0:01

the next

0:04

couple of years

0:06

. Here's a question for you Is marriage

0:08

overrated ?

0:09

Why aren't people getting married anymore ? A

0:12

new Pew research poll found that two

0:14

in five young adults think marriage is

0:16

an outdated tradition . Marriage

0:18

rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage

0:21

really even worth it ? More

0:23

than half of marriages end in divorce

0:25

. If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person

0:28

for the rest of your life , and that's why you get married

0:30

. So that's why it's declining . Why

0:32

would you get married if you don't , if you want

0:34

to have just one partner when you can have multiple

0:36

?

0:37

Marriage is stupid .

0:39

Welcome to the married AF podcast , the self-proclaimed

0:42

greatest and most impactful relationship

0:44

and marriage podcast in the world . Here

0:47

we are again . We are your hosts , matthew

0:49

and Monica Powers . We're back

0:51

for another episode of season . Three episodes

0:53

30 something , maybe

0:55

40 . I don't know how many we've gone , but hey , we are

0:57

here .

0:59

We're back .

1:00

We are back .

1:01

You've got to stop saying that .

1:02

But I like it because we are back

1:04

. It's not our fault that people are missing

1:07

out on the greatness that has already ensued . It's

1:09

their responsibility to go back and actually

1:11

listen to it . Therefore

1:13

, we are back . I

1:17

see the disgust on your face . Maybe

1:20

at some point in time I'll actually change it . So

1:22

we're back again

1:24

for another episode . I just want to thank everyone

1:26

who has listened , who has reviewed , who's

1:28

subscribed , who's liked , who's done all of the amazing

1:31

things . The outpour

1:33

of just kind of traction that this has

1:35

had is overwhelming and crazy . It's

1:38

more than we've ever even

1:40

thought or imagined or this , and that it's

1:42

all because of the people who listen . I think today's

1:44

episode will probably even attract more ears , because

1:47

this is the one that all the people always want to

1:49

talk about , they always want to hear about

1:51

, they always want to know about , but no one ever

1:53

actually wants to talk about this themselves with

1:55

their spouses . Because

1:57

we're talking about that three letter

1:59

word that everyone wants

2:01

, everyone craves , everyone thinks about

2:03

, but nobody wants to talk about .

2:06

Which is so surprising .

2:08

It is .

2:09

Sex .

2:10

We are talking about sex

2:12

, because it is not a dirty word . No

2:15

, it's actually a very important word . It's

2:17

very important for the marriage , it's very important

2:19

between the husband and the wife , yet

2:22

we're so scared to death to actually talk

2:24

about it , and

2:26

I don't know why . But we're going to try and dissect some of that

2:29

today and try to enrich that

2:31

part of our lives , because that is a huge

2:33

part that can

2:36

really help be

2:38

detrimental to the marriage and

2:41

can really lead to many , many bad

2:43

things and one of the reasons why

2:45

divorce is so high . Yeah

2:48

.

2:49

It just makes me think of this stupid girl

2:51

.

2:52

Multiple partners .

2:54

Why would you get married if you

2:57

can have multiple partners ? I mean

2:59

, you're just stuck with one .

3:01

Exactly . It's not supposed to be stuck with one and really that's

3:03

the whole idea Stuck when

3:05

we created the small group

3:08

, now into a podcast and to

3:10

what it is now , married AF

3:12

. We've gotten so much hate mail about AF

3:14

. People absolutely hate it . How can you do

3:16

that ? You know what that means .

3:17

How can you be a Christian and say you're

3:20

married AF ?

3:21

Well , and it's you know .

3:22

Sorry , people , but get your minds out the gutter , because

3:24

that's not exactly what it is for Sounds like you have more of a

3:26

problem with it than we do .

3:28

Because it's married as followers , and

3:30

the misconception is that being

3:32

married as a follower of Jesus is

3:34

vanilla and bland and boring

3:36

and not exciting . You're not going

3:39

to enjoy each other , you're not going to laugh , you're not

3:41

going to have fun , you're not going to have sex

3:43

. None of that's going to exist . That's the misconception

3:45

that people have about people who

3:47

do love Jesus and follow Jesus and do

3:49

have Jesus at the center of their marriage that they're

3:52

blind and they don't get to have any type of phone whatsoever

3:54

.

3:55

They have not met us .

3:56

No , it's the complete wrong misconception

3:59

of it all , which , in fact , that's the reason I have

4:01

the Bible here , because if you actually read

4:03

this thing , it talks about sex

4:06

.

4:06

Oh , there's a big sex scene and

4:08

nobody wants to talk about that .

4:10

I mean song of Solomon , just just go there if

4:12

you want to . But in 1 Corinthians chapter

4:14

seven it starts off talking

4:16

about marriage and talking about sex

4:18

and it says it is good for

4:21

a man yeah , it

4:23

is good for a man not to have sexual relations

4:25

with a woman . But since sexual immortality

4:27

is occurring , each man should have sexual

4:29

relations with his own wife and

4:31

each woman with her own husband . The husband

4:33

should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and

4:36

likewise the life wife to her

4:38

husband . The wife does not have authority

4:40

over her own body but yields it to her

4:42

husband , and the same way the husband does not have authority

4:45

over his own body but yields it to his wife

4:47

. Do not deprive each other of

4:50

sex . Essentially , all

4:52

the men who listen to this ears

4:54

perked up . Yes and they're going to remember this

4:56

, and this is going to be the one where we are going to point to

4:59

this episode to their wife . Yes

5:01

, like oh my gosh . The Bible says we are supposed

5:03

to have sex . We need to have sex . This needs

5:05

to be something we actually need to do

5:07

. The Bible does talk about it .

5:09

Do you think there are any men that are withholding it from their

5:11

wife ?

