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two colors and they are blue and red. Let's

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crack on with today's first story. Much

0:51

love guys. Now today's first story comes

0:53

from the Relationship Advice subreddit from a

0:55

throwaway account that says, my

0:58

wife paid off my mortgage. Then

1:00

threw it in my face over a disagreement.

1:03

I 36 male have known my wife 37

1:06

female half my life. We

1:08

reconnected 10 years ago and started dating a

1:10

little less than seven years ago and have

1:13

been married for four years. I

1:15

bought our current house 10 years ago before

1:18

we started dating and refinance when rates were

1:20

below 3%. We were

1:22

together then and decided to just have me on

1:24

the loan. I'm a government employee

1:26

making roughly 120K a

1:28

year and she works in education

1:30

making roughly 40K. Quick

1:33

rundown on our finances. We

1:35

joined our finances when we got married. I

1:37

have roughly 4K in credit card debt.

1:40

She has around 10K in credit card

1:42

and auto loan debt. Plus she brought

1:44

50K in student loans currently sitting around

1:46

25K. We came up

1:49

with a budget and plan to tackle these

1:51

debts while also investing in retirement plans from

1:53

our jobs. A year

1:55

ago her grandfather passed away and she

1:57

received around 150K. She

2:00

sat down and asked what we should do

2:02

with the money. With our salary we can

2:04

easily pay more than minimums on our debts,

2:06

plus set aside for retirement and vacation funds.

2:09

I told her it was her money to use as she wanted.

2:12

She decided to pay off the mortgage that was in

2:14

my name. She met with a

2:17

tax specialist and figured out the numbers. Honestly,

2:19

this made me cry because it was genuinely

2:21

one of the kindest things anyone has ever

2:24

done for me. Fast

2:26

forward to last Friday. We both

2:28

get home around the same time and start doing

2:30

our normal routine after work. We

2:33

chat about how work went and relaxed for a bit.

2:36

She cooked dinner and I cleaned up afterwards.

2:38

I loaded the dishwasher and sat down to

2:40

play Final Fantasy Remake. I'm not

2:43

a huge gamer by any means. My

2:45

wife heard me mention that I wanted that

2:47

game, and it's a sequel that just came

2:49

out so she surprised me with them. I

2:52

told her I'd be playing for roughly an hour, which

2:55

is how long I usually play before my eyes hurt.

2:57

She sat down and cracked open a book

2:59

like usual. It's just something we do

3:02

most days. Roughly an hour

3:04

later she gets up and says it's my turn to

3:06

take out the trash. I replied okay,

3:08

give me five minutes because I'm fighting

3:10

this boss. You're a

3:12

polite. I paid off this fucking mortgage and

3:14

you can't get off your ass to do this for me.

3:17

I'm shocked at this point because she's

3:19

never like this. We

3:21

communicated early on in our relationship when she

3:24

moved into our house that if she wanted

3:26

me to do something, to ask, I would

3:28

do it. If I was already busy

3:30

doing something, I'd give her an honest timeline

3:32

on when I could do it. If

3:35

she needed it done immediately then to let me

3:37

know and I would stop what I was doing

3:39

and do it. This has worked

3:41

wonderfully until then. I pause

3:43

the game, take the trash outside and just try

3:45

to get my anger under control. She's

3:48

never yelled at me before but honestly it's

3:50

the holding this over my head that hurts

3:52

my heart. I didn't ask

3:54

her to do it and her salary was more than

3:56

enough to allow her to keep the money safe for

3:58

herself. Eventually I go back

4:00

inside and told her I don't like her holding that

4:03

over my head and that I never asked her to

4:05

do that for me. She replied

4:07

that I was ungrateful and gave me

4:09

the silent treatment. The next

4:11

morning she apologized to me in tears and said

4:13

stress from work got to her. I

4:16

believe she is telling the truth because some

4:18

of her students are in abusive homes and

4:20

child services haven't done anything to protect those

4:22

kids. This whole issue is wildly

4:24

out of character for her. My

4:27

question is, how do I handle this?

