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Yay networks.

0:33

Yeah. Love

0:35

letters to Kelly.

0:36

Welcome to Love letters to

0:38

Kelly. It's a podcast that I Kelly

0:40

Raspary due with the Robert Aaron

0:43

could not do without you,

0:44

Robert? I couldn't do without you. You

0:46

definitely could. And we also couldn't

0:48

do it without our jingle singers today.

0:51

That precious voice belongs to Macy

0:53

Ling. She is a precious seven

0:55

year old second grader at Eden Gardens

0:57

in Shreveport. her mom Jen

1:00

said that Macy loves you. And Robert,

1:02

Robert, she loves you too. you know. And she's grown

1:04

up listening to the kid crydic morning show. She

1:06

left a thing, and she's been begging to sending your

1:08

jingle. She's also a competitive gymnast.

1:11

There you go. I'll tell you what. She

1:13

looks older than seven. Right?

1:16

No. She

1:16

does. She looks like a big guy. I would I would have

1:18

guessed nine.

1:19

I'm the worst. I sat

1:21

behind a row of girls the other night at a concert.

1:24

and I'm behind row of girls that Yeah. --

1:26

I couldn't tell you if they were fifteen or twenty

1:28

five. There's somewhere in there, I think. I'm not great.

1:31

but

1:32

when you're seven years old, you wanna look older.

1:34

Right. And when you're my age, you wanna look younger.

1:36

So I'm sure a bit Macy, just a beautiful

1:39

girl, and thank you for Sharing your beautiful

1:41

voice by singing Arch Engel

1:43

today. Well, welcome to the podcast

1:45

halfway through October, isn't this crazy.

1:47

Mhmm. From the bullet drain Four

1:50

days.

1:50

Every weekend's booked from now till Robert,

1:53

you're not joking. I I was telling

1:55

my mother that she thought I was lying. my

1:57

sister-in-law, Lori, and my brother,

1:59

Ryan,

1:59

who

2:01

are about to be grandparents by the

2:02

way. Congratulations.

2:03

My nephew Braden and his wife Braden they

2:05

got married last November, and

2:08

they're expecting a baby. We don't know if it's a boy

2:10

or girl yet, but she's had just

2:12

like me, I had Emma Kelly my daughter

2:14

Emma Kelly's name picked out since six grade.

2:16

She's had

2:16

her baby names picked out since six grade. Either

2:18

one. Boy and girl. Yeah.

2:19

So, anyway, we're very excited

2:23

But

2:23

my my sister-in-law Lori, she has been

2:25

trying to have my husband and me over for

2:27

dinner forever. She said,

2:29

okay, pull out the calendar. This

2:31

was a couple weeks ago. And I said,

2:33

Laurie, you are not going to believe

2:35

this. Our

2:37

schedule is she wants a Friday

2:39

or a Saturday night. I said we are

2:41

not free for dinner until

2:44

January twenty seventh or twenty

2:46

eighth of twenty twenty three.

2:48

Y'all are busy.

2:50

That is the first weekend where

2:52

we don't have the kids. She wants

2:54

an adult nine. Totally. We don't have the kids

2:56

and all of their activities and stuff. I don't

2:58

have holiday parties already

3:00

booked. I mean, I'm already booked for three

3:03

Christmas

3:03

parties, Robert. Three.

3:05

Three?

3:05

And I know my friend's about to invite me to one.

3:08

She always has one every year for the neighbors, so there's

3:10

gonna be four. It's crazy.

3:12

It's not but I like being busy. Do

3:14

you? I do. I like I like having

3:16

a full calendar. I remember when I

3:18

watched that Joan Rivers documentary, and

3:21

she was showing her she's like me.

3:23

She'd used a big planner, and she'd

3:25

flipped the pages and the pages would be empty.

3:27

And she said, I feel like she felt like

3:29

a loser

3:29

and worthless. and I feel that

3:31

same. I'm just the opposite.

3:33

If my schedule doesn't have something

3:35

and I write down everything, I

3:37

feel like I'm not being productive, I

3:39

don't feel like, I'm winning. I don't

3:41

that's weird. I need to have my calendar

3:44

full. And I told my husband, I said one day, I

3:46

know I'm gonna

3:47

stop being invited to do things. I'm gonna stop

3:49

being asked do things and then what am I gonna

3:51

do? And he's like, well, I'll know I'll stay busy

3:53

because my husband has five million hobbies. Yeah.

3:56

And I'm like, I don't have any hobbies.

3:57

Like, I do the fact when you're doing your

3:59

calendar and you do something that wasn't

4:02

written down when you write down that you did it.

4:04

Sometimes

4:04

just because sometimes I need to go back

4:06

and remember when I did something. Okay. like,

4:08

oh my gosh, when did I do that? And I can

4:10

go back and look. And then when

4:12

the New Year my favorite my

4:14

husband and I, we we do a sandwich love

4:16

and podcast, and we do a a

4:18

segment called hashtag not an ad. because,

4:20

you know, we do ads for things, but we're like, these

4:22

are things we just love and we don't get paid

4:24

for. One of my things is always my

4:26

day planner. And I I

4:28

did I talked about it as from gallery

4:30

leather and I

4:32

love it so much and I'll get a new one any

4:34

day now because

4:34

I was gonna say have you already ordered the new one? I haven't

4:37

ordered

4:37

the new one yet, but I'm gonna, like, do it

4:39

now because I'm already starting

4:41

to book into January, my first dinner

4:43

party with my brother.

4:44

Does your twenty twenty two go through January?

4:46

It goes it only goes through let's

4:49

see. This one. It it has like

4:51

a like a

4:53

big calendar in the front, like a

4:55

month, a page. I don't know if that makes any

4:57

sense. This one goes through

4:59

literally

4:59

January first this year.

