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the holidays are over. No

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more presents. But yay,

1:00

you have your freedom again. The

1:03

new year is full of ups and downs,

1:05

but however you're feeling, you can always be

1:07

happy with Prime Video. Catch the new season

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1:20

apply. Prime membership not required to

1:22

rent or buy. See amazon.com/amazonprime for

1:24

details. This

1:28

could all go horribly

1:31

wrong at any rate. This

1:40

is what I truly love. I don't

1:42

really, you know, I'm intrigued when people

1:44

yell about their politics. I'm

1:46

intrigued when people have something to say about

1:48

their town. But what I

1:50

really like is when there's two

1:52

people who really know each other well write

1:55

in something together.

1:59

Each of them wrote something. and this

2:01

is from DV. I need

2:03

to rant about my partner. Yeah,

2:06

I said partner, not boyfriend. After

2:09

almost nine years of putting up with

2:11

his shit. Don't I

2:13

deserve more than the juvenile title

2:15

of girlfriend? We're

2:17

not in fucking middle school. We

2:20

need your help to determine the

2:23

appropriate terminology for our

2:25

relationship. We

2:27

have... She's got

2:29

a point. That's

2:31

nine years. It's nine years. It's

2:34

nine years. Brad F.

2:36

responds, I need to

2:39

rant about my girlfriend. That's

2:41

right, I said girlfriend. And

2:45

not partner. I know

2:47

it's been nine years, but

2:49

when I hear partner, I think

2:51

about two gay cowboys. Well,

2:59

my partner and I going down to

3:01

the gulch to suck each other's dick.

3:07

Is partner an upgrade from girlfriend? If

3:10

we're partners, are we going to start

3:12

solving mysteries? Robbing

3:14

banks? We need your

3:17

help to resolve the appropriate

3:19

terminology for our relationship. After

3:22

nine years, I think you should refer

3:24

to each other as your

3:27

butt. Shit,

3:33

you're going to have to get married,

3:35

fuckers. That's it. Time's up. Ball game's

3:37

over. You're already nine years. That's

3:39

called legal. That's what they say to them.

3:42

What's that fucking word? Common

3:45

law. That's it to your husband and wife,

3:47

so both of you can suck whatever you

3:49

want to suck. From

3:57

Robert Mendenhall, provided

4:00

benefits? Really?

4:03

Oh let's not stop there, Governor

4:05

DeSantis. How about these

4:07

benefits? Human

4:09

trafficking victims were able to learn

4:11

alternative ways to earn money. Physical

4:15

abuse victims learned valuable

4:17

consumer skills about effective

4:19

painkillers. Or

4:22

since I know how to use makeup

4:24

to hide bruises, maybe I

4:26

could become a makeup

4:29

artist. Mental

4:31

and emotional abuse victims learned about

4:33

the variety of career choices in

4:36

mental health fields. Wow.

4:40

Robert, one step further, one

4:42

toke over the line. I appreciate it.

4:45

Wow. The

4:48

makeup artist. Yep. Why

4:51

not? From Manwell S.

4:53

I think

4:57

you're gonna enjoy this. Dear

4:59

Lewis, I'll be at your show

5:01

at Montclair this Friday. Originally I

5:03

was gonna rant about this coming weekend

5:06

in New York City since it'll be

5:08

SantaCon. Nothing says more

5:10

about the holiday festive spirit than

5:12

a bunch of college students and

5:14

grads all dressed up as Santas

5:17

puking outside of bars after doing

5:19

their bar crawl up and down

5:21

the streets of Manhattan. But I

5:25

digress. I just want

5:27

to rant about my 85 year old

5:29

dad who despite having a stroke seven

5:31

years ago and since recovered, the

5:33

noise and frustrates me to the

5:35

level that I wish I could

5:37

would join the SantaCon revelers. I'm

5:40

in my 50s single, no

5:43

girlfriend and caretaker to my 80

5:46

year old parents whom I

5:48

lived with. This statement

5:50

alone could be enough of a

5:52

rant and a laugh. But

5:54

my dad insisted I buy him 40 bottles

5:58

of Listerie. Already

6:01

bottles. Why?

6:03

You may ask. So.

6:05

That he can use it to clean white the

6:07

bit of through. I told

6:10

them do not use the

6:12

Listerine mouthwash to clean surfaces.

6:14

Useless green only through your

6:16

mouth and nothing else. Would.

6:18

He insists saying all those other

6:20

cleaning products that I suggest your

6:23

boys and and you can use

6:25

it orally What the fuck. I

6:28

replied emphatically, you're not supposed

6:31

to use cleaning products orally.

