0:00

Hi everyone , I'm Scott Branley .

0:03

And I'm Alicia Coakley . Every member of the church

0:05

has a story to share , one that can instill

0:07

faith , invite growth and inspire others

0:10

.

0:11

On today's episode , we're going to hear how

0:13

a traumatic past and an unexpected

0:15

suicide led one woman

0:17

to discovering a brighter future and

0:19

a life of forever hugs , welcome

0:22

to Latter-day Lights . Hey

0:34

everyone , welcome back to another episode of

0:36

Latter-day Lights . We're so glad you're

0:38

here with us today and we're really excited

0:40

to introduce our guest , jeanie

0:42

Bernard . Jeanie , how are you doing today ?

0:45

I'm doing really good . Thank you , it's

0:48

nice to meet the show of you .

0:50

I know it's really nice to officially meet you . We

0:52

are so excited because Jeanie is actually

0:54

a referral from one of our previous favorite

0:57

guests ever , ms Emily Hemmert . Emily

0:59

reached out and she was like you have to meet

1:01

Jeanie , you have to hear her story , you have

1:03

to have to have to . So we did and

1:06

we love it and Emily was 100% right , as usual

1:08

. So we just want to say thank you

1:10

so much for coming

1:12

on here . I know this

1:15

is not easy for you because you

1:17

haven't gone out and done a whole bunch of firesides

1:19

or speeches or written a book . This

1:23

is one of your first . Is this right

1:25

? Is this your first official time sharing

1:27

it publicly ? I've

1:30

done a speech at church .

1:32

You've done one Okay .

1:36

So , you've done like a talk at church . Yes , wow , okay .

1:39

Well , I promise you didn't have as much time at church as

1:41

what you have on this podcast today

1:44

. Yeah , yeah , I

1:47

think you're going to do great , and

1:49

so we're so happy to have

1:51

you come on here and to be open and vulnerable

1:53

and to share your story . But

1:55

before we get into that

1:58

, jeanie , why don't you tell us a little bit about

2:00

yourself ?

2:02

Hello , I'm Jeanie Barnard and I live in

2:04

El Conevada . I was born

2:06

in Salt Lake City , utah , and

2:10

I am the founder and president of

2:12

a charity called Forever Hugs

2:14

, and

2:16

I'm also a primary teacher now , so I'm pretty

2:18

excited . Aw , yeah

2:20

, I love children . I just

2:23

love them pieces , and

2:25

I guess I kind of want to be a hero to children

2:27

. No , I love

2:29

that You're a big hero , right

2:31

.

2:32

They do .

2:32

They do yeah .

2:35

Awesome . Well , aside from your

2:37

charity , what do you like to

2:39

do for fun ? What's that ? I

2:41

know you have some pets . You have some kitty

2:44

cats .

2:45

I have a pet , pet and I have a really

2:47

huge yard and

2:50

stuff , that I have two and a half acres

2:52

and I would say probably

2:54

a leased half of it , if

2:56

not more , is probably landscaped

2:58

. So I like to work outside

3:01

, I like to garden . I feel closest to

3:03

God while I'm out side gardening , so

3:05

it's very quiet . You know God is in

3:07

the stillness , right . I

3:09

love being out there and I love to do

3:12

crafts and I just

3:14

, I like to just make people

3:16

understand how wonderful they are . It's

3:19

definitely one of my biggest things in

3:21

life is to help people understand

3:23

that they're special . I think there was something

3:26

very important to me .

3:28

I love that . Awesome , very

3:31

cool . Yeah , it's interesting because

3:33

when Emily had reached out and we got connected

3:35

, elko . Elko is big

3:37

but it's small . It's

3:39

a very small place .

3:41

Most people know most people yeah it's

3:43

.

3:43

It's one of those places and I just thought , well , I

3:45

don't know Jeannie , like I haven't met her . And

3:47

then , after we had our conversation

3:50

, we both realized we

3:52

were in grief group together at

3:54

the same time .

3:55

We do know each other . Yeah , crazy

3:57

, I love it . I've met you before

3:59

somewhere , yeah .

4:00

Yeah , yeah , it

4:03

was like trying to connect the dots , and and so we were like oh , we do know each

4:05

other . And so your story

4:07

is just mind blowing

4:10

and definitely something that's so , so , so , so

4:12

, directed by Heavenly Father , and and

4:15

I'm glad that- you know that you're here today

4:17

.

4:18

So yeah , I'm quite yeah Awesome .

4:22

Well , the time is yours

4:24

to share your story with

4:26

us today .

4:27

No , this is going to be awesome , but it's

4:29

it's a little rough too . It's a . I

4:32

feel like if I can help one person understand

4:35

, they can make it then like

4:37

it's time to share my story . It's

4:41

like it probably sounds nostalgic , but I

4:43

remember my first memories . I

4:47

was four and a half years old and

4:49

it was kind of cute because I had a big brother named Tong

4:51

. I had one , His name was Tong

4:53

and he was tying my

4:55

shoelaces and he

4:57

said to me you know , jeannie , you

5:00

got to learn how to tie your shoelaces

5:02

because we're going to get a new baby sister

5:04

or baby brother . Today . It's

5:06

like , oh , I really wanted a big sister

5:08

. They're dull , right

5:10

. So I

5:12

was pretty excited . But

5:15

so , um , my mom

5:17

had that . I'm the sixth of seven

5:20

children and my

5:22

mom had her seventh and her

5:24

name was April May , but

5:27

I'm not sure if I think she only lived for a few

5:29

hours . My

5:31

mom went into a

5:33

postpartum depression and

5:35

it was pretty bad . I don't know if there was a name

5:37

for it back then , but

5:40

it really is . After it was called . So

5:43

she just kind of um , she

5:45

quit taking care of her children , she

5:48

quit taking care of her house , she quit taking

5:50

care of everything . She was utterly

5:52

depressed and

5:55

, um , there

5:57

were my dad getting very upset with her

5:59

because it had gone on

6:01

for , you know , a long time . You know

6:04

, I feel so bad for her that

6:06

I have no idea what it would feel like , you

6:08

know , to lose a child , and

6:12

I remember

6:14

my father not taking

6:17

it . Well , he did not take care of it appropriately

6:20

and he had said

6:22

to her one evening that

6:24

she needed to stop it , she

6:26

needed to get herself out of it , and

6:29

she just couldn't . So

6:31

he said to her you

6:34

know , you think that you lost one baby girl

6:36

. I'll take the other one if you don't knock it off

6:38

. But I remember hearing that

6:40

and I didn't know . I was five years old and

6:43

it's pretty scared because I didn't know

6:45

what that meant , because I didn't know where

6:47

my sister was , of course , because I

6:49

was so young , you know . Well

6:51

, I mean , she wasn't there , she wasn't any

6:53

worse . So

6:55

I got pretty scared and I asked my mom . She

6:58

used to tuck me in bed every night

7:00

and that night

7:02

I remember asking her she would . She she had

7:04

to pray . I had no clue how , I

7:06

knew how to ask something like that , but I asked

7:08

her how to pray and

7:12

she just started crying . But she was crying

7:14

a lot anyways . But she started crying and

7:16

she said I had a six

7:18

kids . You're the one . I didn't

7:20

know what that meant , but

7:23

she taught me how to pray and

7:26

she told me that what

7:28

you do is you close your eyes and

7:31

you talk to God through your heart and

7:34

then , after you finish talking

7:36

to God , then you get really quiet

7:38

. I mean , you let God talk to you

7:40

through your heart . And

7:43

so I began to do that . She began to

7:45

tuck me in bed every night and we prayed every

7:47

single night . One

7:51

night my dad got

7:53

me out of bed and

7:55

he told me to get in the car

7:57

and they I got in the back . He

7:59

had like a stash of wagon . I got in the back and

8:02

I fell asleep back there and

8:04

he did . He took

8:06

me out to the Graysault Lake and he

8:08

told me to get out and

8:11

I didn't know where we were . He told

8:13

me to get out and I was just sitting

8:15

there and waiting for him to come back . So

8:18

you know , you obey your parents . But

8:21

by then I was kind of scared of him . So

8:24

you know , I knew something wasn't right

8:26

. But he got in his

8:28

car and he left and

8:31

I was very scared .

8:33

He left you in the salt flats by

8:36

yourself and you were five years old .

8:38

Yes , I was five years old .

8:40

Were you alone .

