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sleepingdogsmovie.com/wondery. Hey

0:41

guys, before we start the show, I just

0:43

want to tell you our live show has

0:45

moved into the main room

0:47

at the Stan Comedy Club, Monday nights,

0:49

8 p.m. Big guests,

0:52

big laughs, big food,

0:54

the big room, big

0:56

room. It's huge. It's really a

0:58

big deal. We've been here for a long, long

1:00

time and we love the stand. They're great partners

1:02

and we've been selling out for so long that

1:04

they decided to move us into the main room.

1:06

That means we need you guys to come and

1:08

pack it out every single week. So make sure

1:10

you get those tickets at the stand NYC dot

1:12

com. We promise you that we're going to keep

1:14

on growing the show and bringing you big laughs

1:17

from the big room at the stand. You

1:19

have to be there live to get the

1:21

live experience now. So get tickets at the

1:23

stand nyc.com and be a part of the

1:25

live taping every Monday night at 8 p.m. All

1:28

right, let's start the show. Gentlemen,

1:30

let's take a quick moment and thank you. creative.com

1:32

for supporting today's show. They are the home of

1:35

the 60 dollar kilo. If you guys are over

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21 years old and in the market for creative,

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you've got to support your creative.com because they support

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everything we do. The marquee sponsors for Skankfest. Go

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to your creative dot com. All right, let's start

1:45

the show. Fill

1:48

her up. You're listening to the

1:50

guest. When

1:59

you. And this itorkall. Man, this

2:01

Kang is

2:37

becoming a man before our very eyes. Well,

2:39

I'm loving it. It's never not hilarious. I

2:42

don't think it's hilarious at all. I find

2:44

it awesome. It gets me so hyped everybody.

2:46

What's up? It is the Legionist's

2:48

Gang's podcast everybody. I think it's good to

2:50

see you all. Coming

2:55

to you from the stand comedy club. The

2:57

Skanks are all here. Of course, Big J

2:59

Okersson. Sitting to my right is always Davey

3:01

Smith. What's up? Come on. Because

3:04

the border went boo. Yeah. That

3:07

energy isn't going to keep us downstairs. He

3:09

says, we're trying to stay downstairs.

3:11

We are 91% sold out, folks. We

3:16

always save those ones over there for the

3:18

fucking fan club. They never come. It's

3:21

all a pound. To my

3:23

left, everybody, as always, he is back. Back

3:26

in black, everybody. It's the Puerto Rican

3:29

Rattlesnake, Luis J Gomez. I'm back. And

3:31

I'm the Puerto Rican Rattlesnake. I

3:34

thought you were doing it back in the New York group.

3:36

That's what I was doing. But I made my own lyrics for

3:38

it. But then it went off. A little bit of a parody.

3:40

You bet it went totally off. I do this when I

3:42

say, when you don't hit the notes or the lyrics scheme, no

3:45

one knows. Back at my house

3:47

watching television. I

3:49

just went on playing Warzone. And I

3:51

go against black people on the chat. I

3:54

always say, I'm black. And I

3:56

don't know my dad. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, yeah.

3:59

Now that's a parody. Fucking suck our

4:01

dicks, weirdo. We

4:04

have two amazing guests on the show

4:06

tonight, everybody. Our first guest, you know him and love

4:08

him, everybody. He's a staple over here at the Legion

4:10

of Skanks. You know him as the

4:12

host of the Column Terrell podcast in 30 minutes

4:14

with Column Terrell right on YouTube. Produced

4:16

by Game Digital. His name? Column

4:19

Terrell, everybody. Next is Jordan. I

4:31

love liquid. I

4:37

love a liquid. I love a liquid

4:39

throw. Damn, I just, it really is.

4:42

I've seen it happen before, but it is the problem

4:44

with naming everything you do after yourself. Is

4:47

that your intros always have to be, you know,

4:50

buy tickets at columnterrell.com. You know him

4:52

from the Column Terrell show and the

4:55

Column Terrell half hour special, Column Terrell.

4:59

Our second guest, everybody. First time on the show,

5:01

I believe. Am I

5:03

wrong? First, yeah. What do you mean? Yeah,

5:05

you don't know that? Everyone got weird. It's this

5:07

black guy right here. Oh, it's that

5:10

black guy. Everybody, for the first time on

5:12

Legion of Skanks, put column on camera. What

5:14

is wrong with you? What the

5:17

fuck is happening to you, you junkie? No,

5:19

I'm in this shot too. Are you high? Dude,

5:24

this is Lewis. You

5:26

don't need Lewis in the one shot. Even I

5:28

would admit that that is too much Lewis for one show.

5:31

Too much. In

5:34

a second, you're going to realize why Paco thought our guest was possibly

5:36

already there. I couldn't find him. This

5:40

new special, everybody. Starfish available right now

5:42

on YouTube. How about it for the

5:44

hilarious Brad Williams, everybody? Dude,

6:00

good to be here. I'm poppin' my

6:02

skank cherry tonight. I'm excited. Hell yeah,

6:04

dude. Great. You came on a

6:07

good night. This is one of our sacrifice shows. Oh,

6:10

that's fun. Someone

6:12

told you the blood of the midget cures aid, didn't

6:14

they? It's in most fucking

6:16

witchcraft recipes. It's very true. Sounds far-fetched,

6:19

but there's only one way to make

6:21

sure. Wait, hold on. I'm

6:23

deep. What do they

6:25

say in Africa if you fuck a baby accuser? It's

6:27

just kind of the same thing. I saw Book of Mormon

6:29

2. It was a great show. If you suck

6:32

a midget cock, you lose your AIDS. That's

6:35

very true. That is completely accurate.

6:37

You think Northern African people

6:39

would believe they fucked babies that they would cure AIDS,

6:41

or it was just an excuse to fuck a baby

6:43

before you die from AIDS? I mean,

6:45

I think there was definitely one guy at the top who

6:47

just wanted to fuck babies the whole time. Yeah, and then

6:49

he convinced everyone else. Yeah,

6:52

and then I hope there was a hairless midget that just

6:54

got a lot of sex. Maybe

6:57

it was done in more of a... Brad,

6:59

go shame up your beard. Wah! Wah!

7:03

Give me that same African cock. Baby wants

7:05

some pussy. Who wants

7:07

to get rid of their AIDS? Wah!

7:11

That's funny. I never think about that. It's always

7:13

men fucking babies

7:15

to cure their AIDS. Well, you can't get a baby...

7:17

I was going to say, did you see a woman

7:19

trying to ride a baby? I'm quitting my AIDS. I

7:21

don't know. I squish it in.

7:23

Florida, you are on watch. Challenge accepted. Because

7:25

those teachers are fucking young kids nowadays. I

7:27

know, but what's the youngest they've gone to

7:29

now? Not babies. You got to have a

7:31

job as a kid. It is damn near

7:33

impossible to get a baby's dick hard. And

7:35

I will tell you that from experience. Damn

7:39

near. Almost impossible. Damn near. That's how Lewis

7:41

lost his fear factor audition. He

7:44

couldn't keep that baby hard for enough time to

7:46

get it in. You have to wait till the

7:49

baby wakes up with a boner, which starts happening

7:51

at like a year old. So the baby gets

7:53

the boner and then Rogan has his UFC reaction.

7:55

Oh my God. Oh,

8:04

you guys see on the on that quite on the

8:06

set doc you married the porno it

8:08

wasn't on that was the girl From a

8:10

Nickelodeon on her podcast, but she was complaining

8:13

about Steve-o Just aren't staying

8:15

back in everybody she goes we should look at Howard Stern. I bet

8:17

he's done some me too stuff That's

8:20

why every day he just says I love Joe

8:22

Biden I

8:25

know you guys can't tell me at any moment. What do you

8:27

want me to say? So so

8:29

so why you asking me about Steve-o, you know,

8:31

I'm not the other one, right? No,

8:46

they said that she said Steve-o used to have

8:48

a tattoo of the It was

8:50

a person with a baby on it the naked guy with a boner

8:52

with a baby on the tip of their dick And

8:55

then he caught so much shit for it that he

8:57

changed it to an ostrich being fucked by a man

8:59

now, that's okay Well, cuz

9:01

now just Peters after him Everybody

9:03

so it's fine. Yeah, I mean Yeah,

9:07

I mean that's it. Can we see is there a picture of

9:09

Steve-o's old? Oh, yeah Guy

9:13

did the first one who's the tattoo

9:16

artist was like, yeah, I got just a

9:18

cartoon Oh, yeah, I got it. Yeah, but do

9:20

you think that you are as we'll do anything?

9:22

Yeah, right. They all have a product They're all

9:24

molested. Ah, but if you go in today, there's

9:26

a price for all but there's plenty that say

9:28

they won't do like genitals And shit. Well, what

9:30

about somebody that will do like a swastika? Like

9:32

would I go into a regular cat for a

9:34

friend? Regular

9:37

tattoo shop and get a swastika right on my

9:39

chest right now I bet you got loose if

9:41

you got a swastika under your dick hair would

9:43

be fucking hilarious To see

9:45

it this is actually a magic eye picture when they

9:47

go to suck your dick and I'm relaxing

9:50

my eyes It's

9:55

gotta be the SWAT like the Asian swastika that's

9:57

like for like peace and glory or whatever That

10:00

was Native American. That's how they describe it?

10:02

The Asian swastika. No, I think it's Indian,

10:05

which is Asian, but it's Indian. By the

10:07

way, the Asian swastika will be the most

10:09

badass UFC fighter of all time. If

10:13

that's a nickname, go into

10:15

the octagon. It's Kai! The

10:17

Asian swastika. Half

10:19

Samoan, half white supremacist. The eyes

10:22

of a Nazi. The agility of

10:24

an Asian. The

10:26

Korean zombie versus the Asian swastika.

10:31

The axe is formed. Yes,

10:33

dude, you get that one. Here's

10:35

what I will do, dude. The

10:37

Asian swastika. Why does

10:40

that look less threatening? If

10:42

you turn it slightly on its side... Did you show it

10:44

at someone really fast? I

10:46

do. Dude,

10:48

that's what we should do. We should do Gun in

10:50

the Butt Challenge at Skankfest. Asian

10:53

swastika edition. With a loser-esque, an

10:55

Asian swastika tattooed on them. Oh,

10:58

what's this got to do with your butt? And

11:00

now we've hit his limits. We'll do it

11:02

on our butts. On our

11:04

butts. How about

11:07

it? It's something that I can win really easily, and

11:09

you have to get a backwards swastika. Like, you have

11:11

to tell everybody for us to do life. No, it's

11:13

going the wrong way. No, it's not the

11:15

racist way. It goes the other way. But in

11:17

selfies, it does look correct. Yeah,

11:20

in mirror, you take all over the shoulder mirrors.

11:22

No, I mean, fuck you, blacks. Did you just

11:24

click it? Yeah. They ain't

11:26

hanging up. Did you just not replace

11:29

this? Can

11:32

we just get you the tattoo? Suck on that. Can

11:35

we just skip the games? Just

11:38

get you a backwards swastika. Please? Only

11:41

appears in mirrors. And so, buddy, because we

11:43

first started this podcast. Literally 15

11:45

years ago, I could have

11:47

easily been convinced for a bit to get a

11:49

swastika tattoo. Oh, dude, if you think Lewis goes

11:51

for it now, and he had nothing to lose,

11:54

man, you could have... you were

11:56

25 bucks away from good news. What is he

11:58

after the Lewis? None of his fault. to

12:00

lose this. These guys were aspiring to be

12:02

where I'm at and I was nowhere. So

12:04

we were just eating shit. Who was this

12:06

else? We would have done anything. Yeah dude.

12:09

You could get it around the butthole pretty easily.

12:12

A swastika? Yeah. It's not a bad idea. Butthole

12:14

will be a nice little centerpiece for that. Don't

12:16

disrespect the swastika right there. Maybe you don't understand

12:18

the show that you're on right now. What the

12:20

fuck an asshole dude. This

12:23

guy. We have an incredible show plan. I'm really excited

12:25

about the show. Colin was back. It's been a while

12:27

since Colin's been on the show. Yeah it's been a

12:29

bit. Colin what are you doing? I'm doing

12:31

good. Does it not hurt legally?

12:33

Did you go back to Ireland? Just

12:36

been around. Just been out in a bell. By

12:38

the way the fact that a dwarf slash leprechaun

12:40

is next to the Irish guy makes me very

12:42

uncomfortable. Now it's making him super uncomfortable. Colin is

12:44

going to get drunk and start chasing you in

12:46

about 15 minutes. I got

12:49

a friend on his way down with an

12:51

empty bag to bring you

12:53

home. Now you know what? I don't go out on

12:55

St. Patrick's Day. I don't fucking leave my house on

12:57

that day. If you go out dressed like

12:59

a leprechaun it will rain pussy on you.

13:02

You're getting tossed. You are getting tossed. It's

13:05

going to be pasty freckly pussy. The

13:08

pussy nonetheless. It's really sad how

13:10

small minded some people are.

13:12

Now if you guys just go out there.

13:14

Hey hey hey. That was a little bit

13:18

of a dance. Come

13:21

on dude. All I'm saying

13:23

is like whatever you guys are just two dudes

13:25

but if you both just start thinking at the

13:27

same time where would a pot of gold be?

13:30

Listen we're here like. I don't know I'm

13:32

a Jewish guy. I got a Jewish guy

13:34

after. This is classic Jew

13:37

technique. There we go. Oh we

13:39

don't know where it is. If you put your pot

13:42

of gold with my

13:44

firm we can carry that pot of gold

13:46

in some more gold. Dave's like where do

13:48

you guys keep your pot of pennies? Look

13:52

at the door. You know I can't tell you where

13:54

it is. We discussed this at the meeting. Colin's

13:57

going to chase you and try to get you to show you where his

13:59

bag of cookies are. Oh That's

14:04

a big bag of coke fuck you I could

14:07

do so much to me The

14:10

dosage is way different dude or do drugs really

14:12

fuck with you differently now I

14:15

only cuz I don't do them So if I

14:17

ever do like I smoke weed, but I've never

14:19

done mushrooms. I've never done coke so if

14:22

I sorry The booing you I forgot the

14:24

crowd Know your audience.

