0:00

the next week . I'm going to go back to the show

0:04

. Here's a question

0:07

for you Is marriage overrated ?

0:09

Why aren't people getting married anymore

0:11

? A new Pew Research poll found

0:13

that two

0:16

and five young adults think marriage

0:18

is an outdated tradition . Marriage rates are at their lowest

0:20

right now . Is marriage really even

0:23

worth it ? More

0:28

than half of marriages and marriage so that's

0:30

why it's declining . Why would you get married if you

0:32

don't , if you want to have

0:34

just one partner when you can have multiple ?

0:36

marriage is stupid .

0:38

Welcome to the married podcast , the

0:40

self proclaimed greatest relationship

0:43

and marriage podcast in the world

0:45

. Marriage is stupid . Stupid

0:48

is what the

0:50

guy says in our intro . We are your host , matthew

0:52

and Monica Powers . For

0:54

official news

0:59

. We have a 30 something ish overall

1:04

. But here we are . If you say so , officially , get

1:06

going . Welcome to everyone who is

1:08

listening on all platforms

1:10

Apple , spotify , amazon , google , all

1:13

the other different ones and watching

1:15

us . Possibly on YouTube , you

1:17

can actually watch us and see what's

1:19

actually going on behind

1:22

the scenes , which is really not all that not all

1:24

that glamorous . All that fun . I mean

1:26

I'm wearing a pair of socks . My bomb

1:28

is . If bomb is , whatever want to sponsor

1:31

us , that's a huge , huge win

1:33

. We love , our bomb is there amazing

1:35

and the bomb is slippers and where it's at , you

1:37

can make fun of me all you want .

1:38

Just get off my back .

1:39

So I had an episode planned today

1:41

. I have something written out ready

1:44

. This was a part of the planning process

1:46

throughout the summer . Hey , this was going to be

1:48

good , really transitioning to the

1:51

first episode . But all that was

1:54

going to be good . I'm going

1:56

to be back with another

1:59

episode because , essentially , you have been lying

2:01

to me and keeping a secret from

2:03

me for a very long time .

2:05

That really came to fruition

2:07

about a month ago and we just kind

2:09

of got fruition .

2:10

It came to life . It came about using

2:13

all of these strange vocabulary . Lately You're

2:16

like 19th century Matthew

2:18

Powers .

2:18

Listen , they talk about everybody what it means in English

2:21

.

2:21

It means

2:23

that you're going to be lying

2:26

to me for a very , very long

2:28

time . So please share what this

2:30

was and why this episode has completely

2:32

changed , because we kind of got to the endpoint

2:35

of that secret , or not

2:37

the endpoint , but to the huge next step of

2:39

this secret on Friday

2:41

.

2:41

Well , in my defense , I forgot

2:44

about it .

2:44

I'll give you a little bit

2:47

on that .

2:48

So what happened ? I

2:51

think the favorite game show is Will

2:55

Fortune . It is , and we

2:57

was it a

3:00

year ago .

3:01

I think a little over a year ago , maybe

3:03

a year to 18

3:07

months .

3:07

we'll say it was around this time . It's

3:09

our anniversary in a few days .

3:11

Yes .

3:11

But we always do something fun

3:14

around .

3:14

this time We've done the price

3:17

is right for like our 10th anniversary

3:21

in New York for that , but we did

3:23

something .

3:24

We did it this time of year for

3:26

our anniversary , like heck , yeah , it

3:29

was the live show and we did

3:31

the little VIP package

3:33

where we got to go spin

3:35

the wheel and we have to . So

3:37

tell them what you spun

3:40

, you get one spin .

3:42

Yes , in in the VIP package

3:44

you get to go actually on

3:46

the stage , have your pictures made

3:49

and you get to actually spin the wheel and I take a bunch

3:51

of pictures while you're spinning . Monica spun

3:53

first .

3:54

I spun a 500 .

3:55

You got 500 . You did pretty good . I spun

3:57

my one and only opportunity to actually spin

4:00

the wheel and of course it lands on bankrupt

4:02

.

4:02

You had one spin powers , one spin

4:04

bankrupt tragic

4:07

, tragic news . So we did that .

4:09

We had so much fun at

4:12

that little event and a friend

4:14

that we went to high school with was there

4:16

. We didn't know he was going to be there , but he actually got up

4:18

on the stage to be a part of the show and actually

4:20

won the whole thing .

4:22

It was really cool to see and

4:24

we just talked about it for I

4:27

guess a while and

4:30

I don't remember what

4:32

sparked my memory at that

4:34

time , but I'd

4:37

say a

4:40

year or so before

4:43

we went to the live event .

4:45

Yep .

4:46

I had submitted you to

4:49

be a contestant on the actual

4:51

show , not just the live

4:53

.

4:54

Pat Sejak Van White , the whole

4:56

thing the real deal .

4:59

You have to get on a plane

5:01

and go across the country to

5:04

LA to be

5:06

on the show . Like you are an actual

5:09

contestant , so I'd forgotten

5:11

about it .

5:12

You had completely forgotten about it . You

5:14

did this Never , ever mentioned a word

5:16

to me about it , never even gave a hand

5:18

that , hey , this would be a really cool opportunity , don't you

5:20

think ? Nothing whatsoever .

