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2:31

Mega is an improvised satire from the staff of a

2:33

fictional mega church. We

2:36

are here, Lord,

2:38

we are here

2:40

to save the

2:43

world. Hiya,

2:52

I'm Halle LaVant and this is Mega coming to

2:54

you from Twin Hills Community Church where every week

2:56

we're giving our mega church a tiny family field.

3:00

Oh, we'd love to introduce you to members

3:02

of our church staff, people from our community.

3:04

I always find it to be

3:06

a treat and a treasure. And per usual,

3:08

I'm joined by my co-host. He's the youth

3:10

pastor for our high school ministry called Climax.

3:14

Please welcome Gray High. Jesus

3:16

in the highest, Halle. How are you? Too

3:19

blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be

3:21

disappointed. Well, just like the

3:23

Bible says, heaven is filled with the heavenly

3:26

chorus singing praises in the highest. Our

3:29

guest today has a beautiful voice

3:31

and sings a chorus every weekend

3:33

in our services. It's my pleasure

3:35

to introduce Sharon Beef. How are

3:37

you doing today? Sharon, I'm great.

3:39

How are y'all? Oh,

3:42

we are very good, Sharon, and it is so nice

3:44

to see you. And as

3:46

a lot of people know, it's

3:48

always nice to hear you as well. I

3:51

have not seen you outside of a Sunday in quite some

3:53

time, so it is wild to see

3:55

you. I know. That's true, Sharon. Your

3:58

regular is rain. I feel like... You're

4:00

such a punctual person. You're always there

4:02

15 minutes before service starts. You're

4:04

always down in the front section You know

4:06

right at the lip of the stage you

4:08

get all the good action and you always

4:11

have a good seat and I

4:13

really look forward to seeing you there

4:15

every Sunday and also if

4:17

I don't see you I usually hear you

4:20

Because boy, do you belt out a

4:22

praise to the Lord and that is

4:24

truly blust. Oh my goodness. You can

4:27

hear me That's amazing

4:29

I sit as close to the band as I can

4:31

and I get there early like you said and I

4:33

warm up my voice and it's Just so crazy that

4:35

you can hear me. I'm not even aiming for that

4:38

kind of attention. You can hear me I think you

4:40

have one of those voice you do have

4:42

one of those voices. Yeah, or a

4:44

timber Okay, what is that word timber

4:46

timber and and it and it's

4:49

a very loud boy It's amazing that you're

4:51

speaking voice just sounds regular because boy is

4:53

your singing voice it carries as if over

4:55

water Really does

4:57

well, I care so much about Jesus

5:00

and I know he's so far away

5:02

up in the sky or wherever And

5:04

I would love if he could hear it if I could

5:07

sing well, that's not what I aim for He

5:09

definitely can and you know there's something that

5:11

I think I guess I wanted to ask

5:13

you about the singing It

5:15

is it does really cut through

5:17

and the other thing that

5:19

I was wondering about it It's

5:22

almost when you sing harmony and

5:26

You know, I'll just pick, you know the song that we

5:28

sang last weekend Lord. I lift your name on high That's

5:31

exactly the one I was just thinking of that's

5:33

great Oh, yes that and that's the one

5:35

that we I really heard you because you sing

5:37

harmony But it's almost like

5:39

you stay on the same note and

5:41

you let everyone else move around But

5:44

you kind of go, you know, it's kind

5:46

of like Lord. I'll leave your name

5:49

on high Lord,

5:51

I love to hear you

5:53

sing That's

5:58

it. Wow, I feel like It's a

6:00

Sunday morning suddenly and um, yeah,

6:03

if you could read that was really Like

6:06

that I mean if next time you do that

6:08

if you could just remind us to take off

6:10

the headphones because that was there Or I don't

6:12

know that I'm sorry.

