0:00

ABC Listen, podcasts,

0:02

radio, news, music

0:05

and more. Coming

0:12

to you from the lands of the Kulin

0:14

Nation, this is Life Matters. I'm Beverly Wang

0:17

and parents, this one's for you. How

0:20

have you flipped the script on parenting

0:22

and changed things up from the way

0:24

you were parented? Let's talk. How

0:30

we are as parents can be heavily

0:33

influenced by our own experiences in childhood,

0:35

both good and bad. So I'd love

0:37

to know when it comes to parenting

0:39

your own family, how

0:41

much have you stuck to or

0:44

strayed from how you yourselves were parented?

0:46

Because the world has changed a lot.

0:49

Think about where we are today when

0:51

it comes to technology, social media, attitudes

0:54

towards discipline, expressing our feelings, gender

0:56

roles, just to name a few.

0:59

And now think back where we were 20, 30, 40 years

1:01

ago on those same fronts. So

1:04

much has changed. I'm thinking

1:07

about for myself the way conversations

1:09

about puberty were basically non-existent

1:11

when I was growing up. And I

1:13

compare that to, wow, all of the

1:16

many conversations I'm having now just to

1:18

prepare for this change. And

1:20

that's a change in and of itself. Or

1:22

maybe you're not as strict about rules like

1:25

no one can leave the table until everyone

1:27

has finished eating. I want to

1:29

hear from you in parenting your own children, what

1:31

techniques, values, and rules have you kept from

1:34

your parents and what have you just chucked

1:36

out or what have you just modified a

1:38

little bit? Do you ever have those moments

1:41

as a parent where you reflect on how

1:43

differently you are doing the job compared to

1:45

when you were being parented? Dr. Charlotte Keating

1:48

is a clinical psychologist specializing in working with

1:50

parents and adolescents. She's joining us from Oradry

1:52

country in Orange, Central, West,

1:54

New South Wales. Charlotte, welcome. Thank

1:57

you, Beverly. So let's talk about

1:59

parenting. parenting lessons. Where do we get

2:02

them from these days? I mean the

2:04

internet has so much more to offer

2:06

to parents, good and bad, than we

2:08

did decades ago. I

2:10

think that's right. I think it's

2:13

actually quite incredible just how much

2:15

information is available on the

2:17

internet and how much good information too. I

2:19

think as parents

2:21

today, if you're on any sort of

2:23

social media platform, it's almost difficult to

2:26

escape the algorithm sending

2:28

you something that is usually pretty

2:31

helpful and beneficial. I

2:33

think it's a generation of

2:36

parents that do have a

2:38

great deal more access, I

2:40

think, and awareness as a

2:42

result. Parenting influencing is

2:45

its own kind of quasi

2:47

cottage industry on the internet. Then that

2:49

means that media literacy is really important.

2:52

If you are getting a lot of

2:55

parenting posts in your feed,

2:57

how would you advise

2:59

on how to sort the

3:02

reliable from the not so reliable? That

3:05

is such a good question. I

3:07

think oftentimes if you were going

3:09

to see, say, a GP or

3:11

a psychologist or a parenting

3:14

coach, you would probably check the

3:17

sorts of credentials or background experience

3:19

that they have. That

3:21

can be a good place to start. Sometimes

3:23

too, people who do have

3:26

those sorts of credentials, I'm sort of

3:28

thinking of the Gottman Institute, which

3:30

is a couple of therapists

3:32

and they also have lots of good advice

3:34

for parenting and things too, they often

3:36

endorse certain people who

3:38

will have good advice to give

3:40

to. It can be difficult to

3:42

discern because there is actually

3:45

so much information out there and so much

3:47

of it is, as I said, very valuable.

3:50

There is so much information. Speaking

3:52

generally, of course, as we always do, giving

3:55

general advice, of course, I wonder

3:57

how Internet Advice...

4:00

On parenting How you seen that kind

4:02

of ah in your own practice with

4:04

people coming through the door talking about

4:06

that influence? Yeah, it's actually I'm It's

4:08

really interesting. I think you know oftentimes

4:10

parents will come in and say be

4:12

no this is a pity you A

4:14

challenge that I might be experiencing with

4:16

me. Know if my child and then

4:18

they will. You know it used to

4:20

be. Some years ago I looked. Up

4:23

Doctor Google you know that to sort.

4:25

Of better understand but I think now

4:27

it's actually that you know there's a

4:29

lot as an information that therapists and

4:31

the like will describe and talk about

4:34

on you know things like Instagram or

4:36

or Facebook. can It can really help

4:38

bring awareness or perspective and and often

4:40

times you know parents who come in

4:43

and say I was listening to the

4:45

so I heard this on his podcast

4:47

or this particular in a book that

4:49

I was reading or listening to. so

4:52

he i think it can be really

4:54

really valuable. Be nice a

4:56

long as he as well it's am

4:58

also taken with the again assault do

5:00

not set of an been I think

5:02

too hard on yourself and deny in

5:04

those sorts of context. Oversee can be

5:06

really helpful and we're going to take

5:08

our first call from Marks in Sydney.

5:10

Lot of Marks. Or. Know

5:13

I did I'm well how you

5:15

what's your story was largely small

5:17

town same as ostracism single dad

5:19

these guys on the spot the.

5:22

From. Or some was teaching. Ah,

5:24

I'm. Sorry. But if I

5:26

go back to my parents on fifty

5:28

five. Or more parents were baby boomers.

5:31

Are. There. Is no will. Have.

5:34

Much to the boom is the be in

5:36

jail mail for corporal punishment. So

5:39

others, the. Odds. On to that

5:41

are done Yet. To it

5:43

is actually against the law now and he was. In

5:46

in most circumstances. To.

5:49

Have club. Or.

5:52

Don't. Like. My kids at

5:54

all for me up with excuses.

5:56

For. Not sitting in a sauna. Donald

5:58

on. And on me. I've heard it on the

6:01

sale of five. All. My son wasn't sort

6:03

this and he didn't know and all that

6:05

so soft. If. I went home

6:07

and said to my parents which I

6:09

wouldn't have otherwise. Arm. Or got

6:11

the kind said I or got a descent

6:13

since had I. Must first.

6:16

Response would have been. More

6:19

did you do wrong? To. Get

6:22

that. Rather, Than. Are.

6:25

Mighty. May ringing the thought

6:27

that the schools find out why my

6:29

teeth couldn't get. Something. Done on

6:31

time. Because. I think that that would

6:33

for pay more children. So. The adult

6:35

well. I'm also very much

6:37

are like my kids Are you Free

6:39

rides. Tastes like Com or

6:42

think that from that lady in New

6:44

York who wrote that article wasn't Cost

6:46

is your oh yeah. when I was

6:48

really popular, other half was in the

6:50

minority talking about yeah. so all of

6:53

my kids knowing people in the streets.

