0:06

Here's a question for you is marriage overrated

0:09

? Why aren't people getting married anymore

0:11

?

0:11

A new Pew Research poll found that two

0:14

in five young adults think marriage is

0:16

an outdated tradition . Marriage

0:18

rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage

0:20

really even worth it ? More

0:23

than half of marriages end in

0:25

divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck

0:27

with this person for the rest of your life , right ?

0:29

That's why you get married , so that's why it's

0:31

declining . Why would you get married if ?

0:33

you don't if you want to have just one partner

0:35

when you can have multiple . Marriage

0:37

is stupid . Welcome

0:39

to the married AF podcast . Marriage

0:42

is Stupid .

0:44

The girl's voice before him drives you

0:46

insane . It just makes my skin

0:49

crawl .

0:50

I know .

0:50

I don't know if it's her voice , because I don't know what she looks like

0:53

, so it can't be her face .

0:53

I'm sure she's lovely . She has a misguided

0:56

concept of what marriage truly

0:58

is .

0:59

But she is stupid .

1:01

We're here to correct that . We

1:03

are back again Married AF podcast

1:05

episode something or another

1:07

of season three . We're your

1:09

hosts , Matthew and Monica Powers

1:12

, and we are finally

1:14

getting to the episode that I had planned for last

1:16

week but that all changed

1:18

because you were lying about will of fortune to you .

1:22

Yeah , so that's okay .

1:24

So everyone who has listened

1:26

and everything like . It's been kind of incredible

1:29

this past week and just the number of people , the

1:31

number of downloads . So we just want to say thank you

1:33

for that . We never , ever expected

1:36

that at all . So you

1:38

know , if you like it , continue to like

1:40

it and listen and download

1:42

and subscribe and find us on

1:44

all the socials and all the fun stuff

1:47

and all this and all that , and on YouTube

1:49

. If you've watched any of the last two

1:51

, you'll see again . We're in a third type

1:53

of different setup , but I think I kind of like this one . This

1:56

one seems to be the best , most comfortable , most natural

1:58

feeling .

1:58

I'm telling you powers when the basement is completely

2:01

finished .

2:01

It's done , it's over we got the spot

2:04

.

2:04

This is no more .

2:05

Oh , I agree with you completely . Trust

2:07

me , we're okay with that . So

2:09

today's episode we're talking

2:12

about two more months in the basement .

2:13

It's finished right .

2:14

One month . They start in less than a month , so

2:18

we're close over , so close . Even better

2:20

I know we'll be right there . So the episode

2:22

today we had planned for last week and

2:25

it's mostly talking about a huge thing that

2:27

happened this summer while we were just taking

2:29

time off . This was planned for quite

2:31

a while , for you have to have the surgery this summer , so

2:33

kind of explain what

2:36

it is .

2:38

Well , it's a hysterectomy .

2:40

Yes , it is .

2:41

Could take out your body parts that

2:44

make babies

2:46

.

2:46

Yes , they do , and that's part of it

2:48

.

2:49

Right Hysterectomy , chiroproscopic hysterectomy

2:51

, so they take everything but your ovaries .

2:53

They do , and we

2:56

didn't tell a whole lot of people about this .

2:57

We didn't really tell anybody , Matthew .

2:59

When people found out about the surgery

3:01

, especially after you had surgery or going into

3:03

the surgery , it's like why

3:06

in the world would you go through

3:08

all that ?

3:08

Because it's a very in-depth and

3:11

way more than it's

3:13

body part removal they take out your organs

3:16

.

3:16

Well , it is I guess just the recovery time

3:18

, and what to expect was not what I

3:20

initially expected , until we didn't know what we

3:22

were getting into . No , no , we had no idea . Period

3:24

.

3:25

We didn't know anybody , or still don't necessarily know

3:27

anybody that's had this surgery at

3:30

our age .

3:31

No , not at all . And the thing was people

3:34

would ask why would you do

3:36

that ? Why would you put yourself through that and have

3:39

that type of surgery rather

3:41

than just getting the old snippety-snip , snip

3:44

, snap , snip , snap , snip , snap there's

3:47

. Why wouldn't you just go get snipped ? It takes like a couple

3:49

days a weekend and you're done good to go . It's

3:51

not near the recovery of that . But this

3:53

went a whole lot deeper than

3:56

just getting snipped and not having

3:58

kids any longer .

4:00

Right , well , we weren't going to do that anyways .

4:02

We were not going to do that . But the reason for this

4:04

surgery went a whole lot deeper than just

4:06

I don't want to have kids anymore .

4:07

Right , well , we were not going to have kids

4:09

anymore anyways . But during

4:12

the pregnancy of our first child I

4:15

found out that I had some

4:18

cervical cancer issues

4:20

. So six months

4:22

I think it was six months after I had cash

4:25

.

4:25

It was six months after you had cash . No

4:28

, it was six months after you had cash .

4:30

I had to have surgery to

4:32

remove all of the cancerous

4:35

stuff and they didn't

4:38

think it was going to be anything further

4:40

than that . It didn't spread , so it was

4:42

just strictly to the cervix . So

4:45

I had the surgery and

4:47

never had any other issues .

4:49

No , the surgery was a huge success . The

4:52

doctor who did it said hey , we

4:54

got everything , it looks great , everything's

4:57

fine , you look good , no need to worry

4:59

about this but

5:01

.

5:01

But when you are done

5:05

having children , you

5:07

need to have the hysterectomy because

5:09

when you have that it tends

5:11

to spread and spread fast

5:13

, and that's something that

5:15

I don't know the numbers for

5:18

cervical cancer type of stuff but

5:20

that was also something we didn't necessarily tell everybody

5:22

.

5:22

No , we did not . Not a lot of people know about that .

