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Limited time only, so

0:42

get on it. Hello, Lewis Black

0:44

here, and before I start my rant cast, I

0:47

just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna be hitting

0:50

the road. That's right. On September

0:53

21st, I'm gonna be back out on

0:55

tour, and it all begins in Victoria, Canada,

0:58

and then goes on to Vancouver, Canada,

1:00

and then goes on to Spokane,

1:02

Washington. The next week, it all

1:04

happens in Ketchum, Idaho.

1:06

I don't believe, I have not been there. It's

1:09

the home of Sun Valley, and I'm quite excited about

1:11

going there. I'm quite excited about also that

1:13

week returning finally to

1:16

Salt Lake City. It's been too long. Go

1:18

to lewisblack.com. I'll be in Cleveland.

1:20

I'll be in Cincinnati. I'm

1:23

going to Biloxi, back to Biloxi,

1:25

Mississippi. I could go on and

1:27

on and on, but check out the website, lewisblack.com.

1:31

Please come out and join me, and if

1:33

you hear this announcement, tell

1:35

others. Tell

1:38

them to go to lewisblack.com if they're fans,

1:40

or even if they're not fans, and they're looking for something

1:42

to do. Point it out to them, and

1:44

you tell someone, and then they'll tell someone, and then

1:46

they'll tell someone, and by the time it gets to the last

1:49

person, they'll show up in another

1:51

city that I won't even be performing at, and

1:53

I hope that they enjoy whatever show they see

1:55

at that theater.

1:57

I really look forward to getting out of this cable.

2:00

studio and coming out

2:02

and seeing people again. I am

2:05

losing my mind here. I'll be back

2:07

in a moment with the Rancast.

2:09

It's

2:13

all go horribly wrong again.

2:17

Hello there and welcome

2:19

to the 144th edition of Blue

2:22

is Black's Rancast, entitled Pumpkin

2:26

Spice

2:26

Sucks. Yes

2:29

it does and I've never really weighed in on the

2:31

issue of pumpkin spice and its

2:33

flavoring and what it means to us.

2:36

It sucks. It just sucks. It

2:38

really sucks. Okay it's

2:41

leaving it in the pie. Leave the pumpkin

2:43

flavor in the pie. All right that's where

2:45

it belongs. It

2:46

doesn't belong in coffee. It doesn't belong

2:49

in a mocha. It doesn't belong anywhere.

2:51

Okay

2:52

it's ludicrous. It's a ludicrous

2:56

flavor and shouldn't be

2:59

shared beyond the crust

3:02

of a solid pumpkin pie which I've

3:05

never really left into but maybe one

3:07

piece. But it's and

3:09

I'm surprised they call it fall. I'm

3:12

surprised they don't call it pumpkin spice

3:14

season. Many people before me have

3:16

screamed about pumpkin spice sucking

3:18

I'm sure and many

3:21

will be screaming about it after. Well it's incredible.

