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0:45

I'm telling you now. Do it. Hello,

0:48

Lewis Black here. And before I start my rant

0:50

cast, I just

0:52

wanted to let you know that I'm going to be hitting

0:54

the road. That's right. I'm

0:56

going to be back on tour on September 21st. I'm going to be back

0:59

out on tour. And it all begins in Victoria,

1:01

Canada, and then goes on to Vancouver,

1:04

Canada, and then goes on to Spokane,

1:06

Washington. The next week, it all

1:09

happens in Ketchum, Idaho.

1:11

I don't believe I've ... I have not been there. It's

1:13

the home of Sun Valley, and I'm quite excited about

1:15

going there. I'm quite excited about also that

1:17

week returning finally

1:20

to Salt Lake City. It's been too long.

1:22

Go to LewisBlack.com. I'll be in Cleveland.

1:25

I'll be in Cincinnati. I'm

1:27

going to Biloxi, back to Biloxi,

1:29

Mississippi. I could go on and

1:31

on and on, but check out the website, LewisBlack.com.

1:35

Please come out and join me. And

1:37

if you hear this announcement,

1:39

tell others. Tell

1:42

them to go to LewisBlack.com if they're fans,

1:44

or even if they're not fans and they're looking for something

1:46

to do. Point it out to them. And

1:49

you tell someone, and then they'll tell someone, and then

1:51

they'll tell someone. By the time it gets to the last

1:53

person, they'll show up in another

1:55

city that I won't even be performing at, and

1:57

I hope that they enjoy whatever show they see.

1:59

at that theater. I

2:02

really look forward to getting out of this cable access

2:04

studio and coming out

2:06

and seeing people again. I am

2:09

losing my mind here. I'll be back

2:11

in a moment with the Rancast.

2:13

It's

2:16

been, it's all go horribly

2:19

wrong, Jim. Hello

2:21

and welcome to the

2:23

146th edition of Lewis

2:26

Black's Rancast entitled,

2:30

And the Tour Begins. That's

2:33

right.

2:33

Or how many antibiotics

2:36

does the human being have to take before they're cured

2:39

of

2:39

everything? But seriously

2:42

folks, onto more important topics.

2:45

Many people last week apparently

2:48

or enough were

2:50

confused and wondering if the episode jet

2:53

lag was the same as

2:55

the episode jet lag.

3:00

Two different words, but I

3:02

can understand some of the confusion if that's

3:04

true. But it was two different episodes.

3:08

If you didn't listen to the one last week or

3:10

thought it was the same one, it wasn't.

3:13

It was an entirely new episode

3:15

about jet lag. I'm

3:18

able to discuss jet lag a lot because it's

3:20

been a summer of jet lag

3:22

here and there. I've done some

3:24

traveling that has caused that. Normally

3:27

it doesn't get to me, but once you go

3:29

seven, eight hours, forget it. It's nuts.

3:33

Especially

3:35

you're in that tiny tube breathing everybody

3:38

else's crap. I

3:40

know they say they clean the air. I don't

3:42

trust them. Do you trust them? Really trust

3:44

them. I just literally took a flight

3:48

from Vancouver

3:51

as a part of getting down here to Spokane.

3:55

And the tour started,

3:57

I think I've said this a hundred times. For those of you still looking

3:59

for it, I'm going to go back to the show. tickets and want

4:01

to go and can get a time machine,

4:03

you can see that show and go to

4:05

Victoria back on last,

4:08

you know, last Thursday or Vancouver.

4:10

And then I came here, but I got on the

4:13

plane in Vancouver,

4:15

a Delta flight,

4:17

Delta, I like Delta

4:18

and a

4:19

good airline. And

4:22

I got on there and then you arrive in Spokane

4:25

and then apparently you have

4:27

to get off the little teeny tiny plane and

4:29

then they put you in a shuttle.

4:34

And the thing that would be fine about the shuttle if

4:37

it wasn't you, they just packed this in.

4:40

They, the abuse has got to stop. Okay.

4:43

Just, you know, just because it seems that

4:45

we're willing to take this insanity over

4:48

and over and over again. You're already

4:50

seeing some folks who are flipping

4:52

out and they're flipping out in the planes. Now

4:55

nobody flipped out on this bus is beyond

4:57

me. They had us packed in and then

4:59

once they had us packed in, they brought

5:02

in the people in wheelchairs. They're

5:04

the people who have to be on first.