5:02

So I

5:02

I need my new one. So I'm gonna order it. I always

5:04

try to get a new different color, but I love

5:06

it. so much. And when I

5:09

get a new day

5:10

planner, I almost get so excited I

5:13

wanna cry. I love it. I don't

5:15

know what it is. I just the the promise of a

5:17

new year, filling in the

5:19

the pages.

5:19

It's always been that way.

5:20

cited. I love it. I love it. I've always

5:22

liked writing lists. I've always I just

5:24

I don't know. I just love it. So anyway,

5:27

let's see what's on my schedule if anybody's curious.

5:31

Let's save this week. Sure. Let me

5:33

flip over to that page. We'll see we're

5:35

recording this. My

5:37

my friend's birthday. Okay.

5:40

McKelly has a dentist appointment. Our

5:43

son has a football game.

5:46

I also have to do oh, I have to do a TV

5:48

interview for kids kids. Yeah.

5:51

My daughter's birthday is this week. Mhmm.

5:53

Also, my my former next door neighbor, I have

5:55

to remember her. My daughter wants to go

5:57

to dinner on her actual birthday even though already

5:59

had her

5:59

sweet sixteen party. I have lunch with

6:02

two girlfriends. My daughter has an archery

6:04

appointment. already. yeah,

6:06

my son has a baseball game. My other

6:08

son has a baseball game

6:10

and a soccer tournament. And then

6:12

it's my daughter's homecoming. And

6:14

that's just But y'all, I know we're talking a little I know

6:16

we're gonna get to your letters, but I've got a I've

6:18

got a problem. I've

6:19

got a huge problem, Robert. Why?

6:22

My

6:22

daughter, her school hasn't had

6:25

homecoming for a few years, so this is the first

6:27

year, and she's only been this. It's high

6:29

school. She's only been there a couple years. So so for

6:31

sure they're having homecoming. Yeah. It's

6:33

the same day or same night

6:35

that Big Al gave me tickets to see

6:37

Steve Martin and

6:38

Martin Short.

6:39

He gave them to me for my birthday

6:41

back in April, and

6:42

it's the same you have daughters. You have

6:45

to regift them to to a friend or something. I

6:47

have to

6:47

tell Ow, I don't know how he's given me

6:49

these tickets, and I know I've got to

6:51

be there. You have to She doesn't right

6:53

at this point, she's going with girlfriends.

6:56

And

6:56

Although, what time is how what

6:59

time is the

6:59

whole thing? Well Is that early

7:02

afternoon in the show? Is that, like, eight or

7:04

nine at nine?

7:04

Yeah. The show starts like eight. So

7:07

there is a way -- Yeah. -- I could send her

7:09

off and then leave, but it's gonna be

7:11

pushing up. I

7:12

don't know. No. You can probably do it. Yeah.

7:14

Totally. And then be home by the time they get home. Yeah.

7:17

Anyway, it's just a busy week, and it's all in you

7:20

know why? It's all in my calendar, and

7:22

that makes me happy. So

7:24

anyway, that's enough about me.

7:26

Let's get to the letters, Robert.

7:28

Dear, Kelly, you are the love expert. I am.

7:30

My name is Ray, and I've been with my boyfriend

7:32

for almost three years now. have a

7:34

few key points I could use a little advice

7:36

on for my relationship. Okay. We met

7:38

online about five years after graduating from the

7:40

same high school together. While he was single, he

7:42

got into the habit of saving lewd photos

7:44

of women, he's been with or fantasizes

7:47

about being with until I nagged him

7:49

to delete him. Oh, my. We

7:51

have sex maybe two times a month due to his

7:53

physical disabilities and due to the limitations,

7:55

he doesn't help around the house much because

7:57

everything's too painful. He told

7:59

me how he and his ex would have sex three

8:01

to four times a week and he would pleasure her.

8:03

He

8:03

has never given me an

8:06

orgasm. If

8:07

I ask him for something like putting shelves

8:09

up, he can't do it. But

8:10

his best friend needed help moving to her

8:12

new apartment and he informed me He

8:15

was going to help her last minute in

8:17

my car. He doesn't

8:18

own a vehicle of his own, but his name's on

8:20

mine. He doesn't make any payments on it,

8:22

and he isn't on the insurance, yet he views

8:24

my car is his completely.

8:26

He grows my button boobs and then

8:28

has and then has to think about if

8:30

he wants sex when I initiate it. Mhmm.

8:32

At this point, and At

8:34

this point in his relationship with his ex, he

8:36

was picking out a ring to propose with, and

8:38

now with me, he isn't

8:40

ready. He gave me a promise ring two

8:42

weeks into a stating. I

8:44

gave him one and he never wears it.

8:46

The biggest

8:46

issue is he's been adding random

8:48

women online just because

8:51

they're hot and boobies,

8:53

his exact words.

8:53

This is the biggest issue. He

8:55

claims he never messaged talk to any of them,

8:57

but he is constantly adding them and liking

8:59

their pictures. He's even commented Danny

9:01

look good to an ex crush.

9:03

He offered to delete he's offered to delete

9:05

every six to eight months ago. He offered

9:07

to delete everyone six to eight months ago and

9:09

he still hasn't. What I'd like to know

9:11

is, is this relationship worth

9:13

the stress? Oh

9:14

my goodness. I would love

9:16

to her name is Rae. Right? I'd

9:18

love to have Rae on the phone right now,

9:20

so I could talked to her. I know a lot of people

9:22

think I'm gonna do a a rant berry

9:24

as they like to call it, but

9:27

my heart breaks for Ray because

9:29

she thinks that's the best she can

9:31

do. That's

9:31

it. She thinks that there is

9:34

nothing lovable about the

9:36

sky. He treats her like crap.

9:38

Yeah. And she takes it and then asks

9:40

for more.

9:41

And I just that breaks my heart, that there are

9:43

so many women. It's not necessarily

9:45

the exact same

9:47

details, but it's the same story.