3:23

It seems to be a multi-million dollar industry. Starbucks

3:26

seems to live on it for months. I think

3:28

it's the the 20th anniversary of

3:30

pumpkin spice at Starbucks and what

3:33

a reason to fucking celebrate huh? I'm

3:35

going to check that. I was right. Starbucks

3:39

is celebrating the 20th anniversary

3:42

of the pumpkin spice latte and

3:44

a latte is a latte. All right it's

3:47

it's bad enough some people put soy in it. Soy

3:50

milk which is not soy milk because

3:52

we do soy juice in it

3:54

and I'll tell you it makes me gag. If

3:57

I was in prison and they said you

3:59

have a choice

3:59

between either soy

4:02

or a soy latte if I was in prison

4:04

where they're serving lattes. A soy

4:06

latte or a pumpkin spice latte. I

4:09

would take the pumpkin spice latte

4:11

and then I would try to extract it

4:13

with something that I would make with some utensils

4:16

I was able to pick up from fellow

4:18

prisoners, fellow inmates who were struggling

4:20

with the pumpkin spice problem

4:25

in their own passions. What am I saying? I

4:27

am basically not

4:29

in the United States

4:32

as I'm speaking to you even though it looks as if I'm

4:34

appearing in and I am. I'm

4:37

not a teleporter yet and if I was I would

4:41

do some other things. I'd go back in time and

4:43

make sure the pumpkin spice never hit

4:45

the shelves. I'm in Ireland

4:47

and I'm still there and I'd

4:50

be coming back so I wanted to get this out

4:53

to you folks before

4:55

I got back and get

4:57

one more in the can as they say and

5:00

certainly a lot to talk about really

5:02

with pumpkin spice alone. As

5:04

we have wandered into September

5:07

and what does that mean? That means you'll

5:10

have already heard Christmas music being played.

5:12

Yes you will.

5:13

I am fucking sure of it. I already

5:15

heard it in August. I already

5:17

heard it in August and in earnest

5:20

as I was going to say. They're

5:23

already selling the Halloween shit

5:25

and Thanksgiving every year just gets

5:27

buried and buried. It doesn't

5:29

even matter anymore.

5:30

Go home to see your families. Fuck you.

5:33

We're not doing it. Not this

5:35

year. No but it's unbelievable that Thanksgiving

5:37

has just been wiped out by the fat

5:39

man. You know? Truly. And

5:43

I'm not talking about Mr. 6'3", 215 pounds.

5:45

Okay? I'm talking about the

5:48

real fat man, the Santa, who

5:50

has just literally squeezed

5:53

the life out of Thanksgiving.

5:55

It barely exists except

5:58

for getting some turkey.

5:59

sold. That's about it. Let's

6:02

sell those turkeys. Let's move on. Because even though I'm

6:04

not in the States, I know what

6:07

has been going on there. And I know that even though

6:09

I'm projecting into the future, really,

6:12

as I sit here, and it's not tough, I

6:14

know that while I'm not there, that you've

6:18

heard a continuous litany about Donald

6:20

Trump and the four

6:24

trials he's going through, the four indictments.

6:27

And then you've heard people saying, yes,

6:29

yes, he must be indicted. He

6:32

is guilty. Yes, no, no, he

6:34

shouldn't be indicted. He is not guilty.

6:37

He never should have been indicted of anything. This

6:39

is just them trying to stop him

6:41

from you've heard everything

6:42

again, as if you hadn't heard it before.

6:45

And you've been hearing it over and over and over again. And

6:47

I believe and I do believe that something

6:49

that is interesting about him is that

6:52

if you are someone who

6:54

really

6:56

loves Donald Trump,

6:57

I think that he makes you feel

7:01

like you're living longer because

7:04

of all of the joy that he gives you and

7:07

all the things that you're able to talk about,

7:09

about how he's getting

7:12

screwed or what he's done for you or whatever,

7:14

whatever it is, and all the merch

7:16

you can get and discussing the merch. And now

7:19

there's the t-shirts he made it immediately

7:22

the thing comes out, he's got a merch t-shirt,

7:25

and he's selling it with his mugshot on. It's just splendid.

7:27

And so those of you are just, you're

7:30

living longer and or feeling like you're living longer.

7:32

And those who don't like him, I

7:35

believe, also feel like they're living longer because

7:37

they are continually in

7:39

a state of fever and anger. And

7:43

it feeds that anger, and they have plenty to talk

7:45

about the fact that he's a teflon

7:48

and that he's not going to get convicted. He does

7:50

get convicted. What does it mean? Will there be,

7:52

you know, what will it happen?

7:55

Will things go awry? Will there be craziness

7:57

in the streets? What is it like?

7:59

It's all, you know, the conjecture

8:02

that those who are, you

8:05

know, just don't like him at all.