5:07

Okay. And you don't pack people in

5:09

like that. All right. Not

5:11

during the midst of a, you know, a COVID

5:14

uptick tick, get a second

5:16

bus, Delta, you can fucking afford

5:18

it.

5:19

All right.

5:20

I mean, it's ludicrous.

5:22

And then, so it's like a second flight.

5:25

All right. Cause I'm transferring to another plane.

5:28

So that's literally like another flight. It's 10

5:30

minutes, but you might as well be in a chopper

5:32

with the thing going, and there was

5:36

only one guy. I didn't say anything. I

5:39

was good cause I've learned my lessons, but

5:42

the guy behind me went, you know, son

5:44

of a bitch. And

5:47

then I, I quietly under my breath said,

5:49

yeah, I agree.

5:51

And

5:52

but he didn't even look at me. I think he was

5:54

ready to break one of the windows. And

5:59

so that was. the beginning of the tour. And

6:03

I'm sorry if you were confused about

6:06

last week's show. There's not much I can

6:08

do about that. But if

6:11

you missed it, go back and listen to it. Because

6:14

I think it's worth

6:16

the time. I was excited by it. And that's

6:18

probably one of the reasons nobody was sitting.

6:21

And I'm now

6:24

sitting out here on the road

6:26

in Spokane,

6:28

Washington, where

6:34

the homeless thing is seemed to be through the

6:36

roof as it is in every town

6:39

I go in. And it's not the

6:41

more I kind of wander around. It doesn't

6:43

it's not just that they're homeless.

6:46

It's there's a mental illness. They

6:49

seem to be that many of them seem to be above

6:51

all of the ones I've seen today, of which they're

6:53

about 20 in a day in a city, a small city,

6:58

you know, pass me by and they

7:00

all it was all something am I

7:02

a psychiatrist? No. But do I know when

7:05

things seem a little out of when folks

7:08

seem a little out of touch with reality? I have

7:10

a pretty good idea. Kind

7:12

of wavering toward it from time to

7:14

time myself. But I

7:16

get a sense of it when I see it. And

7:20

it's not good. And it's

7:22

everywhere. And that we came

7:24

out of the pandemic with this one

7:27

would think that we would deal with it. But

7:29

no, we don't have time because we want to shut

7:32

the government down. And that's the best way to deal

7:34

with the homeless is for the government

7:37

to go on strike. That's what's happening.

7:41

That's it. They these are

7:43

people who bitch about

7:45

people going on strike, and then they're going

7:48

on strike. You can't do that.

7:50

Okay.

7:52

You're the government. You can't just stop can't do

7:54

it. I just seriously,

7:57

and I've said this time and time and time again, does

7:59

anybody let's No, why would they listen to me? Why

8:02

would they listen to any of us? Nobody.

8:05

I don't think most Americans don't believe,

8:07

sorry, if you're

8:10

one of those who are like, this has to shut down

8:12

now. Well, most of us don't

8:15

agree with you because it

8:17

doesn't help on any level. And we lose money.

8:20

And what's important to most Americans?

8:23

Money. And what's it going to do

8:25

to inflation? It's going to jack it up

8:27

a bit. And what's it going to do to the folks who work

8:29

for the government? Screw them. Okay.

8:32

And who's it going to hurt the least? Those who

8:34

are fucking governing. Those

8:36

who are in Congress. Okay.

8:39

Because nothing happens to them. They

8:42

still got their, they've still got their, if

8:44

they're sick, they've still got their finest

8:46

health insurance on earth. Their shit

8:48

doesn't stop. Are they going to get

8:50

their checks? I would imagine they are. I'm

8:53

sure they've got some, that'll be the vote.

8:56

Well, we're going to strike, but you know, we still

8:58

get our paychecks. Unbelievable.

9:02

Just extraordinary the cross. It's

9:04

just got to stop. Those

9:07

in charge don't get to choose

9:09

to just

9:12

kind of bring things to a halt because

9:14

they can't agree on stuff. All right. It

9:17

has to be automatic. You voted

9:19

for this. This is money that has to be

9:21

paid out. Okay. It's

9:23

called Tupski-Shitski. All right. And

9:26

I don't know how to say Tupski-Shitski

9:29

before anybody hears me.

9:31

All right.

9:32

And members of Congress, I just saw here

9:34

received paychecks during a shutdown

9:37

due to federal law in the US constitution.

9:40

So I rest my case. And I've, you

9:42

know what, I'm shutting down now too. That's

9:44

what I'm doing. I'm shutting down. Okay.

