0:00

the next week . I'm going to go ahead and get started

0:05

. Here's a question for you Is marriage

0:08

overrated ?

0:09

Why aren't people getting married anymore

0:11

? A new Pew Research poll found

0:13

that two and five young adults think marriage

0:15

is an outdated tradition . Marriage

0:18

rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage

0:20

really even worth it ? More

0:28

than half of marriages and half of marriages

0:30

are not married , so that's why it's declining .

0:31

Why would you get married if you ?

0:32

don't if you want to have just one partner

0:35

when you can have multiple .

0:36

Marriage is stupid .

0:38

Welcome to the married

0:40

podcast , the self proclaimed greatest marriage

0:42

relationship podcast in the world

0:45

. We are your host , matthew and Monica Powers , and back for another

0:47

episode , as we took a week off last week because

0:50

last week was just that's

0:53

, of course , a

0:58

lot of people who are married . As much as we enjoy doing

1:00

this , and we believe that it's

1:03

helping some people out here

1:06

and there , sometimes you just got to sit down

1:08

and breathe . Sometimes

1:11

you just got to sit down and relax

1:13

, lay on the couch , watch TV , spend

1:16

that quality time with your spouse . That's

1:18

exactly what I did on Sunday

1:21

, instead of doing all of the

1:24

millions of things , but I'm

1:27

just going to say that I didn't want to

1:29

get too much attention . I just wanted

1:31

to take a break from the conversation and

1:33

just be happy with it . I just

1:35

wanted to start with a little bit of light

1:37

. P M yeah , you were gone for like

1:40

15 hours on Saturday . Sunday we had Church , had a meeting

1:43

at Church and when we were all said and

1:45

done , it was like we recorded a podcast

1:47

today , like you know what we're

1:49

not . So for anyone who was kind of reliant on

1:51

that and like

1:55

you know , do you want to start

1:57

off ? Well , it comes out on Tuesday , so not

1:59

technically . I mean , you know , if your

2:02

week starts Tuesday , sure , why not

2:04

?

2:04

But I you know , probably probably not the case .

2:06

That it came out on

2:08

Tuesday .

2:09

I know you don't have a clue . No , I'm just looking at

2:11

the website and I didn't know that there were

2:13

other things than just the

2:15

main page .

2:15

Yeah , look , I've been busy . I've been busy , I've been trying to

2:18

do some things .

2:18

Listen , you're just .

2:19

You're just a pretty face that shows

2:21

up . Yeah , it's not that pretty and as

2:25

always , but hopefully people will get some good

2:27

. You know , we've heard some decent feedback from

2:30

people that maybe this is actually working

2:32

, that it does help people out . Maybe just

2:34

a little bit , not much , but if we think that nobody

2:36

is listening , ever you're

2:39

proved wrong .

2:39

Right , well , I was at a softball game

2:42

. After the game , walking

2:45

to the car , someone stopped and said

2:47

that they listened to our podcast and they loved

2:49

it , and I had no idea who they were .

2:52

Look at that .

2:53

Oh great .

2:55

Changing lives all over the world . Ever since , ever

2:57

since you really really talk

2:59

negatively about our hometown Kalira

3:01

, how they don't support us one bit . It's all these other

3:03

people do Listen . People are saying , hey , we better

3:05

let let her know that , hey , we're actually listening

3:07

to this thing .

3:08

We were not in Kalira .

3:09

We'll go pick it there . It is so

3:12

fine .

3:13

Kalira Step it up .

3:14

You gotta do better . You've

3:16

got to do better . So

3:18

we're gonna talk about some jealousy stuff today , which

3:21

is always a whole lot of fun in your marriage because

3:23

you know , if you're listening

3:25

to this , you've never experienced jealousy . I'm sure

3:27

it never actually happens , but I think

3:30

everyone experiences jealousy here and there

3:32

, so we'll talk through that . I've got a couple examples

3:35

a couple maybe stories and questions

3:38

from people from the interwebs about

3:40

jealousy and things that they're experiencing . But

3:43

we got to start out with the Gen Z Bible .

3:45

All right , what you got today .

3:47

The woman with the issue of blood in

3:50

Luke chapter eight .

3:52

Let's hear it .

3:52

But from really the viewpoint

3:54

of the person who gets lost in this story

3:57

, jairus , the

3:59

synagogue leader , his , his daughters . She's

4:02

dying , she goes to Jesus , or

4:04

he goes to Jesus and Jesus

4:06

like , all right , let's go heal the daughter , but

4:09

gets distracted by the woman of the issue of blood

4:11

. Now , if I'm Jairus in this , situation

4:15

. I'm furious .

4:17

Because he's not , she's not , your daughter's

4:19

not the priority .

