0:02

This is a global player original

0:04

podcast. There it

0:06

is. Right. LuAnna drinking game

0:09

four six. LuAnna. Actually, that

0:11

should be part of the Luana drinking game. Luana

0:13

Belches before the disclaimer. Because

0:15

that normally happens to us. I see. You've

0:18

always felt just before the disclaimer. And

0:20

here it comes. Be warned, it's LuAnna.

0:22

And this podcast can taste honest upfront

0:24

opinions, romance bands, and general

0:27

explicit content. Settle in pats.

0:29

You know, you love

0:30

it. Good morning,

0:33

good tomorrow to you all. Happy

0:35

Monday. It's a national broadcast

0:38

from Oh, she's dead. Oh.

0:40

Well, I was gonna say queen as well. I forgot

0:42

that she really did die. Isn't it weird that

0:44

she did

0:45

die? I was thinking about that the other day. Someone

0:47

said something about it was ourselves sort

0:49

of why I saw a clip for like ten years of gogglebox

0:52

and it was around the queen or something and someone

0:54

crying and going, we've lost our sort

0:56

of figure hell. I'm like, yeah, it does feel

0:58

like that. It's like I've been

1:00

dead, Nana left. Mhmm. It's not

1:02

the same with old King Charlie.

1:04

Is that We haven't quite got used to him yet

1:06

as King halfway It's

1:07

not really done anything. Well, you know, we'll

1:09

give them a chance. Mhmm. You know, when our

1:11

kids are our age, they won't have known any different.

1:14

And they'll be

1:14

like, good old King Charles, girl, King William,

1:17

maybe by that

1:17

point, who knows? King William, I got dressed

1:19

up. A royal start to the

1:21

pod. It is Monday. How are you?

1:24

That's Louisa Zisman. I'm Anna William and

1:26

sitting standing by with her beautiful

1:28

red hair is Emma Gymboree's heart.

1:30

Morning, Emma. Good

1:33

morning, Emma. How I listen like

1:35

has been

1:35

happening. Oh my gosh. It has been a

1:37

busy day.

1:39

First of all, what about

1:41

the our little video with this

1:43

sleep ap.

1:44

Oh, gosh. So so many people

1:46

have seen. So we've got to talk with this. This has actually

1:48

gone quite viral. Yeah. Okay? So we are loving

1:51

you. You know how we rely on all Unifinians for

1:53

your ex still an excellent tell all.

1:55

So it was die from I can't remember

1:57

where die was from, actually. Okay. You were a few

1:59

weeks ago on our extra episodes.

2:02

And in the voice note

2:04

of her. Yeah. There's a sleep app. Right? This

2:07

isn't the spawner and I don't think called

2:08

Better. Is it Better Sleep, I think it is? I

2:10

don't know if hers was called Better Sleep.

2:12

It was.

2:12

It was it was as long. So so

2:15

it was of her talking in her she captured

2:17

her talking in her sleep and farting.

2:19

It has been shared so many times around the

2:21

world. We've had millions of shares. It's hilarious.

2:24

So we decided at team LuAnna.

2:26

you

2:27

know, what's what's good enough for Lufthansa. This is

2:29

good enough really nice.

2:30

That one's nice. Don't pick

2:32

me up anymore. I'll play it. No.

2:34

Okay. If you don't pick me

2:36

up, then I

2:39

work here myself.

2:43

I mean, it's a classic. It's a classic.

2:46

So we decided, right, let's get

2:48

here. How do I think about it and don't hear

2:50

it? It's my

2:50

first party. Look. Get on my

2:52

side over. It's

2:54

it's the guttural fart. That's so good.

2:56

That's a good, strong fart. So we decided

2:59

to all of us to get the app

3:01

and to record ourselves do

3:03

the sleep tracking -- Yeah. -- which can I just say

3:06

is a fascinating thing? Now, get out

3:08

of you too. Yeah. Did you like me? They'd

3:10

get really excited before you went sleep. I was just

3:12

like, oh, what time I'm gonna go to sleep? And,

3:14

like, I kept waking up in the night

3:15

thinking, has it recorded anything? I'm not too sure

3:18

yet. I've got to do the exercise

3:19

that was my That's me. That wasn't

3:22

me. I just mean them. So girls,

3:24

the, you know, the the moment of truth.

3:26

This is your

3:27

moment. What did you

3:29

discover on the audio recording of your

3:31

sleep last night?

3:32

Well, we have only done it.

3:33

What am I? Yeah.

3:34

Sure. To be discovering All I discovered

3:37

is that thanks, fuck, I wear ear plugs

3:39

because my husband snores like a

3:41

hippopotamus. It's

3:44

bad. Well,

3:45

I was at LuAnna

3:45

say,

3:46

I won't

3:46

play it. He'll kill me. Yeah. I've slept with you a couple

3:48

of times and you do sleep like the dead.

3:50

Mhmm. So I wasn't holding out much hope

3:53

for

3:53

There was nothing. --

3:54

for die type quality

3:55

Yeah.

3:56

-- you know. Okay.

3:57

That was Emo anything? I had

3:59

a siren. Oh.

4:03

A cough. But

4:05

mainly -- Yeah. --

4:07

me snoring. Can

4:08

we have a can we have a snippet?

4:10

This was the particularly good

4:12

one. Well, I

4:12

clearly woke up to the start.

4:14

Okay. Partie,

4:21

hello?

4:23

I was gonna hang up. Oh

4:26

my god. That's It's

4:28

not normally like that.

4:30

That's like a pig at a trough. They're

4:33

not even quite cute. Is it a is

4:35

it food?

4:43

My god, Immigent. That needs

4:46

medical attention.

4:47

I know. Okay.

4:48

Well, I mean, I But you're a bloke. I

4:51

know.

4:52

Well, I mean, like I said, I think we should continue

4:54

to do this a little bit

4:55

because I know we should do this.

4:57

We might capture. Well,

4:58

guys download it here and let us know if you

5:00

cut any. If

5:01

you get a thinking

5:01

Did you get anything? Well well, III

5:04

too have realized that I have

5:06

protested for a long time that I don't snore

5:09

Evidence would suggest that I'm a liar.

5:15

Yeah. That is that is me. However,

5:18

I did manage to capture something else

5:20

of me talking. Now, I used to

5:22

sleep walk as a kid. Enzo has inherited

5:24

it. He sleep walks and has night terrors.

5:27

And I do talk in my sleep. Okay?

5:29

Okay. So I can, honestly, legitimately

5:32

say, this is real,

5:34

and I don't know what I mean. Bye.

5:36

Hang on. You have to listen carefully. I

5:46

don't know what I have got here. So that's

5:48

your family. Let's see what again.

5:50

This here again. I

6:03

don't know why I don't

6:05

know why.

6:06

I mean, I mean, I've been offensive to your

6:08

families, but

6:10

Salenia's fist. Salenia's

6:14

fist. It's really weird voices

6:16

and it was

6:16

able to come up there. It's like the

6:18

other girl. It's

6:21

all sounds like a demurragey. That

6:24

is really an I bet you

6:26

were so excited when you heard that at

6:28

all. Because when you oh, god. Because when you

6:30

opened the app, which is really good. Better sleep.

6:32

We don't have any ad or spam with them. Just credit

6:34

where credit's due. It's a

6:35

brilliant. It is good. Did you set you up an alarm?

6:38

I set an alarm and it woke me up with the most beautiful

6:40

sunrise song. I am. It was actually

6:42

I have an alarm in my

6:44

Boes. Oh, there is. Yeah. My Boes. But

6:46

it's leaking. It it basically categorizes, like

6:49

-- Yeah. -- it already does it for snoring,

6:51

talking, coughing, farting, You

6:53

say

6:53

you're said talking.

6:54

Yes. So I could see it said talking.

6:57

So I was like, oh, why is that? So

6:59

I got really excited to see that. I

7:02

was kinda hoping I'm not gonna lie for a little a little

7:04

fart, but I really I had

7:06

no fart. No. But it's it's brilliant. So

7:08

let's keep going, girl. I'd also like to say

7:10

that I had a shit sleep last night, but

7:12

according to the app, I

7:15

had an hour and thirty five minutes

7:18

of REM sleep. And an hour and

7:20

a half of deep sleep. So I'm quite pleased

7:22

with that because Is that good then? Well,

7:24

probably not, but it felt like I didn't sleep at

7:26

all because Both of my children had me up

7:28

seven times in the

7:29

night, but

7:29

it's very good. We do have kids

7:31

by night. Let me see what I had then.

7:34

So

7:34

mostly, how do I it. It's in my journal.

7:38

Here we go. Yes. New job. I was I

7:41

had to hunt One hour

7:44

forty of deeply. Oh, it's that

7:46

same. Yep. Four hours twenty of

7:48

lights

7:48

sleep. Four

7:49

hours five. Yep.

7:50

One twenty five of rem. That's same. One

7:52

thirty five. And thirty seven minutes away.

7:54

Oh, two hours eighteen.

7:55

That's right. Because my bloody kids have me up.

7:58

Yeah. That's how accurate it is. I had

8:00

seven hours, twenty five minutes sleep.

8:02

Oh, that is good. Oh,

8:05

seven hours, ten minutes. Oh, so we're similar.

