, stoic child that

32:05

anyone has ever had. We would call it bush

32:07

watching because we'd put him in front of a plant that

32:09

was like waving in the wind, and he would just he would stare at

32:11

it for twenty five minutes, like he was like reading

32:14

it. Like he'd listen to classical music

32:16

and watch a plant, and we're like, who is this child?

32:18

And he was just he was like the kid, Yeah, he's

32:20

so serious. He was like like every

32:23

picture I have him as a baby, he's frowning,

32:25

like what is amazing,

32:28

especially because his mom is like a queen of comedy. But

32:30

okay, just this like grum like

32:32

he wasn't he didn't cry a lot. He was just

32:34

like this eighty year old man, what

32:36

do you worry? Eighty? And then he's come

32:38

out of that and now he's like much more front, like he's

32:41

smiles more. But it was like really

32:43

funny. I'm like, I think I have the most serious kid

32:46

I've ever seen, And people like, no, that's

32:48

the baby's like I know you do. He's like good, He's

32:51

just he's like a little prince

32:54

I would hand him a new toy and he'd look at

32:56

it, examine it with a weird face, and then look me

32:58

in the eye and toss it aside. He would

33:00

he even't even look at the toy when he talks. He would make

33:02

eye contacting like I don't like this one. I'm

33:04

like, Okay, it

33:06

sounds like you're just really enjoying. God, I love

33:08

it. I love so like it just

33:11

sounds like you're enjoying the all

33:13

of it. And it was such an effort

33:15

to get here, and so it is not lost

33:18

on you how what a

33:20

miracle it is and how special

33:23

this all is. I'm loving it. Like on Sunday

33:25

when we were driving home from the surrogate's birthday,

33:28

the whole ride from Long Bay, she was going Hi, let

33:31

me go hi, and he go Hi the whole ride. Oh,

33:35

where is his name from? From

33:37

nowhere? Really, I just couldn't. I just

33:39

don't like any boys names. I

33:41

couldn't think of any boys' names

33:43

are hard, Like what hard?

33:46

We had none, and my daughter we had thousand,

33:49

but like he had, we had none

33:51

for him either. But Keaton's great, you killed

33:54

it. It was just it's from nothing,

33:56

because they're just just I like Diane

33:58

Keaton, what did you do for his

34:00

one year birthday? Nothing? Nothing?

34:03

We got him a little cupcake with the candle.

34:06

Then he threw on the floor. We're like, okay, maybe

34:09

next year. Hill like he just wasn't he didn't know what it was,

34:11

and so we're like at it too, will give him a

34:13

birthday. How is your work

34:16

life balance going? It sounds like you

34:18

tried to do it all, then you got hit

34:20

with the flu. Now you're slowing. You're just

34:22

like being really probably specific

34:25

about what your day. How do you have a support

34:27

system? I haven't, nanny. I think

34:30

I just need to like do a little more like investigating

34:33

internally to see what I actually need

34:35

and what's actually important I need to I think

34:37

I need to pare down even a little bit more

34:39

and try to focus on fewer things

34:42

and but put I want to put more

34:44

life force into fewer things because I

34:46

feel like I'm still at this thing where I'm spread

34:48

thin, and even though it's compared

34:50

to my old self, it's not a spread that big of

34:53

a spread. But I need to do some reevaluating.

34:55

I'm not I haven't even

34:57

hit the groove in my slowness

34:59

yet. And I know that's like things that will just take

35:01

time. I just think I need to like do

35:04

some more thinking and how

35:06

do I really want my days to go? What

35:09

do I want to make And especially now that it's

35:11

a writer strike, you can get to ask yourself

35:14

some stuff. Now, maybe I'm also

35:16

in that weird thing where I'm in a new relationship.

35:18

So we're like co parenting

35:20

in a new relationship, which is the weirdest.

35:24

It's so hot. But then also like I want to go out sometimes,

35:26

of course you do. It's the beginning of a relationship.

35:28

Like that's where all the energy and in

35:31

the dating phase we went right

35:33

into the co parenting. That

35:35

stuff fills you up, though, That stuff

35:37

fills you up to be the mom

35:40

you can be. So

35:42

I try to carve it out. I try to like have

35:46

keep keep romance even

35:48

a lot. Yeah we need that. Good

35:51

Lord are dead. I

35:56

just like we've been together, said then

35:58

ten years. Oh my god. See

36:00

my son is fourteen months and we've been together fifteen

36:03

months. Fourteen we've been together fourteen months in

36:05

one week, so

36:07

it's like this is un

36:10

fucking blia less

36:12

than a week before he was born, and like, good

36:14

on this guy that he was like, Yep, I'm

36:16

saying yes. And it was the opposite

36:19

of the last relationship with someone who

36:21

was very scared of we're

36:23

not doing it. Yes, very very fearful

36:25

of the way that his life would be

36:27

put into a people. This person is just

36:29

like, I'm like, Okay, then all

36:31

right, what advice would

36:34

you like to give Keaton

36:37

on his one year birthday? Wow?

36:40

God, just nothing. Just he's

36:42

perfect. He's perfect, He's

36:44

he's I got nothing. I'm just

36:46

like, oh every day

36:49

and You're like to teach me every day. I'm just

36:51

like, I can't believe I'm still getting to do this. I

36:54

just love him. I'm so happy,

36:56

like, yeah, I got he's

36:58

perfect in my eyes, I don't know, I got nothing. Riggy.

37:02

I'm so happy for you. Okay. And in closing,

37:04

we always ask for you to

37:06

finish this sentence. Parenthood is the

37:09

fucking best, Riggy.

37:14

I'm so grateful that you came off.

37:16

Thank you for having me, and that it was just

37:19

you and you shared

37:21

this story. I've never told it anywhere publicly.

37:24

And then when I heard your podcast, I was like, that's where I have

37:26

to tell it. That's it. I heard your podcast with

37:28

Gabrielle Union, and I was like, oh, that's yeah,

37:30

that's right for me. Oh my god, I'm

37:32

so honored. It's

37:35

like literally the most perfect love story to your

37:37

son and to your experience, which

37:39

should be celebrated, honored

37:42

shared. It's so helpful

37:44

to other women. I can't tell you how

37:46

I mean. I know, you know, I really want people

37:48

to hear because Gabrielle Unions was very helpful

37:50

to me, like in her other in her book

37:53

and things like that, and I was like, Okay, this

37:55

woman is someone who has all the options.

37:58

This is how women to

38:00

help other women. And I

38:02

have so many friends struggling with endometriosis

38:04

and for it is really

38:07

hard so to hear that someone's

38:09

happy like you are so

38:12

authentically you and happy and juggling

38:14

at all and have a healthy, beautiful son

38:16

and family. And I would not have it go a different

38:19

way. The door that closed, I'm happy

38:21

at closed. That was right. I need someone

38:23

who can roll with things. Ricky.

38:25

You've given me goosebumps only like one thousand

38:27

times in this episode. I could

38:30

not be happier for you. Could not be

38:32

a more deserving awesome I

38:34

love your podcast. It's so good and it's

38:36

so helpful, it's so oh my god.

38:38

Keaton is so lucky to have you, and you are so

38:40

lucky to have him.

38:44

I'm biased, but he's the best one.

38:52

Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.

38:55

I want to hear from you. Let's

38:57

chat questions, comments, concerns.

39:00

Let me know. You can always find me at Katie's

39:02

Crib at Shondaland dot com.

39:07

Katie's Crib is a production of Shondaland Audio

39:09

in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more

39:11

podcasts from Shawondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio

39:14

app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

39:16

to your favorite shows.