0:02

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0:04

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0:07

as those leftovers you ate all

0:09

week. Kiki Palmer here, and it's

0:11

time to say hello to something

0:13

fresh and guilt-free. HelloFresh. Jazz up

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dinner with pecan, crusted chicken, or

0:17

garlic butter shrimp scampi. Now that's

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music to my mouth. HelloFresh.

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0:23

started. Discover all the delicious

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possibilities at hellofresh.com. A

0:36

Waffle gang I do have your well

0:38

my name is Mark and today which

0:40

you can have some more reddit stories

0:42

and if you do love reddit story

0:44

one or consider in a like subscribe

0:47

maybe that notification bell to let's crack

0:49

home with the days of the story.

0:51

Much. Love guys! Now today's for story comes

0:53

from the lord Rent when the am I the

0:55

asshole? he a sub reddit. And. Before

0:57

we do get into the store out you

0:59

wanna give you a warning that there is

1:02

mentions of miscarriage within the story on pass

1:04

accident more as well. So if you do

1:06

want to get the story please feel free

1:08

to do so. Time stamps are always down

1:10

description and along returned my below thank you

1:12

this as am I the asshole for refusing

1:14

to meet with my half sister because I

1:16

don't deserve that honor. Though this

1:18

is rather simple, a messy. I

1:21

twenty four female am an affair

1:23

baby. My father seventy five male

1:25

had me with my mother. sixty

1:28

female or still be married to

1:30

someone else. And. Divorced with his

1:32

first wife when I was for America,

1:34

my mom two years later because of

1:36

the age gap and the general mess

1:38

of the situation and never truly had

1:40

any relationships with my father's side of

1:42

the family. Them I was

1:44

just an unexpected person to exist, but

1:46

John totally okay with his. I have

1:48

a great loving family and my mother's

1:50

side anyway. This is my

1:53

birth. We have settled this lovely mutual

1:55

agreement. When. they pretend i don't exist

1:57

and i forget that my father is not

1:59

and or The

2:02

only person who decided to break this

2:04

mutual indifference pact was my half sister,

2:07

55 female. I

2:09

probably also need to mention that my father

2:11

was somewhat wealthy when he started dating my

2:13

mother. He had already provided wealth

2:15

for his eldest daughter. Paid for

2:17

her education, helped her to get a decent job

2:20

in a law firm and bought her a large

2:22

apartment. So my sister was

2:24

extremely unhappy with my birth, since

2:26

for her it meant that some of my dad's

2:28

money will now flow the other direction. Not

2:30

my petty words by the way. She

2:32

said that to my mother. And not

2:35

only that, according to my mother's

2:37

words, confirmed by my father and

2:39

grandparents, she had been harassing my

2:41

mum throughout her entire very complicated

2:43

pregnancy, to the extent that my

2:45

mother ended up in hospital. My

2:48

sister then found a way to call her

2:50

even there and wished she had a miscarriage.

2:53

The last time when she and my mother

2:55

met, she said I am worthless and don't

2:57

deserve the honour of being called her sister

3:00

and she would rather give everything up to

3:02

charity than let me inherit something from her.

3:05

She was single and childless then, and

3:07

still is now. As from

3:09

my own memories, I've seen her probably only 3-4

3:12

times as a kid and got a few presents

3:15

from her as a teenager. Some

3:17

of her hideous old clothes she didn't want to wear

3:19

anymore. She decided it would be

3:21

hilarious to just send them to my mother

3:23

in a garbage bag so I donated it

3:25

to charity upon her forgotten wishes. The

3:28

funny thing is that even though my mother was

3:31

accused of gold digging, my father had

3:33

an accident and retired soon after their marriage.

3:36

So she was the one who provided for me

3:38

and gave me the future. Now

3:40

I live in another country with my soon

3:43

to be husband, studying and all in all

3:45

doing okay. I was supposed

3:47

to visit my family next week when my

3:49

father unexpectedly called me. He never

3:51

does that. Upon a

3:53

very awkward conversation, I received this

3:56

information. Number 1, even

3:58

though agreeing to cut contacts. My father

4:00

began talking with his eldest daughter a

4:02

few years ago. He

4:05

systematically updated her on my life.