9:49

Yeah. that women just put up

9:51

with that crap for whatever reason. They

9:53

don't think they can do better. I

9:56

wouldn't

9:56

I and then she's, you know, a lot of guys

9:58

will give you a promise and say all right

10:00

things or whatever to to

10:02

snag you, they got you. And he's

10:04

he's already test he tested what he could get

10:06

away with. And then, oh, okay. I can get away with

10:08

this. Well, now I can do this. I gotta wait with

10:10

that too. Well, let me do a little bit more. Actually,

10:12

it's worse than worse. He does not respect

10:14

you. If this

10:16

is love, I don't want that kinda

10:18

love. So I'm gonna go ahead and go out on limb here and say

10:20

he does not love you, because love

10:23

comes with respect. This

10:24

relationship where the stress. No. No. The

10:26

relationship is not worth the stress.

10:29

So hopefully, I know

10:31

when we read these letters, we're hoping

10:33

that people actually hear them. On

10:35

the radio, I know it's harder because we

10:37

do it and we move on. But on the podcast, it's

10:40

sitting there

10:40

-- Yeah. -- in perpetuity.

10:41

Is that the right

10:42

word? I believe so.

10:43

Ernity. Mhmm. But, Ray, hopefully,

10:46

with all the love in my heart, I'm not

10:48

making fun of you, but you have to listen

10:50

back to that letter. and say, what

10:52

the heck am I thinking --

10:54

Yeah. -- putting up with this crap

10:56

just because you get an apartment

10:58

somebody just because your name's on a lease,

11:00

just because what?

11:02

Just

11:02

because you've already been with them for

11:05

a year. Just because -- Five

11:07

years. -- five years in this

11:09

case. Just because he gave you a

11:11

promise ring almost five years ago, you said

11:13

he gave you that very early on.

11:15

He is a piece of garbage. He's

11:18

a piece of garbage.

11:22

Why why why

11:23

settle for that? So it's

11:25

hard, you know, especially when you are so

11:27

used to being with someone. You've kinda

11:29

gotten in this rhythm where you're almost

11:31

dependent on this you know, you know the rhythm of the

11:33

relationships, the devil you know.

11:35

And it's kind of scary, but at least, you

11:37

know, well, you're thinking, at least I have

11:39

somebody to, you know, watch TV

11:41

with, and at least I have somebody to go to the

11:43

office Christmas party with, girl,

11:46

please don't settle for this.

11:48

Please don't settle for this. everybody

11:50

listening is screaming. Please

11:52

don't settle for this. You can do

11:54

so much better. Or

11:57

you

11:57

can be by yourself. And there's there are far worse things

11:59

than being alone.

11:59

It's being saddled with this piece of garbage.

12:02

That's my advice. Why?

12:04

love letters.

12:06

Lovelies to Kelly.

12:07

Now a word from our sponsor

12:10

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I, you know, get problems we all

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bogged down in it. The anxiety builds

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when I should have spent more time thinking of the

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solution to my problems, how

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differently would that go if I just had a

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matter how big or how small they are, those

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ones. Now, I have been in therapy on and

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off over the years. I don't feel like I

12:53

always need to be in it. You know, it's

12:55

not like that for everybody. But when I have

12:57

needed to be in therapy, when I needed an

12:59

outside perspective to help me see

13:01

things more clearly, I always

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walked out of therapy feeling better than I

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did before I went in. And if

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dot com slash letters. Dear

13:38

Kelly, you are the love expert. I am. I have

13:40

had a best friend for over twenty five years.

13:42

We have been best friend since the second grade

13:44

and we will both be thirty soon.

13:46

She

13:46

amazing kids and I have four amazing

13:49

kids. She's single

13:49

and I have been married for thirteen years

13:52

now since high school. We drifted

13:53

a little when she went to college and I was raising babies

13:56

at home. We came back together and we have been our

13:58

usual selves. We've even worked together for a

14:00

few years. But about two years ago, I got a

14:02

new job so we no longer see each other

14:04

every day. But even before getting the new job, she

14:06

had stated, I don't give her enough of my

14:08

time or attention. At first,

14:09

I was defensive and angry, but once I settled down

14:11

and apologized, we carried on. I tried to

14:13

put more time and attention into our friendship, but

14:16

how much can she expect from me? Like I

14:17

said, I'm busy. My kids play ball. My

14:20

husband and I work full time, and we only have one

14:22

day a week. where we are both off

14:24

together with the kids. It's sad, but we

14:26

manage. I already don't feel like I see my kids

14:28

enough. I know it's all about balance, but

14:30

frankly, my children and husband will always and should

14:32

come before my friend. pipe. Like I said, we

14:34

live different lives. She lives with family who

14:36

help her with her two children so much so

14:38

that she can up and leave, go out of town, go

14:40

out etcetera. Basically, whenever she

14:42

wants. I'm almost the opposite. My

14:44

parents have both passed and I don't have a big support

14:46

system or help with my children at all.

14:48

I've

14:48

tried to explain that. I've tried to apologize in

14:51

doing those things, walking on pins and needles

14:53

around her to try to be what she considers

14:55

a good friend. I love her to death

14:57

and always will. then

14:59

recently she hit me again with a ridiculously long

15:01

text regarding jealousy of the people I work

15:03

with. It almost feels like she didn't want me to

15:05

have other friends or be happy with anyone

15:07

else. I'm a grown woman at this point and

15:09

I'm done. Not mad. No hate

15:11

just hurt and done. She doesn't want to talk

15:13

after this. She works with children

15:15

and my children are some of the people she

15:17

works with. We also live in a very small town.

15:19

We see one another at ball games at our

15:21

children events, and even

15:22

my extended family events because she attends

15:24

those. I haven't talked to her. She hasn't talked

15:26

to me. I don't know what to do. Also,

15:28

throw this in. Our children are obviously friends.