8:07

That's not too bad. Time and bed ten

8:09

o three and awake at

8:10

605.

8:12

Not bad time and bed twenty one fifty eight.

8:14

Seven PM. Got you into

8:16

bed like midnight? No.

8:19

Twenty one. Nine o'clock. Oh.

8:22

So it's midnight. And what about

8:24

you, MO? Any fascinating insights you'd care

8:26

to share? Did you have some

8:28

good deep sleep last night?

8:30

An hour and thirty. Oh, I see.

8:33

But also, like, how does it know if it's you

8:35

or your

8:35

partner? I know.

8:37

Yeah. Because Angie really did

8:40

take over this. I mean, look at all the

8:42

snoring.

8:42

Yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot. That's all him.

8:44

Yeah. That I've got I'm gonna show him

8:46

this. Yes. So he feels bad.

8:49

Yes. I've got

8:51

What is this noise as well? Let's play a

8:54

LuAnna. Oh, that's

8:56

my guys.

9:01

Don't worry. That's you in your roughly duck

9:03

duck down duvet. And then I've got 123456789,

9:09

ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen,

9:11

fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen,

9:13

eighteen, nineteen, moments

9:16

of coughing or snoring. Oh.

9:19

bear in mind the phone is on my side,

9:21

so actually it would have been more than it's on his

9:23

side.

9:23

While all I would like to say to round this chat

9:25

up until next time is. Convenience

9:30

pissed off. Oh, that's so funny.

9:32

Very good. Thank you, Diane. Anyway,

9:35

listen, on our notes, it says

9:37

Ronnie Buck update. Mhmm. Dead

9:39

Nana. What's up

9:40

then? Have you a private reading. No.

9:43

No. Although, I did actually just

9:45

check my messages and and now his daughter hasn't

9:48

picked him up yet. I want to hound him again, actually.

9:50

No. So Ronny Barks.

9:53

Which room we're taking him? On the sidekick.

9:57

Is he sidekick? Is he medium?

9:58

Cyber medium? Yeah. Goodbye. Same

10:00

thing. So I don't know if I told

10:03

you this or not. Did I tell you a couple weeks ago

10:05

when we first talked about

10:06

this, about when he mentioned

10:08

about how, like, how dead Nana died?

10:10

Did I tell you about this? I can't remember. Yeah.

10:12

And she she died from a fall, and

10:15

he said

10:17

he said that Okay.

10:19

Well, so I was

10:20

disabled at the time of August. So

10:23

well, no. So you know how we know the whole is

10:25

it real? Is it not well? Saw

10:27

my mom at the weekend. Yeah. And she was sent

10:29

to my younger brother. She said, oh, did you hear about Anna? And he

10:31

said, oh, what about about shit? What about about

10:33

shit? And I was like, no. Listen to her. Listen

10:35

to what she had to say. So anyway, I

10:37

was listening it through and then I got to the bit

10:39

about in hospital when because Dadnana

10:41

who was very fit and able up until the

10:43

point she fell over broker hit ended up

10:45

in hospital, which is exactly where she passed away.

10:48

Yeah. And then Molly Buckingham

10:49

said, yes. She was disabled at the time that she

10:51

she was

10:51

passed which is true. But then he went

10:54

And he can she was very and he

10:56

kept waving around his head and and the top

10:58

of his of his neck. Mhmm. And he kept saying

11:00

she was quite foggy. He went she was quite foggy.

11:02

There wasn't a lot there around there, and he went I

11:05

don't know. I I don't remember. He went she died of an

11:07

aneurysm, didn't she? And I went, I

11:09

I don't know. I don't think so. No. And he went, no.

11:11

She did. She didn't. She was there was not a lot around

11:13

her head. Well, anyway, I said this to my mom,

11:15

went, I knew it.

11:18

And I went, what? She went, well, when

11:21

died as her mom by the way, she went when Nana died,

11:23

she said, on the death certificate, they weren't actually

11:25

sure They put it down to old age two

11:27

ninety eight and sepsis. That's what she

11:29

died from when. But I

11:31

have never been convinced she said, because she

11:33

said just before LuAnna passed, she said about

11:35

twelve hours before. She kept saying to

11:37

me. She'd gone from being perfectly fine just with her

11:39

hip thing. Yeah. And she kept saying, I

11:43

need to come down from I'm floating so

11:45

high. I need to come down. Once I come down,

11:47

everything will be okay and was quite distressed.

11:50

And according to my mom, those that's kind of signs of

11:52

aneurysms because it's bleeding the brain. Yeah. You feel quite

11:54

light headed and you passed away quite quite quickly.

11:56

Something which she did. So she's now gone, I

11:58

think, is absolutely bang on. She went, we've never

12:00

known how she died. Ronnie Bucks has confirmed

12:02

it was an

12:02

aneurysm. Well, we're

12:05

going with it. Okay. Let's go with that.

12:07

No. With them medically.

12:09

But we're going with it but we're going with it

12:11

seriously. Mhmm. We're, like, never had a postmortem.

12:13

They just assumed how she died. So

12:15

there you

12:16

go. Well, we have taken

12:18

closure as a family.

12:19

We need to go and see him. We

12:20

do. I know where he's on. I've looked. Yeah.

12:23

If you look. Yeah. Of course. The

12:24

old deer's lines

12:25

up. thing is now. I think that it's gonna be

12:27

really busy when we go to go again because

12:29

we've spiked his popularity, which

12:31

means get there like an hour before with our

12:33

gin and a tin. Then we'll be absolutely

12:36

wanker. A bit worried about this. His

12:38

name is Steve Smith,

12:43

Not Ronny though. Not Ronny Viking.

12:48

More family drama. Right. Come on now,

12:50

possess Chadney's too

12:52

always has drama. It's

12:54

the gift This is the gift that keeps a gift. And

12:57

there's him, but Emma and I, Saturday night, I don't know what you were

12:59

doing. It's probably like I was just, you know, hanging out

13:01

doing satin with your

13:01

wedding. Oh, you're a wedding. wedding.

13:03

I was I was I bet it was a good table

13:06

too. Yes. I was making Mexican

13:08

food and drinking tequila. When we

13:10

got a what's up? I don't often check

13:12

my what's up on a sassy night, but this one

13:15

peaked my interest. Because you know when you

13:17

just have a snippet and it was literally like from Imo went,

13:19

oh my god. And I'm thinking I'm gonna

13:21

have to open this. This isn't just normal. Like,

13:23

let's talk about this on Monday

13:25

chat. What happens is that Japanese

13:27

too? So was couple of weeks

13:29

ago? Right. We forgot to talk about

13:31

this last week. So much to talk about. But

13:35

Saturday night. Mhmm. Get a I

13:37

get a Sam Theirs is here. Yes.

13:39

Houseful. Yeah. I get a message from

13:41

sexy security bear nice. Picture

13:43

of a police van. So my parents

13:46

house, where we live, you got my house,

13:48

and then my parents house is attached. Imagine

13:50

it in an l shape. So I'm

13:52

the big bit of the island mom and dad are the little

13:54

end bit of the island. Yep. And but

13:56

you can walk through our houses, through my

13:58

pantry. It's like that we're not stuck

14:01

with a seat car at all. But there's

14:03

a police car outside their front door. Though then

14:05

opposite mom and dad's house is Ben's cottage,

14:07

Blossom cottage. And

14:10

he sends me a picture going, Lou,

14:13

the police are in mom and dad's. Think

14:15

your dad's getting arrested. They

14:18

won't let me in. Stopping up.

14:20

And this is legit. Yeah. This is

14:22

legit. The rogers have arrived

14:25

for your dad. Yeah. So I was like,

14:27

what? So I'm I'm having red wine

14:29

with Sam. And she's gone out to get

14:31

me in Sam an Indian

14:33

takeaway. He's a good

14:34

boy. Always a good boy. I

14:36

know. I was like, what? So I rushed

14:38

down through my patchy, slide into

14:40

the kitchen.

14:41

There's three coppers sitting

14:43

at the kitchen table with my mom

14:45

and dad. And can

14:46

I just say, these coppers look

14:48

proper rugs? Yeah. Proper rugs.

14:51

They were really nice, but they were They

14:53

were all. And I was like, dad, what's

14:55

going on? And then this

14:57

ring goes, who's his now?

15:00

So he went the reason why it's like

15:02

Wacky races in this house. He said

15:04

we've got him in next door, Ben had

15:06

been in. Subsequently. Nat

15:09

Nani Natalie had had been in,

15:11

seen

15:11

them, and then left, hadn't thought to message

15:13

me that the police were there. Crazy. I've got

15:16

I'll stand a business in Chinese too.

15:18

I've got those in the kitchen. I'm like, what's going

15:20

on? And then mom's like, Your

15:22

dad's your dad's your

15:25

dad's being questioned Louise. I was like,

15:27

why? The police went,

15:29

yeah, your dad's under caution for

15:32

ordering an offensive weapon online.

15:35

I was like, what was it? A

15:37

knife or carving knife or something.

15:41

It was a my darling. It was a

15:43

walkie stick. Walkie bands in

15:46

his sixties for crying out

15:47

loud. A walking stick.