9:47

That's the end of the podcast. Those,

9:49

and it's a rant cast, not a podcast, Louis.

9:52

You're not talking to anybody but yourself. There's

9:55

some people out there, but you don't see them. I'm

9:57

good. God damn it. I can't.

10:00

I just literally, I thought

10:02

that was true and it is true. They

10:04

get paid. How

10:07

do you have the fucking nuts to

10:11

shut it down? You get paid and tell

10:13

the rest of those federal government workers,

10:16

well, you know, screw you. And

10:19

this all will affect the

10:21

entire economy. How? Because

10:24

it's called the ripple effect. All

10:26

right? Don't make me explain it. Don't make me explain

10:28

it. Don't make me explain it. You know exactly

10:30

what happens. You know what happens

10:34

when any of those

10:37

major sports teams go on strike?

10:39

It's the same thing. It's all of those

10:41

people around the stadium that

10:44

just get screwed. All right?

10:46

And it's the same thing with this federal government

10:48

thing. They should not be allowed to do this

10:51

or you know, or you at least cut

10:53

off their income. All right?

10:56

Or they should do something that at least,

10:59

it's just amazing. And

11:01

now they're voting, can

11:03

they do it bill by bill by

11:06

bill? Who knows? And

11:08

then people say, well, they shouldn't really do it bill by bill.

11:10

Yeah, well, do it. All right? Because

11:12

it's got to be done. And you

11:14

have to pay the bills. All right? You've

11:18

got to do that. And

11:20

also the active, just

11:23

in order to just incense myself, my

11:27

tour manager Ben just told me that active duty

11:29

military don't get paid. Man, why should they?

11:32

They're only protecting the country. You

11:34

know? So why bother to pay them?

11:37

All right? There's the level of their sacrifice

11:39

which is staggering compared to a congressperson's.

11:42

You know, God knows the congressperson should be paid

11:44

while the active duty military person

11:47

should really have to have, you

11:49

know, have to be stocked up with the K-rations

11:52

as they used to call them. I don't know what they

11:54

give them now, but whatever it is I imagine it's still

11:56

shitty. I can't get

11:58

over this. This is

12:01

what I come back to, all

12:02

right?

12:03

This thing looks like I had

12:05

a kind of,

12:07

I'm very sorry about that. It should be

12:09

a little neater and I apologize. For

12:12

those of you out there who are going to go, boy, you really

12:14

should have pulled that sweatshirt down. I can barely

12:17

understand what you were saying as it

12:19

rose. It rose with my

12:21

anger. That's what it did. It's

12:24

just incredible to me that

12:27

they are allowed to even do

12:30

this. People

12:32

like Tommy Tuberville, I talked about this last

12:34

week, I'm not giving them no more time.

12:37

They finally got somebody, the commander

12:39

in chief. We had a new commander in chief

12:42

or something. We

12:45

got one or two of them, one I think,

12:48

that they were a little slipped by Mr. Tuberville.

12:50

He said, okay. How

12:52

is that even fucking possible? How does one

12:54

person stop a democracy from working?

12:58

We live in a democracy. One

13:01

person, one state, one

13:04

half of one state in the Senate. That's

13:06

what it is. It's one 99th,

13:08

one 100th of the Senate. He

13:15

stops this, he stops

13:18

the ability of the military

13:21

to choose all of

13:23

the people that have to be chosen

13:25

in order for the military to maintain

13:28

its high functioning ability. Don't

13:30

pay them and then don't put the people in place.

13:33

Let's see how far we go. Go, go get

13:35

them. That was a motorcycle

13:39

out there. It's very exciting because it's

13:41

like 3.30 in the afternoon and you know they got to get somewhere.

13:44

Of course, right here in Spokane, they got

13:46

to get from one end of the street and

13:48

get to the other end

13:51

because that's really at

13:53

the other end, stuff's happening. You wouldn't

13:55

believe it. I'm stunned. I'm

13:57

even sitting here. I can't even tell you how it's

13:59

going.

13:59

incredible it is

14:01

of what's happening at the end of this block. They're handing

14:03

out gold bars, much like the ones

14:05

that Bob Menendez got. Mm-hmm. That's

14:08

right. It's called the transition. That's Senator.

14:11

He's, look, when you are found

14:14

with gold bars in your house,

14:17

one has to say there's a good chance

14:20

you were up to no good. Either that

14:22

or you were hoping by getting one of those gold

14:24

bars that is kind of a Christmas gift

14:27

to the to the to your constituents.