4:09

Since she learned I'm doing okay and I'm soon

4:11

to stop my own family, she suddenly expressed

4:13

desire to meet me. She

4:15

has no family on her own and

4:18

that somehow made her value our sister

4:20

bond more. I kindly rejected that offer

4:22

and said I would rather not. Then

4:25

followed 20 minutes of a pointless conversation

4:27

with such arguments as, I'm becoming older

4:29

and want my children to reconcile. She

4:32

was young and stupid now she regrets etc

4:34

etc. When I

4:37

reminded him that she basically harassed my mother

4:39

and wished me dead, he called

4:41

me out for being vengeful towards my

4:43

sister and said he taught me better. I

4:46

then said I don't think I deserve the honor

4:48

of meeting her and don't seek to earn that

4:50

honor. And he hung up on me.

4:53

I know my father is an old man who

4:55

doesn't want any drama. However, my mother

4:57

is the sweetest person alive and the mere

4:59

thought that someone in her right mind could

5:01

harass her to the point she was at

5:03

hospital makes me sick. I

5:05

didn't have any interest in this sister bonding bs

5:07

and I don't care what she has to say.

5:10

So I'm either arsehole for not even giving her

5:13

a chance to speak with me. So

5:16

there was a fair few comments on the back of

5:18

this one calling out OP's mom

5:20

basically for breaking up a family being

5:22

a homewrecker etc etc. OP

5:25

came in to reply to those comments and says you

5:28

are more supportive than I expected guys so

5:30

thanks. Just wanted to quickly address the

5:32

infidelity part before going to sleep. I

5:35

live in Europe and this past midnight. I

5:37

noticed soon people were concerned about my lack

5:40

of judgement when it comes to my mum

5:42

being a mistress and breaking up the family.

5:44

I personally would rather not go into deep

5:46

details about the whom and why since it

5:48

is the info I'm not comfortable sharing with all

5:51

on reddit. For I would say the

5:53

thing that is relevant to my post and my sis. My

5:56

mum is not an angel but

5:58

she is not a homewrecker either because the home whom already

6:00

didn't exist when she and my father met.

6:03

He wasn't loyal before that, his family

6:05

knew. I don't know their

6:07

exact emotions on that, but he wasn't loyal

6:10

for years before my mother and he and

6:12

his wife still lived together. Even

6:14

when he met my mom, they knew about her

6:16

and showed no animosity to water, even

6:18

the sis. They met a few

6:20

times and sis was indifferent. My

6:22

mother getting pregnant was the reason the shit

6:25

show started. As the

6:27

reason why, regardless of my mom's actions,

6:29

I am so not okay with the

6:31

harassing part from sister. She

6:33

wanted abortion so dad would not waste

6:35

his money on another child, then wanted

6:37

me dead. As for

6:39

the no contact request from mom, as I mentioned

6:42

in the comments, guys, if you

6:44

please read what I write. My mother

6:46

said, don't let her come near me

6:48

or my baby after almost losing her

6:50

unborn child due to endless harassment. My

6:53

so-called sister wished me dead multiple

6:55

times. She stopped only when my

6:57

father agreed to leave all his savings to his

6:59

old family. I know that because

7:01

other people around me shared that info when

7:04

I became older, not only my mother. She

7:07

doesn't talk about any of my father's relatives at

7:09

all if she is not asked to. The

7:11

Church of Dan comes in with a first comment

7:13

that says not the asshole, sounds like she wants

7:16

to reach out for selfish reasons and wants you

7:18

to just roll over and pretend she hasn't hated

7:20

you your entire life. Even though

7:22

her anger is misdirected, you seem to understand

7:24

why people might scapegoat you as a living

7:26

embodiment of the death of their family. But

7:28

harassing someone into the hospital and then finding

7:31

a way to continue that in the hospital

7:33

is a bridge too far. I'm not

7:35

a strong math guy. If you were 24 and she's 55, then

7:39

she was 31 when she did this to your

7:41

mother. She wasn't some middle

7:43

schooler. She was an adult over 30,

7:46

young and stupid indeed. Hopi

7:49

says, indeed, young and stupid part cracked me

7:51

up as well. Yep, she is

7:53

not much younger than my mother. They

7:55

even share the same name. And I think it may

7:58

be one of the many reasons decided

8:00

to keep her own surname, Love.

8:03

Jackra says not the asshole, she

8:05

gets to have feelings about her dad cheating on her

8:07

mum, if it had been me, what would have raised

8:09

hell, but she crossed the line when

8:11

she actively took it out on a pregnant woman

8:13

and became vengeful towards you. Your

8:16

dad was in the wrong for ever agreeing to

8:18

cut himself off from his child for the sake of

8:20

someone else. Let's be clear

8:22

about that, you and your mum never ever

8:24

needed to have contact with her, but

8:26

he is still her parent. It was on

8:28

him to create healthy boundaries for everyone

8:30

in this situation and he failed. Oopie

8:33

says to be honest, I wouldn't care if he talked

8:36

with her or not, if it wasn't for my mum.