6:33

Just a mile wide. And

6:36

then the next fifteen minutes we

6:38

argued with raised voices and insults

6:40

to each other. The just proved

6:42

pointless. And then demonstrated

6:44

to him using a toilet bowl

6:47

cleaner, putting it in the toilet,

6:49

flushing it to show how to

6:51

a show him how to clean

6:54

the toilets but he still insists

6:56

he wants the who's the Listerine.

6:59

The. Told him he already used the

7:01

last Listerine bottle and then I'm

7:04

not buying it anymore. So.

7:08

If you're reading this, Know

7:11

that I'll be here trying to get

7:13

a break from the insanity at home,

7:15

hopefully enjoying it our to of entertainment.

7:18

Some. Holiday Cheer before I head

7:20

back home. the My Asylum. Happy

7:23

Holidays. Upside. And

7:25

get a chance to read it. That nightmare

7:28

med well. As

7:30

men? Well, I'm sorry I'm pronouncing

7:32

Iranian. It

7:34

has been a long, long few weeks

7:37

as. Well as.

7:40

Thank you for that! That

7:44

is spectacular. Though.

7:46

Of. Get to say my my parents never got

7:49

my parents. My mother was always on top

7:51

of it. The Turkish. of

7:53

cleaning it is isn't that if

7:56

it did so by mystery that's

7:58

just it's you It

8:01

was a tough one to read without just

8:03

laughing 40 bottles of Listerine. Man,

8:07

I don't know where he got

8:09

that except for maybe Trump suggested it

8:11

at some point. You know, it was

8:13

a cure for COVID. Who the

8:15

fuck knows? Clean

8:18

your toilet bowl with Listerine. They don't

8:20

get rid of the COVID and the

8:22

COVID that goes into the

8:25

system, into the reservoir. Man,

8:29

I've got to stop. That's just... Thank

8:32

you, Manuel. A rant

8:34

from Sean Anonymous. My

8:36

rant will probably cause a lot of people

8:38

some rage. You never know anymore, Sean. You

8:41

never know. I think it's absolutely

8:43

fucking ridiculous people feel like

8:46

they are entitled to bring their dogs

8:48

everywhere. I work at

8:50

a grocery store part-time. The

8:52

amount of people who bring their dogs

8:54

into the store is insane. Just

8:57

yesterday someone had their dog in the store

8:59

and the dog decided to take a shit.

9:03

I know this wasn't a service dog because even

9:05

I know they are smarter than a lot of

9:07

people in America and won't take a shit

9:09

in the middle of the store. I'm

9:11

not ranting because I'm anti-dog. I

9:13

had a boxer for 11 years,

9:16

okay? I'm ranting because why the

9:18

fuck do you need to bring

9:20

your non-service dog into a grocery

9:22

store restaurant that has food people

9:24

are going to eat and you

9:26

really need to ask a business

9:29

if they allow dogs. I

9:31

am totally in support of

9:33

service dogs because they do help people.

9:36

And as a theater goer, they are so well

9:38

behaved you don't even know they are there. Just

9:42

for fuck's sake, leave your dog at home

9:44

or in the car, alright? With the windows

9:46

open, of course. Have a good one, Lewis.

9:49

Thanks for taking the time to read this and

9:51

thank you, Sean. I'm

9:54

not miss pretending the time to

9:56

write it and you're absolutely correct. It's Insane..

10:00

Exactly. Nine eleven inches got. My.

10:03

Dogs My children. And

10:05

now I mean how many asking is me for

10:07

a good. For. Fresh dog food and

10:09

me nothing. It's Rowley better from the God.

10:12

This. Read brought Uma the farmers

10:14

got they've shot. Mike

10:17

see. I

10:20

am a fucking rant. I think

10:22

I'm a pretty smart guy him

10:24

and I'm a pretty good job.

10:26

There is a fair bit of

10:29

responsibility in fact, my title is

10:31

Gm, so the company actually employees

10:33

me to be responsible for some

10:35

fairly significant revenue and many team

10:38

members. However, I must say and

10:40

hum, My. Wife thinks I

10:42

am than Thomas on a puppet Just

10:44

the other day she is me to

10:46

sweep the fucking floor only to have

10:48

a pull the broom out of my

10:50

head and then proceeded to show me

10:53

how to sweep the puck and four.

10:58

After all these years, apparently I

11:01

didn't know how to operate a

11:03

fuckin' bro. She's.

