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Welcome everyone to this week's episode

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of the Melanin Muses podcast

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, where we will talk about what life is

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like living with what society considers

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a disability , maintaining

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your self-love throughout life's challenges

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and the shenanigans of dating

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with a disability With our guest muse

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, kaleena Powell

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. Kaleena is a young entrepreneur

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who is passionate about helping people

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with their personal growth journeys and educating

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others about a variety of things , but

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she's specifically dedicated to

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sharing her knowledge about the Deaf community . Little

0:42

do people know Kaleena is actually

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a hard of hearing person . She became

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Deaf at the age of four . Yet , despite

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all of the odds against her , she pushed through

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all of the obstacles thrown her way and

0:53

recently graduated with a psychology

0:55

degree and is now starting her own

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online coaching business , all

1:00

the while launching her book . Like

1:03

talk about defying society's odds . That's

1:05

freaking amazing . So , with that said

1:07

, let's just jump right into it , y'all . Kaleena

1:09

.

1:12

Hi , hello , don't worry , that was horrible , but anyway

1:14

, hi , everybody , hope you've been having a good day . Thank

1:16

you so much , nikki , for having me . I'm super

1:18

excited to be here .

1:20

I'm super excited to have you on . And

1:22

for y'all not watching on YouTube , y'all watching

1:25

on the audio , you better go to YouTube

1:27

and look how fabulous this girl is , like

1:29

she just slaying today with

1:31

some glasses and that smile

1:33

yes , boo , I see you , oh my

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gosh . So , like I know , I gave a short

1:37

overview of who you

1:39

are . But , girl , tell

1:42

them , tell , all of us tell me more

1:44

about you . Tell us about you . Boo boo .

1:48

Thank you Honestly . I would say I am so many hats

1:51

, as Nikki mentioned before . Honestly

1:53

, I'm very , very passionate

1:55

about educating people and

1:58

actually helping people , especially

2:00

developing personal growth , especially

2:02

those with disabilities , because you know myself

2:04

who is a deaf person . I

2:06

never had anyone that looked like me when I was

2:08

growing up . Unfortunately , it was very , very

2:10

hard , but I did . I do want

2:12

to make a change in the community

2:15

not just the deaf to me , but also community

2:17

has a whole and let people know that

2:19

, no matter what challenge you face in your life

2:21

, you can still achieve anything

2:23

, and that is why I'm here .

2:26

Tell us more about what was like for you growing up . We

2:28

mentioned that and you mentioned to me that

2:30

you became deaf at the age of four

2:33

, so can you walk us through what was it like growing

2:35

up ? Like , I'm assuming , you previously

2:37

had hearing and then that developed into deafness

2:39

or hard of hearing , and how was that

2:41

transition like for you , if you remember

2:43

? And then growing up ?