8:07

It allows them to think about, as

8:09

it did for my mother, a kind of, almost

8:11

a joy. It certainly extended

8:14

her life. I think it probably makes

8:16

you feel, both sides feel like they're living longer,

8:19

and I believe it extends their lives. Yes, I

8:21

do. So, you know, there's a little

8:23

something that I think's going on, and I think that they've

8:25

been discussing Ron DeSantis, and is he going to do

8:28

Ron DeSantis 5.0,

8:29

Vivek Ramachay?

8:32

They're going to be talking about him, because more stuff

8:35

is coming out on a daily

8:37

basis about how he feels that

8:40

there was actually a government collusion

8:42

in terms of 9-11, and all

8:44

sorts of things. The conspiracy

8:46

theories that he's concocted, and I'm

8:49

sure that they'll be talking about Chris Christie

8:51

is, should he leave? Should Aysa Hushinsun

8:53

leave? Because there's no way they could possibly

8:56

win, because they're not Trumpers,

8:58

and we can go

9:00

on and on. Tim Scott, oh, maybe he's going

9:02

to make a move now. You

9:05

know, the idea of a black

9:07

Republican running for the presidency, I think

9:10

appeals to many people

9:12

in the party, especially someone who is

9:15

loyal to Trump. Nikki Haley, I'm sure has

9:17

been discussed, and has moved

9:19

up in the polls, or maybe moved back if I missed something,

9:21

but I don't think I did. I think she's probably moved up just

9:24

a couple of points, and there's been a little

9:26

chip in a way at what's happened, and

9:29

maybe not, probably while I've been gone, maybe

9:32

they all went ahead a little, then they all went back a little,

9:35

or they all went back a little, now they're ahead

9:37

a little. And I'm

9:39

sure that there have been other revelations that

9:42

I have missed, and I'm sure that you just

9:44

can't help but snacking

9:47

away on them, everybody. Just, I

9:49

think that there's been some

9:52

sort of drastic weather thing

9:55

that has happened, I'm sure. It's

9:57

either been involving heat, or

10:00

possibly as we hit

10:02

September, involving colds, involving

10:04

a hurricane, involving

10:08

a tornado, involving

10:11

an earthquake. It's something,

10:13

I'm sure it has happened. I feel like

10:16

I'm a mentalist. I

10:18

can see what's happening out there. No,

10:24

it has not remained. It did not return to kind

10:26

of a normal September with the leaves

10:28

changing. I know that many of you

10:30

went out to watch the beginning

10:32

of the leaves changing color. If there hasn't

10:34

been a heat wave, that has destroyed all the leaves. And

10:37

that's really, I mean, I could go on and on and on.

10:40

My Orioles, I think, are still rolling

10:43

along and getting ready to play their

10:45

first playoff game in quite some time. And

10:48

really, I could go on and on projecting

10:51

the future, not

10:55

projecting the future, predicting the

10:57

future. If I was projecting the future,

11:00

I would actually be sending it out to you. You'd see it,

11:02

I'd be sending it onto the screen. Lewis

11:04

Black projects the future. And then onto

11:06

the screen would appear a variety

11:09

of things that

11:11

would be happening in the future. In

11:15

cartoon form, I believe, if I

11:17

had my druthers, but I'm really

11:19

not an animator, but I think I could probably get out

11:21

a real nice couple of visuals. I

11:24

just can't get over the fact that I'm talking to

11:26

you in the future, which

11:28

is really unbelievable. You're

11:32

gonna be getting this like two and a half weeks from

11:34

now. And think, what was going

11:36

on in his head? Well, what's going on in my head is I

11:39

wanted to get this out to you. And I wanted

11:41

to be sure that you got

11:43

some more rants that

11:45

you could listen to because they've been rolling

11:47

in and they've been terrific. Really, I'm sitting

11:50

around taking up some time because my

11:52

flight doesn't leave until midnight. I'm

11:55

trying to do

11:57

something to see

11:58

if it'll actually work. fly

12:01

out at midnight and get in

12:03

at one in the afternoon. But

12:05

since it's midnight, I could actually sleep because

12:07

that's about the time I fall asleep.