5:25

No , I mean it's not , I mean it's just

5:27

for me . I know cancer

5:30

is a very scary word

5:32

and well , when we found out

5:34

, we were oh okay

5:37

, well , what does this mean ? What

5:40

can we do If it's just

5:42

here ? What

5:44

do we need to do ?

5:45

Rather than the world falling apart , which

5:47

, when that happens , I

5:49

understand how the world can fall apart . There

5:52

are a lot of scenarios where that's really

5:54

valid , but we hit it more of a kind

5:56

of a shock because they found it in

5:58

pregnancy but never told us until the

6:01

inches , like we are not going to tell you about this . It

6:03

was going to do no good to let you know about this . We

6:05

needed to get you through this pregnancy safely

6:07

, both you and your son safely , which they

6:09

did . But we hit it in a way

6:11

, just like you said , of okay , that's

6:14

not ideal , but what can

6:16

we do to fix it ? Yeah , I mean , what are

6:18

the next steps ? And the surgery was that ?

6:21

I don't even think I . I

6:23

was not even scared .

6:26

No , no , I wasn't either .

6:28

Not even when they told us , and

6:30

it wasn't until the follow up

6:32

after having him . We're

6:35

okay , we found

6:37

this , this is what needs

6:39

to happen . It's strictly here . Okay

6:42

, fine , sure , and

6:45

this was , this was a BC

6:47

for us before Christ . It was

6:49

, we were , we were kind of in that transitional

6:52

phase , we were going to church , we

6:54

were testing the waters and trying to figure

6:56

out what this whole Jesus thing is all about

6:58

.

6:59

We had somewhat known , but I guess

7:01

to the point of really knowing Jesus

7:03

and having a relationship with him and having be

7:06

able to have conversations yes , going to him

7:08

first .

7:09

It was like not our thing .

7:11

Before this was like I know about Jesus , I know who

7:13

he is , I know what the gospels are all about , I get

7:15

all that , but I just don't feel

7:17

anything . And this was kind of that transitional phase

7:19

of wow , my

7:22

eyes have been open to a whole different world . I

7:24

never expected this . I didn't understand

7:26

this . I've been missing out this entire

7:29

time . Yes , so this was during that transitional

7:31

phase , but fast forward to

7:33

this this past summer really

7:35

leading up to that . That's the reason

7:38

why it was the hysterectomy

7:40

.

7:40

Yeah , I was supposed to have this in

7:42

2017 , 2017

7:45

, 2018 , somewhere around 2017

7:48

is when I was actually going

7:50

to have the surgery which would have made

7:52

me even younger .

7:53

Oh yeah .

7:56

What is ? How would I be there ? I've

7:59

lied about my age .

8:00

That was six years ago . You're about to be

8:02

40 . 40 , the big four . I

8:05

don't know if you wanted to say that or not , so obviously you were in 34

8:07

years old at this time .

8:08

Wow , yeah , so really young .

8:10

Yeah For the surgery . Yeah , I would have been , even younger

8:12

.

8:15

So we couldn't , we couldn't afford to have it .

8:17

No .

8:18

In 2017 , because we'd took in three girls

8:20

and I was

8:22

like I don't know what the downtime is . I just I

8:24

can't .

8:25

Just not in the cars right now .

8:27

I kept pushing it off and pushing it off and

8:29

, honestly , to the point where I'd pushed it off so

8:31

far , it was not even in

8:33

my brain again .

8:35

You're right . It was kind of like , hey , this was

8:37

supposed to be done , just can't do it right

8:39

now , and then it was just kind of out of sight , out of mind

8:41

.

8:41

So yes , here's the Vidio K everybody that wants to do today . Thank you , Bye

8:43

. I started having severe

8:48

cramping during

8:51

my monthly stuff and

8:53

it got to the point where I

8:56

was like doubled over in pain

8:58

.

8:58

And you had never experienced that before

9:01

.

9:01

And I'm on birth control like religiously

9:03

, so we do not . We

9:05

are very fertile people . That's probably something we Extremely

9:08

fertile people . So I

9:10

mean I was off the birth control

9:12

pill with cash three

9:15

days .

9:16

And bam .

9:17

They said it would take six months .

9:19

Took three days .

9:20

Three days .

9:21

And then Elkes was- .

9:22

And then Elkes was three weeks .

9:24

So we're fertile people .

9:25

We're very fertile . So

9:28

I definitely religiously

9:30

take the birth control pill . But

9:32

something I don't know . I

9:35

don't know . I don't think it had anything

9:37

to do with cancer coming back , because that

9:39

was never a thing , it hasn't . But at

9:41

my last appointment I told my doctor

9:43

about that and she goes okay , it's definitely

9:46

time to go ahead and follow through with this

9:48

. So when I bring

9:50

all the packets home and you're reading all

9:52

of this stuff , you're baby . This

9:55

is a lot .

9:56

It was way more than I thought . And then I went

9:58

to the doctor with you for the

10:00

pre-op appointment .

10:01

I was like hi listen . Yes , matthew , there's

10:03

a lot . Let's go ahead and get that

10:05

out there .

10:06

We will get that out there . But

10:08

when you came home we were telling about it and you were

10:10

like you know , it's two

10:12

and a half to three months 10 weeks roughly of

10:15

full on recovery

10:17

and my thought was holy smokes , that's

10:19

a lot of recovery . How

10:21

in depth is like you're gonna be down

10:24

for three months , you're not gonna be able

10:26

to do this or that . So I had to go to

10:28

find out and whenever we were going to that appointment I

10:30

was like listen . And even

10:32

after the appointment I was like listen , I

10:34

just want to go get snipped and we'll call it what

10:37

it is and it'll be that . But the reason

10:39

why was ultimately the

10:41

pain you were experiencing . You

10:44

know the cancer , previously

10:46

being an issue .