4:29

I'm not leaving her because this is the first and only

4:32

time she has acted this way. She

4:34

did say it though and it still hurts. So

4:36

how do I move on from this? Now

4:39

you said this is totally out of character for her.

4:41

So I'm going to go along those lines and now

4:44

to start off for me, I'm going to go very

4:46

back to the start of the story where you said,

4:48

you know, it was just you on

4:50

the loan. And I

4:52

kind of wondered if there was some sort

4:55

of resentment building up because when

4:57

she paid off like 120K, she's

4:59

now resentful because she wasn't put

5:01

on the deed. Or maybe she

5:03

was, but that information wasn't in

5:05

the story. It had me thinking

5:07

along those lines is what she

5:09

said. Absolutely wrong. Of course it is.

5:12

It was kind of shocking the way the

5:15

way that she said it. Like I paid off this fucking mortgage

5:17

and you can't get a few hours to do this for me.

5:20

But maybe the lashing out is just

5:22

the stress. Does it

5:24

excuse it? Absolutely not. So

5:27

the only way forward for this is have

5:29

a conversation, especially about what happened that particular

5:31

day. How was she feeling about this? Is

5:33

it about the mortgage really? Is it just

5:35

stress? Does she want to be put on

5:37

the deed? All things that

5:40

need to be discussed. And, you know,

5:42

the wife mentioning about child services and,

5:44

you know, her being in education and

5:46

seeing a child that's in an abusive

5:48

home and basically all the hoops you

5:51

have to jump through. I've mentioned

5:53

in the past about a teacher friend who

5:55

went through similar things. And

5:57

you can see the toll it takes mentally

5:59

on. them especially you know trying

6:01

to get this trying to get this

6:03

information through to the higher ups and

6:06

and get something done about it you

6:08

certainly take all that home with you

6:10

again not excusing the actual outburst but

6:13

in the comments severe maintenance

6:15

says clearly there's two things happening

6:17

here you'll need to find out what

6:19

happened that day to cause her to act out in such

6:22

a manner she likely had a

6:24

seriously bad day and acted out of an excess

6:26

of anger i could not be controlled at

6:28

that moment so she lost control

6:31

of herself and said something very hurtful

6:34

whether she realizes it or not she

6:36

clearly has resentment issues about paying off

6:38

the mortgage she said she

6:40

wasn't on the original mortgage paperwork which means

6:42

she likely wasn't listed on the deed i

6:45

have to ask did you put her on the deed after

6:47

she paid it off or is the

6:49

house still in your name nikki baskin replies

6:51

that's in i agree she had a bad

6:54

day and a secret frustration about you not

6:56

putting her on the title after the payout

6:58

came out unfortunately this

7:00

happens with misplaced anger and

7:02

uncommunicated needs she should have talked

7:05

to you about it when she paid it off it's

7:07

great though that you're willing to do it now and

7:09

hopefully you can all move on from this quickly now

7:11

that it's not her paying off your house but our

7:14

house love being an asshole

7:16

says am i the only one out here saying it

7:18

was the stupidest thing to do with that money hope

7:21

she paid her credit card debt hopefully

7:23

in the nine to ten percent range

7:26

but probably in the 24 before paying

7:28

a sub three percent mortgage witty

7:30

stock says i think you need to add

7:32

her to the title she may be regretting

7:35

it because she technically has no ownership in

7:37

it and that would be the appropriate course

7:39

of action since i'm guessing she adds as

7:41

much into the house by now as you

7:43

do then you guys can discuss relocating the

7:45

funds that went towards the mortgage to other

7:47

things but more fundamentally i'd ask her

7:49

if she does regret it and offer to take

7:52

her loan back out and reimburse her because

7:54

she isn't allowed to hold this over your

7:56

head if she thinks she might again it's

7:58

not worth it hope you said I'm all

8:00

aboard adding her to the title. It's our home

8:02

after all. I just never thought it to bring

8:04

it up when we agreed to not add it

8:06

to the loan when I refinance. And

8:09

a final comment from RO who says wow

8:11

there's a lot here. Paying off your mortgage

8:13

when you have consumer debt at presumably high

8:15

interest rates plus a ton of student loans

8:17

was a financially poor decision. Since

8:20

that time are you guys making an extra effort to

8:22

pay off our loans and debt? I

8:24

assume without a mortgage you guys are able to do

8:26

that since you continue to live above your means. Is

8:29

she the household manager? Does she

8:31

specifically have to ask you questions?