5:13

Surely not . There's only one documented case I've ever

5:15

known about that and it's when Michael Scott

5:17

was going to withhold sex from Jan

5:19

unless she gave him

5:21

the raise that he wanted . I

5:25

don't think so , but probably

5:28

so , because I do

5:30

have some numbers in here . I have a study that was done about

5:32

people who do have no interest in sex and

5:35

we'll talk about that momentarily . But

5:37

sex is so important and it's incredible

5:39

and it's amazing and we should be having it and

5:43

it's it's one of the reasons . You know , not talking

5:45

about it and being afraid of it is

5:47

one of the reasons why couples don't have it . I

5:49

think you know . At church today , brandon Matthews said

5:52

it's so great you know about how you're

5:54

going to . You know you want it . That's

5:56

why you get married , you want it . And he talks

5:58

about how the there hasn't been a spark

6:00

in like 10 years and it's because we give our

6:02

spouses our leftovers .

6:04

Yes , priorities are mixed

6:06

up .

6:07

Priorities are all jacked up , so we're not having

6:09

sex . So the

6:12

question needs to be asked

6:14

, because I think it's on most people's minds how

6:17

much sex are we supposed to actually be having

6:19

?

6:21

Well , I think

6:23

that just depends on all kinds of different situations

6:25

.

6:26

It does , but on average , because I think

6:28

men will think , oh well , it's supposed to be this

6:30

much and you know there will be a different dynamic

6:33

of what they believe and how much sex they should

6:35

actually be having . But we've talked about

6:37

this at length , in our small

6:39

groups especially . So there

6:42

have been research done , there have been studies done

6:44

and we found the numbers to

6:46

be actually probably pretty . You know

6:48

what people would actually think they would be as far as

6:50

how often people should be having sex

6:52

. What are those ?

6:53

Let me look at my notes . You got me here , ok

6:56

. So this is a study from

6:58

50,000 Americans

7:00

. All right , there

7:02

are 54 times per

7:04

year .

7:05

So , out of 50,000 Americans that were

7:07

asked , on average they're having

7:09

sex 54 times a year , just

7:12

over one time a week .

7:14

So you get extra booty on your birthday

7:17

.

7:17

Birthday and anniversary booty , maybe

7:20

Both birthday

7:22

booties . There you go .

7:23

They're both birthday booties .

7:26

You get extra birthday booty and that's

7:28

it .

7:29

So you know do people really celebrate their anniversaries

7:31

? I mean , I feel like they should be .

7:33

You should celebrate your anniversary , I mean .

7:35

I can't be mad at people who don't

7:38

, because we're bad at celebrating

7:40

our anniversary because we don't

7:42

necessarily celebrate , but

7:44

we do . But it's not the way that

7:47

a typical person would celebrate . Oh , today's

7:49

our anniversary . Blah , blah , blah .

7:51

No , we don't do it in a way of OK , well , we're going to do flowers

7:53

, we're going to go out to eat , we're going to do this , we're going to do that

7:55

. It's more of hey , here's another great

7:57

milestone in our marriage , let's go

7:59

the next .

7:59

Let's do something fun .

8:01

Let's go to the next . That because

8:03

not to say I'm corny or cheesy Every

8:06

single day is worth the celebration .

8:07

It's supposed to be that way .

8:08

It is . That's why we hate Valentine's Day . Valentine's

8:10

Day , to me , is a very consumerism

8:13

holiday that is only there to make money for

8:15

large organizations . Should

8:18

not be the one day you actually show love to your spouse

8:20

.

8:20

Right , well , let's

8:23

, let's continue to go

8:25

off of these statistics

8:27

. Couples

8:29

who have sex less than once

8:31

a week feel less fulfilled

8:33

.

8:34

Yes , and actually the study went on a little more

8:36

that they learned that people who have sex

8:38

more than once a week don't necessarily feel more

8:41

fulfilled , but people who have less

8:43

sex are less fulfilled .

8:45

I couldn't see that , because if you're

8:48

I

8:50

mean if you're a horny person- you

8:52

have and you're getting it a couple of

8:54

times a week . Your mind's

8:57

not thinking about it as much .

8:58

You're right , that's not what's constantly

9:00

running through your mind all day , every day where

9:03

you are able to be more focused

9:05

on other important things of

9:07

your life and not just that one thing that you

9:09

know everyone is

9:12

actually chasing .

9:13

Or you think

9:15

about the person you're with way

9:17

more .

9:18

That's what it should be .

9:20

Because I feel like that's how it is for us .

9:23

Oh , I totally agree .

9:24

Because I'll be like I can't wait to see you when you get

9:26

home today .

9:27

Yeah , it is I mean , you know , we have the eyes

9:29

for each other , but it's because this is an important

9:31

part of the relationship and it's something we talk about

9:34

, and I mean it's something we pay real

9:36

good attention to because we like it Absolutely

9:38

. We like it most certainly , so that would be that

9:41

the like is a very bad word .

9:43

It's a love .

9:44

Oh , it's a love , it is , it's , it's

9:46

fantastic .

9:48

Well , here's another question how

9:51

long should it last ?

9:53

Yeah , that's the . You know there's a huge misconception

9:55

, I think you know . Thinking

9:57

back to , like the , you know the younger

9:59

days when men think , oh

10:01

well , I can go for this long and I can do it

10:03

. Well , we've learned that that's not the case

10:06

.

10:06

That is not even close

10:08

.

10:08

What's every ?

10:08

man that , worse than that , said that they

10:11

were that way . Were

10:13

they fighting off being drugged from Nyquil

10:15

, or something ?

10:16

Yeah , it's possible . They took the time

10:18

all PMs and that was I

10:20

don't know .

10:21

That's why he lasted so long , bro , because you're

10:23

trying to stay in your best , not

10:25

fall asleep .

10:27

So another study that was done

10:29

. How long should it ask ? What

10:31

did the study ?

10:32

was ? It was from 500 couples

10:34

. Okay , the average

10:37

American . Five

10:40

minutes , five

10:42

minutes .

10:42

Five minutes , five minutes .

10:45

What .

10:46

Five minutes .

10:47

So average .

10:48

So anyone out there who's thinking like

10:50

, oh my gosh , I got to be able to

10:52

do this and this five minutes

10:54

is the average .