6:14

I've just got very sensitive ears and

6:17

that really Yeah, and

6:19

really good have fun. Yeah, you have

6:21

such a high voice. What's that called? What is

6:23

that called? That's a tie. Yes I

6:27

studied opera for two weeks and then all

6:29

the doors were locked when I tried to

6:31

go back to school opera school two weeks

6:33

Yeah, isn't that just the craziest

6:35

thing you ever heard? I like was like I

6:38

could like also hear and see them inside and I just

6:40

could not get in But

6:42

when I went to opera school, they told me I

6:44

was a soprano screamer and I went

6:46

thank you So where was opera school so you did

6:48

go to opera school? So that is opera singing style

6:50

that you're doing even though you kind of stay on

6:52

the same note Uh-huh, it was

6:55

in New York City. Oh at

6:57

Juilliard really? I've heard

6:59

of that. That's cool I think that's a good

7:01

one and what were you there? And

7:03

were you there to sing opera was that a field

7:05

hockey fellowship something? I had somebody say that I

7:07

was there to play softball Okay, and then I walked by

7:09

the opera room and I went why not and so I

7:12

forged some paperwork Two weeks at

7:14

opera school several people got sick

7:16

or something people were in the hospital after

7:18

hearing me sing Probably

7:20

a total coincidence and then I they

7:23

locked all the doors So there's one I

7:25

would say there's a one in every church

7:28

and and in in our case

7:30

It's you someone who maybe

7:33

has some classical training who?

7:37

Everyone knows that's her voice and

7:39

that's And that's a

7:41

voice that's sort of coming over top as I

7:43

as maybe we would say I mean, maybe that's

7:45

a field hockey era field hockey time that I'm

7:47

using I'm not sure why I keep thinking you

7:49

played field hockey, but you just kind of seem

7:51

like that well first of all That's very

7:54

flattering and I'm sure you both know that I

7:56

auditioned to be in the band and to sing

7:58

in the band many times I get

8:00

the same feedback every time is we

8:02

need someone with your enthusiasm in the

8:04

pews, sort of leading the

8:06

charge. And so I take that

8:08

job very seriously. Wonderful. Well, do you feel

8:10

like you get any feedback from your fellow

8:13

weekend attendees who are sitting in your

8:15

section? Do you feel like they ever

8:17

give you any comments or feedback? Have

8:20

you received any like positive

8:22

affirmations or maybe constructive criticism

8:24

from the people worshiping around

8:26

you? That's a great question. You know,

8:28

I get a lot of very loving,

8:31

encouraging winces when

8:33

I start to sing. Like when I do the, people

8:36

like wince

8:38

in a

8:41

way that

8:43

like, Oh, more please.

8:48

Oh, Sharon more. Right.

8:51

Yeah. You got to really, you got to

8:53

really let us know when you're going to do that. It's just, I

8:56

mean, I feel

8:59

like I feel like I feel

9:01

like it's when, when you do like a dog stat. I

9:03

think I had a dog stat back in. Anyway.

9:06

So one thing that I would want to say is,

9:08

and the reason we had you on today is because,

9:11

you know, Steve asked us if you, if

9:13

you could come up. Yeah. Lead

9:16

past. Lead past to Steve. You

9:19

know, Steve had us wanted to,

9:22

I guess Steve said, why don't you book

9:24

her on the podcast and give her a

9:26

bit of feedback and just, you know, really,

9:28

Oh my God, he wants

9:31

me to join the band. Well,

9:33

that he wants me to see. It's

9:39

very, it's very, it's almost like

9:41

a, it's the waveform of

9:44

the actual note that is really strange.

9:46

It's, it's that, what is that oscillating?

9:48

It's oscillating in a way that I

9:50

just, I can't even vibrato vibrato. Yeah.

9:55

Well, it harkens back to, you know, growing

9:57

up in a regular church rather than a

9:59

mega. I mean, we know

10:01

that a mega church is

10:03

about being modern and postmodern

10:05

and relevant and to even

10:07

make things like pop culture

10:09

and usher in the

10:12

Super Bowl seem like they're irrelevant

10:14

compared to how cool our services

10:16

are. And it is kind

10:18

of a cool retro sweet thing. It reminds

10:20

me of growing up in a small

10:23

church where you can hear

10:25

an enthusiastic grandma maybe belting

10:28

out her praises to the Lord. Right.

10:31

And how old are you because you don't... I

10:34

am 68. Okay. And

10:36

it's so funny that you say that because I did

10:39

grow up Catholic and then one day all

10:41

the doors were locked and I could

10:43

see and hear them inside and I just could not get in.