11:07

Four foot eleven, ninety two pounds

11:09

and I'm scared to buck and

11:11

get the. Crept

11:19

says get something the rail about

11:21

rightfully so. I. Lose! I'm

11:23

currently writing this pre show but thirty

11:25

minutes to doors open for too late

11:27

show in Knoxville, Tennessee. I'm so I

11:30

didn't get to this earlier but I'm

11:32

a little birthday David. Ivory.

11:34

And about compassion. When. Is

11:36

it become acceptable by any

11:38

end or all types of

11:40

companies to decide? They can

11:42

show little to no flexibility

11:45

and people have a disability

11:47

and then like they can

11:49

miraculously sure it's overnight. it's

11:52

like asking the mute to speak in the

11:54

handlers to grow up here it's fucking ridiculous

11:56

and they don't even take the time the

11:58

leveled the playing field for them Then

12:00

they keep poking and prodding us

12:02

with analysis and You're

12:05

waiting for you to mess up due to

12:07

your disability to show you the door even

12:09

while you work your ass off for them

12:12

Have some compassion folks is that's what

12:14

happened to me recently Unless

12:17

than 24 hours ago.

12:20

I wasn't coming to your show because I was supposed to be

12:22

working Until I was rudely

12:24

let go So screw

12:27

people without compassion Well,

12:31

I can understand why you're pissed and

12:33

I'm sorry they let you go because of a disability

12:36

and I'm

12:38

sure there's a way you might be able to Sue

12:41

them, but I'm certainly not a lawyer Barely

12:46

understand anything written in legalese David

12:48

and then hope that since then

12:50

you found other work and at

12:53

least There's been some

12:55

time with people who have compassion Can't

12:59

expect it from a company. It's unbelievable

13:02

It's extraordinary And

13:04

thank you Dave Miller with a

13:07

very very short Well, you'll hear

13:09

I Wouldn't call it a

13:11

rant It's it's

13:13

what gets people to rant but

13:15

definition of woke the

13:18

gospel of Matthew 7 12 in Everything

13:21

do unto others what you would

13:23

have them do to you Well,

13:27

I throw that out there for you David and well

13:30

David will see what the reaction is I really don't

13:32

know what the definition of woke is and

13:35

I don't think it was necessary for us

13:37

to get into a discussion of Woke

13:39

is a country because a lot

13:42

of people began to use it for

13:44

reasons that There's criticism

13:46

which had nothing to do with oh, we

13:48

should do this because it's really the right

13:50

thing to do They should have not

13:52

given it a name And

13:55

I don't know who did I only know

13:57

that there's a

13:59

madness certain level of madness

14:01

with those who were woke. So,

14:06

not the ones who, you know, who live

14:10

by the Gospel

14:12

of Matthew. Thanks. I'm

14:15

interested to see what folks have to say. This

14:18

episode is brought to you by Google Pixel,

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on all audio elements. Oh

14:48

bummer, the holidays are over. But

14:51

yay, your weird relatives left.

14:55

But no more presents. But

14:58

yay, you have your freedom

15:01

again. But

15:03

there are no more desserts. But

15:06

there's also no more holiday music,

15:08

huh? The

15:11

new year is full of ups and

15:13

downs. But however you're feeling, you

15:15

can always be happy with all the content on

15:17

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15:19

included with Prime. Why'd you hit him so

15:22

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lots of yay. Prime

15:37

Video, find your happy place. Restrictions

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apply. Prime membership not required to

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rent or buy. See amazon.com/amazonprime for

15:45

details. head

16:00

is now potato

16:02

head to be gender fucking

16:04

neutral. We just

16:07

castrated Mr. Potato Head. Mr.

16:10

Potato Head. Is

16:15

nothing sacred? This shit

16:17

has got to stop. Legos.

16:21

Fucking Legos are adopting a

16:23

gender neutral policy.

16:27

When I was growing up, Legos

16:30

were gender neutral. They were

16:32

blocks that allowed you to

16:35

build things from. Wait for it. They

16:37

were blocks. I'm sorry, I couldn't get

16:39

through that. They were blocks that allowed

16:41

you to build things from. Wait for

16:44

it. Your

16:47

imagination. No

16:49

figurines, no instructions, and you

16:51

got about a hundred pieces

16:53

in a big cardboard tube.

16:56

Burns my ass like a four

16:58

foot plane. I

17:00

say we give Mr. Potato Head

17:02

back his pipe. Looks

17:04

like he may need it. Thanks,

17:07

Lou. No. Thank you, Garrett

17:09

Shaney from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Thanks for letting me

17:11

know where you're from. And

17:14

someday your pirates will be back in the

17:16

thick of things, just like my Oreos.

17:21

I really appreciated that. I

17:23

hope you folks out there did

17:26

because I did not

17:28

know that they had done that to

17:30

Mr. Potato Head. I'm sorry.