8:39

She insisted on cutting her off after my birth,

8:41

or to be precise, make sure I never see

8:43

her around me or my daughter because I will

8:46

call the police. The boundaries

8:48

is something my dad was never strong in, he

8:50

tends to avoid conflicts or costs, he

8:53

is constantly trying to force people to be okay

8:55

with each other and be forgiving. So

8:57

if my mother wouldn't do this, I saw them

8:59

fit and 100% sure he would constantly try

9:02

to make sis and my mother reconcile, invite

9:04

her to dinners in our home etc. This

9:07

inability to leave things as it was was the

9:09

reason my mother was harassed in the first place.

9:12

I love him but man, can't understand why

9:14

his daughter wouldn't be besties with his mistress

9:16

and got it only after she called mum

9:18

at the hospital. Like

9:21

the comment said, I can see why

9:23

sis is angry about the whole situation,

9:25

it doesn't obviously excuse the

9:27

behaviour. But it sounds like we're just

9:29

being told to meet up because, faaaaaanely,

9:31

which you're not the arsehole for, for

9:33

not wanting to meet up, I can't

9:35

blame you for doing so if it

9:38

was me and this is just like

9:40

personally me because everyone's different and if

9:42

OP doesn't want to meet up, they shouldn't meet

9:44

up, it's as simple as that but for myself,

9:46

I'm always curious about what

9:48

the person's going to say. So for

9:51

me, I potentially might go meet her

9:53

just to find out what she has to say, you don't have to

9:55

forgive, you don't have to move past anything, you can just hear what

9:57

they have to say and then move on, you can get up and

9:59

walk. out at any point you want to. But

10:01

OP comes in to update the post and says hey

10:04

guys, just came

10:11

home and looked through your answers. Jesus

10:13

I did not expect that many. And oh

10:15

boy some are very interesting. I have

10:18

a tiny tiny update but first let me

10:20

answer some of you guys. At

10:22

first those who addressed the issue I was talking

10:24

about. Me and my sis being

10:26

total strangers with her resenting me even

10:28

before my birth and suddenly wanting to

10:30

meet. Thank you for your feedback.

10:33

You are the most appreciated of all. I'm

10:35

not all that good at dealing with someone

10:37

trying to do the speed run to my

10:39

personal space so I really wanted to know

10:42

if I'm overreacting. Sometimes it's

10:44

hard to judge, especially because I don't

10:46

actually know sis apart from her being

10:48

a huge fan of me

10:50

being born. As far as I

10:52

know not the most pleasant person to be around.

10:54

I have zero desire to test this personally. As

10:57

for my mother's infidelity many people

11:00

were not happy with the sweetest

11:02

person part and even less with

11:04

my further explaining which I find

11:06

absolutely understandable. Many of you

11:08

were polite and respectful in your argumentation so

11:10

thank you for that. Actually upon

11:12

reading my own answers the next day without context

11:15

I can see why so many people are confident

11:17

that I am trying to do black and white

11:19

here. I don't actually think it

11:21

is necessary to have a huge discussion

11:24

since it is not the main point of my post anyway.

11:26

But for those who are respectful to me I want

11:29

to make my only and last point here. My

11:32

position on that matter is not that cheating

11:34

is totally okay since it is my mum

11:36

who did the nasty and slash all she

11:38

was the first mistress to my father. I

11:41

can get a little defensive on that I know. But

11:43

don't blame me. Blame the flashback from my childhood

11:45

when I constantly heard all the things you wrote

11:47

from my father's friends. Sorry

11:50

kidding but not really. My

11:52

position is that I have decided to refrain

11:54

from judging my mother on that. In other

11:56

words not approving like hey my pops is

11:59

a cheater. Anyway. so it's totally okay to sleep

12:01

with him then. It is rather,

12:03

I don't think it is my place to shame my

12:05

mother. She made a decision and faced

12:07

the consequences. I leave that to her,

12:09

that I won't let this impact our relationship. That's

12:12

it. You may not agree with my point

12:14

of view, and that's fine. Everyone

12:16

is entitled to their own opinion, and

12:19

I'm entitled to my own perspective also. The

12:21

perspective is, I saw only kindness

12:23

and love from her. This

12:26

is my way of showing love and kindness back.