8:42

Yes , I was alone . Wow

8:44

, I was very frightened . I

8:48

was in a nightgown , so , you know

8:50

, just cuddled up , put my nightgown

8:52

over my knees and , just cuddled up

8:54

, tried to get warm . It's cold

8:57

out there , you know , in the dark . So

9:00

I cried a lot and

9:04

then suddenly I just became calm and

9:07

I was . I

9:09

prayed . My mom had

9:11

taught me how to pray and I prayed and

9:15

my house , god you know

9:18

, keep me safe and how . My

9:20

dad came back , but he didn't

9:22

. I mean , they started

9:24

getting bright out . So

9:26

I know , if that loves me , you

9:29

knew you had plans for me , because

9:32

there was a man

9:34

and a woman with their son , joel

9:37

Fye , and that was a long

9:39

time ago . He's Joel Fye . There

9:42

wasn't much traffic out there , you know

9:44

. You know the man

9:46

thought that he saw something move and

9:49

he went to go investigate . It was me and

9:52

he took his jacket off and he grabbed

9:54

me up and put me in the car and

9:57

they took me to the police station and

9:59

somehow they got hold of my , my dad

10:01

and my mom , and they came and got me . It

10:04

was pretty . I

10:07

think it was pretty

10:09

traumatic . I think I was in shock . You

10:12

know , they kept asking me how I got out there

10:14

and I just told them . You know , my

10:16

dad took me out there and he just left me out there

10:18

, but of course they wouldn't believe the child

10:20

. So that

10:23

was kind of the beginning of the

10:25

end , I think , for me . I

10:28

don't know what it was like for my siblings

10:31

before I was ever born , because I was the sixth

10:33

. It didn't get better , it

10:35

just continued to get worse , and

10:38

I don't know why that happens to me and I'm just a little worried . Then

10:42

there was no food in the house because

10:46

my mom wasn't buying food , my dad wasn't

10:48

buying food . I don't know what they were

10:50

eating , but my brother

10:52

Tom and I were super close

10:54

and we reached

10:57

the point where my dad had

10:59

. We had a German shepherd dog and

11:02

the police officers , for some

11:04

reason , came out and got the dog , but

11:07

there was still dog food left

11:09

. They didn't take the dog food . And

11:12

my big brother Tom he

11:14

loved me and he

11:17

found the dog food . Then

11:19

he brought some out to me and I'm like

11:22

, oh York , I could eat that

11:24

. But it was amazing

11:26

. You can get used to it . It

11:28

feels like you're tummy full for a while . Then

11:31

that went on for a long time and I don't

11:34

remember how long because I don't remember

11:36

a whole lot , but it did reach the point

11:38

where he told me we couldn't eat any

11:40

more because there was bugs getting in it . There's

11:43

not a whole lot of it that I remember . I

11:46

do know that my mom stayed with my

11:48

dad for a couple more years after

11:52

the Great Salt Lake incident . I

11:55

don't know how we stayed alive . I know my brother

11:57

brothers . They had friends . They were

11:59

quite older than my brother

12:02

, tom and I , so they would go to friends

12:04

and the friends would feed them . But

12:07

it reached the point where

12:09

my dad

12:11

was Mrs

12:13

and Mercy . He ended up

12:16

going to I'm sure you know where

12:18

Second Salt Lake is , in

12:20

Salt Lake City . That's

12:22

where he went by the prostitutes

12:24

. So

12:27

I wouldn't do that . Then

12:30

my mom started cheating on him . So

12:32

it was kind of a back and forth thing , Funny

12:36

stuff . I started going

12:38

. It was giddy

12:40

to the point where it was kind

12:42

of a tit for tat between my

12:44

folks . He started to my mom

12:47

funny-said enough , I'm going to get a divorce

12:49

. There was a violent home

12:51

. It's very violent . My dad beat

12:53

my mom a lot . They

12:55

said that I got beat too , but I don't ever

12:57

remember that . But I do remember my brother's

13:00

getting beat by my dad , but I don't ever remember

13:02

getting beat . This

13:05

is really hard . I

13:07

recently was finding

13:10

a step . My

13:12

dad would take me and give

13:15

me to different people and

13:18

hide me from my mom for a while . Then

13:20

my mom would figure out where I was somehow

13:22

and she would come and get me . Then

13:24

it was kind of a back and forth thing . I

13:26

think I became like the pawn because

13:29

I was the youngest , I

13:31

think that my dad could see it

13:34

hurt my mom so bad

13:36

when I would be hurt , so

13:39

I would continually do it . My

13:43

mom ended up with a boyfriend and

13:47

so my dad would

13:49

end up . He would give me to the state of Utah

13:51

for a little while . That

13:54

is where I would end up

13:56

in a

13:59

family named the Coopers . That

14:02

was kind of a back and forth thing . If he didn't

14:04

have someplace else to take me to , he

14:06

did take me to a family that

14:08

did not have children and

14:12

they fell in love with me and

14:14

they wanted to keep me , but he

14:16

wouldn't let them . I fell in love

14:19

with them too . That was pretty hard . He came

14:21

in one night to come and get me

14:23

and the woman had a

14:25

really hard time giving me up . She

14:27

would fall in love with me and so would he

14:29

. I

14:33

kind of end up back and forth to

14:35

a family named Coopers and

14:37

I look at them as

14:40

my heroes because

14:42

they you know

14:44

my dad would take me someplace

14:46

it was a building , it

14:49

was like a state building and

14:51

give me to them , to

14:53

the people in the building , and

14:55

then they would call the

14:58

Coopers and the Coopers

15:00

would have a taxi come and get me and

15:03

take me to them . They

15:05

were amazing because they would

15:07

. I would

15:10

arrive I don't know what time really late at

15:12

night and they would come out in their

15:14

nightgowns and their robes and their pajamas

15:16

and he would just

15:19

grab me up and carry me out of the

15:21

car and they would put me to

15:23

bed . And they were amazing people . They

15:26

reached the point where I was there so often

15:28

that they ended up taking

15:31

me fishing and

15:35

I thought it was called family night

15:37

, but now I realize it's called family home evening

15:39

. So they were members

15:42

. I did know that they

15:44

had told me , but I didn't know

15:46

what that meant . My mom was supposed to be

15:48

, but I don't remember her ever

15:50

going to church . But

15:52

they were amazing people . My

15:56

dad didn't let them keep

15:58

me , though , because they were members

16:00

. He did not like members , and

16:02

neither did I . I didn't like

16:05

them either . I didn't like members of the

16:07

church because my mom she

16:09

had decided to leave my dad . My

16:12

grandparents on my mom's side

16:14

were members , so

16:17

she had gone to them for help , and

16:20

they had turned her away and told her that

16:22

she made her bed and now she needs to lie in it

16:24

. So I think that that was the beginning

16:26

of being not liking

16:29

members of the church

16:31

. I looked at them

16:33

as I thought that

16:35

they were supposed to be family oriented

16:37

, and why would they want

16:40

my mom and us kids to

16:42

live like that ? So , because they would

16:44

not help . But

16:46

I lived with coopers off

16:48

and on , and then my dad finally

16:51

just decided to give me up

16:53

as a foster

16:55

kid , and that's how I ended up in

16:57

foster care .

16:58

So you went four years in and out , in and

17:00

out , in and out and then finally

17:02

at year nine , you were able to get

17:05

in and out .

17:06

Did you ?

17:06

go to just one family at that point

17:08

, or were you still back and forth ? I ?

17:10

went to families before that , but they weren't

17:12

foster care , but this family

17:14

was actually a foster home

17:16

and I was only supposed

17:18

to stay in there for just like a couple of years

17:21

because they were looking more for a permanent

17:23

home for me and

17:25

then this foster family had

17:28

decided to just go ahead and keep me . So

17:31

yeah , they were getting . When

17:33

my dad gave me up , from

17:35

what I understand , the

17:38

state had told him you

17:40

can't just give her up

17:42

, you have to pay child support . So

17:45

they took money out of his check and

17:47

plus they also got

17:49

money from the

17:51

state of Utah and Utah also . But

17:54

I remember when I got

17:56

there they finally

17:58

got to go to a doctor for the first

18:00

time that I ever remember

18:03

going to a doctor . And

18:05

he came , the doctor

18:07

. I remember his name , dr Luther Giddings

18:10

, and I still always wondered when he's

18:12

like you know a member , but

18:14

I don't know . But I remember his name , dr Luther

18:16

Giddings . He was so sweet and

18:19

he took one look at me and

18:21

he walked out the door with my foster mom

18:23

and he said to her I could hear them because

18:25

they didn't have the door shut all the time all the way . And

18:28

he said to her I haven't seen

18:30

anything like this since I did volunteer

18:33

work in a third-world country . I

18:35

was starving to death . I

18:37

was absolutely starving to death , but I

18:39

wasn't people's child , so I think that I was kind

18:46

of more of a burden to them than anything

18:49

. I think Now

18:51

they were getting money and that's kind of

18:53

what really mattered to them . I think they

18:55

said she's the way I look at it . That's what

18:57

happened . She

19:01

liked to hit . I

19:04

did go to my case worker

19:06

and I did tell her . You know she's hitting me

19:08

and she

19:10

bought my nose and she ended up right through my neck

19:12

. But the case worker told me

19:14

that I just needed to stay away from her

19:16

and I remember asking her how am I supposed

19:18

to do that ? I lived with her . It

19:22

was so close to the bar .

19:24

You have to hit somebody pretty hard to break their

19:26

neck .

19:27

Yeah , we can see that my nose is bruffy

19:29

. I wear it back for a solid time . I

19:32

have really good posture .

19:36

It's crazy to me that that was

19:38

the system . That

19:41

was what they considered better than what you were in

19:43

which , yeah , it

19:46

was actually .

19:47

it really was better . I mean , I

19:49

remember thinking I'm eating , I

19:51

have a roof over my head . I

19:54

did not to stay , but

19:56

I did end up finally getting

19:58

to go and see my mom about a

20:00

year , my mom and my brothers about

20:03

a year after . So I think I was about 10 years

20:05

old .

20:07

So all your brothers stayed with your

20:09

mom or your dad .

20:11

I think my dad gave all of them up , but

20:13

they all ran away . They all ran away

20:15

and they all went to my mom . But

20:17

my brother , tom , had told me not to run

20:19

away . He's like , just stay

20:21

, you'll be safer

20:23

if you just stay in your frustration

20:26

. So I obeyed him and

20:29

I'm really grateful to

20:31

him for telling me to do that , because

20:33

it was a mess where they were growing up . It

20:35

would never have worked . I realized

20:37

that it would have worked . I

20:40

did finally get to go see my mom and my brothers

20:42

about a year after . I was

20:44

in the foster home and

20:46

she

20:49

was living with her boyfriend and

20:52

he was into

20:55

porn real bad into

20:58

porn , and it was all

21:00

over his house . And

21:02

I remember asking my mom can you please

21:05

put that away ? Because even at 10

21:07

years old you know better than that , you

21:09

know that that's just healthy and vile . And

21:12

she told me that she couldn't because it was

21:14

his house , it was her house

21:17

. So I had four brothers

21:19

living there , so even I knew that

21:21

that was wrong , that

21:23

was vile . So

21:26

I remember going

21:28

home to my foster home

21:30

and my case worker asking me how it went and

21:33

I didn't know it was telling all my mom . I just

21:35

wanted to stop

21:37

the pornography . It was

21:39

just , it was awful

21:41

. I don't even want to get into how bad it was

21:43

. It was horrible . And

21:46

she asked

21:48

me . My case worker asked me how it went and

21:51

I did tell her what was all over the

21:53

house and I says

21:55

I don't understand why my mom lives like that

21:57

. Why does she have my brothers live like that

21:59

? I was , I think I was in shock

22:01

a little bit by it , because

22:04

children don't want to see that . They don't want to

22:06

see that . So

22:09

it was . I never got

22:11

to see her again for about

22:14

three years . I don't believe it's here four years

22:16

after that . I never did to see

22:18

her again and I realized it's

22:20

probably because of what I said . But

22:23

I was kind of grateful in a way because I want to see

22:26

that . So I finally got to see

22:28

. So they had told her

22:30

that if she

22:32

married the man that she was living

22:34

with , that

22:36

she could never get her baby

22:39

girl back , and that's what she always called me was her

22:41

baby girl . And so

22:43

she married him . That

22:46

was really strange . She

22:48

married him and my case record

22:51

came and told me that she had married

22:53

him and I felt

22:55

absolutely abandoned . I felt

22:57

totally lost . I felt like I

23:00

didn't have anybody in this world . I

23:03

think that parents don't understand

23:05

what they're doing to their children . When

23:07

they do things like that , they're telling that child

23:10

they don't matter . They just don't matter

23:12

to them . So

23:14

I

23:16

remember finding a kid and you go and see her again

23:19

and the magazines were

23:21

all over the house . Again , he could

23:23

never be there . Whenever

23:25

I went ever . That

23:28

was the decision of the state that

23:31

he could not be there and

23:33

I always wondered why that was . But

23:36

as an adult , you know you figure it out pretty

23:39

quickly . So I never

23:41

saw her again until

23:43

my graduation night from high school and

23:45

she stuck in and seen me graduate . That

23:48

was the next time I saw her .