12:10

But I'm hoping, you know, you get really

12:12

excited when you're traveling and I'm on air in France,

12:15

which is kind of nice and they apparently serve a very

12:17

nice vehicle. And I hate to pass

12:20

that up, as those of you who

12:22

know me know, I'm gonna

12:24

do my best to get some sleep

12:26

so I don't lose a

12:28

day in Paris if I can. So I

12:30

got a few things to read to you before I go from

12:33

our good folks at the week. Still continue

12:36

to look for a sponsorship from them, but they're not paying

12:38

attention. First from the world

12:40

of AI, Microsoft Travel published

12:42

an AI written article listing

12:45

the Ottawa Food Bank,

12:47

which provides free meals to the needy as

12:49

an attraction hungry visitors shouldn't

12:52

miss.

12:54

And is that ever artificial

12:57

intelligence at work? Our kids are gonna

12:59

be really relying on, they

13:01

relied on their parents, relied

13:05

on the adults in the community for

13:07

quite some time who are idiots. We

13:10

are idiots. We are idiots. Collectively,

13:13

we are fucking idiots. If

13:15

you think that your side should be moving

13:17

further ahead, we've not been able to

13:19

figure out how either side has been able to

13:21

move further ahead because we can't

13:24

agree on reality. So it's

13:26

difficult and the kids are seeing that. And so

13:28

now they're gonna be relying on this artificial

13:30

intelligence, which seems to be in

13:32

many terms, no more than a post, an

13:35

attraction. The Ottawa Food

13:37

Bank and attraction for

13:41

hungry people for the needy. Attraction

13:44

that hungry visitors shouldn't miss. So

13:47

folks, when you're in Ottawa, remember

13:49

head on over to the Ottawa Food Bank and say, hey,

13:52

artificial intelligence sent me. What

13:57

do you got that'll kind of, you know.

13:59

Calm my peckishness.

14:02

There's a word for you. I love saying peckish.

14:04

It's it's a it's a nice word to describe Hunger,

14:07

I think not hunger hunger, but

14:10

just a little I Could use

14:12

a snack.

14:13

I don't mean to make fun I hope

14:15

but this is when you get crazy because your brain

14:18

with with what's happening I if you thought

14:20

that this is making fun. I'm making

14:23

fun of artificial intelligence Jesus

14:25

and the fact I have a pension for the word peckish

14:28

also Woodland, North Carolina,

14:31

and this is stunning having

14:33

gone to the University of North Carolina, and there were some

14:35

moments there that I thought about Some

14:38

of the folks in this state And

14:40

that was way back when but they continue to

14:43

just be stunning on many levels

14:45

They projected a proposed solar farm after

14:47

residents expressed fears that it would

14:49

consume too much sunlight This

14:52

is the kind of stuff. I've got to explain Over

14:56

in over in Ireland or anywhere

14:58

that I travel outside of the United States If

15:01

they see something like this

15:03

the people They

15:05

think that a solar farm is gonna

15:07

consume too much sunlight

15:10

Resident Jane Mann told the town council

15:13

that the farm would steal sunlight that plants

15:15

need Well,

15:16

I mean you

15:18

live in a rural area. I believe

15:20

you living in farmland, and you have no

15:22

idea how the Sun works

15:24

That you think that actually the Sun can

15:26

be diverted from into the solar

15:28

farm and another resident warned that it

15:31

might suck up All the energy from the Sun you

15:33

look listen to that

15:35

Okay, would suck up all

15:37

the energy from the Sun all right It

15:39

is why we need to teach

15:42

science basic science this

15:44

person lives in farmland and

15:47

Believes that the energy from the Sun

15:49

can be sucked up it could be sucked up

15:52

by one fucking plant then

15:54

Alright one hungry plant

15:57

just desperate

15:58

to get the cabbage

15:59

photosynthesis kick in on a level you

16:02

can't imagine. All right?