15:30

Like, it calls from her phone with her young

15:32

daughter asking to come over. or my

15:34

daughter to come to her house, but my friend

15:36

still won't talk to me. So I'm stuck

15:38

between a rock and a hard place. I try

15:40

telling her young daughter She needs to get

15:42

permission from her mom to come over or my

15:44

daughter to go over and she isn't

15:46

getting that. It breaks my heart because our children are

15:48

involved as well. It almost feels like what I

15:50

imagine a divorce would feel like. Please

15:52

help. Sign a busy mom and not a

15:54

bad friend.

15:55

Hey, busy. It's pretty

15:57

snoful. Oh goodness. What a

15:59

lot of drama? What an energy suck?

16:01

I would think you'd be kind of relieved and not

16:03

have to deal with her on a daily basis, and yet

16:05

you still do. because of the kids

16:07

connection. Right? Right. What

16:09

was the last conversation you had with her

16:11

like? Was it by text or was it

16:13

by text, and she had actually asked,

16:16

hey, can I get get her and go to lunch?

16:18

And I was like, yeah. That'll be

16:20

good. And then, literally,

16:22

with, like, fifteen minutes after, it was a

16:24

two long paragraphs about, you

16:26

know, me not giving a business

16:28

relationship there. and all

16:30

that. And so I just I

16:32

I didn't know what to do at that point, so I

16:34

didn't even respond because, you know,

16:36

we've done this too many times. Yeah.

16:38

It's exhausting.

16:39

I levered it as, you know, she held

16:42

my hand in my pregnancy enrolled. She was

16:44

my sister, but I don't know what to do.

16:45

I would just tell her look, we were in two

16:48

different places. I don't have the help.

16:50

I'm exhausted. I'm burning the candle at both

16:52

ends. My kids have to be my priority.

16:54

I'm sorry you can't understand that.

16:56

I would, you know, I'd love to get together with

16:58

you. Maybe we can have third

17:00

Wednesday of every month. That's your

17:02

day. And that's the day where, you know, get it on the schedule.

17:04

It's always on the calendar. and

17:06

that's our day and nothing will, you know,

17:08

stop me from seeing you on that day. And if

17:10

that's not good enough for her, why would

17:12

you want to keep being friends with

17:14

an energy suck? because they were

17:16

back to you for a season

17:18

of your life when your parents passed and,

17:20

you know, when you were coming up in school,

17:22

that doesn't mean they

17:23

always have to be

17:26

there.

17:26

are Just

17:27

regaining you. The only thing

17:29

about the kids though, man, I had a

17:31

friend do that with me where I I had to finally

17:33

cut this toxic toxic person out

17:35

of my life, and we'd both end up at the

17:37

same restaurant, and she would send her daughter over

17:40

to the table. Mommy,

17:41

missus You Why would

17:43

you do that? to a child. That's all.

17:45

Right. And I would just

17:48

say, tell your mommy that I said

17:50

hello, and you know, I don't wanna get the

17:52

kids involved. Tell your mommy I said

17:54

hello, and I'll I'll talk to her soon or

17:56

whatever. Just go away,

17:58

kid. Right. Right. And

18:00

you know what?

18:00

If she's a really great friend with you,

18:03

of you, she'll

18:03

come sit with you at your kid's baseball game.

18:05

Was she married ever? Or is she a

18:07

recent divorcee?

18:08

No. She's never been married. She's got some

18:11

the fathers of her children

18:14

and very short lived romances.

18:16

Yeah. So she's a playa. She's

18:18

still

18:18

play -- Mhmm. -- and she needs a playmate, but that's

18:20

not you. And you can love her and

18:22

let her go off and be crazy, but say, hey, if

18:24

you wanna hang out with me, I'd love to see you.

18:26

Here's my kid's soccer schedule, and this

18:28

is where I'm gonna be. And I

18:30

promise, let's do this. I I love you, and

18:32

I wanna catch up. The third Thursday of every

18:34

month, you and me, happy hour, or you and me, lunch,

18:37

whatever it is you all come up with. And if

18:39

that's not good enough for her,

18:41

oh, well. Okay. I'm gonna love

18:43

you from way over here. But you don't

18:45

have to say it

18:45

with meanness at all. It might

18:47

be something

18:48

I have to just fix it. Yeah.

18:50

Yeah. This is just this is my life.

18:52

This is my life right now, honey. And I

18:54

love you, and I'd love you to be a part of it, but you're also

18:56

gonna have to be at son's play date because he's

18:58

gonna you know, you just have to tag along. That's the

19:00

way it is. And she's not gonna

19:02

wanna do that. She's gonna go out and go meet

19:04

baby

19:04

daddy in one three. She'll it once.

19:06

she's gonna wanna go out. Yeah.

19:08

So

19:09

Okay. Well,

19:10

I appreciate you so much. I'm trying to feel excited to

19:12

get to talk to you. Yeah. I feel like I

19:14

did all the time. I'm sorry. Sometimes

19:16

I'm a little chatty. Today is one of those

19:18

days. I'm sorry. Nope. You're

19:21

great. I loved it. Thank you

19:23

very much. Awesome. Love you. Thank you. Okay.

19:25

Bye. Bye. I think I must have taken a

19:27

new item

19:27

or something, Robert. I am so chatty today.

19:30

That's horrible. That's fine. me.

19:32

Dear Kelly, you are the love expert. I am.

19:34

I'm in my mid forties and have been married

19:36

for seventeen years. We have a wonderful

19:38

talented twelve year old boy.

19:40

which is the only good about our marriage. I've

19:42

tried marriage therapy at least three times, but

19:44

the sessions always end with me being

19:46

the only one going. Yeah.

19:48

We sex only about ten percent of the

19:51

average times a man has sex a year

19:53

or shit. How much is that? III

19:55

don't know. the math on that, Robert? I

19:57

don't know. What what do they say? A couple

20:00

times a month, a week? What? Man, I don't

20:02

know. Every Even if it's once

20:04

a week, say it's once a times a year.