6:56

Knowing they community knowing the nicest I

6:58

don't one them. I want them some

7:00

size and and straight away. But.

7:03

I don't want them to be scared of. Every.

7:05

Adult that they don't know that they come into

7:07

contact with them. While. Running around

7:09

three. And the last one

7:11

I think he is. On my.

7:14

Sure, you respect. Re. One

7:16

that you may I don't care about.

7:19

I don't want them. And I care about identity

7:21

policy so that care about it. Any.

7:23

One you may. You. Will

7:25

be respectful to it even if they

7:27

disrespectful to you. Will don't have contact

7:29

with him again. But. They

7:31

respect for have manners, Please.

7:34

Thank you. And. Generally

7:37

arm. For

7:39

people with respect and that that's what

7:41

I'm keeping from my parents my a

7:43

thing or yeah. Things are

7:45

so much marked given us lots of food

7:47

for thought their i'm choking on a come

7:49

to you because what Mcmansion about not kidding

7:51

children and something I see coming soon attacks

7:54

London and texture has said i never hit

7:56

my kids and like my mother and also

7:58

and say smoke. Weed. Feminists

8:00

as a threat, smacking actually all

8:03

punishments and rewards after doing a

8:05

parent affected this training course. Ah,

8:07

and so obviously as a color

8:09

point out, there are legal reasons

8:11

why you know parents don't hit

8:13

their children anymore. I'm butts. There

8:15

are other other parenting psychological, emotional

8:17

reasons and at some as coming

8:19

through quite a lot on the

8:21

text line, so I wonder if

8:23

you could speak to that a

8:25

little bit. Yeah. Look, I think

8:27

I'm it's. A really important point of really

8:30

valid point in i kid said on land

8:32

very much sorry he notes and I'm saying

8:34

smack door or that thing some sort of

8:36

you know. Punishment some in that

8:38

way and I think think times

8:40

have changed. Fortunately, very much in

8:43

a way that you don't assume

8:45

necessarily that you nice a child

8:47

is being reprimanded at school that

8:49

you know make the assumption that

8:51

is down the wrong thing. It's

8:53

it's all about seeking to understand

8:55

You know what actually happens commonly

8:57

talking things through being emotionally a

8:59

tunes and I think that sort

9:02

of emotional attainment or awareness is

9:04

something that we are increasingly becoming

9:06

aware of How important. It is. Alan

9:08

Thicke is even some that. The point is you have

9:10

a child. Being able to listen. To

9:12

and taking information in a high stress

9:14

situations that com sort of achievements will

9:17

will help them to do that and

9:19

so potentially learned from the experience and

9:21

also see to learn what might be

9:24

going on for them because I think

9:26

oftentimes to his children are in I

9:28

said his acting out or you know

9:30

what we might think he's Mr Hayes.

9:33

It can sometimes be communication have a

9:35

difficulty or a challenge that say otherwise

9:37

and you know unable to communicate differently

9:40

and me I can be Aids dependence.

9:42

On as to in I how

9:44

appropriate or inappropriate that behaves he

9:46

might they, but it's you know

9:48

it's those sorts has nuances as

9:50

being able to understand what underlies

9:52

the behavior or what underlies a

9:54

certain emotions rather than just am

9:56

the spending and sometimes desk in

9:58

what ways to. That appropriate or

10:00

that seen appropriate new be punished or

10:03

or otherwise. For it's

10:05

I think there's been a lot of a

10:07

lot of education and awareness and and. Change.

10:09

You know within the school systems, but

10:11

also you know within. Parenting. I guess

10:13

it's part of our you know our

10:15

ongoing efforts to to learn as human

10:17

beings and evolve all parenting a sense

10:19

I think muscle because the position the

10:21

child and society Assange has an it

10:23

absolutely. I'd love to hear also about

10:25

those moments where that you've had his

10:28

apparent where you can have sat back

10:30

and bought well that is very very

10:32

different from the way things that have

10:34

played out went when I was a

10:36

kid because as a kind of like

10:38

very teachable aha moments I think to

10:40

reflect on those changes are they Charlotte.

10:42

Absolutely. And I think you know

10:45

when you have those ah ha moments on

10:47

the noise the parents it's it's sort of

10:49

what context as that happening and as it

10:51

happened when you were you are confronted serve

10:54

with a bit as a mere. Moments

10:56

I'm with your own children. And

10:58

then and really sort of your sort

11:00

of almost called upon to say oh

11:02

how how do I want to deal

11:05

with this in this moment What has

11:07

my own experience and be no and

11:09

parents you know experience allowed me to

11:11

learn in order to deal with with

11:13

this particular situation and he nine I

11:16

think say all generations everybody learns different

11:18

things as they go through. Ah and

11:20

I think it's important to note to

11:22

continue to learn. And that's not to

11:25

say that the you know the parents

11:27

before. And you know we're doing

11:29

anything other than their best most of

11:31

the time, but there is just there

11:34

are opportunities to to continue to grow

11:36

and evolve. So those moments are important.

11:38

Absolutely Now Charlotte. When as

11:40

a parent, you have those moments where

11:43

you realize, oh my gosh, I sound

11:45

just like my mother, my father. whatever.

11:47

And what can we learn from those

11:50

moments? Well, I think it's important to

11:52

be and self compassionate sets in those

11:54

moments and I think in I may

11:56

be It also lends one to have

11:59

compassion for. And their parents

12:01

in those on it's take as it

12:03

is. it's Austin really tough enough and

12:05

you're confronted with you know situations that

12:07

can be quite challenging It can be

12:10

so I'm in opening appearances have one

12:12

or more children and so I think

12:14

you know taking stock and just taking

12:16

a moment see yourself to to times

12:19

that of com on the i calm

12:21

yourself down is important but also to

12:23

it's really just a reflection that happens

12:25

thereafter you know is he felt like

12:27

it was a moment's am deny that.

12:30

That sort of didn't go well

12:32

say perhaps he lost to cool

12:34

and you became over emotionally. That

12:36

really Sethi and you said something

12:38

on be know that you you

12:40

wouldn't said perhaps if you are

12:42

feeling thomas I think you know

12:44

it can be important to to

12:46

look at where your comfort level

12:48

if we say apologizing and you

12:50

know because it's not that Austin.

12:52

The issues of of the that

12:54

challenging moment that happens it's the

12:56

opportunity for repair asteroids that's really

12:58

important and I think. You know that's

13:01

reflected by a lot of. You

13:03

know, parenting? Parenting

13:05

experts he is this important says

13:08

of repair and muddling the sort

13:10

of behavior that you hope you're

13:12

young people will engage with to

13:14

and I think social learning theory

13:16

on me know it says that

13:19

children will mimic and model based

13:21

on their observations as a parent

13:23

so it's worse. it's with really

13:25

remembering how you know you want

13:28

them to behave is is likely

13:30

to the. You

13:32

know, effectively addressed in

13:34

part. By how you know how

13:37

how you behave towards them and

13:39

the thoughts of lessons remodeling that

13:41

they they get from it. And

13:43

welcome to T in Melbourne and

13:45

Norm What you want to say

13:47

about parenting T. System.

