Episode Transcript
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Louisville, Kentucky. What you got there?
0:53
Some free lip gloss that came for Vanessa. But
0:57
the reason I was reminded, I was using it
0:59
as a prop to get you to ask that question because I
1:01
came home the other day and there
1:03
was a shopping bag shoved in
1:06
my mailbox, ass out on the
1:08
street. So like the bag
1:10
was half in the butt of
1:12
the bag. So it was like a fancy, kind
1:14
of like a fancy store, black, you know, kind
1:17
of like glossy type shopping bag. That's like the
1:19
nice ones shoved and crinkled
1:21
so that it's kind of in my mailbox, but
1:23
the butt couldn't make it all the way through.
1:26
It, I then pulled
1:29
it out and inside was a matching,
1:32
very nice black box and
1:34
I opened it and it was six
1:37
mini chocolate donuts that looked like they'd been
1:39
in a tumbler because somebody had been shoving
1:41
it in a thing with a fancy card
1:44
about a pop-up design studio
1:46
in West Hollywood called Frankie's
1:49
that was opening this weekend. And it was like, I can't
1:52
eat these donuts. I have no idea where
1:54
these donuts are from. They're also disgusting. That's
1:56
a problem with donuts. So how many did you eat though?
1:59
I actually. I really did almost eat one but I
2:01
just did them out. Welcome
2:12
back to What A Weekday. I'm
2:14
here with Sarah. I'm here with Hallie.
2:18
Kendra is...
2:21
Indisposed. Indisposed. Extremely indisposed.
2:24
Brian's position is yet to be filmed. Just
2:27
a second. Let's get into it. What
2:29
a weekday. We're
2:32
enough. And as
2:34
I said right before I recorded, that's exactly what
2:36
you are. Thank you. Just enough.
2:38
Just enough. Just barely
2:40
enough. Donald Trump won South Carolina's Republican primary on
2:43
Saturday, defeating Nikki Haley by 20 points in her
2:45
home state. Losing a basketball game by
2:47
20 points would be humiliating. I don't even know
2:49
what to call losing by that much to a
2:51
rambling old man shaped like a boy's fist in
2:53
a state where you were the governor. It
2:56
was the worst home game lost for South Carolina
2:58
since the Battle of Simmons Bluff. During
3:01
the Civil War. That
3:04
joke would have killed in South Carolina harder
3:06
than the Union killed Confederates during the Battle
3:08
of Simmons Bluff. During
3:10
the Civil War. Haley
3:12
vowed to fight on. I
3:15
don't believe Donald Trump can beat Joe Biden. Nearly
3:22
every day, Trump drives
3:24
people away. I
3:26
said earlier this week that no matter
3:28
what happens in South Carolina, I would
3:30
continue to run for president. I'm
3:34
a woman of my word. First
3:39
of all, it is so funny to say, I told
3:42
you, no matter how hard Trump kicked the
3:44
ever-loving shit out of me, I wasn't
3:46
going to quit even though there was no path to
3:48
me becoming the nominee. And I'm going to stick to
3:50
that. Yeah, you can see her eyes kind of go
3:53
dead when she smiles. I
3:55
love her. I'm a woman of my word. It's
3:58
like, first of all, you're not. But
4:01
that, you know, even
4:03
what you're saying now doesn't agree with what you used to say
4:05
about Donald Trump. None of it. You're not a person
4:07
of your word. Your word doesn't line
4:10
up. You spent years saying things you absolutely did
4:12
not believe. You're just simply not a woman of
4:14
your word. You're many things. I think it's cool
4:16
that you're saying in the race. Great for this
4:19
podcast, but... The first female president, absolutely. Without
4:21
a doubt. Look,
4:25
why is she saying the race? You never know. All right? Trump
4:27
might look back and see he's so far ahead they decided to
4:30
take a nap right before the finish line. That
4:33
would be like him. Someone said he wins the
4:35
race. But one of Haley's
4:37
biggest backers won't be coming with her. After
4:39
spending tens of millions of dollars to support
4:41
her campaign, the Koch Network announced on Sunday
4:43
that it will be suspending its support. I
4:45
may not agree with Nikki Haley on virtually
4:47
anything, but anyone who flushes millions of
4:49
Koch brother dollars down the toilet is
4:52
a hero. The Koch
4:54
brothers decided it was better financially. They take
4:56
the tax loss on Nikki Haley and write
4:58
her off and could go for a wider
5:00
release. She's the back girl of Republican politics.
5:02
Those Koch brothers. I think of us
5:04
as a Diet Koch brother. One of
5:07
them died, right? Just one. I hope so.
5:09
Did one of them die? Are we down to one brother?
5:13
We look as if... Or do they do like
5:16
a kind of like asexual reproduction when there's
5:18
a space? Like how coyotes always reproduce enough?
5:20
Right, like off the side. If
5:23
I've learned anything in my Hollywood years is that when
5:25
the Kochs are gone, call your Uber because the party's
5:27
over, babe. On
5:29
Monday, Nikki Haley added that she'd be the best
5:32
person to face a Democrat that replaces Biden too.
5:34
You can look at Joe Biden now. The
5:37
Democrat Party is already scrambling to figure
5:39
out who's going to be the person.
5:41
It is not going to be Joe Biden. And
5:44
Republicans need to wake up and know you're going
5:46
to be running against a younger candidate. I see
5:49
Nikki Haley's anxious Democratic friend has also
5:51
sent her the Ezra Klein piece to
5:53
the group chat. Anybody sent you
5:55
that Ezra Klein piece? And so what's up with this? Working
5:58
here. We sent it. Yeah, I was like... We're sent
6:00
in by our employer. Yeah.
