0:01

Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hi?

0:03

What is going on?

0:06

Not too much, just loving the fall weather.

0:09

You've been traveling all over though. Where are you headed?

0:12

Well? I'm performing in Milwaukee on Friday night,

0:14

and then I have two shows in Chicago Saturday,

0:16

Sunday, Milwaukee Sat.

0:19

And Friday night. And then where

0:22

is that? What's the theater? Oh, Bradley's Symphony

0:24

Center, and then the Chicago Theater Saturday

0:27

and Sunday night. Oh shit, and then another

0:29

show Sunday night. But that's sold out. Chicago

0:31

first show is sold out. We have tickets available

0:33

for Saturday

0:36

night, October twenty eighth, and tickets available

0:38

for Milwaukee Thursday night, October

0:40

twenty six I am

0:43

in New York City waiting for

0:45

I just had to get some more knee surgery. I had to get

0:47

my hat cleaned out, so I am off the pills.

0:50

I had a two day party, pill party,

0:52

and then I have to throw them. Well, I don't throw them

0:54

away because they're gone. They're gone after two days.

0:57

And that's how any

0:59

excuse to be put under? Yeah,

1:01

and he excuse to be put under. But my doctor

1:03

said, this will allow me afford me the ability

1:06

to ski without pain because

1:08

my knee has really been acting since my

1:10

worka so I'm going to either get my leg

1:13

removed and replaced. I'm

1:15

waiting for them to come out with some sort of knee

1:17

enhancement replacement thing

1:19

where you don't even have to get surgery but be

1:21

put under obviously. Yeah, I just think

1:23

it's a matter of months before they have

1:25

some new technology or AI comes

1:28

up with a new knee or something. Yeah,

1:30

you know. So anyway, we have one

1:32

of my childhood crushes on today mine

1:34

too. His name is John Stamos.

1:37

I'm very excited about today. I know he has a

1:39

new book out. What is it called?

1:41

It is called if You would Have Told Me?

1:44

If you would Have Told Me? Okay, well, we're

1:46

going to see what he is going to tell us because

1:49

there's a lot of juicy stuff in that book. So

1:51

he did tell us a lot of things. A lot of celebrity

1:53

books coming out lately with a lot of insight

1:55

and inside scoop. He is a three

1:58

time Emmy Award

1:59

No TV Film and Theater

2:01

actor and his memoir is called If You would

2:04

Have Told Me, and it's out this week. Please welcome John

2:06

Stamos. How are you, honey?

2:08

Pretty good.

2:09

Yeah. John Stamos is in the house. Everybody,

2:11

John my childhood crush. I loved you

2:13

so much when I was talking about you. I mean not to say

2:15

I don't love you now, I mean you're very attractive.

2:17

So I'm getting old. Well we all are I

2:19

love I have a crush

2:22

on you, oh, because you're smart and you're beautiful

2:24

and I love Remember when I was on your other show.

2:26

Yeah, a bit, I've interviewed you before.

2:28

Are you doing good? You look great?

2:29

Oh?

2:30

Yeah, thank you. You talk about being happy

2:32

now and stuff that makes me happy.

2:33

Oh are you happy?

2:34

I am?

2:35

Yeah? You know what what? I was reading your

2:37

book? You guys, Yeah, yes, of

2:39

course. The book is called if you would have told

2:41

me it's out this week, it's John Stamos's

2:43

it's your first.

2:44

Book, yes, right, yeah, I want to talk to you about

2:46

the process, because.

2:47

Well, what do you want to talk about? Let's get started.

2:49

How was it?

2:50

I like, I mean, listen, it's a very different

2:52

medium than everything that you're probably used

2:55

to. So if this is your first book, I can understand

2:57

you probably feel a little bit overwhelmed, right.

2:59

Yeah, I was. I feel good

3:01

now that it's done. But then no, no, we have to gotten.

3:03

You don't have to gotten sell it.

3:05

Sell it and promote it, and that is a

3:07

different beast. But you know what I find that is

3:09

nice and refreshing about books. And maybe you can

3:12

think about this while you're promoting it. It's like you're

3:14

not promoting a project that you're

3:16

not completely responsible for. It's

3:18

your story, right, so they're your truths

3:21

and then you get to just talk about yourself in the

3:23

most kind of I feel like, most

3:25

organic way, rather than promoting a show

3:27

or a movie.

3:28

You're right, Yeah, it has been interesting that the interviews

3:31

I've done so far, especially the doing this long

3:33

form, because you can really get into because

3:35

there's a lot of you know, intricate stuff

3:37

in the book and ups and down and toffic. But

3:39

to do it, you know, do a quick pop on it.

3:41

It's difficult, right, yes, absolutely,

3:44

but you want to get people interested enough to buy

3:46

it. Listen, there's a lot of interesting stuff

3:49

in this book.

3:49

And can I ask you a question, So therapies

3:52

you've been that's your Do you think.

3:53

You're interviewing me right now?

3:54

Is that what you're not trying to I just I'm fascinated

3:57

by you always, and I like to ask questions.

3:58

I went to therapy for about two years,

4:01

intense therapy with the sky Dan Siegel, and

4:03

it changed my I mean it took a while. Like if

4:06

someone said, oh, therapy was going to take two years and then

4:08

probably two years of absorbing what

4:10

you learned in therapy, I would have been like, that's

4:12

too fucking long, like fuck it. But

4:15

I went in before I knew how long it was

4:17

going to take, and so it was like.

4:19

You think it was a couple a couple of a couple

4:21

of seconds.

4:21

Yeah, I think. I thought I'm pretty smart, like

4:23

I'll get this quickly. And then as

4:26

soon as you get deeper, have you are you in therapy?

4:28

Yeah? Yeah, I talk about in the book to this guy Phil Stutz,

4:30

who's sort of a famous Oh yeah.

4:32

Stuts, the one that they did the documentary.

4:34

Was right, Yeah, okay, I

4:36

was going to way before. I think it was

4:38

like twelve years ago. I can't remember who sent me there.

4:40

Maybe I had saga go I

4:43

said, we can't be friends anymore until you go to therapy. Oh

4:45

yeah, he was. He was there till

4:47

he died. How he still owes film money? Phil told

4:49

me he said he didn't pay for his last session.

4:51

Well, he doesn't need the money.

4:53

So it helped you.

4:53

Then it helped me, Yes, it helped me immensely.

4:56

It helped me with my self awareness. It helped me understand

4:58

the way that I the vibes I'm giving off

5:01

if my personality was coming

5:03

before any sort of thoughtfulness. So

5:05

now I'm a little bit more thoughtful and careful

5:08

with my personality rather than throwing

5:10

it out there. It's not necessary for

5:12

me to insert myself all the time.

5:14

Mike, I said, you've already chimed

5:17

the world. Stop. You don't have to do anymore. Just sit back and

5:19

you know, yes, stuff trying is hard. Maybe that's you.

5:21

Well we get I think we get interesting

5:23

conversation because I think we get very wrapped

5:26

up in who we.

5:27

Think we are and who we think they want

5:30

us to be. Yes, yeah, I had that a

5:32

lot too, you know, just coming under the scene,

5:34

you know, being a teen idol, and then you

5:36

know some sort of you know guy which wasn't

5:39

me, like, you know, and I'd go on Howard Stern

5:41

or Jamie Kimmel or all these shows, and I gas, oh, you're

5:43

a playboy. Tell me about all the girls you fucked I'm like, oh,

5:46

yeah, doesn't did that none of it? It was true,

5:48

but I felt I had to be that guy for that, which

5:51

is when I and they didn't. It wasn't their fault.

5:53

I played into it. But once I let that

5:55

go, and it's just hard to trust yourself that you're

5:57

good enough and you're interesting enough,

6:00

and they're charming enough, right just to sit and talk. And

6:02

I didn't like I went into growing

6:04

up kicking and screaming. I just barely

6:06

made it too. I just didn't want to because it just seemed

6:09

boring to me and it really

6:11

required sober up to But it's

6:14

you know, it's been the greatest. I've just turned sixty.

6:17

Oh my god. Really, yeah,

6:19

that's amazing.

6:20

Well look I'm tired of that.

6:21

But you know it's okay, I'm

6:24

forty.

6:25

We're gonna have a big birthday.

