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political ads on the K-Pod do not

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represent an endorsement by the KidKratic Morning

1:05

Show. Thanks for understanding. Now, enjoy the

1:07

show. Big Al Mac. The cheater with

1:09

the heart of gold. Kelly Raspberry. It

1:12

was truly some of the best stuff I ever put in my

1:14

mouth. And JC. My body

1:16

is regular. Every morning on the KidKratic

1:18

Morning Show. Today

1:21

is Love Letters to Kelly Day Kid Nation, which

1:23

means we're about to get into it here on

1:25

the show, but also Kelly Raspberry has the podcast

1:27

dropping with white cheddar. Robert Erman.

1:29

Any special guests this time, Kelly? You've had

1:31

a few. Just the two of us. I'll back

1:34

to the OGs. Yes. And the

1:36

Love Letters to Kelly podcast. All right.

1:38

We're about 30 minutes away from

1:40

announcing those three names for the Florida

1:42

family flyaway. AKA the Fffff. All

1:45

right, so sign up at kidnation.com for that. And Anna's

1:47

got three things we need to know in about 20

1:49

minutes as well. But right now, let's go ahead and

1:51

get going with the Love Letters to Kelly. We got

1:53

for today. This morning, it is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. You

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way to hire. Love

3:08

letters. Love

3:10

letters to Kelly. And

3:12

Jane isn't a predicament here, Kelly. I want to be

3:14

a good friend. Jane wrote us and said, you're Kelly.

3:17

You are the love expert. I am. I'm

3:19

a junior in high school and I have a friend

3:21

that has a boyfriend and they

3:23

are both getting married in September. Kelly

3:26

they're both 17 and don't get me

3:28

wrong. I support her for her

3:31

boyfriend is a bad person and he uses

3:33

her mental health to gaslight her. I

3:36

don't want her to get married to a person like

3:38

this, but I also want her to be happy. I

3:40

don't know what to do. Please help me, Kelly. Well,

3:43

I know I've had friends

3:45

who have dated men who I have not

3:48

found to be. Bad boys. Yeah.

3:51

They were not nice or for whatever reason. And

3:53

what I did was I

3:55

voiced my concerns one time,

3:58

spelled out the facts. You have

4:00

to come with facts and this is I don't like

4:02

him. You have to have facts, cold hard facts about what

4:05

it is that you see is the problem, right? But

4:08

then once you say your piece, if

4:10

you keep coming back, keep coming back,

4:12

nagging about how bad he

4:14

is, what will end up probably happening is

4:17

that she'll choose him over you and then

4:19

ice you out. And

4:22

that's the thing. So you want to be there

4:24

to help her pick up the

4:27

pieces. I wonder where her parents

4:29

are in this equation is my question. Are

4:32

you close enough with the parents? Because a lot

4:34

of times teenagers are

4:36

very clever and parents just

4:38

don't want to see the cold

4:40

hard truth and they'll bury their

4:42

head in the sand. If you really feel like

4:45

your friend's safety is in jeopardy, you

4:48

might want to go talk to the parents

4:50

and you know, because that's another another consideration.

4:53

It's just like, is he just got a

4:55

bad personality and you think he's going to

4:57

cheat on her or do you feel like her safety is in

5:00

jeopardy? So it's very

5:02

different thing. I need gaslighting her

5:04

and Jane notices this. And part

5:06

of it could be that you

5:08

and this guy just don't get along and

5:10

your personalities don't mix and you just don't like him

5:13

and you two don't get along. And

5:15

there's so many things here I don't know. It's

5:19

hard for me to say just going on this letter. But

5:21

I do know that if you keep nagging or nagging or

5:23

nagging her about it and she's dead set on doing this,

5:25

she's going to ask you out and choose him. But

5:29

voice your concerns and if it's necessary go

5:31

to her parents. Love

5:33

letters. Love

5:35

letters. I'm the love expert. I

5:39

am. I'm a 34 year old single

5:41

mom who always thought my life would

5:43

look a whole lot different than it

5:45

does now. I've always wanted

5:47

to be married. Last summer I met

5:49

a great man on Facebook dating. We

5:51

started chatting and had our first date

5:53

in August and we just recently in

5:55

early April said we loved each

5:57

other. He's 45 years old. He's been married.

6:00

He's married in the past but has no kids of his own.

6:02

He's met my seven-year-old son and is

6:04

absolutely wonderful with him and all kids.

6:07

When we're together, I'm so happy.

6:10

He's literally perfect. Also, we haven't

6:12

done laundry yet. The problem?