2:46

So I think before I had an infection , Unfortunately

2:49

I had a job and

2:52

today I didn't follow the instruction and

2:55

that's how I became deaf . So

2:58

it's really simple things like not following instruction

3:00

from the doctor . And that same

3:02

day I actually became deaf , and that's when I

3:05

went home watching TV . My mom

3:07

taught me shoulder to clean . I called you , I didn't hear

3:09

my mom and my mom was freaking out

3:11

. My mom was young , she probably my mom had been going

3:13

through 20 years old , so she obviously didn't

3:15

know what to expect . But luckily

3:18

my grandmother was a nurse at the time

3:20

, so she called my grandmother quickly

3:23

. My grandmother went home . She did so many

3:25

things to me and she was like okay , can

3:27

you not hear me ? This is not normal . We

3:29

call my family doctor right away . So

3:32

book an appointment for tomorrow . And luckily

3:34

we went to see him and unfortunately

3:36

he said it's too late . Cleaner lost her hearing

3:38

. So that was

3:40

how it became that . Well , it's going

3:43

up . There's a lot of challenges . I actually ended

3:45

up going to two schools . I went

3:47

to the deaf school and a hand school

3:49

. So that way my family wanted

3:51

me to be part of my community so that

3:53

I can learn who

3:55

I am . Because , you know , as a four years

3:58

old , you don't know what's happened to you , you don't

4:00

know what's going on and because my family never

4:02

have a deaf person in their life , so

4:05

it's very new for them . They don't know what to do

4:07

, they don't know what to say , especially as a four years old

4:09

, your communication and

4:11

your language . So it's so

4:13

difficult for them because they

4:16

were going through their own things , especially

4:18

school work . Now my mom was young

4:20

. She was finishing college . There was a lot

4:22

of work that my mom had to do on

4:24

her behalf and so what

4:27

happened is that

4:30

, you know , over the time

4:32

I got better with my communication and

4:34

being more confident around the

4:36

hand world , but to the deaf community . So

4:38

, unfortunately , I have to stop going to the deaf

4:41

school and that was the biggest challenge I

4:43

ever had , because the deaf school was far from my

4:45

house and so I ended

4:47

up going to the hand school full time

4:49

. It was very , very difficult . A

4:51

lot of teachers didn't know how to accommodate me . Very

4:54

infunction . I was bullied a

4:56

lot , definitely , and

4:58

but I never made that stop me

5:00

for who I was before going , moving forward

5:03

or who I am . And it

5:06

was , you know , especially high school

5:08

. No one likes high school . High school got a

5:10

little bit . It's okay , but

5:12

I was able to learn how to advocate for

5:14

myself because of my past

5:16

school that I had , like elementary and middle school

5:18

. It was very easy . But

5:21

you know , a lot of people would like

5:24

to use you . You know , I think everybody had been

5:26

used before in high school . So I

5:28

had people who were not disrespecting me a lot of

5:30

time because they thought , you know I couldn't

5:32

hear just some things . They would do things

5:34

just to act like , oh please , you can't hear

5:36

me . Like it was very difficult

5:39

in high school but I was able to stick

5:41

up for myself and I remember

5:43

the first week of when I started

5:45

high school I got into a physical fight with

5:48

this girl because a lot of teachers talking

5:50

crap and you know like there was a

5:52

lot of advocating

5:54

. I would say when I was transition , especially

5:57

as I got older , the more comfortable

5:59

I got . The more older I get , the more

6:02

comfortable I was . That's what I'm actually saying , and

6:04

so it was a challenge . It was not

6:06

easy and a lot of people said how do you build a company you

6:08

had ? Now I feel like you are so comfortable

6:10

with yourself and I said no , like

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it took me years to get here . You know

6:15

, nothing is easy in life and I tell people

6:17

it's never easy , but it

6:20

does get easier as you grow .

6:22

Yes , oh , my gosh . Well one look

6:25

at me , be like , oh , I can't speak because I'm

6:28

just so touched by that story . But in

6:30

the seriousness though , like thank you for sharing that

6:32

and being so vulnerable and talking

6:34

about that experience . Growing up , especially when it comes to

6:36

bullying in schools

6:39

, I understand that . Me too

6:41

. Me too , I get

6:43

that . But what I can respect most

6:45

about you is that you were able

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to stand your ground . You

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know , stand your ground , hold your own and

6:52

be like I'm not going to be tolerating that . And

6:55

not only did you stand your

6:57

ground , but you also didn't

7:00

allow that to keep you down . You

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know , utilize that as fuel to

7:04

push forward and be like uh , that's not what we're doing

7:06

today . And you continuously worked

7:08

on yourself to build yourself up so

7:10

that way that couldn't . Like you

7:12

can help stop that from happening to other

7:14

people . Like that's very admirable , because

7:17

there are many cases where those

7:19

who are bullied , there's only a few

7:21

outcomes Either they overcome that and they

7:23

try to help other people , or they succumb

7:26

to it and just allow it to break them , or

7:28

they end up becoming the bullied and just

7:30

start hurting other people , cause you know the

7:32

concept hurt people hurt other people . But

7:35

hurt people can also heal people if

7:37

they choose to . So that's amazing

7:39

that you're able to use your

7:41

experience to become stronger and

7:44

not do what the jerks were doing . But

7:48

where they at , I'm gonna kick you in the shins where I mess with

7:50

my friend , but

7:54

no , yeah , that's wild . And

7:56

what was your experience like learning how

7:58

to navigate the

8:00

world now that you have like

8:02

less hearing than you were used to Like

8:04

? What are your primary means of communication

8:07

and how is that like

8:09

navigating life for you ?

8:12

So , honestly , for me , I rely heavily

8:14

on this reading . So in order for me to

8:16

communicate with someone , I have to read your lips . Obviously

8:19

, I do use my hearing aid , but

8:21

it's just that I feel like we didn't lift I'm

8:24

able to get full sentence than first

8:26

attainment years , because I don't

8:28

know , but just programming things that the deaf

8:30

community have , like lip-reading

8:33

, is something that is number one for us . I

8:35

don't know how to explain it , but I'm not

8:37

good at explaining , so actually , when it comes to like audio

8:39

, just stuff , I'm not the person , but

8:42

it's just how it is in the deaf community we

8:44

just rely heavily on the reading . Secondly

8:47

, support systems . Support systems are very , very important

8:49

to have and I feel like , because I have

8:51

a strong family foundation , it's

8:53

insane Like people will be

8:55

like I wish I had your family a lot

8:57

of time , because your family do not

9:00

take bs . They are always like fight

9:02

for you and they don't care who you are , and

9:04

so if it wasn't for my family , I

9:06

feel like that's the support system where

9:08

I would not

9:11

be hearing now , period . And

9:13

so , yeah , that's how I navigate

9:15

. It's really having the right people around you to

9:17

write support systems and just understanding

9:20

, learning , how do you communicate

9:22

, and I feel a lot of people slap on that

9:24

People don't know how to communicate and

9:26

for me I had to learn early how to communicate

9:29

.

9:29

And when you're talking about in terms of how they communicate , do

9:31

you mean , in a way , people phrase

9:34

things or how they connect with other

9:36

people , or body language Like . What do

9:38

you mean specifically by that ?

9:40

So I'm very good at telling body language

9:42

. Thank God for me being deaf . Body language

9:45

my number one . I know when someone's not

9:47

feeling my vibe , anybody's being

9:49

that no , I mean okay , bye . You

9:51

know like a long time people

9:54

don't just what

9:56

I mean by that . When they're like , really you can

9:58

tell by my body language and I'm not interested

10:00

, I'm like , yeah , body language is everything and

10:03

I would slap on that and

10:05

body language

10:07

. I'm not interested so much of like words

10:09

, because people can trick words

10:12

and they can . That's

10:14

why I rely heavily

10:16

on the energy . Energy is something

10:19

I rely on . If your energy is not good and

10:22

I'm termed conversation with you and it's not there

10:24

, I know of that . You're

10:27

not worth someone that I want to

10:29

speak to . And like I always tell people always

10:32

protect your space , your peace , always protect

10:34

that . Oh God , if you feel like that person's

10:36

not bringing you peace or

10:39

that energy the positive energy , not no negative

10:41

energy then they gotta go . And

10:43

that's how I

10:46

do it .