14:30

You're gonna use those gold bars to

14:32

give them fillings.

14:34

Mm-hmm. Oh,

14:35

you caught me with this. It

14:37

was the Christmas gift I was gonna give.

14:40

The gift of gold fillings. So,

14:44

Senator Bob Menendez is the head, as

14:46

I should have known, and we'd be done already, is

14:49

the head of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, which

14:52

is why they're

14:54

trying to get him out of there because, you

14:56

know, if he's been taking bribes as

14:59

the head of the Senate Foreign

15:01

Relations Committee, which they think he took bribes

15:05

from someone high up in the Egyptian

15:07

government who were in the

15:11

Egyptian embassy. I don't recall

15:13

which, but they you just can't

15:15

really, you know, you kind of

15:17

he's involved in too many decisions that

15:20

and is the head of that committee.

15:22

And so we we can't have

15:25

that dealt with so the and

15:27

the Republicans don't seem to be worried

15:29

about it. At least I've been heard there's their commentary

15:31

on it. It's Democrats who are worried.

15:33

The Republicans are too worried about you

15:37

know, the by about baby Biden.

15:39

That's the one there's the real that's

15:42

the problem. Bob Menendez,

15:45

you know, certainly no sweat

15:47

for them. Maybe he maybe

15:49

gave some gold bars out to his

15:52

fellow senators. I don't

15:54

know enough of Bob Menendez. That's for

15:56

sure. And today, as

15:59

I I turned on the beginning to

16:02

give myself news again by slow

16:04

doses because I'm really, it's

16:07

enough is enough. I come back, it's the same

16:10

stuff. What are we voting for? He's

16:13

going to not be at the, I knew he

16:15

wasn't going to be at this debate

16:18

this weekend towards tomorrow

16:20

or Friday. What is it? I think

16:22

it may be tomorrow. I don't care. It's tomorrow

16:25

or Friday. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because

16:27

it really, you know, he's not going to be at

16:29

the debate. He's going to go up and talk

16:31

to the auto workers and Joe

16:33

Biden is going to go on the picket line and tremendous.

16:36

Really, that'll solve a lot of things because

16:40

I think it is important for the auto workers to

16:43

have gone out on strike. And speaking of that, the

16:46

Writers Guild, apparently, one

16:50

of my unions claims

16:52

that we're close to an agreement and

16:54

they'll be getting it to the rank and

16:56

file, as we like to say. And

16:59

we'll fix it. We'll see if we

17:01

accept it and we'll be back

17:04

to work. And then we have to see if the Screen Actors

17:06

Guild, another union I'm in, goes

17:08

back to work. I am not in

17:10

the auto workers union because they would

17:13

say, you don't know how to use a wrench, Jackass.

17:15

I am probably one

17:18

of the few people who salvaged passing

17:21

grade in industrial arts, which

17:23

they used to teach, shop, as

17:25

many people call it. I don't know what they call it now. And

17:28

I was horrible at it, horrible.

17:32

And what saved me from failing

17:34

that class was my notebook. Okay?

17:36

That'll give you an idea of

17:39

who you're dealing with here, the kind of

17:41

skill set I bring to the room. So

17:44

I wouldn't be in the auto workers and I

17:46

really wish them nothing but the best as

17:49

they really did go

17:51

out on a limb when they

17:53

needed to back then to save the auto industry

17:56

and now they're turning around to the auto industry

17:58

and going to the powers of power.

