0:00

In an election year, guaranteed to divide

0:02

us. This is a debacle. Finally, a

0:04

second term we can all agree on.

0:07

Yes! Comedy Central's The Daily Show, Mondays

0:09

with John Stewart, Monday at 11, 10

0:12

Central on Comedy Central, and next day on Paramount+.

0:17

What's up, Los Angeles? Lovely

0:29

to see you all. Welcome to Love

0:31

It or Leave It. Somebody's

0:34

been watering the fake plants in the Crooked Office this

0:36

week, and that's exactly the can-do attitude you can expect

0:39

from the Democratic Party, if you ask me. Just

0:42

be grateful. We've

0:44

got a great show for you tonight. Pod say

0:46

the UK's Nish Kumar is here. And

0:49

he explains how the hell we're supposed to stay calm and carry

0:51

on at a time like this. The very

0:53

funny Brad Williams is here to remind us that life isn't the only

0:55

thing that's short. Ashley Nicole Black finds

0:57

herself caught in my web. My damn

0:59

web. And

1:02

we close out the show with a round of all the things

1:04

we hate to love. But

1:06

first, let's get into it. What

1:08

a week. Russian

1:11

opposition leader Alexei Navalny died on Friday at

1:13

the Arctic penal colony, where he

1:16

was serving a sentence of more than 30 years. Tell

1:18

me about it. He never let me finish my

1:20

sentences either, said Putin's ex-wife. That

1:22

was a little insensitive. And

1:25

now a quick word from our sponsors. This episode of Love It

1:27

or Leave It is brought to you by the new true crime

1:29

podcast, Who Killed Alexei Navalny?

1:33

Russian officials claim he died of sudden death syndrome,

1:36

but what if that story is just that? A

1:39

story. Navalny, it

1:43

turns out that enemies in pretty high places.

1:46

In this one-part 15-second

1:48

docuseries, we investigate

1:50

the mysterious death of Vladimir Putin's biggest political

1:52

rival as we try to answer the

1:54

question, could Navalny have been killed

1:57

by the dictator who also poisoned him? And

2:00

then locked him away in a remote prison

2:02

camp on manufactured chargers? Listen,

2:05

does he kill the lefty Navalny? Wherever

2:07

you get your podcasts. I

2:10

don't know. Police in Russia have detained

2:12

hundreds who are paying tribute to Navalny at ad

2:14

hoc memorials. I hope they don't catch this sudden

2:16

death syndrome that's been going around. Navalny's

2:18

wife on Monday vowed to continue her husband's

2:20

crusade against Putin because behind every great man

2:22

is a great woman. And behind her is

2:25

a guy with a syringe. Yeah.

2:29

I'm taking the note. Western

2:32

leaders quickly condemn Putin with President Biden

2:34

saying on Friday, make no mistake, Putin

2:36

is responsible for Navalny's death. Biden

2:38

wasn't born yesterday, after all. Sure,

2:41

it'd be cool if it had been a little bit closer to yesterday. Meanwhile,

2:46

Trump avoided commenting on Navalny's death for days, finally

2:49

servicing to compare the dissidents' brutal persecution to

2:51

his own legal trouble to the town hall

2:53

with Fox News personality and person who cuts

2:55

you in line at the Upper East Side's

2:57

sitarella and then says, sorry, I'm just in

2:59

a rush, before arguing with the cashier when you were

3:01

going to buy literally one thing, Laura Ingraham. People

3:05

around the world are expressing outrage over the

3:07

deaths of Alexei Navalny, of course, in a

3:09

horrific Russian prison. When you

3:11

posted on Truth Social about it, you said that

3:14

his death made you more aware of the political

3:16

circumstances here at home. It's happening here. We

3:18

all have that friend who thinks the way you show empathy is by saying,

3:21

oh, that's exactly like what happened to me, you know.

3:24

You say, like, I've been feeling more and more like I

3:26

chose the wrong career, and they say, oh,

3:28

me too, I love my job, but it's been such a

3:30

frustrating week, and it's like, no, bitch, listen. You

3:34

don't have to fucking me too every part of the conversation. Sometimes

3:37

I'm just having an experience. But

3:40

if Trump's comparison was too subtle, he went further. Now,

3:43

in this New York civil fraud case,

3:45

this Judge Arthur Ingraham ruled against you

3:48

for almost half

3:50

a billion dollars plus

3:52

interest that runs every day

3:54

when I first read this, like, $87,000 a day. How

3:59

will you put up that kind of... of money because you have

4:01

a bond to put up, even if you appeal, you've got to

4:03

put up escrow money. That's a

4:06

lot of, a lot of do. It is the form of

4:09

novella. God

4:12

damn it. It's no wonder

4:14

Trump is feeling vexed. New York Attorney

4:16

General Letitia James, Tishram Brooklyn, said on

4:18

Tuesday that if Trump doesn't have the

4:20

funds to pay his penalties, she's prepared

4:22

to seize his buildings. Trump

4:24

Tower, affordable housing baby, lobbies, a public

4:26

library, gender affirming care, and the office

4:28

he rented to that guy who does

4:30

his weave. Let's fucking go. I

4:35

ate in that basement restaurant once. Before.

4:37

Yep. Terrible layout

4:40

too. Trump

4:43

also took a moment to further humiliate

4:45

America's most humiliated man who happened to

4:47

be in the audience. Tim's got, he

4:49

has been much better for me than

4:51

he was for himself. I watched this

4:53

campaign. Oh,

4:57

Tim Scott waved back with his arm around

4:59

an invisible woman. Tim

5:02

Scott was then asked about this moment

5:04

on Thursday. Senator Trump has said that you've, that

5:08

you campaigned better for him than you do for yourself. Can

5:10

you agree with that? Well, I think that the whole

5:12

concept of James Fortin, which I struggled

5:14

with on the campaign, to own my campaign, we've

5:16

had lots of conversations publicly and privately about the

5:19

importance of how do you exalt

5:21

yourself and promote yourself while remaining

5:23

humble. I struggled with that on

5:25

the campaign. So now having a

5:27

conversation about the future of America

5:29

and the president being that

5:31

leader is very easy. There's no internal conversation

5:33

about when are you doing to myself, most

5:35

of the truth of the matter is that

5:37

I am far better, uh, encouraging

5:40

and being excited and motivated for president Trump.

5:42

And I was for a tough, I don't have that

5:44

internal debate going on. Wow. Just

5:46

truly like new levels of cringe

5:49

being unlocked daily by this guy.

5:51

If Tim's God's presidential

5:53

campaign was the original cringe game,

5:55

Tim Scott's VP campaign is the

5:57

cringe DLC that finally perfects the

5:59

promise. promising but ultimately flawed cringe

6:01

mechanics from the first launch. That

6:04

was for no one. And

6:07

look, I know these people are full of shit, and

6:09

I know it's not the point, but the

6:11

idea that you are going to say

6:13

that because of what the Bible taught

6:16

you about humility, you are better able

6:18

to campaign for Donald Trump. I

6:20

am a gay-ash Jewish person who only goes to

6:22

church for weddings and to use the bathroom in

6:25

New York City and drink the delicious

6:27

water they leave out. And

6:29

I find this galling, oh, you

6:32

learned from the Bible that it's

6:34

important to be humble and that

6:36

helped you relieve any internal contradictions

6:38

you had about trying to make

6:40

Donald Trump the most powerful person

6:42

in the fucking world. Who

6:45

buys this? James 410. I

6:50

went and looked it up. I don't know James 410, neither

6:52

of you people. I

6:54

guess we can't ask you any follow-up questions because none of us

6:56

know James 410 either. That's

6:58

the beauty of the Bible verse on the campaign trail. They can't

7:00

look it up fast enough. Anyway,

7:03

Trump took his humble operation to sneaker

7:05

con in Philadelphia to introduce his new

7:07

shoe line. Yeah, that's

7:10

right. The shift has been

7:12

gradual, but experts project that by 2030, Donald Trump

7:14

and Kanye West will be the same guy. If

7:18

you score a pair, just be careful not to get

7:20

any liberal tears on them because you can't get them

7:22

wet. Trump's

7:24

shoes called Never Surrender High Tops are

7:27

gold, feature his T-logo, an American flag

7:29

and cost $399. I

7:31

think we have a photo. And

7:34

I'm going to say this. They're

7:36

fucking cool. I love

7:38

them. Shut up. They're

7:40

good. I like those shoes. Elizabeth

7:43

Warren sold them. They'd be on my feed right now.

7:46

Trump is also selling a new fragrance

7:49

called Victory, which the site describes as

7:51

the signature scent of strength and success

7:53

designed for the decisive in the

7:56

bold. And it sprays from

7:58

the anal glands as a defense mechanism.

8:00

whenever a district attorney is nearby. Meanwhile,

8:04

Trump's second term agenda has been taking shape, and

8:06

the shape is that of a forceps held by

8:08

the worst kid in your college Roman history class.

8:11

The Center for Annuing America, a think tank

8:13

with close ties to Trump, has drawn up

8:15

its list of top priorities for a second

8:17

term, which includes the bullet point, Christian nationalism.

8:20

What would that mean in practice? Well, if

8:22

these goons have their way, it could mean

8:25

overturning gay marriage, reducing access to contraceptives, ending

8:27

sex education in schools, banning surrogacy, ending no-fault

8:29

divorce, and making the screaming albino monk from

8:31

the Da Vinci Code secretary of health and

8:34

human services. This

8:36

follows a ruling by the Alabama Supreme

8:38

Court, which declared that frozen embryos should

8:40

be considered children under state law, and

8:42

that someone could be held liable for

8:44

destroying them under Alabama's wrongful death of

8:46

a minor act. Chief Justice Tom Parker

8:48

wrote, human life cannot be wrongfully destroyed

8:51

without incurring the wrath of a holy god,

8:53

who views the destruction of his image as

8:55

an affront to himself, even before birth, all

8:57

human beings bear the image of God, and

8:59

their lives cannot be destroyed without effacing his

9:02

glory. Hey, real quick, are there any lawyers

9:04

here? Do

9:06

judicial opinions usually end with amen? The

9:09

decision was the result of a wrongful

9:11

death case, put forward by couples whose

9:13

frozen embryos were accidentally destroyed. Here's what

9:15

happened, and this is real. In 2020,

9:17

a hospital patient wandered into the fertility

9:19

clinic. The patient then removed some embryos

9:21

from a cryogenic nursery. Since the containers

9:23

with the embryos were painfully cold, the

9:25

patient dropped the embryos on the floor,

9:27

which destroyed them. In the same world,

9:29

the court wouldn't have ruled that destroying

9:31

a frozen embryo is the same as

9:33

killing a person. The court would have

9:35

ruled that hospitals must have adequate defenses

9:37

against Mr. Bean. The

9:41

ruling could have major implications for fertility

9:43

treatments like IVF, which entail creating and

9:45

freezing multiple embryos to give a patient

9:47

the best chance of becoming pregnant. And

9:49

indeed, the University of Alabama at Birmingham

9:51

Health System announced Wednesday that it was

9:53

pausing IVF treatments. Said the health system,

9:55

we are saddened that this will impact

9:58

our patient's attempt to have a... baby

10:00

through IVF, but we must evaluate the potential

10:02

that our patients and our physicians could be

10:04

prosecuted criminally or face punitive damages for following

10:07

the standard of care for IVF treatments. Two

10:09

more clinics in the state dropped offering IVF

10:11

treatments the next day with more likely to

10:13

follow. There could soon be no IVF at

10:16

all available in a state of 5 million

10:18

people. Look, it's very simple. Every woman should

10:20

be a mother unless she actively wants to

10:22

be one, then she should go fuck herself.