10:46

Yes , and

10:48

like so many people don't recognize the power of energy like

10:51

you were explaining . It's like that feeling that you

10:53

get when you're around people and it's like I don't

10:55

know what it is , but something's off

10:57

or oh my gosh , they were

10:59

amazing . I feel energized , like those are very

11:01

key things to pay attention to , especially

11:04

going into this new year . Guys , this new year , guys , pay

11:07

attention to energy

11:09

Like your guts , not trying

11:11

to trick you , listen to it . This

11:13

is what we got it for . Like come

11:16

on now . But no , that's absolutely

11:18

incredible . Like , even

11:20

though there was a loss of one of

11:22

the senses , other senses were heightened

11:24

and enabled you to be like you know what . It's

11:27

okay , this might be temporary

11:29

, of a inconvenience , but

11:32

at least now I can amp up all these other senses

11:34

and be like I see you , fam , I

11:36

see what you're doing , can't fool me .

11:40

Definitely .

11:42

And like so when it comes to the

11:45

deaf community , because you

11:47

know you were saying earlier when it comes to bullying

11:49

, that people just try you because

11:52

they're like well , they're deaf , so I can do whatever

11:54

I want . What are some common misconceptions

11:57

that the average person has about

11:59

the deaf community that you would like to dispel ?

12:03

I wanted to say that not every deaf

12:05

person you meet knows ASL . A

12:07

lot of people thought I knew how to do

12:10

ASL and they would try to do a

12:12

gang sign to me and I'm

12:14

like that is not a sign language , even

12:17

though I don't know sign language , but

12:20

like that is not sign language . Come on now

12:22

. And that's the one misconception I

12:24

got a lot . And second , I do want

12:26

to say that a lot of people always

12:28

say like how

12:31

do deaf people talk if

12:33

they're deaf or something like that . It was

12:35

just ridiculous . I get that comment sometimes I

12:37

should talk and I'm like what

12:39

the hell ? And then some people be like

12:41

, oh , like how can you hear music

12:43

? And I'm like I listen to music

12:45

through beat , right , but because for

12:47

me , for my background , I'm a Caribbean

12:50

island person the

12:53

beat with our dead , the

12:55

tone and what else . I

12:58

don't know , there's a whole bunch of things . If you're from the island

13:00

, you know what I mean . But it's

13:02

different vibe versus listening to

13:04

any other music , because I can hear the beat

13:07

and the vibration . Some people listen

13:09

to music through vibration , which is very

13:11

different from other people . So

13:14

that's definitely a lot of misconception . And a lot

13:16

of people are asking like how do you like deaf people

13:18

drive ? I have my own car

13:20

, I drive , and a lot of people are like

13:22

how do deaf people drive ? They can't hear , for example

13:25

, a police car or an ambulance

13:27

, and I'm like the ambulance sounds pretty

13:29

loud , especially when you're driving Like it's not like

13:32

the car is a wall , like come

13:34

on people . But

13:37

yeah , I'm definitely a lot of misconception

13:39

in those three .

13:41

Oh man . So you find yourself regularly have

13:43

to dispel

13:45

this with people like do you have to have these conversations

13:47

on the regular ? Or like , how often do you think these

13:50

typically come across that you have to address it

13:52

?

13:52

Oh my God , regular , I'm telling you guys it's

13:56

exhausting , but I'm not gonna lie

13:58

.

14:00

Oh my gosh . And so , attacking

14:03

onto this topic , like , what do you wish that

14:05

people could understand about your experience

14:07

as a hard of hearing person , like there's all these misconceptions

14:10

, but specifically regarding

14:12

to yours , what do you think they ? What do you

14:14

wish they would understand ?

14:16

At least what they understand , that to

14:20

be patient with the people

14:22

, and I feel like a lot of time people

14:25

. When I definitely said , can

14:27

you please repeat yourself one more time , like

14:29

don't open your mouth and

14:31

talk , I feel like you were like , oh

14:33

okay , like don't

14:35

open your mouth like that , like I'm not asking to open

14:38

your mouth wider to have a conversation

14:40

with me . That's not what I'm asking . I'm asking you to repeat

14:42

what you're saying A lot of times

14:44

. If someone asks , especially

14:46

if someone is tired of hearing a deaf and asks you to

14:48

repeat , I would use a softer

14:50

tone so that they can understand

14:53

you better , instead of talking

14:55

a little faster or to talk

14:57

softer and slower , for

15:00

that people can understand , especially me , I

15:02

have my hold on talk

15:04

slower , to talk a little faster , not

15:07

faster , slower and a lot more calm

15:09

tones . And as well

15:11

, too , if you're trying to get a deaf person attention

15:13

, just like I asked this a lot , people

15:15

always ask me how do I get a deaf person attention

15:18

? Especially from asking them something . For

15:20

example , tap on their back

15:22

or their shoulder to get their attention

15:24

, because they need to see you face

15:27

to face , right To have a conversation

15:29

. That's like me . I have to see your face

15:31

in order to have a communication

15:34

with you . So if you're talking to me behind

15:36

me , oh , I don't know what you're saying , because I

15:39

have to look at you in your face on your face .