17:59

be in the what are the powers of B going nope

18:05

we've switched cameras now just to catch

18:07

you up a little here because the other camera and

18:09

I don't know if you'll be seeing it we'll be going in

18:12

and out this is an experiment

18:14

that I'm doing to see if people you

18:17

get vertigo while watching a rant

18:21

cast or a podcast if the

18:23

camera is a skew for some reason

18:26

if we didn't really know until afterwards and I

18:28

hate to lose any of those precious words

18:30

come fucking dripping out of my mouth

18:33

today it was

18:36

announced that they did a poll

18:39

and you're gonna love this here

18:42

we go 71% of the American people feel

18:45

that Joe Biden

18:48

is that his age and

18:50

mental capability

18:53

is is is you know

18:55

it is a problem because

18:58

he's 80 that's 71 percent 71

19:01

percent 71 percent 70 percent 40 percent of the American people

19:04

think

19:09

that 77 year old

19:15

president president Trump is

19:18

he's he's he

19:22

is also is too

19:24

old and

19:26

has some mental and physical

19:28

problems like Mr. Biden but

19:30

they're only 40 percent of the American people believe

19:33

that he he has that 70 percent of

19:37

Joe Biden even they're three years apart I'm

19:39

gonna I'm 70 fucking five don't

19:41

tell me that the 77 year old is

19:43

better off than the 80 year old okay don't

19:47

bullshit me wherever we can

19:49

here's why all right the

19:51

the the problem is is

19:53

that they they can't hear

19:56

Joe Biden that's why they think there's

19:58

a problem because he's speaks too low. The

20:01

other is that they can hear

20:04

Donald Trump, which is why he's a spectacular

20:08

physical specimen and will

20:11

certainly outlive all of us. It's

20:14

unbelievable. And in the meantime,

20:17

it boils down to they don't like Joe

20:19

Biden because they can't hear him, and

20:22

they don't like President

20:24

Trump because they can hear him.

20:27

Got it? That's how simple things

20:30

are going now. And today, the

20:33

Democrats were worried, or at least the

20:35

folks that cover the Democrats, MSNBC,

20:39

who can't get their head out of the Democrat

20:41

ass, were going, well, you know, there's

20:44

a big problem we've got because

20:46

they could run a third party candidate, they could

20:48

run Bobby Kennedy, and that could just completely

20:51

undermine it. What are you, it's 13 months

20:54

out, and Bobby

20:56

Kennedy is not known throughout the country

20:58

yet, except as the son of

21:01

Bob Kennedy. He's Bob

21:03

Kennedy Jr. And we'll see

21:05

if they really are going to jump on

21:07

this idiot and embrace him, okay? Because

21:10

he's got the stuff coming out of his mouth,

21:12

it's staggering. The stuff coming out of his

21:14

mouth. That's, I mean, that's the

21:16

problem. I'm sorry. The

21:19

greatest satire ever written will

21:22

be considered the years of like 2000, maybe,

21:26

and from the beginning, but from

21:28

just after 9-11 till

21:31

now, and maybe even further. Robert

21:34

Kennedy had a son, and then

21:36

the son, apparently,

21:40

they went to the zoo, the elephant sat

21:42

on Bob Kennedy's son's head,

21:44

on Bob Kennedy Jr., and so

21:46

he's been a little wobbly in terms

21:48

of his thinking ever since. It's crazy. That's,

21:52

it reads like it

21:55

should be in a great, satiric

21:57

novel, all right? Like

22:00

it is we did we some

22:03

we are writing in our headlines the Gulliver's

22:05

travels of our time

22:09

And you don't really have to read it it's not an assignment

22:12

So that's what I've got from here.

22:14

I really And that I

22:17

discovered today that oh, yeah That

22:20

fentanyl I did

22:22

not know the fentanyl

22:24

is

22:26

It was I died for

22:28

some reason I idiot I

22:30

didn't realize it was used so much

22:32

in medicine and And

22:35

now being used why wouldn't I realize that? Oh

22:37

boy, we can get really high by Anesthetizing

22:40

ourselves never understood that Not

22:44

at all. Mm-hmm. I

22:46

did quaaludes

22:49

Maybe twice and I

22:51

could have broken my leg during quaaludes and

22:53

still had sex and kind

22:57

of It didn't make

22:59

it a drug that I embraced It

23:01

was kind of something that

23:04

was a little much for me but

23:07

give me those hallucinogens,

23:10

you know and where the world opened up

23:12

and became something else now, that's that's

23:14

a drug I don't understand this I

23:16

don't get it and I

23:19

don't understand why we can't stop it. But

23:22

that's a topic for another time and Before

23:27

I go Let

23:29

me just share this

23:31

with you because I think you're gonna enjoy it black

23:34

students at Florida. Yep.

23:37

There's a surprise Florida's

23:41

Bunel elementary were called

23:43

into a special assembly and

23:45

warned they can end up being

23:48

killed Or go to jail

23:51

if they get low test scores Yeah,

23:54

that's like and for all of you who celebrate

23:57

such just like Yom Kippur Is

24:02

God going to give you a good test score or a bad

24:04

test score? And if he gives you a bad test score,

24:07

you're going to die. That's, and

24:10

that's essentially, that's the young Kapoor

24:12

thing. You lived and if you didn't

24:14

live the life that if you weren't

24:17

good, God would smoke you. I

24:19

mean, who, who has that? But I don't

24:21

have the time to go into that. I

24:23

wish I'd done it a million times. Really?

