0:02

Welcome to the LAF life podcast,

0:04

a lifestyle podcast based on living

0:07

alcohol free and a booze soaked world.

0:09

My name is Kelly Evans and together with

0:11

my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, and

0:13

Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted

0:17

real conversations about what

0:19

our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol

0:22

and how we got here by sharing

0:24

our individual stories. We'll show you that

0:26

there isn't just one way to do this, no

0:28

matter where you are on your journey from

0:31

sober, curious to years in recovery

0:33

and everyone in between, you

0:35

are welcome here, no judgment

0:38

and a ton of support.

0:40

Hello everyone and welcome back

0:42

to the LAF Life podcast. This is

0:44

season three tonight we have another

0:46

wonderful guest accomplished author

0:49

Brian Wempen and we are

0:51

so excited to have Brian with

0:53

us Brian has written

0:55

3 books around

0:57

sobriety and recovery. and he just

1:00

released his 3rd in January.

1:02

So we will dive into that with Brian a

1:04

little later, but we want

1:06

to start off Brian by welcoming you.

1:09

Hello.

1:09

Hey, thank you so much for spending

1:12

a little time and allowing me to come

1:14

on and chit chat for a bit.

1:17

Yeah, we're happy to have you. I know

1:19

based on your bio that the

1:21

first two books you wrote were around

1:24

sobriety and recovery. So why

1:26

don't you tell us a little bit about your personal

1:29

journey to that and how those

1:31

books came about?

1:32

Sure. That's a great way to start. Yeah,

1:34

so I literally been very

1:37

quintessential and, I started

1:39

dabbling a little bit here and there

1:41

and sneaking drinks when I was little. Then,

1:44

I think at 13 actually

1:46

13, 14, it's a little blurry, but was

1:48

the first time that I had absolute

1:51

opportunity to just

1:53

get the gas 100 percent

1:56

and drink as much as I wanted

1:58

to for the very first time. At

2:00

an older high school party.

2:03

me and another kid got invited because

2:05

we were was pretty good at sports and so

2:07

I started, as a freshman

2:10

with seniors and so we got invited.

2:12

We somehow scammed our way into getting

2:15

there talking his mom into dropping

2:17

us off this random house in a different

2:20

town. And that was the first time.

2:22

And I absolutely

2:24

was beyond myself

2:26

at how much fun I was having.

2:29

And the very first time, that I was able to do

2:31

that completely blacked out threw

2:34

up. Started a fight. It was a full

2:36

evening and, after that,

2:38

I was like, oh, my gosh, I don't really

2:41

want to wait until the next time to drink. I

2:43

was chasing it because it conquered

2:45

all of the voices, all the,

2:47

self consciousness. I felt

2:49

just as funny as I thought I was and

2:52

all those things. And from there I

2:54

was very preoccupied. So

2:56

from the get go first opportunity,

2:59

I was rolling and

3:00

wow. Even after puking and

3:03

blacking

3:03

out. Yeah, it was a great, I was

3:05

so ready to go again. And, once

3:07

I got to the next morning and, settled

3:10

down a little bit, I'm like, that was awesome. That

3:12

was really freedom. It was like emotional

3:14

freedom for the first time that I could

3:16

remember. So move along

3:19

a couple of years. By 16,

3:21

I was a daily drinker and I was really

3:23

good at hiding it. I was in a small school.

3:26

My parents really didn't drink. We

3:28

had other issues, but not

3:30

so much drinking. And I had to really hide

3:33

it and put people around me that

3:35

would, if I got caught, would cover me.

3:37

And I made a whole lifetime

3:40

out of that. really how I operated, was

3:42

getting people around me. I could trust who drank,

3:45

tried to drink and I

3:47

didn't do drugs at that time. And

3:49

yeah, so daily drinker. So it was

3:51

then about figuring out how can

3:53

I acquire alcohol consistently?

3:56

And then how can I not get

3:58

caught and get in trouble and try

4:00

and maintain and, wrecked

4:03

a bunch of cars, almost got arrested

4:06

a bunch of times. Good or bad, my

4:08

father was known by the

4:10

sheriff's office when they needed

4:12

help with something like in the middle of the night, if

4:15

they needed pulled out of a ditch

4:17

somewhere, they would call my dad.

4:19

And so my dad knew all the county sheriffs

4:22

and police officers. So when I

4:24

would get in trouble, They would be like,

4:27

man, do you want us to tell your father?

4:29

And I'm like, absolutely not. He

4:31

was volatile at that time. And

4:34

hell no, I don't want to, I'm scared to death of him.

4:36

And so they would be like, okay

4:38

we're not going to take you in this time. We'll

4:40

take you home and we'll take your

4:43

booze. But you're not going to get in trouble. So

4:45

I had it covered. It just progressively

4:47

got worse and, graduated early,

4:49

went into the military. I had a period

4:51

when I was 17, I didn't drink for five months,

4:54

because I was in basic training in AIT.

4:56

Which that was good because it took my mind off

4:59

things and I thought it'll totally be different.

5:01

I did have a thought. It would be different

5:03

when I got done. And

5:06

man, I got back and it was like catching

5:08

up time. I had total freedom.

5:11

I was heading to university. I always

5:13

got fairly good grades. And

5:15

always stayed out of trouble because I got good grades.

5:18

I was attentive enough. I was a, I was

5:20

a fairly nice person. And so I was

5:22

able to navigate everything going

5:24

on, and fixing the air

5:26

of my ways in mid flight just to stay

5:28

enough out of trouble and try and stay alive. Once

5:31

I hit college though, and I had complete freedom,

5:33

and that's where I actually found drugs for the first

5:35

time. And that was literally like the,

5:38

we call them here, the HOV lane, right?

5:40

Where you get, you can go faster and clear

5:42

lane. To absolute the

5:44

abyss. I always worked hard,

5:47

never actually got fired from a job because

5:49

I was a really hard worker when I was there

5:52

and I was clever enough and funny enough,

5:55

and nice enough that they would just chew me out.

5:57

and let me go back to work,

6:00

right? Because if they needed me and they

6:02

needed something hard done, they could always call

6:04

them. I was always a hard worker. I grew up on a

6:06

ranch. So I was a hard worker,

6:08

thank God, or I would have, it would have been worse quicker,

6:10

but it really did hit when

6:13

I was 22. OD'd starting

6:15

to do cocaine and meth and because

6:17

I could drink more and every

6:19

other drug I'd get my hand on if it wasn't a needle,

6:21

because I don't like needles, thank goodness but

6:24

I was like, if it could make me go faster, I could drink

6:26

more, I could drink faster, I was all

6:28

over it once I OD'd,

6:30

I had a light go on, this is

6:32

one of kind of those early somebody's watching

6:34

out for me, not myself moments.

6:38

I am like, okay, this might actually

6:40

kill me. I know my drink quite

6:42

a bit, but this might actually legitimately

6:45

tell me. It was about a year that I

6:47

was trying to quit, and I was drinking a lot more,

6:49

but I wasn't using as much

6:51

and then I would go out on these huge benches

6:53

weeks at a time. Then I graduated,

6:56

I had a university that very graciously.