10:46

So I had to change churches if you can believe it. Well, there's too

10:48

many doors on this church to probably lock them

10:50

all and not have it be a fire hazard.

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Daphne. The

11:51

door locking is, I mean,

11:53

I guess that's kind of a coincidence, isn't it? Yeah.

11:56

Isn't that the craziest thing that's happened to me multiple times

11:58

in my life? That's also... happy with my

12:00

ex-husband. The door was locked on your head? Yes,

12:04

we were at church and I was singing Our God

12:06

is an Awesome God, one of my favorites. Okay.

12:11

Love it. And

12:14

the Lord was singing. Okay,

12:19

now, Hallie, you're kind of singing. I

12:22

like it. Okay,

12:26

so I'm just going to jump in here.

12:28

Oh, so sorry. That was gorgeous. Wow, you

12:30

brought it out of me, Sharon. I mean,

12:32

sometimes we have 10,000 people at the weekend service

12:34

and it's amazing because you can really hear you

12:36

over top of them. Yeah, that's true. But

12:39

I was singing that song and I

12:41

looked over at my husband and he went,

12:44

enough, enough.

12:47

And then I got home that night and all the doors

12:49

were locked. Never saw him again. Did you drive separate cars

12:51

to church? We did because I would like to sing in

12:53

the car in the way to church and he said I

12:55

deserved my privacy for that. Okay. So

12:58

what did you do after? Was all your

13:00

stuff in tactful? Yeah, I just had to

13:02

get all new stuff, all new church, all new. You

13:05

know, I'm easy. I'll start

13:07

over any day. So yeah, maybe

13:09

the theme here is starting over

13:12

and thinking about, and I guess this is

13:14

kind of from Steve and maybe also from

13:16

me, which is maybe

13:18

it's time to reconsider how

13:21

we live our lives because

13:23

you have been a member here for quite some time.

13:26

And I think that maybe if

13:28

you're looking for some feedback, which I know

13:30

you didn't ask for, but I

13:32

love the enthusiasm, but maybe even

13:34

the singing could start

13:38

over, if that makes sense. Sing

13:40

more, start sooner. It's

13:43

like... It's what I'm writing down in

13:46

my notes. Okay. Yeah. I

13:48

mean, I do love your enthusiasm, Sharon, and I

13:50

was wondering if maybe, you know, there's

13:52

a community group you could join

13:54

to really use your

13:56

gifts and talents and your passion

13:59

for. Yeah, I

14:01

mean, you know, I'm

14:04

sure there's like, I've heard

14:06

there's even like, gaming choruses. There's

14:08

all kinds of things now that

14:11

you could join maybe in the

14:13

community. Since it

14:15

looks like maybe here, you know, we're

14:17

such a large organization that you're having

14:19

trouble, you know, breaking through and being

14:21

featured. Maybe you could do it somewhere

14:23

around town. So

14:26

what I'm hearing is you think I'm

14:28

so good that I need

14:30

to bring my voice not just to church

14:32

every Sunday, but across to

14:34

the community to spread the

14:36

good word of God there. Do you have any hobbies

14:39

that other than singing? Um,

14:41

let's see. No,

14:44

everything I do, I do all, I also

14:46

sing. All in. My knitting,

14:49

I like to brush horses all

14:51

the time. I'm just singing. Brush

14:53

horses. Brush horses. Are

14:55

you in the hobby? Do you ride them or do you just

14:57

brush them? No, too scared. They're too muscly for me. Oh. Have

15:00

you ever seen how strong a horse is? Jesus.

15:03

Pounds of muscle. I mean, they're so strong

15:05

that we put them under the hood of a

15:07

car. We need horsepower. I went

15:09

horseback riding one time and it was,

15:11

it did not go well because I'm

15:13

not sure if I've mentioned them before,

15:15

but my friend Clay Mason-Bannon and he

15:17

and I went horseback riding and

15:20

it was strange because I was on a horse.

15:23

So you know these inner thigh muscles? I

15:25

was gripping the horse so tightly with

15:27

my inner thighs because I really work

15:30

on those that the horse blacked out

15:32

while I was on it. Wow. Really?