6:26

Well in two years. I mean, yeah, I

6:28

gotta start planning it now if I'm going to have the right kind

6:30

of birthday party. I just want everyone to know that

6:33

I offered John an edible before this interview started,

6:35

because I forgot he was sober, and this

6:37

is a big problem with me as well. Back

6:39

to the therapy thing, real quick. One of the things I learned,

6:41

which is interesting what you're saying, is, you

6:43

know, I always thought I had to be

6:46

the center, like the excitement of a dinner

6:48

party or like the entertainment

6:50

for everybody. Like I thought that's what people expected

6:53

of me, that I had to go to every dinner party

6:55

and just be the funniest person there. And

6:57

if there was another funny person there, I was

6:59

so relieved. I was like, let them do it. But

7:02

everyone is so insecure about their own funny

7:04

that people would look to me and be like, no, you go,

7:06

you do it, and I'll you know. So it

7:09

became this weird cycle of like you

7:11

impress upon yourself what you assume

7:13

people are expecting of you, when really

7:17

maybe not everybody's expecting any of that.

7:19

No, And then they go to Chelsea's she got to calm down,

7:22

calm down, you know, say with me, I thought

7:24

I was had to be that, and I, you know,

7:26

drinking too, I thought I gotta be, you know, so I

7:28

can be funny and sharp. People

7:31

see, you know, it's fuzzy, is what they saw.

7:33

Yeah. I bet you feel that too, because you know

7:35

you're you are people see you on TV and you're

7:37

funny, and you're sharp and you're very smart

7:39

too. I think that's what impresses

7:42

me most about you.

7:43

Well, thank you. I appreciate you lost you.

7:45

I know you lost your brother when

7:47

you're young and abandonment issues. But

7:49

then there was another really sweet brother who I met

7:51

on your show.

7:52

Is he still yeah, Roy

7:54

is the best, He's the sweetest. I will

7:57

he'll love that he still

7:59

y passed?

8:00

Did he really?

8:00

Yeah?

8:01

Yeah, but I mean I'll see you're doing great.

8:03

By the way, I'll see.

8:04

Him in the afterlife anyway. You know how

8:06

when did he die a couple of years ago?

8:08

Yeah? He was sweet, right, Yeah, he was a sweetheart.

8:11

One of the things that I was reading about in your book

8:13

that I took issue with is your love of Disneyland

8:16

and disney World.

8:17

Well I find that annoying, right, Yeah,

8:20

to be honest with you, I was, I was over it.

8:22

I was done. And then I met

8:25

my wife and he's like me back in you

8:27

know last night.

8:28

Your wife loves disney World? Yea, and

8:31

she and so what was the period of

8:33

time you were able to stay away from disney World or

8:35

Disneyland a couple weeks?

8:38

It was a couple It was a while, I was just it was

8:41

enough already, I thought, you know, honestly, but

8:43

last night this.

8:44

Why were you spending so much time there?

8:45

In the first it was have

8:48

you been?

8:49

Yeah? I was.

8:50

I was there honestly, like towards like

8:52

before I sobered up for ten years. It was kind of fun to go and

8:54

get drunk there, you know, And there was a.

8:56

It was dry. It was dry for a long

8:58

time time in the world. They didn't have any alcohol

9:01

there at.

9:01

The at the Magic Kingdom, Catherine Magic

9:03

Kingdom they don't, but but Epcot they

9:05

have. You'd have beers across the world.

9:09

But no. I did get over because it's

9:11

when you walk to those gates the rest of the world goes

9:13

away and it's just a it's

9:15

you have. It's a happy place to be.

9:17

That's how I feel about the Playboy. Man.

9:18

You it used to be the last night.

9:21

So I'm leaving town. I'm so busy with all this

9:23

book stuff. And my wife says, and we do this once

9:25

in a while. I was like, I got a surprise. We're going on date night

9:27

tonight. This is the last night. I said, great, where

9:29

is it? I can't tell you, you know, I said, O, yeah,

9:31

I don't have a lot of time, but I want to at least

9:34

spend one good night with you before we go. And

9:36

so I said, what do I wear? Said? Boots? Boots

9:38

are good. What else? Well, that's good

9:40

what you have on? I said, is it a hike?

9:43

Is it outdoors? It might be my not you

9:45

know. So we get so we're driving

9:47

a by Pasadena. We're going up to this neighborhood

9:50

house and there's no parking. I said, what's the date

9:52

night? You and need to what's a Disney

9:54

party? And there's a couple of Disney

9:57

legends that are going to be there and a hundred

9:59

other Disney any geek fans that you're gonna

10:01

take pictures? I said, this

10:04

is date night? And it was that nice

10:06

people. But you know, I said, every

10:08

selfie I take you give me a hand job?

10:11

And did she did?

10:12

She?

10:12

Yeah? It was about eight hundred.

10:13

Yeah, when is she going to start giving

10:16

you the hand job?

10:16

I should have Scott something better? Huh probably,

10:19

So, I don't know, but she loves

10:21

it. I'm you know, I'm.

10:23

Just happy you're in a happy relationship. You know what I mean?

10:26

If you have to give a bunch of hand jobs and go to a bunch of Disney

10:28

events.

10:28

I don't have to give that hand Oh no.

10:30

I mean if you have to get sorry to get a bunch

10:32

of hand jobs and go to a bunch of Disney events, then that's

10:34

the bed you made, and now you're to lie in it.

10:36

You're right now. You can I ask you about this, Joe

10:38

Koy, because I.

10:40

Love that you think you're fucking interviewing.

10:43

I'm just I'm interested.

10:44

I have a series of questions I want to ask you already.

10:47

I thought it was going to be the greatest thing

10:49

ever to you. I was so happy for for you. I didn't

10:51

know him much. But and then, but do

10:53

you feel like if you fall in love again, you kind

10:56

of keep it quiet for a couple of years.

10:57

Probably you know. I don't need to learn that lesson

11:00

twice. Although I didn't even listen. To

11:02

be very honest, I don't feel regret or

11:04

a rootful towards the way that I behaved publicly

11:07

with him. I think that was a very good exercise

11:09

for me, and it was nice for other people

11:11

to see that side of me, because

11:13

I've.

11:13

Never been soft.

11:14

It was a softer show, very.

11:15

Like publicly in love before, so I don't

11:17

really regret that, even though I probably wouldn't

11:20

choose to operate like that again, you know what I mean,

11:22

because it's like, you know, who needs to It's

11:24

almost very like teenager ish.

11:26

But that's how it was cute. It was a thing.

11:30

It just felt so bad.

11:32

But it's okay. I mean, just a relationships end,

11:34

you know, and you learn from them, and and I

11:36

think that the most important thing to do

11:38

as we get older is to remember

11:40

not to villainize or demonize the people

11:43

who've left our lives and actually look at them

11:45

and say, you know what, what did that person bring

11:47

out in me? That someone that I hadn't been brought out

11:49

in me before? So I

11:51

think that's okay.

11:52

I have like I think before taking top.

11:54

Off, because John's turning me on.

11:57

Okay, I think before I wrote this book,

11:59

I would say, oh, I have regrets. Yeah, this I didn't.

12:01

I got dumped, I got cheated on a man, And

12:04

after writing I were like, no, that's like what you said,

12:07

Like, if I didn't have those heartbreaks

12:09

that happened, I wouldn't have known how to

12:11

be right for my marriage.

12:13

Now, well you're yeah, because especially

12:15

because you were married to Rebecca Romaine first before

12:17

your current wife, and you talk about

12:19

that in the book, and you talk about your therapist

12:22

and that marriage ending right

12:25

and your therapist basically telling you

12:27

that you weren't ready to be with the

12:29

one and that you had a lot of work to do,

12:31

right, So what were those conversations like.

12:33

Well, it was more it was more about it was heartbreaking

12:36

and I didn't want it to end. And you know, I always

12:38

thought have kids and a thing and

12:41

you know, fairy tale ending. And when it did, it

12:43

ripped me apart. And I was angry for

12:45

many years, too angry, and.

12:47

It wasn't her or angry at the situation.

12:49

Well her, you know, as I learned. So

12:51

I had the first chapter I wrote

12:53

was I thought I'd take the hardest ones

12:56

and I wrote about this terrible the low point

12:58

in my life. I had this dui and I

13:00

was driving drunkers drive around Beverly Hills, and I

13:03

went to rehab and I think it was there

13:05

where I discovered, like, so the

13:07

steps you probably know something. The fourth step

13:09

is your resentments. So

13:12

I was like, she did this to me, she did that,

13:14

And I'm making this long list and the sponsors.

13:17

Have you done I said, noff,

13:20

and then he goes, so, what part did you play

13:22

in that? I said, what do you mean? What none? It

13:25

might have played, even if it's one percent. And I

13:27

started writing and say, oh, yeah, yeah.