5:22

No , I didn't , and

5:25

I knew that . If , when

5:27

I'd submitted all of your stuff

5:29

, if I were to

5:31

put your email address you

5:34

would

5:36

have been . This is stupid , this is spam

5:39

. Delete , oh , 100% . So

5:41

I put all of your information

5:44

like as you , the contestant

5:46

, but my information on the

5:48

contact part .

5:51

You did . So in a month ago

5:53

fast forward to middle of August

5:55

. I'm sitting at home with our daughter .

5:57

Wednesday night .

5:58

I'm a student , you're at students with our son Cash

6:00

and you , just you sit , you call

6:02

me like right as students is about to begin , you

6:05

say check your email , check your email

6:08

. I signed you up for Villa fortune . They just sent you

6:10

an email . I got to go buy and that was it

6:12

. That's all I got . So I'm like what world is she

6:14

talking about right here ? What has

6:16

she done ? I don't fully understand

6:18

. I can't talk to you because you're in the middle of students at this time

6:21

.

6:21

I was going into a small group and I was like , hey , sorry

6:23

, check your email . I love you . Bye .

6:25

And that was pretty much it . So I open the

6:27

email , I read it and , sure enough , I've

6:29

been selected to audition for

6:31

will of fortune and I'm like you

6:33

have okay all right , sure , whatever

6:36

Okay . No , I didn't believe you at all

6:38

. So I go in , I I still reply

6:40

to the email . They contact me

6:42

immediately and say , hey , we have this

6:44

state , this state , this state for a quick

6:46

little five minute interview . And I'm thinking , okay

6:48

, five minute interview , that'll be it , it's over .

6:50

So it was the next day .

6:51

It was two or three days later . Yeah

6:53

it was . It was the following Monday that I did it

6:56

, and so on that Monday I have that

6:58

interview . It is literally just a couple minutes to ask

7:00

you a few questions and just kind of have a short little

7:02

conversation with you . And

7:04

she's like , okay , this one really really

7:06

great , we really like you . What are

7:08

you doing ? On Wednesday , I think was

7:10

I was like you know , it doesn't matter . She said , well , the

7:13

next step of this process , you're going to go through an hour

7:15

long audition with one

7:17

of the producers of the show and

7:19

you're going to actually have to go through play the game

7:21

and all this . I'm like , okay , great , so

7:23

we set it up for that Wednesday

7:26

like two days later .

7:27

Two days later , set up on a span of a week .

7:29

Oh yeah , set it up on that Wednesday and

7:32

I'm in there and I'm there

7:35

with the producer and there are three

7:37

other people there with me , so they have four of

7:39

us and we do the other the fast

7:41

puzzles to start the game . And then we

7:43

have to tell a little bit about ourselves and it goes a little

7:45

more lengthy than what you would actually see on the show , and

7:48

they ask you questions and talk to you for about

7:50

five minutes Now , not even that , maybe two or

7:52

three minutes each person . And then after

7:54

that you go to a whole other section where they just flash

7:57

semi solved puzzles

7:59

on the screen . For the time it

8:01

goes for 15 minutes for each person and

8:03

you just solve as many as you possibly can . You don't get to add

8:05

letters to it or anything like that . It's really

8:07

, really intense , it's very stressful

8:10

, it's very fast pace . You see the clock and all

8:12

that .

8:12

So I begged you to video

8:15

this secretly so I could watch . You

8:17

did , I was unable to do it Not , you were

8:19

just so nervous

8:21

that day .

8:22

Oh , I was so nervous about it , so do

8:25

that . And they tell us at the end

8:27

hey , thank you so much for your time

8:29

. Be on the lookout for your email

8:31

. You'll hear from us within one

8:33

to two months . If you don't hear from us , you didn't get

8:36

it . You can reapply in a year . So

8:38

fast forward to Friday .

8:40

Well , and at that point we were like , oh

8:42

well , that sucks , you went through all of that for

8:44

nothing , yeah .

8:45

I truly didn't expect to get

8:47

anything . I did well in the game , but I didn't expect to win

8:49

anything at all . Now

8:52

figured out . Well , that was cool experience . It's over and done

8:54

with Friday . I'm leaving the office

8:56

heading home . Good

8:58

email says will a fortune

9:01

is one from the producers , and sure enough

9:03

will a fortune reached out and said hey

9:05

, we need you to record on

9:07

this day . Are you available ? It's going to be

9:09

for this . I can't talk too much detail about

9:11

it , but we need you to need you to come out to LA

9:14

and we want to film the show

9:16

on this date . And sure enough

9:18

that's . That's where we currently stand .

9:20

So I replied back . We're

9:22

going to be in

9:24

LA in less than a month less than a month

9:27

time . So for will a fortune .

9:29

I replied back that , yeah , hey , we're 100%

9:31

in . Absolutely , we most certainly

9:33

are , and I expect to get

9:35

my actual contestant packets

9:37

on Monday to be able to read through

9:40

all that and go through all that . So

9:42

this secret that you've been keeping

9:44

from me you're welcome . Turned

9:46

out to be a really , really cool thing and hopefully

9:49

I'll get to be on the show , because I do

9:51

tell you in the description there . You know

9:53

they're going to do everything I can to get everyone

9:55

on the show , but there's a possibility that perhaps

9:58

you know what they feel .