13:51

Quick to a background are both My

13:53

wife and I came here when we were

13:55

thought saying we're now it's his feet insists

13:58

he wants the why we will. Up

14:00

way slam skies unseen force and

14:02

study hard and some cause any

14:05

trouble to as yes how I'm

14:07

now both my wife and I

14:10

we have more of lot helicopter

14:12

parent see. Okay what does that look like

14:14

when when sound like see. Ah

14:16

we are lit I'm still learning

14:19

the has out with the sick

14:21

I find it hard is we

14:23

try see because we lease and

14:25

seek parental it's in is seen

14:28

by many way I ever read

14:30

so busy thought com and we

14:32

also attended to li into paid

14:34

by said spies will understand about

14:37

a homeowner chances. Put. Into Practice

14:39

mode or the behavior. As said,

14:41

time For example, when they say

14:43

you don't want to stay in

14:45

I live my sit so ha

14:47

ha said. I love the way that

14:49

you have. you and your partner seem to

14:52

have really engaged actively. you know you're seeking

14:54

and information you taking courses and that sounds

14:56

like a very different situation from the way

14:58

you are brunt of imagine financing I come

15:00

from lot like migrant back then I can

15:02

imagine my parents couldn't time to go to

15:05

a parenting course. You know that kind of

15:07

things in between everything else that's a big

15:09

chains. Can you talk a little bit about

15:11

how you kind of came to that point

15:13

We're like are actually need to get some

15:15

help on this. Some professional advice. What was

15:18

that like. Oh.

15:20

It's. It's really good

15:23

to know that I'm not alone.

15:25

On this thing that really helpful

15:28

is i have non eyes and

15:30

friend's mom and dad very involved

15:32

so i'm able to say that

15:35

why they parents at a to

15:37

run. And. Some time

15:39

heavy of friends have a.

15:42

The. Same principles. It's

15:44

really helpful when I'm really dell.

15:47

I am of got say nothing

15:49

and also listening to the podcast.

15:53

When I came across challenging

15:55

behavior. Is this

15:57

reminds me? I'm not alone? And

16:00

then ah yes, sorry, I'm.

16:03

I've got one. eight, nine,

16:06

ten. They cease Cc at

16:08

University and I can see

16:10

the way. Colorful. Writes

16:13

his parents eating I'm learning myself

16:15

as a parent because I had

16:17

to moto the be idea. Into

16:20

a mock like three Pillars of Health. Good.

16:22

Slate. An exercise and

16:25

diet unless and he it's

16:27

It's a struggle every day.

16:30

But. I I.

16:33

I kind of. I really like it and

16:35

I'm very lucky to. Work in a

16:37

profession where am I forward

16:39

to be involved and nam

16:41

but I must have been

16:43

struggling. I'm selling game and.

16:45

Play It sounds like you are doing the

16:48

work even when it's hard. And so I

16:50

commend you for that Hi my I wondered.

16:52

You see the result in the relationships with

16:54

your children. Do you define the have a

16:56

strong connections with them and an understanding of

16:58

them? Then you say sounds like he had

17:01

with you Intense. Oh

17:03

definitely as a mom

17:05

And. My. Relationship with

17:07

by. Ass. Father up My

17:10

parents divorced when I was young.

17:12

I leave that by when parents

17:14

and I have. I.

17:16

Have a lot of laughs on say and some

17:18

grateful for that. But. Whenever I see

17:20

my father now we don't talk at

17:22

all. To be honest when we talk

17:24

with this site. Not

17:27

deep and meaningful stuff, man.

17:30

Sorry, I'm. But. That's

17:32

okay because at the time I

17:34

understand now that. My. Father

17:36

was in Vietnam, a South. American.

17:39

More as the Nam war so

17:42

see the way Back then it

17:44

was a defense flat bread winner.

17:47

Say. And

17:49

then not beer. I was determined.

17:52

I'm determined. To be

17:54

involved in, I recognize that we

17:56

leave Australia. l. Am.

17:59

I. To make some chances

18:01

in order to. Yes,

18:05

To keep that connection succeed.

18:07

Ah. I have so enjoyed this called He

18:10

thank you so much for calling and sharing and

18:12

it's fantastic to hear the conscious effort that you're

18:14

putting into your parenting. Ah, it's own Charlotte. I

18:16

want to come to you for quick comment on

18:19

that call. Ah, that's just

18:21

it. Tastes so grateful to hear

18:23

your story and and I just

18:25

think there's so many pets. Point

18:28

says, you know the sex that's

18:30

you Know parenting is challenging Men

18:32

knowing that everybody does find it

18:35

challenging at various different times is

18:37

just it's so important. And that

18:39

not only. Three friends, but through,

18:42

you know, podcasts, And learning theories

18:44

actually ways in which to make

18:46

it's more manageable. You. Know and

18:49

that you can really has a

18:51

in I a day pin connectors

18:53

involved relationship with your children a

18:55

hum you know it's just it's

18:57

so beautiful. Beautiful to here and

18:59

I think to just a reflection

19:01

of well that T had about

19:03

his in on his own parents

19:05

in and and you know events

19:07

that isn't time made that you

19:09

can. Really be raised

19:11

in, cared for by people other than

19:14

your parents, to his grandparents and and

19:16

also the fact that you know when

19:18

you do have a struggle or a

19:20

difficult relationship with your own parents, they

19:23

can be reasons why they can be

19:25

context and sometimes understanding noise. but being

19:27

able to choose to do it differently

19:29

with your own children can be a

19:32

valuable pathway to absolutely. Let's take another

19:34

cause. we're going to get a queensland

19:36

now. Christine has called in Welcome to

19:39

Less Than Is Christine. Hi

19:41

there I'm It's absolutely wonderful to

19:43

hear these thought all topics. I

19:46

have great regrets A full my

19:48

parenting style A didn't even know

19:50

I had a style and nice

19:52

days but he thought could I'd

19:54

go back and do it again.

19:57

And the regrets that I have

19:59

Ah that. I was too

20:01

impatient am I was quite

20:03

often angry and sometimes I

20:05

think our parents had with

20:07

see. And

20:09

I've I've seen as

20:12

the is have progressed.

20:14

Sit down with H

20:16

is my. Adult children

20:18

now and sincerely apologize. Wow, Pristine

20:20

as he image. how has that?

20:23

That would have been hard, but

20:25

how did that go? It

20:29

went very well. My children

20:31

were very understanding. And

20:34

very forgiving. And now I

20:36

looked as has. If you're

20:39

into the children, And

20:42

I commend them greatly. they

20:44

doing things differently and they

20:47

really tapping into the children's.

