0:00

Hi, it's Meredith. Listeners of Love

0:02

Letters know that mental health is something I take very

0:04

seriously, which is why I want to tell you

0:06

about season three of the podcast, Turning

0:08

Points, Navigating Mental Health. Each

0:11

episode gets real about the ups and downs

0:14

of navigating mental health and the turning

0:16

points that can spark lifelong changes.

0:19

Host Frances Leis, a clinical therapist,

0:21

talks with psychologists, doulas,

0:24

writers and experts about breakdowns, breakthroughs,

0:27

and everything in between. Find Turning

0:29

Points, a podcast from Point32 Health

0:32

in partnership with Boston Globe Media.

0:34

Find Turning Points wherever you get your podcasts.

0:41

Hey, it's Meredith. I am so excited to tell

0:43

you about today's episode of the podcast. It's

0:46

a bonus episode that happens to feature two

0:48

longtime friends, Gareth Reynolds

0:51

and Jake Johnson. Gareth is

0:53

a podcaster, a comedian, an actor,

0:55

an all-around funny person. He happens to

0:57

be very close friends with Jake Johnson, who

0:59

you may know as Nick Miller from the hit

1:02

sitcom New Girl. So

1:04

Gareth and Jake have known each other for a very long time,

1:06

and at some point in all friendships you take your

1:09

friendship to the next level, which

1:11

is you start a podcast with them. These

1:13

two have started a podcast called We're Here to Help, which

1:15

is basically an advice show. People

1:18

call in with really wacky problems, and

1:20

Jake and Gareth try to help them figure it out. The

1:23

episode I listened to featured a man seeking

1:25

counsel on how to get strong enough to break a watermelon

1:28

between his thighs. It was riveting.

1:31

Their show is a lot like them. It's funny, silly,

1:34

kind of poignant. And one of the things

1:36

I really like about the show is that they don't

1:38

pretend to have all the answers. They just have a good time

1:40

trying to

1:41

help everyone who calls in.

1:43

And in the spirit of our upcoming season, which

1:45

is all about finding help in unexpected

1:47

places, I was so excited to talk

1:49

with them about their show, where they find support

1:51

in their lives, and what it's been like offering

1:53

advice as non-professionals. That's

1:56

something I know about a lot.

1:59

hope it helps you. So

2:14

I just want to start by saying that my background is in

2:16

journalism not in mental health

2:18

and there's so much

2:19

out there that's

2:21

hitting you in the face about here's what to do

2:23

here's how to make your life better and I

2:26

wanted you to talk about what

2:29

started the idea for this and and

2:31

your vision for the tone of it.