24:27

You put, you have a, you,

24:30

you literally go to temple and they said, this is

24:32

the one day God does this. He

24:35

doesn't take local week. Huh?

24:38

I got, he's the all powerful, but please

24:41

take a little more time so I can trust

24:43

you on your decision making.

24:47

God,

24:48

and especially if you're going to base it on whether people are

24:50

good, then you just smoke the earth for God's

24:52

sake. But let me, I've

24:55

digressed here. Superintendent, so

24:59

it was the special assembly. You've got a bunch

25:01

of kids in there and they're warning them that they could end

25:03

up being killed to go to jail if they get low test

25:05

scores. That's what my mother did that to me

25:07

all the time. I, you know, by the 15th

25:10

time, you know, she's kidding. But

25:12

superintendent, the superintendent,

25:15

LaShakia Moore says

25:17

there was no malice behind

25:20

the presentation, but concedes

25:22

was inappropriate. I mean, but

25:25

thank you for, you don't concede it. You

25:28

just go, this is, this is horrific

25:31

that you would bring these children in and tell them that

25:33

it's horrific. It's staggering that

25:36

you would do that. It is, it should have been,

25:38

you literally, you, you

25:41

should have said, I, you know, you should have bit

25:43

your tongue in front of them and

25:45

just gone, I'm, I'm so shocked. I'm going to bite

25:47

my tongue. Sometimes

25:50

she went on to say, when you try to think,

25:53

and this is a spectacular quote, and

25:55

please feel free to use it. Sometimes

25:58

when you try to think, outside the box,

26:02

you forget why the box is there. Takes

26:07

my breath away. Takes

26:11

my breath away. I

26:14

hope you remember why the box is there. And

26:17

thank you again for joining me. We've got some

26:20

great rants. Once again, let me repeat that.

26:24

Start sending him in. I'm back here and I'll be reading

26:26

a ton of them and we'll be getting him out

26:28

to you. As soon as I

26:31

can get them read

26:33

and I look forward to doing that. I

26:36

hope you enjoy what has

26:38

come down the pike today for you. And

26:42

I will be looking

26:45

forward to coming into Boise

26:48

on Thursday, Boise,

26:51

Idaho, Friday, Salt

26:53

Lake City and Saturday

26:56

in Grand Junction, Colorado. Then I head

26:58

out to Escondido

27:01

next Friday. It means hidden

27:04

and I hope I can find it. And

27:06

Saturday again is back

27:09

to Las Vegas to what

27:11

will be either a hard rock

27:14

or a mirage. Nobody seems to know.

27:16

They took away the volcano.

27:19

So I don't even know if I can find it. But

27:22

we'll see. And I look forward to it. As

27:26

I look forward to hearing from all of you about

27:31

and all of the things that are bothering you. Please

27:33

take care of each other. Thank

27:36

you for spending time with me because

27:38

it does mean the world to me. And

27:42

hopefully I'll see you now that the tour

27:44

is back somewhere down the road.

27:47

I'd like to take a moment and talk to you about the

27:49

sleep you're getting. Look, let's

27:51

face it. There's a lot of stuff that I hate in

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27:56

I mean, it's why you listen to me, isn't it?

27:58

I mean, maybe you agree.

27:59

you don't, but I know one thing

28:02

that everybody hates, and

28:04

that's bad sleep. It's at the top of

28:06

my list. I mean, maybe you're lying in bed just

28:08

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I have a real problem with Annie Woke folks.

32:02

For crap's sake, let's take Bud Light as

32:04

an obvious example. First

32:07

off, I've heard some drinkers describe it

32:09

as tasting like goat piss to begin

32:11

with. Not sure when they actually

32:14

sampled goat piss, but that's

32:16

another rant altogether. Secondly,

32:19

Bud Light attempted, perhaps poorly, to

32:21

be inclusive to all people, then holy

32:24

hell broke loose. When that Nimrod

32:27

Kid Rock decided to stage his own mass

32:29

shooting, proving once and for all

32:31

he can either sing or shoot

32:34

or the fuck.

32:35

I think it's time for everybody, especially

32:37

the rednecks, to lighten the

32:39

fuck up.

32:40

Sit down with your

32:42

glass of goat piss and your

32:45

bag of lesbian M&Ms and

32:47

let's not as a group of humans. You

32:49

have two juicy church

32:52

farts about who's drinking with you.