20:06

He's having sex five times a year

20:08

then. Okay. Let's

20:08

just say that. Okay. I

20:10

finally have the courage though.

20:12

to divorce

20:13

my wife. My challenge is

20:15

how do I go about dropping the news bomb

20:17

that I'm seriously going to divorce her and

20:19

that it

20:19

is real this time? I don't

20:21

know how she's react. I'm afraid of triggering erratic

20:24

behavior. What's the best way

20:25

to ease into this kind of conversation?

20:28

FYI, my son, is actually the one

20:30

who encouraged the divorce and wants to

20:32

live with me. Wow. And I

20:34

know that's going to be a telling thing

20:36

and hell for her and I both

20:38

Valentine. wow,

20:39

I was really shocked because

20:41

when you started reading that letter, I

20:43

was hearing it in the wife's voice. Yeah.

20:45

And then you flipped the script on me.

20:48

Right? Yeah. Was it was it were you shot? Were

20:50

you reading that? You already knew. I was

20:52

shocked. I thought that was gonna be the wife going to

20:54

therapy and the husband wouldn't go, and it's the

20:56

exact opposite. Well, here's the

20:58

thing. You know, I'm not a marriage therapist

21:00

or accounts or I just give advice.

21:02

I'd be curious you have

21:04

another marriage counseling

21:06

session, what your therapist would recommend

21:08

you say. But

21:10

it's just basically wow.

21:13

And the twelve year old knows there's

21:15

enough problems. The twelve year old sees

21:17

that this isn't working. So

21:19

there's

21:19

a lot of stuff here he's leaving out.

21:21

a

21:22

lot. Mhmm. You know? And I did I

21:24

did speak with him about being on, but He's

21:26

not in the right place. I understand

21:28

that. Well, I'm just curious if

21:30

don't know what the woman's problem is.

21:33

Is she depressed? because a

21:35

lot

21:35

of people, when they're so deep in

21:37

depression, they can't get out of bed. They can't

21:39

make it to those doctor's appointment because they're

21:41

just so in the throes of

21:43

it. They can't do anything to

21:45

help themselves? Is it that? I

21:47

don't know. Is she just an

21:50

awful wife and

21:51

doesn't know how be a wife. Is this

21:53

a recent thing? Has this been going on for,

21:55

you know, since day one? What changed?

21:58

Something's I

21:59

mean, you loved her to

22:01

and that's why I always ask people is, like, try

22:03

to remember that person you fell in love with.

22:05

What changed? But as far as

22:07

the conversation, I mean, I

22:10

I

22:10

can't believe this hasn't been the subject hasn't

22:12

been broached already. Mhmm. If you're already

22:14

in marriage counseling, obviously, she knows the

22:16

marriage trouble. If she if she's not going with

22:18

you the therapy, probably not gonna be

22:20

a big shock. Right. When you drop

22:23

the news that you're you want

22:24

a divorce. So it's

22:25

just basically you just go tell her,

22:28

say, for the place of

22:29

love, don't ever do it when your angry

22:31

intentions are high. capture at a time when

22:33

it's just a regular Thursday. Just

22:36

the middle of the you know, we just came home.

22:38

Hopefully, your son is out of the house. You

22:40

don't want him to be there you don't

22:42

know

22:42

how Well, at least you you have the ability to arrange

22:45

that. You have the

22:45

ability to arrange that and

22:48

just say, you know, look, our marriage is not

22:50

in a good place. You're not happy. I'm

22:52

not happy. It's, you know, it's making our

22:54

son not happy. I think we

22:56

could still be great parents to

22:59

our son just separately. And that's

23:01

it.

23:01

And if she suddenly

23:03

snaps out of this

23:05

hey she's in and says,

23:07

oh my god, Now, this

23:09

is real. I need to do something. I'm gonna try to save

23:12

my marriage. Well, maybe good luck. That

23:14

happened to a friend of mine. That

23:16

absolutely happened to a friend of mine.

23:18

she was going through. Her marriage was

23:21

falling apart and her husband's

23:23

telling her, this, I'm not

23:25

happy. I'm not happy. This isn't

23:27

it working? and then he finally dropped the

23:29

d bomb on her. And

23:31

suddenly she's like, wait a minute.

23:32

What? I'll

23:33

do anything. I'll do anything. And

23:36

it was too late at that point.

23:38

they Right? Is it

23:39

ever too late to tell us? because then she

23:41

suddenly started trying to do all these things,

23:43

but it was the damage had been done by the time he brought

23:45

it up. And he'd been He'd been letting

23:47

her know the whole time. I'm not happy. This isn't

23:49

working. This isn't working. Now I

23:51

want a divorce. Oh, what? No.

23:53

Wait. No.

23:55

Too late.

23:57

though So have

23:58

that conversation with her and it

23:59

doesn't have to be ugly. You don't have

24:02

to give the long list of things that

24:04

she's done to make your life a

24:06

living hell and you're just a bad

24:08

mother too and all this stuff. It doesn't have to be like

24:10

that. It can just be

24:12

real calm matter of fact,

24:14

and that's just just it

24:15

is what it is. But

24:18

go see a divorce

24:18

attorney first, always Before

24:21

you have a conversation about divorce, I don't care if you're a man or

24:23

a woman. You go talk to an attorney

24:26

first and find out legally what you

24:28

need to do because if you

24:30

tell somebody I'm gonna divorce you. And they like,

24:32

well, let's think about it for a few days.

24:34

You don't know what they could be doing behind

24:36

your back, and you could be royally

24:38

screwed. So

24:40

go find out legally what's

24:43

going

24:43

on here. It is worth a one hour consultation.

