0:01

Welcome to Live Without Worders , a podcast

0:04

about how to live the good life through stoicism

0:06

, personal development and cultural exploration

0:09

. I'm your host , sarah Micatell

0:11

, an American in England who's here to

0:13

help fellow citizens of the world like you

0:15

make the most of the brief time you have

0:17

here on Earth . It is time to make

0:19

every moment matter . The

0:22

last time I visited the US , I was really

0:25

surprised by how many people told me I

0:27

was so lucky that I didn't live there

0:29

anymore . Pretty much everyone said this across

0:31

the political spectrum . You

0:34

got out of here just in time . This

0:36

country's falling apart . Everyone here

0:38

is crazy . I wish I lived somewhere

0:40

else , and I can't fault people

0:42

for wanting to live abroad , because I do

0:45

and I absolutely love it , and I also

0:47

coach other people on how they can pack

0:49

up everything and make their move

0:51

to make their expat dreams come true . Travel

0:53

can be restorative , fun and , in

0:55

my opinion , it's the greatest

0:58

form of diplomacy , because

1:00

we get to meet

1:02

people and know people as individuals

1:04

rather than stereotypes , and

1:06

we can develop these deeper connections

1:09

as true citizens of the world

1:11

. We experience life when we're traveling . Yet

1:14

travel and trading countries

1:16

is not a magic pill for happiness

1:19

. There is no perfect place

1:21

and wherever we go , we

1:23

take our problems with us . I'm reading

1:26

David Fiedler's excellent book

1:28

Breakfast with Seneca , where

1:30

he quotes Seneca in one of his letters

1:32

saying if you want to escape

1:35

your troubles , you don't need to be somewhere

1:37

else , you need to be

1:39

someone else . This

1:41

is such a powerful quote . Those

1:44

people searching for meaning or purpose

1:47

in life might think that a new

1:49

place will provide answers . How

1:51

many times do you hear people talking

1:53

about this Like , oh , I just need a vacation , I just need

1:55

to get away . But a new location

1:58

, a new job , a new partner doesn't

2:01

guarantee a better life or

2:03

a fresh start . Finding purpose

2:05

involves understanding your values

2:08

, your interests , your goals . It's

2:11

internal work that can be done anywhere

2:13

. This doesn't mean that we have to sit at

2:15

home for the rest of our lives journaling

2:18

our way to a better mindset about

2:20

our situation , although that is a good idea

2:22

as well . We can proactively

2:25

change our environment while at the same

2:27

time , becoming the kind of person

2:30

who can emotionally handle whatever

2:32

life throws at us , the kind

2:34

of person who sees challenges as opportunities

2:36

to develop our character , who are grateful

2:39

for what we have already

2:41

. Let's say , you are

2:43

not happy where you live and you

2:45

have a plan to move in a year , are

2:48

you going to delay your happiness

2:50

for another 12 months

2:52

? A lot of people think that that is their only option

2:54

, but if you spend all

2:56

of your time focusing on what's

2:59

wrong with where you are right now , you

3:01

miss out on the good

3:03

that is right in front of you . You

3:05

miss out on your life and

3:08

your memories become rooted

3:10

in what you don't have , what

3:12

you don't like , who has more than

3:14

you . That kind of thinking is

3:17

going to keep you stuck on this perpetual

3:19

hunt for what is missing . I

3:22

will be happy when life

3:24

is way too short for that kind of thinking

3:26

. Focusing on the negative takes

3:28

up a really valuable head space

3:30

and it limits your opportunities

3:33

. When we pay disproportionate

3:35

attention to one thing , such

3:37

as moving or changing jobs

3:39

, and assume that one thing

3:42

is going to be the cure for everything our health

3:44

, our relationship status , our income we

3:47

ignore other things that matter

3:49

just as much or maybe even more

3:51

. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman

3:53

calls this the focusing illusion

3:56

. He said in an interview with

3:58

Gallup nothing in life is

4:00

quite as important as you think

4:03

it is while you are thinking about

4:05

it . So nothing will ever make

4:07

you as happy as you think it will . Just

4:10

thinking about things can make them seem

4:12

very important . For

4:16

example , he says many people want

4:18

to live in a place with nice weather

4:21

and think that's going to be the cure

4:23

to all their problems . But research suggests

4:25

that we greatly overestimate

4:27

how much weather impacts our

4:29

overall happiness and we do this for

4:32

many things . But simply

4:34

being aware of this focusing

4:36

illusion , this one-track mind

4:39

, knowing about it , can

4:41

help you zoom out and realize

4:43

what you might be taking for granted

4:45

, what opportunities you might be

4:47

overlooking where you are right now

4:49

. When

4:51

people are stuck in an environment or a job

4:54

or a situation they don't like , they

4:56

cope by trying to manage their

4:58

emotions . This is emotion-focused

5:00

coping . And they

5:02

also try to control the external

5:05

thing causing the problem . That's problem-focused

5:07

coping . And this can be done

5:10

in an unhealthy way , like complaining

