Greetings future labor camp workers – er – we mean citizens. If you’re reading this, it’s because you haven’t heard of us, and that’s already one mark against you. Careful, because three marks will earn you a full year of vigorous round-the-clock testicle shock therapy. So who are we? We are America's first openly evil presidential candidates, and we have a dream for America.We believe American could be truly evil. Sure, our politicians are already bought out by money-hungry corporations, our people willfully vote against their own self-interest, and our vice presidents shoot their “friends” in the face. But we know that’s just the humble beginnings of the heights of evil America could achieve. With us at the helm, America will see a golden age in which immigrants are deported via catapult, the one dollar bill is adorned with the image of the Aztec god of fire Xiuhtecuhtli, and population size is kept in check by way of the annual Abortion Olympics.Doesn’t that sound amazing? Tune in to Mandatory Listening to join us on our glorious rise to power. Remember, if you don’t, you’ll be forced to mine salt until you die.