14:26

How did you be a fucking man for one? I'm

14:29

I'm terrified is my heart smaller

14:31

and I feel like if I did coke it would

14:33

just explode we get the seed from aliens I

14:44

do I would love to take Molly with you somewhere.

14:46

Oh, yeah, that would be fun I'm

14:49

willing to do Molly. I would love to do mushrooms at

14:51

some point Take Molly and

14:53

then let's reenact the men without hat safety

14:55

dance video. Give me a pole. I'll dance

14:57

around that. Yeah Let's

14:59

go. No, I

15:01

think it is re Shafir's mission in life to

15:04

get me to do mushrooms every time

15:06

he sees me He's like, okay. What are we doing? He

15:08

just wants to look at you This

15:19

is my eight foot tall friend Like

15:23

conjoined friend Any more

15:25

weed do we not have more blunts what happened a fucking Annoying

15:28

laugh guy didn't bring out the blunt today. Where

15:31

are you? You fucking cheap fucking weed

15:33

until Trump's free of all It's a

15:35

fucking Arab Trump supporter. It's psychotic. I've

15:37

never seen anything like it Arab Trump.

15:39

Yeah, why Wow You

15:41

heard right? I think most I'm surprised

15:44

he didn't ban himself from the building

15:48

Wow, well, we know as long as he's

15:50

here the building safe I Think

15:55

huge blunts. Oh, wow any brought

15:57

them in a fucking Chinese Nice

16:00

little Chinese food container. Yeah. This is

16:02

a huge bunch. Thank

16:04

you annoying last guy. You may enter one more

16:06

week. I hate to break into a whole argument

16:09

here about this food. That's not a Chinese food

16:11

container. Chinese food in my neighborhood comes in this.

16:13

It will come in that, but that's not what

16:15

you would call a Chinese food container. An entree

16:17

would come in that. I don't think, I feel

16:19

like there's no Chinese food places that still do

16:21

the Chinese food container. I get rice

16:23

in the middle. Yeah, the rice is right. But that's it, nothing

16:26

else comes in there. Nothing else. I used

16:28

to like when everything came out. Dude, you

16:30

used to have just soaking wet

16:32

beef with broccoli in one of

16:35

those paper fucking containers until they

16:37

realized it's retarded. Did

16:39

you guys ever see the meme where it's like nobody

16:41

knows the real way to use a Chinese box and

16:43

then they unfold it and act like it's a plate?

16:45

It's like no asshole, it's just a piece of cardboard.

16:49

The one that got me- You unfold anything and it becomes a plate. Oh

16:51

look at the fucking plate. I'll say the one

16:53

that got me and I was- You were

16:55

dealing with people who own plates. I'll tell

16:57

you what. We just went and put

16:59

it on our plate. I'll tell you what. I bought

17:01

it specifically so it could be a plate. We

17:04

were okay with that luxury. I

17:06

got a plate, I'll do one dish. The

17:08

doing it wrong that pissed me off the most because I did it

17:11

for a month and I was like this is

17:13

wrong. You've been using your can opener wrong the

17:15

whole time. Oh no. And you

17:17

do it from the top and it shakes off the entire top of

17:19

the can. But it's insanely more

17:21

work. It takes so much more like- Oh

17:23

you turn it around so you're cutting the

17:25

edge of the pan. Definitely not the way

17:27

to go. And with a lot of damn right it

17:29

is an benefit of that. I don't know. And

17:31

also how many cans are you opening? More

17:34

cans have the little pop-top now. What

17:36

are you eating out of a can? Well if

17:38

I'm making a gravy I got to throw some

17:40

canned tomatoes. Rations from

17:42

his Tuesday prep. I don't believe in this story.

17:44

I don't think you've ever opened a can. Okay

17:46

so- He's a fat guy.

17:48

He's opened some cans. I'm opening a can in

17:51

my day. He's got a pair of cans. It's

17:53

such a hilarious thing to call bullshit on. I'm sorry I

17:55

was saying how bad I look. You can. That's

17:58

the emphasis of nature. I've never seen you with

18:00

a can of- A can? I

18:03

specifically searched your pantry last week and

18:06

I didn't see one can but what are you

18:08

fucking- All unopened Oh yeah, I need this can

18:10

of refried beans I guess SpaghettiOs

18:14

every night Jay's

18:17

not taking this can fashion very well It's

18:19

just, I open cans when I make a

18:21

nice sauce Jay's

18:23

always uh, you buy canned tomatoes

18:25

and crushed tomatoes come in cans

18:28

We really did open a can of worm budget

18:32

Show them how to open a can of worms But if

18:34

you open a can of worms, do it from the side,

18:36

don't take it from the top Life hack, smash it off

18:38

the ground man Life hack, use a- Do you have it?

18:40

Do you have the video of that? Of

18:43

opening the can from the side? Opening the can the wrong

18:45

way? I would love someone- Do all the life hacks- They

18:47

never even started to look at that Life hacks are all

18:49

just shitty, it's like oh uh You use like those clips

18:52

to make all your wires come together It's like they-

18:54

like then you look like a fucking crazy homeless person

18:56

Hey do you shit your underwear? Just cut the shit

18:58

stuff out and use the rest of the rag I

19:01

know I

19:05

bet that guy that does things really fast Some guy showed

19:07

me that if you put uh, if you use shaving cream

19:09

you can get girls squirt out of your fucking uh Out

19:12

of your fucking mattress Oh

19:14

that's really cool that the Also

19:18

that's just not a real problem you

19:21

dumb black person He's

19:23

black, I'm a being descriptive He's

19:25

a black guy, oh for the audio people Oh

19:31

my god black people love to make their lives more difficult

19:33

They really do Every time

19:36

you turn around here the black guy just making life

19:38

more difficult Man And

19:40

you thought Jordan Peele's movies were bad And

19:45

Jay where you like Christine's His life hacks

19:47

are worse Where you're like Christine let

19:49

me show you something real cool I

19:52

go look at this Dave no more getting your fingers

19:54

wet I go yo we're about to make some sauce

19:56

because I'm gonna show you how this fucking thing works

19:58

We're making gravy every week babe It's almost

20:00

like you're using a cat over going, like one

20:03

of the more convenient inventions of all time going,

20:05

there's gotta be a better way than this. There's

20:08

gotta be a physically harder way to do this. Yes.

20:10

It's fine. No, I think any of

20:12

those, like you've been doing this wrong the whole time,

20:14

tends to be bullshit. But that's the worst way, you

20:16

know how the model is always like the infomercial starts

20:18

with like, don't you hate things

20:20

that break and then that's in black and white?

20:22

Yeah. And then it comes into

20:25

color and it's like, well no, there's this new

20:27

thing. I've never seen a worse start than, you

20:29

know the mess of the inside of the can? You

20:32

get a little bit of that tomato sauce from the top of the

20:34

can that's gonna throw away? No,

20:36

inconvenient. I've never even imagined

20:39

that this was an issue, that one day you'd say

20:41

to the cat. It's just a black and white person

20:43

like, oh my god, I can't do it like, splitting

20:45

their ribs and like sauce and getting on

20:47

them. You know, like give me something. Yeah,

20:50

something. Make it more entertaining. You

20:52

sick and tired of being a big dumb black fuck. Do

20:57

you hate not knowing your father? Well, I don't know. We

20:59

can't do anything about that. Anchor

21:02

brains are vibrating. You're

21:04

anchoring and vibrating every time

21:06

you cut into your spaghetti.

21:09

We have so many minorities covered and yet

21:11

we're attacking the ones that aren't here. Oh,

21:13

come on. I think that guy's

21:15

black, pretty good. Oh, don't point

21:17

him out. There's another black guy right there. Look,

21:19

Eddie's wearing a red hat like a chess reporter.

21:21

Point him out, there, point him out. There he

21:24

is. Oh, it's all kicking off behind us folks.

21:26

All right. Hell yeah, doggy. We're

21:28

very racially charged. No,

21:31

not charged. No, we're, what do they call it now? In

21:33

the inflammatory? No, no, no, no, no, racist. We're

21:38

a racist podcast. No,

21:40

we're racially unifying, dude. That's

21:43

what I like to think. You and I T

21:46

Y. That's for unity. Yeah,

21:48

that's what that black guy. That's

21:50

the Queen Latifah ever did. All right,

21:52

gentlemen, we must take a quick moment

21:54

and thank one of our incredible sponsors,

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back. Alright,

24:01

where were we? Moo, did you ask for more

24:03

weed? And then you put, took my weed and

24:05

another weed and you put my weed in the

24:08

case. I am making it... Was it

24:10

a humidor? Is

24:13

that Chinese food container? Your humidor? It's

24:16

not for Chinese food. It keeps everything moist

24:19

and humid. You're gonna smoke it now?

24:21

At this point I'm just... Are you keeping mine? If you're

24:23

not gonna smoke it? People smoke it. Let's

24:25

smoke this big fat blonde first. Why are you disrespecting me in front of Brad?

24:28

Because I wanted him to know how I feel about

24:30

you and who the alpha dog is here. Brad, he's

24:33

not the alpha dog. Brad Lewis, smoke the fucking joint.

24:35

Light it. He's just a joke. Light it. That's

24:37

a joke? I feel like right now... Will we

24:40

take it from you? I'll take it from you. If you wanna take

24:42

it, I'll take the goddamn thing. I'm gonna ask you in front of

24:44

Brad. He believes it. Brad thinks you're a chump. I

24:46

feel like right now I gotta be like the Joker in

24:49

the dark night and just like break a pool cube

24:51

and be like, oh, we only have one room for

24:53

one. Have you guys fight? That was a bad Heath

24:55

Ledger impression. Fucking... Sorry, here's

24:57

a better one. Don't go around. Dude, Collum's disrespecting

25:00

him by eating a flank steak while during the

25:02

show. I ate before I came here, dude. I

25:04

ordered... I should have eaten a fucking steak. I'm

25:06

fine with it, but Lewis hates when people do

25:08

that. I don't hate... You're disrespecting

25:10

him. You tie me, see how long it'll take

25:12

me. One, two, three.

25:15

Gonna count out one more. We can get

25:17

a timer going. Five or six, please. Great

25:19

AFMR right now. Eight,

25:22

nine, ten. You're falling behind. Are there numbers in Ireland? I'm

25:24

just trying to go fast. Thirteen. Can you

25:26

put your mouth much closer to this? Oh my God,

25:28

Collum. Anyone turned on by Irish

25:30

chewing? Oh

25:33

yeah. I have

25:35

so many people shaking their head. Everyone likes a good mix.

25:37

Don't chew on a microphone. It really does make people disgusted.

25:40

Literally, we watch the numbers on the YouTube

25:42

video and we just watch them completely go

25:44

off as soon as people start chewing on

25:46

a microphone. People in the chatter are like,

25:48

more racist jokes like chewing. Well, dub in

25:50

some other noise. Impost. Yeah,

25:52

make it... Every time I think of it, make it girls coming. You

25:55

guys don't know what that sounds like. Just

26:01

make the sound of bagpipes when you choose. Every

26:05

time he thinks another bite is kicking in that drop,

26:07

what the fuck is wrong with you, dude? What? The Irish?

26:09

That's fucking not okay. Oh, it's not okay to say

26:11

bagpipe in Irish? No, stop Irish, hang with me. Hashtag stop

26:14

Irish, hang with me. It's not that type of podcast,

26:16

Brad. Sorry, they've been chasing my people

26:18

so long. This is my

26:20

chance for revenge. Hashtag stop Midget

26:22

hate. Yeah. We have a

26:24

month, you know. Do you? No one knows what it

26:26

is. The shortest one. It's not that way. February

26:29

was taken on hell. Is it half of May?

26:31

Is it leap year? It's

26:34

February 29th on leap year. One

26:37

day. Every four years. This is to go,

26:39

you guys can have the first week in

26:41

the month of March. You're like, we thought

26:43

it was a month and you go, you

26:46

know. Yeah. Have you ever

26:48

gone to a little people convention? Are

26:50

you kidding me? I've cleaned up. I was going to say,

26:52

I heard their fuck fast. Oh, yeah. They are. They're absolutely

26:54

fucked. Nick Novicki, I think, was the one that told me

26:56

that. He said, yeah, everyone just goes there and just fucking

26:59

hooks up. We just go and we bank. They I've been

27:01

involved in a dwarf orgy where we

27:03

all slept. A dwarf? Sardine

27:05

style. We

27:07

all we all slept sardine style on

27:10

the bed. So like we all turned sideways so you can fit

27:12

more of it. It's

27:16

like a Jenga of fuck. Someone

27:19

pull these midgets apart. Yeah, it

27:22

was great. I love the dwarf.

27:24

I love you as in dwarf school paid off. Well,

27:26

you get two more down there. Every

27:29

day was a half day. There's some very cute

27:31

dwarves out there. You know, we should do it.

27:33

It's a great fit for region of gangs. We

27:35

should wedding crashers a dwarf convention. But we'll just

27:37

put our shoes on our knees. I

27:40

agree. Go with this. We have we have

27:42

bodyguards now and they're not dwarves. I got

27:44

this. I'm not saying this truth be told.

27:46

I don't think they could do jack shit

27:48

if I walk in there telling my identifies

27:50

a little person. Oh, go like

27:53

challenge. I go, I go, hey, I know life's

27:55

so hard, right? But

27:57

although I can never reach the top on

27:59

the fridge. Now where's the Georgie? Yeah,

28:02

life sucks and everything, and

28:04

driving's weird, and

28:07

everyone asks me how the weather is, but

28:09

anyway, where's the fuck sucker, man? I'm

28:14

trying to get my dick sucked by a standing woman while I

28:16

look out a window. Yeah. You

28:18

just playing with your dick? Yeah,

28:21

yeah, yeah, it's great, listen. I

28:23

understand. Just tell me what rooms are

28:25

going down in, dude. I'm

28:28

trying to hold a bitch upside down in the air while she sucks

28:30

my dick. Get

28:34

out of my head. Yo, I'm

28:37

trying to hear Al for the first time. That's

28:41

so fucking funny, he's right away crashing. I

28:46

go in with super, almost, what would you call

28:48

it, a racist midget voice? The boys go, hey,

28:51

you sure have sucks having this humongous six inch

28:53

cock. So dry

28:55

in my pants, my little pants. You

28:57

do a horrible dwarf voice, hold on.

