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Thanks For Being Here Tamar's Eulogy for her Father Everett

Thanks For Being Here Tamar's Eulogy for her Father Everett

Released Sunday, 18th February 2024
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Thanks For Being Here Tamar's Eulogy for her Father Everett

Thanks For Being Here Tamar's Eulogy for her Father Everett

Thanks For Being Here Tamar's Eulogy for her Father Everett

Thanks For Being Here Tamar's Eulogy for her Father Everett

Sunday, 18th February 2024
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0:00

Hi everyone, welcome to Thanks for Being

0:02

Here, a short weekly pod to remind

0:04

us of the many essential and beautiful

0:06

ways we affect one another. Every

0:10

Sunday, I'll read a submission from a

0:12

listener, Kelly Corrigan-Wenders, could be wedding

0:14

vows or a bat mitzvah toast, a

0:16

eulogy, or a retirement speech. We

0:19

believe this is probably the loveliest way

0:21

to tap into our better selves and

0:24

remember our highest values. We

0:26

encourage you to share this podcast each

0:28

week with one person you love, maybe

0:30

someone you miss and need to bring

0:32

closer, someone you want to feel your

0:34

appreciation or admiration or both.

0:38

This is Thanks for Being Here. This

0:49

show is sponsored by Better Help. A

0:51

common misconception about relationships is that they have

0:54

to be easy to be right, but

0:56

sometimes what makes a relationship great is both

0:58

partners' willingness to put in the work. One

1:01

way to strengthen your relationships, whether they

1:03

be romantic or platonic or professional, is

1:06

therapy. It's a great place to learn

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how you can show up as the

1:10

best version of yourself, first and foremost,

1:13

for yourself. So, if

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you're thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a

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try. Become your own

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soulmate, whether you're looking for one

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or not. Visit betterhelp.com slash

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Kelly today to get 10% off

1:26

your first month. That's

1:28

BetterHelp, help.com/Kelly.

1:32

This week's Thanks for Being Here is from a

1:34

friend of mine. Her name is Tamara Gendler. We

1:37

did an episode with her in the fall of 2020

1:40

where she knit together

1:42

brilliantly the relationship

1:45

between ancient wisdom

1:47

and modern happiness. It's

1:49

one of my favorite conversations, if

1:51

for no other reason, than Tamara

1:53

is hyper articulate. Like, she's

1:56

in the top one one-hundredth of

1:58

one percent in terms of her life. of personalized

2:01

intelligence. And

2:04

so when she sent me the eulogy she

2:06

wrote for her father, I was

2:08

eager to share it. So this

2:10

is Tamara Gendler's eulogy for her

2:12

father, Everett. Everett

2:17

was always ahead of his time. Nearly

2:19

75 years ago in 1948 he became a vegetarian. Some

2:24

seven years later in 1955 he

2:26

spent a summer at a folk

2:29

school receiving civil rights training alongside

2:31

a young Rosa Parks.

2:34

He was an environmentalist by the

2:36

time of Eisenhower. In 67 he

2:39

gave a sermon on the immorality

2:41

of factory farming. By the

2:43

early 70s he and Mary had a large

2:45

organic garden filled with chard and

2:47

kale complete with a compost heap. In

2:51

1978 he installed photovoltaic

2:53

solar panels on the roof

2:55

of his synagogue. He

2:57

has used gender-neutral pronouns to

2:59

refer to God for half

3:01

a century. In

3:04

the early 60s at his congregation

3:06

in Princeton, New Jersey, Everett began

3:08

a tradition of conducting Shabbat services

3:10

outside. On bright

3:12

days he writes in Judaism for

3:15

Universalists, temperature permitting we

3:17

would leave the sanctuary and

3:19

head outdoors. There under

3:21

the skies and in the face of the

3:23

sun we would chant together that part

3:25

of the service which celebrates the gift

3:27

of life and the radiance of the

3:29

luminaries. He viewed

3:31

nature as being along with scripture

3:33

a divine text revelatory of

3:36

the giver of life and guidance. As

3:38

he said both nature and scripture

3:40

are the garb of the mud.

3:43

And just as he was ahead on the

3:46

environment so too was he ahead in other

3:48

domains. Quote, our age is

3:50

a time of tremendous upheavals he

3:52

wrote in 1957. We

3:55

have seen a nearly complete overturning of

3:57

the political order which once seemed

3:59

so firmly established. The

4:01

earth has shifted on its axis, eastward

4:04

toward Africa and Asia. 4,

4:09

1971, feminine and female and woman are

4:11

not necessarily equivalent terms. Feminine

4:13

is a quality found in females, but

4:16

it is found in males as well.

4:19

Preter naturally sensitive to the

4:21

world's moral order, Harvard was always

4:23

out in front, sometimes lonely

4:25

and isolated in his profound awareness

4:27

of the earth's simultaneous beauty and

4:30

injustice, sometimes accompanied by

4:32

or leading others who came to

4:35

share his insight and commitment. But

4:38

in other ways, Everett was slow.