2:33

Yeah I mean well you know we've

2:36

been friends for a long time and

2:39

we just kind of always had an

2:42

advice-based relationship in some

2:45

ways so that was always kind of you

2:47

know there and then you

2:50

know as I got into podcasts and

2:52

you know I'd spent like the greater part

2:54

of a decade doing it I did always think

2:56

I was like Jake would be so perfect

2:58

for this format because we met doing improv

3:01

and then I just you know really

3:04

thought through a combination of things

3:06

just back to when I first moved to LA how

3:08

I would just be driving and I would just

3:10

tune into some weirdo on the radio who was

3:13

trying to solve problems and

3:15

you would just be engaged you would just be like you

3:17

would enjoy that listening experience

3:19

so then that kind of led to this

3:21

idea and then we started talking about the idea

3:23

and Jake was a little hesitant

3:26

because I think you know he was like well if we're gonna

3:28

do it we want to make sure we do it right

3:30

and represent ourselves properly but

3:32

that was really kind of how it started and immediately

3:35

when we started doing it we're like oh this is like

3:37

a legit good format for us. Well

3:40

I think yeah and in terms of that in terms of

3:42

the tone the big thing for me was

3:44

it has to be light because

3:46

I'm a believer in real therapy I have a therapist

3:49

she's great very talented

3:51

that's not Gareth and I

3:54

so and a lot of these podcasts

3:56

now and a lot of the stuff in the space that I hear

3:58

it's not

3:59

professionals

4:01

giving advice about like health stuff

4:04

and being like let me tell you why a sauna

4:06

is good you need to be in there for 170 degrees for three hours and

4:09

I read a study out of Finland that means your heart

4:12

won't explode and then everyone's like

4:14

dude there was a study out of Finland I'm like

4:16

this all started in bullshit there

4:19

was not a center of truth and

4:21

so for us coming in I thought

4:23

if it could almost feel like a sketch

4:26

show

4:27

and if it was there was bits between

4:29

Gareth and I and our producer

4:31

and our now social media person everybody

4:34

who's part of the show if they could be in it and

4:36

we could find serialization and

4:38

you know I grew up listening to Stern and when

4:40

I used to drive to New Girl it was an hour and a

4:43

half commute each way and

4:45

after two seasons I'd listened to every album

4:47

I'd ever liked and then I was bored of music so

4:50

once I found Stern I was like man I care as

4:52

much about Benji as I do Jeremy Renner

4:55

when he comes on so I was like oh if

4:57

we can create a thing where we go the

5:00

callers they give it and leave they're

5:02

the third member of our show and now

5:05

we're friends with them and that person

5:07

is the third person in this sketch show and

5:09

the whole overall is it's

5:11

here to laugh and hopefully

5:14

we come up with something but we're here for laughs

5:17

that felt really fun I did have that

5:19

feeling listening where some

5:22

of the some of the problems obviously are just really funny

5:24

and they are meant to make you laugh and then other moments

5:27

I was like oh this is getting kind of accidentally

5:29

poignant and I'm having a thought which

5:32

is a really like

5:32

you purely on accident to be clear but

5:35

have you had those moments where you're like oh

5:38

actually this has made me think about

5:40

something in my own life are you having

5:42

those

5:42

you know what I what

5:44

I personally have a lot and it was something

5:46

that I had known kind of going in from doing

5:48

you know enough Q&A's and

5:51

you know the line of work everything I do being in front

5:53

of people and meeting a lot of people

5:56

is

5:56

for the most part I find human beings to be very

5:59

funny and very sweet And

6:01

I find people's stories to be really

6:03

rich and really shockingly

6:05

like funny.

6:07

And there's just been a lot of memories as we go

6:09

through this is that like we'll be in the middle of a

6:11

call and Gareth will say something funny. And

6:13

then the caller will go, oh, wait, there's one

6:15

more thing. And

6:16

that thing will be like, oh, that's the

6:19

gold of the whole call. And

6:21

we didn't have it without you.

6:24

So I haven't had moments where I've left and be like,

6:26

I've really learned about life. But I have

6:28

reaffirmed a thing that 2020 tried

6:30

to convince me otherwise. And that is I

6:32

like people

6:34

and humans are cool. We

6:37

are definitely focused on comedy,

6:40

but we also want to help. I

6:42

mean, we genuinely do. We genuinely are

6:44

trying to like figure this out. The

6:46

difference between us and a professional

6:49

is by far that we are just saying

6:51

what we would do. But Garth, you're

6:53

dead right that the premise

6:56

of the show and the truth of it and Gareth and I both

6:58

feel that is we actually want to help. And

7:00

the person it's like if you say

7:02

to your friends in a bar, I'm

7:04

in this crazy situation. Don't judge me. And they go,

7:06

what happened?

7:06

You go, OK, so I bought 45

7:09

sheep because I thought I thought they were going to eat the grass.

7:12

And you go, first of all, you're a dumbass. And

7:14

then you go, but all right. Now we're in a spot. You

7:16

got 40. But you got 45 animals

7:18

in your yard. And you go, and I don't know what to do. And then you can

7:21

go like you could sell it. Well, you could sell it. Well,

7:23

now I'm in love with them. You know, they're my pets. They're

7:25

my family. OK, you could get there. You could you

7:27

could sell it as wool. And then

7:29

you start pitching the way you would with

7:31

friends. And the hope is when you do that

7:34

is that the friend goes like this help. Thanks.

7:37

And then you get to go like next up. And that's how we've always hung

7:39

or they go,

7:40

you know, my original idea seems really

7:42

good now. And you go, you guys are you guys are

7:45

idiots. Yeah. Right.

7:48

You bring up a point how this

7:48

whole thing started because there was advice that you were giving to

7:50

each other. And probably to friends

7:53

in your friend groups and family groups and

7:55

community. Are you known to give good

7:58

advice to be good listeners? This is. skill

8:00

set you came in with?

8:01

Yeah, well, personally, in our group

8:04

of friends, we all want to do the same

8:06

thing when we moved out here. So we all wanted

8:08

this like one seat at this table

8:10

in Hollywood. So any advice was good

8:12

advice, you know, if a friend would say like,

8:14

we should all put headshots in an envelope

8:17

and send them to agents, well, we tried it. So

8:19

all of that advice was good. What I've learned after being

8:21

married for, you know, over a decade

8:24

now is it's not advice my wife

8:26

likes, because she'll

8:28

tell me a situation and I'll start giving advice

8:30

and she has told me countless times, she'll

8:33

go like, I'm not looking for a solution.

8:35

I'm just looking to tell you and have

8:38

you say like, I understand and I think that

8:40

is right. And so you go like, great, I

8:43

am always looking for a solution.

8:45

So if I'm going to tell somebody a problem, I don't

8:48

want them to say like, Oh, that's so hard for you.

8:50

I know it's hard for me. I meant it. I want

8:52

you to say, Oh, you didn't sleep last night. Do you do melatonin?

8:55

I go Yeah, it kind of works. How about Tyler

8:57

and OPM? And not for me. And

8:59

then just keep pitching me until I go thanks

9:01

for the seventh idea.

9:03

And so this show, we're not here to just say

9:05

like, that's hard for you. It sounds like a hard relationship.