6:59

imparted a degree on me, which

7:01

to this day, I'm very thankful

7:03

that they were generous is probably

7:05

a, an understatement to get me

7:07

out of there. Then I moved and I completely

7:10

disconnected from all

7:12

of my sources for The

7:14

drugs and that was literally, I used

7:17

one more time that was 1990,

7:19

goodness, 1993, and

7:21

I used one more time in 96,

7:23

briefly, and then I just never

7:25

did it again, but I was drinking like, all

7:28

day, every day. Just

7:30

to, to oblivion. I was bartending.

7:33

So I had full access literally

7:36

24 hours a day to alcohol. It

7:38

got really dark

7:41

and I just was in this silo,

7:43

and in my own head and the silo

7:46

and stuff. That's that's how I got into

7:48

the working adult world. Ended up,

7:50

and I was good at the call it geographics. I was

7:52

good at, I'm going to take this new job or a

7:54

new role and move there, and I think it'll

7:56

be better, and I'm going to go here.

7:59

And I was really good at fixing problems

8:01

for a company that I started

8:03

with and it seemed to click and they had a culture

8:06

of, we don't really care how

8:08

hard you party if you work

8:10

hard. And so I'm like, oh this

8:13

is, I literally, I think The universe is okay,

8:15

we'll see how much you can actually take. And

8:18

they put me in a situation where

8:20

I worked really hard and I absolutely

8:24

partied really hard. It was the perfect

8:26

environment because they were growing fast.

8:29

And I started, okay, I'll take that and I'll move

8:31

to the West coast in the U S and I'll move to Puerto

8:33

Rico and fix problems there. And then I'll move to the UK

8:36

and fix problems there. Then I'll move to Atlanta.

8:38

I was literally like the picture. And

8:40

they were paying me more and more money and

8:43

my dysfunction and unhappiness was

8:46

far outpacing my success. And

8:48

my success was really high. Like

8:50

I was doing really well despite

8:53

myself, and I had a lot of responsibility,

8:55

had tons of people reported to me.

8:58

And I created a team of people

9:00

that would, get me home at night.

9:02

And. would keep me out

9:04

of jail and if I got

9:06

arrested would come pick me up, they bail

9:08

me out and they would, they were good at

9:10

protecting me because I had surrounded

9:12

myself with a, a team of

9:15

Protectors slash enablers

9:17

that, when I was not

9:20

in that mode, I was good at what I did

9:22

and it was helping people. And yeah, it was pretty

9:24

dark. And and during that time, got

9:27

married and had other responsibilities

9:29

And so I started to only drink when I

9:31

traveled away for our work and

9:34

I would definitely make up time

9:37

right soon as I hit the airport to

9:39

soon as try and make it through landing get to

9:41

the hotel and then hotels

9:44

always had a bar. And then

9:46

I was always out with everybody that I was there.

9:49

And I really turned into this, I

9:51

had two or three very different lives, which

9:53

is, not an uncommon statement. And

9:56

when I try and quit, the depression would hit.

9:58

When I drink more, the depression would hit. So

10:01

I was navigating this, something I

10:03

didn't quite understand. and I was

10:05

traveling everywhere. So it was hard

10:07

for people to pin me down because

10:09

I had so many places that I was doing

10:11

things and had enough money

10:14

to be able to bury the issues

10:16

and fix the issues. Yeah, so it

10:18

got to the point and come

10:20

to the end here is, I met

10:22

a guy cause I left that company

10:25

cause it was such a toxic environment. Oh

10:27

my God. There was every rule

10:29

violated. From human rights

10:31

to pick a category

10:34

of discrimination. It was not

10:36

a great company and the leadership there.

10:38

So I decided I couldn't do that anymore. It was horrible.

10:40

So I left and started my own consulting

10:43

firm, which is, not great when

10:45

you're, a heavy drinker

10:48

because nobody then is, paying attention.

10:51

So bought a software company, started

10:53

a consulting company, had all these things. I

10:55

ended up merging my company with

10:57

somebody else. this is really important. He

11:00

was in recovery I'd been exposed

11:02

to 12 step programs and different

11:04

stuff through some family members and

11:07

had. actually tried to go to

11:09

some meetings, some AA meetings and

11:11

take that pathway a few times. And,

11:14

just wasn't there. And I met this

11:16

guy and I'm like, Oh, that's interesting.

11:18

Cause he was a great guy, but he had a story.

11:21

Wow. but he was now successful.

11:23

He was in recovery and he came

11:26

into my life. We merged companies. And

11:28

he was more gracious than he probably

11:31

should have been as a friend based

11:33

on my behavior. And how I,

11:35

took all the shortcuts around stuff in business.

11:38

So we ended up, parting ways. I left the

11:40

company after we merged it. But we

11:42

always stayed in touch, always did. I

11:44

just knew he was important to me. I just

11:46

didn't know why other, he was a great

11:48

guy. I got a DUI in 1995

11:51

and was out with my boss

11:53

and the people working for me with that old company.

11:56

And so I never lost my

11:58

license. It never hit my insurance.

12:00

Literally, I did some community service

12:03

and got navigated a loophole

12:05

in a system that allowed me to

12:07

walk away from that. With really

12:09

no other than

12:12

it took 10 percent of my annual salary at

12:14

that time to sort out that deal,

12:16

but I had no lasting effect. And

12:18

so I don't drink and drive anymore because part

12:20

of the deal was I could never get a second DUI

12:23

or it was a felony. That was part of the deal.

12:25

And so I was really good about

12:27

that. And then February of 2010.

12:31

Something happens. I don't know what it was.

12:33

And it was like, I crossed the line

12:36

where I literally had

12:38

this emotional, like I,

12:40

I said it out loud. I just

12:43

don't give a fuck anymore. Like

12:45

I crossed that line, the barrier had

12:47

been crossed. And I've said

12:49

that many times, but the line had moved

12:51

to, I literally don't care about

12:54

anything. And it was a really dangerous

12:56

line because. I started,

12:58

driving while I was drunk again and blacked

13:01

out and started getting totally

13:03

wasted at industry

13:05

functions with colleagues and stuff very

13:08

public. And it was so unusual

13:10

cause I was so guarded about those things. People

13:13

didn't right away put two and two together,

13:15

so there were a couple incidents that were

13:17

getting there and I was like, whatever.

13:19

And I was in Chicago on

13:22

May 8th. I went for a conference I was speaking.

13:25

And I was at the

13:27

Witt Hotel in Chicago, and

13:30

I literally was

13:33

so miserable,

13:35

I was so deep in the darkness

13:37

that. I just am like, I don't care.

13:40

I literally don't care anymore. And

13:42

the interesting thing was that wasn't that

13:45

wasn't like a top 50 bad night.

13:47

That was a night that was just normal,

13:49

bad, not super bad. And did

13:52

some things that all of a sudden, cause

13:54

social media was just coming around then.

