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0:58

I've only just realized that I let

1:00

the men I call my family and

1:03

friends ruin my marriage. I've

1:05

been divorced for almost two years. A

1:08

few weeks ago, my father, 67 male, my two brothers,

1:10

37 male and 40 male, and

1:14

four friends, 35 male, 37 male,

1:17

38 and 41 male, while

1:19

very drunk, joked about how they can't believe

1:21

I left my wife. They

1:23

said that they all tried to get with

1:26

her since the divorce, but she had repeatedly

1:28

rejected them, saying it would be

1:30

inappropriate and unkind to do such a thing

1:32

to me. I laughed at

1:34

what they were saying, just to ease them

1:36

into saying more, and once they thought I

1:38

found it funny, they really opened up. They

1:41

had all purposely made me feel paranoid

1:43

about my ex-wife cheating on me and

1:46

using me because why would a woman like

1:48

her be with a man like me if it wasn't

1:50

for the money I made? They

1:53

often hinted at, or sometimes even directly

1:55

said, that she wore the pants in

1:57

the relationship, and that she was only

1:59

with me. Me because I'm easily

2:02

manipulated. I constantly planted

2:04

negative things into my mind. If

2:06

I went to talk with him about

2:08

something happening in my relationship with put

2:10

a negative twist to it or had

2:12

purposely give me bad advice. And

2:15

when I lost my job during cove

2:17

it feel him to death. How she's

2:19

definitely cheating now that there's no financial

2:21

benefit in being faithful to me. I

2:24

obviously trusted them and often took that

2:26

was the hot and it ruined my

2:28

marriage. I frequently argued

2:30

with my wife and I was always

2:33

accusing her of something or suspecting us

2:35

of not really loving me. He

2:37

questioned everything that was between us.

2:40

Health and told her bullshit things like on

2:42

the high Value Man and she needed to

2:45

appreciate me. When I was not

2:47

working for six months I flip the script

2:49

and started accusing her of not respect me

2:51

for not working. I was

2:53

on appreciative of all a hard work in

2:55

a being the one who took care of

2:57

our household bills and any other built during

3:00

the six months of unemployment. I

3:02

continue to let that was drive me

3:04

into paranoia. I started accusing her of

3:07

cheating with a coworkers. Eventually,

3:09

my wife had enough of

3:11

my moods. constant mistrust and

3:13

accusations. To. Last me and to be

3:15

honest for a long time it felt like it

3:17

came outta nowhere. And. So I have

3:20

myself convince she left me for another man.

3:22

Now here I am knowing that it's

3:24

every man I called, my family, my

3:27

friends for all my enemies will let

3:29

destroy my marriage. Or obviously

3:31

lost my mind once they would than telling

3:33

me all the ways they conspired to ruin

3:35

my marriage and we did get suburbs. Of

3:38

cut off all contact with each and every one

3:40

of them, Want to reach out to

3:42

my ex and make amends and hopefully get a

3:44

bath? Makes. Wife is agreed to

3:46

meet up with me and he didn't know

3:48

exactly what I want to discuss with her.

3:51

I don't know how to go about making

3:53

amends and hopefully mending our relationship. Android

3:55

tell a how much I regret everything our

3:57

wants her to give me a second chance.

4:00

Is that even a chance? for? Edit:

4:04

Some. A Your keep saying he took

4:06

the words of your friends of your

4:08

wife a dozen as fast for complete

4:10

assessment. A Trusted my father and brothers.

4:13

A father was the main driving

4:15

force highest manipulation campaign. And

4:18

it's not often that your entire families

4:20

conspiring against you are not only your

4:22

family, But also. Your friends.

4:25

I'm. Not running away from except in the fact

4:27

that this is wholly my fault in how

4:29

my marriage ended. The take ownership of

4:31

that. Take. Ownership of the fact that

4:33

I choose my wife of being a cheetah or

4:35

user. Or. Gritted asked. If

4:38

my ex wife doesn't accept my apology, Rick

4:41

septic gracefully. If she said

4:43

she never wanted to talk to me or ever

4:45

get back together and also accept it. Would.

4:47

Not stand in a way I would not

4:49

try to change your mind. I would wish

4:51

her well and leave a beat. The.

4:54

There was a couple of comments with

4:56

a piece responses say funds tactician says.

4:59

Well. They suddenly know your easy to

5:01

manipulate and night I'm glad you cut

5:03

these people off. I would also make

5:05

a concerted effort to hear your accent.