10:47

It can come back and spread .

10:49

Exactly .

10:50

That was the whole deal . Okay , we

10:52

need you to have this surgery because not

10:54

because you have the cancer , but

10:58

because you had it previously it

11:01

is likely that it skipped

11:03

that area totally and goes

11:05

straight to your ovaries , and so when you have a varian

11:07

cancer , it can just get

11:09

a little worse .

11:10

Yeah , so this was like hey , let's eliminate

11:13

the possibility of that altogether .

11:14

So let's get all of your cervix , your

11:16

uterus , your tubes All

11:19

of that will be removed .

11:20

Yes , but we're gonna leave you with the ovaries . We're gonna

11:22

leave you with the ovaries . So we went to the appointment

11:24

because I was thinking , all right , 10 weeks

11:27

, and let's just be straight out with it

11:29

. It was doctor

11:31

, was very clear , like hey , there's 10 weeks no

11:33

sex , you can't do anything . You need to stay

11:35

away from each other . Don't even look at her

11:37

, don't even look at her , and I was thinking okay

11:39

, all right , well , that's a while

11:42

, that's so long .

11:43

What's the ?

11:43

problem . That's not what we're thinking , and

11:45

when we told our real close friends about it , the

11:48

reaction for most of them was oh

11:50

, poor powers .

11:51

10 weeks Praying for you a lot

11:53

this summer .

11:55

Yes , 10 weeks . But I went and said I was

11:57

wanting to find out one about that , because , boy

12:00

, that is a long time . But also like , are you not gonna be able

12:02

to do anything for 10 weeks ? But it was like no

12:04

, after two weeks you'll be able to do a lot

12:06

. After four weeks you'll be able to do most of what you would

12:08

before . But she was very descriptive

12:10

. Like don't

12:13

you dare even think about touching

12:15

each other Because , she said , if you do

12:17

, if she is not healed , she

12:19

said , her insides are falling out . I was like

12:21

, all right , that's it . That's all I needed to hear .

12:24

Nothing else . The amount of stitches . One

12:26

stitch pops , they all pop

12:28

, and literally they're

12:31

all of her organs right there .

12:33

Yeah , I was like okay , that's all I needed to know

12:35

.

12:35

I don't need to hear anything else . She said we cannot

12:37

fix that .

12:39

So I was like okay , done .

12:40

Matthew , actually you said you're saying 11

12:42

weeks , 11 weeks , it is .

12:44

We're gonna be extra careful just to make sure , Because

12:47

the idea of that is horrifying

12:49

. So we go through with the surgery . We have

12:51

the surgery . We were both

12:53

excited . You were extremely excited .

12:55

I was so excited because I was one no more

12:57

periods . And two

12:59

, I don't have to take a pill anymore , so

13:01

I don't have the period or get pregnant

13:04

. So it was a win-win .

13:06

It was a huge win and you're even like it's

13:08

hysterectomy day . It's hysterectomy day . You're

13:10

so excited about it .

13:11

The nurses , I thought for me it was

13:13

like unfrozen , it's coronation day

13:15

. Exactly it's hysterectomy

13:17

day . That was all that . I was just super

13:20

, super excited . And the nurses , they

13:22

loved it , because they've never had anyone so

13:24

excited to come in to have hysterectomy

13:27

.

13:28

So let's get to that , because

13:30

we're in there . You get called back . We're

13:32

in there with the nurses and they're

13:34

making sure everything's ready to go . They're checking you , getting

13:36

blood for surgery .

13:38

They're blood pressure . And

13:42

the main important piece

13:45

that they make you do , for this is

13:47

a pregnancy test .

13:48

They do .

13:48

Obviously , you can't have a hysterectomy if you're

13:51

pregnant you cannot .

13:52

So you're in the bed , you're

13:54

getting prepared , they're checking your blood

13:56

, getting your blood , they're doing blood pressure , they're

13:58

getting your IV and everything ready . And this

14:00

freaks me out . I hate every bit of this . I'm just sitting

14:03

off in the corner just doing everything I can

14:05

not to watch them jab needles and everything .

14:06

Because Matthew is terrified of blood .

14:08

I hate it , I hate the idea of it , can't

14:10

look at it because he passes out .

14:12

He's passed out on his own blood , seeing

14:14

his own blood .

14:15

Yeah , I'm just like Jason Siegel and forgetting to

14:18

say I'm watching .

14:19

Then just done .

14:20

So I'm just sitting over there and you had already

14:23

done what you needed to do for a pregnancy test , and they're

14:25

talking everything , and one of the nurses I'll

14:27

let you tell the story because we just both were like what

14:29

?

14:30

So one of the nurses has the pregnancy

14:33

test and she leans over to the other

14:35

nurse who is doing

14:38

my IV and shows her the test

14:40

and says have you ever seen

14:43

one this faint ? And me and you

14:45

both look I'm

14:47

sorry . What did you say ? And

14:49

the nurse that saw or

14:52

was asked the question saw the strip and

14:54

said no . I

14:58

said I'm sorry . What

15:01

is happening ? Maybe

15:04

we should just get her to do another one . I

15:06

said oh my god

15:08

, I am

15:10

40 years old and I'm going to have a child . Immediately

15:13

, it was like we joked about this the night

15:15

before .

15:16

We did . Wouldn't that be crazy if you're

15:18

pregnant ? And then immediately this nurse

15:20

is saying have you ever seen a pregnancy test

15:22

this faint ? And immediately it was like no

15:24

, no , no , this can't be happening

15:27

. God , what kind of sick joke is

15:29

this ? You're trying to pull off on us . I said this

15:31

can't be the case .

15:32

Give me another one , I will pee on it again

15:34

. So the moment I

15:36

did it comes

15:38

up straight negative Hallelujah

15:40

.