20:50

Needs fees, wants,

20:52

desires? Feeling ceilings is the

20:55

greatest thing that I knew that

20:57

if it's and seated in my

20:59

children, that's profound. Christine, Ah, that's

21:01

the it's it's really. it's very

21:03

moving to hear that and that

21:05

you do that with each of

21:07

your children I think means a

21:09

lot Charlotte. Do you want to

21:11

come in here and and have

21:13

these? I'd love to Beverly and

21:15

Christine, I just thank you. So.

21:17

Much for sharing. You know

21:19

with the broader community your

21:21

experience. Because. I think you know

21:23

so often you're not raised with

21:26

an understanding of how emotions you

21:28

know. ah, and how important. They.

21:30

Are you just you don't have that

21:33

sort of education and most of the

21:35

time he just doing your absolute best

21:37

and life can be stressful and you

21:39

just getting by. But I think you

21:41

know oftentimes the older. You. Get

21:44

the more aware you become of you

21:46

know different aspects that can be important.

21:48

It's sort of I think and I

21:50

sometimes when when you're a grandparent you

21:52

can often say okay now I understand

21:55

you know or was a things and

21:57

you can often transfer that into your

21:59

your grandchild. But I think the

22:01

sense that he sat down with your

22:03

adult children and had a conversation with

22:06

him about it on that day. You

22:08

know that they understand or as you

22:10

described and that that conversation went well.

22:13

He's just it takes courage and it

22:15

really shows a great deal of love

22:17

and and it sounds like he really

22:19

has no good relationships in an. Opportunity

22:22

to to move forward in Los

22:24

An easy no. Positive way suggest.

22:26

I'm so grateful that he said lanky

22:28

thank you thank you very much The

22:31

Stills I'll have a wonderful day Christian

22:33

and will I really appreciate your calling

22:35

in Ah Charlotte. That is so interesting

22:37

what Christine brought up that she had

22:40

that conversation with each of her children

22:42

individually. I wonder if you know coming

22:44

from the process of the adult child

22:46

is never helpful? Useful to raise how

22:49

you're a parent and with your own.

22:51

You know, older parents what could come from

22:53

that, but also you know there's there's There's

22:55

a danger to that as well as some

22:58

risk. Their. Yeah. Look I

23:00

think it's it's so different said decent

23:02

people am I think this is you

23:04

know so many people very fortunate to

23:06

have you know the sort says i'm

23:09

relationships with their parents were you know

23:11

they most or life and they have

23:13

their own kids and and you know

23:15

it's It's straightforward but sometimes it feels

23:18

am said paypal that connecting with their

23:20

parents about what was difficult is important.

23:22

To try and see shield

23:25

sometimes relationships to. And

23:27

in the case of Christine it

23:29

sounded like those conversations were well

23:31

received and it went well and

23:33

that it's not always the case

23:35

that that that opportunity is available

23:38

or that sort of vulnerability. and

23:40

I I talk about vulnerability in

23:42

a really am positive way that

23:44

being able to truly increasingly. Honestly,

23:47

Connects and has those sorts of difficult

23:49

conversations said Paypal a it may not

23:51

be available and says sometimes you know

23:53

rising a less of that you may

23:55

not send or that you may sense

23:57

that lit the parents for the seats.

24:00

We sit can be valuable and

24:02

other times. It's true, you know

24:04

your own relationships. In your own

24:06

family that you get to hear some

24:08

of those experiences to that he said

24:11

possible. I think sometimes they can be

24:13

very valuable and and you know perhaps

24:15

to says and Paypal or hum unite

24:18

Connecting with relationships, Australia or similar I'm

24:20

hopeful bodies to work out how to

24:22

have some of those conversations can be

24:25

valuable to them because they can be

24:27

difficult to gonna call from Mary Calling

24:29

and from Norm Melbourne Welcome to Life

24:32

Matters Mary! What you want to say

24:34

about. Parenting Lessons. Oh

24:37

hello, good morning or just sixty? What

24:39

the to current Christine own? Path.

24:42

She was a bit a pair of that she

24:44

thought she was with all that glorious where's yeah

24:46

is that some of my the address I would

24:48

have to tell a story about my mum on

24:50

the she's Now. I see

24:52

three on the. At high

24:54

school she lives intelligence that. And.

24:56

That's it. Rip with ice and

24:58

snow should behave, not work him

25:01

go via Run True and to

25:03

and all the rest of us

25:05

and exhaust Bryce in the schools.

25:07

Called. Her parents spoke to his

25:09

father he happened to be I am

25:11

a professor of mathematics. It's one of

25:13

the universities and. That

25:15

I see what on earth so eager to do with your daughter.

25:18

Us and he said. Make.

25:20

Her prices. And

25:25

she ended up. Being.

25:27

Ducks of School. And and

25:29

some that be wonderful Sweden

25:32

to actually go through a

25:34

complete medicine price well as

25:36

assists I. Just love that story

25:38

you know in that. Sometimes.

25:40

Away. As. Kids behave.

25:43

You know, we may not necessarily

25:45

know what. This ah to tell his

25:47

servants that list of is definitely still sit

25:50

down. So. What do you think it

25:52

when when you are you've of it's been told

25:54

this to me. You know in your family history

25:56

what is your mom tells the story? What's her

25:58

reflection on that? Oh

26:00

it is an enormous now so

26:03

some respects the his father. In

26:05

heaven. That's. That insight see

26:07

and just such said list of

26:09

center either a response particularly so

26:11

that generation the school went along

26:14

with as soon as. The

26:16

school went along with it as well. Exactly

26:18

what I think he was. He was

26:20

held his silly high regard by them.

26:22

Otherwise is it it baden be you

26:24

know they probably would sit on Know

26:26

has stood I um. Yes,

26:29

so. She's. Responded really

26:31

well to it. And

26:33

have you as the taken Those lessons are

26:35

you parent yourself. Use. In

26:37

a month my. Son is now eighteen

26:39

and and and love to see more. In

26:42

fact it's a silly now I reflect of

26:44

that's and tell them it's it's it's helped

26:46

me to to sort of go okay. What's.

26:49

He gets sick. What's that you see? Here outside,

26:51

give him responsibility. You.

26:54

Know. I'm at. With

26:56

that responsibility comes the consequences. Yep,

26:58

yeah, so that's that's that's to

27:00

the porch. Ah, sites. Such. As

27:03

well. Yeah, yeah. The

27:05

thank you for calling and Marion securing that

27:07

story. We've got a lot of calls coming

27:09

in, some going to quickly move to Darien.

27:12

Ah, I'm in regional Victoria. Welcome to Less

27:14

Than Are Staring We want to say about

27:16

parenting lessons. Or styles and of change of the

27:18

times. The. Affect the

27:20

having an eye on on be left

27:22

out different but of my. In

27:26

that guarantees islam. Is

27:28

carapace ah, the I. Target

27:31

that as likely will do or missed. Our

27:34

is that that level of

27:36

bad and independents that was

27:38

granted an. In. The ah. When.