15:42

I think one of the fears of that

15:44

nowadays is like are

15:46

you like the whole virus , pandemic

15:49

stuff happening ? It's like is it okay for me

15:51

to tap you ? Or I don't want to scare

15:53

you out of nowhere ? Like how would

15:55

you respond to that If someone's

15:57

like well , I don't want to surprise you or scare you by tapping

15:59

you suddenly or invade your personal space

16:01

?

16:03

You can . So

16:05

you can go , instead of being in a

16:07

person's face , you can turn around and

16:09

you can wave to the person . So that's

16:11

why I used to do wave , especially COVID situation

16:14

. I'd go in front of the person and be like , hi

16:17

, I'm waving in front of them , you know like so that

16:19

and they look oh , so sorry . That would

16:21

be a great way to post them if

16:23

you don't want to be in their personal

16:25

space .

16:27

Well , thank you . Thank you for that . That's a very

16:29

good alternative , cause I'm like I don't want to

16:31

scare anybody or I

16:34

know people are very icky about touchy nowadays

16:36

I'm like no touchy , I promise . Yeah

16:39

. But

16:41

and then when it comes to the community

16:43

like we had this conversation off camera of

16:45

like being biracial people

16:48

, but within a community , like how

16:50

have you seen those who are deaf

16:52

within a community ? Have you guys been very

16:54

accepted by the community ? Or there's not enough knowledge

16:57

or something you wish to change .

17:00

There's definitely not enough knowledge

17:02

about the deaf community and there's

17:04

not enough ASL classes

17:06

that's

17:08

provided for us , unfortunately

17:11

, especially when I was transferred to the deaf school

17:13

and , funny thing is , didn't

17:15

have any ASL classes

17:17

for me , or didn't have any anybody

17:20

that I can continue

17:22

with ASL classes with , especially

17:24

for the deaf school . I learned ASL , but

17:26

when I went to the hair and school I didn't learn it , so

17:28

for me it was just like I felt like isolated

17:31

from my deaf community . It's like

17:33

what the heck ? So there's

17:35

definitely a lot of like yes , I was just stuck

17:37

there , but at the same time , no , there's

17:39

a lot of like work that needs

17:41

to be done .

17:43

So do you think that , as part of the

17:45

educational system , ASL

17:47

should be implemented as like ? Just like how

17:50

they say , for example , here in the US we

17:52

do like Latin and French

17:54

and other languages .

17:55

Yeah , exactly .

17:57

But ASL isn't really introduced , usually

17:59

in the elementary school levels or very young

18:01

levels . Do you think that's something that should be adjusted

18:04

and addressed ?

18:05

Yeah , 100% . I feel like it's a

18:07

lot . I guess it should be adjusted

18:09

because , if you think about it , where

18:12

do you learn your information ? From School

18:14

? All the time , all

18:17

these years , when you go to school , you learn all these

18:19

information , but you don't learn

18:21

enough , especially to get to the real

18:23

world . Just like the other time too , when

18:25

students go especially myself

18:28

, I graduated I

18:30

felt like all the things I learned in school

18:32

were not relevant to my real life and

18:34

I'm just like why are they not teaching

18:37

things ? That is priority for

18:39

the real world , and it's like I waste just

18:41

so much money . I'm not saying

18:43

don't go to university or college , but I'm just saying

18:45

that there's certain programs you

18:48

should be taking , should not be taking , where you

18:50

can learn from online , where you can learn from

18:52

this and that . So it's very unfortunate

18:54

.

18:55

When it comes to being like part

18:57

of the community where they say

18:59

, oh well , this is a disability for you

19:01

and it seems like they try to put you guys

19:03

into a victim mentality space

19:05

rather than empowering . So

19:08

, instead of doing the negative aspect of things

19:11

, what do you think is the best part about

19:13

being hard of hearing for you ? Like

19:16

people usually , talk about the negative .

19:18

The best part about being hard

19:20

of hearing or deaf I can

19:22

sleep at night , you know , turn off my hearing aid

19:24

, I don't have to worry about nothing . I can

19:27

sleep at night . That's the best thing , because I get

19:29

the best sleep . People are like , oh my God , how do you have so

19:31

much energy ? And I'm like , because I get the best sleep , I can't

19:33

hear . So that's the best thing . Especially

19:36

if I'm around a noisy coffee

19:38

shop , especially if I'm reading a book

19:40

or doing work , I can just simply turn off my hearing aid

19:43

and work . Peace and quiet , oh

19:46

my gosh , I love that so much , especially

19:50

the concept of coffee shops and trying to sleep

19:53

.

19:53

Oh my gosh . Yeah , that's amazing

19:55

. And do you feel like this has

19:58

become a part of your identity and shaped a

20:00

big part of who you are ?

20:02

Yes and no . I

20:05

know that some people with the yes

20:07

and some people with the no . For me I'm in the middle , to

20:10

be honest , just because just say , for example

20:12

, education when I go to school , they

20:14

define me as Daphne and I should be in this

20:16

classroom because I'm deaf . Okay , but that

20:19

should not define who I am because I am deaf

20:21

. So that's the way I'm being said

20:23

now . And yes , when I go public

20:25

wide and speak to people , it's like okay

20:27

, can you hear Daphne ? We need to be mindful , we

20:29

need to be aware . So that's where the yes

20:32

comes from . It's like that's who I am , because

20:34

you can't get upset at me if I don't

20:36

know , if I can't hear you or can't communicate . So

20:40

they just know .