13:56

And I was really getting involved with Twitter

13:59

as somebody within a certain sector

14:01

of business that was really gaining

14:03

a fairly big following. And I had a

14:05

podcast then that was really popular speaking

14:08

of podcasts within the segment. And

14:10

so people really were starting to pay, like they

14:12

were noticing who I was and stuff like

14:14

that. And so the next

14:17

morning on May 9th, I

14:19

woke up cause I just speak that morning. And

14:21

was moderately hung over,

14:24

but I felt horrible, like inside

14:26

out, it came to the surf, and

14:28

I was sick of what, like I was sick of

14:30

everything. And I literally remember,

14:33

sitting, crying, because

14:35

I felt so bad in my room before

14:37

I went to speak. And that wasn't super

14:40

typical because it was really emotional. But

14:42

I'm like, something's got to change.

14:44

I know I'm not going to make it through

14:46

this. They're going to do something stupid and somebody's

14:49

going to get hurt which would be God awful.

14:51

then I'll be in prison and have to think about that for the rest

14:54

of my life and it's interesting because I really

14:56

didn't, and I heard this on one of your other shows, That

14:58

somebody had talked about. I

15:00

really didn't think about ending my life, right?

15:03

That wasn't the option. I knew it would be another

15:05

way. And I spoke that morning

15:07

and I was literally sweating it out and, mainlining

15:10

coffee and trying to get my heart going

15:12

again. And then I immediately, I'm like, I got to

15:14

get out of here. And literally broke

15:16

down in the cab

15:19

to the airport. Like just completely

15:22

broke down and. The poor

15:24

cab driver is probably I don't know what's going

15:26

on back there, and I'm like, I just

15:28

don't know what to do. And

15:30

the thing that came to mind first,

15:32

and this is where, there's something

15:35

bigger in the world, whatever it's called

15:38

from us, I feel in

15:40

me. And I thought, I got to call

15:42

that guy. I got to call the guy that I'm

15:44

still friends with. From all those years

15:46

ago that I stayed in touch with. I've

15:48

got to call him and ask, what do I do? I'm

15:51

at the end and He was

15:53

so gentle and gracious

15:55

and didn't have any idea.

15:58

And he's you make it to tomorrow?

16:01

Cause I'll meet you for coffee in the morning tomorrow.

16:03

I can tell you what I do and

16:05

share. What my path

16:08

of my journey was. And I'm like

16:10

yeah, I can make it till tomorrow. And we

16:12

sat down and he shared and

16:15

it makes me emotional to this day is,

16:17

that was almost 14 years ago. And

16:19

he said, look, here's some things to think about.

16:22

Here's what I did. Here's my whole story.

16:24

And he goes just, let's just think

16:26

about today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Think about

16:28

today. Let's just bite size this down.

16:31

And let's just figure out what, let's talk

16:33

about what you're going to do next. And he was really

16:35

prescriptive on helping me

16:37

plan out. And now that I'm years

16:40

into recovery and I'm in the

16:42

mental health and addiction recovery space,

16:45

one of the important things in early sobriety

16:47

or early recovery doesn't need to be sobriety, but recovery

16:50

is planning out. So you don't have to

16:52

think about it. You can just do right.

16:54

You start doing things and it's about

16:56

action and it's about, okay, I'm going to do

16:58

my checklist. I'm going to do these steps. I'm going to do

17:00

whatever. And he really set

17:02

me on a really healthy path. I talk about him actually

17:04

in the book that I've talked about him in a couple

17:06

of books because he's he's so important in my

17:08

life. To this day, we talk every

17:11

couple weeks. If I'm lucky every week,

17:13

but every couple weeks and we

17:15

live in different towns now. So I

17:17

saw him a couple weeks ago. I was back in the town

17:19

where he lives and we had dinner and it's just

17:21

such a pleasure to

17:23

be able to see him. And that's

17:26

that started getting the substances

17:28

out. And then really getting into the hard

17:30

work, which is dealing with all the other shit

17:33

that I need to unpack and sorting out the

17:35

mental health and the emotional stuff and

17:37

that's been a very interesting and

17:39

what's the right word? Curvy, bumpy.

17:42

At times inspiring,

17:45

path, right? Cause that has a bunch of different

17:47

ongoing complexities to it. So yeah,

17:49

that's my sort of abbreviated long story.

17:52

Wow.

17:54

That is quite a story, Bryan.

17:56

Wow. I do have a couple of questions.

17:59

Obviously there was a lot in there

18:01

to unpack, but I just wanted to start

18:03

out by asking when you were younger.

18:06

How were you getting access to alcohol

18:09

every day?

18:10

Great question. And,

18:12

1 of those people that just reference

18:14

things I write in books. Cause it, it sounds.

18:17

Ridiculously idiotic when you do

18:19

it, but it was in my second

18:21

book. So I had a cousin who

18:23

was older and me and a group

18:25

of kids pooled our money.

18:28

And every week we would give him money

18:30

and he worked in a different town.

18:33

And so every Friday he would

18:35

bring back our order of alcohol,

18:38

we were like 14, right? So it started

18:40

out as a 12 pack and a case, then a

18:43

case and a half of Budweiser bottles,

18:46

really specific. And a bottle

18:48

of pink schnapps, which is horrible

18:51

and a bottle of Southern Comfort, which

18:54

is even more horrible. And

18:57

every Friday, He would bring that

18:59

back and then he would take a six pack

19:01

and, just as bringing it back.

19:03

But that's how we had like a process

19:06

we operationalize what

19:08

that whole supply chain look like. And

19:10

if for any reason, it didn't happen.

19:13

And I had a backup with another

19:16

person I knew who was a functioning

19:19

alcoholic and actually had three

19:21

refrigerators in his. Workshop

19:23

that I knew that I could get into and

19:25

get alcohol if we didn't get it so I had a backup.

19:28

I got a plan B. I was a very strategic.

19:31

Resourceful. Free alcoholic.

19:33

Yes, resourceful. That's the word I was looking

19:36

for, resourceful. So I was

19:38

going to say calculated. All

19:41

the above. All the above. So it

19:43

kept us, in booze

19:45

and I was able to, I had

19:47

to up my game a little bit when I really truly

19:49

got to daily drinking. So

19:52

I would get, oh my God, what

19:54

was that called? It was grape

19:56

Everclear and I could

19:59

put it in grape soda

20:01

and it would mask it enough that I

20:03

would be literally buzzed all day and

20:05

you couldn't really smell it on

20:07

my breath. And, it

20:10

was jet fuel it was great jet fuel

20:12

and I was sipping on that all day long

20:14

and that allowed me to, when we'd start

20:16

drinking after school, whatever, they're like, wow, you

20:19

get drunk really quick. And I was like, yeah, cause I'm

20:21

two sheets to the wind all day long. So

20:23

that was, that's kinda,

20:26

it just was resourceful. That's probably

20:28

a a good way to put it.