12:28

Please be respectful. For

12:31

those who actually insulted my mother, or me

12:33

by calling names and wishing me being cheated

12:35

on to get the feeling, I hope people

12:37

you love never make any mistakes. Oh

12:40

boy, you would let them know they are

12:42

not worthy of anything anymore. Now

12:44

to the actual update. Actually, not

12:46

much to update about. My father had a

12:49

brilliant idea of asking my mother to persuade

12:51

me, and now it is a huge shit

12:53

show. My mother crying on

12:55

Skype and asking me if meeting my sister is

12:57

something I truly want. Me explaining that

12:59

I don't give a flying fuck about her. My

13:02

father screaming on my mother that it is her

13:04

upbringing. Fine. Oh,

13:06

he also said he had given her my

13:08

number so we could settle things as adults.

13:11

Then I'm even more irritated. Due to

13:13

some issues with my resident's renewal, I

13:16

often have to pick up from unknown numbers. I

13:19

have to give attention to the country code before picking from

13:21

now on. The

13:23

first Skype call was a disaster, and

13:26

my father went outside to smoke. My

13:28

mom called me and again, I asked her

13:30

about no contact thing. Mama

13:32

explained that she was indeed against my sister

13:34

being anywhere near me, because she

13:37

was scared of her hating me so much

13:39

and couldn't trust her. However, she said she

13:41

actually forbade my father talking to her. She

13:43

just wanted it to be away from our house

13:46

and our lives, and that he tried for some

13:48

time when I was a kid to see her

13:50

occasionally. But then the car accident

13:52

happened and Sis never called him or visited him

13:54

in the hospital. It made

13:56

him so frustrated that he went full no

13:58

contact mode himself. I then

14:00

asked her does she have any idea of what

14:02

sis could possibly want from me but

14:05

she had no clue. So that's

14:07

what it is now. If some drama

14:09

happens I will update but I probably would not

14:11

go to every single new thing that is the

14:13

new post mode. Have a life

14:15

to live and a wedding to plan. Just maybe

14:17

we'll give some closure in case there would be

14:20

one. Thanks for wasting your time reading this and

14:22

have a nice life. A couple of the top

14:24

comments from that post so very thin says personally

14:26

just tell her to text you. Be short and

14:28

don't engage. She can't meet you, you don't have

14:30

a bond so just be straight with her. Never

14:33

like me, wish me harm and could never have

14:35

my best interest at heart. What

14:37

do you want? Short, sweet to the

14:40

point. Good luck. In Glass

14:42

Girl says it sounds like your father has

14:44

experienced him some late life guilt about his

14:46

choices and feels making happy family will absolve

14:48

him. It's not your job to fix

14:51

this for him. If you don't see

14:53

yourself getting anything out of meeting her, don't.

14:56

We suggest if she has something to say, she

14:58

can write you a letter. And

15:01

many of the other comments suggest that it's

15:06

just like typical Reddit but not totally out

15:08

of the rams of possibility. We've seen it

15:10

a couple of times that sister needs an

15:12

organ of some kind. But what

15:14

do you guys make of this situation?

15:16

What do you think sister is after?

15:18

Do you think she has just changed?

15:20

Has she not? Would you meet up

15:22

with her? Let us know

15:24

your thoughts down in the comments below and let's

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16:01

peshq.com/me nash. How

16:05

was that? What was that? Boring, no

16:08

flavor. That was as bad as

16:10

those leftovers you ate all week.

16:12

Kiki Parma here, and it's time

16:14

to say hello to something fresh

16:16

and guilt-free. Hello, fresh. Jazz up

16:18

dinner with pecan-crusted chicken or garlic

16:20

butter shrimp's candy. Now that's music

16:22

to my mouth. Hello, fresh.

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Let's get this dinner party started.

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Discover all the delicious possibilities at

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hello, fresh.com. Now, our next story

16:31

is titled, Am

16:37

I the asshole here for telling

16:39

my sister-in-law I won't dress modestly

16:41

around her husband. And

16:44

before we do get into this story, there is

16:46

talk of past sexual assault trauma. So as

16:49

always, please feel free to use the timestamps

16:51

down in the description below. Thank you. And

16:55

it says, I 33 female, I've been married to my

16:57

husband 33 male for four years. One

16:59

year ago, I had my daughter. When

17:02

I was a teenager, I had been sexually

17:04

assaulted by a family friend multiple times. This

17:07

has left me with a lot of complex feelings about my

17:09

body. My abuser told my

17:11

parents that the abuse was my fault

17:13

because I dressed slutty around him. He

17:16

was 40s and I was 14. For

17:19

years, I would only wear baggy clothes and not

17:21

do my hair and makeup. I've

17:23

gotten some therapy and worked hard to overcome

17:26

these feelings of self-blame, but being pregnant and

17:28

having a baby mess with my body image

17:30

a bit. I've been working

17:32

out a lot and have really liking

17:34

my body currently. It feels very freeing.