15:40

We're like , oh goodness , ok , all

15:43

right , we can go now .

15:44

Yes , so everything was done and good , except

15:46

for the anesthesiologist walks

15:49

in and is concerned

15:51

.

15:52

That's right .

15:53

And I'm extremely

15:55

healthy . I don't really know what

15:57

she's concerned

16:00

with , because she says is

16:02

there any kind of medication

16:05

that you might have taken to

16:07

make your blood pressure be

16:11

140

16:13

over 90 , something I said .

16:15

Which is very high for you .

16:17

I have really good blood pressure .

16:19

Yeah , 140 is really , really

16:21

really high for you .

16:23

And I said , no

16:25

, I didn't take anything

16:27

. Wait

16:31

a minute . Wait a minute , you

16:33

know what ? Now that I'm thinking about it , they

16:35

were checking my blood pressure . Right

16:38

at the time , one of the nurses asked the

16:40

other nurse have you ever

16:42

seen a pregnancy

16:44

test come up this faint ?

16:47

Freaked us out . No wonder your blood pressure was through the

16:49

roof at that time .

16:50

The anesthesiologist laughed , completely

16:53

understood and said

16:55

okay , we will take that again

16:57

. Of course , comes back perfect .

16:59

Comes back . Good to go . So you are finally ready

17:01

to go for surgery . You get wheeled back

17:03

there . I'm like , all right , well , it's go time . I know the

17:06

surgery's supposed to last about an hour and a half or something

17:08

like that . So I'm gonna go downstairs , I'm

17:10

gonna get tuna , because St Vincent's has

17:12

the best tuna , it's so

17:14

good . So I go downstairs , I get some

17:16

tuna , I eat lunch . I come back up to the

17:18

waiting room . I'm there maybe 15

17:21

minutes or so and your doctor comes

17:23

out and I get called . I go into the room with her and

17:25

she just says , hey , everything's great , she

17:27

looks great , she's done great , the surgery's perfect

17:29

, Everything was- , and you're by yourself , right , I'm by

17:31

myself . Everything's perfect . We're good to go , remember

17:35

the recovery and this and this . We'll see you guys next

17:37

week , but everything was perfect . Just

17:39

wanna let you know how great she's done . I'm like great . She said they should

17:41

she's going into recovery . They should call you back

17:43

up there about half an hour , maybe an hour

17:45

at the maximum . Okay , that's understandable , that's okay

17:47

. An hour goes by , I haven't

17:50

heard anything . I call you . Well , maybe it's just taking

17:52

a little bit longer . Two hours go by . I

17:54

still haven't heard anything . Three hours go

17:56

by Nothing . Four hours

17:58

go by . I'm beginning to worry at this point . I'm like

18:00

what in the world have they completely forgotten

18:02

about us ? I go up to the guy at

18:05

the desk two times at about two and a half

18:07

hours , and then again around four hours

18:09

. I'm like , hey , can you just kind of give me an update

18:11

? Well , she's still in recovery and that's all

18:13

I got . I was like what in the world is going on ? It begins

18:15

to worry me . About four and a half hours later

18:18

I finally get the call up and I come up

18:20

to the room and I have never seen you in

18:22

so much pain ever

18:24

. I mean , it was awful because

18:27

you- . I don't remember any of this , no , and you

18:29

shouldn't remember any of this . I mean , you

18:31

were in so much pain , you were crying

18:33

, and you're what we typically know as

18:36

a freak of nature , meaning you recover

18:38

from things so fast . You have an extremely

18:40

high tolerance to pain . I've seen you break

18:42

your nose , fix it and

18:44

get right back to what you're doing . I've seen

18:46

you break your collarbone no

18:48

problem to finish what I'm doing . I've seen you dislocate

18:51

your shoulder , your

18:53

herniated disc . I've seen it all . You've

18:55

never . I've never seen anything like this before . It

18:58

scared me to death how

19:00

much pain you were in .

19:02

What did you do ?

19:03

Just tried to help you- .

19:04

Like , you walked in the room and that was what I was

19:06

doing .

19:07

You were there by yourself just crying

19:09

about how much pain you were

19:11

in at that point in time and it

19:13

was scary . And we were in there for about another hour

19:15

and a half , two hours as you were

19:17

trying to be okay and we finally got

19:19

you dressed , got you in the car , got

19:21

you home Soon as I got you home

19:23

the kids were here , they were

19:26

taking care of you guys . I went and got all

19:28

the medicines that they gave you for recovery

19:30

and we

19:33

kind of expected maybe not this level of

19:35

pain and how difficult this was

19:37

for you . But we expected it for a

19:39

couple of days for you to just kind of lay around

19:41

, for you not to do anything . We

19:43

expected some nausea from the anesthesia

19:46

, all completely normal . What

19:49

turned into two to three days . You

19:51

went two weeks where

19:53

you were a shell

19:56

of yourself , Like you

19:58

weren't yourself at all .

20:00

I don't remember the first week at all

20:02

.

20:03

Well , and there's no- .

20:04

In the second week . I don't .

20:06

Looking back now I see that . So

20:08

I had planned for a few days

20:10

, maybe a week . You had a surgery the

20:13

day after Memorial Day , I think it was .

20:15

Yeah , it was like the first of- .

20:17

It was right , then , for end of May , first

20:19

of June so . I'd planned to just take off that week

20:21

. I'll work from home that week , no problem . I'll

20:23

be back the next week . But

20:26

that wasn't the case at all , Because you were able to

20:28

do nothing whatsoever

20:30

. You would sleep . You

20:33

would come into the living room , lay

20:35

on the couch , try to watch TV , try

20:37

to sit up . You couldn't walk around . You needed

20:40

to walk around . You needed to get around a little bit .