5:08

That is no shit. Ever forgive you that

5:10

least give a closure if that's what she

5:12

needs. Opie says as much

5:14

as the has to read this in the

5:16

see myself as a person, it is true.

5:19

Trusted these men. Especially trusted

5:21

my father and brothers. Never

5:23

thought man family will be plotting to ruin

5:25

my marriage and get with my wife. Absolutely

5:28

won't get in the wake of

5:30

her unburdening herself. Can. Only

5:33

hope she can find a way to forgive

5:35

me for the possibly for I get back

5:37

together. But I'm not holding my breath. Of.

5:40

Respect the wishes he does. That mean

5:42

she'll never forgive me. Yes, Says

5:44

there are you telling me that you'd that

5:46

and brothers also try to get with your

5:48

wife if he says I didn't include the

5:51

violence I broke out once heard it all

5:53

because I didn't wanna get my posts bad

5:55

blood was absolutely spells tough course I had

5:58

my ass be because it was said and

6:00

against one. Like to do damage in

6:02

an ambulance and the police were called. None.

6:04

Of us press charges against each other and left

6:06

it at that. Honestly, We're.

6:09

Still raging and I've been

6:11

heartbroken since. I.

6:13

Think for me in the situation I'm just

6:15

gonna have to put myself in like your

6:17

wife, shoes and house think I may feel

6:19

about that. I don't think I'd

6:21

be able to forgive you for it. However,

6:23

again from my point of view and in

6:26

this is very much a personal thing I'm

6:28

always someone that likes source close your and

6:30

like they're what what was going through their

6:32

mind at a time. So I think if

6:34

I was the wife again this is just

6:36

from my point of view that would like

6:38

to hear out what I would be to

6:41

say. I don't think there be any

6:43

forgiveness on the back of that because of

6:45

everything that's gone on. But just to get

6:47

that kind of closure? But. Opie

6:49

updated the post as on Sunday I got

6:52

to meet up with my ex wife. Apologize

6:55

profusely. The she was kind and

6:57

understanding. The said she couldn't and

6:59

wouldn't forgive me. He said

7:01

that it simply isn't in and nature to forgive.

7:04

That. Despite it all, she holds no grudges

7:06

or anger against meets militias mean nothing

7:08

but goodness in my life. To

7:11

the give me some advice and told me that. I've

7:13

been in an abusive relationship or my life

7:15

and an oil as a heel. Whatever is

7:17

broken in me as you cannot my father

7:20

as he sets the tone for my treatment

7:22

by the rest of my family. Said.

7:24

Pointed out the many ways my father was

7:26

hurt me or to encourage my family to

7:28

mistreat me. He said I've

7:31

always be stagnates and unhappy by

7:33

continue to associate myself with my

7:35

family. The former foods. That

7:37

hold of I cut them out of my life

7:39

and I've got my first therapy scheduled in a

7:42

few days. He said that she was

7:44

proud of me for taking my first step into healing.

7:47

A conversation was heartfelt and emotionally devastating

7:49

as we discussed the many ways our

7:51

marriage has failed. as well as

7:53

the abuse of experienced by my father a

7:56

Stanley. Decried. The entire

7:58

time. Be quite a lot. We.

8:00

Ended our conversation with a long hug

8:02

and then we said our goodbyes. And

8:05

obese. Final comment on this was

8:07

forgiveness is earned through change behavior

8:09

and recognition of your half The

8:11

isn't guaranteed or something you deserved.

8:14

Something. Shouldn't be so given. that doesn't

8:16

mean it eats away at the person or

8:18

that it somehow wholesome back. So.

8:21

I agree with her when she said that

8:23

you don't need to see gave in order

8:25

to heal again and emotional maturity. To

8:27

sometimes forgiveness is not even an option.

8:30

For her, this is one of those things

8:32

that simply can't And once again and all

8:34

I can do is accept it. As

8:36

much as I'd like have forgiveness. This

8:39

simply not available to me. That's

8:41

personally, food. And.

8:44

For me to be honest, I couldn't

8:46

have really seen this ending in any

8:48

other way. and every some positives in

8:50

there that Opie is seeking therapy the

8:52

obese as cut their father out of

8:54

their life like that because clearly the

8:56

X could see what was going on

8:58

of the same time she pointed out.