32:55

Like,

32:56

okay? Huh?

33:00

I feel a lot better now, thanks.

33:03

From Barry Yates,

33:06

and I'm glad you feel better, Barry.

33:08

I always like to help. Thank

33:11

you.

33:12

If there seem to be a lot of men writing in, I

33:15

would, I just, it's because they have.

33:18

And not a lot came in recently

33:21

from the ladies out there.

33:23

If I can say ladies, I don't know anymore.

33:25

Did you say ladies? He said ladies.

33:28

Oh no, he said ladies. The women

33:30

out there. Oh no, he said women.

33:33

But

33:35

I look forward to, I always do, whoever

33:40

writes them. Okay?

33:43

He or she or whoever.

33:45

Well, let's get on with this. Andy

33:47

Wallace. The

33:49

other day over on the Twit box, I saw

33:51

a message from a man who was whining

33:53

about the fact that his book was being

33:56

rejected by some sales outlets. It

33:58

had been canceled, of course.

34:00

The title of his book is Democrats

34:03

Hate America. Now look, I

34:05

don't care one wit about this twitch book

34:07

sales, but I'm

34:10

fucking sick and tired of folks.

34:12

Sure, some on the left, but overwhelmingly

34:15

on the right that say the other side hates America.

34:18

No, you fucks. None of us

34:20

hate America. Not on the left,

34:23

not on the right. Most of us wish that things

34:25

could be better, but just because

34:28

I don't want to go along with your religio,

34:30

fascist rantings about how you want

34:33

things to be run. Doesn't mean I

34:35

hate America. It means I hate

34:37

the vision of the intolerant, racist,

34:39

hateful America that you seem

34:42

to want. And

34:45

if you disagree with that, just write in.

34:47

And he was pissed. He

34:49

said it, got it off his chest, and you can

34:51

too.

34:53

Here at rantorama,

34:56

okay,

34:58

rantcast, whatever,

35:00

you've got that option. I'm sitting here,

35:03

send it in. Send them

35:06

in.

35:07

Something that should be simple has

35:10

made our friend, if I

35:12

may call you that Dennis, Dennis Moun

35:14

or Moun, it's upsetting.

35:19

And it should be easy,

35:20

but it's not. Lewis,

35:23

what the fuck is with the seals

35:26

they put over the top of virtually every

35:28

bottle of product you purchased

35:30

today? Most of them are impossible

35:33

for any living human to remove without

35:35

a chainsaw. Where the fuck

35:37

do they use the same adhesive they use to

35:40

adhere the heat tiles to the space

35:42

shuttle? Aren't we supposed

35:44

to get access to the product

35:46

inside the bottle?

35:48

Oh,

35:49

but they are so thoughtful. They

35:51

put tiny little tabs around the

35:53

edge so you can break off your thumbnails

35:56

trying to peel them back. If you

35:58

are able to make some progress

36:01

in removal, pieces of the seal

36:03

invariably tear off and remain

36:05

cemented to the edges of the bottle.

36:08

Oh yes they do Dennis, yes they do.

36:11

Or if all else fails you pull out a knife

36:13

and cut around the edge to get the seal

36:15

off. If that leaves

36:17

you with a rim of the fucking shit

36:20

they use all around the edge.

36:22

Oh boy, this makes

36:25

it physically impossible to put the

36:27

lid back on the jar because you can't

36:29

get the fucking threads on the lid

36:31

to line up with the threads on the jar. Do

36:35

these cretins stay up at night to think

36:37

of ways to drive us all mad? God

36:40

damn it.

36:43

Well said Dennis and certainly

36:46

something that just drove me nuts again this

36:48

morning. And then you forgot

36:50

that little plastic thing that they might put

36:52

on to help as they like to do

36:54

that. They have that little plastic thing you pull

36:57

on it, supposed to pull everything up and

36:59

then it rips and then you're back to back

37:01

to what you were yelling about. It's

37:03

unbelievable,

37:05

just unbelievable. Thank you. Thank

37:07

you for sharing something that I

37:10

think bothers everyone, young

37:12

and old. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe

37:14

the young just kind of gnawed off still.

37:17

Alrighty, appreciated

37:20

Dennis. We've

37:22

heard from Audrey Lintner before

37:24

and now we're going to hear from her again. Dear

37:28

Facebook, since

37:31

you obstinately refused to cram

37:33

your sponsored ads where the

37:36

sun doesn't shine, could you at

37:38

least choose pages

37:41

and products that I've liked?