9:08

We're just here to pitch. I totally

9:10

agree. I make the exact same way. And

9:12

then I think with life experience, you

9:15

start going, well, here's what I did when I was

9:17

in a similar, you know, you offer that

9:19

up. I think we're really similar in that

9:21

way that we're like, well, let's figure

9:23

it out. You know, even if and I've had that

9:25

I've had that in relationships when, you

9:27

know, people will just be like, stop solving

9:30

everything. I'm like, all right, well, little unsure

9:32

of my role here. But okay, if I'm not

9:34

quite going to solve what do I do? If

9:37

I had a pitching solve, they go like, just shut up,

9:39

you idiot.

9:39

I'm somewhere in the middle, right? Like, I don't want to just be

9:41

talked up. But I do feel like, okay,

9:45

doing the advice column, which is again, purely

9:47

for entertainment, I have no credentials

9:49

for this. People will

9:51

write a problem. And I'll be like, well, okay,

9:54

you sent me 800 words, 10 of which were a kind

9:57

thing you said about your partner, and the

10:00

rest were about how much you despise

10:02

that person. So based on your own

10:04

framing, I'm going to throw out there that maybe this is

10:06

not the right partner for you. Maybe I'm wrong, but

10:08

like, I find that people self edit

10:11

and similarly, your responses

10:13

to these people are so much about what they've chosen

10:15

to share. Yeah,

10:17

like you, you

10:18

have a good way of helping them on school

10:20

what they're getting at, which seems to

10:22

be somewhere in the middle, like you're so married, you're

10:24

not afraid

10:25

to give the hard advice.

10:27

Oh, no, I'm according to like the commenters,

10:29

they're like, she's so passive, she's not telling them to

10:31

do anything. Interesting. What's she doing? I don't

10:33

want to get the call of like, you told me,

10:35

but I have noticed that the more specific

10:38

I get with people saying how about I'll be like,

10:41

how about this, how about this, but I'm

10:42

never like, do this, do this yet?

10:44

Well, that's a big line for us. And that

10:46

wasn't like, it wasn't even a mission

10:48

statement. It's just real. And that is, take

10:51

the advice if you want it. Because

10:53

we're only with you for 20 minutes,

10:55

we don't have the full picture. So

10:58

you have said, I'm willing to come

11:00

on and experience do this game with you.

11:02

And in the end, it's a big point.

11:04

But you know, I'll always say at the end, but

11:06

what are you going to do? Because

11:08

this is the decision you make is

11:11

yours alone. Well,

11:13

I think it helps that there's two of us to who

11:15

are comfortable telling the other one they're wrong.

11:18

You know, because like, we'll pitch something

11:20

and the other person will be like, that's absurd. And

11:23

and that eliminates it immediately, you know,

11:25

at least the caller gets to go, Oh, yeah, that

11:27

is bad. Or whatever, you know, we're

11:29

in like a safe place to just

11:31

pitch whatever we think.

11:34

And there's also meeting people where they're at. Like I get a lot

11:36

of letters where I'm like, okay, you know,

11:38

personally, maybe I do feel like this person should

11:40

fully in their relationship, but they

11:43

are clearly saying I'm not going to do that. Like

11:45

I'm not going to sell the sheep. So

11:47

okay, so we do the same thing at times

11:49

after a call.

11:51

There's always like a couple minutes transitions

11:53

where we'll kind of talk and we'll talk to our producer

11:56

Kevin about like trims or what we

11:58

will kind of like figure out what we thought.

11:59

a thing was, there'll be times afterwards

12:02

we'll go like, they're in a bad situation. And

12:06

in the call, if you say in terms of a friend,

12:08

I've had really good friends where I'll be like,

12:10

you should break up with that person, you're in a bad relationship

12:13

and they'll go, so I need help in this situation.

12:15

I'm in love, we're getting married, but

12:17

how do I get her to stop doing this? So

12:19

the advice is not going to be,

12:21

your life has fallen apart since you met this person.

12:24

That's not what they want to hear. What they want to hear is how do

12:27

I get her to stop doing blank? So that's

12:29

what we're pitching on.

12:30

Yeah, we'll try to fill that hole.

12:32

We're not Dr. Phil, we're not going to say like,

12:35

listen to you, you're an idiot. Now we got to go back to

12:38

the ground floor and start rebuilding it. No, no,

12:40

no. Well, we are in the sense

12:42

that none of us are doctors. And

12:46

we both kind of have mustaches and

12:48

I'm balding, which is a nightmare. It's

12:51

a whole other thing. Another thing married,

12:53

it's balding. What a drag. What

12:55

a drag. It's not in

12:57

out there. They just magically stop

12:59

it. Like there's magically like actor

13:01

things that just Meredith, I'm

13:03

trying all of them. I'm trying all of them. And then you

13:05

watch the David Beckham documentary and you go,

13:07

whatever he's doing is right. But then the other guy

13:09

from team USA, there's another guy, I don't

13:11

know if you've seen it, but in the fourth episode, there's a guy

13:13

who's balding. I look, I watched

13:15

him when he popped on. I went like,

13:18

there's just, there's no helping it. That's where I'm

13:20

going. I'm not going to end up as Beckham with cool

13:22

tattoos, dancing in like some cottage. I'm

13:25

going to be talking and someone's going to go,

13:27

that dude from new girl's hair looks crazy. And

13:30

I'm going to go, it's a nightmare guys. I tried all this stuff, all

13:33

the powders, all the creams, it's just

13:35

going, it's going. It doesn't want to be here.