10:55

Look , if you have kids , it's

11:00

. It's kind of hard to find dying .

11:02

Listen , especially if you have younger children who

11:05

are always , constantly wanting to be with you

11:07

and ours and

11:09

those of you who do have younger children , you

11:12

know it's near impossible to get a

11:14

minute by yourself . I mean , you can't even go to

11:16

the bathroom without like little

11:18

fingers coming underneath the door . Hey , what are

11:20

you doing ? What's going on ? Hey , I need this , I

11:23

need that I'm thirsty .

11:24

I'm this door Close , talking about you

11:26

can't , so I get

11:28

that if you need to sneak in the closet . Hey , the

11:30

average time is five minutes .

11:32

Five minutes An episode of bluey . You're good to

11:35

go . I'm just saying

11:37

. Just saying it's an option , I

11:41

mean they'll be okay for five minutes

11:43

. They'll be okay for five minutes .

11:45

Bluey's maybe five minutes and 30 seconds , because you're gonna

11:47

have to get things off and get them back on , maybe

11:49

so . But

11:52

it ranges the range of

11:54

the range has always been fantastic

11:56

.

12:00

Seeming funny to even think about it is 33

12:03

seconds 33 seconds

12:06

was low end to 44

12:08

minutes to 44 minutes . So you know

12:10

, the average there again is five minutes , but man

12:13

, the 33 seconds .

12:15

I really hope his reboot time is impressive

12:19

Maybe

12:22

. So so just to kind of

12:24

recap maybe he's been away from his wife

12:26

for a long time .

12:27

Maybe so long long time on business .

12:29

Yes , Overseas in the military

12:32

things like that . I completely understand that .

12:33

Who knows , but this , this

12:36

misconception that we have , that

12:38

it's supposed to be this amount of times

12:40

and last this long and be this and

12:42

be that . You heard the numbers and

12:45

I know it's statistics , I know it's data , but

12:47

data usually doesn't lie and

12:49

this is what it is . Average of essentially

12:52

once a week , for about five minutes per

12:54

week is essentially what it's boiling down to , like

12:57

five .

12:57

No wonder people feel like they're unfulfilled .

13:00

A week , yes , and

13:02

now this can , this can vary and it can change , because there

13:04

are certain situations that you know

13:06

, maybe you're not able to . You know , we talked last episode

13:08

about your surgery , we did . We

13:11

ended up going 11 weeks because of the surgery

13:13

and there are different health instances , work

13:16

issues , like you said . If you know someone's in

13:18

the military , someone's traveling , whatever

13:20

it may be different work schedules , whatever

13:22

it could be . There can be different health

13:24

and relationship dynamics . That play a huge

13:27

part into the sexual relationship

13:29

and it's important to do

13:31

what we always talk about . I feel like this is a constant

13:33

thing on every episode . Talk about

13:36

it .

13:37

Communication is the key to every

13:40

situation possible

13:42

.

13:42

Talk about it and listen . If there are times

13:44

where you want

13:46

it and your spouse doesn't , you

13:49

need to be able to have that conversation . You need to be

13:51

able to have that talk . If your spouse wants it and

13:53

you just can't , for whatever reason , you're not in the mood , you

13:55

just don't have it in you . Whatever , talk

13:58

about it . Talk about it , don't make

14:00

the excuse .

14:01

Yeah , don't , I can't tonight . I

14:03

have such a headache .

14:05

Yeah , and don't pull this . Oh , I'm so

14:07

tired . Oh , I have a headache Don't

14:09

.

14:09

Five minutes is all you need , Well

14:11

, also don't

14:14

pull that crap .

14:15

If you're going to be laying a bed on your phone for two

14:17

hours scrolling Instagram or scrolling TikTok

14:20

, don't pull that nonsense , because what you're

14:22

telling your spouse at that time is that

14:24

someone else is live and someone else and

14:26

something is way more important than their actual needs .

14:28

And they're not even . You probably don't even

14:30

know the people .

14:32

Oh , most likely you don't , but I think , especially

14:34

when you're like here .

14:34

Look at this .

14:35

Yeah Well , like you just shut me down

14:37

15 minutes ago and now you're all giggly

14:39

and happy and laughing at this stupid video

14:42

that you're watching , what is what does that communicate

14:44

into your spouse , even though , if you're not intentionally doing

14:46

that , what is that communicating to

14:48

them ? And telling them that , hey , what's

14:51

happening online is way more important than

14:53

what's going on with you ?

14:54

That's exactly what it is . Priorities are

14:56

jacked up .

14:57

Priorities are all jacked up and what that

14:59

does , and kind of on the flip side of that

15:02

, is where if you do want it and

15:04

your spouse doesn't , for whatever reason , how

15:06

do you act whenever that doesn't take place ? So

15:09

I think what happens is a lot of people will get

15:11

defensive .

15:13

Are you asking me that question ? No , I'm just

15:15

asking in general because I've never been turned

15:17

down about you this

15:20

is true . I don't know how to answer that

15:22

question .

15:22

You can't answer that question because

15:25

you're right , I mean it's

15:27

not necessarily the truth .

15:30

But yeah , I mean , have

15:32

ever done that to you .

15:33

What .

15:34

Here I'm going to let . I don't want to have sex with you tonight , but

15:36

I'm going to lay in the bed and scroll

15:38

to talk and I don't have to go . I

15:41

can't even lie .

15:42

Scroll this or scroll it Whatever Do anything

15:44

else other than your ? No , you absolutely have not

15:46

.

15:47

Usually it's a you

15:49

don't want this right now . I'm

15:51

coming at you , guns Hot , you do .

15:54

Don't you come at me , Guns Hot .

15:56

You don't want this . It's not a I

15:58

don't want it , you don't . I'm

16:01

helping you out in that situation . Now

16:04

, I mean , besides the times

16:06

where I've been actually injured , or

16:08

from surgeries , and yeah

16:11

, whatever it may be .