10:25

Motherhood should be an unwelcome accident that ruins

10:27

your life, like a car crash or texting

10:29

the person you were trying to talk shit about.

10:33

The Republican position is clear. No babies for people

10:35

who want them, and lots of babies for people

10:37

who do not. Said one official, with any luck

10:39

in 18 years, no child in this

10:42

country will be loved. Republicans

10:46

will now be forced to answer for

10:48

yet another devastating and deeply unpopular consequence

10:50

of the Supreme Court's doves decision. They

10:52

really goofed up the order on this

10:54

one. You gotta install a dictator and

10:56

cancel the elections, then take away

10:59

all the rights. It's the wrong order, you

11:01

fucking dummies. Among

11:05

the one in six Americans who have struggled

11:07

with fertility issues, former Vice President Mike Pence,

11:10

whose family turned to IVF, and who told

11:12

Politico last year that he fully supports the

11:14

practice. If you create an embryo

11:16

by fucking, then it's a human life. If you

11:19

create an embryo by looking at pictures of Doris

11:21

Day until the heavenly release, while your wife waits

11:23

in the clinic lobby, it just sells. Tim

11:27

Scott, in the same press availability where he

11:30

talks about humility making it easy to

11:32

support Trump, was also asked about this ruling.

11:34

The Alabama Supreme Court ruled that embryos are

11:36

children of various functions over whether or

11:38

not they are running nation-tensors. Is

11:41

that a stance that you agree with? Well, I

11:43

have a sudden the issue of what Nikki Haley

11:45

continues to do. Go back and forth with that

11:47

issue. I'm sorry. First of

11:49

all, just a swing at Nikki Haley. I'm

11:52

sorry. I haven't studied the issue. The issue

11:54

is directly and obviously implicated by the policies

11:56

I support and say are central to my

11:59

worldview. declaring fertilized eggs

12:01

human life, but I haven't really thought about

12:03

what happens after that. I like setting fires, but

12:05

I don't really know what fire is. I

12:08

don't understand the science of it at all. I

12:10

don't even know if a fire is the light

12:12

above the wood or is it the wood? Where

12:15

is the fire? Anyway, I've

12:17

never had sex. Meanwhile,

12:21

Trump's last Republican challenger standing, Nikki Haley, held

12:24

a campaign event in South Carolina where she

12:26

vowed to fight on regardless of the results

12:28

of the primary in her home state. South

12:31

Carolina will vote on Saturday, but

12:33

on Sunday, I'll still be

12:36

running for president. I'm not

12:38

going anywhere. I'm

12:42

campaigning every day until the last person

12:45

votes. I'm not going anywhere. Not to

12:47

the White House. Not

12:49

anywhere. Haley

12:51

went on to say this. Many of

12:53

the same politicians who now publicly

12:56

embrace Trump privately

12:58

dread him. They

13:00

know what a disaster he's been and

13:02

will continue to be for our party.

13:05

I feel no need to kiss the ring. Good,

13:08

because I'm a little busy here, said

13:10

Tim Scott, fully deepthroating that beautiful ring.

13:15

In response to her comments, a Trump spokesperson

13:17

said, she's going to drop down

13:19

to kiss ass when she quits like she

13:21

always does. Many took issue

13:23

with her needing to drop down to kiss

13:25

ass European style instead of picking the ass

13:27

up and kissing it while standing American style.

13:29

Nikki Haley isn't using the continental grip. And

13:35

by the way, in life, if you think someone is

13:37

ultimately going to do what you want them to do,

13:39

don't dare them not to do it. You always come

13:41

crawling back is not the hero's line. Just

13:44

six months ago, you were kissing the ring. You raised your

13:46

hand when you said you'd vote for him if he'd been

13:48

convicted. That was a ring kiss. You

14:02

tried doing this every week. Not

14:05

all fucking handjobs at Beetlejuice. Wish

14:09

you were. Meanwhile, as the

14:11

general election comes into stark relief, CNN reported

14:14

on Tuesday that President Biden had given his

14:16

staff new marching orders in his re-election bid.

14:18

We are told that the thrust of

14:20

the president's direction was to significantly

14:22

ramp up the campaign's efforts to

14:24

highlight the crazy shit that Trump

14:26

says in public. First

14:33

of all, there was a time, feels

14:36

like weeks ago, where you couldn't just say

14:38

shit on CNN. This

14:42

also cuts two ways. People hearing Trump say crazy

14:44

shit in public is how we got President Trump,

14:46

but it's also how we got rid of President

14:48

Trump. It's a pickle. One

14:52

source within the Biden campaign said the president himself

14:54

even went as far to rise up from his

14:56

seat, walk up to the strategy whiteboard, and erase

14:59

the entire section labeled more dog attacks. Yes,

15:03

that's right. According to internal Secret Service

15:05

documents, Commander Biden bit Secret Service personnel

15:07

in at least 24 separate

15:11

incidents at the White House

15:13

and elsewhere far more than previously reported.

15:16

Biden, fine. You're not too old.

15:19

Just call off your dogs. If

15:22

you don't want Commander to bite, then why make

15:24

agents meat flavored? Ask President

15:26

Biden 24 times. That's

15:29

too many times. That's

15:33

more times than we've joked about Commander biting people.

15:35

And we do that all the time. I only

15:37

get to bite people six times before Tommy bonks

15:40

me on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

15:43

Wrote one agent in an email last

15:46

June, the recent dog bites have challenged

15:48

us to adjust our operational tactics. When

15:50

commander is present, please give lots of

15:52

room. The email also warned

15:55

that agents must be creative to ensure our

15:57

own personal safety. Now

15:59

is my time. to shine," said the One Secret

16:01

Service agent who went to Brown. Other

16:05

creative tactics included yelling fetch a commander, then

16:07

throwing the nuclear football down the hallway. One

16:11

of the more severe incidents outlined in the report

16:13

took place on July 29, 2023. Commander was off-leash

16:17

in Rehoboth Beach and

16:20

bit a special agent on the

16:22

left forearm, causing a severe, deep,

16:24

open wound. The attack caused the

16:26

agent to lose a significant amount

16:28

of blood. You're

16:30

on the ground. You're bleeding

16:33

out. You're starting to lose

16:35

consciousness. You're wondering if you have

16:37

enough strength to call your wife and say goodbye. And

16:40

all of a sudden, the President of the United

16:42

States is standing over you saying, he's never like

16:44

this. But

16:48

something's working for our boy, Joe, because President

16:50

Biden held a slight leave over Trump in

16:52

a new Quinnipiac poll this week, 49

16:54

percent to Trump's 45 percent. In response to the

16:56

news, a frantic President Biden was seen darting around

16:59

the White House asking aides, why? What? What was

17:01

the last thing I did? Was it confusing the

17:03

names of world leaders? I can do that. The

17:06

President of Canada's name, Barney Butterscotch. Check

17:08

the polls again. Did that do anything?

17:11

We also would have accepted Frankie Poutine. Frankie

17:15

Poutine. Respondents did say

17:18

Trump seemed more physically fit than Biden, which may

17:20

not make a difference in the presidential debates, but

17:22

the presidential ninja Wario games are just around the

17:24

corner. Also this week,

17:26

the President announced the cancellation of an additional

17:28

$1.2 billion in student loan debt for about

17:30

153,000 borrowers. Awesome.

17:35

I can finally quit this job and pursue my dream

17:37

of not getting bitten by dogs every day, said that

17:39

Secret Service agent who went to Brown. Biden

17:42

has now canceled a total of $138 billion in student

17:46

debt from nearly 3.9 million borrowers

17:48

through executive actions, despite the Supreme Court's

17:50

ruling that stopped the larger program he

17:52

hoped to implement. On Wednesday, borrowers received

17:54

an email from the President informing them.

17:57

If you qualify, you'll be hearing from

17:59

me shortly. Behind one door, President

18:01

Biden holding a check. Behind the other door,

18:03

President Biden holding the leash of a dog

18:05

he cannot control. Apple

18:09

is formally warned against immersing your wet iPhone

18:11

in a bowl of uncooked rice, saying that

18:13

the practice could allow small particles of rice

18:15

to damage your iPhone. While I,

18:17

John Lovett, would like to remind you, you can

18:19

still eat the rice afterwards. No one can see

18:21

you in your house. No one knows what you're

18:23

doing when you're alone. In

18:27

other news, Air Canada's website apparently featured

18:29

an AI-powered chatbot. After the chatbot made

18:31

up a fake rebate offer that tricked

18:33

a customer into buying a plane ticket,

18:35

the company tried to argue that the

18:37

chatbot was responsible for its own actions.

18:40

While this week, a Canadian court said that it

18:43

is not the case, and Air Canada owes that

18:45

customer money. Hey, we're not responsible

18:47

for what our machines do. Doesn't exactly

18:49

give you confidence in Air Canada. Of

18:54

course, this ruling will only apply in Canada. It

18:56

remains to be seen whether companies in the US

18:58

will be allowed to use what is literally the

19:00

same defense as ventriloquist use when their dummies do

19:03

insulting crowd work. In

19:06

other plain news, Boeing has ousted the head of the company's

19:08

737 MAX program in the wake

19:10

of a door panel blowing off a 737 MAX

19:13

9 mid-flight last month. The executive landed

19:15

on a roof outside Cleveland. That's,

19:20

of course, ridiculous. He had a golden parachute. A

19:24

private space mission landed on the surface of the

19:26

moon Thursday, carrying 125 steel sculptures of

19:29

the moon itself made by artist Jeff

19:32

Koons. That's right. Our

19:34

greatest artist has crafted some tiny moon sculptures

19:36

because they're going to the moon. Koons is

19:38

making an interesting statement with this work, and

19:40

that statement is moon. All

19:43

right,

19:46

listen. You let your put

19:48

those fucking balloon dogs in the Bellagio lobby.

19:50

That tracks to me. You

19:52

don't get to represent us on other planets. No

19:56

it's not a planet. Also

19:59

this week, Sam Scientists discovered that what was found to

20:01

be a 280 million year

20:03

old dinosaur fossil is largely a forgery

20:05

shaded to look like an ancient bone.

20:08

But why tell us this is my question. Let us

20:10

live in our life of delusion. We don't need to

20:12

know that some dinosaur skeleton is just a chicken bone

20:15

with a smoky eye. Let

20:17

us live in happiness. Researchers had assumed

20:19

that the fossil discovered in Italy in

20:21

1931 had a dark color

20:23

from genetic material only to realize the few

20:25

bones present had been made to look old

20:27

with black paint and carved rock. Oh

20:30

no, Giuseppe our fake bones. They've found us.