6:15

He lives two hours away and isn't

6:17

particularly keen on moving. He seems intent

6:19

on staying near his family, his parents

6:21

are getting older, and the job he

6:23

loves and the farm he's set to

6:25

inherit one day. As for me, I

6:27

have my own family here and a

6:29

young son in school. So what do I

6:31

do? Give it more time and see if

6:33

he eventually loves me enough to move nearby?

6:36

That's what I'm inclined to do as we haven't even

6:38

been dating a full year yet, but whatever

6:41

year comes and goes and we're still no

6:43

closer to a decision. I'll be 35 this

6:45

year and literally shiver at the thought of

6:47

wasting precious time on the wrong person. After

6:49

all, I still hope to get married one

6:51

day. I don't want to walk away from this, but

6:53

I also don't want to find myself single in a

6:55

year and kicking myself for wasting time. Please help me,

6:58

lady in waiting. Why are you putting

7:00

all your eggs in one basket? Why aren't you continuing?

7:02

I mean, there's nothing wrong with continuing to see this

7:04

guy, but I wouldn't be putting

7:06

all my hopes and dreams hoping that he's

7:08

the right one. I would

7:10

be actively on dating websites, whatever

7:12

you need to do, accepting

7:15

dates with other men because the right

7:17

one might be passing you by,

7:19

but you're so focused on a guy who

7:21

lives two hours away that you're missing it.

7:23

So that's my suggestion is don't just ...

7:27

I have to use my

7:29

own example. I

7:31

was dating multiple men

7:34

with the dating app. I was always

7:36

swiping right. I was going for lunch

7:39

dates, coffee dates, dinner dates, whenever I could.

7:42

My daughter was with her dad and stuff, and I was actively

7:45

pursuing what I wanted, which was to

7:47

have a permanent relationship with someone I

7:49

could marry. When the first hot one

7:52

came along, I didn't say, okay, I'm going to put

7:54

all my energy on him because what if he isn't

7:56

the right one? Then I wasted all that time. So

7:58

I kept swiping. And I was, you

8:00

know, when Alan came along, I was talking to two other

8:02

men at the same time and then

8:05

eventually Alan, you know, stood out and then I

8:07

let the other ones fall by the wayside. So

8:09

you're not in a position to put all your

8:11

eggs in one basket, especially when a man's really

8:13

in my experience, what I found when

8:16

a man wants you, he pursues you, he

8:18

lets you know every spare minute he's two

8:20

hours away. He would, if he had,

8:22

you know, a minute and he

8:25

was crazy about you, he would do everything he

8:27

could be in your face. We

8:29

crave each other when we want that. That's just, that's

8:31

the pursuit and you're not getting that. So don't, I

8:33

wouldn't waste any more time. I'm not saying you have

8:35

to dump him completely because he's all you got going

8:37

right now, but I would start actively

8:40

pursuing something else. And then once you have somebody in

8:42

your face, it's actually pursuing you. Look, I didn't start

8:44

dating till I was in my forties and I have

8:46

a time of my life. So

8:48

you're okay. Yeah. I

8:50

mean, it's not, I mean, if

8:52

you, I had a blast in my forties and

8:55

even if you married somebody, let's say, oh my God, I

8:57

don't want to be 40 and single. Okay. Well,

8:59

let's say you marry somebody at 40. You that's,

9:01

you got half of your life ahead of you.

9:03

Another 40 years. If you're lucky with the same

9:06

person. Oh yeah. It's almost too

9:08

long. Yeah. Right. Seriously.

9:11

Wow. So

9:13

basically they tell us to diversify our

9:15

portfolio, diversify your dating portfolio. Why? Listen,

9:18

why are you putting all your, I don't understand

9:21

that. Smart advice. Love letters.

9:23

Love letters to Kelly. Dear Kelly,

9:25

you're the love expert. I am. My

9:28

husband and I took in his cousin and her daughter who was

9:30

two years old. We also have a two year old and they're

9:32

four months apart. We have lived with her on

9:35

and off for a few years and we've been helping when we can.

9:37

This time around, she doesn't seem to want to even try

9:39

to move out, move out on her own. She

9:42

isn't ready for adult life. As he says, she's

9:44

firstly 23. We're 27 and 26. We

9:47

like being home and she wants to be out and doing things. We

9:49

are at two different points in life and I feel like my

9:51

husband and I aren't getting any alone time because she gets upset.

