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2:16

And before we begin the

2:18

I know it's quite said,

2:20

the last richest this year.

2:23

I'm. I. Just wanted to

2:25

take a moment to thank all

2:27

of you Been in the audience

2:29

up there during his two or

2:32

this past year because it is

2:34

been a joy for me to

2:36

perform for you and I hope

2:38

I gave half of behalf of

2:40

what you gave me back. It

2:42

was done that I'd been successful.

2:45

I can tell you what you

2:47

mean to me. I, the world

2:49

that's my big they kept I

2:51

There are other words and hopefully

2:53

it will. Find that is. I

2:56

cruised this the the final year.

2:58

really that the. I will

3:00

be on tour. I'm gonna be

3:02

around. Ah yes and I will be

3:04

doing things in the but I will

3:06

not be on a bus rolling around

3:08

for one hundred shows. Year a pop

3:10

up here and there are be like

3:12

a pop ups to her. I want

3:15

to take a moment as I do

3:17

a the beginning of every year read

3:19

cast as of late to just. Let

3:22

you know where I'm going to be because

3:24

that's it. It's also promotion. It's also have

3:26

advertisements and I'm really not good at it,

3:28

but damn good. It lets you know again

3:30

that all of the. Cities that

3:32

are mad. If you go to loseblack.com

3:35

a you will find out the theaters

3:37

in what times and to pick up

3:39

a membership to the Loseblack fan club

3:41

which provides you the best seats in

3:44

the house and will beat the price

3:46

Ticket master and it is the one

3:48

way. That I have

3:50

found that we can beat the scalpers but

3:52

you're charging money. Lose because we need a

3:55

human being to be able to talk to

3:57

you and be sure you get everything the

3:59

you you you. Basically get your tickets

4:01

and get you see and.that are

4:03

there to help you out. And

4:06

Die. Here's where I'll be

4:08

January eighteenth. Is.

4:10

It that that's the begins in

4:12

Monterey California, then on to or

4:14

Santa Barbara, California and then on

4:16

to a Anaheim, California and then

4:18

the next week in Modesto on

4:20

the twenty fifth, Brooks California on

4:23

the Twenty Six Twenty Seven in

4:25

Reno, Nevada where I beat up.

4:27

We make in a ton of

4:29

money at the video poker machine

4:31

and I can see it right

4:33

now which is really said oh

4:35

but still there and I know.

4:38

The. And then on January twenty eighth

4:40

of one of my well really I one

4:43

of the great joys of my life was

4:45

to perform at the Santa Rosa at the.

4:47

Of the of Luther Burbank, I

4:50

was able to. Do.

4:52

A bit of of the Cd their the

4:54

Luther Burbank Center for the Performing Arts. One

4:56

take. that's the way it was gonna be.

4:58

That was the show. Boom get it out

5:00

there the it's just one of the great

5:03

places to do comedy. It, it

5:05

truly is and it was one of

5:07

George Carlin's favorite places at the it's

5:09

where he did. He is less special

5:11

so it's always Zelda wouldn't place in

5:13

my heart but and much as go

5:15

to Denver next and. Than.

5:17

Were second. February. Third, bolder

5:20

and February Fourth: in Fort

5:22

Collins, Colorado. Or you can

5:24

get tickets for every show.

5:26

Up with it. What followed

5:28

me around like fish. Not

5:32

if you are fish like

5:34

those who follow that are

5:36

also up. Better off

5:39

Europe I'm coming your way in

5:41

May of the in. England

5:43

of the in Berlin and I'll

5:45

be in Amsterdam and I'll be

5:47

in Brussels and I will be

5:49

in Stockholm Sweden also a at

5:52

the end of the month the

5:54

I will be in know. The.

5:56

Lisbon and so are in May

5:58

thirty first. So. A

6:00

mobile you join me and then

6:03

not inside out to opens June

6:05

June fourteenth. And that's what I got

6:07

from here. I'll be back in just a moment. All

6:13

go horribly wrong and

6:15

a hello and welcome.

6:18

To. The Hundred and fifty

6:20

eight edition of Lose Blacks

6:23

ran cast in title. The.

6:26

It's. The most wonderful time with

6:28

the year. Oh yes

6:30

it is. Is it really yes?

6:32

Sure Why not? Maybe Who cares?

6:35

Who knows. Ah but I happen

6:37

to think maybe maybe this year

6:39

it is a because after a

6:41

year like this one to have

6:43

all of a sudden Christmas holiday

6:45

which we can hardly and and

6:48

see our friends and take the

6:50

time and kind of maybe after

6:52

you like this hold on to

6:54

each other and just hope that

6:56

this madness and in the soon

6:59

because it this. Is it has

7:01

been crazy will all year and

7:03

we're not getting yourself from our

7:05

leadership. but I yelled and screamed

7:07

all last week about all of

7:09

the stuff. the busier dating me

7:11

no end and I refused to

7:14

do it this week because it's

7:16

the most wonderful time movie year

7:18

yes and I might go into

7:20

a singing bird it most of

7:22

my chosen that I know that's

7:24

really something. Little Wells it'll go

7:26

tickets if was but it'll certainly

7:29

warm the cockles. Of my own

7:31

heart a noble not saying but

7:33

I do wanna burst of those

7:36

share with you about I rarely.

7:38

I've never hung lights up by.

7:40

It is when I'm living alone.

7:43

never. Hung. Christmas lights. For

7:45

these came. From. My very good

7:47

friend Kathleen Madigan I just had

7:49

to share them with you. He

7:51

he's of effect of the get

7:53

believe. This. Celebrating

7:56

the great outdoors A.

