What’s the first thing you do when you get a new calendar? One year I watched with intrigue as my mother took her brand-new calendar, flipped through it until she found the month of November and wrote in these words, “Don’t go to the Christmas bazaar!”

THE NEED TO SAY NO

I thought it was brilliant! While most of us keep adding to a calendar that is already too full, my mother was taking away from hers. What a novel idea!

Do you find yourself overcommitted, saying yes to too many things, running on adrenaline and wishing that life was less hectic and demanding?

For the followers of Jesus, there is a better way to live.

JESUS SAID NO

Mark 1:21-39 describes a busy day in the life of Jesus:

• Worship that included teaching
• Healing a demon-possessed man
• Healing Peter’s mother-in-law
• Healing various illnesses in the great crowd that gathered at the door of Peter’s home after sunset

Jesus was busy! In spite of His exhaustion though, He began the next day early in prayer before His disciples came to Him with their agenda for the day.

I am reminded of Martin Luther who said that the busier his day, the more time he must spend in prayer.

Is that true of you? I wish I could say that it was true of me!

I am also reminded of the Servant of the Lord described in Isaiah 50:4 –

The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue,
to know the word that sustains the weary.
He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.”

Here the one who teaches is himself taught, the one who speaks to others first listens for the Lord to speak.

By taking the time to pray before His day began, Jesus was able to choose His Father’s will over the will of His disciples. His disciples were exasperated with Jesus. Couldn’t you hear it in the scripture reading? “Everyone is looking for you!” they said.

Jesus did not heal everyone He could have healed. Let that sink in. If Jesus did not feel compelled to meet every need, neither should we. Our decision making will be easier when we realize that a need does not constitute a call. Just because we COULD meet a need doesn’t mean that we SHOULD meet that need.

It requires prayer to determine the difference between “could” and “should”.

Would it have been good for Jesus to remain where He was and heal more people? Yes! But He would have chosen what was good in man’s eyes over what was best in the Father’s eyes.

It requires prayer to determine the difference between what is good and what is best.

WHY DO WE SAY YES WHEN WE SHOULD SAY NO?

Here are some reasons we find ourselves overcommitted and exhausted.  Which ones are true of you? I hope you are ready to do some soul searching

• Pride – We want to look good and impress others. We don’t want people to think we are lazy or that we aren’t doing our part.
• We have a deep need to be needed. We should participate in activities that contribute to our sense of well-being but if our identity and security come from what we do, then we set ourselves up for painful experiences and much disappointment.
• We compete with others for attention and praise.
• We want to please others. We should not seek to please only ourselves but if our main criteria for our decisions is to please other people then we will never live the life God has intended for us. Putting God first means we will disappoint others. It is the cost of discipleship.
• There is no one else to do it. This happens often in small churches and communities that are short on people and resources. However, it is a good practice to ask if the activity is really necessary since there is no one willing to do it. Should we continue running programs in our churches if no one really wants to do the work?

Henry Blackaby is an author and pastor. He pastored a small church in Saskatchewan, Canada. Each year the church would start with a new budget and a clean slate of workers. The people first would ask God what He wanted them to do in the coming year instead of what many churches do – just fill in the blanks of the budget and nominating committee report from the previous year.

• Not taking the time to ask God. This is the main reason why our lives often feel out of control. We don’t stop to seek God’s will because we think we know what is best for us, just like the disciples thought they knew what was best for Jesus.

Let’s be clear. There are some responsibilities that we have that we do not have to pray about, ie, if you have a family you must care for them, if you have a job you must go to work. I’m referring to those activities and responsibilities that we are free to choose to do or not do.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE SAY YES WHEN WE SHOULD HAVE SAID NO

When we are overcommitted it is easy to feel resentment for being asked to do so much.

If people do not notice what we do or do not say thank you, we become angry.

We feel exhausted. I know people who left their church because they were exhausted. They could not say no, so the only way out was to go to a church where they could rest.

LEARNING TO SAY NO SO THAT WE CAN SAY YES

How do we do this? It is easier said than done but it can be done. It also gets easier with practice.

It is easier to determine if we should say yes to a request if we do this one thing – take time to make your decision.

TAKE TIME

Do this in two ways:

1. When people ask you to do something ASK FOR TIME to consider the request rather than making the decision then and there.

I had a professor in seminary who shared something that I found very helpful in this area. When his children would put him on the spot to give them a positive answer, he would respond with, “If you need an answer right now, the answer is no. If you will give me time to think about it, the answer is maybe.” His children soon learned that pressure did not work on their father!

I think that is a brilliant strategy not just with children but with adults as well. The next time someone asks you to do something, ask them for time to consider it and then get back to them. You will definitely make better decisions.

2.TAKE TIME to pray about it. Don’t assume that you know the answer. You may be surprised at His!

If we take time to make our decisions it will help us choose what’s best instead of just what is good. Also, we will have more confidence that we are doing the right things.

TIME FOR ACTION

If overcommitment is a concern for you, I encourage you to begin now practicing this strategy of taking time to make the right decision – asking that others give you time and spending time in prayer. Try doing this for a week. It will slow down your hectic pace and you may be surprised at what you end up saying yes and no to.

If you seek the Lord’s will He promises to give you the strength to do His will. Consider this promise from Isaiah 40:29-31:

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,  they will walk and not be faint.”

DEEPER FAITH. GREATER JOY.

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