0:06

The purpose of life is not to be happy.

0:08

It is to be useful, to be honorable, to

0:10

be compassionate, to have it make some difference

0:13

that you have lived and lived well. Ralph

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Waldo Emerson. Hey,

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and fill out the form and join the team.

1:04

Well, it kind of feels weird

1:06

being back to a little bit of normal because

1:08

we just finished an eight

1:11

part series. And so I got in like

1:13

this rhythm of what the

1:15

series was going to be,

1:16

but I did like doing this, that

1:18

eight part series. I did like it. And

1:20

if you listening, if you liked the series,

1:22

would you just jump on Instagram if you have it and

1:25

go to marriage after God and, and direct message

1:27

us, DM us and let us know if we should continue

1:31

with series because if we're podcasting

1:33

next year, we can throw in another series.

1:37

And if, if you're going to go that far, also

1:39

give us some ideas on what, what types

1:41

of things you would want us to talk about. Like if you have a

1:43

series idea for us,

1:44

speaking of asking you to do

1:47

things also, we're not done yet.

1:49

So go ahead and ask if you would do us a favor

1:52

if you haven't done so already and

1:54

leave us a review today on the podcast, wherever

1:56

you're listening. Give us a star

1:58

rating and a review.

1:59

And that actually helps all the algorithms and all

2:02

the things on the back end tell

2:04

people that our podcast is worth listening to. So

2:07

if you enjoy it, if you love it, would

2:09

you leave us a star rating today and write us a review?

2:12

We'd love it. And we also, we like reading those

2:14

reviews. So encouraging on our podcast.

2:17

So

2:17

okay, you guys, um, tomorrow's

2:19

Thanksgiving. We usually launch

2:22

our podcast episodes on Thursday, but with

2:24

it being Thanksgiving, I told Aaron, let's,

2:26

let's let and shit the day before, give people a chance

2:28

to listen cause they're going to be so busy tomorrow. Which

2:31

can I ask who told 2023 that

2:34

it could be done so

2:34

fast. I know it's crazy.

2:37

Thanksgiving. It's wild. I

2:39

love Thanksgiving by the way. I know. So

2:41

do I. This is a holiday that so many of us

2:43

look forward to for different reasons. Uh,

2:45

for some it means family traveling to you. This

2:48

is our case. Um, my family's coming out

2:50

to visit for Thanksgiving. Um, and

2:53

for others, there might be excitement around

2:55

traveling somewhere, going somewhere to see your family

2:58

or see your friends.

2:58

Or eating ham. Oh, totally eating.

3:01

Or my favorite yams with marshmallows.

3:03

But we also know that some families

3:05

are experiencing pain during this time or even

3:07

disappointment. Maybe the plans that

3:10

you had made didn't work out the way that

3:12

you had expected, or maybe you're grieving the loss

3:14

of a loved one. We just wanted to say that

3:16

we are all here for each other and whether

3:18

you're celebrating or having,

3:22

you know, a more quiet holiday this season, uh,

3:24

we can all appreciate those who are close

3:26

to us. And we just wanted to encourage

3:28

you to remind those who you love why

3:31

you love them.

3:32

That's good. Yeah. And while

3:34

you're thankful for them. And

3:36

I just want to add this one note, it's more of an encouragement to

3:39

myself, but for all of us, be present

3:41

with your family this holiday season, going into

3:43

Christmas too. Um, sometimes

3:46

we can be on autopilot or have our phones

3:48

in front of our faces, but remember

3:50

to put them down and remember to just

3:52

make that eye contact and really be, be present

3:55

in each other's spaces because we

3:57

need that human contact.

3:59

I know some families are getting like, I don't

4:02

know if everyone knows what a fair day bag is, but those like,

4:04

those lead line bags keep signals

4:07

from going. Oh, yeah. And they're requiring family

4:09

members to put their phones in the bag before they

4:11

come into the house.

4:12

It's probably a good idea though, because think about how much

4:14

more connection though,

4:16

there is. So today's episode,

4:18

we want to focus on this idea

4:20

of serving with your spouse

4:23

and serving with your family and doing

4:25

something for other people.

4:26

Yeah. So I wanted to share an experience

4:29

that we had with our family recently. Just

4:32

talk a little bit about why it's, um,

4:34

wasn't valuable experience

4:37

for us. And it was a lot of fun. It was

4:39

a lot of fun. It was fun for us. It was fun for

4:41

the kids. Um, so I'll kind of jump into that

4:43

and then we're, we'll just go from there. Um,

4:46

so we do adventure school Fridays, being homeschooled,

4:49

we're with each other a lot. And

4:51

so this year we, we decided to

4:53

start up a co-op, um, of sorts

4:55

where families can join us and

4:57

the moms or dads can participate

5:00

in kind of leading an adventure or

5:02

some type of learning every Friday. And

5:05

so it, well, it's not always outdoors, but it can

5:07

be. Um, I'm assuming when the weather gets really

5:09

bad, we might hit indoors a little bit, but

5:12

we've done things like toured farms. Um,

5:15

we've gone on hikes. Um, there's

5:17

some art days coming up. And so it's

5:20

just kind of like a wide range of whatever

5:23

we can come up with. And some of the, uh, parents

5:26

have skills themselves to offer

5:28

the kids. And so they're using that, um,

5:30

as a means.

5:31

You must have posted about this recently on

5:33

Instagram, cause I noticed a handful of messages of

5:36

families or mothers saying, what is adventure

5:38

school? I want to know

5:39

about this. Yeah, I do share about it on

5:41

my Instagram. So if you want to follow along it's unveiled

5:43

wife. And I do like to share

5:46

like kind of just snippets of what we're doing. And

5:49

I don't post every time we do it, but I

5:51

do post.

5:52

One of the recent ones we just did, um,

5:54

which is one of the few that I've been, I've been able to

5:57

participate in and you guys did it

5:59

at night. made it easier. And

6:01

all the dads came, which was a lot of fun.

