0:29

Hello? Hello? Hello

0:31

everybody. This

0:33

is Heather Leaf Melver, and you

0:36

are listening to the first episode

0:39

of Season One of

0:41

Finding the Gaps, finding the Magic

0:43

in Life's Messy Middle. This,

0:46

I plan to make this an interview based

0:49

podcast, uh, but today I thought

0:51

we'd start out with just an

0:53

introduction, a chance to get to know me

0:55

a little better and find out why

0:57

on earth I'm joining the Overpopulated

0:59

podcast and vla. So

1:03

who is Heather Lee Melver and

1:06

what on earth is minding the gaps?

1:09

Well, I am a 47

1:12

year old mother of three girls, ages

1:15

17, 15, and 11. I'm

1:17

also a wife of almost

1:19

20 years. 20 years on New Year's

1:22

Eve, and a daughter,

1:24

sister, friend list

1:26

goes. I'm

1:28

also what's called a third culture kid,

1:30

meaning, uh, I spent most

1:32

of my childhood living outside

1:35

of my parents' passport country. So

1:37

my parents, who I'm sure you'll

1:39

hear more about from time to time, uh,

1:41

in this podcast were teachers and

1:44

worked internationally. And now my husband

1:46

and I are doing the same thing, living

1:48

overseas, raising our kids overseas. I

1:51

used to work as a school counselor. My

1:54

husband is currently a drama

1:56

teacher, but a few years back

1:58

I transitioned outta my role as a

2:00

school counselor to try and get a little

2:02

more flexibility in my life, and we'll

2:05

talk about that a a bit more later. Finally,

2:09

I am a certified professional life

2:12

coach. I studied social

2:14

work in university, both my bachelors

2:16

and master. Uh, for my master's.

2:18

I studied clinical social work, which is,

2:20

uh, a counseling track of

2:23

social work, uh, with an emphasis

2:25

in school based counseling. And

2:28

then went on to get a

2:30

certification as a school counselor. And

2:32

I've spent many years after that,

2:34

uh, working in the. But

2:38

now I've transitioned into coaching, so

2:40

I studied with the Certified Life Coach Institute,

2:43

which is accredited by multiple organizations,

2:45

including the International Coaching

2:47

Federation or icf. I'm

2:50

currently a member of ICF, and I'm

2:52

working on my ICF certification

2:54

with a mentor coach. I

2:57

am a big believer in continuing

2:59

education. That'll probably be a theme on

3:01

the podcast. I'd probably be a professional

3:04

student if I could afford it. Uh, so

3:06

I'm currently also pursuing

3:08

training to become a certified mindfulness

3:10

teacher in coach, as well as

3:12

further coaching training in diversity and

3:15

inclusion and trauma and

3:17

recovery, which are both big parts of

3:19

my. So

3:21

there is a not so quick overview

3:24

of my resume, both personal and

3:26

professional, and I'm excited,

3:28

uh, to have a chance to dig into all of

3:30

that a little bit more deeply as the podcast progresses.

3:34

But for today, let's talk about why

3:36

this shift, why this podcast, and

3:38

why coaching. So

3:42

if there's one thing that's been consistent

3:44

in my life, it's change. I

3:47

moved around a lot as a kid really

3:49

every few years or so. I mentioned

3:51

my parents taught in international schools,

3:54

and that is traditionally

3:56

a very globally mobile lifestyle.

3:59

And so if you count changes

4:01

between elementary and middle school, I

4:04

went to nine different schools, K through

4:06

12, three different high schools,

4:09

I was in boarding school for a while, uh,

4:12

for high school and in university on

4:14

different continents than my. And

4:17

even as an adult, that is a theme that's

4:19

persisted in my life. I've changed careers, moved

4:21

around a lot. My role in

4:23

relationships has changed as

4:25

I alluded to earlier for a while. Um,

4:28

I've been a caregiver to my daughters with

4:30

some medical issues they have, um, in

4:32

addition to just being their mother and

4:35

an advocate and researcher of,

4:37

of their medical issues, which are

4:39

fairly rare and complex. Uh,

4:43

as a side note, this is

4:45

an area I really want to explore

4:47

further on this podcast and possibly in

4:49

my coaching. Um, really looking at

4:51

what it looks like to

4:53

be a caregiver. Uh, how

4:55

to care for yourself so you can care for

4:57

your loved one. And what it means

5:00

for our relationship with a person giving

5:02

or receiving care, because we

5:04

definitely see shifts in that as the

5:06

typical dynamic of that relationship

5:09

changes. So, um,

5:11

something I, I definitely

5:13

wanna come back to and explore further with all

5:16

of you. But

5:18

I digress, as

5:21

I will likely do from type

5:23

to type. So yeah, so that is

5:25

really what moved me away from school counseling.