13:38

My hair is at a party. It doesn't want to

13:40

be here. And I'm going like, why not?

13:42

And it's like, we've been here for 40

13:44

years. This world

13:46

isn't for us. I

13:49

hate it. I'm

13:51

having a real fight. I don't like it anymore. I'm

13:53

mad at its attitude. I'm like,

13:55

what haven't I given you? I wash you. I

13:58

comb you. I've given you great experiences.

13:59

Well, I think Jake is being hard on himself. You

14:02

haven't seen me from behind. You haven't seen me from behind

14:04

while I'm lower than you. Jake, I

14:07

understand that you don't want me to solve

14:09

the problem. You just want me to listen. All

14:11

right. So what's your pitch? What's

14:13

your pitch? Yeah, never let someone see you

14:15

from behind. What? And your rooms

14:17

like Louis the 14th is sitting in front

14:19

of you all the time and exit the same way.

14:22

I do feel like in early 2021, we

14:24

were all on Zoom and like my

14:26

roots were growing out. There was a day that I for

14:29

a meeting. I've like put a little like

14:31

eye shadow on my hair and I was like, no one

14:33

will ever know. And I'm just better

14:36

as far as people looking

14:38

at you, be like, you look good. You're like, you don't know

14:40

what is happening. Yeah, my legs have

14:42

never been fatter. My legs have never been fatter.

14:44

Huge. Yeah. Yep.

14:48

Before I get into asking you some questions

14:51

that need solutions, I just want to talk

14:53

about help in weird places

14:55

and wondering

14:57

who you both go to for help to start.

14:59

I think it has to depend on the type of issue.

15:01

That's got to at least for me, I compartmentalize

15:04

everything in my life. So there's like zones

15:06

for like big real stuff. I'll go to my wife

15:09

for career stuff. Gareth is one

15:11

of the guys I go to but

15:14

it's all like for like family stuff.

15:16

There are like a few other people I know who have kids.

15:18

There are certain like moms or dads who we

15:20

hang out with where I'm like, I like the way they're doing that. So

15:22

I will say, you know, I just

15:25

got off the phone with Zoe Dashineau. We were

15:27

talking this morning. She's interested in

15:29

like a version of a film we were talking

15:31

about and we were, you know, she's somebody we pick

15:33

each other's brain a lot.

15:35

So like you just you form a whole team

15:37

of people that you can kind of lean on for certain

15:39

stuff. I think

15:41

yeah, I kind of feel the same. I mean, I

15:43

you know, I mean that one of the things that's

15:45

great about the show as far as like the business

15:47

strategy is like working with Jake as far as

15:50

like, you know, Jake's business acumen

15:52

is like off the charts when it comes to this stuff.

15:55

But again, I mean, we were pitching each

15:57

other on what we should and shouldn't do when

15:59

it comes to the. world stuff. My brother's 12 years

16:01

older, which as a kid was a nightmare because

16:04

I was like, where's my friend going? And he was like,

16:06

I'm going to go like smoke bongs in a warehouse. But

16:09

as I've gotten older, like he has been

16:11

such a, I mean, he's just a really

16:14

smart, experienced dude who just,

16:17

you know, really has good reads on,

16:19

on life. So especially with my family,

16:22

like my family's insane. He's got great

16:24

reads on how to handle certain individuals

16:27

in our family. But also like, you know, when I was

16:29

really grinding and struggling in LA, like my

16:31

brother had a construction company and I would go

16:33

work for him six months, a year

16:35

at a time. And you know, he

16:38

just was always constantly there

16:40

as like a great lifeline.

16:42

My brother's cool too, in case he's listening. He's

16:44

fine. He gets great

16:47

advice too. Probably better than Gareth. Go ahead,

16:49

Meredith. Excuse me. That is not

16:52

a composition. But my brother was close.

16:54

Meredith, my brother was closer in age. That was cool.

16:56

Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. Jake, you

16:58

fully just turned it into a competition and then said it's not a competition.

17:01

Meredith, can you please take over?

17:03

Yes. I'm going to step in and ask.

17:05

Exhausting. Exhausting. Let's

17:10

be pretty certain. Can I get some advice from you of how to

17:12

deal with an exhausting. I'm still here, dude.

17:16

Okay. Media. Some people

17:19

find help

17:19

by watching things, listening to things.

17:22

I think probably a lot of people have

17:24

found entertainment, relaxation,

17:27

problem solving stuff by watching, listening

17:30

to what you guys do. What do you watch,

17:31

listen to, to feel better? Well,

17:34

in terms of real stuff,

17:36

TV was really my therapist

17:38

growing up. I loved

17:40

it. It was the greatest

17:43

escape. Somebody funny on my television

17:46

was the person I loved more than anybody

17:48

on planet earth. If I could sit down

17:51

and somebody could make me laugh and I was at nine

17:53

or 10 and something wasn't going great

17:55

at home, then

17:56

that could create relief. And we

17:58

had one TV.

