0:00

And what guy doesn't wanna feel Hussey? If

0:03

I can relate sexy to

0:05

vulnerability for you, then I'm gonna

0:07

make vulnerability much easier for you.

0:28

What's up guys, Matthew here? Have you ever

0:30

been really close to someone but you feel like

0:32

they don't open up to you? In

0:35

this clip, I share a technique that you can

0:37

use to help someone else get more

0:39

vulnerable and show more of their

0:41

inner self to you in conversation. Check

0:43

it out. Use

0:49

a technique called pre framing.

0:51

If you wanted to have

0:53

someone take you to see a

0:55

movie. Pre framing

0:57

would be This is a very simple

1:00

example. But pre framing would be saying

1:02

to someone, I just

1:05

love when someone offers to take me

1:07

to the movies because movies

1:09

are my like joy. That's

1:11

my that's my home.

1:14

That's my place that I go to

1:16

feel happy. Now someone knows, okay, if

1:18

I wanna take you to a happy place, I

1:21

need to ask you to see a movie. Right? Very

1:23

simple example, but let's now take it into

1:25

the world of vulnerability. You can

1:27

pre frame by letting a guy

1:29

know that when

1:32

either people in general

1:34

open up, you find it incredibly

1:37

attractive. Or even more

1:39

specifically when men

1:41

feel like they can. When

1:44

men are brave enough or confident

1:46

enough, to talk about their feelings

1:49

or to talk about an insecurity or

1:53

an area they're feeling weak. You

1:55

find that to be incredibly attractive.

1:59

When you say when men

2:01

feel brave enough and confident enough

2:03

and notice that language, you're framing

2:05

it in terms that he wants

2:08

to see himself as. He wants to see himself

2:10

as brave. He wants to see himself as confident.

2:12

So you're now framing up vulnerability as

2:15

brave and confident when men are

2:17

confident enough to be honest

2:19

about a vulnerability. They have an you don't

2:22

even need to use the word vulnerability. When

2:24

they're brave enough to show their insecure

2:26

about something, And to just be open

2:28

about that, I think that is one of the

2:30

most courageous things in

2:32

the world. Like, to me, that's even sexy.

2:35

You know, that's actually a sexy thing when a guy

2:37

can do that because guys don't do that.

2:39

Now you're even adding the word Hussey. Right?

2:42

And what guy doesn't wanna feel sexy. If

2:44

I can relate sexy to vulnerability

2:47

for you, then I'm gonna make vulnerability much

2:49

easier for you. And by the way, this

2:51

has to be real. Like, this is this is

2:53

the part that, you know, some

2:55

people listening to this will will be saying,

2:58

Oh, but I don't wanna manipulate someone.

3:00

It's not a negative form

3:02

of manipulation if it's true.

3:05

If it's authentic, but it has to

3:07

be true for you. Ladies, you

3:10

have to get there first. You

3:12

have to actually believe that it is attractive.

3:15

For a guy to do that. And I'll

3:17

deal with that the psychology of

3:19

that in a moment. Of course, men, if you're

3:21

making space for other guys to do this, you're

3:23

not gonna necessarily say I'll find it

3:25

sexy when you do that unless

3:28

you you do find it sexy when another

3:30

guy does that. But you're not

3:32

gonna say that. You're simply gonna make space

3:34

by saying when when men

3:36

can do that, like when us guys can

3:39

do that. That's true confidence. That's

3:41

true courage. The second technique is

3:44

simply to

3:46

reverse the time period

3:48

of this so that you're not future projecting

3:51

it and pre framing it in that way, but

3:53

you're actually past referencing. You

3:55

reference a moment where he has

3:57

done it in the past. I love

4:00

when you open up to me.

4:02

That to me is one of the most attractive

4:05

parts of you. I actually find it sexy.

4:07

You know, I remember when you

4:10

opened up to me about very

4:12

specific insert, very specific situation

4:14

here. That moment when you felt insecure

4:17

about this and you told me

4:19

about that, that was That

4:22

made me feel so close to you. That

4:24

made me feel so connected to you. That's

4:27

like a reminder that you're my man. Because

4:30

I get let into a world that other people don't.

4:32

Like, that's so attractive to

4:34

me. Like, that's what makes you my man, is

4:37

that I get to know

4:39

those things about you. I Hussey find that I

4:41

found that such an attractive moment.

4:43

Now your past referencing

4:46

something that's already happened and

4:49

using that as a way to create

4:52

more of it in the future. Now technique

4:54

number three is about the

4:57

energy that you bring when

4:59

someone does tell you something

5:02

that is breaks the rhythm

5:04

of the depth they normally operate

5:07

at. Maybe just moment frustration where

5:09

they feel like they're not heard. And

5:11

then finally, they say something that

5:13

they haven't said before. It's really

5:15

important in those moments that

5:19

level of calm that you bring

5:21

to the situation. In coaching, I've

5:23

been coaching now for thirteen

5:26

years, one of the most important

5:28

things I've learned is

5:31

that when someone comes with

5:34

emotion, to strike

5:36

the right balance between

5:39

being very much

5:41

present with them in

5:43

that moment, in that emotion. Being

5:46

absolutely there, but

5:49

not firstly, not showing

5:51

fear Fear is

5:53

a is a is a dangerous thing to bring to

5:55

someone in that moment because I'm not

5:57

now I'm not creating a safe environment

6:00

for you to be vulnerable. I'm showing that now this

6:02

is, oh my god, I didn't That scares

6:04

me that you feel that way. That scares me that you're

6:06

dealing with, that that that now someone

6:08

doesn't feel safe to do that because they

6:10

they can't trust that you can handle their

6:13

truth if you wanna call it that. Of their emotion,

6:16

what's going on in their mind. They can't

6:18

trust that you you're strong enough to hold

6:20

that space. And then imagine if someone

6:22

was in an event with me and one

6:24

of my audience stood up and

6:26

began crying and immediately I

6:28

showed that I was startled by that

6:31

and didn't quite know how to handle it,

6:33

that the confidence of

6:35

that audience in me would

6:37

be lost. They now wouldn't be able

6:40

to trust that I can safely hold

6:42

this space for their vulnerability. So

6:44

now they're far less likely as an audience

6:46

to to keep moving into that

6:48

vulnerable territory. I have to show

6:51

how confident and in control I

6:53

am in that moment. Thanks

6:58

for listening everyone. And if you want a free chapter

7:00

from one of my programs, go to

7:02

get the free chapter dot

7:05

com. I'll see you next time.