17:37

My sister-in-law 29 female knows

17:39

all about my past abuse and my

17:41

issues with blaming myself for my teenage

17:43

clothes for my abuse. She's

17:46

married to my brother-in-law, 30 male,

17:48

and the four of us have always gotten along.

17:51

We're going on a trip with my husband's

17:53

parents, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and their two

17:55

boys, eight and six male. My

17:58

sister-in-law texted me and asked me... to

18:00

not bring any bikinis because she had

18:02

two young boys. I thought

18:04

this was weird but I told her that I

18:06

wouldn't if that was important to her. She

18:09

came over last weekend and had clothes out to

18:11

pack for our trip. She wanted

18:13

to see what I was bringing. She framed

18:15

it in a fun, light-hearted way. She

18:18

saw my bathing suit and asked me why I was

18:20

bringing that since she asked me not to bring a

18:22

bikini. I told her it was

18:24

not a bikini but a covering two-piece. She

18:27

got very quiet and started looking through my pile

18:29

of clothes. I also

18:31

had a maxi dress that had spaghetti

18:33

stress. Again, she asked me if I

18:35

could bring something more modest. I

18:37

told her I was uncomfortable and it wasn't such a big

18:39

deal for her boys to see me in a dress. She

18:43

finally admitted that she did not want me to

18:45

wear any flattering clothes or bathing suits around her

18:47

husband. She said her husband

18:49

has been struggling with a porn addiction and

18:51

the clothes I was bringing would make it

18:53

hard for him and would be tempting. This

18:57

is where I may be the arse off. I

18:59

was so grossed out and angry. I told her

19:01

very assertively that she was crazy if she thought

19:03

I need to cover my body to keep her

19:05

creep of her husband from jerking off to me.

19:08

I told her how wrong she was to say that

19:10

to me when she knows my past issues. I

19:13

also told her she is gross for at first

19:15

using her kids when the real reason is she

19:17

didn't want her husband looking at me. She

19:20

started crying and left. She

19:23

called my husband, her brother later crying

19:25

and asking him to make me bring

19:27

more modest clothes. My husband

19:29

completely took my side and told her if

19:31

it's such an issue for her husband then

19:33

maybe they should not come on the trip.

19:36

My mother and Laura has now gotten involved

19:38

and is asking to bring a more covering

19:40

bathing suit and modest clothes. Edit

19:43

for context, my husband's family is

19:45

extremely religious. Think Duggar

19:47

family religious. Edit 2, sorry

19:49

I never posted it on reddit. I

19:52

get more info that has been asked. My brother

19:54

and Laura has never made me feel uncomfortable. In

19:56

fact I thought we had a good relationship. raised

20:00

in the Pentecostal Church but did join

20:02

when he married my sister-in-law. My

20:04

husband and I both grew up in church but have

20:07

since left. My mother-in-law has asked

20:09

me to bring modest clothes but she has

20:11

not mentioned an addiction issue. I assume

20:14

she knows but when I look at her

20:16

messages objective it could be very possible that

20:18

my sister-in-law told her I was bringing very

20:20

skimpy clothes. Also my husband

20:22

is paying for the trip completely. I

20:25

bought my dress recently. This is the

20:27

dress. I thought it was beautiful and I was

20:29

excited to wear it. Especially since I had a

20:31

baby 9 months ago. I might

20:33

even return it because it feels like it's tainted and

20:36

I just think of my in-laws when I wear it.