17:59

where my mother always moved around the house

18:02

because she was a maniac. And so wherever

18:04

we would all like be sitting on the floor watching that

18:06

TV, if we were all laughing at cheers,

18:10

everything was better for those 30

18:12

minutes. And still

18:14

to this day, you know, if I throw on an

18:17

episode of the British office and

18:19

your vase is on fire and there's just a

18:21

moment, I don't care what my mood was

18:24

coming in.

18:25

It's now

18:26

in a better one.

18:27

If somebody can make me laugh and I believe

18:30

their character and I believe that they're

18:32

not even a character, that's really them. David

18:34

Brent is just real.

18:36

And I can escape into that.

18:38

That's I realized in 2020 when

18:41

everything was going crazy that I'm like, oh, there

18:43

is value to entertainment. It's obviously

18:45

overvalued in our society, but it is valuable.

18:48

And the value is it's just a way to release

18:51

a little tension. Similarly,

18:53

like I it's so true.

18:55

I mean, like when I was a kid, that was the same. And I

18:57

even like I mean, I used to watch like old Jim

18:59

Burrow shows like

19:02

on reruns and stuff like that. But then, yeah,

19:04

I mean, you know, I really do

19:07

that. That to me is I kind of like go

19:09

back and forth between things that help

19:11

you escape and then things that maybe

19:14

inform you and depress you. So like people

19:16

will be like, like I'll watch documentaries

19:19

about dark stuff and just be

19:21

like, God damn it. But I also love Below Deck,

19:24

you know. So like I definitely will go back.

19:26

Jake, shut up. I will go back and forth

19:28

between the great show. Shut up, Jake. I

19:30

kind of will go back and forth between that

19:33

sort of stuff. But, you know, a lot

19:35

of it is that. Yeah, I mean, it's just ways to shut your

19:37

mind down. There's so much stuff

19:39

that you can find depressing. And so I

19:41

do try to keep up to date on like what's going

19:44

on and what's happening in the seeds of

19:46

problems that are ahead. But also, yeah,

19:49

Captain Sandy is fantastic. She

19:51

trains people up. If she has a Bose

19:53

son who's not fantastic, she's going to send them

19:56

to get great. Shut up, Jake, great experience. And

19:58

then they'll come back season or two later.

19:59

And they'll be ready they'll have cut their teeth on

20:02

like a bigger below deck I

20:04

and Jake I do percent of the audience have

20:06

just checked out remember you were saying before

20:08

you can make some trims on this I

20:11

would get a win Gary when Gary goes that

20:13

below trim to right now no no

20:16

well why first of all Why would you keep below in as

20:18

an editing question? Why would you think below

20:20

it's a mystery below what crazy? Yeah,

20:24

then it's the like ooh what happened the next what happened

20:26

there? Okay? Yeah, thanks,

20:28

man More

20:33

of my conversation with Jake

20:34

Johnson and Gareth Reynolds after this short

20:36

break

20:44

All right, are you ready for me to give

20:46

you some problems? Yes, okay? The

20:48

woman whose husband turns 40 they both

20:51

turned 40 and he looks at her and they

20:53

have four children that they basically cannot

20:55

completely afford And he says in order

20:57

for me to get through midlife and beyond I

21:00

need to build a ball pit in

21:02

our house not for our children, but

21:05

for me And

21:07

this is what I need to be happy And

21:10

it's gonna cost thousands of dollars. I'm gonna build it myself.

21:12

This is the most important thing Yes, we have

21:14

to save money for college and all that shit, but this is

21:17

what's important. How do you how

21:19

would you have counseled this person? Well,

21:22

I know how I would start hold on before we get

21:24

into it. We need more. I can yes

21:27

Who emailed the husband or the wife? Well,

21:29

actually I reached out to the

21:32

wife because I know her and I said, please

21:34

come on and tell this story So okay So

21:36

for us it really depends who calls because

21:38

it's the husband we're here to help him get that

21:41

ball

21:41

I will say that she told me about this visiting Boston

21:43

and she said guess what? my

21:46

my husband is building a ball

21:48

pit and I am This is what he

21:50

wants to do and here's why

21:51

and this is difficult and and

21:53

what what what's her take on

21:55

it

21:55

She was like, dude, we have four kids. She

21:58

had us her third pregnancy was a surprise

22:01

and twins.

22:01

She's like,

22:04

we are

22:04

middle class people in Maryland and

22:06

you want to build a ball pit?

22:09

And she knew what was going to happen. So

22:11

she was like, how do I make peace with this? Ooh,

22:14

two questions. Do they have space

22:17

for the ball pit? Yeah. And

22:19

second, okay, second question, thousands

22:21

of dollars for a ball pit? You got to

22:23

build it out. Yeah. Also the balls

22:25

are expensive. Because

22:28

think about how you...