7:58

The. The. Gun

8:02

shell. Light said

8:04

you wouldn't really know until he

8:06

got a ghost of it's as

8:08

the Sure Shot The I think

8:11

three gauge is that possible? Said

8:13

nippy twelve gauge. It's in what

8:15

it says it's with three. Three

8:18

inches. I. Don't know what

8:20

that means or two or three with too

8:22

little play? I don't know. Lord

8:25

knows, but does she said a

8:27

little hope for to be sold

8:29

a bench really? A

8:31

since this will be the end of

8:34

the road from he'd open my a

8:36

Juju his Gun shop and these I'm

8:38

sure will be a top seller there

8:41

at Christmas time. I'm very excited about

8:43

this and that many shotgun shell menorah

8:45

that be kind of fun wouldn't get

8:47

yelled at the hell earth and I

8:50

beg give the as as a shotgun

8:52

shell been works She would have said

8:54

that a lot discoveries in comes from

8:57

the. The. Cabelas is is

8:59

he got it there but I'm gonna beat

9:01

them to it when I owe them and

9:03

I have. But you Use Gun shop opened

9:05

and yes it will be. In

9:08

Alabama, I'm still scouting the territory.

9:11

Where it's the almost the most impossible

9:13

blaze to find him. In. Alabama

9:15

To repeat. Political jokes are the folks

9:17

in your book poured out there and

9:20

streams with using it and try to

9:22

buy me because they're going to be

9:24

wondering where he is doing. Jews run

9:26

shop, Where. Is

9:28

it? and does. She also set of

9:30

lungs and this is truly even even

9:33

more psychotic than this. But I meet

9:35

up. A. Brisket,

9:38

candy canes, Seriously.

9:41

There's seven of them. Brisket,

9:43

Candy Canes. Something I guess

9:45

the only a jew could

9:47

love. A final? Want that

9:49

peppermint candy cane? It's it's

9:51

not. But boy it's. For.

9:53

Hanukkah. It can't be the brisket.

9:55

I'm in a try this. In.

9:59

A lot of her. Drew her show where

10:01

she tries number of thing she

10:03

said this along she ah it

10:05

it does she basically didn't dumb.

10:08

You're. Under show she was maybe at

10:11

at it so I'm kind of excited

10:13

to take it is tasted first and

10:15

then send it off to her to

10:17

try. And

10:20

unawares died. This is beyond belief. Have.

10:22

Been in each. It turns out

10:24

it's really kind of eye candy

10:26

canes or side. Because

10:33

like. It

10:38

tastes just a little bit better

10:40

the buy my book. My mother's

10:42

brisket which is a the was

10:44

horrific it time she she did

10:46

it she just didn't really enjoy

10:48

cooking which i she just didn't

10:50

I don't think she wanted to

10:53

do that she it was not

10:55

something you'd interest in her at

10:57

all. she best that keen on

10:59

the me but. The

11:02

my brother love to cook and I

11:04

wish he for a refund to join

11:06

me in a in a bit of

11:09

was sale at I Heidi whoa as

11:11

it's is a prince get to the

11:13

system is good Kelly kicks it is.

11:19

It is just about all for my

11:21

mother's would would become. As I said

11:23

oh yeah a million years ago they

11:25

did She She kind of boiled as

11:27

a brisket so became like a billion

11:29

rubber bands. It wasn't that used it

11:31

in a war. if they should have.

11:34

It. Would have been great deserve to

11:36

be to make tires because it's

11:38

had the consistency of rubber but

11:40

this this is just horrific. I'm

11:42

going to take little bite. Now.

11:49

You can see. There's

11:52

a good indicators on. This

11:55

is I gotta get reserves. Yeah,

12:00

a drug with my mom be I don't

12:02

want my mouth. Wow. Oh.

12:06

Wow. Wow wow, that's enough

12:09

for that. Like

12:11

you can lead for the first

12:14

meal. Set decoration as as here

12:16

in my A I'm. In

12:19

make to cable access to could

12:21

he have been certainly for this.

12:23

Reminding. Me of. The.

12:27

Black A Black. Lab

12:30

never been a big fan of and

12:33

a brisket unless it's done absolutely right

12:35

like soaked in beer and barbecue. short.

12:38

Were really good Corned Beef Brisket or

12:40

with you know, Lessons:

12:42

Corned Beef. Lamb.

12:47

It received. It

12:49

tastes like licorice inside, which is

12:51

senseless when I guess that's what

12:54

gives it it. Delightful. Risk

12:56

Getty and. Risk

12:59

getting innings come up with a new

13:01

word or I am an Ip A

13:03

guy goes with there's out I just

13:06

that a big issue If you see

13:08

the brisket candy cane I would say

13:10

avoid it unless you wanted to do

13:12

something for a friend. That

13:15

you put it, really disturbed

13:17

them. Or or maybe they're

13:19

psychotic brisket lovers. And

13:21

that might be a reason the get a but the

13:23

there. In. There for sale in

13:25

during it. It makes it really

13:27

the most wonderful time of the

13:29

year when you are selling brisket

13:32

candy canes. Yeah we're into a

13:34

whole new realm. They are you

13:36

with they they are rap and

13:38

that can get it every form

13:40

of shit. It's It's not candy

13:42

corn, it's a candy cane. It's

13:44

peppermint. And that's the way it should

13:46

be. and I'm sorry. maybe I'm old school, but that.

13:50

Is gotta be other things

13:52

you could.flavors that them brisket

13:54

of sure there's a bacon.