29:00

I'll call it a dwarf, not a life dwarf

29:02

one. That sounds a Klingon. That was Romanian, wasn't

29:04

it? It sounds like you have a dwarf stuck

29:06

in your throat. But it seems, but it seems,

29:08

this is the voice everyone thinks I should have.

29:11

Do you have a particularly

29:13

manly voice? Yes. Yeah,

29:15

particularly manly hands, and a manly head is everything. Have

29:19

you, as a girl, ever fucked you, saying

29:21

out of the gates, this is my fetish?

29:23

Oh, multiple times. Yeah. Multiple

29:25

times. Oh my god, that is... It's

29:27

hot though, right? Yeah. It's

29:29

hot. It's great. People are like, don't

29:31

you feel exploited? I'm like, while I'm

29:33

coming? No. I just exploited

29:36

all over a tent. Yeah. What

29:38

else? All over a tent. I

29:41

just put it over a knee. I feel like... Show

29:47

me those ankles, baby. Show me those ankles. They

29:50

never want you to come in them

29:52

because it tastes like fucking sugary dreams.

29:54

Confetti. That's

29:57

the thing, is everyone's like, no. You're saying

29:59

schnozberries? Yeah, absolutely. Like, oh, you're a smurfberry.

30:01

They want to fuck you only because they

30:03

have a fetish. Whenever people fuck, there's some

30:06

type of fetish going on. They are attracted

30:08

to you. That's what they want. How could

30:10

it possibly be a negative thing if you're

30:12

like, yeah, I was the thing she was

30:14

most into? Yes. I

30:16

wouldn't be surprised. Have you had a

30:18

situation where somebody wanted you to fuck their

30:20

chick as the fetish? I've. It was a

30:23

chicken. I've participated in that. Oh,

30:25

you have? Yes. You've puckled it,

30:27

dude. Yep. Oh,

30:29

man. The ultimate crack. Was that

30:31

a big black guy in the corner? How crazy

30:34

would that be? No, it was a big Mexican

30:36

guy in the corner. Big Mexican guy. Yeah. He's

30:38

so tired of having my humongous penis. She

30:42

wants something a little smaller. She just

30:44

needs a break. You

30:47

good, little man? You good, little

30:50

man? Happy Cinco de Mayo. Genuinely,

30:53

I feel bad for all the people

30:55

listening who aren't little people, who haven't

30:57

gotten nearly as much pussy as bad.

31:00

Agreed. He's like, you have no

31:02

excuse, dude. Get your shit together.

31:04

Dude, sorry. But you're fine now.

31:07

You're married now. Yes, I'm married now. So I'm

31:09

saying, when you were in the pussy game, give

31:11

the fuck, dude. You're in some

31:13

boring ass town. Someone's like, it's always been my

31:15

fetish to fucking midget. You're like, why

31:17

are we talking? I've had the exact same conversation about a

31:20

Puerto Rican. So, you know, you know how many white chicks

31:22

I fuck? And they're like, oh my god, I would like,

31:24

this is like the first time I'm ever with a Puerto

31:26

Rican. That's their actual story, dude. No

31:29

one's ever said it. No, they

31:32

call you a disgusting pig. They go, yeah,

31:34

Puerto Rican. And they're like, what? You're Puerto

31:36

Rican? They go, my dad would be so

31:38

embarrassed if he saw me right now. And you're like, yeah,

31:40

we're going to Puerto Rican, right? And he's like, what? A

31:43

girl asked me to finger her once in the knuckle gloves, and I was

31:45

like, you shouldn't do that. No. These

31:47

things have touched everything. Oh,

31:50

you were worried for her health? Yes. What was

31:52

her fetish then? I guess. The

31:54

Guy who wears fingerless gloves, fingering fucking? No,

31:57

you specifically do. Somewhere There were fat in

31:59

there. Yeah. One of Obama

32:01

was fetish that you he would finish matters

32:03

cases that is worth of way for a

32:06

man what's that he would you would actually

32:08

hurt your feelings that give a fuck Go

32:10

photos goes out. I only did the cause

32:12

i have a survey is using a little

32:14

bit with others have a hard wars or

32:16

killer thirty the white actually start reading it

32:19

or down by the little that north. Out

32:22

scratch my back of their batteries. Ah

32:25

man, I just want me a year fucking not the

32:27

back of the rest. Of

32:31

my she married to his professor

32:33

Man with Conrad South Africa alone

32:35

I remember those you want that

32:37

was really doesn't fitness. I've I've

32:39

I've turned down a couple of

32:41

things. Like. There's united a ticket or

32:43

you will like. There was one woman that like

32:45

had a baby things you want me to be

32:47

in a diaper and stuff her. That's

32:50

that's really have like for that one down.

32:53

there was a gift to you. This is

32:55

some element. Whatever it is, it's nobody. misses

32:57

that. My my fetish the fucker, a little

32:59

person. There's still something to the idea that

33:02

you feel cool when the moments and chaotic

33:04

when a scrub you august for you. Also

33:06

put on this dress and and also have

33:08

a bird years median. So there's also like

33:11

a small chance that. One of your friends

33:13

is said he was hilarious when. It

33:17

come out you dressed like a devil baby

33:19

or I have spoken. Out

33:25

a break of that of the closet gotcha. Jeremiah

33:29

Point is access. Proud

33:32

of of or anything for them. lot

33:35

of hi how are you live or

33:37

die but he's got angel wings on

33:39

his own. About one hour on. Fox.

33:43

Ones that. What's

33:47

the what's the biggest size difference you

33:49

around? The job has been like a

33:52

fucking behalf girl. Not oh okay so

33:54

there's that big size of it's with

33:56

with tall and also large. Ah tall

33:59

Ah was. A volleyball player

34:01

that was a six foot

34:03

and as ours thousand one

34:05

fun and ride her. I

34:08

don't have been sort of. No

34:11

matter what the Sumerian I was technically yes, Resume

34:13

of the ball, the fattest one get on top

34:15

of you. That

34:17

is one was a three san.

34:20

Jesus ever. Know

34:23

sort of beauty was fucking live in

34:25

your feet on our. Way

34:28

is that in our pounds a your pants. Zipped

34:32

all the pounds of fat ass

34:34

yet divided by seven years with

34:36

a big it All was. Forty

34:40

Six now has lived. There are threats

34:42

and that was in Jacksonville, Florida. Shocking.

34:45

And at out now standard time yeah

34:47

those one know and and and to

34:49

convince your question no she's not laptop

34:51

I was scared weight with have a

34:54

look. At you had the excitement

34:56

of having a little person six substantially smaller

34:58

than you. A. Brief with seven

35:00

was my short of them for for for

35:02

to that make you feel awesome would guarantee

35:04

that were taught that are in. It was

35:07

the asian because that's our regular people and.

35:12

Those you as a as you as soon as you

35:14

the white woman but it was great and I were

35:16

when it when was happening and like all this is

35:18

why talk as like this. Is

35:20

you get busy getting the popular

35:22

for your because of talking? Yeah.

35:25

Probably not a big before and I've is

35:27

probably not a crazy question. Disasters you ever

35:30

hook up with any like the famous the

35:32

porn ones? Bridget her mom didn't them as

35:34

it did look up with Bridget. but I've

35:36

known Bridget before. she did porn like wrong

35:39

before as a for her father, molested or.

35:44

Doesn't is a punk band? Good good. So

35:46

yes, yes, She's

35:48

also taken and eleven cock. In a gang

35:51

bang? So so So proposes. By the

35:53

way, the brand submitted Fourth Amendment give

35:55

you a song. What does. Ah

35:59

so it's a minute special Starfish

36:01

all on you tube. I do

36:03

a joke about a mixed race

36:05

relationship that was a though the

36:07

six foot three black eyes and

36:09

a three foot nine or with

36:11

seven dwarf and that was bridge.

36:13

It. Ruins. Yeah

36:15

says yes. he's had one person I

36:17

spoke and eleven sticky. that's the size

36:19

of her torso. gap. As

36:22

to be entirely literally got a

36:24

third leg is fuckin bananas as

36:27

outside to yeah world can hear

36:29

screams. If

36:32

she was only six inches taller, God could have

36:34

heard that. When

36:37

she was too far away for hims

36:40

your this in this? It was a

36:42

pretty wild Amare Amar. I'm excited. About

36:44

some of these things we have here are apt and him

36:47

other way when we got we have a lot will never

36:49

done what are. Special guest is here. Autism

36:51

C or C I see on a time

36:53

when it ah, wouldn't the first Settlers? Fine,

36:55

Okay, yes of his. Here's a thing. or

36:58

if you'd be surprised to find the South

37:00

Yeah, there's a little bit of backstory. years

37:02

of about an hour late August in yes.

37:04

Okay, he's A. He's got of evil of.

37:07

I put this. Jays. Got

37:10

some things. That

37:12

that scare him since he got something that

37:14

we come out with a white. One of

37:16

the note is Jays really uncomfortable regular like

37:18

I've you know, Rojo. So I gave us

37:20

a will not eat meat off the bone

37:22

that wigs mouth xenon xenon like I might

37:25

off the bone. If there is a thunderstorm

37:27

you might as well be with a little

37:29

dog. That's when I was a child. You

37:32

have a Thunder body. When I

37:35

was a kid I was a

37:37

very afraid of whether assistant editor

37:39

that Cinnabon me. Neither was like

37:41

puddles Terrify. Me has had his. i

37:43

Could Sink Your Fucking Hope All is

37:45

either. practices of the storm, some exact

37:47

same thing under the bed, a press

37:49

conference? a surprise walking in a circle.

37:54

Of em of be a strong sort

37:56

com and says crazy i read a

37:58

distorted are all doing it either. The

38:00

like thirty minutes before this neither do I

38:02

just bigger like Louis would talk to me

38:04

like lassie like what is perhaps the surface

38:07

of an avid but Tv started well I

38:09

know it's I know it's when you were

38:11

a kid but it's still so funny that

38:13

you were so scared of whether oh yeah

38:16

America being scared of things out at assume

38:18

from schoolwork amp so one of the things

38:20

that j wigs him out it's simply of

38:23

this everywhere things the the site of cuticle

38:25

up with side other set of the point

38:27

that of cuticles he does not like seeing

38:29

it. For some reason. okay and it's because

38:32

he does not like the idea of his

38:34

own cuticles been pullback. Definitely a result of

38:36

say that like it was like it or

38:38

not you could get you could dictate a

38:40

break in conversation by just like pulling your

38:42

cuticles it. I got a pressure on my

38:44

own assets are I I out that one

38:47

scene and Ozark really fucking mess you up.

38:50

Oh. Yeah, do have a wave. Haven't

38:52

seen the ipo suitable them as as

38:54

yeah and all that will allow. It

38:56

was now that. You're

38:59

You're not act A. You're really a little or

39:01

no not if it's an act. He's been keeping

39:03

up with me for seven for no. Reason

39:06

other than his eyes there's a guy

39:08

was our see since is amazing His:

39:11

I mean it makes him so uncomfortable

39:13

it breaks him. Okay his kryptonite. Our

39:15

rights. And. So Mrs. Cuticle

39:17

you could imagine j his

39:19

life is never. Had. A

39:21

manicure know? also a suicide.

39:24

What's happened is. I. Got

39:26

fake teeth. So. I

39:28

promise I was. I don't say that

39:30

has a son with you have density

39:33

and old faggot he got like avenues

39:35

I'll get on like young second super

39:37

super rich man has. Averaged

39:40

out of my so. I

39:44

figured I could be centers every day.

39:46

I can't bite my. Nails.

39:49

Anymore of how is that? My nails down So

39:51

I got Romana. Really like. A. Clip

39:53

from and we are you ah the shit and

39:55

file them. but why after awful. So.

39:57

We were. talking about as we have gotten

40:00

manicure, ever, and

40:02

no fucking way. Okay. But then

40:04

we, me and Lewis, as the

40:07

resident doctors of the show, we

40:09

decided that the best therapy

40:11

for a phobia is exposure.

40:14

I mean, it is. So

40:16

pull your dick out, Brad. Okay, here we

40:18

go. Now Brad, show your cock to Jay.

40:21

We gotta get my buddy over his cuticle fear.

40:24

Show him your dick. Let him wrap those

40:26

veneers around that cock right there. Make

40:28

it happen. Brad, I'll be honest with you, if

40:31

I was sucking you off, I probably wouldn't pay

40:33

much attention to my cuticles. That's a

40:35

great way to do it. Like when I'm getting a needle,

40:37

I pinch my thigh. Yeah. Oh

40:40

yeah. No, and I think exposure

40:42

therapy is good. There has been many people that

40:45

they know someone who is scared of

40:47

little people, so they bring them to

40:49

my show. That's offensive

40:51

as fuck. There's a

40:53

screaming in the audience. We gotta tell. Take

40:55

it, take it, dude. Dude,

40:58

one of the funniest... I really typed into the therapy

41:00

market. Yeah, because it's the first time Brad's

41:02

been on the show. We have a story. So

41:05

shit, six, seven years ago we did

41:07

the nasty show just for

41:09

laughs. And the first week

41:11

me and Brad and Bobby Kelly were

41:13

all on the show. And

41:16

they told us one of the days, they go,

41:18

yeah, they're the fucking one of the stage manager.

41:22

Yeah. And it doesn't like, doesn't, is

41:24

trying to kind of stay lay low

41:26

because he's really afraid of little people.

41:28

He's terrified of them. Yeah. And

41:30

we were like, no way. We gotta fuck with him. His

41:33

car was parked right outside of

41:35

the stairs out back. And

41:38

at one point, Brad went to go fuck

41:40

with him. And all I know is when I saw, I

41:42

was outside smoking, the door

41:44

fly, the backstage door flies open. The

41:46

guy comes out, books ass down the

41:48

steps. Brad comes down the steps. Yeah.

41:51

He's having a Benny Hill around the car. The

41:54

guy is terrified. He eventually

41:56

gets into his car and drives off.

