This week, Brianne offers a substitute hot take, birds do not respond to polite requests, hitting record has detrimental consequences, we manifest sexy spreadsheets, the truth comes out about Melanie’s dad, we look for a fun place to meet our ends together in Tennessee, and soon the Sleepytime Bear will crawl from the earth screaming, just like a cicada.

Content warnings: drowning deaths and discussion during disaster relief about later term pregnancy loss and grief.