16:04

Wow.

16:06

And if you believe that, then I guess you think that

16:09

you must be growing one of those, like

16:12

a man-eating plant, like

16:15

in Little Shop of Horrors. Somebody's got to be

16:17

kidding me.

16:19

Somebody has to be kidding me. And I think the

16:21

camera just futzed a little,

16:23

and I apologize. But it doesn't matter. It

16:25

doesn't matter if my head gets smaller or bigger. Because

16:29

it just reflects in part physically

16:31

what's happening to me mentally when I

16:34

read that. OK? Suck

16:36

up all the energy from the sun. The council,

16:39

the town council rejected the proposal,

16:44

despite assurances that solar panels do

16:47

not draw additional sunlight. They

16:49

were assured, and they voted

16:51

against the solar farm. They voted against the possibility

16:55

of getting some really what would be

16:57

after a while if you paid for the solar

16:59

panels free energy, because they

17:03

don't suck up all the energy

17:05

of the sun. And that I leave you

17:07

with. There will be more to follow, and

17:09

that I am sure, because

17:12

we continue to really

17:14

in the, if there was

17:17

an Olympics of stupidity, I

17:19

just think we would win. Especially

17:21

if we think that the sun could

17:24

have all of its energy sucked up by solar

17:27

panels or sucked up by anything. The

17:29

mind reels. I do hope

17:32

you're enjoying whatever

17:34

it is that you're up to, that life

17:37

is treating you well, and that we

17:40

hopefully have begun to move towards

17:43

sharing the reality. Well, I've been gone.

17:45

I hope so. I don't think so, but

17:48

I hope so. And I hope that

17:50

you enjoy listening to these

17:52

rants as much as I enjoyed

17:55

reading them. And as always, it's privilege

17:58

and a pleasure to do so. So,

18:01

thank you. Please keep sending them

18:03

in and I'll be back. We'll

18:07

be hitting the road.

18:08

Remember, Victoria,

18:10

Vancouver and Spokane,

18:13

September 21st, 22nd, 23rd. In

18:17

November we'll be heading

18:20

some places.

18:22

Before I go, just a couple more places. You

18:24

can catch me on the East Coast when I return. The

18:26

first show,

18:29

this run will be in October

18:31

12th, Redding, Pennsylvania. Then

18:34

on to

18:35

Rochester, New York on the 13th of October,

18:37

Utica on the October 14th,

18:40

and ending October 15th in

18:42

the West Hampton Beach, New York. Then

18:44

off to the Midwest in Northfield, Ohio,

18:47

and on the 20th and the

18:50

21st in Cincinnati. Then I think

18:52

on to Cleveland. Nope. That

18:54

will be coming later on. Northfield is actually

18:56

near Cleveland. So, that's what

18:59

we got. I look forward to seeing you down

19:01

the road. Okay?

19:03

And hello

19:05

from my cable access studio

19:07

and hello from Dublin,

19:09

Ireland.

19:11

Or wherever I am in Ireland.