6:04

And we borrowed a church and all the

6:07

kids did a presentation of some

6:09

things. Some all of sing a song, she

6:11

did the Star Spangled Banner, which she did awesome at. Some

6:14

did little presentations about

6:16

some character from or figure from the from

6:19

the past. It was really

6:21

cool. It was really cool seeing the kids present

6:23

these things

6:25

that they they came up with what they wanted to do some of

6:27

them had hard time, some had an easy time, but it was so

6:30

cool that they all did it. It was really

6:32

cool. There's

6:32

another one in the spring coming up. I'm excited to

6:34

see what the kids come up with.

6:35

Yeah, the these little venture schools you've been

6:37

doing have been really, really awesome. I think the

6:40

kids are loving them.

6:42

I know they are. So what

6:44

we wanted to share with you guys today was an experience that

6:46

we had with one of

6:48

the adventure school days that

6:51

I had a desire to do was a community service

6:54

project. And so I reached

6:56

out to a local organization

6:58

here in central Oregon called Crystal

7:01

Peaks Youth Ranch. And it's a Christian

7:03

organization that they rescue horses.

7:05

But it's also a program for children, where

7:08

foster children come and spend time with the horses.

7:10

And

7:11

they also receive horses to help rescue

7:13

the children. And they also share the gospel

7:15

with them. And it's just really cool. And

7:17

when we were there, they showed this little promo video,

7:19

and they were even talking about Monday men. And

7:22

there's these volunteers of men

7:24

who come who can like do things

7:26

with like candy tools. And they provide

7:28

things, they build things and they do stuff on the property

7:31

that helps make it so beautiful, which it really is

7:33

beautiful. But I

7:35

just, I was really grateful that

7:38

they let our team come all of our

7:40

kids because we have a really big group with different

7:42

age ranges. And they said, Come

7:44

on down. And so we, we all showed up

7:46

and we got to write on a wagon down to their

7:48

garden.

7:49

And real quick, I just want to talk about Crystal

7:52

Peaks Youth Ranch. It's beautiful. It's built,

7:54

it's in central Oregon. And

7:56

it's built on an old cinder pit, but it doesn't

7:58

look like that anymore. No, it's

7:59

all curated curated

8:01

and beautiful and because

8:04

volunteers like us have done stuff

8:06

over the years showing up. Yep. And

8:08

the there's the horses and there's the trails

8:11

and then it was just I just wanted to say was

8:14

all old ranchy but so cute and

8:16

beautiful like we went into the building in the

8:18

beginning to kind of get our debrief

8:20

and they had like a wood burning stove going and it

8:23

smelled awesome. I just just would

8:25

everywhere. It was really cool. Yeah,

8:26

it was really cool. So we

8:29

so the tasks that they gave us for the day which

8:31

we're some of us were like, oh no, we didn't know.

8:33

Yeah, what are we going to do? They had

8:35

us dig for potatoes and

8:38

they had a massive garden with rows

8:40

and rows and rows of it was just mounds

8:42

of dirt and like all

8:45

what was the green part had kind

8:47

of wilted and was dried up. And

8:49

so we had to find the potatoes and

8:52

you guys I'm telling you two hours worth of

8:54

digging like it was a treasure hunt and the kids

8:57

were so excited like every time they found when they're like,

8:59

you know, they measuring them up.

9:01

Everyone's Kevin said I want to go home. Yeah,

9:04

they were like, they just wanted to dig in the

9:06

ground.

9:06

Their goal. Some of our kids had

9:08

goals of finding the biggest potato. But

9:11

it was it was really fun to be out there and

9:13

like it was kind of a cold day. And so there was some

9:16

snotty nose kids with with potato

9:18

and not potato with dirt

9:20

and smeared across their faces and

9:22

it was all over us. But it was

9:24

so much fun. And I took this picture when we were done

9:27

as we were leaving Aaron of you holding Edith

9:29

on the back of one of the wagon Kubota

9:32

things. And the way that you look

9:34

in this picture that I was able to capture is so

9:36

beautiful. I really like it. I

9:39

know. Thank you. I

9:41

should post it. I like you. I like

9:43

you. I do like that you were there with

9:45

me that you said yes and that you were able to go away

9:48

from work to do that. So thank you for coming.

9:52

And so with all of that shared

9:54

we just wanted to use our experience

9:57

to share with you guys about the importance

9:59

of serving. together, serving

10:02

as a couple, but also serving alongside your kids.

10:05

This is a really important

10:07

message and picture that we get to show

10:10

them.

10:13

Do you desire to pray more for your spouse? Do

10:15

you desire to pray more with your spouse? We understand

10:18

that you may not know where to start, or maybe you feel

10:20

uncomfortable praying, or maybe you don't know what

10:22

to pray, or maybe you simply want to add something

10:24

more to your current prayer life. This

10:26

is why we wrote The Marriage Gift, 365 Prayers for Our Marriage. We

10:30

desire that it would be used as a daily reminder and

10:32

catalyst for you and your spouse to

10:34

grow a dynamic and consistent prayer life together.

10:38

This book is a compilation of 365 unique

10:40

and powerful prayers that cover a range

10:43

of diverse topics that every marriage deals with.

10:46

You can read it alone, or ideally, you

10:48

read it with your spouse. Also

10:50

we hope that the topics that are brought up in these

10:52

prayers would become a starting point for deeper

10:54

and more intimate conversations with your spouse and

10:57

a desire to seek God on these matters together.

10:59

Visit TheMarriageGift.com today and order

11:02

your copy and give your marriage the greatest gift,

11:04

powerful and meaningful prayer. Visit

11:07

TheMarriageGift.com today. They

11:10

see us wanting

11:12

to do things, not feeling forced,

11:14

not feeling obligated, but like, hey, we want

11:16

to go do this. One

11:19

huge benefit I know right away

11:21

from doing these sorts of things is

11:24

it takes away the fear

11:27

of stepping out and

11:29

saying, oh, what are they going to say? Or what am I going to

11:31

have to do? Or what, I just go and ask them

11:33

if I can come help? And it, because

11:35

when you meet those people, and most

11:38

ministries are like this, like those people

11:40

that run that ministry, they are passionate

11:42

and loving and so kind. So

11:45

just stepping out of our comfort zones

11:47

and going do that shows our children, like first

11:50

of all, that we want to do it, that we can do it, because

11:52

we always tell our kids we do hard things. But

11:55

it makes it that much easier to do it in the future.