6:04
What a piece. It was David.
6:06
Koku died. Oh, so is it just
6:08
the one brother now? Yeah, Charles. I
6:10
feel like it's still the- Charles, holding it down. Yeah. Yeah.
6:13
Well, I hope he's doing OK. Almost
6:15
certainly not. I hope he's
6:17
not experiencing complicated grief. The
6:22
one that doesn't go away. I
6:24
hope he is, frankly. You do? Yeah,
6:26
I hope he's having a bad time. OK.
6:30
Really? Yeah. Huh.
6:33
Doesn't fit my character, right? I don't think that way.
6:36
You think I would. I don't know why I don't. I
6:38
don't get anything out of that. I'm
6:41
petty, too. Yeah, we know. We know
6:43
that part. It's shocking about this. Huh. It's
6:47
because he's an old man. You feel sympathetic to the old- Because
6:49
he's white. So
6:51
you see yourself in him? Probably. He's your father?
6:53
Probably. Probably a little bit of both. When
6:57
you think about it. A little bit of both. I
6:59
don't know why. I guess it's that I don't- I
7:04
feel like I don't- Engage with reality.
7:07
Think of these types of people as really
7:09
having an interior. You know? Right. That's
7:11
why you kind of hope that things can get to
7:14
them in some way. Right. But
7:16
you must build a wall within yourself.
7:19
Because I just imagine kind of the rosebud
7:21
moment is probably pretty rare at the end
7:23
of someone's life, where you're like, oh, no. Yeah,
7:26
I suppose that's right. I
7:29
have this sort of wish that they would
7:31
realize they're wrong. And I
7:33
know that that's not possible. And so I don't
7:36
really care for any of the other experiences they
7:38
may have. Unless we send them three ghosts. Uh-huh.
7:41
And it'll show them the different
7:43
Christmases go from there. It's
7:46
worth a try. It's worth a try. It's
7:49
funny that- Why do we hire all these ghosts if we're not going to do
7:51
that? It's such a funny thing that
7:53
that's the story that really caught on. It's
7:56
so stupid. But also, that's what they wanted, too.
7:58
Everyone's like, how do we get re- rich
8:00
evil people to see the ill
8:02
of their ways. It's
8:05
just to be supernatural. Like they're not gonna just do it. It
8:07
has to be something crazy. It has to be like reveal it
8:09
to them. Ghosts, we
8:11
need more ghosts. Yeah.
8:14
Yeah, what's our ghost budget? See
8:16
what we can do. Put some money around. Put
8:19
some money towards ghosts. Ronna McDaniel, the chair
8:21
of the Republican National Committee announced Monday that
8:23
she'll be stepping down on March 8th, calling
8:25
the job the honor of a lifetime. More
8:27
like Ronna McDaniel. We
8:30
fucking got her. We got herself. She got
8:32
herself. She really did. Have it be a
8:34
name Ronna, first of all. According to the
8:36
New York Times, Trump allies allegedly pressured McDaniel
8:38
to leave her post, blaming her for the
8:40
GOP's underperformance in 2022. Remember
8:42
when Ronna dropped the Romney from her name to please
8:45
Trump? Marla Maples didn't even change her name
8:47
to please Trump. I'm gonna chump. Changing
8:50
your name. She changed her name. She humiliated
8:52
herself. For his part, Trump allegedly
8:54
pressured McDaniel to cancel the primary dates, which he
8:57
resisted. Which is hard because he's so compelling and
8:59
irresistible. It's like when Pennywise the clown asked to
9:01
have his birthday party at your house. You have
9:03
to say no because people will be there, but
9:05
it tears you up inside. That's
9:08
a holly special if I've ever seen one. But
9:11
according to Maggie Haberman, Trump not only tried to
9:13
get the debates canceled, Trump
9:15
also asked her to cancel
9:17
Republican primaries and caucuses altogether.
9:20
Fortunately, she doesn't have the power to do
9:22
that. Unfortunately, we're not sure that that's not
9:25
the only reason. What
9:27
if she could cancel the elections? Would she?
9:30
She already changed her name and humiliated herself
9:32
for this sweaty slug. Sir,
9:34
I'm sorry, but I can't cancel state primaries.
9:36
Also, I cannot kill Joy Behar or make
9:38
alimony the new N-word. Meanwhile,
9:41
at CPAC, the Right-Wing Loser Convention, Donald
9:43
Trump laid out what his aides described
9:45
as his optimistic message. If President Biden
9:47
is reelected, Social Security, Medicare, education, and
9:49
the energy grid will collapse and America
9:51
will face obliteration. And if Trump is
9:53
elected, all of those things will happen,
9:55
but at least you can say Merry
9:57
Christmas again. Trump has been consistent. on
10:00
this point, Biden is very feeble and extraordinarily
10:02
powerful. He's old, weak, confused, and capable of
10:04
systematically destroying everything you hold dear. He doesn't
10:07
know where he is, but he operates Manhattan
10:09
juries like he's a hook-nosed puppeteer on a
10:11
Nazi poster. Before beginning his speech,
10:13
Trump took a moment to grope the American flag again.