19:14

Let's face it, there's a lot of stuff that I hate

19:16

in this world. I mean, I got a list a mile long. I

19:18

mean, it's why you listen to this podcast,

19:20

right? I mean, maybe you agree with me. Maybe

19:22

you don't. But look, there's one

19:25

thing that everybody hates and that's bad sleep. I

19:27

mean, maybe you're lying in bed just trying to get to sleep in the

19:29

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20:43

Stanley Cutler's pissed and

20:45

you'll see why what the fuck

20:48

I am So sick and tired of

20:50

people who say fuck to convince

20:52

me that they are seriously outraged

20:55

or offended

20:56

Such people demonstrate nothing more

20:58

than laziness by using Reusing

21:01

and repeating a word that says I'm

21:03

so stupid. I can't think of another

21:05

word

21:07

Lewis I agree with the vast majority

21:09

of your opinions. I even feel outraged as

21:11

you do a sort of

21:14

Enjoy your rants sort of

21:16

But would enjoy them a great deal more if you

21:18

attempt at precision For

21:21

every human fault and flaw There's

21:23

an appropriate adjective try

21:25

to find the right ones a little late

21:28

Stanley I'm glad you've expressed your opinion

21:30

and I understand that there

21:32

are people who are Really

21:35

just have problem with the word fuck and

21:37

you'd like it me to kind of be more

21:39

Succinct about it and come up with some adjectives

21:42

adverbs, whatever and I get that

21:46

But you know what? It's too late in the

21:48

day. It is the way I talk

21:51

Stanley

21:52

that's

21:53

what the deal is. This is the way I

21:55

talk and it's not it's This

22:00

is the word that is given to us

22:02

to express anger, frustration

22:05

and rage. Okay.

22:07

Sorry. It's

22:10

the word I use when I write Stanley

22:13

or when I have something really important

22:15

to say outside of standup, then

22:18

I don't use it, but, uh,

22:20

I'm comfortable when I'm saying that word.

22:23

All right.

22:24

And, uh, since I don't write any

22:26

of this stuff down,

22:28

it's, um, it's going to come out the way it

22:30

comes out

22:31

and, uh, I appreciate

22:33

you, you, uh, you pointing

22:35

it out and I do, and, uh,

22:38

and I understand you wanting me

22:40

to be, uh, you know, certainly

22:42

to, uh, find the

22:45

appropriate word. I don't, not

22:47

gonna

22:48

Stanley just going to find the

22:50

words that hopefully get me

22:52

to the funny, and I

22:54

don't think that fuck is a funny

22:57

word. That as I've said before,

22:59

and I will say again, it's a comma. Don't

23:02

take it too seriously, Stanley. And,

23:06

uh, I will tell you as I've told the

23:08

story before that when,

23:10

uh,

23:12

um, Bud

23:14

Friedman came up to me at the improv after I'd

23:16

been working there. And he said to me, you know,

23:19

you shouldn't use the word fuck. Um,

23:23

I was like, fuck

23:25

you, bud.

23:27

Fuck you. All right. And

23:30

obviously I have something very important coming in

23:33

on my phone. Sorry, Stanley.

23:35

I got to go. This comes

23:37

to us from Spencer Seymour.

23:41

As a Canadian, we have a unique

23:44

view of the reality show that is American

23:46

politics. And I've noticed something very

23:48

confusing specifically

23:50

in the last few years. There is a group

23:52

of people

23:54

who have an unbelievably

23:57

strong faith in the democratic party, these

23:59

people. think that the Democrats

24:01

are the smartest,

24:03

most cunning, and creative bunch

24:05

in the entire world. These people

24:08

believe that the Democrats can do anything

24:11

they put their minds to. They believe the Democrats

24:15

can make unprecedented

24:17

changes to not only the United

24:19

States of America, but the entire

24:21

world. These people credit

24:24

the Democrats for a never-before-seen

24:27

level of intelligence. These

24:29

people are not the woke mob. These

24:32

people aren't transgender.

24:34

These people aren't drag queens.

24:37

These people

24:39

are Republicans.

24:41

Republicans think that Democrats

24:44

could manage to corrupt and coordinate

24:46

people in every state

24:48

in order to steal an election.

24:51

Republicans think the Democrats are

24:53

savvy enough to infiltrate their

24:56

ranks and trick everyone into believing

24:58

they're the former president's angry

25:01

mob when they have an insurrectionist

25:03

tour of the Capitol. Republicans

25:08

think the Democrats could be smart enough

25:10

to cover their tracks on a countless number

25:13

of insane alleged crimes.

25:16

I'm sorry to tell former president

25:18

Nostra Dumas and all

25:21

of his deranged supporters, but I

25:23

don't believe all this shit you're spewing about

25:25

the prosecutorial crimes

25:27

the Democrats are committing. I'm

25:30

sorry, Republicans. I'm

25:32

not buying this bullshit you're selling.