4:20

Exactly Like Jesus , I showed up to you first

4:23

this , this woman , with the issue

4:25

of blood . You know , you just moseying your

4:27

way here , just taking your sweet old

4:29

time . Put some pep in your step , jesus

4:31

. Why are we not moving faster ? Why didn't you call

4:34

down the helicopter to get here faster ? But

4:36

I could understand he would have been jealous

4:38

, he would have been upset , like why . I

4:41

asked you first what's the

4:43

deal ? What gives ? So here

4:45

it is , luke , chapter eight , and

4:47

we will start in verse 41

4:50

. Oh , check it out . There

4:52

was this dude named Jairus , a big shot

4:54

at the synagogue . He straight up fell

4:56

down at Jesus' feet begging him to

4:58

come to his house . See , jairus had a daughter

5:00

who was like 12 and on her deathbed

5:02

. But as Jesus was on his way , people started

5:04

crowding around him like crazy . So

5:07

there was this woman , right , she's been dealing

5:09

with this bloody problem for 12 freaking

5:11

years and she's

5:13

literally spent all her money on doctors

5:15

and none of them could help her out . Man . But

5:18

then she sneaks up behind Jesus and touches

5:20

the edge of his clothes and boom , her

5:22

bleeding stops right away , just like

5:24

that . And Jesus was like yo who

5:27

touched me . Everybody's like nah , man , nobody

5:29

did but Peter and the crew are like

5:31

come on , dude . The whole crowd was jostling

5:33

you , how can you tell ? And

5:36

Jesus is like nah , somebody definitely touched

5:38

me . I felt the power leaving me . So

5:41

the woman sees that she can't hide anymore and

5:43

she's trembling like crazy . She

5:45

falls down in front of Jesus and spills the beans

5:48

to everyone , explaining why she touched him and

5:50

how she got healed in a snap . And

5:52

Jesus is like chill , girl , your faith has

5:54

made you completely better . Go in peace

5:57

. While Jesus is talking , this messenger

5:59

comes up , comes from the

6:01

ruler of the synagogue , scribin says dude

6:03

, your daughter is dead , don't bother the

6:05

master anymore . But Jesus hears this

6:08

and tells the messenger don't be scared , bro

6:10

, just have faith in . Your daughter will totally

6:12

be healed . When Jesus gets to

6:14

the house , he doesn't let anyone inside except Peter

6:16

, james and John and the girl's dad

6:18

and her mom . Everyone is crying in mourning

6:21

. But Jesus tells them don't cry , peeps , she's

6:23

not dead , she's just sleeping . And the people

6:25

start laughing at him because they know for

6:27

sure that she's dead . So

6:29

Jesus kicks everyone out , takes the girl's

6:32

hand and calls out to her hey , girl

6:34

, get up . And bam , her spirit

6:36

comes back and she gets that right away

6:38

. Jesus tells them to give her some food

6:40

because girls got to eat . You know

6:42

the parents are freaking

6:45

, amazed , but Jesus tells everyone to

6:47

keep it on the down low and not blab

6:49

to anyone about what went down here

6:51

.

6:53

That's fantastic .

6:54

It is fantastic .

6:55

My only question Do

6:58

you think Jesus really said no ?

7:00

Probably not , probably

7:02

not .

7:03

No .

7:04

But I mean , you look at Jesus and you read

7:06

about and you learn about who he is . Jesus

7:08

had a sense of humor . I mean all right , I

7:10

mean Jesus , cool

7:12

dude , straight up cool

7:15

dude .

7:15

I bet it was more of a dry sense of humor .

7:17

I could see him being extremely dry

7:19

.

7:20

Like I feel like he is the one

7:22

who invented sarcasm .

7:24

I could see that , I could totally see that .

7:26

What's wrong with you ?

7:28

Because , yeah , I feel like you know , when

7:31

you have those conversations with God and you're praying

7:33

, and whenever he does

7:35

, you get that overwhelming feeling of

7:37

like , hey , he's trying to tell you something . A lot

7:39

of the time it's really dry and sarcastic

7:42

sometimes , at least for me , and

7:44

I mean he is just straight forward

7:46

in a lot of the things that he's like powers

7:48

you , you're so stupid , okay

7:51

, you're so dumb . How ?

7:52

did you not see they coming ?

7:53

I mean , yeah , I've only been

7:55

telling you this for what ? Two years

7:57

. I mean , listen to me already , man . But

8:00

what a story out of the Gen Z Bible . Great

8:02

story in the Bible Jairus had

8:04

to be furious , but

8:07

if that doesn't read like current day culture

8:09

, it's fantastic . I don't know

8:11

what does , and you know .

8:12

Like watching or reading a reality

8:14

show .

8:15

And people may hate the Gen Z Bible Cause . Oh well

8:17

, that's not and it's not an official

8:19

translation of it . Of course not . I get it .

8:22

You really think they said freaking ?

8:23

The biggest thing of it that I love so

8:25

much is like , when you've had this around and

8:28

people see it , it gets people talking

8:30

about Jesus . At the end of the day , that's

8:33

all that matters . And people are reading it like this is

8:35

hilarious . I can't believe it . I understand everything

8:37

that's going on here , but then they begin

8:39

to really start to ask questions and then that's when

8:41

you can get into real faith conversations

8:43

. So everyone who hates the Gen Z Bible

8:45

listen . It's a conversation starter and that's

8:47

all that really , really matters .

8:49

You know people that hate it .

8:50

Of course people are gonna hate it . You can well , that's

8:52

not the real Bible . You can . No , you can't

8:54

make everybody happy .

8:56

People get mad at things all the time . Why are they not getting

8:58

mad about other versions of the Bible ?

9:00

I'm sure they do . People get mad about everything .

9:02

I mean , I feel like the message is nowhere near

9:04

what my version

9:06

that I read comes

9:08

close to .

9:09

Well , I've got , yeah , both the NLT and the NIV and

9:12

they're similar in some ways , but not in all ways

9:14

.