10:19
He's
10:27
a hooker so long before he gets to the flag. Well,
10:29
because he wants everyone to see you know what I'm
10:31
gonna do. How'd you like that coming at
10:33
you? Not a lot. For humanitarian reasons, the
10:36
flag was euthanized later that day. He had
10:39
to put the flag down. Yeah. That's
10:41
hot. Take it out back. Speaking of
10:43
groping, Trump expressed confidence that suburban women will
10:45
vote for him for a very simple and
10:47
normal reason. When they talk about suburban
10:50
women, they're gonna love me so much. They're
10:52
gonna say, oh, I wish we had that
10:54
guy back. The gangs
10:57
will be invading your territory. I can tell
10:59
you that. The gangs are
11:01
in your cul-de-sac. They're drinking from your Stanley
11:03
Cup. They're feeding your buchan the non-organic dog
11:05
food he's not supposed to have. I wonder
11:08
if I gave imaginary Chinese gangs pouring over
11:10
the Mexican border too much metaphorical space in
11:13
my mental map, said a woman in 2026
11:16
going into shock after her ectopic pregnancy burst through
11:18
a fallopian tube while she waited in a Mississippi
11:20
jail cell for a judge to come back from
11:22
his lunch break. I
11:25
thought I'd laugh out loud one, but it's probably in
11:27
America, right? It just has to live. Yeah. Just
11:30
has to be. Trump also
11:32
painted an imaginative picture of a second
11:34
Biden term. Hamas and
11:37
Antifa will terrorize our streets. China
11:39
will dominate us, not
11:41
just economically, but militarily, and that's what
11:43
they want, and that's where they're heading.
11:46
Hamas is coming to Flagstaff, Arizona,
11:48
as is China. Hamas and China
11:50
are teaming up to impose Chinese
11:53
Sharia law on Flagstaff. The H&M
11:55
at Flagstaff has already fallen. The
11:57
boba is hummus. I repeat, the
11:59
boba is is hummus. Trump
12:01
continued. It's all happening. And
12:03
if we don't stop it, this is it. 2024.
12:08
If we don't stop it, this is our last train.
12:10
If we don't stop it, we're going to have a
12:12
country. It won't even be a country. You want to
12:14
know the truth? It won't even be a country. It's
12:16
breaking up. This is
12:18
very much like when your friend says, I've
12:21
decided I fucking hate LA now. LA is
12:23
over. Do you hate LA? Is LA over
12:25
or are you single again? You
12:27
know, is the world falling apart or did you
12:29
see your ex's story on Instagram? Do
12:32
you think it's going to be true? Yeah, it's going to
12:34
be true. Besides, the states are always talking
12:36
about breaking up, but they never actually do it.
12:38
Texas is like your friend who's in an unsatisfying
12:40
marriage because of their own warped expectations. Oh, you
12:42
think you can do better than California? Look at yourself.
12:44
When's the last time you asked California about her
12:46
day? California
12:48
is the girl. Of course
12:50
he is. Texas is the boy. Yeah, obviously. 100%. 100%. Trump
12:54
also leaned into his new Navalny
12:56
inspired identity. I stand before you
12:59
today, not only as your past
13:01
and hopefully future president, but
13:04
as a proud political dissident. I am
13:06
a dissident. First
13:09
of all, I like it when he reads some of
13:11
the prompts and he's like, that is true. I am
13:14
that. We also need to figure
13:16
out who's teaching Donald Trump new words. Who's
13:18
a Henry Higgins to his MAGA Eliza Doolittle,
13:20
the pig million to his pig. Is that
13:22
for you, Sarah? Was that for anybody? A little bit. Okay.
13:25
Trump also had this to say about migrants.
13:27
They have languages that nobody in
13:29
this country has ever heard of. It's
13:31
a very horrible thing. And
13:33
let me tell you this. I am married to one
13:35
of these immigrants and she tells me that her love
13:37
language is words of affirmation and quality time makes no
13:40
sense. If that's what love means to her, then why
13:42
does she keep asking for a raise? I haven't thrown
13:44
a burger at her while shouting, you knew what this
13:46
was in weeks. What do you think Trump's love language is?
13:48
I think it's words of
13:50
affirmation. You're the best. That kind of thing. I
13:53
don't think there's anything there for
13:56
him to communicate. The language
13:59
is irrelevant. receive love I think
14:01
he receives all of them and has no
14:04
right now that he gives I don't think
14:06
there's anything in there I don't think he even what
14:08
are you the law what are the that's the quality
14:10
time gifts gifts words of affirmation access service
14:12
active service access yeah yeah
14:15
I don't think any of them really work that's
14:18
sad for him huh he's
14:20
a sad person like I
14:22
don't look at him and be like I guess I guess a lot of people do
14:24
look over like I would love to be that guy like
14:27
I want to figure out a way with the exact opposite of that guy
14:29
but once again I do hope he's having a bad time yeah
14:32
me too yeah well he is I think that I think
14:34
it's torture I think every day is
14:36
torture I really do I
14:39
don't think there's a good day in that mind it's
14:41
kind of like whenever you'll leave a mean comment on
14:43
social media like it never makes
14:45
me feel bad cuz I was like you're so
14:47
sad that you left a mean comment on social
14:49
media like I can't affect me because you've in
14:51
fact revealed yourself to me as someone who would
14:53
leave a mean comment it's just
14:55
also like I feel like um along
14:59
with so many other words from therapy
15:01
like the word narcissist is now just
15:04
bandied about pretty freely and I do
15:06
think like I think people can be
15:08
narcissistic but true narcissist when
15:10
you come across one like a true
15:13
malignant pathological narcissist
15:17
you you know the difference between that
15:19
and just your run-of-the-mill egotist
15:22
or self-centered person because
15:24
I like the time I've
15:26
spent with like true like malignant narcissist they've
15:28
made like from Grindr you meeting them or
15:31
these are people we'll talk about after
15:33
these people I remember
15:36
just coming away from being like oh
15:38
my god like it's truly a
15:40
living hell like I do genuinely feel
15:42
bad for them not this not Trump
15:44
but like for someone living with
15:47
the kind of condition he has like it it
15:49
is torture it is it does seem
15:52
like torture lonely like there's
15:54
no end like you'll never be happy or
15:56
be satisfied it was just because that would
15:58
require another conversation another Liquid with
16:00
yourself. I'm also in. Therapy. Visit
16:02
their they have. There's also there's like an article on the
16:04
land take like. About. And
16:07
is refusing to have a spate of them had
16:09
understand sociopath sir, how to understand narcissist, that kind
16:11
of thing. And always written from
16:14
the perspective that the reader isn't one. They're always
16:16
written from respective that like for you in a
16:18
nurse sister seeing this like. Who's. Talking to
16:20
them by to because they are a bit that the
16:22
the long from pieces are like here's how you know
16:24
as a nurse to see your house and rights but
16:27
there's a nurses reading are being like. This.