20:32

Kiss me Giuseppe. It's

20:38

the last accent you're allowed to do. And

20:43

finally, a Colorado man died after being

20:45

bitten by his pet Gila monster. Responded

20:47

President Biden, I'd like to make an

20:49

offer on his Gila monster. I'll

20:51

call him Commander Monster. When

20:54

we come back, what's all this said? It's

20:57

Nish Kumar. Hey,

20:59

don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It

21:02

coming up. Love It

21:04

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25:06

we're back. Please

25:08

welcome to the stage, we'll

25:11

stop to have him. He just flew

25:13

from across the pond and boys is toad in the hole

25:15

tired. It's

25:19

hilarious host of crickets on Fuzzy of the UK.

25:21

It's Nish Kumar. Hi

25:26

Nish, good to see you. Good

25:29

to see you. Get in here. Lovely

25:31

to be back. That's

25:33

the, I sat down on a sofa and

25:35

there was more give under

25:38

my ass than I'd been expecting. Apologies,

25:40

ass. America.

25:45

Hey, yeah, maybe

25:47

too late. The queen left us here when she was on.

25:51

How dare you speak ill of

25:53

the dead queen, John. I didn't,

25:56

I just spoke of her. Do

25:59

you want me to try the hand? on. Yeah, yeah. All right. I'll

26:01

pop it on. Oh, it's quite,

26:03

it's more structured than I'd anticipated. Now,

26:09

now I understand that there was some sort of incident

26:11

involving your passport and we almost had to get your

26:13

close personal friend Mr. Bean to fill in for

26:15

you. There

26:18

was a, there was an incident with my, I am actually

26:20

gonna have to take this off because I have such a

26:22

huge head that the hat will not sit on top of

26:24

it. I'll put it here like I'm hiding an erection. What

26:30

a problem. For the benefit of the listeners,

26:32

it's over my dick. Yeah,

26:35

they feel, where do you, where else

26:37

did you keep it? I arrived here and I was,

26:41

I was so

26:48

very stressed about, I'm always very stressed by US immigration.

26:50

I was very tense about the whole thing. Anyway,

26:53

I passed through without any problem. My

26:55

visa checked out, which thank you

26:57

for writing a cover letter for. Oh, I

26:59

did. Yeah, I did. And it was probably

27:02

the easiest visa cover letter of all

27:04

time. My parents were like, are you worried about getting

27:06

it? I was like, the

27:08

first one is from a guy who used to work

27:10

in the White House. I think I'm gonna be fine.

27:12

But it was, I was stressed about it. I got

27:15

through it and then I thought I can only explain

27:18

that I was like over relaxed

27:20

and I left my passport in

27:22

a New York City taxi. And

27:26

it was an absolute like disaster.

27:28

And like that for me is like

27:30

a night like I was spiraling. Like

27:33

I, at one point

27:35

I was just alone in the place I

27:37

was saying and I just out loud said,

27:39

what is the point of you? Like which

27:41

is a huge overreaction. Or

27:44

a question we all grapple with every

27:48

day of our lives. But then

27:50

a miracle occurred. The

27:53

taxi driver came back and waited

27:55

for me all morning. And it

27:58

was it was so incredible. And

28:00

I was so thankful and I said, why did

28:02

you do it? And he said, look, at the

28:04

end of the day, his parents are from India

28:06

and he's like, you're Indian, I'm Indian, and

28:09

so I just felt like I couldn't leave

28:11

you stuck like this. And I will say

28:13

to white people, I get it. When

28:15

racism benefits you, it feels genuinely

28:18

incredible. Because from the

28:20

look on that guy's face,

28:23

if it had been your passport, love it, he

28:25

would have made it into a New York city

28:27

sewer and it would have taken the eye

28:30

off a Ninja turtle. Like it's... Yeah,

28:33

probably because I would have said something on the way,

28:35

someone like, faster please, I'm very important. I'm

28:39

used to being in muttacates. Yeah. Yeah,

28:43

so I'm very grateful to

28:46

a New York City taxi driver who,

28:48

yeah, it was very kind of him. And

28:52

I did give him some money. And

28:54

then I talked about this on stage at

28:57

a New York comedy club. And

28:59

a woman said, how much did you give? And I

29:01

didn't think, and I answered honestly, I gave him a

29:03

thousand dollars. Right? But because

29:06

I was so stressed about it. And the

29:08

problem is that created quite a strange atmosphere

29:10

in the room because they didn't really understand

29:12

how I could afford that. Because as far

29:14

as they were concerned, I was an open

29:16

mic comedian. So then I find myself in

29:18

this situation where I'm saying, no, in England,

29:20

I'm very famous. At

29:23

which point a woman sat in the front row, says, I'm

29:25

from England and I've never heard of you. I'm

29:31

more on the logistics. Do you carry traveler's

29:34

checks? Thousand

29:36

dollars in US and

29:38

a hundred dollar bills? What are you,

29:41

are you here to buy one of like, one

29:43

of Pablo Escobar's hippos? I

29:46

withdrew the money from the ATM. It

29:48

felt like a nice round figure. Yeah,

29:50

I bet. I'm

29:53

sure that's what he said when he got home. He

29:55

said, honey, you never believe it. This guy gave me $500. Jason

30:02

Mandzukas from Parks and Recreation gave me $200!

30:06

And I'll tell you this, he looks worse in real

30:08

life. Alright,

30:11

let's start politics. On

30:13

Tuesday, the US vetoed a

30:15

UN resolution that is widely supported calling for a

30:17

ceasefire in Gaza. The vote was 13-1 on the

30:19

15-member Security Council. That

30:23

15-vote, the UK, which heroically

30:25

abstained. Say what you

30:27

will about us, John, but we will

30:30

chicken out at

30:32

any given opportunity. We'll weirdly say something about

30:34

Winston Churchill, and then we'll use the phrase,

30:37

fight them on the beaches, and then we'll

30:39

say, in conclusion, no comment. On

30:41

Tuesday, Prince William... Yes.

30:46

Called for a ceasefire. Yes. Does

30:49

that carry weight in the UK, or is that

30:51

more like if Hunter Biden... That's

30:55

something. I don't think

30:57

Prince William's done that much, Coke. It

31:02

doesn't...it carries only symbolic weight. I do

31:04

think it's sort of symbolically interesting that

31:06

the conversation has moved far enough that

31:09

a member of the Royal Family has

31:11

made a comment about it, but obviously

31:13

he has no actual

31:15

political power. Right.

31:17

I don't think we will get rid of the

31:19

monarchy in my lifetime, hoping that we're just going

31:22

to farm them off one by one to your

31:24

country. Just,

31:26

I'll just give him a Netflix deal. Come

31:29

on. With the Royals coming over for a Netflix deal, there's

31:31

going to be a Fool Me Twice situation. They

31:34

can't...yeah. We tried a couple podcasts

31:36

and it didn't take...we'll take... What?

31:40

You think they're working? What? Ooh,

31:42

yeah, that's right. I'll say it. I don't

31:44

think Prince Harry's podcast works. I'm

31:50

sorry if that offends you, fucking

31:52

Royalists. Well, are

31:54

you a Rubst comic? Are you the... I

31:58

didn't realize the duchy of Monteser. CEDO was here. I

32:02

guess the duchess, the duchess, the land. Yeah, yeah,

32:05

yeah, that's right. I don't like

32:07

your custom. I have no clue. On

32:11

Wednesday, dozens of lawmakers stormed out of

32:13

parliament after there was a

32:15

chaotic devote on a ceasefire. What's

32:18

happening? It was a weird thing

32:20

because I've been in New York for the last

32:22

couple of days, so it's a strange thing to kind of be out

32:25

of the country and be trying to follow

32:27

all the news reports. And what was incredible

32:30

was that I watched a string on YouTube

32:32

of the BBC News Channel 4 News, and

32:34

it was extraordinary because all of them opened

32:36

with the same basic comment, which was, this

32:39

has not been a good day for the

32:41

British parliament. It's

32:43

quite a strange bit of parliamentary business.

32:45

So the SNP, which is

32:48

the Scottish National Party, were tabling

32:50

a motion that would

32:52

essentially have called unambiguously

32:54

for a ceasefire. The government then were

32:56

trying to table an amendment to that

32:59

motion that was basically like, we're

33:01

not going to be here in a year, so we're just

33:03

trying to ruin everything. Basically

33:05

the British Conservative Party is very much

33:07

in the stealing the paperclips phase of

33:09

being in office. But

33:12

then it created a problem within

33:14

the Labour Party. I think there's some

33:16

similar dynamics playing out with the

33:18

Democrats. There's a kind of tension in

33:21

the UK Labour Party between the leadership,

33:23

which wants to continue unambiguously supporting Benjamin

33:26

Netanyahu, and then a lot of the party membership

33:28

and a lot of the lower

33:30

level ministers who want to unambiguously

33:32

call for a ceasefire. But

33:35

basically to sum this all up, what was

33:37

supposed to be a debate in the Houses

33:39

of Parliament, the thing that we in our

33:41

country pride ourselves on as being this sort

33:43

of cradle of democracy,

33:46

it ended up just being an argument

33:48

about arcane procedure. And so it

33:51

came off as incredibly flippant

33:53

and sort of disrespectful. It did

33:55

not show us at our best. Yeah, you

33:57

say that, but then it's like, oh, wow.

34:00

You guys devolve into Downton Abbey and it's

34:02

like what we start there We

34:04

could only wish on our on Congress's best day

34:06

to have the refinement of a Downton Abbey. I

34:10

Will say your Congress seems to have the

34:12

same average age Maggie

34:15

Smith at this point would be a

34:17

young whippersnapper Yeah,

34:20

they're so old it's

34:22

crazy it's crazy so

34:24

our movie stars It's

34:27

funny The

34:30

only thing that I object to I'm perfectly happy

34:32

with people commenting on Joe Biden's age and making

34:34

that point of discussion, but the only thing I

34:36

strongly object to it This is the only thing

34:39

that comment I will make about American politics is

34:41

when people say well Trump is you know He

34:43

seems quite vigorous and alert and you're like no

34:45

He doesn't like if you met Donald Trump just

34:47

in the street with no knowledge of who he

34:49

was you would assume He was

34:52

an old man who had got tragically lost

34:54

from his house in Argentina where he'd been

34:56

living since 1945 in

34:59

hiding from Mossad Yeah,

35:03

cuz of tan That's

35:07

right you'd be like oh that's no he's

35:09

tan He started he's

35:11

tan, but he's he started north In

35:15

a way that we don't feel quite comfortable with Yeah

35:20

Basically, there's a lot of people who

35:22

support you get I would include myself

35:24

Absolutely as a lifelong labor voter who

35:26

would like to see the Labour Party

35:28

unambiguously call for a ceasefire In

35:31

the region not we understand because it would actually have

35:33

any meaningful weight But I think it would have some

35:35

symbolic value if the Labour Party which we assume by

35:37

the end of the year is going to be the

35:39

party of government in the United Kingdom Also,

35:43

it would show it had learned some lessons

35:45

because the Labour Party was in power the

35:48

last time Countries responded to a terrorist attack

35:50

by collectively punishing a civilian population. So yeah,

35:52

that's where I'm at with it So

35:54

there's a divide on the left playing out the Labour Party.