25:38

Why? Because I don't have that much faith

25:40

in the Democrats. I

25:43

have none in the Democrats.

25:46

None at all, which is why I

25:48

agree with you, Spencer. It's unbelievable.

25:51

It is just fucking unbelievable.

26:00

if it didn't make sense in this last thing

26:02

from Spencer Seymour.

26:05

Republicans think the Democrats are

26:07

savvy enough to infiltrate their ranks

26:10

and trick everyone into

26:12

believing that they're the former

26:14

president's angry mob when

26:17

they have an insurrectionist tour

26:19

of the Capitol.

26:21

Michelle Capelle is

26:23

going off here on something I didn't even know

26:25

was going on out there. That's

26:28

what happens when you live in a big city. You

26:31

don't know what's happening in the country. Well, here

26:33

we go. Have you seen an advertisement

26:36

on YouTube about the greatest horrific

26:39

idea of placing your deceased loved

26:41

one's ashes in, around

26:43

a tree in the forest in the Midwest to

26:46

make the world a better place?

26:49

Apparently you can also pick a tree and cremate

26:51

yourself knowing you will become

26:54

a tree. Who the fuck thought of this?

26:57

Living near Duluth, Minnesota,

26:59

I've been known to hug a tree or two, but

27:01

excuse me. If I'm jumping on

27:03

the idea of dead people being sprinkled

27:06

around the forest that I walk through

27:08

knowing they are being pissed on by chipmunks,

27:11

although not the chipmunks fault, it's

27:13

disrespectful at best. What happened

27:16

to containment? What

27:17

do these morons think cemeteries

27:19

are for? Contained religious,

27:22

respectful places for such matters.

27:25

We have the occasional wildfire up here,

27:27

so that is the charred paper-like

27:29

pieces were breathing in the air during

27:32

a fire, meaning the person has

27:34

been cremated twice? My

27:36

already swirling silence of the

27:39

lamb's beleaguered brain can't

27:41

handle it. Aunt Marjorie's

27:43

family will never find the exact

27:45

tree again after the badgers have dug

27:47

her up and are pissed on our ashes and

27:50

are pissed on ashes and blown away by

27:52

the breeze. Besides that,

27:54

we have black bearers in these forests that

27:56

people will bitch about and want to shoot because

27:59

they're doing very shit in the bars and

28:01

don't care for dumbasses trampling

28:04

through their habitat to find dead people

28:07

that aren't supposed to be there. P.S.

28:11

Could you do anything about the fucking Trump-mobile

28:14

pickup trucks with no fat chicks?

28:18

And then whatever this symbol in the

28:20

water thing, stickers on the weird window

28:23

up here, I don't even know what that is. These

28:25

men don't understand women aren't

28:29

wooed by

28:31

wet fuck sticker advertisements.

28:35

Thank you ever so much. Michelle

28:37

compelled, well no, thank you. I've

28:40

never seen that. Maybe they just do it

28:42

up there.

28:44

Wow, wet fuck

28:46

sticker advertisements. Is that what that is?

28:49

Wow. No fat chicks. Who

28:51

the fuck puts that on a fucking truck?

28:54

Huh? What a

28:56

loser goddamn license.

28:59

We worry about all this shit. All

29:01

this fucking nonsense. You

29:04

know,

29:05

woke doesn't even, I mean, you've

29:07

got miles to go before you get to woke.

29:10

We got idiots who just,

29:13

it's like, I don't even

29:15

know. Emmett White is sharing

29:17

with us the benefits of slavery.

29:20

A while back I asked for that, folks

29:24

to send in what they thought might

29:27

be the benefits of

29:29

slavery and

29:30

how slavery helped people.

29:33

Wow. It still makes me go,

29:35

I just laugh because it's satiric.

29:38

You can't beat that. If it was in a

29:40

book, you'd laugh. The

29:42

fact that it's coming out of a human being's mouth

29:45

is

29:46

beyond belief at this point.