13:57

What? But I keep having. How

14:00

do you make it as good as

14:03

bacon in then? Really? it's antithetical to

14:05

the earth. Do. With many views

14:07

can have that new diet but it

14:09

certainly it's never bothered me without pork.

14:12

It be no reason to wake up. Tell you

14:14

that. It. Is the most wonderful time

14:17

of the year because of these. Delightful.

14:20

Accoutrements, but now. I

14:23

kept i'm and that get It was

14:25

unbelievably not the most wonderful time of

14:27

the year in Florida because I went

14:29

down there and just hopes words December

14:32

it's been a little. it certainly was

14:34

gotten a cold or up here but

14:36

still you know, not terrible and it's

14:38

a boy. Get down there. did a

14:40

brick bread supposed to be in the

14:43

seventies. Siblings gonna be really good. Saw

14:45

the sun once saw the sun came

14:47

out for just a moment. they. Were

14:49

not happy down there and I cannot

14:51

blame them and it it didn't make

14:54

it seem more Christmas the I've never

14:56

understood does a. Florida just doesn't

14:58

seem to be the environment for Christmas.

15:00

But they were trees, trees, more treats.

15:02

They are more trees everywhere in this

15:04

country than I have every Christmas trees

15:07

everywhere. I mean like got people can't

15:09

get enough Christmas trees on what plot

15:11

away And I mean it is extraordinary.

15:14

But it just it's It's never

15:16

a big keep even with it

15:18

being a cool going on like

15:20

in the only reason it was

15:23

cold he says we were it

15:25

a steward Florida by the water,

15:27

Jacksonville In.st Petersburg and dub we

15:29

are not a great great shows

15:31

audiences great everything about it great

15:33

but really was. Hope it is

15:35

just gonna be a bit warmer

15:37

and it was it it just

15:40

wasn't and with the of the

15:42

weird you know they're all. The of

15:44

water, the wind coming off the what just the wind

15:46

coming off the would have made it to call it

15:48

was to call. That. Cold

15:51

Cold Bad cold. But just like come

15:53

on, I wanted that one boy taste

15:55

to the warmth. Before. i

15:57

returned to work is gonna be cold

18:00

Who's a pleasure And I'm sorry that

18:02

I missed a when I was there.

18:04

Going over to the if you ever

18:06

down there the day I'm for the

18:08

premier Dali museum. In. The United

18:10

States in the He's one of the guys

18:12

who hooked me on art because I just

18:14

was. Well. How did he paid that?

18:17

And the. It. was your

18:19

be really that blue that one

18:22

but it was said but the

18:24

me from the his the heat

18:26

up for it and with with

18:28

a couple glasses or and i

18:30

forgot that day I hadn't seen

18:32

the Dali into. It

18:35

was. Just. A pleasure. From.

18:38

Beginning to end it was three

18:40

really funny shows and hadn't died.

18:43

Can. Be happier to be in

18:45

the land of dissenters and dump

18:47

the it if if my crowds

18:49

really is occasion than they were

18:52

unhappy. but I'm sure that dirt

18:54

the folks who. Who. With

18:56

in a big supporters have him sit down

18:58

there. didn't really gotta go. let's go see

19:01

who who's at can hear it when he's

19:03

get the say about. It.

19:06

Did of I do have to say that I'm

19:08

waiting for him to smile. I saw today try

19:10

to do it. Ah, Been.

19:13

A D D N that this

19:15

morning and. Who

19:17

is. Just. Incapable of

19:19

put the the medicaid will be answering

19:21

questions and then I don't think they

19:23

estimate questions. So it's you

19:25

know, instead of if you know asking

19:28

and be more direct about things they

19:30

and then they allow him to kind

19:32

of skirt around the question. That shit

19:34

just doesn't help. And

19:37

just another quickie Donald Trump today

19:39

last night. In a

19:41

fundraiser mile long ago. did talk to

19:44

his the riches Hell donors in the

19:46

Romans promise that if he was elected

19:48

he would be get Nymphs new tax

19:51

cuts Use as a penny. Like get

19:53

enough money. They literally every one of

19:55

their portfolios. That's right, that's the were

19:57

in use for when you have stock

20:00

market money is boom. In.

20:02

The last week? I mean fuck.

20:04

unexploded and so and that's enough

20:06

Or a You know yet they

20:09

don't need new tax cuts. What

20:11

we need to do is get

20:13

things in order be need to

20:15

get our house in order. Economic

20:17

leaves not socialist, believe that.people. who

20:19

been given the gift of living

20:21

in this country with capitalism and.and

20:23

the protections provided by the government.

20:26

For. Them. Should.

20:29

A it least feel the

20:31

generosity of giving back. And

20:34

and kind of, even if the playing

20:37

field, the playing field so lopsided I

20:39

don't remember anything like my lifetime. not

20:41

even close, not even in the ballpark.

20:43

K. Dictate Dated. Didn't think I

20:46

just time a year to for him to

20:48

say at this time of year. It's.

20:51

Just insane and then yelling

20:53

about of though about that

20:55

stop. Let's. Move on. This

20:57

is a time when we get

20:59

money for the the charity's with

21:01

chariot a splendid tax write off

21:03

many people and it's kind of

21:05

we have that ah but it

21:07

really a lot of it should

21:09

be Things like I was reading

21:11

today it out that it is.

21:14

A group that don't ask for money?

21:16

Who who works with the. The.

21:19

Mentally ill and me with it. That

21:21

should be. That the state

21:23

in the end of than the kids

21:25

and federals be a that this the

21:27

date the and and that the medical

21:29

profession that's who should deal with it.