9:14

All the words are there , but but I'm able to understand

9:17

it . Exactly .

9:18

You give me like that old school King James version , it's

9:20

rough . I'm struggling through that

9:22

.

9:23

The thou though ye .

9:25

Yeah , all of that stuff . I

9:27

feel like ye is almost closer than the things we're talking

9:29

about now . But Jairus had every sense

9:31

to be mad and jealous and

9:34

furious because he wasn't

9:36

paid attention to , and

9:38

I think that's where a lot of jealousy can stem from

9:40

. Even in the marriage you're

9:42

not being paid attention to

9:44

. So I got , I got . I got some stories . I

9:47

got , I got some some stories

9:50

, some questions , some this and that . So

9:52

here's one for you . Oh boy , this

9:55

is a woman , she's talking and

9:58

she's asking this question , and these were just

10:00

pulled from from the interwebs , not

10:03

directly to us , but Wait , she's asking

10:05

. She's asking about this . Am

10:07

I wrong for walking up the stairs in

10:09

front of a maintenance worker ? Huh , I

10:12

got . Is she naked ? No

10:14

, I was not naked . Okay , just

10:17

hear us out here . I got into

10:19

a fight with the hubby . He felt like he was

10:21

disrespected and I should have

10:23

put on a robe . While I see okay

10:26

, maybe I could have done something different

10:28

I can't help but to be angry

10:30

that I was made to feel wrong and

10:32

nasty for what I did Already

10:35

going through something mentally . So honestly

10:37

, it threw me off . Number one it was yoga

10:39

pants . I kind of rushed back up the

10:42

stairs and he entered and walked up right

10:44

after me and , going further , should

10:46

I not wear yoga pants ? Should

10:49

I just let my husband go through my clothes

10:51

to tell me what to wear all the times

10:53

? Perhaps another man might look

10:55

at me Also , to be noted , I have never

10:57

done anything to make him think I would even

11:00

entertain another man . He

11:03

does think I'm too nice and

11:05

let people say whatever they want

11:07

and walk all over me . Please tell me , I'm

11:09

not crazy for feeling like whoa

11:11

. I can't control other people

11:14

. Bam , I

11:16

feel like she's dead on . I

11:18

think husband's got some insecurity issues on his own

11:20

.

11:20

Done Majorly what

11:23

I was going to say , because your first thought is like I mean , what's

11:25

the problem ?

11:25

Did she walk up the stairs naked Right ? Did

11:27

she bend over all , just

11:30

showing it all in front of this maintenance worker

11:32

?

11:32

Was she dressed like she's going to the club

11:34

and not wearing any

11:36

panties ?

11:37

Yeah , from my understanding , yoga pants , probably a t-shirt

11:39

, that's it , just stuff like you're wearing

11:41

today Literally what I'm wearing right now . Yes

11:43

, I

11:46

see no issue with it whatsoever

11:48

. Again , we

11:50

don't know the full story , exactly what it looks like , but

11:53

if I'm seeing it , it's yoga pants

11:55

and a t-shirt . Come on

11:57

man .

11:58

Maybe if it's yoga pants and just a sports

12:00

bra Girl . Yeah , put

12:02

on something .

12:03

Throw on a shirt , maybe , but

12:06

even then I mean for

12:08

this story she was at home . Maintenance

12:11

man came , maybe , opened the door , ran

12:13

upstairs and he just what's

12:16

the big deal ? What's the big deal ? To

12:19

her point , she's never done anything to make you question

12:21

anything . She's never done anything

12:24

that's maybe outside of the

12:26

confines of the marriage . So what

12:28

happened ? Why now ? Why

12:30

is this ?

12:31

guy . Why now is this guy questioning

12:33

what she didn't

12:36

even , shouldn't even have to think

12:38

about in her own home ?

12:41

Exactly . My thought is

12:43

and I'm just guessing here because

12:45

we don't know these people he's

12:48

got some deep down insecurity issues .

12:51

But why now ?

12:53

Maybe over the last who knows how long

12:55

he's let himself go a little

12:57

bit . Maybe he's

13:00

not as attentive to her , maybe

13:02

he's more focused on other things .

13:04

Or .

13:05

Oh , you may be going where I'm going here . Go ahead .

13:08

He saw her . Did

13:11

he see her go up the stairs ?

13:12

It doesn't say I wouldn't think so . She probably

13:15

just told him and then who

13:17

knows ?

13:17

Well , my thought is , if he saw this happen

13:20

, maybe she just ran on

13:22

by her not thinking anything

13:24

about it . But the maintenance guy , who's maybe

13:27

a horrible pervert , goes dang

13:29

girl , we're in the space pants , why

13:32

, if he got attention that

13:34

he didn't like , that could be .

13:37

That could be .

13:38

Because somebody paid her attention . He's like oh

13:40

no , you can't do that anymore . Blah , blah , blah . Might , house

13:42

my rules , Bring me beer . That's

13:45

stupid , things like that .