16:12

But it kind of goes back to what just

16:15

says in first Corinthians do not

16:17

deprive each other . So where

16:19

there are instances where , listen , you

16:21

may be ready to go , but it just ain't going to happen

16:24

tonight , that's fine , it's

16:26

acceptable .

16:27

I mean thinking about the times that , yes

16:29

, life does get in the way , and I mean we've experienced

16:31

that this week in our own personal

16:34

lives where we've had to shift

16:37

gears because of some unexpected

16:39

things happening , but you

16:42

do have to come back to it .

16:44

Yeah , and that's what I'm getting at is , if

16:46

you do get shut down or you do shut

16:48

your spouse down , that's fine

16:51

and that's acceptable and you should be able to talk

16:53

to it . But it can't happen the

16:55

next night and then the next , and then the next

16:57

, and then the next , and then the next .

16:59

You do ? Do you need to ? It's not a continuous thing

17:01

.

17:01

You need to circle back to this and be

17:03

like , hey , I know , two nights ago

17:05

, let's go . That

17:09

needs to be really the mentality of

17:11

it . So , whenever

17:14

you have this sexual imbalance

17:16

and you just can't seem to get on the same page

17:18

about it , just some signs

17:20

that can be seen to

17:23

where , hey , we need to actually talk about this

17:25

because we're scared to talk about sex .

17:27

But why ?

17:28

I don't know . I think

17:31

that when we were growing up , it was just it's

17:33

like that's a bad word or something we're not going to talk about

17:35

, it's taken

17:37

out of everywhere , and it's just like , hey , this is bad .

17:40

Now it's in everything .

17:41

And now it's the complete opposite in the section

17:43

but people don't talk about it . No , they don't talk

17:45

about it . It's just kind of in your face and I think

17:47

that when it comes to us

17:50

as parents , it's our job

17:52

to teach our children .

17:53

Yes , we are very open with our

17:55

children .

17:55

Hey , we're going to talk about it .

17:57

We told our youngest way , sooner than

17:59

we wanted to . But

18:03

animals mate and they

18:05

see that and they want to know what's happening .

18:09

Hey , why are those rhinoceros wrestling

18:12

right there ? What is ?

18:12

going on here . Why is that one on the top of the other

18:15

one ? Ok let's have an actual

18:17

conversation about this now .

18:19

But if we teach our

18:22

children and we teach the next generation

18:24

and they teach theirs

18:26

what sex is supposed to be , how it was created

18:29

, how it was meant to be , you're going

18:31

to be able to have a much better sexual relationship

18:33

with your partner . You just are .

18:36

No matter how many partners

18:38

. You

18:40

want to go for

18:42

it , yeah .

18:43

And I want to , just because we've talked about this

18:45

before , with different social issues and

18:47

this and that , and

18:50

well , based off this situation and that situation

18:52

, well , if it's this type of thing or that type of thing , we

18:55

have all these different rules . And I just want to say , if

18:57

we were to go back to the very beginning and go to

18:59

the actual soul , root , the foundation of this

19:01

all , if we were to do things the way God

19:04

designed them , all these other circumstances

19:06

and all these other issues would have never existed in the first

19:08

place . It would never be anything for us to actually

19:10

worry about , multiple

19:13

partners or the idea

19:15

of an abortion or this or that . None

19:17

of that would ever happen if we did the way God designed

19:19

.

19:19

Yeah , people stop born around , we wouldn't have to worry

19:22

about things like that .

19:23

You're not wrong .

19:25

Sex is good it is , and it should

19:27

.

19:27

Sex is great . You should have

19:29

sex with your partner , so some signs

19:32

when you're married . Yes

19:34

, when you're married , whenever you

19:36

do it the way God designed , it's

19:38

incredible .

19:39

And I really honestly know maybe

19:42

two people

19:44

that saved

19:46

themselves from marriage .

19:48

Yeah .

19:49

I'm trying to think of the second person though .

19:51

Tim Tebow .

19:53

I don't know him .

19:54

I'm just saying , that's all I got .

19:56

Good for Tim , I don't know you .

19:59

Tim hi , that's all I got .

20:00

But if you come on our show and then

20:02

we'll you know .

20:03

We'll definitely discuss that .

20:04

Then I'll tell people , I know you , yeah , I know three people

20:06

that have waited for me . But seriously , when you

20:08

really think about it .

20:09

That's incredible . That's something that

20:11

personal , that

20:13

intimate . Yes , that you saved it for

20:15

the one person that you were supposed to save

20:18

it for , that's incredible

20:20

. It really is . So

20:23

, when we talk about not

20:25

being on the same page , kind of an imbalance

20:28

in what the sexual expectation is . One

20:31

, it's always the conversation when you have to have those talks

20:34

, but I think , as we mentioned , shut

20:37

down , not in the mood tonight , but

20:39

I'm going to lay in bed , I'm going to watch my phone all

20:41

night long . I think those are certain signs

20:43

. When you see kind of the distance and

20:45

not being able to talk , maybe

20:47

not sitting with each other , not holding

20:50

hands , not hugging each other , not kissing each other

20:52

, just in a general sense , in a non-sexual

20:54

way . I think those are some warning signs

20:56

of a sexual imbalance . I

20:58

also think that maybe whenever you're shorter

21:01

with each other and you aren't , you're kind

21:03

of snappy with each other . That again shows

21:05

a sign of sexual imbalance . The

21:08

sad part of it is and this

21:10

is the study I was talking about 2017

21:12

study found some people just

21:14

are not interested in sex at all , which

21:16

blows my mind , but this study found that 34%

21:19

of women and 15%

21:21

of men have no interest in

21:24

sex at all Period

21:27

.

21:27

Why don't they need to find some kind

21:30

of ? I'm

21:32

gonna say this out loud and it'll be a thing tomorrow

21:35

, but maybe that needs

21:37

to be the new dating app for

21:39

all the people who are not interested in sex . Hey

21:41

, let's date .