20:30

It's very interesting considering you said your

20:32

parents didn't drink. So you

20:34

don't have any history in your family

20:37

of alcohol abuse that you're aware

20:39

of? I do. So I

20:41

am actually adopted from birth. So

20:44

my mom definitely doesn't drink. She's probably

20:46

been drunk two times in her entire

20:49

life. It just isn't her thing. My

20:51

father, on the other hand he's

20:53

one of those people that naturally

20:56

can absorb a barrel

20:58

full of alcohol and you just

21:00

couldn't tell. And I

21:02

never saw him drunk, but I saw him drink

21:04

him and my uncles. I would bartend when

21:06

I was a little kid for them. It was great. And I was

21:08

like seven or eight. But they would drink,

21:11

and I never saw him drunk, he

21:13

really didn't drink when he got older. That

21:15

was my environmental piece growing up,

21:17

and but when I got older, I actually reconnected

21:20

with my birth parents. And both birth

21:22

parents. my. birth Fathers

21:25

passed away. Both parents, alcoholics.

21:28

And I have two half sisters

21:31

who are in their own programs,

21:33

right? from the perspective of a

21:35

genetically I

21:37

was absolutely 100 percent

21:39

genetically predisposed

21:42

to, the chronic, the brain

21:44

disease of addiction, right? Whether,

21:47

and it's not just alcohol. You can pretty much,

21:49

go down the list and I've taken

21:51

a tour of duty on almost

21:53

all the isms for all the, all the

21:55

addictions. That's just, It's the personality.

21:58

So yeah. That was 100%, part of it.

22:01

Wow.

22:01

Listening to your story, Bryan, I

22:04

have a question. We

22:07

often think that when we drink,

22:09

we get something from alcohol

22:12

or being drunk, but. What

22:14

I'm hearing and even, my own

22:16

personal experience it actually

22:19

take from people like

22:21

it takes I'm hearing when you're 16

22:23

and you're drinking and then. It

22:25

becomes a daily thing. And

22:28

you're going down a slope here where

22:30

towards the end, you've got a group of people at work

22:33

that are literally no, okay, we've got to keep

22:35

them out of jail. And, there's DUIs

22:38

and all this kind of stuff. So

22:40

my question for you is, what did you

22:42

think that you were getting from alcohol?

22:46

Yeah, it's an absolutely

22:48

insightful question. And I did

22:50

some thinking and had discussions on this

22:52

like specific question. And what's interesting

22:54

is what I was getting from it was

22:58

initially it was a coping mechanism. I

23:00

hadn't developed coping mechanisms.

23:02

And so You know, drugs and alcohol

23:05

aren't always a cataclysmic,

23:08

right? And you're not always,

23:10

burning your life down. You might just be,

23:12

starting the fire, starting a

23:14

burner on the stove to make dinner. That's

23:17

the version, right? And then you figure

23:19

out that's not really doing anything for me. I

23:22

need other coping mechanisms to deal with things.

23:24

Unfortunately, I am not that person, right?

23:27

That was my go to coping mechanism,

23:30

to deal with trying to change how

23:32

I felt. And I found it when

23:34

I was 14. And you're exactly

23:36

right is, it works till it doesn't

23:38

work. And that's a very different

23:40

spectrum of how that happens

23:42

and what severity and, what degree

23:44

of consequences and damage that

23:46

it does. And so mine

23:48

came pretty fast and furious.

23:51

I would say within a year it

23:53

was all that I was thinking about. And

23:55

part of what I've thought about that is, and

23:57

this is a fairly recent conversation,

23:59

because I heard this in a meeting with a recovery

24:02

group. And they talked about all the things

24:04

that stopped when they found drugs

24:06

and alcohol. All the things

24:09

that, when you're young, you're trying

24:11

different things on, do I write

24:13

my creative musically or writing,

24:16

or do I like sports or do

24:18

I like whatever it is, you

24:20

have all these interests, right? Curiosity

24:23

is a very human thing. And

24:25

all of the curiosity stops

24:28

because you've found the silver

24:30

bullet. The Holy Grail,

24:33

the golden lasso, if you're a, Wonder

24:35

Woman fan. And so

24:37

all those things just stopped. And so it's

24:39

interesting. I started losing what

24:41

I was gaining. I was losing

24:44

more than I was gaining. Exactly.

24:47

And we returned to it despite the negative

24:49

consequences. Like I would have a night

24:51

blacking out, acting like a fool.

24:54

And then the next day feeling such shame and guilt.

24:56

But what do you think I would did? The

24:59

following weekend, like we continue

25:01

to go back to the thing that's literally

25:03

taking from us and changing

25:06

us and we become these people at the end

25:08

that we're like, okay, I don't even know who I am anymore.

25:10

So that's a really good point that when you're using

25:13

substances, drugs and alcohol, the curiosity

25:15

stops.

25:16

It's totally absolutely

25:20

just paused. this

25:22

is interesting. I see this in recovery,

25:25

because I'm very, blessed, grateful,

25:27

whatever the description, I

25:29

get to see people come in that

25:32

I am not, I really would almost

25:34

put money, they're not going to make, it right?

25:36

It's a really desperate situation. And

25:39

they have everything in front of them that says

25:41

it's too big of a hill to climb. And

25:44

somehow they get

25:46

their life back and they turn into

25:48

this entirely different person

25:51

and they go from absolutely uninteresting

25:53

and totally self absorbed and

25:56

self involved and they

25:58

go from this person that I have zero

26:01

interest to be around into this absolutely

26:04

interesting, curious,

26:06

fantastic personality.

26:09

That, really wants to know about what's

26:11

going on in the world, and what

26:13

you're about, and they ask questions,

26:16

and it just is fascinating

26:18

to see the extremes of

26:20

that arc. Right. But

26:23

to your point, you have the scale

26:25

working. And once you're like, okay,

26:28

you start hitting the, this makes

26:30

me feel good and this protects me and this

26:32

changes things for me, the migration

26:35

to that becomes like a survival mechanism

26:37

as part of your coping skill, battery,

26:40

right? And then everything else stops, right? Emotionally,

26:43

all coping skill development stops,

26:45

all emotional development stops.

26:47

Because you now have again,

26:50

mine started taking much quicker,

26:53

but it wasn't readily apparent because I was managing

26:55

it. I had my mask on I was

26:57

good at the facade. I was clever enough

26:59

to stay ahead of the curve. And

27:02

so it took a long time. And

27:04

there was a lot of damage done,

27:07

right? Even today, I really think

27:09

about things recently, I'm like, okay,

27:11

I've got to start development again

27:13

from when I was 14 I'm identifying that

27:16

as part of my recovery. Part of it is

27:18

the emotional recovery. I've got

27:20

to start understanding how to

27:22

communicate, how to emotionally

27:24

regulate, right? The list

27:27

goes on and on of all the things

27:29

that I've been able to unpack now that I'm in recovery

27:31

through therapy, through,

27:34

group recovery, through my own

27:36

personal exploration. With breath

27:39

work, meditation, and then we can go down the list

27:41

of trying to find these healthy things

27:43

to try and just get better and feel

27:45

better and try and be a person that can be

27:48

a good steward in the universe to help other

27:50

people. I was going to say, considering

27:52

you started so young, yeah, you must

27:54

have really felt like you had a lot of work

27:56

to do to get to

27:58

where you are now, because. You

28:02

started at an age where you really hadn't

28:04

developed any of those skills yet. And

28:06

then you basically put them on pause for

28:08

how many years? 27. Yeah.