11:58

We've talked about this with prayer. The more we pray

12:00

with our kids, our kids aren't going to have an uncomfortable

12:03

relationship with prayer. It's going to be like, no, that's

12:05

kind of normal. It's what we do. Because you

12:07

practice it. Yeah, so serving and doing that

12:09

and doing it with your kids creates that

12:12

in them.

12:13

So let's talk about our history just

12:15

for a minute, Erin, because we've always loved

12:17

to serve together and it's kind of like

12:20

how our relationship started. It was part

12:21

of the deal. I was like,

12:23

I don't know what we're going to do, but we're going to do it together

12:25

and we're going to do it for

12:26

God. That's true. That was

12:28

part of your proposal. So this isn't just to

12:30

boast or anything. It's just for you guys to get to know

12:33

us a little bit and for us to reminisce because

12:35

that's always fun to do. So when

12:37

we first met, we met at a

12:39

Bible study and you very

12:41

early on recruited me to serve with

12:43

you at another church for their

12:45

youth group. It's true. And that

12:47

was super fun. We did all kinds of games with them, all

12:50

nighters. We did. That

12:52

was fun. Years worth of spending

12:55

time with the youth. Another

12:57

thing that we did was we served a camp up

12:59

in Washington. It had ties to the church that we were serving

13:01

the youth group in and

13:03

you had been going every summer.

13:05

Yeah, the youth pastor that

13:07

was my mentor also hosted a camp up

13:09

in Washington every year. It

13:12

was a summer camp. Yeah. And

13:14

I started going up there with them every year. And then when I met

13:16

you and also a bunch of other friends that

13:18

I recruited to be youth leaders, we started going

13:20

to do that also.

13:21

Yeah, that was super fun. I miss that camp

13:23

Shiloh. Yeah, that was awesome. I wonder

13:25

if we have any camp Shiloh listening. That'd

13:28

be crazy. We probably do actually. It's kind of weird

13:30

because on Facebook you see all these people who once

13:32

were small, grown up and having families

13:34

of their own. But we

13:36

do miss all those people up in Washington. We

13:39

should go visit them soon. That was a lot of fun.

13:41

Okay, so we also we

13:44

served in Bible study together,

13:47

that Bible study that

13:49

I met you at. Yeah. Kind

13:52

of turned into its own little home church. And we all had

13:54

roles. We all had roles where you could volunteer

13:56

for different things. We

13:59

served in our church. Africa together after we got married and

14:02

with that missions organization it was stationed

14:04

in Florida we moved there to serve

14:06

them. Yeah

14:07

we worked we worked for them. Did you do finances

14:10

and stuff?

14:10

The only time in my life that

14:12

I said yes to reconciling books

14:14

and

14:15

not my jam. But

14:19

okay so after getting married we've served each other ever

14:21

since then. For

14:23

the most part.

14:26

Okay so then there was a break in our serving because

14:29

if you know our story we were

14:32

kind of falling apart. Our marriage was falling apart.

14:34

Yeah early on. This is yeah early in marriage

14:37

and it lasted a few years and I would say

14:39

during that time was probably the hardest

14:41

time for us to even see outside of ourselves.

14:44

Least

14:44

consistent in church. Yeah. Least consistent

14:46

in doing anything. Yeah. Like

14:49

outside of just jobs and living.

14:50

Yeah you were kind of pursuing work

14:53

in your own things. I was pursuing work in my own

14:55

things and it was just because our

14:58

eyes were on ourselves and we were going through a

15:00

really painful time in our marriage and so there

15:02

was no hope or joy or

15:04

encouragement to give others because we didn't know

15:07

that yet. We didn't know what that looked like. We

15:08

needed to be served.

15:10

We needed someone to come minister to us.

15:12

Yeah and we we actually

15:14

received that in about

15:17

our fourth year of marriage. We started going through this

15:19

marriage ministry and we definitely received

15:21

that and so I just I'll give

15:23

a shout out to them too. It's called Fuse. All

15:26

the people that were a part of that ministered to

15:28

our lives and encouraged us and showed us how

15:31

maintaining our marriage and centering

15:33

it upon God is the bedrock

15:36

and foundation of a strong marriage.

15:37

Speaking of that kind of

15:39

season and earlier I wanted to can I mention

15:42

a text message or discount? Yeah go for

15:44

it. Randomly got a

15:46

text message from my friend. I'm not gonna mention who

15:48

but it was really encouraging

15:50

because in this

15:53

idea of serving, the idea is not just to like

15:55

look at diddle this good stuff. It's

15:57

that your life is being used. That

16:00

you're allowing God to speak through you

16:02

move through that you're you're not just self

16:04

seeking. You're like, okay, God You've

16:07

given me so much Use me

16:10

for what you're doing And

16:12

this is a friend of mine from a long time ago And he just

16:14

text me out of nowhere and he said it here and just wanted

16:16

to send a message to you saying I'm thankful For

16:19

the role you had in my salvation. I was

16:21

showing my daughter pictures of you and your

16:23

family You're a richly blessed person that has

16:25

blessed so many others. Love you, brother.

16:27

Hope everything as well And this

16:30

was like 21 years ago That

16:33

that's cool. This relationship was where

16:36

he's talking about and You don't

16:38

ever know the kind of impact you're

16:40

gonna have on someone's life if you just

16:43

go and serve them and love them and speak

16:46

to them and encouragement with

16:48

the Word of God and remind and let him know what the gospel

16:50

is and What's awesome

16:52

is this gentleman and his wife now

16:55

serve in their marriage ministry Their

16:57

church and they said how they just love Loving

17:00

on couples and pointing them to Jesus and

17:02

encouraging them to walk faithfully and humbly before

17:05

their God. So You know, I'm telling

17:07

you

17:07

when you read when you step outside

17:10

of yourself to serve it does spark something

17:12

in other people That they go.