8:35

The fact that before marriage you have to

8:37

have that conversation sounds frankly exhausting. By

8:39

using the word help you're implying it's her

8:42

responsibility to keep the house but it seems

8:44

like that she's working full time. Did

8:47

you show gratitude for the gift? Did

8:49

you give her gift? Basically

8:51

seems to me that this isn't about the

8:53

mortgage so the question is what is it

8:55

about? Opie

8:57

responded and said I did say I was

8:59

stepping away but saw this notification. I would

9:02

have preferred to pay off the other debt but it was

9:04

a final gift from her grandfather so I left it up

9:06

to her. Because I have a mandatory

9:08

retirement age we are balancing paying off debts

9:11

as quickly as possible and investing for when

9:13

I'm forced to retire. With the

9:15

mortgage gone this debt should be gone within

9:17

the year easily. Our household

9:19

responsibilities are roughly 60 to

9:22

40 without having more. I

9:24

work longer hours and have shift work but

9:26

I'm always willing to fill in especially on

9:28

days where she says I just need to

9:30

sit down all day. She

9:32

does the same for me. We had that

9:34

conversation because of a previous relationship. My

9:37

ex wanted things done immediately and if I didn't do

9:39

it she would huff and do it. For

9:41

example I was taking a break from mowing the

9:44

grass and told me when she asked me to

9:46

load the dishwasher that I would do it after

9:48

I finished mowing and showered. I

9:50

was very grateful when she paid off the mortgage

9:52

and we both like to randomly buy each other

9:54

gifts. If I see her eyeing a book

9:56

then I'll surprise her with it. She does

9:58

the same for me. I think a

10:00

job is stressing her out and some resentment on

10:03

not being added to the deed. Never

10:05

thought of jobs having a mandatory retirement

10:07

before. I don't know why that's never

10:09

popped into my head. It makes sense.

10:11

I was just quickly googling and someone

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says military personnel or air

10:16

traffic controllers or airline pilots. Which

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flavor. That was as bad as

11:00

those leftovers you ate all week.

11:02

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11:04

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11:10

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Discover all the delicious possibilities

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at hellofresh.com. So

11:25

OP comes in with an update and says this is

11:27

going to be a fairly long update I imagine. I

11:30

cooked dinner for my wife last night and after

11:32

we had a very nice and heartfelt conversation,

11:35

she started the conversation by asking me if

11:37

something was wrong because I made her favorite

11:39

dish. She seemed nervous. I told her

11:41

there was something wrong and it was that I fucked

11:43

up big time when she paid the mortgage off. She

11:46

started to interrupt and I asked her to let me

11:48

finish because I wasn't mad at her. I

11:50

told her I was going to add her to the deed and

11:52

it should have happened as soon as she paid off our house.