16:29
Is how they're going to know that in our system? their house. Or.
16:31
Is Africa Reagan be like less crazy? I'm not
16:33
like that like I did today. Prices: They found
16:36
that down on the nowhere. And answer I think
16:38
they do have this I think that an i
16:40
think if the narcissist do now still not need
16:42
a sociopath down an artist is now. Right
16:45
in on. Leave the com and of your Er
16:47
nurses or a sociopath any now. let us now. Here.
16:50
In. A list of young guy or and give us five stars?
16:53
Yeah please! Five. Stars and say. This.
16:55
Narcisse. For only thing I
16:57
love more than myself. He elites heli mean
16:59
comments we know for sure. Please.
17:01
I want to fetch me if I won't read as
17:03
systems they were cabbage you don't have to read of.
17:05
I so great about that of. The. Read the
17:08
comments Milorad been written on. My
17:10
way to do you have all the ball
17:12
you read the com. You deserve that. Wow,
17:14
That's so it. I'm. A
17:17
while the people in his room. I mean this you the
17:19
last person I think would read the comments. You.
17:21
Know what could hurt how many people her some wrong
17:23
with us? Semite. And. right? Leader
17:25
is irresistible. Your normal person you're don't
17:28
do it yourself. A jobs the
17:30
hearts. As many trials scheduled to begin March twenty
17:32
fifth, the former President lawyers attempted to block Kiwi,
17:34
the Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen from testifying said
17:36
Trump's lawyer and storm easier to the hundred and
17:39
thirty thousand enough for you to shut the fuck
17:41
up about one hundred thirty thousand we gave you
17:43
to sit the fuck out of the most urgent
17:45
call Cohen a liar and implied Daniels would give
17:48
false and salacious testimony of put on the stand.
17:50
You. Going to trust these witnesses. A woman in
17:52
a Jew. The defense rests your honor. In.
17:55
The same trial Manhattan District Attorney Oven brag ask
17:57
for a gag order to prevent Trump from public.
18:00
targeting witnesses and jurors. I
18:02
have lived my life as a man named Alvin. I
18:04
know the pain that awaits me if Trump is allowed
18:06
to riff on me full force. God
18:08
help me if he learns my middle name is Leonard. It
18:10
opens a whole new door to hell. Nard.
18:14
What? Nard, just coming out. Nard.
18:17
Yeah. Nard? Yeah,
18:20
Leonard. Oh, Nard. I'm trying to
18:22
think what you would do with it. I thought you
18:24
were doing like an Australian... Nard! Nard. That's
18:26
how they would say it. Nard.
18:29
The president cites Trump's longstanding history of attacking
18:31
witnesses, investigators, prosecutors, judges, and others involved in
18:33
legal proceedings against him. Trump's the human version
18:36
of Commander Biden. You can issue any decrees
18:38
you want. He has no long-term memory and
18:40
loud noises send him into attack mode. On
18:44
Monday, President Biden told the press he believes a
18:46
ceasefire deal between Hamas and Israel is on the
18:48
horizon. And yes, he
18:50
was eating an ice cream cone when
18:52
he said it. Can you give us a
18:55
sense of when you think that each fire will start? Well,
18:58
I hope by the end of the weekend,
19:00
I mean, the end of the weekend. My
19:04
national security advisor tells me that we're close.
19:07
We're close. We're not done yet.
19:09
And my hope is by next
19:11
Monday we'll have a ceasefire. First of
19:14
all, a very serious issue. Hope
19:16
there's a ceasefire that goes without saying. Seth
19:21
Meyers, upon hearing this
19:23
question, acts
19:25
like a paleontologist in
19:27
Jurassic Park who believes the press's
19:29
vision is based on movement. He
19:32
fucking freezes. He
19:35
is a wax sculpture in this moment. And
19:37
I also do, if you're just hearing this as a pod and not seeing
19:39
it as a video, Joe
19:42
Biden is not just
19:44
holding an ice cream cone. It's a vanilla ice cream
19:46
cone just for the visual. He is a perfect cartoon
19:51
platonic ideal of an ice cream cone. Perfect
19:54
shape. Perfect shape. Perfect scoop with the kind
19:56
of like the little hat. Like pillowing out at the bottom.