13:29

And it was the first time I really was honest about

13:31

it. And I had just as much to

13:33

do with the end of our marriage as she did,

13:35

so you know, you.

13:37

Learn, yeah, yeah, what was that

13:39

last thing that broke the like the last

13:41

straw that broke the camel's back in the marriage?

13:43

I started to get emasculated, and I don't know

13:45

how much of it was her fault or how much was

13:47

mine, but I felt the relationship

13:49

just was like she was here and I was down here and I was, oh, you're

13:52

on TV. I'm and it just was

13:54

not good. And we split up for a

13:56

while and we got back together and it was there

13:58

was a lot of rules just didn't work,

14:01

and I just said, this is not working, you know, and

14:03

we walked away. But I have never

14:05

seen her since.

14:06

But have you never spoken to her since?

14:09

The last time I talked to her was in this But

14:11

thank god, because I did more

14:14

about myself, like I'm not gonna go I would never

14:16

go into a relationship the same way, and

14:18

thank god I didn't when Caitlyn came around.

14:20

Right, And so how did you what

14:22

tools did you have or like that you developed

14:24

over the years that made you be able to

14:27

like start in a healthy way this relationship

14:30

or healthier.

14:31

Yeah, for sure. I mean I knew

14:33

that I wanted to. I could get by for so

14:35

many years with fifty percent more

14:37

than most people sixty percent maybe in

14:40

anything work. And I

14:42

was just always afraid to give a hundred because if you failed,

14:44

then you're then Wow, you gave it as all and you

14:46

failed. So with the relationships,

14:48

I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna throw everything

14:50

I'm gonna be and if it doesn't work, at least

14:52

I know how to do that right.

14:55

Sober and loyal and honest

14:58

and all the stuff it and it

15:00

it worked. Does that make sense?

15:02

Yeah, I mean it makes sense. How many

15:04

years have you been sober?

15:06

Close to eight?

15:07

Eight years? Okay, So would you consider that

15:09

newly sober? No?

15:11

I was, you know, I was drinking

15:13

into my fifties and it just it was just

15:15

time.

15:15

Well, you talk. You have a lot of examples in the Book

15:18

of Times where you I mean you don't make yourself

15:20

look good in this book and a lot of areas, and I actually

15:22

appreciate that because I also like to be honest.

15:24

You it's very important to be honest and not to gloss

15:27

over like and pretend like you've got your crushing it all

15:29

the time.

15:29

I started out that way. I was like, I'm going to write

15:32

a hero book. And I started writing like this is sex pullshit,

15:34

and it turned into a phuman you know, it was a human story

15:37

because again, like I never wanted.

15:39

I never thought i'd write a book. It wasn't in my thing.

15:41

I didn't think I was sharp enough. And friends

15:43

of mine that were writing, but how do you do it? Why

15:45

do you even start it? I just didn't get it, didn't get

15:47

it. And then when Bob died, I wrote

15:50

a beautiful obituary kind of thing in La

15:52

Times. I remember, and so people say, oh, you're

15:54

a good writer. And I had a kid too, and I said, okay,

15:56

so now I'm a father. What was that like? And I just kept

15:58

saying no, And then I really thought about leaving

16:01

something behind for him, A love letter to all

16:03

the beautiful people that have come in and out of my life,

16:05

to my wife, and I've had a lot of mentors over the years

16:07

that I wanted to talk about. But then the

16:10

clutch was that I found I knew I had them, but

16:12

I dug up all these letters that my mom left me, these

16:15

little notes that she would leave me and my sisters. I said,

16:17

Okay, that's a good place to start. Yeah,

16:20

did your mom pass away?

16:21

Yeah, my mom and my dad are both Dad I'm an orphan.

16:23

I just have my brothers and sisters.

16:25

It's a lot five or so.

16:26

Yeah, there's enough of us to go around. Plus we have

16:28

eight nieces and nephews, so there's like, you

16:30

know, we have a big family and all of

16:33

them are married or have girlfriends. And then we have like ten

16:35

cousins that live in LA so we just well

16:38

not ten, but I say ten as a round number, but

16:40

there's eight anyway.

16:41

Who lives at your house?

16:42

Now?

16:42

Do you have any I'm.

16:43

Actually living with No, I'm waiting for

16:45

my house to be built, and I am living

16:47

with my neighbor. So talk to me

16:49

about being like a father.

16:51

This is something I always wanted, and through the book,

16:53

I was trying to find, like you do, like try to find as many relatable

16:57

issues you know, it's like, how many people can relate tonight and play

16:59

with the beach boys people?

17:00

But well, you bring up another topic

17:03

beach boys. You learn transcendental meditation with

17:05

beach boys, right, because you drum for the beach boys. I

17:08

don't do TM. I do regular meditation, but I know a

17:10

lot of people who do TM. What Yeah,

17:12

Howard does it for sure? How do you? How

17:14

would you.

17:14

Describe it TM?

17:16

Yeah?

17:16

You know it's meditate twice twenty minutes. I'm

17:19

not very good at it any more. I mean, I don't keep up with it as

17:21

much as they should. But even just to sit for twenty minutes,

17:23

and you say this mantra over over again, one

17:25

own mind.

17:26

Yeah, well you're not supposed to tell your mantra so

17:28

that much. I know.

17:30

I got it, Catherine, You're doing great, brother way.

17:32

Oh think I'm just enjoying the conversation.

17:34

Well, so, wait, so I wanted to come up with relatable

17:36

things. Oh this is the point was that it

17:39

had something to do with sex. Gosh darn it.

17:41

What was it that you want to have sex with

17:43

me?

17:44

I want it? I want it. Well,

17:46

hey, honey, we're going date night? Where

17:49

is it going to be we'll be at your house. Yeah, okay,

17:51

And she was so mad because I wouldn't take a tour of the house.

17:53

Is about this. It was Disney's house, lived there for a little

17:55

while, but it wasn't very big. And she's like, come

17:57

on, let's go on this tour.

17:58

But I want to know what you do

18:01

for four hours when you go to Walt Disney's

18:03

house before the tour.

18:04

What's selfies with everybody there?

18:06

Oh?

18:06

Really?

18:07

Do you hate taking selfies? No?

18:08

I don't mind.

18:09

No, no, no, I don't mind it either.

18:10

I want it's easier than signing autographs. And I

18:12

heard you talking about like, you know, you spell

18:15

a certain name and that's not how I spelled it. That's

18:18

not my my mom mom spelled it wrong.

18:20

Yeah yeah yeah. I once had a girl name like

18:22

it was Lafourtia, but she spelled it Lafourtia

18:26

out of book signing. This happened. She said

18:28

her name was Lafortia, but with the number four,

18:30

so la apostrophe four

18:33

and then s H A E. And I was like, that can't

18:35

be on your license like a regular spelling.

18:40

So that's what I was like, Oh, fuck, I better be. You

18:42

have to ask when you're doing. You always

18:44

go like if it's if it's you know, Kate

18:47

the normal way, is it? Kate ka y

18:49

t?

18:50

Yeah? Yeah, I hate that.

18:51

You're also going to get carpal tunnel syndrome.

18:53

I writing because I've been signing.

18:55

But wait, we were talking about sex. I was trying

18:57

to find relatable stuff. I was talking about

19:00

having a kid, right.

19:00

Okay, that you have to have sex to have a kid. Yeah,

19:03

you do. Yeah.

19:05

I was trying to find where's

19:07

the last time he had six?

19:08

It's been a few months for

19:11

me.

19:11

Yeah, we know.

19:13

Somebody in London?

19:16

Yeah, I was.

19:16

I was on vacation, so I usually get most of my action

19:18

overseas.

19:19

Was it somebody who's met.

19:21

At a bar?

19:22

Yeah?

19:23

Wow.

19:24

I like that kind of interaction.

19:26

When I was single, And if I saw you at a bar in London.

19:28

First of all, be these guys are not intimidated

19:30

by you.

19:30

Men are intimidated by me, and a lot of them cannot perform.

19:33

Is it the glasses do you think?

19:34

No, I don't wear my glasses when I'm out. Those are only for today.

19:36

Because I was reading, men are intimidated

19:39

that how do you mean? And and it see and it

19:41

plays out like they have trouble performing

19:43

sexually. So a lot of times I will

19:45

be out with a man and you know, we're

19:47

at a bar or something, or at a club.