11:55

She started crying telling me that I didn't have to

11:57

do that. I told her that I wanted to. and

12:00

apologized for not doing it sooner. She

12:02

tried making excuses for me as to why I

12:05

didn't do it so sooner. She mentioned

12:07

something that I had actually forgot about. Shortly

12:10

before she paid the house off I'd

12:12

received a letter saying my FAA Class

12:14

2 medical certificate application had been denied

12:16

for a medical issue and I need

12:19

some doctors before they could reissue my

12:21

class too. Honestly, this wasn't a

12:23

big deal and something that had happened to me

12:25

before and I thought I'd reassure her enough that

12:27

everything was going to be okay. I said

12:30

that I had forgot about that entire episode because

12:32

it may have seemed like a big deal but

12:34

it really wasn't. I reiterated

12:36

that I fucked up big time and asked for

12:38

her forgiveness which she gave me. I

12:41

asked her if not being added to the deed

12:43

had bothered her and she said it hurt her

12:45

feelings and it hurt to hear that because that

12:47

was the last thing I ever wanted to do to her. I

12:50

told her I would take Monday today off and

12:52

if she could take a few hours off at the end of

12:54

her day that we would add her to the deed. She

12:57

said that she would do that but wanted to take the whole

12:59

day and we could go in the morning and then spend the

13:01

rest of the day together. We kept talking

13:03

and I brought up if things

13:05

were more stressful at work than what she had let

13:08

on and she said that one of her students showed

13:10

up and her clothes were covered in cat piss. Not

13:12

the first or second time for this little girl. She

13:15

was crying at this point and she curled up and laid her

13:17

head on my lap. I cried

13:19

my best to soothe her by playing with her hair

13:22

and eventually she was able to start to relax. She

13:25

volunteered that the little girl and some of

13:27

her students had been on her mind when

13:29

she snapped on me. I had an idea

13:31

where this was going to go. Backstory my

13:33

wife found out in her early 20s that she wouldn't

13:35

be able to have children. I won't

13:37

go into detail as to why. Why

13:40

is it fair that terrible people get to

13:42

have children and I can't? I

13:44

did my best to reassure her that I love

13:46

her regardless and that maybe we could look into

13:48

adoption like we discussed before we got married. My

13:50

wife told me that when she reminded me it

13:53

was my turn to take out the trash that

13:55

she wanted to walk and talk with me. Context

13:57

on our house. We have a few acres of land

14:00

and it's about a 5 minute walk to

14:02

the pool trailer where we toss the garbage

14:04

that I take every Saturday to the dump.

14:07

She planned on asking me how I felt

14:09

about fostering some of these kids. Despite

14:11

my previous posts some of these kids do

14:14

get removed but unfortunately some do end up

14:16

going back most of the time. We

14:19

have the extra rooms and I said we could definitely do

14:21

that. We talked about ways to try

14:23

to manage her stress better and she mentioned that

14:25

when we go hiking it helps her clear her

14:27

mind and relax so we agreed to do more

14:29

hiking. I mentioned seeing a

14:31

therapist as well and she was open to the

14:34

idea so we'll be looking into that for her.

14:36

I reassured her that if she feels overwhelmed that

14:38

we are in this together and she just smiled

14:40

and said I know in a

14:43

hand so low voice and we both just

14:45

erupted in laughter. Eventually we

14:47

circled back around to her inheritance and I

14:49

asked her if she regretted using her inheritance

14:51

to pay off our house and she said

14:53

no. She thought about it and

14:55

considered paying off our other debts but wanted to

14:57

do this for us. She said

14:59

the tax specialist advised her to pay off

15:01

other debts first but she just wanted to

15:04

know how doing this would affect our taxes.