29:49

You know, in this time, day,

29:51

age, et cetera. I know it seems

29:53

like the dark ages, but for crying out

29:55

loud. All right,

29:58

Emmett, I'm going to let you take it. over

30:00

now. The main benefits

30:02

can be summed up in two words freedom

30:05

and simplicity. Yes, you'll feel

30:07

the freedom of the wind and rain in your face

30:09

out in the fields and also in

30:11

your bed.

30:13

Yes, you'll be free to experience the elements

30:16

inside your home built from only the

30:18

freest and most affordable materials.

30:21

Yes, you too can live in the most ramshackle

30:24

of shacks lovingly assembled

30:26

by forced labor using only the shoddiest

30:29

of materials. Do you like

30:31

simplicity?

30:32

How about simplified health

30:34

care cut to a shot of

30:36

a shack by the woods at twilight,

30:39

single shot rings out.

30:41

Are you tired of complicated worker

30:44

protection laws? Slaves

30:46

don't worry about that nonsense. Nonsense,

30:49

there's no union dues here

30:51

bud and there's no long waits

30:53

in the court system with a simplified justice

30:56

department. Cut

30:58

to the shack again, this time two

31:00

gunshots.

31:01

Don't want your kids fighting over your will?

31:05

How about simplified estate

31:07

planning?

31:08

Some people think having too much stuff

31:10

robs us of joy. Well, guess

31:12

what? Marie Kondo is

31:14

a hoarding bitch.

31:16

Slaves don't need things to make them

31:19

happy. Are you lacking motivation?

31:21

Well, as a slave you'll have your own motivational

31:24

coach driving you, driving

31:27

you to do more, to push a bit harder,

31:29

a coach ruthlessly willing

31:31

to push you to your limits and

31:34

beyond. A relentless

31:36

motivator who won't let you give up or

31:38

stop. Ever. Yes,

31:41

you'll participate in the building of enormous

31:43

wealth, wealth that will be passed down

31:45

for generations, improving the lives

31:48

of some people quite dramatically.

31:50

Yes, your work days will seem endless and

31:53

remember every day is a holiday

31:56

when you don't get any. Yes,

31:58

there's nothing.

31:59

quite like slavery. The simple

32:02

wind in your face and the simple

32:04

lash at your back.

32:06

Tune in next week

32:07

when we debate the

32:09

co-pros. Tune

32:11

in next week when we debate the

32:14

pros and cons of cholera.

32:18

Comedians in tanks getting

32:20

angry.

32:22

Emmet, thanks

32:25

for that. Thanks for sharing

32:27

that with us. And I'm sure

32:29

you enjoyed writing it.

32:31

I enjoyed reading it.

32:33

And

32:36

once again, I mean, you can only say so much

32:42

in the, when you hear the

32:44

words benefits of slavery. Literally,

32:48

the mouth opens, the words

32:50

came out, Emmet, is impressive

32:52

because mostly I just spent

32:54

a lot of time staring at those words, the

32:56

benefits of slavery, and

32:59

my mouth is agape. I'm agape. You

33:02

weren't, and thank you.

33:05

Thanks to all of you for listening

33:07

to my rant test. If

33:09

you have a rant you wanna get off your chest, send

33:11

it in to me at lewisblack.com.

33:14

forward slash y. You

33:16

can think of it as therapy, or

33:18

whatever you wanna think of it as. Just

33:21

let it rip. And I wanna thank

33:23

the tree stars, the

33:26

ranchers, the splendid

33:28

ones they gave us. Lewis Black's

33:31

rant test was created and hosted by me.

33:33

I found Lewis Black.

33:35

Our live rant audio was produced

33:37

by James Hock. Our

33:39

theme song writes us home. Executive

33:42

producer, Bun Boon. Executive

33:45

producers, Matt Cline-Schmidt.

33:47

Robert Kelly, the last button

33:49

part. Mm

33:55

hmm.

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