28:12

Yep.

28:12

It doesn't sound like you had a lot

28:14

of consequences based on

28:17

the fact that you were good at, like

28:19

you said, to disguise the mask outside

28:21

of, you said you got a DUI, but even

28:23

that you got off of, you didn't have,

28:25

harsh consequences for that.

28:27

Did you have people in your life, like your wife,

28:30

for instance, Two questions. Are

28:32

you still with the same wife? Because

28:34

I know you do have a wife. And two,

28:37

did she question or did people in

28:39

your life close to you question your

28:41

relationship with alcohol or your drinking

28:44

or were they showing concern?

28:46

Very good questions. No, we

28:48

divorced after 19 years.

28:51

And we worked very hard

28:53

to make that. As gracious

28:56

as possible because I very much

28:58

respected that time. So we

29:00

actually divorced three years after

29:02

I got into recovery. And

29:05

I am remarried now

29:07

for seven years two

29:09

part answer. So the other one is, I

29:12

think because I was so

29:14

good at compartmentalizing my life,

29:17

I didn't have a lot of people

29:19

questioning because I would

29:21

make sure there wasn't a lot of close

29:24

relationships. Just to give you an example

29:26

on this, I thought about this again, also

29:28

very recently is I don't really have

29:30

any relationships from high school. I

29:33

don't have any relationships from college.

29:35

And it's not like I didn't have friends and,

29:37

when I was done. I just didn't have

29:39

an ability to, be

29:42

a good good friend. I couldn't

29:44

attach to a relationship

29:46

and make it equitable. Cause

29:48

I've, I went back and revisited periods

29:50

in my life. I really didn't, other

29:52

than the one guy that I called. and

29:55

family members. I really

29:57

only had and

29:59

one other exception. I only had

30:02

one person, the one guy that I called

30:04

who I had a relationship. I didn't

30:06

really start relationships until

30:08

I got in recovery. And at that

30:10

point is when I'm like, okay, I need help.

30:13

And I can't do this alone. I heard that

30:15

message, thank goodness. And so

30:17

I started forming these relationships that

30:20

to this day are so

30:22

special and it's

30:24

not like I talk to people every day, but

30:26

when we do talk together, it's such

30:29

an intimate conversation because I

30:31

can share anything. They can share anything. When

30:33

they ask how I'm doing, they mean it.

30:36

When I ask how they're doing, I want to hear

30:38

what is going on. And as an adult,

30:41

It's always interesting to find those really

30:43

intimate adult relationships

30:46

because, adulthood is a hard place

30:48

to do, that. And because

30:50

people are busy and they have social circles

30:53

and all those things. And but I've been able to start

30:55

to form those relationships and they're very important

30:57

to me now. But I think back and

31:00

I just mentioned this to somebody yesterday who's

31:02

in recovery that. It feels like I have

31:04

a lost decade. Like I don't feel

31:06

like I'm 10 years younger because

31:09

I'm in a phase where what

31:11

I should have been doing 10 years ago, I'm

31:13

now starting to think and do and be able

31:15

to do and all that stuff. This weird,

31:18

surreal Delta where, and

31:20

I just have to reconcile, it's not everything

31:22

just built to this moment and be in

31:24

now be very present. And don't

31:27

worry about that last decade because one,

31:29

you can't do a damn thing about it. And just take

31:31

full advantage of the time you have and,

31:33

be present. And but I did I met somebody

31:36

when I was in recovery. She's not,

31:39

she's just normal drinker. But

31:42

I was very focused on the

31:44

fact I didn't want to take all of

31:46

Those bad coping skills or lack of

31:48

coping skills and repeat them in

31:50

a new relationship. So we

31:52

were both very clear and she

31:54

was married previously for a long

31:56

time. We both wanted to work

31:58

on ourselves. So we really set

32:00

some pretty strong guidelines

32:03

to how all that was going to work.

32:05

And had our own lives and all those

32:07

things. We literally, we dated

32:09

and spent time for three

32:12

years before we actually got married.

32:14

And I think we have an incredibly, hopefully

32:17

knock on wood, she hears that. But I

32:19

think we have an incredibly healthy relationship

32:21

because we put it all on the table.

32:23

We communicate, communicate. And

32:25

are, I think we're very great. We're very

32:27

considerate of each other. And

32:30

she puts up with my idiosyncrasies

32:32

and, she doesn't have a problem saying, maybe

32:35

you need to go to a meeting or

32:38

maybe you need to go spend time

32:40

with one of my good friends who is in recovery.

32:42

That sounds like a good idea, right?

32:45

Which means I must be getting a little bit. Cranky

32:48

or something. But that's good, right? That's what you

32:50

need is we're a team and I love

32:52

being on her team. So that's

32:54

great. That's beautiful. I

32:57

love that. Good questions by

32:59

the way. I'm going to circle back. So you ask

33:01

about consequences and you

33:03

are exactly right. In my lifetime,

33:05

I have wrecked probably

33:08

seven cars. Wow.

33:11

And, got thrown in jail and had

33:13

to get bailed out and had

33:15

so many close calls and, have

33:17

had to, pay significant

33:20

amount of money to pay

33:22

the owner of places that I've destroyed

33:24

when I'm in a blackout. But I

33:26

truly did navigate. a lot

33:28

of the consequences that you hear, and

33:31

never actually, I should have, but I

33:33

never actually got fired from a job.

33:35

when they say miracles happen, that

33:38

is a miracle. So as

33:40

I did about everything to try and

33:42

get fired, it felt but, again,

33:45

one thing I can say about my parents

33:47

are incredibly, hard workers

33:49

to a fault. So one

33:51

of the things that I battle all the time is,

33:54

being a workaholic, right? Because I do enjoy

33:56

work, right? Because I don't know any different,

33:58

first of all, but, so I have to really

34:01

focus on work life balance like

34:03

intention. I set a lot of intention around

34:05

that, and it's something that I

34:07

always can get better at. Seriously,

34:09

that's a conversation that we make

34:11

sure and have just so I don't lose track

34:14

of getting I got to do this. I got to do

34:16

that. I got to do this. I can fix that.

34:18

Because that's a really easy one to get wrapped

34:20

up into because my identity

34:22

gets pulled into what I'm doing,

34:25

not who I am. So

34:28

we revisit that conversation

34:30

on a fairly consistent maintenance

34:33

based

34:33

What about your health, Brian? Any consequences

34:36

with your health after all that? The

34:38

only thing is, I

34:41

think my memory used to be a little bit better.

34:43

But that's one of those things that,

34:46

I'm not a hundred percent sure. I have been

34:48

really had the birth lottery on having

34:50

some ridiculously resilient

34:53

DNA. My DNA is

34:56

Kevlar. It's bulletproof. It's weird.