22:29

I know there's a lot of inflation with the

22:31

balls. It's price gouging, but I hear you.

22:33

And you need so many balls. And

22:36

this guy is over six feet tall. So

22:38

to be fully submerged in a ball pit,

22:39

you need a shit ton of balls. I mean,

22:41

here's what I would go with her. If I would say,

22:44

if you're... You know what's happening. This

22:47

is his midlife crisis. You know, we all have one.

22:50

Mine is I'm rolling around on a mat doing jiu-jitsu and getting

22:52

just murdered by younger people. But we all have

22:54

something that says, I'm not going to

22:56

be able to do it just yet. And this

22:58

is his. I am balled in. Oh,

23:02

cute Jake, not again. Hold on. No,

23:05

Jake, you're wrong. You're

23:07

seeing the wrong angles, my king. So here's what I would

23:09

say to her. I would say

23:11

you've got four kids. You're in a situation

23:14

you know it's going to happen. Combine the room and turn

23:16

it into the ultimate playroom for the kids.

23:19

If it's really just for him, my

23:20

thought is fuck off. You got

23:23

four kids, my man. That's where your TV is.

23:26

That's where the hangout room is. If

23:28

that ball pit is... You're

23:30

talking about a ball cave. I'm talking

23:32

about a ball cave. I'm talking about a place where that's also where the kids do their

23:34

homework. It's a fun room.

23:37

You build it aesthetically where it's the playroom. It's

23:39

the kids room. It's dad's room. It's

23:41

the room where she gets to say, hey,

23:43

honey, go take all four kids

23:45

in your ball pit while I sit up here and

23:47

drink my tea, you goofball. You

23:50

don't get to go alone. You built

23:52

a kid's play zone. So I would

23:54

lean into the play zone aspect,

23:57

and that is dad time with the kids. I

23:59

would also make...

23:59

him build it himself and I would

24:02

have the kids be part of the project.

24:04

So that's a chore they all

24:06

do together that she's not part of. We're not

24:08

paying to do demo, buddy. You're

24:10

figuring out how to do demo. It's

24:13

a little, it's

24:14

a little field of dreams. I liked

24:16

that. And I liked that. Field of dreams. I liked

24:18

that pitch. I'd sign off on that pitch. I

24:21

would go to satisfy her

24:23

direct. Okay. Surely

24:25

she has something. She has the things

24:28

she wants. She has a need. She has

24:30

a dream of something might not be as crisp

24:32

and as direct. I think hers is to not

24:34

have a ball pit. Well, that's going to be, that's

24:36

unfortunately a conflict, but I would

24:39

say she gets one too. So she,

24:41

if, if she's allowing him to kind of

24:43

go figure this

24:44

out, she gets her version

24:46

of that. So it's a one, get it closer to a one

24:48

for one. That would be, but you might enter a world

24:50

of danger if hers is like, I've always wanted a pony.

24:53

Then all of a sudden they're a middle-class family with a ball pit

24:55

and a pony. I need to tell

24:57

you something really weird, which is that when

24:59

in this episode, when I said, is there something you've

25:01

always wanted? I believe she said it was

25:03

a horse. Yeah, because you're entering

25:06

a little, hold on, Jake. Now we're talking about a magical

25:08

land where horses

25:11

and ball pits. Yeah. You know what I mean?

25:13

Who are we to say no to this? That's this

25:15

is, if not for them,

25:18

it's a good experiment for us to see

25:20

does this work? And the answer is probably

25:22

not. And please follow up with us. Meredith, what was

25:24

your advice to them? I mean, I just really

25:27

listened as we've talked about, but the

25:30

extra part of this is that she's a psychologist. So

25:33

she really did have to get to a place where she's like,

25:35

well, what does this provide for him? It's

25:37

what did it. She thought one is that

25:39

he, it was something he defined as success

25:42

as a child. Cool adults would have

25:44

that. So she was able to find

25:46

stepbrothers, empathy for the midlife

25:49

crisis. Totally especially. And then

25:51

the second thing was she said there is actually

25:53

some psychology to like feeling submersed.

25:56

Like the submersion into the ball pit was calming.

25:58

She found it suffocating, but she. He was like, the

26:01

sensory deprivation, especially with four

26:03

kids, is giving him something that I can see

26:05

as therapy. Well, it's isn't

26:07

it every wife's dream to say, go ask

26:09

your father he's in his ball pit. Find

26:15

him if you can find him or the

26:16

same dream is the

26:18

kids are all at a sleepover. Want

26:21

to go in the ball pit? Yeah.

26:24

Yeah, we can't. There's

26:26

so many there's so many losses where you go

26:28

like, hey, we're alone. On a Friday night for the

26:30

first time in years and he's like, awesome.

26:33

And go ball pit. I

26:36

don't know many women who go like, man,

26:39

I'm getting all hot and bothered watching a 40 year

26:41

old man dive into a ball

26:43

pit and laugh like a child. Grew

26:46

more balls. Some keep falling out or

26:49

he just goes like honey, more balls. Go

26:51

be a slow mo. Well,

26:54

sex forever is off the table, obviously.