41:59

Yeah. never come back we have

42:01

another week of shows he never came back he quit

42:03

he didn't

42:06

got the stage manager was like fuck dude I'm not coming

42:08

back ever and he drove off that night and left

42:10

the job to that guy Winston. He left town. Maybe

42:14

I don't have time to explain. Being

42:18

attacked. Yeah. Because they

42:20

told me that he

42:23

was afraid and then they told me where

42:25

he was so I like slowly

42:27

like he didn't see me and I just

42:29

popped up behind him like dude I got

42:31

a question about something on the stage and

42:33

then he literally just blocked it. And

42:35

I started running out like no just one

42:37

question one question and he just keeps running.

42:39

It was so funny. He peeled off down

42:41

the street. That's all it took for him

42:43

to give up his job. He walked away

42:45

from his job. Over that? Just one question?

42:48

A little person running is the scariest

42:50

part of the whole thing. I mean that's

42:52

quite a run. It's just out of business.

42:55

He was walking and

42:57

talking backwards like. My

42:59

peeks are too cute. They have to have

43:01

a problem right now. He

43:03

is damn dumb. So

43:05

you're afraid like does it and even like

43:07

a dwarf playing with my cuticles it's fine

43:09

or is that still bad? Well

43:12

yours are extra cute. Oh.

43:14

Hi. Those are cute. That's

43:16

a cute joke. I do

43:19

puns sometimes guys. It's really racist jokes and puns

43:21

so. If I get a racist pun

43:23

tonight we're gonna fucking break through the day. Alright.

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44:27

it. All right, where were we? We were

44:29

at the Asian Grill. All right, so what's going to

44:31

happen today then? The Asian Grill behind

44:33

you is about to do something. We have a guest. Okay.

44:37

We have a guest from, are we going to say the name

44:39

of the spa? No, we don't want these people to harass these

44:41

poor people. No, no, no, no. Probably the

44:43

Sunflower Spa or something like that. Let's have a guest.

44:46

It's called the Sunflower Spa. Thank you, get improv. Get

44:48

improv, Colin. Rachel, come

44:50

on Rachel. Are we all getting it done? Yeah, Jake.

44:53

We're going to get it. She

44:55

doesn't know what's going on. I'm sorry, Rachel. Rachel's very

44:57

sweet. Oh, good thing you got a mask on. That ought

44:59

to stop this thing. She knows something we don't. We'll probably

45:01

have to loot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

45:04

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

45:07

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

45:09

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

45:12

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

45:15

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

45:17

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

45:19

sorry. The Chinese are

45:21

brewing something again. For the record, we'll

45:24

probably have to move Rachel over to this side for the

45:26

other hand. No, because I think he's going to – And

45:29

is it Rachel, yeah? You're going to turn around? Are we

45:33

going to get him another mic stand? Is Rachel

45:35

just a name that the studio made up? No,

45:38

I think that's like – It's

45:40

like a hooker name on Erros. Yeah, it's like

45:43

going on Christmas sports. You're like, what's your name?

45:45

And he said, my name is Dave. He goes,

45:47

no, it's not fucking Dave. Hey,

45:49

Rachel, if we pay more, can we get the

45:51

cuticles done twice? So

45:55

Rachel, Jay's never – Can

45:58

we give Rachel a microphone for a second? if

46:00

you understand the situation that makes a

46:02

very uncomfortable to get

46:04

a manager have you had great

46:06

on the strong was a little bit over

46:08

my great love you ever had somebody that

46:10

was your team i can talk to her

46:13

make sure she's the mic you might as

46:15

well is all the

46:17

added nicely thanks for will it

46:19

beautiful area great

46:22

bro great come on i got my mother i'm

46:25

going to have a great time for her the

46:30

very the phone i was going to

46:32

talk to you on the phone today right

46:34

so and i want you to do it with

46:36

the camera to warn about the type of show

46:38

that this is very clearly

46:41

i think that this race this your memory on

46:43

that as one of the store i said i

46:45

really think i sort of got here is no

46:48

idea what he came here he

46:50

had no idea what he agreed to

46:52

do on

46:54

the basis of the right is

46:57

cards are not going to have the polls but my

46:59

family his

47:12

Publishers though j

47:14

drive-thru is really Owner now by

47:17

people touching the darts movies

47:19

and when they're english as you see endst Eliot countries

47:23

like ours we have so much food

47:26

that we can start to develop here uh...

47:31

you couldn't imagine this

47:33

would be a for the

47:35

adult human being no we have

47:37

in america and so good and

47:40

we have proper make-up problems what i have

47:43

the crazy phobia so have you ever dealt

47:46

with somebody that was weirded out by you

47:48

touching their fingernails what

47:52

did you do a extra thirty Repertoire.

48:00

I'm as a certain certain medical an

48:02

accident the masses like a little for

48:04

both the movie about. Ruben

48:07

soon to Toronto for Mortal Kombat a number

48:09

of up on downward this has his work

48:11

and army. My my wife is Chinese so

48:14

this is Gray a whore or the As

48:16

Dogs I've read gonna hop or it may

48:18

work for you to and this is weirdly

48:20

a reenactment of their first date. Yep,

48:24

I watched my wife with

48:26

another man for recess. For

48:31

I generally. Prefer to

48:33

have a baby next. Yeah, yeah yeah.

48:35

well as yeah we have kids. He's

48:37

bored so stop stalling. Jerry have gone.

48:40

Are you read some Mormons denial grammarly like

48:42

really I you know doing his brother's going

48:44

to be a virgin to Chinese women tower.

48:46

The bread is oh no. No

48:51

no no to my daughter's Also, it was.

48:53

Really? Not as the dow yes plus was

48:55

Asian dwarf baby. So if I'm the worst,

48:57

father in the world has to be the

48:59

greatest porn star. But my. Wife:

49:03

A secluded with you Rumors. Of

49:07

wars are always

49:10

for your ass.

49:13

That morning. As

49:16

oh honey, would you mind reaching out for

49:18

you and grabbing the remote off the floor

49:20

is very few. That's

49:27

okay. I'll take. Er

49:30

easy to the me, another with wow

49:32

okay I write his hair we already

49:35

raised his hand is on the table.

49:37

he committed russia my hands. Whether you

49:39

are happy that they have to prosecutable

49:42

back these and about when I put

49:44

your collar guys guys. Dark.

49:46

Purple. Thank. You provide our because

49:48

I'm his friend of my oh that's a

49:50

good girl and I know that Jay is

49:52

gonna want you to The theater happens Number

49:55

one would have this done days in a

49:57

fucking love it Down and seed number two.

49:59

Number two. Jay will be regularly

50:01

getting manicures my behalf it nails moving

50:03

forward. Apps group is just now but

50:05

my my beard and hair cut schedule

50:08

for my maggots and our eyebrows are

50:10

these losers is know soviet about. Maybe

50:12

getting over to isn't ninety percent chance.

50:14

Lewis's right, but for you guys was

50:16

and ten percent chance he goes and

50:18

runs as Mr. Mr. Saturday. Night

50:21

owls are good. I have. I thought

50:23

I might run out and get my

50:25

car and went away from this recently.

50:27

Assets seized in a crypt like the.

50:30

Manager who was afraid images and ever come

50:32

back. I don't give a shit. Show.

50:37

Right now, scientists like himself, hobbies like be like

50:39

playing the song from a mile long as. You're

50:43

not wrong. I swear to god my and

50:45

my hands on like do don't even think

50:47

about as guy the have is loaded in

50:49

touch him yourself but I really can't work

50:51

for you because you've got years of cases

50:53

cuticles so it's almost like cemented the your

50:55

nails know if you only really present when

50:57

we think it's he'll be recent past was

51:00

substituted. For from in of as and will take my

51:02

now I'm going to pull your typical best as. Well

51:06

within a month ago I mean look

51:08

at an all or not to develop

51:10

more than a slight lead into a

51:13

professional. Ah see that online services are

51:15

never exist for was setting up. Let

51:17

me say let her's erases the professional.

51:21

Like I don't like the girl from what I am

51:23

from our troops are going to my second my armpits

51:25

I feel pressure on right now I get the i

51:27

have not liking someone like pulling your to to go

51:29

back but. I don't get the idea of doing

51:31

this turn. The camera can explain to you access

51:33

if it makes sense. The bet was doing a

51:35

pretty was every girl feel this. Picture.

51:37

Some put a toothpick in your dick

51:40

Whole know is now I'm hard. Yeah,

51:44

that's what this is. Huge amount of. What's

51:46

this is as bad as putting a to

51:49

stick in your default Iraq as bad. Put.

51:51

It's next to it. Rachel, how have we have

51:53

you have some hours? We put a to the.

51:57

Principal's Office and begin with a Harper. Right

52:00

now jays like Frank for a Will Smith moment

52:03

where some disrupts like rest of the stage and

52:05

there's nobody can be viewed as make. Up

52:09

resources out there. Are

52:13

falling apart or I override societies here.

52:15

What? I already know what it took

52:17

me about how the Israel meal far

52:19

as to whether someone's the i don't

52:21

know what does the phone to worst

52:23

storm with com we would go back

52:25

to in Missouri. just plain white sit

52:27

in front stays. Someone's.

52:30

That we're not stopping. Yes, Someone explain

52:32

what's going on on over there. right?

52:35

Nancy move your voice maybe needs you I want

52:37

I want to see how that things are. Wasn't

52:39

as white as nails was a little boy as

52:42

like the with some outdoor with as know that

52:44

of an hour wait til de finds out that

52:46

this was a stunt doubles for a reason. I

52:50

was losses laughing at you. You're such a

52:52

business with of the last thing in your

52:54

face might have offices that in her closer

52:56

than aren't even allowed to disrespect men and

52:58

she's willing to do in your oversell now

53:01

receive from another stab myself in the stomach

53:03

was a source for this behavior to poke

53:05

Romanian. Baby. The of yeah. Well.

53:11

As other than it's not a bad humor or

53:13

to the south. Now

53:16

over the. Psychedelic

53:18

baby. They'll never ever does anyone else. Can

53:20

we go baby? Nobody? You know I would

53:23

You said baby nails Oh my God. You

53:25

know my game or know how. Are

53:29

you married A Perfect Meals works as

53:31

this assessment of really does it opposes

53:33

is the minimum he always be a.

53:36

Forty minute that is. equipping is equipping.

53:38

bother, you know? Lovely. On

53:40

my side of the jazz music

53:42

we saw what it's a racist

53:44

podcasts with the forties. Everybody was

53:47

kung fu fighting Isis. And

53:50

I thought it was a dog

53:52

that. certain japanese

53:55

a thing of the seventies when

53:57

her thoughts race

54:00

as we are. Hahahaha.

54:04

Humble out of hell. Oh

54:06

she's filing. Talk

54:08

to me about the filing. Oh it feels

54:10

weird somebody else doing it. I do

54:12

do this to myself. You do do. This

54:16

is still just a nail. He hasn't even gotten to

54:18

the cuticles. Ah it's nails on a chalkboard man. Nails

54:20

on a file. Yeah. Here's

54:24

no one gets me. Does

54:26

anybody else get hit by rake on

54:28

concrete? No it's

54:30

just me? Alright fuck me. I mean I

54:33

wouldn't like it. You know what the sound

54:35

that gets me is like turn it down

54:37

a little bit. The sound that gets me

54:39

is like there's certain jackets where people... Oh

54:43

yeah yeah yeah. Like a nylon or something like that.

54:45

Yeah dude that's funny. Yeah

54:47

I'm silverware on plates when you go

54:49

past the food and make that squeak.

54:51

Yeah I don't care for that. I

54:54

hated that and I would do that to my mom on

54:56

purpose. That's all of this. Well no wonder she killed herself.

54:59

I uh... In front of

55:01

Brad? Today? Oh

55:04

Brad sorry you're not familiar. Louis'

55:06

mom was a prostitute who killed herself with heroin cancer.

55:09

That's the abridged version. Heroin cancer is also

55:11

a great MMA fighter. Call

55:14

me down the aisle. What

55:17

you doing now? I

55:20

don't know what it is but I just saw as Jay was

55:22

like in the middle of a thing. She's biting you right

55:24

now. She's from doing like rush, rush, rush

55:26

to go like... Oh God. She's

55:30

got the cuticles. She's got

55:32

the cuticles. She's here.

55:36

Oh man. I

55:38

got you. Hold him down. There you

55:40

go. She's got the cuticles. This is

55:42

one cuticle. We gotta move it. He's

55:45

putting in a cigarette. Don't

55:48

move. I won't

55:50

move. No

55:52

move please. Please yell at him

55:55

more. Don't

56:00

be a scared bitch, dude. Yeah. Where are you?

56:02

She's gonna take care of you. She's gonna take

56:04

care of you, dude. Love you a long time,

56:06

you piece of shit. Hey, baby, Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah.

56:08

Oh, dude, this is the one right here. This

56:10

is the nightmare one right here coming up. Oh,

56:12

you're fine. No. She's sweaty already. She's

56:14

sweaty already, still. Oh, dude. I

56:18

never said I was sweaty. Oh, dude.

56:20

Oh. Oh. Oh.

56:24

That's the bike. I didn't know since

56:26

then we could have worked in a rules. Oh. Hey,

56:31

son. Jay. I'm really funny. You might just

56:33

take it better. Jay,

56:35

don't feel so bad. I have the same reaction when

56:37

my wife tries to get me to watch HGTV. Oh,

56:41

it's so good. Lewis, your odds are not looking that

56:43

good anymore. I don't think it is gonna be a

56:45

regular thing for Jay. No, no, no. If he can

56:47

get through it. No, no. If I get through it,

56:49

I'll do it again. Jay

56:52

loves the idea. It's always darkest before the dawn. He's gonna

56:54

push through. I love the idea so hard. I

56:58

wanna paint my nails like a bisexual rapper. No. Don't

57:03

move, baby. No move,

57:05

big baby. Are we okay? She called me

57:07

baby. She called you baby. No, she called

57:09

you nail baby. She called you... She said

57:11

don't move, baby. Nails. She's coming

57:13

through. Oh, she's gotta

57:16

go. I thought the cuticle thing was time. No,

57:18

no, no. When this gets

57:20

to the thumb, dude, I'm gonna throw up. Adam's

57:25

sitting over here. Rachel. You're

57:27

picking up ball here. What'd you say? Yes,

57:30

sir. Wait, I don't know what you said.