27:41

All birds are not comfort. Level

27:44

others are. Now I'm practising

27:46

point. And. I put a stop our

27:48

when our problems in the in. Out

27:51

and have a guy common. In. The

27:53

children to make friends with the night

27:55

of the things I notice a lot

27:57

better in ecstasy despite. The

27:59

like that. Comment: Live in the morning,

28:01

I'll. Come

28:03

home for dinner. Ah then

28:05

you know that is that

28:08

if today's a different line

28:10

or fight I'm an in

28:12

in Melbourne. I'm not

28:14

either because if it's any. Any

28:17

any more dangerous now than it was. Definitely

28:19

a of of guy and women's title. Of

28:22

as probably big bang defendant always

28:25

with obviously like I've been pretty

28:27

easy to follow our our The

28:29

Moines offense or. Without

28:31

children Now compared to what on you

28:34

know the status of a very much

28:36

and I'm. Like. Okay day and I'm

28:38

gonna let you go to the phone.

28:40

in line is pretty tricky to hear

28:42

you but the question is do we

28:44

are easy for The questions are about

28:46

army and freedoms given to children nino

28:48

in the nineties and now what are

28:50

your thoughts? I think there is. Bring

28:52

up a really good a really good

28:54

points and it's been reflectors a little

28:56

bit plant in I broadly at the

28:58

moment and and that is that. I

29:00

think children are probably taking sewer risks

29:02

and going on less am in real

29:05

life as insists that are insect really

29:07

important. For them I'm not suggesting am

29:09

you know that's that the internet and

29:11

technology is entirely to blame, but I

29:13

think there's a lot of time spent

29:16

on mine that substitutes for these opportunities

29:18

to to make friends to in i

29:20

physically challenge oneself and noise a really

29:23

important for developing independence, developing confidence in

29:25

one since being able to take risks

29:27

and judge that the nature of those

29:30

risk is really important part of and

29:32

growth and development so I think it's

29:34

really valuable point and that thing these.

29:37

Okay, let's go to Queensland. Were

29:39

just as cold and welcome to

29:41

life matters. Just would you want

29:43

to say about piano lessons or

29:45

okay, thank you. My

29:48

parents were from the Victorian era

29:50

era. Ah well. my grandparents I

29:52

and my parents. Had

29:55

a say disciplined upbringing and

29:57

consequently we had or mice.

30:00

My city to city to city

30:02

not bringing in my children were

30:04

born in me and sixty six

30:07

seventy so I really wanted to

30:09

break away some all that gives

30:11

them all the freedom. Independence Loop

30:14

to the bush. you know to

30:16

do the whole hippie thing I

30:18

suppose I'm and it gives them

30:21

lots of choices. So one day

30:23

my months my son was sick

30:25

son who's going to school in

30:28

on group. it just took. It

30:30

to the. Extreme the other way and

30:32

I'm saying now darling know what would

30:34

you like or new dinner He launched

30:36

on you sandwiches the won't be to

30:38

my it was hundreds and thousands You

30:40

want this method and he turned red

30:42

Is it. Is

30:44

it too young? to my cool?

30:47

These decisions quickly respond an imperative

30:49

that a six you. what'd you

30:51

think than. Oh.

30:54

Well I started listening a bit

30:56

more an end up being a

30:59

little bit more i'm responsible I

31:01

suppose but it didn't really work

31:03

because I already had is mine

31:06

says is doing in the opposite

31:08

way to my parents so the

31:10

kids grew up there with pretty

31:13

bad actually be pretty independently and

31:15

I'm in a great. Mean.

31:17

Now that I had the freedom of

31:20

the boucher, Nice. Do you know it's

31:22

in the morning outside? Go down the

31:24

creek. he wouldn't see them to dinner

31:26

time and I think that some other

31:28

kids do Macys days. that sort of

31:30

freedom think you just me a call

31:32

and so I want to come to

31:34

you because it's an ideal choice and

31:36

I think live in Canada myself like

31:38

choice. But not. Too many

31:41

choices cause they are to make him to

31:43

overwhelmed isn't that is this gonna vom. It's

31:46

almost like presenting the illusion of choice. I think it's

31:49

like I've already decided free in advance and I'm going

31:51

to give you three options see as and I'm going

31:53

to give you the three and going to choose among

31:55

the. I think that size

31:57

of lane I think you know there's an age of

31:59

six. Hey you say you know the younger

32:02

the the children are you know probably more

32:04

the him more important the illusion of choice

32:06

where you might have already it I helped

32:08

make it for them and then as I

32:10

said of get get a little bit older

32:13

that really sort of collaborate of collaborative opportunity

32:15

to say where you say, where is the

32:17

agency they get the has here, where is

32:19

the independence they get to express and how

32:21

it how can I support them You know

32:24

to do this or that. I like the

32:26

Illusion of Choice as ah yes illusion of

32:28

Choice to tell my kids. Ah me

32:30

A question from the text line

32:32

is asking how does this translate

32:34

to having adult children still at

32:36

home It's interesting question. do we

32:38

don't have a lot of context

32:41

but in a parenting a child

32:43

and development vs. parenting an adult

32:45

child, they are very different experiences.

32:48

I guess drawing on your first professional experience Shirley,

32:50

how do you see that transition of parenting at

32:52

an adult child is still in the home taking

32:54

place? See, I think probably one is and it.

32:56

and that lends from what we were just talking

32:58

about. Beverley that I think one. Of. The most

33:00

significant areas of challenge is to recognize

33:03

that adult children and hopefully are quite

33:05

independence not only physically but also intends

33:07

to said development of their own morals

33:10

and values and opinions and just that

33:12

real sort of need says the agency

33:14

in the decisions and choices they make

33:17

about their unless and I think sometimes

33:19

living at home longer can make it

33:21

a bit challenging because parents eloise they

33:24

the parents and children will always be

33:26

the children even though they all adults

33:28

living under the same race. So where

33:31

are the boundaries and I'm you know

33:33

on the sorts of conversations that you

33:35

have we some and the set of

33:38

independence and agency they get to have

33:40

with respect to their unless I'm but

33:42

also you know been collaborative under

33:44

the the One race it can be

33:47

challenging I'm going against Way to pennies.

33:49

Welcome to Life matters What you want

33:51

to say about hello. Go

33:54

for it as a thank yards.

33:56

Very privileged to grab on family

33:58

far. As. From an

34:00

early age we had cats and kittens

34:02

and chickens and. That a party before

34:04

we give local nice. That with

34:06

space as as to look after upset

34:09

with article. And then I've got

34:11

mustering with my father. at a

34:13

very early age around chasing cattle and

34:15

learn allies. As. A sign

34:17

for like five seven so very have

34:19

these is able to pass that on

34:21

as the best birthday parties. Were.

34:24

When oh when the boys in fact

34:26

is a Francisco. And I get his

34:28

H boys. Half a kilo

34:30

a snag. Have lunch. Break.