34:59

All that I've done to it, for the last decade,

35:01

I've ate pretty healthy, of course, I

35:04

always try and exercise more, of course,

35:06

could lose weight and all those things. So

35:08

that's always top of mind, but as far as

35:10

like anything that sticks out no,

35:13

actually bodies are incredibly

35:15

resilient, your minds are credibly hearts,

35:18

souls are incredibly resilient. Nothing

35:20

has popped up in a way that I did any

35:22

lasting significant damage that I

35:24

know of yet.

35:26

Did you have physical withdrawal though,

35:28

when you quit?

35:29

When I actually self detoxed

35:31

off of there were a couple of times

35:33

with drugs I did, but I didn't with

35:35

alcohol. And in part was

35:38

because I would only drink when I traveled.

35:41

I think my body was used to the extremes

35:44

right complete saturation

35:46

maxed out. To being

35:49

just a absolute,

35:51

not, dry drunk as they call it,

35:54

where I was just white knuckling and in between

35:56

the traveling horrible to be around.

35:59

So my body was used to that up and

36:01

downs. And so I

36:03

didn't have any. Because those are legitimately

36:05

dangerous and you can very much die

36:08

from that. Those were all and

36:10

I talk about that pretty frequently you need to

36:12

be a lot more careful than I was. Because

36:14

I've lost people I know because. They

36:16

didn't survive a withdrawal. And that's

36:19

legitimately a medical, should

36:21

be medically supervised in some

36:23

respects, right? There's some that it's

36:25

probably okay, but there's other that are absolutely,

36:28

it needs to be medically supervised. It could

36:30

need to be medically supervised. It could be a medical

36:33

prescription based detox

36:35

involved. When you start talking about

36:37

all the complexities of what's

36:39

out there now with opioids

36:42

and everything else in the mix. It's a more complicated

36:44

world. And we live in today than it

36:46

was, 14 years ago. I would've

36:49

never survived. I guarantee it. If

36:51

it would have been today, I

36:54

definitely would have been in prison or I definitely would

36:56

have been dead. There's no doubt in my mind. Wow.

36:59

So why don't you tell us a little bit

37:01

about the inspiration for your books, Bryan,

37:03

and a little more about them

37:05

Yeah, no, absolutely. And, and

37:07

I actually have a question. It's

37:09

everything I could do to subdue the interviewer

37:11

in me, right? I just.

37:15

What would be a book that each one of you

37:17

would write if you were like, I want to write a book

37:19

or. I want to write my next book.

37:22

Maybe you've published books. What's a book that you

37:24

would want to write just to flip the script

37:26

here for a second, Tracey, let's

37:28

start with you.

37:29

All right. No

37:32

pressure. I think I

37:34

would really just want to write about

37:36

how amazing life is without alcohol.

37:39

Like for me, you alluded to feeling

37:41

like you're 10 years behind, Bryan.

37:44

I call that being a late bloomer. So

37:46

I say I'm a late bloomer because

37:49

to me, it's like my life has just been on an

37:51

upward trajectory since I

37:53

gave up alcohol and I was

37:55

doing life fine and

37:57

functioning or high functioning

38:00

as people like to call it, which we say

38:02

is a facade. I was doing life

38:04

fine and just going along

38:06

and I was successful in my

38:08

own right, but my

38:10

life has just been at so much more of a

38:13

higher vibration and

38:15

I've had so much more success

38:17

because of that and the way that

38:19

I'm choosing to live today. So that's

38:21

what I would want to probably

38:24

utilize that to inspire other people.

38:27

And what a great title, Higher Vibration.

38:29

So that's

38:32

a book that I would walk across the street to

38:34

go by. So that sounds awesome.

38:36

Lindsay, how about you? This is how you're sitting

38:38

on my screen. So I'm just going down.

38:41

Yeah. No, that's great. What a great

38:43

question. I feel like I've

38:45

said this on the podcast before and I've had

38:47

conversations with these ladies that

38:50

I feel In my forties

38:52

now, and of course being

38:54

alcohol free, it's like right

38:57

now that I'm just starting

38:59

to really know who

39:01

I am because I remember

39:04

when I was just, I don't know, developing

39:07

as a person, I was really shy.

39:09

And I think that's part of the reason why

39:11

I used alcohol. I feel like.

39:14

It helped me come out of my shell,

39:16

gave me confidence, but it was all

39:19

Really fake and it wasn't real

39:22

and I think something about just confident

39:25

and investing in yourself,

39:28

with the things that you feed your body and

39:30

your mind. It's about the people that you surround

39:32

yourself with because we've all

39:34

heard this or the average of the five people

39:37

that you're the closest to or that you hang out

39:39

with. So just be really mindful.

39:41

Of who those people are

39:43

and what you're putting in your brain

39:46

and in your body and not being afraid

39:48

to speak up, even, like something

39:51

as silly as being on an airplane and you're in the

39:53

middle seat, but you have to use the bathroom. And

39:55

I would always be so afraid to say

39:57

something to the person sitting beside me. Like

39:59

I have to get out to, to get up, but

40:01

it's I think that's why I used alcohol

40:03

too. Because it's I was shy,

40:06

but also felt like I couldn't

40:09

speak up even just like little

40:11

things like that. So I think my book

40:13

would be something of a self

40:15

exploration discovering who

40:17

you are, how to build confidence.

40:20

And for me, it's keeping the promises

40:22

to myself and showing up for myself

40:24

and those little things stack. Yeah,

40:26

just how to, speak up, not stay quiet.

40:29

And not feeling bad about it either. I

40:31

don't know if any of that makes sense.

40:33

Sure. Now that's a, how

40:35

powerful, right? And,

40:37

and I love, part of being an author is,

40:40

I'll share a little after here in a second after

40:42

we're done coming up with the title,

40:44

is a really fascinating, like

40:47

you have a very fascinating relationship with the title

40:49

and the cover of your book, and like

40:51

your book sounds like a title would be like little

40:53

things matter. Or

40:56

excuse me, I have to pee. Oh,

40:58

dude, that's way better. That's

41:00

that's the type, that's awesome. But

41:03

little things do matter, right? I

41:05

feel like little things matter. And, this

41:07

is why, I don't know if you've read

41:09

Matthew Perry's book. I just cannot

41:12

stop talking about that book. I

41:14

listened to him speak it on

41:16

audible and it was insane, but

41:18

I feel like something so

41:20

small, like feeling abandoned by his mom

41:23

when he was, younger. I'm like, damn,

41:26

these little things like that do matter.

41:28

And they really shape us. Yeah,

41:31

it's important messaging. Yeah, no, your

41:33

title was way actually way

41:36

better. That was awesome. Kelly,

41:39

what about you? Oh, title,

41:41

I don't know. What you said about

41:44

the curiosity stopping really,

41:46

speaks to me. I started

41:49

drinking either 12

41:51

or 13 and abused alcohol until I was

41:53

43. So 30 years

41:55

of thinking I needed it to be me.

41:58

Sure. And so for the last six

42:00

years, I have been writing writing, writing

42:02

every day. And I just recently

42:04

moved and I've got this box full of

42:06

journals. So Maybe that'll be a book,

42:08

who knows, but it's it's been a like,

42:12

like a self discovery that

42:14

turned into a really

42:16

deep spiritual journey and being

42:18

of service to others and just all about

42:21

love, loving ourselves so we can love others.