24:45

It's an expensive hour with

24:47

an attorney, but it could

24:50

In the long run, it can save you a lot of heartache and a

24:52

lot of money. So I would I would have that

24:54

conversation first with a lawyer and then have

24:56

the conversation with your We've

24:59

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bragging about a meal you

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28:31

Dear, Kelly, you are the love expert. I

28:33

am. So I've been in a

28:35

very difficult relationship for four and a half

28:37

years now. It's been rocky from the very

28:39

beginning and many said, I should have

28:41

left it a long time ago. He

28:43

had devoted his life to drugs and I didn't know

28:45

this until we were already six months into

28:47

our relationship. and I couldn't just leave

28:49

him when I found out because the feelings had

28:51

already grown. I decided I'd

28:53

help and support him to get off

28:55

the drugs. Well, he did, but not

28:57

until three years later. I've put up

28:59

with being stolen from, lied to, and

29:01

mentally abused for three years. Once

29:03

he was done with the drugs, he was nicer, he didn't steal

29:05

or lie anymore, but now

29:07

he's a bomb. He has no job,

29:09

no car, no house. I try and support

29:11

him as much as I can, but I have my own kids and

29:13

I have to support. I cannot

29:15

afford to support him financially too.

29:17

I tell him to go get a job within

29:19

walking distance and walk and he refuses to

29:21

do anything. He's been sober for

29:22

eighteen months and has not tried to do anything

29:25

with his life. I love him but I cannot stay

29:27

in to be with a homeless man who does not

29:29

have any hopes or dreams or any

29:31

intentions of fixing his life. I

29:33

cannot do

29:33

everything for him. Kelly,

29:35

I

29:35

just wanna know, you stay with the

29:37

man not doing anything with his life? To

29:39

top it

29:40

all off, he's pretty angry with life, pretty bitter

29:42

and boring, doesn't ever laugh,

29:44

I feel bad thinking, oh, it's because

29:46

he's depressed and I try and do something fun or

29:48

silly to cheer him up, and he just seems to

29:50

get mad. I

29:51

wanna help him, but he is draining me too,

29:54

and I four small children who need their mama to be happy,

29:56

full, not empty, and drained. I hate to

29:58

leave him because

29:58

he has no one else. I don't

29:59

want anything bad to happen to

30:02

him. I want

30:02

the best for him. Please help me

30:05

Nicole.

30:05

Hey, Nicole. Hey.

30:08

Girl, you have given enough. It's

30:10

time to let it go. time to let it old

30:12

are your kids? Well, my

30:14

youngest is two and oldest is

30:16

eight. So Okay. So they're

30:18

very young and you

30:20

know, but watching mom. And they're seeing

30:22

what mom is tolerating in a relationship.

30:25

And as as much as we think we're

30:27

hiding stuff from our kids that they're not

30:29

paying attention and they are paying attention

30:31

to everything. Right.

30:33

You don't want your kids repeating the

30:36

same pattern

30:36

when they get older. That is

30:38

true. And you've done enough of this man. You stuck

30:40

with him, honey. I I'm

30:43

amazed you did, but you got him

30:45

sober. You've done enough. And

30:47

he's not willing anything else? No. It's

30:50

hard. I know it's easier, so everybody says,

30:52

just leave him. It's not that easy. And I

30:54

know it's not. It's painful. And,

30:58

you know, I love Rob Robert, I love you.

31:00

I

31:00

love you. I love you

31:01

too. I don't want to to live

31:03

with you or be married to you. No? I

31:05

don't. Okay. I I can love you. So you're gonna have to go love

31:07

somebody else. Okay. And that's the

31:10

thing with this man this

31:12

I'm so glad he's been sober for a year and

31:14

a half, but just because

31:17

you

31:17

love somebody doesn't mean you have to keep supporting

31:19

them and paying for everything.

31:22

helping them actually because

31:24

--

31:24

Right. -- I haven't forbid what some what if something

31:26

happens to you? Right. He

31:29

needs to learn how to stand on

31:31

his own two feet. He doesn't have

31:33

any family. They all abandoned

31:35

him? Well, yeah, whenever he was

31:37

on drugs, they all just said, I'm done with

31:39

him. Wapping my hands clean. So

31:41

they've probably been burned many times by him,

31:43

but I guarantee

31:44

you if he truly if

31:46

you kick him out

31:47

and say, I'm done, you

31:49

got to go. he's gonna

31:51

find somebody that's gonna let him sleep on

31:53

a couch and bum off of them

31:56

for as long as that's the

31:58

way takers are. I've

32:00

told this to so many friends. If you finally cut

32:02

them off financially and the

32:04

emotional stuff, they will go find

32:06

somebody else to bleed dry.

32:09

They

32:09

always do. And

32:10

so I think you've done enough. But

32:13

now you've got to start thinking about

32:15

your kids. If you won't, dump

32:17

him

32:17

for yourself, dump him

32:20

because of

32:20

the example you're showing your

32:23

children every day. that

32:25

this is all mommy think she's worth.

32:27

This is what mommy

32:29

deserves. I don't

32:31

even know how to how

32:33

to how to

32:34

live, I guess. Are you

32:37

is he is he in

32:38

charge of where you live?

32:40

Actually, we are doing

32:43

I bought a six stripper house, and I'm

32:45

living with my parents while we while

32:48

I fixed that house. And

32:50

so he's just living over there in that six or upper house. I

32:52

mean, they don't even have no power, no

32:54

water, nothing. I mean

32:56

Yeah. It's

32:58

like a squad. a fixer upper

33:01

man.

33:01

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but III

33:04

told my mom before, you know. I kinda

33:06

just wanna I

33:07

just let that house go back, maybe he'll

33:09

go with it. You know? I mean, that sounds

33:11

bad. But Well, I understand what you're

33:13

saying. We do anything to avoid

33:15

confrontation. Is your dad still in

33:17

the picture. Right? Yeah. He

33:19

is.

33:19

Your dad would be happy to handle this

33:21

for you. Honestly, Daddy's

33:24

love being

33:25

the hero. III

33:27

agree, but at some point, she's

33:28

gonna have to speak with him.