23:50

Did you live with this foster family for that

23:52

whole time ?

23:53

Yeah , I did . I lived with them the

23:55

whole time . I

24:01

got bigger , where I think I got , where

24:04

I would learn how to . You'll

24:07

learn about the time that

24:09

you can see somebody . You

24:11

can watch them carefully and

24:14

you can see when they're going to start getting

24:16

angry . A lot of times and I would learn just

24:19

to get out In

24:21

high school I ran track and

24:24

I jogged a lot and

24:26

so I would go for a run or something

24:28

until she would try to calm down . So

24:30

that worked out pretty good .

24:33

When she did get really violent

24:36

with you , did she help

24:38

you heal ? Did you end up having to go to the hospital

24:40

?

24:43

No , I have bolusperis in my neck . I

24:46

stopped pinching my

24:48

nerves . They wanted surgery

24:51

. But when they said they wanted

24:53

to do surgery , they said they're going to shake my neck . Well

24:56

, you know how we don't want our neck shape

24:58

because we love our hair , right ? Yeah

25:00

, I thought you were going

25:02

to walk in here . I was like , oh no , I think I'll just take it . So

25:05

, yeah , like on

25:07

really rainy days or wet days

25:10

, you can feel it

25:12

more . I stopped because they're pinching

25:14

, because it's cold . So

25:16

I take a heating pad or

25:18

something and I put a heating pad around my neck . It

25:21

helps a little bit . I

25:23

do wear a back brace at all times . Wow

25:26

, yeah , I remember

25:28

when she broke my neck . She

25:31

hit me . She was pounding

25:33

me on the

25:35

corner of a wall and I ended

25:38

up fainting and

25:40

I woke up on the floor . What's

25:43

she thinking of me ? But

25:47

there are really good foster homes . There really

25:50

are . There are really . You know , there's

25:52

bad ones , there's medium ones and

25:55

there's incredible ones . To

25:57

me , I feel like I hit the medium . It

25:59

could have been worse . I

26:01

was getting fed , I

26:04

was getting worse , I had a red filter in

26:06

my head and that's what was really important

26:08

to me . That's what's really important to me now . As

26:11

long as I can paint my bills and

26:14

I can , I have food in my refrigerator

26:16

, especially strawberries . You

26:19

know I'm happy . You know I'm

26:21

like a female , so it makes you appreciate

26:23

things . My husband used to say everybody

26:25

needs to marry somebody that grew in foster care because

26:28

they appreciate everything . Wow

26:30

. So when I turned 18

26:32

. When I turned 18

26:35

, I asked my foster folks

26:37

if I paid for my own

26:39

adoption , if I got my own attorney and paid for my own adoption

26:41

, would they just go to the courthouse and sign

26:43

papers ? When they said they would . So

26:46

I got my own attorney and I paid for

26:48

my own adoption and they came to the courthouse

26:50

and they signed the papers . So I

26:52

was adopted . So that's how I

26:54

got adopted and

26:57

that's really important to me . Every

27:01

child wants to be adopted and that's how I

27:03

was . And then I

27:05

ended up meeting my husband . Really

27:08

soon Not quite when I was quite

27:10

finished paying for my own adoption they

27:13

met my husband and it

27:15

was kind of a whirlwind romance

27:17

. I met him . I

27:19

had actually met him when I was 16 and

27:22

I had said to my girlfriend

27:25

that she thought he

27:27

was going to marry her and

27:29

I said to her I'm going

27:31

to marry him . And she was like

27:33

, oh my God . And she

27:35

had said to me he won't even look at you

27:37

twice . You're a foster kid , and that's kind

27:39

of a challenge , I think a little bit it's like oh no

27:42

, did you just say that to me ? Don't

27:44

say that to me . So

27:46

we only went together for two months and nine days

27:48

before he asked me to marry him , and he

27:50

was from Idaho . I

27:53

started to have a wheelie sign with each other . Every other weekend

27:55

he would drive down

27:57

. So I remember the first time

28:00

that he told me that he loved me . He

28:02

said it first and

28:04

I said to him oh really , he

28:06

think you do . And

28:08

I said to him you know , by

28:11

the time I'm 50 years old , I'm going to have a

28:13

red candle back . And he looked at me

28:15

really funny , like you're a foster kid

28:17

, right . But I wasn't anymore . And

28:20

he said , not , if you marry this awful billy out

28:22

, you won't . And I said to him you

28:24

want a bet ? I

28:26

already have a bet I do . I

28:30

do .

28:33

So , funny , that's

28:35

awesome . So

28:37

you guys , you guys get married and

28:39

then things start looking up . I'm

28:42

assuming what happens .

28:45

Him and I grew up in a religion that

28:47

women are lesser

28:49

than men it

28:51

has . What I love about the gospel

28:53

, you know , is that we're equals

28:56

, and that just thrilled

28:58

me . When I know that , I was like , oh yes , thank

29:00

you . Yeah

29:03

, he believed , and

29:05

I did too , that women were lesser

29:07

. I think I kind of fought it a little

29:09

bit in my brain because , like , wait

29:11

a minute , that doesn't sound right . But

29:14

I grew up like that , so that's

29:16

the way it was . And not just that . You know , my

29:18

dad felt that way about his voice too

29:20

. You know that . You know , we

29:22

only celebrated my big

29:25

brother , David's birthday

29:27

. Nobody else's birthday was

29:29

ever celebrated . So when my

29:31

husband and I got married , we

29:33

never celebrated my birthday , we just

29:35

didn't , but we celebrated his

29:37

because , you know , men

29:39

are the ones that make the money

29:41

, they're the ones that are important . So

29:44

you know we don't celebrate women's . So

29:47

but I grew up like that so it was

29:49

kind of the normal for me a little bit , so

29:53

it wasn't like a like he wasn't being

29:55

mean , because you guys both just agreed that

29:57

that's just how it was , Is that ?

29:59

Well , it was a little mean , but you know there

30:01

was a time that I just agreed with him

30:03

.

30:03

Yeah , and I wouldn't , you know , it was a

30:05

little bit strange because I saw

30:07

that it wasn't like that , you know , with

30:10

other couples . But

30:13

yes , the norm for us , yeah

30:16

, you would get like 5,000 odd boots and

30:18

we would have a discussion whether

30:20

I needed new shoes , and it was like , oh well

30:22

, you know what some are you like to go barefoot anyway . So

30:24

it was kind of stuff like that . He

30:27

made the awning , so and I did it , and

30:29

so that's kind of the way that it

30:31

worked . So kind

30:33

of a different kind of religion . The

30:37

women never cut their hair . They don't wear makeup

30:39

, they don't , you know . They

30:41

wear dresses . They never

30:43

wear pants , they , you know it's , yeah

30:46

, it is . You know

30:48

, before he passed away , you know , we did

30:50

realize that it is a cult . It was a

30:52

cult . Wow , yeah , it's married

30:54

to him . For we , we traveled around

30:57

with Daniel's construction

30:59

, yeah , and he

31:01

was every where we ever went

31:03

. He was the top heavy

31:05

equipment mechanic , he was super smart

31:07

.

31:08

Yeah .

31:09

And then we were . The last place we were

31:11

at was Carl's Benning , mexico , and

31:14

he said that if I helped

31:16

him get the job here in Elko that

31:19

he would never make me move anymore . So

31:22

we got here and then

31:25

we found out that my

31:28

mom was in California

31:31

. So I didn't really know her very well

31:33

because I didn't have her for very long , but

31:35

she was going to move to

31:37

Salt Lake . So

31:39

we I found out

31:42

where she was and she was moving , that there's

31:44

Salt Lake , and I really wanted to get to know her . I

31:46

really wanted to hi

31:48

my big brother Tom I

31:50

, he was him and I were always super

31:53

close . When you

31:55

know , for the first few years my

31:57

mom and dad used to say that wherever

32:00

he was I was , wherever I was

32:02

he was , and he loved

32:04

me so much he called me his twin . So

32:07

when he passed away , you

32:09

know , then they had a hard time because

32:12

they would say to me boy , it must be really , really

32:14

hard on you , because you know that's your twin and I'm like

32:16

no , he really wasn't , he just liked to say

32:18

I was because he just loved me that much , and

32:22

so we were like he worked

32:24

at a charity . But yeah , we . So I found

32:26

my mom and so I got to know

32:28

her for a couple of years . But

32:30

something that I've always found very special

32:32

about my mom was that she

32:35

knew that she was passing away . She

32:37

died actually on . I'm

32:39

64 and she

32:41

died at 66 . So that's

32:43

kind of scary , but I

32:46

got to know her a little bit . But she did take my

32:48

, my husband , ann , to her

32:50

room and she , yeah

32:53

, she had him shut the door and

32:55

he later told me that she

32:57

had told him please get

32:59

her a home . She's never had

33:01

one and

33:04

he did . I have a beautiful home . It's

33:07

gorgeous and I love my husband

33:09

for that very much .

33:11

How was your relationship with your mom after

33:13

all those years Like ? Had she softened

33:15

? Did you get to reconcile

33:18

, or how did that seem Sorry .