19:49

I mean not that I'm a clubber, but like when I'm in London,

19:52

I go out. When I'm in Spain, I'm out and I'll

19:54

be like, do you want to come back to my house? And then we get back to

19:56

my house and they cannot perform sexually. This

19:58

is a constant in my life and

20:01

it's obviously my personality, and men

20:03

are just either scared or turned

20:05

off or I don't know, But why would they

20:07

come back to my house if they weren't going to be able to perform?

20:10

I don't get that.

20:11

There're the wrong guys, these guys.

20:12

Yeah, So I just keep auditioning different people

20:14

and seeing who could appen.

20:15

What happens. So you're in London, you say come back to my place and

20:17

the guy goes.

20:18

Sometimes they'll so once a guy

20:21

was like, I go, do you want to come back to my place? And he left,

20:23

He goes, he goes, I'm going to the bathroom,

20:26

and he goes, I'll be right back, and he never came back.

20:28

I can't imagine any fool would do

20:30

that. But see the thing about these fantasy

20:32

like and I try to talk about it in here too, where when

20:35

I was a kid, some penhouse girl came into my dressing

20:37

room at General Hospital and had sex with me, and

20:40

I was depressed afterward, you know, and I

20:42

think, you know, I think people maybe think that our

20:44

lives, they probably think our lives are fantastic, right

20:47

they pulled the curtain behind like, oh she's fucked up,

20:50

Yeah, captain.

20:50

But yeah, yeah, I

20:53

like that scene too, because you talk about like the glaring

20:55

overhead light and the vinyl you know what I mean.

20:57

Like it.

20:57

You know, it wasn't the fantasy.

20:59

No. I tried to Yeah again, I

21:01

tried to find the relatable stuff. I started off

21:03

with getting this dui, and so I

21:05

thought, okay, that's a good place to start, the hardest thing I

21:07

thought. It turns out it wasn't. And the five

21:09

stages of grief there were more booze and taccon

21:12

bullshit. And then then the

21:14

second chapter I wrote, which happened to be the end, was

21:16

the day I found out that Bob died. And

21:18

by this point, you know, my five stages of grief were

21:21

therapy and family and prayer, you know,

21:23

getting my shit together, and it was so then

21:25

I had to figure out how a to b Yeah,

21:28

but I tried not to be honest. You know a lot of the

21:30

times. My mother kept every teen

21:33

magazine, every calendar, every

21:35

journal, every picture. You took a lot of pictures,

21:37

so it was sort of easy to fact

21:40

check everything as well.

21:41

Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want to put out a book

21:43

like this and not be truthful. And I think part

21:45

of the catharsis of doing writing a book

21:47

is being able to be truthful because

21:49

when you are in the public eye, you have

21:51

such little privacy that you try to retain.

21:54

I know this from being friends with lots of celebrities,

21:56

and I know you've been famous since you were a little boy basically,

21:59

so I've really never had a

22:01

private private life. You have to kind of really

22:04

protect what is private because so much of it is

22:06

public, and now with social media, everyone

22:08

there's no privacy. And I'm

22:10

not a private person. I don't care, like I'm not

22:12

trying to be private. I don't care if people know about

22:14

my personal stuff. I'm not that kind of

22:16

celebrity. But I can respect the fact

22:19

that celebrities feel that way. You know, they

22:21

want they want something that they can keep for themselves.

22:24

So I get that, but I think

22:26

the true like, you know, when

22:28

you write a book like this, you kind of have to

22:30

give people something that they don't know.

22:32

It was very hard at first, and then I really got into it and it

22:34

was doing all and then the

22:36

audiobook was a trip to you.

22:38

Know, Yeah, that's annoying. I don't like. I don't love recording

22:40

that that could.

22:41

Be like thirty five days. They say it takes four or five

22:43

days.

22:43

First of all, it should not take you thirty five days. I

22:45

mean that's like an elephant's gestation

22:48

period. I don't I don't understand

22:50

that should never take you.

22:51

It was my fault was rewriting it

22:53

as I had time to rewrite it.

22:54

Yeah, you know what I don't like when they give you direction when you're recording

22:57

your audiobook, but they're like, talk more slowly.

22:59

I'm like, I don't talk slowly, so what that doesn't

23:01

sound like me?

23:02

I had a good dragon. I did this thing for Amazon

23:04

that that's that didn't come out or something, but it was it

23:07

was sleep. It was first to put people to sleep, and

23:09

I was like okay, and I didn't really know what kind of voice I The

23:12

Cowboy and the Horse. Can you slow

23:14

it down a little bit? People, okay, the Cowboy

23:16

and the Horse. Could you, sorry,

23:18

Dan, can you less inflection? We're trying to put

23:20

people to sleep.

23:21

And the night up. All right, we're

23:23

going to take a break and we're going to be right back. And

23:29

we're right back. We're back, John Stamos.

23:32

And guess what we're doing now. We're going going

23:34

to give advice to the strangers. Okay, that's what we're

23:36

doing.

23:36

And what's and okay, the show is about

23:38

giving advice.

23:39

It's called Dear Chelsea.

23:40

I know I listened to it. Do you feel

23:42

you're qualified enough to give?

23:44

No?

23:44

Okay, but that doesn't matter. And by the way, yes,

23:46

actually I am because

23:49

I'm right, I read, I listen, and

23:51

I care. So I think those are really.

23:53

Your super intelligent The last time you're on

23:55

Howard Stern, I was so impressed too with you. Do

23:58

you remember that?

23:59

I don't know? Okay, So anyway,

24:01

Catherine, what advice do you need from me? Well

24:03

we're going to see we have letters and we have callers.

24:05

What's the first one, Catherine?

24:07

So this first one comes from sober.

24:09

Oh okay, well that's you,

24:12

and then I guess your alter ego.

24:14

Yes, it keeps me out of trouble

24:16

being.

24:16

So I can see that, and I can

24:19

see that that you get into trouble.

24:21

I don't get into.

24:22

That much trouble. I would tell me this though, in

24:24

order to get into that, in order to be picked

24:26

up by some British guy with bad teeth

24:29

in a bar, you'd have to be a little fucked

24:31

up, right.

24:32

I mean I'm drinking, yeah, and

24:34

yeah, sometimes I smoke weed. Sometimes I do mushrooms,

24:37

LSD. I like all sorts of microdosing,

24:39

So I do that a lot. I know you're jealous

24:42

right now.

24:42

A little bit.

24:43

I know a.

24:45

Lot of it.

24:46

Yeah, I don't get into trouble. Trouble like,

24:48

I have a pretty good system

24:50

going.

24:51

But I mean the inhibition's dropped down. Have

24:53

you ever been sober and just like met some guy in

24:55

London and ask them to come home. It

24:58

takes a little bit of right, Yeah, no, I haven't. Yeah,

25:01

that was a big part of it for me. It was. And then

25:03

you get yourself in it would be with

25:05

the wrong people and the wrong yeah type

25:07

of right.

25:08

Well, I mean, yeah, wowkay good,

25:10

it is trying to get me sober.

25:12

And no, sounds like you are sounds

25:14

to have a problem.

25:15

Sounds like you're jealous.

25:16

H No.

25:20

Yeah, well let's keep this guy's

25:22

sober. He's says dear Chelsea. I'm

25:24

a forty four year old gay man who's newly sober.

25:27

I started using drugs and alcohol when I was fifteen

25:29

and took to them right away. I loved

25:31

the feeling of being drunk or high, and I felt

25:33

like it took away all my problems. At

25:35

first, I used socially, and for many years it

25:37

wasn't a problem in my life. But after about

25:40

twenty years it cut up with me and turned into abuse.

25:42

I hit my low when I lost a really big job.

25:45

I've been sober for ten months now and plan to

25:47

stay that way. My drug use became such

25:49

a daily part of my life. I had something come up

25:51

and something to come down, and something to go really

25:54

up and something to go really down. I'm

25:56

not working right now, by the way.

25:58

No, but

26:01

you do mention in your book. You were like, yeah, it was my own

26:03

pharmises. I don't have a boyfriend, and

26:05

I'm not working right now, and I'm really missing drugs

26:07

and alcohol a lot. I'm having trouble

26:09

finding joy without my vices and worried

26:12

I'll never have fun again. Daily life

26:14

and socializing seems boring to me. I

26:16

know you enjoyed drugs socially and thought you could help

26:18

shed some light on my scenario. Best sober,

26:21

Oh, this is perfect time. Just this is for you

26:23

to answer because you.

