0:02

Yay networks.

0:04

Love letters. Love

0:07

letters to

0:08

Kelly. Here we go again. Hey,

0:10

I'm Kelly Rasbury, Robert Arriman

0:13

back this week for another love letters to Kelly

0:15

Podcast. And as always,

0:17

we have to think a precious jingle singer.

0:20

And today, that comes from the sweet voice of

0:22

Ally. Her mom, Tracy Stewart, wrote

0:24

in and said, Ali, and she

0:26

were listening to the Kick Credit Morning Show.

0:28

That's the nationally syndicated radio show.

0:30

We do, Robert. And love letters to

0:32

Kelly came on. She said, okay, mom. You

0:34

can record me this one time and

0:37

send it in. So mom took advantage

0:39

of that moment and sit in video with it.

0:41

Thank you so much. Tracy

0:43

said, I've been asking Ali

0:45

to do this for years, but here she

0:47

is. We love the kick critic show

0:49

and love letters to Kelly Podcast. I

0:52

was pregnant with her when kids passed away and

0:54

can remember when I heard the news. Yeah,

0:56

Robert. That's been nine years ago,

0:58

and that shocking. Yeah. I was so sad

1:00

that I but also so happy that y'all

1:02

kept the show going and enjoy listening to all of y'all

1:04

every morning. Thank you for your love advice and words

1:06

of wisdom. That's from Tracy Ballard. and

1:09

there's a cute picture of Allie

1:11

dancing in the rain, like Drew Barry more instructed

1:13

us all to do. Mhmm. When his raining,

1:16

just get out there and be

1:17

in it. Put the crocs on and do it. I'll

1:19

tell you what. I do like splashing in the

1:22

ring when I have really good, you

1:24

know, boots on. There's rain boots. Yeah.

1:26

have a very cute pair that I feel good

1:28

in, but you can only wear them when it's raining.

1:30

But otherwise, I don't wanna be out there in that mess.

1:32

Yeah. I sweat too much in mine. Yeah.

1:34

Mine are my boots are so tight. I have to

1:36

wear them with no socks because -- Wow. --

1:39

it's too tight. You should

1:39

get another pair, but it's like you don't need them that on. Exactly.

1:42

Justify getting another pair. anyway,

1:44

dance in the rain if you feel like it Ali did.

1:46

And thank you for everybody for sitting in your

1:48

jingles. We'll get to all of them eventually, but we always

1:51

need more.

1:51

We do. You know, we

1:52

need letters or we couldn't do the podcast. Love letters

1:54

to kelly dot com is where Robert pulled this week's

1:57

and guess we're gonna get to some now.

1:59

I think so. Would

1:59

you rather have the baby name suggestion

2:02

email or the update from

2:04

weight loss surgery in Tijuana. Oh,

2:07

gosh. Oh,

2:08

wow. Let's do surgery and

2:09

then we'll do baby name. How about yourself? Alright. Alright.

2:11

Alright. Rosanna wrote in a few months ago about her

2:14

weight loss surgery in Tijuana, Mexico.

2:16

Yeah. She said she had done a ton of research

2:18

with senior counselor and dietitian. Well, she

2:20

did do it. Three months post op

2:22

down sixty five pounds. Wow. Living

2:25

her best life she said. Wonderful. Mexico

2:28

was amazing the team of nurses and doctors were tacular,

2:30

the bedside manner of each person that came in my room

2:32

was so delightful. I have lifelong friends

2:34

who had the surgery the same day as me. Wow.

2:37

Why did I wait so long. The energy, the confidence,

2:39

and the laundry have been so worthy. Oh,

2:41

girl. Alright. Those fit better. Some fit

2:43

loose. I can sit in a booth. I don't honk the horn

2:45

when I get in the car. no back pain learning

2:47

to cook at home and not so much eating out, letting

2:49

to go food be more for special occasions

2:52

and not just it's Tuesday and mom's tired. Kelly,

2:54

it was the best and your blessing gave me more

2:56

peace about going. Uh-huh. I don't like it when I

2:58

don't hear updates from letters, so here's mine all

3:00

the best. There

3:01

you go. Thank

3:02

you for sending that in. I'm glad it went well.

3:04

You know, every hear horror stories,

3:07

we do. Yep. But, you know, I'm sure

3:09

the positive stories far outweigh the

3:11

negative. would So I'm glad to hear

3:13

that positive one and congratulations. Sixty

3:15

five pounds in three months. Mhmm. That's

3:17

amazing. Going strong. Amazing.

3:20

This baby name has to do with

3:22

a middle name help. I need help with the

3:24

middle name for our second child. All

3:26

of our names start with a c. My husband's

3:28

name is Caesar, Kesias. I'm

3:31

Charlene, and our daughter is Camilla

3:33

Alesia Kesias. Her middle

3:35

name is from my grandmother who I loved more than anything.