15:07

Other times student loan interest were frozen

15:09

and that credit cards were transferred to

15:11

0% interest cards. She understood

15:13

that paying them off first and using the

15:15

rest on the mortgage was probably still the

15:17

better move but she wanted a larger debt

15:19

knocked down. She asked how I felt about

15:22

slowing down our retirement savings and investing and

15:24

just steamrolling the rest of the debt. I

15:27

can retire at 50 and after I retire

15:29

at 56 and I've been preparing since I

15:31

joined the Air Force and continued in my

15:33

current position. In my TSP

15:35

alone I'm closer to 2 million than 1

15:37

million. We will be just fine in retirement

15:39

but we both love to travel and I

15:41

want to continue to see the world. We

15:44

discussed this at length before I mentioned that

15:46

instead of going to Australia for our 5th

15:48

anniversary that we had enough save for it

15:50

that we could just pay off the debt right now

15:52

and still have enough to go to France in

15:54

particular Paris instead. She smiled and

15:56

asked me if I was sure because Australia is my

15:59

number one bookie. at this destination. I

16:01

told her that she always wanted to spend Christmas in

16:03

Paris so why not do it this year and pay

16:06

off our debts. Australia can be

16:08

our 10th anniversary trip. So

16:10

our debt is completely paid off and going to Paris

16:12

for Christmas. Let's just say that

16:14

made her very very happy. So

16:17

we both used a sick day and were able to

16:19

meet with a real estate attorney and tax specialist. Without

16:22

getting into details there were a few

16:24

potential drawbacks were discussed with us but

16:26

ultimately nothing too drastic. Overall

16:28

it took around 3 hours and now my wife is

16:30

officially on the deed. We're about to

16:32

head out for a late lunch and curl

16:34

up in bed and binge watch Chicago Fire.

16:36

Edit for her technicality. Everything has

16:39

been turned in for her to be on the

16:41

deed. Wife and I consider it done. Just waiting

16:43

for it to get officially official. So if

16:45

that bothers people then oh well. And

16:48

I think a lot of the comments were just

16:50

hung up on the finances of this and what

16:52

happened initially but you know I'm not going to

16:54

get too much into that. Their money, their choice

16:56

whatever but I'm so glad that they did talk

16:58

things out in the end and come to some

17:00

sort of healthy resolution. But

17:02

now I'm going to turn this one

17:04

to you guys. What do you guys

17:06

make of this situation? Let me know

17:09

your thoughts down in the comments below.

17:11

Let's move on to another story. Our

17:14

next story comes from automatic trick 7755 and

17:17

says I'm IV asshole for

17:19

giving my ex girlfriend her ticket

17:21

for Taylor Swift but cancelling everything

17:23

else. I'm working

17:25

overseas right now and I managed to get

17:28

tickets for Taylor Swift in Singapore. The

17:30

concert is this coming Saturday. My

17:33

plan was to fly my girlfriend over for a

17:35

little vacation. It's a long

17:37

way from Connecticut so she was going to be

17:39

staying for 10 days. I was clear and I

17:41

told her that we would have two weekends together

17:44

as well as the evenings but I still had

17:46

to work during the daytime. Last

17:48

week she called me and said she was not

17:50

okay with this being long distance and that after

17:52

the concert we were over. I asked

17:55

for clarification. She said she would

17:57

come for the 10 days and we could have fun.

18:00

But then we were done. I can

18:02

have fun without paying for it. I transferred

18:04

her the one ticket and cancelled everything else

18:08

She called me to scream at me for canceling

18:10

the flight in hotel I told

18:12

her that I wasn't going to discuss it and hung

18:14

up. I blocked her on everything I'm

18:16

hearing from people back home that she has

18:19

lost her shit She'd been

18:21

bragging about getting to see Taylor Swift

18:23

and the vacation now She's telling everyone

18:25

that I cancelled the plans just out of the blue.

18:27

I guess that is sort of

18:29

true I did not discuss it with

18:31

her before I made my decision and did what I

18:33

did I am blocked her long

18:35

enough to offer to buy her the ticket if she wasn't

18:38

going to use it Our conversation

18:40

was unpleasant and involved a lot

18:42

of profanity The upshot was

18:44

she would rather let it go to waste and let

18:46

me have it Her friends have been

18:48

defending her and calling me an asshole. My position

18:51

is that I would feel like a John flying

18:54

her over for fun You

18:57

guys got to fill me in on that feel like a John

18:59

I don't know if it was just like a

19:01

typo or that's actually a saying I googled it

19:03

and I couldn't see anything But

19:06

you guys have to let me know What

19:09

planet is this girl from

19:12

You you announced that you're gonna fly her over.