21:42

Yeah , let's actually just Got nothing to lose

21:44

, let's actually just date .

21:45

let's just Don't have to worry about you know .

21:46

Let's actually hang out with each other , which really

21:49

reality . That whole idea of dating that kinda

21:51

is what should be about . Not about sex , it

21:53

should be about the person . Look

21:55

at that .

21:56

Hmm .

21:58

What a concept . But

22:00

when you do go through those times

22:03

of where you're just not on the same level

22:05

sexually and it's gonna happen in

22:07

your marriage , I mean , it's gonna ebb and flow where

22:09

you just can't seem to meet , you

22:11

just can't seem to get it together .

22:12

After a pregnancy . After a pregnancy after a surgery

22:15

. It's rough getting back into that .

22:17

It is .

22:18

Swing of things after you

22:20

have a newborn . Yeah , it's , I mean

22:22

your body it happened to us twice .

22:23

I mean , you know , for women especially , your

22:25

body completely changes .

22:27

Yes .

22:28

It's completely altered , kinda it's shape

22:30

, and you know there can be self-confidence

22:33

issues that happen ?

22:34

I see that a lot .

22:34

And that's a real thing . I don't think men

22:36

understand it , because men are like I don't

22:39

care , I still- .

22:41

Yeah , well , that's something that's not communicated .

22:43

No , it's not .

22:44

And women are not gonna tell their

22:46

husbands they don't like what they look

22:49

. They will be happy to tell some other girl . I

22:51

have this , this , this , like their husbands won't understand

22:54

. No , they're not gonna understand if

22:56

you don't tell them , but

22:58

I see it all the time . I don't

23:00

want him to see me like this Girl

23:02

. It's five minutes . Turn the lights off

23:05

, have sex , geez .

23:09

Okay , I said it by myself . Stop

23:11

worrying about yourself and get yours and

23:13

give him his yes he is

23:15

, he's still there , he still

23:17

desires you , he wants it , whether you

23:20

think you are fat

23:22

.

23:23

The body-shaming thing is just so frustrating .

23:26

And man , just a little hint of advice

23:28

here let your wife know how

23:30

amazing she looks to you , Let her know

23:32

how much you want her , let her know how much

23:34

you desire her , not even in

23:36

the avenue to try and get sex

23:39

out of her , but just to let her know how beautiful

23:41

she is to you , because that will help break

23:43

down those walls of self-confidence , if

23:45

that is an actual issue that

23:48

may be there . So- .

23:50

Does it say why they don't like sex ?

23:52

No , it just says they don't have

23:55

any interest in sex whatsoever

23:57

. And you know that could be a wide range . I

23:59

mean there could be trauma from a childhood

24:02

, we don't know , and I'm sure that is a small

24:04

percentage of it .

24:05

Most of the time for women when

24:07

they're sexually mistreated as children

24:09

. They

24:12

want it more .

24:14

Yeah .

24:16

I'm not sure the case or the

24:18

logistics behind that , but

24:20

maybe there's an

24:22

imbalance there and that's just what they know

24:25

and it becomes

24:27

comfortable for them , so they want it all

24:29

the time .

24:30

Then that could be it . And again , those are traumas

24:32

that don't need to go , not

24:36

talked about or kind of left

24:38

just by themselves , but those are things that actually

24:40

need to be discussed , need to brought out

24:42

. I mean , that's why counseling can be so important

24:45

and so helpful , because you can actually bring those

24:47

out and be able to talk about

24:49

them . So if you're on different pages

24:51

for sex and you have different

24:54

desires and different this and different that , as we

24:56

always talk communication , but

24:58

there's several different strategies that you can

25:00

take to be able to do this . We

25:02

are not these people at all , but

25:05

I do know it works for people . But

25:07

like schedule , it put it on the calendar

25:09

, like hey this Pencil man , baby

25:11

this right , that sucker in pen

25:13

so it can't be erased . Put

25:15

it on the Google calendar , send the calendar

25:17

, invite whatever works for you , but

25:20

put it on the calendar , make it a priority

25:23

. Now again , that may not be for everybody , that's not

25:25

us . We don't schedule it . We don't have

25:27

to schedule it , which is great . It's

25:29

more of a spontaneous thing .

25:31

It's like , hey , I'm naked .

25:33

It's like , hey , let's go .

25:35

Pull the naked man , pull the naked man

25:37

.

25:37

It works every single time For me and

25:39

yes , I

25:42

think women . It works 100% of the time , and

25:44

maybe not so much .

25:46

I'm sorry , that was just too funny .

25:48

Pull the naked man if you need to , or the naked

25:50

woman , but if you do need to schedule

25:52

it , schedule it .

25:54

Do whatever it takes to kind

25:56

of get you going .

25:57

Now , one thing that we

26:01

speak to couples about and we talk about

26:03

is the whole idea

26:05

of the menu , and

26:07

I this is the greatest example

26:09

I have ever heard . We heard this

26:11

from a marriage

26:14

conference . It was Pastor Mark Driscoll laid

26:17

this out and I was like this is

26:19

revolutionary . This is incredible

26:22

. I've never heard it explained this way , but

26:24

it's perfect . So this idea of the

26:26

menu . So when you go to a

26:28

restaurant , obviously there are menus to

26:30

look at , Doesn't matter the restaurant , you always have a menu

26:32

to look at . When you go to really nice

26:34

restaurants or non-chain

26:38

restaurants and more local restaurants , they

26:41

will usually have what's called a test kitchen . You

26:43

know , when we go to Boston , I know legal seafood

26:45

is kind of a chain . It's

26:47

a phenomenal place .

26:49

I love it .