15:49

Your daughter did a walking stick. Right?

15:51

As you worked here real well, my dad.

15:54

Right? He can be a little bit naughty.

15:56

So I did think is

15:59

he lying about being a walker? Sick.

16:01

And then this person was like, well, can you show us

16:03

the order? What you ordered? And it was taking him

16:05

a long time. To bring up

16:07

the order of the walking stick.

16:09

Stop right. Stop this. And the policeman

16:12

went, so walking stick. Did he did

16:14

he have the walking stick? It got into right.

16:16

This is the best bit. Okay? So

16:18

he's like, it's not walking stick. And

16:20

I was like, where is it? And he went well, it was intercepted

16:23

at Heathrow, and it wasn't sent

16:25

on. So was intercepted at Heathrow, passed

16:28

to the to, like, Essex Police,

16:30

our local police, passed to the police,

16:32

And the sometimes our address

16:35

gets confused with our neighbors.

16:37

Lovely Jim and Karen. Right? Oh, Jim

16:39

and Karen.

16:40

Basically, you come up our drive, and there's

16:42

gym incurrence is on the left and often

16:44

people go in there because it's a bit easy because our

16:46

driveway is quite long. Oh, gym and car wash. Exactly.

16:49

Take away. Basically. We were

16:51

in Germany. Skiing

16:53

my parents with us when the police turned

16:55

up to Jim and Karen's house

16:58

to caution love

17:00

for ordering an offensive weapon when

17:03

they were like, no, it wasn't us. It was given

17:05

Karen Till. It was that they told my mom

17:07

and dad when we were in Chummy that police had

17:09

been and missed that and the other. My

17:11

mom and dad didn't tell me because they

17:14

know that I get pissed off because they some no.

17:16

Sometimes they do things at my house, my mom

17:18

and dad. Like the time when my dad

17:20

tried to get some guns and the police

17:23

also turned up. Now we

17:25

have gun license through our estate management

17:27

because they'll -- Yeah. -- shoot things

17:29

on the

17:29

estate. Yeah. But that

17:30

that's a very big legal process.

17:33

And I understand you're not a gun company.

17:35

Great Britain. So he's like like --

17:37

Yeah. he's like

17:38

yeah. You know, he's like

17:38

They don't get out a gun license. They don't.

17:41

So dad did already cause a bit of a

17:43

trouble previously with this. And

17:45

anyway, so they didn't they didn't tell us

17:48

that when we were skiing. Oh, Jim and

17:50

Karens. Jim and Karens. Right?

17:52

Dolly. So anyway, my mama, well, we

17:54

didn't tell me here. They're like, no to

17:56

children. When his family said the peace of us and

17:58

I was like, what did you order dad?

18:00

Anyway, next thing, Sam Fairs comes

18:02

into the kitchen.

18:04

Don't we know you? Don't know why they're suddenly

18:06

from Yorkshire. She's like,

18:08

oh, you're right. So she

18:10

takes a picture, sends it to Paul. And

18:13

poor guys are, no, he ain't being nicked.

18:16

So good. Anyway, this

18:18

all going on. Can I decide I've just got this image

18:21

out of your dad? Trying to find

18:23

out on his photos on his

18:24

email. On his email. Yeah. And how am I gonna get out of

18:26

this one? He is fumbling. They're also

18:28

a bit married. They've had some red wine. Oh.

18:31

He's fumbling. I was like, get it up, dad. What did

18:33

you order? Well, I can't find it. Can't find it. I

18:35

mean, well, what is it? And the policeman went, well, it's definitely

18:38

not a walking stick. It's a metal button

18:40

and you press a button and a spike

18:42

comes at the end. Why

18:46

does he put that? Dad

18:48

went, no. I really did order an all candlestick

18:51

anyway. He finally finds

18:53

the

18:54

order. And they're just

18:55

website from danger signs

18:57

dot com. Like a wish dot com

19:00

website. Now they sell all this weird shit.

19:02

Oh, okay. And the description was

19:06

self defense hiking stick.

19:09

Okay. So I was like, hey,

19:12

George, it says time. I can't take not the

19:14

murder weapon. Yeah. And basically,

19:16

it did look like a metal

19:19

walking stick with a spike to maybe

19:21

spike No. There's a spike wasn't on it.

19:23

Oh, there's no spike. No. There was no spike. It's self

19:26

defense. Hiking stick. And

19:28

yeah, basically, the guy went, well, I don't see

19:30

how it's a hiking stick. It's the size of my button

19:33

and you flick it out and you press a button and

19:35

a spike comes up the end. So

19:37

yeah, I've been in septum. Well then, obviously, all

19:39

the kids come in. So so

19:42

so so is your dad, like He's under caution. He

19:44

then gets cautioned and interviewed. Meaning

19:46

what? Like, it wasn't

19:47

arrested. Don't do it again. Be interested, but

19:50

you aren't we need to did you know what you were

19:52

ordering? Do you know that

19:55

ordering, like, self defensive

19:57

things is illegal. Do you know

20:00

that importing anything so my dad's

20:02

going round and round my mom's and then I'm

20:04

butting in the piece, I'm like, really, so we just

20:06

need you to answer. Well,

20:08

it was hilarious. Then all the kids come in

20:11

So Paul and Cindy come in, then they run their

20:13

little rosy comes running in, and

20:16

then Dixie zed, and then Clemming's

20:18

really frightened because sometimes I

20:21

tell Clemie when she won't go to sleep

20:23

at night that the police come around to

20:25

your house to check that you're in bed for

20:27

sleep. This

20:27

is a whole new bed of PTSD. We

20:29

just got We had let the kids

20:31

stay up late to watch a couple of movies.

20:34

So Klemmy is now thinking, I'm not

20:36

in

20:36

bed. I'm the pleaser here. She's petrified.

20:39

Like I say, this is a gift that

20:41

we'll keep on giving now. The poor child.

20:43

Is crying horizon. Oh.

20:46

And I was, like, no. No. It's fine. Pop

20:48

up. Pop up. Pop

20:49

up. Pop up. Pop up. Pop up. Pop up. Pop up. Pop up.

20:53

Questions. He's not in trouble. And the police

20:55

will like, oh, bring her in. Second was

20:57

a and let's

21:00

see. They were so nice to have the

21:02

kids were in the van, the sirens

21:04

were on, the blue lights they

21:06

dressed up in all their outfits, they

21:09

got put in the back of the

21:10

van, the kids love and

21:13

just wave

21:13

bye bye to grandpa as he goes

21:15

to jail. So they

21:18

were sufficiently like.

21:21

Bon looked? No. No. Dad

21:24

was pleased. They were pleased with

21:26

dad's reasoning and the description

21:28

in the order. So that's as far as

21:30

it went. But it was so funny.

21:33

Can I so

21:34

funny? At

21:35

any point, did the police officers find

21:37

any side of it? Light? No. They

21:39

did find it. I was like Johnson Chocolate cake

21:42

tea. I didn't wanna drive. I think

21:44

the didn't flow of people

21:46

walking into the

21:46

station. Just imagine that the woman was like, this

21:48

is like a carry on film. I could just imagine

21:51

when they went back to the station, Lads,

21:53

you'll never guess where we've just been. We've only

21:55

gone and rocked up at that bird from the apprentice.

21:58

Then another bird off tawis just rocked

22:00

up. And then your mama,

22:02

she just came in, mama hill just came in and went, don't

22:04

Don't forget to tell you the main bit. She went

22:07

Andrew had got out to get your

22:09

takeaway. And he came back,

22:11

carrying his little bag of take carrying his bag

22:13

of take away, the kids won't run up there. That

22:15

parts has been arrested, but the sweetheart

22:17

says we put him in the back of the van. For

22:19

shits and giggles to ride Andrew up.

22:21

And Andrew was like, why are the

22:24

police here? My mom was

22:26

like, Andrew, can you get your legal

22:27

team? yes. And on it and

22:29

he went, no. It was only a matter

22:32

of time. He

22:35

always thought he was a crook. He had she went,

22:37

it was just how he just casually walk past

22:39

with his lack of Indian takeaway when,

22:41

no. It was only a matter of time.

22:43

That's it. Before I think you've got less to

22:45

figure out. And

22:48

that was it. It was so funny

22:50

we were pissing ourselves. I mean, can I just

22:52

say, I am I mean, call me naive, but

22:54

I am I'm quite impressed in a

22:56

way that, like, literally, sixty

22:58

year old Zoe orders something off

23:00

some random website? And then

23:03

you get it's it's it's

23:04

it's really quite that hot. I mean, if only

23:06

you Don't hold the drugs and stuff

23:09

online. I mean, I wasn't planning to.

23:11

Or just if you were, I wouldn't

23:13

do it. Oh, well, they didn't put this Samuraisaws.

23:15

They said everything they intercept it

23:17

all. I must do.

23:19

And we scan everything, obviously, in the past.

23:21

But that's a lot of police time. I mean, the Bazz on

23:23

up. That's a real little more of like Bazz

23:25

around your ass as

23:26

a cheek bag. This is so to see that there needs to be a bishop's

23:29

stall for arresting drunk people. Neither

23:31

around your house. Cautioning a sixty

23:33

year old man who's just having a glass of

23:35

what? With his wife, because he's

23:37

ordered a walking stick that turns up to be

23:39

lethal weapons. There's

23:41

a spike of the elder rest. Because

23:43

they had pictures of it for evidence.