17:15

Oh I can do that too. It's a really

17:17

good thing for the believer to see and

17:18

I don't want to take credit for his

17:21

salvation I just all

17:23

I can say is I was just Walking

17:27

with God and encouraging a brother

17:29

in his faith and sharing

17:32

who God is and that's what we do we We

17:35

say yes to God and we allow him to use us

17:38

So going back to a little bit of our history Once

17:41

we got over that hump and early in our marriage

17:44

and we experienced others kind of serving

17:46

and encouraging our marriage we served

17:48

in that very marriage ministry for a few

17:50

years and We

17:52

ended up going with the church to Nicaragua We did

17:54

a little missions trip with them and that was together

17:57

before we had kids. That was super fun And

18:00

so along the way we've

18:02

served in any capacity that we

18:05

had the opportunity to say yes to Helping

18:07

others move helping others with babysitting

18:09

Our skills and resources

18:11

using whatever we had if someone was

18:14

sick being able to serve them with bringing over

18:16

a meal

18:16

It's just been really a huge

18:18

blessing to us to be able to Be

18:22

in people spaces and to be

18:24

a part of people's lives and to love on them

18:26

when I have this memory of

18:28

when our kids were still really little and we Wanted

18:31

to incorporate them in serving

18:33

others and we showed up I

18:36

think it was in the fall it was either the fall

18:38

or the spring But we showed up to

18:40

a friend's house with gloves and

18:42

shovels and a garbage bag and we were like

18:44

hey Can we just clean out your garden bed for you and

18:47

we went around the whole? Exterior of their

18:49

home with all their gardens and they

18:51

had a really nice garden beautiful flowers But

18:53

we got to show the kids even then at a young age

18:56

like we can do this for other people just

18:58

because

18:59

Just because there's there's no reward

19:00

other than we want to bless them

19:02

which reminds me of when

19:04

I was a youth leader At my church one

19:06

of the things that are my mentor or a pat

19:08

or youth pastor Had us do with all

19:10

the kids was this thing he called risk

19:13

random incidents of census kindness And

19:15

we'd find something in the community

19:17

to do and we all go together as a youth group and go

19:20

do it I was thinking of the gardening thing. There

19:22

was a old folks home Right

19:25

around right around the corner from my house and we

19:27

went to gardening cleaned up their garden, but

19:29

made it look really pretty I remember

19:30

that I'm with them it's a really memorable

19:32

thing to do something outside of the box

19:34

and outside of yourself and It's

19:37

a gift. It's a gift that you give to others But

19:39

it's also a gift to your marriage when you serve in any

19:42

capacity with your spouse and it's a gift to your

19:44

kids Because not only

19:46

are you forming memories like I have this memory

19:49

with my family. I was probably 13 and

19:53

there was this family camp up in

19:55

the hills in California and You

19:58

could go at a discounted rate if your

20:00

family came that specific weekend

20:02

and served the camp. And so

20:05

what we did, our job, because they broke

20:07

it down by like last name, our family

20:09

had to take out all the chairs in

20:11

all the different facilities and wash

20:13

them. So I have this memory of washing

20:16

probably thousands of chairs over the course

20:18

of a day and a half. But it

20:20

was fun. And I don't remember anything else we

20:22

did that weekend. But I do remember

20:25

making that memory with my family and being encouraged

20:27

by it that our family is the kind of family

20:29

that helps others and does things

20:32

for free and for for the

20:34

gift of joy and, you know, blessing.

20:36

Let's normalize serving. Let's

20:39

let's. I like that.

20:42

OK, so that's a bit of Aaron and I serving. Do you want

20:44

to share anything more about like your heart

20:47

behind why? Why

20:49

we serve?

20:49

Well, I think just in general,

20:53

when

20:54

you think about how much God has

20:56

given us that he's given us everything.

21:00

That in itself makes it

21:02

easier to give that you and to do.

21:05

And you're not doing it to earn anything from

21:07

God, because again, we've talked about this over and over.

21:09

That's not how the gospel works. Yeah, we can't

21:11

earn anything. We do it because

21:13

of the gospel.

21:14

But we can't do it because it pleases him.

21:16

It definitely pleases. I agree

21:18

with that.

21:19

OK, so one of the things

21:21

that I wanted to go over today, we

21:23

wanted to go over today were the benefits,

21:26

benefits for you as a couple and benefits

21:28

for you as a whole family unit serving

21:31

together. And so let's just tackle some of these.

21:33

What does it do for a marriage? So

21:35

benefits of serving together in your

21:38

marriage is it builds unity. That's

21:41

you doing this together. You're on the same

21:43

page together. You're you're doing

21:45

something for God together. It

21:47

builds unity in a major way.

21:49

Yeah, it provides the opportunity to

21:52

learn and practice good communication. And

21:56

being inconvenienced, that's a part of it

21:58

sometimes. plans,

22:00

sticking to commitments. These

22:02

are all really good unity building things.

22:05

It also makes other

22:08

issues seem small. Especially

22:10

if you go...

22:12

It gives you perspective. Yeah, it gives you perspective.

22:15

You're not going to always be helping someone that's, you

22:17

know, quote unquote, less fortunate because you could be helping your

22:19

friend who's totally just fine, but you want

22:21

to go serve them and love them. But

22:25

helping other people and giving

22:27

of your time and your energy and your resources definitely

22:30

puts other things in perspective. Things that we're so concerned

22:33

about, so worried about. But you're like, oh, like

22:35

that's not that big of a deal. Like this is

22:37

a bigger deal. It's

22:38

also a good distraction from those things. So

22:43

there's the gift of generosity, of

22:45

giving of your time and effort,

22:47

all of it. And

22:50

those are things that you and your spouse get to talk about

22:53

and reminisce in and build

22:55

each other and encourage each other up in, is

22:57

recognizing that you are

23:00

sharing that gift with others.