35:56

That's not dissimilar to the one that is playing out in

35:59

the United States You know, the United

36:01

States has a different relationship with Israel than the

36:03

United Kingdom does. Why is it just the pressure

36:05

for the United States that leads the UK to

36:07

land on its abstain as opposed to voting

36:10

either in favor or against the ceasefire? Like,

36:12

is that why? I

36:14

think Keir Starmer is trying to present

36:17

himself as Prime Minister in

36:19

waiting. And he, you know, according to

36:21

every conceivable opinion poll, is going to

36:23

be Prime Minister. And I don't think

36:25

he wants to distance himself

36:27

too far from Biden. Like, I think he

36:29

wants to... The campaign

36:31

that they're in the process of shaping, I

36:34

think, will be heavily influenced by Biden's campaign

36:36

in 2020. And I don't

36:38

think the UK Labor Party wants

36:40

to set itself far apart from

36:44

the Democrats at the moment. Now,

36:47

apparently your Nancy Pelosi is

36:49

on the American version of the traders. I've

36:53

been watching the traders. I believe there's a

36:55

new episode today. I have

36:57

to do. I come again with

36:59

a PSA for you all, right?

37:01

The UK version of the traders

37:04

is genuinely better because there's no

37:06

celebrities. It's all ordinary

37:09

run-of-the-mill maniacs. I'm

37:12

going to watch the UK version because

37:14

my problem with the American version is

37:17

there are all these reality

37:19

stars, none of whom really

37:22

have thought very deeply about the

37:25

strategy of this game, which I

37:27

find deeply upsetting. But

37:29

in the midst of these reality stars,

37:31

there are survivors, there's people from the

37:33

challenge, there are real housewives, there is

37:36

a legit former

37:39

member of parliament,

37:41

John Burckow, who

37:44

is... First of all, by the way, he

37:46

never looks like he belongs. There's

37:48

not a frame in this show where he

37:51

looks like he should be there. He

37:53

doesn't seem to know why he's there. He

37:57

also, by the way, seems like no one told him.

38:00

them until seven seconds before they said

38:02

action that there would be running involved.

38:06

It doesn't look like he's ever seen

38:08

a reality show, maybe a television show,

38:11

anyone running before. He

38:13

runs with such a low center of gravity.

38:15

I'm going to do it. I've never seen

38:17

someone run like this. I've never seen someone

38:19

run like this. It's

38:21

truly like he's never seen, it's like he's inventing

38:23

it. But it's this, it's this.

38:27

And look back, it's like a child's musical. He's

38:32

like that. He's wearing my own jacket.

38:34

Fucking poverty. Who's an athlete by

38:37

the way? Yeah, it's

38:39

absolutely. What's up with that? It

38:42

is unfathomable to me. He was like,

38:44

he sits in an equivalent position to

38:47

Nancy Pelosi. And like he was the

38:49

Speaker of the House of Parliament during

38:51

some pretty like rancorous Brexit debate. So

38:53

he was like, he's not like even

38:56

like a more obscure speaker. He was

38:58

like on TV every

39:00

single night trying

39:02

to run debates in parliament.

39:05

And now he is on the

39:07

traitors. And

39:10

here's my question. You know, OK,

39:12

he needed 250 grand. Who

39:14

doesn't? In the US, we

39:16

have corruption. They

39:19

get to go on boards and sit

39:21

and do speaking tours and other ways

39:23

to kind of remunerate themselves based on

39:25

their public service. They make they leave

39:28

the government and then they find ways

39:30

to trade on the value of their

39:32

mind and experience and connections. Does

39:34

he not get to do that? I have a society

39:36

running over there. I have

39:39

no idea because I will say that memo

39:41

has absolutely made it to the English Conservative

39:43

Party because those guys are doing so

39:45

many jobs. They do not have time

39:47

to do their first job. So I

39:49

don't know how the chump Burkehau has

39:51

managed to end up not corrupting his

39:53

way onto the board of something. So

39:57

what were his politics like? Because on

39:59

the traitors. He's quite sweet.

40:01

He's a sweet man who's

40:04

constantly complimenting everyone. I

40:06

really like him. He became a Labour

40:08

politician. I think he started as a Conservative

40:10

and then defected to the Labour Party. But

40:13

his politics, he was criticised very heavily by

40:15

the Conservatives because they felt he was taking

40:17

an anti-Brexit position. And I mean, the only

40:19

thing I would say in defence of Burqout

40:22

is the anti-Brexit position he was taking is

40:24

we should debate Brexit in Parliament. And the

40:26

Conservative Party's position was very much, go fuck

40:28

yourself. So

40:32

his politics were, he was sort

40:34

of, I would say that

40:36

he was quite a sort of centrist figure. But he

40:39

had a very particular way. So in

40:41

the UK Parliament, when everyone's just yelling

40:43

at each other, the Speaker was supposed

40:45

to say order, order. And he said,

40:47

I dare! And that made him into

40:49

a celebrity. And what's crazy is that

40:52

he sometimes, they're going at it and,

40:54

you know, he'll do it. He'll do

40:57

an order and then all of

40:59

a sudden, yeah, Phaedrus, Phaedrus, Phaedrus paying

41:01

attention, you know? I

41:04

don't know how the fuck this has happened. I

41:06

only found out about it because of the podcast

41:08

We Also Do For Crooked, Pod Save the UK.

41:10

Please download it. Please do it.

41:12

We found out about it because an

41:14

American listener wrote in and I

41:17

believe the email just said, can you tell me

41:19

what the fuck is going on? Maybe

41:22

this is like... That was the first I'd heard, genuinely, that was the first

41:24

I'd heard about it. Maybe that's reassuring

41:26

that like he could come here and

41:28

do traders in the US and not

41:31

have it kind of reach the UK

41:33

like the way Arnold Schwarzenegger used to

41:35

do like Japanese commercials. Yeah, I

41:38

will say the US version is made

41:40

by the same production company that makes

41:42

the UK version. It is

41:44

very much going to be on British TV.

41:46

So he's not quite managed to do the

41:48

full Bill Murray and Lost in Translation for

41:51

Relaxing Times, Make It Suntory Times deal. Well,

41:55

either way, I'm laughing. Thank

41:58

you, Nish. You can listen to Pod Save the UK. UK

42:00

where new episodes drop every Thursday up

42:02

next. Movies are back and Ashley

42:04

Nicole Black is here to discuss a modern classic.

42:06

One more time for Nidge everybody. And

42:09

we're back. He's

42:16

watching the stage

42:18

of griddling star in the love of the religious style,

42:20

like the incredible Ashley Nicole Black. Hi,

42:23

thanks for being here.

42:25

Hello, the movie's ball. Yeah.

42:29

Hell yeah. What's

42:32

the movie you've seen recently that

42:35

you loved? Oh, I really liked it so much I'm

42:37

blanking on the title. Was

42:41

it Madame Web? No. I

42:44

have not seen Madame Web. I've

42:47

seen the poster for it. That's all you'll need. And

42:51

it looks like it was a one woman show. It

42:56

looked like an

42:58

actress who did a one woman show in a

43:00

basement theater in Chicago in 2007, which

43:04

is my vibe, but I haven't yet seen the

43:06

movie. What's

43:08

your favorite superhero movie? Captain

43:10

America. The one and the

43:12

Winter Soldier. I was like the one with the hot guy.

43:16

There's two hot guys and they're chasing each other and

43:18

they want to be friends and it's very erotic. They

43:21

are hot. Which

43:23

one is your hot guy? Oh, I

43:26

love a dirty white boy. Don't give me a

43:28

clean white boy. I'm a

43:30

Sebastian Stan, okay? If I'm going to

43:32

go white boy, I'm going dirty. Yeah.

43:36

I'm fine with either. They're

43:38

very handsome. Have

43:44

you seen the clips of Dakota Johnson on her Madame Web press tour? I

43:46

believe it's Madame. Am I crazy?

43:50

But it's

43:53

spelled... What's that fucking E doing there?

43:55

It's French. What? It's

43:59

French. Yeah, French from a damn. Damn. It

44:01

felt like if you ran a whorehouse, right? That's

44:03

not what it's about? Well,

44:07

here's a clip of her talking about Gen Z. I

44:10

love them. And they

44:12

annoy me. They annoy

44:15

you on a generational level, like

44:18

how they're experiencing life. Yeah. When

44:21

did you feel the oldest? All

44:25

the time. Like every second of

44:28

the day. That's awful. I know.

44:30

It brings my heart because I'm

44:32

not that much older than them. But

44:34

it just I think it's happening so

44:36

fast now. These generations are like turning

44:38

over. It's happening so fast. Every day

44:41

they get a new round. They get older and

44:43

older. Every day they get older. It's

44:45

crazy. I don't know

44:47

what's happening out there. First

44:49

of all, it has to be acknowledged that she

44:52

has on the tallest boots I've ever seen. The

44:54

boots are coming up to her butt. I

44:57

know you guys can't see it, but imagine

44:59

if a pair of boots continued to a

45:01

butt. That's what she's wearing. That

45:03

was the standout of the clip for me. Yeah, for

45:05

sure. Have you

45:07

ever worn boots like that? No. They

45:10

might be good in a flood. Yeah. But

45:14

that's not why she wore them. No,

45:17

I think she wore them so we'd

45:19

have something to think about after. Do

45:22

you remember when she yelled at Ellen? No. That

45:25

was the party. I wasn't invited. Actually,

45:28

no, that's not the truth. Ellen, you were

45:30

invited. Last year, you gave

45:32

me a bunch of s*** about not inviting you. I didn't invite

45:34

to my birthday. Yeah, but I had to come to the party.

45:36

I invited you to mine and you came to mine. Well, no,

45:39

I'm just saying. Yeah. Oh,

45:42

yeah, I had that thing. That

45:46

set off. The kerfuffle that

45:48

followed of like, is Ellen nice? I

45:51

was going to say, this is actually a really sad

45:53

clip because Jonta got fired that day. No,

45:55

my gosh, you guys, that's a joke. I don't know. I'm

45:58

so sorry. Sometimes I

46:00

forget that to you guys I'm

46:03

a Hollywood person. That was

46:05

fully a joke. I don't know Jonathan.

46:07

I wish him very well. We don't

46:09

know Jonathan. But he did get fucking

46:11

chicken. They're like, she would know. She

46:14

worked on Ted Lasso. Is

46:17

it a Marvel movie? No. So

46:20

that was part of the fun. Because

46:23

there is a conspiracy theory

46:25

online that Sony is

46:27

tricking people into thinking they're

46:29

doing a Marvel movie. But it's only

46:31

in association with Marvel. So they sign

46:33

up, they tag Marvel in their Instagram.