21:32

K. And. The

21:34

state in this the Fed should really try

21:36

to figure out how to deal with mental

21:39

illness and how to be able to help

21:41

people cope cause things are good out there.

21:44

Not. At all. But. It's

21:46

that the most wonderful time of the heater

21:48

to. Add that

21:50

I am sorry to dig, dig into that,

21:53

but what what the hell? But.

21:55

Have we lost of. Norman

21:57

Lear been done research.

22:00

Not that it's not that

22:02

was that was rough. I

22:04

mean a rough, not the

22:07

sensor Medieval, lived a rich,

22:09

full life and the legacies

22:11

astonishing and. To leader.

22:14

To. One of the most gifted. In.

22:18

Terms of television and those in

22:20

sitcoms, he took sitcom do it

22:23

in another level completely. And that

22:25

I have a Norman Lear story

22:27

is somebody may have heard before,

22:30

but it was truly incredible years

22:32

ago. In two

22:34

years ago I got a phone

22:36

call when I was living in

22:38

an apartment whereby laced with the

22:40

the to the toilet was in

22:42

it's own still space and then

22:44

it was the kitchen. In the

22:46

kitchen they would to refrigerator the

22:49

refrigerators right across from the shower.

22:52

And I was thought that the

22:54

it's really something horrified good app

22:56

and I get elected keep myself

22:59

it out that way kid and

23:01

does. It was

23:03

a dump it with a dump

23:05

was is being kind. the at

23:07

the ceiling the skydeck cracked up.

23:09

There was it. The ceiling had

23:11

had problems and was actually there

23:14

was a holes in the steps.

23:16

There were holes in the ceiling

23:18

tell him Louis there were holes

23:20

in the ceiling and jackass. And.i

23:23

try to get the the

23:25

up. The landlord didn't take

23:27

some the ill I was not

23:29

dammit making. I. Was not

23:31

making a ton of money into

23:33

time but Athena I was becoming

23:36

known as the. I. Was

23:38

probably on the daily show and I

23:40

look like a surly was in that

23:42

been doing coat and so there was

23:44

a certain around or notoriety at that

23:47

point and the phone rang. and

23:50

i picked it up and i heard the boys

23:52

and it's that iconic voice he has roots and

23:54

you know soon as i did i lose my

23:56

god it's going and lear and my brain just

23:58

start clicking it's Norman Lear and he's calling me

24:01

and this is it. This is

24:03

it. I'm out of here. I'm looking around

24:05

this apartment. Bye bye. Goodbye. I'm out of

24:07

here. Norman Lear's called from the West Coast

24:09

and all I have to do is kind

24:11

of wait here for the offer. And

24:14

things are going to change and I'm

24:16

not I'm going to pack and get

24:18

the fuck out of here. And we're

24:20

going west. Like my friend Mark Lynn

24:23

Baker. I'm sure there's a I'm

24:25

sure there's a part for me. He's calling

24:27

give me a role in one of those

24:30

incredible. This will

24:32

be the new one. The angry guy

24:34

who who

24:37

whatever I didn't care. I just

24:39

thought my head was

24:41

on by my brain. And

24:44

hi, Louis. This is Norman

24:46

Lear. Yes. Mr.

24:48

Lear. Pleasure to hear from you. Well,

24:52

I was wondering and

24:56

oh, were you wondering if

24:58

you've ever if

25:03

you've ever done a bar mitzvah. And

25:06

it was like, oh

25:09

my God. You

25:13

know, I'm not getting the or maybe

25:17

it's a show about a bar mitzvah. Maybe

25:20

he wants me to play an angry rabbi. No,

25:22

it was

25:24

that his son was being

25:26

bar mitzvah. And I was his son's

25:29

favorite comic. And the only

25:31

gift he thought that would really make

25:33

his son happy was for

25:36

me to perform his bar mitzvah.

25:40

And I went sounds

25:43

good to me. And what

25:46

do you get for that kind of thing? And

25:48

I don't really know I've never done

25:51

one. But he

25:53

was very generous. And

25:57

and I was very broken hearted. But

26:01

I thought I'd get out there. There'll be all of these big

26:04

wigs at the bar mitzvah, I'm sure. And

26:06

one of them will certainly

26:08

get me a role in Norman. Once

26:11

he sees the work up close

26:13

and personal, he'll go, you know,

26:15

God, I really have to think

26:17

about putting him in Hucho. And

26:20

I, of course, didn't because I

26:23

really, it was just starting to get off

26:25

the ground. I didn't really go, well, you

26:27

know, take him aside and go, you know,

26:30

I've got an idea. I had no idea.

26:32

I was overwhelmed. It's Norman Lear. And,

26:36

you know, what am I going to give him an idea? And

26:39

I was hoping he would give me an

26:41

idea. So it was

26:44

a joy to have spent that

26:46

time with him at bar mitzvah. It was very funny.

26:48

It was all the kids were in front of me

26:50

and all the adults were on the side. And

26:53

I did the show for those kids. And

26:57

it would be kind of considered a tough

26:59

situation was terrific. And it was a joy

27:01

and it was a pleasure. And

27:05

I got to spend some time

27:07

with him just before he

27:09

passed, really. And that

27:12

was, we had an

27:14

incredible conversation. And

27:17

he requested this, he asked, he called and

27:19

wanted to see me. And I,

27:22

it made me, you

27:24

know, look, you don't get the,

27:26

you don't get the pilot. Louis, you get

27:29

to spend time with one of the great

27:31

minds and great people that you're

27:33

ever going to see that really, you don't

27:35

think, you know, that you're ever going to meet, and

27:39

it was, it was

27:42

good. And there's some another time

27:44

here in the city.