23:01

And I think it also reminds us of

23:04

the purpose of our time, talents,

23:07

and resources. Like it's not just for

23:09

ourselves. I always mention

23:11

this, the fruit of a tree. When we talk

23:13

about good fruit, the fruit of a tree is not necessarily

23:16

for the fruit's sake, it's for others. That

23:21

they would taste and see that the Lord is good. So

23:23

the fruit of our lives, yes, we

23:25

of course benefit from it, but it's meant

23:28

to benefit others.

23:29

I would also say that one of the benefits

23:32

of serving others together helps

23:34

us serve each other better. It's

23:36

just like the more practice that you give

23:38

to something, the better you are at that thing.

23:40

And takes our eyes off

23:42

ourselves, which means we're

23:45

more prone to put our eyes on your

23:47

spouse or others.

23:48

Also, it's the way that Christ walked.

23:51

It was his example. He served others.

23:53

He was a servant. He came to serve and

23:55

that's kingdom work. And so one thing

23:58

that I've really loved about serving. others,

24:00

Erin, with you is that I know

24:02

that there's purpose in it, that

24:05

we are contributing

24:07

to the kingdom together.

24:10

I also want to mention that there's

24:14

benefits to serving that are totally

24:17

okay, but I feel like we sometimes feel guilty

24:19

for having the enjoyment

24:22

of the thing you're doing. We

24:25

had a lot of fun picking potatoes. Yeah,

24:26

especially because this last year we didn't do a

24:28

garden.

24:29

I know, it made me miss gardening, and I

24:31

was like, oh, we get to garden. But they also

24:33

let us take potatoes home. That's true.

24:35

And so some people might feel guilty, like, no, no, no. This

24:38

is just for you. We didn't just ... No, what's wrong with

24:40

benefiting from the work you're doing? When

24:43

we went to Africa, while

24:46

we were there, we got to see and experience

24:49

some amazing things.

24:52

Like seeing Victoria Falls in that double

24:54

rainbow.

24:54

Sitting on a dock on a lake

24:56

and watching the tropical fish underneath us, and

24:59

all the driving and all that. We

25:02

got to have a lot of really

25:04

awesome experiences while there

25:06

that we benefit from personally.

25:09

And so serving together as a couple, you

25:12

get to benefit personally in a lot of ways.

25:14

It feels good to

25:17

serve.

25:18

Okay, so there's also ... I

25:20

mean, some of this is probably going to overlap,

25:22

but there's benefits for the

25:25

whole family serving together too. We

25:27

talked about unity, and it unifies

25:30

you as a family unit that you all are ... We're a team.

25:33

Yeah, you're all participating to do something hard. We always tell our kids, we

25:35

do hard things. Well, if you go and serve

25:37

and you do something hard together, you're

25:40

proving that statement to be true as

25:42

a whole, and everybody gets to communicate. It's

25:44

also a really good opportunity for ... When

25:48

children are being raised, they come

25:50

up against their flesh and ...

25:53

Well, it's naturally selfish,

25:56

like the world about me, what do I get?

25:58

When I get to ...

25:59

will provide an opportunity where you get to teach

26:02

them and talk to them about what it means

26:04

to give of yourself, to give of your time, to

26:07

be uncomfortable, to be in convenience.

26:09

All of that. That's a big benefit to

26:11

our children specifically. It

26:13

shows them the power of what they're capable of. Yeah.

26:17

It expands their realm of

26:19

like, wow, I didn't even

26:21

know I can do that. That's so awesome.

26:23

And along those same lines, it's inspiring

26:26

because then maybe one of your kids will

26:28

be encouraged to want to do something

26:30

for someone and then they lead out in

26:32

an invitation like, let's go do this for this

26:34

person.

26:35

Speaking of that

26:37

idea, them wanting to do it, you never know what

26:39

career or passion might

26:47

develop inside of your child. They

26:49

might fall in love with

26:51

that,

26:52

whatever it is that you go do. That

26:54

might become their future, like a

26:57

philanthropy or a business to support

26:59

that thing. You never know what's

27:02

going to be sparked inside of them.

27:03

In Marriage After God, we wrote that

27:06

book to encourage couples to recognize

27:08

their purpose as a

27:10

couple to how they can serve God together.

27:13

So go get a copy of Marriage After God. No,

27:15

but what you're saying is really cool because it trickles

27:17

down even to the children, this idea

27:19

that one day they're going to take their experiences

27:22

and add it to their spouses and

27:25

say, okay, now that we have these experiences

27:27

and this know-how, what can we do to serve

27:29

God together? And they're going to pull from this memory

27:31

bank. So this is really good.