20:41

and to that question , With that , guys

20:43

, this will bring us to the end of the part one

20:46

segment of our podcast , so

20:48

we shall return in just a moment , after

20:50

this short break . And

20:54

we're back , guys , with part

20:57

two of this

20:59

episode with Kelina . And

21:01

the first episode was so very

21:04

English is hard for me at

21:06

the moment because no coffee , but you know

21:08

it was . So what's the

21:10

word ? Educational ? Ha see

21:12

, I do know English Is very

21:14

educational . I learned a lot

21:17

In part two . We're

21:19

gonna jump into what

21:21

is it like dating with a disability

21:24

. So yes , but before

21:26

we go into the dating stuff , tell us about

21:28

your self love journey , the most important

21:31

your self love .

21:32

Tell us about that . My self

21:34

journey was something that I had to

21:36

learn the hard way about

21:38

. Just because , being Daphne

21:40

, I thought I would never see myself

21:43

in a relationship . I never really thought

21:45

of that . I thought that I have

21:47

too much to carry for

21:49

a guy and especially

21:52

being a relationship in general like I thought it

21:54

would be too much and I was just like I don't think this

21:56

guy can handle me because I'm Daphne

21:58

. I always have an excuse and I always make

22:00

my disability has an excuse to find love , and

22:02

that should have not been the case . But

22:05

yeah , they always say like if

22:07

that person can handle you , then they deserve your love

22:10

. If that person can handle you , they do not deserve

22:12

your love . And they always say , just

22:15

like the boss , queen , every

22:17

entrepreneur , boss and whatever . And

22:20

I told them how do you find your

22:22

husband ? They said , listen , honey , that

22:24

man can pull up with a lot of BS . They

22:26

love you and

22:28

they're like doesn't matter how much you make not

22:31

the problem nowadays but

22:33

man thinks that they need to be the provider

22:35

, they need to make more money and not a lot . I'm

22:37

like , okay , I never knew right

22:40

and so . But yeah , when I talk

22:42

to a lot of people about relationship and

22:44

marriage , I realized like I

22:46

can handle that too right , do I

22:48

not ? You know , and I was really

22:50

focusing on like reading

22:53

a lot of books about relationship and stuff love

22:55

how do I put myself first ? And I've

22:58

just been that . Yeah , I

23:00

put myself out there in a day and a while .

23:02

Yeah , you feel like books have been

23:04

the biggest part of your self-love journey

23:07

. Or have there been other means as well

23:09

, when it came to building

23:11

up that , not that wall , but that

23:13

shield of like no , I love myself . Y'all

23:15

can't break through this and break me down .

23:18

It was thanks to me honestly it was just

23:20

reading books part of it but also to counseling

23:22

. I just had a counselor

23:25

who kind of walked me through stuff

23:28

and just make me understand who I am and make

23:30

me realize what I should be working

23:32

on especially . You know , relationship is a lot

23:34

of work , you know , and I was

23:36

new to the dating role when I was like

23:38

20 years old . I never really dated until

23:40

20 . I was enjoying

23:43

my university lifestyle and you know

23:45

, regularly teenager , you know party how's

23:47

party . Yet you know I would just enjoy my life

23:49

, you know . But I never really

23:51

started my dating . We could make family with so many

23:53

about , like not to date until when I'm in

23:55

my late 20s , just because it's the way

23:57

the world is going .

23:59

And what steps do you take now , like now

24:01

that you've gotten pretty much a swing on things

24:03

, of reintroducing

24:07

yourself to yourself , self-love regularly , like

24:10

reinforcing , reinforcing ? What steps

24:12

do you regularly take to remind yourself of

24:14

your worth and your value and not to

24:16

allow anyone else to take that from you ?

24:19

Honestly , it may sound weird , but

24:22

I decided to do

24:24

that by like one of most of the days and

24:26

not like most of the day , like that . I know people like , oh

24:28

my God , no , I mean like one on date

24:30

, like once a week , just to kind of balance

24:32

it out and just kind

24:35

of learn slowly

24:37

. Right , you don't want to learn too fast . Once

24:39

you learn too fast , you're not going to be in a happy relationship

24:42

, you're going to be like damn , I rushed it right

24:44

, there's no rushing . And that's the number one thing

24:46

a lot of , especially women , need

24:48

to learn is stop rushing Like

24:51

God , what's the rush ? Why

24:53

the rush of having kids from class ? Oh , and

24:55

also too and I always tell people , everybody's timeline

24:58

is different and one timeline different

25:00

than yours , and I just

25:02

I think my sweet time . Honestly

25:04

, you know things might break when I was single

25:06

for five years and I'm still single

25:08

. So it's like , okay , you know

25:11

, like I see my friend getting engaged , having

25:13

kids , but I am happy for them and sometimes

25:15

you have to learn how to be happy for other people

25:18

.

25:20

And how old are you now , if you ?

25:21

don't mind me asking 25 .

25:24

The babies . I feel so old .

25:26

No , how old do you ?

25:27

think I am . How old do you think I am

25:29

girl , 30 .

25:31

Yeah , are

25:34

you 30 ?

25:35

I am 30 .

25:36

Yeah , okay .