26:49

We love it . The one restaurant

26:52

we go to is right there

26:54

on the Boston Harbor cell . In the patio it's

26:56

incredible seafood . But just

26:59

around the corner they have the legal seafood test

27:01

kitchen . And if you don't know what a test kitchen is , test

27:04

kitchen is just simply a

27:06

restaurant or a part of the kitchen where they're

27:08

saying , hey , we need to freshen up the menu a little

27:10

bit , we need to add this , we need to add that

27:12

, and they're trying out recipes . And you can go

27:14

to restaurants and just even ask sometimes

27:17

what's in the test kitchen and they'll you know if they're

27:19

trying something out , they're gonna test it

27:21

and they're gonna serve it to people and try and get

27:23

feedback to decide should this go on

27:25

the menu or not . Is this a good dish ? Is it a bad dish

27:27

? Your sexual menu is no different

27:30

. So all of us , we all have

27:32

appetizers that are on the menu

27:34

. You know there are certain appetizers

27:36

.

27:36

If you can get to the appetizers within the

27:38

five minutes , yeah .

27:40

Yes , you know , there are appetizers

27:42

on the menu and there may be one . Hopefully

27:44

there's more than one . There may be one , two , maybe there's

27:46

a handful of appetizers . You know , maybe you like the cheesecake

27:48

factory and that suckers full .

27:50

Can't look at everything on the menu , because

27:53

it's that .

27:53

But you have your appetizers , you have

27:55

your main course , you have dessert , you

27:57

have your menu for sex

28:00

that you have with your spouse . Okay , sometimes

28:04

that menu can become you

28:06

have an appetizer , maybe you

28:09

have a main course . That's it . That's

28:11

all . You got your sexual test

28:13

kitchen .

28:14

But this also comes with open

28:17

, honest , no

28:19

judgment communication .

28:21

So you need to be able to go to your spouse and you

28:23

can need to be able to have this agreement of the

28:25

test kitchen and say , hey

28:28

, this has been on my mind

28:30

, I want to try this

28:32

, I want to do this . You

28:35

know , I want you hanging from the ceiling like a circus

28:37

, I don't know . But

28:40

you need to say , hey , I got to try

28:42

this , I want this . This is something

28:44

that I've really been wanting to try . This is

28:47

going to the test kitchen and obviously

28:49

they do need to be pure non-negotiables

28:52

yes , for even the test kitchen , and there can

28:54

be nothing that's going to harm

28:56

either person . There could be nothing that will harm

28:58

the relationship . You know , I don't recommend

29:01

you don't need to bring someone else Anything

29:03

crazy like that . There should be hardcore

29:05

non-negotiables , but there also needs

29:08

to be a really open

29:10

variety . There's not going to harm your relationship

29:12

. So you need to be able to go to your spouse and say , hey

29:14

, I want this on the test kitchen , we need to

29:16

try this out , and your spouse has to be able

29:19

to say , all right , we'll give it a shot

29:21

, this will go on the test kitchen and

29:23

you need to actually go out and try

29:25

the dish and then

29:28

talk about it afterwards .

29:29

Yes , because that's the only way you're going to know if you like

29:32

something or not .

29:32

Yeah , and it may be , you can go .

29:34

I'm so freaking Lutely , not powers

29:37

. Why would you even think

29:39

that ? Where's your brain been this week

29:41

?

29:42

Yeah , but needs to be a conversation

29:44

about the test kitchen . And you

29:46

know , we , you , we talk about it , we have that

29:48

conversation . It leads into that and

29:50

then you're like you know what that was .

29:52

That was okay , let's keep that in the test kitchen

29:54

Different way , let's make it with

29:57

a different sauce .

29:58

Yeah , exactly , let's try , maybe a

30:00

little different spicier there . But

30:02

hey , we're going to keep this in the test kitchen a little longer . You

30:04

may have the circumstance like , oh my God

30:07

, this is the greatest dish we've ever had Never . This

30:09

is going on the main menu , right

30:11

at the top . This is going to be highlighted

30:13

, this is going to be a go to , and

30:16

then you're going to have the test kitchen where it's like that was

30:18

bad , that was awful , this

30:20

is . This is not going on the menu , this is going

30:22

off the test kitchen , but at least you

30:24

know , at least you try to , at least you were able to have a conversation

30:26

with each other about it , to be

30:28

able to actually put it on there and give it a shot , because you

30:31

never know what great things

30:33

may actually be able to come out of that , not

30:36

only for your sex life , but for you to

30:38

you know together , um

30:40

how much closer it may actually bring

30:42

you to each other . So the menu

30:45

, the test kitchen it is so , so

30:47

, so important

30:49

.

30:49

I agree .

30:50

And it is so beneficial

30:52

. So my recommendation

30:55

to everybody talk about

30:57

the menu with your spouse .

30:59

No judgment no judgment .

31:01

No , I mean , if you come to me with something

31:03

wild and crazy again , as

31:05

long as it is not harmful to us , like

31:08

physically , and does not harm

31:10

our relationship , okay .

31:13

Let's try it .

31:14

Let's give it a . Let's give it a shot , let's

31:17

see if this is going to be . And you may go into it

31:19

thinking what in the world

31:21

is she talking about ? But I

31:23

love my spouse more than anyone else in the world .

31:26

I'm going to give her what she wants .

31:27

And if this is something they want , you know what ? I

31:29

love them and I trust them . So

31:32

, yeah , I'm going to . I'm going to see this through with them .

31:34

Look , it's just like you going to any

31:36

fabric craft store . You

31:39

absolutely hate those places . I

31:41

know you hate those places , but

31:44

I want to go to those places . But

31:46

I also want to spend time with you . So you

31:48

suffer through the

31:50

, however , hours I spend there just

31:53

looking not even to buy something

31:55

.

31:55

Oh , I know .

31:57

Because you

32:00

love me .

32:01

Yes , and whether that's the way it should be , and I've

32:03

said this before to multiple people I

32:05

would rather go and do something I don't

32:08

like doing with you than

32:11

go do something that I really like doing

32:13

all by myself , because

32:15

I would rather spend time with you .

32:17

Like all those wrestling matches that hundreds

32:20

and hundreds and hundreds of matches .

32:22

You're right .

32:23

You had zero care

32:25

about anything that happened with wrestling

32:28

.

32:29

None .