57:32

It's okay. We're good. We're communicating

57:34

better than I thought we were. Me too. She's

57:37

gonna get you a bowl of the puke and you're like, what? Why

57:40

don't we bring up one of the subjects while

57:42

she's doing this thing? Yeah, Rachel, let's... No, no.

57:45

Should we do plugs? Or is

57:47

it plug time, right? We can do plugs. We

57:50

have plugs. We won't. We have plugs. No,

57:52

this is great. Firing out in the background. You're in

57:55

the middle of a fucking... talking about the funny bones.

57:57

You shove a fucking... Fucking fuck. That's a cool... Oh

58:00

you cock! Oh you cock! Stop

58:04

calling Rachel a cock. He's

58:06

not gonna make it. You're calling

58:08

me a cock. You're doing great.

58:10

I can't believe I'm watching this happen. Did

58:12

you fucking Asian cock? Oh my god. Mother

58:16

fuck dude. I just find your

58:18

people. I hate how

58:21

much pleasure I'm getting from this. How

58:23

did you get it? We do media

58:25

every week now. We're doing media every

58:27

week now where we discuss bits and ideas that we're

58:29

gonna do. And we had this and we were all

58:32

kind of going like this probably isn't gonna work. This

58:34

is so much better than we thought it was gonna

58:36

be. I love watching Jake and

58:38

his hands. I don't know why Jake. Jake

58:41

you're suffering nonetheless. But

58:44

I could never sit here and watch a

58:46

friend of mine suffering for a legitimate reason.

58:48

It's just that it's so ridiculous that

58:51

this makes you suffer so much. You're

58:53

supposed to be... Yo dude. It

58:57

just makes it so easy to laugh at it.

59:00

Like if we were like stabbing for it,

59:02

you'd be like you can't. That's not funny.

59:04

I swear to god in my life, I'd

59:06

rather you give me a half inch stab.

59:10

Jake would you rather gun on the butt? You

59:13

have to think about it. Wow. Jake. You don't

59:16

go on the butt. If me and Jake do regular

59:18

challenges, we'll bet. You can

59:20

kind of guess. We make a bet

59:22

with each other and the winner gets to shove an actual

59:24

gun. And we've done two of these. We're one and one

59:26

right now so we're trying to figure a third. Hey man,

59:28

everyone's got a kink. Oh, oh, Rachel. Rachel.

59:35

Rachel. Rachel. Let's

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1:00:47

code Legion at shopmando.com. Click that

1:00:50

link, use that promo code Legion, get

1:00:52

$5 off, which is, I think, 40%

1:00:54

off their starter pack, which is pretty

1:00:56

goddamn incredible. shopmando.com. Rachel's

1:00:58

beautiful. You put on the pet cemetery scene?

1:01:01

Rachel, you're very beautiful. Are you married, Rachel? You

1:01:05

are, okay. Wow,

1:01:07

Lewis just got shot down. I thought this

1:01:09

was gonna be our meet cute. He

1:01:14

gets me over my thing, and then we fall in

1:01:16

love. Oh, come on. Here

1:01:19

comes the thumb. Let me take your ass. Get

1:01:22

your beautiful ass over here. Ethan, bring your

1:01:24

ass over so I can grab it. Oh,

1:01:26

that makes it better. Aren't guys so much

1:01:28

better than girls? I know. No

1:01:30

chick would be like this. All

1:01:33

right, Rachel, I'm doing all right. Yeah.

1:01:35

I'm hitting you now, dude. Wow. You hit

1:01:37

him. Rachel, I've been a naughty boy. Oh,

1:01:39

my fuck. I can't believe. Look at this,

1:01:42

dude. She's really digging in, man. I don't

1:01:44

like it. Rachel, Rachel. I don't like it.

1:01:46

Rachel, go harder. Oh, yeah. He's

1:01:51

biting my neck. Oh,

1:01:54

I'm trying, Rachel. This

1:01:58

just went from one porn category to another. This

1:02:00

is the one. This is the

1:02:02

one. Oh, she's going to the weird

1:02:05

floor. Is that beneath of me? I'm doing my best

1:02:07

Rachel. I hate it. Go

1:02:10

slower Rachel. This is my

1:02:12

position when the peaches had Jane. She

1:02:15

keeps on my lips. Oh! Okay,

1:02:19

go for it. Is

1:02:21

that it? Is that it on my cuticles? She's

1:02:24

buffing them. She's like, that's just a pre-cuticle

1:02:26

buffing. Jeez, perfect, right? It's perfect. I

1:02:29

like Rachel. She's leading.

1:02:33

Rachel, please. Rachel's looks

1:02:47

like a kid in the 90s. Remember?

1:02:50

It looks like a... How

1:02:53

you say Smash Mouth? Somebody

1:02:59

wants to be the world's

1:03:01

biggest killer. I have

1:03:03

the chalice too and the

1:03:05

shed. Wing, the red

1:03:08

color, the blue spirit. Father,

1:03:10

the shade is loving. The dark

1:03:13

cloud is racing. Look

1:03:26

at that! Rachel's awesome!

1:03:30

Hey now! It's

1:03:32

Game on! Go play! Oh

1:03:35

man. It's

1:03:37

about to get weird all over

1:03:39

again. Alright. I was home

1:03:41

from work and the host was like, How was

1:03:43

your day? She goes, Don't even ask. Rachel, I've had

1:03:45

her husband's Uber like, Get in the kitchen! Make me

1:03:47

dinner! First of all, I put

1:03:50

nail polish on the guy from Smash Mouth and everybody

1:03:52

sang All Star to me.

1:03:54

I don't know how you say that in Korean. What

1:03:57

are you consulting with Jake for? Jake does not make decisions. your

1:04:00

ritual. Why does he

1:04:02

have such a big chain then? Oh by the

1:04:04

way, if he's not the king, why

1:04:07

is he having such a clamp

1:04:09

on his jewelry? In Rachel's culture,

1:04:11

whoever has the largest bamboo jewelry,

1:04:13

why is he dressed like a

1:04:15

drug dealer's carpet then? Do

1:04:19

you do

1:04:21

plugs? Are she paving him? Oh she's

1:04:23

so beautiful. Yeah we can't do plugs

1:04:25

like this dude. You can. Now we

1:04:27

gotta watch you suffer. You can do

1:04:29

your plugs like this but no one

1:04:32

else. Okay baby. I'll start. I like just

1:04:34

calling him baby. I love it. I love

1:04:36

it. Not big baby but baby. Oh

1:04:38

she's doing the other hand first, she's gotta

1:04:40

do your other cuticles first. Nice. Yeah the

1:04:42

left hand is for that. I thought she

1:04:44

was gonna paint. And now you're back to

1:04:46

the beginning. Did I do that? Yeah you're

1:04:48

halfway there. No then the paint, I'm telling

1:04:51

you the nail. The paint's not gonna get

1:04:53

you. No dude when the brush hits that

1:04:55

fucking cuticle, how many fucking sides did Dave?

1:04:57

Look at his nails. Dave, early apologies

1:05:00

if I suck. They look better though. Oh this

1:05:02

part's okay. They already look better. They

1:05:05

already look better. Look. Yeah. Lewis why

1:05:07

don't you test them, rub them a little. No,

1:05:11

no, no, no. I'm doing it. I'm doing the thing. I'm

1:05:13

doing the thing. Alright let's do

1:05:16

our plugs real quick. Brad it's your first

1:05:18

time. No. We'll do our plugs while we're

1:05:20

doing this. Brad, what are you, your first

1:05:22

time on the show. Thank you, by the

1:05:24

way, thank you so much for fucking being

1:05:26

here dude. Alright man dude. Look at that.

1:05:29

So funny. Starfish with YouTube. Starfish is the

1:05:31

new special on YouTube. It came out last

1:05:33

week, already has over half a million views

1:05:35

so thank you. So

1:05:37

watch that. I'm

1:05:40

on tour, I'm doing theaters, go to

1:05:43

bradwilliamscomedy.com. I'm on tour for the rest

1:05:45

of the year with shows all over

1:05:47

the country. One here in

1:05:49

New York in July at the Town Hall

1:05:51

Theater. Oh right into the cutes dude. Starfish,

1:05:53

she hits the cutes right as soon as

1:05:55

you started. Please say that one again. I'll

1:05:57

shut up. Yeah. Shut up Jay. a

1:06:00

baby by the way right

1:06:02

in the queue sounds like what you say

1:06:04

when you punch it well I'm right in

1:06:06

the queue dude she's going right at him

1:06:08

she's going right

1:06:11

at him hey Lewis and Dave

1:06:13

she's oh I don't like

1:06:16

it I wish we had

1:06:18

a camera zooming in on the nail what's cuticle

1:06:20

on this one she's pushing it back ah

1:06:24

so he read where you gonna

1:06:26

be a thing let's get one

1:06:28

of the cameras to zoom in on

1:06:30

his nails so then we can show it up on

1:06:32

the big screen as well oh yeah that's actually can

1:06:34

we get his nails on the big screen yeah get

1:06:36

yeah get one of the cameras to do oh god

1:06:38

this is the one oh this is

1:06:40

the one dude Dave you're fighting you

1:06:42

on the fucking lip by

1:06:46

my way stop this is stuck in the

1:06:48

plugs dude we have gas we have gas

1:06:52

Brad you're doing somewhere you gotta you got

1:06:54

a special my correct check out my podcast

1:07:08

to call them through a podcast and

1:07:10

you can see me on the road

1:07:12

call terrell calm them everywhere not everywhere

1:07:14

I'm in a lot of places but

1:07:17

go to call them girl calm and

1:07:19

I mean seven more I've

1:07:21

in the Northeast a lot and

1:07:24

spread out in towns you've never heard of

1:07:27

yeah let's go yeah column terrell

1:07:30

calm for all your tickets please check that shit out on

1:07:33

every Tuesday night in New York City I've got a show

1:07:35

every Tuesday in New York that's

1:07:37

the downtown social every Tuesday night check that

1:07:40

out thank you oh yeah all right guys

1:07:46

this uh this this weekend Thursday

1:07:48

Friday Saturday I will be in

1:07:50

Tacoma Washington come on

1:07:53

out to Tacoma and they're doing

1:07:55

Spokane Spokane I finally

1:07:57

got a friend I will right

1:08:00

there now I finally got

1:08:02

it right you didn't but

1:08:04

then one night only in

1:08:07

Spokane May 5th and then

1:08:09

across the street meet

1:08:11

me I have to sell tickets you're

1:08:17

doing the thing you're doing the Washington thing

1:08:19

yeah Washington DC are you looking over my

1:08:21

shoulder there yeah may 23rd Washington DC then

1:08:23

I'm speaking at the libertarian national convention on

1:08:26

May 25th that should be good we talking

1:08:28

about people should buy their own roads yes

1:08:31

very good Jay you you

1:08:33

get to buy your own roads just

1:08:35

to buy your own comic

1:08:40

Dave Smith comm making

1:08:44

me pay for that one day Oh Rachel's

1:08:46

making me pay for that fucking funny dude well

1:08:48

your chair so angry oh I'm gonna lose my

1:08:50

mic again

1:08:56

Jake fix me thank you all right

1:08:59

that's all there's no lots of live

1:09:01

dates coming up this weekend I'll be in

1:09:03

Denver Denver improv for show them now guys

1:09:05

she's cutting them again all right

1:09:07

come on let me do my plug go ahead

1:09:09

dude you're gonna be somewhere Denver improv this weekend

1:09:11

then I got to Troy house of comedy on

1:09:13

May 16th Grand Rapids May 17th

1:09:16

Glendale Wisconsin May 18th Vegas

1:09:18

at the end of the month then I

1:09:20

got point Pleasant New Jersey Oxford California

1:09:22

Ontario California Los Angeles Fort Worth Dallas

1:09:24

and more live regs at

1:09:27

the melody and a lot of

1:09:29

other stuff it's all up on

1:09:31

my website go to Lewis thanks

1:09:33

calm grab those tickets make sure

1:09:35

you subscribe go you must sorry

1:09:37

he sounds like a dog you're

1:09:39

putting down I

1:09:42

got a few more months in me I'll

1:09:45

surprise me the new gas digital

1:09:47

I tell him why Lewis you have

1:09:49

a bonus episode that we do every week

1:09:51

or Friday night goddamn right we do exclusive

1:09:53

for subscribers plus we have over 800 episodes

1:09:55

that are not available anywhere else all ad

1:09:57

free uncensored in one place go back to

1:09:59

the beginning We do the archives the funniest podcast

1:10:01

in the past 15 years. All the N words, all

1:10:03

the Fs. And those were just the guests. It's

1:10:08

all in there. Just 15

1:10:10

years of N words and Fs hanging out with us. Also

1:10:17

you guys can get single day passes for Skankfest,

1:10:19

though all the All Access Passes are sold out,

1:10:21

but you can still get single day passes. Oh,

1:10:23

come on. Saturday's gonna sell out soon enough. Come

1:10:26

on! I swear. Sunday

1:10:28

swear to God is what I got Sunday. Yeah,

1:10:31

there's Friday and Sunday passes and Saturday passes as well.

1:10:33

We can singably pass at skankfest.com. Shout out to

1:10:35

You'll Create Them for making it all possible. Shout out

1:10:38

to both of my half hour or my half hour special,

1:10:40

my hour special on YouTube. And check out

1:10:42

both of my other podcasts. That's an hour and a half

1:10:44

special. For real ass podcasts and the regs, both available every

1:10:46

refund podcast. There you go. Those are

1:10:48

the plugs. Hey, oh hey.

1:10:51

Hey everybody. Oh, come on. Plug

1:10:53

your stuff. This is the right exact time, dude. What's going

1:10:55

on? He's getting down to the thumbnail, which

1:10:58

is gonna make me... I'm gonna spin

1:11:00

fucking Fisz Dave. Dave,

1:11:02

it's not you. By the way, Jay

1:11:04

is actually freaking out because he said the same

1:11:06

joke three times. Literally, he's freaking

1:11:08

out right now. Dude, she's about to get to

1:11:10

the worst fucking part from last time. And what

1:11:13

are you gonna do, Dave? I'm gonna spin Fisz

1:11:15

them. I'm gonna fucking spin

1:11:17

Fisz them. That's a new category on

1:11:19

the long run. Oh God, here it is. Alright,

1:11:21

I'm gonna be bigjcomby.com. Come

1:11:24

on, Rachel. Oh,

1:11:27

this is crazy the timing of this that worked out. This

1:11:29

is my least favorite part and the least favorite finger. bigjcomby.com.