3:38

Yes. And now we are having a son on

3:40

Christmas day. His first name will be

3:42

Cesar, but I cannot think of a

3:44

middle name. I don't have any male family

3:47

members that I'm close with to choose as a middle

3:49

name. My dad and brother have the same name, so I

3:51

don't wanna use that. Please help.

3:53

Love you guys in the podcast, Charlene. So

3:55

Cesar Cassias. I need

3:58

something in the middle. Mhmm. Alright. Robert,

3:59

little

4:00

peek behind the Comodo here. This is

4:02

the one time Robert gave me a little

4:04

heads up on this one. Because when it comes

4:06

to baby names in the past, I feel like

4:08

I'm struggling. I said so for baby name ones,

4:11

just give me a little heads up. I can kinda

4:13

put some real thought into it. Yeah.

4:14

because when we wing it then for three

4:16

days after she keeps telling it up going, oh,

4:19

it should've been blah

4:20

blah. Right. I'm I get sick about it. But

4:22

other love letters though, that's on the fly.

4:24

I just work it out and I don't really think about

4:26

it anymore after that. That's not true.

4:29

Alright. So what I did was I

4:31

tried to do what

4:34

I thought sounded good with Seysar.

4:36

I'm assuming you're pronouncing it Seysar based

4:39

on the spelling, Seysar Castillis. Now

4:42

because your daughter's middle name started with

4:44

an a, I thought maybe you want to stick with

4:46

that same CAC. So if

4:48

you like that, I thought

4:50

Alicia kind of goes well with Alexander.

4:53

Alicia Alexander would be like the masculine

4:55

form of that. So Seysara Alexander

4:58

Cassias would be pretty. Mhmm. or

5:00

if you wanted to do something little bit more

5:03

modern, because Alexander's an old name.

5:05

How about Seysara

5:08

Aiden? That'd

5:09

be another name. Aiden is a really great name. It's

5:12

either sex can go or

5:14

ASher, Seysara ASher Cassius.

5:18

I also liked a a more traditional name. My husband's

5:20

name is Allen. So that's the three a names

5:22

I have. Seysara Allen, Seysara

5:25

Aiden, Seysara Asher, Sasar

5:27

Alexander. Now,

5:29

these are my other ones that I liked.

5:33

My friend Eric my friends,

5:35

Erica and Greg, they named their

5:37

son Henry Fox, and

5:39

I love that name. Yeah.

5:41

So much. I love his name, Henry

5:44

Fox. And people are naming their kids

5:46

like bear and things like that. So what

5:48

if you did, Seysara Fox

5:51

Cassias? You like that? Or

5:53

say

5:53

I don't like that. as much as one of the a's. You like

5:55

the a's better? Seysara Henry Cassias?

5:59

Or you could do I thought also

6:01

really pretty names would be Weston

6:05

or Wesley. What

6:07

do you think? I don't

6:09

know. I go back to one of the beginning ones.

6:11

don't know if that's just because I heard it first and

6:13

I liked it. And I

6:14

thought also I like the name Joaquin a lot

6:16

too, but I can cut my be a little much.

6:23

But there there you go. So those are my suggestions.

6:25

You can use any or none of them.

6:27

and I will be okay. But that's that's what I put

6:30

thought into. Did you give a vote like

6:32

at least sixty minutes to that an hour?

6:34

No. I wouldn't say that long. But I did sit, you

6:36

know, for good two to fifteen. I kinda sat down and

6:38

played with some stuff. Okay.

6:40

the Yeah.

6:41

Middle names are not always as

6:43

easy.

6:44

Right? Right. Totally. So

6:45

hopefully, that was helpful.

6:47

Dear, Kelly, you are the love expert. I am. I'm

6:49

a twenty four year old female, and I've been dating a

6:51

twenty two year old male for about six months

6:53

now. He's absolutely amazing,

6:55

but I think I'm stopping myself from being one

6:57

hundred percent committed. Let me

6:59

give you a short backstory. I was married

7:01

at twenty for two years and he filed

7:03

for divorce out of nowhere and I don't know what

7:05

happened. We went through the divorce process

7:07

and two years later in twenty twenty two,

7:09

it was finalized. I met my current boyfriend

7:12

two months before it was finalized. Here's

7:14

my question slash problem. I'm

7:16

terrified that he's gonna leave me once I commit

7:18

myself one hundred percent. I'm not cheating

7:20

or anything and not keeping my options open.