20:42

It told me to walk around the

20:44

house .

20:45

Yeah , because of the gas from the anesthesia

20:47

. You need to be able to get all that out , or it was like

20:49

they did to blow up your insides so they

20:51

can see whatever they

20:53

need to pull out and it was just

20:55

so difficult for you to be able to do that , which

20:57

leads me to

21:00

kind of go down the road of when

21:03

you're married to somebody to see

21:05

them one in that much pain and to

21:07

that much stress

21:10

and your body be stressed and you not

21:12

be who you normally are . It's difficult

21:14

for a spouse to see their spouse like that

21:16

. For it to go on as

21:18

long as it did was

21:20

even more difficult . And to

21:23

be the one who is taking care of

21:25

you fully . When you're not , you're not

21:27

able to do anything for yourself

21:29

whatsoever , and it

21:31

takes a lot for someone

21:34

to do that and the love that someone has for someone

21:36

to be able to do that , no matter what

21:38

. Now , it was way longer than I thought it was gonna

21:40

be Right well , I'm not the , I

21:42

don't know , I'm not the biggest

21:46

carrier you are the worst

21:49

patient on the planet

21:51

. I'm the worst patient .

21:51

I was talking about being the caregiver .

21:54

Oh , you're not a caregiver at all . When I hurt my back

21:56

, we learned that quickly like , oh my God , shut up

21:58

. You were going to go on . Get up , you're fine , go to the doctor

22:00

. Put them in a home

22:02

.

22:03

That's essentially what it was like , but you're

22:05

not the best you woke me up in the middle of the

22:07

night to go pee , because you couldn't

22:09

.

22:09

Actually I couldn't move , I couldn't get out of bed . That's

22:12

a bad feeling . Sorry , but

22:14

you're not the greatest patient either , because you are independent

22:17

.

22:17

I am very . You want to be able to do something

22:19

, but I feel like I should . I'm

22:22

supposed to heal faster .

22:25

Yeah , and you didn't at

22:27

all . It's not what we

22:29

are used to .

22:30

No .

22:31

But yeah , you're a bad patient and

22:33

I don't complain .

22:34

I mean , yeah , I'm like , oh , I'll get with the crick

22:36

in my neck or something . Oh , my

22:38

hands hurt , my back hurts , things like that , but

22:40

it's I don't complain about . No

22:44

, you don't like Hurt .

22:45

Even after the surgery , in the two week period

22:47

where you were just completely unable to do anything

22:49

on your own , you

22:51

would try to and

22:54

you just you physically could not , you were unable

22:56

to , but you would refuse to ask for help

22:58

and I had you know , hey , I don't like asking for

23:00

help ?

23:00

No , you don't .

23:02

I was like , hey , you have to sit down , you have to lay down

23:04

, you have to do this , you have to do that , and I don't like being

23:06

told what to do . No , you don't like being told

23:08

what to do at all and I had to do that

23:10

, which made this even more difficult

23:12

a lot of the time , which

23:15

, you know , created even more friction . Oh my God . Well

23:17

, she just listened to me . Let me take care of her

23:19

, let me take care of you Because , yeah , I went two

23:21

weeks and it was difficult and it was not easy , as

23:24

it would be for anybody , but if it's

23:26

two weeks , four weeks , 10 weeks , a

23:28

year's worth , I would do

23:30

it all over again . I'll do it every single day

23:32

and that's how we're supposed to feel for

23:34

our spouses . But I think a lot of selfish people

23:36

you know the two weeks that we

23:38

had for I think a lot of couples would

23:41

have put some real strain and real

23:43

stress on the relationship where they're even thinking

23:45

. I don't want to do this .

23:47

I can't be with this person .

23:48

I can't be with this person . They're not able

23:50

to take care of themselves . They're not able to do this , and

23:52

I think to people who do have these major surgeries

23:54

or major health issues or any

23:56

terminal illness . You see

23:59

a lot of marriages end

24:01

because of that . And to think that man , the

24:03

selfishness that that is .

24:04

Death do us part .

24:06

It's not what . It's not what marriage

24:08

is .

24:09

Those words don't mean anything anymore .

24:11

No , not like they . Not like they should you

24:13

know , and we had we've talked before about

24:15

, you know , marriage being a not a 50-50 split

24:17

, and in this case it was like I got

24:20

zero .

24:20

It was 99.9% to 0.1%

24:23

, and that's all you're able to get and my 0.1%

24:25

was just being there .

24:28

Yeah , You're just like a lifeless body

24:30

, just kind of laying there . Who needs to eat

24:32

, who needs to drink , who needs to use the bathroom , who needs to sleep

24:35

and who needs to take their medicine ?

24:36

I think the main thing I remember was

24:39

I would have to lay on the couch and

24:42

I have to prop up my feet .

24:44

You would , because the biggest problem

24:46

that really came , the pain was unbearable

24:49

. Your pain was crazy , but

24:52

even more so than that was the extreme

24:54

nausea you had .

24:56

That didn't go away .

24:56

For two full weeks Like you couldn't

24:58

eat , you couldn't sit up , you couldn't do anything

25:01

, you were just . You never got

25:03

sick , but , boy , were you extremely

25:05

nauseous the entire

25:07

time . For two weeks straight , you were extreme nausea

25:10

.

25:10

Medicine didn't even work .

25:12

No , no . I mean , we got medicine to Trump and

25:14

it did nothing for you whatsoever

25:17

, and that can be really , really tough

25:20

on both

25:22

individuals , but

25:24

we have to take care of our spouses . Is what we're supposed to do

25:26

.

25:26

That's right . Well , I think

25:29

a year , two

25:32

years prior to this was

25:35

when I was in the car wreck , Left-handed

25:40

. Everything that happened was

25:42

on my left side , so

25:44

I learned real

25:46

quick how left-handed I really was

25:48

.