25:38

I mean , I know I'm not that old , but

25:40

it's fascinating hearing this perspective

25:42

from you and it just gives me so much hope for , like

25:45

the next generation oh God , I'm using next generation

25:47

. It's

25:50

definitely one of those things because , especially

25:52

as women of color , I

25:55

feel like our worth is constantly being

25:57

tested , especially by what we're seeing

25:59

in the media , or lack thereof . We're

26:01

always portrayed in a single , like a certain light

26:03

. That's not too flattering for us . So to

26:05

hear someone who's younger than me , understanding

26:08

their worth , understanding their value and also

26:10

sharing that with other people , it's just

26:12

astounding and I love that . Like

26:14

, keep this up , boo

26:17

, i'ma cheer for you . You're

26:19

a cheer , thank you , I got you . If

26:21

I need to kick somebody , you let me know . Oh

26:24

, I will . I

26:26

may be tiny , I'm not even five foot

26:28

, but you know , we

26:31

like the Chihuahuas , we the ankle biters

26:33

, and

26:37

like speaking , like tagging along to

26:39

that . Like what has your

26:41

dating experience been like so far ? For ? Like

26:43

for you in general as a woman

26:45

of color , like what has it been

26:47

like ?

26:49

I don't like you mentioned the media

26:51

. Like if you date a

26:53

woman of color , it's the

26:55

top you can't , you know , like , and

26:57

there's so many podcasts talk about

27:00

women and then they it's just weird

27:02

in the way they define especially women

27:04

of color . It's not an easy

27:06

topic to talk about , but

27:08

it's not the women

27:11

of color and it's just kind

27:13

of like what is going on

27:15

here and I know

27:17

everybody's opinion is different . I

27:19

respect that . But just like , don't

27:21

go fall out on a podcast talking

27:23

about women , especially women of color , and

27:26

, oh my God , women of color so strong , oh , I

27:28

hear this woman is too strong , they're

27:31

too confident , you know . And then

27:33

and that's where they said , women

27:35

of color bring up manning men and

27:37

themselves and they and that's why I

27:39

keep caring so much about it it's just like what

27:41

the heck ? And then for me , when

27:43

I start dating in the dating world , I

27:48

would say the beginning is nice , then

27:50

you know . But then slowly down

27:52

the road , I felt like I was

27:54

like what ? And I guess because the man and

27:57

I think there's too many people on social media

27:59

and have too many opinions and

28:01

there's too many people to

28:03

listen to that one , too many options

28:06

. When there's too many options

28:08

, they slap and then they move

28:10

on to the next question . Because you being and especially

28:12

women of color , especially like I

28:15

believe we find it very difficult to find our story

28:17

because there's too many options

28:20

around , especially you know men

28:22

in general , like they always think , oh

28:25

, because she too manned

28:27

for me and she asked like a man , you

28:29

know I would take advantage of her because

28:31

she does this for me , oh , my God

28:34

. And then they always complain and think , oh

28:36

, why is my woman not feminine than

28:38

other men , girlfriend , wife

28:41

or whatever ? It's because I'm like , because

28:43

you've been out the bad energy and a bad

28:45

vibe to women of color , and

28:47

then I'm not just a person , raise it

28:49

them or anything . But that's why

28:51

a lot of women of color sometimes go for different

28:54

ways and different internationally

28:57

, because men of color

28:59

don't know how to take , not

29:01

to give advantage of what they have , but be grateful what they

29:03

have . And it's just like , especially

29:06

women of color , we are powerful

29:08

, we know how to , we stick to

29:10

your goal , we stick to you

29:13

. You know what I mean . Like not a lot of women

29:15

could do that compared to women

29:17

of color . We women of color go

29:19

through a lot of bias to go with

29:21

a man you know , and that's why

29:24

men sometimes , especially men of color , they

29:26

don't know . Oh my God , you got that

29:28

. It's just like are

29:30

you not grateful for your own kind ? And

29:32

it's like and a lot of times and

29:34

I honestly , now that I'm getting older , I

29:37

see and I understand why women of

29:39

color go for different particular men because

29:42

they don't feel like they're worthy and

29:44

they feel like it's

29:46

just the man of different

29:48

race , grew up

29:50

different versus the man of color

29:53

, so it's very

29:55

yeah .