46:35

They show up on the set. It's

46:38

not the MCU. It's a

46:40

fucking backwater Sony

46:42

deal. Dakota

46:44

Johnson's like, where's Chris Evans? Right,

46:46

well, so Dakota Johnson has done interviews. Basically

46:49

she has now said like the script we

46:51

actually made is very different than the one

46:53

I read. And apparently there was an earlier

46:55

version in which Tom Holland shows up. But

46:58

by the time she's on set, he's

47:00

in fucking somewhere else. No, this actually

47:02

happened to me once. I

47:04

went out to drinks with a guy that I wanted to

47:06

sleep with. And when

47:08

I got there, his friend was there. And

47:11

then he left and I had to

47:13

sleep with the friend. Heard

47:19

it once, I've heard it a thousand times. Yeah, it

47:21

happens. These things happen to women and

47:23

we don't talk about them. The

47:27

funny thing is that is a true story and I know he

47:29

listens to the podcast. What

47:33

happened? What happens is once

47:35

a year I do this podcast and he

47:37

DMs me, yeah, I love this podcast. So

47:41

is this a kind of, are you reaching

47:43

across the digital space to

47:46

say hey? Oh no, he's very happily married. Everyone

47:48

I've ever slept with is very happily married. After?

47:52

Yeah. Mostly

47:54

after, yeah. Now,

47:59

you may have thought you were... from knowing what

48:01

happened in Madam Web. We

48:03

like it as Madam Web because it sounds like, you

48:06

know, ah, Madam Web. Oh

48:09

no, there's Sydney Sweeties in Madam Web.

48:11

Is Sydney Sweetie in this movie? In

48:14

a sense. I

48:16

say physically yes, performance wise, no.

48:19

She does not perform, she's not, yes. I definitely

48:21

think she thinks she was in the film. In

48:23

it but not present, I understand. Right, for sure,

48:25

yes, yes. And

48:28

I did see Madam Web. And

48:30

I really do need to talk about it,

48:33

which is why it's time for a game we're

48:35

calling, Oh, what a Madam Web we weave. In

48:38

which I am going to ask you whether

48:41

something happened or did not happen in

48:44

Sony's Madam Web. This

48:47

is really funny because I am kind of like a

48:49

Marvel movie expert, so I thought. But

48:52

as it turns out, I'm not going

48:55

to be able to do well at this game.

48:57

I'm excited. That's a perfect amount of information to

48:59

come into this quiz with because you know around

49:01

this film,

49:04

but you won't know this film. And

49:06

I do believe that what this is,

49:08

this isn't just a bad movie, this

49:10

is an unholy text. This

49:13

is a cursed document. So

49:17

I'll start with that. Are

49:19

you ready? Yes. Did

49:21

this happen in Madam Web? First, there's a

49:23

particular line featured in the Madam Web trailer

49:25

that immediately became a meme. New

49:28

Brian, please play the clip. He

49:30

was in the Amazon with my mom when

49:32

she was researching spiders right before she died.

49:37

She was in the Amazon with my

49:39

mom when she was researching spiders right

49:41

before she died. Spiders? Not like the

49:44

reproductive habits of spiders. Spider

49:46

habits, just spiders in general. Was

49:49

that in the film? No. It wasn't. It

49:51

does not appear in the film. Interesting.

49:54

Interesting. Just because something's in a trailer doesn't

49:56

mean it's in a film. Madam

49:59

Web is set in 20. 2011 for

50:01

no apparent reason true or false True

50:04

false it is set in 2003 for no It

50:09

is ostensibly to line up with the Tom

50:11

Holland spider-man films And

50:14

Tom and Peter was born in 2001 in the MCU Which

50:18

is a nerd note from our new Brian. Oh,

50:21

he put his real name next to that Next

50:24

time don't shoot me in the neck with a fucking dart maybe

50:29

New Brian in order to establish that it is

50:31

2003 Madame web hits you over the head with

50:33

era specific details I'm gonna read you these details

50:35

and you will have to tell me was this

50:37

in Madame web a Billboard

50:40

for black-eyed peas. Where is the love?

50:42

Yes false It

50:45

was a billboard for Beyonce's dangerously in love

50:48

a Britney Spears toxic needle drop. No.

50:50

No that isn't there. What? Yeah This

50:54

man, yeah, they were gonna Yeah,

50:56

they were prepared to lose a lot of money after

50:59

narrowly avoiding death Madame web says she wants

51:01

to go home and watch survivor Yes,

51:06

no, it's idle She

51:08

says I gotta get home and watch Idol. It's

51:11

awesome. Good. It's 2003 That's

51:15

part of the fun that's part of the fun of

51:17

it things didn't change that much in 2003 At

51:20

one point in the movie Madame web leaves three teen

51:22

girls in the woods No,

51:25

no, she does Your

51:27

gut instinct is not has been wrong.

51:29

You're you you can't believe how bad

51:31

this is. That's what it is I'm

51:34

thinking of like how story structure should go

51:36

and I'm wrong I'm gonna read

51:38

you a following lines of dialogue you tell me is this

51:40

an actual line of dialogue from the movie Madame web When

51:43

you take on the responsibility great power

51:45

will come no. No, that's

51:48

true. They know And

51:50

they they flip it with instead of

51:53

saying with great response power comes great

51:55

responsibility They say when you take on

51:57

responsibility great power will come it's like

52:00

They would buy yeah, you take the line

52:02

from from spider-man you translate it into Greek

52:04

and translate it back to English our Google

52:06

Translate well, it's actually I think more like

52:10

You know in logic like if P then Q and

52:12

it's like you learn that it's a fall The

52:15

fallacy I think this is the fallacy

52:17

of the inverse because with great power

52:19

comes great responsibility But there

52:22

it with great, but that does not imply that

52:25

with great responsibility comes great power Sometimes you just

52:27

have a lot on your shoulder. Yeah, it's called

52:29

being a black woman Yeah, there you go. There's

52:31

a responsibility. None of the power we experience it.

52:33

Yeah. Thank you one black woman in the audience

52:38

You know the best thing about the future

52:40

it hasn't happened yet. Yes, correct. Hope

52:43

the spiders were worth it mom. Yes,

52:46

that's true Because

52:49

her mom died at the Amazon her mom

52:51

dies in the Amazon while nine months pregnant

52:53

looking I can't looking

52:56

for a cure for For

52:58

Dakota Johnson's Illness

53:01

in the womb. Oh, so her

53:03

plan when she's not a spider-based cure.

53:06

This is a so there's an illness

53:09

and her plan is in her ninth

53:11

month of pregnancy to find a spider

53:13

and Use it

53:15

to cure a disease in Peru

53:18

I guess never leaving

53:20

Peru. That's a long shot. You

53:23

know cures wise probably would take some time

53:26

But luckily her daughter will have an origin

53:28

story. That's right. That's right Madam

53:30

web is referred to as madam web only one time

53:32

in the entire film Yes,

53:35

no, she has never called the damn Any

53:38

point and finally at the end of

53:40

the movie madam web is left blind and paralyzed in

53:42

a way that is not actually explained Yeah,

53:45

yes She is hit

53:47

on the left side of her face

53:49

with a firework thereby blinding her completely

53:51

and she's paralyzed She has never seen

53:53

receiving any kind of an injury that

53:56

would cause her to need to be in a wheelchair Dakota

53:58

Johnson was just like I don't want to be here You can

54:00

will me around the set. But

54:03

I'm not walking over there. I

54:06

hope you see it. I hope you

54:08

see it. This thing should be locked. This

54:10

should burn out your eyes. Indiana Jones should

54:13

be saying, keep your eyes closed. Madame

54:16

Webb should kill Nazis when

54:19

they look at it. You should be turned

54:21

into a pillar of fucking salt. Woodsy

54:24

again had a great time. One

54:27

more time for Ashley. When

54:29

we come back, God Williams is here. Now

54:38

we're back. He's back

54:41

on the stage. My fellow

54:43

short king, hilarious, Brad Williams. Hello.

54:49

Hello. How you doing? Thank

54:51

you for being here. Yes, thanks for...which

54:53

one do I sit on? Right here.

54:56

Wait, when you say fellow short king, how tall

54:59

are you? I am...well, I'm

55:01

five foot six. Oh, fuck yourself.

55:04

Fellow short king. He knows

55:06

what it's like. I am four foot

55:09

goddamn four. I

55:11

would do horrible things behind a dumpster to be

55:13

five foot six. I

55:18

wish it would work. Because

55:21

I'd let you, you know? Gay

55:23

men love me because I have small hands. Everything

55:26

looks bigger. All

55:31

right, now look. Every

55:34

week we pitch ideas, our writers pitch

55:36

ideas based on the work of our

55:38

guests. And they were a

55:40

little nervous about suggesting ideas based on your

55:42

special because you talk a

55:44

lot about dealing with dwarfism. And you have

55:46

a fair number of short jokes in the

55:48

special. I do. Well, because

55:51

like when I started doing stand-up comedy, I

55:53

didn't mention it at all. And I just

55:55

noticed that the audience would just stare at

55:57

me like, does he know? Yeah,

56:00

I'm aware so then I just

56:02

started to Address it

56:04

more and I think I've I

56:07

think I've rung about every dwarf

56:09

joke I can out of this thing like

56:13

Yeah, I so I'm very curious as to what

56:15

your writers came up with Before

56:18

you well, we'll get there Now

56:23

I in the special you say you don't like the

56:25

term short King Yeah, cuz it's

56:27

like it just sounds like you're calling me

56:29

a chess piece You've

56:33

a short king and it's like like

56:35

our only references to short kings are

56:37

like Lord Farquaad and Shrek and no

56:39

one like That fucker so it's not

56:41

it's not it to me. It doesn't

56:43

sound like too much of a compliment

56:46

Okay I'm

56:49

okay Now one thing you

56:51

talk about in the special is you talk

56:53

about Dylan Mulvaney's Bud Light ad yeah,

56:56

and Like that you don't care that

56:58

why you know great that Dylan Mulvaney get about

57:00

that because of a trans person if they're they're

57:03

letting They're letting marginalized people get Bud Light commercials.

57:05

They'll let other marginalized people like you pointing at

57:07

yourself Yeah, I could be

57:09

a Bud Light spokesperson. I truly feel

57:11

like I could you know just like

57:13

cuz now like everyone like like obviously

57:16

alcoholism is very serious and You

57:19

put a dwarf in a commercial and be like drink Bud

57:21

Light. It only gets you a little drunk If

57:26

you say that it was like oh I can have

57:29

four and still drive don't do that don't don't do

57:31

that So I was gonna

57:33

pitch on that a little someone's like I'm a little drunk

57:35

and they cut to you and you're like No, I'm a

57:37

little drunk Yeah,

57:43

yeah, yeah, yeah Dwarf spokes

57:45

first one for Bud Light. It's Bud

57:48

Light light. Yeah. Yeah, exactly He

57:51

finished the joke. He did great. He

57:53

did great Now one

57:55

thing you talk about in the special is about it

57:59

partly because of what happened with Bud Light is

58:01

that like every company should have

58:03

just a hardcore ideology. Yeah, I

58:06

want that because like I

58:08

because now it's like you don't know

58:10

where companies stand. I want every company

58:13

in the world to just be like

58:15

this is what we're doing. This is

58:17

what we're about because then you would

58:19

get like products that like you're like

58:21

should I buy this thing? It's like

58:23

no we're doing conservative tampons. We're

58:26

like we're like we are

58:28

hardcore conservative right-wing

58:30

tampons like like

58:32

like yeah it's

58:35

not just your blood that's red. Like it

58:38

is hardcore like that would be so

58:40

great if just cards on the table

58:43

every company was just like this is what we're

58:45

doing. So I one thing that did bug me

58:47

about it is like you do know and I

58:49

think no bad ideas at a brainstorm but but

58:52

like you know you talk about people

58:54

basically not they like they don't you know they

58:56

don't want politics from a lot of their products

58:59

and that there and you do some both sides

59:01

you do some both sides work. But one thing

59:03

that I was thinking about is that like I

59:05

appreciated what you said that like you're happy that

59:07

Bud Light is getting behind someone like Dylan

59:10

O'Neill and what I

59:12

was thinking about when you were talking about the way in

59:14

which you know people don't want politics in their products there

59:16

is a difference right like that

59:18

that that the reason the

59:20

right reacts so negatively to say

59:22

someone like Dylan Montvaney is they don't that

59:24

there is a big group of people in

59:27

this country that say hey I don't I

59:29

don't approve of that person living the way they want

59:31

to live. Yeah and on the other

59:33

side I do think you talked you know there you know

59:35

that like when the left comes after somebody it is more

59:38

about hey I don't think you're being respectful

59:40

enough of other people having the right

59:42

to live the way they live and

59:44

like do you see a distinction especially

59:46

as someone who based on your special

59:48

has faced a fair amount of attacks

59:50

on not being like everybody else. Yeah

59:54

to to to be fair as

59:57

far as I know the right hasn't

59:59

gone after Dworkin. yet but

1:00:02

well time yeah I don't know you're not

1:00:04

that far behind you're not that far behind

1:00:06

the Jews it doesn't it goes trans maybe

1:00:08

then a couple trans Jews

1:00:10

maybe two other people between us and then

1:00:12

you're up yeah damn it

1:00:15

okay all right the

1:00:17

thing is is yes I

1:00:19

do absolutely see a distinction

1:00:22

I also want to make

1:00:25

sure because I've got family

1:00:27

and they are definitely right-wing

1:00:29

and they are definitely good

1:00:31

people then I never want

1:00:33

someone to say one part about their

1:00:36

personality and then me think that I

1:00:38

know absolutely everything about them and can

1:00:40

judge absolutely everything about them and like

1:00:42

okay do they love their families do

1:00:45

they pay their taxes are they are

1:00:47

yes we disagree on some things as

1:00:49

long as they're not actively trying to

1:00:51

hurt me or some

1:00:54

people like then we

1:00:56

can talk now if they're doing

1:00:58

that then no I can't but

1:01:01

so I never want to go on stage and

1:01:03

just say here if you believe

1:01:05

this one thing or if you voted for

1:01:07

this one person then fuck you get out

1:01:09

I want to have those conversations and I

1:01:11

because I feel like that mentality is why

1:01:14

so many people aren't getting along is that

1:01:16

they find out one part about someone's personality

1:01:18

and they merely dismiss everything else they have

1:01:20

to say one thing that I found moving

1:01:23

about the specials I think you

1:01:25

joke a lot about having dwarfism

1:01:28

sure but it clearly there is

1:01:30

yeah by

1:01:32

the time you get to the end of the special when you talk about the fact

1:01:35

that you your daughter has dwarfism

1:01:37

there is anger and fear

1:01:39

there you clearly are there's the

1:01:41

jokes are about something that's been a struggle

1:01:43

for you yeah and you talk about a woman

1:01:48

in your wife's life who was Carol

1:01:51

Carol yeah who was a fucking hate

1:01:54

this woman I fucking hate

1:01:56

this woman she's a real person okay and I I

1:02:00

use her real name, I do not give a shit. Alright,

1:02:03

if she listens to this podcast, she knows

1:02:05

I hate her. Like, I don't hide this

1:02:07

shit. And if she sues

1:02:09

me, great. I want her to sue me.

1:02:11

If she sues me, she'll have to prove

1:02:14

in court she's not a cunt. Okay, it's

1:02:16

not happening. It's not, any

1:02:19

judge will side with me. Right.

1:02:23

I mean, it's civil, so it's just preponderance of evidence. But,

1:02:28

so, you know, be

1:02:31

careful, it's all I'm saying. But,

1:02:36

you talk, I

1:02:38

just wasn't like, you

1:02:41

said you started out by not joking about it. And you

1:02:43

felt like when you weren't joking about it, it was on

1:02:45

people's minds. Yeah. Can

1:02:49

you just talk a little bit about the challenge of

1:02:52

being a comedian with morphism, going around the

1:02:54

country, long before you had a special, when

1:02:56

I am sure that, you

1:02:59

know, people that come to these things, they're awful. Ha

1:03:02

ha ha ha. So

1:03:05

my favorite, and by favorite, I mean,

1:03:07

most terrifying story like this. I

1:03:09

was in Odessa, Texas, jealous, of course you

1:03:12

are. And I

1:03:14

was, during the show, got

1:03:18

a heckler. And,

1:03:21

you know, I dealt with it, but

1:03:23

then at some point you have to kick the heckler out.

1:03:26

And we did, rest of the show went great.

1:03:29

I go out to the car to

1:03:31

drive back to the hotel, it's my

1:03:33

opening act driving, I don't drive, because,

1:03:35

obviously. And then

1:03:38

we see headlights turn on, and

1:03:40

a pickup

1:03:43

truck starts careening towards us.

1:03:46

A guy leans out the window and

1:03:48

just yells out, kill the dwarf! Yeah,

1:03:51

and at that moment, I didn't stop

1:03:53

and be like, hey, thanks for using

1:03:55

the correct terminology. Cause

1:03:58

that wasn't the part that offended me. It

1:04:01

was more the kill that I had the problem with. So

1:04:04

yeah, I did, so

1:04:07

no matter what I do, if I

1:04:10

have to talk about it, I have to address it,

1:04:13

it's also a point of view that doesn't get addressed

1:04:15

much in comedy. It gets made

1:04:17

fun of from outsiders, but

1:04:19

it never gets talked about like as

1:04:21

a person who's living with

1:04:23

it. So I have a real opportunity to share

1:04:25

with people what it is actually like and what

1:04:27

it is like to check into a hotel and

1:04:30

everything is cool and then you look up the

1:04:32

shower head and you go fuck because

1:04:34

it's just straight ahead. Like

1:04:36

the shower head is pointed straight ahead and I

1:04:38

don't really want to call the front desk and

1:04:40

be like, hey, can you just send someone up

1:04:42

and move the shower head down two inches? So

1:04:44

we end up like climbing up

1:04:47

the side. This is how I'm going to die by the

1:04:49

way. I've seen my

1:04:51

death. I'm fixing a shower head. I slip

1:04:53

on the bathtub and I go, I fucking

1:04:55

knew it. That's going to be

1:04:59

so like I have the opportunity to share

1:05:01

those kind of stories. So I do. But

1:05:03

then at the same time, I know that if I

1:05:05

do like two dwarf jokes in an act, there

1:05:07

will be some people that go, he's

1:05:10

using his crutch. It's like it's

1:05:12

not my crutch. It's my life. Like

1:05:15

I don't know how to write the jokes of a

1:05:17

from the perspective of six, six foot

1:05:19

two white guy. I don't know how to do that.

1:05:22

They're not funny. You

1:05:24

can't be funny up there. Yeah. So

1:05:29

there's no comedy up there. Yeah.

1:05:32

Yeah. Comedy is the opposite of

1:05:34

hint. It falls. Yeah, comedy is on

1:05:36

the ground. But yes. So

1:05:41

I just try to write jokes that

1:05:43

are authentic to my

1:05:45

perspective and that is my perspective. Well,

1:05:48

before we let you go, speaking of your

1:05:50

perspective, we're going to end

1:05:53

with some questions about whether

1:05:56

or not these are the best parts about being

1:05:58

a term we. We're

1:06:00

a term we're no longer using. We're king.

1:06:03

Oh, okay. It's fine. It's

1:06:05

like there's no good term. Like, because

1:06:08

it's like, oh, we're supposed to be

1:06:10

called little people. But that sounds condescending

1:06:12

as fuck. You know, like,

1:06:14

he's a person just little. You

1:06:17

know, and then it's like, you're supposed to

1:06:19

say dwarf and thanks to Disney. That's not

1:06:21

great. And

1:06:23

then the bad one is midget. But to

1:06:26

me, that almost sounds nice. Like

1:06:28

it sounds like he's like, oh, it's my friend. Like

1:06:30

it almost sounds French. Like my friend is a mégé.

1:06:34

And that's, but then

1:06:36

we're not supposed to use that one. So, okay,

1:06:38

what do we get called? Short king. And

1:06:41

then I've already talked about why I don't

1:06:43

like that one. Can we just right here

1:06:45

now, let's just come up with a new

1:06:47

term for little people that all dwarves will

1:06:49

just totally hop on board on. Like,

1:06:51

I don't know. Big dick, my

1:06:53

goose. Big dick, my goose. Yeah,

1:06:56

sure. I mean, I don't want to. Sure. I

1:06:58

mean, I don't want to put myself in a position of doing the naming.

1:07:00

I think that's not appropriate. It's sort of your, your jaw. I

1:07:04

think I have to leave that to you. If

1:07:06

you're going with that, if you're going with big dick,

1:07:09

my goose. Yeah. I would say

1:07:11

let's let's let the female dwarves are pissed,

1:07:13

but okay. I think that right.

1:07:16

Sure. So there's an intersectional element

1:07:18

yet to be worked out. All

1:07:21

right. Is this here?

1:07:24

Are these yes or no? It's

1:07:27

called short and sweet. And it's short and sweet.

1:07:29

I forgot that we're calling this segment short and

1:07:31

sweet. We're good.

1:07:33

We're next to the fucking bug from

1:07:35

a bug's life. Yeah. Terrific.

1:07:38

I like how they photoshopped appropriately. They could

1:07:40

have made us the same height. They're like,

1:07:42

no, let's just keep Brad the shortest one

1:07:44

still. All right. Yes

1:07:46

or no. Do you consider this advantage?