4:41

Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of

4:43

eating a meal with Everett knows that he

4:45

took the advice to chew

4:47

before you swallow with a

4:49

literalness that exceeded even its

4:52

promised interpretation. Breakfast

4:54

alongside Everett lasted almost until

4:56

lunchtime and dinner before an

4:58

8pm concert at Tanglewood needed

5:00

to start before 5. He

5:03

bought his first house in 1971 at the age of 43. His first grandchild

5:07

was born in 1997 when he was almost

5:10

70. His first book,

5:12

Judaism for Universalists, was published

5:14

when he was 86. His

5:17

second, a translation of the

5:19

writings of Samuel Tamars when

5:21

he was 91. Those are

5:23

hardly the time stamps of someone in

5:26

a rush. Nor was

5:28

he in a rush to adopt new technologies

5:31

until well beyond the moment that they went out

5:33

of style. Indeed, all the

5:35

way through the time that they

5:37

came back in, he held firm

5:39

to his typewriter, his vinyl records,

5:42

his loose leaf tea. He used

5:44

old fashioned paper maps, carried

5:46

a pocket calendar, which he called, in

5:48

a reference to modernity that was itself

5:50

outdated, and

5:54

he knew hundreds of phone numbers, including those

5:56

of most of you here in this room.

6:00

with a salt, who cooked

6:02

with cast iron pans, who

6:04

treasured his multi-volume Oxford English

6:06

Dictionary. And in the

6:09

words of the inimitable Reverend Philip

6:11

Zader, his co-choplin at Philip's

6:13

Andover, when he moved from place

6:15

to place, he quote, carried

6:18

books of all sorts in a

6:20

cardboard box masquerading as of

6:22

Blee's first. Everett

6:25

was not only ahead and behind.

6:27

He was also fully. His

6:30

life was filled with radical astonishment

6:33

at the beauty of the world that surrounded him

6:36

and those who inhabited it alongside

6:38

him. His ability

6:40

to connect was extraordinary. He

6:43

would engender true and real love

6:45

in other people, even in a

6:47

brief encounter, writes our dear

6:50

friend, Trudy Snackenberg. For

6:52

Everett, the realms of the secular and

6:55

the sacred were in

6:57

powerful proximity. Ever

7:00

a lover of the celestial bodies and

7:02

their cycles, Everett met each

7:04

phase of the sun and the moon with

7:06

great care. He turned

7:09

chores into ceremonies, changing

7:11

the filter on his well at

7:13

solstice and equinox, accompanied by

7:15

selections from traditional Hebrew liturgy,

7:18

and modern poets and musical

7:20

offerings from Handel to

7:23

Mahler. His

7:25

garden fences bore a ratio

7:27

of 42 to 72.

7:30

Why? Because, as he notes, quote,

7:32

Jewish tradition has a number of names

7:34

designating the divine. Two of

7:36

those I have found valuable in reminding me each

7:38

time I step into my garden, that

7:40

the living sale with which

7:43

I cooperate in helping food grow is

7:45

itself a gift of the author of

7:48

the works of creation. One

7:50

of these names has 42 letters, another

7:53

has 72. Always

7:56

ahead, always behind, always fully

7:58

present. How is this possible? Everett's

8:01

teacher at seminary, the great

8:03

Abraham Joshua Heschel, gives us

8:05

some insight in his 1951 book, The Sabbath. There,

8:09

Heschel distinguishes between the realm of space

8:11

and the realm of time. The

8:14

realm of space is our ordinary human

8:16

domain, the realm of the transient.

8:19

The realm of time is

8:21

the domain of the everlasting and the

8:23

divine. As Heschel writes,

8:25

to gain control of the world of space

8:27

is certainly one of our pulks. The

8:30

danger begins when in gaining power

8:32

in the realm of hosts, we

8:34

forfeit all aspirations in the realm

8:36

of time. Sabbath

8:38

provides us with the opportunity to

8:40

turn our attention away from the

8:42

space to connect with the eternal

8:45

through time. To the

8:47

realm of time, Everett was exquisitely a will.

8:51

He followed all earthly rhythms,

8:53

natural, musical, spiritual, with

8:56

uncanny attention. He

8:58

was superlatively sensitive to the phases

9:01

of the moon, the pacing

9:03

of notes in a musical performance, the

9:06

rhythm of prayer. It is

9:08

no surprise that he held on to

9:10

life, to earthly time, until

9:12

a moment of profound sanctity.

9:16

Even as his oxygen dwindled,

9:18

even as his breathing flowed, Everett

9:21

remained in his earthly body until the

9:23

sun went down on Friday. Simultaneously

9:26

ushering in the new moon, the

9:29

new Hebrew month, the renewal of

9:31

spring, and the Sabbath. The

9:34

Sabbath, Heschel writes, is a

9:36

realm of time where the goal is

9:38

not to have, not to be, not

9:41

to own, but to give, not

9:44

to control, but to share,

9:47

not to subdue, but to be in accord. Everett,

9:53

you spent your life being, giving,

9:57

sharing, and being in accord. Though

10:00

you are no longer with us in earthly

10:02

spools, no longer with us

10:04

in earthly time, you remain with

10:07

us, always leading us

10:09

toward your vision for the future, always

10:11

holding on to the wisdom of the

10:14

past, always focusing our eyes on

10:16

the miracle of the present. May

10:19

your memory be a blessing to us

10:21

all. Thank

10:24

you, wonderful. Tomorrow I love knowing you. And

10:27

here's to you. Sounds like a praying

10:29

leader. We'll be

10:31

back on Tuesday with another Kelly Corrigan wonders

10:33

and then on Friday with another go-to.

10:36

Thanks everyone.

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