7:22

I'm just scared to put my whole self into this

7:24

relationship. How do you get over that feeling

7:27

after you got divorced and that's from Ali

7:29

who joins us on the phone. Hey, Ali.

7:31

Hi.

7:32

Well, here's the thing. I mean, it's

7:34

it's kinda hard because you were burned and you were,

7:37

you know, badly burned. But,

7:39

you know, I just hate for you to carry over,

7:42

you know, one man's missteps

7:45

into every relationship. But

7:47

is this guy, this twenty two year old, is he pressuring

7:50

you into making some sort of commitment? No.

7:53

He's not all. He's actually really great. He's letting

7:55

me, like, take my time and, you

7:58

know Okay. Then what's the problem? If he's

8:00

not pressuring you, why do you feel the need to

8:03

commit you know, what what is it?

8:05

You just think because six months of past

8:07

or whatever? Well, because I know, like,

8:10

he's thinking very, like,

8:12

long term wise, and I just, like,

8:14

touched the thought scares me just because I've

8:16

been burned in the past like that? Well, it should

8:18

maybe scary a little bit because y'all are both

8:20

both still just in your early twenties. So,

8:23

I mean, are you is he dating anybody

8:26

else? Do y'all have, like, a loose kind

8:28

of or are you are you only dating

8:30

each other?

8:31

or only dating each other. Well,

8:33

why don't you just keep doing that without putting

8:35

a label on it?

8:38

mean, he's not he's not dating anybody

8:40

else anyway. And he's

8:43

cool with the way things are going because

8:45

I would I would hope you're

8:47

not expecting another ring already. I

8:49

mean No. Okay. Yeah.

8:51

So why don't just keep why why

8:55

Here's the thing. I I think this is not just

8:57

I'm not just speaking to you, but I think for a

8:59

lot of women, especially, is

9:01

we create problems and drama when there's

9:03

not any. Right? And there's

9:05

nothing wrong, but we're like, but should

9:07

we be here? Should we be doing that?

9:09

And we we have these inner dialogues for

9:11

ourselves about what we should or shouldn't be

9:13

doing and, oh, I wonder what this means or that

9:16

means. And instead of just enjoying

9:18

it for what it is in the moment, and then it would naturally

9:20

evolve into something else. maybe. I

9:23

think it's just the fear of, like, just because

9:25

I did already, like, get married and, like, get kinda

9:28

crashed and burned a little. It was just, like, I'm

9:30

getting rid of that happening again. Well,

9:32

then don't get married again yet. That's

9:34

that's how you prevent that. That's how you

9:36

prevent that. you just wait, you know,

9:38

and don't make any, you know, permanent decisions.

9:41

Just enjoy it, just go, you know,

9:43

and the longer you just enjoy yourself

9:45

and get more comfortable with him with him.

9:47

I mean, after six months, you pretty he's pretty

9:49

much shown you the good bad and the ugly. I would

9:52

think after six months. Yeah.

9:54

Usually, that starts to show itself after I'd say

9:56

about three months, Whitney Robert, everybody's on their

9:58

best behavior.

9:58

No. I'd you haven't spent the holidays

10:01

with them yet, Kelly. true.

10:02

That's a good point. Right. That's

10:04

that's coming up. That's a great point.

10:06

You haven't spent the holidays with him. You haven't

10:08

seen how he those dynamic have you met his

10:11

family? Yes. I

10:13

have. And that and you like them a lot?

10:15

Yeah. They're nice people. Yeah. You just we

10:18

live an hour and a half away, so we don't

10:20

really see each other too much.

10:22

The family are you and him?

10:24

Me and him. His family was about two hours.

10:27

Oh, so y'all just okay. So

10:29

you are dating each other exclusively, but

10:32

you don't see each other that often. No.

10:35

Oh, girl. Well, that's a different conversation.

10:37

You got this this. That's a different conversation. No.

10:39

But there's not as much pressure. There's not

10:41

yeah. There's not as much pressure, but why are you just

10:43

limiting yourself to this one guy? He loves

10:45

my question. She might not love him yet.

10:47

No idea. He's he's a really he's a really great.

10:50

He really is. I

10:52

know that. I'm saying

10:54

at twenty four, I mean, it's like

10:57

why why are you just committing to

10:59

one person? Why aren't you out there

11:02

experiencing? And I'm not saying people

11:04

say,

11:04

well, you can tell me. in Kelly. In it

11:06

or fun or

11:08

fun, Robert, depending on how you look at it,

11:11

you

11:11

know, sampling, different types of

11:13

men, and don't mean sleeping around. That's what,

11:15

you know, people think when you date around, it means you have to

11:17

sleep with all. Just enjoying life.

11:18

Just enjoying it and dating different types of men.