19:58
Yeah, pillowing. beautiful. He's
20:02
bringing it up and he's
20:04
opening his mouth, ungracious,
20:06
ungracious, ungracious, just sort of
20:10
going in there for the cone. And here's the
20:12
question. And he's
20:14
still getting closer to the ice
20:16
cream for most of the questions. He's
20:18
in ice cream mode. The question
20:20
is registering as inertia kicks in, he
20:22
kind of slows the cone down. Then
20:25
the cone stays so close to
20:28
his face while he is talking
20:30
about this situation. And I for
20:32
the life of me do
20:34
not understand why he didn't get the
20:37
fucking cone. Even if I'm not
20:39
saying there's a way out of this, if you're answering
20:41
the question, you're at the ice cream shop, it's
20:43
good to answer the question. I don't
20:45
know if there's a better way to deal with it. But God,
20:48
I wish the ice cream cone wasn't so close to his
20:50
face. It is the toughest food to
20:52
be stuck holding that moment because it is a
20:54
time sensitive food. You have to get to it
20:56
in time. And it is a food
20:58
that you can't put down. Yeah, you can't just put
21:00
it on a table. Ice cream cones, there is either
21:02
you really there's only two things you can do with
21:04
an ice cream. There's three things you can do with
21:06
ice cream. You can throw it out. You
21:09
can, he's not doing that. You
21:11
can put it in a specifically designed
21:13
holder, or you can hand it carefully
21:15
to another person. And even that handoff requires
21:18
some deafness. You have to make space on
21:20
the cone. Someone has to go high, someone
21:22
has to go low, there's adjusting. And so
21:24
there's just nothing he can do. To
21:28
me, stuff my goes looking like is, is this
21:30
about to be a moment that will be played
21:32
forever on on the internet? Like,
21:34
is the ice cream going to fall off? Like,
21:36
is there going to be the moment that we're
21:38
now captured in American history? So
21:41
I hear about the sea star though. Yeah,
21:44
that'd be great. Now watch this drive. Oh,
21:48
here's the joke. I
21:50
scream, you scream, we all scream for a ceasefire. What else
21:52
are we going to do? I'm glad we got there. Yeah.
21:56
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave
21:58
It coming up. What
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It or Leave It is Yusuf's Hours
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in the new HBO original limited series
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of her palace, the charming and terrifying
23:26
chancellor played by Winslet becomes increasingly paranoid
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and delusional. With her nation on the
23:30
verge of greatness, she will stop at
23:33
nothing to prove her worth on the
23:35
world stage or end up in international
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disaster. From the executive producers of Succession,
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subscription plan. Moving
25:43
on. New year, new Republican smear campaign
25:45
that depends on misinformation from a deeply
25:47
shady source with ties to Russian intelligence.
25:50
Russia, listen. You
25:52
have a lot on your plate. You're locked in a grinding war
25:54
with a neighboring country you invaded for no reason. You
25:57
have a murdered dissident's corpse to hide. Why
25:59
not stay at home? this election. Burnout is real.
26:01
You've got to watch out for
26:03
burnout. Russia take care of itself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
26:08
Like Russia, why are you doing so much? Focus
26:11
on yourself just a little bit. Sad.
26:14
In 2020, Alexander Smirnoff told his FBI handler
26:16
a lie that the owner of a Ukrainian
26:18
energy company, Burisma, had made a deal to
26:20
pay up to $10 million in bribes to
26:22
both President Biden and his son, Hunter Biden,
26:24
while the president's son was on the company's
26:26
board, which would have been fucked if true,
26:28
but imagine having that kind of relationship with
26:31
your dad, hatching a plan, doing a corruption
26:33
together, sharing a bottle of scotch. Will you
26:35
talk about where to set up your offshore
26:37
bank accounts? That's
26:39
kind of nice. The
26:41
news was leaked to Republicans who latched on
26:43
to the claim as central to their impeachment
26:46
attempts against President Biden, effectively turning Smirnoff into
26:48
their star witness. Republicans don't trust you to
26:50
make a decision about your transition or your
26:52
reproductive system, but they will trust the slimiest
26:54
guy in Las Vegas with the entirety of
26:57
their impeachment investigation. I think that's a beautiful
26:59
thing. Their hearts
27:01
are open. Yeah, they're ready.
27:03
They love love. These guys love
27:05
love. Then two weeks ago, Smirnoff was
27:08
indicted on the charge that he lied to FBI
27:10
investigators about the Biden's. So wait
27:12
a second. Hunter Biden's innocent? Said
27:14
Hunter Biden. Then
27:16
the DOJ revealed ... I like that joke. Just
27:19
dropping five laptops? Just like act
27:22
was like, wait, he's innocent? The
27:25
five million was for laptops, that's the thing.
27:27
Then the DOJ revealed last week that Smirnoff,
27:29
who long maintained that his information came from
27:31
business contacts and government officials, told prosecutors he
27:33
received fake Biden intel from Russian intelligence sources.
27:36
It's like something out of a spy drama,
27:38
but one that is stupid and boring, like
27:40
burn after reading or extremely slow horses. I
27:43
don't like burn after reading. Never
27:45
burn after reading? Did you ever see it? I
27:48
could read it. Not my favorite of the Cone Brothers. More of a
27:50
notebook gal. Oh, wait, that's the Brad Pitt one. I think I did
27:52
see it, but I don't really remember it.
28:00
I wouldn't watch it again.