17:33

Potato Head. What

17:35

is the matter with us? What the

17:38

fuck is the matter with us? This

17:41

is a great one. How does killing elephants help

17:43

protect the species? That

17:46

one got you. That got you right in

17:48

the heart, didn't it? How

17:50

does it? That's the thing

17:53

they did today, which is that, you

17:56

know, part of our, you know, save the earth

17:58

policy. You know, the people you. And

18:00

now if you kill an elephant, you can

18:02

send it back here during

18:05

a certain time. And what they said is that

18:07

this is gonna help in

18:09

terms of helping basically save

18:12

the elephants. And

18:16

I, it

18:20

is, I mean, that's satire.

18:23

That's the definition of satire. I'm

18:26

not gonna sit here and explain it. And I'm not gonna explain

18:28

it to those of you who live around the world. All

18:32

I can tell you is when you

18:34

say that going to kill

18:36

elephants is gonna help save

18:38

elephants, doesn't

18:40

get funnier than that. Who

18:45

wants to kill an elephant? It's also,

18:48

what a fucking thing, you know, seriously.

18:51

The fuck, I can understand hunting

18:53

like a fucking, you

18:55

know, a lion that comes out, I

18:58

can eat you, I can see that. I mean, I

19:00

don't get it. I

19:02

certainly am not gonna stand out there

19:05

with a fucking rifle with a lion

19:07

and, Jacob, what fucking lunatic? Well,

19:10

yeah, I'll get that lion, no, why? You

19:17

fucking moron. Or

19:20

it should be eating you. You

19:22

know, I mean, I don't get, I don't. I

19:27

understand hunting in the

19:29

sense of conservation of

19:34

culling the herd. There has to be a certain

19:36

kind of thing that's done, especially the, you know,

19:39

there's a gazillion deer in

19:43

upstate New York and all the way up

19:45

the east coast. It's just deer, fuck deer,

19:47

deer, deer, deer, deer, deer, deer, deer, and

19:49

they're out there all the time. And you

19:51

just see them and you go, hibuses, run,

19:54

run fuckers. to

20:00

be a certain amount, kind of like

20:02

they stopped that. They basically kind of said,

20:04

well, you can only do this amount of shooting

20:06

during deer season and then a gazillion more deer

20:08

came onto the scene. And so there has to

20:11

be some sort of thing done like that. But

20:13

going over to, an elephant

20:15

is such a, they look so sad and they

20:17

look like they need glasses and shit and... And

20:23

they're so big and lumbering. I mean, it's not like,

20:25

what kind of sport do you get? The things moving

20:27

like... You know,

20:40

you can go for the... I can see Cheetah

20:43

maybe. Those fucking things.

20:46

Those move like bats out of hell. If

20:48

you can shoot a Cheetah, then you've got fucking... You

20:51

deserve some sort of a little badge or

20:53

some shit. I

21:00

can see shooting a hyena. I don't really like them.

21:02

They irritate the fuck out of me. That's

21:06

like that stupid son of a bitch who's in your high

21:08

school at the back of the class is just, he knows

21:10

gonna end up no good, you know? And he's

21:13

just an asshole. Just, ahhhh! Shut

21:16

the fuck up! God

21:20

damn hyena. Michael

21:24

Michark with an interesting take on things.

21:27

I'm neither right or left on most

21:29

issues, but what pisses me off from

21:32

both sides the most, okay,

21:34

is climate change. And let me stress

21:36

this. I believe we all need to

21:38

do more, but regulating manufacturing to

21:40

China and 20 other countries only

21:44

harms, ooh, 99% of us. I

21:48

want to fucking knock out every 125 who

21:50

says it was the last two generations who messed

21:52

everything up and they need to fix it. Yes,

21:55

air pollution was a real problem and

21:57

they made changes. Did all these kids...

22:00

order stuff online every day, drink

22:02

10 water bottles a day

22:04

and protest no more oil. Then

22:07

they say, that's why I recycle. Well,

22:09

only 10% of plastic

22:12

asbestos recycled, and that number is on

22:14

the high side. And most of that

22:16

is made into things that can't be

22:18

recycled. Right jackasses say

22:20

there's no such thing as climate change,

22:22

and the left only talks about things

22:24

that make their biggest supporters rich. So

22:27

fuck off DC and fuck off if

22:29

you think driving an electric car eliminates

22:32

using petroleum. Clean

22:34

natural gas is not

22:36

caring. Preaching about

22:38

global warming while ordering food every

22:40

day in the newest cheapest gadget

22:42

on Amazon just to throw out

22:44

100 pieces of shit when having

22:46

your maid clean who probably is

22:48

paid half the minimum wage. They

22:51

say the average person eats a credit card of

22:53

plastic every week. But I

22:55

hated to figure that out. So

22:57

all you climate crazies open your

22:59

fucking eyes and don't let these

23:01

politicians dictate your rage. The

23:04

deniers the same goes for you. But

23:06

if they're over 60, they didn't

23:09

make new problems and they will be

23:11

dead soon. You see half the plastic

23:13

in the world was manufactured after 2005.