27:33

And it's so important to remind our children

27:35

when we're serving that we

27:37

don't serve to earn something

27:40

from God or

27:41

even from other people

27:42

or from other people. Two things, we're

27:44

serving because of what

27:46

God has given us, because we love Him. And

27:49

we're serving others because we

27:51

love them. So we're not doing

27:54

these things to earn check marks

27:56

with God or to put

27:59

ourselves in a service. light with other people actually

28:01

the Bible actually talks about that that

28:04

our motives and how we do

28:06

things matters and so we want to remind

28:08

them that serving is it's what Christians do

28:11

because we love Jesus because what he's

28:13

done for us and then we serve people and

28:15

others because we love them

28:16

yeah Christ is our example

28:19

and our motivation for why we serve

28:21

and so let's look at some scripture to see

28:25

what our template is okay

28:26

can I start with the first one yeah Mark 10

28:31

45 for even the Son of Man came not to be served

28:33

but to serve and to give his life as

28:35

a ransom for many that's

28:38

really good because this is this

28:40

is the ultimate example Jesus like be like

28:42

Jesus what would Jesus do and Jesus

28:44

himself though God came

28:48

to serve men he even right before he died

28:50

instead of we were just you were just talking about this

28:52

to Elliott or someone in the car there because they were fighting

28:54

over a seat or something and we're like you know

28:56

Jesus when he sat at the table

28:59

excuse me when he sat

29:01

at the table with his disciples he didn't

29:03

pick the best seat on the contrary he actually wrapped

29:06

his you know cloak around his waist and became a servant

29:09

in that moment and washed their feet so

29:12

he is the ultimate service

29:14

well and I love that in this verse

29:18

it pairs serving with and

29:20

then it says to give his life as

29:22

a ransom for many and so we need

29:24

to remember that when we serve their

29:27

sacrifice involved it's not always convenient

29:29

it's not always easy it's not always done

29:32

in a place where you have a lot to give whether

29:35

it's financially or time or whatever it is

29:37

and we need to remember that serving is

29:40

paired or tied to this idea

29:42

of sacrifice and so if we can remember that

29:45

I think that's where the joy of it comes from

29:47

because you know that it's not like you

29:49

said you're not doing it to

29:51

get anything in return it's

29:54

a different kind of investment would you say it's okay

29:56

for someone to serve

29:59

when it is convenient Like so of course

30:01

like this is just gonna work out

30:02

well, some people are gifted in

30:04

the way that they give gifts or the way that they Have

30:08

do hospitality or you know, like for

30:10

some people it just comes a little bit easier

30:12

to serve or have eyes to see

30:14

What needs to be more convenient

30:16

for the working here where someone

30:19

else might have a really hard struggle Like how

30:21

do I have people or even cook for someone?

30:23

Yeah, what do I do? Yeah,

30:24

or even just season like maybe you Find

30:28

in one season that it's really easy to serve,

30:30

you know Five different families at the

30:32

same time and you're just going going going and then

30:34

other seasons you pull back because you realize

30:37

Your capacity is a lot smaller for some

30:39

reason and that's okay. That's okay to

30:41

recognize those things But again, I just wanted

30:43

to say I love that in this birth When

30:46

it says that the son of man came

30:48

not to be served but to serve that

30:51

that's in So many different ways

30:54

Jesus served in so many different ways But I

30:56

love that it also says and to

30:58

give his life

30:59

so we can adopt that thing Mentality

31:01

and heart posture. Well, I I'm

31:04

here to serve not be served

31:06

so the next one is Luke 22 24 through 27 a dispute

31:11

also arose among them as

31:13

to which of them was to be regarded as

31:15

the greatest again going back to Explaining

31:18

to our children why we don't fight over the best seat

31:20

or the best food or the best anything And

31:23

and he said to them So this is Jesus talking

31:25

to his disciples the kings of the Gentiles

31:28

exercise lordship over them and those in

31:30

authority over them are called Benefactors

31:32

but not so with you rather let

31:34

the greatest among you become as the youngest

31:37

and the leader as the one who serves For

31:39

who is the greater one who reclines at the

31:41

table or one who serves? Is it not

31:44

the one who reclines at the table? But

31:46

I am among you as the one who serves

31:48

so again, I just love this you came out

31:50

where he should be Yeah but where he

31:53

is that and so

31:53

worries that instead and so he has the

31:55

authority to be The one who doesn't

31:57

have to serve who doesn't have to do anything And

32:00

yet in that place

32:02

of honor and position and power, he

32:05

chooses to

32:06

be the one that serves. Well, and it's

32:08

also, it's so, it's God's

32:10

culture. Yeah. Is like, you know,

32:13

the world does it this way, but

32:15

we're gonna do it this way. We're not

32:17

gonna use the same system. We're not gonna use the same

32:19

hierarchical mindset.

32:22

Instead, you lower yourself, and

32:24

that's how you become greatest in the kingdom of heaven, is you

32:26

lower yourself. And Jesus was the greatest in the kingdom of

32:28

heaven. He became the lowest even

32:30

to death on the cross.

32:31

And I feel like this passage really tackles those

32:34

fleshly things that we

32:36

wrestle with even today, when it comes

32:38

to expectations in relationships or...

32:43

Or marriage. Marriage, yeah, for sure.

32:46

Because if we're, I was thinking about this as

32:48

we've been reading these, if we're

32:50

constantly in a place in our relationship

32:52

with our spouse, where we're expecting

32:55

and demanding them to serve us, that's

32:57

the wrong perspective. Now

33:00

it's okay to look forward to them serving you and

33:03

desiring them to serve you. But

33:05

if your perspective is, no, they're to serve me,

33:08

not the other way around, there's gonna

33:10

be a lot of tension and strife there. And that actually

33:12

is the opposite of the example that we're talking

33:14

about right now from Christ. But

33:17

if both husband and wife operate

33:19

in a way to lower themselves below

33:21

their spouse and to lift their spouse up, what

33:23

do you think will happen? Both

33:26

husband and wife are gonna be lifting each other up constantly

33:28

and serving each other. And

33:30

man, that is an amazing example

33:33

to show to your kids.

33:34

And it's walking in humility. That was the other

33:36

thing that I was trying to think of, but I had lost my

33:38

train of thought is just being able

33:40

to remember that we're choosing

33:42

humility.

33:42

Yeah.

33:44

So let's go on to the next verse,

33:46

it's John 13, 12 through 17. When

33:48

he had finished washing their feet and put on his outer garments

33:50

and resumed his place, he said to them, do

33:52

you understand what I have done to you? You call

33:54

me teacher and Lord and you were right for so

33:56

I am. If I

33:58

then your Lord and... teacher have washed

34:01

your feet, you also ought

34:03

to wash one another's feet. For

34:05

I have given you an example that you also should

34:07

do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly,

34:09

I say to you, a servant is not

34:11

greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater

34:13

than the one who sent him. If

34:16

you know these things, bless her or you if you do them."

34:18

I love the way that this ends with that call to

34:21

pursue life and relationships and people the

34:23

same way Christ did and the same

34:25

way that he loved them and honored

34:28

them and did something as serving

34:31

them with washing their feet before they ate.

34:33

Something I never noticed before in this

34:36

is he compares, he

34:38

says, do you not know that I'm your Lord and Savior

34:41

and teacher and you're right for saying so? He's like,

34:43

so if I'm washing your feet, then

34:45

you should do the same. And then he says, a

34:47

servant is not greater than his master. So

34:51

anytime we act in a way where

34:53

we put ourselves above people, when

34:56

we demand

34:58

that others serve us, what we're essentially

35:00

saying is that we're greater than Jesus. We're

35:03

essentially saying that we deserve something that

35:05

Jesus himself

35:07

who did deserve it, did

35:08

not take, but instead

35:10

served. And he's saying,

35:12

he's like, if you're seeing your Lord and your teacher

35:15

serve in this way, you should always

35:18

serve this way because you are not greater than me.