13:46

And he may . My thought was , maybe

13:49

he's done something that he's not proud

13:51

of , that she doesn't know about , and now his

13:53

mind is spiraling out of control because

13:56

some maintenance guy

13:58

gave her attention that maybe

14:00

she doesn't necessarily seek . Maybe you recognize

14:02

that she hasn't seen

14:04

that out of you . I don't

14:07

know what it is , but no

14:09

, poor wife , poor wife , realistically

14:13

poor wife . So in that situation

14:16

is it's so silly

14:18

and it's so dumb

14:20

, but if that

14:22

is a red , I guarantee that's an issue for people

14:24

who hear this . No

14:26

doubt that people have experienced that that

14:29

my wife can't wear this and she can't wear that

14:31

, and yes , she doesn't need to be

14:33

out with her , her butt hanging out everywhere

14:35

, showing her boobs all over the place or anything crazy

14:38

like that out in public , by

14:40

no means , but yoga pants

14:42

and a T shirt or this or that . What's

14:44

the understand , the root cause

14:47

of what's caused , cause of this jealousy

14:49

and this insecurity ? What

14:51

? What caused it Is it ? Is it some sort

14:54

of fear ? Have have situations possibly

14:56

changed ? Have you experienced

14:59

something ? Is it something from your past , something from a

15:01

previous relationship , something from a childhood

15:03

? What is causing that root

15:05

cause ?

15:06

Or the maintenance guy

15:09

was ripped like Jesus

15:11

and was just

15:13

gorgeous , but

15:15

she obviously didn't pay attention to it . She

15:18

was already wearing those clothes and just walked by

15:20

him .

15:21

That could be it too . Maybe the maintenance man is

15:23

like the rock and just chiseled

15:26

and you know being

15:28

walked by him with space pants on being like

15:30

the brawny man and he has

15:32

to take his shirt off because he's working and he's

15:34

sweaty and who knows what the situation

15:37

is . I don't know , but what's the root

15:39

cause ? What's what's causing that ? Yeah

15:42

, I think a lot of it's probably past hurts , past relationships

15:44

.

15:45

Or you're guilty of something you just did or you're

15:47

guilty . It's just not coming to you .

15:49

But I bet a lot of it is the past

15:51

. Well , you know , I had this girlfriend one time

15:54

and she did this and she wore this and

15:56

sure enough , she cheated on me with the plumber and

15:58

then , bam , it's all over with no man's

16:01

really mad . Yeah , exactly

16:03

Something stupid like

16:05

that , and maybe , maybe that's that's

16:07

where it's coming from . And

16:09

when it is to the past experiences , you got to

16:11

let it go . It could be like Elsa Just

16:14

let it go , because

16:16

this current relationship ain't your past relationship

16:19

. She's not the one who did to you Whatever

16:21

that past person did , or vice versa with

16:23

him . You've got to let it

16:25

go . You've got to forgive

16:28

. You got to forgive that

16:30

past relation Like your current relationship

16:32

. Forgive that past relationship , that past person who

16:34

hurt you so badly . You got to forgive them . Otherwise

16:36

, you're going to continue to hold on to all of this nonsense

16:39

. It's clearly affecting

16:41

your current current relationship .

16:43

It's going to affect every single relationship

16:45

, no matter what .

16:46

And so much of it just boils down to the overall insecurities

16:48

that people have . So this next one , mostly

16:51

with insecurities how do

16:53

you deal with jealousy in your marriage

16:55

? I'm a wife , I'm

16:58

in my mid thirties , and whenever

17:00

my , whenever my husband

17:02

and I are watching a movie with

17:04

a sex scene or nudity , or

17:07

whenever I know he's seen nudity or

17:09

watch something very sexual online

17:11

we'll get back to that in a second I

17:13

feel a sharp pain of jealousy

17:16

. It's not that I'm worried . My

17:18

husband will leave me for another woman . Our

17:20

marriage is very strong and amazing , yet

17:22

still the jealousy is there

17:24

, because I know he's feeling turned on

17:26

by another attractive woman . It's

17:29

the knowledge of another woman is making him feel

17:31

good that makes me jealous

17:33

. I always bury the jealousy

17:35

and try to forget about it when these things happen , but is there

17:38

another method I could try so

17:40

that the sharp feeling of jealousy doesn't

17:43

sting or hurt as much

17:45

as it does ?

17:46

So before I say anything about

17:48

answering the question yes , if

17:51

this is the way you are feeling , you

17:53

cannot say that you have a strong

17:56

marriage .

17:58

I would agree .

17:59

That's not a strong marriage . You have your

18:01

own insecurities deep

18:04

insecurity , deep . If

18:07

you have any type of insecurity and

18:10

you cannot say this to your husband

18:12

, that's not

18:14

a strong marriage .

18:15

Well , and here's my question in this situation

18:18

, is the knowledge of another woman

18:20

is making him feel good ? That makes me jealous . How

18:23

exactly do you know

18:25

that it's that situation , that

18:27

that's that scene , that it's that

18:29

what he's watching on to this , that woman that is making him feel

18:32

good ? Have has he expressed

18:34

that to you like , oh my gosh , she is so hot , oh

18:36

my gosh , she does that for me . Oh

18:39

, can we watch this scene in this movie , because

18:41

I know so and so gets naked here and

18:44

I really . Has that been expressed ? If so

18:46

, that's , that's a whole another conversation , it's

18:48

a different question Whole different conversation , but

18:51

in this situation

18:53

, is you got to talk about

18:56

it ? How do you get rid of the jealousy ? Stop

18:58

, stop doing it

19:00

. Assuming one stop

19:03

assuming . But if it's still that bad , and

19:05

if it is the case , if you have the conversation

19:07

with your husband and he says

19:09

, oh , absolutely , it is this actress

19:12

or this person .