15:35

Because I cut off all the oxygen, or I cut off

15:37

all the blood flow. All the blood flow. The

15:39

blood flow from its head to its neck

15:41

to its flank or whatever. Yeah. And

15:44

so I'm- What is your gym routine? Oh,

15:46

well, I'm really glad you asked. Right

15:49

now I'm doing what's called a three

15:51

day split where you do three workouts

15:53

in a day and you change your

15:55

one day and what I'm doing is

15:57

I'm sleeping, Basically making the day

15:59

into two days. Okay so I will

16:01

go to bed now I get up

16:03

for work at five am I go

16:05

to the gym and I work tell

16:07

to then I'll take a quick sees

16:09

his for a midday nap and I

16:11

considered that might rest and then the

16:13

night time is another day so within

16:15

that I'm also doing another worked out

16:18

so it's kind of us were you

16:20

next. Three to six more

16:22

cats, Three to six work out in

16:24

a two day period. And you're

16:26

working upwards of what? eighteen hours? And

16:28

I'm working out. Yeah, I'm working out. Well,

16:30

I'm working. I mean as a

16:33

youth pastor and see, I probably shouldn't say this,

16:35

but you don't really need to do a lot

16:37

when the youth on here. And so what I

16:39

do is I use that gym time to pray,

16:41

to study my bible, but also to work out.

16:44

I mean active kill a horse and make sense to

16:46

me working out eighteen hours. Died in silver or severe

16:48

lag. I didn't kill the horse. I I mean a

16:50

horse barn. Okay, this and I don't know what they

16:53

did with an after but. I don't

16:55

know. what do they do with a horse that brings its neck?

16:57

Can they re have that? Glue mostly right.

16:59

Take Louis Africa next because

17:01

glue comes from horses. And

17:03

does ah I think I think

17:06

blue some high as right I'm

17:08

sorry that lets me. oh is

17:10

that you sing in. Your.

17:14

House is a harm or what. Was

17:18

in a. That was a high

17:20

as I'll tell you what syrian not

17:22

that I'm you know a hoping that

17:24

you die any soon. but boy are

17:26

you gonna love heaven Because they say

17:28

that in heaven we're gonna be singing

17:30

praises twenty four hours a day. I

17:32

don't even know if days are twenty

17:34

four hours there and ave maybe there

17:36

is no time when you're an eternity,

17:38

but I think you're gonna love it

17:40

there. You're just gonna be able to

17:42

sing. Praises. Stanley Can

17:44

I tell you that the to you today.

17:47

Complimenting. My boys so much telling me

17:49

to sing more which is the message I'm

17:51

getting them far on is really healing my

17:53

inner child because mothers. Who. You are

17:56

you crying or as as as well

17:58

as elder here com o. I.

18:01

Had a vocal cord axion my know,

18:03

how is that the zoo with my

18:05

third grade class in and rang and

18:07

shedding punched me. In. The for his. Wife

18:10

is so close to the or anything to. To.

18:12

Fall In. I mean I've seen these

18:14

kids will fall into cages with the

18:16

rang tang really thing you know they're

18:18

being raised. By I'm yeah I was a

18:20

hussein other. Well, I was trying to grab

18:22

a bite sale and bring it home is I'm being totally

18:25

honest. I. Still think it

18:27

without a pocket for punching mean the

18:29

throttle front all my classmate of this

18:31

but it turned my vocal cords into

18:33

this horrible nightmare of consistency. I tire

18:36

and ah I was self conscious has

18:38

too scared to sing for a while

18:40

and then when I started to say

18:42

I thought I sounded insane I thought

18:45

I sounded like a horrible siren that

18:47

was cutting through the air. But then.

18:50

People can be like that's great, That's great, That's

18:52

great. That's awesome. I can't I don't want to

18:54

listen to it, but you should go to church

18:56

and do that and so it's is here. New

18:59

home at my voice is is in

19:01

pain to look them over the. Proceeds.

19:03

Will launch serves sorry got smacked via

19:05

primate that couldn't have been any fun

19:07

at all bets. and and I mean

19:10

who knows what your voice would have

19:12

sounded like without sense smack to the

19:14

throne. You know what? I'll tell you

19:17

though, Syrian? You. Might have. He.