35:21

That's really good. I also, I just

35:23

love that it says, blessed or blessed

35:25

are you if you do them. We got

35:27

to remember, even though we're serving not

35:30

to receive anything, not to get anything back,

35:33

we still are blessed in doing them.

35:34

Yeah. What's the verse? It's

35:37

more blessed to give than to

35:37

receive. Yeah. Jesus. He's

35:40

so good. All right. This last one is Philippians 2,

35:42

three through eight. Do nothing from selfish ambition

35:45

or conceit, but in humility, count others more

35:47

significant than yourselves. Let each of you

35:49

look not only to his own interests,

35:52

but also to the interest of others. Have

35:54

this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ

35:56

Jesus, who though he was in the

35:58

form of God, did not count. equality with

36:00

God a thing to be grasped, but emptied

36:02

himself by taking the form of a servant, being

36:05

born in the likeness of men, and being found

36:07

in human form, he humbled himself by becoming

36:10

obedient to the point of death, even death on

36:12

a cross." So again,

36:14

him just recognizing who he

36:16

is, his identity, his power,

36:18

his authority, and saying, but

36:21

I'm a servant. And he's identifying himself as

36:23

a servant.

36:23

Yeah. And he came, it

36:25

says, in the form of God. He is God, but

36:28

didn't operate in this earth in

36:31

a way to demand

36:34

that perspective

36:37

from people. And

36:39

that's something that we need to recognize how big

36:41

that is, that if God himself would

36:44

come down and lower himself in such a way,

36:47

what does that mean for us? How often do we think...

36:49

When it says he emptied himself, and

36:51

that was a

36:52

continual thing. Yeah, he poured it out.

36:53

That was not just on the cross, although that was

36:55

the ultimate sacrifice and serving

36:58

that he could have done for us. But his

37:00

whole ministry was him

37:02

emptying out, giving of himself

37:05

for others. And something even

37:07

more amazing is when I just thought about this, his equality

37:09

with God, a thing to be grasped,

37:12

but emptied himself on the cross,

37:14

he poured out his own righteousness so that we can

37:16

actually have the righteousness of God. And that's what it says. It

37:19

says, he became a propitiation. He replaced

37:21

our us with him. And

37:24

so he actually emptied out his righteousness

37:27

into us, all who believe, which

37:30

is pretty incredible to think about. And

37:34

it makes me more convicted on why

37:36

we don't recognize that more, that we

37:38

have the righteousness of Christ dwelling in us, that

37:40

we can actually serve on that level. Yeah,

37:43

I love it. Beautiful, guys. I also

37:45

want to point out that I like in

37:48

this verse specifically, it says that he took

37:50

the form of a servant, and then it goes

37:52

on to say being born in the likeness of men. And

37:54

so when you think about, you know, we talked often

37:57

on our podcast about that symbolism

37:59

of the clay in the potter's hands. But

38:02

I like that it says the form of a

38:04

servant here. It's like something to be molded

38:06

into, something to be shaped into, something that is

38:09

beautiful. An artifact, if

38:11

you think about clay or pottery, like something

38:13

beautiful to behold. And I want to

38:17

take that kind of form like Jesus

38:19

did. And so

38:21

I just want to point out that being a servant

38:23

is one who recognizes

38:26

what their purpose is. Being emptied

38:29

out, you know what that

38:31

means. Like you understand and you go for

38:33

it. And it might be, it might

38:35

seem like, well, it's easy for Jesus. He was God.

38:39

But it says right here, it says, he humbled himself.

38:42

So he had flesh like ours that desired

38:45

to be recognized, that desired to be comfortable,

38:47

that desired to be said. Okay,

38:49

but there's nothing easy about becoming

38:51

obedient to the point of death. Not one person can

38:53

say that that's an easy thing

38:54

to do. He laid down, he had to actually

38:57

choose to be humble. So

39:00

he humbled himself by

39:02

becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

39:05

This is what we see in the Garden of Gethsemane.

39:07

He is saying, Lord, is

39:08

there another way? But not my will be

39:11

done. So it says that

39:13

he learned,

39:15

he learned obedience to the things that he suffered. The

39:17

word says about Jesus. So we

39:20

are to do the same thing. It's not going

39:22

to come natural to us to want to serve and to

39:24

want to be humble and to want to choose it, lay

39:27

our lives down for others. And yeah, it's got to be

39:29

something that we, we actively do.

39:33

Jesus humbled himself, then we need to do the same thing. And

39:35

when we do,

39:36

and when we do, we bless others.

39:39

And we're, and we're blessed.

39:42

He says that we become a light in

39:44

this world. And I've been talking to the kids a lot

39:46

about this, like as a family unit, when

39:48

we choose to operate in a way, in the way that

39:50

we engage with one another and the things that we do, we

39:53

become a light to others. And

39:55

so when they ask us, well, why is your family like that?

39:57

We can say it's the testimony of Christ in other.

39:59

life. And so in

40:02

every opportunity that we have to serve someone

40:05

else in this world,

40:06

we're sharing that light with them. We're sharing

40:08

the light of the gospel with them. I

40:10

also want to share that a little shout out. There's

40:13

a homeschool company

40:15

called Not Consumed, a mom who is really

40:19

passionate about sharing resources with

40:21

people. And I just bought a Bible study pack

40:23

from Not Consumed, all

40:25

about relationships. And they

40:27

have these little booklets, and one of them is about

40:29

serving others and becoming a servant. And

40:32

so I'm really excited to go through the kids with it starting

40:34

in the new year. Absolutely good. If you're interested,

40:37

check that out. It's Not Consumed.