33:20

She seemed sorry , but she never said she

33:22

was sorry . I remember

33:25

her , you know . I you know

33:27

. There's something that I think that everybody

33:29

should say to their folks is

33:32

thank you for giving me life , because

33:36

she was the one that gave me life . Yes

33:39

, god gives me life , but

33:41

she's the one that

33:43

gave me life , she's the

33:45

one that bore me . And

33:47

she said to me you

33:50

know , has it turned out okay ? And

33:53

I said to her you know , he started

33:55

up pretty rough , but it's gotten

33:57

a lot better . So

34:01

I was able to forgive her , and it

34:03

was hard . I think the way I was able

34:05

to forgive her was she taught me how to

34:07

pray and that's

34:09

gotten me life , and

34:11

I think the way that she taught me was in a very

34:14

beautiful way Listen , listen

34:16

in your heart . What

34:18

is God saying to you ? God

34:22

is in the stillness and

34:26

that's what's gotten me through . Life is

34:29

praying a lot . I

34:32

go outside and I garden and I praying

34:34

, I'm talking to God while I'm out there gardening

34:37

, because it's so quiet and

34:39

you can , you know , just hear . You

34:42

know the bugs and you know

34:44

, and I actually have crickets

34:46

out there . I love listening to and I

34:48

have frogs , big toes

34:50

and when it's just kind of us , to

34:52

the prayer . You know , my

34:55

husband and I were married for 42

34:58

years . You know I

35:00

ended up um

35:02

got cancer

35:04

just before he passed away . Um

35:07

, I think that was very much one

35:09

of him . He

35:12

was used to women in

35:15

the religion we grew up in . Women

35:17

wait on the men . You are subservient

35:20

to them . The men

35:22

do not wait on the woman . You

35:24

just don't do that the

35:26

woman could find for herself . So

35:29

when I got cancer it was incredibly difficult

35:32

for him to take care of

35:34

me and I wasn't

35:36

much good to anybody . I

35:39

mean , we were really happy when

35:41

we realized that I was making

35:43

it and

35:46

he

35:49

had decided that you

35:52

know , when you get married you don't really

35:54

have much of a honeymoon because you know you're really

35:56

poor . So we

35:58

had decided that we were going to go . He had

36:01

decided we were going to go to DC world and

36:03

celebrate that I was making us through cancer

36:06

and um for

36:08

like our second honeymoon and

36:10

we were going to have a lot of fun and

36:13

I had gained some weight through cancer

36:16

stuff , right , and

36:19

um , I had become pre-diabetic so

36:22

we were taking walks because

36:24

they the doctor put me on Metform . Yeah , and

36:27

Metform was not . My body just did

36:29

not like it , it wasn't handling

36:32

it at all . So we had decided we were going

36:34

to have to try something different . So we decided

36:36

, you know , to go for walks , see if we can get

36:38

it under control with that and kind of change

36:40

our diet . He had a really hard time with

36:42

changing diets because he had a hard

36:44

time with any kind of change . My

36:47

doctor has mentioned to me that he might

36:49

have had like a form of autism

36:51

, and autistic people have a

36:53

really hard time with

36:56

any kind of change at all . So

36:58

I think that that's helped me maybe to understand

37:00

my husband a little bit more . And

37:03

um , there was one night he had

37:05

been having troubles with one of his hips

37:08

and we had got taken

37:10

into the doctor to see maybe what was going on

37:12

, and they just did not know what it was . So

37:15

, um , one night he

37:17

said that he could not take

37:19

the walk with me . So

37:21

I asked him if it was okay with him if

37:23

I just took a quick walk so that I wouldn't get out

37:25

of the practice of walking

37:28

, you know , and

37:30

I could kind of tell that he maybe didn't

37:32

want me to . But then he agreed to it

37:34

. And he's like yeah , that'll be all right . I

37:36

said , you know you can watch me the whole time

37:38

because we live out in the country where you

37:40

can . You know you can see me , you

37:42

know everybody can see me walking . And

37:46

, um , he was sitting at

37:49

a table in our front yard

37:51

and I had hummingbird

37:53

feeders and the hummingbirds were all

37:55

over surrounding him on top , and

37:59

you know . So I thought , well , if you'll be okay

38:01

. And I asked you you know okay

38:03

, so what we do , I'm gone . And

38:05

he's like either I'll go inside and

38:07

figure out where we're going to eat at Disney

38:10

World , because it was time , you know , because

38:12

we're going to go in a couple of months , so it was time

38:14

to figure that out and reserve

38:16

the restaurants

38:18

. He was going

38:20

to go out and do a little work outside

38:23

and I go okay , I'll

38:25

be right back , I'll just be gone just a few minutes

38:27

. And he's like okay . So I

38:29

opened my gate and then went for my walk and

38:32

I got about halfway done with my walk

38:35

and I really thought

38:37

I could feel him behind

38:39

me and I thought that

38:41

was really strange . I looked back there and he wasn't there . Because

38:43

I thought , well , maybe he changed his mind right , but

38:46

he wasn't there . So I kept

38:48

walking a little ways and it still kept him like

38:50

he was behind me . So

38:53

I kept looking back there and I said , sweetie

38:56

, did she decide to come

38:58

with me after all ? And I thought he'd be caught up

39:00

with me . But he wasn't there . So

39:03

it spooked me . So

39:07

I hurried home . I

39:12

opened my gate and

39:15

I found him . He

39:19

heart-tickled his life and

39:23

I ran to him and tried

39:25

to save him and he

39:29

was gone . I

39:32

kept trying . I wish it was really

39:34

done , because what I saw he

39:36

was obviously gone . I mean , that was pretty dumb . You

39:39

know , you love a person so much

39:42

that you're one with

39:44

them .

39:45

Right , which is kind of a give up .

39:47

I called the England one and

39:49

it felt like they took forever . But

39:52

I did CPR , I did everything

39:55

, but he was

39:57

gone . I thought he had an accident

39:59

, I thought it was a tractor accident

40:02

, so

40:04

they had to

40:07

take me away from him . He

40:11

said I want to leave him . I

40:13

didn't want to stop trying

40:16

, you know , because I

40:18

was afraid that if I left him for that one

40:20

second that they

40:22

wouldn't be trying , that

40:25

he would leave , he would be gone . You

40:27

know , you're not thinking straight , right

40:30

, right . I

40:32

begged them and I begged them . Please don't stop , please

40:35

don't stop , please don't stop . Then

40:37

this officer took me in the house and he had

40:41

me wash my

40:43

hands . And

40:46

I remember , I do remember

40:48

saying to the cop , you know

40:50

, to the I think it was a deputy Sure

40:52

I say this

40:55

boy has the blood , isn't it ? I

40:57

was so in shock I didn't even understand

41:00

what was going on . Yeah

41:02

, it was just . He sat me down

41:04

in a chair . I stayed

41:06

there and I had

41:08

friends and neighbors coming over and never

41:11

in the house with me and

41:13

you know there was . It's

41:21

really hard . I

41:29

remember the coroner

41:31

coming in and saying that they

41:34

look like a suicide and I

41:38

was kind of a denial and

41:40

I do . I think I did say

41:42

something to the fact of that . There

41:45

were suicides in his family , so he's

41:47

not the other one that

41:49

has done in his family . He had

41:51

a one , a cousin of his

41:54

, committed suicide maybe six months before

41:57

that . And

41:59

he had asked me do you

42:01

think that he

42:03

is in a two picks ? And

42:05

I said no , I don't , as

42:08

I think that God loves us too much

42:11

and if we're his children

42:13

, you know , if our

42:15

fathers are supposed to love us , I

42:19

think that he would understand , because

42:22

God understands us and I don't know

42:24

how I knew that here

42:27

and he had

42:30

told me I will never

42:32

do that to you . He

42:35

said to me you have been abandoned so

42:37

much in your life . I

42:39

will never abandon you . I

42:42

believed him . I

42:45

put my whole trust in him . So

42:50

I was in absolute

42:52

denial . The

42:57

way would he do that ? He

42:59

said that to me so often in

43:02

our marriage . He

43:04

would say to me I love you so much

43:07

that there's nothing you

43:09

can do about it and I will

43:11

live forever . You know

43:14

, like forever . He's like yes

43:16

, forever . I remember when

43:18

he asked me to marry him , I told

43:20

him . I said you know , I believe

43:23

in marriage forever , so

43:26

if you think that you cannot be married

43:28

to me forever , go ahead and walk away

43:30

now . And he said no , I want

43:32

you forever . There's

43:36

a song that was called magnet and still . It's

43:38

like that really says how old I am . Or have you ever heard magnet

43:40

and still ?

43:41

I have .

43:42

That was his favorite song . He said I was the

43:44

magnet and he was the still . You

43:48

know some foot .

43:52

And then that's about the time that you

43:54

and I met in our

43:56

group . And I remember hearing

43:58

your story and I remember

44:00

you at that time . You were still

44:03

. You were like you didn't do

44:05

it .

44:05

No , you didn't do

44:07

it . No , yeah , yeah

44:09

, it's like I was , like , I remember that . And

44:12

Billie Jean , you know Billie Jean Crawford , yes

44:14

, we love . Billie Jean . You know , I asked

44:16

her a couple of months ago like did

44:19

you always know that my husband did it ? And she's

44:21

like yeah .

44:22

Yeah , she did .

44:23

She's like I was just going to let you . I

44:26

knew that you would come to terms with it on

44:28

your terms and your time , and

44:31

so , yeah , so I

44:34

kind of just dripped it for

44:37

about a year and a half , being upset

44:39

, you know , thinking

44:41

why didn't you just wait for me ? You know I was

44:44

going to be right back . You know why

44:46

would you work on the tractor like that , with

44:48

, you know , underneath the tractor like that , without me being

44:50

there ? You know

44:52

why would you do that ? I was just kind

44:54

of in a fog . But there

44:57

was a brownie point though . You

44:59

know I was in shock . So

45:02

I had some friends that said

45:04

to me , didn't you and your

45:06

? You know , didn't you and Lynn do

45:09

a wheel ? I'm like , yeah , we did . I forgot

45:11

a little about it because you're a foggy brain , right . And

45:14

they're like , who did you do

45:16

it with ? I'm like it's

45:18

like Gerber Law on this or something

45:20

. And so I got

45:23

I actually had a copy of

45:25

the wheel . It's like , oh , yeah , we did do that . I

45:27

guess if I could do that , so I

45:29

couldn't drive . I

45:31

was in complete shock and I

45:33

couldn't hardly see , if that makes sense

45:36

. I couldn't really see . I

45:38

was my . My eyes were just blurry

45:40

. So I knew , knew

45:42

better than driving . So they , they brought me

45:44

over to Zach Gerber and

45:47

I walked in and Zach Gerber

45:49

grabbed me pretty quick . I thought that was pretty sweet . You

45:52

know there's Travis and there's Zach

45:54

, and Zach grabbed me when he took

45:57

me in and he

45:59

was the sweetest thing , you

46:01

know . And you know , wait I

46:03

, he got everything

46:06

turned over to me so fast

46:08

. It was just crazy

46:10

. But he told me , you

46:13

know , after we talked for a long time

46:15

, he told me you know , you're going

46:17

to have to have somebody to help you with your money

46:19

. So that's where Tim

46:21

Hatch comes in . So he brought me over , zach

46:23

Gerber brought me over to Tim Hatch . So

46:26

I always tell people that Tim Hatch

46:28

and Zach Gerber were my first missionaries

46:31

for Tim , for

46:34

Tim and Zach . You know they ministered

46:37

to me , ministered to me . It was really sweet because

46:39

I would come in . You know Tim

46:41

would have me come in every single month and

46:44

we wouldn't talk about money . He

46:46

was ministering to me .