5:28

And it, it was that I needed something

5:31

that was a little more flexible in my life in

5:33

order to be able to support my girls' medical needs, maintain

5:36

a work life balance, and, and not

5:38

run myself into the ground, which I

5:40

was doing very quickly. Um,

5:43

my health, both physical

5:46

and mental, was really suffering. So

5:49

for a while after I left the schools, I

5:52

was working in online event producing,

5:54

supporting online webcast, webinars,

5:57

workshops, uh, with a fabulous woman owned

5:59

company that a friend of mine from high school

6:01

is a co-owner of. And

6:03

that worked really well for me and

6:05

for our family for a few. Well,

6:09

last year, I, I found that

6:11

I had started to miss working with

6:13

people in a similar capacity to the role

6:15

I'd had as a school counselor. So,

6:18

with Eric's support, Eric,

6:20

my husband, you're gonna hear a lot more from Eric over

6:22

the course of this podcast. I'm hoping that

6:24

I can twist his arm into being my first guest,

6:28

um, with his, you know, cheerleading.

6:31

I decided, well, I realized that

6:34

I didn't wanna go. Into working

6:36

at the school full-time because our

6:38

family and I still really

6:40

needed some level of flexibility. Um,

6:44

at 46 year or at 40. Well,

6:46

46 then 47 now years old.

6:49

Uh, the ship had really sailed for me

6:51

to get my counseling licensure in order to

6:53

open a private practice as a therapist. So

6:56

even though I studied clinical social work,

6:58

which is a counseling degree, I

7:00

went the school counselor route. And

7:03

so I got certified as a school counselor and

7:06

never pursued my clinical licensure

7:08

to be a therapist, and it's

7:11

just not something that's really possible for

7:13

me living overseas. Um, and at

7:15

my age. So

7:18

instead, I started to get inspired

7:20

by the fact that over the last few years

7:22

I personally actually moved from

7:25

working with a therapist, which I, I

7:27

have worked with many therapists, um,

7:29

and for, for quite a long time, um,

7:32

in my late teens and into my thirties.

7:35

And this was a critical

7:37

process for me and for my

7:39

growth and therapy. Um,

7:43

Is its own world and is

7:46

greatly needed. Um,

7:48

however, I

7:51

had made a shift to working.

7:53

You know, I felt like I'd kind of gone as far as I

7:55

could go in therapy, and

7:58

I shifted to working with a co.

8:00

I just lost my earring, shifted to working

8:03

with a couple different coaches, and

8:06

I found. Really

8:09

began to change my life almost instantly.

8:12

Um, it provided just a

8:15

real powerful shift into

8:17

the present. Whereas when

8:19

I was in therapy, I found myself living

8:22

in the past so much. Um,

8:24

you know, I am someone who is prone.

8:27

I can't give this earring back in. Oh,

8:29

well, I am someone who

8:31

is prone to, um,

8:33

both depression and anxiety. And,

8:36

uh, when we're living in the past, we

8:38

tend to experience depression. And

8:40

when we're living in the future, we

8:43

tend to experience a lot of anxiety. And,

8:45

and I had, I had both those things and

8:48

what I was missing was

8:51

living in the present and

8:54

really getting grounded in

8:57

where I was. Where

8:59

I was at at that moment in my life,

9:02

and that is what allowed me to start

9:04

to dream and to build a future. And

9:07

so I began to think to

9:09

myself, why not me? You know, I, I'd

9:11

done, I've been doing this great work with two different

9:13

coaches, and I thought, why not me? I have

9:15

this skill set of connecting with people.

9:19

Really listening, you

9:21

know, building a strong relationship,

9:24

creating a safe space where

9:27

I can hold up a mirror to them and

9:29

help them to see, you

9:32

know, to see what it is

9:34

that they can't see for themselves. Um,

9:37

You know, coaching is really rooted

9:40

in the philosophy that the client

9:42

already has everything they

9:44

need within them to,

9:48

to live their best life,

9:50

to reach their goals, to become

9:53

the truest, uh, version of

9:55

themselves. And

9:59

I wanted to find a way to incorporate

10:01

that into my daily life again.