28:02
I get it. Yeah, and then you
28:04
watch the deleted sex scenes with all
28:06
your friends. That's cool I didn't
28:08
know they were deleted sex scenes. They're just one but
28:10
when you're a teenager you're like, all right, that's um
28:13
That's a to me a good example of like That
28:18
is movie That is just
28:20
hanging on the backs of two movie stars Just
28:23
like you have two movie stars that are about
28:25
to be like or on their way to becoming
28:27
like the biggest stars in America And it's like
28:29
thank God you had them because this is dog
28:31
shit Remember when they won the
28:33
MTV award? Yeah best kiss and then they did
28:35
the kiss at the awards. I don't remember that
28:37
it's pretty hot Yeah Aren't
28:40
gossets cool. Watch the notebook today Hey,
28:43
stop what you're doing Watching this
28:46
It's brought to you by the 2003 movie of the notebook I
28:49
don't know what I can fear it a
28:51
balm a balm in these post 9-11 years
28:53
the notebook I said that's roughly right. I
28:55
think I think so Like
28:58
is it not in that in that? Oh Anyway
29:03
Smirnoff the
29:05
Foreign Smirnoff reportedly said the allegation came
29:07
from four different top Russian officials and
29:09
that two of them were heads of
29:11
the entities They represent Anyway
29:13
after this news broke Republicans immediately shut down their impeachment
29:16
inquiry into President Biden and apologized profusely for the era
29:18
and then Pedro Pascal called and he was like, did
29:20
you see the Smirnoff news? Also, do you want to
29:22
just like stay in and get takeout tonight? Oh, I'm
29:24
sorry. I come back. I combine two
29:27
of my fantasies It's
29:30
gonna be we're gonna yeah Pedro Pedro and I are gonna watch
29:32
the no three Peter from the right in some guy. Oh Yeah,
29:36
I thought we were watching the notebook, but in your story,
29:38
we're making the notebook. You gotta go For
29:41
you know, you're Rachel McAdams. Oh,
29:44
yeah clearly. I'm Rachel. I got Clearly,
29:46
I'm not building a house I'm
29:51
not building a house. I'm a nurse How
29:54
would she know but at some point she nurses I believe
29:56
she nurses one nursing who's the
29:58
guy from X-Men? And
30:01
jury duty Oh James
30:04
Marsden James Marsden cuz James Marsden
30:06
it's I remember what was it?
30:10
War is it was it World War two? I believe so.
30:12
Yeah, I came on to doesn't 2004
30:15
by the way, it wasn't for a heavy days post on
30:17
a day's we needed it W stands for
30:19
wrong That was John Kerry one of John Kerry's slogans that
30:21
year Sucks
30:23
cuz cuz the W is silent The
30:26
W stands for nothing John
30:29
Kerry reporting for duty following the
30:31
indictment Republicans scramble to downplay how important
30:34
Smirnoff's allegations were to their case against
30:36
the Biden's Jim Jordan For example once
30:38
described Smirnoff's claim as key evidence You
30:42
said the 1023 is the most corroborating piece of information
30:44
Yeah, I've rates but it doesn't it doesn't change those
30:46
fundamental facts. So now it's not true. I Really
30:51
like There's
30:53
no way to spin this There's not because
30:55
they built the case around this fact and
30:57
the fact is simply false and the form
31:00
is The documentation of
31:02
the false allegation. So there's just nothing.
31:04
There's just nothing to be said about
31:06
this It's like when someone online posts a
31:08
fake headline and someone's like, hey, that's actually fake news
31:10
I'm like, but what does it mean that it feels
31:13
true? Yeah, that's right. It's the same
31:15
thing So this Smirnoff allegations
31:17
all blow up all these Republicans
31:19
are shameless But are being asked about the fact
31:21
that they built this case around this false allegation
31:23
and they're like Well, it wasn't actually central to
31:25
our case and yes, even though it may not
31:27
be exactly right It's still the fundamental fissile feels
31:29
true as Sarah said Then
31:31
it turns out they were told from the
31:33
beginning that this might not be reliable Here's Republican
31:35
Ken Buck deciding to blow up
31:38
his colleagues spot entirely. We were
31:40
warned at the time that we received the
31:43
Document outlining this witnesses testimony.
31:45
We were warned that the
31:47
credibility of this statement was was not known
31:50
And yet the biggest frauds and liars you will
31:52
ever meet in your whole life Do you even
31:54
care people who would lie to a child after
31:57
stealing a nugget from their happy meal showed no
31:59
scruples whatsoever? So on Monday, Smirnoff
32:01
pleads not guilty to the charges in a
32:03
Los Angeles court. Judge Otis Wright remands Smirnoff
32:06
into custody until his trial out of a
32:08
concern that the former informant would make a
32:10
run for it given his international dealings, millions
32:12
of dollars in undisclosed wealth, and a habit
32:15
of moving hundreds of thousands of dollars in
32:17
and out of his accounts. He also lives
32:19
in Las Vegas, and no malicious potential foreign
32:21
agent should experience the freedom of seeing Magic
32:24
Mike live whenever they want. Yeah, that
32:26
guy lives in a sphere before we go to the sphere.
32:30
A sphere, even that, a privilege. Yeah, it
32:32
sucks. I want to go to the sphere. Let's all go
32:34
to the sphere. Let's all go to the
32:36
sphere. And I'll make the point that I made
32:38
before. If I said it once, I've said it a
32:40
thousand times. In the sphere,
32:42
the most interesting part is the
32:44
upper half of the sphere, right?
32:46
The bottom half of the sphere doesn't really do much for anybody.
32:49
In any planetarium...