27:46

And I'm glad I spent

27:48

time with him. He would enrich my

27:51

life and did all of

27:53

his work. And I think, well,

27:58

It meant a lot to me. So

28:01

are. You. Don't show

28:03

before I go. It means a lot

28:05

for me to bed. the you guys

28:07

will join me. This. Year

28:09

on the tour I'm repeating myself but

28:12

I I just need to the know

28:14

that then the I'll be hidden the

28:16

road again and I'm having. More.

28:19

Fun than it's I think either

28:21

as just by knowing this is

28:24

it. In know. I'm

28:26

I'm kind of the. Pitch.

28:29

Things can I get: Just kind

28:31

of more yelling, screaming more kind

28:33

of, how come you didn't get

28:35

that joke. And. More

28:38

and. More. Really enjoying

28:40

the pleasure of your company. And.

28:43

The pleasure I have spending time with

28:45

you. So before I

28:48

go, let's wrap up with a

28:50

few of further psychosis that Earth's

28:52

are plaguing the country from. But

28:54

The Week magazine. And the.

28:56

Who. Always give me something that

28:59

to really talk about it

29:01

though. This is is

29:03

a new study. The heard

29:05

not about profanity which a pound

29:07

a day, but optimists after the

29:10

about. It's been a new study

29:12

that found the Sunny Disposition. Of

29:15

optimists is often accompanied

29:17

by bad memory. Impair

29:20

convertible verbal fluency

29:22

and poor decision

29:24

making skills. Optimism.

29:27

The study declares maybe aside

29:29

product of the true driver.

29:31

Low. Cognitive ability. Who.

29:35

So you're optimistic

29:37

because you. You're

29:40

thinking is kind a cloudy if

29:43

it is a bad memory see

29:45

can't remember how you got fucked

29:47

a just wow. Wow.

29:49

Is Alex and I've always considered

29:52

myself an optimist? So maybe my

29:54

god be that of ability sucks.

29:56

Maybe that's why I'm an optimist?

29:59

because hub the

32:00

end of the year. Enjoy

32:02

every minute of it. Enjoy the time you

32:04

spend with friends. Keep the

32:06

world at bay for a moment. Close that door

32:08

and tell the world to go fuck itself. Because

32:11

enough is fucking enough. And

32:14

I'm gonna wish you a happy, happy

32:16

fucking new year. I hope

32:18

it's tremendous. I hope it's, I

32:21

hope literally we get a year

32:24

finally we get a year finally in

32:26

which the government really

32:28

it deals with what needs to

32:30

be dealt with where both sides

32:33

start to learn the idea of

32:35

compromise. Where it's become

32:37

so surprising how joyous things

32:40

could be. We

32:42

are owed a great year. We

32:45

have been fucked over too

32:47

long. The whole world deserves a better

32:49

year. And here's to us and

32:52

all of us getting

32:54

it. Okay, let that

32:56

be the gift. Okay,

32:59

the gift of peace and

33:01

kindness and love. Yep,

33:05

I said all that. It's kind of unusual

33:07

for me but so we're gonna wrap it up now.

33:11

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33:14

in this world. I mean, it's why you

33:16

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33:18

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33:20

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33:22

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33:24

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33:26

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33:28

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36:18

Milbridge is a necessary point we're provided by law.

36:20

18 plus terms and conditions apply. See what's up

36:22

for details. Mildred

36:24

Ellison who's been sending

36:27

in rants for

36:29

years from the very beginning and newspaper

36:32

articles which I have no idea where

36:34

she finds them and it's

36:37

always a pleasure to read her stuff

36:39

even though I don't get it out more. I

36:42

try to give everybody a shot but

36:45

she's always on top of it and

36:47

this Christmas boy she is in a rage

36:49

and I probably should have saved it for

36:51

a week but I didn't want to lose

36:53

it so here it comes.

36:56

Holy fuck another Christmas is upon

36:58

us and you know what that

37:00

means another fucking

37:02

December to remember and

37:05

Santa sucking ass yet again

37:07

without leaving me a Lexus

37:09

or Mercedes GMC truck or

37:11

even a lousy

37:13

fucking Hyundai. Uh

37:16

fuck I won't even get the big

37:18

red bow. Every fucking

37:20

year that fat puss screws me

37:22

out of the luxury vehicle the

37:24

TV box says is rightfully mine.

37:27

Every fucking year.

37:30

You know why he's so fucking jolly? Because

37:33

that red ass fuck enjoys

37:35

giving me shit I don't fucking

37:37

want underwear socks

37:40

pajamas towels. He

37:43

gave me fucking towels last year who

37:45

the fuck wants any of that shit.

37:48

Listen up you fat tarred bastard

37:51

you can cram that swiss colony

37:53

cheese sausage and tort gift

37:55

sampler right up your ass.

37:58

I Want What's coming to me. I.

38:01

Want Pandora jewelry. I've

38:04

watched those Gordon Ramsay puck

38:06

in the heck's clad pants.

38:08

but most of all I

38:10

want that pathetic car with

38:12

the red bow on top.

38:16

In. Who can blame you? Mildred

38:18

for Hope is those the

38:20

review as a very merry

38:22

whoa whoa with a good

38:25

Christmas. Obama

38:27

as well. Margaret

38:29

Martin assists his this to

38:32

say to us. I'm

38:34

a seventy three year old

38:36

heterosexual female. This is my

38:39

first smartphone which I got in

38:41

October now and getting all sorts

38:43

of female sat an escort promotions

38:45

in my email. Apparently.

38:48

Is long as they are a legit

38:50

business, I can't do shit about it.