9:59

One or two people that are not going to be on what

10:01

they feel show may not actually

10:03

get on the show for whatever reason . So here

10:06

we are in this either way , we're going

10:08

to LA , to Sony

10:11

Studios , to

10:13

, even if we don't

10:15

get to see

10:18

you on the actual

10:20

show , like we go back and watch like months

10:22

down the road when it is going

10:24

to be aired we still get to

10:26

physically be there and

10:29

witness the show and be able to watch down

10:31

the road .

10:32

What ?

10:32

we actually saw that . We know what , that , we

10:34

know those answers , we know what that puzzle is .

10:36

We'll be the best ones ever on those shows

10:38

, for sure . So we've started watching

10:40

. We're paying attention .

10:42

I got a lot of research .

10:43

I got a lot of studying . I got

10:45

a lot of preparation to do

10:47

, but you've been keeping a secret

10:49

from me for a long time and

10:51

this was a secret that I thought was worth

10:54

keeping .

10:55

Yeah but yeah , I

10:57

kind of forgot about it though .

10:58

You completely forgot about it and

11:01

he did . It's completely

11:03

slipped your mind but , happy accident

11:06

, happy secret . I'll say it's

11:08

been a lot of fun . The interview process

11:10

, getting that email was a lot of fun .

11:12

It went so fast .

11:14

So hopefully we'll

11:16

be flying out here soon and

11:19

be able to actually go on the show and be

11:21

a part of Willa fortune . But it got

11:23

me thinking as we were talking about this

11:25

whole process and Friday we

11:28

kind of shifted the focus a little bit

11:30

. As far as this goes in the podcast , this

11:32

was a secret . That's a lot of fun and it was harmless

11:34

and it was just . I'm going to sell my husband up for this

11:36

because he loves the show .

11:38

And he's so good at it .

11:39

Nothing will ever come from it . Ha ha , ha

11:41

ha . You never know . Be less the same

11:43

thing . If I did for you for Jeopardy . Be like ha

11:45

ha , that's awesome , that's fun .

11:47

That's funny , because you can't do that for Jeopardy . I

11:49

have to literally take the test to be able .

11:51

I already know I know you're already looking to .

11:53

I'm jacked up though , because I do know

11:55

that Jeopardy films

11:58

. They share the same

12:00

studio next to .

12:02

Willa fortune . They're right there on the in the same

12:04

warehouse .

12:05

We're going to be there next day . So we're kind

12:08

of trying to figure out hey , are we going

12:10

to go to Disney or Universal or

12:12

what are we going to be able to do

12:14

?

12:16

Ken Jennings oh yeah , I mean Ken's the man

12:18

.

12:19

Are you kidding ? That would just be so

12:21

awesome .

12:22

Ken is the absolute man , but it led me

12:24

to think , all right , this was

12:26

a fun secret and this was really cool

12:28

and I like this , but

12:30

at the end of the day , keeping secrets

12:32

in your marriage is a pretty awful

12:35

thing .

12:35

Secret secrets are no fun .

12:38

Secret secrets hurt someone coined

12:40

by Elizabeth , the stripper from

12:42

the office who Michael thought Scott

12:45

thought was so great . So just

12:47

to kind of talk about secrets , and we keep these secrets

12:49

and why in the world

12:52

do we keep secrets ? And as you kind

12:54

of think through it and you think of the reasons you've

12:56

kept your own secrets in your own life , because we've

12:58

all done it before but we know it never

13:00

ends up good . So the reasons we mostly

13:02

do it is I can speak from

13:04

the man's point of view on this is

13:06

we typically will keep

13:09

a secret , we'll hold it in , we'll push it deep

13:11

down , far , you know , beneath

13:13

all the other stuff , hoping it never comes up again

13:15

. You know , if you're your friends fan , you

13:17

shove it in Monica Geller's closet

13:20

the closet , where she keeps getting

13:22

that out on the closet . She

13:25

keeps all of her junk and all of her stuff , and that's what

13:27

we do with these secret closet .

13:29

Nobody's supposed to know about it .

13:30

No one's supposed to know about it . And for men

13:32

, if we keep the secret

13:35

down , that's the way men are supposed to do it . Because

13:37

, if we let the secret

13:39

out , if we tell someone about it , if we tell our spouse

13:41

about it , a family member , a friend , someone

13:43

that we trust , we view

13:45

this as well . We're vulnerable and when people

13:48

don't like being in a vulnerable state , and for

13:50

men especially , it's shown as hey

13:52

, you're weak . You're weak , you're not

13:54

man enough to be able to hold

13:56

on , to man up . That's the thing you got to man

13:58

up and that's not the

14:01

right thing . Another reason that we keep these secrets

14:03

as far as , in the context of a relationship

14:05

or marriage , we have this stupid

14:07

idea that is going to protect

14:09

the relationship , like . I

14:12

don't want to tell my wife about this

14:14

because I'm trying to out of sight , out of mind

14:16

.

14:16

She doesn't need to know about it .