27:06

Are there specific stories, calls that you've

27:08

received that are very memorable

27:11

to you that

27:12

people should find?

27:15

We just did one that was really fun

27:17

where it was a woman who had emailed

27:20

in her sister is getting married and her and her

27:22

three, they have three sisters. They give each other really

27:24

memorable wedding speeches.

27:26

And she said, my sister is a big new girl fan.

27:29

So is there any way you could make

27:31

the wedding speech video? And

27:34

as a bit, we had talked about it, you know,

27:36

Kevin, the producer, we were like, you know, let's just do something

27:38

and set it up. We'll get some information

27:40

and then we'll do the Nick and

27:42

the Brian from season seven bit. Right.

27:46

And then we thought, you know, LaMorn Morris is one of a

27:48

really good buddy. I said, it'd be really fun to have LaMorn

27:51

on that episode. And I thought

27:53

the way the call was going to go when

27:55

she was going to set it

27:56

up, we were going to do it. She was going to

27:58

be so excited.

27:59

And then

28:00

it was just gonna be like a fun feel-good

28:03

moment for kind of all of us content

28:05

for socials Oh, yeah, and then Lamorne

28:07

was gonna be really funny and then it was gonna be over

28:09

and what happened was She didn't like

28:12

our performance like Like

28:18

as a friend like in just in real life She's

28:20

like it's gonna be at a church with some older

28:23

people and I just don't think I could I'm

28:25

not gonna air that So we go, okay

28:28

But then we were putting a spot and that is

28:30

do we say all right moving on or

28:33

do we do the premise of the show? And that is we are

28:35

here to help But

28:38

it just became Legit how

28:40

many takes do you think we did I would we did eight

28:43

I was writing them down We did eight takes and

28:45

it honestly felt scripted because

28:48

it was like we would like hit one

28:50

and we'd be like Better right hit

28:52

she'd be like, yeah, that's way better They're

28:54

not gonna like that God, all right

28:57

one more and Lamorne wasn't helping because Lamorne

28:59

was taking the ball and right like you're just

29:00

having fun But what the what I loved

29:03

about that call and what I truly love about doing

29:05

the show

29:06

is in my control freak

29:08

head Which Garff knows I am a control freak.

29:11

I could kind of guess where Gareth

29:13

was gonna go I could kind of guess where I

29:15

was gonna go. I was gonna be in host mode, you

29:18

know, here we are We're having a lot of fun Gareth go

29:20

ahead Lamorne going and what a wonderful

29:22

wedding

29:23

And I felt like I know how to get the 35 seconds.

29:25

I know where the mourns gonna be. He's gonna be wild

29:28

and ridiculous

29:29

She was such a wild card.

29:31

And the reason the call is funny is because

29:33

of her I did a thing years ago where

29:35

the max Greenfield and I were doing a morning Fox

29:38

affiliate and it was in Tennessee

29:40

and I screw up

29:42

and I'm trying to make a shout out to Nashville

29:45

and I say the wrong streets and Max

29:48

starts laughing at me and we kind of lose it. It was six

29:50

in the morning We had done so many of these and who's just we

29:52

did truly a shit job

29:54

Now we had done a lot of really

29:56

bad press together because Max and I were

29:58

together were idiots

30:00

The hosts mostly would

30:02

get a little anal about

30:04

it, take away the joy and get

30:06

us out.

30:07

All those clips have faded. This one

30:09

woman had a great sense of humor and

30:12

kept driving it. Where rather than just

30:14

blow it off, she would go, You're incorrect

30:16

there. That is not Nashville, but this is

30:19

Nashville. Then she would go, Try again. And

30:21

then with each script she would be like, These guys are

30:23

great, check out their show. And then I would do another thing.

30:25

She would go, Again, that is also incorrect,

30:28

but try again. I reached

30:30

out to her on social media because the clip went viral

30:32

and I just wanted to say like, You know, you're

30:34

the reason it works. I've

30:37

screwed up so many times in press. They fade

30:40

away. The reason this call works

30:42

is her. The fact

30:44

that we are Gareth would go, What do you think?

30:47

And she would go,

30:49

It'd be a pause.

30:52

She's not going to say no again. And she'd be like, The

30:54

only thing, and we'd be like, Oh my God. All

30:56

right, one more. Let's go one more. Then

30:59

she would go, No, no, no, it's good.

31:01

Yeah. Thank you guys so much. And we would all be like,

31:04

Ah, you lying? Well, one

31:07

more thing. She goes, I just I just

31:09

couldn't play that. And she's like, Because of the chair.

31:12

And she goes, I don't think that would work. But

31:14

thank you. And then you are not at

31:16

all. We're here without her.

31:18

It's fine. It's just a bit. But

31:21

with her, it's like it's my

31:23

it was I think my favorite episode we've done.