1:11:35

bigjcomby.com. Not

1:11:39

Fredroll. Fredroll. On

1:11:41

fire. bigjcomby.com for... Jay,

1:11:46

where can people see you? I'm

1:11:48

gonna be in San... I'm gonna be

1:11:50

in San Diego. You want me to do

1:11:53

the plugs? I'm gonna be in San Diego.

1:11:56

No, what? I'm gonna be in San Jose. I was

1:11:58

in San Diego two weeks ago. I'm

1:12:00

coming to you this weekend, this Friday and

1:12:02

Saturday. I'm

1:12:09

going to be very funny, John Carden with me

1:12:11

on those shows. Then I'm going to Los Angeles,

1:12:13

I'm going to be in Los Angeles for the

1:12:15

whole week. We're doing Bonfire live.

1:12:20

If you go to siriusxm.com, Netflix is a joke. You

1:12:29

can book yourself the Thursday show right now

1:12:31

we're doing live with a live audience, Bonfire

1:12:33

Live, me and Robert Kelly, guests

1:12:35

to be announced at the Garage at SiriusXM

1:12:38

in Los Angeles. Your solo show is sold

1:12:40

out, right? Yes, indeed, it was sold out,

1:12:42

everybody. Thank you so much for Comedy Store,

1:12:44

Netflix is a joke. We

1:12:47

did it. But yeah, I'm

1:12:49

all over the fucking road. Going out with

1:12:51

Burt Kreischer this whole summer. Fully

1:12:53

loaded. On a fully loaded tour. I'm

1:12:55

on every single date. He

1:12:58

travels with a manicurist. Oh,

1:13:00

dude. I bet I could

1:13:02

talk him into a manicure one day. We got to

1:13:04

tell Burt, by the way, he's literally like 15 pounds

1:13:08

away from being in too good a shape for it to be

1:13:10

funny to have his shirt off. Yeah, now he's looking like a

1:13:12

cock. Yeah, dude, now he just

1:13:14

shows his big dick and his nice body. Fuck

1:13:16

off, Burt. That's not hilarious. No. Was

1:13:18

that a big dick? Everyone's talking about that dick pic. I don't

1:13:20

know, you guys were talking about it like it was big. That

1:13:22

would be like if I started growing. It's like,

1:13:25

what the fuck, man? Oh,

1:13:27

Rachel. Rachel. Okay. Wait,

1:13:30

I didn't even finish half my plug.

1:13:32

Well, Jay, you're taking forever, dude. Bonfire,

1:13:34

Faction Talk Series, I'm here with me

1:13:36

and our great Robert Kelly. SDR

1:13:38

show on the Gatsby Digital Network. A crowd work thing.

1:13:40

I'm going to pitch it to Netflix after the festival,

1:13:42

so thank you for selling it out. But

1:13:45

don't worry, they gave Matt Reif his crowd work special first. You

1:13:48

have Reif? Matt Reif. You

1:13:51

know my name? Oh, Matt. You

1:13:53

know Matt Reif? No, she thought you said

1:13:55

Matt's Life. Oh,

1:13:57

they gave a special to your fat wife. You

1:14:02

like Matt right? No

1:14:05

special hair. No special today. Huh?

1:14:08

TikTok? That's that cousin.

1:14:10

TikTok, yeah. Oh, this hand.

1:14:12

Switch hands. Oh yeah. We're going back.

1:14:15

We're not done yet. Look at Jerry. Double dipping,

1:14:17

huh? That's where it's painted. They do look beautiful.

1:14:19

Well, they're just the first coat. Get the toes

1:14:22

up there. The first coat only.

1:14:24

Oh, God damn it. I'm going to do

1:14:26

this every single month, by the way. Oh,

1:14:29

there we go. There's the camera. There we go.

1:14:31

That's all we needed. Now, by the way, this is going to be

1:14:34

my new thing every month. Oh,

1:14:37

so many fun colors, guys. Now that you got that was a

1:14:39

harder part. You're through that. You feel better

1:14:41

now, right? The paint on the thumb is

1:14:43

going to bother you right now. Stop

1:14:46

it. Stop

1:14:49

it. You

1:14:52

get tattoos. Different,

1:14:54

man. Different.

1:14:58

It is so bizarre that that sucks with you so much.

1:15:00

That's what he X-cuz of the knuckle. He said that's as

1:15:02

much as we can do. All right, guys, let's take a

1:15:05

moment and thank our sponsor for today's

1:15:07

show. This is a message for responsible

1:15:09

adults over the age of 21 living

1:15:11

in states where Delta Oh,

1:15:13

my God. What is that? What

1:15:16

is that? I was just saying, if you're living in

1:15:18

a state where Delta 8 is... Oh, it's freezing. Dave.

1:15:21

Dave. Huh? Was that

1:15:23

you, Lewis? Dave. That's not Lewis.

1:15:25

Dave. Can I trust you,

1:15:27

Dave? Can I talk to you as

1:15:29

a friend? Yeah, of course, man. Off the inside here? Of

1:15:32

course, dude. You can tell me anything. Off

1:15:34

the record? Sure. I don't want to come

1:15:36

out because I'm freaked out by midgets. Ah,

1:15:38

dude. Well,

1:15:41

just come out. Silver, garlic. Ah! It's

1:15:44

talking! Jake, come out.

1:15:48

That's right, Dragun. He'll

1:15:51

be cool, dude. Don't look

1:15:53

at that part. He's our friend. Don't

1:15:55

be disrespectful. I already know, certain

1:15:57

monsters. Who invited the Chucky-Dow-Dane? Dave

1:16:00

was it you? Jay have

1:16:02

you been listening to the show? He's cool, he's funny, he's one

1:16:04

of the guys. Whatever you say bro. I'm

1:16:06

just wrong. AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

1:16:09

I don't know how to handle your

1:16:12

back. Dave his hands are weirding me

1:16:14

out. I

1:16:19

mean I kind of get that part. Well

1:16:21

I'll tell you right now. Don't

1:16:24

they babes and gummies are not helping this

1:16:26

problem. Alright well take another Delta 8 vape.

1:16:30

Get high, relax, breathe it in. How are

1:16:32

you feeling now? Yes, let me in you

1:16:34

little world. Teach me how to play your

1:16:37

pan flute. I mean I

1:16:39

feel like your Delta Delta, you've been

1:16:41

around for hundreds of years. You've met

1:16:44

all of the craziest creatures. Frankenstein, the

1:16:46

werewolf. Still the most inexplicable. The

1:16:49

mage. Well I'll tell you

1:16:51

right now. I'm going to get

1:16:53

some babes and gummies from yourdelta.com. Because I'm going to

1:16:56

probably have to get high to deal with the disrespect

1:16:58

you've shown our guests today. I mean listen, do

1:17:00

I want to pork one? Sure. It's

1:17:04

been a long time since I've heard. Too

1:17:06

big. Go to your

1:17:08

office. Lewis, was that a

1:17:10

good midget impression? I was a pretty good midget

1:17:12

impression. Thank you, I'm from a different time. I'm

1:17:15

from a different time when you can say these things Dave.

1:17:18

You understand? No I get

1:17:20

it. No you understand. I think it was a better

1:17:22

time. Thank you. Yes

1:17:24

Dave from the greatest generation. I think we're

1:17:26

trying to hypnotize you. You understand. Dave

1:17:29

you understand. Look at him. Right,

1:17:32

separate but equal. Gas.

1:17:35

Build your own

1:17:37

fucking roads. Now

1:17:40

we're talking. Just go to

1:17:42

yourdelta.com. Accession is tense. yourdelta.com

1:17:45

use the promo code gas when you

1:17:47

check out your- Midgets are agents of

1:17:49

Satan. Here to

1:17:51

take your soul back to the fiery anti-war.

1:17:53

Wait Jay, why do you assume, I mean

1:17:55

your delta vampire, why do you assume that

1:17:57

goes with my taxation is theft thing? No,

1:18:00

two topics, they just ran together. I

1:18:03

know the time is money over here against

1:18:05

digital, you know? So I'm just saying, like,

1:18:07

yeah, taxation sucks, and midgets take your dreams.

1:18:10

Go to yo-delta.com, use our promo code- Use our

1:18:12

main food source. Use the promo code gas

1:18:14

when you check out. You're going to save 25% off your

1:18:16

order today. yo-delta.com. Alright, where were

1:18:18

we? Now, would you have the same reaction if

1:18:21

this was your toes, or is it just the

1:18:23

fingers? Oh, no. Same

1:18:25

reaction. I don't

1:18:27

know. I think we should test that. Oh, dude. I swear-

1:18:30

See which one's worse. I'll take your old mic to

1:18:32

watch Jake get a pedicure. Yeah, I'll take it once.

1:18:34

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Can we- real quick,

1:18:36

can we just do a little interstitial? Can we show

1:18:38

Rachel your toes, Jake, and see if she can figure

1:18:41

it out for you? That's all I'm gonna say, if

1:18:43

you- Oh, no. Don't do that to her. Just- we

1:18:45

wanna know. I'll go- before- before- wait, wait, wait, wait.

1:18:47

She's not a medical professional. Rachel, you do- what was

1:18:49

that? What was that? What was that? Rachel.

1:18:53

Alright, stop being

1:18:55

freaked. He's sharing. He supports

1:18:57

this. Everyone, calm down, calm

1:18:59

down, calm down. This is the

1:19:01

type of shit she left. Fuck's sake.

1:19:07

She tried to get away from that island. Yes, our king. Yes, our king.

1:19:10

The good thing I've shown that on a fucking pyramid. And

1:19:12

then you- Ground your daughter.

1:19:14

Ground your daughter. Make

1:19:17

iPhone. Make iPhone. Show

1:19:22

your toe, it does sound like an emperor. No.

1:19:25

Rachel, so I wanna- I wanna- I wanna question. Do

1:19:27

you do- do you do pedicures also? Yes,

1:19:30

we do. We do. But hold on, let

1:19:32

me ask a question. Obviously, you come white fucking

1:19:35

toe. Do you consider yourself, like, particularly good at

1:19:37

your job? Yes, I love

1:19:39

my job. Now, let me

1:19:41

ask you a question. Have you ever had anyone

1:19:43

with, like, such awful feet that you had to

1:19:45

turn them down? You said, I can't help. You

1:19:48

could say, no, can't do it. Very bad feet.

1:19:50

Because their feet were so bad. Smelly feet, you know,

1:19:52

smelly. Not just smelly, but like, maybe they were so,

1:19:55

like, gross looking, you were like, I can't make that

1:19:57

look good. Or do you think you can make any

1:19:59

foot look good? No, that's my job,

1:20:01

so I- Ohhhhhh Wow!

1:20:06

Well, lady, you're about to get pushed

1:20:09

to your limit. Can

1:20:12

we bring it up here? Does he have a raptor

1:20:14

foot or something? Dude, it's crazy. I would

1:20:16

just put it on this table, but I don't want it

1:20:18

to be near Rachel's. Where

1:20:21

do we put it? It's not a- Because

1:20:23

I have hobbit feet, but these are warmer,

1:20:25

right? They gotta see it on camera too.

1:20:28

This is what I'm talking about. Rachel's

1:20:30

not talking about this shit. So show it

1:20:32

to Rachel while you show it to the audience. Some

1:20:34

people don't know. But she was cocky. She goes, there's

1:20:37

not a foot on a man. I

1:20:40

didn't know about this, though, so I'm excited.

1:20:44

Oh, there we go. There it is.

1:20:46

Rachel, Rachel, could you- Rachel. Ohhhhhh

1:20:51

Ohhhhhh Ohhhhhh

1:20:55

He's never seen anything like it. Oh,

1:20:58

no. Rachel. Do

1:21:01

we have Rachels yet? I've seen cadavers with

1:21:04

better feet. Dude, it looks like a dead

1:21:06

person's foot. It looks

1:21:08

like a dead person's foot. Put

1:21:15

it away, Jake. Put it away. Jake. I'm

1:21:22

gonna pull. What is

1:21:24

she doing? Jake. Rachel. Jake,

1:21:27

it looks like you were reanimated. Hey, stop

1:21:30

with his feet. Jake's

1:21:32

a ghoul. You must be my

1:21:34

friend in here. Jake's a ghoul

1:21:36

from Fallout. The fire marshal's

1:21:38

gonna shut this down now. Why are you doing that

1:21:40

shit? Stop. You're supposed to get hungry, aren't

1:21:43

you? I

1:21:45

look Jake can't look at the screen. Jake, put

1:21:47

it away. Put it away. Rachel's not even looking

1:21:49

at it. Put it away. Dude,

1:21:53

they look like hermit crab shells. Tom

1:21:59

said he took out his ghoul. Good foot again. You're

1:22:01

doing a good foot? That's the

1:22:03

one he's willing to show.

1:22:06

Rachel, your toes look like buko potato chips.

1:22:09

Rachel, how much would I suck?

1:22:12

Could you fix that? Uh...

1:22:16

Not one sitting. You have to come to the

1:22:19

lab, dude. You

1:22:22

have to come back to Taiwan. You

1:22:25

have to come to the home country. You

1:22:28

have to go to Asia to solve this

1:22:30

problem. I know

1:22:32

someone, but they swore to never treat

1:22:34

toes again. But

1:22:38

don't come out of retirement for one

1:22:40

last job. You need a Hanzo whatever

1:22:42

sword. You have to go find... Oh,

1:22:45

you need to help him kill this. You

1:22:47

have to find the Legend of Raiden on

1:22:49

a wintery mountain somewhere in Japan. Legend

1:22:53

of Raiden. Goes right back to

1:22:55

it. But Rachel, could you fix

1:22:57

that? Could you make his toes

1:22:59

look good? She

1:23:03

answered. Not Rachel,

1:23:05

but this young crowd member over here. That's so

1:23:07

hard. That's hard to do. It's very hard. Would

1:23:10

you charge more money? I would say you have to charge

1:23:12

way more money, right? No, that's the

1:23:14

same. Is that illegal? It's

1:23:17

probably a crime. You can't discriminate against

1:23:19

shit on a good person. Rachel!