34:32

In the Box and Lexus. And so we'd go

34:35

as much as a headache and I had this affair.

34:37

Own. Memory one

34:39

their own sausage. Garbage. Civil.

34:42

Service. It was very practical

34:44

for the zebra mussels and lives in the

34:46

country and I knew how. To do it,

34:49

but only. Eight years ago

34:51

I had a great as kids a

34:53

soft for saying on the hello can.

34:55

At my son. And. I thought

34:58

this do these experiments saw a guy.

35:00

With and. They since in the Sages. Gave.

35:03

Them all a box of matches and said, right.

35:05

Merrill's. I have a sign lighting

35:08

competition. And I was

35:10

staggered. As. About see

35:12

of the fourteen kids. Actually

35:15

knew had distracted. Match on a

35:17

Box and like society. Staggered.

35:19

Because that was a high number,

35:21

low number stars, lower. Your

35:23

expectations Low Mary's High

35:26

Rises Desire. A

35:28

male not medically butcher Those us have a

35:30

guest Cena and Sin and for says yes.

35:32

But. Isn't practical skills. Mantis still

35:35

has his do three things

35:37

to save their lives. It's.

35:39

Really important than. Really? Wanting

35:41

to raise wilding humans now.

35:44

My. Getting the side of what also

35:46

electronics Earnest Tonight show. You.

35:49

One an interesting story. Penny, thank you

35:51

for sharing Five sons. You must have

35:53

been very busy. For. A good

35:55

period of time or was

35:57

you agree? I would go.

36:00

One more call. Let's go to Jenny in

36:02

bega welcome to less than as Jenny. What

36:04

do you want to say about parenting? Oh.

36:07

Hi Beverley am I.

36:10

I myself this time and I was

36:12

nineteen. Measles of mine Free will. And.

36:15

My So I'm sixty five now.

36:18

So. I'll keep. Experience of childhood

36:20

was really different. From ours. And.

36:23

The oldest. Least a time to They were twenty

36:25

five. But. With our youngest one,

36:28

we actually list the skies when

36:30

he was eighteen. And

36:32

weight lifting, the hiring that bungalow about

36:34

family home and basically just let him

36:36

have to send. Myself.

36:39

And so I was. He would call as

36:41

he say was like a headline. Problem.

36:44

Like a really big issue, but he just

36:46

has to do all the small stuff by

36:48

himself. And. He's matured so much

36:51

more quickly I would say than the

36:53

others in terms of like house training

36:55

and and managing see Moon because I

36:57

if I know that if I'd be

37:00

now I would. Is solved. Always problems

37:02

like I always did. Many little.

37:04

I'm an artist, wasn't there and flight

37:07

out of my lease throat surgery at

37:09

first like yes yes and that is

37:11

it True that. I. Just

37:13

had to force it down. I times of Israel's

37:16

seems that to get on with my last say.

37:18

I'm out as soon as he me

37:20

see needed me. Thought he really does

37:23

needed. To deal with all those little things

37:25

and know he the sky aware, my socks

37:27

and you know how to I quickly. So

37:29

that he just had to do the things I

37:31

did when i was nineteen and less time and

37:33

he to set to learn it and I know

37:35

that if i'd say name of would not have

37:37

been able. To. Stay out of us And. Do

37:40

you think that your what is your son said since

37:42

about that experience and and when he learned from a.

37:45

While he said he does he did see would

37:47

be abandoned but. He

37:50

is completely happy he sign

37:52

on. Said. The the track

37:54

you say was really grateful. Yeah. Yeah,

37:57

Wow. city thank you for that coal

37:59

and that's where. We're gonna leave this

38:01

session of talking about parenting charlotte, cheating in

38:03

the last thirty seconds that we have with

38:05

you. I wonder if you could just share

38:08

of it? A final advice on how we

38:10

can both be easier for it on ourselves

38:12

and our own parents as well. I.

38:15

Think I think you've captured at Beverley

38:17

I think you know it's It is

38:19

really challenging and as we said from

38:21

all the colas today, you know everybody's

38:23

in it together and there's a lot

38:25

of help out there is. You need

38:27

that help but be be kind to

38:29

yourself. Really yeah it be a by

38:31

so doing a very best he can.

38:33

Yes, Absolutely. Doctor Charlotte Cheating on a

38:35

thank you for joining us on life

38:38

matters. Charlotte Cheating is a clinical psychologist

38:40

who works of parents and adolescence and

38:42

we're going to ask, aren't here a

38:44

conversational quandary next. Are

38:46

you an early career Phd researcher?

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Or. Do you know someone who

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is? It's time to apply for

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online. Search for A B C

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Top Five to apply. What

39:22

do you do when you're dropped

39:24

into an overbearing over talking conversation

39:27

situation? An old friend and her

39:29

husband? Let's ask anti and welcome

39:31

to our honorary and he is

39:33

both experienced communicators. The cofounder of

39:35

Media Mentors Denise Eriksson and James

39:37

Finley host of the Regional Drive

39:39

program on eighty South Australia and

39:41

Broken Hill. James to nice Welcome

39:43

back. Glad to have you on

39:45

board Now before we allow. Okay,

39:51

this is all about. Over

39:54

talking big talking and so James

39:56

What's your communication style in a

39:58

face to face. The British were not

40:00

on the radio. which is pals. How do you

40:02

do it. On a

40:05

I'm pretty good at not talking over

40:07

people are which is I think a

40:09

good saw him chief in a while

40:11

I do for jobs I aim I'm

40:13

I. I've been told that I am

40:15

not afraid of conflicts. This I'll miss

40:18

eso I if I will often as

40:20

say how I'm feeling or I I'd

40:22

rather have a problem with that. Somehow

40:24

I feel so good so I'm very

40:26

pleased with my communication. but I'm I'd

40:29

like to think that I'm also very

40:31

good listener have. To think

40:33

that about myself a lot and at the

40:35

knees and your experience how com and a

40:37

problem is over. Talking. I'm

40:40

very common and I have to say

40:42

it's something that I do have to

40:44

manage myself. The. Going because like I

40:47

love a good yeah and if I'm

40:49

really engaged. In the conversation. I

40:51

just wanna teach join a New Year we get

40:53

caught his. Bath. I do

40:55

part of our which up that way

40:57

around or about communication. As a leader

40:59

and how you have to listen. So

41:02

every so often I'm sitting, they

41:04

got what'd you tell? Let great

41:06

blackface listen to yourself As an

41:08

as that, Is very insightful and self

41:11

aware of you Denise, They let's get to

41:13

the dilemma sent to us by Blair and

41:15

you know how we go. We got parts

41:17

of Got Shafted Everybody so buckle up and

41:20

I'll be checking in with the is a

41:22

Blairite. I recently met up for lunch with

41:24

a girlfriend from secondary school along with her

41:26

husband, both of whom I've known for more

41:29

than sixty years. Throughout the four hours together,

41:31

the couple talk to me at the same

41:33

time. It was more of a case of

41:35

the wife's. Oh. Relapsing her husband

41:37

turn at talking, this overlapping conversation was

41:40

new and a huge shock to me.