19:13

If it's the same person , every single movie that you're watching

19:15

it's like yes , she turns me on

19:17

yes . Stop watching those movies

19:19

.

19:19

Exactly . Or here's the . Here was the

19:21

kicker , Whenever I know he's

19:23

seen nudity or watch something

19:26

sexual online

19:28

. Pornography

19:30

kills . Pornography

19:33

kills the relationship

19:35

, kills the marriage , kills

19:38

yourself . Man , you are just

19:40

so deep into

19:43

something that is not benefiting you whatsoever

19:45

. And if she knows that , hey

19:47

, this is what's going on , she knows that

19:49

this is happening . It is just absolutely

19:52

deadly to to

19:54

what is happening and what is going on in the

19:56

marriage . It's just not something that

19:58

can be be done .

20:00

Porn is not reality . No , no , it's not

20:02

it's .

20:03

It's the fakest of all fake . It's

20:06

extreme , it's crazy , it is .

20:08

They are actors . They're using parts

20:10

that they shouldn't

20:13

.

20:13

Yes , it's painful .

20:14

It's horrible the things

20:16

that they are all going through to do this in their

20:18

own way , to do this , and they're all doing this because

20:20

they they are in extreme

20:22

need of some money . Well

20:25

they also got some issues that they got

20:27

to work out . It's not like they're addicted

20:29

to doing porn .

20:30

No , it is extreme issues for money

20:33

is definitely yes . I think even

20:35

further . It is a deep void of feeling

20:37

validated and who they are and

20:39

they're just not getting attention from other

20:41

people that they would never get , and it's

20:43

a quick fix on

20:46

happiness . It is , and I haven't

20:48

done the research , I don't know , but

20:50

I would be willing to bet that you ask anyone

20:53

who has been in porn previously and

20:55

is not in it anymore , and probably even people

20:57

who are currently in it Talk

21:00

about how much , how awful it is , how

21:02

much they hate it , how much it has destroyed

21:05

themselves , relationships

21:07

, marriages , but relationships

21:10

with their family , their parents , their friends , all

21:12

of it . So that's a if

21:15

you know that's going on and you're OK with it , if your

21:17

spouse is watching porn and you're OK with it , mean

21:19

you all need to have .

21:20

You'll need to have a conversation about that because it's

21:22

OK with them watching porn , then you

21:24

should be OK with him going out and having sex with

21:26

other people .

21:27

Almost yeah . Is essentially , there's no different

21:29

, but it'll lead to other

21:32

things , but that's one thing

21:34

that really stuck out here is you're so jealous

21:36

by what he made that an

21:39

attractive woman may have made him feel

21:41

, but

21:44

yet you're allowing him to watch

21:46

that type of stuff .

21:47

But here's another thing . Can

21:50

you tell me that she's not attracted

21:52

to another actor that walks on the screen when

21:55

he takes off his shirt ? Or you see his butt

21:57

.

21:58

Another point . You're exactly right

22:00

. I mean , let's just be real

22:03

here . There are other attractive

22:05

people on the planet .

22:06

And it's OK to know that they're attractive

22:08

.

22:09

Absolutely . It's OK to know that they're attractive

22:11

. There are other extremely

22:13

good looking people on

22:15

the planet . They're extremely good

22:17

looking people that we're going to put our eyes on

22:19

it and we're going to see in passing or on TV

22:22

or on out in

22:24

public . Whatever it may be , it's

22:26

going to happen and you may even acknowledge

22:29

in your brain like , oh my gosh , that's

22:32

it , though that's not the one

22:34

that just does it in my brain .

22:36

I straight up go oh my god , she is

22:38

absolutely gorgeous .

22:39

Yeah , you will . You most certainly will . I

22:41

know that's OK , those people exist . But

22:43

but being secure enough in your

22:46

relationship , being secure enough in your marriage

22:48

to talk about that because we've talked about

22:50

it , like , oh my gosh , she's beautiful , oh

22:52

my gosh , she is so good looking , or something we

22:55

can acknowledge it , we can move on because we

22:57

know , even if it is someone we see at the grocery

22:59

store , for whatever reason , it's not like

23:01

you're going to sneak away and try to do anything

23:03

with that person . We know that

23:05

because we've had those conversations , we've talked

23:08

about it . That's so important Bottom

23:10

line on everything that we ever do , everything we

23:12

ever talk about every problem that's ever had

23:14

. Communication is the

23:16

biggest key of it all man

23:18

just talk about it . So , when

23:20

it comes to this issue and the jealousy

23:23

man talk about it

23:25

, what do you do ? I mean , this is a challenge

23:27

that you have . This is a problem

23:29

that you've acknowledged . You see that

23:31

this is a cause for significant insecurity

23:34

and jealousy in your marriage . So what

23:36

do you do ? You talk about it , you address it

23:38

. It's that big of a deal . Remove

23:41

it from everything that you're doing .

23:42

You know what's funny . You say that and it

23:45

sparked a thought

23:47

you know people talk about and

23:49

then put all the women

23:52

, their spouses birthday on social

23:54

media .

23:54

Yes , they have to blast it .