10:03

So, as I mentioned before, I

10:05

went about getting certified as a coach, and because

10:08

coaching is different than counseling, uh,

10:10

I just wanted to talk a little bit about

10:12

this certification process. What's the, what

10:14

this means? So I, I mentioned

10:16

that I am certified as a

10:19

professional life coach, but. Also

10:22

working on the next level of certification,

10:25

which similar to counseling, requires

10:27

a certain number of supervised hours with

10:29

a mentor coach continuing education

10:31

exams. And I'm really

10:34

encouraged that the coaching profession is moving toward

10:36

that model because. It

10:38

empowers and, and requires

10:40

all coaches to work within, within

10:43

a certain framework of ethics and

10:45

policies and procedures, which

10:48

is so important. It's not there yet,

10:50

uh, as a field. But in preparation,

10:53

I'm doing all the work I can to align

10:55

myself with the highest standards of

10:57

coaching, um, and. So

11:02

as part of the coaching, I

11:04

thought, you know, as I'm starting slowly to,

11:06

to build up a clientele, create

11:09

classes and workshops,

11:11

um, you know, move

11:14

into group coaching and peer support

11:16

groups, I thought

11:18

I, I would start a podcast.

11:21

Um, also because

11:24

my co so my coaching business is called Minding

11:26

The. And the tagline

11:28

is Transformation in Transition.

11:30

It really focuses on transition

11:32

and that kind of magical space between

11:35

where we are and where we wanna be. Um,

11:38

and while I specifically coach women,

11:41

anyone who identifies as a woman and

11:44

and teens, I am hoping

11:46

that this podcast can be accessible

11:48

to anyone. So

11:51

this, this coaching niche of

11:54

supporting people through transitions really

11:56

grew out of my own transformation

11:58

over the last four years or so when

12:00

I began my own coaching with two fabulous

12:02

women that I also hoped to have as guests

12:04

on the show soon. Um,

12:07

as I alluded to before, I wanted

12:09

so badly for so

12:11

long to get from point A to

12:13

point B. I just wanted to get

12:15

there and I would come up with

12:17

these elaborate plans and. Tons

12:21

of money on programs and

12:23

opportunities and things that

12:26

other people had created and, and try

12:28

to get, to, try to get there, to

12:30

try to get from point A to point B, and it

12:32

just never worked. And

12:34

what I finally realized was that I

12:36

was skipping over the best part, the

12:41

two coaches that I worked with. Really

12:44

helped me to realize that I

12:47

didn't even know what B was. I

12:49

thought I knew what B was, but

12:51

I was basing that on a past reality

12:54

of who, who I was

12:57

and not who

12:59

I really was in that present moment.

13:03

So I started to do a lot of work

13:05

to try to connect to myself and

13:07

to the present. The here really, really

13:09

live in the here and. And

13:12

the more I did that through mindfulness

13:15

practices and through journaling, which

13:18

I hate, by the way, I

13:20

could do a whole podcast on why I

13:22

hate journaling and, and

13:25

why I now won't go a day without

13:27

my version of it. I have an

13:29

adapted version of it. See, this is, this

13:31

is, you're gonna learn about me. I, I have

13:34

a little bit of black and white thinking. I,

13:37

a little bit of perfectionist tendencies I

13:39

think. That things are supposed

13:41

to be a certain way, and if I can't do

13:43

it exactly that way, then I might as well not

13:46

bother at all. Right? So,

13:49

uh, anyway. Once

13:52

again, I digress. Uh,

13:55

so I found that

13:58

the more work that I did on

14:00

my journaling, um, and with coaches

14:02

through and through my own sort of

14:04

meditative practices, slowly but

14:06

surely I started to find myself again

14:09

and really feel the ground

14:12

under my feet, both metaphorically

14:14

and physically. And it was like

14:17

all of a sudden the path in front

14:19

of me started to. And

14:22

I started to feel the momentum and,

14:25

and like I could trust my intuition

14:27

again as I found myself

14:29

being, being pulled

14:32

in a certain direction instead

14:35

of what I'd been doing in the past of pushing

14:37

myself in a certain direction.