23:46

I'd I mean, he was like, can I

23:48

take pictures? He was like, you can't take pictures of

23:50

that. But then they did let us take pictures of

23:52

all the kids and stuff.

23:53

At any point, did your dad flap?

23:56

Or was he quite cool? No. He was fumbling.

23:59

When he was looking for the order. I think

24:02

that he I think he knew it was a

24:04

self defense hiking

24:06

stick. I don't think that he

24:08

realized it was a button with a spike on the

24:10

end when he pressed a button and a good stabby

24:12

spike comes out. I don't think he

24:14

really has that. But I do think he got

24:16

old. And

24:19

because he was drunk. He just kept awful.

24:21

Oh, no. When he's drunk, he doesn't stop

24:23

up the God is like

24:25

me. He's like

24:26

me. Has one glass of red wine. No. So

24:28

is my talking partner when we're here.

24:30

So that doesn't stop. Oh,

24:32

god. Well, thank god, the daddy's

24:34

o papu loves loves

24:37

lives another

24:37

day. He lives

24:38

another day. He does love how your

24:40

husband gave me a relationship. Yeah. Andrew

24:42

didn't engage. He carried on board. He didn't engage.

24:44

Absolutely. He was like, hello. And I was like,

24:46

baby, this is our local police

24:48

and then he was like, no insurance. A

24:50

little bit about our security system. Why

24:53

are you here? The police officer was like, oh,

24:55

have you got, like, these cameras that

24:57

trip and we were like, yeah. Yeah. You went because

24:59

they don't come through the front gates. They'll come over

25:01

the backfills. We're like, don't worry. We've got sixty

25:03

two cameras. We've online security, physical

25:06

security at night. Mhmm. They're all monitored.

25:08

We got two trimmittings. You know what?

25:10

You know what? Fucking

25:12

nuts. You know what? I think I think caution

25:14

my ass. Those three police officers.

25:16

We're having a bit of quiet Saturday night thought,

25:18

let's go and tap up the massive gap in Essex.

25:21

We know who's that is. We need a reason to

25:23

turn up

25:23

there. Let's get the old man.

25:26

Like that time, the fire engine just randomly

25:28

came driving up the drive. It's just

25:30

all good. It's all good. It's all it's all

25:32

it's all it's all it's something. Like in

25:34

in in the granny village. Whenever an ambulance

25:36

rocks up, I mean, we're all out there. We're all

25:38

out there at our slippers, all who's it for?

25:40

Who's it for? Someone carved it, someone

25:42

Oh, everyone knows everyone's business within

25:45

seconds.

25:46

Love it. Well, that was a good story. That

25:48

was -- Love it. -- it was just a challenge to

25:50

the gift keep the carry

25:51

on film, the people just kept walking

25:53

in. But it's not dreams of people. All

25:55

the

25:56

weekends as well if you'd have Sam Fares over.

25:58

It's that weekend. Mean, if I'd known, I would

26:00

have been right over at that time. But in my

26:02

car right on, come on.

26:09

Oh, well, listen, Imo beat that because it's

26:11

time for. Did you

26:13

know with

26:14

Imo, did la la la la la la la

26:16

la. I'm not sure

26:18

if I

26:18

could ever. I

26:19

don't think I mean, have you bought an offensive weapon

26:21

any times recently? No.

26:25

Funly love

26:25

Not for you. Shame.

26:29

My did you know is did

26:32

you know that the chief translator

26:35

at the European Parliament

26:36

-- Yeah.

26:38

-- speaks thirty two

26:40

languages. Wow.

26:42

Mean, I said, oh, that's my

26:44

god. It's a lot. I know. That's being

26:48

so jealous. My

26:50

sister-in-law speaks, like, four or five, and I'm in

26:53

awe

26:53

of it. Amazing. Isn't it?

26:54

Thirty two. mean, the

26:56

blind images. Do we know? Because

26:58

every language in the world. All twelve

27:01

official languages of the EU, including

27:03

German, French, English, Italian, Spanish, Dutch.

27:06

Greek Portuguese, Swedish, Danish,

27:09

catalan, but others including

27:11

Bengalis Wajili in Turkish. I

27:13

mean, it's that's just phenomenal.

27:15

You know, they're like completely different outfit.

27:17

As well. Yeah.

27:19

And the different way you get your tongue around

27:21

words and

27:23

I wonder what is the salary

27:25

that person. Can you

27:26

Good question. I'm gonna find Great question. I

27:28

mean, that's my serious skill that That's

27:30

great. We're all serious. It's like what that this

27:32

is beyond public knowledge. I mean, this isn't this isn't

27:34

quite as impressed with thirty two languages. But

27:37

fun fact, children that are bilingual

27:40

or just basically kids that are monolingual do have

27:42

a part of their frontal cortex of their brain that develops

27:44

the children who are monolingual don't, which

27:46

is why we're so I'm pleased that our

27:48

kids speak and that we've been forcing the

27:50

the second language just to get their

27:52

brains to like my

27:53

friend, Joe. She's all Her boyfriend's

27:56

a

27:56

fluent

27:56

in Spanish, and they're not remotely Spanish. They just

27:58

got Spanish, Nani. Yeah. Remember you so many kids

28:00

were fluent. But it's so interesting. It's like even

28:03

so Enzo does it. We do Italian with him. But even

28:05

it's finally it's finally clicking, but now

28:07

he can he can move his palette of his tongue

28:09

and everything for the to to do the art, you know,

28:11

the -- Yeah. -- can't think about

28:12

it. Worth telling with her. Good fact,

28:15

though. In here. We got we got a message from

28:16

a man fan, John. Says,

28:19

hey, LuAnna him. I love the pod and all that

28:21

jazz. need to say the next bit of merchandise

28:23

we do, we need a t shirt saying, love

28:26

the pod and all that jazz. Yeah. That's it.

28:28

Fact. Anyway. Okay. Man,

28:30

fan here. I already have an old man's

28:32

name, so we roll with that.

28:34

I'm John.

28:34

Yeah. I started listening through lockdown from

28:36

the early days a recommendation from a

28:38

friend shout out to LuAnna. So

28:40

we were recently discussing the podcast as we

28:42

do weekly, and she mentioned a story I

28:44

told her years ago and we burst out

28:47

laughing saying it's one for the people. Yay.

28:49

I'm slightly embarrassed as I write this.

28:52

So When I was about eight, having

28:54

two sibling brothers, one being my twin,

28:57

we often got fighting and name calling,

28:59

and I always had to get revenge or

29:01

one up on them. My brother often

29:03

shouted, I'll punch you, or

29:06

I'll hit you, and I would often shout the

29:08

sec. What you said about roasting? Simple roasting.

29:10

Yeah. That on one occasion I thought

29:12

about it and came up with a better insult

29:14

or so I thought and I loudly started

29:17

shouting in a supermarket in response

29:19

to my brothers, I'll hit you.

29:22

I I shouted, if

29:24

you hit me, I'll fist

29:26

you. So proud

29:29

I was of my bigger more intelligent

29:31

word clenching my fist, swinging my

29:33

arm around my brother smugly as

29:36

my dad took me to one side with an

29:38

embarrassed look and said, never

29:40

say that again. Not understanding why

29:42

as I'd figured, It was a better, more

29:44

smart thing. So if we could really

29:46

thought about it now as an adult,

29:49

I understand why. How embarrassing for

29:51

my dad in the middle of sleeve market, your child

29:53

running around, shouting, I'll fist you.

29:55

I'll fist you. It

29:57

must have been motivating I've never

30:00

approached the recollection with my dad even

30:02

at this age. I'll be embarrassed. Kids

30:05

say they do say the most innocent

30:07

inappropriately.

30:09

I hope this made you laugh John from

30:11

slow. And it's it's when you don't

30:13

understand something as a kid, it's just reminded

30:15

me. I remember as kid in my village hall.

30:18

I think I'd heard it off Black Hatter -- Yeah. --

30:20

for something. And I shouted that to my

30:22

brother, older brother had had annoyed

30:23

me, like, hit me or something. And I went I'll

30:26

go away. You, Robert, Johnny.

30:30

I

30:32

didn't know what it is. I heard it like,

30:34

I don't know. My my No. I shouted it

30:36

in front of, like, the village hall. don't

30:38

know. My mom going, how day, what do

30:40

you say, honey? Was

30:42

about

30:43

eight. I thought it was you, Robert, Johnny.

30:45

Shut up.

30:47

Oh, out of the mouths of babes. Is that good

30:49

one, John? Right next one, a message

30:51

from anonymous so betty. Hi, girls.

30:53

I'm writing to you for a bit of advice on a situation

30:55

I don't really know how to deal with. Okay. Here

30:57

we go. To give you all a bit of a backstory,

31:00

over ten years ago, my dad had an affair.