14:17

Yes , yeah , she doesn't need to know about it , or I don't want to tell her about

14:20

this , because it's going to only

14:22

harm our marriage where she don't know , won't kill

14:24

her . Exactly , and it's that mentality , but

14:26

we know that that typically doesn't work . And

14:29

non disclosure , like not telling

14:31

someone , that's keeping the secret , just

14:34

not . You know , I'm just you got to leave

14:36

out that part of the information . That's

14:39

just as bad as just completely buckling

14:41

down and being like , no , not at

14:43

all .

14:44

It's like a light switch .

14:46

It is .

14:48

Turn it off .

14:49

Okay , welcome woman . So

14:52

we have all these different types of secrets

14:54

that we go through . We have

14:57

big ones , we have little ones , we have devastating

14:59

ones . You know people hold a lot of them in

15:01

. We have the little white lies that you

15:03

know a lot of people and then we'll especially see it in the

15:06

beginning of a relationship , Like you

15:08

know , not telling our real age or

15:11

our real this or our real background or this or that , that

15:13

happens at the beginning of the relationships .

15:15

Girls don't fart or poop .

15:18

They don't do any of that stuff .

15:20

Do that ? Stuff Lies .

15:22

All lies . Well , you know , the stereotypical

15:25

thing is women will

15:27

hide their age or

15:30

say their age is less or something

15:32

else , maybe less . This , this idea

15:35

of you know , I had the people I've been with before . It's less

15:37

than the true number in

15:39

the very beginning and it gets to a

15:41

point where this relationship has progressed

15:43

and they've never let that information go , they've

15:47

just kept it in this entire

15:49

time .

15:50

Yeah . Which I lied to our son about

15:53

my age .

15:54

Yeah , until he could count .

15:58

It was just fun

16:00

, but I had lost count of how

16:02

many years I'd lied about my age . I was 24

16:05

for about 10 years .

16:07

You were 24 for a long time , and

16:09

then one birthday . Sure enough , he was like

16:11

well it was his kindergarten

16:13

years .

16:14

Two of the kindergartens out , the kid had a count .

16:17

Heaven forbid for school .

16:18

No , mommy , you were 24 last time .

16:21

Keeping , you know , trying to teach our kids how to count

16:23

. So you know , secrets evolve over

16:25

time and in the context of the marriage and

16:27

I was actually kind of researching yesterday

16:29

trying to just prepare for this and

16:32

I found a study that 60%

16:34

of people in a marriage either the

16:36

husband or wife are still holding on

16:38

to what would be considered a major

16:41

secret from their spouse 60%

16:45

?

16:45

A major secret ? What kind of like

16:47

? What is considered major ?

16:49

Major secret is some of its age

16:52

.

16:53

A lot of it People really still lie that much about

16:55

their ?

16:55

age . People still lie about their age Once they're even married

16:57

.

16:58

I mean , don't you have to get marriage license

17:00

and take your birth certificate

17:02

or driver's license ?

17:04

How many men pay attention to that ? Not

17:07

many . But what the study showed

17:09

is that most of the secrets that are kept

17:11

have to do with the person's past Things

17:14

that they've done , things that they've experienced

17:16

, people that they've been with , the mistakes they

17:18

made . A lot of it has to do with sex

17:20

and their Are they scared ? They're

17:23

afraid to let their partner

17:25

know . Again . It comes from kind of back to

17:27

the point of oh well , I'm going to protect

17:29

the relationship . Another

17:32

big one was finances

17:34

. They're hiding this large amount

17:36

of debt or these bad spinning habits

17:38

or all sorts of loans or

17:41

credit card debt or something from their spouse

17:43

.

17:43

What it does is just creates this

17:45

awful tension and strain

17:47

, not just individually but on the

17:50

relationship as well , I'm sorry , but I'm

17:52

going to go ahead and give some advice to anyone

17:54

that is listening to this

17:57

. You get that social

17:59

security number and you run

18:01

that background check . You run the credit

18:04

check , you get all the checks before

18:07

you even think about signing

18:10

that .

18:11

The marriage license .

18:12

That whatever piece of paper says just here . Do

18:15

all the checks , make sure there are no skeletons in that project

18:17

.

18:17

Before you get that thing notarized and again , it shouldn't

18:19

have to get to that point .

18:21

It shouldn't , but .

18:23

But it has Some of the other things that they I couldn't imagine

18:25

like dating now . No

18:28

, I couldn't not in a million years . I

18:31

would

18:34

it would be awful Some of the other things that keep family

18:36

secrets you know how they grew up , what their family

18:38

was like to try to keep that hidden

18:41

, especially if it's if it's bad

18:43

. Another one was just big unhealthy

18:45

habits , like I don't want my wife

18:47

to know that I eat a you know two sleeves

18:49

of Oreos every night before we go to bed .

18:53

I think she could probably catch on you know

18:55

, I'm telling my wife I guess he's gaining

18:58

so much weight .

18:59

I'm telling my wife I go to the gym but I actually

19:01

just go sit in the car in the parking lot

19:03

and listen to the radio or something .

19:05

But she said when you're there ?

19:07

she said she

19:09

checked the location .

19:10

She says it shows you there .

