Do you get stressed, afraid, or sad?  Does conflict with others wear you down? If the answer is yes, there is a solution for you.  It is called empathy: caring and giving with intention—both to yourself and others. Our esteemed guest on Love University, Judith Orloff (drjudithorloff.com), empathic psychiatrist and New York Times bestselling author shared light on the “Genius of Empathy” from her new book with the same title. According to Judith, empathy is an important part of emotional intelligence and a powerful healing tool for ourselves and others.  Here’s what we learned from Judith about the amazing gift of empathy:

*You need to start with self-empathy.  You may be hard on yourself, self-critical and attacking yourself about your flaws and mistakes. This is especially the case for sensitive and caring people who often excessively take on the psychological burdens of others and don’t know how to set healthy boundaries. If this sounds like you, it's important to put yourself in your own shoes and be an advocate for your self-worth and value.  Love yourself by putting your hand over your heart and repeating this phrase: “I forgive myself for my past and I open my heart to my future. I am a loving and valuable human being. I can say “No” to others and still be OK. All is well.”

*Practice empathy toward others.  Place yourself in other people’s shoes; feel as they feel during your time with them.  When someone angrily cuts you off on the road, instead of getting angry in return, you can slow down your thought process and see the situation through their eyes. You can consider, “Maybe they’re having a rough day—perhaps they’re feeling sick or just got into a fight with a loved one. There may be a reason for their behavior that I’m not seeing.” When you substitute your irritation and anger for empathy and love, you start to display compassion, and you have a desire to relieve their suffering. Think about how much the angry person suffers from their own reactions—their face gets red, their veins pop. They can’t really help themselves. Now you can forgive them and move on to a higher plane of feeling.

*Develop empathy toward the world.  According to Judith, it’s important to understand the “Power of We” instead of “Us Versus Them.”  The truth is that we are all interconnected as human beings. We all share this planet. We all breathe in air, eat, sleep, love, and work. We suffer from the same feelings of regret, sadness, anger, and frustration. We all want to love and be loved, enjoy life in the way we can, and feel meaningful or valuable in some way. By seeing other people as part of a grand human family, we can develop a global sense of empathy. We can send a healing thought or prayer to people in parts of the world who are in horrible conflict or strife.  Also, by practicing the beautiful Tonglen meditation, we can inhale the suffering of others and breathe out compassion and love.  In this way, we can help heal the world as we heal ourselves.

Empathy is on a continuum. Some people are very empathetic, others moderately so, and some (sociopaths, narcissists) have little, if any, empathy. The good news is that a majority of people can increase their empathy toward themselves and others.  By doing so, you will quiet the unkind voices in your head (self-critical thoughts), and you will befriend yourself and others.  You will also establish good boundaries so you are not overwhelmed by the negativity of others. And, most importantly of all, you will extend loving energy without expectation and shine your light of love to all who may receive it. Empathy is truly a genius, and the genius is in you.

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