20:39

Then OP shared the image of the dress

20:42

which is on screen right now. Now

20:45

if I'm being totally honest I'm not sure

20:47

what Dugga family is. I had a quick

20:49

Google and saw its 19 kids in counting

20:51

or something. There's a series so

20:53

I'm certainly going to be looking into that because it

20:55

looks kind of wild. But first I just want to say

20:57

well done to you for you

20:59

know you've been through a lot and

21:02

don't let anyone knock the progress

21:05

you've made. Have a look at that

21:07

dress. It's pretty amazing. Absolutely treat yourself. Don't

21:09

let someone else paint it for you. Go

21:11

out and rock that dress. And

21:14

you also said that mother-in-law got uninvolved and she

21:16

was sort of telling you to bring a more

21:19

covering bathing suit and modest clothes and then you

21:21

later said that your husband is paying for the

21:23

trip completely. You want to take any of

21:25

these people? I see you just go

21:27

with your husband and enjoy the trip yourself and you

21:29

know do what the hell you want. Wear what you

21:32

want because their logic

21:34

is just wild in this situation and

21:36

fuck those people. OP

21:38

updates the post. That

21:41

particular post and says wow thank you so

21:43

much for your support especially those you shared

21:45

your experience with the past. My

21:47

husband has been away for work but landed

21:49

early this afternoon. On his layover

21:51

he cancelled the reservations for the trip.

21:54

He's currently on his way to his sister's house

21:56

to confront my brother-in-law. His plan is

21:58

to sharpen their house unannounced. take brother-in-law

22:00

out for a drink and talk to him

22:02

away from my sister-in-law or post

22:04

an update tomorrow. Thank you all so much

22:07

for your kind words." Strange

22:09

Loop says not the asshole where whatever you

22:12

want, when you want, you've been through enough

22:14

in your life with people judging your appearance

22:16

and trying to gaslight you into thinking your

22:18

appearance somehow causes trouble. I'm sorry

22:20

for what happened to you when you were younger.

22:22

I'm proud of you for putting in the work

22:25

to overcome something so awful. The

22:27

piece of thank you so much. I've done

22:29

really hard work to be able to function and be a good

22:31

mum. Unfortunately, I think I may

22:33

be going back to therapy after all of

22:35

this. Ahh

22:37

damn. Commenter says

22:39

not the asshole and death not the asshole since

22:42

I read in the comment of yours that your

22:44

husband is actually the one that is paying for

22:46

this whole trip. Are you fucking kidding me? You

22:49

guys are paying and they have the audacity to

22:51

ask the ones funding a trip for them to

22:54

cover up. I would find the

22:56

skimpiest bikinis in outfits I could find, then

22:58

tell them they're more than welcome to take

23:00

their judgemental, mooching asshole selves back to their

23:02

own houses. They didn't like what you were

23:04

wearing to the place that you guys paid

23:06

for. Hopi says the whole reason

23:08

my husband paid for the trip is so that their two

23:10

boys can have some fun. They never

23:12

get to do trips because their parents do not have

23:14

the financial means. I think that's the

23:16

main reason I feel guilty about telling them they can't

23:19

come. It's my brother in law that

23:21

should feel guilty. Another commenter

23:23

says I'm so sorry you're handling this sort

23:25

of past trauma and current guilt. But

23:28

here is where you draw the line in protecting your

23:30

peace. If you and your husband want

23:32

to offer something special for the boys you can save

23:34

this money and sponsor something for them in the future.

23:37

But now is not the time to make

23:39

yourself vulnerable to a misogynistic sister in law

23:41

and a creep of a brother in law.

23:44

Protect your peace. Hopi says that's

23:46

really good advice. I've already thought

23:48

that we could use the money to have the boys do

23:50

something without us. That's fun. My

23:52

daughter is only 9 months old and I

23:54

definitely don't want a creep around her or

23:56

a woman who enables him. But

23:59

Hopi comes in with a update says hi everyone,

24:01

I accidentally deleted my OG post last night but

24:03

I'll post a body of my original post in

24:05

a comment below. I want to

24:07

say thank you for all your support and advice,

24:09

especially thank you for people who damn me with

24:11

their personal stories of abuse and trauma. I'm

24:14

so grateful for you sharing your stories. To

24:16

answer if you had any questions, I

24:19

am very average looking but by conventional

24:21

standard. I have a nice body

24:23

on 5'6 and 120 pounds. Since

24:26

I have my daughter I've been going to Pilates 3 times

24:28

a week. The first time

24:30

in my life I have some abdominal muscle

24:32

which I am very very proud of. I don't

24:35

mean this as a subtle brag. You

24:37

brag away. I honestly put a good

24:40

amount of effort into the way I look

24:42

such as doing my hair and makeup and

24:44

wearing well fitting clothes. My

24:46

sister-in-law is a very attractive woman.

24:49

She is much taller than me. She's gained

24:51

about 40 pounds since she had her kids and

24:53

I know that she feels a bit self-conscious about

24:55

it. But she said she's not willing to

24:57

change. She said that she's a mum so

25:00

it doesn't matter what she looks like. I

25:02

wonder if she's having a bit of depression because

25:04

she goes days without even sharing. Again, I'm just

25:06

trying to give a better picture of my sister-in-law.

