Love Unboxed Podcast Show Notes: Episode 2 - How Soon After Divorce Should You Start Dating?

Welcome to Love Unboxed, the podcast for the hopeful romantic, hosted by Dr. Colleen Mullen, a therapist with over 20 years of experience.Dr. Colleen shares insights on finding and maintaining love based on her years of helping clients navigate relationships. Today's episode is a deep dive into the question: How soon after divorce should you start dating?

The Unboxing

The Hopeful Romantic Question of the Week

Dr. Colleen addresses the question: "How soon after you are divorced should you start dating?"  This is a complex question with a complex answer. First, we'll review common reasons for divorcing and then Dr. Colleen shares some questions for you to answer.     

          Common Reasons for Divorce:

• Unrealistic Expectations 
• Fequent arguments or arguing in a different style than your partner
• Lack of attention
• Substance use problems 

        Understanding Your Readiness to Date

1.  Reflect on the reasons behind your divorce.  Do you know the reason?  If not, why? Dr. Colleen provides some food for thought around communication struggles that can infiltrate a marriage. 

2.  Determine if you are emotionally available to date.  What is your motive for jumping back into the dating pool.  Be clear abotu this with your self and with the people you date. Be able to be O.K. with being alone.  Be able to differentiate between being alone and being lonely. 

3.  We explore the impact of betrayal on a person. If you had an affair, do you know what was going on with you that you were able to step outside of your committment to your partner? If your partner had an affair, how did you process the betrayal,  Is it resolved enough that you won't be leading with distrust or an expectation of betrayal in your next relationship?

Therapy is a great tool during this time. When you are trying to do things in your love life different than you have in the past, therapy can help becuase there will be some un-learning to do as you learn new ways to be.  There can be so much growth in the area of self-awareness during a divorce. It's one of Dr. Colleen's favorite times to work with her clients - when they are getting in to, or out of a significant relationship. 

Conclusion: Building a Strong Foundation

Building a relationship is like building the foundation of a house.  There wont be any stability if your foundation is cracked, so take the time while you are divorcing to do the things that can help you look towards your future love life without emotional attachments in the past. Compares starting a relationship to building a house, emphasizing the need for a stable foundation.

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her therapy & consulting page at CoachingThroughChaos.com

Upcoming Workshops in 2024

Date Differently  - for the singlles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

Love Them More  - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You wont pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on menatl health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you, or someone you love is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe