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What a Weekday: Biden’s Big Scoop

What a Weekday: Biden’s Big Scoop

BonusReleased Tuesday, 27th February 2024
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What a Weekday: Biden’s Big Scoop

What a Weekday: Biden’s Big Scoop

What a Weekday: Biden’s Big Scoop

What a Weekday: Biden’s Big Scoop

BonusTuesday, 27th February 2024
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Louisville, Kentucky. What you got there?

0:53

Some free lip gloss that came for Vanessa. But

0:57

the reason I was reminded, I was using it

0:59

as a prop to get you to ask that question because I

1:01

came home the other day and there

1:03

was a shopping bag shoved in

1:06

my mailbox, ass out on the

1:08

street. So like the bag

1:10

was half in the butt of

1:12

the bag. So it was like a fancy, kind

1:14

of like a fancy store, black, you know, kind

1:17

of like glossy type shopping bag. That's like the

1:19

nice ones shoved and crinkled

1:21

so that it's kind of in my mailbox, but

1:23

the butt couldn't make it all the way through.

1:26

It, I then pulled

1:29

it out and inside was a matching,

1:32

very nice black box and

1:34

I opened it and it was six

1:37

mini chocolate donuts that looked like they'd been

1:39

in a tumbler because somebody had been shoving

1:41

it in a thing with a fancy card

1:44

about a pop-up design studio

1:46

in West Hollywood called Frankie's

1:49

that was opening this weekend. And it was like, I can't

1:52

eat these donuts. I have no idea where

1:54

these donuts are from. They're also disgusting. That's

1:56

a problem with donuts. So how many did you eat though?

1:59

I actually. I really did almost eat one but I

2:01

just did them out. Welcome

2:12

back to What A Weekday. I'm

2:14

here with Sarah. I'm here with Hallie.

2:18

Kendra is...

2:21

Indisposed. Indisposed. Extremely indisposed.

2:24

Brian's position is yet to be filmed. Just

2:27

a second. Let's get into it. What

2:29

a weekday. We're

2:32

enough. And as

2:34

I said right before I recorded, that's exactly what

2:36

you are. Thank you. Just enough.

2:38

Just enough. Just barely

2:40

enough. Donald Trump won South Carolina's Republican primary on

2:43

Saturday, defeating Nikki Haley by 20 points in her

2:45

home state. Losing a basketball game by

2:47

20 points would be humiliating. I don't even know

2:49

what to call losing by that much to a

2:51

rambling old man shaped like a boy's fist in

2:53

a state where you were the governor. It

2:56

was the worst home game lost for South Carolina

2:58

since the Battle of Simmons Bluff. During

3:01

the Civil War. That

3:04

joke would have killed in South Carolina harder

3:06

than the Union killed Confederates during the Battle

3:08

of Simmons Bluff. During

3:10

the Civil War. Haley

3:12

vowed to fight on. I

3:15

don't believe Donald Trump can beat Joe Biden. Nearly

3:22

every day, Trump drives

3:24

people away. I

3:26

said earlier this week that no matter

3:28

what happens in South Carolina, I would

3:30

continue to run for president. I'm

3:34

a woman of my word. First

3:39

of all, it is so funny to say, I told

3:42

you, no matter how hard Trump kicked the

3:44

ever-loving shit out of me, I wasn't

3:46

going to quit even though there was no path to

3:48

me becoming the nominee. And I'm going to stick to

3:50

that. Yeah, you can see her eyes kind of go

3:53

dead when she smiles. I

3:55

love her. I'm a woman of my word. It's

3:58

like, first of all, you're not. But

4:01

that, you know, even

4:03

what you're saying now doesn't agree with what you used to say

4:05

about Donald Trump. None of it. You're not a person

4:07

of your word. Your word doesn't line

4:10

up. You spent years saying things you absolutely did

4:12

not believe. You're just simply not a woman of

4:14

your word. You're many things. I think it's cool

4:16

that you're saying in the race. Great for this

4:19

podcast, but... The first female president, absolutely. Without

4:21

a doubt. Look,

4:25

why is she saying the race? You never know. All right? Trump

4:27

might look back and see he's so far ahead they decided to

4:30

take a nap right before the finish line. That

4:33

would be like him. Someone said he wins the

4:35

race. But one of Haley's

4:37

biggest backers won't be coming with her. After

4:39

spending tens of millions of dollars to support

4:41

her campaign, the Koch Network announced on Sunday

4:43

that it will be suspending its support. I

4:45

may not agree with Nikki Haley on virtually

4:47

anything, but anyone who flushes millions of

4:49

Koch brother dollars down the toilet is

4:52

a hero. The Koch

4:54

brothers decided it was better financially. They take

4:56

the tax loss on Nikki Haley and write

4:58

her off and could go for a wider

5:00

release. She's the back girl of Republican politics.

5:02

Those Koch brothers. I think of us

5:04

as a Diet Koch brother. One of

5:07

them died, right? Just one. I hope so.

5:09

Did one of them die? Are we down to one brother?

5:13

We look as if... Or do they do like

5:16

a kind of like asexual reproduction when there's

5:18

a space? Like how coyotes always reproduce enough?

5:20

Right, like off the side. If

5:23

I've learned anything in my Hollywood years is that when

5:25

the Kochs are gone, call your Uber because the party's

5:27

over, babe. On

5:29

Monday, Nikki Haley added that she'd be the best

5:32

person to face a Democrat that replaces Biden too.

5:34

You can look at Joe Biden now. The

5:37

Democrat Party is already scrambling to figure

5:39

out who's going to be the person.

5:41

It is not going to be Joe Biden. And

5:44

Republicans need to wake up and know you're going

5:46

to be running against a younger candidate. I see

5:49

Nikki Haley's anxious Democratic friend has also

5:51

sent her the Ezra Klein piece to

5:53

the group chat. Anybody sent you

5:55

that Ezra Klein piece? And so what's up with this? Working

5:58

here. We sent it. Yeah, I was like... We're sent

6:00

in by our employer. Yeah.

6:04

What a piece. It was David.

6:06

Koku died. Oh, so is it just

6:08

the one brother now? Yeah, Charles. I

6:10

feel like it's still the- Charles, holding it down. Yeah. Yeah.

6:13

Well, I hope he's doing OK. Almost

6:15

certainly not. I hope he's

6:17

not experiencing complicated grief. The

6:22

one that doesn't go away. I

6:24

hope he is, frankly. You do? Yeah,

6:26

I hope he's having a bad time. OK.

6:30

Really? Yeah. Huh.

6:33

Doesn't fit my character, right? I don't think that way.

6:36

You think I would. I don't know why I don't. I

6:38

don't get anything out of that. I'm

6:41

petty, too. Yeah, we know. We know

6:43

that part. It's shocking about this. Huh. It's

6:47

because he's an old man. You feel sympathetic to the old- Because

6:49

he's white. So

6:51

you see yourself in him? Probably. He's your father?

6:53

Probably. Probably a little bit of both. When

6:57

you think about it. A little bit of both. I

6:59

don't know why. I guess it's that I don't- I

7:04

feel like I don't- Engage with reality.

7:07

Think of these types of people as really

7:09

having an interior. You know? Right. That's

7:11

why you kind of hope that things can get to

7:14

them in some way. Right. But

7:16

you must build a wall within yourself.

7:19

Because I just imagine kind of the rosebud

7:21

moment is probably pretty rare at the end

7:23

of someone's life, where you're like, oh, no. Yeah,

7:26

I suppose that's right. I

7:29

have this sort of wish that they would

7:31

realize they're wrong. And I

7:33

know that that's not possible. And so I don't

7:36

really care for any of the other experiences they

7:38

may have. Unless we send them three ghosts. Uh-huh.

7:41

And it'll show them the different

7:43

Christmases go from there. It's

7:46

worth a try. It's worth a try. It's

7:49

funny that- Why do we hire all these ghosts if we're not going to do

7:51

that? It's such a funny thing that

7:53

that's the story that really caught on. It's

7:56

so stupid. But also, that's what they wanted, too.

7:58

Everyone's like, how do we get re- rich

8:00

evil people to see the ill

8:02

of their ways. It's

8:05

just to be supernatural. Like they're not gonna just do it. It

8:07

has to be something crazy. It has to be like reveal it

8:09

to them. Ghosts, we

8:11

need more ghosts. Yeah.

8:14

Yeah, what's our ghost budget? See

8:16

what we can do. Put some money around. Put

8:19

some money towards ghosts. Ronna McDaniel, the chair

8:21

of the Republican National Committee announced Monday that

8:23

she'll be stepping down on March 8th, calling

8:25

the job the honor of a lifetime. More

8:27

like Ronna McDaniel. We

8:30

fucking got her. We got herself. She got

8:32

herself. She really did. Have it be a

8:34

name Ronna, first of all. According to the

8:36

New York Times, Trump allies allegedly pressured McDaniel

8:38

to leave her post, blaming her for the

8:40

GOP's underperformance in 2022. Remember

8:42

when Ronna dropped the Romney from her name to please

8:45

Trump? Marla Maples didn't even change her name

8:47

to please Trump. I'm gonna chump. Changing

8:50

your name. She changed her name. She humiliated

8:52

herself. For his part, Trump allegedly

8:54

pressured McDaniel to cancel the primary dates, which he

8:57

resisted. Which is hard because he's so compelling and

8:59

irresistible. It's like when Pennywise the clown asked to

9:01

have his birthday party at your house. You have

9:03

to say no because people will be there, but

9:05

it tears you up inside. That's

9:08

a holly special if I've ever seen one. But

9:11

according to Maggie Haberman, Trump not only tried to

9:13

get the debates canceled, Trump

9:15

also asked her to cancel

9:17

Republican primaries and caucuses altogether.

9:20

Fortunately, she doesn't have the power to do

9:22

that. Unfortunately, we're not sure that that's not

9:25

the only reason. What

9:27

if she could cancel the elections? Would she?

9:30

She already changed her name and humiliated herself

9:32

for this sweaty slug. Sir,

9:34

I'm sorry, but I can't cancel state primaries.

9:36

Also, I cannot kill Joy Behar or make

9:38

alimony the new N-word. Meanwhile,

9:41

at CPAC, the Right-Wing Loser Convention, Donald

9:43

Trump laid out what his aides described

9:45

as his optimistic message. If President Biden

9:47

is reelected, Social Security, Medicare, education, and

9:49

the energy grid will collapse and America

9:51

will face obliteration. And if Trump is

9:53

elected, all of those things will happen,

9:55

but at least you can say Merry

9:57

Christmas again. Trump has been consistent. on

10:00

this point, Biden is very feeble and extraordinarily

10:02

powerful. He's old, weak, confused, and capable of

10:04

systematically destroying everything you hold dear. He doesn't

10:07

know where he is, but he operates Manhattan

10:09

juries like he's a hook-nosed puppeteer on a

10:11

Nazi poster. Before beginning his speech,

10:13

Trump took a moment to grope the American flag again.

10:19

He's

10:27

a hooker so long before he gets to the flag. Well,

10:29

because he wants everyone to see you know what I'm

10:31

gonna do. How'd you like that coming at

10:33

you? Not a lot. For humanitarian reasons, the

10:36

flag was euthanized later that day. He had

10:39

to put the flag down. Yeah. That's

10:41

hot. Take it out back. Speaking of

10:43

groping, Trump expressed confidence that suburban women will

10:45

vote for him for a very simple and

10:47

normal reason. When they talk about suburban

10:50

women, they're gonna love me so much. They're

10:52

gonna say, oh, I wish we had that

10:54

guy back. The gangs

10:57

will be invading your territory. I can tell

10:59

you that. The gangs are

11:01

in your cul-de-sac. They're drinking from your Stanley

11:03

Cup. They're feeding your buchan the non-organic dog

11:05

food he's not supposed to have. I wonder

11:08

if I gave imaginary Chinese gangs pouring over

11:10

the Mexican border too much metaphorical space in

11:13

my mental map, said a woman in 2026

11:16

going into shock after her ectopic pregnancy burst through

11:18

a fallopian tube while she waited in a Mississippi

11:20

jail cell for a judge to come back from

11:22

his lunch break. I

11:25

thought I'd laugh out loud one, but it's probably in

11:27

America, right? It just has to live. Yeah. Just

11:30

has to be. Trump also

11:32

painted an imaginative picture of a second

11:34

Biden term. Hamas and

11:37

Antifa will terrorize our streets. China

11:39

will dominate us, not

11:41

just economically, but militarily, and that's what

11:43

they want, and that's where they're heading.

11:46

Hamas is coming to Flagstaff, Arizona,

11:48

as is China. Hamas and China

11:50

are teaming up to impose Chinese

11:53

Sharia law on Flagstaff. The H&M

11:55

at Flagstaff has already fallen. The

11:57

boba is hummus. I repeat, the

11:59

boba is is hummus. Trump

12:01

continued. It's all happening. And

12:03

if we don't stop it, this is it. 2024.

12:08

If we don't stop it, this is our last train.

12:10

If we don't stop it, we're going to have a

12:12

country. It won't even be a country. You want to

12:14

know the truth? It won't even be a country. It's

12:16

breaking up. This is

12:18

very much like when your friend says, I've

12:21

decided I fucking hate LA now. LA is

12:23

over. Do you hate LA? Is LA over

12:25

or are you single again? You

12:27

know, is the world falling apart or did you

12:29

see your ex's story on Instagram? Do

12:32

you think it's going to be true? Yeah, it's going to

12:34

be true. Besides, the states are always talking

12:36

about breaking up, but they never actually do it.

12:38

Texas is like your friend who's in an unsatisfying

12:40

marriage because of their own warped expectations. Oh, you

12:42

think you can do better than California? Look at yourself.

12:44

When's the last time you asked California about her

12:46

day? California

12:48

is the girl. Of course

12:50

he is. Texas is the boy. Yeah, obviously. 100%. 100%. Trump

12:54

also leaned into his new Navalny

12:56

inspired identity. I stand before you

12:59

today, not only as your past

13:01

and hopefully future president, but

13:04

as a proud political dissident. I am

13:06

a dissident. First

13:09

of all, I like it when he reads some of

13:11

the prompts and he's like, that is true. I am

13:14

that. We also need to figure

13:16

out who's teaching Donald Trump new words. Who's

13:18

a Henry Higgins to his MAGA Eliza Doolittle,

13:20

the pig million to his pig. Is that

13:22

for you, Sarah? Was that for anybody? A little bit. Okay.

13:25

Trump also had this to say about migrants.

13:27

They have languages that nobody in

13:29

this country has ever heard of. It's

13:31

a very horrible thing. And

13:33

let me tell you this. I am married to one

13:35

of these immigrants and she tells me that her love

13:37

language is words of affirmation and quality time makes no

13:40

sense. If that's what love means to her, then why

13:42

does she keep asking for a raise? I haven't thrown

13:44

a burger at her while shouting, you knew what this

13:46

was in weeks. What do you think Trump's love language is?

13:48

I think it's words of

13:50

affirmation. You're the best. That kind of thing. I

13:53

don't think there's anything there for

13:56

him to communicate. The language

13:59

is irrelevant. receive love I think

14:01

he receives all of them and has no

14:04

right now that he gives I don't think

14:06

there's anything in there I don't think he even what

14:08

are you the law what are the that's the quality

14:10

time gifts gifts words of affirmation access service

14:12

active service access yeah yeah

14:15

I don't think any of them really work that's

14:18

sad for him huh he's

14:20

a sad person like I

14:22

don't look at him and be like I guess I guess a lot of people do

14:24

look over like I would love to be that guy like

14:27

I want to figure out a way with the exact opposite of that guy

14:29

but once again I do hope he's having a bad time yeah

14:32

me too yeah well he is I think that I think

14:34

it's torture I think every day is

14:36

torture I really do I

14:39

don't think there's a good day in that mind it's

14:41

kind of like whenever you'll leave a mean comment on

14:43

social media like it never makes

14:45

me feel bad cuz I was like you're so

14:47

sad that you left a mean comment on social

14:49

media like I can't affect me because you've in

14:51

fact revealed yourself to me as someone who would

14:53

leave a mean comment it's just

14:55

also like I feel like um along

14:59

with so many other words from therapy

15:01

like the word narcissist is now just

15:04

bandied about pretty freely and I do

15:06

think like I think people can be

15:08

narcissistic but true narcissist when

15:10

you come across one like a true

15:13

malignant pathological narcissist

15:17

you you know the difference between that

15:19

and just your run-of-the-mill egotist

15:22

or self-centered person because

15:24

I like the time I've

15:26

spent with like true like malignant narcissist they've

15:28

made like from Grindr you meeting them or

15:31

these are people we'll talk about after

15:33

these people I remember

15:36

just coming away from being like oh

15:38

my god like it's truly a

15:40

living hell like I do genuinely feel

15:42

bad for them not this not Trump

15:44

but like for someone living with

15:47

the kind of condition he has like it it

15:49

is torture it is it does seem

15:52

like torture lonely like there's

15:54

no end like you'll never be happy or

15:56

be satisfied it was just because that would

15:58

require another conversation another Liquid with

16:00

yourself. I'm also in. Therapy. Visit

16:02

their they have. There's also there's like an article on the

16:04

land take like. About. And

16:07

is refusing to have a spate of them had

16:09

understand sociopath sir, how to understand narcissist, that kind

16:11

of thing. And always written from

16:14

the perspective that the reader isn't one. They're always

16:16

written from respective that like for you in a

16:18

nurse sister seeing this like. Who's. Talking to

16:20

them by to because they are a bit that the

16:22

the long from pieces are like here's how you know

16:24

as a nurse to see your house and rights but

16:27

there's a nurses reading are being like. This.

16:29

Is how they're going to know that in our system? their house. Or.

16:31

Is Africa Reagan be like less crazy? I'm not

16:33

like that like I did today. Prices: They found

16:36

that down on the nowhere. And answer I think

16:38

they do have this I think that an i

16:40

think if the narcissist do now still not need

16:42

a sociopath down an artist is now. Right

16:45

in on. Leave the com and of your Er

16:47

nurses or a sociopath any now. let us now. Here.

16:50

In. A list of young guy or and give us five stars?

16:53

Yeah please! Five. Stars and say. This.

16:55

Narcisse. For only thing I

16:57

love more than myself. He elites heli mean

16:59

comments we know for sure. Please.

17:01

I want to fetch me if I won't read as

17:03

systems they were cabbage you don't have to read of.

17:05

I so great about that of. The. Read the

17:08

comments Milorad been written on. My

17:10

way to do you have all the ball

17:12

you read the com. You deserve that. Wow,

17:14

That's so it. I'm. A

17:17

while the people in his room. I mean this you the

17:19

last person I think would read the comments. You.

17:21

Know what could hurt how many people her some wrong

17:23

with us? Semite. And. right? Leader

17:25

is irresistible. Your normal person you're don't

17:28

do it yourself. A jobs the

17:30

hearts. As many trials scheduled to begin March twenty

17:32

fifth, the former President lawyers attempted to block Kiwi,

17:34

the Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen from testifying said

17:36

Trump's lawyer and storm easier to the hundred and

17:39

thirty thousand enough for you to shut the fuck

17:41

up about one hundred thirty thousand we gave you

17:43

to sit the fuck out of the most urgent

17:45

call Cohen a liar and implied Daniels would give

17:48

false and salacious testimony of put on the stand.

17:50

You. Going to trust these witnesses. A woman in

17:52

a Jew. The defense rests your honor. In.

17:55

The same trial Manhattan District Attorney Oven brag ask

17:57

for a gag order to prevent Trump from public.

18:00

targeting witnesses and jurors. I

18:02

have lived my life as a man named Alvin. I

18:04

know the pain that awaits me if Trump is allowed

18:06

to riff on me full force. God

18:08

help me if he learns my middle name is Leonard. It

18:10

opens a whole new door to hell. Nard.

18:14

What? Nard, just coming out. Nard.

18:17

Yeah. Nard? Yeah,

18:20

Leonard. Oh, Nard. I'm trying to

18:22

think what you would do with it. I thought you

18:24

were doing like an Australian... Nard! Nard. That's

18:26

how they would say it. Nard.

18:29

The president cites Trump's longstanding history of attacking

18:31

witnesses, investigators, prosecutors, judges, and others involved in

18:33

legal proceedings against him. Trump's the human version

18:36

of Commander Biden. You can issue any decrees

18:38

you want. He has no long-term memory and

18:40

loud noises send him into attack mode. On

18:44

Monday, President Biden told the press he believes a

18:46

ceasefire deal between Hamas and Israel is on the

18:48

horizon. And yes, he

18:50

was eating an ice cream cone when

18:52

he said it. Can you give us a

18:55

sense of when you think that each fire will start? Well,

18:58

I hope by the end of the weekend,

19:00

I mean, the end of the weekend. My

19:04

national security advisor tells me that we're close.

19:07

We're close. We're not done yet.

19:09

And my hope is by next

19:11

Monday we'll have a ceasefire. First of

19:14

all, a very serious issue. Hope

19:16

there's a ceasefire that goes without saying. Seth

19:21

Meyers, upon hearing this

19:23

question, acts

19:25

like a paleontologist in

19:27

Jurassic Park who believes the press's

19:29

vision is based on movement. He

19:32

fucking freezes. He

19:35

is a wax sculpture in this moment. And

19:37

I also do, if you're just hearing this as a pod and not seeing

19:39

it as a video, Joe

19:42

Biden is not just

19:44

holding an ice cream cone. It's a vanilla ice cream

19:46

cone just for the visual. He is a perfect cartoon

19:51

platonic ideal of an ice cream cone. Perfect

19:54

shape. Perfect shape. Perfect scoop with the kind

19:56

of like the little hat. Like pillowing out at the bottom.

19:58

Yeah, pillowing. beautiful. He's

20:02

bringing it up and he's

20:04

opening his mouth, ungracious,

20:06

ungracious, ungracious, just sort of

20:10

going in there for the cone. And here's the

20:12

question. And he's

20:14

still getting closer to the ice

20:16

cream for most of the questions. He's

20:18

in ice cream mode. The question

20:20

is registering as inertia kicks in, he

20:22

kind of slows the cone down. Then

20:25

the cone stays so close to

20:28

his face while he is talking

20:30

about this situation. And I for

20:32

the life of me do

20:34

not understand why he didn't get the

20:37

fucking cone. Even if I'm not

20:39

saying there's a way out of this, if you're answering

20:41

the question, you're at the ice cream shop, it's

20:43

good to answer the question. I don't

20:45

know if there's a better way to deal with it. But God,

20:48

I wish the ice cream cone wasn't so close to his

20:50

face. It is the toughest food to

20:52

be stuck holding that moment because it is a

20:54

time sensitive food. You have to get to it

20:56

in time. And it is a food

20:58

that you can't put down. Yeah, you can't just put

21:00

it on a table. Ice cream cones, there is either

21:02

you really there's only two things you can do with

21:04

an ice cream. There's three things you can do with

21:06

ice cream. You can throw it out. You

21:09

can, he's not doing that. You

21:11

can put it in a specifically designed

21:13

holder, or you can hand it carefully

21:15

to another person. And even that handoff requires

21:18

some deafness. You have to make space on

21:20

the cone. Someone has to go high, someone

21:22

has to go low, there's adjusting. And so

21:24

there's just nothing he can do. To

21:28

me, stuff my goes looking like is, is this

21:30

about to be a moment that will be played

21:32

forever on on the internet? Like,

21:34

is the ice cream going to fall off? Like,

21:36

is there going to be the moment that we're

21:38

now captured in American history? So

21:41

I hear about the sea star though. Yeah,

21:44

that'd be great. Now watch this drive. Oh,

21:48

here's the joke. I

21:50

scream, you scream, we all scream for a ceasefire. What else

21:52

are we going to do? I'm glad we got there. Yeah.

21:56

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave

21:58

It coming up. What

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It or Leave It is Yusuf's Hours

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of her palace, the charming and terrifying

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chancellor played by Winslet becomes increasingly paranoid

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nothing to prove her worth on the

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world stage or end up in international

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subscription plan. Moving

25:43

on. New year, new Republican smear campaign

25:45

that depends on misinformation from a deeply

25:47

shady source with ties to Russian intelligence.

25:50

Russia, listen. You

25:52

have a lot on your plate. You're locked in a grinding war

25:54

with a neighboring country you invaded for no reason. You

25:57

have a murdered dissident's corpse to hide. Why

25:59

not stay at home? this election. Burnout is real.

26:01

You've got to watch out for

26:03

burnout. Russia take care of itself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

26:08

Like Russia, why are you doing so much? Focus

26:11

on yourself just a little bit. Sad.

26:14

In 2020, Alexander Smirnoff told his FBI handler

26:16

a lie that the owner of a Ukrainian

26:18

energy company, Burisma, had made a deal to

26:20

pay up to $10 million in bribes to

26:22

both President Biden and his son, Hunter Biden,

26:24

while the president's son was on the company's

26:26

board, which would have been fucked if true,

26:28

but imagine having that kind of relationship with

26:31

your dad, hatching a plan, doing a corruption

26:33

together, sharing a bottle of scotch. Will you

26:35

talk about where to set up your offshore

26:37

bank accounts? That's

26:39

kind of nice. The

26:41

news was leaked to Republicans who latched on

26:43

to the claim as central to their impeachment

26:46

attempts against President Biden, effectively turning Smirnoff into

26:48

their star witness. Republicans don't trust you to

26:50

make a decision about your transition or your

26:52

reproductive system, but they will trust the slimiest

26:54

guy in Las Vegas with the entirety of

26:57

their impeachment investigation. I think that's a beautiful

26:59

thing. Their hearts

27:01

are open. Yeah, they're ready.

27:03

They love love. These guys love

27:05

love. Then two weeks ago, Smirnoff was

27:08

indicted on the charge that he lied to FBI

27:10

investigators about the Biden's. So wait

27:12

a second. Hunter Biden's innocent? Said

27:14

Hunter Biden. Then

27:16

the DOJ revealed ... I like that joke. Just

27:19

dropping five laptops? Just like act

27:22

was like, wait, he's innocent? The

27:25

five million was for laptops, that's the thing.

27:27

Then the DOJ revealed last week that Smirnoff,

27:29

who long maintained that his information came from

27:31

business contacts and government officials, told prosecutors he

27:33

received fake Biden intel from Russian intelligence sources.

27:36

It's like something out of a spy drama,

27:38

but one that is stupid and boring, like

27:40

burn after reading or extremely slow horses. I

27:43

don't like burn after reading. Never

27:45

burn after reading? Did you ever see it? I

27:48

could read it. Not my favorite of the Cone Brothers. More of a

27:50

notebook gal. Oh, wait, that's the Brad Pitt one. I think I did

27:52

see it, but I don't really remember it.

28:00

I wouldn't watch it again.

28:02

I get it. Yeah, and then you

28:04

watch the deleted sex scenes with all

28:06

your friends. That's cool I didn't

28:08

know they were deleted sex scenes. They're just one but

28:10

when you're a teenager you're like, all right, that's um

28:13

That's a to me a good example of like That

28:18

is movie That is just

28:20

hanging on the backs of two movie stars Just

28:23

like you have two movie stars that are about

28:25

to be like or on their way to becoming

28:27

like the biggest stars in America And it's like

28:29

thank God you had them because this is dog

28:31

shit Remember when they won the

28:33

MTV award? Yeah best kiss and then they did

28:35

the kiss at the awards. I don't remember that

28:37

it's pretty hot Yeah Aren't

28:40

gossets cool. Watch the notebook today Hey,

28:43

stop what you're doing Watching this

28:46

It's brought to you by the 2003 movie of the notebook I

28:49

don't know what I can fear it a

28:51

balm a balm in these post 9-11 years

28:53

the notebook I said that's roughly right. I

28:55

think I think so Like

28:58

is it not in that in that? Oh Anyway

29:03

Smirnoff the

29:05

Foreign Smirnoff reportedly said the allegation came

29:07

from four different top Russian officials and

29:09

that two of them were heads of

29:11

the entities They represent Anyway

29:13

after this news broke Republicans immediately shut down their impeachment

29:16

inquiry into President Biden and apologized profusely for the era

29:18

and then Pedro Pascal called and he was like, did

29:20

you see the Smirnoff news? Also, do you want to

29:22

just like stay in and get takeout tonight? Oh, I'm

29:24

sorry. I come back. I combine two

29:27

of my fantasies It's

29:30

gonna be we're gonna yeah Pedro Pedro and I are gonna watch

29:32

the no three Peter from the right in some guy. Oh Yeah,

29:36

I thought we were watching the notebook, but in your story,

29:38

we're making the notebook. You gotta go For

29:41

you know, you're Rachel McAdams. Oh,

29:44

yeah clearly. I'm Rachel. I got Clearly,

29:46

I'm not building a house I'm

29:51

not building a house. I'm a nurse How

29:54

would she know but at some point she nurses I believe

29:56

she nurses one nursing who's the

29:58

guy from X-Men? And

30:01

jury duty Oh James

30:04

Marsden James Marsden cuz James Marsden

30:06

it's I remember what was it?

30:10

War is it was it World War two? I believe so.

30:12

Yeah, I came on to doesn't 2004

30:15

by the way, it wasn't for a heavy days post on

30:17

a day's we needed it W stands for

30:19

wrong That was John Kerry one of John Kerry's slogans that

30:21

year Sucks

30:23

cuz cuz the W is silent The

30:26

W stands for nothing John

30:29

Kerry reporting for duty following the

30:31

indictment Republicans scramble to downplay how important

30:34

Smirnoff's allegations were to their case against

30:36

the Biden's Jim Jordan For example once

30:38

described Smirnoff's claim as key evidence You

30:42

said the 1023 is the most corroborating piece of information

30:44

Yeah, I've rates but it doesn't it doesn't change those

30:46

fundamental facts. So now it's not true. I Really

30:51

like There's

30:53

no way to spin this There's not because

30:55

they built the case around this fact and

30:57

the fact is simply false and the form

31:00

is The documentation of

31:02

the false allegation. So there's just nothing.

31:04

There's just nothing to be said about

31:06

this It's like when someone online posts a

31:08

fake headline and someone's like, hey, that's actually fake news

31:10

I'm like, but what does it mean that it feels

31:13

true? Yeah, that's right. It's the same

31:15

thing So this Smirnoff allegations

31:17

all blow up all these Republicans

31:19

are shameless But are being asked about the fact

31:21

that they built this case around this false allegation

31:23

and they're like Well, it wasn't actually central to

31:25

our case and yes, even though it may not

31:27

be exactly right It's still the fundamental fissile feels

31:29

true as Sarah said Then

31:31

it turns out they were told from the

31:33

beginning that this might not be reliable Here's Republican

31:35

Ken Buck deciding to blow up

31:38

his colleagues spot entirely. We were

31:40

warned at the time that we received the

31:43

Document outlining this witnesses testimony.

31:45

We were warned that the

31:47

credibility of this statement was was not known

31:50

And yet the biggest frauds and liars you will

31:52

ever meet in your whole life Do you even

31:54

care people who would lie to a child after

31:57

stealing a nugget from their happy meal showed no

31:59

scruples whatsoever? So on Monday, Smirnoff

32:01

pleads not guilty to the charges in a

32:03

Los Angeles court. Judge Otis Wright remands Smirnoff

32:06

into custody until his trial out of a

32:08

concern that the former informant would make a

32:10

run for it given his international dealings, millions

32:12

of dollars in undisclosed wealth, and a habit

32:15

of moving hundreds of thousands of dollars in

32:17

and out of his accounts. He also lives

32:19

in Las Vegas, and no malicious potential foreign

32:21

agent should experience the freedom of seeing Magic

32:24

Mike live whenever they want. Yeah, that

32:26

guy lives in a sphere before we go to the sphere.

32:30

A sphere, even that, a privilege. Yeah, it

32:32

sucks. I want to go to the sphere. Let's all go

32:34

to the sphere. Let's all go to the

32:36

sphere. And I'll make the point that I made

32:38

before. If I said it once, I've said it a

32:40

thousand times. In the sphere,

32:42

the most interesting part is the

32:44

upper half of the sphere, right?

32:46

The bottom half of the sphere doesn't really do much for anybody.

32:49

In any planetarium...

32:51

If you explain what a sphere is, I

32:53

swear to God. In any planetarium, the

32:56

seats are always the bottom of a

32:58

sphere. Right, yeah. Well, you

33:00

have to put them on the side, but then that's... Because

33:02

you're always sitting in a sphere

33:04

at the planetarium, in a

33:07

sense. So it's really just a

33:09

big planetarium. With

33:12

Bono. Yeah. I

33:15

don't know about Bono. I don't know about you

33:17

two. I just don't know about it. It

33:19

was like certain powerful people decided that

33:22

it's you two forever, and everyone else

33:24

was like, I'm not going to

33:26

list it even if you put it on my phone, but if

33:28

people like that, okay. Chris Fleming,

33:30

friend of the show, has one of

33:32

the funniest runs about this, which is that

33:35

once you get to the level of success of Bono,

33:37

you shouldn't be allowed to write music anymore. That it

33:39

was correct that Billy

33:42

Joel stopped writing music once he turned 50,

33:44

because if you can go to the

33:46

zoo and they let you hold whatever animals you

33:48

want, you no longer should be able to write

33:50

pop music. When you can crash your car into

33:53

the same building every summer for multiple years, I

33:56

never go like, it's just Billy Joel. It's

33:58

fine. But then he

34:00

plays with the grand musicians, pretty cool. He

34:03

still got it. He still got it. Because you

34:05

know why? I'll tell you why. He's

34:07

normal attractive. He's not ugly,

34:09

but he's not rock star handsome. You

34:12

know? He couldn't ever get...

34:14

He had to be grounded in some sense. Billy

34:17

Joel wasn't a world famous musician.

34:22

If he showed up at a four-step playing golf with my father, it

34:25

would be... He slots right the

34:27

fuck in. Yeah, you're a dead friend. My

34:30

dad's friend's Billy. And

34:33

then he starts playing piano. What a piano player. Wow. What

34:36

a musician. What a star. I'd see him with a

34:38

sphere. Oh, that'd be a blast. That'd be a

34:40

fucking blast. There's no graphics on the sphere. It's a sphere. Just

34:43

a lo-fi set of spheres. Yeah, it's just the sphere unplugged. It's

34:45

like NPR's Tiny Desk. It's a Tiny Desk in the sphere. They

34:47

just turned the sphere off. Still $350 to get the worst seats

34:49

they have. But that'd be fun. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not

34:52

gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm

34:54

not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. It's just $350 to

34:56

get the worst seats they have. But that'd be fun. Who

35:00

would you want to see this sphere? Dolly. Oh,

35:03

that'd be good. I don't want

35:06

to see Fleetwood Mac there. Oh, that'd be

35:08

so great. That tension

35:10

on stage. Wow.

35:14

And apparently up to 20,000 with some

35:16

standing. So

35:19

some standing room. Major

35:23

League Baseball revealed its brand new uniforms last

35:25

week only for players in the fans alike

35:27

to notice one problem. The white version of

35:29

the pants are basically see-through. It's awesome. The

35:32

upside being fans will now be able to more

35:34

clearly see all the foul balls. Uniforms

35:38

are designed to be 25% stretchier and 28% faster drying. Though

35:42

it's the spectators who will ultimately be getting wet. Am

35:46

I right, ladies? It

35:49

says am I right, ladies? I

35:51

mean, not for me, personally. Well,

35:53

no. Well, it's right for me.

35:56

Unfortunately, Team Photos released last week reveal how

35:59

transparent they are. under a flash revealing

36:01

touch-shirt tests and compression shorts. So

36:04

funny. Shout out to that

36:06

photographer who said absolutely nothing while taking

36:08

these photos though. Absolute gold star pervert

36:10

if I've ever seen one. MVP, most

36:12

valuable pervert. Why did they

36:14

have real ECs? You can see the tape on the floor where they're

36:17

supposed to stand. They're terrible pictures. Why are these out

36:19

there? Why can I see those? Right.

36:23

No one helps them either. Like that guy's shirt's

36:25

all on and talks. Like also no one said,

36:27

hey, what are we doing

36:29

here? Take it outside or something.

36:31

Also like touch these guys up. Yeah. Touch

36:34

up the photos. You can take out that

36:36

pant line. These are salvageable. Yeah. You

36:38

can remove the X from the floor. Also, why are these guys taking

36:40

a picture just the two of them? Is that

36:42

a normal thing? Baseball's not a pair

36:45

sport. One's got a bat and one's

36:47

got a glove. They're just in different parts of the game

36:49

together. Are they friends? These photos are

36:51

lovers. Are they lovers? These photos were only to reveal

36:53

how transparent the pants are. They're not for any other

36:55

reason. There's no other reason these would be taken. The

36:58

MLB, Major League Baseball, then denied that the

37:00

fabric of the pants had changed in any

37:02

significant way. Telling the Wall Street Journal Friday,

37:04

the uniformed pants had the same material and

37:06

thickness as the uniformed pants used last season.

37:08

There were changes to the fabric of the

37:11

jersey, not the pants. MLB added,

37:13

you actually could always see the players,

37:15

genitals. I love it that,

37:17

that's like every organization starts by

37:19

denying. Just admit it. This is not,

37:21

we've taken pictures of these guys before.