32:51
If you explain what a sphere is, I
32:53
swear to God. In any planetarium, the
32:56
seats are always the bottom of a
32:58
sphere. Right, yeah. Well, you
33:00
have to put them on the side, but then that's... Because
33:02
you're always sitting in a sphere
33:04
at the planetarium, in a
33:07
sense. So it's really just a
33:09
big planetarium. With
33:12
Bono. Yeah. I
33:15
don't know about Bono. I don't know about you
33:17
two. I just don't know about it. It
33:19
was like certain powerful people decided that
33:22
it's you two forever, and everyone else
33:24
was like, I'm not going to
33:26
list it even if you put it on my phone, but if
33:28
people like that, okay. Chris Fleming,
33:30
friend of the show, has one of
33:32
the funniest runs about this, which is that
33:35
once you get to the level of success of Bono,
33:37
you shouldn't be allowed to write music anymore. That it
33:39
was correct that Billy
33:42
Joel stopped writing music once he turned 50,
33:44
because if you can go to the
33:46
zoo and they let you hold whatever animals you
33:48
want, you no longer should be able to write
33:50
pop music. When you can crash your car into
33:53
the same building every summer for multiple years, I
33:56
never go like, it's just Billy Joel. It's
33:58
fine. But then he
34:00
plays with the grand musicians, pretty cool. He
34:03
still got it. He still got it. Because you
34:05
know why? I'll tell you why. He's
34:07
normal attractive. He's not ugly,
34:09
but he's not rock star handsome. You
34:12
know? He couldn't ever get...
34:14
He had to be grounded in some sense. Billy
34:17
Joel wasn't a world famous musician.
34:22
If he showed up at a four-step playing golf with my father, it
34:25
would be... He slots right the
34:27
fuck in. Yeah, you're a dead friend. My
34:30
dad's friend's Billy. And
34:33
then he starts playing piano. What a piano player. Wow. What
34:36
a musician. What a star. I'd see him with a
34:38
sphere. Oh, that'd be a blast. That'd be a
34:40
fucking blast. There's no graphics on the sphere. It's a sphere. Just
34:43
a lo-fi set of spheres. Yeah, it's just the sphere unplugged. It's
34:45
like NPR's Tiny Desk. It's a Tiny Desk in the sphere. They
34:47
just turned the sphere off. Still $350 to get the worst seats
34:49
they have. But that'd be fun. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not
34:52
gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm
34:54
not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. It's just $350 to
34:56
get the worst seats they have. But that'd be fun. Who
35:00
would you want to see this sphere? Dolly. Oh,
35:03
that'd be good. I don't want
35:06
to see Fleetwood Mac there. Oh, that'd be
35:08
so great. That tension
35:10
on stage. Wow.
35:14
And apparently up to 20,000 with some
35:16
standing. So
35:19
some standing room. Major
35:23
League Baseball revealed its brand new uniforms last
35:25
week only for players in the fans alike
35:27
to notice one problem. The white version of
35:29
the pants are basically see-through. It's awesome. The
35:32
upside being fans will now be able to more
35:34
clearly see all the foul balls. Uniforms
35:38
are designed to be 25% stretchier and 28% faster drying. Though
35:42
it's the spectators who will ultimately be getting wet. Am
35:46
I right, ladies? It
35:49
says am I right, ladies? I
35:51
mean, not for me, personally. Well,
35:53
no. Well, it's right for me.
35:56
Unfortunately, Team Photos released last week reveal how
35:59
transparent they are. under a flash revealing
36:01
touch-shirt tests and compression shorts. So
36:04
funny. Shout out to that
36:06
photographer who said absolutely nothing while taking
36:08
these photos though. Absolute gold star pervert
36:10
if I've ever seen one. MVP, most
36:12
valuable pervert. Why did they
36:14
have real ECs? You can see the tape on the floor where they're
36:17
supposed to stand. They're terrible pictures. Why are these out
36:19
there? Why can I see those? Right.
36:23
No one helps them either. Like that guy's shirt's
36:25
all on and talks. Like also no one said,
36:27
hey, what are we doing
36:29
here? Take it outside or something.
36:31
Also like touch these guys up. Yeah. Touch
36:34
up the photos. You can take out that
36:36
pant line. These are salvageable. Yeah. You
36:38
can remove the X from the floor. Also, why are these guys taking
36:40
a picture just the two of them? Is that
36:42
a normal thing? Baseball's not a pair
36:45
sport. One's got a bat and one's
36:47
got a glove. They're just in different parts of the game
36:49
together. Are they friends? These photos are
36:51
lovers. Are they lovers? These photos were only to reveal
36:53
how transparent the pants are. They're not for any other
36:55
reason. There's no other reason these would be taken. The
36:58
MLB, Major League Baseball, then denied that the
37:00
fabric of the pants had changed in any
37:02
significant way. Telling the Wall Street Journal Friday,
37:04
the uniformed pants had the same material and
37:06
thickness as the uniformed pants used last season.
37:08
There were changes to the fabric of the
37:11
jersey, not the pants. MLB added,
37:13
you actually could always see the players,
37:15
genitals. I love it that,
37:17
that's like every organization starts by
37:19
denying. Just admit it. This is not,
37:21
we've taken pictures of these guys before.