31:03

This affair went on for over a year and tore

31:05

apart our family for a good couple years. My

31:07

mom ended up forgiving him and since then things slowly

31:10

went back to normal. Fast forward

31:12

to today, my mom has just told me, oh,

31:14

no. That she found out he

31:16

has been sleeping with prostitutes. I

31:19

can't even believe those words are coming

31:21

out of my mouth. I still feel sick. Oh

31:23

god. She saw messages on his phone, confronted

31:25

him, and he admitted he had done it on a few

31:28

occasions, but he loves

31:29

her, he's sorry, and it will never happen

31:31

again. Sounds like he's got a bit of a

31:33

problem. Isn't it? Probably such, you know

31:35

what? I mean, we'll read on it, you

31:37

know. But I do think that

31:39

if you're not doing it in your

31:41

marriage, LuAnna get it from somewhere

31:43

else. Well, let's see what's happening. My mama's

31:45

admitted they both have very different

31:48

sexual needs. And clearly, my dad's

31:50

is on another level, but that doesn't condone

31:52

anything he's done. No, it doesn't. She

31:55

has brushed it all under the carpet, doesn't want

31:57

me to tell him I know, and I think she genuinely

31:59

thinks it's what all men end up doing.

32:02

She backs up her decision for staying with him because

32:04

the rest of their marriage is great, and I can see

32:06

what she's seeing, but there's still so much disrespect

32:08

there. And personally, there would be

32:10

no coming back from this. Obviously, it just breaks

32:12

my heart that she's been treated this way, but I also

32:14

have so much anger inside of me that my dad

32:16

could firstly hurt her this way again and

32:19

secondly risk tearing apart the

32:21

family again. It's even worse because

32:23

I'm getting married later this year and everything has been

32:25

on a high until this point. So obviously, don't

32:28

bring it all up now. My dad is so invested

32:30

in helping me plan the wedding, and now I'm LuAnna have

32:32

to act like everything's normal. My mom

32:34

was in bits telling me, and it's kept this a

32:36

secret for months. I obviously wanted to keep

32:38

my want, keep my word and not say anything

32:40

as at the end of the day, meeting their daughter is

32:42

totally separate from their marriage. But how

32:44

do I deal with this information? I love my dad dearly

32:46

and had managed to move on from what he did all those

32:48

years ago, but now things are even worse.

32:50

Mhmm. Any advice you could give would be amazing.

32:53

On a happier note, thanks to the pod and the weekly giggles

32:55

and c three are

32:56

lovely, lovely legends. Oh, bless you darling.

32:58

Please keep me anonymous and call me Betty. God,

33:00

this is hard. It's been like the one we had a few weeks

33:02

ago, isn't it? I know. I do

33:04

you know what? I think that

33:07

it's really hard when it's your parents. Right?

33:09

Because we do put up a wall on a pedestal.

33:12

That you really do, but I

33:15

I honestly think if you I

33:18

do believe that men are more sexually beings

33:20

in general than women.

33:22

Mhmm.

33:23

think that they will get

33:25

it from somewhere else if they're not getting it at

33:27

home. Honestly, I really really

33:29

think that. And I think that he's

33:32

better off sleeping with prostitutes than

33:34

having an affair. And

33:37

I don't know. I I mean, obviously,

33:39

it's terrible, but your mom just doesn't

33:41

seem to

33:42

mind, so maybe you should just get on with

33:44

it too. I think I mean, think I

33:46

think different people have different attitudes to

33:47

sex. I think that's a that's a that's a that's a My

33:50

attitude to sex is quite

33:52

different to like yours would be,

33:54

or imos would be. And I am quite

33:57

realistic. I've had a lot of married men

33:59

come on to

33:59

me. I

34:00

have slept with married men when I was

34:02

younger. wouldn't do it now, obviously, because

34:04

I'm married. But even if I think

34:06

I'm just older now, But honestly,

34:09

men will go and have

34:11

sex with someone else if they are not

34:14

having sex with you. That I

34:16

I definitely believe that. So

34:18

the things that I've been exposed to -- Sure.

34:20

-- in my time. And I think I've had

34:22

more sexual experiences than the average

34:24

person. So I would

34:26

say. So I read some research

34:28

not long ago. I think it was Paul actually that

34:30

that did it around the the

34:33

level playing field now of women

34:35

actually also finding what

34:38

they want outside of a outside of

34:40

relationship for sexual gratification. I

34:42

think we talked about this a few weeks ago. Like,

34:45

I think my first bit of advice is

34:47

a really, really hard one as you say. I think try

34:49

as best you can to remove

34:51

yourself from the personal,

34:53

intimate aspects of your parents' relationship

34:56

really difficult because your mom's obviously really upset.

34:58

But your parents are human beings. And I think the

35:00

the hardest thing is grown ups is is recognizing

35:03

that your parents do make mistakes. I

35:06

think as well when you're younger, like, you're about

35:08

to get married and stuff. And I don't know if it's because

35:10

I have been divorced and things

35:12

like that, but you when you're planning a

35:14

wedding and you're you're not thinking

35:16

realistically about all the ups and downs that you're

35:18

gonna have in that in that marriage, Like

35:21

all your thinking is, oh, we're so in love and we're

35:23

planning this wedding and we're gonna be together forever

35:25

and blah, blah. And the reality is

35:27

that when you're married, you go

35:29

through these periods of ups and

35:31

downs and you go through periods

35:33

of, like, I know my parents have had their ups

35:35

and downs and it's never made me feel differently

35:38

about either of them. And I'm not unrealistic

35:40

in the fact that I might get that at some

35:42

point in my marriage. I think I'm quite,

35:45

like, realistic and quite black and

35:47

white about these things, and I don't live in like

35:49

this barretel world. And I

35:51

really, really think you can you emotionally

35:54

detach quite well. Yeah. You can Or whether

35:56

it's because I had my first marriage breakdown,

35:58

and that was never a faithful marriage on

36:01

either side, really. Right. Okay. And

36:03

I just you know, and ultimately, you

36:05

know, that we then split up and

36:07

the person that he was seeing he's

36:09

now married to, I really like her.

36:12

I'm really pleased that they ended up together.

36:15

I don't know. Maybe it's just because of the

36:17

things that I've had that I'm quite realistic about

36:19

it. I honestly believe that every marriage goes

36:21

through periods of

36:23

time where you're not attracted to each other, you're attracted

36:26

to other people. Some people act

36:28

on that, some people don't. Personally,

36:30

if my husband was gonna have an affair, I

36:32

would rather he paid for it with

36:34

someone. Wow. Wow. Wouldn't you?

36:36

God no. I would never ever wear it.

36:39

Would you rather it was just some random girl? I

36:41

wouldn't be with him. No. No. But

36:43

if it was anyone, I

36:45

I would find it easy. No. I'm not saying,

36:47

like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So because

36:49

So what I mean is I would rather

36:52

it was just a sex thing than emotion

36:54

thing. But I can I can separate

36:56

sex and emotions quite easily? But

36:59

so so I I think a lot people do have

37:01

do have that thought. I think for me, looking at this

37:03

particular situation, It's

37:05

the for all I would say

37:07

with a with a therapy hat

37:09

on. Yeah. It's different. This is his needs

37:11

for sexual

37:11

graphic occasion. He has just known that

37:14

had Yes. There's no emotions. He's

37:16

not meaning to her. He's your mom in that

37:18

sense. He's probably thinks I just LuAnna to

37:20

get my rocks off. And what is the

37:22

best way to do that? Because I'm not getting it

37:24

at home. So the best way for him

37:26

to do that in the safest environment possible

37:29

is for him to go and pay for

37:31

that and scratch that itch

37:33

and then leave that behind and go

37:36

back to his life, whereas when you have a a

37:38

fair like he did before that went on for a

37:40

year, he obviously thought,

37:41

oh, that tore the family apart. And, like,

37:43

I'm not sticking up. No. I don't know if

37:45

you're giving a bad always thing. It's

37:47

as black and white as everybody else I

37:49

don't

37:50

think I don't

37:51

think I don't

37:52

think infidelity is is ever black and

37:54

white. That's

37:54

very complicated. And actually, there is research

37:57

that suggests that the the main reason

38:00

that people do cheat in a marriage

38:03

is isn't just for for sex

38:05

as well, you know, it is that there's something else

38:07

that's perhaps going on, you know, who knows what that

38:09

is. I think in your sense, this is really difficult

38:12

really this comes down to your mom, you know, there's a

38:14

lack of if she's feeling a lack of trust and lack

38:16

of respect in the marriage, those are her feelings

38:18

to own, and this is really really hard for you.

38:20

I would just say as as their

38:22

daughter, I think you

38:25

need to try and keep one foot on

38:27

your side and out of that marriage. And

38:29

maybe just explain to your mom how you're feeling,

38:31

but she's asked you not to speak to your dad

38:33

about this. So this does put you in a situation

38:35

where I don't really think there is

38:38

any right or wrong to do with this other than

38:40

being able to yeah. Just try and listen and

38:42

process this, but try and recognize that

38:45

not everyone is perfect, but also not everybody

38:48

comes at things with a bad intention, you

38:50

know. But I think it's perfectly reasonable.

38:52

There's no fix for this, unfortunately. When I've essentially,

38:55

it's a really horrible thing that you're having to to

38:57

go through, and I think it is just one of these

38:59

situations where you just have to ride the motor.