46:49

And you were not a member still right

46:51

? No , Like at this point . Like you , and you still didn't really have

46:53

a good taste in your mouth , I was bad-priced

46:56

at nine .

46:57

My mom did have me bad-priced at nine years old , just

46:59

before I went into foster care .

47:01

Okay , so you were technically a member , but you

47:03

, yeah , I just didn't know that . No , I didn't . You didn't

47:05

know what , you didn't remember .

47:07

I completely forgotten about it . Yeah , yeah

47:09

. So my

47:12

brother , just before

47:14

it was just a year before , you

47:17

know , my husband passed away . My

47:19

brother , we would meet in Salt

47:21

Lake to take Teddy Bear's for forever hugs

47:23

. But it was a call for forever hugs back then and

47:26

he had given me a piece of paper that

47:28

said hey , you're Mormon , like

47:30

no , I'm not . That's so insulting . He's

47:36

like no , I have papers to say that you are

47:38

your baptized . And it

47:40

hit me , it's like , oh

47:42

, yeah , I was , so

47:45

it's a night . And then he

47:47

asked he showed me another piece of paper and

47:49

I had that . I was . It was

47:51

a blessing paper and

47:54

I actually saw my uncle's

47:56

name on it . So he was one of the ones

47:59

that did the blessing on me . I

48:01

said , which were my mom's brother

48:03

, this brother just older

48:05

, just younger than than her . So

48:09

I had no clue and

48:11

I had forgotten all about the baptism . Yeah

48:14

, they've forgotten all about it because it was out of

48:16

good memory to me . My mom had

48:18

just picked me up from school one day and said that I

48:21

was going to get baptized . She took me to this building

48:23

I still don't remember where it was and

48:25

she told me I was going to get baptized . I

48:28

didn't have a clue what was going on and

48:30

I just remember thinking what are you going to baptize this synonymy

48:33

or something ? The bad enemy ? But

48:35

you know I had no clue what was going on , so

48:38

it was really a bad experience . But

48:42

so while later

48:44

, after that , of course , you know my husband , you

48:47

know he took his life , and

48:49

then I

48:51

had my big brother , tom , to

48:54

talk to , and he would tell me over and over again

48:56

he didn't do it , he

48:58

did not commit suicide , he did not do it , he

49:01

would never do that to you , he loved you way too

49:03

much for that and

49:06

it helped actually , you

49:08

know . I mean I think

49:10

that you know there was somebody that came to me

49:12

and said to me do you ever think that

49:15

you made it so that he didn't

49:17

commit suicide for 42 years

49:19

? And I remember that upsetting me

49:21

because it's like but he didn't

49:24

. But he didn't do it , though you know

49:26

you guys are crazy . I went to Zach Gerber

49:28

and I wanted to sue the student of Nevada

49:30

, you know to change

49:32

the death certificate , and

49:35

Zach was really sweet and very

49:37

loving and he said to me

49:39

Jeanie , do you think that your husband worked

49:41

his whole life to take care

49:43

of you , just to

49:45

have the state of Nevada take all of

49:47

that away from you , because

49:49

the state of Nevada has more money than you do To

49:53

go . Yeah , you're right . So

49:55

he's like you need to leave it alone . I

49:57

think he was . Zach knew , I think everybody

49:59

knew about me , you know , I

50:02

wonder if even my brother knew . So

50:05

, yeah , so I was coming in here to Tim Hatch and

50:07

he was ministering to me

50:09

and

50:11

when it

50:14

was about a year and a half and

50:17

I was sitting you know , your brain

50:19

starts to clear a little bit I couldn't

50:22

see anything . I couldn't hardly

50:24

see anything at all . I

50:26

think there's a thing for it , but I don't know

50:28

for sure . But I was really blurry

50:30

. Not only was my head

50:33

fuzzy , it was like you're so stressed

50:35

, you know , and you're so confused

50:38

and you're in shock that

50:40

you cannot think straight . You

50:42

don't know what's going on around you . You are

50:44

just surviving . You are eating , you

50:47

are sleeping . I need , you're trying to make

50:49

sure the bills are getting paid , and that's all

50:51

you're doing . And I just remember

50:53

being outside a lot , working

50:55

outside a lot and asking

50:57

God to please make everybody understand that

50:59

my husband would never do that to me Just

51:02

, please , just make everybody understand . And

51:06

about a year and a half yeah it was my head

51:08

started to to clear a little

51:10

bit and I realized that , oh

51:12

, he did it . Because

51:14

you start seeing things around

51:16

where he did it , you

51:19

, your memory starts clearing a little bit and you

51:21

see things and you realize

51:23

, yeah , he did it . And

51:25

then I became pretty

51:28

ticked off . It's like

51:30

how dare he ? You know , how dare

51:32

he ? And I

51:36

blamed the church for

51:38

everything that ever happened to me in my

51:40

life . That was bad Everything

51:43

. Because I felt like that if my grandparents

51:46

had just been grandparents

51:49

to us , that

51:51

our lives would have been different , if

51:53

they would have done what the church

51:56

, what I feel like the church would

51:58

want them to do , you

52:01

know that I wouldn't have been in the position that

52:03

I was in . So

52:05

Tim Hatch

52:07

has all my money , you know

52:10

, and he's

52:12

been very kind , he's

52:14

been very nice and at dawn

52:17

I mean , I think that I

52:19

think he's a Mormon I

52:24

decided that when I went

52:26

in to see him again

52:29

, I was going to ask him if

52:31

he was . Yeah

52:34

, I had plans because

52:36

you know , you've worked with Billy Jean . I don't

52:38

know if you've worked with people that their husbands

52:40

have committed suicide . A

52:44

lot of the times , the spouses will do it too Once

52:47

they realize what happened . You're

52:50

so alone , you

52:52

feel so abandoned . You feel like

52:54

a burden to the world , you

52:57

feel like a burden to society and

52:59

you just need to be gone , and

53:02

then the burden will be gone for everybody

53:04

. So I

53:06

had made plans to put

53:10

my cats to sleep . I had to leave them at

53:12

the time and because

53:14

I didn't want them to suffer , I'm

53:17

just going to come here and ask if Tim

53:19

Hatch was a Mormon . If he was , I was going to take

53:21

the money away , give it to another

53:23

financial advisor , make sure it was going to charity

53:26

, where I wanted it to go . And

53:28

then I was going to go home and have my cats go to

53:30

sleep and bury them . I was going to go home and

53:34

I know I was sick , but

53:36

it happens a lot I

53:39

was going to go ahead and take care of myself

53:41

too . I was done . I

53:44

felt like I have gone through too much in

53:46

my life . I know this

53:48

. I can't handle

53:50

this too . I'm tired

53:53

, I'm done . But

53:56

instead I

53:58

came into Tim Hatch and he was

54:00

just as friendly and kind as ever

54:02

, a little sweetheart

54:04

and I funny

54:07

as to him . So hey

54:09

, what church should you go to ? And

54:12

he put his head back , funny , thinking

54:15

he knew what was coming . And

54:19

on his side I went to the Church of

54:21

Jesus Christ the latter day Saints and

54:24

then he said , huh , that's weird

54:26

. I think

54:29

I am too . I

54:32

don't know why I did that . That

54:35

was not the plans and

54:37

he looked at me really funny but

54:41

very kind , and

54:44

that's what I needed . I needed

54:46

somebody to look at me like

54:49

I was of some value , because

54:53

I didn't feel valuable at all . I

54:56

felt like a failure . I

54:59

felt like a failure of a wife , I

55:02

felt like a failure of a human being and

55:05

I was tired and

55:08

I had felt no

55:10

value my whole

55:12

life , except

55:14

from the Coopers

55:17

. When

55:19

the Coopers had to let me go , they

55:23

had said to me that

55:26

I was to always remember them because

55:30

they said that someday I

55:32

was going to do something really big and

55:36

that I was to remember them

55:38

and to mention them . And

55:42

I never were saying to them no , I'm

55:45

trash , I'll

55:47

never be anything . But

55:50

here I am Crazy

55:53

, right ? So , poor

55:55

Tim Hatch . Suddenly

55:59

, his stuff , of course he's

56:01

calling Bishop Kirk , knudsen

56:03

and Missionaries , and all of a sudden

56:06

my head is spinning because everything's just moving

56:08

so fast and I'm thinking what

56:10

is happening here ? No

56:12

, this wasn't the plan . This

56:15

was not the plan . I

56:18

think I just loved him so much I

56:21

didn't want to disappoint him because

56:23

he looked at me like

56:26

I had fellow you . It

56:29

had been a long time since

56:31

I'd had that look and

56:34

I remember one day he was saying to me

56:36

you know , cheney , you

56:39

are loved . He texted

56:41

it to me . He's like you know , cheney , you

56:43

are loved . And

56:45

I wanted to just argue with

56:47

him . No , I'm not , you

56:49

don't understand . I come from trust . I

56:54

felt like that , if your parents

56:56

behave like that , that

56:59

you are of no value . And

57:02

that's how people look at you . They

57:04

look at you have no value . Think

57:07

about the neighbors

57:10

that you go by and you don't really want

57:12

to go by that house because it's

57:14

kind of scary looking and you

57:16

wonder whatever's going to happen to those

57:18

kids . Right , I

57:21

was one of those kids . Yeah

57:24

, that's what's crazy

57:26

. But yeah

57:29

, tim Hatch , is that Gerber treated

57:32

me like I had some value . It

57:36

was amazing to me , and

57:39