26:24

Know you have to speak to sobriety. I'm the one who

26:27

still uses and you don't, so.

26:28

You have to you do half of it. Then I'll do this.

26:30

Well, okay, I would say that if you've

26:33

been listen, if drugs have caused you

26:35

to lose a job, to lose anything

26:37

important in your life, you've made the right decision

26:39

by getting sober. For ten months you've been sober.

26:42

Do not throw that in the garbage. You

26:44

need to stay sober. And this is a test.

26:46

These tests come up all the time, right with

26:48

sobriety, with life, with ever you have

26:51

to have. You can't do something for ten months and expect

26:53

your whole world to change and for everything to be perfect

26:55

for the rest of your life. You're feeling down,

26:57

and then this is a test for you to get through to

26:59

the other side, and I promise there will be late

27:02

at the end of this tunnel.

27:03

I've seen it.

27:04

Yes, speak to sobriety and that's

27:07

it.

27:07

Exactly, And that was that same way you you were,

27:09

sir, what's.

27:10

The same sold Just yeah, he just said sober.

27:12

Hang on, just hold on, hold on, holy because it does get

27:14

better. It's hard at first because all of a sudden, when you're

27:16

not doing drugs and drinking, all you have is yourself

27:19

and you're just like, oh, and your life is probably pretty

27:21

shitty from all that. And then you go, well, what

27:23

do I have? What am my wife stay sober? What am I staying

27:25

sober for? I have nothing?

27:26

And also, don't define yourself like even

27:28

you signing the letter is sober, writing the letter

27:30

is sober. It's like, that's a very one dimensional

27:33

way to look at yourself. You're so much more than your

27:35

sobriety. Even though the sobriety

27:37

is the most important thing for you to continue

27:39

doing right now, you're more than that. And

27:41

once you get through the like challenges

27:44

of remaining sober, because the first year is the

27:46

most difficult, they say, and it's true.

27:48

I'm sure I can only imagine

27:50

that you are tested and tempted

27:52

so many times. Once you get through this year,

27:55

I promise you you will feel

27:57

differently about your sobriety and it won't

27:59

be such a teen isn't that right? John?

28:01

One percent? And when the good

28:03

things come to you, and they will, I promise you they will.

28:05

You go to say the course, then you go, oh, I

28:07

don't, and they start to outweigh the you

28:09

know, the drinking and the drinking like we

28:11

just said, it just would take me down the I

28:14

would, It would low hanging fruit good. I'll take

28:16

three of those, not and just the

28:18

comfort it brings you at the moment. But then the next day

28:20

you wake up, oh shit, I got nothing matter what am I doing

28:22

here?

28:23

All?

28:23

I wanted my whole life? Man, I don't know, but this gentleman. I

28:25

just wanted a family. I wanted kids. I wanted

28:27

a wife. I wanted someone who I loved. My parents were

28:29

great, you know, they had a good relationship, and

28:32

that's what I wanted. And it finally came

28:34

to me. But it would not have come if I slipped after

28:36

ten months or a year and

28:38

people could see it on me, you know, And when

28:40

I stopped and I could be clear and like

28:43

you do. And now you have it where you could just look at

28:45

someone and just be honest and boom boom, then

28:47

the good stuff comes. My wife would have run for the hills

28:49

if she saw how you know how it was before. I thought

28:51

it was cool, man, it was funny.

28:53

I know, it's so funny. I had a friend that was telling

28:55

me the story. We were in my arca this summer. A girlfriend

28:57

of mine and I were and she was saying

28:59

she was taking some drug. I forget what it

29:01

was called. I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't even familiar

29:03

with it. But she was taking some street drug,

29:06

smoking something that's not very popular, but

29:08

like in certain areas of the country it is.

29:10

Anyway, she was smoking, and she thought she was crushing

29:12

it, you know, she thought she was going out being entertaining,

29:15

having these nic where she was so funny

29:17

and so awesome and charming. And she

29:19

goes and then her friend took a video and she was basically

29:22

passed out, knotted out the entire

29:24

dinner like this, just sitting with her head down.

29:26

And she thought she had crushed that night. And she saw

29:28

that video and she never did that drug again, which

29:31

is a good way to keep people sober.

29:34

I know, I saw this shit like I was slumped

29:36

over in my car when the cops came

29:38

and TMZ has it. All I have to do is look

29:40

at that picture for one second. It makes me so second

29:43

kind of killed. I'm a fucking terrible man. And it was

29:45

on my way to go meet Sago by the way with the palm,

29:47

so I blame him. But I

29:49

want to say a little bit about my wife too, because I'm

29:51

making jokes and stuff about her. She is the most

29:54

wonderful. She's, first of all, the greatest

29:56

mother sent, maybe as good as my

29:58

mom, and that says a lot. And the conversation

30:00

that we have in our house now is so

30:03

smart and so you know, sharp of politics,

30:05

about the world, about you know. My son's

30:07

a flirt, and he's more like her. I was

30:09

not a flirt at five five and a half. But he's terrible.

30:12

He's like her. He's always got. It was my birthday

30:14

and the other four or five girls bella stella, you

30:16

know, and he's looking at me like, Dad, help him. You got

30:18

yourself into this. But we were at Disney

30:20

and we were embarrassed in a couple.

30:22

Of in August and Disney

30:24

World there too.

30:25

Yeah, have a great test so much? No, I mean

30:28

anyway, So we're there and one we're there

30:30

for two days. One day we have a guide. She was a nice

30:32

woman, maybe fifty to fifty five, got

30:34

of just a normal and he didn't really pay attention. Day

30:37

two we have this thirty year old hot French

30:39

girl and he's like, well, and

30:42

his plays and I can't do this because I'm married now, but

30:44

it's pretty good. It's like sola, what's my favorite

30:46

color, what's my favorite

30:48

food?

30:49

You know?

30:49

And I'm like, can't you do better than that? Son? And

30:51

so he then I over here him

30:53

saying I have his girlfriend and her name is Bella and she's

30:55

really cute and she lives down the street. And then

30:58

the guides at each the

31:00

rest of me. She walks away just as she

31:02

gets out of earshot. I swear to god, he goes, why

31:05

did I tell her I have a girlfriend. But

31:09

my point to that was that we have these great conversations

31:11

and we are very clear with him

31:13

that no means no and respect women.

31:15

And we didn't have that conversation in my

31:17

home, but my dad was that. My dad

31:20

was so respectful to my sisters and to my mom, and

31:22

never held she wanted to be a housewife and it was beautiful,

31:24

and he never held that over her. He never thought

31:27

money or anything like. He always thought that she had the more important

31:29

job, which she did. Stay sober, buddy, because

31:31

you know it's the thing. It's it's not easy. You know, it's

31:33

not easy thing.

31:34

Well, we're going to go on to our next question. Yeah, so let's

31:36

let's move on to the next one.

31:38

Well, our next question comes from Chloe.

31:40

She is joining us here. She is Chloe with

31:42

a kay.

31:43

Chloe, my neighbor, was

31:45

supposed to come on this podcast. Friends with Them Chloe,

31:48

I mean yeah, I mean I like Chloe. She's cute

31:50

and sweet. She's the taller one, the

31:52

taller one, they're all very sweet. You can't

31:54

say that they're not nice and smart.

31:56

Whoever's making a dough for them.

31:58

Anyway, Well, Chloe says,

32:01

I need your advice. I'm currently

32:03

in love with one of my best friends. I know

32:05

Taylor as old as time. And I actually did not pick this

32:08

one for the Disney reference. I just thought it'd be a fun

32:10

one.

32:10

I noticed my feelings for him about a year ago.

32:13

You're wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt looking she

32:15

loves Disney World.

32:19

Because she knows how I feel about it,

32:21

and Chelsea, that's why

32:25

n No, I don't want to bother you with these fucking

32:27

Disney Worlds. I mean,

32:29

that was the most upsetting part of your book to me, was

32:31

the Disney.

32:33

No.

32:34

I just personally, I was like, really, this

32:36

is what you're doing in your spare time. I mean that was

32:39

I was. I was flabbergasted. Really, yeah,

32:41

I didn't.

32:42

Know I used to go and take drugs there. You would have liked that, Yeah.

32:44

I would have liked that version of you better.

32:45

Yeah, Key and

32:47

the and the hair, Yes is

32:50

focus. That's the color of the

32:53

tank top that I wore in the Cocomo video.

32:58

That was

33:01

a good song. So

33:03

it's still okay, go on solo,

33:06

John, stay focused, focused, but

33:08

just try and listen to these are about

33:10

the callers about to get raising Bobby questions.