39:01

I'll say it again just in case this brings you any

39:03

peace. Look up Esteborel to

39:05

the relationship. Right? The relationship, please.

39:08

Yeah. No. But just to get maybe some clarity

39:10

in a different perspective, bit like your perspective,

39:12

Lou, I don't think is an I don't think is an I

39:14

think it's quite a helpful perspective in this scenario.

39:16

Esiparral Ted Talk, the truth about Infidelity.

39:19

It can be really helpful just

39:22

to frame it in a different way that's

39:24

a bit more palatable. But I think just crack on

39:26

with your wedding and everything that you're doing.

39:29

Like, it doesn't change your

39:31

dad. As a person -- No. -- or

39:33

the way he Yeah. Like, he's your

39:35

dad, and he'll always be your dad. But he's also

39:38

a person. Like a so I think we always

39:40

think parents that they're not like

39:42

normal

39:43

people. But

39:43

then I guess she's looking at her mama. She's seeing her

39:45

mama. So her and so upset by it. So you

39:47

can only then feel some level

39:49

of upset events at

39:50

all. Obviously, that's given I'd be devastated if

39:53

it's my dad's my mom like that.

39:55

It's it's but your mom is deciding

39:58

to deal with it and then probably the only reason

40:00

why she's told you is to unload.

40:02

You know that when people have a fair Yeah. Normally,

40:05

the affair always comes out because that person

40:07

has to tell someone else that you And then

40:09

it's like when you know knowledge, It's

40:11

like me saying to you, oh my god, and I guess

40:13

what I've like been shagging like

40:16

Johnny. Yeah. And then you'll be

40:18

like, then you've

40:19

No. I've got the information. I need to tell

40:21

you You have to then tell Alex. Okay. And then

40:23

Alex is like, oh my god. That's so bad. I'm gonna

40:25

call Andrew and tell Andrew. Right? And that's when

40:27

all these things

40:28

fall apart. Right. Right. I

40:30

think she's been your so she you've been her for

40:33

done. Yeah. And it's really hard to then hold

40:35

that in in on your

40:37

own and not tell anyone

40:38

else. The

40:39

fact that you've told us, I'm hoping maybe

40:41

helps since you've unloaded.

40:42

Because I think everybody has to unload

40:45

that And you're not the only one. If you listened to the

40:47

podcast two or three weeks ago, there was a young lady in a very

40:49

similar situation. So

40:52

when there's no answer to this, honey, I'm afraid,

40:54

other than offload it like you have.

40:56

And I think try and compartmentalize the

40:59

relationship you have with your parents

41:01

and try and focus on your life and

41:03

and think that's probably the best you can do in this

41:05

situation.

41:06

Yeah. Hard one though,

41:07

babe. Thank you for sharing it though. Yeah. You're

41:09

not the only one in this position. We

41:11

got message from Jess now.

41:14

She says, hi, lovely ladies. I absolutely

41:17

love your part of Listen to

41:19

it daily. Oh, wow. Along with

41:21

daily nearly wetting myself listening along.

41:23

I heard a story similar to mine. However, I

41:25

believe mine is probably a little worse.

41:28

LuAnna try us. We're on a family shopping

41:30

day out to me, my partner, and my three

41:32

kids. My elders too at the time was

41:34

around three and a half. Oh, wow.

41:36

She had a lot of kids. Three and under.

41:39

That's a lot. Told me she needed the toilet.

41:41

The only toilet we could find was in a very

41:43

fancy, very tiny

41:44

tea. And there was only one toilet

41:47

which sat on the in the corner of the

41:49

shower. This is my worst night. I took my daughter

41:51

into the sizzle cafe and my partner told me

41:53

he would keep walking along with the other two in the

41:55

prom, and for me to catch up.

41:57

We went into the sigil toilet where my daughter

41:59

then decided to announce to me, that

42:02

she needed a poo. Yeah. Don't

42:04

always do that. I need a poo. Yeah.

42:07

Let me tell you something. The

42:10

turd that came out of that child was almost

42:12

as big as her and the smell was

42:14

horrendous. I've never been so embarrassed

42:17

and panicked. I'll

42:19

just lay on guy. Oh. And panic,

42:21

things of the damage is leaving the toilet.

42:24

To make matters worse, the toilet door open.

42:27

Outwards into the cafe. And the

42:29

closest table is probably only

42:32

about a meter away. Oh, that's rank.

42:35

And I a hundred percent can guarantee you

42:37

once I've wafted that door back to shut it.

42:39

The smell most definitely hit the first

42:41

floor table in that coffee cake, and I instantly

42:44

knew that everybody would not believe that's

42:46

how it was from my child's bottom. I

42:48

would probably think it was mine. I

42:51

quickly exited the cafe, red

42:53

face, and embarrassed. Oh, no. However, it

42:55

then got worse. Keeping

42:57

my head down leaving the

42:58

cafe, my young daughter then gas really,

43:00

really loud as we walked out of the door

43:02

I looked at her. She was raising

43:04

her arm and pointing at something in the

43:07

distance. She then, at the top

43:09

of her lungs, shouted Oh my

43:11

god, mummy, it's a gnome.

43:13

It's a real life gnome. Look,

43:15

look, look, can I go and touch it?

43:18

As I looked up and saw a person

43:20

walking towards me, I realized

43:22

it quite clear it quite clearly was

43:25

not a name and was a

43:27

lady. It was a small lady.

43:29

No. I'm not sure of the correct term to use

43:31

and don't want to offend anyone. No. Oh,

43:33

it was like a door. Yeah. She

43:36

was I don't know if that is the right time to

43:38

use. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it DeWaugh?

43:41

She was looking dead at me and did

43:44

not in the slightest look amazing. I

43:46

quickly

43:47

tried to tell my daughter to be quiet, tried

43:49

to distract her with the sweet shop across the

43:51

road. The entire time was trying to quickly

43:53

run past the run past,

43:55

the poor, little, small woman. Although

43:58

Liz did not work, and my child persisted

44:00

in calling her --

44:01

Oh, I know. -- and saying,

44:04

how cute.

44:06

Shut up kids and she couldn't

44:07

believe she would ring up. It

44:10

was the most embarrassing fifteen minutes

44:13

of my life and start to finish, but

44:15

still a family favorite story to tell when

44:17

everybody wants a good laugh at my expense.

44:20

I love your

44:20

love. Oh, it's lick actually the worst

44:23

nightmare. They just say what

44:25

they see or what they think they see. I

44:27

know was a night. I

44:28

know. It wasn't. It was just

44:31

a small lady. Oh, oh, gosh.

44:33

Oh, no. Did you ever watch that program with

44:36

the small people? I think it was just

44:38

called small people. It's on TLC. I

44:40

think it's own. It was just like in this

44:43

small family. I don't know what the

44:45

point in the show was. It's a

44:47

nice show. Remember, guys,

44:49

if you want to get in touch, you can email us. Do you want

44:51

the podcast at gmail dot com or drop us what's

44:54

up? On o double 7452

44:56

double 6947.

44:59

Right.

45:02

Yo. So Newsy bit. Oh, this

45:04

is interesting. We

45:05

spoke about getting your tees out.

45:08

Yes. And we and we don't. We don't. Used

45:10

it. Back in the sunshine today.

45:12

Back in the early two thousand. We decided it's not

45:14

fashionable anymore. Or even classy? Perhaps.

45:17

Who knows? Pat, was it ever classy?

45:19

No. Berlin is

45:22

Berlin, guys. It's allowing women to go

45:24

topless in

45:25

public. Women's pool. Women's pool. Because

45:28

normally, it's just a beach. Get your knocks

45:30

out on the beam. Yes. But never in

45:32

a public pool. Yeah. Yeah. So even

45:34

hotel pools going out now, but women

45:36

will soon be allowed to swim topless in Berlin's

45:38

public pools. After a ruling by the city

45:40

authorities. They took action

45:42

after a female swimmer said she was prevented

45:45

from attending one of the city's pools without

45:47

covering her

45:48

chest. This is Christmas last year.

45:50

Because I guess men can do it. So why

45:52

can't women? True. Yeah.

45:54

If you wouldn't expect

45:55

a guy to have a bollocks hanging out. They go, I'm just

45:57

gonna go for a little while. What's the

45:59

difference between a man's nipple and a woman's

46:01

nipple? Well, they well, there you go.

46:03

No.

46:03

There she is. What's There she is.

46:06

Woman she launched a complaint over

46:08

the city's ombudsman with

46:10

the Department of anti discrimination. They agreed

46:12

that the woman had been a victim of discrimination --

46:14

Wow. -- and has said that all visitors to

46:16

Berlin's pools are including women who identify

46:19

as non binary those --

46:20

Oh, and those binary. -- binary. Thank you, darling, are permitted

46:23

to go topless. A similar incident

46:25

at a water park in Berlin happened in the

46:27

summer

46:27

that you've -- kicking off in Berlin. --

46:29

in Germany,

46:30

a French woman called Gabrielle Lebriton.

46:33

Sort financial compensation. What

46:38

is it?

46:40

Libertum. Libertum. Libertum.

46:44

Got got conversation from

46:46

the city after security guards ordered

46:48

her to leave the premise to when she refused

46:51

to cover up her breasts, says the

46:53

story. She was with a five year old when it happened.