23:56

Oh , this person is the greatest thing that's ever happened

23:58

to me . They're my best friend . Blah blah , blah

24:00

, blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah

24:02

. If you're putting that out there for the

24:04

world to see . But you're living this life of . Oh

24:07

my God , I hope he doesn't watch this video . But

24:10

you just said he was your best friend . You're

24:12

gonna submit questions to a podcast to people

24:14

you don't even know , but you're not gonna go to your

24:16

best friend and

24:19

ask them questions Not your

24:21

girl best friend , your

24:23

husband .

24:24

And not even necessarily asking questions , but just

24:27

saying like , hey , baby , I'm

24:29

feeling this . Whether this is right

24:31

or wrong , this is

24:33

what this is making me feel like , and I hate

24:36

that . It makes me feel that way . And

24:38

if they're truly your partner and they're

24:40

truly there for you , they will

24:42

say oh my gosh , I had no idea

24:45

, I'm so sorry . What

24:47

do you need from me ? You'll have that conversation

24:49

about it and you're right , you can't . And

24:51

that's the sad thing about social media . It's usually one

24:54

thing on one side , but a reality over here . You

24:56

know blasting and

24:59

telling the world how much you love your spouse , and

25:01

everything on social media . There is

25:03

nothing wrong with that and that could be good

25:05

and that could be celebrated . But , dad

25:07

gum , you better be living this exact same thing at home

25:09

. It better those better be two

25:11

mirror images of each other , that what

25:13

you say here on social media better be

25:16

what's really happening in reality . Because

25:18

we know , based off social media , most

25:20

of that's not the case . You know we see pictures of people

25:22

. It took two hours to take the picture

25:24

, took an hour to get the lighting right , took

25:26

another two hours to edit it all to

25:28

post a picture woke up like this ha ha

25:31

ha ha . Have a great day . Yeah

25:33

, john 316 , and add that on there too , and

25:35

that's what we do , so we got to be able

25:37

to talk through what that looks like . I've got

25:39

one more for us here . How

25:42

do I stop being so jealous so I

25:44

don't kill my marriage ? Husband

25:46

and wife , 28 and 29 years old they're

25:48

high school sweethearts . We can feel

25:50

that I cannot stop being

25:53

jealous of his female coworker

25:55

. I'm embarrassed and I'm ashamed

25:57

about it . He's never cheated on me , but has

25:59

a history of lying about things that are significant

26:02

but aren't a big deal to him

26:04

, or he doesn't tell me to avoid

26:06

a fight . So basically

26:09

, he's the manager of nursing home and has a

26:11

rehab therapist who comes to his building

26:13

10 to 15 hours a week . She's averagely

26:16

pretty , married with the baby

26:18

, makes good money and seems to come

26:20

from a much better family than I did . So

26:22

okay . What

26:24

triggered the obsessive jealousy for me was

26:27

a few things . He said that

26:29

I would probably be good

26:31

friends with her . He hung up

26:33

on me when she walked into the room . Once she

26:35

has texted him two

26:38

selfies with her and the baby . He

26:40

lied about a conversation he had with her

26:42

and he said he had a conversation

26:45

with someone else . He admitted to it because

26:47

he didn't want to get me upset . He

26:49

has a long time with her . He has

26:51

said she's attractive . I have

26:53

a fairly traumatic childhood so I know why

26:56

I get these feelings , but I don't know how to turn it

26:58

off . I'm in therapy but it's not helping

27:00

with this a lot . I'm

27:02

constantly wondering if

27:04

she's there and

27:07

if they are talking about anything other than work

27:09

. I worry he's admiring her

27:11

, confiding her , laughing together , flirting

27:13

, building close relationship , et cetera . There

27:16

are so many things . He thinks that's okay , but

27:18

a huge boundary crosser

27:21

for me . I stay at home , mom , and my

27:23

self esteem is obviously low and isn't

27:25

the best . She's growing her career , making good

27:27

money and getting my husband while I'm

27:29

home trying to survive constant chaos

27:31

. I would say I'm pretty and I'm fit

27:33

, but I don't know if I am compared

27:35

to her . We've talked about

27:37

the subjects to the ground and

27:40

I hurt him every time I bring it up . I

27:42

just want to get over it without eating me

27:44

alive with anxiety and worry . How

27:46

do I get past this and just be happy and

27:48

confident in our relationship ?

27:52

That was a lot .

27:54

That's a lot to take in .

27:56

It's a her problem . Yes , I understand

27:58

that he's lied , but

28:02

she had to . How

28:05

much did she have to go

28:08

at him to find out he lied

28:10

about a conversation he had

28:12

with her ? He's

28:15

probably protecting you because he knows how

28:17

jealous you are for

28:19

no reason . That's

28:22

like me getting jealous because you

28:24

have a cute girl that

28:26

works at your office

28:28

, or like you getting

28:31

jealous of teachers

28:35

that I work with , and

28:38

there's been some weird things that happened

28:40

with some of these teachers .

28:43

I'll laugh it off .

28:44

I think it's hilarious . It is I'm like oh my god , this is so

28:46

annoying .

28:47

It is .

28:47

Why are they still over here talking to me ? I

28:49

can't be a meaner , I

28:51

can't be more blunt and say

28:53

wow , I'm old enough to be your mom

28:56

.

28:58

Some people are into that type of thing , just

29:01

saying .