38:53

I'm in a fight with a

38:55

T V to assert my authority

38:57

over my oh so it appears

39:00

that disabling my email often and

39:02

putting my phone in airplane mode

39:04

during the major ad time that

39:06

X miss most send a message.

39:10

Probably. To a robot. Plenty

39:15

more. Than. Qb with

39:17

it's. Are in.

39:19

Here's another one from her. just a quickie.

39:22

Once upon a time, science has

39:24

stated that overpopulation would cause people

39:26

to behave like wrapped cinema is.

39:29

Boy. They. Got that right.

39:32

Is. They did work it. Is.

39:35

They did. I think it's even crazier. The.

39:37

Rats in a maze and although I

39:40

haven't seen as it a maze of

39:42

appeal. Zachary T. nails

39:44

this. Quite. Simply to

39:47

the point. Been.

39:49

So obvious it's extraordinary.

39:52

A. Suggestion to companies with

39:54

automated customer service lines. If.

39:57

I call outside normal

39:59

business. Hours but didn't tell

40:01

me that up front is that

40:04

I'm making me waste time frustratingly

40:06

yell at you know, my phone

40:08

over and unseating. Sit so your

40:11

robot can understand me for twenty

40:13

minutes only to be told you're

40:15

currently closed. Than. I should

40:18

call back later. Fuck.

40:20

You. He.

40:22

Told them Zachary. The.

40:26

He told them. It's

40:28

Egypt enunciating said. I didn't

40:30

get that outright. In.

40:33

The feds eating she had see a

40:35

robot can understand me. For. To

40:37

visits who is. Gotta.

40:40

Hate that. I hate that.

40:42

Zachary. With. Sites.

40:45

Thank. You from man? Well

40:47

s. Think

40:51

you're going to enjoy this. Dear.

40:53

Louis albeit true show at

40:55

Montclair this Friday. Ridgeway.

40:57

I was gonna ran about this coming

40:59

weekend in New York City since it'll

41:01

be centered com. Nothing.

41:03

Says more about the holiday festive

41:05

spirit than a bunch of college

41:08

students in grades all dressed up

41:10

as since his pukey outside bars

41:12

have to doing the a bar

41:14

crawl up and down the streets

41:16

of Manhattan. But I. I.

41:19

Digress: I just

41:21

want to Ran about my eighty five year

41:23

old dad who despite having a stroke seven

41:25

years ago and since for cupboard. The.

41:27

Noise and frustrates me to the

41:29

level that I wish I could

41:31

would join the Sands com revelers.

41:34

I'm in my fifties single. Know.

41:37

Girlfriend and care taker to my

41:39

eighty year old parents. Who.

41:42

My Live With. This. Statement

41:44

alone can be enough for the

41:46

rant and a laugh, but my

41:48

dad insisted I buy him. For.

41:52

Pretty bottles of List

41:54

Fury Forty bottles. Why?

41:57

You may ask. So.

41:59

Busy. and use it to clean and wipe

42:01

the bathroom. I told

42:04

him, do not use the Listerine

42:06

mouthwash to clean surfaces. Use

42:09

Listerine only for your mouth and

42:11

nothing else. But he

42:13

insists saying, all those other cleaning

42:15

products that I suggest are poison

42:18

and you can't use it orally.

42:20

What the fuck? I

42:23

replied emphatically, you're not supposed

42:25

to use cleaning products orally,

42:27

just the mouthwash. And

42:30

in the next 15 minutes, we argued

42:32

with raised voices and insults to

42:34

each other that just proved pointless.

42:37

I then demonstrated to him using a

42:39

toilet bowl cleaner, pouring

42:41

it in the toilet and flushing

42:44

it to show him how

42:47

to clean the toilet. But he

42:49

still insists he wants to

42:51

use the Listerine. I

42:53

told him he already used the

42:56

last Listerine bottle and then I'm

42:58

not buying it anymore. So

43:02

if you're reading this, know

43:05

that I'll be here trying to get a break

43:07

from the insanity at home, hopefully

43:09

enjoying an hour or two of

43:11

entertainment, some holiday cheer before

43:14

I head back home to my

43:16

asylum. Happy holidays.

43:19

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to read it that

43:21

night, Manuel. Manuel,

43:24

I'm sorry if I'm pronouncing it wrong.

43:28

It has been a long, long few weeks in

43:31

Manuel S. Thank

43:34

you for that. That

43:38

is spectacular. I've

43:41

got to say, my parents never got, my

43:43

parents, my mother was always on top of

43:45

it in terms of

43:48

cleaning. And

43:51

so it was my Listerine, that's just, it

43:55

was a tough one to read without just

43:57

laughing, 40 bottles of Listerine. On

46:00

one side you have the Democratic Party

46:02

wanting to govern and make life better

46:04

for the American people. On the other

46:06

hand, what is still called the

46:08

Republican Party should be renamed

46:11

to the MAGA cult plain and simple.

46:15

It has no interest in governing, but

46:17

rather to break it because they

46:20

can. So, America,

46:22

could you choose the

46:25

same option, please? Huh?

46:28

The sane one. God, I hope

46:30

you read this rant because it felt good to get it out in

46:32

the open. The frustration it is

46:35

watching the shit show over there.

46:38

Ooh, I hope one day I have the ability to

46:40

see a live show, doubtful though

46:42

it is. And I'll be coming

46:44

to Europe. I was hoping to get to Denmark,

46:46

but I will be in Sweden. And

46:48

I know that's kind of a haul. And

46:51

I loved Denmark when I was there. Well, this

46:53

is best regards. Jacob

46:55

Jacobson, Denmark. Thank you.