46:55

She spoke to her a German rag and

46:57

said it was about time or she believed

47:00

in gender discrimination. She said for me, I

47:02

teach this to my son, no, there is no such difference

47:04

for both men and women. The breast is secondary

47:06

sexual characteristic, but men have the freedom

47:09

to remove their clothes when it's hot and wasn't true or

47:11

not. So what do we think about

47:12

this? Nocks out. Nocks in

47:14

Knoxville, prison. mean,

47:17

I don't really care, but what if

47:19

we were taught down the street in England with

47:21

our with our

47:22

chest.

47:22

We just wouldn't. Would we?

47:23

But would we get arrested? I don't know. Probably

47:25

yeah. It's

47:26

not socially acceptable. Is it is it

47:28

illegal to walk around with your boobs out?

47:30

Yeah. It's what he is. Is he flashing

47:32

away? If I'm

47:33

if I'm strolling down Hartford High Street.

47:35

Is that public indecency? Yeah. It'd

47:37

be public indecency,

47:38

wouldn't it? But why isn't it if a guy doesn't?

47:41

Why? What's the difference for

47:42

me? And it's just a boob. Let's just say they

47:44

are invented to feed children. We've

47:46

set partialized breath. What's the difference

47:48

between a guy's chest and a

47:50

girl's chest. We just have more fat under

47:52

our nipples. That is basically -- Yeah. It's

47:55

so true. Why? And also, it's just

47:57

so far We managed to milk ducks

47:59

like we do with the nip. I'm

48:01

not sure

48:02

why today. I didn't actually.

48:04

Because I think it's a global emo. Do men have

48:07

milk doc milk ducked.

48:08

Yeah. Because surely get blocked.

48:10

But blocked nipples.

48:12

I have

48:12

blocked milk ducked. I

48:14

don't know, actually. But anyway

48:15

It's kinda looking have

48:17

undeveloped milk dugs. Yeah.

48:20

Oh, yeah. But no

48:21

glandular tissue. Oh, whereas we

48:23

have the tissue and development because we we

48:25

get that estrogen. Well,

48:27

this is the difference in hormones between men and women

48:29

as

48:29

well. But you're right. I mean, when you think about because obviously,

48:31

yes, like, uphold, we would never walk down the

48:33

high street or go to a swimming ball with our nocks

48:35

hanging out. But actually, why shouldn't

48:38

we When we really think about it,

48:40

why not? What's the big

48:42

what? The big whoop? If we all did

48:44

it, no one would actually care. Do

48:46

you know what I mean? Certainly

48:49

trend thing is that if we went to a swim off

48:51

and saw some swim, but That's true.

48:53

And saw someone with edits

48:55

out. We would be staring and giggling.

48:57

Oh, without a doubt. A hundred percent. But then

48:59

if we were No. We were Not

49:00

if there was, like, loads of them. No.

49:02

That's what I mean.

49:03

No. But if

49:03

we were No. I'd have a right

49:05

old stare at everybody's tears. Yeah.

49:07

But but it would be

49:08

more normal. You would get normal to it

49:10

really quickly.

49:11

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. After what, you wouldn't Yeah.

49:13

But I when I went when I was nineteen on the

49:15

new to speech, and I beat her, obviously, the first

49:18

time I was like,

49:19

but then, like, we haven't been quite because it was actually the

49:21

nicest beach recently. We were like, actually,

49:23

who

49:24

cares? There's some

49:25

willies. There's some nuns. There's some receivables.

49:27

Hang on. We do. They're both. We're both. We're

49:30

both. We're both.

49:32

Can you tie the bed? Can you

49:34

customize your shoulder? The rest of it.

49:36

Oh. What is it? Do you get the

49:38

farty feeling? If he's at the

49:40

hotel, do you ever get the

49:41

feeling? If you bowl this egg, no. I can't remember

49:43

the song now. Gosh. I didn't work.

49:45

Anyway Let us know. Would you get

49:47

your Titties out? Yeah.

49:48

Let talk about this. What do you reckon if I

49:51

We're doing it. I'm not

49:52

a naked person. I'm your I'm very

49:54

liberal. Very liberal. But I wouldn't do it in a nice

49:56

hotel or a beach. And I would house

49:58

them decorum, I think. I

50:01

say decorum. But is that just right?

50:03

Is that the right one? I don't think

50:05

it is either. So anyone, I wanna

50:07

know some we wanna know some stories of anyone that has

50:09

gone topless and gone soddie, and they're either

50:11

been chastised for

50:12

it, reprimanded, or indeed celebrated, curious.

50:15

What else we got? Oh, this is an interesting headline. This

50:17

is interesting. A woman is addicted

50:20

to eating toilet rolls. She's

50:22

a mom. She says it's like a crash. She'd

50:24

have had a real trouble during the COVID

50:27

lockdown's toilet roll crisis. She

50:29

gets through seventy five sheets. Of

50:32

toilet roll every single

50:33

day. Oh. Wow.

50:36

Double sheet. Triple sheet. I mean, I wanna

50:38

know. Chicago. She was featured on the TL

50:40

a seashell, which is strange addiction. Mhmm.

50:43

It's actually condition called xylophagia.

50:47

Mhmm. It's an eating disorder that concerns

50:49

consumption of paper. She's

50:52

thirty four. She's been oh my gosh.

50:54

She's been eating toilet roll every day for twenty

50:56

three years. She thinks

50:58

it was because of childhood

51:00

trauma without a

51:01

doubt. Sixth grade, she moved

51:03

out with a and out of her house in with

51:06

her grandma and her aunt. She can't

51:08

shake. It could could well

51:09

be. Yeah. There would have been a little

51:11

link there somewhere, I think, because I love

51:13

it. It's the way it feels on my tongue.

51:16

She has a preference.

51:18

She prefers two ply rolls. Thank

51:20

you. Easier to digest. Yeah.

51:22

Yeah. Sometimes she does

51:24

experience

51:26

stomach cramps and she has hard time going to the

51:28

toilet.

51:29

This sounds revolting, but I'd I'd be curious

51:31

to know how that comes out as

51:34

how it's a stool. You

51:36

know what I mean? Someone said

51:38

that if her intestines rupture inside

51:40

her abdomen, it could be fatal very

51:43

quickly. She the doctor told

51:45

her on the show. Putting your body

51:47

at risk and playing real life, rush, and

51:49

real life. Is it that bad eating paper?

51:51

That sounds really silly, but is it It's

51:54

just a Well, pregnant people right there.

51:56

So this goes up to ninety six. Hole

51:58

and all sorts of

51:59

stuff. It's called peaker.

52:01

Well,

52:01

I think that's very interesting.

52:02

I always used to eat grass a bit, and

52:04

hopefully I just think it might my brother and I,

52:06

we always used to eat. It was Andrew, my older brother.

52:09

We used to eat like

52:11

the the chewing gum wrappers. Like, you know, you

52:13

used to get, like, riggles, and then you'd get that a little

52:15

silver paper. We used to

52:17

eat paper. We used to eat with

52:18

ice. We had crap is usually him telling

52:20

me to do it.

52:24

Well, from one weirdo to another,

52:26

it's now time for It's

52:28

the winner of the week. Okay.

52:32

So first up, we've got Ivy.

52:34

She says hello, LuAnna, and Emmo. My absolute

52:36

favorite Trio and podcast. Thanks. Babs.

52:39

I'd pick you up like the other listens to you, but I think

52:41

I'm twenty five million subscribers says

52:43

it all. Thank you very much. Not

52:45

sure what category this fall under. It's a mixture

52:47

of crude. Oh, good o. Crude.

52:50

Crude ship tails are most likely weirder of

52:52

the week. Back in the day, I

52:54

danced on carnival cruise lines long.

52:57

Whilst it was the best and most glamorous contract

52:59

I've ever

52:59

done, it definitely came on its floors. Was

53:02

nineteen at the time and

53:03

in long distance relationship with my now husband.

53:05

Oh, wow. So I was the sensible

53:07

one. Picture guests and staff picking

53:09

up sex noises every night.

53:11

Yeah. I've had mates that did cruises. They've

53:13

literally divorced them. I'm using mates.

53:16

Yeah. Being locked out of

53:18

my own cabin whilst my roommate had sex

53:20

with the band, dancers turning up to

53:22

rehearsals, drunk, and listening.

53:23

Oh, no. Like I missed out.

53:26

Oh, babes. I'm telling you.

53:28

One of my favorite memories was when our dance

53:30

captain was fired and kicked off the

53:32

ship mid contract because Because

53:36

he got drunk and swiped his access

53:38

card in a guest cleavage. However,

53:43

something I'll never forget is my roommate, a fellow

53:45

dancer who didn't wash a fishnet type.

53:47

The entire contract -- Oh. --

53:50

Ming ing. We were

53:52

on the ship for six months.

53:54

She would hang them out to air. Oh. Air

53:56

each night on a little hook by our bunk beds

53:58

the smell of the ulcer, oh, I feel

54:01

a bit gaggy, which I can only

54:03

be described as moldy

54:06

cheese. What she didn't know was that

54:08

when she went to sleep every night, I'd spray her tights

54:10

with air fresh and all

54:11

fades, BT. No need to keep anonymous. I'm

54:13

Ivy, and I'm Louise' ass. Around

54:15

different Dubai. Oh,

54:20

hi, Ivy. Brilliant.