37:23
We've never seen their boxers. Clearly
37:26
something is different. If they tried to argue,
37:29
actually you can see their shirts now because the shirts are
37:31
more opaque. That doesn't make any sense. I
37:34
don't think. No. We're
37:36
not pants made, actually. That's the thing. When I was a
37:39
kid playing Little League, I found the baseball
37:42
uniform to be so uncomfortable. The fabric,
37:44
the like scratchy fabric. Mya, do you
37:46
remember that? Of
37:49
course you did. They look the most comfortable of any, they look like
37:51
pajamas. No, but they're like thicker. And
37:55
I just was so, basically
37:58
like baseball, the boys. They
38:00
really have this this barrier to entry for
38:02
anyone who doesn't like things like
38:04
touching their skin that are uncomfortable Like you
38:06
had to wear a kerchief to be a boy scout and
38:09
I and I hate things touching my neck And
38:11
it's probably what honestly if I
38:13
really were honest about The
38:16
reason I decided to leave politics finally let
38:18
it out Okay The percentage of
38:20
it being because I don't want to wear a suit
38:22
anymore is like too high to beam to have caused
38:25
me to Literally move to Los Angeles and start a
38:27
new career, but I hear you just like shit And
38:30
you and I do got there first
38:34
This suit shirt and the suit color I
38:36
fucking hated it Which is why I would bike
38:38
into the White House in a t-shirt and
38:40
shorts Park
38:43
with my bike under the building
38:45
and then hide in my t-shirt and shorts in my
38:47
office until I first had to go To the bathroom at
38:49
which point that was when I would put my suit on
38:52
So I would try to be in the during the day I
38:54
tried to be in shorts and t-shirt as long as humanly possible
38:56
with my defense being I biked in Because
38:58
otherwise the swamp bass on these suits would have been
39:01
Humidity, sorry. I had to put on a suit
39:03
specifically to take a piss That's exactly
39:05
because I couldn't you couldn't I could justify not
39:08
having changed yet But if I'm I
39:10
can't walk back out into the halls Like
39:12
I could come in and I was I have a helmet in
39:14
my hand you got they got to carry that helmet around But
39:16
I couldn't carry the helmet to the bathroom and back That's
39:19
just the ruse. I've got it never thought of it to this moment
39:21
It never occurred to me that I could just keep the helmet under
39:23
my fucking arm But then it looked like I'm
39:26
going home all day or coming in all day And
39:28
I was already coming in late as it is when we
39:30
stepped on a rat in your flip-flops I do remember that
39:32
yeah, I do remember that twice actually
39:34
two different times back and forth Different
39:37
rats different rat One was a
39:39
rat one was a rat that had been that had
39:41
eaten poison and clearly dying and I didn't see in
39:43
the dark That he was kind of crawling in front
39:46
of me and I stepped on that one and then
39:48
the other was I was crossing the street That's
39:50
the one I was crossing the street and
39:53
I was like, oh, I think I just
39:55
stepped in like a I thought what it felt
39:58
like was that I had stepped in like like a
40:00
wet shoe box. Like someone had left like a corrugated
40:02
box on the street. And so I felt like I
40:04
had stepped on it. And I thought like, oh, a
40:07
box accidentally just, like I accidentally stepped on a box
40:09
and it kind of curled around my feet. And
40:11
then the next day I was walking that same spot
40:14
at that spot. And I saw that there was
40:16
basically a rat divided in two
40:18
with a footprint in it. And
40:22
you knew it was your footprint? It was, I mean, among
40:24
others perhaps, but I definitely had stepped in rats
40:26
both times. And when you saw one set of
40:28
footprints on the rat, and
40:30
it was then that I carried you. And Jesus was finding more rats for
40:32
you to stare at. It's not what I was carrying, your wife's moment. This
40:35
is a show, this is a show. Like Lazarus trailing a Coke
40:37
brother. I love her that guy to step in
40:39
a couple of raps. I
40:43
think that we've
40:45
now normalized not
40:48
just stepping on a rat, but
40:50
stepping in a rat. And if this
40:52
show is about nothing else. And it's not. And
40:54
it's not about nothing else. But if it were
40:56
about nothing else. He moved the overton window. Yeah,
40:58
we've shifted the narrative. We've changed
41:00
the conversation. And that's what it's all about. Sarah,
41:04
Hallie, Milo
41:06
in the Dark like a Babadook. Thanks
41:09
for being here. That's our show. Thank
41:11
you for requiring us to be here. Thank you for having us.
41:14
I like where Sarah said it. See you
41:16
once on Saturday. Bye. Wake
41:24
up. Ah.
41:44
Hold on. Ah. Finally,
42:00
you can join our Friends of the Pods
42:02
subscription community for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and
42:04
a great discussion on Discord. Plus, it's a
42:06
great way to get involved with Vote Save
42:09
America, so sign up today at crooked.com/friends. Love
42:11
it or Leave It is a crooked media
42:13
production. It is written and produced by me,
42:15
John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is
42:17
our executive producer and Brian Semmel is our
42:19
producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah
42:22
Lazarus, Jocelyn Koffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will
42:24
Miles, and Mahanad El-Shigey are our writers. Evan
42:26
Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglen and Charlotte
42:28
Landis provide audio support. Steven Cologne is our
42:30
audio engineer and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our
42:33
theme song is written and performed by Sure Sure,
42:35
thanks to our designer, Bernardo Sterna for creating and
42:37
running all of our visuals, but you can't see
42:39
because this is a podcast. And to our digital
42:41
producers, Zuri Ervin, David Tolle, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman,
42:44
and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each
42:46
week so you can. It's
42:48
Love It or Leave It. I
42:51
like that jacket, Milo. Yeah, that's great. It's a
42:54
really cool jacket. Excellent. Look at that
42:56
thing. That's cool. It's my friend.
42:59
Here's something called Yellow Rat. God damn it.
43:01
Of course, it's your friend's design jacket. He's a
43:03
very old Japanese man that goes on the left
43:05
side. Hell yeah.
43:07
It makes incredible like... What Yellow Rat
43:09
he says? Yellow Rat. Yellow Rat.
43:11
Okay, cool. It's excellent. That
43:13
is even cooler. It's even cooler. It's
43:15
not some Gen Z-er making a cool...
43:18
It's an older person who's your friend
43:20
because you have multi-generational friends. I do.
43:23
Hell yeah. Of course he
43:25
does. Wow, Milo. It's really cool.
43:28
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