25:09

So for the update. To make things clearer

25:11

I will refer to my husband as Tom

25:13

and myself as Kate. I refer to

25:16

my sister-in-law Jill and my brother-in-law as

25:18

Jack. My husband showed up at

25:20

my in-laws house unannounced last night. He

25:23

said my brother-in-law was happy to see him and he asked

25:25

to go for a walk with him so he could talk.

25:28

One thing that was interesting is that my

25:30

brother-in-law wasn't under the impression that the trip

25:32

was still on for this Saturday. My husband

25:34

said this is the most awkward conversation he

25:36

ever had. He started by asking Jack my

25:38

brother-in-law if he and his wife are having

25:41

any trouble because his wife had mentioned that

25:43

he had a porn addiction. My brother-in-law

25:45

rolled his eyes, said

25:47

he's only looked at porn once since Christmas.

25:50

He looks at it once every couple of months. His

25:52

wife is convinced as an addiction. He

25:55

told my husband it's frustrating because he

25:57

feels shame for normal sexual desire. He

26:00

also confided in my husband that him and his wife

26:02

had not had sex in over a year and he's

26:04

not sure what to do. He

26:06

said he suggested counselling but his wife only

26:08

wants to see someone from the church, which

26:11

was not a licensed therapist. My

26:13

husband said, well Jill said it was enough of

26:15

an issue that she didn't want Kate to wear

26:17

a two piece bathing suit or a sun dress

26:19

on the trip because it would be difficult for

26:21

you. He said my brother in law

26:23

was very surprised and upset and asked a bunch

26:25

of questions about the incident. My

26:28

husband said that my brother in law was

26:30

mortified. My brother in law said wait,

26:32

does Kate think I've been thinking about her in that

26:34

war? My husband told him

26:36

that was what Jill implied. Again

26:38

Jack was mortified. He profusely apologized

26:41

to my husband and said it's not the

26:43

case at all. He said he wanted

26:45

to apologize to me directly but he didn't want

26:47

to make me feel more uncomfortable and he was

26:49

so sorry. My husband asked

26:51

him if he had any pictures of me on his

26:53

phone and that he had taken any without my consent. He

26:57

said absolutely not and gave my husband his

26:59

phone and told him to look through it.

27:02

My husband also asked my brother in law Jack if

27:04

he had made any comments about my body to his

27:06

wife or others. Jack said that he

27:08

had made a few comments that he thought were innocent

27:10

but in the light of day he can understand how

27:12

they could have been construed otherwise. He said

27:14

that he made comments when I was pregnant about

27:16

me glowing. He said that recently

27:18

he has been talking to his wife and how

27:21

he thought it was adorable that I made a

27:23

point to work out and make time for myself

27:25

after my baby was born. He

27:27

said that he had mentioned that I had looked good and

27:29

he knew how hard it is to make time to work

27:31

out with a little one. Jack

27:33

apologizes that he realized that these comments he

27:35

thought were innocent might not have been the

27:38

most appropriate and then going forward he would

27:40

be careful what he says to his wife

27:42

and others. My husband told

27:44

him that even though the error has been cleared but

27:46

the trip is off. Jack said

27:48

he completely understood and he would tell his boys

27:50

this morning and that he would be talking to

27:52

Jill. About an hour ago I

27:54

got a text from Jill saying my kids are

27:56

devastated I hope you are happy. I've

27:59

ignored her. My husband is going to talk

28:01

to his parents today, wants to give it a few days

28:03

before he talks with his sister. That's

28:05

all for now. Thank you again for

28:07

your support. Edit because I can't recover my

28:10

original post. This is the dress

28:12

and then shares the dress again. This

28:14

is the dress that I bought and my sister-in-law

28:16

did not want me to bring in the trip

28:18

and we sent the dress previously. I think I'm

28:20

going to keep it because honestly I love the

28:22

dress and everybody hyped me up. Thanks again. Absolutely

28:25

brilliant. Another little

28:28

update in the post which says my brother-in-law sent

28:30

this text to my husband about an hour ago.