9:53

If we do stuff without her and he feels bad. We

9:56

mentioned wanting to move out of state when he's done with school and she said

9:58

that she would follow us when we were in school. We do my

10:01

husband is the only family that she really has now because

10:03

her parents don't really seem to want to do anything Don't

10:05

want anything to do with her or her daughter, but

10:08

I want space and I know that my husband

10:10

has had that he would too She's extremely shy

10:12

and she's autistic. So her making friends and being

10:14

in relationships is difficult She

10:16

has a job now, but she struggles with that sometimes She

10:19

also won't make decisions for herself and has a lot

10:21

and a lot of it is because of how her

10:23

parents raised her But am I bad for wanting space

10:25

or wanting her to be more independent and to stop

10:27

feeling like I have to parent her and her Child

10:29

will also parenting my own. Maybe I weren't a bit

10:31

wrong, but I'm just trying to be understanding It's just

10:33

hard and not have it. It's just hard and I'm

10:35

not having any alone time with my husband No,

10:38

it's not Okay,

10:43

we've got this there's one thing to want to

10:45

help somebody out and get him over a hump

10:47

But when you have this open-ended just stay as

10:49

long as you need we're gonna you're everybody's coddling

10:51

her There are people who are

10:53

autistic. There are people who have Disabilities

10:56

whatever or what do you call it?

10:58

We don't say that anymore. Do we need special needs? I

11:00

don't know what I'm allowed to say. I don't want

11:02

to get cancelled here on love letters to Kelly But

11:04

there are people you're doing them as a tough

11:07

love or whatever you want to call it They

11:09

have to be able to live independently because everybody

11:11

that's coddling them and not teaching them any life

11:13

skills They gotta figure it out. So to have

11:15

somebody come in your home with an open-ended, you

11:17

know Just say as long as you get on

11:20

your feet Of course people are gonna take advantage

11:22

of that because she doesn't have any reason She's

11:24

willing to follow y'all out of state Yeah,

11:27

y'all have set a bad situation up here

11:29

for yourselves and it's gonna start putting pressure

11:31

on your marriage Because your

11:33

husband's probably thinking But

11:36

the light isn't the other turn when y'all do move

11:38

it can leave her behind but she's like nope I'm

11:40

coming along y'all got to give her a deadline and

11:42

that is not cruel That is not cruel.

11:44

You are helping her out and I'm gonna tell you what if

11:46

she's really a sponge She'll find somebody

11:48

else's sponge off of people that are like

11:50

that with living with their hand out all

11:52

the time They'll find somebody else no matter

11:55

so and it might end up destroying your

11:57

relationship with that person because suddenly you're so

11:59

mean You let me live with

12:01

you for two years and now you're gonna kick

12:03

me out. You're horrible You

12:07

gotta you gotta get tough it does not make

12:09

you a bad person so I would say and

12:11

it's not cruel give her six months Give

12:14

her one month. I don't care what cuz you got a little

12:16

two-year-old involved too You don't want to be too cool So

12:18

tell her she's got to figure it out and

12:21

you've got to stick to it because if you say

12:23

you got six months and tick Tock six months passes

12:25

October, right? Here we are. No Thanksgiving is

12:27

she still there? Well, you've already shown her

12:29

that your your deadlines don't matter

12:32

So you sit you sit down with her do

12:35

some research set her up for success. Say

12:37

here I've gotten all these programs assisted you

12:39

could join this place They offer free child

12:41

care for people who have bought it, you

12:43

know, did it do the research? You've

12:45

got to get her out of your house. You're

12:47

right. Oh, yeah her out It

12:50

might require some work on your part some research.

12:52

Yeah, but get her out Kelly

12:59

you are the love I am I

13:01

married my high school sweetheart We have

13:03

five amazing kiddos and we are grown

13:05

and relationship and they are grown and

13:07

they have relationships of their own I'm

13:10

writing because about ten years ago. My

13:12

husband stopped wanting to do laundry completely

13:15

I tried everything from standing in front

13:17

of him naked begging him

13:19

to even Even started

13:22

working out and changing my look to try

13:24

to be more appealing. My husband says it's

13:26

not me It's just that he just doesn't want

13:28

to do it anymore He want he

13:30

was in his early 40s at the time I forced

13:32

him to go to the doctor and after all the

13:34

tests they found nothing wrong She gave

13:37

him that intimate intimacy is a huge part

13:39

of marriage and even gave him pills

13:41

to help But he took one

13:43

and said it didn't work and just refused

13:45

to try again after all the rejections I

13:47

finally told him I would never ask again

13:50

because I went through a major depression and

13:52

I just can't take it anymore I even

13:54

asked if we could have an open marriage and he

13:57

said I won't be here meaning that he

13:59

would leave I am at a

14:01

loss and I don't know what to do.

14:03

I am very tired of doing laundry alone.

14:05

I love him. We have an amazing family.

14:07

He is the perfect husband in every other

14:10

way, but I need laundry. I need intimacy.