11:20

Have you tried dating? you

11:22

know, you

11:23

know, different I

11:25

don't know. Yeah. Different

11:27

jobs. don't know. Just

11:30

different

11:31

like, my divorce and everything.

11:33

I I started, like, I took

11:35

little bit to work on myself, and I was like, okay.

11:37

I'm gonna put myself back out there just to

11:39

see what's going on. And then

11:42

I did around a little bit, and I was like, oh,

11:44

it's all these guys. They're, like, not

11:47

nice. They're not. They always, like,

11:49

wanna sleep around. That's

11:50

the age. Yeah. What app

11:52

did you meet this guy on?

11:55

On Tinder, actually. Yeah. I did Tinder

11:57

and Bumble. it's just something about that young

11:59

age. They're all just kinda airbodies, you know, screwing

12:01

around and stuff at that age. And but there there's

12:03

some good guys. She found the twenty year old that's, you

12:06

know, probably

12:07

mean

12:08

What was your low age?

12:10

Twenty?

12:12

the

12:13

Mine was actually twenty two. Okay.

12:15

So he just made the

12:17

cut. What was your upper upper limit?

12:19

I think I wanna say, like,

12:22

twenty

12:22

eight come on. You gotta go higher

12:24

than that. You need

12:25

to go higher than that. I

12:26

don't hold on my credit. You'll

12:28

be your parents will let you.

12:31

So that's my well, the

12:32

thing is is usually when you get a guy who's

12:34

just leaving his twenties, getting out

12:36

of his twenties, they're more serious about

12:39

settling down and being in a committed

12:41

relationship. Guys in their twenties are still

12:43

exploring options. I mean, this we're

12:45

painting this with a very big brush. Every you

12:47

know, you gotta take an individual person and consideration.

12:50

But, I mean, I I personally

12:53

wouldn't put all my hopes and

12:55

my future dreams on a twenty two year old

12:57

man. I just wouldn't because the odds

13:00

are the odds. Let's just

13:02

play the odds. The odds are he's not

13:04

gonna be the one, but he might be.

13:06

We don't know. But I just wouldn't pin everything on

13:08

that and just exclude, you know, all other

13:10

choices. And you're sure he's

13:12

not dating other people. Yeah.

13:14

No. He like, he gives me his

13:16

password to his phone. If

13:18

I have a question, he's like, well, here's my phone. Just look

13:20

through it. And I'm like, oh.

13:22

Why why are you at that? Why are

13:24

y'all doing that?

13:25

Put those kids there, Kelly. Is there

13:26

a trust issue there?

13:28

No. It's just I think I've

13:30

noticed, like, a lot of guys in, like, their twenties

13:32

are starting to do that because of, like --

13:35

Yeah.

13:35

-- everyone on this is, like He keeps

13:36

the their phone. And it's on her phone. Yeah.

13:39

Guys, when you read here, I'm an open book.

13:41

It's like, you gotta think. You gotta know the phone too.

13:45

I don't know. I just you know, I think you're

13:47

you know, you've already been down that path. You

13:49

had your wedding. You've learned a lot of lessons,

13:51

I'm sure. I just don't want you to put

13:54

all your eggs in this twenty two year old's

13:56

basket. You know what I mean? I want you to enjoy

13:58

yourself. So stop putting my

14:00

my suggestion would be just to quit you

14:02

know, having to quit wanting

14:04

to label this and to being something and having

14:07

to go all in because you're still

14:09

so young somebody might come along

14:11

tomorrow that turns your head who

14:13

happens to live in your same neighborhood. And

14:16

you'd be like, oh, but I've committed to this guy an

14:18

hour and a half away and I get to see him next

14:20

you know, in in three weeks. You know what

14:22

I mean? I just don't want you to I

14:24

don't want you to eliminate all the possibilities. because

14:28

you've decided to, you know, commit to this

14:30

one guy.

14:32

Did I help you at all? No.

14:35

Yeah. You did. Yeah. But

14:37

I I think, you know, you you sound like you're a

14:39

great girl, and I'm sure he's a great guy, but

14:41

that, you know, two great people don't always that

14:43

doesn't always mean they're meant to be together ever.

14:46

Yeah. So just

14:47

don't label That's my advice. Just don't label it. Enjoy

14:50

it for what it is. Maybe have a conversation and

14:52

just see what he says, like, you know what, we are an

14:54

hour and a half apart. Do you

14:56

feel comfortable with us just dating exclusively?

14:58

Or are you interested in seeing other people.

15:01

I don't know. See what he says. Boy,

15:03

I will. Okay. Well, let us know what

15:05

you decide to do, and let us know how it goes

15:07

at Christmas. Yeah.

15:09

I will do. Okay? Good luck.