23:16

Politically, there's a lot I disagree with you

23:18

on. And most of the people around me

23:20

don't like you, but it is their loss.

23:23

Like Saturday Night Live, you've always been

23:25

funny with Trump and now Biden can't

23:27

all Americans agree we need to do

23:29

better. If we put 10 cent

23:32

deposit, just a 10 cent deposit on

23:34

all plastic containers in every state and

23:36

regulated the plastic type to be 100%

23:39

recyclable. Think

23:41

of how little effort it

23:44

would be to make a big change. Huh? In

23:47

Michigan, there are never bottles on the side of

23:49

the road. Oh, and to any asshole in electric

23:51

car who toss his trash out going down the

23:53

road and gives me a dirty look because I

23:55

drive a full size truck. Fuck

23:57

off. I'm one of the few who work in space. and

24:00

wish I could still buy a work truck.

24:03

Yes, the gadgets are nice, but

24:05

they are not $80,000 nice. Okay.

24:13

Love you, not love you.

24:15

One of your few conservative, not

24:17

Republican fans. Well, thank you for

24:20

sharing that Michael. I'm sorry if I screwed up a little

24:22

of the wording along the way, but I'm

24:24

glad you said what you had to say. And it's

24:26

true. I have friends who

24:29

yell about some of the same things

24:31

you've just mentioned, but to

24:34

blame my generation, you can in part as far

24:36

as I can see. But

24:40

this problem is so much bigger and it's just deal.

24:43

Like you say, let's deal with it. Okay,

24:45

it's not that tough. We're smarter

24:47

than this. We should be at

24:49

least, we should be at least a

24:51

lot fucking smarter than this. Thanks,

24:54

Michael. Now

24:57

I'm pissed. Thanks

25:00

to all of you for listening to my rant

25:02

cast. If you have

25:04

a rant, you want to get off

25:06

your chest, send it in to me

25:09

at louisblack.com/block. You can

25:11

think of it as therapy or whatever

25:13

you want to think of it as. Just

25:15

let it rip. And I

25:17

want to thank the true stars of the rant cast, the

25:20

ranchers, the splendid rants

25:22

they gave us. Louis

25:24

Flack's rant cast was created and hosted by

25:26

me. Ha ha, Louis Flack. Our

25:29

live rant audio is produced by

25:32

James Song. A

25:34

theme song by Chris Lane. Executive

25:36

producer, Ben Brode. Executive

25:39

producer, Cline Smith.

25:46

Denise has been playing jazz for 40 years. Last

25:49

concert, one of the musicians fell sick

25:51

with RSV. Respiratory syncytial virus,

25:53

or RSV, is a highly contagious

25:55

virus that can lead to breathing

25:58

problems. This time, she's choosing

26:00

to help protect herself with Pfizer's

26:02

RSV vaccine, Abrisvo. Abrisvo is a

26:04

vaccine for the prevention of lower

26:06

respiratory tract disease caused by respiratory

26:08

syncytial virus, RSV, in adults 60 years

26:11

of age and older. Abrisvo is not for

26:13

everyone and may not protect all who receive

26:15

the vaccine. Don't get Abrisvo if you've had

26:17

a severe allergic reaction to its ingredients. People

26:20

with a weakened immune system may have

26:22

a decreased response to Abrisvo. The most

26:24

common side effects are tiredness, headache, pain

26:26

at the injection site, and muscle pain.

26:28

Ask your pharmacist or doctor about Pfizer's

26:30

RSV vaccine, Abrisvo, respiratory syncytial

26:33

virus vaccine. For full prescribing information,

26:35

please call 1-844-989-7284 or visit abrisvo.com.

26:40

Brought to you by Pfizer.

26:44

Deep underground, the Jelly Belly Factory videos

26:46

in her secret laboratory creating the weird

26:48

and wild flavors of Bean Boozled. I'm

26:50

not gonna explain. Is it pomegranate or

26:52

old bandage? I dare to compare. Bean

26:55

Boozled, sixth edition. Are you brave

26:57

enough?