29:03

But like the texting thing , is

29:09

it about work . Are

29:12

they friends outside of work .

29:14

The texting thing , like for

29:16

me . Yes , I have get

29:18

text messages from the people

29:20

you know , from females , every now and again , from

29:23

work or from church , and it's

29:25

always a quick , one question

29:27

, simple answer . They're not

29:29

long drawn out conversations

29:32

.

29:32

No , unless it's a hey . I'm doing this for Monica , can

29:34

you ? Help me with that Blah blah , blah , blah , blah

29:37

, blah , and then you get into it .

29:38

And then that's it . But they're always

29:40

just hey , I have a question about this

29:43

, here's the question we answer Okay

29:45

, I understand , done , and the conversation ends

29:47

, it's over , and then next time something pops up , sure

29:50

thing the exact same thing , and that is perfectly

29:52

okay . Now , if I were to have

29:54

long , just drawn out

29:56

never ending text message conversations

29:59

like I do that run on conversation that we have

30:01

.

30:01

That's just never ending .

30:02

Exactly Like our text message conversation it

30:04

never ends , it's just continuous , forever

30:06

and ever . The conversation I have with very close friends

30:08

, it's just continued , it never

30:10

actually ends at all , it's

30:13

just over and over . If you're having

30:15

those , then that is a problem

30:17

.

30:17

Absolutely , I sent . I'm

30:19

going to call him out . I know

30:21

he doesn't listen to our podcast , or maybe

30:23

he does , I don't know . George

30:26

Drake .

30:27

Yes .

30:27

Friend of ours . We've

30:29

known them , him and his wife

30:31

Erica , for years .

30:33

Yes .

30:34

Are their oldest . Our youngest

30:36

have been together since what ? K3

30:39

or K4 or something like that .

30:40

Early , early , early .

30:41

They went to kindergarten together and they moved

30:43

, so they're not in the same school system anymore . But

30:45

we also blamed him

30:47

for 100% the reason

30:50

why our daughter loves basketball .

30:51

Correct Because it is his fault . He is

30:54

the head basketball , which I'm actually , at the end of the day , I'm happy

30:56

about .

30:56

Yes , but at the same time

30:58

, when I took the position

31:01

at the high school , we worked side by

31:03

side , so it was me another

31:06

female coach which is the reason why I got the job Ashley

31:08

Blankenships , who I went to high

31:10

school with we played ball together and

31:12

George and they're

31:15

incredible people . I

31:17

obviously talked to Ashley way more than

31:20

George , but we are at a table

31:23

, we are in PE , we

31:25

would play basketball together , we would try to

31:27

strike each other out playing wuffa ball or if we'd

31:29

get to go to the field as a joking

31:32

funny thing not a oh

31:34

, it's a flirt , but

31:37

my , my , my backing

31:39

behind this is when I text him . The other day

31:41

he was going to be off

31:43

. Ashley told me that he was going to be off . I'm

31:45

not in a permanent position at

31:48

the school anymore . I'm really flexible there

31:50

. Even though I still coach , I'm not there

31:52

every single day . Last

31:55

week , Ashley

31:57

told me that Drake was going to be off or

31:59

talking about being off one of the days next week . I

32:02

was like , oh my gosh , he better tell me . I'll

32:05

pick up his spot , I'll go sub

32:07

for that .

32:07

Right .

32:08

I was there . What All

32:12

of the first semester and the first month

32:14

and a half of this semester , I know

32:16

this student , so it's not that big of a deal . She

32:19

told me that at softball practice I

32:22

sent him a text . I didn't necessarily

32:25

get a text back until softball

32:27

practice is over and I was home by that

32:29

time . He

32:31

said yeah , I'll let you know . George

32:34

is a big wrestling fan .

32:36

Huge .

32:36

He knows that I did wrestling , so he just thinks

32:38

that's the coolest thing .

32:39

Yep .

32:40

But I sent him

32:42

a one of those . What are they ? Are they ?

32:44

GIFs , gifs , gifs , gifs or GIFs

32:46

, whatever it's called GIFs , gifs . There you go it

32:48

was Rick Flare going ?

32:49

whoo , that's all I was and we

32:52

have that in common . Right

32:55

Still loves wrestling . That's

32:58

all I sent back . He goes . Yeah , I'll let you know

33:00

.

33:01

Yeah .

33:02

But then he responded to that was hey , did you

33:04

know that the rock is back ?

33:05

Exactly .

33:06

Just fun things like that .

33:08

And that's that is that were to make you jealous

33:11

. Got bigger problems on your hands .

33:13

There is a major deep rooted

33:15

. I know she said that she had some

33:17

childhood issues . That may have

33:19

some , but we have said this in the

33:21

questions before get

33:23

rid of those past hurts . They

33:26

are not your current relationship .

33:27

And they will destroy your current relationship if you're not

33:29

careful . And it is totally normal

33:32

to develop close relationships

33:34

with people you work with Absolutely . You were there with them

33:36

every single day . In a lot of cases , you spend more

33:38

time with them than you do your actual family .

33:40

Yes .

33:41

It is totally normal to develop those relationships

33:43

.

33:43

And do you have conversations

33:45

with them that are not about work

33:47

?

33:48

Yes , You're going to . That is life

33:50

. It's just life . That's what happens for

33:53

this particular situation . One

33:56

just stop

33:58

. I just want to say stop .