28:32

Please share this with Kate if you feel like she's in a

28:34

good place. Kate, I am

28:36

so terribly sorry. I know this is

28:39

really uncomfortable but I just wanted to let you know

28:41

that I've never used any thoughts or images of you

28:43

in a sexual way. I feel sick to

28:45

my stomach having to say that. I

28:47

really truly apologize if I've made comments that made you

28:49

feel uncomfortable. I'm sure there's

28:51

more I could say but I just wanted to let

28:53

you know how truly apologetic I am for the whole

28:55

situation. Understand if you

28:57

do not want to see me in jail for a

28:59

while and that's totally okay. Please don't

29:01

feel bad about the trip. The boys are

29:04

fine. Opie then says this

29:06

was a good apology. I tend to believe him. And

29:09

then there were some comments which Opie responds to so

29:12

Ice Wolf Fenris says is there a chance Jill is

29:14

cheating on Jack? Just the no sex for

29:16

a long time gives me that vibe. Opie says I would

29:18

be shocked if that was the case. She was

29:20

18 and he was 19 when they got married. He's

29:24

the only man she's ever been with. Interestingly

29:26

enough they got married so young because they were

29:28

having sex and her parents found out and pressured

29:30

them to get married. Someone

29:33

replied saying it's unfortunate that really the whole

29:35

problem is Jill is insecure and it appears

29:37

a bit jealous of you. That's

29:40

how Jack I don't see a problem. At

29:42

least now you know Jack hasn't been a creeper

29:44

towards you and yet again Jill can't take any

29:46

responsibility for her actions since trying to blame you.

29:49

You aren't the cause of her kids being

29:51

devastated. The situation not being able to go

29:53

on this vacation is completely on her shoulder.

29:55

I hope that you, your husband and

29:58

the family still go get away for a bit. though.

30:00

It would be nice to relax after all

30:02

the BS. Opie says my

30:04

husband still has PTO next week. He's

30:06

going to see if we can change the planned tickets

30:08

and go somewhere with just him, me and our daughter.

30:12

Little bit funny says if Jack is telling

30:14

the truth, I suspect he is, particularly since

30:16

he is so willingly handed over his phone

30:18

and expressed both the desire to apologise and

30:20

awareness that you might not be comfortable around

30:22

him. And damn that poor guy.

30:25

His wife is making him out to be

30:27

a sexual predator. I hope he can get

30:29

a divorce. Opie says also my

30:31

husband believes him and I trust his judgement.

30:33

My husband said if he's lying, he's got to be

30:36

a sociopath or something, because he seemed

30:38

very sincere and forthcoming. Adventurous basis says

30:40

holy crap sounds like your sister-in-law is

30:42

having some serious issues. She

30:44

doesn't want to have sex with her husband but also

30:47

doesn't want him to take care of himself. Sounds like

30:49

she is just reflecting all of her insecurities onto

30:51

you and blame it on the brother-in-law. Actually

30:54

this opens his eyes and he takes action.

30:57

If she is saying this type of crap to

30:59

you, who else has she been lying to about him? Opie

31:02

says I suspect she has also been spreading

31:04

the narrative to her parents because my brother

31:06

in-law originally asked me to not bring the

31:08

dress and to pack more modest clothes. Historical

31:12

replies say my concern is what she is

31:14

teaching her kids. Opie says

31:16

this also concerns me. Up

31:18

to this point my husband and most answers that

31:20

we left the church. My husband's family

31:22

knows our feelings but we know that they can live

31:24

their life the way they want to. I'm

31:27

just afraid that our boys are going to grow

31:29

up with some twisted ideas about sex and women.

31:31

It bothered me and growing up in the Pentecostal

31:33

church. That boys were told that they

31:36

couldn't be alone with girls because they would be too

31:38

tempted. It made me feel like

31:40

it teaches boys they didn't have to control themselves.

31:43

And you know, going with what brother-in-law

31:45

is saying is true, it seems like

31:47

he is handing over his phone, willing

31:49

to give proof, seems sincere, taking Opie's

31:52

feelings into account that you know, maybe

31:54

she doesn't want to see brother-in-law anytime

31:56

soon because of what's been going on.

31:58

So if all this is the case

32:00

imagine being that brother in law and

32:02

finding out that your wife has been

32:04

saying this to multiple people potentially that

32:07

you are creeping on people like this.

32:09

That is just over there and then

32:11

isn't it? What do

32:13

you guys make of this situation? Let

32:16

me know your thoughts down in the

32:18

comments below. Just a

32:20

huge thank you from the bottom of my

32:22

heart for getting involved in today's stories, your

32:24

love, your support, your time, always means the

32:26

absolute world to me so thank you so

32:28

so much and hopefully I see you in

32:30

the next one. Take care and much love.

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