33:30

She is but she can also Yeah. She can really

33:32

enforce her. Yeah. And

33:33

when you feel weak and

33:35

like, daddy, I'm I'm wavering no. Daddy's like,

33:37

uh-uh, you're not. We're following this.

33:40

and Daddy will go over there with you. I mean,

33:42

I we we should be grown women, but every

33:44

once in a while, you know what? I want my Daddy

33:46

to help me. Yeah. You know, when

33:49

something as bad as I get at Jerry asbury.

33:51

We do butt heads a lot because, you know, oh, I'm

33:53

my my father's daughter. But

33:55

when when the chips are down and when the poop

33:57

hits the fan, I am on the phone

33:59

with Jerry as Barry, because he wants to he's still I'm

34:01

fifty five years old, and he still wants to protect me.

34:03

Yeah. I'm still his little girl. And

34:05

your daddy would do this for you.

34:08

he will go over there, say, son, gotta get out. It's

34:10

time. Yeah. Find someplace else.

34:12

He will he will stand there

34:14

and watch him get here. We've sold it.

34:16

Is bag of

34:17

stuff and get out and change the

34:20

locks. And if he shows

34:22

up, he'll he will be the bad guy

34:24

for you if it's that hard for you to be the

34:26

bad guy. Yeah. I just I

34:28

don't like to see other people hurt, you

34:30

know. I I don't wanna see

34:32

him cry or or anything like

34:34

that. I I understand. But you have

34:36

done enough.

34:37

four kids are sharing one bedroom, though. Right?

34:39

I'm assuming Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right

34:41

now there. Yeah. No. No. No. No. We gotta get

34:43

him

34:43

out and fix that out. When you get

34:45

rid of a bomb, you're

34:47

opening the door for a

34:50

true night and shining armor

34:52

to come in. There is probably a

34:54

and I know when I was a single mom and you've

34:56

got

34:57

the world four? Yep.

34:58

I mean, you think there's

35:00

nobody for me. I'm gonna tell you

35:02

my girlfriend right now. I

35:04

I'm not naming names. She was in a

35:06

terrible marriage. Terrible. She

35:09

finally got the nerve to

35:11

get

35:11

rid of him. and she had

35:13

three kids. And she's like, nobody's gonna

35:14

want me. Nobody. She got

35:16

online. She met a guy.

35:18

he met a guy He

35:20

is wonderful.

35:22

He treats those kids

35:24

like they're his own. he

35:27

she went and had to go buy a new

35:29

house. He's over there painting

35:32

bedrooms. He's assembling furniture.

35:34

He worships the ground.

35:36

He treats I'm about to cry thinking about it. He

35:38

treats those boys like they're his

35:40

own children. That's what

35:43

a man does. It doesn't if he loves you,

35:45

he takes all of you and that includes your

35:48

kids. This bomb that you've got

35:50

propped up in the corner of your of

35:52

your house that

35:54

don't even have electricity. Why are you holding on to that

35:55

And it's he he's there because he's not

35:58

allowed at your parents. Correct?

35:59

Right. No. Yeah. He he

36:01

Right. Yeah. I mean, he's burn

36:03

bridges with everybody or with everybody because

36:06

you burn that bridge because you're not

36:08

making room for that great

36:10

guy that's gonna come

36:12

in and You know? Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Robert,

36:14

I want better for you than that. I'm

36:16

surprised your I'm sure your parents have had

36:18

this same

36:20

conversation. Oh,

36:21

they've yeah. They've tried to

36:23

talk to me many times and It's

36:26

amazing. Yeah.

36:28

It's enough. I'm

36:29

telling you, I should I should send

36:31

you my friend's Instagram so you could see

36:33

her and

36:33

this honk. He's

36:36

gorgeous. a manly man. She's tall

36:37

too. She's like she's like taller than I am. I'm

36:39

five nine. And so she's a like a

36:41

six foot woman with kids thinking nobody's

36:43

gonna want me. She found

36:45

a man of six foot four. There you go. And

36:48

he's a hug and loves

36:50

her and her boys. I'm telling

36:52

you that

36:54

life is It might not look exactly like that for you, but it's better

36:56

than what you've got with this bum. Yeah. Yeah.

36:58

But you gotta get rid of

37:00

it first.

37:01

Yeah. I would not go into

37:03

twenty twenty three with this hanging over my

37:05

head. No. I mean, I I have called him and

37:07

said, hey, look, you should

37:09

that house is gonna go back because I don't have you

37:12

know, I fake stuff. I don't know if I have money. You

37:14

might wanna look into home with that. You know? It doesn't

37:16

matter. He's not gonna leave until he

37:18

has zero options. He's just gonna

37:20

sit there and wait it out. That doesn't

37:22

matter

37:22

how they talk to you about them. Yeah.

37:24

That

37:24

that's kind of how how I'm

37:27

getting the feel. I mean, I've been trying to,

37:29

you know, at least get him on his

37:31

feet. So whenever whenever if I,

37:33

you know, do leave, he'll he'll be set up. No. He won't

37:35

be living off the rails, but So are y'all friends?

37:37

Is there

37:37

any romance going on here? Or y'all just you're

37:40

just giving him a place to stay?

37:42

just

37:42

there's not really an era. Really? Yeah. How

37:44

can you how can you

37:45

make out with somebody you have zero respect

37:48

for? Yeah. I mean,

37:50

I can't I

37:52

mean, he he kinda stinks and stuff, so

37:54

girl. I mean, if you've done enough for him.

37:56

You you know what? If it makes you

37:58

feel good, give him a hundred

37:59

bucks. Yeah. and a bus ticket

38:02

somewhere warm. And just

38:03

say, I'm sorry. A bus

38:04

ticket to his parents or wherever he

38:06

needs to go. Go figure it out. and

38:09

have your dad there and, you know, over your shoulder if if

38:11

that's what you need. Change the locks and

38:13

go. Be

38:13

done with

38:15

it. sell the house

38:17

out from under him. Whatever you need to

38:19

do.