25:49

Oh , it was big time .

25:50

I was so frustrated . I

25:53

couldn't feel my arm , I

25:56

couldn't lift it , I couldn't

25:58

do anything . Therapy

26:00

never made the feeling come back . It

26:03

was just getting worse . It was like

26:05

my arm was dead . Essentially

26:07

, you

26:10

had to take care of me then .

26:12

I did . That was a cakewalk

26:14

compared to the surgery , though .

26:16

But then a year it

26:19

was almost a year after the surgery

26:21

, or a year after the wreck I had

26:23

to have my shoulder Shoulder surgery .

26:25

To be able to repair your shoulder , you had to

26:27

have a bicep retest

26:29

. Yes , you did , which was pretty gross .

26:32

But you had to do all of the things , in that

26:34

I mean , you literally washed

26:37

my hair , dried

26:39

my hair , you learned a lot

26:41

about hair and you didn't

26:43

even have hair .

26:44

Despite not having any hair whatsoever , I

26:46

learned a lot about

26:48

hair , our daughter was so concerned

26:51

.

26:51

Why is daddy doing mommy's ?

26:53

hair . Why is daddy yeah , Dad can't do

26:55

this .

26:55

Daddy doesn't have hair .

26:58

It was so funny . But yeah , and that's . You know

27:00

, I would do it all over again because

27:02

I do love you so much and there's no one else I would

27:05

rather care for than that

27:07

. And that's how it's supposed to be , Should be

27:09

, but we're so dead and selfish .

27:11

Yes , and I feel like I need to

27:13

explain why . You

27:16

irritated

27:18

the crap out of me when you

27:20

woke me up in the middle of the night to help you

27:22

go pee .

27:24

Yes .

27:25

But think about

27:27

it . I told you how

27:30

many days before you could not

27:32

move .

27:33

Don't wanna talk about it .

27:34

Uh-huh to go to the doctor . It's

27:37

not about I'm right here . It's

27:39

about I'm trying

27:41

to help you and

27:44

you didn't wanna listen . I'll be fine .

27:46

I'll be okay . I'll be fine , it'll be okay .

27:48

Turns out you had a slipped disc .

27:50

And the doctor fixed me . Finally . It

27:52

was a rough couple of days with that .

27:55

I seriously had considered to go get you

27:57

crutches from that .

27:58

I did have crutches . I didn't walk around on

28:00

crutches for a couple of days because it was

28:03

my leg and the pain was shooting down my leg and

28:05

I couldn't do anything about it .

28:07

It was awful he wouldn't do anything about

28:09

it . That's where I was like no . You

28:12

ain't gonna help yourself . I'm not helping you either . Get

28:14

up . Shut up and do this so

28:18

that's a different type of I'm

28:20

done . I give up kind of situation

28:22

in helping .

28:23

And at the end of the day you did

28:26

still help Grudgingly , but

28:28

you did . But I guess you did kind

28:30

of have a reason , Maybe

28:33

just a little bit . So you

28:35

spent two weeks in extreme pain

28:37

, extreme misery . It

28:40

was difficult , it was awful

28:42

, but I would do

28:44

it all over again .

28:46

I don't wanna have to live that over again .

28:48

I know you don't , but that's the way it should

28:50

be .

28:50

We should .

28:52

Constantly we should be

28:55

longing for the opportunity to take care of our

28:57

spouse . What an honor it is to

28:59

get to take care of your spouse in that way .

29:01

It's a serving opportunity .

29:02

It is , it's an honor to get to serve

29:05

your spouse in that way that they

29:07

can't do anything for themselves . But

29:09

guess what ? They have you to be able to do that for them

29:11

.

29:12

And like you said this morning , because you

29:14

spoke this morning at church , we

29:18

all , all the imperfect people , need

29:20

somebody to lean on .

29:22

We do .

29:23

And that's essentially

29:26

what a marriage is . All

29:28

I think of right now is Forrest

29:31

and Bubba , when they were in

29:34

the Forrest .

29:35

I lean up against you , you just lean up against me .

29:37

that way we ain't gotta sleep with our heads in the mud

29:39

, but yes , I

29:42

don't wanna sleep with my head in the mud , so we

29:44

lean on each other at different times .

29:46

We do , and sometimes we have to lean on each other a little

29:48

bit more . But guess what ? I'm gonna take that

29:50

? I'm gonna take all of it for you and you'll take all

29:52

of that for me whenever the time comes . It's what

29:54

it's supposed to be , that's what marriage looks like , and

29:57

it's an honor I get to do that with you .

29:59

Aw , thanks , handsome .

30:00

So finally , after the two weeks , we

30:03

had a pivotal turning

30:06

moment that it was just like , oh

30:08

my gosh , we're finally going to get through this

30:10

.

30:11

But you were very concerned .

30:12

I was very concerned .

30:14

You were just , let's be honest , you were absolutely

30:16

terrified .

30:17

Yes . At

30:20

this turn of events . I was so explain what that

30:22

was .

30:23

Well , I

30:26

slept for 30 hours straight .

30:28

You did , you did so , I was , I

30:30

was .

30:31

You were scared that you sent

30:33

in the kids to see if I was still

30:35

breathing . You came and checked to see if I

30:37

was still breathing .

30:38

Constantly , because here you had not been

30:40

sleeping well at all . You had constantly felt nauseous

30:42

, constantly felt bad , constantly in a ton of pain

30:44

. Nothing was getting better . And

30:47

I know you were , and we were just praying like crazy

30:49

, like God , we just , can

30:51

we see a finish line here ? Can we just

30:54

get past this point of pain and we'll deal

30:56

with the rest . And I remember it was a Thursday

30:58

night I was woke up in the middle of the

31:00

night . You felt , you just felt awful

31:02

and it was what you you were up , woke

31:05

me up in the middle of the night .