19:19

Might have done yes saver because

19:21

I recently saw one of my

19:23

daughter's showed me a you tube

19:25

of vocal cords. You can you

19:27

know a camera filming vocal chords

19:29

and they're like these two sauce

19:32

to ribbons as his. and there's

19:34

sort of seats almost like a.

19:37

I don't know if you've ever seen one,

19:39

but have you ever seen. A fall

19:41

for selling my now, well oh

19:44

it is. It's disgusting and it's

19:46

graphic and it's not appropriate at

19:48

all. In one of the first

19:50

questions I'm gonna ask God after

19:53

I ask him why he gives

19:55

Christian women be Heinz, I'm gonna

19:57

ask him you know why He.

20:00

What these vulgar things on our bodies

20:02

But I'll tell you what share and

20:04

vocal cords when they start singing and

20:07

you look at em it's honestly looks

20:09

like female genitalia singing. it's it's as

20:11

if you took you know that the

20:14

the place where we all sprung from

20:16

and gave it a voice. I mean

20:18

picture You know it's sort of shaped

20:21

like a like if you caught in

20:23

orange and half. I think I got

20:25

it heli or. I just don't

20:27

know why the be would be singing down there.

20:29

Were exactly because I have

20:31

never been so traumatised in

20:33

my life as picturing female

20:35

genitalia just built in. A. Small.

20:40

Ninety Seven they can is how much her

20:42

it I mean the I don't know what

20:44

a vagina would save A vagina could speak

20:46

but boy is it could sing. It would

20:49

look exactly like the couple a vocal. Colin

20:51

of is a get me outta here. So funny that

20:53

you mention that because after the rang tang

20:55

punch mean the throats. I went to a

20:57

our ears, nose and throat doctor to have

20:59

them look at my vocal cords it when

21:02

they put the camera them I say. The.

21:04

Doctor saw the video of it and

21:06

he quit on the spot. Late adopters

21:08

scared of them Them off. I mean

21:10

only one I wonder if. He has he

21:13

lock the nodes or something. Lol Yeah he

21:15

left the door. I tried to go

21:17

back. as for my follow up appointment

21:19

and all the doors. Ross any. For

21:21

years to get sixty. Time.

21:25

And. On into maybe they didn't take your

21:27

insurance and know how to break it

21:29

to. Yeah, I'm sorry about that but

21:31

you know even if it is, I'm

21:33

even. If your throat to the naked

21:35

eye is something that causes people to

21:37

vomit or be horrified or have nightmares

21:39

that might be better than it looking

21:41

like a singing vagina, I'll tell you

21:43

I am I now same an inner

21:45

ear, nose and throat. I one time

21:47

was at any anti trying to figure

21:49

out what why I was having some

21:51

snoring at night. He put a camera

21:53

down my nose and I could. see

21:55

where the camera was go and and it

21:57

looks like the whole inside of our faces

21:59

and bodies is just one vagina after another.

22:02

Are you telling me that our insides just

22:04

look like a series of vaginas? That's exactly

22:06

what's going on inside our bodies and I

22:08

think it's vulgar. I don't know how

22:10

we got on this topic. It's one

22:13

fleshy opening after another and it's just,

22:15

it's pornographic honestly and I'm gonna ask

22:17

God about it when I get to

22:19

the pearly gates. Yeah, I don't think, Hallie,

22:21

anybody's first question when they get to the pearly

22:23

gates is going to be why does the inside

22:26

of us look like that to God? A

22:28

series of vaginas? Right. I'm curious now too. I

22:30

will never say that word. I'm gonna ask. Sweet

22:39

Tarts dare to combine sweet and

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tart. But we didn't stop there.

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We combined soft and

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22:55

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22:57

A powerfully perfect combo. Sweet

22:59

Tarts dare to combine. Stay

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individual. And

23:40

just to get us back on the topic, and

23:44

I guess I'm wondering what the topic is, but

23:47

you know I was wondering Sharon,

23:50

when you, before you were locked

23:52

out of Juilliard and your house and other

23:54

places, had you ever explored different types of

23:56

singing that maybe wasn't the voice,

23:59

the natural? voice that God gave

24:01

you. I guess what I'm

24:03

saying is there are other ways of singing.

24:05

Like genre. You could bring it down here.