15:12

Thank you. Bye.

15:14

To be twenty four again. Man, if I could

15:16

go back and do it all again? wonder

15:19

if I'd make the same choices. Not a chance.

15:22

But see, Robert, did I end up where I am

15:24

based on the choices I made. True. But

15:28

you know, when

15:29

I've made the same choices, I don't you know, it's

15:31

hard. It's just a hypothetical. You

15:32

can never do it anyway.

15:35

flooders.

15:36

Love blooders, to Kelly.

15:38

You know, Robert Hair is so much more than

15:40

just physical appearance for women.

15:43

I don't know how men relate to it. I've never been

15:45

a man, but for us, it shapes our relationship

15:47

with ourselves. From the inside out, it defines

15:50

our identity, our self image, our self

15:52

confidence. and female hair

15:54

loss is reality for millions

15:56

of women, but women are just kind of reluctant

15:59

to talk about it at least publicly. Well,

16:01

neutrophil is looking to unite and support

16:03

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16:06

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16:08

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16:10

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16:12

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16:29

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16:31

Like I said, my husband's constantly, you

16:34

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16:36

kinda a joke and I always say, oh, I shed

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like a dog. I kinda make a joke of it,

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but it bothers me. I used to have

16:42

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16:44

the ladies that used like, blow it, drive this lawn,

16:46

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16:49

And I took that as, like

16:50

Yeah. As I'm I'm getting your money's

16:52

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16:52

Yeah. I loved it, but now it's like they

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I didn't realize how much that would bother me.

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shedsilence dot com.

17:34

That's shedsilence dot

17:37

com. Dear

17:37

Kelly, you are the love expert. I am.

17:39

am young at heart, a forty two year old woman.

17:42

I look like I'm twenty eight and no kids.

17:44

Look at you. I wish I could. I wish you included

17:46

a picture.

17:46

In every dropped a thirty three year old

17:48

guy for the second time who I briefly dated

17:51

in early twenty twenty one and had to walk away

17:53

from a month in because he has an issue

17:55

with substances. I met his

17:57

parents on our third date. I love his mom, love

17:59

his parents, and respect his parents in their home.

18:02

I never stayed past midnight when I was over.

18:04

I always went home. So

18:06

the thirty three year old, I guess, lived with mom and dad.

18:08

He called

18:09

me out of nowhere ten months later in twenty twenty

18:11

one and told me all of these beautiful words, qualities

18:13

about me and saying he wanted a long term relationship.

18:16

During this conversation, he stated that he wanted

18:18

to be transparent with me as he wasn't before.

18:20

He told me that his divorce would be final the

18:22

following month. He lied to me because he had

18:24

told me he was divorced with no kids, and

18:27

he also told me he has a son a few months

18:29

old. He asked me for coffee

18:31

the next morning and dinner the following night. he

18:33

never showed up, never called her texted. I

18:35

went off Wait to hear what her I went off on

18:37

text a few days later, and he never responded.

18:40

Five months later, here he comes back again, texting

18:42

me saying he wanted to talk to me if I'd let him.

18:45

I agreed. We talked to her. Why?

18:47

But it was not a thorough conversation like I had wanted

18:49

to bring everything onto the table in his lack of accountability,

18:52

which he said was due to alcohol. I

18:54

asked him if he was drunk when he called me five months

18:57

prior and he said he was. So he lied

18:59

to me then too, because I asked him and he

19:01

told me he wasn't then. In essence,

19:03

we were back together and it only lasted four to

19:05

five days and he disappeared again, Kelly.

19:08

A week went by and nothing from him. I

19:10

finally texted him on day five asking if

19:12

he was okay. He was on meds for alcohol

19:14

withdrawals, which made him sleepy, so he never

19:16

responded. The next morning, I went off

19:18

in text in a respectful manner and I ended

19:20

things between us. He was disrespectful to

19:22

me and my presence and lied to me about being sober

19:25

this time around. which he wasn't

19:27

as I caught him drinking. Long story

19:29

short, it's been a few months since then, and I find

19:31

myself thinking about him every day. forward.

19:34

back and forth in my mind as if I want him

19:36

to come back yet again. I want

19:38

to know if it's worth it to try and see this

19:40

through or just keep moving on with my life as

19:42

a single woman. It's never gotten to that point

19:45

to see if a relationship is possible. Help

19:47

us sister out,

19:48

Ali.

19:49

Ali? I'm gonna

19:50

I don't mean to

19:52

laugh. I know. Well, honey, I

19:54

hope you listen back to that letter and be

19:56

like, what the heck am I thinking?