42:24

Same thing. I would go out of my way for a

42:26

book like that, right? We need, that's

42:28

the type of stuff that, the physiology

42:31

is survival, so

42:33

we migrate to the negative so much quicker.

42:35

So setting the intention

42:37

and finding really trying to lock into

42:39

the vibration of the positive takes

42:42

a lot of work because you're circumventing

42:44

what's naturally, as a human being,

42:47

we're survivalists. And that's everything

42:49

the wiring is survival. Yeah

42:52

that's fantastic. Actually, just

42:54

to switch gears here. One of my acknowledgements

42:56

I actually talk a little bit about again,

42:59

another tragedy that losing Matthew

43:01

Perry was. Because it happened right

43:03

as I was doing the final edit, know that

43:06

he died. And he

43:08

was doing such good things. And yeah,

43:10

he was, he just was really

43:12

trying to, use the resources

43:14

that he had in his journey To try

43:16

and not make it as so bad for other people.

43:19

Which is right. I know what you do. You

43:21

got to give it away to keep it is one of my most

43:23

favorite sayings that I'll ever

43:25

going to hear. And I really remember that at

43:27

all. It's part of the mantra. And

43:29

I'm not a natural writer. I

43:31

think I probably skipped that class

43:33

or I wasn't paying attention. And so

43:36

I have to do a lot of work. And

43:38

I've evolved as a writer actually, but.

43:41

It's not like a natural English

43:43

major type fluidity. I

43:45

was probably, oh my gosh,

43:48

probably four years

43:50

sober. I'm a total

43:52

abstinence guy. I can't do

43:54

the harm reduction route. It's just not me,

43:57

and I don't say any pathway for anybody

43:59

because that's up to the individual, but

44:01

for me, it's. I can't do it period.

44:04

And so I was about four years sober

44:07

and I'm like, I think, I'd really like to write

44:09

a book. I talked about it for

44:11

a couple of years with a couple of my business partners

44:14

and kicked it around and I'm like, okay,

44:16

I'm going to, I'm just going to write. I'm going to read a little

44:18

bit on how to do it. And then I'm just

44:20

going to start writing. And I'm, and

44:22

my first book was a collection

44:25

of 99 stories. I'm like, And

44:27

I really struggled to write, like

44:29

it was something that I was really frustrated.

44:32

I happened to read a

44:34

book by an author named Steven

44:36

Pressfield, if you're familiar. He

44:38

wrote the War of Art. And

44:40

turning pro and he

44:42

stitched screen plays like the legend

44:44

of bagger Vance. Was something that he had

44:47

wrote. And so he's a pretty prolific,

44:49

author. And I read his book and

44:52

I'm like, okay, that's how I want to write

44:54

my book. So I found a writing style

44:56

that actually made sense to my mind. Cause

44:59

I tend to be a bit of a, an academic,

45:01

like I'm going to go find somebody who's did it and

45:04

I'm going to read how they did it. And I'm going to see if I can

45:06

do it the way you're supposed to. And I

45:08

just was so frustrated when I read

45:10

his book. I'm like, Oh, that's totally the way

45:12

that I think, I'm going to write like a talk,

45:15

which is a little bit abstract. And I didn't

45:17

send these weird, ongoing sentences

45:20

and it's hard to read at times and

45:22

which is a quote from my wife, by the way. And

45:25

so I'm like, okay, I kind of hit a way

45:27

to write a book. Then I reached out

45:30

to a couple of my friends. I'm like, Hey, can you

45:32

just write, give me 600 words. And

45:34

I want to put you in as one of the stories. So I

45:36

just wrote a collection of these stories

45:38

about going through recovery.

45:40

But I wrote it in a very, not exactly

45:43

saying recovery way, right?

45:45

I wasn't completely coming. I

45:48

wasn't so overtly saying it. So I

45:50

broached just life and some things.

45:52

And so that was the first one in 2015. Four

45:55

years later, I published the next one was

45:57

very overt. It was called sober is better.

45:59

My note to self and it's all part of a note

46:01

to self series, right? It's about self

46:04

awareness. It's about self exploration.

46:06

It's about understanding self abandonment,

46:08

which is one of my new terms I recently

46:11

learned. So the second one was like

46:13

zero to 18 years, right?

46:15

There was that phase of life and then some other

46:17

commentary and all right, past that.

46:19

And so that second one I tried different

46:21

writing styles and. And that

46:24

was a kind of going to the next level

46:26

about understanding writing and

46:28

being an author and, then I got to this

46:30

last one. The last one was

46:32

really interesting. It took me a lot longer to write

46:35

it. But the last one, which is called,

46:37

fuck my demons redefining normal.

46:40

I went super edgy on the title.

46:42

I had two titles and that one, one

46:44

out. And I really talk about angels and demons,

46:47

just, symbolically throughout it

46:49

and the journey to find spirit, cause

46:51

I, I didn't really understand that. I wasn't

46:54

opposed to it growing up. I didn't have anybody

46:56

having a bad experience, but I didn't grow

46:58

up religious. So I really didn't

47:01

have any bad feelings about it. And

47:03

I'm like, I hope there's a higher power. I

47:05

hope there's a God because I'm screwed if

47:07

there's not. And somebody has got to

47:09

be watching out for me. So I always thought that privately.

47:12

This has been an incredible journey, but

47:14

this one kind of goes from 18

47:17

to today. And it's the last series

47:20

and I wasn't going to write it because I thought

47:22

I didn't have anything more to say. And then I finally,

47:24

the last 4 years in the world has been unfortunately

47:27

very interesting and complicated

47:29

and tragic and inspiring

47:31

in some regards. So I'm like, okay, maybe I do have

47:33

a little more to say. And I wanted to say

47:35

it and so that was really where we came

47:38

down to the writing this book

47:40

and kind of getting it out into the world

47:42

and I'm currently working on

47:44

a couple other books now one fiction, which

47:46

I've never written. It's all nonfiction

47:48

so I'm writing a nonfiction one, and I'm

47:50

working on my first fiction one.

47:52

Which is really actually a lot of fun because

47:55

I don't have any deadlines it's really just

47:57

in concept and I'm taking a little

47:59

bit of a break because I pushed to get this one

48:01

done and get it out and I'm just

48:03

really busy. Life gets too busy.

48:05

I know it and I start feeling it. So I've

48:08

got to be a little more intentional on my time.

48:10

But it's super fun. I

48:13

love writing. It's become really

48:15

cathartic. Absolutely. I'm trying

48:17

to think about writing very differently. And

48:19

I have in the past because I'm a binge writer.

48:22

I write like I used to drink. So

48:25

I'll go, I'll walk into a room and I'll write

48:27

for 12 hours straight. Once

48:29

I get in the zone and then I'm

48:32

like, Oh my God, I can't think about writing for

48:34

weeks because I've got this writing hangover.