19:14

It's gonna be a good trip She's gonna get

19:17

some time alone on this trip as well

19:19

She's gonna see Taylor Swift and she says but

19:21

hold on first before I come over

19:23

I just want you to know After

19:25

this trip, we are done a pre

19:28

dumping. What the fuck? I

19:30

wouldn't have even bothered offering that ticket initially I

19:32

wanted to cancel and everything or just kept the

19:34

ticket one or the other if you couldn't cancel

19:36

it No contribution says not the asshole, but why

19:38

did you give her the ticket when you'd pay

19:40

for it? Should have kept it and taken

19:42

someone else. She was just using

19:44

you as a sugar guardian Hopefully you

19:46

find someone that you deserve soon Mr.

19:50

Potter ordinary says not the art software

19:52

cancelling that all expenses paid vacation But

19:54

you're the asshole to yourself for wasting

19:56

the ticket by sending it to her.

19:58

Hope he says the ticket was a birthday I

20:00

know it's stupid but I promised her that ticket.

20:03

Bright Firelight says, you're a good dude,

20:05

don't let crazy tell you otherwise. Life

20:08

is a beauty joy replies to that saying good dudes can

20:10

be idiots too you know. Mate

20:13

says, what in the world did she

20:15

expect? Predumping you before her trip. Dr

20:18

S Falcon says, if you're gonna be a gold

20:20

digger then at least be a smart gold digger.

20:25

Carol Cat says she was probably just trying

20:27

to manipulate OP to take time off from

20:29

work when she was there so he could

20:31

chase, cater to and beg her like a

20:33

rejected dog. So he could take

20:35

her everywhere and spoil her. Sounds

20:37

entitled. She might have been

20:39

looking for grandiose attention and gestures but

20:41

instead she got consequences. I

20:44

hate when that happens. OP should

20:46

send her a card and welcome her to the

20:48

karma lounge and fuck around and find out club.

20:51

So around 5 days later OP comes in

20:53

with her update and says my ex sold

20:55

me back her ticket at face value. She

20:58

couldn't find anyone interested in paying for her flight

21:00

and hotel over. I didn't want

21:02

to see Taylor Swift but it was easy to sell a pair

21:04

of tickets for a nice bit of change. I

21:06

wish I had more to tell. I wish I could say

21:09

that I went to the concert and met a lovely woman

21:11

that my ex sold the ticket to. I

21:13

wish I could say that my ex flew out on her

21:15

own dime to win me back at the concert. None

21:18

of that would be true. I made money selling

21:20

something I bought for a woman I thought I was going

21:22

to marry. I'm glad I found out

21:24

what sort of person she really is before I made

21:26

that mistake. Sorry this isn't more

21:28

exciting. Thanks everyone for helping me see

21:30

my way through this. I

21:33

hate telling people it's a positive when they've just

21:36

had a break up. It always feels like you

21:38

know sort of backhanded or whatever. But

21:40

you know OP did dodge a bullet

21:42

in this situation. Getting pre-dumped when you've

21:45

just offered something absolutely amazing for them

21:47

is just a new level

21:49

of wildness for me. But what do you

21:51

guys make of this situation? Let me know

21:53

your thoughts down in the comments below. I

21:56

just a huge thank you from the bottom

21:58

of my heart for getting involved. in today's

22:00

stories. Your love, your support, your time always

22:02

means the absolute world to me. So thank

22:04

you so, so much. You are amazing. And

22:06

I will see you in the next one.

22:09

Take care and much love. Have

22:39

a catch yourself eating the same flavorless dinner three

22:41

days in a row. Dreaming of

22:43

something better? Well, HelloFresh is your

22:45

guilt-free dream come true, baby. It's

22:47

me, Geeky Palmer. Let's wake

22:50

up those taste buds with hot,

22:52

juicy pecan-crusted chicken or garlic butter

22:54

shrimp scampi. HelloFresh.

22:58

Stop dreaming of all the delicious

23:01

possibilities and dig in at hellofresh.com.

23:04

Let's get this dinner party started. Question

23:15

one and your starter for a perfect ten

23:18

was this. How many different colors

23:20

are on the national flag of Greece? And

23:22

the answer is there are two colors and they

23:24

are blue and red.