19:59

You

19:59

really

19:59

think that's all you're worth? This

20:03

this is what you you already told me,

20:05

line one, how

20:06

you got it going on. I think this

20:08

is gonna be the most confident woman in the

20:10

world. No. And you just demonstrated by

20:12

the fact that what you put up with and what you're willing

20:14

to settle for that you have zero confidence

20:17

when it comes to going out and getting

20:20

a man who doesn't potentially

20:22

live with his parents based on what we're gathering from

20:25

that letter. Yeah. who isn't battling

20:27

addictions, and there are some wonderful

20:29

people out there who are battling addictions, but

20:32

why would you purposely choose to be

20:34

with that person especially

20:35

Over and over. -- especially when

20:37

you're you're

20:38

not committed. You don't have a mortgage. You don't

20:40

have children with this guy. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE

20:42

IN THAT SITUATION. THEY'RE LIKE I GOT A FIGHT FOR

20:44

THIS. YOU CAN WALK AWAY WITH

20:46

A CLEAN COSSIANCE. Reporter: THIS

20:49

IS NOT YOUR HUSBAND. This is not

20:51

your family member. Why

20:53

do you think this is all your worth? Because he kisses

20:55

good. He's great in the sack. Yes, sir. There's

20:57

something there because Are

21:00

you that lonely? I mean, I get it.

21:02

You can't be that lonely? I have been very lonely,

21:04

right? That lonely. When I was when

21:06

I was in, you know, in

21:08

between husbands.

21:09

It

21:11

was a ten year span. And there

21:13

would

21:14

be times when I would be, you

21:16

know, a Saturday night or something, and I'm

21:18

lonely. I don't have my daughter. She's with her dad.

21:20

And I would make some bad

21:22

decisions

21:23

to call an ex -- Yeah. -- who

21:25

was not a good guy

21:26

who had you know, I wasn't with him for

21:29

all the right reasons. I wasn't with him because

21:31

but I

21:32

wanted somebody to love him on me. Uh-huh.

21:34

Right. Yeah. You

21:35

know? That simple.

21:37

Is that simple? But

21:39

you're talking about wanting to commit to

21:41

this guy. And I just think that's that's

21:43

where we women get stuff mixed up we start

21:45

adding sex into the mix, then we say, oh, we

21:47

can just have sex in this, and there's no big deal.

21:49

No. Our feelings get involved. There's something biological

21:52

about it, and then we start having these irrational thoughts.

21:54

So can actually be in a relationship with

21:57

this

21:57

addict

21:58

who lies to you, who ghosts you,

22:01

and

22:01

then you sit around because your board.

22:03

Why why should be thinking about him? because you

22:05

don't have anything else going on. So

22:08

get out there, go on dating apps,

22:10

go get a hobby, go do something else.

22:12

But

22:12

I would you've

22:14

Why are you telling them off? What do you need to put

22:16

on the table? Well, I don't understand why

22:18

you need to get it out of the table with them.

22:20

No. He's already shown you who he is. done.

22:23

What what more closure do you need? You

22:25

don't want closure. You know what closure is? What women

22:27

they disguise this closure? we're gonna

22:29

get back together and he's gonna see this is the biggest mistake

22:31

he's ever made and he's gonna do whatever he can to

22:33

keep to keep me because I'm so fabulous. That's

22:35

what you're hoping happens out of This isn't about

22:37

closure and telling them by. Otherwise, you

22:40

would just be gone and done with it.

22:42

So you ain't gonna listen to

22:44

a word that I just said, but I'm telling

22:46

you to leave him alone,

22:49

delete his number, stop answering

22:51

numbers you don't recognize because his is now gonna

22:53

be one of those that you don't recognize. and

22:56

just move on to

22:57

somebody else. You might be lonely

22:59

for a minute, but I'd rather be

23:02

lonely then find myself

23:04

tied

23:06

permanently or semi permanently, you can always get

23:08

a divorce, but then the heartache that comes with that, do

23:10

an addict who has not

23:12

conquered it. So that's my advice.

23:15

Take it or leave it, but I have feeling she's gonna leave

23:17

it. Dear

23:18

Kelly, you are the love I am. I

23:20

love my husband of five years dearly,

23:22

but I've been having issues with the in laws.

23:24

His parents divorced when he was a teen in

23:26

our extreme alcoholic. His dad's

23:28

in liver failure currently and refuses to

23:30

get help. And I've not spoken to his mother

23:32

in three years because she threatened to unalive

23:35

me in drunken fit of rage the last time

23:37

we Unalive me. Mhmm.

23:38

Wow. That's a creative way of saying.

23:40

By the way, she has never apologized and

23:43

tells my husband it's too little

23:45

too late to make things right. They make

23:47

me feel crazy because everyone acts like it's just

23:49

a normal day and pretends like nothing ever happened.