37:23

We've never seen their boxers. Clearly

37:26

something is different. If they tried to argue,

37:29

actually you can see their shirts now because the shirts are

37:31

more opaque. That doesn't make any sense. I

37:34

don't think. No. We're

37:36

not pants made, actually. That's the thing. When I was a

37:39

kid playing Little League, I found the baseball

37:42

uniform to be so uncomfortable. The fabric,

37:44

the like scratchy fabric. Mya, do you

37:46

remember that? Of

37:49

course you did. They look the most comfortable of any, they look like

37:51

pajamas. No, but they're like thicker. And

37:55

I just was so, basically

37:58

like baseball, the boys. They

38:00

really have this this barrier to entry for

38:02

anyone who doesn't like things like

38:04

touching their skin that are uncomfortable Like you

38:06

had to wear a kerchief to be a boy scout and

38:09

I and I hate things touching my neck And

38:11

it's probably what honestly if I

38:13

really were honest about The

38:16

reason I decided to leave politics finally let

38:18

it out Okay The percentage of

38:20

it being because I don't want to wear a suit

38:22

anymore is like too high to beam to have caused

38:25

me to Literally move to Los Angeles and start a

38:27

new career, but I hear you just like shit And

38:30

you and I do got there first

38:34

This suit shirt and the suit color I

38:36

fucking hated it Which is why I would bike

38:38

into the White House in a t-shirt and

38:40

shorts Park

38:43

with my bike under the building

38:45

and then hide in my t-shirt and shorts in my

38:47

office until I first had to go To the bathroom at

38:49

which point that was when I would put my suit on

38:52

So I would try to be in the during the day I

38:54

tried to be in shorts and t-shirt as long as humanly possible

38:56

with my defense being I biked in Because

38:58

otherwise the swamp bass on these suits would have been

39:01

Humidity, sorry. I had to put on a suit

39:03

specifically to take a piss That's exactly

39:05

because I couldn't you couldn't I could justify not

39:08

having changed yet But if I'm I

39:10

can't walk back out into the halls Like

39:12

I could come in and I was I have a helmet in

39:14

my hand you got they got to carry that helmet around But

39:16

I couldn't carry the helmet to the bathroom and back That's

39:19

just the ruse. I've got it never thought of it to this moment

39:21

It never occurred to me that I could just keep the helmet under

39:23

my fucking arm But then it looked like I'm

39:26

going home all day or coming in all day And

39:28

I was already coming in late as it is when we

39:30

stepped on a rat in your flip-flops I do remember that

39:32

yeah, I do remember that twice actually

39:34

two different times back and forth Different

39:37

rats different rat One was a

39:39

rat one was a rat that had been that had

39:41

eaten poison and clearly dying and I didn't see in

39:43

the dark That he was kind of crawling in front

39:46

of me and I stepped on that one and then

39:48

the other was I was crossing the street That's

39:50

the one I was crossing the street and

39:53

I was like, oh, I think I just

39:55

stepped in like a I thought what it felt

39:58

like was that I had stepped in like like a

40:00

wet shoe box. Like someone had left like a corrugated

40:02

box on the street. And so I felt like I

40:04

had stepped on it. And I thought like, oh, a

40:07

box accidentally just, like I accidentally stepped on a box

40:09

and it kind of curled around my feet. And

40:11

then the next day I was walking that same spot

40:14

at that spot. And I saw that there was

40:16

basically a rat divided in two

40:18

with a footprint in it. And

40:22

you knew it was your footprint? It was, I mean, among

40:24

others perhaps, but I definitely had stepped in rats

40:26

both times. And when you saw one set of

40:28

footprints on the rat, and

40:30

it was then that I carried you. And Jesus was finding more rats for

40:32

you to stare at. It's not what I was carrying, your wife's moment. This

40:35

is a show, this is a show. Like Lazarus trailing a Coke

40:37

brother. I love her that guy to step in

40:39

a couple of raps. I

40:43

think that we've

40:45

now normalized not

40:48

just stepping on a rat, but

40:50

stepping in a rat. And if this

40:52

show is about nothing else. And it's not. And

40:54

it's not about nothing else. But if it were

40:56

about nothing else. He moved the overton window. Yeah,

40:58

we've shifted the narrative. We've changed

41:00

the conversation. And that's what it's all about. Sarah,

41:04

Hallie, Milo

41:06

in the Dark like a Babadook. Thanks

41:09

for being here. That's our show. Thank

41:11

you for requiring us to be here. Thank you for having us.

41:14

I like where Sarah said it. See you

41:16

once on Saturday. Bye. Wake

41:24

up. Ah.

41:44

Hold on. Ah. Finally,

42:00

you can join our Friends of the Pods

42:02

subscription community for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and

42:04

a great discussion on Discord. Plus, it's a

42:06

great way to get involved with Vote Save

42:09

America, so sign up today at crooked.com/friends. Love

42:11

it or Leave It is a crooked media

42:13

production. It is written and produced by me,

42:15

John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is

42:17

our executive producer and Brian Semmel is our

42:19

producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah

42:22

Lazarus, Jocelyn Koffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will

42:24

Miles, and Mahanad El-Shigey are our writers. Evan

42:26

Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglen and Charlotte

42:28

Landis provide audio support. Steven Cologne is our

42:30

audio engineer and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our

42:33

theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure,

42:35

thanks to our designer, Bernardo Sterna for creating and

42:37

running all of our visuals, but you can't see

42:39

because this is a podcast. And to our digital

42:41

producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolle, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman,

42:44

and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each

42:46

week so you can. It's

42:48

Love It or Leave It. I

42:51

like that jacket, Milo. Yeah, that's great. It's a

42:54

really cool jacket. Excellent. Look at that

42:56

thing. That's cool. It's my friend.

42:59

Here's something called Yellow Rat. God damn it.

43:01

Of course, it's your friend's design jacket. He's a

43:03

very old Japanese man that goes on the left

43:05

side. Hell yeah.

43:07

It makes incredible like... What Yellow Rat

43:09

he says? Yellow Rat. Yellow Rat.

43:11

Okay, cool. It's excellent. That

43:13

is even cooler. It's even cooler. It's

43:15

not some Gen Z-er making a cool...

43:18

It's an older person who's your friend

43:20

because you have multi-generational friends. I do.

43:23

Hell yeah. Of course he

43:25

does. Wow, Milo. It's really cool.

43:28

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