1:23:21

Rachel! Rachel!

1:23:26

Rachel! Rachel!

1:23:30

Rachel! Rachel!

1:23:32

Rachel! Rachel!

1:23:37

We should pass a hat around for Rachel. We

1:23:40

should take a moment to appreciate how

1:23:42

rare it is in Rachel's field to

1:23:44

get this type of immediate feedback. She's

1:23:46

hooked now. How

1:23:49

many manicures have had a room chant their

1:23:51

name? Never. Not that many. This

1:23:53

is the top of the world. These are the moments that

1:23:55

we create here. We say, J.J., don't fuck it up because

1:23:58

it's going to look good. Don't move, you idiot. Can

1:24:00

she shave your fucking knuckles? Fucking

1:24:04

eighth Right

1:24:09

better than Irish active with the fuck

1:24:11

cuz she shadies walking knuckles See

1:24:14

this I understand the cutting it up heart, but

1:24:16

this is insane that this drives you crazy You

1:24:18

wouldn't when your nails are painted you do look

1:24:21

like a couple fat chicks that I fucked the

1:24:24

fact girl flashback

1:24:31

Yeah, hairy knuckle bitch. Yo

1:24:33

skank bass Ruby You

1:24:37

know once you've seen this oh

1:24:41

my god Looks so

1:24:43

good though. We got this one subject, but the

1:24:45

thing we have a few subjects. Why JB final

1:24:47

hey Jake Can I get another drink, but could

1:24:49

you not bring it to me with the hand

1:24:52

you touched your foot with? I Alright

1:24:57

you just washed them. That's why

1:25:00

I was happy your feet or your hands She's

1:25:05

running her nail along the cuticle. Yeah, she's

1:25:07

making it look good. No. I know that's

1:25:09

how you got I believe in her Making

1:25:12

it's gonna be a beautiful manicure by the way Rachel. You're very good

1:25:14

at your job. Thank you very much Let's

1:25:16

talk about some of these you want to talk about let's

1:25:18

talk about this But I think we should save this or

1:25:20

maybe we'll get to it But I really think I was

1:25:22

here with some so this this show baby reindeer came out

1:25:24

which fucking rules I love it Did

1:25:28

you know these people I assume everyone from that part of the world Generally

1:25:31

do not again. You know the guy I met him

1:25:33

once did you know that he was raped

1:25:36

to be gay What?

1:25:43

I got raped so good. I thought I was a

1:25:45

fat girl stalking It was a lot like James

1:25:47

nails where first he was screaming What

1:26:00

do you, Jay, what do you mean you're

1:26:02

quitting comedy and opening a mani-pedi shop? This

1:26:07

is now gonna be the only way Jay can come. Oh,

1:26:09

I hate that. So

1:26:13

this show, I think it's pretty good, but

1:26:15

one of the themes in it is stalker chicks, and

1:26:19

we were talking about crazy chicks, and

1:26:22

I was wondering if you've ever had a stalker.

1:26:24

I feel like Brad, you're famous enough that you

1:26:26

might have had an actual stalker. I have. Are

1:26:29

you uncomfortable even talking about her? Uh,

1:26:31

I can talk about her. Uh, him? You're

1:26:35

an actual stalker. Them? Yeah.

1:26:39

How dangerous did it become? Uh, it didn't

1:26:41

become- If they were just not a midget,

1:26:43

extremely dangerous. Dude, that like, having

1:26:46

a stalker for me is like extra terrifying, because

1:26:48

I'm not difficult to throw in a burlap bag.

1:26:51

Your average female athlete can fucking carry

1:26:53

you three miles. You guys have agility.

1:26:55

You lack in size- Serpentine. Serpentine.

1:26:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Serpentine. Yeah, yeah,

1:27:01

yeah. Serpentine. Yeah, yeah,

1:27:04

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was she hot?

1:27:06

Not bad. Uh, yes, but then it was like, yeah, it

1:27:08

was bad. So

1:27:17

you gawked her and then it became a thing? No, no,

1:27:19

no. Never had sex. No, no, no. You

1:27:22

hooked up with her. You made out. No. You

1:27:25

finger banged her. You finger banged her? Yeah.

1:27:28

Right there, baby. Yeah. Hey,

1:27:34

where's the light switch in this place? Oops. I

1:27:38

finger like you change a light bulb. Was

1:27:43

your hiding money in like that,

1:27:45

like a ceiling that you could push up? Oh,

1:27:48

that's so cute that you could set that.

1:27:50

That thing I could reach a ceiling. Oh,

1:27:53

Dave. Stop kicking me. I'm sorry.

1:27:56

You're fine. I know.

1:27:58

What did she talk to you with? That

1:28:00

would mean or like sort of like

1:28:02

personally. Well, There. Are There was one

1:28:04

time when I saw it when I show

1:28:06

up the comic Club and then she had

1:28:09

told the comic club that she was my

1:28:11

wife. And. Then that they actually

1:28:13

letter back basically zero Nine hadn't thought

1:28:15

of my just nursery of why it

1:28:17

at a slow everybody your life as

1:28:19

it is black with so they get

1:28:22

the axe and I don't pay a

1:28:24

bribe Where your mother fucker why I'm.

1:28:28

All for me Up when his mother

1:28:30

fucker i'm sorry about where was his

1:28:32

up is known as a mother fucker

1:28:34

as racist spent all up in my

1:28:37

freezer full father, mother fucker. You

1:28:40

feel that a person a happy with a

1:28:42

fire that woman our mouths now. Matos

1:28:45

A B B other the hall me

1:28:47

girl this all mean. That

1:28:50

it is rather than rather than

1:28:52

someone at tiny green Room. Is

1:28:57

a thorn in three to get to where

1:28:59

process. Is

1:29:06

not a her way to see do Green

1:29:08

Room. Oh by the way to say you

1:29:10

have a while ignoring it has been around

1:29:12

a comedy club. Nobody's ever to check that

1:29:14

no other half the time I show up

1:29:16

to a club and I go around on

1:29:19

Dave I'm on the soda nightmare. Just let

1:29:21

me and I wouldn't think they've looked up

1:29:23

at the picture. Now sounds as if anyone

1:29:25

showed up and web hombre guys are just

1:29:27

may I remind you know without having to

1:29:29

half the time you just get rid of

1:29:31

somebody pulled out a distance. So this story

1:29:33

I have. You guys ever played a Crackers

1:29:35

as Crackers and Indianapolis? Oh yeah so like

1:29:37

road riffs elves us. So with me. Wrong,

1:29:40

I don't know. Broad Ripple ninety

1:29:42

million dollars for him ago said

1:29:44

i wish they would have me

1:29:46

open which isn't the crazy thing

1:29:48

in the world. So they're ah

1:29:50

so. i did joke

1:29:52

isn't my special not starfish but one the other

1:29:55

ones i'm sorry for your if i'm saying it

1:29:57

again but this is a true story ah another

1:29:59

to came to the show to just watch the

1:30:01

show and they like grabbed him

1:30:03

and said right this way and they brought him

1:30:06

back on the screen. We're

1:30:08

waiting for you. Do help. So

1:30:11

then, you know who's juggled? They

1:30:14

do all have a camera. He's

1:30:16

got out of here and is like, oh shit.

1:30:18

Good thing I brought mine from home. Because like

1:30:20

I got there, I opened up the green room

1:30:22

door and there he is and I was like,

1:30:24

hey dude, I didn't know who he

1:30:26

was. He just goes, hey Brad, what are you doing here?

1:30:28

He goes, I don't know, they just brought me back here.

1:30:33

He was like, I assume they sacrificed one of us

1:30:35

at every one of your shows. Yeah, they always need

1:30:37

a double. Could you imagine if I was late for

1:30:39

that show and they're like, you're on. He was like,

1:30:43

madness. And he crushes, he

1:30:45

just crushes. Shout out to Crackers in Indianapolis

1:30:48

for being completely inept. Yeah, Bruce Ann. Shout

1:30:51

out to all the Crackers in the room. What's up, white

1:30:54

boys? What's up, white boys? That was

1:30:56

a club where I did Bob and Tom and they were

1:30:58

mean to me and I just ate it. You made mortal enemies

1:31:00

out of Bob and Tom for no reason for 10 years. I

1:31:03

know, fuck them. Fuck both

1:31:05

Bob and Tom. Bob wasn't even there,

1:31:07

it was just Tom. Yeah, Bob's in the

1:31:09

dust. You're Bob catching a fucking Tom Stray.

1:31:11

I know who Bob Rydes was. They

1:31:13

were so mad I went there. They were

1:31:15

like, why won't you do bits? I'm like,

1:31:18

because they all involved cum and fucking ampoules.

1:31:20

And it's the terrestrial radio. Tom,

1:31:22

they were like, we should talk. They

1:31:25

were against that idea. So did

1:31:27

she do anything else more dangerous, this girl? There

1:31:30

were some emails that

1:31:32

were like, I was like, okay, this is getting

1:31:34

to some point now where we have to do

1:31:37

something. All caps? Yeah.

1:31:41

It's amazing. It's

1:31:44

not a good sign. So we

1:31:46

have a restraining order. It

1:31:48

goes out to all the theaters that she's not allowed at the show.

1:31:51

Yeah, so that's something I got to be aware

1:31:53

of. Well, cancel culture. If

1:31:56

she was thinner, would things be different? Yes,

1:32:01

but like a hot chick tries to stalk

1:32:03

you you just marry her There's no such

1:32:05

thing as a hot talker. A hot talker

1:32:07

doesn't exist. You leave your wife and a

1:32:10

hot talker. A hot talker is the same

1:32:12

thing as a fucked girl. It's

1:32:15

just that her being a stalker just

1:32:18

gets cut off immediately. It's

1:32:21

like if you just if you're a hot chick

1:32:23

and you demonstrate the tendencies of a stalker for

1:32:25

like 30 minutes The guy just

1:32:27

goes hey, we should totally get together. Yeah, and then

1:32:29

you're like, I guess you never I love how they knew you. Oh,

1:32:33

I love this. This is great. You make me feel like a man. Yeah,

1:32:35

yeah, but it like so what

1:32:37

so watching this it was like

1:32:40

extra a little weird for me.

1:32:42

Oh man, this is crazy. I was having

1:32:44

flashbacks. Yeah, but that bitch

1:32:46

was fucking nuts on that show. Yeah.

1:32:48

Yeah. I read some story I have

1:32:50

no idea if this is true, but

1:32:52

like that the actual stalker is now

1:32:54

like trying to sue Netflix No,

1:32:57

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's doxxed

1:32:59

herself. She's saying it's going. Listen. She's going off

1:33:01

on Facebook Yeah, like a little bit fun in

1:33:03

the exact way that she wrote him text on

1:33:05

the shelf Every two minutes is a

1:33:07

new Facebook post you go pull up her Facebook at this

1:33:09

point is I'm we're not like doxxing her She's like doxxed

1:33:12

herself. What's her name again? I said McDonald

1:33:16

the quarter pounder do we know she's

1:33:18

the actual person or or someone trying

1:33:20

to be Not and

1:33:22

then she just go it like the first one she

1:33:24

goes I've never even met that guy and then the

1:33:26

next one says But he's a fucking fact By

1:33:36

the way, we did the comics, you know, we like no

1:33:38

you bitch. Yeah Guys

1:33:40

unrelated should our new headshot be

1:33:42

my painted nails wrapped around your guys Cox

1:33:45

Yes Can

1:33:47

we pull up her Facebook because she's literally if

1:33:49

she has it open and she's just been posting

1:33:51

since the show's come out Every

1:33:54

fucking two minutes by journalism

1:33:56

now is this unethical for us unethical she did

1:33:58

it to herself Now

1:34:00

pull up her address. She

1:34:03

did it to herself. Now pull up her address. Well

1:34:05

I'm saying like, first of all, like she came

1:34:08

out and she's writing all this publicly. If

1:34:10

this wasn't public, I wouldn't... It's only

1:34:12

public because she got docked. No, she didn't get

1:34:15

docked. She docked herself. She didn't. They found her.

1:34:17

What do you mean they found her? They searched...

1:34:19

There's a moral dilemma now. They

1:34:21

searched that guy's show and then they

1:34:23

searched Curtin's. And then they found a

1:34:25

tweet from her saying, please hang my

1:34:27

Curtin's. Yeah. In 2016. I

1:34:30

know, yeah. And I found that Twitter as well. That

1:34:32

was so funny. Yeah, I've read you it too. It's fucked up. Wait, so

1:34:34

she just said the word Curtin's once and then they put together... No, that's

1:34:36

a big part of the show. In the

1:34:38

show she says, I want you to hang my Curtin's. Over

1:34:40

and over again. Yeah, a lot. She keeps on texting with

1:34:42

him. That and Butzex. Now the

1:34:45

Butzex, they flash back and he gets gay

1:34:47

raped by another comedian. It's like

1:34:49

how you and I met when I dominated your asshole. Do

1:34:51

you remember when I was... No, I remember it. Remember when

1:34:53

I was gay raped you and the sewing tickets on the

1:34:55

street? Remember how I just fucking...

1:34:58

You said you wouldn't tell anyone. How

1:35:00

are you doing Jay with the fans? Oh, God.

1:35:03

Oh my God. Her name is not fan. You're

1:35:05

an asshole. Race is a

1:35:07

shit, dude. P.H.A. How

1:35:09

are... Did you... Her nails almost done?

1:35:11

Oh, yeah. Rachel? This

1:35:14

is it. We're just drying them off right now. Wow. Jay,

1:35:16

I'm going to say something to you. Jay, I'm

1:35:18

going to say the same thing to you that

1:35:20

I say to my five-year-old daughter, who's also gone

1:35:22

through this exact process. You are such a big

1:35:25

girl. Thank you. You're such a

1:35:27

pretty princess. I'm so proud of you. I'm

1:35:29

so proud of you. I was

1:35:32

a very brave girl. Can

1:35:35

I get something from the checkout part of the line? CVS?