23:51

My poor husband went so badly for it all

23:53

to be normal that he would rather pretend nothing

23:55

is wrong than confront them with their issues and tells

23:57

me to let it go. I

23:59

have for the most

23:59

part, but ultimately I can't.

24:02

It breaks my heart that he always has to be the

24:04

parents to his parents, and I don't want to

24:06

protect him. The problem is we are thinking

24:08

about beginning our family, and I can't imagine raising

24:10

them with grandparents that act like that. Mhmm. And

24:12

the last thing I wanna do is force my husband to

24:14

confront these issues when he is clearly not comfortable

24:16

doing so. I don't want to tear down what

24:18

little relationship he does have with them, but I will

24:21

not introduce my kids to a woman who wants

24:23

me dead -- Mhmm. -- and a man who is drinking

24:25

himself to death. Am

24:26

I crazy? Should

24:27

I be the one to make amends? Should I

24:29

do what he says and pretend nothing ever happened?

24:32

Help. I can't go another Christmas making

24:34

small talk with these people signed

24:36

Mikaela who joins us on the fun. Oh, wow.

24:38

Hey Mikaela.

24:40

Hi. It's a tough spot.

24:43

It it is. It's an emotional spot.

24:46

Well, you got a feel for your husband because he

24:48

does want that that family that,

24:50

you know, he wants that so badly

24:52

that he's willing to overlook so much.

24:54

You have to know your heart breaks for your

24:56

husband that he doesn't get that. but

24:59

you also don't have to allow yourselves to be

25:01

subjected to that poor behavior. You could

25:04

just set up a boundary for yourself personally

25:06

and say, honey, I love you and, you know, I under

25:08

and that you want this relationship with your parents,

25:10

but I'm not gonna put up with the abuse.

25:12

So I send you over to their house

25:15

with love, and when you come back, I'm

25:17

gonna be here to hug you and kiss on

25:19

you and and hear your heartache, but

25:21

I'm not gonna go over there anymore. Have you tried

25:23

that?

25:24

I've tried to offer him so his his

25:26

mom lives we're in Texas. Mom

25:28

lives in Arizona. Oh. I've even tried

25:30

to buy the plane ticket for him

25:32

but he he just doesn't want to go

25:35

alone and which is also heartbreaking

25:37

because I I do think he knows

25:40

But he doesn't want to also live

25:42

with the guilt of being that hard

25:44

person to his parents because of all

25:46

that they've gone through. Right.

25:49

Well, I mean, did he what did he say about

25:52

when your when your mother-in-law wished you

25:54

dead? What did he say about that?

25:56

Well, that was an early

25:58

marriage debacle

25:59

that pretty

26:00

much happened. And he

26:03

wanted everyone to apologize right

26:05

then. And I said, oh, honey, you're

26:07

drawing a line in the sand here. And I

26:12

It's a long story in and of itself, but

26:14

I am not -- I was being

26:17

a very nice person in taking everyone

26:19

home from a night that they had

26:21

out, and she was not ready to leave.

26:23

And so I I'm not sorry for

26:25

being the grown up here. So

26:28

that was an early marriage, husband, less

26:30

than that. Yeah. It's

26:32

just been a tough spot for him. I

26:35

mean, when she calls, him.

26:37

She just says, oh, how's your day?

26:39

How's everything going? And I'm

26:41

still sitting there like, why?

26:44

in my mind, I'm like why are you

26:46

not responding with, well, I don't know,

26:48

have you talked to my wife or have you apologized

26:51

or have you this or that? because he

26:53

doesn't want the conflict. No. And

26:55

and then we'll do everything

26:56

in their power A hundred percent.

26:58

Yeah. Robert did

26:59

a test of that. Again, I feel

27:01

so bad for him because I'm putting him

27:03

in a touch spot myself too. I

27:05

love the fact that she is so far away.

27:08

So don't have to worry about seeing her all

27:10

the time. That's a bonus. So

27:12

what does it -- what does it look like when you have

27:14

a kid? I'm gonna tell you right now, trips

27:17

to Arizona to see are probably gonna get

27:19

fewer and further between, especially,

27:21

you know, taking a kid on a plane. The expenses

27:24

involved that's probably gonna dramatically

27:26

reduce anyway.

27:26

But the further away she is the when if

27:28

she does ever come to visit, the longer she

27:30

stays. Oh, that's true. Do

27:33

you mind if I ask how old you are?

27:35

I am twenty five. My husband

27:37

is thirty. So he's hit the three

27:39

o. And in in his mind, he's

27:41

starting to really think

27:44

more deeply about a lot of this stuff

27:46

too. So do you have other like,

27:48

where you live? Does he have other

27:50

siblings that live in the same city?