32:30

But you were at every single one .

32:31

Yeah , because it was you .

32:33

Because we were together .

32:34

And that's that's what matters .

32:36

Most of the time , everywhere we went , they thought you were the wrestler

32:38

, not me .

32:39

They did , but which was ?

32:39

great , it made you feel good . You know

32:42

, I did .

32:42

That's right , that's right .

32:45

But those are things that you

32:48

can . This is the same thing as

32:50

the test kitchen . Yeah , and

32:53

sometimes you might even like you've made like

32:55

with the wrestling situation . You made good

32:57

friends .

32:58

Yes , I did .

32:59

Some really good people there , you never know

33:01

what you might find and what you

33:04

might get out of it .

33:05

Yeah , you're right . So I mean , you know , sexually

33:08

, you need to be open to these conversations

33:10

and different things and you can

33:12

talk about what you're thinking and fantasies

33:14

and this and that , to try out the test kitchen

33:17

, but also , even in a non sexual

33:19

way , what does that intimacy

33:21

look like ? In other words , because it

33:24

is a natural need

33:26

for women to have affection . Sex

33:28

is a natural need for men , it's just something we

33:31

need , but affection

33:33

is something that women need and

33:35

men . This is where we have to step up and

33:37

be able to show our women affection , and

33:40

that may mean go into the fabric store and

33:42

spending time with them . Show them affection

33:44

, you know , hold their hand in public , give them a hug

33:47

, give them a kiss , something like that . But

33:49

you should show them affection without

33:52

the intent being sex .

33:53

Yes .

33:54

Sex may be a result of it , but

33:56

you should never go in with that intention

33:58

.

33:59

This is also where love languages come in to

34:02

play very big , because

34:04

you could bring home something , a gift for me

34:06

, and I'm oh , yay , what

34:09

am I supposed to do with this ? It's

34:11

not one of , it's , not a lot of

34:13

not a lovely , much same thing for me .

34:14

You know , gifts are great , I love them and everything

34:17

sure . Just it doesn't

34:19

. It doesn't do it for me .

34:20

You can also tell me a thousand times

34:23

how incredible

34:25

I look and , wherever we're going

34:27

, say it's a big event and you're like

34:29

, oh my god , you look so

34:31

incredible . Well

34:33

, it's

34:35

not that I'm cocky or anything , but if

34:38

I'm getting all Dalled

34:40

up and now look in the mirror , I'm

34:42

gonna go with the outfit I think is best

34:44

for me . So I don't have to have those

34:46

reassuring words that you

34:49

look incredible . I know I do , so you don't

34:51

have to tell me .

34:52

But I can do gifts , I can tell

34:54

you how amazing you look , but none of that

34:56

compares to taking out the trash .

34:58

I that is doing those dishes sexy

35:00

watch Out without

35:03

me telling you now . I came home yesterday

35:05

after a very long day of volleyball . Oh my

35:08

god , you had all

35:10

of the clothes washed , dried

35:12

and put away . The only dirty

35:15

clothes in this house were the ones that are on

35:17

our body . You had

35:19

the diffusers going

35:22

and it smelled great in here and

35:24

everything was clean . Dishes were done , there

35:26

was trash taken out . That

35:29

was sexy .

35:31

I know you

35:33

see me over here sleeping , but

35:37

I'm gonna do that stuff because I love you all kidding aside

35:39

, because I love you , it's it's something

35:41

that has to get done . I'm available

35:43

to do it . You shouldn't have to do it because

35:45

we're team . We're gonna do the tackle these things

35:47

together .

35:48

That's my love language .

35:50

Yes , and it's so important I know you're without

35:52

me having to tell somebody can you do this ?

35:55

And for you it's just spending time

35:57

just hanging out . Now

36:00

I would be . I don't know that physical

36:02

touch is high up on mine , it might

36:04

be in the middle , so I don't have to

36:06

have you physically touching me at all

36:08

times and I don't necessarily either .

36:10

That's probably very similar with that , mine

36:13

is probably more it is . It's just , yeah , I

36:15

could take out in the same room with you . That's great

36:17

, I get to look over and look at you . That's

36:19

. That's essentially quality time all that

36:21

I want , just spending quality time with

36:23

you and that just makes you want me even more

36:26

it does , and that's part of that , that non Sexual

36:28

intimacy as understanding the love language

36:30

, providing that to your spouse and not expecting

36:33

it to end up with sex . But

36:35

yeah , that can absolutely be a part of it , absolutely

36:37

yes .

36:38

It's . It's good for both , but also

36:40

with women . If you come home from

36:42

work , this is for the guys . This

36:45

is a big tip if they

36:47

are frustrated about what's going

36:49

on at work and they

36:51

just need to have an ear to spill

36:54

all the tea to Be

36:56

the ear .

36:57

Yeah , man , we have a problem with trying to fix

37:00

everything and provide solutions . This is the way

37:02

in which we're wired . Sometimes

37:04

you don't need a solution .

37:05

No , she just wants you to listen . Don't

37:08

try to fix it , don't try to tell her she's wrong

37:10

.

37:11

Just listen and you can even have that conversation

37:14

before like hey , real quick , or you need

37:16

my help with this , or you just trying

37:18

to vent to me and She'll

37:20

tell you I'm just trying to vent and that's when you just you

37:23

listen , you take it in , it'll be more of a

37:25

just listen you , you , you

37:27

nod your head at the end of it . You give her

37:29

a big hug , you tell her you love her and say

37:32

I'm here for you , it's gonna be okay and

37:34

that's gonna that . That's it .

37:36

That's all that takes and that's part of the security

37:38

. We need to know that we are taking care of

37:40

it is .

37:40

Security and affection are two huge

37:43

ones , mm-hmm , and there's two huge needs

37:45

for women and men don't Let

37:47

their wives know enough that

37:51

they have them you're right .

37:53

It didn't have to be financially . It doesn't have

37:55

to be any kind of massive

37:59

thing that People think

38:01

women want mm-hmm . And

38:04

there was a movie about it . What do women want ? What ?