46:59

You have a lovely country, I'll

47:01

tell you that. And

47:04

it was a pleasure spending time there. And

47:06

it was truly a pleasure reading that. And

47:08

for the folks out there watching

47:11

the rant cast, that's what they see.

47:13

Okay? And it

47:15

makes you crazy, Jacob, to

47:17

watch it. Imagine living in

47:19

it. It's insane. We're

47:22

living in two separate realities. That's what

47:24

we're doing. And

47:26

you can't have a democracy when you

47:28

live in two different realities. You

47:31

can't have a democracy unless

47:34

you actually share the

47:36

same reality. If you're

47:38

living in different realities, no democracy.

47:40

Okay? You can't

47:42

argue over reality. All

47:45

right? There's one

47:47

reality. Gay and pay attention.

47:51

Please. Thanks, Jacob. Now

47:53

I'm all upset. kids,

48:01

Ed and

48:03

the adults and pretty

48:05

much everybody, but Ed's

48:08

pissed at the kids. Here we go. Hi,

48:10

Louis. My wife and I will be traveling

48:12

from North Georgia to see you in Bristol,

48:15

Tennessee tonight. Have you noticed the absurdity of

48:17

certain language habits of many young people these

48:19

days? Three examples come to

48:21

mind, prefacing a statement with, I'm

48:24

not going to lie. Does

48:26

this mean that these people lie so

48:28

regularly and routinely that they must be

48:30

sure we know that they are not

48:32

lying? Next up

48:34

for two words which are used so

48:37

often, unnecessarily, literally

48:39

and actual. For

48:42

example, I literally broke my

48:44

toe. Is this to clarify

48:46

that they are not speaking

48:49

metaphorically or figuratively? Or

48:51

I broke my actual toe? Is

48:53

this to clarify that it wasn't

48:55

a virtual toe or a pretend

48:58

toe? I hear these expressions often

49:00

from people in their 20s. I understand

49:02

that language is fluid, never changing,

49:04

and that there's a big difference

49:06

between formal written English and spoken

49:08

English. I'm in my mid-50s,

49:11

not particularly crotchety, but I suppose

49:13

I can lapse into the English

49:15

of a 22-year-old to get my

49:17

point across. I'm not going

49:19

to lie, but when you young

49:22

folk talk like that, you literally

49:24

sound like actual fucking morons and

49:26

you can literally go fuck your

49:29

actual selves. Well,

49:35

sincerely, Ed Wallace, wow.

49:40

Thank you for that. Boy,

49:43

when people get pissed, they get pissed.

49:45

It's really true, though, literally and actual.

49:50

Wow. I

49:52

wonder where you were. It always fascinates

49:54

me where you were hearing this, Ed.

50:00

Where the kids were saying

50:03

this, and they

50:05

said it so much that it drove you nuts. Thank

50:08

you, and I hope you had a good

50:10

time in Bristol. Boy, I did. I

50:13

really did. Michael

50:15

O'Toole had something to

50:17

get off his chest, and here it comes. Lewis,

50:20

I know this is long, but I didn't know how to

50:22

make it shorter. Sorry. Don't

50:24

apologize. We'll

50:27

roll through it. The big question,

50:29

what have Republican MAGA

50:31

actually done in the last three

50:33

years? Besides banning books,

50:36

attacking LGBTQ, LBGTQ, and other

50:38

rights, including but not limited to

50:40

a woman's right to decide what

50:43

she can and can't do with

50:45

her body, other than that, and

50:47

threaten anything or anybody that doesn't

50:50

agree with what they believe, starting

50:53

an insane conspiracy that

50:56

major Democratic figures along

50:58

with Hollywood elite were part of

51:00

the satanic cult that kidnapped children,

51:02

then killed them to drink their

51:04

blood and to get the norochrome,

51:07

or whatever the fuck it is. Then

51:10

they go off on a tangent about

51:12

how America was founded on and is

51:14

a country based on Christian values. Sorry.

51:18

Survey says, wrong. America

51:22

was actually first inhabited other

51:24

than Native Americans by Puritans, escaping

51:26

the religious rule of King George

51:28

and the Holy Church of England,

51:30

and sought a place where they

51:32

could have, say it with

51:34

me, religious freedom.

51:38

And what is religious freedom? Again,

51:40

say it with me, the rights

51:42

of one to truly free practice

51:45

the religion of their choice. I

51:50

have to bang my head violently into

51:52

the wall before asking, have any of

51:54

these people ever picked up an actual

51:57

history book or were they banned before

51:59

they had had a chance, or

52:01

even took the time to

52:03

literally read the US Constitution or Bill

52:06

of Rights. Because nowhere

52:08

in either does it say or even imply

52:10

we are solely a Christian nation. Nowhere.

52:14

It doesn't shrine the right to

52:16

practice the religion of

52:18

your choice. And while

52:21

they're doing all this, they

52:23

forget that Trump left office

52:26

having perpetuated a fourth

52:28

of the national debt. Okay?