1:07:49

If you're bald, everyone can see. So you're forced

1:07:51

to emotionally confronted and deal with it, which benefits

1:07:54

the shortest people. I wear a

1:07:56

fucking hat. All right. Because I'm

1:07:58

balding. So I'm not. I'm not, I'm running

1:08:00

away from it. Can you

1:08:02

use Capri pants as regular pants? Yeah,

1:08:06

it's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good,

1:08:08

cheaper. If I'm... Yeah, it was just kind

1:08:10

of awkward, because there was a

1:08:12

trend at one point, and it's still out

1:08:14

there a little bit, but like, dudes buy

1:08:17

these like pants, but then they like zip

1:08:19

off into shorts, because like, what if you're

1:08:22

out in the wilderness, and oh, you have

1:08:24

to traverse a river, of course, you're just

1:08:26

gonna zip off, because that happens to all

1:08:28

of us. And

1:08:30

then when that trend was going on, I bought one,

1:08:32

because I was like, yeah, I want that, but then

1:08:34

after all the tailoring, I just had pants that zipped

1:08:36

off into pants. If

1:08:40

a hot, tall person wants to date you, it's because of

1:08:42

your kind soul, excellent sense of humor, and palpable sexual charisma,

1:08:44

and that feels pretty good. No, sometimes

1:08:47

it's a fetish, and I'm totally okay with that.

1:08:51

I love how people like, I'm married now, but like

1:08:53

back in my single days, people would be like, she's

1:08:55

only fucking you, because you're a dwarf. You're

1:08:58

great. Why

1:09:02

is that a problem? Why, like, is the orgasm not as

1:09:04

good? Like,

1:09:06

oh, I'm being exploited. Like, I don't know,

1:09:08

that's fine. Fine, I

1:09:10

don't get it. It's sort of like, fetish

1:09:13

is to, you know, sexual

1:09:16

attraction, what cult is to religion. It's just

1:09:18

like, a fetish is just something that caught

1:09:20

on. You know, you know what I mean?

1:09:23

Yeah, it's fine, like, oh, so you're into

1:09:25

something, and you're not hurting anybody, and

1:09:28

everyone involved is a concentric adult, awesome.

1:09:30

Go fucking nuts. All right,

1:09:32

next, there's nothing quite like drinking your morning

1:09:34

dew out of an acorn cap. We're

1:09:39

getting to the ones we were worried about pitching. I

1:09:45

like that your people turned me

1:09:47

into a character from Fern Gully.

1:09:53

You really know how old you are if you laugh at

1:09:55

that joke. Love Fern Gully,

1:09:57

and we also am first off Fern Gully, and then

1:09:59

that's it. the rainforest.

1:10:02

You never have to worry about the blanket being too short to

1:10:04

cover your toes. That's pretty great.

1:10:07

I'm not gonna lie. That one's

1:10:10

pretty sweet. And I can

1:10:12

fall asleep on this couch. It's

1:10:15

fine. Any Ottoman

1:10:17

will do. You

1:10:21

see a chest of drawers. I see bunk beds.

1:10:26

And finally, you can never punch down. I'm

1:10:32

still working on that. I

1:10:34

will find a way. And

1:10:37

that's the beauty of it. Guys, give it up

1:10:39

for Brad Williams. You can check out his special

1:10:42

Scarfish, Jimmy's News of the

1:10:44

Undies. Can you

1:10:46

come back? It's time for the wheel. Don't

1:10:50

go anywhere. Just love it or leave it and there's more on

1:10:52

the way. This

1:10:55

show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Talk about one of

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1:11:54

Hi there. I'm Liza Powell

1:11:56

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1:15:00

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1:15:02

on the latest episode of Polar Coaster

1:15:04

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1:15:06

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to know is to listen. Sign up for

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access to Polar Coaster and other exclusive pods

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at crooked.com/friends. All right. Please welcome Nish and

1:15:20

Ashley back to join Brad. Ashley's

1:15:27

back. Nish is back. Brad is

1:15:29

here. Now

1:15:31

it is time for a segment we call, We

1:15:33

Wish It Were the Rant Wheel. Ooh,

1:15:36

a little twist. Here's how it works. We're

1:15:39

going to talk about something we're furious

1:15:41

at ourselves for liking. And

1:15:45

I'll go first because

1:15:47

I can't keep... Let's spin the wheel. I

1:15:56

like it with our heads on it. That was quick. That

1:15:59

was completely random. Oh my god

1:16:02

Russian election I've

1:16:06

won again with 100% of them. Oh Still

1:16:10

champion. All right. I

1:16:13

have to tell you something. I Tried

1:16:16

the Apple Vision Pro and it's cool as

1:16:18

hell and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1:16:21

I'm sorry Oh my god, it was like

1:16:23

I was in my living room and I'm

1:16:25

sorry I'm

1:16:27

sorry and it looks stupid and I felt

1:16:29

ridiculous But then I I started using the

1:16:31

notepad to write things in my living room

1:16:34

and then and you can like make little

1:16:36

notes And you can leave and come back

1:16:38

and it's still fucking in there You can

1:16:40

walk around you can sit on you can

1:16:42

you can watch a Star Wars movie on

1:16:44

Tatooine and I know that That's

1:16:47

not important Wait, but like

1:16:49

I think the important thing that can save you Where

1:16:52

are you using your Apple Vision Pro in

1:16:54

the comfort of your own home or or

1:16:56

you know driving my Cybertruck? But

1:17:01

but that's not here or there it has

1:17:03

autopilot that's what it's for sure But

1:17:06

you can just write a note on a piece of

1:17:08

paper in real life and it will I

1:17:14

see that almost every day I Didn't

1:17:17

leave a note somewhere You

1:17:25

said shitty roommate the other thing is I

1:17:27

took apart Moon a lunar lander

1:17:29

and I could like move the parts around and

1:17:31

then walk around it and again I don't know

1:17:33

what a lunar lander is made of but now

1:17:35

I'm looking inside of it And I felt like

1:17:37

if I knew more it might have helped Leave

1:17:41

with the fucking lunar land Here's

1:17:46

the thing here's the thing it's like the matrix

1:17:52

Yeah, that's right it

1:17:54

just looks like you're playing the most fucked up harp

1:17:56

of all time But

1:17:59

what I mean when I say that It's like the matrix. It's

1:18:01

the logical end of capitalism and you won't believe

1:18:03

it until you see it for yourself And

1:18:07

I had a lot of fun and I did not

1:18:09

buy one Yes

1:18:16

The Apple if you're listening if you send

1:18:18

love at one he will present the rest

1:18:20

of this series only wearing it like this

1:18:23

Yeah, listen, I Feel

1:18:26

as though I have put myself

1:18:28

out there in a way that has at

1:18:30

the very least earned consideration

1:18:32

of an Apple Vision Pro showing

1:18:35

up and If

1:18:37

it doesn't I won't be mad. That's

1:18:39

not why I did this. Oh,

1:18:41

I'll just send him a pen and paper Send

1:18:47

me a magic eye and a fucking notebook Apple

1:18:52

pencil I Yeah,

1:18:55

no, I know I know I know and yeah,

1:18:57

I watched three minutes of Avatar the way of

1:18:59

water in 3d Cook

1:19:03

coming out at a black t-shirt and he's

1:19:05

like we've innovated again It's

1:19:09

a stick that allows you to put words

1:19:12

on paper and

1:19:15

They stay there Okay

1:19:20

That's still there and for only

1:19:23

the low low price of five

1:19:25

thousand dollars Okay,

1:19:28

you can have this technology Leave

1:19:31

your brain on the nightstand Apple

1:19:34

pencil. I realized that what I

1:19:36

described it as was stupid

1:19:42

Let's finish It

1:19:51

is landed on Brad's no thing what's

1:19:53

something you hate to love Shoes

1:19:59

I'm a big shoe guy, a

1:20:01

big sneaker head. And it's definitely like

1:20:03

some sort of little man syndrome, Napoleon

1:20:05

complex, because I like having nice shoes

1:20:08

because I think too many times people

1:20:10

think the only shoes that I can

1:20:12

have are shoes that have like lights

1:20:15

blinking from them or like

1:20:17

certain cartoon characters on them. So I

1:20:19

like to go around and be like,

1:20:21

see F you Jordans just like you.

1:20:24

And I like to do that. But

1:20:26

thankfully mine are way cheaper than

1:20:28

yours. Way

1:20:31

cheaper, like ridiculously cheaper. That's cool.

1:20:33

Yeah, that part's good. But like, it just

1:20:36

like, I shouldn't have so much,

1:20:38

like I have a child, I should

1:20:40

have more efficient use of my

1:20:42

house than a shoe closet. I should not

1:20:44

have that, but I do. They

1:20:47

make me feel happy. And that's good. Then I

1:20:49

think that should be good. Okay, I also like

1:20:51

pro wrestling. I hate that I hate that. Yeah,

1:20:54

you got one more, yeah, what, see, some people

1:20:56

would boot, fuck yourself. Now

1:20:59

I'll defend pro wrestling. Now I'm

1:21:02

fricking adamant about this. Because the number one

1:21:04

thing of people that hate pro wrestling are

1:21:06

like, it's fake. So is

1:21:08

the bachelor, okay? And

1:21:10

yet you watch that and think that's

1:21:13

real love. You think really two average

1:21:15

people go to a market on top

1:21:17

of a cliff in Bangkok as their

1:21:19

first date? No, that's not real love,

1:21:21

that's not real life. Show me men,

1:21:23

show me spandex, show me pyro. You

1:21:26

got it. Show me a good ending,

1:21:28

okay? Wow, we

1:21:30

are speaking the same language. Show

1:21:34

me men, show me spandex, show me a

1:21:36

good ending. What are

1:21:38

you talking about? Wait till, wait till I

1:21:40

show you who Cody Rhodes is. You're gonna

1:21:42

love this. All right, all right. Hashtag finish

1:21:44

the story. I say I also hate really

1:21:47

cool sneakers. Because every time I'm wearing

1:21:49

really cool sneakers, I feel like men use that

1:21:51

as their excuse to come up and be like,

1:21:53

oh, I like your sneakers. I'm like, just tell me you like

1:21:55

my tits, dude. I go, what are

1:21:57

we doing? We're

1:22:00

trying to be nice. Can I

1:22:02

call my your sneakers and then you're doing work my

1:22:04

way up. No,

1:22:06

then I'll go to your side. Hey,

1:22:08

hey, eyes down, lower. Let's

1:22:12

spin it again. You've

1:22:23

landed on niche. Okay. So

1:22:25

this week, Sam Mendes has

1:22:27

announced that he's making four

1:22:30

Beatles movies. Each

1:22:32

one from each one of their point

1:22:34

of views. Obviously our

1:22:36

first question, even Ringo's.

1:22:41

The answer, yes. And

1:22:44

what the reason that I hate that I

1:22:46

love this is that I love the Beatles.

1:22:48

I'm a huge Beatles fan. Absolutely adore them

1:22:51

as all British people do. That's a

1:22:53

true stereotype. It's required by law. Yeah.

1:22:57

Do we need another more Beatles concept?