38:06

women want smell gifts and great

38:08

in that movie .

38:09

They want to be taken care of , they want

38:12

to be , they want to know that they

38:14

have Someone

38:16

in their corner . They

38:19

might think that they , they might admit

38:22

that they are the strong , independent

38:24

woman and I don't need a man to develop

38:27

Whatever .

38:29

I said I'm gonna , I'm gonna say this , and I know it's controversial

38:31

and we'll we'll get out of here . We need to wrap up . God

38:35

made . Adam Said that's not good

38:37

. Everything else God made was great . He made . Adam

38:39

said well , that's not good . And he made Eve

38:41

. And whenever he made Eve , he

38:44

said I will make a helper for the man . It

38:47

was good it was good and

38:50

there's a Misconception

38:52

of , well , all the woman's just the helper

38:54

. That's not it at all

38:56

. The reason why the woman is the

38:58

helper is because , men , we

39:00

can't do it . We're not good

39:03

enough to do it . We do need our spouses to

39:05

be able to make it through life . You

39:07

know , I hate the whole idea that Men

39:10

and women are equals . We're

39:12

not . We're simply not equals

39:15

. There are things in this world

39:17

that men are far better at than women

39:19

. Absolutely agree and there are things

39:21

in this world that women are far better at

39:23

than men .

39:24

Absolutely .

39:24

That's why we need each

39:26

other . Period we need

39:29

each other . We are created for relationship . We

39:31

are created , man and woman , to

39:33

be joined together as one . We

39:35

need each other .

39:36

I could not agree more , mr Powers

39:39

so That'll

39:41

do us . I don't think it's

39:44

controversial . Well , it's not controversial for me .

39:45

No , but in the I can see that the feminist

39:47

people will blow , blow , blow .

39:49

I'm sorry , child , but if you are

39:51

a hundred and fifty pound woman

39:53

and you're five , five and I'm in

39:55

a nine foot or or

39:57

nine-story building and the bladder

39:59

only goes to the eighth floor and somebody's

40:02

gonna have to carry me down some floors Because

40:05

I'm injured , it's not gonna be the hundred

40:07

and fifty pound , five foot woman , it's

40:09

gonna be the two twenty six foot

40:11

man carrying me down the stairs

40:13

.

40:14

They are just there period . We're

40:16

different . We're equally valuable

40:19

, absolutely , but we're different

40:21

and and that's okay and

40:24

we need each other . We need each other

40:26

. And when it comes to circle this whole back thing thing

40:28

, back to sex For sex , we need

40:30

each other . Yep and it is a desire

40:32

that is burning in all of us , and we

40:35

need each other to be able to feel that desire

40:37

.

40:37

So Adam and Eve , not

40:40

Adam and Steve . It's

40:44

not Eve and Eva

40:46

you're right , it's Adam and

40:49

Eve .

40:50

It's it's the way , that's what .

40:52

God wants and we

40:54

have a lot of friends that we know that

40:56

our believers and

40:58

they are living that lifestyle .

41:02

We still love them always , we're

41:04

not gonna preach at them , because

41:06

it's not gonna make heaven

41:10

bigger . Well , and at the end of the day

41:12

, you know , when we talk

41:14

about the Bible and

41:16

its truth , and its truth from front

41:18

to back , back to front , and some of it's difficult , some of us

41:20

we don't want to talk about , some of us it's hard

41:22

for us to be okay with it all

41:24

the time because we have these feelings and like

41:26

, I don't know about that , but it is the leaving

41:29

, breathing word of God . It is true from

41:31

front to back , from back to front . We

41:33

are going to conform ourselves to this rather

41:35

than asking God to conform

41:37

himself to what we want and

41:39

what we need . And how much

41:41

do you have to hate somebody to

41:44

not lovingly speak the truth

41:46

to them ? I

41:51

know the truth hurts , it can be difficult sometimes

41:53

, but if you love somebody , you care about

41:55

somebody , you are going to speak truth

41:57

to them in a kind , loving

42:00

manner .

42:01

Not degrading them or telling them how

42:03

wrong they are . No , you're going to do it , I

42:05

love . That's not how Jesus would want us to do it .

42:07

You're going to do it . Love , because God loved

42:09

us , and that's that's the way we should treat other

42:11

people is with love . So

42:14

, to wrap up , have sex , have

42:17

sex have a lot of sex .

42:19

It's only for five minutes .

42:20

Have a lot of sex . Five minutes , five minutes a week

42:22

, let's go on the episode of bluey . I don't

42:24

know but truthfully , talk about

42:26

the menu . Talk about the menu . Go

42:29

through your menu this week . I challenge you , go

42:31

through your menu with your spouse

42:33

. See what's on there , see what you would like to add

42:35

. I guarantee you do that

42:37

and you actually put the effort into it . Three

42:40

months from now , it's going to be a completely , it's

42:42

going to be a game changer , like , oh my God

42:45

, what were we missing ?

42:46

this attire . Just tell your man

42:48

hey , let's talk about sex . You have their

42:50

full attention .

42:51

Yeah , it ain't going to take long , even a football . I know

42:53

it's football season . People love their football

42:55

. You'd say that football is

42:58

going to be turned off .

42:59

All right , let's go , let's pause . There's that . What did you

43:01

say ? I heard sex , yeah , so

43:03

let's go All right let's get out of here

43:05

.

43:05

God would love you and we're just so thankful

43:07

for this platform and these opportunities

43:10

it all given to you

43:12

. Without you , none of it exists , and

43:14

our prayer is just that you will take

43:17

whatever you speak through us , that you will reach

43:19

people who need it , that

43:21

people's hearts will be open enough to receive

43:23

your words and just kind of make

43:25

their lives better , make the make the marriage

43:28

is better and just be with them and let them know that your

43:30

authority is greater than anything that we

43:32

could ever do . God , we love you and we thank you in Jesus

43:34

name , amen , amen .

43:35

Label Amen .