34:01

But one hurting yourself more than they you

34:03

are you think your spouse is hurting .

34:05

And listen and if it's , if

34:08

it's become this big of a problem . Obviously

34:11

your husband knows about this . The

34:13

reason he has kept those conversations away

34:15

is probably because he's come home like I

34:17

just don't have the energy for it today

34:19

. I just don't have worth the . I

34:21

don't have the energy to be ridiculed about

34:24

it . So if every conversation is

34:26

is taken in

34:28

this narrow path or this

34:30

negative path about you know

34:32

well , you know so and so , and if she was there

34:34

again today ? Huh , well , what's all that ? Every

34:37

conversation goes that way . No , he's not going to tell you

34:39

about any of that , because he just cannot do

34:41

it .

34:41

Listen , there's more than that girl at that

34:43

work .

34:44

There is and if he is , if she's

34:46

bothering you .

34:47

Those other girls should be too .

34:48

If he's up front with you , if you have you

34:50

know , if he does not go off , hide his phone

34:52

and keep it on the , you got nothing

34:54

to worry about with that and the fact that

34:56

you know . One of the things that made her upset was

34:58

telling her , hey , I think you'd

35:01

be really good friends with her . He's

35:04

probably saying , hey , I'd like . I

35:06

like this girl . I mean , she's nice , she's

35:08

easy to talk to , she's around our same

35:10

age , she has a baby , she's married . Hey

35:13

, maybe we can all become friends .

35:14

at some point in time I got I met this

35:16

person at work who I

35:18

think is good for you . He

35:21

said she's good for you , not

35:23

him . That doesn't mean , hey , I

35:25

want her at my house so I can see her even more

35:27

. He is thinking about you

35:29

.

35:30

Yeah To me that says , hey , I think she'd

35:32

be really good , I think y'all'd be really good friends , because

35:34

I get along with her really well and , hey

35:37

, I'm making it along with her husband too .

35:39

Hey , maybe this could be a new , new set of

35:41

friends for us we can start doing life with maybe

35:43

she's got horrible friends that make her think

35:45

this and he's like , okay , let's get rid

35:47

of these friends so I can move in people that I

35:49

actually like .

35:50

Yeah , so you know to get over this you never know

35:53

the back .

35:54

All of the story .

35:55

No , all the stories are going to be one

35:57

side for the most part , but at

35:59

the end of the day , you talk about it , you get

36:02

over it , you forgive the past hurts that you've had

36:04

and you move forward . You choose

36:06

that hey , we're going to thrive together , that

36:09

we're in this together . We're going to thrive

36:11

together . You choose love over

36:13

fear , because it's love that conquers

36:15

all things . So you choose love

36:18

over the jealousy , the insecurity , the

36:20

fear that , the uncertainties that you may have

36:22

. You choose love in this foundation

36:24

and the solid relationship you

36:26

have . You choose that over all

36:29

of the outside stuff , all the outside

36:31

sources that are being thrown out at

36:33

you to question everything that you have

36:35

known about your relationship .

36:38

The last one . Didn't you say that they were high

36:40

school sweethearts ?

36:40

Yes .

36:43

That makes it even worse . How

36:45

do you not know everything about this guy

36:47

?

36:47

Right High school they're 28 and 29 . So

36:50

at worst they've been together 10 years

36:52

, 10 , 11 years , at worst probably

36:54

a little bit longer , probably fell in love . You know soft

36:56

moors in high school , 15 . We

36:58

were sounds familiar , right , and have we

37:00

been through this crap ? Yes , we most certainly

37:03

have . Have we been jealous ?

37:04

Yes , have we had reasons to be jealous .

37:08

Yes , maybe , so maybe not , who knows

37:10

. But we've been in this situation . We've been

37:12

jealous , we've caused the other to be jealous or

37:14

real reason to be jealous we

37:17

made it through it . How did we do that ? We ?

37:19

stopped being stupid .

37:20

We stopped being stupid , we put

37:22

past behind us . We

37:25

realized it was more important for us to work

37:27

together , to not be so selfish , to

37:29

put the other ahead of ourselves in our own

37:31

wants and our own desires . And when

37:33

we did that , it changed everything . And

37:36

if you chase after Jesus together , individually

37:38

, and do it together , there ain't nothing

37:41

that is going to stop your relationship from

37:43

thriving .

37:43

Absolutely not . You cannot go forward looking

37:46

in the rear view mirror . No , you can't

37:48

.

37:48

We got to go . We done Bye

37:50

, bye , god . We love you so

37:53

much . Thank you for what you've

37:55

done , for what you're doing . For every person who

37:57

hears this . We

37:59

just want to pray favor over their marriage . So we know that marriages

38:01

are hurting , we know that they're falling apart , but

38:05

it is you who can bring all things back together . It

38:07

is you who can restore people , it is you

38:09

who can restore relationships , and

38:12

, god , we just pray that that will happen for those who need it . You

38:15

know exactly what's going on . You know exactly

38:17

what they need . You know exactly

38:19

how to give it to them in our hearts and prayer is just that they're

38:22

open enough to receive it , to see you

38:25

and everything , and chase after you , not

38:27

just individually , but in their marriage , so they can

38:29

, too , thrive together . We love you so

38:31

much in Jesus' name , amen .

38:33

Amen Play ball .