9:01

Rupees mistreatment, Rupees abuse that they

9:03

suffered. So. Is good for

9:05

own p at the same time. although

9:07

and I'm not making excuses for the

9:09

way that he treated his movies because

9:12

is absolutely wrong Hundred percent. The. Must

9:14

be difficult when you got. Say. The

9:16

people that you trust the rounds you

9:18

eating you this bullshit. Again, no excuses

9:20

for the baby because it was totally

9:22

wrong and I don't blame the wife

9:24

one bit for good. Now that situation

9:26

of the same time. But

9:28

I'm. Glad the Opie also got

9:31

themselves out of that situation. From

9:33

those people in must be devastating

9:35

to realize the people that you

9:37

really trusted a spot you over.

9:40

But. Now I'm going to turn this one

9:42

to you guys. What do you guys

9:45

make of this situation? Let me know

9:47

your thoughts down in the comments below.

9:49

Must. Move on to another

9:51

story. On. Next

9:53

three comes from a royal mess

9:56

of from the relationship advice sub

9:58

reddit. Thing. I said. Female:

10:00

Found out that my husband's thirty

10:02

eight male as a Camilla. Forty.

10:04

Two female. Interesting.

10:07

I've been married to my husband's the two

10:09

years now. It's a first marriage for both

10:12

of us. The. Family has been very

10:14

good to me. Him. Immediately accepted

10:16

me, welcomed me in. Front.

10:18

Of including me in family events really made

10:20

it nor even a second thought to say

10:22

yes when he proposed after a year of

10:24

us being together. I notice on

10:27

social media there are always liked from a teenage

10:29

boy on posts that he puts up about me.

10:32

I thought it was a bit weird that he's friends with

10:34

a teenager. Toy look for the photos

10:36

I could see on his profile. They

10:38

were a few with my husband from about

10:40

eight to ten years ago, as well as

10:42

another woman. Why? I asked my

10:45

husband. He said that the boys his his

10:47

ex girlfriend's son. Explain that

10:49

they were very serious but as it ended

10:51

up getting married to someone else. Seems.

10:54

Odd to me. So I asked my mother in law

10:56

about how the next time I saw. My.

10:59

Mother in law rolled her eyes and

11:01

said own even mention foul. I'm.

11:03

So glad that you came along

11:05

because that girl was so bad

11:07

then he was unemployed single mother

11:10

and just and very trashy. He.

11:12

Would never have accepted her. I am

11:14

very successful, career wise and well established.

11:17

My. Family is very prominent in the community

11:19

as well regarded. The more I thought

11:21

about it the more really felt like

11:24

my background has more to do with

11:26

things and anything. Else

11:28

my husband about Val again and asked if

11:30

he would have married her if not for

11:32

his family. He said that one of the

11:34

biggest reason he chose someone else was because

11:37

his family refused to accept that. When.

11:39

I ask what was different about me

11:42

He responded. To. Was Camilla and

11:44

you are Diana. I asked

11:46

him if that meant he was Mary Harris.

11:48

Anything happens to me. He. Shook

11:50

his head, laughed and said I was

11:52

being ridiculous and that he didn't think

11:54

like that. I told him I

11:56

wanted him to remove him block his ex and a

11:59

son from social media. Immediately the stopped

12:01

communicating with them. He.

12:03

Told me that he has a cordial relationship with

12:05

both of them that he doesn't feel as fat

12:07

as need to ask him to cut the map.

12:10

Is. There a good way for me to deal with

12:12

this knowledge. And. Losing sleep over the fact

12:15

that I feel like a place holder that is

12:17

there to please his family and other go back

12:19

to how once his parents are gone. And.

12:21

Starting to doubt every interaction I have had

12:24

with him. When. I bring it

12:26

up to him, gets upset and tells me to

12:28

stop dwelling on a spot. Or.

12:30

Shall never known this because I feel like

12:32

all of my happiness to didn't rate. Is.

12:35

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13:52

the comments pander enthusiast comes to our

13:54

way as as considering charles cheated on

13:56

diana with camilla i was quite possibly

13:59

the worst first analogy he could have

14:01

made. Knitting Fairy says tell

14:03

him his analogy made things 1000

14:06

times worse as Diana was obviously nothing to

14:08

Charles but someone his family would accept. But

14:11

who he personally didn't care about. As

14:13

a result of said atrocious analogy, you have lost

14:15

a lot of faith in the strength of your

14:18

relationship and if he wants this marriage to work,

14:20

he will at least have to remove them from

14:22

his socials for now and attend marriage counselling with

14:24

you. Another

14:27

front says yeah this would be a

14:29

relationship ending for me. But he

14:31

basically said he's only with you because you are

14:34

what his family approves of and he would

14:36

have rather been with her. That's why

14:38

she is still in his life like Camilla.