31:26

And just so fun. And so we're

31:28

going to get video of the reaction

31:30

soon and use that

31:32

for the show. Which is another thing is the

31:35

ability to be able to continue

31:37

the plot lines. Like I would

31:39

say 50 percent of the calls were like,

31:41

Let us know. Yeah, because we

31:43

not only want to know for ourselves, but we're like, This

31:45

could come back in the show very easily. This

31:48

is one other thing I just want to say quickly. One

31:50

of the things that I really love about doing this,

31:52

and it is kind of timed to the strike

31:55

right now. It's so nice

31:57

not having executives. nice

32:00

not dealing with studios and

32:02

networks and creative executives

32:05

who go, you know, I don't think your

32:07

show should be wedding speeches. That's more cameo.

32:09

And we go, we think it's funny. And they

32:11

go, yeah. So the premise of your show is

32:14

we're here to help. That's what we love about

32:16

it. And because we pay you, that's what you're sticking

32:18

to. And then we go, yes,

32:20

I think we're leaving meat on the bone. And

32:22

the people we're talking to don't love our show as

32:24

much as we do because they're doing 20 shows. And

32:27

this is our passion. This is what we do because

32:29

we love it. But we can't do

32:31

it because of fucking you. You

32:34

gave the note of no and we have

32:36

to listen even though you're wrong. Gareth,

32:38

I'm getting hot here. Slow me down. But

32:42

what's really lovely about this is we had

32:44

an episode where on social media a guy,

32:46

we found out that there was somebody pretending

32:49

to be me in a bar

32:50

in Edinburgh. He was talking

32:53

to people, their group was buying drinks.

32:55

And I found out because a girl reached out to me and said

32:57

it was really nice meeting you in Edinburgh. You gave

33:00

me such sweet advice. And then I said, well, that's

33:02

impossible because I wasn't in Edinburgh. And

33:04

she goes, yes, you were. I have a photo. And I said,

33:06

let's see it. And she posted it. And it was a man who looks

33:09

a lot like me.

33:10

He just has a different style. He wears a different

33:12

cap and he wears like a cross around his

33:14

neck. But outside of that, we're pretty similar.

33:17

I showed it to my wife and she goes, the eyes are the same.

33:20

So I told Gareth a little bit. No, I didn't

33:22

tell you about it. We surprised you. I told Kevin about

33:24

it. Yeah,

33:25

I told Gareth, don't pay attention to social

33:28

media because we like to mess with each other and

33:30

surprise each other on air. Then we had

33:32

those girls on and her friends who

33:34

had partied with him. Then we found him and we

33:36

had him on. Now being

33:39

able to do those two episodes were just a blast.

33:41

I don't think we could do that if we know a

33:43

creative partner because that is not of

33:46

the premise of the show. Now, Gareth saved it by saying,

33:48

we're here to help. It works because

33:51

it's meta. We're helping Jake figure out how to

33:53

deal with this situation of having somebody

33:55

acting like him.

33:56

But because of that, it opened up our show. Now

33:58

it could be new things. So the

34:01

independence for me of podcasting

34:04

is

34:04

so exciting.

34:06

It is addictive. When you play by

34:08

the rules that they've set out for a long time

34:11

and you realize there's none in this

34:13

world, it really is. It's

34:15

just totally different. And it also speaks

34:18

to why that wedding call is so great because

34:20

she was the network. She

34:24

went to fantasy camp and got to be the

34:26

executive going, I don't enjoy that

34:28

take because of our audience and we're going, God damn it, we

34:30

want to get picked up to series. And

34:32

we went back to our natural role and that is

34:35

we're here to dance for you.

34:36

We're clowns. Yes. Like

34:39

you're begging. We're monkeys with the bells. We're

34:41

just, we're sealed, throws fish. We'll do all the claps.

34:47

Thank you so much for coming on the show.

34:48

Thank you so much. Thanks

34:50

Meredith.

34:54

You can find Gareth and Jake's podcast. We're

34:56

here to help wherever you get your podcasts. Love

34:59

Letters is a production of the Boston Globe. Today's

35:02

episode was produced by Jesse Remedios and Scott

35:04

Homan. Ned Porter does our audio mixing

35:06

sound design and mastering. Maddie Mortel

35:09

does our audience engagement. Love Letters

35:11

illustrations by Allie Reza. Our marketing

35:13

coordinator is Maggie Taylor. Special

35:16

thanks to Linda Henry. Our music is from

35:18

APM. Please follow us on

35:20

Apple podcasts or Spotify or

35:22

online at loveletters.show.

35:23

The

35:26

Instagram ads have started recommending

35:28

me like hair product stuff. But

35:30

there's one specifically that's

35:33

like I got on these pills and now I'm

35:35

shining. So me and my buddy text each other

35:37

every time we have a good hair day. We're like I'm shining.

35:40

And thanks to your signing Jake. I'm so excited. You're

35:42

shining. You're shining. You're shining too. I'm

35:45

Meredith Goldstein.

35:49

Thank

35:56

you.

36:07

From PRX.