then it's like everything went into a whirlwind

57:41

. Sending his job , I

57:43

met these goofy missionaries

57:45

, chad Hansen and Ben

57:48

Spillin , and there was just a couple

57:50

of good falls that came out and they were chopping my

57:52

wood and helping me and

57:57

I would argue with them when they would

57:59

tell me things from the Book of Mormon

58:01

, it's like no , that's not true . You don't understand

58:03

stuff . My name is not

58:05

written on In there . No

58:08

, I'm with

58:10

no value . And

58:12

I remember Ben Spillin saying

58:14

to me one day he's like you know , judy , we

58:17

think that you're worth more than we are . Like

58:19

what ? No , you're amazing

58:21

. No , you're a man , don't you understand

58:24

? That's not how it works . You

58:26

know , I remember . It was so

58:28

crazy that I remember . So

58:31

I finally was able to get off of

58:33

all the stuff I had to take for the

58:35

cancer . So I started losing

58:37

weight and then my clothes were

58:39

fitting really big . I'm like , oh shoot

58:42

, I got a house to new clothes . I

58:44

always had to ask my husband he

58:46

has to new clothes . You know we

58:49

would debate whether you know I needed them

58:51

or not and I

58:53

usually lost . So

58:55

I was a little bit scared about asking if

58:57

I could buy some new clothes . But I

58:59

came in , I got my courage up

59:01

and I came in to Tima's office

59:04

and I said hey , tim , can

59:07

I buy some new clothes and

59:10

he looked at me really funny . He kind of fell backwards a little

59:12

bit against the wall and he said where are you asking me that

59:14

? You know , if you want some new clothes , go out yourself

59:16

to do clothes . I'm like I can do that , because

59:20

some of these , you know , my husband and I grew up

59:22

in so kind of a different

59:24

, different ride Right

59:26

and everything has moved

59:28

very quickly , my stuff

59:31

a little crazy quickly

59:34

and it's turned into wow

59:36

, guess what ? God loves me

59:38

. I mean , you know

59:41

, you hear , you know many

59:43

are called but few are chosen . I

59:46

thought that I was one

59:48

of the many that was called but I would never be

59:50

chosen . You know , I was just . I wasn't

59:53

God's child , that he loved me enough to let

59:55

me have a life , but

59:57

he , I wasn't one of

59:59

the special ones , you

1:00:02

know , that would get to spend with having with him

1:00:04

. I thought that one day I

1:00:06

would be an HG double toothpicks after I died

1:00:09

and I would be looking up at God and going I

1:00:11

still love Tim , no matter

1:00:13

what . I was still just going to love him because I

1:00:15

always loved him . I always felt

1:00:17

like that he took care of me somehow , but

1:00:20

I just wasn't going to be

1:00:22

one of those chosen . So

1:00:26

I felt kind of bad for the missionaries . But

1:00:28

they were so goofy I was like

1:00:30

I had two goofy , two goofy

1:00:32

ones and two serious ones . You

1:00:35

know , zach and Tim were my

1:00:38

serious ones and Chad

1:00:40

and Ben

1:00:42

were the goofy ones and they were just he

1:00:45

was around with me and it was

1:00:47

really sad when they ended up coming to leave

1:00:49

. But then , I got some work . I got Jerem

1:00:51

Baylor and Jacob Gainal and

1:00:54

they were kind of the ones that helped me to end

1:00:57

up getting up to the temple to get my endowment

1:01:00

. But it was amazing , and

1:01:02

the first time I got to see the temple was

1:01:05

the hatches took me up to Reno

1:01:07

so that we could be with Chad

1:01:10

Hanson , so that he could

1:01:12

help with the baptism . So I thought that was really

1:01:14

nice . But the first time

1:01:16

I ever saw the temple was

1:01:19

in the dark . I

1:01:21

remember the hatches pointing

1:01:23

out the window and saying

1:01:26

stuff , you can see the temple

1:01:28

from here . It was like

1:01:30

a beacon , I think it was like

1:01:32

the most beautiful thing that I think I've ever seen . And

1:01:35

I grew up in Salt Lake around the temple , right

1:01:37

, but I never really looked at it , you know , I just thought

1:01:39

it was real , it

1:01:42

really wasn't much , even though it was

1:01:44

like the center of town . It

1:01:46

didn't really mean anything to me . But

1:01:49

there was amazing getting to go up there

1:01:51

, being equal to eat , you

1:01:53

know , and being

1:01:57

proxy for

1:01:59

baptisms . For some

1:02:02

of my grandparents it's

1:02:04

like a hope to meet your inner member being

1:02:06

baptized . Does it make sense ? It

1:02:09

was kind of beautiful . It was really beautiful . It was really beautiful . I

1:02:12

think I got done about 20 times , so

1:02:17

it's really beautiful . So yeah

1:02:19

, I'm painful .

1:02:22

Can I ask , jeannie , has

1:02:25

your husband taken his name through

1:02:27

? Are you guys sealed ?

1:02:30

Have you done ? Work together and everything . Yeah , I

1:02:34

have a cousin from Virginia that

1:02:36

flew all the way from Virginia . She's

1:02:39

my husband's ordinances , so

1:02:42

yeah , Wow . Yeah

1:02:44

.

1:02:44

How is that for ?

1:02:45

you .

1:02:45

Like being in the temple being sealed to your husband

1:02:48

.

1:02:48

It was really amazing because it was I

1:02:52

found out who I am , you

1:02:55

know , and that was one of the most beautiful

1:02:57

parts . But I

1:02:59

remember feeling so safe in

1:03:01

there , like nothing

1:03:03

could touch me , Nothing could hurt

1:03:05

me , like

1:03:08

it's like the whole world was just gone . It

1:03:11

was just all

1:03:14

of us in there and we were

1:03:16

all equals , and that's really

1:03:18

important to me . I think , growing

1:03:21

up the way that I did , you

1:03:23

know , not being equal to

1:03:25

anyone , I was the lowest on

1:03:27

the toilet pole because I was a fluster kid , so

1:03:30

I was the lowest , and

1:03:32

then , as a girl also , I was always

1:03:34

the lowest . It

1:03:37

was beautiful to see everybody in there and nobody

1:03:41

acted like they were any better than anybody

1:03:43

else .

1:03:44

Yeah .

1:03:45

And that's the first time I

1:03:47

think I've ever felt that in my life . I

1:03:50

want to go back pretty bad , have

1:03:52

that experience again . Yeah

1:03:54

, it was really quite beautiful and

1:03:56

I had so many friends

1:03:58

that I never expected

1:04:01

were going to be there . Even my bishop showed

1:04:03

up , which was shocking , and remember

1:04:05

turning around and oh

1:04:07

wow , bishop , you're

1:04:09

just like and he didn't

1:04:12

act like he was any better than anybody

1:04:14

else . That's

1:04:16

really important to me , to

1:04:19

know that God

1:04:21

loves me as much as he loves everybody

1:04:23

else . And it just feels

1:04:25

like to me when I look back at my life . It feels

1:04:27

like that . It's

1:04:30

like my mom taught me how to pray and

1:04:34

it's like it feels a little like to me , like as though God

1:04:36

said I'm never letting her go , even

1:04:39

though it took me 63 years to get back to church

1:04:41

, but

1:04:44

it's like everything's moving pretty fast

1:04:46

. You know , just a beautiful

1:04:48

feeling . I feel like I'm belong somewhere

1:04:51

.

1:04:51

For the first time . You have this , you have

1:04:54

this glow about you , like you really

1:04:56

do . You know that's

1:04:58

such a hard , hard story

1:05:00

to tell and like you have

1:05:02

this strength that just exudes from

1:05:04

you where you're able to . I

1:05:07

mean , I'm like losing it over here and you

1:05:09

are , you know

1:05:11

, you're accepting that it's a part of you .

1:05:14

But it doesn't have to be the thing that holds you

1:05:16

back .

1:05:17

It's just something that Heavenly Father could

1:05:20

use to your good .

1:05:25

I think I'll try to look at it as how

1:05:28

did I learn from its experience ? And

1:05:31

don't get bitter about it . Just

1:05:34

you know , learn what you're supposed to learn

1:05:36

. Just be better , just

1:05:39

be better , don't you know ? If you see

1:05:41

something that you don't like that

1:05:43

happened to you , then

1:05:46

you know what it feels like . Don't do it to somebody else .

1:05:48

Right , yeah , exactly .

1:05:50

No , learn from it . Don't do that . Then

1:05:52

Try it something

1:05:55

good that came out of it to your life and

1:05:57

then move on .

1:05:59

You know and that's actually a perfect segue for

1:06:01

what you did to start your charity

1:06:04

. So do you want to tell

1:06:06

everyone a little bit about , like , what

1:06:08

that experience was for you , that

1:06:11

that was kind of the catalyst for this

1:06:13

charity ?

1:06:15

You know , in my foster home I found

1:06:17

I was kind of passing out

1:06:19

a little bit and they couldn't

1:06:21

figure out what was going on . So

1:06:23

they were doing a bunch of testing to find out what

1:06:25

was going on and stuff . So

1:06:29

, bonnie , they had to go back

1:06:31

into my family's background , medical

1:06:33

background , and they figured

1:06:36

out stuff that diabetes and cancer

1:06:38

runs in the family very heavily . So

1:06:42

they tested me for cancer . There was no , you know

1:06:44

they . I don't know what they did for that , but

1:06:46

then they tested me . They ended up funny

1:06:48

Okay , I think she's , she's probably

1:06:50

diabetic . So they took

1:06:52

me into doctor's office

1:06:54

and they had me do

1:06:57

a test . You know where you don't eat anything

1:06:59

for 24 hours and then you

1:07:01

go in and they have you drink

1:07:03

some glucose or something kind

1:07:06

of yucky syrup , right , and

1:07:08

so pretty glad to get down . It's really

1:07:10

hard to keep it down too .

1:07:12

Especially for a kid right , Because you were

1:07:14

young when this happened .