19:12

Now I'm not going to disclose anybody

19:14

or anything but the gym that

19:16

I go to and you used to go to . You go

19:18

to a different one now , but the gym that I go to

19:20

stupid with the guys that I go

19:23

to . we go early , early in the morning

19:25

. I haven't seen this guy in a while but

19:27

there used to be someone who would pull up around the same

19:29

time . We did around 445

19:31

in the morning , sitting in his car

19:33

, parked his car and when we're leaving

19:35

he's still sitting in his car . So

19:38

you know he was telling his wife who's going to the gym

19:40

. He's just going there parking the car

19:42

cause he ain't working out as

19:45

a secret he's keeping from his wife clearly

19:48

that it's

19:50

just not going to work .

19:55

I mean , how do you go to the gym and not have results

19:57

?

19:58

Trust me , it happens . Look at me .

20:01

Matthew , you're jacked . I like to eat out

20:03

. We have a very serious relationship with

20:05

family . We love food , Love food but

20:09

we do work out enough to be able

20:11

to eat whatever we want . We could

20:13

be the size of the house , seriously .

20:15

We could be . We definitely don't want to be what we most certainly

20:17

could be . That's why we work out so

20:19

40 years old .

20:21

Matthew , I think we're doing okay

20:23

.

20:23

I think we're doing all right .

20:24

I mean I would let you know . It'd be like mm-hmm , but

20:27

that ain't working for me .

20:29

Some of the reasons and some

20:31

of the secrets that people are keeping from

20:33

their spouse . I

20:36

think one of the biggest things is is just , you

20:38

know , shame . They have shame

20:40

that they don't want to bring that up . They don't want to talk about

20:42

it . They feel shameful . They're worried about how their spouse

20:45

is going to react to whatever it

20:47

is that they're going to tell them .

20:49

I mean we've been through that . I mean we

20:51

weren't . It might have been right

20:53

at the beginning of our marriage , but it was

20:55

while we were

20:57

engaged .

20:58

Oh yeah .

20:59

I guess we're just stupid

21:02

, Like the

21:04

guy says in the beginning

21:06

marriage is stupid

21:08

. Yeah , we were stupid

21:10

.

21:11

We were very , very stupid and we were

21:13

very when we were younger and , and you know

21:15

, when we were engaged before we got married . We

21:17

were so stupid and so awful .

21:19

I don't think you should become an adult until you're 35

21:21

.

21:21

Oh , maybe that's why president can't be president

21:24

until they're 35 . I don't know , but

21:26

I think shame is one of the biggest it makes sense

21:28

, the one of the biggest reasons that

21:31

that we don't want to share with what's

21:33

going on , cause we're just so afraid how our

21:36

spouse is going to react

21:38

to that .

21:39

I don't , I , I don't get

21:41

that at all , because

21:43

you're supposed to be completely honest and the

21:46

Bible is pretty clear on that too .

21:48

Already , Anyways , I mean if you are

21:50

married as a follower and not the other F that

21:53

a lot of people is . I

21:55

think that it is the Bible is pretty

21:57

clear about you know

21:59

not keeping these secrets and not you

22:02

know holding it all in .

22:04

It's just going to make it worse . It makes it much more difficult

22:06

.

22:06

I mean Galatians even says share each other's

22:08

burdens . That's something that we're we

22:10

are supposed to do . So

22:12

just kind of ask yourself you know for everyone who's

22:14

listening or watching why

22:17

are you trying to hide these secrets ? What's

22:20

the reason ?

22:22

What does that have your reason I

22:24

don't , I don't lie about anything .

22:27

No , I mean we're , we're open books .

22:28

Look , I'm a really good liar but

22:32

I just refuse . I

22:34

can lie to other people if

22:36

I have to , but I don't . I

22:40

just think it's stupid .

22:42

It is very , very stupid .

22:43

I think it's childish . And if

22:46

you know that you're going to have to lie about something

22:49

, if you don't like the way something is

22:51

, change it . You

22:54

have full control of yourself .

22:55

Yeah , control what you can control .

22:57

Yes .

22:58

You can't control everybody , but you can control you

23:00

. You control what you say

23:02

, what you do , how you respond to

23:04

things , how you react to things .

23:06

That's exactly what we tell our children .

23:07

Control what you can control .

23:09

You're like mommy . There's so many people saying

23:12

bad words . Listen , child , we

23:14

know .

23:15

Yeah .

23:16

But we can't control them . We can control

23:19

ourselves . So don't bring attention to

23:21

it , don't acknowledge it . Control

23:24

yourself .

23:26

I totally agree . So when you keep

23:28

a secret from somebody , what's some of the things

23:31

you know ? How can that impact both

23:33

the person keeping the secret and the spouse ?

23:36

Well , most of the well for me . When

23:38

somebody lies to me , I'm just done

23:40

with them .

23:41

Yes , you are .

23:42

If I can confront you and

23:45

you lie straight to my face , it's

23:48

over , and especially if I

23:50

know my discernment

23:52

is so strong .

23:55

Yes , it is , it's so good .

23:56

I can just read through someone , I

23:59

can talk to him for five minutes and let you know if

24:01

they're lying or not .

24:01

Well , and that's one of your spiritual gifts , is

24:04

is discernment . I mean that's , and

24:06

as I get from God to you , that not everyone

24:08

has . Our son has it as well .

