Today's guest is Amanda Moon Callahan Director of Prevention for Safe Harbor and we will be discussing preventing domestic violence through early education and policy reform.

Safe harbor is a domestic violence organization that serves upstate South Carolina. They have a three pronged system; providing services for victim survivors and their families, advocacy for clients and the community, and preventing the issue of domestic violence.

Amanda is the Director of Prevention for Safe Harbor.

She discusses how South Carolina is the 5th leading state for the number of women who are murdered by men in the nation.  This is the most accurate measure to understand the statistics of domestic violence in a given area.

Safe Harbor consistently ask, how do they stop the cycle before it happens? She listens to the stories of the men and woman, thinking about what would prevent them from entering the cycle in the first place?

She shares her story about how she grew up in a home where addiction was the norm, mom being an alcoholic. Her parents didn’t have the best relationship which was ruled by alcoholism. She had friends and a sister who experienced domestic violence and couldn't understand why her advice wasn’t working, so she decided to get educated. She was academically led to understand domestic violence and began working in gender studies. Looking at violence against woman around the globe, studying issues such as sex trafficking, female genital mutilation and other issues. Her graduate work is in national human rights, through the lens of public health. She learned these are global and local issues and decided to work with her local community.

We discuss that family members of a victim should recognize it is not up to them to solve the issue, but they can get support to learn how to manage their own challenges around it.

Amanda shares how people believe the main solution for a domestic violence victim is to leave the abuser.  Many times we do not know what is best for her and her family, which sometimes means not leaving. The goal is to equip her with the skill to figure out what is best route and put the decision in her hands. Then Safe Harbor will do the best they can to help her complete her goals, even if that means staying with the abuser.

An example of when it may not be best to leave an abuser is when a woman has children and is unable to put on paper with the court system, the abuse that is happening at home. She may be scarred to press charges because she has been threatened.  She goes to counseling, and they help her with the legalities to divorce her abuser. The court then gives her and her abusive partner 50/50 split of the children.

What would you do if you knew your children would be alone with the abusive partner? Are you going to let them into the abusive household and let them be alone with the abuser? How can we expect her to leave in that situation?  It's important to understand the context of the problem. We often rush to solutions before we understand what is going on.

Every October, which is domestic violence awareness month, they release the statistic of women who are murdered by men, which is the strongest indicator of domestic violence.  This is an accurate indicator for domestic violence because much of it goes unreported. But we can be sure how many people are being killed. It’s about looking at the national levels, and then comparing them to your area. If the nations average is X% and a particular area average is 3 times X, that showcases there is an issue in that area.

We discuss the bigger issues that they see regarding domestic violence. South Carolina, over the past 18 years, has never been out of the top ten states for the number of women killed by men and was number one, three times. Many of the issues are systemic and cultural. There are cultural norms in South Carolina, which are also similarly occurring in the other top ten states of domestic violence.

There are a lot of challenges with the laws and legalities of domestic violence in South Carolina which are currently being updated. Two years a ago a bill was passed to better categorize criminal domestic violence violations with stricter jail time and higher fines. These are legalities that are behind when compared to the rest of the country.

There are 46 animal shelters and there are only 18 domestic violence shelter in the state. This shows how relaxed the legal systems takes the issue of domestic violence. If you beat your animal its automatic jail time with fine, if you beat your partner or spouse it's not necessarily automatic jail time. it depends on how bad you beat them. These systems allow domestic violence to happen.  Allowing perpetrators to get away with it and think it's okay because the law doesn’t take it seriously.

In South Carolina, there is a long history of believing domestic violence is a private issue, and what happens in at home is their business. There are strong cultural implications of masculinity, about what a man and woman should be and do. There are also spiritual implications regarding what the head of the household says and that’s how it goes. They engage with faith based institutions on how to help survivors, and for them to be more aware of their message that could be harmful

Another law that goes into cultural implications is the access to guns and weapons. Over 70% of the murders against women are committed with guns and SC have some of the most lenient gun laws. A gun does not make someone safe especially when there are issues of power dynamics home.  It increase the likely hood of her being killed by a gun by 5,000% percent.

How Safe Harbor started their prevention program was by sharing the story of a domestic violence case that shook the community. They share the story at schools, showing that violence is a learned behavior. Safe Harbor learned that children are repeating those learned behaviors and bring violence to their first intimate relationship.  Bringing it from home to school.

As Safe Harbor began building a relationship with the school district they started asking themselves questions, what if this wasn’t just about sharing the story. What if they could have a deeper discussion with these young people, providing them with skills to have better conversations about violence?  What if they could break down those negative behaviors and give them an education about what violence looks like?  What if they could give them healthy, positive coping skills and help them learn how to develop intimate relationships for their future? Giving them a different paradigm to look through.

They then created the Relationship Education Project (REP) which is a healthy relationship curriculum that has been going on for about a decade. It is a series of 5-8 classes where they create a space to allow young people to start thinking and discussing healthy relationships.

They work to create a safe space where the students feel valued. They encourage students to speak up, even if it goes against what is being taught. Allowing them a voice and asking them questions to provoke different thinking. Amanda is witnessing how young people want to talk about these things and their “ah ha” moments. These students feel less alone because now they can connect with others. This allows children’s futures to be changed, where they won't have the same issues as their parents.

For a woman who is experiencing domestic violence, know that it is not your fault. You have the ability to change your life for the better. Find your local domestic violence shelter, talk with a faith based leader, talk with your family, lean on your support system. Start having a conversation beyond yourself, and get your thoughts out of your own head.

For those who want to help, who believe in this mission and are at ground zero, you can start by getting educated. A couple of resources include the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or The National Resource for Sexual Violence. Go to their websites and begin to understand the issues. Also do some self searching and self discovery and look at the everyday systems of oppression such as the jokes of women being dumb, stupid, sexual objects and so on. Look for the small things you can do and become aware.

When there is an inappropriate joke that you want to address with the other person, address it from a place of curiosity and observation, not in an argumentative way. When you argue about it, they will have their defense up and less likely to change. They will stick more to their point, decreasing your chance to have a healthy conversation. Also you can reach out to your local domestic violence shelter and sexual assault center, who are often in need of volunteers. As always feel free to provide a donation to a local shelter.

Amanda’s final message to the audience is that young people have the ability to change their future and then the world. They are the one who have the power to change the statistic of South Carolina being number five. She challenges adults to value the young people in their lives, to start talking to them and challenging them. She also challenges the young people to get involved.

National Coalition Against domestic Violence The National Sexual Violence Resource Center

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