1:07:16

I was about 10 and a half , I believe

1:07:18

, and I went in when it was

1:07:20

happening . And

1:07:22

so then they , they

1:07:24

take blood out every hour

1:07:27

and then by

1:07:29

noon or so they take it it's like every

1:07:31

half an hour . So it's an all day thing . I

1:07:33

don't know if they still do it like that or not , but that's how they did

1:07:35

it back then . And so

1:07:37

you know your eyes would get pretty bruised because your

1:07:39

veins would collapse . So they're digging around

1:07:41

in there . Some of you are bruised

1:07:44

and it's very painful

1:07:46

. So after

1:07:48

the first time they realized yes , I was pre-diabetic

1:07:51

. So I

1:07:53

had talked to the doctor and

1:07:56

he's like okay , so it's

1:07:58

not over two diabetes yet , but

1:08:00

it's very close to diabetes . So

1:08:03

let's see . If you know , you get

1:08:05

a lot of exercise , eat lots of fruits and

1:08:07

vegetables and certain kinds . It's kind of like the

1:08:09

Adkins diet really , and

1:08:11

we'll see if we can get the thing under control . So

1:08:14

I've always been very strong and

1:08:16

self-indetermined , so that's

1:08:18

what I did . So after

1:08:21

six months they had to test me again . So

1:08:24

each time , you know , I fostered

1:08:26

mom . She would just leave

1:08:29

me there . So there were still parents on

1:08:31

me that was there by myself . So

1:08:33

the second time I went in I was like 11 years

1:08:35

old . It was the

1:08:37

same nurse that was doing it again and

1:08:40

she said to me you know

1:08:42

, if your mother is just going to leave you here

1:08:44

by yourself , you need

1:08:46

to bring a doll or a teddy bear in here

1:08:49

with you for something

1:08:51

to hold on to . And

1:08:53

I was too embarrassed to tell her I'm

1:08:55

a foster kid , I can't do that

1:08:58

. I can't ask for anything , there's

1:09:00

no way . So

1:09:04

they were doing the testing and I was getting bruised

1:09:06

up pretty bad again . And I

1:09:08

remember thinking to myself all

1:09:10

right , that's it . You know what , when I grow up

1:09:12

, I'm going to get rich . You know , I'm

1:09:14

going to get rich and I'm going to start a charity

1:09:17

and I'm going to get teddy bears to all

1:09:19

the kids that have to go through this , because I don't

1:09:21

ever want a kid to go through this by

1:09:23

themselves . I assume that

1:09:25

all kids were left

1:09:27

by themselves , but they're not

1:09:29

, by the way . They're just not . That

1:09:32

was a cruelty . I was a bit of a burden

1:09:34

and I knew that , you know . So

1:09:37

that was the catalyst of deciding

1:09:39

and I've always kind of felt like that . God

1:09:42

just kind of put that in my heart , you know

1:09:44

, and so and it never

1:09:46

went away , ever . It's

1:09:48

just I was so determined that

1:09:50

one day I'm going to get so rich

1:09:52

, I'm going to start a charity

1:09:54

and I'm going to give teddy bears to kids that are in

1:09:57

trauma period . You

1:09:59

know , and I didn't know how it's going to do

1:10:01

it . But even with my husband , you know , I

1:10:04

started doing it after we moved here , just

1:10:06

taking teddy bears to the diabetes center

1:10:08

at the Premier Children's Hospital , and

1:10:11

I got to know a Jenna Asurston there

1:10:13

and heard I was actually friends , kind

1:10:15

of weird stuff . I

1:10:18

started taking them there About the

1:10:20

time that I did end up with a tumor

1:10:22

on my thyroid , about the time when I

1:10:25

stopped that . It's like , okay , that's it , I'm going to take

1:10:27

teddy bears , right . But

1:10:29

I made sure that those teddy bears got

1:10:31

to Jenna Asurston before I went in

1:10:33

for surgery . That's just how determined

1:10:36

I was to get this thing going

1:10:38

, and I'm going to get now

1:10:40

for 16 years . But

1:10:43

one day Tim

1:10:46

asked me if there was anything

1:10:48

that I wanted to do in

1:10:50

my life that I hadn't been able to do yet , and

1:10:54

I think I kind of think he thought

1:10:56

I was going to go to Paris or something , but I

1:10:58

had one for us at one time

1:11:01

. But I said to him yeah , actually I want

1:11:03

to go to college and I started charity . And

1:11:05

he says , you want to start a charity ? I'm like

1:11:07

, yeah , I'm like , well , I've actually kind of been doing it

1:11:09

already , but I want to

1:11:12

be official , you know . And

1:11:14

I told him that I had some money saved

1:11:17

, that I had been saving some money for

1:11:19

it , but I didn't know how to get it started

1:11:21

. And he said to me well

1:11:23

, I know how to do that . And

1:11:26

then he says , well , I don't know how to do it , but

1:11:28

Zach Gerber and the three of us can figure

1:11:30

it out . And it kind of exploded

1:11:33

from there . And you know , zach

1:11:35

Gerber takes care of anything

1:11:37

to do with the charity at all . He does

1:11:39

it for free . And Tim

1:11:41

any of the money and everything

1:11:44

he takes care of all over for me . He

1:11:46

does it for free for me . Wow , but

1:11:48

yeah , one of the things that I really enjoyed

1:11:51

, though , was so

1:11:53

Tim took me over to Zach so we could

1:11:55

get it all started and named

1:11:57

and everything . And Zach said

1:11:59

, well , jeannie , what about doing for

1:12:01

foster kids that are being adopted in

1:12:04

the area ? So I go yeah

1:12:06

, let's do that too . So

1:12:08

I get to do that every year too . And Zach

1:12:10

kind of exploded . So it's in Kansas

1:12:13

, in California and

1:12:15

Colorado . It's

1:12:17

been in Arizona , it's been Utah

1:12:19

, here now . So it's

1:12:22

expanding now , wow . So

1:12:24

now we're going to try to get it so that the gold mines

1:12:27

give to it . But we did have a name for

1:12:29

it . So Zach and

1:12:31

Tim said you know , you need to figure out a name for

1:12:33

it . So all these friends

1:12:35

and relatives were coming up

1:12:37

with all these cute names like oh , jeannie's

1:12:40

teddy bears or Jeannie's this or whatever

1:12:42

, and Jeannie's this . I

1:12:44

know , I don't want my name on there . It's

1:12:47

called charity , right , he's

1:12:51

the one to put it here , right , and

1:12:53

he entrusted me to do it , so

1:12:55

it's God's charity . So

1:12:57

we were coming up with all these names that I was writing down

1:13:00

all these names , and I had to

1:13:02

come in to tell him because I was supposed to have a name

1:13:04

for it . Right , we were going to go to Zach

1:13:06

, we were going to have a name for it , we were going to

1:13:08

write it down . And so Zach

1:13:10

asked us you know , we all sat down , tim and I

1:13:12

and Zach all sat down , and

1:13:15

Zach is like so , have you figured out a name

1:13:17

he's like . So I was telling him all these different

1:13:19

names and I had , just

1:13:22

as I had , left my house . I

1:13:24

remember thinking I

1:13:27

have wanted to do this forever

1:13:29

. Oh

1:13:32

yeah , forever

1:13:35

hugs . And

1:13:38

I wrote that down . It's like we were

1:13:40

here , you know , came to the

1:13:42

last name of the record and then there's forever

1:13:44

hugs , and Zach and Tim looked

1:13:46

at each other and they gave each other these big

1:13:49

smiles and Zach says do you know for that ? And

1:13:51

Tim and I are yeah . So that's why

1:13:53

. That's how forever hugs was born .

1:13:56

I love that .

1:13:57

Pretty cool , huh . So

1:13:59

when I love hugs , I love hugs

1:14:02

I feel so bad for people . It's like , hey , can I have

1:14:04

a hug , you

1:14:06

know ? But yeah , yeah , I have

1:14:08

. I'm amazing and I want

1:14:10

to say to you know , a lot of

1:14:12

the time that my doctor has said to me

1:14:14

you know , I think maybe your husband

1:14:17

had a form of autism . God

1:14:21

works in mysterious ways . He

1:14:23

really does Because

1:14:26

all of a sudden this missionary

1:14:28

showed up and his name was his

1:14:30

Britain Smith , and

1:14:33

he was autistic and

1:14:35

I watched him . It

1:14:38

was really cute because he noticed I

1:14:40

was watching him and

1:14:43

I said , do you mind if I watch

1:14:45

you ? He's like , no , I don't

1:14:47

mind , I'm like you

1:14:49

know . My doctor says that he thinks

1:14:51

that maybe my husband had just a little

1:14:53

form of autism and

1:14:56

then he told me the story about

1:14:58

how hard it was for him to get to

1:15:00

be a missionary and how

1:15:02

he had gone into the mission work

1:15:05

for , like I think he said

1:15:07

, like three or four days , and

1:15:09

then he got called back when the pandemic

1:15:11

hit , when the oh , yeah

1:15:14

, yeah , yeah , yeah , you go back . So

1:15:17

really I would have met him

1:15:19

because

1:15:22

he would have been done .

1:15:23

Right Wow .

