0:03

Welcome to Thanks for Being Here, a very short

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pod that comes out every Sunday morning as Sundays

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are such a good time to let go of

0:09

the day to day and touch base

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with what matters, what will matter, and

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what will have mattered. The

0:16

answer to that question for me is often

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found in ceremonies. I could watch strangers get

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married once a week and I'm even more

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affected by funerals, sitting in

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a service, taking in the story of one

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life, just another ordinary

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person who they loved and who

0:31

loved them. In a way,

0:34

eulogies are about the most succinct

0:36

source of clarity and direction I

0:38

can think of. So

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I ask listeners who have lost someone

0:42

dear to share their words, and every

0:44

week I'll read one eulogy here so

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that we don't forget. There is

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a point to the pain. We have

0:50

much to offer. We

0:53

affect each other deeply and that

0:55

ordinary lives are really kind of exquisite

0:57

when you look at them closely. This

1:00

is Thanks for Being Here. This

1:04

show is sponsored by Better Help. My

1:07

brother just came to visit me in Montana

1:09

and it meant so much and we

1:11

had such a good time and he

1:13

gave me little happy memories of my dad

1:15

who has been gone now for almost

1:17

eight years. A common misconception

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about relationships is that they have

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to be easy to be right.

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But sometimes the best ones happen when both

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people put in the work to make them

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great. Therapy can be

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a place to work through the challenges

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sister. So if you're

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thinking about starting therapy, give Better Help

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to your schedule. You just

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additional charge. Become your own

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soulmate, whether you're looking for one or not.

2:00

visit betterhelp.com/Kelly today to

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get 10% off your

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first month. That's betterhelp,

2:07

h-e-l-p, dot com

2:09

slash Kelly. Today's

2:18

thanks for being here is extra

2:20

great. It's written by

2:22

a woman named Carter about her

2:24

mother who sounds pretty spectacular. I'm

2:28

Carter and the only position

2:30

of authority with which I can speak

2:33

is as my mother might say, as

2:35

her baby love child. Several

2:38

people have said to me, thank you for sharing

2:40

your mother with us. If

2:42

you had any idea of the intensity,

2:45

the downright ferocity of her love

2:47

for her children, you would understand

2:49

when I say no, thank you.

2:52

It took all of you, multitudes

2:54

of other friends, boards, events, a

2:56

generation of children, and a Baltimore

2:58

size challenge to dilute my

3:01

mother's love to a manageable level.

3:03

She was my biggest fan and greatest advocate,

3:06

but she was also the matron of

3:08

honor in my wedding and my choice

3:10

blessing. You know the macro

3:12

version of my mom. I know the micro. Here's

3:15

a view from the back seat. My

3:17

mother had perfect lips. She would put

3:20

that pink Revlon lipstick on in one

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swipe while driving, smack her lips together,

3:24

and it was perfect every time. She

3:27

took a nightly bath with a splash

3:29

from the big bottle of Gina Tay

3:31

in the bathroom off my bedroom. Much

3:34

of the summer she smelled like bandeau

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soleil, which was accompanied by the San

3:38

Tropez tans she usually sported. And

3:41

indeed, sunbathing was the closest she came

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to us. When

3:45

she'd prepare to go out with my

3:47

dad, I'd watch her snap on the

3:49

gold clip-on earrings from tuxedo fantasy, hear

3:51

her click across the wood floors in

3:53

her heels, and breathe out, leaving

3:56

a whiff of joy perfume and

3:58

feeling her palpable enthusiasm. leave with

4:00

her. At the bottom

4:02

of notes in her sideways looping handwriting,

4:04

she'd say where she was headed and

4:06

when she'd be back. Every time

4:08

we parted and every night when she tucked me in, she told

4:11

me she loved me. I love you

4:13

something fierce. I love you to pieces.