5:12

or avoidance or denial , or

5:15

in a healthy way , like acceptance

5:17

, finding humor in your situation

5:20

or looking at things from another

5:22

perspective . Let's say you are frustrated

5:24

because you hate the politics of many

5:27

people in your town . Here's how

5:29

you can engage in problem-focused

5:31

coping . Don't spend

5:33

time in pointlessly contentious

5:35

spaces like social media . Limit

5:37

your consumption of inflammatory

5:39

media that is just feeding the polarization

5:42

. Focus your energy

5:44

on making your community a

5:46

more harmonious place . So look for

5:49

local groups working to

5:51

build connections across divides

5:53

. Seek out other points of

5:55

view and have curious conversations

5:58

with people who see things

6:00

differently . You can practice emotion-focused

6:03

coping by accepting

6:05

that you can't control other people's

6:08

anger or irrationality

6:10

. You can look at

6:12

divisiveness as an opportunity

6:14

to model integrity . This is

6:16

your opportunity to step up and

6:19

remember that in the other person's

6:21

mind , they think they are doing the

6:23

right thing and they're not trying to

6:25

be evil . And the best

6:27

revenge , the Stoics say , is to

6:30

not be like them . Marcus

6:32

Aurelia said Don't be surprised

6:34

when you meet grumpy and angry people . Prepare

6:36

for it . When you meet somebody annoying

6:38

, look at it as a Stoic

6:41

challenge of your patience and rise

6:43

above . The price of being human

6:46

is dealing with other humans

6:48

because we are social creatures

6:50

. We were made for each

6:52

other , good and bad . And Marcus

6:54

said that we should think of other

6:57

people as our relatives

6:59

and let go of resentments . We

7:01

are all kin . We are all connected

7:03

. Focus on what is within

7:06

your control . This is your thoughts , your

7:08

values , your reactions . You

7:10

can choose to model understanding

7:13

and good will . You can choose your daily

7:15

habits and routines . Fill your

7:17

time with meaningful activities . Be

7:20

mindful and present rather

7:22

than consumed by outrage and

7:24

turmoil . We cannot force

7:26

people to be less polarized , but

7:29

we can model the kind of understanding

7:32

and good will that we want

7:34

to see . Positive change

7:36

begins with us , and this

7:38

ripples out . Find

7:40

other people who think like you

7:43

do . Our social circles influence

7:45

our behavior , habits and

7:47

even our thought processes . So

7:50

find people who inspire

7:52

, challenge and support you . You

7:54

may have heard the quote you are the average

7:56

of the five people you spend the most time

7:58

with . That is attributed to the speaker

8:00

, jim Rohn , but about 2000

8:03

years earlier , seneca said associate

8:06

with people who are likely to improve

8:08

you . Welcome those who you

8:10

are capable of improving . The

8:13

process is a mutual one

8:15

. End quote . Don't wait for

8:17

perfect conditions to enjoy life

8:19

. If you are in a situation or

8:21

place in life that isn't quite what

8:24

you had hoped for , find ways

8:26

to honor where you are now

8:28

. Embrace the unique opportunities and

8:30

experiences available to

8:32

you right where you are . Connect

8:35

with the people around you . Deepen the relationships

8:37

that you have and look for ways

8:39

to make a positive impact

8:41

in your immediate environment . It's

8:43

not too late , even if you have one foot out the

8:46

door . There are things you can do now

8:48

to enrich your life and to enrich the lives

8:50

of other people . Consider

8:52

what you will miss when you leave , when

8:54

you leave your current world behind . Even

8:56

if you're looking forward to a

8:58

change , there is value in

9:01

reflecting on the journey that led

9:03

to where you are right now , at this very

9:05

moment . So acknowledge and

9:07

be thankful for the lessons you've learned

9:09

and the growth that you have experienced . Recognize

9:13

the simple beauty in everyday moments

9:15

where you are , the joy and small

9:17

achievements , the gratitude for what's

9:20

good here , what's often overlooked

9:22

. Savor the simple joys

9:24

a conversation that brightens your day

9:27

, a hobby that brings you peace

9:29

, fits of laughter with a friend

9:31

. Instead of solely focusing

9:33

on what's next , actively

9:35

find purpose and fulfillment in

9:37

where you are now . Explore

9:40

new interests , learn new skills . Switch

9:43

of your daily routine . Novelty

9:45

can be found anywhere and

9:47

you can learn something new about someone

9:49

you have known for decades . These

9:52

surprises enrich your life as

9:54

much , if not more , than a 3,000

9:56

mile journey or moving on

9:58

to your dream job . As you look forward

10:01

to the changes you wanna , make , use

10:03

your current experiences to shape your

10:05

future and , when it is time

10:07

to start a new chapter of your life , close

10:09

out this one with gratitude for

10:12

who you've become while you've been here . Stop

10:15

waiting for the perfect conditions to enjoy

10:17

your life and your job and your situation

10:19

. Start what matters

10:21

to you now . That's all for now

10:23

. Thank you so much for listening and have

10:25

a beautiful week wherever you are .