24:10

He's so good at it . He's like mom that

24:13

kids line .

24:14

When you can lean into that well , and

24:17

not just to shout people down and call

24:19

them out on things , but to

24:21

help correct and align in the right ways

24:23

. It's why it's a spiritual gift

24:25

accountability .

24:27

Oh yeah but I

24:31

Don't

24:34

know why . Why would we ? Why do we

24:36

still like each other ? It's

24:38

not that we were trying to protect each other .

24:40

No , I think the reason we lied to each other because we

24:42

were horrible . Yeah , we can't

24:44

everything from each other . I

24:47

think it was one out of fear of what the other

24:49

one might think or how they might react To

24:52

. I think the biggest one was we're

24:54

just so selfish . Oh yeah , as you

24:56

would say we wanted our cake and eat

24:59

it too . Yes which is just not

25:01

possible , because when you do keep the

25:03

secrets , it leads

25:05

to all sorts of resentment and

25:08

mistrust and it just leads to problem

25:10

after problem after problem Leads

25:12

to suspiciousness , and that's when you find yourself

25:14

, you know , wake it up in the middle of

25:16

the night . We're gonna each other trying to take

25:18

your spouse's phone and , you know , sneak

25:21

into the other room and I'm gonna check text messages

25:23

and emails and this and that , and what

25:26

kind of life is that .

25:27

I couldn't . I will not live that life , no

25:29

we did . I know we did and

25:32

it was horrible . I will never happen

25:34

again .

25:35

No , it was absolutely horrible and I

25:37

don't think that there's really any reason

25:39

To keep it secret , other

25:41

than the one you did for me , which was fun

25:43

and silly , and this and that .

25:45

But I don't think there's different levels of secrets

25:47

.

25:47

There are different levels .

25:48

It's like a week Like

25:51

the little white lies . Essentially

25:54

was what we tell our children yes

25:57

, about certain holidays

25:59

still mess that up for anybody

26:01

. But

26:03

those kind of things Like

26:07

when cash found out that I

26:09

was lying to him about my age

26:11

.

26:13

Well , there was no malicious intent .

26:15

None , but he was furious

26:18

.

26:18

Oh , he's mad at you .

26:19

He was so mad he cried so

26:22

without I

26:25

Don't

26:27

know . It's just not

26:29

a life worth living

26:31

in a relationship , I

26:33

mean , that's just gonna cause

26:36

so many other problems . You're gonna have

26:38

to lie about One

26:40

thing and then you're gonna have to continue to lie , to

26:42

cover up that lie , to cover up that lie , and

26:45

it's just a massive

26:47

rabbit hole that you're Falling

26:50

in and you will not be

26:52

able to get yourself out . You're gonna get caught up in

26:54

your own lies .

26:55

Yeah , it's just a nasty spiral

26:58

out of control Because

27:00

you're right , you , you tell one lie and

27:02

now you gotta remember that lie .

27:03

I got to tell another lie to help cover that lie , but then you start

27:06

to believe your own lies and and

27:08

then you don't even know what the truth is anymore

27:10

.

27:12

Okay , completely .

27:14

So that makes you a pathological

27:16

liar .

27:17

And it's just , and it can all stem from just something

27:20

so small that you were afraid to Talk

27:23

to someone about , and

27:25

it leads to all of this and

27:28

all of this , this stuff , which is just again

27:31

. Nothing good can come

27:33

from doing this , I think , as

27:35

I think back several episodes ago and

27:37

we talked about the secrets married people are keeping

27:39

for their spouses . Yeah and some of those were

27:41

were so good and we'd

27:43

laugh at them , but in reality

27:46

, so many of them were so awful . The only one

27:48

that I could think is worth keeping

27:50

Was the guy who

27:52

has kept the secret from his wife forever that

27:55

her parents tried to pay him off to not

27:57

marry her . Oh , yeah , that's the only one

27:59

that I can think of of . Okay , well

28:01

, that that makes sense .

28:03

This guy obviously loves this girl

28:05

.

28:05

Yeah , to not let her know that about

28:07

how what her parents try to do

28:09

.

28:10

But then again I kind of think maybe he

28:14

should tell her hey , dude , if you're

28:16

listening or watching or somehow this

28:18

gets back to you , maybe you should tell

28:20

her , because that just shows . That

28:22

will also show her how much

28:24

you really do love her .

28:26

I can agree with that . And that kind of leads me to my next point

28:28

is when

28:31

you know someone's keeping a secret and

28:33

you know someone's not being honest it

28:37

, it does not always mean that that is

28:39

the right moment to Come

28:41

forward with that . Yes like , if

28:44

you're keeping a secret , if you're trying to keep something

28:46

, it's not immediately

28:48

, it's not always the moment to come out with that . There's

28:50

a place in time for some of that To

28:52

come out like we're not gonna talk

28:55

about this now , but hey , a

28:57

week later I need to tell you what happened .

28:59

Mm-hmm cuz .

29:00

Sometimes it's just not right for that to happen .