1:15:27

So I met him at

1:15:29

the perfect timing . I could not believe

1:15:31

it . I the my doctor had just said

1:15:33

it about a week before . Wow

1:15:36

, and he , he let me watch

1:15:38

him . He's like I don't mind . And he

1:15:40

told me it's very hard . He had to work to

1:15:43

get to me a missionary . They're

1:15:45

like it's been an amazing help . God brought you to

1:15:47

me at the perfect time and

1:15:49

I think the matter was a little autistic

1:15:52

and I think that's why he had such

1:15:54

a hard time with any kind of change

1:15:56

in life at all , because he

1:15:58

just couldn't handle it . So I had

1:16:00

to keep everything the same for him . That

1:16:02

was pretty hard , you know

1:16:04

, and he liked to score me meals

1:16:06

and it was making me fat . You

1:16:09

know I needed to

1:16:11

stop . You know he couldn't , he

1:16:14

just couldn't stop . So it

1:16:16

a difficult time with it . I've

1:16:18

had some amazing missionaries in my

1:16:20

life Amazing . I

1:16:23

had a very hard time going

1:16:25

to get my things for

1:16:27

my endowment and

1:16:31

they realized that I was

1:16:33

going to have to go , you know

1:16:35

, up to Twin Falls by myself and I never

1:16:37

left town since my husband

1:16:40

had passed away . Because you can't when you're

1:16:42

, when you're , you're

1:16:44

in trauma , you can't go to

1:16:46

town . You know you're scared

1:16:48

, you're scared of everything . And

1:16:50

I recognized that I was going to have to . And

1:16:54

I was talking to a friend of mine in

1:16:57

Las Vegas and I was trying to explain

1:16:59

to her how important it was to me that

1:17:02

I had to get these things and

1:17:05

it was crying so hard when

1:17:09

, yeah , I could hardly see you know . I

1:17:11

remember looking outside and

1:17:14

I told my friend I'm like huh

1:17:16

, I think my mission aries just showed up

1:17:18

. And I , she's like

1:17:20

are you serious ? Oh yeah , she knows all about my missionaries

1:17:23

. And so

1:17:25

she's like are you sure ? I'm

1:17:27

like , yeah , that's weird . I think

1:17:29

they did . She goes , well , take me with you . So

1:17:32

I took the phone with me . Why ? Why , I

1:17:34

tried and turned , it was them and

1:17:36

they brought me chocolate . They're going to make really

1:17:38

good husbands someday . They

1:17:41

don't preach chocolate and yeah

1:17:43

, so what are you guys doing here ? When

1:17:46

they said , you know , we don't know , we just felt

1:17:48

like we should come here , and

1:17:51

so I told them . You know what was going on

1:17:54

. I told them how scared I was you

1:17:56

know , drive all the way up to Twin Falls by

1:17:58

myself and I was terrified

1:18:01

of it . And

1:18:03

I told them . I said , you know , I'll just keep going

1:18:05

to church , I just won't get my endowment . I'll

1:18:07

just call everybody and tell them you

1:18:10

know , I canceled the airplane rides and I'll just

1:18:12

pay them back because my cousin

1:18:14

had already , you know , booked a flight . I

1:18:17

thought , you know , I'll just pay him back , I

1:18:19

just keep going to church , I just won't receive

1:18:22

my endowment because I just too scared to bug

1:18:24

their . But there were three

1:18:26

hearts and they just said Jamie , you've

1:18:28

got to get it . You know

1:18:30

it's going to be amazing . I'm like no , I can't

1:18:32

do it , but they

1:18:34

, they left . And

1:18:36

the next morning I remember

1:18:39

my friend

1:18:41

in Las Vegas . Her

1:18:44

husband took her his life too . So

1:18:47

we've bonded through that . She

1:18:51

can't leave town either . This

1:18:53

is how it works . You're

1:18:55

in trauma , you can't leave town

1:18:57

. You have to have safety

1:19:00

at all times . You have to feel safe

1:19:02

. But I

1:19:04

got up the next morning and

1:19:07

I texted a whole bunch of people and

1:19:09

I'm like right , that's it , I'm going . I

1:19:12

got on my pickup you were texting Tim Hatch

1:19:14

and like hey , guess where I'm at , you know . And

1:19:17

he's kind of like go girl . You know , you , go

1:19:19

girl . I think what

1:19:21

really made me

1:19:23

do it was I needed to go

1:19:26

to my friend in Las Vegas will be

1:19:28

okay , we're going

1:19:30

to be okay .

1:19:32

Man , jeannie , that has just been . You

1:19:34

just have such an incredible story and we're

1:19:37

we're so glad to see that

1:19:39

. You know you're at a place where you are

1:19:41

in that brighter future . Now you

1:19:43

know you've had those darkest days and now

1:19:46

you get to experience the light , you get

1:19:48

to experience the joy , you

1:19:50

get to find who you are , you know how much you're

1:19:52

loved . You've built this , this family

1:19:55

around you that just wants

1:19:57

you to be happy

1:19:59

and and and successful

1:20:01

and , and then you're giving back

1:20:04

, I mean the charity that you have

1:20:06

going on and just the example you're showing

1:20:08

for others . It's just amazing

1:20:10

and so . I'm just I'm just going

1:20:12

to tell you I'm so proud of you .

1:20:14

Thank you , thank you .

1:20:16

Through everything you've gotten through and forgetting your red Cadillac

1:20:18

and starting your journey . You've

1:20:20

done all these things .

1:20:22

You're so impressed You're

1:20:24

pretending to come out . You sounded

1:20:27

like Cadillac .

1:20:28

Yeah , yeah , I love my kid

1:20:30

.

1:20:30

Thank you so much for for coming

1:20:33

on the show and for being so open with everybody

1:20:35

. We really we're

1:20:37

just so grateful for you .

1:20:39

Thank you , yeah , I'm proud

1:20:41

of you too , even though this is the first time we've ever met . When

1:20:45

we were talking before the podcast , you talked

1:20:47

about the rear view mirror and the windshield

1:20:49

. Can

1:20:52

you just talk ? About that real quick , because I really liked that

1:20:54

analogy .

1:20:54

You know , there's a couple of Lisa guys coming home from

1:20:56

church . You know , I was looking

1:20:59

in the rear view mirror and

1:21:01

I'm like all of a sudden it hit me . It's like , wow , the rear

1:21:03

view mirrors were really tight . And

1:21:05

you know , but you , you know , but it's

1:21:08

because you've been there , you

1:21:10

know you're done , you've

1:21:12

been there , experienced it , it's

1:21:14

done . But then you look

1:21:17

forward and the windshield is so

1:21:19

big , you

1:21:21

know , and that's your future

1:21:23

, that's your present , you

1:21:25

know . And to me

1:21:27

, you know , I always have to wear sunglasses

1:21:29

, you know , because it's so bright out

1:21:32

, I feel like , oh , I feel so bright

1:21:34

. It's just that's

1:21:36

the rear view mirror . What did you learn from that ? What

1:21:39

did you ? What did you apply

1:21:41

to your life ? Was it good or was it bad ? Make

1:21:44

sure it's good , make those right steps and

1:21:47

then keep making those steps forward . And

1:21:49

so , because this is a really bright future , it really is

1:21:51

, just because you come from what

1:21:54

you think is and you know , really

1:21:56

is bad . You don't

1:21:58

have to , you

1:22:00

don't have to get stuck there . Just

1:22:03

keep moving forward and make those right steps . Don't

1:22:07

don't go on the back pathway . Go

1:22:09

the right way . And

1:22:12

if somebody thinks that they're that , the Holy

1:22:14

Spirit doesn't help you . I think

1:22:16

I'm true that

1:22:18

it does , because

1:22:20

I got baptized at nine and I forgot . I was mad at it

1:22:22

, but

1:22:26

for some weird reason I can't make it . Last right

1:22:28

steps those

1:22:31

. Those are my choices , yeah . I

1:22:33

go to the Holy Spirit , because that's

1:22:35

the only thing it could be , because I'm just human . I could

1:22:37

not have made it on my own . I'm

1:22:40

just human .

1:22:43

I love that .

1:22:46

Oh well , you are one of my

1:22:48

new heroes .

1:22:51

I want to be a hero to children . You

1:22:54

know there's monsters in the world , but let's make sure

1:22:56

that children know that there's also heroes too

1:22:58

.

1:22:59

Yeah .

1:22:59

Yeah , definitely .

1:23:02

I think you can check that off on your bucket list .

1:23:05

I think you are definitely a hero for them and

1:23:07

for many others . I

1:23:09

don't jump out of there playing this .

1:23:11

There you go , thank you .

1:23:15

It's been a pleasure .

1:23:16

Thank you , it really , really has been

1:23:18

, and I just I know that your story is going to touch so

1:23:21

many , so many hearts and so many lives

1:23:23

, and that it's definitely going to be the thing

1:23:25

that instills faith

1:23:27

, invites growth and inspires others , and

1:23:30

I just just thank you so much for

1:23:32

being a light of you know , to

1:23:35

sharing that light of Christ with the world . And

1:23:37

for being a light to others .

1:23:39

Thank you , Westbastion . The two

1:23:41

of you Thank you for the opportunity .

1:23:45

You too , and thank you everyone

1:23:47

for tuning in to hear

1:23:49

Jeannie's story . Hopefully

1:23:52

that's touched your heart like it has ours , and

1:23:54

you want to share that with others

1:23:56

. This is why we do this

1:23:58

show is because of

1:24:00

stories like Jeannie's that we

1:24:03

would never know this story if

1:24:05

we didn't have this podcast

1:24:07

, and that

1:24:10

would be a shame , because she's got such

1:24:12

a powerful message to share . So

1:24:14

help us get it out there , you know , share it with your

1:24:17

friends and let's let's share this light

1:24:19

. Let's make the world better

1:24:21

by just sharing

1:24:23

Jeannie's story with others .

1:24:26

Yeah , absolutely , and to

1:24:28

all of our listeners if you guys are out

1:24:30

there and you're feeling that Holy

1:24:32

Ghost , you know , flicker

1:24:34

in your chest and you know that you have

1:24:37

a story to share too , whether it's like

1:24:39

Jeannie's or completely different . I

1:24:41

know this one had a lot of hard and a lot

1:24:43

of heavy things in it , but it also has a lot of

1:24:45

beauty . There's a lot of stories out there

1:24:47

that are are completely different

1:24:50

too . It's okay , you know , it doesn't have

1:24:52

to be hard and heavy . It can be fun and it can be loving

1:24:54

and it can be miraculous . And

1:24:56

I think that the main thing is just if you

1:24:59

have that story that needs to be shared

1:25:01

and you know that your story can be something

1:25:03

that can really help another person's testimony

1:25:05

to grow , that can help them to

1:25:07

see the savior , to trust

1:25:09

that the Holy Ghost is there and to know that our Heavenly

1:25:11

Father has a beautiful plan for each

1:25:13

and every one of us . Please reach out . You

1:25:16

can either go to Latterday Lightscom and fill the

1:25:18

form out at the bottom of the page , or you can email

1:25:20

us at Latterday Lights at gmailcom

1:25:22

. You can also comment wherever you're

1:25:25

listening or watching this podcast . You

1:25:27

can put it in the comments , and we would be happy

1:25:29

to sit and talk with you guys and to

1:25:32

be able to share some more stories . So don't

1:25:34

be , don't be scared , and even if you are scared

1:25:36

, do it anyway .

1:25:37

Yeah , jeannie , feel the fear , I'm scared . Yeah

1:25:39

, jeannie was scared .

1:25:46

We normally don't do this . But we had a little bit of a technical

1:25:49

issue here and so we were like , well , we can reschedule

1:25:51

, you know ? And and Jeannie said , no , I've already

1:25:54

gone a whole week without sleeping because I'm so

1:25:56

scared . We're doing it today , so so

1:25:59

it's okay , you can do it scared . And

1:26:01

look you , I promise you , jeannie , like not

1:26:04

a single person would have even noticed , because

1:26:06

you , just you were

1:26:08

just so calm and just

1:26:11

a source of peace .

1:26:12

And so you guys , made it easy , oh awesome .

1:26:15

Well , thanks again

1:26:17

, jeannie , and thanks everyone for watching , and

1:26:20

we will see you again next week with

1:26:22

a new episode . Until then , take

1:26:24

care , we'll talk to you soon . Bye everybody

1:26:26

, bye , bye

1:26:29

.