33:13

Where are they.

33:16

Come on?

33:16

You?

33:17

Just stay focused and watch what happens.

33:19

So I noticed my feelings for him about a year

33:22

ago and didn't want to act on them because he's part

33:24

of my core group of friends. We recently

33:26

went on a trip to celebrate a friend's thirtieth birthday,

33:29

and since we were the only single people in the group,

33:31

we were put in the singles room together and

33:33

well, after many cocktails, we ended up hooking

33:36

up.

33:36

I need your advice on what to do next.

33:38

His best friend told me that I'm his dream girl,

33:41

but he's hesitant to make a move because he doesn't

33:43

want to lose our friendship. I initiated

33:45

the hookup. Do I need to also initiate

33:47

the next move? And do I tell him how I feel

33:49

or risk losing our friendship forever?

33:51

Chloe, this is the first time you've been one step

33:54

ahead of me the entire the entire

33:56

episode. John just put on his headphones

33:58

before I did, and that was

34:00

pretty.

34:01

Quick, or observen I've I've had him since I walked

34:03

in the room.

34:03

Chloe, Hi, Hi, Chloe, how

34:05

are you?

34:06

I'm doing great?

34:07

How are you?

34:07

Guys? Chloe with a K.

34:09

Chloe with the K.

34:13

Is our special guest and he's going to start

34:15

to ask you a series of questions. I'm

34:17

right to referred to it as a barrage.

34:20

But so so how long have you been close? Like

34:22

how does that? Have you ever fall in love with a friend?

34:24

Yeah?

34:24

Yeah, I've had sex with them and thought I was in love with them,

34:26

And then.

34:27

Are you in love with him? Do you love him?

34:29

I definitely do. He's the dream of

34:31

man, He's the total package.

34:33

Well, she's worried about his family, his reaction

34:35

and if he feels the same way because he's a little

34:38

bit more trepidacious than she is. Right,

34:40

yes, exactly.

34:41

You guys hooked up, right, and

34:43

so afterwards was it like, uh, you

34:46

know, like straight up you know, like

34:48

like why do we do that?

34:49

Or No, not at all. It was just very

34:51

much like I think we're both in

34:53

the zone of, well we did that. Now

34:55

we either go back to just being completely

34:58

friends, or we naga maybe

35:01

of friends with benefits, a relationship,

35:03

whatever that next step would

35:05

be.

35:05

Would you be okay with friends with benefits?

35:08

I wouldn't be opposed.

35:10

Oh is he there? Can we talk to him?

35:13

No, he's not here, obviously not there about

35:16

it?

35:17

Or is a teacher?

35:18

That's very cute.

35:19

Yeah, that's beautiful, that's cute.

35:21

I think you should just listen. I think there's only one avenue

35:23

forward, and you just need to make this happen. I think

35:26

you need to just go to him and be very honest about

35:28

how strong your feelings are. You just said you love him,

35:30

you feel like you're in love with him? Yes,

35:33

yeah, go for it. Go tell him you

35:36

know what's he gonna and if he says no and he resists

35:38

it, then be like listen, You've told him your truth.

35:41

Hopefully he will come to his senses. But

35:43

you can't move forward without honesty.

35:46

You only get to live once. You should just go take

35:48

a leap of faith and hope that it works

35:50

out. And it probably will.

35:52

Yeah, yeah, I just needed

35:54

a little a little push in that direction because

35:56

all of my friends are very wishy

35:59

washy on maybe you should,

36:01

maybe you shouldn't.

36:02

But what advantage would you have by not saying

36:04

anything?

36:05

Nothing, No advantage. We would be stuck

36:07

in the unknown.

36:08

Does he listen to this podcast?

36:10

No, he's a straight man. You're the only

36:12

straight man that listens to this. Listen.

36:14

I think it's good to take life by the balls and

36:16

have balls, you know what I mean? And I think by

36:18

you calling in, is you trying

36:20

to just get your balls in the right order.

36:23

And I want to tell you they're in the right order.

36:25

Go for it. I don't think you're ever gonna regret

36:28

speaking your truth to somebody and saying and proclaiming

36:30

your love or adoration and saying,

36:32

let's go for it. There's nothing set

36:34

in stone. We don't have to commit to each other.

36:37

We're not getting married, but we're both gonna try

36:39

and have a relationship and see where we go and if it

36:41

works out, fucking awesome, and

36:43

if it doesn't work out, we'll always try to remain

36:45

friends.

36:46

Yeah, that's great about tomorrow.

36:49

Like you said, you gotta fucking go for it.

36:51

How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna tell him?

36:53

Do you want us to do it?

36:54

I have started a little text

36:56

note in my phone of things I was gonna

36:58

say, and then I deleted it and I restarted,

37:01

and so far it's I

37:03

think you know that I

37:05

like you something along those lines, because it's

37:07

very I'm not being hidden about

37:09

it. I'm not being coy about it. He knows that I

37:11

find him attractive, he knows that I like him.

37:13

So I think it's just again

37:16

me taking the initiative and being like, hey,

37:18

what should we do?

37:19

Now?

37:20

What are we doing?

37:21

H But like, I don't think this is a text, right,

37:23

Like this is a like invite him out? Go to dinner.

37:25

No, no, no, no, this is a face to face And don't

37:28

be like this is coming from somebody

37:30

who's a very dominant personality.

37:32

You don't have to make him

37:35

agree to anything. You just are inviting

37:37

him to join you in this relationship.

37:40

It's not like this is how I feel, this is what's going to

37:42

happen. I don't think you're going to say it that way, but I

37:45

don't want you to confuse what I'm saying with that

37:48

you want to go in and say this is how I feel.

37:50

I want to start something with you. I would like

37:52

to have us try a relationship and

37:54

with the understanding that if it doesn't work out,

37:57

we will remain friends. We can both

37:59

be very mature about this. And let's

38:01

not go into this assuming it's all going to be

38:03

sunshine and roses, because that's

38:05

a big mistake people make too. And at

38:07

the first sign of like a difficult time. You know some

38:10

people, you want to be able to know that they can handle

38:12

that in your relationship and handle

38:14

difficult conversations and blah blah blah.

38:16

So it's not like you're signing up to get married.

38:19

Yeasant, love is blind,

38:22

Yeah right, we barely

38:24

know you, but I think he's lucky.

38:25

You'd be lucky to have you. Oh you seem like a really

38:28

good person.

38:28

Thank you.

38:29

I agree.

38:30

What is that on? What can you figure? What's that on

38:32

the side? There is that? That's a screen or

38:34

puppets?

38:36

It's a ball ross finger puppet.

38:40

That's cue and your finger blast and

38:42

your finger puppet right now, that's

38:44

a finger blast. You know what that is, John, A finger blast?

38:47

That's a Oh yeah, I'm

38:49

doing it right now to myself.

38:51

Thank you for calling in, Thank you for

38:53

calling in, Thank you for showing us your puppet, thank

38:56

you for dealing with Thank you for dealing with John Ranks.

38:59

And keep posted let us know what happens.

39:01

Okay, Yeah, totally, thank you so much.

39:03

Love you guys. Yeah, absolutely

39:06

more. Sorry John, but Chelsea,

39:09

all right, cut off. So I

39:11

just want to finish.

39:13

I think she was gonna say me, how do you keep your

39:15

balls? Or what were you saying? Get

39:17

your I think you're all mixing.

39:19

It doesn't matter. I could do I could do whatever I want.

39:21

It's my podcast.

39:22

If you pray to your balls, is that sack relgious?

39:24

I think I think keeping your balls in order

39:26

means flying, right, flying

39:29

straight, you know what I mean, I'm doing

39:31

it like you know,

39:33

I'm always heading north.

39:36

I feel like that conversation would be easier if she's

39:39

just like hooked up with him again.

39:40

I don't know, I could never figure

39:42

out like being friends and all a sudden falling like one

39:44

has to like Kimmel and Molly, like

39:47

they work together a song and all a sudden one day they're in love

39:49

with each other. It's interesting. One has to She's

39:51

looking at me like I'm a fucking.

39:52

No, I'm not. I'm just thinking like it's I mean, there

39:54

are a million ways to fall in love. Sometimes it's

39:56

one person. Sometimes with well, Joe Coy

39:58

and me, I

40:00

I knew he liked me a lot

40:02

and had a crush on me, so it had

40:04

to be my idea. But every dynamic

40:07

is different, and it's kind of the

40:09

most respectful thing to do to another person

40:12

is also is be honest, you know, like

40:14

in a relationship, like these are my feelings, so

40:16

that they know this is how I feel. And if you

40:18

don't feel the same way, like okay, we're coming from two different

40:20

places, and that gives them an opportunity to act

40:22

in kindness and you know, respect

40:24

as well.