29:02

There's a right time and right place for everything . Yeah

29:05

, I agree cuz sometimes I mean could

29:07

just think about how much time has passed in their

29:09

marriage . Oh yeah be

29:11

able to . I mean his , her

29:14

parents might now know

29:16

that he could be

29:18

the Best thing that ever

29:20

happened to her it could have completely

29:22

shifted the gears and now

29:24

he can go . Okay , it's

29:27

the time that I should totally

29:29

tell the wife .

29:31

And he should tell that off .

29:33

He should remember that time you wanted to pay

29:36

me $10,000 to leave her .

29:38

Well , and he should also tell the parents that

29:40

, hey , I have to tell her about this . I'd love for you to

29:42

do it with me , especially if they're okay now they

29:46

may not be , it may still be .

29:47

They may hate his guts Because

29:49

they were the helicopter . Parents , right , they were , they were

29:51

the huge .

29:53

Helicopter parents . So you know

29:55

, there are very few situations

29:57

where withholding the information can be good , but

30:00

I still think there's a place in the time for it

30:02

, all the time , to be able to

30:04

actually express

30:07

what that secret is and to be able to tell them , because

30:09

I think where a lot of people get confused is

30:12

the difference between secrecy

30:14

and privacy . They're

30:17

different things .

30:18

Oh , absolutely , my

30:22

privacy is . I

30:24

don't like telling everybody all my stuff

30:26

, like all the careers

30:29

I've had .

30:30

Yeah .

30:31

But you keep spilling it out when you are

30:33

on the platform at church . Just , oh , my

30:35

wife did blah , blah , blah , blah .

30:36

Now I get approval before I do that .

30:39

And I just look at you like this .

30:41

You don't say no , so

30:43

I'll give you that . I don't say

30:45

no , but there is and I

30:48

think we as culture have

30:51

blurred that line

30:53

. Of secrecy and privacy .

30:54

Yeah , but I mean it's not like it's a secret

30:56

of all the things that I've done , all the careers

30:58

that I've done . I mean there's literally an IMDB

31:00

, whatever the letters are .

31:02

Yes .

31:02

Page on me with

31:05

all the stuff that I've done .

31:07

Oh yeah , so I mean it's not that it's not like it's a secret

31:10

, but you're not forthcoming with all that information because

31:12

it's not pertinent to who ?

31:13

you are . Yeah , I don't

31:17

want people to . I mean

31:19

because there are those people who are the

31:21

people who say I

31:23

want to just be friends with you because

31:25

you have met this

31:27

person .

31:28

Oh , she's , she knows she knows so

31:30

and so so I want to be friends with her .

31:32

Oh , she did a movie with the rock . Oh , she's

31:35

totally my friend . I'm telling everybody about

31:37

it . Well , I did

31:39

wrestling with the rock too . I mean

31:41

, it's not just .

31:43

All right . So let me ask you this , because that's more

31:45

on the outsider portion

31:47

of it when it comes to your relationship and when it comes

31:50

to your marriage when do

31:52

you draw that line of secrecy and

31:54

privacy ? Because

31:57

for me , secrecy

31:59

should be slammed up against the wall . Zero

32:02

. There should be no secrecy .

32:03

I agree .

32:04

What so ever Now could there be a time

32:06

where we don't tell each

32:08

other something for a short period of time just

32:10

because of what that situation or that circumstance

32:12

, how , what may be dictated

32:15

out of that at that time . But we will later

32:17

on , in the day or the next day . I need to

32:19

tell you about this something that that happened and

32:21

we'll address that head on . But as

32:23

far as privacy goes , I do believe there is

32:25

some privacy in a marriage

32:27

, but for you and I again , it's

32:30

it's a very , very thin

32:32

line and it is more of a

32:35

playful , unimportant

32:37

information type

32:39

of privacy .

32:40

Yeah like .

32:42

You don't need to know what I made

32:45

for lunch every single day .

32:47

I don't care what you ate for lunch .

32:49

Exactly .

32:51

But you should probably start eating and I'm just having

32:53

smoothies all the time , maybe

32:55

so . But on the big

32:57

things , like when we look at , people

32:59

care about or it's not like they think

33:01

. I don't think that they care about

33:03

what some their

33:05

spouse might have had for lunch . They want to

33:08

know because they think that they need to know everything about

33:10

it .

33:10

Yes , and you don't need to know everything about now .

33:12

I don't need to know how many times you went to the bathroom at

33:14

work .

33:15

No , the big that's privacy

33:17

. That's privacy . The big things are

33:20

a completely different thing , like

33:22

the big things your

33:24

your life together

33:26

, your marriage , what it means , your

33:28

sex life , what it means to both

33:30

of you .

33:31

That's private .

33:32

Your , your sex life should be private

33:34

between the husband and wife only , but

33:36

I'm talking between them . Finances

33:38

, completely open book absolutely

33:41

everything there is to know about finances

33:43

, banks , credit , the bank account , credit card . What's

33:45

being spent now ?

33:47

but I find this absolutely hilarious that you say that

33:49

, because I could tell you that

33:51

we have fifty thousand dollars

33:53

in our bank and you have absolutely

33:56

no clue that is true , I've got trust

33:58

but you

34:00

also have all access to all the things

34:02

so it's not like I would . If

34:05

I said , hey , we have fifty thousand dollars in our account

34:07

, you would believe me and go buy

34:09

something that was forty thousand dollars or I'm not gonna

34:11

go and let's see . No , we

34:13

get that much money , let me get these . Oh , I saw

34:15

some sweet Jordans I need yeah

34:18

or but .