14:41

Also Charles was still sleeping with Camilla.

14:43

Honey you need to walk away. He's

14:45

either already cheating on you or will in the

14:48

future. Either way you are what

14:50

his family wants not him. One

14:53

final comment from one possibility who says purely based

14:55

on him making the Camilla reference that would be

14:57

the end for me. Demanding that

14:59

he unfriend and block themselves nothing. He

15:02

still exists. He still said what he said

15:04

and feels how he feels. The ball is

15:06

now in your court. Are you willing to

15:08

stay in a relationship with someone who is

15:10

not all in love with you? Are

15:13

you willing to stay with someone who is verbalised

15:15

that he is with you because of an obligation

15:17

not romantic love? What do you want

15:19

for yourself? If he can't give you

15:21

what he don't want and you are not willing to

15:23

settle, you know what to do. Someone

15:26

did ask Opie they said like how

15:28

long ago did they break up because

15:31

it sounds like he caved into family

15:33

pressure. Opie says they broke up 9

15:35

years ago. She dated someone else, married

15:37

him and has since divorced. From

15:39

what I understand she started seeing this other

15:41

person because he wouldn't commit to her. Opie

15:44

comes in with her update 3 weeks later and

15:46

says thank you to everyone who responded to my

15:48

previous post. The lot has gone down since I

15:50

posted and not much of it has been good

15:52

to be honest. I'm starting to

15:54

wish that I'd let well enough alone but

15:57

I guess I'm stuck now. sat

16:00

down with my husband and told him this whole

16:02

Val thing was really bothering me. But I've never

16:04

heard her name before, or someone he

16:06

held in such high regard. He explained

16:08

that she had cheated on him and had married

16:10

the guy she cheated with. He

16:12

stopped speaking for a while but he started

16:15

being cordial again and she was having problems

16:17

in her marriage and through a divorce. He

16:20

swears on his life that there's only friendship there,

16:22

that he can't ever forgive her, and that

16:25

he has no interest in her romantically

16:27

anymore. We share location and

16:29

history on our phones and have cameras on in

16:31

our house. So I know he's not lying

16:33

about seeing her. My husband was

16:35

my first in a lot of ways, everything

16:38

except my first kiss. So I tend

16:40

to be a bit more jealous than others. My

16:42

husband has more of a past and it makes

16:44

me very uncomfortable even though I know it's a

16:46

reality that I have to accept. I'm also

16:49

diagnosed on the autism spectrum so

16:51

I tend to be a bit socially awkward and miss

16:53

certain cues. Which has caused me not to

16:55

really have a close relationship up until him. I

16:58

was over at my parents house telling my mother about

17:00

Val. She kept telling me not

17:02

to worry, that everyone has a past and that

17:04

he obviously chose me. Little

17:06

background, my father is a girl dad.

17:09

I'm the third of four girls. He's been

17:12

my protector my whole life and he will

17:14

go after anyone that hurts me. That

17:16

I overheard mum and me and came into the kitchen.

17:19

Are you serious right now? He's talking

17:21

to Val again. I'm going to keep him.

17:26

I asked my father how he knew about Val.

17:28

I looked at my mother and she was looking at him

17:30

with a horrified look. He said he overheard us

17:33

and it's not right for him to talk to other women. They

17:35

tried to talk around it but I

17:37

demanded an answer and they finally relented.