40:25

Yeah, and she's gonna hate herself if she doesn't say

40:27

anything, and then he winds up with somebody else, you know,

40:29

and she like didn't get in there when she had a chance.

40:32

Well, our next color. It's

40:34

a little bit of a turn emotionally.

40:36

But I think John's ready for anything.

40:38

I think so.

40:39

I think what you've demonstrated thus far is that you're ready

40:41

for.

40:43

Okay, right, I have to go, Beth

40:47

says. I'm hoping to get your advice on something

40:49

I think you can relate to. It will make sense in the

40:51

end, I promise. When I was seven,

40:53

my mom got cancer. At ten, my

40:55

dad got cancer, and at fourteen, my

40:57

mom got a different cancer too.

41:00

I learned that my dad was diagnosed with his second

41:02

cancer. When I was twenty five.

41:05

My mom had to move into assisted living, and

41:07

the next year, my dad's body lost its battle

41:09

with the disease, and my sister and I helped him

41:11

pass peacefully via hospice. Within

41:13

the last eighteen months, I hit a triple whammy.

41:16

My mom's body lost its battle. I turned

41:18

thirty and ended a seven year relationship with

41:20

Many people ask how I'm so strong, quote unquote,

41:23

Well, my coping mechanism is humor.

41:26

I often joke about using the dead parent card

41:28

to get what I want, and I turned things into jokes

41:30

in an attempt to help

41:32

avoid making my friends uncomfortable with my grief.

41:35

I use self deprecation to give people an

41:37

out if my feelings are too real or heavy.

41:40

Lately, I've realized that now nobody

41:42

takes my emotion seriously anymore. The people

41:44

who love me assume I can handle everything

41:46

that's happened because I'm used to the trauma. This

41:49

is where I'm hoping Chelsea can help. As a fellow

41:51

strong woman who's been through a lot of shit, who

41:53

has a sarcastic sense of humor and uses dead

41:56

pan tones, how do you convey your

41:58

needs when necessary? Is it your time on

42:00

a voice? Do you do this only in therapy and

42:02

not with your friends? I could really use some help

42:04

to figure out how to re establish connections with those

42:06

that I know want to support me without taking

42:08

my own jokes on the chin.

42:10

Hi, what's her name?

42:12

Beth?

42:12

Beth? Hi? Bet?

42:13

Hi Bet? This is John Hi?

42:15

Bet? You know Saya was the king of that

42:17

and he would make jokes out of you know when you

42:19

know he had a lot of tragedy in his life, and yeah, that

42:21

was his way of getting through grief. And it

42:24

was probably as Beth was dealing with a

42:26

little bit. He was like that. He would use jokes

42:28

when tragedy is strict, and he had a lot

42:30

in his life. We didn't get along in the beginning

42:32

at all. We had different styles and we you

42:34

know, we were like this, but we finally when his

42:37

sister, you know, got slurroderma

42:39

and she passed away, and Dave's sister had cancer,

42:41

and my sister.

42:42

The chances that all three of your sisters were

42:44

so sick.

42:45

My sister made it, thank god, but theirs

42:47

didn't. And so he would make jokes about it.

42:49

And it was fun at first, but then it would

42:52

be come on, Bob, you know, but that was his way.

42:54

It was it was his only way out. But

42:56

he was always there for someone like

42:58

he would do the jokes jokes, but probably you are and

43:01

then he was there. Then he became Bob and

43:03

he was the most reliable guy on the planet. I

43:05

asked him to host my father's funeral

43:07

and he got up and started with tonight specials

43:09

or cake and cock, and we're out of cake and I was

43:11

like okay, and my Mom's like, oh,

43:14

but we needed but that was a time when everybody

43:16

we just needed to laugh and that was great. And then

43:18

he got very serious and then after that he

43:20

was right by my side through all of it. So maybe

43:23

you do that, Yeah, definitely.

43:25

And I feel like a lot of my friends that have

43:27

tragedy in their lives too, you know, they come to

43:29

me because they know that I've experienced

43:32

it and I've made it through it, and I do have copying

43:34

mechanisms that I've used. It's just this

43:37

particular loss of the loss of my mom, you know,

43:39

just six months ago, has hit me harder than

43:41

everything else. And I think that they're just kind of assuming,

43:44

you know, I'm going to stay on the same track that I have always

43:47

had, and it's kind of like this one's different, though,

43:49

and I really need somebody else

43:51

to be there for me the way that I've been

43:53

there for a lot.

43:54

That you just said it perfectly, and listen,

43:56

I want you to think you're in therapy. You said yes,

43:59

yes, yes, okay, So I want you to

44:01

think this is a whole new chapter in your life.

44:03

You've lost your mother and that's been the biggest blow. But

44:05

you've had a million blows. But that doesn't

44:07

make that make this blow any less

44:10

painful. Your reaction and

44:12

deflection with humor. I have used

44:14

humor my entire life for difficult

44:16

situations. When anybody used to say I'm sorry about

44:18

your brother dying, I would be like, well, you didn't kill him,

44:21

Like what did you do push him off a cliff? Like

44:23

it is so uncomfortable?

44:24

But was that hard because you didn't take it? You would try

44:26

and then when you were lone it did it hit you?

44:28

Or well, it hit me many years later. I had kind of delayed

44:30

grief because I wasn't allowed to grieve in my in my

44:32

mind at that time, I didn't want to let myself

44:34

grieve because everyone around me was grieving and

44:36

I didn't like the looks of that. So it hit

44:39

me a lot later in life, like what I

44:41

lost in the impact that that had on me. But

44:43

I think, listen, you have so much experience

44:46

in this that you need to take this like

44:48

new chapter of your life. You're thirty,

44:51

this is the first time you're going into life without

44:53

your mother. This can be a new experience

44:56

for your grief, and you can easily

44:58

explain in the most art, you know, eloquent way

45:00

that you just did that you have been

45:02

using humor to deflect to the friends

45:04

that you need. And this is a time in my life

45:06

where I need to be honest with you. I actually

45:09

need to lean on you, I actually need

45:11

help from you. Just because I've had a lot of tragedy

45:13

doesn't mean that I've become anewer to it.

45:16

You know, you can say all of these things

45:18

to people that you trust and know that love you,

45:20

and I guarantee you are going to get responses

45:22

that are going to help you through this time.

45:25

And you can also look at this new chapter

45:27

in your life as the period of time where you're not going

45:30

to deflect your pain anymore. You're

45:32

not going to use humor every chance

45:34

you get. And to know, the way

45:36

that John just retold the story of Bob,

45:39

it does make people uncomfortable and it

45:41

makes them unable to understand how to communicate

45:43

with you or how to help you grieve when

45:46

you're constantly making jokes. So

45:48

it's not even really benefiting you in any way

45:50

anymore. So you know how Oprah always

45:52

says, things work until they don't. Like humor

45:55

has worked for you now and now it doesn't.

45:57

Yeah, And I hadn't even thought about it from their perspective

46:00

that like, if they are really trying to connect,

46:02

because they'll I have wonderful friends and they'll ask

46:04

me, you know, how things are going, or

46:06

they'll try to bring up

46:09

both of my parents. And I hadn't even

46:11

considered that, you know, that's selfish of

46:13

me, that you know, they might have been

46:15

genuine in that. I guess I had just always assumed,

46:18

you know, that they were just trying to be nice, or

46:20

that they just wanted to acknowledge the giant elephant

46:23

in the room, that is, you.

46:24

Know, you're denying their friendship to

46:26

you. They want to help, They want to pour their heart

46:29

out, and when you put this wallup of jokes

46:31

and things, then they go, oh, man, that felt

46:33

bad because they didn't get to help you.

46:35

Right.

46:36

Yeah, I appreciate that I hadn't thought

46:38

of it that way. And I would be frustrated

46:40

if somebody did that to me. And I'm you know, am

46:42

the friend that would sit down and you know, grab their shoulders

46:44

and say, you know, I'm

46:46

here, talk to me.

46:48

Yeah, And sometimes all you just need is you

46:50

like as soon as you break that damn and

46:53

just let them know that you're aware

46:55

of this cover that you've been using.