54:24

You didn't tell me more

54:25

story. They were not letting you body

54:27

cruise ship years. Now she's a bar instructor

54:29

to live in a bus

54:30

life in Dubai. And living her bus life figure.

54:32

Oh, I bet. Oh, sure. I bet. bet.

54:35

Oh, my god. We've got another one

54:37

in from Charlotte. She says,

54:39

not sure. If this is and

54:42

is it weird? But I needed to share this

54:44

to find out if anyone else had this

54:46

issue and if not, at least share

54:48

my knowledge and how to save my money on

54:50

the clinic. Is

54:52

it just me or do other people find

54:54

themselves shitting? Like, they've just

54:56

taken a whole load of laxatives. For

54:59

the whole day, following a bit of the old

55:01

anal sex with the hubby, it does make

55:03

you I can't

55:04

relate. I can't relate. Yeah. Does that sound

55:06

like a lot.

55:06

I mean, I would imagine I would imagine it

55:08

would. Stinks as well. Mhmm. I'm

55:11

all crooked. I would ask what you're in.

55:13

Oh. But the need to be near a toilet

55:15

the day after does pose an issue.

55:18

Now I can't discuss with my husband as

55:20

he's one of those knobs who like to pretend

55:22

that women don't pull off far,

55:24

ladies, come on make? She's

55:26

come or make double standards or what?

55:29

You don't mind giving

55:30

it? Do you know what mean? Oh, but please

55:32

tell me I'm not the only one. On the plus

55:34

side, it does give you a jolly good

55:37

clearer. Before clear

55:39

up. Just pushing up. Thanks

55:41

for the answers, Peiyou. You guys are

55:43

great. Love Charlotte from Skye's

55:46

Loud and Prabh. Anal sex lover. I

55:48

mean, I can't relate or even comment on this. I

55:50

can't believe you've never done it?

55:52

No. Never. Never me. Never. My

55:54

mom might care about it as well. I I

55:56

really want you to. I'm

55:57

alright. Alright. What not be interested

56:00

to know how many. Have you ever well, obviously,

56:02

you've never been that way of the guy, but did

56:04

you ever put a deal drop your

56:05

ass, am I? No comment.

56:08

Clearly, that is a massive yes.

56:10

No comment. The

56:12

face of that that was She

56:15

did couple of side eyes and cheeky grin.

56:17

I think makeup your eyes on the answers

56:19

to that one.

56:24

So Arems, she's a writer. No. I

56:27

know. I don't know. I don't know. I

56:31

really feel like you're missing out because

56:33

you are a bit

56:35

I can't be a bit girl. But you've got piles

56:37

and I'm okay. Yeah. I'm okay. I think

56:39

I need I need to keep up. That's key.

56:42

That needs to stay intact. There's been a lot.

56:44

There's a fisher post birth. There's a lot of

56:46

stuff going on that I'm keeping I'm keeping

56:48

that

56:49

entrance. An an exit.

56:51

That's

56:51

what it's gonna be. It's not an entry

56:54

hole. No. What does it say? It's that

56:56

it's that time of the week. Last minute.

56:58

Emo. She's like, little impish

57:00

grin. Little impish grin.

57:03

Means that time of the week, where

57:06

it are you still on your Zen post Morocco

57:09

bullshit? Or are you feeling rantsy

57:11

today? I'm not really run to you actually.

57:14

Can I make a rabbit go on? The

57:16

A406 are not circular. God.

57:18

Right. I even did on my own voice note.

57:21

To myself the other day. Play

57:23

it. Some no. I think I don't want to do it in the underground.

57:25

Some ball end -- Yeah. --

57:28

pocked, walked, on

57:30

the A40688 ten interjection

57:33

roundabout. Parked.

57:35

What a Yeah. Parked. And

57:37

then you know what makes it even worse is that I

57:39

was trying everyone just sits there

57:41

and beeps. Don't just beep,

57:44

just drive them. Grab

57:47

around them. Guess what I did. You know what?

57:49

I'm like, you wouldn't know. You went down. Didn't know.

57:51

Come on. You ever want to die. I'm

57:54

like, what'd you say? In their beeping form. Yeah. Run

57:57

that red light. It's now backed up because someone's

57:59

parked. They clearly can't drive. Just

58:01

get that foot on the exit. I was like, mean,

58:03

this is where I'm lucky that I love to drive

58:06

in zone one London because I can be aggressive

58:08

one I need to

58:09

be. Get around and put foot

58:11

around. Get up there. What mess it

58:13

about? Are they sitting in the

58:15

car? Are they parked in Lester? Yes.

58:17

They'd, like, mounted up, like, they sort of curved

58:19

the inner

58:19

digit round of anything. Well,

58:22

I was just had windows down shouting at

58:24

vans to sort of get a move on and know

58:25

that you didn't go past them and go, what are you

58:27

part are you?

58:28

Well, I couldn't get that near.

58:30

I was

58:30

sort of having to whiz on the outside around three

58:32

lanes. You know what I do now? I've got

58:34

a megaphone in my

58:35

mind. Oh, now Yeah.

58:38

I've never been so jealous if

58:40

I have my life. Really? Because I haven't gotten

58:42

to make a phone myself. I should get a You should

58:44

get a make a phone. And

58:45

I've but say I've never been jealous of you in

58:47

my life of anything you've ever had.

58:49

I'm gonna give you a microphone. Please

58:52

get me a microphone. Do you want

58:54

mom? Yes. I do. In your car? Yes. I do.

58:56

I was so

58:56

annoyed. You don't need to get, like,

58:57

would you have done it that? Would you have worked with

58:59

style? No. I would have done it. I was angry. I was

59:02

late. Trying to get home, a ten was

59:04

blocked, a four. And I'm just like, what is

59:06

this shit? Yeah. What is this

59:08

shit? Who does this? Who

59:10

is allowed a driving license? When

59:12

you go and pull up on the 8406

59:15

roundabouts. I mean, who does that? If

59:17

anyone wants to know it's a roundabout that gets

59:19

you into London.

59:20

Yeah. I mean, that's just my mini rant.

59:22

Wow. There you go. I've adopted it for

59:24

one angry and I don't I

59:27

don't car rage that gets me. just can't

59:29

stamp bad drivers. It drives me up the wall.

59:31

I can't either. It drives me up the wall.

59:34

Do you know what? I'm just gonna ride horses.

59:37

Confirm us the flowers. Okay. Have

59:39

you seen the horse one that I keep meaning to film?

59:42

You guys started to cry

59:44

and then remembered. Uh-huh.

59:47

Hocum bama sub horses. Jump

59:50

all day in the sand. And

59:53

then it goes on and it's a host enough about

59:55

horses. And I keep meaning to film it and I

59:57

keep forgetting. I'm going to channel

1:00:00

your horse's zeng.

1:00:02

Okay. I'm like chilled now.

1:00:04

I just live in my little house happy

1:00:07

or I'm gonna get some check. I'm gonna get some

1:00:09

chickens, I think. Chicken's good.

1:00:10

I could give you girls fresh eggs. You

1:00:12

hate eggs. I'll take the

1:00:13

eggs. Andree's a lot of eggs, but you can have

1:00:15

some eggs. Thank you. That's some eggs. That

1:00:18

is it, guys. Thanks for joining us

1:00:20

as always. We're back on Monday. Don't worry

1:00:22

every single Monday. It may be the Easter holds.

1:00:24

We will still be here. We don't have to wait

1:00:26

until Monday because if you want more

1:00:29

Thursday,

1:00:29

I'll tell you.

1:00:30

Thursday is LuAnna totally extra, isn't it

1:00:32

ziplock bag? It is. And for that,

1:00:34

as always, we need to use this

1:00:36

bag. She just called me this bag.

1:00:39

It's bad. It's getting worse as you know.

1:00:41

It

1:00:41

is. It's really bad. But

1:00:44

we need you a wonderful, wonderfully

1:00:46

funny end. You can send your emails in to

1:00:48

and focus at gmail dot com. Hop

1:00:50

Huppity hop hop on to WhatsApp sends a voice

1:00:53

mail or a message on numbers o double 7452

1:00:55

double

1:00:55

6947. What I love is when Every

1:00:58

now and again, I get you and you fall into

1:01:00

my pattern. You called it a lappy last week

1:01:02

or the other way you could have a laptop and you were

1:01:04

like, say, I don't know that you called it a

1:01:06

lappy. Oh. Yeah. You did correct yourself. What

1:01:08

do I mean? Yeah. What do I

1:01:10

mean? If you're not subscribed, please subscribe.

1:01:12

It really does make a difference and tell someone

1:01:14

about us. Share the LuAnna love.

1:01:16

Give us a five star review. Also, if you

1:01:18

haven't got tickets come and see us everything new

1:01:20

anna dot com, check us out. Come and see

1:01:22

how's book a ticket. Nice little

1:01:24

night in nice little night in

1:01:26

love. A palladium.

1:01:27

It's a belter. Comic

1:01:29

season. How a great week. Bye.