38:19

Yeah. Well, as long as they don't cry,

38:21

I could do

38:24

it. Who

38:24

cares? Who cares? He's a

38:25

manipulator. So don't even that's why you need to

38:27

have your dad there with you. because when he

38:29

starts crying, you're gonna

38:32

be like, Okay.

38:32

You can stay for another week, and daddy's

38:34

gonna be like, no. Yeah.

38:36

That is

38:37

how that is exactly we

38:40

all know. Girl, it's done. You've

38:42

done enough.

38:44

Alright. Well, that'll make you

38:46

better give him if it makes you feel better, give him another hundred

38:48

dollars and say, I'm sorry. Goodbye. She's not gonna do it. Yeah. She's not

38:50

gonna She's gonna do it. She's

38:51

gonna do it, Robert. Are you

38:53

gonna do

38:54

it?

38:55

I I might. You're not gonna

38:57

do it. You're not gonna do it? Maybe a nice hotel

38:59

room.

38:59

No. No. She's not gonna

39:02

do it. Okay. If you do okay.

39:04

Let's say you do that. Get them set

39:06

them up. If that makes you feel better, put

39:08

them in one of those extended play say

39:10

-- Yeah. -- paid for you for one month.

39:12

I

39:13

was gonna figure it out a week. Whatever. Whatever

39:15

makes you feel better. And -- Yeah. --

39:17

but no more. No

39:20

more.

39:20

And if he calls you for a dollar, no. You

39:22

don't ever have to answer the phone again. You never

39:24

just because your phone rings does not mean you

39:27

have to Well, I pay for his phone bill, so,

39:29

you know. Ah, I know. Are you gonna save so much

39:32

money when

39:34

he's gone?

39:34

Yeah. Well, definitely

39:37

Well,

39:37

he's going nowhere. I'm telling

39:38

you, do I need to go over there

39:40

with you in a month and he's still gonna

39:42

be there? Do I

39:43

need to go over there with you and kick him

39:45

out? If daddy's busy, I will go with you

39:47

to kick him out. Are you

39:49

gonna take your daddy? Jerry

39:50

Raspberry would handle it. Jerry

39:52

Raspberry would absolutely handle it with the love of

39:55

God. He would he would be giving him scripture

39:57

on the way out the door. and

40:00

a razz and a strawberry candy. Mhmm. Give me

40:02

a shout out. Well, I hope

40:04

we've put some I I know it's hard,

40:06

and you wanna be a nice person

40:09

you stuck with a drug addict for four

40:11

and a half years girl.

40:14

Nobody doubts. You're not a nice

40:16

person, but now

40:16

they're thinking you're just a doormat.

40:18

Right. Okay.

40:19

Be a better example.

40:20

I'm I'm saying this love. Be a better example

40:22

for your children. Sure.

40:25

and go meet that night and shine an armor. I'm

40:27

telling you he's out there, but he he can't get

40:29

in because you're not you haven't made room

40:32

for him. Yeah. Doors

40:34

closed. They haven't been closed for four and

40:36

a half years to a drug addict.

40:40

Yep. I'd be done. I'd be done. I'm putting this to the side. We're calling

40:42

you. We're

40:42

gonna call you back. How

40:44

long did we get it, Robert? I don't

40:46

know. Four

40:49

weeks,

40:49

six weeks? I

40:50

need at least a month. A month.

40:52

Alright. Alright. We're gonna call you back in a

40:54

month. Okay. I'll call you before thanksgiving. Alright.

40:58

Oh, girl, you better not spend thanksgiving

41:00

with him. Oh my

41:01

gosh. That that oh my gosh. I'll just

41:04

remind now I'm gonna feel even worse to try

41:06

before. Thank given. That's what that's the best time for his family welcome

41:08

him back with open arms. Right. When

41:10

he shows up sober on their doorstep,

41:13

with his hundred dollars in a duffle bag, you get gifted

41:16

him. Oh, yeah. That

41:17

makes that makes that -- Yep. -- perfect time for

41:19

them to be reunited. That

41:21

that Yeah. He's their problem now. Yeah. That's a

41:24

good idea.

41:25

Right. Good luck.

41:27

Alright.

41:27

Thank you. Alright.

41:30

Good luck. I hear the pain in her voice. But,

41:32

Robert, I tell you, my girlfriend

41:33

is since her story is

41:35

inspiring because everybody thinks

41:38

You know?

41:38

No. No one's gonna want me. He's gonna want

41:40

me with all

41:41

these kids. And the right man

41:43

take

41:43

all of you. Mhmm. All of you. And I'm

41:45

not gonna call kids

41:48

baggage. but a lot of

41:49

people would. They nobody won't lose all this baggage.

41:51

No. If they're not baggage, they're part of you and

41:53

a man that loves you, We'll

41:55

take on that role.

41:56

Yeah. Red

41:58

eyes. Lovelies

41:59

to Kelly. I'm sorry, everybody.

42:01

I was very, very

42:04

chatty today. I think I took a

42:06

vitamin that I probably don't ever

42:07

need to take against me. I don't know

42:09

what's going on with me,

42:10

but I was a little chatty. But I do appreciate

42:12

Robert for listening to me. and all of

42:14

you. If you listen to the end of this podcast, thank you very much. And thank you

42:17

to Macy Ling for doing such a great job

42:19

singing the love letters to Kelly

42:22

Jingle. I promise I'll try not to talk as much next week. I'll probably

42:24

let more callers have

42:27

something to say. And we

42:29

need more letters, though, to answer, and we need more jingle

42:32

singers. So why don't y'all get

42:34

busy sending those in

42:36

right now? to love

42:38

letters to kelly dot com. There's a little

42:40

button there, makes it super simple for you

42:42

on the website, and we'll be

42:44

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