24:07

Oh. Like genre. Like have you ever thought

24:09

about a different genre of singing? Let's give it

24:11

a shot. I don't know. Name one and I'll try my

24:14

best. Like soft or um. Yeah, like a

24:16

quiet soft low uh I don't know what's it

24:18

called. I think it's called like mezzo

24:21

alto or something and it's about

24:23

being down here and very soft.

24:25

Right. I

24:31

can't even understand

24:35

the songs half

24:37

the time because they

24:39

are the

24:43

same. Again, it started

24:46

low and

24:55

soft for a second and then went right back

24:57

up there. It might just be generational,

24:59

Gray. I feel like some generations,

25:01

especially the greatest generation and the

25:04

boomers and all that, they really

25:06

just naturally stay singing up there.

25:08

It doesn't matter what the song

25:10

is. It's always going to sound

25:12

the same and maybe that's the

25:14

gift that the boomers are are

25:16

given us in the

25:19

church. And I thought the greatest

25:21

generation was Gen Z, which is my generation,

25:23

right? Oh, wow. Your Z,

25:25

Gray? That's cool. I think so. How

25:27

old are you? I mean,

25:29

I definitely feel Gen Z. I think I'm

25:32

in the middle of kind of the Gen

25:34

Z and whatever the the one after that

25:36

is. I'm just kind of feeling that. You

25:39

were reading 40 something to me. What?

25:41

No. Even with the ripped jeans, look at show her how

25:44

the whole front of your jeans all the way from

25:46

your hips all the way down to your ankle.

25:48

That is so sus. That is so sus. And

25:50

I do not stand that. I

25:52

would say the ripped jeans and the fierce

25:54

by abra krabby and fitch body spray that

25:56

is potent on you is making

25:58

you feel even a little. bit older don't you I

26:01

would say it's aging you up. I

26:03

have a crumbius aged. I thought

26:05

it's so cool. Maybe you need to get

26:07

some of that axe body spray that is Oh

26:10

no I can't do that Howie actually it's we had

26:12

an allergic reaction to axe. Oh is

26:14

that right? Yeah it

26:16

makes all my muscles see actually that was probably

26:19

part of the reason the horse went down that

26:21

day because I had put on the axe and

26:23

it made my muscles cramp and

26:25

my when my muscles cramped the horses you know the

26:27

blood it stopped on the blood to the horses head

26:29

the horse went down. Is that right? Yeah.

26:31

What a shame. Well maybe it's better

26:34

you avoid colognes anyway

26:36

because I'll tell you what

26:38

Sharon he's being stalked by

26:41

gals constantly. So crazy.

26:43

It's so hard to be a single man of

26:45

God. Well I'm not single right now Howie I

26:47

am dating someone. He's dating an

26:49

identical twin Sharon it's real cool. He

26:51

and his best friend are dating twins

26:53

Tiffer and Mickey. Mickey and Tiff. Did

26:56

they ever switch? That

26:58

is the funny thing. Well they we

27:01

said you gotta promise us. You gotta

27:03

promise us because the one they're both

27:05

kind of sporty you know they both

27:07

got sporty haircuts and they're

27:09

both super strong they both work out.

27:12

Borty haircuts. Oh yeah well

27:14

I guess Tiffer's is like a little bit

27:16

shorter in the front and Mickey's is a

27:18

little bit longer in the back but they

27:20

are that and we just were always and

27:22

they dress alike they always dress like some

27:24

different colors but similar outfits and

27:26

we always like don't mess with us you guys.

27:29

They're you they work out on YouTube that's

27:31

how great met them. It's real cool. Oh wow.

27:34

So they're strong like you they could take a

27:36

horse down with their legs I bet. Oh

27:38

yeah they definitely could. Oh that

27:40

would be cool you know they have a calendar that

27:42

they sold for a while that where both of them

27:44

were riding on a white horse that they put a

27:46

horn on that looks like a unicorn. Wow

27:49

that's good. You know speaking of the

27:51

equines another thing I'm gonna ask God

27:54

is why on earth he gave those

27:56

male horses those big ding-dongs because that's

27:58

what they call it. When you

28:00

see one of those relieving itself and

28:03

making water out of that thing, it's

28:05

like a gosh darn elephant trunk and

28:08

it's really problematic. It's pornographic and we

28:10

shouldn't be seeing stuff like that. Holly,

28:12

I feel very validated because you seem

28:15

to be thinking about penises and vaginas

28:17

as much as I do and have

28:19

so many patients forgot about both of

28:22

them. That's all I think

28:24

about. Really? Number one question

28:26

I've got for God is why babies come

28:28

from sex. I think that's a bad idea.