4:16

Growing up with my parents was full of

4:18

fun, with every day an adventure. For

4:20

all intents and purposes, we

4:22

grew up in a conference center and while my

4:25

dad was my mom's partner, my

4:27

sisters and my best girlfriends may

4:29

as well have been staff. Yes,

4:32

we were wait staff, dishwasher,

4:34

salesman, promoters, clerk, secretaries. You

4:37

might come home and be tasked to make brown bag

4:39

lunches in the basement for 500 firefighters

4:41

or you'd get the 3 a.m. shift

4:43

to read in City Hall at mom's

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readathon for the city that reads or

4:48

be told that tonight is a command

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performance. My dad's term for

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mandatory attendance at one of my mom's

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events, awards, causes.

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Mom and dad would say we

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spoil you something rotten in

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sort of an embarrassed tune on their own

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behalf and when mom did something to show

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her extravagant love, she would say mother

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of the year points. She

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hid her regular and reliable over

5:13

the top gestures behind this fantastic

5:15

and illusory prize. If Christmas was

5:18

a one day lavish expression of

5:20

love, the mother of

5:22

the year competition lasted all year long. Examples

5:26

include the fact that I told my mother in second grade

5:28

that I didn't want her smoking because it was

5:30

going to kill her. Literally for the rest

5:32

of her life, she never smoked in front of me.

5:35

Oh, she smoked all along and I just

5:37

found a cigarette in a handbag a week

5:39

ago, but never in front of me. I'd

5:42

call her at two in the morning from

5:44

college and she'd answer by the second ring

5:46

with the television blaring and music going in

5:48

the background. I'd tell her my

5:50

worries and she'd carry them way longer than

5:53

I even remembered them myself. For

5:55

at least four decades, she'd scrub by washing her

5:57

hair at home instead of paying Mary a dollar.

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at the hair barn on Windhurst to save

6:02

the $5 before the haircut. And

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I'd come home from work to a wrapped box

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with a beautiful dress from Ann Taylor for

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no reason at all, other than

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that she wanted to give it to me. When

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I lived out of town, she would regularly send me

6:16

clippings of articles she knew I'd find interesting, and

6:18

she would slip $20 in the envelope. When

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my first child was born, she visited four separate

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times in one day. I remember

6:25

my sweet husband saying, it's your

6:27

mother. When

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I was a young mother with two small children living

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in Arizona and no support network, one

6:34

day my mom appeared at my doorstep unannounced.

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I was in the neighborhood, she said,

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because she had been in Colorado. Even

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as recently as last November, when my mother

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had been nonverbal for three or four months,

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I was carrying on talking to her as I

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did her whole life, as if she were 100%

6:52

well. I was complaining about

6:54

some injustice I'd suffered unexpectedly.

6:58

Out of her mouth were the last words she

7:00

ever spoke to me. You

7:03

are perfect. So

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utterly absurd in meaning, and yet

7:08

so utterly my mother. Today

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we use the term privilege in relation

7:13

to race or class or gender, but

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the privilege I have runs much deeper

7:18

than even those. I

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lived in a house where my dad said this was

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the best Christmas ever, each and

7:24

every year. Our refrigerator always had a

7:26

bottle of champagne because my parents believed

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something good was about to happen and

7:31

was worth celebrating. So

7:33

if I'm buoyant and almost unbearably

7:35

sunny, if I see obstacles not

7:37

as barriers, but simply as part of the improvement

7:39

process, if people say my

7:41

ideas are unreasonable, impossible even, it doesn't

7:44

deter me. Honestly, I

7:46

run a round boat company, but

7:49

certainly you understand because you know

7:52

from whence I came. In

7:54

closing, I would like to congratulate all

7:56

the contestants. It's been

7:58

a 52-year competition that no one

8:00

knew was taking place. But mom,

8:02

this last year, when you could

8:05

no longer speak or communicate, the

8:07

committee recognized that your life

8:10

spoke for itself. So

8:12

you mom are the winner of the

8:14

coveted 2018 Mother

8:17

of the Year Award. Rest

8:19

in power, mama girl. Have

8:24

a great day and I'll

8:26

be back on Tuesday with

8:28

an awesome episode with my

8:30

friend, Kate Bowler, talking about how

8:32

to think and feel and

8:35

discuss dying and death,

8:38

which turned out to have a few funny moments

8:41

too. See you on Tuesday. From

8:52

PRX.