48:37

So I'm trying to change that behavior. So

48:39

I'm trying to write more consistently

48:42

just a little bit every day to reform

48:44

those habits. And those behaviors

48:47

into something that's more healthy because I've just

48:49

been reading about some of some different ability

48:52

to change how you write and so that it's

48:54

more an even stream versus

48:56

like these binge writing episodes, because

48:58

it feels a bit manic. And so I'm

49:00

just trying to change that up a little bit. Yeah,

49:02

so that's the writing. And I have one

49:04

other book, but it's about workforce capital

49:07

and data and it's boring. And. I

49:09

don't ever talk about it because I don't, I

49:11

got paid to write it and it's not exciting, nothing

49:13

at all. I've never read it. I've never went back and

49:16

read it, but it's, it's

49:18

just there. So yeah.

49:20

That's awesome, Bryan. Tell people where they

49:22

could find your books and where they can find

49:24

out more about you. Perfect. Perfect.

49:27

Thank you very much. And again, thank you so much for

49:29

the conversation, having me on. You do incredibly

49:32

good. Storytelling and

49:34

the way you do things with your podcast is

49:36

fantastic. So thank you for putting

49:38

that into the world. First of all they

49:41

can go to my website. My author website

49:43

is just bryanwempen. com.

49:46

I think there's only two of us in the universe, so it's

49:48

pretty easy to find. And then,

49:50

I'm on Barnes and Noble and Amazon

49:52

and, all the different places. And my

49:55

publisher for the first two books was Inheritance

49:57

Press and they really got me going. So

50:00

find it through there. And then for this third

50:02

book, I actually started a publishing company

50:05

that I went through the learning, the publishing

50:07

process, why it's part of the reason it took longer.

50:09

And so I've started a publishing company called Red

50:11

Yarrow Books, and I was able

50:14

to my, this book through my

50:16

own publishing company. And so

50:18

That's one of the things I'm going to do in

50:20

2025 is look for more authors

50:23

as you think about writing your book. Very

50:25

cool. We know where to go. Even

50:28

if it's to ask what do you think or whatever.

50:30

But, so yeah, so I'm just excited

50:32

to dig into that. But yeah, so bryanwempen.

50:35

com, you can find pretty much anything.

50:37

Or our friends from Google, you can

50:39

definitely find. Pretty much find me

50:42

everywhere there. We'll put your

50:44

website in our show notes for the podcast

50:46

here, Bryan so people can find you. Are

50:48

you on social media at all? I

50:51

am. I've got a fairly large I've

50:53

been on Twitter for a long time. So I've got

50:55

a fairly large group there. And

50:58

I do on LinkedIn a lot. I'm not on

51:00

Facebook. I'm on Instagram because

51:03

I think it's interesting and it lets me connect

51:05

with some interesting people. And I love getting

51:07

lost in Instagram for a little bit. I

51:10

think it's fascinating. And I follow

51:12

a lot of music there and some comedians

51:14

and a lot of, My wife's Mexican

51:17

American, so I follow a lot of stuff from Mexico,

51:19

culturally and different around the world.

51:22

But yeah, other than that, it's mainly Twitter and

51:24

linkedIn, and it's all Bryan Wempen. I've

51:26

stuck to that specifically. So I haven't

51:29

got super creative outside of that.

51:31

I just wanted to ask you one last question

51:34

because there was a quote in

51:36

your bio there that. I thought

51:38

was interesting and

51:40

I liked it so I wanted to know

51:42

what it really means to you. You had,

51:44

I am interested in whole person healing

51:47

and expanding life adventures,

51:50

not just sobriety.

51:51

Yeah. That's always good to highlight

51:54

because I love, and I'm very

51:56

respectful of people that their

51:58

sober community and their recovery community

52:01

is really what they've built their life

52:04

around. It feels good. That's a great

52:06

group of people to be around. And

52:08

that's exactly what they want. And I respect

52:10

that. Absolutely. I

52:13

want my life to be very multifaceted

52:16

and I know that my recovery

52:18

is absolutely the number

52:21

one thing that I start my day

52:23

and end my day with, right? That's the

52:25

discipline and structure I put in place

52:27

to ask for help, something

52:29

greater than myself help me be a good

52:32

person through the day. And at very least,

52:34

I meditate, And at the

52:36

end of the day, I try and remember to,

52:39

just thank you for getting me through

52:41

the day and letting me do

52:43

it, in recovery and sober,

52:46

right? And thank, the great

52:48

mystery as some of my native friends call

52:50

it. I thank them for putting

52:52

the people in my life that I have in my life today

52:55

and the opportunities I have to

52:57

actually be of service.

52:59

and be a positive person in

53:02

my own life, first of all and

53:04

other people's life and just be, try

53:06

and help. So that's what that means I want

53:08

my life to be very full

53:10

and I want it to be about culture and I don't want to

53:12

avoid things because there's

53:14

alcohol or, I don't tend

53:17

to stray into where there's

53:19

hardcore narcotics being used.

53:21

I'm not. open

53:23

minded yet, but I try and stay

53:25

out of it because it's illegal first of all but I

53:28

tend to, go to places, and alcohol

53:31

is all right for a lot of people. Like

53:33

it's fine. Like they're good. They can drink their

53:35

half a glass of wine or they can have

53:37

a couple sips of, a high ball

53:39

and they're good and it doesn't matter, but

53:41

it matters to me. So I have to just

53:44

be like, okay. I'm good with it, right?

53:46

So that's what that means. That's the long answer

53:48

to the question. But I do have one more

53:50

thing I want to go back on. I think

53:52

lots of people approached me about their concern

53:55

of my behavior and drinking over the years.

53:58

And I absolutely don't remember

54:00

it. And I didn't choose to hear it. I

54:02

didn't have a capacity to hear

54:04

what they were asking about. And I think

54:07

that probably happened. And I'm really

54:09

thankful they tried. I'm very

54:11

confident that people tried because

54:13

I've had a lot of good people in my life that, I

54:15

just wasn't able to maintain relationships with,

54:18

and I can't believe they all were, I'm

54:20

not that good, that I could hide it

54:22

that well. I just think I didn't remember

54:24

or I blocked it out and just didn't

54:26

pay attention. So I just wanted to go

54:28

back to that.

54:29

No, that's great. Thank you so much,

54:31

Bryan. It's been such a pleasure. Thanks

54:34

for spending time with us. It's been such

54:36

a great conversation and we've

54:38

really enjoyed it. And we'll make sure

54:40

that we share all your info

54:42

out there we'll look forward to

54:45

seeing your next book. That should be interesting.

54:47

So good for you. Good luck with that one.

54:49

And you can find us on

54:52

social media at LAF Life Podcast

54:54

on Instagram, LAF Life

54:57

on Facebook. We have our Facebook

54:59

community, and we have

55:01

our website, laflifepodcast.

55:03

com. Until next time,

55:05

you know what to do. Keep laughing.

55:09

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five

55:11

star rating like and subscribe,

55:13

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55:16

We love getting your feedback and ideas of what

55:18

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55:21

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55:23

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55:25

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55:28

reach out.