14:41

And that is what brought me. And

14:45

so in my coaching practice, I hope to really

14:48

help women and teens who are in

14:50

some sort of transition period of life, a

14:52

season of change. Um, could

14:54

be career, relationship

14:58

changes, school changes, friendship,

15:01

friendship changes or issues. The

15:05

change in a role you have in a

15:07

relationship. Maybe you

15:09

have a new health or mental

15:11

health or developmental diagnosis and

15:13

you're trying to figure out how

15:15

to live with it or how you

15:17

relate to the world now with your new role,

15:20

or maybe you care for somebody,

15:22

you're a caregiver for somebody

15:24

in that situation. There's all sorts

15:27

of different kinds of

15:29

transitions in our lives. Life

15:32

is a constant flux

15:35

and change. And what I wanna do

15:37

is meet women or anyone

15:39

who identifies as a woman and and

15:41

teenagers who are in the middle of that, and

15:44

help them start to embrace

15:46

what I have come to

15:48

call the magic in the messy

15:50

middle. So

15:53

you might notice that my logo is

15:55

a trapeze, and I love this metaphor,

15:57

this idea of the

15:59

trapeze is how we approach

16:01

change, right? I was first introduced

16:04

to it in a group coaching call

16:06

by yet a third fabulous

16:08

coach that I'd worked with. Um,

16:11

I was first introduced to this

16:14

metaphor of change through a poem,

16:16

and I will definitely share that on

16:18

a future podcast. Um, but

16:21

with the trapeze, there comes a point

16:23

in time, if you imagine swinging on

16:25

a trapeze where you have to

16:27

let go, oh, there goes an airplane. I

16:29

live near an Air Force base. You can hear that sometimes

16:31

too. Um, where you have

16:33

to let go of that first trapeze bar.

16:36

And you let go and you're

16:39

swinging and you're, you're reaching

16:41

for that next thing, that next bar.

16:43

And sometimes it

16:45

feels like you're falling. Right.

16:49

But sometimes it can also feel

16:52

like flying and we

16:54

just don't wanna miss any of it. Even

16:57

the heart. Even the heart, cuz

16:59

change is messy and

17:02

messy can be magic. You

17:05

know, I love exploring the idea of how

17:07

two things can kind of exist at

17:09

the same time and creating balance between

17:11

them. So

17:14

there'll be a little bit of all of that in this

17:16

podcast and more as,

17:19

as I meet new incredible people,

17:22

um, in my life and on this journey,

17:24

and I bring them. So

17:26

we can discuss all of this together. And

17:29

again, while my coaching practice focuses

17:31

on women and teens, I am hopeful

17:33

that there will be a little something, uh,

17:35

helpful for everyone, anyone

17:37

in transition in this podcast. So

17:41

this is where we're going from here. We're creating

17:43

a space together, you and I, and

17:45

the folks that I bring on to interview, where it's

17:47

safe to explore these concepts

17:50

of change, who we are in

17:52

change, how to connect to

17:54

ourselves in the here and now. Trust

17:56

ourselves enough to let who

17:58

we wanna be unfold rather than

18:00

trying to force ourselves into

18:03

a mold of what

18:05

we think, who we think we

18:07

should. Gotta get rid of those shits.

18:10

Um, we're gonna get really

18:12

grounded and present. Mindfulness

18:14

is part of my practice and. And

18:17

I'm hoping we're gonna have a lot of fun. So

18:19

stay tuned. I'm gonna link my website here

18:21

if you'd like to find out more. Also, some

18:23

of my social media. And I'm

18:25

just really looking forward to getting to know all of you as

18:27

we embark on this adventure together.

18:30

And, uh, let go of

18:33

that trape. Yeah. Um,

18:36

and let's see if we're gonna

18:38

if it feels like flying. Um,

18:42

Or what it feels like falling. Well,

18:45

we can, we can be there for

18:48

each other to create that safety

18:50

net to catch us, because

18:52

we all want to feel held

18:54

and safe and seen. I

18:58

have a feeling it's gonna feel like flying and no

19:00

matter what, I'm glad to be here and taking that

19:02

risk with you. So let's do it together. Oh,

19:05

thank you so much for being here, and

19:08

until I see you again, traveling

19:11

mercies on your journey of

19:13

change, I hope you

19:15

find a little magic in the messy

19:17

middle. Mining

19:30

the gaps, finding the

19:32

magic in the messy middle. Is

19:35

a podcast affiliated with Minding

19:38

the Gaps Coaching and

19:40

Mindfulness llc.