52:31

Because this might be hard for

52:34

some Republicans, maggots, to wrap their

52:36

head around. In the first 200

52:38

years of our country, of our

52:40

leaders, racked up three quarters of

52:43

the national debt Trump had

52:45

when leaving office. Simpler

52:47

terms, Trump raised the debt,

52:49

adding a fourth of that

52:52

debt. Now understand, it

52:54

took 200 plus years for

52:56

every other president to rack it

52:58

up. Huh? And

53:01

for some fucking understandable reason,

53:03

Trump managed to rack up

53:05

a quarter of the national

53:07

debt in four fucking years. How is that

53:10

even possible? Really, how is

53:12

it? They threatened to impeach

53:14

anyone that was not on

53:16

Trump's side. They demanded that government

53:19

officials that run our major government

53:21

agencies be sanctioned, and that

53:23

their pay be reduced to a dollar. Now

53:26

Trump wants to create internment camps,

53:29

shoot shoplifters in the back as they

53:31

leave the store, outlaw any media that

53:33

does not support his ideology, even as

53:36

talked about a wall at the Canadian

53:38

border. What's next? The

53:41

children can only attend Christian national

53:43

schools and any parent wanting

53:46

to homeschool to subvert the control

53:48

of the government well, well

53:50

off to the camps, and your

53:52

children will be turned over to

53:54

be raised by the government and

53:57

taught Christian nationalist ideology. And

53:59

all of the children mouler matching brown

54:01

outfits and get rewarded for

54:03

telling on people who don't

54:05

follow the Christian nationalist

54:08

belief. I don't know why I'm laughing.

54:10

Who will again go to the camps? People

54:15

on the far right keep saying, why does

54:17

the other side keep comparing Trump to Hitler?

54:21

Duh, okay. Besides comments

54:23

that are word for word what Hitler has

54:25

said, please refer to the

54:27

above. And for

54:29

what it's worth, this God like worship that

54:31

these people have for Trump saying

54:34

he's the bind, he was ordained by

54:36

God, et cetera, is in itself

54:38

a direct sin and abomination

54:41

of the 10

54:43

commandments. No other

54:45

gods before me. You shall

54:47

not make for yourself a

54:49

carved image. You

54:52

shall idolize and worship Trump, even to

54:54

the point that a golden, craven

54:57

image of Donald J. Trump was

54:59

at CPAC two years in a

55:01

row now with people praising

55:03

it, getting pictures with it.

55:06

But my Republican MAGA friends will find

55:08

a way to clear coat this and

55:10

distract from the truth of this and

55:13

justify what is happening. Oh,

55:15

and Democrats, well, since Biden took

55:17

office, the national debt is down.

55:20

Prices are up for everyone. Everyone

55:22

inflation is dropping, gas is cheaper.

55:25

Prices are coming down across the board.

55:27

Even Republicans are claiming credit

55:29

for infrastructure, things like building and

55:31

repair that has been long needed

55:34

in their districts, even though

55:36

they voted against the Biden

55:38

infrastructure bill that made

55:40

it possible for any of it to

55:42

happen. Instead of

55:44

attacking and holding stupid Republican

55:47

representatives accountable like MTG

55:49

and Bobert and

55:52

the light that start fights on the

55:54

House floor, use obscene and foul language

55:56

on the House floor, showing pornographic photos

55:58

on the House floor. for and threaten

56:01

members of other parties on the House

56:03

floor or elsewhere in the Capitol, while

56:05

Democrats are simply asking that we use

56:07

the people's house to do the people's

56:09

business. And this is all

56:11

because of their demigods hurt feelings.

56:15

Bullshit, like the Jews wouldn't have

56:17

ended up in camps if they

56:19

didn't have their guns taken away.

56:22

What the fuck? Until the

56:24

Nazis entered Poland, the Jews

56:27

didn't need guns. And

56:29

then it was too late. Or

56:32

if Jesus had an AR-15, they

56:34

wouldn't have crucified him. Again,

56:37

did somebody really say that? What

56:40

the fuck? If Jesus had an AR-15,

56:43

then you would not be forgiven

56:45

of your sins from

56:47

the blood Jesus shed in

56:50

your soul. Because

56:52

out of all of this, there's

56:54

one thing I can guarantee, and that

56:56

on the final judgment day, and

56:59

you're standing before your God and Jesus,

57:02

and he says, just

57:04

asking, I'm one of those I

57:07

don't know curious type of

57:09

gods, where did I

57:12

say, hate your neighbor? Or

57:14

when did I say that all the things you

57:17

would never ever want to happen to you, you

57:20

should do to your brother? And lastly,

57:22

what was with not only

57:24

the image of Trump that you worshiped him

57:26

about down to, but you even went as

57:28

far to make it golden? Golden!

57:33

So before I pass judgment on you, because

57:35

something else you forgot, I guess, only

57:37

I can pass

57:40

judgment. Tell me

57:42

why you did these things. What will

57:44

you say, honestly, in your heart of hearts? What will

57:46

you tell God? What will be

57:49

your justification? I don't know. It

57:52

was Trump's fault. He deceived me and

57:54

he gave me an apple. Wake

57:58

up before it's too late. If

58:01

it isn't already. Food

58:03

for thought. A lot of food for thought. Maybe

58:07

too much food for thought.

58:11

McHale O'Toole. Thank

58:14

you for sharing all of that with us. Wow.

58:19

It's long. I don't know if we'll get it

58:21

on the air, but thank you. Thank

58:27

you to all of you who keep sending

58:29

in some really wonderful rants.

58:33

More to follow. Thanks

58:36

to all of you for listening to my rant.

58:39

If you have a rant you want to get off your

58:41

chest, send it in to me at lewisblack.com. You

58:46

can think of it as therapy or

58:48

whatever you want to think of it as.

58:51

Just let it rip. And I

58:53

want to thank the tree stars, the

58:56

rants, the splendid ones

58:58

they gave us. LewisBlack's

59:00

rant cast was created and hosted by

59:02

me. I thought LewisBlack,

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our live rant audio, was

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produced by James Sonders. A

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theme song by Keith Lane. Executive

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producer Ben Buhr. Executive

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producers Matt Kline-Schmidt and

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