1:22:59

Like there's so many documentaries, there's so

1:23:01

many footage of actual people. Do we

1:23:03

need to see actual actors pretending to

1:23:05

be them? I think there's such a

1:23:07

danger with making biopics of people that

1:23:09

are so on film and so readily

1:23:11

available. And I also think like,

1:23:13

isn't it something sort of creatively bankrupt? Shouldn't we

1:23:15

be making films about less celebrated musicians that

1:23:17

actually bring them more to light? Like when

1:23:19

the documentary about Daniel Johnson came out and

1:23:21

a whole new generation of people discover that

1:23:23

person's music or searching for the sugar man,

1:23:25

like, is it that way we should go?

1:23:28

And yet, even as I think all of

1:23:30

this, I know I'm going to watch every

1:23:32

single one the day that it comes out

1:23:34

and I will be making notes about all

1:23:36

of them. I will be praying the Ringo

1:23:38

star episode covers his time voicing the cartoon

1:23:40

Thomas the Tank Engine. I'll

1:23:43

be massively hoping for that. Um, I,

1:23:45

but yeah, I think it feels sort

1:23:47

of like not something

1:23:49

that we necessarily need and certainly not something

1:23:52

that like, we need someone like Sam Mendes

1:23:54

to devote like years of his life to,

1:23:56

but you know, because like, he

1:23:58

could be making, you know. James

1:24:00

Bond, an original

1:24:02

franchise. A reference. I

1:24:06

think we don't have to make it at all. Finally,

1:24:08

a James Bond movie. He

1:24:11

also made 1917, a film

1:24:13

about the First World War, one of

1:24:15

the least filmed wars. Now,

1:24:18

it's one of those things where every part of

1:24:20

me thinks this feels creatively bankrupt. Also, the sort

1:24:22

of novelty of the four films makes it feel

1:24:24

like films deliberately trying to ape streaming, which I

1:24:27

don't like. I like the fact that a film

1:24:29

is between 90 minutes and

1:24:31

three hours and not 75 hours. I

1:24:34

like that, that it's not a 75-part TV series. I

1:24:37

like all of it. But at the same

1:24:39

time, I know, because I'm so obsessed with

1:24:41

The Beatles, that I know 100% that

1:24:45

I will watch every single one of them.

1:24:47

I think the only biopic of The Beatles I would

1:24:50

watch would be of Yoko. Yeah.

1:24:53

It would be great if the gone one

1:24:56

gets split into two parts That

1:24:59

would be like a fun... That

1:25:01

would be at least like a fun riff on the

1:25:04

whole thing. There's

1:25:08

something about when very creative people make

1:25:11

very talented, incredible directors and

1:25:14

writers, they're like, I want to make something

1:25:16

about the creative process. And then inevitably, you

1:25:18

end up with something that's like, look,

1:25:20

I'm not expecting that at some point there's going

1:25:23

to be an egg and a walrus. And

1:25:26

then looking back and forth and be like, I've

1:25:28

got it. Unless it's

1:25:30

in your Apple vision, bro. And

1:25:32

there's an egg and a walrus that you can leave

1:25:34

in your living room and you'll still be there. I

1:25:37

don't be there when I got home. I

1:25:40

almost said, you can make a

1:25:43

shopping list in your kitchen. What

1:25:47

do you have? I got news for you.

1:25:49

Right on the fridge. You can put it

1:25:51

on the fridge. It'll still be on the

1:25:53

fridge when you leave and come back. Listen,

1:25:55

the point I was making, surely

1:25:57

there's lots of creative and interesting people.

1:26:00

that listen to these podcasts, surely somebody could

1:26:02

cut together from what John has said. I

1:26:04

love it. Applevision advert.

1:26:09

You can write things down and they remain

1:26:11

there. Can it help you

1:26:13

make a to-do list? Let's

1:26:15

spin it again. It's

1:26:25

just so funny because any real estate agent

1:26:27

will send you a post-it thing that you

1:26:29

stick on your fridge. I know. I

1:26:32

didn't do a good job of explaining why it's

1:26:34

cool. I know I fucked up.

1:26:36

I fucked up. You

1:26:39

fucked up, you all saw it, and you didn't let

1:26:41

it go. And you're keeping

1:26:43

me honest, you're holding me accountable. Ashley, you're up.

1:26:46

Well, this one is going to be very

1:26:48

vulnerable. I

1:26:51

have recently become addicted to HGTV.

1:26:55

As recently as 20 days

1:26:57

ago, I was a cool young black woman.

1:27:01

And now I am a middle-aged

1:27:03

wasp. It's

1:27:06

on all the time. And every show is

1:27:08

the same. It's always a white couple. And

1:27:11

the man hates the woman with

1:27:14

every fiber of he hates

1:27:16

her so much. Every

1:27:19

joke is about how he hates her. But the

1:27:21

way you know he's still a good guy, so

1:27:23

I was like, she's the boss. She's

1:27:26

the real boss of this work site. It's

1:27:28

like, no, it seems like she is your boss.

1:27:31

Like three quarters of the episode is her

1:27:33

working. And you doing

1:27:35

bits about how much you don't like her.

1:27:38

And I can't stop

1:27:40

watching. And I'm watching it and I'm

1:27:42

like, I hate these people. Ooh, a

1:27:44

brass faucet? Every

1:27:48

episode, what are they going to do? They're going to remove

1:27:50

the walls and paint it white. And here I am in

1:27:53

my bed. I wonder what they're going to do. Oh, remove the

1:27:55

walls and paint it white. And put

1:27:57

in a brass faucet. And I'm

1:27:59

riveted. And I'm ashamed. I

1:28:02

hate that you said like, what am I? A middle-aged

1:28:04

wasp? And I was like, hey, I like HGTV. Oh

1:28:08

no. And then I got to it, ah fuck, I'm

1:28:10

40 and white. Ah, yeah, that's

1:28:12

big. Yeah, that's big. It's very

1:28:14

compelling. I'm in it. I'm into

1:28:16

it. We don't use the

1:28:18

term wasp. I'm familiar with the term, but we

1:28:21

don't use the term wasp in Britain. So there

1:28:23

is, every time I hear it in America, I

1:28:25

refer to a wasp. There is always a Bible

1:28:27

where I'm like, oh my God, how big is

1:28:29

this wasp? There's,

1:28:31

um... Is married a human woman? They're

1:28:34

big and they do sting. In

1:28:36

this room, four foot four. That's how big

1:28:38

wasp is. That's

1:28:41

a good size wasp. Easily swaddable.

1:28:44

Still kidding. But

1:28:47

you don't understand. You put this thing on and it's like

1:28:49

you're in, it's like you're in

1:28:51

another world. Because you can

1:28:54

make a list of things.

1:28:56

And that's things we hate to love. When

1:29:00

we come back, we're at a high note. And

1:29:05

we're back. Because we

1:29:08

all need it. Here it is at a high note. Hi,

1:29:11

this is Heidi from West Texas. And

1:29:13

my high note, it's

1:29:15

one that I've mentioned on the Discord before, but

1:29:17

I'm excited to officially record it for the

1:29:19

show. If it gets in the show, it'd

1:29:21

be really nice to be out on the show. Anyway,

1:29:24

my dad is

1:29:26

working the polls. It

1:29:30

was something that I suggested to him

1:29:32

when he retired last

1:29:34

year and moved to

1:29:37

be a bit closer to me. That

1:29:39

this, that becoming a poll worker

1:29:41

would be a good way to get involved, especially

1:29:44

since he was someone who

1:29:46

isn't an election denier per se, but

1:29:48

he definitely thinks there's a conspiracy behind

1:29:50

everything. So he's probably thought that

1:29:52

every election was rigged since he ever. Anyway,

1:29:56

he took me up on it.

1:29:59

He is. working

1:30:01

14-hour days helping

1:30:03

people vote early here

1:30:05

in Texas even though

1:30:08

his politics and mind differ quite

1:30:10

a lot. We've both always agreed

1:30:12

about the importance of public service and

1:30:15

so I'm just so proud

1:30:17

of them. I'm so happy that he's

1:30:19

involved and I love finding out what

1:30:21

he learns about our community. So thanks

1:30:24

so much. Thanks everybody. You sent

1:30:26

in a high note tonight. If you want

1:30:28

to send us a message about something that

1:30:30

gave you hope, send a voice memo to

1:30:32

LOLI [email protected] or if you're a friend of

1:30:34

the pod subscriber you can leave them for

1:30:36

us on the discord in the love it

1:30:38

or leave it channel and maybe you'll hear

1:30:40

it featured on the show. And that's our

1:30:42

show. Thank you so much to Nish Kumar, Brad

1:30:45

Williams and Ashley Nicole Baugh. There

1:30:47

are 200 and 61 games until

1:30:49

the 2024 election. Have a great

1:30:51

night and have a great weekend.

1:31:05

If you're already doom scrolling don't forget to

1:31:07

follow us at crookedmedia on Instagram and Twitter.

1:31:09

You can also find love it or leave

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1:31:13

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1:31:16

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1:31:28

at crooked.com/friends. Love it or Leave it is

1:31:30

a crooked media production. It is written produced

1:31:32

by me John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra

1:31:34

James is our executive producer. Hallie Keifer is

1:31:36

our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Coughlin, Peter

1:31:38

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1:31:40

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1:31:43

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1:31:45

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1:31:47

Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is

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1:31:55

because this is a podcast. And to our

1:31:57

digital producers Zuri Ervin, David Tolz, Claudia Shang,

1:31:59

Mia Keifer, and and Matt de Groot

1:32:01

for filming and editing video each week. So you

1:32:03

can... David

1:32:24

Aixarad, the founder and director of the University of

1:32:26

Chicago Institute of Politics and CNN brings you the

1:32:28

axe file. Hey, we know him. We know him.

1:32:30

We love him. Go

1:32:32

beyond the sound bites and get to know some of

1:32:34

the most interesting players in politics. Axe Files is a

1:32:36

series of revealing interviews with key figures in the political

1:32:39

world. New episodes come out every Thursday. We've both been

1:32:41

guests. Yeah. Remember

1:32:44

I was a guest once because you had to

1:32:46

back out last minute. Really? What

1:32:48

happened to me? I think we were in

1:32:50

Texas. Was that when that happened? Yeah. Oh

1:32:53

my God. When I got sick in Texas? Yeah. I had

1:32:55

to jump in there. Oh man. Well,

1:32:58

I'd rather be sick in Austin than healthy in a lot of cities. I'm being

1:33:00

honest. It's true. Listen to the Axe Files

1:33:02

from CNN Audio wherever you get your podcasts.

1:33:07

Hi there. I'm Liza Powell O'Brien and

1:33:09

I'm a writer, a reader, and the wife

1:33:11

of someone you may have heard of. And

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I'm here to tell you about the

1:33:18

newest season of my podcast for Team

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Coco, Significant Others. Each

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week we tell stories you may not

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know about a person you probably do.

1:33:27

Like Benedict Arnold, whose wife Peggy

1:33:29

may be the reason he almost

1:33:32

succeeded in betraying his country. Look

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for Significant Others wherever you get your podcasts.

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Luxury is meant to be livable.

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Discover the new leather collection at

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recliners, and more all built to

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or pet related mishaps come its way,

1:34:06

Ashley, for the love of home.