14:12

I believe he refuses counseling or going to

14:14

the doctor because he is embarrassed that he

14:16

feels something is wrong with him. I can't

14:19

help but think it's me. I just don't

14:21

know how to meet all

14:23

of my needs, please. That's a tough one.

14:25

That's not cheating. He's not cheating. He's not

14:27

cheating again. He's a perfect husband. Perfect. No,

14:30

he's not. He's not a perfect husband. Well, she said he

14:32

is. He's not. She's

14:34

lying to herself. She's trying to

14:36

give herself excuses not to leave.

14:38

Look, this is your life. This

14:41

is your decision you have to make. You

14:43

have to decide what's important to you. The kids are

14:46

all grown and gone and it is not their business

14:48

about you and your husband's sex life. But

14:50

if that's still a very important part of

14:53

your life and you want that, he has

14:55

flat out told you this is what it

14:57

is. For better

14:59

or for worse, sickness and his health till death do us

15:01

part. Who is

15:04

that contract made with? God.

15:07

Is it? Yeah, it is. To

15:09

each other? Is it? Yeah. Because

15:12

back in the Bible, they weren't saying those

15:14

vows. They just... Oh, you mean that

15:16

particular... I thought you meant marriage in general. At what point?

15:18

At what point? I had

15:21

a talk with my daddy one time about

15:23

that. It's like, what if you marry someone

15:25

and that wasn't the person God chose for you, but

15:27

you did it anyway. So are you bound

15:30

to honor that commitment just because you made the wrong choice?

15:32

I think so. So I'm playing with

15:34

that idea of till death do

15:36

us part. I mean, I was saying that. Because somebody's not

15:38

holding up their end of the commitment. And

15:41

that is part of it. And if you're on the same...

15:43

Now, there's a lot of marriages that are on the same

15:45

page with that and they're like, we haven't done it in

15:47

10 years and we are perfectly fine because that's good with

15:49

them. But that's a decision you have to

15:51

make. I've got a way out in the pros and cons.

15:54

You're like, you know, we have a good time together. We

15:56

like to do the same things. It's just that's the area

15:58

of my life that's lacking. You also

16:00

don't want to be out there committing adultery,

16:02

right? Because it's like I'm not tolerating that

16:04

but I'm also not giving you that So

16:06

that's up to you to decide if you're looking for me

16:08

to give you permission to go out there And

16:11

be a swinging single divorcee. I give you

16:13

my blessing for that if that's what you're

16:16

looking for But when you

16:18

fly out tell somebody I need this I need

16:20

this and he's like no

16:22

you basically right I'm not going to

16:24

screw you. I Mean, that's

16:26

what he's saying to her He has a choice where

16:28

these say it does not have to be that you're gay You

16:30

just don't want it anymore. There's some people that are not

16:33

Don't want it. They're tired

16:36

and then the long and they say the longer you

16:38

go without it the less you want it And

16:41

the more you do it the more you want it But it's just like

16:43

when it gets to the point when you haven't done in so long

16:45

Even though it's the person you married and y'all used to do

16:48

it like rabbits So you look at him and it's like it's

16:50

it's kind of awkward like you don't even know how to

16:53

Start how do you approach it at that point? It's been so

16:55

long JB

16:58

what he wouldn't know what that's like I'm

17:05

enjoying the show. I'm sure you can make it to this

17:07

whole morning show every day Living

17:13

life career. We live in the Kelly you say rabbit.

17:16

I just immediately thought about you. I'm good It's

17:19

not even the year of the rabbit. See you're the

17:21

dragon acting. Hey, hey now Anyway, anyway You

17:31

like to give your opinion though When

17:36

one person doesn't want it that's why Kelly's the love expert

17:45

What she's been doing is she's giving

17:47

her all she's done she's tried everything

17:49

and so unless you're willing just so okay This is

17:51

my lot in life and this is the commitment I

17:53

made Hey, and some for

17:55

some people that's that's fine. Yeah, but

17:58

it's not for you. Exactly If

18:00

you want to write our love expert, love letters to

18:02

kelly.com is where you do that. I'm sorry, Casey and

18:04

Chloe, if you're listening right now. Um,

18:06

I know. Also,

18:08

I can say things out loud. I'm talking

18:11

about big Al bringing my baby. Oh, I

18:13

thought you were coming on me.

18:15

Nothing better than going to school. Thanks,

18:20

Al. Uh, the podcast is

18:22

dropping this morning around 10 a.m. Central. If you

18:24

want to check that out. I was talking about.

18:29

We don't have a rabbit, but coming up, coming

18:31

up next kid nation, we're going to get

18:33

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