17:40

My mother admitted that they had arranged

17:43

my marriage. We had been seeing

17:45

each other for a month and I met his

17:47

parents. Shortly after his mother

17:49

called mine, explained about Val, how we were

17:51

afraid he would go back to her and

17:54

how they wanted to do everything they could to make

17:56

sure that their son married the right girl. I

17:59

asked my mother why. she agreed, and

18:01

she admitted that they were afraid I was

18:03

gay and I wouldn't ever have children. She

18:06

said that's why my husband was immediately

18:08

invited to every holiday. That's

18:10

why he was introduced to multiple relatives in

18:13

a very short time. That's why

18:15

they referred to him as family before

18:17

he proposed. They were trying to

18:19

set the tone in my mind. My

18:21

head was spinning. I told them I had to

18:23

go and I couldn't talk to them anymore. I

18:26

drove home and felt like I couldn't breathe. I

18:29

walked into our house and told my husband

18:31

everything. He

18:33

laughed. He actually laughed. He

18:36

told me that he figured it out a while ago

18:38

and thought I had too. He

18:40

told me that his parents paid for me to go on

18:42

vacation with them. They made a point of

18:45

getting everyone in the family to share how much they liked

18:47

me. They gave him extra gift

18:49

certificates to take me out to dinners and

18:51

other events. His mother cleaned his

18:53

apartment and did all of his laundry while he

18:55

was at work so his nights and weekends were

18:57

free for me. When

18:59

he said he was going to save the money for a ring

19:01

they gave it to him. They kept telling

19:03

him what a good match I was for him. He

19:06

asked his parents while we were engaged if it

19:08

had been the plan to keep him away from

19:10

Val and his mother admitted that it had

19:13

been. He told me that he

19:15

fell in love with me while we were together. What

19:17

he feels for me is real and that he loves the

19:19

life that we have together. He said

19:22

it doesn't matter how it started because what we have

19:24

is strong and real. I don't

19:26

know how I feel. I can't even talk

19:28

to anyone because apparently I'm the only person

19:30

who didn't know this happened. I feel

19:32

like such an idiot. I'm furious

19:34

with his parents for doing this, furious with

19:36

mine for going along with it and hurt

19:38

that he didn't tell me the truth once

19:40

he figures it out. I

19:43

don't know if I want a divorce. My

19:45

husband has been trying to be very supportive of me.

19:48

I told him I don't feel like talking. He

19:50

keeps asking me if he can get me anything

19:52

and asking me little questions to try and get

19:54

me to talk. But I can't even get

19:57

my feelings straight right now. I feel

19:59

betrayed by every. every person who was supposed to care

20:01

about me and I have no idea what the hell

20:03

to do now. And the top

20:05

comment on this one says, this is a lot to

20:07

deal with, sorry I haven't to deal with this fallout.

20:10

I'm not from a culture where arranged marriages

20:12

are a norm, so please forgive my ignorance

20:14

on any protocols. I

20:16

blame your parents most of all. Knowing

20:18

this man's history and still trying to make you

20:21

marry him because they thought you were gay. Even

20:23

if you were gay, wouldn't that be all the

20:25

more reason not to arrange a marriage? Are

20:29

there an out clause of acceptable reasons for divorce

20:31

or annulment in your culture? Would

20:33

your family support you if you decided to do this?

20:36

If not, are you able to be financially

20:38

self-sufficient? OP

20:40

quotes the culture part and says, nor am

20:42

I. I was the last of

20:44

my siblings to get married and up until that

20:46

point I had never seriously dated anyone. My

20:49

parents are conservative white Christian Republicans.

20:51

There are a few things worse that I

20:53

could be to them. My husband and

20:55

I both make six figures. Money

20:57

is not an issue at all. The first

20:59

time in my life I told him when I

21:01

loved him and believed I had actually built something

21:03

real with someone. But it's all a

21:05

lie. Is this awesome sick joke

21:07

on me? My only good

21:10

is someone's placeholder. In

21:13

Texas says this sounds like a horror slash thriller

21:15

movie to be honest. Also, why

21:17

is he so prone to have a relationship

21:19

with Camilla's child? Is it his? OP

21:22

says the child predates their relationship. He

21:25

did not know each other when he was born. And

21:27

that was OP's last post on the matter

21:29

so far. So we're certainly going to keep

21:31

an eye out for any future updates on

21:34

that one because that's just incredibly heartbreaking. Everyone

21:37

that you trust in this situation, how do

21:39

you even move forward with that? What do

21:42

you suggest to OP? Who

21:44

can you turn to to talk about this? I

21:47

mean, what I can suggest would be like some

21:49

sort of professional because it feels like you can't

21:51

trust anyone else around you at the moment. Let

21:55

us know your thoughts down in the comments

21:57

below. Just a huge

21:59

thank you from the bottom of my head. heart

22:01

for getting involved in today's stories. Let us know

22:03

your thoughts down in the comments below and just

22:06

a huge thank you and hopefully I'll see

22:08

you in the next one. Take care and

22:10

much love. Mom

22:39

deserves better than a drugstore card. card.

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