28:31

I don't like it one day. I don't care for it.

28:33

I don't like it one day. I don't care for it.

28:35

I do not care for it. Now, one

28:37

horse question I had for you is that

28:40

I've heard that when you brush a horse's

28:42

mane or tail, you're supposed to start at

28:44

the bottom and go up. So you start

28:46

at the end of the tail and go

28:48

up toward their rump. Is

28:51

that just for the tangles or what's

28:54

the technique there? So they don't

28:56

get too horny, too fat. It just sort

28:58

of keeps them calm. Why

29:01

would she know that though, Holly? The

29:05

horse what? It just likes the attention and it

29:07

gets turned on or what? I

29:09

don't know. And quite

29:12

honestly, I've had to take a little break. I don't

29:14

know if you can see my torso brace right now,

29:16

but I was singing while I was brushing the horse

29:18

recently and it kicked me so hard. And

29:21

then all the horses

29:23

locked the barn door. And I went by to

29:25

go and brush them. They're like,

29:28

shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Wait.

29:31

This horse kicked you right out of the

29:33

barn and then they locked the barn

29:35

door? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And

29:38

I guess just to circle all the way

29:40

back, Sharon, it's that I

29:42

think there's something that's kind of a

29:45

theme here, isn't there? Which

29:47

is you were locked out of

29:49

the church. Right. You were locked out of the second

29:51

church. You were locked out of your house. You

29:55

were probably locked out of your cab by your husband.

29:57

Sure. Locked out of the ENT.

29:59

Yeah. out of an EMT,

30:01

locked out of the zoo probably. Oh yes

30:03

of course. Locked out of

30:05

the horse barn and I

30:07

guess there's one thing in common to

30:09

all those situations isn't there? I

30:12

made it through a perseverance. Awesome

30:14

that is so cool that's true

30:16

he is so faithful and he

30:18

has been walking you through this.

30:21

I'll tell you what Sharon it almost

30:23

to me that theme of of your

30:26

persistence and just never giving up I

30:28

think it's really inspiring. It

30:30

also feels to me like a dream getting

30:32

locked out feels like those bad stress dreams

30:34

like I have a stress dream recurring that

30:37

I can't get packed for the airport and

30:39

it almost feels to me like you're living a

30:41

stress dream of getting locked out of every

30:44

place you go and that's why I feel

30:46

so great at the church because there's too

30:48

many doors and I know that again fire

30:50

hazard and also just too many doors to

30:52

fully lock me out and so I always

30:54

feel welcome and I always feel like my

30:56

voice is appreciated and

30:58

ready to be heard. I always have a stress dream

31:00

that Ricky Martin is trying to put a whoopee cushion

31:02

under me. Is that right? Where does that

31:04

from lived experience is that just you

31:06

reliving a traumatic moment that happened? No

31:09

I'm just saying that wouldn't that be the

31:11

most embarrassing thing Ricky Martin putting

31:14

a whoopee cushion under you? When

31:16

you were growing up would he come through

31:18

Australia on his world tours? No actually

31:20

in Australia we had our own Ricky Martin. Oh

31:23

cool. What

31:25

was his name? His name was Lee Coco

31:28

and he. Any saying all

31:30

Ricky Martin songs? Yeah you know he

31:32

kind of you know he's saying like versions of

31:34

Ricky Martin songs I'm trying to think of that

31:36

one Ricky Martin song. Sharon

32:06

Beef was played by the lovely Erin

32:08

Keith. Check out her wonderful podcast, Hey

32:10

Riddle Riddle, and follow her at Erin

32:12

Keith 10. I'm Holly Laurent, playing Halle

32:15

Le Bon, and Grey Hawes was played

32:17

by Greg Hess. Follow us and Meg

32:19

the podcast on Twitter and Instagram. And

32:22

if you really want to get out of Hell free card,

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support us on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.

32:31

This is the Glassbox Media Podcast.