40:39

So to close us out, we just want to

40:41

reiterate that serving,

40:44

now I

40:46

want to say shouldn't feel like a chore, but it

40:48

is something that's going to cause sacrifice. It's going

40:50

to be something that is going to, you're

40:52

going to have to go out of your way for it. It's going to be something you have to

40:55

plan.

40:55

And it's one of those things that sometimes you choose

40:57

to walk in something and your heart follows later.

40:59

Like after the fact, you realize, oh,

41:02

that's the purpose. That's why I did it. It's

41:04

like your eyes are open to it. And so sometimes it's just

41:06

a matter of being obedient to the call and

41:08

obedient to the opportunity that God provides to

41:10

say yes.

41:11

And having a heart of prayer

41:14

and saying, Lord,

41:15

open my eyes to the opportunities

41:17

that you bring to me, the people that

41:20

you bring to me that help show me

41:22

how I can serve them.

41:24

And most definitely your spouse, because this

41:26

is a marriage podcast. We need to remind each other that

41:28

our eyes should be open to one another and how

41:31

we can serve each other daily, whether that's

41:33

a small thing or maybe it's a little bit more extravagant

41:35

because you just have this wild idea

41:37

of how to serve your spouse. But there

41:39

are things that we could be doing daily to serve one another.

41:42

As we mentioned in marriage after God,

41:44

one of our main themes throughout that book is

41:47

your when you practice your ministry

41:49

at home with your spouse and your children,

41:51

then doing that ministry outside your home

41:53

becomes much more natural. Yeah. So

41:56

the yes becomes easier. So

41:58

what are for those listening, what are five ways

42:00

that they can serve their spouse either today or

42:02

this week that would be super easy.

42:05

Keeping an eye out for something that

42:07

would be a blessing to them like a treat or a

42:09

gift or time

42:12

alone if they want it or time with you. Awesome.

42:15

I'm going to go straight for the spiritual

42:17

one and say wash their feet. I

42:20

was able to do this with you one time and it was

42:22

during a season of our

42:24

marriage that was in need of healing

42:26

and hope and it was really

42:28

a powerful experience. I

42:30

have this other friend who they chose to do it on

42:32

their wedding day. Some people will light a candle

42:35

or do some sort of unity something. They

42:38

wash each other's feet and it's so beautiful.

42:40

Another one would be in this physical

42:42

touch, find a way to give

42:44

them a foot massage, a back massage, a head

42:46

massage, a tickerer rub. Something that's going to

42:49

just be like, I love you and I want

42:51

to bring you some joy right now.

42:53

Deal. And then you do one

42:55

more and I'll do one more. What's

42:59

another way?

43:01

Okay. I'll say what you did for me yesterday. Okay.

43:03

Okay. So I dislocated

43:05

a toe in jujitsu earlier last week

43:08

and getting ready for Thanksgiving. We have family

43:10

coming out and I had a work

43:12

day yesterday and I was gone and Aaron

43:14

mopped the floor

43:15

for me. Oh, yeah. Because

43:16

walking around on it kind of hurts right now. So thank

43:18

you for that. I

43:19

also cleaned the stove the other day. Thank

43:21

you for

43:22

doing that. So these are just little things that

43:24

really bless your spouse, especially if they're

43:26

in a state where they can't do the normal.

43:29

And then the last one we'll end with is just prayer,

43:32

not just prayer. Prayer is probably the most important

43:34

and easy thing to step into. Ask

43:36

them, how can I pray for you? Ask them, how can I pray for

43:38

you today? It could even be a text. Hey, I

43:40

want to pray for you. Give me three things that I

43:42

can be praying over you for. So there

43:44

you go. So the growth

43:46

spurt for this month,

43:48

you might have to remind them what that

43:50

is because we took a break when we were doing the series for

43:52

eight weeks.

43:52

We all year, we've been in these growth spurs

43:55

each month where we have a theme and it's

43:57

kind of like an action item.

43:58

It's like a little challenge for you guys.

43:59

Yeah, and this one's gonna go through the end of the year. Yep,

44:02

and the growth spurt is to

44:04

the season to be present I thought

44:06

you were gonna

44:07

lead into that like the season

44:08

to be present so I

44:11

heard it my present because we have

44:13

so many things especially with technology

44:16

these days That are taking our

44:18

attention and they draw us and for

44:20

whatever reason we're drawn to them and the notification

44:23

and the and the phone Call and the

44:25

the all the things and

44:28

they draw our eyes down Okay, so serve you

44:30

put our phones away. Let's put our serve

44:32

your spouse this week by hiding their phone for

44:34

a little bit There you go. Just kidding. You'll freak them out.

44:36

Yeah, leave your leave your phone in the other room

44:38

Let's see. This is a good practice. Yeah, leave it in the other

44:40

room

44:41

and it's not just about your phone It's about being

44:43

present in any capacity that

44:45

you can in the moment with your spouse

44:47

Yeah, so like if it's coming to you know cooking,

44:49

you know big meals be

44:51

present in that don't let it be something. That's a Chore

44:54

again, all right, it can be something that's a joyful

44:57

and fun like oh, we're doing this as a family together Be

44:59

present good.

45:00

Okay. We hope that you guys

45:02

have an amazing Thanksgiving tomorrow with

45:04

your family and friends and Or today

45:07

if you're celebrating today or this weekend if you're celebrating

45:09

this weekend, but we hope that it's a really Full

45:13

of joy and Hopeful

45:15

time together we're gonna end this

45:17

episode with a prayer. So

45:18

please join us

45:20

Dear Lord, thank you for the reminder that serving

45:23

others is important We pray we would never

45:25

neglect or lose sight of serving each other in marriage We

45:27

also pray we would be quick to offer help to others

45:30

as we serve others together We pray we would

45:32

be unified Lord help us to have eyes

45:34

to see where we can serve others We pray

45:36

we would be willing to serve even if it's difficult

45:39

or hard or inconvenient We pray

45:41

you would inspire us this next season to go out

45:43

of our way to serve each other with joy

45:46

We pray serving together makes our marriage

45:48

even stronger in Jesus

45:49

name. Amen oh