29:56

It's fascinating that you say that , because as

29:58

I'm getting older , now as well , I

30:00

have recognized both sides

30:03

of that . Like from living abroad in

30:05

a country where a majority of my dating

30:07

experience was fantasized

30:09

is like , oh , I've never been with a

30:11

black woman before . Oh , I have

30:13

it on my wish list or my checklist . To

30:16

sleep with a black woman you wanna help me with that

30:18

? Like men has said these things to

30:20

me . And then also being in

30:22

Philly where it's like

30:24

I've seen both

30:27

sides of the spectrum

30:29

of , especially when it comes to men

30:31

of color that I've encountered not all

30:34

of them . Luckily , I found some good friends

30:36

of mine who are absolute gentlemen

30:38

and they're gonna make some women very , very

30:40

happy . But on the other end , I've encountered

30:43

men who would just randomly try and touch me on

30:45

the street and be like yo , mama , where you going , how you

30:47

doing ? I'm like sorry , not interested . Then

30:49

they start cussing you out and be like

30:51

you this and you that . Well , you ain't pretty anyway

30:53

. I'm like yo , what's

30:55

with this 180 ? I respectfully

30:58

declined . And it's just , it's

31:01

wild . And I think it just starts at home

31:03

. It starts with the

31:05

representation that we have in the media and

31:07

also to the music that these kids

31:09

are listening to . You know like it's

31:11

about all these bees and these hoes and

31:13

these this , and it is giving a reputation to

31:16

women of the community that

31:18

, oh , we're not valuable unless

31:20

we behave a certain way

31:22

, and it's just

31:24

a very sad cycle that's

31:26

perpetuating . That

31:28

needs to be addressed . Obviously

31:31

, this is not everyone and people

31:33

from different strokes behave

31:36

different ways , but I feel that within

31:39

our community , a lot of the media

31:41

that especially our men are consuming

31:44

is influencing them incorrectly

31:46

and also bad influences

31:49

the people they hang out with , is perpetuating

31:51

the cycle of oh

31:53

, this is how we treat black women , don't worry

31:55

about it . So

31:58

it's sad , it's very sad , and that's a whole

32:00

conversation for another day , but I

32:02

hope that things change in the positive

32:04

direction . But

32:06

in terms of when

32:09

it comes to being hard of hearing

32:11

as well , like what has that been like for you in

32:14

terms of like dating

32:16

and finding that right partner ? I know you said it

32:18

was difficult for you to recognize that before

32:21

, but now , since you become more at

32:23

home with it . What's the most challenging

32:25

things about dating ? Being

32:28

hard of hearing . What's the most rewarding , actually

32:30

?