1:35:40

No. No, I already got

1:35:42

you a donut. Okay. Now

1:35:44

it's time for the back sucking crack. Rachel,

1:35:47

was Jay the worst person to ever sit

1:35:50

for it? Was it the most difficult to

1:35:52

do? No, he's good. Yeah.

1:35:54

You had more difficulty with it. Rachel is very

1:35:56

kind. Rachel,

1:35:58

was Jay the worst person to ever sit for it. I don't call liars

1:36:01

kind. Rachel,

1:36:03

you're lying. He was like, that was very difficult for

1:36:05

you, I'm sure. We had three men

1:36:07

holding him down. We pinned him

1:36:09

down like a prisoner. That was crazy. But

1:36:13

ironically, it's the only way you got hired. I kept my hands

1:36:15

pretty still. The rest of my body was

1:36:17

doing all kinds of stuff. But I kept

1:36:19

my hands pretty still. I mean, she kept yelling at you to

1:36:21

hold your hands still. She did. She did. What's

1:36:23

the craziest shit you've ever had to

1:36:25

deal with, Collin? Gotta be some crazy. No, no,

1:36:27

no. I'm a bad dick, Collin.

1:36:29

They don't come back for seconds. You

1:36:32

know what I've had? Somebody else, though. I've never had an

1:36:34

issue with a girl in my life. So even if

1:36:37

you want a woman to go away, just fuck her, and then she

1:36:39

never comes back. That's what I usually do.

1:36:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

1:36:44

give them everything they want, then they get a taste, and they

1:36:46

go, actually, terrible. And they

1:36:48

go, turns out, what's the accent? Actually, yeah, it's just the

1:36:50

accent. I don't

1:36:52

think I've ever had a crazy bitch. All right,

1:36:54

really? I'm not I can think of, no. Good

1:36:57

for you. Maybe that's me.

1:36:59

I've almost exclusively been with

1:37:01

crazy women. Wonder why. But

1:37:05

have you had a stalker, unrelated

1:37:08

to a relationship? I've had

1:37:10

a stalker. You almost hear him go,

1:37:12

ah! But the stalker, you've stalked someone?

1:37:15

That's what that means. I stalked

1:37:17

him. You stalked him. Never

1:37:20

so much the stalker, always the stalker. That's

1:37:25

life, right? That's life,

1:37:27

and you know, da da

1:37:30

da. No, I've never had

1:37:32

a stalker. I've never had a girl. I think

1:37:34

girls get a little fucking funky and wild, but,

1:37:36

you know, that's like. Don't forget, but this someone

1:37:38

sent the bottle. Yeah, somebody sent us a bottle

1:37:40

of Prosecco. Well, they asked for a bottle of

1:37:42

champagne, but the sand. It's the super Jewish kid.

1:37:44

Fuck you. Who's that to do with? Super

1:37:46

Jewish kid's back. We're the super Jewish. Let me see if I

1:37:48

can, don't point yourself out. It's furry hat and the cape. Louis,

1:37:51

you know him already. Super Jewish kid, let's

1:37:53

do that. Hold on, let me close my

1:37:55

eyes and feel everyone's head for horns. His.

1:37:58

No. Super Jewish kid. What?

1:38:01

What? Super

1:38:05

Jewish kid. He can destroy a

1:38:07

Palestinian hospital. Just looking at him.

1:38:10

He can crush him. An

1:38:13

Arab baby skull, just what his... His

1:38:17

kryptonite is the truth. Kids

1:38:24

with iPhones. Super Jewish kid. Whatever's

1:38:26

going on here, nobody wants Prosecco.

1:38:28

There's a waste of money. Nobody wants...

1:38:30

No, I don't. We're forced to drink it now.

1:38:32

It's because it's going to be polite to this

1:38:34

cunt. I appreciate it. That's the kid who gave

1:38:36

you a brand new watch. Oh, Super Jewish kid.

1:38:38

Super Jewish kid. Super Jewish kid. Bob's giving me

1:38:40

watches too. He gives me a watch every time

1:38:42

he sees it. I

1:38:46

like watches. He's a very nice kid.

1:38:48

Lewis, you have a stalker. Lewis, the

1:38:50

stalker gives him... Rachel. First of

1:38:52

all, let's let Rachel get... Rachel,

1:38:54

thank you so much. Rachel, you're welcome.

1:38:56

You're a stalker. Rachel. Rachel.

1:39:00

Rachel. Rachel. Rachel.

1:39:03

Rachel. Rachel. Rachel.

1:39:06

Rachel. All right. All right. All right. Rachel.

1:39:09

Rachel. Rachel. Rachel.

1:39:12

All right. You know what? Alex, give her...

1:39:14

How about us? Yeah. Does

1:39:16

Rachel have a Venmo or something? Let's make

1:39:18

her a millionaire. Yeah, yeah. What kind of

1:39:20

a... Rachel, do you have a Venmo? Everyone's

1:39:23

doing a... Do you have Venmo? Put your Venmo

1:39:25

on the show so people will send you money.

1:39:27

Yeah. Venmo? It's like a

1:39:29

big ship that carries money. How's

1:39:32

that going in her turn? Don't take it. Don't take

1:39:34

it. I don't know. I don't know how

1:39:36

to explain it. We'll put Rachel's Venmo on the screen the

1:39:38

whole time during Jay's manicure. It'll be a great thing to

1:39:40

do when it comes out. And then people

1:39:43

get donated to Rachel. We're paying her twice as

1:39:45

much as she has to put her. But for now, Alex, give her $7.

1:39:48

No. No, we're... Ah, dang.

1:39:51

We're giving her twice as much as they had asked for to come

1:39:53

out to do a house call. We're not gonna tell you what

1:39:55

the prices were, though. I gotta give her a little more. Give

1:39:57

her a little more. Wow, Jay. How much is Jay giving her?

1:40:00

J.E.R. you pay your manly hand 60 bucks,

1:40:02

what a cheap bet By

1:40:04

the way, could you imagine Joe Rogan pulling $60

1:40:06

out of his wallet? Hey,

1:40:09

here's $60 more Rachel By

1:40:11

the way, J.E.R. that's all J.E.R. happened

1:40:13

No, please That's more,

1:40:15

that's extra Extra? No, no, no, it's more money Thank

1:40:18

you Rachel She's like that, I am, my

1:40:20

rate She was about to

1:40:22

fuck J.E.R. up Yeah No,

1:40:24

not enough, no hugs You want the

1:40:26

hugs Oh, I love

1:40:29

you Whoa Rachel

1:40:33

and J.E.R. sitting in a

1:40:35

tree Socky, socky,

1:40:38

massagey Alright, Rachel

1:40:42

Rachel, on your way out, please see

1:40:44

Christine for a potential threesome opportunity Yeah,

1:40:46

yeah, yeah, same with you If

1:40:49

you like that, you'd love this The

1:40:54

super Jewish guy gives me a watch every time he comes here Year

1:40:56

of the pig with manicured nails I'm pretty sure

1:40:58

the super Jewish guy gave us wine and a

1:41:00

crazy box of matzah Oh, is that what?

1:41:03

Oh, I didn't see that was there It's

1:41:05

ticking Why did you give that to me,

1:41:07

Shoshan? This

1:41:14

is matzah? Who wants matzah? Why do I feel

1:41:16

like I need to walk away? Homemade matzah What

1:41:18

is this? It's, Lewis, it's a

1:41:21

reference to how we didn't get matzah There's

1:41:23

a bite in it That's

1:41:26

a big communion Is

1:41:30

it like, Jared's self now? Lewis, it's a reference

1:41:32

to how we didn't have any matzah at the

1:41:34

Seder episode So he brought it today, and I

1:41:36

was like, well that doesn't really help, because we

1:41:39

did our Seder I thought

1:41:41

it was fucking cheese Matzah brought bread

1:41:44

It's Jewish like, it's not cheap people, or

1:41:46

Jewish people are, this is bread Yeah, it

1:41:49

makes me sick Yeah, whatever It

1:41:51

makes me sick, dude You know, that's not bad

1:41:53

You know how expensive yeast is? Yeast is fucking

1:41:55

expensive as shit Fuck

1:41:57

you, Colin, mail this home to your relative

1:41:59

they can eat for another... Okay,

1:42:02

I'll ride. They're back on a potato farm somewhere.

1:42:04

Oh, it's an operation gang. No, the problem is

1:42:06

when somebody buys you a bottle of Prosecco, and

1:42:08

you're like, I guess I have to drink Prosecco

1:42:10

now. Otherwise I'm rude. Oh, well, he just wants

1:42:12

us to celebrate the Knicks taking game four. Oh,

1:42:15

man. Pretty much clinched in the series. Jack, do

1:42:17

you want to bet gun in the butt on

1:42:20

this? How you guys get... Oh, James was talking

1:42:22

shit when we were 2-0. Jack, you

1:42:24

want to do gun in the butt? Look. Dave, how are

1:42:26

you going to feel, dude, when the Sixers win three straight? I

1:42:30

mean, you're going to feel like

1:42:32

a fucking ass. I'm pretty

1:42:34

sure... Here, give Brad Prosecco what

1:42:36

happens. Do you think he turns into a unicorn? Dave,

1:42:39

your star player has whatever Michael

1:42:41

J. Fox has. Sure. I

1:42:44

don't think we're going to come back. Listen,

1:42:46

is our star player suffering from a

1:42:49

paralyzed left side of his face? Sure.

1:42:52

Yeah. But he still dropped 50 with

1:42:54

that same ailment, so he's fine. They're going to be

1:42:56

good, dude. You'll see. Three

1:42:58

in a row. Sorry, New York.

1:43:02

Starting tomorrow. The streak begins. Now they

1:43:04

don't feel as bad for what happened

1:43:06

to you. We win tomorrow. We

1:43:08

win tomorrow. And then we take it back

1:43:10

to Philadelphia. No, let me say this. We

1:43:13

win tomorrow. We take it back to Philadelphia. Tom,

1:43:15

make noise, you motherfucker. Yeah! Actually,

1:43:18

I'm talking about Capsulite, you fucking company

1:43:21

bitch. I was... Fire

1:43:23

Rachel. Fire Rachel. Fire Rachel.

1:43:26

Yeah! It's time. I

1:43:30

think I speak for everyone here when

1:43:32

I say that Rachel was pretty fucking toy. Hell

1:43:35

yeah. Would have smashed. Now she has to go

1:43:37

home and her husband makes her sleep in a

1:43:39

closet on a little weird, thin mattress.

1:43:42

Hey, that's not a bad way to

1:43:44

do it, guys. Yeah, yeah. I slept

1:43:46

in a drawer. Hell yeah. Or

1:43:49

a matchbook. Yeah. A

1:43:51

fit. Did you just tell... Did

1:43:54

you put a symbol on as a hat? Yeah,

1:43:56

why not? Dude, your bio should just be like

1:43:58

the story of Five-O-Mouse. I

1:44:00

remember jump in I know team around him.

1:44:02

his father major league. Know.

1:44:05

That movie now I regret ago that

1:44:07

was murdered my limited five of those

1:44:10

west a bit of western was already

1:44:12

did that for some reason because they

1:44:14

had lot of movies and go wow

1:44:16

your western for have our respective the

1:44:18

future. You don't worry about where it

1:44:20

was made of your web why he

1:44:22

doesn't have known. As for that is

1:44:24

so much more interesting city slickers always

1:44:26

wasn't always the future. By the way

1:44:29

you've got back to Richard show is

1:44:31

the View Zero Two little ones who

1:44:33

battery more boring time with lists Analogies:

1:44:36

Fuck off back to the future. As

1:44:38

big an old west and have examined

1:44:40

the bob rushes back of his three

1:44:42

bombed isn't really. I believe that's true.

1:44:44

That's about a boards not as difficult

1:44:46

as Huge I picked up on. was

1:44:48

really good. Yeah. With which was

1:44:50

it was. The second one was the one where

1:44:52

they start with the last scene with the young

1:44:54

checks yet but they film it like does it.

1:44:57

Couldn't afford Elisabeth Shue anymore. Fun!

1:45:00

Facts: Narrowly funniness or find that

1:45:02

that was my mother. Your.

1:45:04

Motor well I don't I says it was

1:45:07

in our a habit. now is just me.

1:45:09

He loves the named Sammy Hurts Jamie Gertz

1:45:11

yet I was as hot as hilarious. The

1:45:13

money competition is hop from are. Lost.

1:45:16

Boys. From was voice on and

1:45:18

on I did not read online.

1:45:20

I found an old photo and

1:45:22

I got a printed up at

1:45:24

like Cbs and then I took

1:45:26

a photo of it on my

1:45:28

phone number three Hundred Reversal I

1:45:30

Revered Image and said that him

1:45:33

as a surprise as mine. Ah.

1:45:36

As is no Us by the well. If

1:45:38

I was joking around differ with my mom's

1:45:40

eyes, it was. As

1:45:42

if you're in two thousand days long. As I

1:45:44

will say this, your mom's face. You're not. hotter

1:45:47

bjp girth pits wealth and all

1:45:49

that super fucking here bridge about

1:45:51

i purchase for her as a

1:45:53

slight amount same ship out of

1:45:55

my my once you want to

1:45:57

see one most walkable mom content

1:45:59

with We did a March Madness for

1:46:01

comedians moms. Oh wow. We've looked up comedians

1:46:03

and moms and put them brackets and we

1:46:06

would fuck. And Doug Stanhope reached

1:46:08

out to include his mom and sent us

1:46:10

nudes of his home. Like literally. Like

1:46:13

topless, several topless pictures of

1:46:15

his mom. He's the best.

1:46:17

He's the best. Can I be in this, please? If

1:46:21

someone ever goes to you, why is Doug

1:46:23

Stanhope the goat? That's the

1:46:25

why. That's the story. That's the story. My God.

1:46:28

He asked to be in and then willingly sent

1:46:30

pictures of his mom's tits. Pretty

1:46:32

fantastic. I loved it. Do

1:46:35

you want to introduce? All right. Well, you guys

1:46:37

should make fun of me. Me and my girlfriend,

1:46:39

we were doing this. We

1:46:42

got up to maybe question number 16. There's

1:46:45

this thing called, she told her, this is the thing that

1:46:47