34:19

But I could ask you and you just , oh , yeah , here's , here's

34:21

what it is , here's , I can show you this , I can show you that

34:23

you know another health is another thing

34:26

that I think we want to try and keep secret sometimes

34:28

. But again , for

34:31

us it should be , and for in your marriage

34:33

it should be , an open book that , hey , I need

34:35

to go to the doctor , I got this going on , I'm feeling

34:37

this , this , that should all be an open that's

34:39

not something to be hidden .

34:41

Well , it's something that's funny . You say that

34:43

because the the

34:45

actual topic that you

34:47

would put on for this

34:49

show was an actual medical

34:52

procedure that I had , a huge

34:54

medical procedure , which I think we'll get to

34:56

next episode .

34:57

Perhaps something else ?

34:59

crazy , crazy , it crazy happens , and and

35:01

we don't but that's

35:03

not something I put

35:06

out in the world for anybody

35:08

to see . It's not like it was a secret , but

35:11

it was . When people

35:13

wait , you just you

35:16

had that done a month ago . Yeah

35:18

, how ? How are you up in

35:20

the round and doing all of these things ? I

35:25

don't have anything to go off

35:27

of . I don't know it's . Is

35:30

that not normal ?

35:31

like I just am .

35:33

I don't have an answer

35:35

for you , but it's shocking

35:37

because I

35:41

guess there's a lot of people that do have that or

35:44

any kind of surgery or some medical

35:46

something and they they want to tell they

35:49

want to tell . I'm not . I don't care for people

35:51

to know my business and I don't need a pity party for

35:54

any kind of situation ever

35:56

no , and then you know , there there are people

35:58

to tell and there's people you don't have to tell the world

36:00

.

36:00

You don't have to go on social media and blast it to the world but

36:03

there are certain people in your life who should know

36:05

about those things , especially your

36:07

spouse , your spouse so I think , at the end of the

36:09

day , when it comes to secrets

36:12

, it comes to your marriage , it comes to your relationship

36:14

, it comes to all this same

36:16

common thing we see in everything

36:18

.

36:19

It boils down to communication

36:21

every single time you

36:23

have to bloody speak

36:26

to each other you have to be communicate

36:28

your secrets and

36:31

another secret to cover up your lie that you just

36:33

told no , you have to communicate

36:35

be honest and open in

36:37

this communication communicate openly

36:39

about everything .

36:41

But hey , this is what my day was like . Hey , this is what's going

36:43

on . Hey , this is what's coming up next week . Hey , this

36:46

is what the kids did . Hey , this is what's happening . Hey

36:48

, and just being completely open about it all

36:50

and not being so worried about

36:52

how your spouse is gonna react to it and

36:54

I know that whenever you

36:57

put this on the

37:00

the interwebs what's

37:02

gonna happen is when I

37:04

know that I have at least three people that

37:07

are gonna listen to this and text me

37:10

right away .

37:11

Oh my god , what kind of surgery

37:13

did you have you're exactly

37:15

right because I did not announce

37:17

it to everybody you know what tune in next

37:19

time just

37:22

wait .

37:22

So whatever episodes , next to

37:25

rat this season to episode

37:27

2 our season 3 episode . So , to

37:29

wrap this up , if someone is keeping

37:31

a secret , what do you ? What

37:34

should they do ?

37:36

have open judgment-free

37:40

communication yes

37:43

and let them . Let your

37:45

spouse know in advance hey , we

37:48

need to talk . It's . It's

37:51

something that needs to be done . I don't , I

37:53

don't want to carry this burden anymore .

37:56

Please work with me , listen

38:00

and help me and if you

38:02

come to your spouse with that and you

38:04

come to them like that

38:06

and vulnerable and serious , and

38:08

you can show that , hey , this is impacting

38:11

me they should

38:13

be empathetic to the situation that

38:15

you know you are in the wrong for this

38:17

let take the blame 100%

38:20

.

38:20

Take the blame .

38:22

I couldn't agree more . What is it you always say

38:25

?

38:25

whatever you do in the dark , comes down the light absolutely

38:28

it does .

38:28

And just to kind of follow up with what the Bible says about

38:31

that , luke chapter 12 , verse 2 the

38:33

time is coming when everything

38:35

that is covered up will be revealed

38:37

and all that is secret will

38:39

be made known if

38:42

.

38:42

Jesus said it , it's gonna happen

38:44

secret secrets are

38:46

no fun secrets secrets

38:48

hurt someone .

38:49

Let's get out of here . I love you . We're

38:51

just so thankful for what you do . We don't deserve

38:54

it , but you did it anyways and we're

38:56

just so thankful for that . We just pray over

38:58

this platform , over this podcast , that

39:00

whatever you want to do with it , you do

39:02

with it . We just pray that it impacts people , it

39:04

helps people , it enriches their marriages

39:07

, their relationships and their lives and they'll be

39:09

able to see you through it and all that they do . In Jesus

39:11

name , we pray amen amen

39:13

play ball .