31:06

I thought I was going to throw up . Actually you did .

31:07

You did , and that's that's what I woke up to . I was like , oh

31:10

my gosh , you know this is never going to happen .

31:11

I was in the bathroom for like half an hour just

31:13

straight up dry heaving . It's so gross

31:15

.

31:15

Yeah , sorry , that's a little graphic , but it is what

31:17

it is .

31:18

It's what woke you up though it did . It woke me up

31:20

. You're scared .

31:21

Oh my gosh . You know we're never going to get

31:23

through this . This is . We're

31:25

never going to see the end . This is the way it's going to be forever

31:28

and ever , and ever .

31:29

Give her organs back ?

31:31

Yes , can we put these suckers back in . You know

31:33

, Doc Brown , where are you in the time machine , Cause

31:35

we can go back and warn and make sure this

31:37

doesn't happen . We go back and get the snip , snip , but

31:41

I'm woken up in the middle of the night and

31:43

you finally come back to bed around

31:45

two or three AM and

31:47

from that point forward you

31:49

slept until you

31:51

woke up for lunch on Friday

31:54

. You ate lunch about

31:57

30 minutes or so . You

31:59

went back to bed . You woke up again

32:01

for dinner around dinner time , took

32:04

medicine , ate a little bit , went

32:06

back to bed . You did not wake up until

32:08

that afternoon on Saturday and

32:11

you woke up . You walked out of the room

32:13

and it was like I walked out

32:16

of the room .

32:17

Now I didn't have to come get you or anything like

32:19

that Every time I had to move , I literally

32:21

had you or Cash

32:23

help pick me up , like

32:27

sit me up to be able to move .

32:29

Yeah , we'd have to like grab you every single time

32:32

, cause you couldn't get up on your own .

32:34

I had . No , I wasn't necessarily allowed to use

32:36

any kind of stomach muscles .

32:38

No , no , definitely not Just ripped your

32:40

insides out of me .

32:41

That and we were only preparing

32:44

for two holes in

32:47

my stomach , and there were four .

32:48

There were .

32:49

So that didn't necessarily play

32:51

out like we expected to either

32:53

.

32:54

No , it did not , didn't help the matter at all .

32:56

I got by myself .

32:58

But and you're right , we had , we were probably

33:00

in every hour , like you know , is she alive

33:02

? Is she even breathing anymore ? Because we

33:04

just we hadn't seen you in two full days . And

33:07

that Saturday afternoon you walk

33:09

out of the room , you had a smile

33:12

on your face and I was like there's

33:15

my wife , there she is , she's

33:17

back .

33:17

I see everyone in

33:20

the look on everyone's faces

33:22

what , what

33:24

, how Wait .

33:27

And it was immediate , like oh , you need

33:29

to sit down , you need to go later , and you're like no , you're

33:32

like I , I feel okay .

33:34

I mean , I had changed clothes .

33:36

You did , you had changed clothes Um

33:38

, but you , you were like brush my hair . I

33:40

feel okay . You're like , I have no nausea

33:42

, I have very minimal

33:45

pain . It's more of a soreness than a pain . You're

33:48

like , I feel , I feel okay

33:50

and I want . I want to eat something , and

33:53

from that point forward there's never

33:55

a nausea again . The pain was

33:57

very minimal . It was more soreness , but

34:00

finally , after two weeks

34:02

, it went well beyond what we ever expected

34:04

, but you were finally back .

34:06

I was finally back and then

34:08

, once I was finally back

34:10

, another weird

34:13

surgery

34:15

happenstance , yeah .

34:17

So we didn't know this

34:19

, but after you were back

34:21

, about a week or so , after you

34:23

begin losing your voice , like

34:26

what in the world is going on and

34:28

, as it turns out , because of the breathing tube

34:31

that had to use , because of the surgery , the first time

34:33

I'd ever had a first time you ever had a breathing tube

34:35

. Um , apparently it

34:37

did some damage to your vocal

34:39

cords .

34:40

Yeah , how fun was that

34:42

. Why not add on

34:44

some more ? So you fact that

34:46

it happens to point zero

34:49

, one percent of

34:51

people who have surgery .

34:54

Of course it's going to happen .

34:56

Why not .

34:56

I mean , why not ? So we went back to your doctor and she's

34:58

like yes , this can

35:00

happen .

35:02

I have never had a patient ever seen

35:04

this ever happen before . So

35:07

we're going to see another specialist .

35:09

So we go see another , you go see another specialist

35:11

and we won't talk about that

35:13

necessarily , but essentially like , yeah , there could be

35:15

some damage on one of the vocal cords and you

35:18

had to go on silence vocal silence

35:20

silence for one week

35:22

for one full week where you could not

35:24

speak at

35:27

all . You had this little board

35:29

. You would write things down . You had another side of where you'd point

35:31

to different phrases . You know that

35:33

was not quite , but

35:35

may have been nearly more difficult than

35:37

you being down for two weeks , because you're

35:40

not one who will not

35:43

communicate with anything . I mean , if you have something

35:45

to say , you're going to say it . You know , if you're

35:47

asked to quit , you're going to respond to it . So you're not

35:49

one who's just going to sit there and not

35:51

respond , not be able to have any type of input

35:53

or whatsoever . And it drove you crazy

35:56

. I mean you would write furiously

35:58

a point and it was it

36:00

was something how many expo markers

36:02

. A lot . You went through

36:04

like an expo marker a day at

36:07

the very least .