46:58

All you need is a good cry, and your friends show it's

47:00

not even that we need so much, it's that you've

47:02

put up this kind of wall around yourself

47:05

and you just need to like let that wall

47:07

crumble down.

47:08

Did you get to spend great time with her at the end

47:10

there, and were you guys close and oh yeah.

47:12

I was her primary caregiver for about

47:14

six years.

47:15

Oh wow.

47:16

She must have been so proud of you and

47:18

the way you took care of her. That means so much to

47:20

a parent, you know. And she died knowing

47:23

that that you are the great daughter and

47:25

you took care of her and you put other your

47:27

needs aside for hers at

47:29

least you have. That's that's really sweet, right.

47:32

Yeah, that's very valuable. Six years.

47:34

I mean, oh my god, I felt that a

47:36

lot of people, or that every person would do

47:38

something like that, give of themselves in

47:40

that way. So you can also take comfort

47:43

in knowing that you know, you were such a support system

47:45

to your mother. But I think more importantly

47:47

moving forward, you want to create this kind of new

47:50

way of life, right like you're thirty.

47:52

Now you're a grown up. You don't have to

47:54

deflect anymore. You're allowed to be in pain,

47:57

and the minute you let a little out, it's like

47:59

you're blowing up entire gasket. You

48:01

don't have to look at this as like, oh, you're going to be crying

48:03

on your friend's shoulder every single day, Like it's

48:06

not like that. You know how grief is. It comes in

48:08

spurts and it's not constant.

48:10

And the minute you get those walls down, you're

48:13

just gonna feel so much more support coming at

48:15

you and so much loving energy coming towards

48:17

you that you've been kind of holding at bay.

48:20

I would encourage you next time that you're

48:22

feeling down or you're feeling really

48:24

emotional, send a text to

48:26

a friend and say

48:28

to them, you know what I'm really going

48:31

through it right now? Would you be able to come

48:33

over and talk with me or

48:35

be with me tonight, tomorrow, whenever.

48:38

Let that be sort of your.

48:39

Entree into opening up

48:42

to a friend that way. You know, you

48:44

know and they know this isn't like funny,

48:46

funny fun times. This is I'm really

48:48

dealing with it and I really need somebody to like, come

48:51

be with me while I process this grief

48:53

tonight and your friends are going to be thrilled.

48:55

Yeah, yeah, I hope.

48:56

So I kind of you know, I had written in

48:59

because I was just of saving it for therapy.

49:01

And you know, I have a great therapist and I have a great

49:03

psychiatrist that helps me with my meds, and

49:05

I trust both of them and I'm really

49:07

thankful for that. But I know that

49:09

that's not healthy to just you know, keep it between

49:12

myself and the person that I'm paying.

49:13

That's free. We're free.

49:15

Yeah, And friendship is free.

49:18

Friendship is free. I bet you've helped so many

49:20

of your friends right in the past,

49:22

You've been that, You've been that person to them, Let

49:24

them be that to you.

49:25

Yeah. We have a dead parents

49:27

club group text.

49:28

Oh I love that.

49:32

From like different friend groups that have lost

49:34

parents or siblings in some cases. So

49:37

yeah, I've brought a few people together in that way.

49:39

But it just struggled when it comes to myself

49:42

and not deflecting.

49:43

What's one of the great things that your mom bestowed

49:46

on you?

49:47

Oh gosh, everything. I know

49:49

that that's a cliche answer, but she was just spicy

49:52

and sassy and never apologized for

49:54

being herself. She was super

49:57

materialistic and like, not in

49:59

a annoying way, but in like, yeah,

50:01

I'm gonna buy nice things I like and deserve nice

50:03

things. I mean, like she demanded

50:05

that she'd be buried with a full manicure and

50:09

jewelry on and I pick

50:11

up your outfit for her to wear.

50:13

And that's that's beautiful, just even to talk

50:15

about her, because did just that movie Coco. Have you ever seen

50:17

that movie Coco? It's a Disney movie.

50:18

I'm sorry talking about it. You and me, No,

50:20

Vanessa and me.

50:22

She it was you know, when the somebody

50:24

dies, they go up to a certain part of have and

50:26

then if you don't keep their name alive, you don't talk about

50:28

them all the good things they did, like you just talked

50:30

about in the Wonder the qualities of your mother. Then they

50:32

die again up there. So it's important to talk tell stories

50:35

about her, laugh about her and make jokes, put pictures

50:37

of her everywhere, and call into podcasts and talk

50:39

about her if you can.

50:40

Okay up, yeah, wrap that up,

50:43

honey, Okay, keep us You're You're gonna

50:45

be fine, okay. And this is I

50:47

just want you to when you get off this like you're thirty.

50:49

Now you're going into a new part of your life. Those

50:52

old things are going to become something

50:54

of the past, and now you're going to enter adulthood

50:56

and womanhood and you're going to be the woman that

50:58

your mother knew that you were and

51:00

that you know you are. I appreciate that.

51:02

Thank you.

51:03

Yeah, okay, love you, love

51:05

you, thank you, thank you.

51:11

I am woman. Can you be my friend? Because

51:14

I betually all the friends call you and go, hey,

51:16

this and that you're really good at it. Now I know why you have

51:18

this show.

51:19

She's good at advice.

51:20

Thank you.

51:20

Thank you, guys, because you've lived so much

51:22

asot it.

51:23

I don't know. I like people and I'm interested in everyone's

51:25

story, so I pick up a lot of information. I think

51:27

maybe that's why. But sometimes I

51:29

feel like I don't know what I'm talking about it, and sometimes I feel like I

51:31

do. So that's just like everybody in life, right.

51:34

Sometimes you think you're like crushing it, and sometimes

51:36

you're like what the fuck am I doing to giving advice

51:38

out? So you know, I just don't

51:40

take myself too seriously, so it doesn't ever really become

51:43

a problem.

51:43

Or you're a good friend. I bet. Well, you talk about your friends

51:46

luck, you take them on vacations.

51:48

Yeah, well I like friends, John

51:50

Stamos. Yes, the book is

51:52

if you would have told me you guys can order it.

51:54

You can go to your local bookstores, which I would say

51:56

to support your local bookstores so that we

51:59

have bookstores in fifty years.

52:01

And I thank you for being here.

52:02

My pleasure. I'm glad.

52:03

It's a pleasure, John Stamos, always a pleasure.

52:06

So it's not enough. We need to get

52:08

together more often and talk and stuff.

52:10

Well, we can just meet up at Disney World. I'm there usually

52:12

two three times a week. I usually go

52:14

from twelve to four Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

52:16

I love to hit the La traffic.

52:17

You're the one who Mickey Mouse

52:19

out.

52:20

No, no, no, that's not me. That's not me.

52:22

But I do have a joke in my stand up about

52:24

going to Disney World for the first time at seven,

52:27

and even then I knew it was horseshit. Why

52:29

because I just thought, what is this? This is

52:31

a nightmare, this place, A bunch of grown mice running

52:34

around trying to take photos with me.

52:36

And people say she's bitter. Now

52:38

you're not. You've changed, You've gotten soft,

52:40

that's bitter. Yeah, except for that Disney

52:43

rand. I'm a huge fan and I

52:45

think you're smart and beautiful and great,

52:47

and I'm glad to reconnect with you because i haven't seen you

52:49

a few years. And Catherine's fantastic. She's

52:51

like, you need her because

52:53

I've heard you on your own And

52:56

thanks for having me. I love you.

52:57

Thank you, John about Shalloe. Okay,

53:00

second shows have been added for

53:03

those of you coming to see my new stand up tour, which

53:05

you have to come because I'm having the best time. We

53:07

added a second show in Cincinnati in the daytime

53:10

at five o'clock PM. I'm doing

53:12

my first show because I don't have a

53:14

night where I can go back, so we added a second show at

53:16

five pm, and the original show is at

53:18

eight pm. Original show is sold out. Second

53:21

show tickets are available Cincinnati.

53:23

I'm also coming suit Chicago, the Chicago

53:25

Theater, Portland, Oregon, San Francisco.

53:28

They're both almost completely sold out. And

53:30

you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for other tickets

53:33

and other information and if you want to buy

53:35

some of our merch that's all available on Chelseahandler

53:37

dot com. And yeah, guys,

53:41

I'll see you on the road.

53:43

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

53:45

email at Dear Chelsea podcast at

53:47

gmail dot com and be sure to include your

53:49

phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

53:52

and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

53:54

producer Catherine Law and be sure to check

53:56

out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com