32:32

The most rewarding ? I would start with the most

32:34

rewarding . The most rewarding

32:36

is teaching

32:39

them . They love to learn . I

32:41

know a lot of guys I wanna

32:43

date with . I'm mad they love my

32:45

learning and listening about my story . I

32:48

never went through like really bad side

32:50

of that . I mean , you know

32:53

, and yeah

32:55

, they love learning . That's the one thing about guys that

32:57

know they love learning and things

32:59

. They love learning and things . If you can educate

33:01

them on something , oh my God , they have

33:03

your own hooks . You look Really

33:05

, oh my God . Like you know , I

33:08

don't know , I would say it is . I don't know 100%

33:10

of them . They love me , they , you know , but

33:13

unfortunately , a lot of times that

33:16

we should come to the back side is when

33:18

they see and hear that they

33:21

pass off in a second or while I'm

33:23

going to have to . You know , I

33:25

wish you the best , but I do have a friend

33:27

. They love my energy , of course , but

33:30

they know that me

33:33

being deaf is going to be a lot for them , especially

33:35

in terms of communication . And you know , I

33:37

know I have few people that I

33:39

would on date with . Don't didn't even

33:42

tell me , like you know , specifically , but

33:44

I know just few guys that would go

33:46

ghost on me and because of

33:49

what I carry on the table right , and they're like oh my

33:51

God , no , just go deaf . Like how am I supposed to communicate

33:53

with her ? You know what I mean ? They only do those things

33:55

and it's just like okay , it's not even a big deal , I'm going to calm

33:57

down and so I just

33:59

do this . But I don't care If you go ghost , you go ghost , bye-bye

34:01

, I don't care , I'm not , I'm not chasing after . I

34:04

never take after guys . I might not Bye . So

34:07

that is really . You know

34:09

, that's really bad side of it . But number

34:11

two I would say is sometimes

34:14

they can try and take advantage of me . You know , like

34:17

because I'm a very nice person and they

34:19

think , because I was just a little bit , they think I'm going to be always

34:21

be nice to them . But no , you

34:23

know . And so

34:25

I remember just one time , this one guy , long

34:29

time I think I was like started

34:31

dating , I think when I started I got 20

34:34

. And then I remember , when I was just one guy , it was

34:36

amazing , perfect

34:38

. You know I'm like , oh , maybe I can see a potential for

34:40

this guy , you know , cool , or whatever . But

34:43

then all of a sudden , like he's trying to be disrespectful

34:46

, like be rude , and every time he tried to talk to

34:48

me like he talks super loud , I

34:50

can't like hear when you're speaking your voice . I

34:52

calm down , but I guess

34:55

he thought he needs to talk to me loud without

34:57

even communicating with me about , oh , how do

34:59

I communicate with you ? I feel like it's just

35:01

a little thing that a lot of people don't

35:03

understand how much little thing

35:06

can make it into a bigger thing and it turns out

35:08

the whole relationship off . And

35:10

so that was one of the issues I have

35:12

sometimes . But

35:14

even with my ex-boyfriend

35:17

. He's an amazing guy . He

35:20

actually was new to Canada , he's an immigrant

35:22

and his

35:24

English was good . His English

35:26

was fine , but sometimes he has a Spanish

35:28

accent and so , like , sometimes

35:30

it's hard for me to understand what he tells me . But

35:33

he was super thoughtful when he just like

35:35

, how about I teach you some Spanish words

35:37

that you can understand what I'm coming from , and

35:40

you know it's very sweet . And then I was just really

35:42

sweet . I was like , oh my God , ok , and

35:44

I always died to know about

35:46

Spanish , and so he was always teaching

35:49

that so that we would have a great communication

35:51

and that way there's no communication barriers Because

35:54

, especially when you're interacting with someone

35:56

who speaks a different language

35:58

, it could be difficult to communicate . And

36:01

my ex was super sweet , he was very thoughtful

36:04

and you know , I didn't

36:06

have to tell him I was deaf , actually , because my

36:08

hair was in a ponytail when we first met . I

36:10

think it was like , and I

36:13

think it was , yeah , I think my hair was in

36:15

a ponytail , and he noticed my hearing

36:17

aids and he took all your hearing aids and

36:19

he made it super normal , like he didn't even ask

36:21

too much questions . So I felt really

36:23

comfortable because he already knew what I was hearing

36:25

. I was like what's this ? He already

36:28

knew that and so

36:30

I just felt really comfortable and

36:32

I didn't have to explain myself too much . You know what I mean

36:34

. Sometimes when you date someone , you always have to

36:36

explain it . Especially advocating for yourself can

36:38

be exhausting . So

36:41

you know , and not to to , I know a lot

36:43

of people , not just all the guys that dated

36:45

, but in general I hear there's a lot of people

36:48

who are disability . They feel like sometimes they partner

36:50

overdo , sometimes overdo things

36:52

for them , and sometimes they're like OK , but

36:54

can you please ask me for you do anything so

36:56

you respect my short term , my

36:58

decision , but yeah .

37:02

Oh well , kudos to him for being so sweet

37:04

and he that's that like set a standard

37:06

, even though , like things didn't like

37:09

work out , I guess , from my

37:11

understanding . But at least that's a standard

37:13

that , leo , people can actually be respectful

37:15

. Guys have the ability to do this , so

37:18

I can't , I'm not going to settle for less like

37:20

, I mean man , mm

37:22

hmm , that's for my like

37:24

my last question Like what advice would you give

37:26

those give , to those looking for that

37:28

special someone , whether they have a hearing

37:31

disability or just anyone in

37:33

general ? What advice would you give ?

37:35

my advice to learn about

37:38

your disability . I would learn that before

37:40

you did them , I could . You could definitely think and ask

37:42

a lot of questions . When they act , dating

37:44

, they want to know OK , what can I

37:46

do best to support you ? Right , you want

37:49

to be able to give it to them on the table when they

37:51

ask you . That's number one . Number two stuff

37:53

Love is very , very key . Always

37:56

take care of yourself and if

37:58

you need to rest , please

38:01

rest . You know . Talk to your

38:03

partner . Ok , I'm really having a drastic day

38:05

, I just need a break , or

38:07

you know . But always communicate

38:10

that , stephanie , do break here , especially

38:12

with someone who have a disability . Always

38:14

communicate , always , always , always . And

38:17

don't overthink too much when you're in a relationship . I

38:19

think I would . When I ask , I always

38:21

think a lot and I'm like , oh my God , what if he

38:23

can't hear me ? Or that I would

38:25

, but if

38:27

I was to go back , I would tell myself to come . Now , you

38:30

know I was over thinking because he was actually my first

38:32

boyfriend , so I didn't know what to expect

38:35

. So , again , he was very

38:37

successful and he's amazing . So

38:40

but yeah , always take your time

38:43

, always be patient , always

38:45

communicate and don't overthink and

38:47

believe when I tell you , don't ever

38:50

listen to someone when they say

38:52

you're too much because you have that disability

38:54

, but not with your time . Believe

38:57

me . If I had a guy , what's the best way

39:00

to believe me ? Out of all people , me

39:02

I'm the most like . Oh my God

39:04

, clean To my . But if

39:07

I can get an act , you can be

39:09

an a like a shop . Believe me , and

39:11

don't ever think you are not worth it . You

39:13

are worth everything on love

39:16

.

39:16

Thank you , thank you so much , especially

39:18

ending on that note of like you are worthy

39:20

, you are valuable . You

39:22

don't settle for less and don't settle

39:24

for crumbs when you can

39:27

have the whole meal . Like you're worth more than that

39:29

, and that's a perfect way to end this episode

39:31

. So thank you so much , kalina , for coming

39:33

on this episode . It was

39:35

very informative and also

39:38

it's been a lot of fun and we would love to have you back

39:40

again in the future . And

39:42

before we close out , are there any

39:44

like final thoughts that you would like to share with the audience

39:46

? Any tips , any promotions

39:48

? Where can they find you ? Just let

39:50

them have it .

39:52

I would definitely say you guys can find me

39:54

on my Instagram , which is definitely in the past

39:56

, don't know , and as

39:58

well , you have a website with

40:00

viewers somewhere and who is looking for a coach to help

40:02

with that plan ? Definitely go on

40:04

my website , which is kalyanpalmagecom . Or

40:07

, if you can't find my website , just go on Ugo

40:09

, click on Kalina Power . You'll see my website

40:11

pop up and a lot of people will be like , okay , how can

40:13

I find you ? Honestly , go on , ugo

40:16

, click on Kalina Power on my website , which show up . My

40:18

social media will be there and definitely

40:20

, if you want to contact me , definitely please

40:22

put a podcast in the DM , so

40:25

I know that you are one of the listeners

40:27

.

40:29

Yes , and for all of you like . If

40:31

you are like me sometimes and don't know how to navigate

40:33

technology , do not worry , I

40:35

will put all of her contact information down

40:38

in the show notes of the podcast , as

40:40

well as in the YouTube description of

40:42

the YouTube rendition of this episode

40:44

. So again , thank you so much for joining

40:46

us on this episode . Kalina , it was amazing

40:49

and best believe . You can't get rid of me that easily . You

40:51

stuck with me . Now we homies . You stuck with

40:53

me bye

41:52

.