41:42

The wife we talk louder and louder

41:44

and louder was trying to hear what

41:46

her husband was saying. The fact that

41:49

I was not reacting to the increasing

41:51

volume know that contribute to the crescendo

41:53

But I had asked the husband a

41:55

question and was waiting to hear his

41:58

reply. That. No

42:00

was probably to grab the floor because

42:02

once the floor with one the volume

42:04

was reduced to a comfortable level. Suspects

42:07

right? diminished or something. Almost too slow

42:09

at times. I was wondering. I wondered

42:11

about putting my hand up in a

42:13

stop signal or even Us signals. Okay

42:15

that where does pausing here with as

42:17

lots more to come but Denise was

42:20

jumping out of here. Oh

42:22

my goodness, it's rather bizarre. to

42:24

be honest. It's. A much more may

42:27

have battling their kids that his he

42:29

says a girlfriend of in of from

42:31

school yeah sort of thing to grab

42:33

the my ds and or and i

42:35

think that's more of the issues and

42:37

is is around. Are you talking

42:39

louder? And louder. Ah America, that

42:42

is so road and Ansari are.

42:44

I just can't deal with sets

42:46

of the. Stuff says sorry I

42:48

think that's a me, are us or.

42:50

I also wonder how much age is

42:52

planning a pass a man you know

42:54

because with their was we get older

42:57

was hinge name sick a man and

42:59

then a house over talk you Denise

43:01

Incomes his name suggests him. Up

43:05

for has quick. Got sick on the situation.

43:07

And will look I have to

43:09

agree with a disease and him

43:11

very quickly and saying that up

43:13

our meeting questioning the dynamics of

43:15

the relationship is this couple of

43:17

how much respect as their physicists

43:20

months over talking I'm but I

43:22

think we're going to find out

43:24

what will y por Blair's so

43:26

hesitant to interrupt or direct the

43:28

conversation but my my first thought

43:30

saw I think we need to

43:32

do a bit as you know

43:34

directing all's who's talking when please

43:36

on him. I know if I

43:38

have two people talking to me at once I

43:41

just got ah this is this is too much

43:43

please One at a time some traffic direction is

43:45

neither. That's a less that we go Celaire. Is

43:47

coming back to us with more. So

43:49

let's continue on with the saga. Blair

43:52

continues to say other changes in my

43:54

girlfriend's behavior of recent times make me

43:56

realize that there is a factor of.

43:59

Age Opera. Ing after all

44:01

our personalities change. Over the years.

44:04

The lunch date was so unpleasant it

44:06

has made me rethink my intention to

44:08

return to my home state to live

44:10

because then I could. Not put

44:12

sufficient distance between us. I

44:14

have. Very few friends after losing a

44:16

dear friend recently. but growing up I

44:19

spent years of my own and so

44:21

recluse is not too desperate a seat

44:23

as it might sound. Coincidentally, I had

44:25

a similar situation with a couple I

44:27

barely knew a few years ago and

44:30

coke so badly that I avoided seeing

44:32

them again. Okay James, a many come

44:34

to you. First. Ah, Wow.

44:38

Ah, there's a lot, didn't lot of

44:40

context they're that Blair is adding over

44:42

at maybe some Ptsd about. Over

44:44

talking couples? A yeah sounds like

44:46

it. but also Blair: Are we

44:49

to testify? zing the situation? See

44:51

us or by saying that it

44:53

might change. Your. movements your

44:55

heart as. A Big. That's a big Yeah, That's

44:57

it. Quite a big. Leap for the mean Are

44:59

we being for masses? I

45:02

don't see every for my. Mother

45:05

of yeah, exactly. So much see

45:07

tap go from your right to go

45:09

from like over talking conversation to rethinking

45:11

my entire life path but sleds more

45:13

from Blair. Let's let's march on T

45:15

and let's go on. And he's a

45:17

case of Blair Says I do not

45:19

want a repeat of the experience of

45:21

my school friend. Friendship is not worth.

45:24

That. For me on, I'm an

45:26

introvert of longstanding. Ironically,

45:28

human communication is my work

45:31

specialization, but in all my

45:33

training I've never stuff struck

45:36

this most challenging of communication

45:38

styles. Any ideas? brains? crust?

45:41

Okay. wow, that was a

45:43

spanner. In the works to a

45:45

communication with experts. Way to resist.

45:48

I mean seriously, I'm sorry, but if

45:50

I'm at a table at lunch or

45:52

a farm in a room full of

45:54

professional, pay for my bike says. You

45:57

have to take control of the situation. It's

45:59

it's it's it's. Knowing you that march

46:01

you need to be added to to

46:03

say is something as simple and looks.

46:05

Are you to? He joined the he

46:07

then attacked him as L Thanks was talking

46:10

over each other. To really serious?

46:12

see my? Have you ever been in

46:14

a situation where someone over talks like

46:16

the way. Blair has Yeah, yeah,

46:18

absolutely. And I've even been a

46:20

situation where I've said i can't

46:23

hang on, Stop. Or

46:25

I asked fix this. Can.

46:27

Yes to continue to molest. Let them go

46:29

first and then I can hear what you're

46:31

saying and for have a bent. Over.

46:33

Because ah, if you're not self aware enough

46:35

to realize you're talking over somebody you might

46:38

not take. That's a well. More

46:40

as it's if someone so confident they

46:42

want to over talk over everyone else

46:44

at I think they're gonna be okay

46:46

with a bit of let's let's hold

46:48

the conversation from is a little bit

46:50

less. Get a you know if? I

46:53

also think there's something of a power

46:55

imbalance going on the ice sets for

46:57

I felt when I was listening again

46:59

to Blaze to London it sounds through

47:01

May and he said i think that

47:03

a noninvasive sixty years but he just

47:05

call her a girlfriend. From secondary

47:07

schools. Audio player when

47:09

I see us as a player might

47:12

be a C. O

47:14

change things for you. Know

47:18

because I should point society and

47:20

a sense of fairness saying like.

47:23

Deal with it. I mean look like

47:25

there are ways. As a support system,

47:27

let's do some I could ever talk for

47:30

a second. Blair is. Not. Dealing with it

47:32

like there's some sort. It was a

47:34

very that was a very thoughtful

47:36

thing have made a size that

47:38

I wonder whether she actually wants

47:40

his friendship and our it was

47:42

that pussy tool for lot about

47:45

being have a close and I

47:47

totally get that even are not

47:49

or were close and couldn't live

47:51

lot bomb spat it is either

47:53

my it feels like she's retreating

47:55

and here's Sharon. I'm no psychologist

47:58

or psychiatrist. Such as. Not

48:00

using less as a raise in the to

48:03

get out. of the friendship and I

48:05

think that if Iraq is she doesn't

48:07

feel confident back dealing with it at

48:09

the table. then. Go. Out

48:11

with a girlfriend from school separately.