36:08

I obviously had a lot to say and I couldn't

36:10

get it all out but it was extremely

36:12

difficult for you to be able

36:14

to do that . But wait . So that was

36:16

starting week three

36:18

, when it was almost completely

36:21

gone . It

36:24

was a God thing that I started feeling

36:26

better right away because we

36:28

had camp

36:31

, our youth group

36:33

.

36:33

Yes .

36:33

Our students had camp , and I was

36:35

one . Well , I'm a student leader at

36:38

our church for students , but I also

36:40

was a chaperone on

36:42

this camp

36:45

trip .

36:46

Yes .

36:47

As in three weeks out

36:49

of surgery going

36:52

to camp . And

36:55

you know , I didn't necessarily tell everybody , I

36:57

told the necessary people , the necessary .

36:59

people knew , the doctor knew , and she's like no , she's like

37:01

you'll be fine , just don't get in the ocean , please .

37:03

No pool .

37:04

The pool , that's right , the pool .

37:06

If I had to get in the ocean

37:08

to save a child .

37:10

Okay , yeah , that's it .

37:13

So interesting . So I mean the people , the

37:16

other adults on that trip had to

37:18

find out because hey

37:20

, sorry , I will not be able to

37:22

save your children .

37:25

Yeah , I'm just going to wave at them like hey , swim

37:28

, swim better .

37:30

Do better .

37:31

Do a little bit better .

37:32

So they had to know . But when

37:34

they found out it was just you

37:36

had surgery three weeks ago and

37:40

on week four we went to . I

37:44

think it was week four . Maybe

37:47

, when , whenever Francis's birthday

37:49

party was .

37:50

Oh , no , that was , that was closer , that was like week

37:53

eight , week line .

37:54

Okay .

37:54

It was much further down the line .

37:56

Okay , so that was . That was like the first

37:58

event when we went to where there were a lot

38:01

of people , a lot of family , yeah . And

38:04

, if you will , could , we went to the

38:06

we

38:08

had to like dinners and stuff like that .

38:10

We went to a dinner whenever you went on vocal silence because

38:12

it was . It was very funny because both

38:14

of my parents asked me at different times like how

38:17

much you had to pay the doctor to put her on vocal , which

38:21

it was very , very fun , and multiple people said

38:23

, yeah , I bet this is great for you .

38:25

Is your husband's loving this one ? I'm

38:28

actually driving him crazy .

38:30

It is . I don't like not being able to talk to you because

38:33

we do talk a lot . We talk a whole lot

38:35

. You talk a lot .

38:36

Yes , I might not like tell everybody your business

38:38

until you wanted to get a podcast , but

38:40

you know it's neither here nor there . Write

38:43

a book powers .

38:44

Yeah , we'll see one of the podcast . I'm sad .

38:46

So anyways , but at

38:50

the birthday party someone

38:53

had asked how I was doing and I was like oh , yeah , I'm fine

38:56

. They're like are you

38:58

okay ? Like somebody else had heard

39:00

the conversation . So I'm confused . Yeah

39:03

, I'm fine . Why Something

39:06

wrong ? They were concerned

39:08

because they'd overheard the conversation

39:11

and they wanted to know

39:13

a little bit more . And I was like fine , I

39:15

had a hysterectomy , whatever

39:18

, like six , I think it was like six weeks

39:20

ago . And

39:22

they said , holy crap , you

39:25

look incredible . Well , am I supposed

39:28

to look bad ? I didn't know anything .

39:30

I didn't know how to respond to any of this and

39:32

they're like .

39:33

I remember I knew somebody

39:36

that had now most

39:38

of them . It was their mothers .

39:41

Right .

39:42

And their mothers were older than

39:44

me in this situation where their mom had

39:46

I mean , they were

39:49

probably in their fifties when they had the hysterectomy . So

39:52

I still don't really know

39:54

anybody my age .

39:56

That's how it . No , I don't either .

39:58

I mean , I had no people that have said oh well

40:00

, I know somebody that had this and they

40:03

did better than blah , blah , blah . Well

40:05

, I still don't know how

40:07

to compare it or what to compare it to , but they

40:09

were just in full blown shock that I

40:12

was up and moving around .

40:13

I know I

40:17

don't know what to say , well it's not expected , because you

40:19

know , if you know , hysterectomy rips

40:21

your insides out , essentially . So yeah , I mean it's

40:23

, it's , it's a big deal .

40:24

But that gets . That was at six weeks or

40:27

something and I'm thinking . You know I went

40:29

to band church

40:31

camp for a

40:33

week three .

40:34

Yeah , so yeah , you're again . That's

40:36

part of your freak of nature and once we got past the two

40:38

weeks is like all full steam ahead

40:40

, ready to go .

40:41

Except it didn't have a voice . I sounded like

40:43

Darth Vader for a very good

40:45

bit . Now , if I do not have enough

40:48

to drink still , it's still . You still

40:50

see that I start getting that and I'll

40:52

specifically back for a vocal scan

40:54

. But you know we're not going to talk about that .

40:56

No , well , that'll be another conversation for another

40:58

day . So , but that

41:00

was the major surgery this summer . You

41:03

made it through , took good

41:05

care of you .

41:06

You did the best that we could . You did .

41:08

Take care of your spouses people . They're

41:11

there for you .

41:11

Take care of marriage is not stupid .

41:14

Marriage is a stupid .

41:16

And it's okay to have one person for the

41:18

rest of your life .

41:19

Yeah , Cause those multiple people . They ain't taking care of you either

41:21

. So let's

41:23

wrap it up . God , we love you . We're

41:25

so thankful for this opportunity and just this platform

41:28

and everything that you're doing . God , we just

41:30

pray that this will bless anyone who listens to

41:32

it . You will get it to the ears that need to

41:34

hear it and just use this in

41:36

any way that you see put . We love you . In Jesus

41:38

name . We pray amen .

41:40

Amen , play ball Amen

41:43

.