37:44

Yes, I know it's your website and

37:46

you're free to violate your

37:48

own anti-spam rules, but holy

37:51

bat shit man. If I

37:53

want to see how effective Botox

37:56

is, it's destroying a person's

37:58

ability to have facial

37:59

expressions, I'll watch that little nitwit

38:02

from Twilight.

38:04

I don't care if Rachel Ray lost 30

38:07

pounds in 30 days. Big deal. I

38:10

lost 290 pounds in 10 minutes by

38:12

getting a divorce. I also don't give

38:14

a rodent's rectum about those

38:16

hideous shoes that keep showing up

38:18

in my newsfeed. Give

38:21

it a rest, huh? Show

38:23

me an ad for a yarn or

38:26

coffee or chocolate. Hell,

38:29

show me chocolate yarn. I'll

38:31

click on that before the page finishes

38:33

loading. Other than that,

38:36

bugger off. If I get

38:38

as desperate to remove a wrinkle as

38:41

you seem to think I am, I'll

38:43

stick my face under an iron.

38:47

Eat worms and fuck you very

38:49

much. Scrolling

38:52

in Kansas. Well

38:55

Audrey, nice to hear from you.

38:56

And don't,

38:59

well you certainly

39:01

won't put your face under an iron. Chocolate

39:04

yarn. That tickled me. Thanks.

39:12

Thank you Tim Wardman for this. I

39:16

apologize in advance. I

39:19

am European. I'm English, but

39:21

I live in Denmark. Your

39:23

net rants make me howl and

39:25

you expose the true power of satire.

39:27

Well thank you Tim.

39:29

I'm sorry if my inbuilt socialism

39:31

offends the delicate US sensibilities.

39:36

We're not socialists.

39:37

We just think about stuff. What

39:40

in the absolute dog barking

39:43

voice of Lucifer is the

39:45

deal with you idiots and guns? If

39:48

you think an AR-15 will help defend

39:50

you from the government, then you don't know

39:52

how tanks work. But

39:55

every day we have to listen to Lauren fuckface

39:57

Bobbert and Marjorie.

40:00

tailored God basher. Huh?

40:02

Got a gun?

40:03

Go into the garden, shoot yourself in the head

40:05

and save us all a lot of energy. Fucking

40:08

idiots.

40:09

Guns kill. That's what

40:11

they're there for. Point it at a kid

40:14

and the kid doesn't exist anymore. Just

40:16

a cloud of pink mist.

40:20

But hey,

40:21

it's the Constitution.

40:24

Abortion? Jesus,

40:27

why are old white men deciding what

40:29

women can do with their own bodies? Men

40:32

should just keep their bastard mouths shut.

40:34

I'm sorry, man. I really am. But your fucking

40:37

country and the idiots that interpret

40:39

the Constitution, and that means

40:41

that they can buy a Barrett

40:44

sniper rifle for personal

40:46

protection are fucking up my

40:48

life and I don't even live there.

40:51

Manifest destiny? Fuck,

40:53

dude.

40:54

You all need to just calm the fuck down

40:56

and start talking.

40:58

Not screaming,

40:59

not suing, and not electing

41:02

an authoritarian orange shithead.

41:05

Remember Germany in the 20s?

41:08

Start talking, dickheads. Sorry,

41:12

man.

41:13

But thank you.

41:15

Nothing to apologize for. It's

41:17

your rant, you let it rip. I

41:19

don't know what a Barrett sniper rifle

41:22

is, Tim, but I

41:24

really appreciate you taking the time and energy

41:27

to write that in and I'm going to Google. Thanks

41:29

for sharing.

41:31

I do appreciate it.

41:32

Thanks to all of you for listening

41:35

to my rant cast. If

41:37

you have a rant you want to get off your chest, send

41:39

it in to me at lewisblack.com

41:42

forward slash live. You

41:44

can think of it as therapy, or whatever

41:46

you want to think of it as.

41:48

Just let it rip. And I

41:50

want to thank the true stars of this

41:53

show. The ranters and the

41:55

splendid

41:55

rants they gave us. Lewis

41:58

Black's rant cast was created

41:59

Our live brand audio was produced by

42:02

James Hough, a theme song by Chris Hough, the

42:04

executive producer

42:08

of Bun Boon, executive

42:10

producers Matt Kline-Schmidt and Robert

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