27:53

He does not. He has one

27:55

sibling, and they are all the way in

27:57

North Carolina. They're you know, everything

27:59

got as far away as they could. Oh, yes.

28:01

Yeah. Yes, every family has

28:03

different dynamic and

28:06

theirs alike is very interesting in

28:08

that they are so far

28:10

apart spread out wise. Mhmm.

28:12

was

28:12

gonna say, you'd have she'd have to stay with

28:15

another sibling. If he like, if she's, like, one

28:17

coming to see you for Christmas, But you just

28:19

gotta set you just have to really say,

28:21

you know, I put up with a lot of stuff because

28:23

I love you and I'm your wife and I'm here,

28:25

I'm your number one fan and I support you

28:27

and this fantasy you have that your

28:29

family is gonna be perfect one day, but

28:31

I'm not doing that with our kid. And

28:33

so -- Sure. -- and then then just lay it

28:35

out. And, you know, it's not with meanness.

28:37

No. It's with love. It's just like, I'm gonna protect

28:39

this. You talk about mama Bear. I'm

28:41

gonna this is what we're gonna it's gonna have to look

28:44

like if we're gonna talk about having kids now.

28:46

Oh, I love that. Yeah. And just see

28:49

if

28:49

see if that helps.

28:50

My question now is is do

28:52

you think in terms of relaying this

28:55

it needs to come from him? Or do I

28:57

need to try to bridge the gap

28:59

on this and say, look, mom, this

29:01

is what we're trying

29:04

to start a family and we

29:06

want you to, you know, be a part of

29:09

their lives and this is what it means if you

29:11

want to Kate will be a part

29:13

of their life? Or do you Should that come from

29:15

him?

29:16

I would always say that should come from

29:18

the the actual child. I

29:20

would think it would come from him. but

29:22

when do you have that conversation? Do

29:24

you have that before you even are pregnant?

29:27

Do you have that after the baby's born?

29:29

It's like when do you have that conversation?

29:31

Yeah. I mean, yeah. because at this point,

29:34

I could be pregnant right now, and

29:36

no one would ever know. But, yes, I'm

29:38

not gonna say anything to them. And then

29:40

that's on him. I highly I

29:43

don't know what he would choose to do. Right.

29:44

because immediately, she's gonna get defensive,

29:47

and she's gonna get mad at you because you made

29:49

him say these things. That's what's gonna get to

29:51

it. So I probably would put off

29:53

that conversation until it was necessary. You

29:56

know? And

29:57

maybe, you know, maybe that'll be enough

29:59

to snap grandma into sober enough

30:01

and being nicer to the mother of her grandchild.

30:04

But don't know. Yeah.

30:05

No. I true my my heart truly,

30:08

truly does aches for him. I'm

30:09

not sure. a good woman and not he married

30:11

a good wife, but you also like I said, you

30:14

have to just set the boundaries. So

30:16

support them and love them through it. And hopefully

30:18

when the baby gets here, and I hope you call us back

30:20

and let us know when you are pregnant

30:22

and have a baby. Of course. Of course. And

30:24

I'll have to name it. Yes.

30:26

Thank you

30:29

guys so much. I do appreciate your time

30:31

and help. Alright. Well, good luck.

30:33

Yeah. Of course. Thank you. Thank you. Bye

30:35

bye. Mhmm. See, I

30:36

hope that other lady was listening. See

30:38

-- Yeah. -- this

30:38

this woman's just the daughter-in-law of

30:41

alcoholics. And what a nightmare that

30:43

is. She's like, uh-uh. Imagine voluntarily

30:46

signing up to Mary one. Why

30:49

would you do that to yourself? No.

30:52

Love letters.

30:53

Love letters to Kelly.

30:56

I'd tell you I do appreciate Ali

30:58

finally letting her mom record

31:00

her singing the love letters to Kelly Jingle.

31:02

Thank you, Tracy Valor, for singing that in.

31:04

Thank you to everybody who We

31:06

had two letters from Ali and an Ali

31:08

Jingle Singer.

31:08

How about that? That's crazy. That wasn't planned.

31:11

That wasn't. There's what a coincidence? Or

31:13

is it a sign? I don't know. but

31:15

thank you everybody for valuing

31:18

my opinion.

31:18

saying there was the middle name.

31:20

Right. Wow. Asking my my advice,

31:22

I really appreciate it. You know, I'm not professional

31:25

therapist, but if you do want

31:27

my advice on what I would do

31:29

based on my many years on this

31:32

earth, We need more

31:33

letters. How many? We

31:34

need

31:36

jingle figures and letters at love letters to kelly

31:39

dot com, and we'll be back to solve

31:41

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