48:13

one on one. you thought as

48:15

to have these lancet but you

48:17

can still be friends with your

48:20

friend. I

48:22

mean, Blair's worried about losing contact

48:24

with friends, james, and and has

48:26

that? I mean a valid worry.

48:28

but like. The How much of a

48:30

good friendship does this sound like to. Be Kim

48:32

who has been the situation and will

48:35

are gonna agree with Denise. you gotta

48:37

try if it's if these if you

48:39

don't feel comfortable enough Blair to start

48:42

and directed conversations and he said i'm

48:44

bev traffic light the whole scenarios then

48:46

maybe try and ask for some solo

48:49

one states as done he said you

48:51

don't have to be there with both

48:53

of them over time and if. Your.

48:56

Friend still not listening to you

48:58

about those things. Those.

49:00

Aspects of your friendship. Ah,

49:02

is this friendship. Worth holding

49:05

on to. Have been on listening to how

49:07

you feel about was in situations. To nice

49:09

if we can even step back a little

49:11

bit In our blair clearly wants to have

49:13

friends and so may be look that maybe

49:15

the situation. With a friend of the overt over

49:17

talking find a husband might not be ideal. Ah,

49:20

I'm what were some ways where Blair

49:22

can actually connect with other people, inform

49:24

you, friendships, places, they're a bit of

49:27

an introvert all that kind of thing.

49:29

But have you gotten any advice and

49:31

getting out? And. Finding other place sources of

49:33

her hair? yeah, I. Since. They are

49:36

censored age causes. Us array of value,

49:38

friendship, some type of things that we

49:40

want out of friendships and I know

49:42

I've done that a lot city their

49:44

friendship by the sixty years as Islam

49:46

is and I love that idea of

49:48

also discovered that is quite knew this

49:50

guy quite things that you can do

49:52

I painted Maisie taps have been support

49:54

crops or paint all sorts of different.

49:56

Places and you know what I

49:58

sound. I love my. My friendship

50:00

quite some probably twenty years younger the

50:03

may now which is really interesting because

50:05

I get they ass may go out.

50:07

I'm not one of these said out

50:09

loud to the says that we go

50:12

to movies together and we hang out

50:14

we haven't Time is different conversations his

50:16

eyes the I have with my old

50:19

friends some a lot. You. Know

50:21

it's like different friendship groups the

50:23

more he had been experience because

50:25

I'd stop signs friendships mans sometimes

50:27

for the worse. And. Say I

50:29

think I have a just as ideas but

50:31

let's say just for the moment I'm going

50:33

to give each of you may be thirty

50:36

seconds. James, you are Blair and you're sitting

50:38

in that cafe for four hours. With

50:40

the friends The Sixty Years. Standing And this is happening.

50:42

What do you say? I'm

50:44

saying. Please. I

50:47

asked x this place stuff. Places

50:50

to go the upon I would even bring

50:52

that up I was ah I what you're

50:54

talking over your partner little bit I'm can

50:56

you just please take one one of the

50:58

time I can I I'm I'm a recluse.

51:00

I can only do with non smoking to

51:02

be added time. This is very overwhelming. Or

51:04

this is that's James Finley the them the

51:07

man who has been told he has very

51:09

confrontational. Cyprus? they can

51:11

you tell. You about whether we're but

51:13

that conflicts I love it. seems clarity is a beautiful

51:15

thing As a nice it's your turn to be Blair.

51:17

What Do you do? I

51:19

protect my friend aside and have a little

51:22

chat with the one on last time of

51:24

year as a certain sense for that long

51:26

gone has a coffee with and say my

51:28

loving it a bit. Really want to hang

51:30

out with he boats and add to Sam's

51:33

with your partner or yeah when the three

51:35

of us around the type of Isis find

51:37

it so hard. He is mine pulling

51:39

at best a bit is actually his

51:41

I can't say please add cements Was

51:44

hair not with says husband and my

51:46

disorders which allows Very well spotted and

51:48

that's why you two are on the

51:50

aren't He's Wise Panel of elders are

51:52

James Finley, the host of Regional Drive

51:55

On A B C, South Australia and

51:57

Broken Hill Deniers X and Cassandra media

51:59

mentors. Thank you both so much!

52:01

If you've got a problem for the

52:03

and he's right it up, email it

52:06

to Life Matters at abc.net.a You put

52:08

ask anti in the subject line and

52:10

will be able to find it. A

52:13

few of your text messages coming in

52:15

on this ask aren't he that Blair

52:17

he said with Us Markets takes it

52:20

into say Blair need to ask and

52:22

assertiveness expert for advice Another Texas as

52:24

I'm with Blair. If you're a bit

52:26

of an introvert, being talked at can

52:29

be physically emotionally and mentally exhausting. Time

52:31

limited to one to one meetings are

52:33

sometimes the only way, and Helen says

52:36

life matters. Here's. My advice

52:38

lie say that you have hearing

52:40

problems and you can only listen

52:42

to one person at a time.

52:44

It's ah, going back to our

52:46

parenting conversation with daughter Charlotte cheating

52:48

and the parenting lessons that you

52:50

would keep or throw out from

52:53

your own parents. On the Facebook

52:55

on the Facebook on Radio Vessels

52:57

Facebook page Terry says I threw

52:59

it all out and then I

53:01

read and read and read. We

53:03

all did pretty well. so I

53:05

enjoyed my kids childhood parenting. Was

53:08

a privilege and treat. Angela says staying

53:10

in Pj's all day was a big

53:12

no no. Although I prefer my kids

53:14

to be up in about, shout and

53:17

dress, I understand that Pj days are

53:19

good for the soul and Jackie says

53:21

I learned everything I know about parenting

53:23

from my mother. I just ask myself,

53:26

what would my mother do and did

53:28

the opposite. And from the text line

53:30

Kate says good parenting is bring up

53:32

your children to be independent. Productive

53:35

human. Beings.

53:37

A big thank you to Life Matters

53:39

producers who bring you all the stories

53:41

in interviews that you hear across the

53:44

week. They are backstage at Michelle Weeks

53:46

net ten it guy Kurth I'm Eric

53:48

of or Tracy trolls and poor at

53:50

Raj Kumar our eggs are acting executive

53:52

producer is highly crane are audio engineer

53:54

is seemed James and remember you can

53:56

find all of Life Matters episodes on

53:58

the A B C. The Snap Just

54:00

download that if you haven't got it already.

54:02

Search for life matters to the heart to

54:05

follow. You will be all set to listen

54:07

to lie centers in your own time. On

54:09

there for the way Thank you so much.

54:11

Really close and messages old said she next

54:13

time. You.

54:27

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54:29

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